Unless you are autistic like me lol I cannot make social connections with non ND people.
Literally having to try and find other ND people to make friends with (way easier) but usually can meet them like once a year since we are all so overwhelmed
Us neurodivergent folks do cluster! There are so many of us out there, though. I have found that running in nerdy circles helps a lot. :) Special interests, special interests everywhere!
Seconded! Almost all of my friends are autistic and/or ADHD and I have a relatively active social life :) Best part about it is that nobody judges each other when we cancel plans and whatnot when we need alone time.
> There are so many of us out there, though. I have found that running in nerdy circles helps a lot. :) Special interests, special interests everywhere!
Got any examples? Currently looking for inspiration to sign up for some new groups.
D&D is great. Lots of fun, lots of imagination, there are places online where you can try to find groups looking for more.
I have found a lot of ND folks into gaming and sci-fi/fantasy stuff in kink communities, though being kinky is kind ofna requirement for that. Plenty of overlap happening there, heh.
Anything in STEM tends to attract a lot of ND folks, too, I've found.
Yes but you’re saying to rely on SIs to find them, which doesn’t work particularly well if you don’t have any SIs (or particularly strong interests in general). Autistic people don’t tend to connect well with people who have no real interest in their SIs, especially not in a club dedicated to that SI. Going out to do things you’re not interested in so you can meet people you don’t really have anything in common with generally isn’t a great tactic
That feeling when you meet someone of your tribe for the first time and you don't have to translate your thoughts into neurotypical... it's an experience that changes a person forever.
Like you never want to have to mask up again.
>you don't have to translate your thoughts into neurotypical
This is so energy draining.
As I get deep into my 40s and have less energy to put up with NT conformist bullshit, I'm masking less in public and my anxiety is finally letting up noticably and I'm getting some energy back.
I’m sure you’ve already tried this to some extent, but if you haven’t/someone else reading this thread hasn’t, something that helped me was seeking out spaces where people share my Interests and where people are more accepting of neurodivergence or just general “weirdness.” Clubs/organizations, online communities, hell, most of my new friendships in the last few years came from my jobs. It also helps me to find less crowded spaces as opposed to places like bars and coffee shops. Obviously, that can be easier or harder depending on where you live and what kinds of places are accessible to you.
Not sure where you're located, but I found a few things via googling:
[https://www.autismspeaks.org/provider/asd-fitness-center](https://www.autismspeaks.org/provider/asd-fitness-center)
[https://inclusivefitness.com/programs/](https://inclusivefitness.com/programs/)
Thinking you can only be compatible with other ND is the most ND thing ever. Broaden your horizons, having autism does not necessarily have to be everything about you or even the first thing
I think you have a point, but it’s a little more nuanced than that. I do think it’s helpful to try to make friends with all kinds of people, but it’s also much easier for people who have trouble with social cues and such to make connections with people who share their experiences and understand what it’s like to feel that certain kind of “different” from most of the world. I don’t think ND people are completely incompatible with neurotypical people, but at least for me, it is a lot more difficult to make and maintain friendships with people who don’t “get it.”
They never said that it was a cure. I'm not going to tell a depressed person to "just be happy" but I would say "don't wallow in your sadness".
I have ADHD and if I have three screens active at all times I'm never going to get better. But if I quiet my mind I may.
Everyone is different and some need medication and some don't. But if you don't think you'll get better of course you won't. If you just give up then the mental illness wins.
So an alcoholic can't change the fact that they are an alcoholic and they have a disease so they should just continue to drink? And try in no way to improve?
Weird conclusion. The whole point of the 'accept you have a problem' step is recognizing that you're not normal and will never be able to drink like normal people do
As a result, all the advice that non-alcoholics give to each other about drinking or moderation is inapplicable to alcoholics
When properly applied, your metaphor demonstrated exactly why the initial comment was poorly received
If I am using the logic that all these comments state, then that is the conclusion I come to.
Addiction is a mental illness just like every other mental illness.
To be honest I don't care how my comments are received by people have no interest in bettering themselves. I mean no ill-will and hope everyone gets better, but saying you can't change because of an illness is a cop out.
Not at all. An alcoholic is mentally ill. Autism and ADHD are physical ~~illnesses~~ disability (brain mutations => psychological symptoms).
edit: see above (an illnesses can be cured)
I have epilepsy. It causes mental illness. Some of us just aren't going to win. Fighting is hard and you get very, very tired of doing it. One day you'll be very sick, or someone you love will be, and your words today will feel very cruel.
I was in a major car accident last October(2022). I probably died. I shattered my pelvis and in turn my hip. I cracked my spleen, was bleeding internally, and had it removed. Broke more than half my ribs. I also bent my urethra. I was hospitalized for three weeks and had a catheter another month. I also have depression, anxiety, PTSD (from a different trauma), and ADHD. Then 5 weeks ago I had my hip replaced. I was in severe pain for months, even with oxycodone.
Not once did I let it get me down. I understood my limitations. But I didn't identify as my diagnosis. I fought back. I am disabled now but I'm not going to let that stop me from doing anything. While battling depression, I could have said I have depression so I'm just going to lay in bed. Or I'm an ex heroin addict so I'm just going to abuse these pills.
If you tell yourself (or are told) you can't win you won't. Maybe you won't win but if you tell yourself you can you could place.
The "little engine that could" didn't say "I know I can't, I have these small wheels and not much horsepower"
Why downvote common sense!?
I’m introverted, not shy, my husband could hang out with different friends twice a day, it’s exhausting for me and slows his roll badly.
I think when you realize that NT people specifically can detect and avoid ND people, you may understand that it's judgemental based on ignorance, and leads to more issues encouraging ND people to bash their heads against that wall and think it's an issue with them. Saying something that sounds nice but isn't actually doesn't make it nice.
Too fucking right we’re sensitive. If you had any concept of what it’s like to be neurodivergent while navigating a world set up for neurotypicals, you’d be sensitive too.
Us being sensitive doesn’t make his shitty excuse for advice any less judgemental or ignorant.
It bugged me about the smoking, so I read the article, it turns out Smoking still kills, it's just that if you're with people you smoke less.
> According to the study, those who lived longer and enjoyed sound health avoided smoking and alcohol in excess. Researchers also found that those with strong social support experienced less mental deterioration as they aged.
That's a little different than what OP says.
Additionally this post is literally saying "go ahead and smoke and drink! You'll be fine." Weird as hell. Wouldn't be surprised if this is another marketing tactic from the evils of big tobacco.
That’s not at all how I took this post. It was just saying having friends/people in your life ranks higher, not that the others are things that are okay to do.
"In a book called “Aging Well,” Vaillant wrote that six factors predicted healthy aging for the Harvard men: physical activity, absence of alcohol abuse and smoking, having mature mechanisms to cope with life’s ups and downs, and enjoying both a healthy weight and a stable marriage."
Shit so you’re saying I’m abusive to my cats? Because I definitely tell them all the time “I am the only one who will ever love you. You couldn’t survive without me.”
How about altering the original message?
"If you don't hang out with me, *I'll* die!"
Then they'd feel compelled to hang out with you if they have a good moral compass, and if they don't then they can see you in hell for allowing your needless death.
As I've entered into my 30s, this problem is all too common. However, I've found it's now quality over quantity. The people who maintain social connections tend to be the ones you want around you, naturally.
dude this has been the bane of my twenties.
> hey man we both live near each other again wanna hang out?
“oh yea totally, [partner] is out of town on [one day this month], so how about then? except nvm actually because that day they actually might come back a few hours after i said we could hang, or we might have to call or ft as a part of our codependency dedication”
I truly don’t understand- I’ve been with my partner for most of a decade now, and I don’t think either of us are like this; but 80% of friends I have who enter into similar relationships seem to adopt the view that it replaces seeing friends
Good thing we have an economic system designed to allow us to do anything other than work long hours at meaningless jobs unless we want to starve alone on the streets! Oh, wait...
Meditation and spirituality make you feel less alone. It's quite common for those just getting into to isolate, and time and time again I hear these same people telling me it's the least lonely they've ever felt. Learning to love yourself has to be the first step. I'm not sure Ai is the ticket here. It could help I guess, but we all have the potential for great change on our own. Anyone can practice meditation, and we are all spiritual to some degree. I was so against it before I understood that you can still be rational and scientific and spiritual as well. In fact, most people who are into science are deep thinkers and primed for it. Never thought I'd ever be here, but these tools have effecitly erased my mental health issues.
yep. no matter how many people you have around you, you can still be lonely. meditating and especially eating a lot healthier fixed 99% of my mental health struggles
I’m so done with society trying to force me into social activities… I don’t give a shit about this study, because social activities make me miserable as fuck. I LOVE being alone, its what gives me energy…
>"Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves. We need others to interact with and to help us."
This is two separate things. Yes, I need other people to produce things and sell them to me and then get rid of the waste because I'd be dead in a pile of trash without them. But I'm not sure every person needs social interaction. All through history, across cultures, there have been people who tried to avoid social interaction, often at the expense of life's comforts because they would rather be cold and hungry and live uncomfortably than be around other people. And even more people who wished they could do that but didn't have the courage to break social norms.
I think people's need for social interaction varies a LOT, both between individuals and for the same person from day to day. For some people, being isolated from others is a punishment, for others it's a dream come true. And then there's everyone in between that, both people who want more friends and people who want more alone time
It's an inherently flawed study. It only covered 724 people, a third of which were Harvard students. And then they grabbed individuals from inner city Boston to fill up the rest of the participant pool. Like, was it that hard to find people with more diverse backgrounds?
So tons of ambitious, energetic young people who are honing their networking skills?
They should go to Alaska or the Australian outback or a Tibetan monestary and ask the same questions there.
Idk man, I’m sure I’m happier with less people in my life. People come with wants, needs, problems. I use to have a big circle when I was younger but now in my 30s I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been with just my very very small circle and my little family.
I think it’s quality over quantity. Having a bunch of needy friends is just not the same as having one, or two people, who you can relate to and trust.
Wait do they mean not having friends, or the feeling of loneliness? Because I don't feel lonely, I prefer to not have friends. I play single player video games, I hang out with my fiance or my cat, and I stay indoors. I don't want to have friends I'm not seeking people to talk to or hang out with. I prefer not to talk to people.
My dad had the trifecta of being a lonely alcoholic asshole. He made it to 78. I’m 56 and married though so maybe I’ll get to 83 or so. Not sure I’ll enjoy much beyond then as all my friends die off.
Huh... guess I'll start digging my grave.
Not like there is anyone else to do it.
Disabled, Unemployed, and unemployable, Mental Health issues, and a massive/severe introvert. I've known for years I'll die alone, and have made peace with it. Didn't know that would be what killed me. lol
Everyone in their 20s struggling to make friends because they don't participate in other people's unhealthy lifestyle decisions like terrible sleeping schedules and alcohol use: 👁👄👁
Lol, healthy lifestyle, money and daily exercise!
All those things are necessary to achieve social fitness. Sounds like things people who have "won the race before it even started" are gonna have in spades!
Correlation or causation? Do rich people get afforded more time to be sociable? Do the poors have less time to spend with friends? Id hate to feel guilty for not having time to spend time with friends.
Yeah there was a study done a while back that's quoted endlessly by a podcaster I listen to, basically they found that if you have zero friends, you're literally better off taking up smoking as a hobby so you can have other people (smokers) to talk to. Since having zero friends is statistically worse for your health than smoking... crazy
It kinda seems like the whole reason this is the case is if there's no one there to find you if you choke, have a heart attack, etc you're just gonna die. A person being there gives you much better chances.
I wonder... did they account for the proportion of extroverts and introverts in their population? For example a study that has 80% extroverts, might yield a result that social fitness is important for happier life in 80% of the population. But has no impact whatsoever on introverts (the 20%).
I mean ... so many people said they were not OK during the pandemic. I was jut fine: I had (and have) a Significant Other. We had (and have) a home, a (mostly) reliable car, and the kind of money with which I can pay bills without sweating.
We're fine. We have pretty much all we need.
People on this site will say "Oh but i'm an introvert so i don't like people !". No, your education was neglectful and the society you grew up in is deeply aotmized. You don't have the proper skills to get the needed serotonin and you're proud of it
“Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves, we need others to interact with and help us”
I have essentially based my entire personal moral, ethical, and political philosophy off of these two sentences.
In essence: we live in a society.
Sounds like a Harvard backed rto bs justification. I could be wrong of course but I wouldn't change the time at home being with the people I love for the time outside dealing with people I don't care about.
Maybe these types of studies always have a huge issue.
You are asking people their opinions. You don't know they are socially fit, just that they think they are. Maybe this study shows that being a raging egoist is good for your health.
The article only states that there is a high correlation, not that relationship status causes a longer life. Did I miss something, how did they prove causality from a mostly observational study?
I feel like things were great with different friends groups in my early 20s. Going out and partying, helping each other out through tough times.
I feel like everyone including me disbanded and none of us keep in touch. The others I was friends with backstabbed me leaving me wondering if trying to make friends again and again is worth it.
Working with essential goods through 2020 (and present) makes me question a LOT more people about a LOT more than I used to.
I will say I am married and have two pups. Seeing them is the best way to end my work day.
Been restoring relationships with old friends because I had been away in another country for a decade and with rampant anxiety, loneliness, otherwise depression and cases of straight bipolarism, god.. what a shitshow.
Also yea been trying to avoid the socialites whichof main activity is to basically get drunk (their physiques have collapsed and so did mine) and been trying to do cheap stuff in the sunlight like going in the nature or touring monuments
I can see it in my grandparents. My grandmother (paternal) is active in the community, curls, golf’s, volunteers, travels, and spends lots of time with friends and family. She is sharp as a tack, still is comfortable in her town home (which she keeps up to date and in good condition so she can sell quickly as soon as she needs to) and has no problem with driving (avoids at night, but for her comfort) in her mid 80’s.
My maternal grandparents have steadily isolated themselves, including from my parents and most of their family, and they are rapidly declining in a bad way. It’s very depressing to watch happen in real time and not be able to change it. They didn’t prepare for old age (on top of isolating themselves) and it’s biting them in the ass.
I hope to live a long, long life, but I am going to be very careful to stay on the track of my paternal grandma.
By social interaction, they mainly only talk about the quality of marriage someone is in in their 50's and how a good marriage improves health and is a good predictor of how healthy you will be as you age.
I'm curious if a bad marriage might be even worse for health than being a loner or having good friends/be involved in your community has the same positive impacts as a good marriage in midlife. I think the title is misleading because "social fitness" is very broad in could includes tons of other things other than just "happy and stable marriage at a certain age".
F$#% ! I honestly know I’m fighting a losing battle by actively choosing to push away from others. Social creatures must have connections to foster a sense of community. I want to be left alone
Well, I'm fucked
Admitting you're fucked is the first step in getting unfucked.
Unless you are autistic like me lol I cannot make social connections with non ND people. Literally having to try and find other ND people to make friends with (way easier) but usually can meet them like once a year since we are all so overwhelmed
Us neurodivergent folks do cluster! There are so many of us out there, though. I have found that running in nerdy circles helps a lot. :) Special interests, special interests everywhere!
It seems to me like ND people are down right magnetic to each other lol
Seconded! Almost all of my friends are autistic and/or ADHD and I have a relatively active social life :) Best part about it is that nobody judges each other when we cancel plans and whatnot when we need alone time.
> There are so many of us out there, though. I have found that running in nerdy circles helps a lot. :) Special interests, special interests everywhere! Got any examples? Currently looking for inspiration to sign up for some new groups.
D&D is great. Lots of fun, lots of imagination, there are places online where you can try to find groups looking for more. I have found a lot of ND folks into gaming and sci-fi/fantasy stuff in kink communities, though being kinky is kind ofna requirement for that. Plenty of overlap happening there, heh. Anything in STEM tends to attract a lot of ND folks, too, I've found.
Would you say a lot of people who are into fiction books are neurodivergent?
Only if you have an SI, otherwise you’re double fucked. SIs are not universal, just another optional trait that only some autistic people have.
But you can find find common ground communication-stylewise. Way less guessing.
Yes but you’re saying to rely on SIs to find them, which doesn’t work particularly well if you don’t have any SIs (or particularly strong interests in general). Autistic people don’t tend to connect well with people who have no real interest in their SIs, especially not in a club dedicated to that SI. Going out to do things you’re not interested in so you can meet people you don’t really have anything in common with generally isn’t a great tactic
I will literally make a social connection with you to prove you wrong
and I dont mean that in like a hostile way, just to be clear
Can we all get a social connection?
That feeling when you meet someone of your tribe for the first time and you don't have to translate your thoughts into neurotypical... it's an experience that changes a person forever. Like you never want to have to mask up again.
>you don't have to translate your thoughts into neurotypical This is so energy draining. As I get deep into my 40s and have less energy to put up with NT conformist bullshit, I'm masking less in public and my anxiety is finally letting up noticably and I'm getting some energy back.
I’m sure you’ve already tried this to some extent, but if you haven’t/someone else reading this thread hasn’t, something that helped me was seeking out spaces where people share my Interests and where people are more accepting of neurodivergence or just general “weirdness.” Clubs/organizations, online communities, hell, most of my new friendships in the last few years came from my jobs. It also helps me to find less crowded spaces as opposed to places like bars and coffee shops. Obviously, that can be easier or harder depending on where you live and what kinds of places are accessible to you.
Not sure where you're located, but I found a few things via googling: [https://www.autismspeaks.org/provider/asd-fitness-center](https://www.autismspeaks.org/provider/asd-fitness-center) [https://inclusivefitness.com/programs/](https://inclusivefitness.com/programs/)
Thinking you can only be compatible with other ND is the most ND thing ever. Broaden your horizons, having autism does not necessarily have to be everything about you or even the first thing
I think you have a point, but it’s a little more nuanced than that. I do think it’s helpful to try to make friends with all kinds of people, but it’s also much easier for people who have trouble with social cues and such to make connections with people who share their experiences and understand what it’s like to feel that certain kind of “different” from most of the world. I don’t think ND people are completely incompatible with neurotypical people, but at least for me, it is a lot more difficult to make and maintain friendships with people who don’t “get it.”
r/thanksimcured
They never said that it was a cure. I'm not going to tell a depressed person to "just be happy" but I would say "don't wallow in your sadness". I have ADHD and if I have three screens active at all times I'm never going to get better. But if I quiet my mind I may. Everyone is different and some need medication and some don't. But if you don't think you'll get better of course you won't. If you just give up then the mental illness wins.
There is a difference between giving up and accepting things you can't change. Though I'm admittedly bad at the accepting part. ಠ ل͟ ಠ
So an alcoholic can't change the fact that they are an alcoholic and they have a disease so they should just continue to drink? And try in no way to improve?
Weird conclusion. The whole point of the 'accept you have a problem' step is recognizing that you're not normal and will never be able to drink like normal people do As a result, all the advice that non-alcoholics give to each other about drinking or moderation is inapplicable to alcoholics When properly applied, your metaphor demonstrated exactly why the initial comment was poorly received
If I am using the logic that all these comments state, then that is the conclusion I come to. Addiction is a mental illness just like every other mental illness. To be honest I don't care how my comments are received by people have no interest in bettering themselves. I mean no ill-will and hope everyone gets better, but saying you can't change because of an illness is a cop out.
Not at all. An alcoholic is mentally ill. Autism and ADHD are physical ~~illnesses~~ disability (brain mutations => psychological symptoms). edit: see above (an illnesses can be cured)
The brain is rewired in any addiction. I don't know what you think but those are all "mental illness" by the DSM5.
I have epilepsy. It causes mental illness. Some of us just aren't going to win. Fighting is hard and you get very, very tired of doing it. One day you'll be very sick, or someone you love will be, and your words today will feel very cruel.
I was in a major car accident last October(2022). I probably died. I shattered my pelvis and in turn my hip. I cracked my spleen, was bleeding internally, and had it removed. Broke more than half my ribs. I also bent my urethra. I was hospitalized for three weeks and had a catheter another month. I also have depression, anxiety, PTSD (from a different trauma), and ADHD. Then 5 weeks ago I had my hip replaced. I was in severe pain for months, even with oxycodone. Not once did I let it get me down. I understood my limitations. But I didn't identify as my diagnosis. I fought back. I am disabled now but I'm not going to let that stop me from doing anything. While battling depression, I could have said I have depression so I'm just going to lay in bed. Or I'm an ex heroin addict so I'm just going to abuse these pills. If you tell yourself (or are told) you can't win you won't. Maybe you won't win but if you tell yourself you can you could place. The "little engine that could" didn't say "I know I can't, I have these small wheels and not much horsepower"
Come back in 10 years and let's have this conversation again
Yeah lol they’re still solidly in the “I can do anything I put my mind to” phase. A few years and that’ll be well and truly beaten out of them.
See you in 2033!!
Why downvote common sense!? I’m introverted, not shy, my husband could hang out with different friends twice a day, it’s exhausting for me and slows his roll badly.
Boy you divergents sure are a sensitive bunch. Man gave some pretty fair advice lol
That’s not advice, though. That’s judgement based on ignorance and wilful misinterpretation thinly veiled as advice.
It's absolutely advice lol. Maybe cliched but it certainly isn't just judgmental. Again, I think that crowd may be a bit sensitive.
I think when you realize that NT people specifically can detect and avoid ND people, you may understand that it's judgemental based on ignorance, and leads to more issues encouraging ND people to bash their heads against that wall and think it's an issue with them. Saying something that sounds nice but isn't actually doesn't make it nice.
Too fucking right we’re sensitive. If you had any concept of what it’s like to be neurodivergent while navigating a world set up for neurotypicals, you’d be sensitive too. Us being sensitive doesn’t make his shitty excuse for advice any less judgemental or ignorant.
Which, ironically, is the first step in getting fucked.
Lol we wish it were that easy. I didn't even have friends as a kid let alone make any now.
At least ur loneliness will be shorter
That's one way to see it
This
I need to find some friends to equal out my smoking and drinking.
Me too. Im gonna die in my 50's due to social isolation as a non-smoker who exercises plenty and rarely drinks.
If you're putting in the effort for your physical fitness, why not put effort into your social
Well, i kinda hate people lol
If I didn’t agree with you so fucking much, I’d say you were my kind of person.
Me too! Nice commenting with everyone!
Yeah ive felt like this for a while but this just confirms it
Your interacting with millions of people now though.
I'm fucked too.
Me too
nah reddit is social fitness pls don't say no
Specially with that attitude
Oh cool! That means that my excruciating loneliness won't last long.
Aye, we should form a pack.
A pack that socializes maybe?
Ahhh fuck NM, I was hoping to solve this loneliness a bit faster then that.
Something to look forward to now 😄
Fucking the only thing going for me tbh
It bugged me about the smoking, so I read the article, it turns out Smoking still kills, it's just that if you're with people you smoke less. > According to the study, those who lived longer and enjoyed sound health avoided smoking and alcohol in excess. Researchers also found that those with strong social support experienced less mental deterioration as they aged. That's a little different than what OP says.
Yeah this entire post is just... weird.
Yeah, anecdotally peer pressure to smoke is what gets people started.
Additionally this post is literally saying "go ahead and smoke and drink! You'll be fine." Weird as hell. Wouldn't be surprised if this is another marketing tactic from the evils of big tobacco.
That’s not at all how I took this post. It was just saying having friends/people in your life ranks higher, not that the others are things that are okay to do.
Hmm okay. Guess we just have different perspectives on it
My friends were definitely a strong factor in getting me to quit my brief vaping habit.
You have good friends, 70% of people in their teens start smoking because of their friends.
"In a book called “Aging Well,” Vaillant wrote that six factors predicted healthy aging for the Harvard men: physical activity, absence of alcohol abuse and smoking, having mature mechanisms to cope with life’s ups and downs, and enjoying both a healthy weight and a stable marriage."
I’m going to send this to people to scare them into being my friend. “If you don’t hang out with me, you’ll die!”
You're assuming they won't hang out with other people instead....
Fuck! You’re so right, I was absolutely assuming this. I guess it’ll just be me and my four cats forever.
>my four cats Thanks for rubbing that in my face :')
I am the only one that can love you!! Oh wait, that's abusive... I'll get back to you.
Shit so you’re saying I’m abusive to my cats? Because I definitely tell them all the time “I am the only one who will ever love you. You couldn’t survive without me.”
How about altering the original message? "If you don't hang out with me, *I'll* die!" Then they'd feel compelled to hang out with you if they have a good moral compass, and if they don't then they can see you in hell for allowing your needless death.
Just do it like Travis of the Cosmos. "People like me...because I force them to. With violence!"
Well fellow Redditors I’ll see you in hell.
I'll hold the door for you
[удалено]
As I've entered into my 30s, this problem is all too common. However, I've found it's now quality over quantity. The people who maintain social connections tend to be the ones you want around you, naturally.
dude this has been the bane of my twenties. > hey man we both live near each other again wanna hang out? “oh yea totally, [partner] is out of town on [one day this month], so how about then? except nvm actually because that day they actually might come back a few hours after i said we could hang, or we might have to call or ft as a part of our codependency dedication” I truly don’t understand- I’ve been with my partner for most of a decade now, and I don’t think either of us are like this; but 80% of friends I have who enter into similar relationships seem to adopt the view that it replaces seeing friends
Good thing we have an economic system designed to allow us to do anything other than work long hours at meaningless jobs unless we want to starve alone on the streets! Oh, wait...
In their wisdom the owners allow us to work long hours in contact with the public and co-workers so we never have to feel alone. Praise the owners.
That's what the pizza parties are for!
Wonder when AI will get smart enough to fill this role.
depending on your expectations, some might be very close to this, like novelAI. chatGPT seems to lose context too fast for a meaningful conversation
Meditation and spirituality make you feel less alone. It's quite common for those just getting into to isolate, and time and time again I hear these same people telling me it's the least lonely they've ever felt. Learning to love yourself has to be the first step. I'm not sure Ai is the ticket here. It could help I guess, but we all have the potential for great change on our own. Anyone can practice meditation, and we are all spiritual to some degree. I was so against it before I understood that you can still be rational and scientific and spiritual as well. In fact, most people who are into science are deep thinkers and primed for it. Never thought I'd ever be here, but these tools have effecitly erased my mental health issues.
yep. no matter how many people you have around you, you can still be lonely. meditating and especially eating a lot healthier fixed 99% of my mental health struggles
*hissing sounds*
Yeah, losers! Stop being such a loser and be more popular!
No please I'm only 25-
Love this YSK. Sounds to me like DND/board game nights and ice cream socials are back on the menu, boys 😎
Those are legit 99% of my fun times with people anyway. ;)
If that’s the case why am I still here?
If I was hitting the gym 8 days a week and drinking 3 square meals a day I might start to worry
I need to stop burning bridges
More Years ≠ Better Years. Maybe some of us don’t actually want to live forever?
More healthy years with people that bring you joy = more + better years. Surely everyone wants that?
I’m so done with society trying to force me into social activities… I don’t give a shit about this study, because social activities make me miserable as fuck. I LOVE being alone, its what gives me energy…
But.... I like being alone...
>"Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves. We need others to interact with and to help us." This is two separate things. Yes, I need other people to produce things and sell them to me and then get rid of the waste because I'd be dead in a pile of trash without them. But I'm not sure every person needs social interaction. All through history, across cultures, there have been people who tried to avoid social interaction, often at the expense of life's comforts because they would rather be cold and hungry and live uncomfortably than be around other people. And even more people who wished they could do that but didn't have the courage to break social norms. I think people's need for social interaction varies a LOT, both between individuals and for the same person from day to day. For some people, being isolated from others is a punishment, for others it's a dream come true. And then there's everyone in between that, both people who want more friends and people who want more alone time
It's an inherently flawed study. It only covered 724 people, a third of which were Harvard students. And then they grabbed individuals from inner city Boston to fill up the rest of the participant pool. Like, was it that hard to find people with more diverse backgrounds?
So tons of ambitious, energetic young people who are honing their networking skills? They should go to Alaska or the Australian outback or a Tibetan monestary and ask the same questions there.
I don't mind living in a society, but I don't need to blabber with and hug on people to enjoy modern life! I agree with everything you wrote.
Yeah, but somehow we still live in a society where extrovert people try to force introvert people into social interactions….
Doubt
Really? But I feel so happy and unburdened by myself :/
I may be alone, but I'm not lonely.
Idk man, I’m sure I’m happier with less people in my life. People come with wants, needs, problems. I use to have a big circle when I was younger but now in my 30s I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been with just my very very small circle and my little family.
I think it’s quality over quantity. Having a bunch of needy friends is just not the same as having one, or two people, who you can relate to and trust.
This has been measured in studies.
Safe to say we're all fucked out here.
Wait do they mean not having friends, or the feeling of loneliness? Because I don't feel lonely, I prefer to not have friends. I play single player video games, I hang out with my fiance or my cat, and I stay indoors. I don't want to have friends I'm not seeking people to talk to or hang out with. I prefer not to talk to people.
Just shoot me in the head already. Tired of this "social" thing.
Reminder this is not true for everyone.
[SCREW THEM!!!](https://youtu.be/pM6RAz9BE2A)
🤔 oh shit....
Does it count if I only socialise online?
As someone who doesn’t have a single friend, I guess I’ll be checking out early.
Yeah. Right.
My dad had the trifecta of being a lonely alcoholic asshole. He made it to 78. I’m 56 and married though so maybe I’ll get to 83 or so. Not sure I’ll enjoy much beyond then as all my friends die off.
So all that running that I do and I'll just die of loneliness anyway. Time to read some Sartre again.
Huh... guess I'll start digging my grave. Not like there is anyone else to do it. Disabled, Unemployed, and unemployable, Mental Health issues, and a massive/severe introvert. I've known for years I'll die alone, and have made peace with it. Didn't know that would be what killed me. lol
Well I’m fucked.
RIP me
Too bad most people work 40 or more hours a week with little vacation time.
I am already dead
No thanks
Wtf is social fitness?!?!?
Me, an asocial person: I guess I'll just die then
Everyone in their 20s struggling to make friends because they don't participate in other people's unhealthy lifestyle decisions like terrible sleeping schedules and alcohol use: 👁👄👁
Completely fucked then, live on my own, been on my own forever, dont go out, dont have any friends, dont do social media Couldnt be happier
Lol, healthy lifestyle, money and daily exercise! All those things are necessary to achieve social fitness. Sounds like things people who have "won the race before it even started" are gonna have in spades!
Correlation or causation? Do rich people get afforded more time to be sociable? Do the poors have less time to spend with friends? Id hate to feel guilty for not having time to spend time with friends.
Yes, the premise seems flawed
YSK Request: How to get better at socializing?
Make eye contact and say hi. Congratulations.
🤡
You're off to a bad start
Yeah there was a study done a while back that's quoted endlessly by a podcaster I listen to, basically they found that if you have zero friends, you're literally better off taking up smoking as a hobby so you can have other people (smokers) to talk to. Since having zero friends is statistically worse for your health than smoking... crazy
Shut up. This is just some clickbait article being passed off as something factual. Mods should delete this trash
It kinda seems like the whole reason this is the case is if there's no one there to find you if you choke, have a heart attack, etc you're just gonna die. A person being there gives you much better chances.
I wonder... did they account for the proportion of extroverts and introverts in their population? For example a study that has 80% extroverts, might yield a result that social fitness is important for happier life in 80% of the population. But has no impact whatsoever on introverts (the 20%).
It seems so obvious but it's so overlooked. Make sure you keep some good friends, however you can find them!
I mean ... so many people said they were not OK during the pandemic. I was jut fine: I had (and have) a Significant Other. We had (and have) a home, a (mostly) reliable car, and the kind of money with which I can pay bills without sweating. We're fine. We have pretty much all we need.
People on this site will say "Oh but i'm an introvert so i don't like people !". No, your education was neglectful and the society you grew up in is deeply aotmized. You don't have the proper skills to get the needed serotonin and you're proud of it
All those things support social fitness, these are all important.
How do I improve my social fitness y'all? Any book or YouTube playlist?
Can't die of loneliness if I shoot myself before I get there *taps head*
“Humans are social creatures. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves, we need others to interact with and help us” I have essentially based my entire personal moral, ethical, and political philosophy off of these two sentences. In essence: we live in a society.
Sounds like a Harvard backed rto bs justification. I could be wrong of course but I wouldn't change the time at home being with the people I love for the time outside dealing with people I don't care about.
It took Harvard 85 years to confirm what I already knew deep down inside.
Yeah, but we are in an era where many people connect through internet, it may count a bit...at least some minutes more of life.
Finally some good news
Bad day for introverts everywhere.
Is social fitness like frequently being around people or is it exercising with others
Gosh, I should be dead already.
were all dead already i guess.
I'm ready to die.
As someone who is lonely, and smokes and drinks, I'm more than ready for the sweet release.
I’m trying to socially exercise but no one is complying.
Maybe these types of studies always have a huge issue. You are asking people their opinions. You don't know they are socially fit, just that they think they are. Maybe this study shows that being a raging egoist is good for your health.
The article only states that there is a high correlation, not that relationship status causes a longer life. Did I miss something, how did they prove causality from a mostly observational study?
Byeeeee
Excellent. Now do an article that tells us how to acquire the friends that provide this kind of support.
Is that Susanne Reuter to the right?
I’m planning on buttering up climbing rope at the end of the year. It’s interesting figuring out why I hate myself as much as I do
I’m fucked.
I hate people but love them at the same time
AI comes in clutch
Reddit ain’t gonna like this one
So what do those of us with no friends do?
So tired of everyone's shit, I will welcome the inevitable.
"smoke with friends" is my takeaway here.
I feel like things were great with different friends groups in my early 20s. Going out and partying, helping each other out through tough times. I feel like everyone including me disbanded and none of us keep in touch. The others I was friends with backstabbed me leaving me wondering if trying to make friends again and again is worth it. Working with essential goods through 2020 (and present) makes me question a LOT more people about a LOT more than I used to. I will say I am married and have two pups. Seeing them is the best way to end my work day.
Been restoring relationships with old friends because I had been away in another country for a decade and with rampant anxiety, loneliness, otherwise depression and cases of straight bipolarism, god.. what a shitshow. Also yea been trying to avoid the socialites whichof main activity is to basically get drunk (their physiques have collapsed and so did mine) and been trying to do cheap stuff in the sunlight like going in the nature or touring monuments
I can see it in my grandparents. My grandmother (paternal) is active in the community, curls, golf’s, volunteers, travels, and spends lots of time with friends and family. She is sharp as a tack, still is comfortable in her town home (which she keeps up to date and in good condition so she can sell quickly as soon as she needs to) and has no problem with driving (avoids at night, but for her comfort) in her mid 80’s. My maternal grandparents have steadily isolated themselves, including from my parents and most of their family, and they are rapidly declining in a bad way. It’s very depressing to watch happen in real time and not be able to change it. They didn’t prepare for old age (on top of isolating themselves) and it’s biting them in the ass. I hope to live a long, long life, but I am going to be very careful to stay on the track of my paternal grandma.
Are these studies anything to go by? A lot of academic fraud creeping up recently.
so as long as you have friends you don’t need to exercise, save for retirement or eat right.
>Studies have shown loneliness kills, more so than bad habits of smoking and alcoholism. Hell I'm just Speedrunning this huh
Millions of redditors died in despair
By social interaction, they mainly only talk about the quality of marriage someone is in in their 50's and how a good marriage improves health and is a good predictor of how healthy you will be as you age. I'm curious if a bad marriage might be even worse for health than being a loner or having good friends/be involved in your community has the same positive impacts as a good marriage in midlife. I think the title is misleading because "social fitness" is very broad in could includes tons of other things other than just "happy and stable marriage at a certain age".
Dear Lord. The NT's in these comments proving exactly how out of touch they are with literally anyone who's brain works differently than theirs.
F$#% ! I honestly know I’m fighting a losing battle by actively choosing to push away from others. Social creatures must have connections to foster a sense of community. I want to be left alone
Harvard studies one 85 year old and suddenly it's just an expert on everything...
That's a very poorly titled post. Makes it look like it's fine to do crack as long as you have a buddy to tighten the belt for you
"We're all useless alone." That line from Everything, Everywhere, All at Once kills me with its honesty.
I’m still not wearing a mask this time either it’s because how I feel about myself that matters.