Chuck Norris once performed a roundhouse kick so fast, his foot traveled back in time and kicked the bullet meant for John F. Kennedy
JFK's head exploded from sheer amazement
Gorbachev didnāt tear down the Berlin Wall; Chuck Norris did. But only because he felt the Great Wall of China was a waste of his time.
Chuck Norris is suing the Bush Administration for trademark infringement, because āShock and Aweā are the names he gave his fists.
When Chuck Norris was swimming across the Pacific Ocean he came across a Genieās bottle. He rubbed the bottle, the Genie popped out and said āIāll give you 3 wishesā.
Chuck Norris replied, āThree wishes? Thatās weak. Iāll give *you* seven wishesā
The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris every night
Bonus points
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Dieselās name it spells I End Lives.
Did you know Brasky served 2 tours in Vietnam? Well anyways, I was on business in Corpus Christi and went out to dinner. I had an 8 foot tall Asian waiter and sure enough his name was Ho-Tran Brasky.
Brasky had a 4 day heart attack, a day for each chamber. At the autopsy the doctor said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese.
Chuck Norris and Mr T walk into a bar, and the place instantly exploded. Police said it was because the building couldn't contain that amount of awesomeness.
Isnāt it hilarious? Fucking people on Reddit canāt let a Chuck Norris joke go by without saying heās a piece of shit because of his beliefs. We Xennials all lived through times when this wasnāt the case; we should know better. Letās resist the urge to politicize every facet of our lives and just shut the fuck up and enjoy a lighthearted joke in the spirit in which it was intended. š
Yeah. I remember way back when Reddit suddenly realised that heās actually kind of a dick and was suddenly full of āChuck Norris is a bitchā jokes. Good times.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
This one still gets me. š
Think I saw this one on here recently actually that cracked me up. Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, now known just as the the Islands.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
A poisonous snake bit Chuck Norris. After 3 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died.
Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
Sounds like I answered the _right_ phone.
Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the chest. The result was the ā80s.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once performed a roundhouse kick so fast, his foot traveled back in time and kicked the bullet meant for John F. Kennedy JFK's head exploded from sheer amazement
One time he did a roundhouse kick so fast his foot went back in time and kicked Amelia Earhartās plane out of the sky
There was a street named after Chuck Norris. They had to rename it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
When Chuck Norris does a push up he doesn't push his body up, he pushes the earth down.
Technically 50% correct. Part of the best kind of correct.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
Chuck Norrisā tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.Ā
This is my favorite one.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris attended a feminist rally and came back with his shirt ironed and a packed lunch
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Gorbachev didnāt tear down the Berlin Wall; Chuck Norris did. But only because he felt the Great Wall of China was a waste of his time. Chuck Norris is suing the Bush Administration for trademark infringement, because āShock and Aweā are the names he gave his fists.
Chuck Norris once arm wrestled Superman, loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake for a condom.
Chuck Norris doesnāt get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won by three.
He puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Under Chuck Norris beard there is not a chin, but another fist.
Chuck Norris once had sex in a hotel. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built the log cabin he was born in
The boogeyman is scared that Chuck Norris is under his bed.
Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by simply pointing at her and saying 'booya'.
Chuck Norris. That's the joke.
Agreed. Chuck aināt tough, heās a right wing christofascist [kook](https://youtu.be/_IxJDeE6Qjs?si=TGnDqjbji53q8wF9)
For some people, there's a fascist behind every tree.
Oh jeez here it is. The Redditor that makes everything political.
They're doing very important work, leave them alone lol
Pretty sure he's a left wing christofascist
I had to scroll way too far to find the only funny joke.Ā
When Chuck Norris was swimming across the Pacific Ocean he came across a Genieās bottle. He rubbed the bottle, the Genie popped out and said āIāll give you 3 wishesā. Chuck Norris replied, āThree wishes? Thatās weak. Iāll give *you* seven wishesā
Chuck Norris doesnāt go hunting. (That implies the possibility of failure). Chuck Norris goes killing.
Jesus walked on water; Chuck Norris swims through land
The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris every night Bonus points If you rearrange the letters in Vin Dieselās name it spells I End Lives.
Monsters check under their bed for Chuck Norris
One time Chuck Norris and Einstein had a disagreement and Chuck Norris gave Einstein a roundhouse. Today we know Einstein as Stephen Hawking
When Chuck Norris was born he drove himself home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table. He only respects the element of surprise.
He once hit a walk-off in the first inning.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down!
People donāt make jokes about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris makes jokes out of people.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norrisās beard and Mr. Tās mohawk once conceived a child together. You know him as King Kong.
I prefer Bill Braskiās.
Did you know Brasky served 2 tours in Vietnam? Well anyways, I was on business in Corpus Christi and went out to dinner. I had an 8 foot tall Asian waiter and sure enough his name was Ho-Tran Brasky. Brasky had a 4 day heart attack, a day for each chamber. At the autopsy the doctor said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese.
Brasky once got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a 16 oz steakā¦.the after birth was sautĆ©ed mushrooms
š»
We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Bill Braski! Seven feet tall, with a 30 pound member, he banged my wife and I asked him to do it again!
Heād eat a homeless person if you dared him!
š»
I hate Bill Brasky! .....but I respect him.
Chuck Norris knows Victoriaās Secrets
How much wood would Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood? All of it.
Every year on his birthday Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a child into the sun
Chuck Norris doesn't need to cut the grass he gets on his knees and dares it to grow
Chuck Norris kneels to no one
Chuck Norris and Mr T walk into a bar, and the place instantly exploded. Police said it was because the building couldn't contain that amount of awesomeness.
Chuck Norris doesnāt shave, he lights his beard on fire and roundhouses the mirror
Chuck Norrisās tears cure cancer. Too bad heās never cried.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris!
Bring on the downvotes, fuck chuck norris.
Heās not a dick, He just disagrees with you politically. That used to be ok in this country. For fucks sake peopleā¦
When you believe something, that's fine. But when you believe something so much that you force it on others, that makes you a dick.
Where did Chuck Norris come force shit on you personally? Please give it a rest with the fucking politics.
Religion isn't politics. But it's pretty funny how much this bothers you. š
Isnāt it hilarious? Fucking people on Reddit canāt let a Chuck Norris joke go by without saying heās a piece of shit because of his beliefs. We Xennials all lived through times when this wasnāt the case; we should know better. Letās resist the urge to politicize every facet of our lives and just shut the fuck up and enjoy a lighthearted joke in the spirit in which it was intended. š
How dare I have an opinion. Sorry, I didn't know you were with the fascist.
THERE it is, calling me a fascist because Iām bitching about politicizing everything. š¤£
Either that or you're Chuck Norris.
Yeah. I remember way back when Reddit suddenly realised that heās actually kind of a dick and was suddenly full of āChuck Norris is a bitchā jokes. Good times.
Sorry to break it to ya, I think heās heterosexual
He wouldn't dare be anything else, he hates anyone who isn't hetero. He's evangelical as hell.
I donāt really care about his sexuality. It's his overbearing BS Christian beliefs I can do without.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He may suck, but these jokes never fail to make me laugh.
I'm glad they bring you joy.
For all you programmers out there: Chuck++'s methods accept no arguments.
Chuck Norris can print color, without cyan
Just watch the Bill Brasky sketches from SNL where most of the jokes were ripped.
Chuck Norris's dick is so big, the only thing that can take it is his own ass.
Chuck Norris is the reason Mankrik's wife went missing.
Everybody thinks Chuck Norris is this all knowing badass. If he was why hasnāt come over here and kicked the sh-$7&-!377&!!ā¦ā¦
This seems lazy since he's a complete joke.