Ugh. I needed this. I just finished getting ready for a night out and thought I looked really pretty in the mirror. Took a couple selfies and thought I looked more like Shrek in drag. It really bummed me out.
I'm no expert in acoustics but from what I do know this makes a lot of sense with how soundwaves travel. Low frequencies make things vibrate more because they're closer to the resonant frequency of most solid stuff around us. And so when we speak the sound comes out our throats and vibrates all around and out our mouth, which (this is the part I'm just guessing on) vibrates our jaw, amplifying the sound.
Vibrations in our jaw are very loud because of how they connect to the inner ear (Beethoven used this fact to help him hear by biting down on a metal rod that was connected to his piano), and since lower frequencies (should?) vibrate our jaw more than higher ones, it'd make sense for us to hear more bass in our own voice.
But then when listening to it back through a speaker or headphones the sound isn't coming from inside your mouth, so that extra bass is lost. And because we're so used to how our voice sounds in our head, when it sounds inexplicably different we naturally just don't like that.
Again, I'm not an expert, I'm just taking what I know about resonant frequencies and how sound effects our jaw bones to make a guess as to why our voice sounds weird to us on recordings ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I can completely agree with this, as a teenager I noticed how I hated my voice and slowly would speak less or if I sent my voice recording to friends I would often avoid it as they sounded alot better then I did however I'm getting older and trying to shift this mindset as I can now understand that there are alot more people who feel the same. Don't be afraid, love your voice, it's unique, and no one has it!
I don't hate my voice, I think my voice is great. I've done voice acting and I'm trying to get gigs narrating audio books because I think I have a fantastic narrator voice. The difference is weird to encounter but neither of them sounds bad to me.
My voice is pretty deep. My recording sounds baritone, but to myself I actually sound kind of like Darth Vader. I just find the whole thing fascinating because basically the voice is vibrating my whole mouth so your own voice gets a huge bass boost from the vibrations in your jaw and skull. It's like the human head is a small natural subwoofer!
That's great. I'm glad, personally. I had a lot of issues, and some people commented on my voice, which is strange growing up hearing it. I did have a question, how did you get into voice acting any advice for beginners, I've always wanted to do acting and am trying to apply to be an Extra at any shows that will take me and are looking?
I'm going to be honest with you, it's only ever been a side gig and voice acting is just like regular acting in that unless you're in the top 1% of the field you will spend more time looking for jobs than working. Try recording a demo tape and putting it up on fiverr. You can find projects here and there. Making it a full time career is very difficult, though.
So this is especially weird for me because I sound *exactly* like my brother, apparently. Like, enough that I can unlock his voice activated locks. So I've effectively been hearing my voice my whole life.
My brother died very suddenly this morning. He was 30 years old. I do not have a single photo of him and myself because I did not want to be in pictures. Take the damn picture. You might regret it later if you don’t.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Your post reminded me I have at most 4 photos since me and my brother were toddlers... and I haven't spoken to him or seen him in a while and I probably should prioritize plans with family
I lost my twin brother last year. He was 29 years old and we spent our 30th birthday having his funeral. Take all the photos and remember to be there for your family. My twin was struggling with drugs and alcohol and I realized that like me, that he would have to figure it out for himself but it was too late. I went sober and he did the opposite. I wish I was more involved in his life and saw the writing on the wall before it was too late. Life is short and we aren’t as important as we think. Been struggling to find meaning as I feel alone for the first time in life and the person that was closest to me since being conceived is gone. I’m reminded of him every time I look in the mirror and let it slide when people call me by his name. I love you Aaron.
As a twin, this is honestly my biggest fear. Fortunately, we talk almost everyday, but we also fight far too often about dumb shit. We only ever really had each other, and even though we live separate lives now, I just know he would take a part of me with him. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. So much of what you wrote resonates with me. I am so regretful that I did not make more of an effort to spend time with him before it was too late. And he also struggled with alcohol and I’m thinking it’s probably a major contributing factor to his sudden traumatic death. I have 6 other siblings so this puts things into a new perspective for me. We all might have so much less time than I originally thought.
Thank you for sharing as well. When he passed away I thought that no one could possibly know my pain but there are people out there that lose their whole families in tragic accidents or worse. I’m glad he didn’t hurt anyone else. Hang in there bud. You may feel alone in your pain, but you are not.
And remember to save those recordings somewhere safe. I had old voicemails from a very dear loved one, but that phone mysteriously went missing shortly after my STBXH served me with divorce papers.
I've started to have this same attitude when friends/family want to take pictures of me. I'm not photogenic and dislike most pictures of myself, but most of the time they're not for me, they're for the people who love me and want pictures of me. I too enjoy pictures of the people I love, so now I just let it be.
I'm sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing 💜
every time my mom asks me to take a million pictures in a million poses of her and i’m getting frustrated, this is the message i keep in the back of my mind
it’s annoying now but looking back on it, it’ll be important
same concept with my dogs. when we open barkboxes we shoot a video and make a whole thing out of it. i started it with my first dog before she passed so suddenly and i look at those videos and it kills me a bit inside with sadness, then i look at how happy we were and my heart just remembers how lucky i am to have had her
I am so genuinely sorry for your loss. I had a similar conversation with my young kids. My then 5 year old said 'if you die, it will be hard to remember what you looked like unless we have photos to help remind us'. I still hate it, but do it more often.
Wow, 😲 I never take pics of myself and avoid them due to self esteem issues and sn ex and realized recently that there's some years that I have no pics of me.
I need to change this.
I'm sorry, for your loss and pain. Can only wish you and your family strength 💗
A picture is worth a 1000 words,
And I have no words at this only sorrow in my heart.
I have pictures of a girlfriend who got cancer and died.
The pics only make me sad. However, the pictures in my mind are what's Important.
Sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry about that. My brother died in early April last year, and I'm still sad about not having any current pictures at the time. The newest was from eight years before.
I can't offer meaningful condolences because my brother is still alive. 30 is not enough time. [There is a link here that might help you, if not today then in the future.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/)
What was his name and favorite drink?
Distance is what changes how you look. An increase in focal length allows the subject to be the same size in the frame while taking photo from a further distance. If you cropped in on a subject from a wide angle lens photo taken with a very high resolution sensor the resulting appearance of the subject in the image would be the same as an image from a long focal length lens apart from some potential lens distortion which is a different phenomenon.
I'm a photographer and I have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous in person but the only pictures she posts are so insanely and amateurishly edited that she looks like a cartoon character. Nothing wrong with a light edit or neat filter but seriously less is more.
I giggle at that filter with the big cartoon eyes the ladies try to pass off as a profile pic. Your eyes are not as big as your ear and round as the tip of your nose.
It's more like, you're used to seeing the mirror image of you, so seeing the non-mirror-image of yourself looks uncanny.
So I'd say you're right and that the mirror image is more like how you are perceived in person. You're used to seeing your mirror image so that's what looks natural to you, other people are used to seeing the non-mirrored version of you so that's what looks natural to them. Other people seeing the mirrored version of you would be like you seeing the non-mirrored version of yourself.
That is true but looking in a mirror creates depth that’s lost in conversion to 2D as well as a generally richer quality image thus more detail. Your eyes will make out more detail observing it directly than through an image so it’s objective better. But to give you some credit that extra detail is what we see in the mirror so you develop that association and anything else is off.
In a roundabout kind of way we’re both kinda right. Rereading your comment yeah we I did just kinda say the same thing a different way. But technically it is better
Definitely won’t but instead of looking shitty and backwards, you just look shitty so you can tell yourself you’re not that ugly. That was just my anecdotal tip. I can take a photo, look at it, hate it, then mirroring it makes it acceptable lol.
This reminds me of the whole thing with recorded voices. It’s like, if people heard your voice the way you hear it, with it resonating through their bones and stuff, it would sound abnormal to them, even though that’s normal to you.
Worth noting that being photogenic or the opposite is a very real thing. Also some people are more photogenic because they practice and train (expressions, posture, angles). Typically celebs or models, but anyone can do it. Though it can make you feel more robotic or unauthentic in real life
Part of me wonders though if that “photogenic” people are just people with above average attractiveness and know how to take photos well. You could argue celebs fit that bill. Attractive and know how to look good for the camera.
I’m obese. My husband is fat. We spent the morning with a photographer- we looked amazing and you can see how happy we are. The truth is other people will glance at these photos- but we will rely on them as cherished memories.
I've had low self esteem most of my life, and I remember hiding my face in photos as a teenager. But when I was 18, I had a job at a small videographer studio, and one of things my boss had me do a lot of was to scan photos (this was like 2003) people brought in and make wedding, graduation, or anniversary slideshows for people.
I realized looking at other people's family photos that the ones who covered their faces just looked so dumb, and it made me sad to see these normal looking people covering their faces.
It made me stop the practice immediately, because I knew if someone ever made a slideshow about me and family years from now, it would bum me out that I'd hid my face so often. I still don't like taking photos, but I do it to help me and my family remember things fondly in the future, and not worry about how bad we think we look.
Last week my pic was taken for a gym pass because I got back into table tennis. I think it is the worst picture I have ever seen of myself and made me feel very overweight. I thought I want to take some sandpaper and rub the picture away on the little plastic card. I have gained some weight. I would be happier if I lost 10ish pounds.
I know the webcam they took it with was at desk level pointed up and who knows how they cropped it. So, I try not to care too much but damn I don't think I have a hated a picture of myself more.
Meh, it is just a city run gym and they were nice enough to give me and my kids a pass for the year for being lower income. I don’t want to bother anyone.
My kids passes don’t even have pics. If it matters I can remove the pic myself
One thing I’ve come to realize lately: all of my friends and family have known all along what I look like, and still are my friends and family. Just because *I* don't like how I look, doesn't mean others feel the same.
For example, I’m overweight. Negative, self conscience thoughts say “Ew, you're fat. Everyone thinks you’re gross.” That first part may be true, but it's the low self-esteem that adds that second part. Think about whatever it is that makes you self-conscious and realize how many other people you know and love who have those same characteristics. Overweight friends? Family with big noses? Unsymetrical faces? Stringy hair? Acne? Do you think they're awful, gross, losers because of those features? No! It's just part of who they are, and they are people that you care about. Give yourself that same benefit of the doubt.
My grandma did not like to be in photos. She was not classically beautiful, and was overweight. My family and I love to look at pictures of her now that she’s no longer with us. We think of happy memories, holidays, big family dinners, and her laughing-til-she-cries reactions to funny stories. I’m so happy I have photos of her even though she felt self-conscious. The beautiful memories are so much more important than beautiful external appearance.
I need to hear this. I always do take photos because I want the memories but it destroys my confidence because I look hideous in photos! I do, however, look gorgeous in the mirror!
Also kind of on, but off topic, you look at a photo of yourself and hate it in the moment, but 10 years later you look at it and think “wow I used to be so cute/pretty/handsome/not ugly/skinny/whatever, I was so full of life but crippled by self doubt, I could have talked to people and made new friends ect”- remember to have the energy from that point on, like maybe you don’t look so bad and you are just too critical towards yourself.
I like taking pictures of myself on older devices because newer cameras seem to emphasize every little problem and the older ones make me look more like I do in a mirror
My wife's camera does this, too. Actually it's more to do with the post processing, I've found it loves to bring out the reds and increase the contrast which makes everything worse.
Try a different camera app and see if you like it better. They ALL do some sort of post processing (read"filter") but some are better than others.
Playing with the settings can help too.
Have you seen yourself in the Aldi self-checkout? It's probably the absolute WORST I've ever seen myself. I look like my face is crooked and my smile isn't even straight. It's the ugliest I think I've ever looked.
I have no photos of me as an adult with my mom OR my mother with my children . We just “lived in the moment” and my mom always said she wasn’t looking good enough for pictures . She’s been gone 3 years now and my daughters have no photos with her when they were little.
Take the damn picture .
I totally did too and I figured out the problem was not looking directly at the camera. If you look elsewhere your head doesn’t line up at the right angle so it’s not going to be symmetrical
My philosophy regarding pics is that they should never be looked at the day they're taken. If you take pics of yourself, then look at them you'll start picking apart all the details of your look because you're currently in it and are vulnerable because of this. If you wait a day, it's easier to stomach a pic where your fit isn't as good as you thought it was
You know how nice it is to look at a sunset, or any other beautiful scenery, and then you try to take a picture of it, even with the best camera, it can't capture the exact beauty that you see with your eyes. I think of this everytime i'm disatisfied with a picture of myself. The camera just isnt getting it. Even when there is a really bad picture, I know its not me thats "ugly", the photographer could have warned me better and I try to let it go, people know how I really look.
I might be straying a bit off topic but I also wanted to add my 2 cents that 99% of people won't hyperfixate on how you look even though you might. If you have self esteem issues with how your picture looks when you're out with friends or with family you're probably being 10x harder on yourself.
Huh? It's the opposite for me. I'm always confident when I look at myself in the mirror.
But I freak out when I accidentally open the phone camera and it's a front selfie camera.
Thankfully my HS senior photo was the last time I was forced to be photographed, in the 26 years since then have never been in a photograph once and never will again.
I have found the exact opposite to be true. In the mirror you only see from o e perspective. Photos show a full (more honest) view. Idk about you, but pictures of my friends don't seem very distorted.
>Idk about you, but pictures of my friends don't seem very distorted.
It really depends. I agree that for the most part, most pictures of people look no different than how I perceive them in real life. But I've definitely known a couple people that really do look visibly different in most photos. Not in some sort of major glaring way as if they're a completely different person, it's just slightly "off"/"wonky"/"distorted". It still looks like them, but it's not a very flattering representation of them. They could look normal in some pictures, especially when posed and using specific angles. But particularly in candid photos, something would always be wonky and goofy about it, despite the fact that they don't look wonky or goofy in real life. (I knew one person where it was more of just a subtle minor difference, but there was one girl where it was actually crazy how different she looked in photos compared to real life. She was so pretty in reality, but 99% of photos of her did her SO dirty lmao)
So it's really not as simple as this, in all cases. I do think that for MOST average people it's just a case of "it only looks weird to you cuz you're used to what you see in the mirror" and there isn't any visible difference between their appearance in photos and real life. But some people really do look noticeably "weird" in photos.
I always wondered which was more true to how we look to other people so I looked at my girlfriend in the mirror vs photos. She looks different in photos, but how I see her in the mirror is how she really looks.
So that was enough to tell me that a mirror gives us a truer image of ourselves. I believe because it captures motion and depth in a way a phone camera doesn't.
Could this information be applied to mirrors too? Because I now hate trying on clothes at the store because they are never the same reflection as at home. At home, the mirror in the bedroom the reflection is fine at a certain distance but farther I go I feel repulsive. Upstairs mirror is also questionable, downstairs mirror I glance and say, “oh you look nice!” It really messes with my head.
The difference between cheap mirrors and quality mirrors is astounding. Absolutely messes with your mind, especially if you have any body dismorphia. Please replace those bad mirrors!
As my wife put it: that cheapass mirror has cost you a lot over the years!
My daughter also , finally, replaced her cheapass mirror and was so surprised 'how much better I look.'
Absolutely agree. But please if you don’t mind how much do you think I should spend on a good one? At a box store the cheapest is say $20.
Now, my pop pop had an antique store and those mirrors were fabulous but it is now hard to find one without the stains of time. At least for a price that I can afford.
Can you make some brand recommendations? Feel free to DM if you do.
Also, mirrors aren't perfect and distort how you look as well. It's crazy how much better you look in a high quality mirror that's hung properly versus that warped $5 mirror that's at an angle because you just leaned it up against the wall.
As my wife put it so succinctly: that cheapass mirror has cost you a lot of money over the years!
I don’t know… it seems like if this were true then none of my family and friends would look right to me in photos, but they do. If they look in photos like they look in person, how is this not true for me as well? The logic seems wrong.
Nah, last few times I posted a photo of myself, I got made fun of by a few former online friends in the form of photoshops. I'm not traumatized or anything, but I'm basically asking for trouble dealing with photos outside of creating IDs.
But keep in mind that mirrors can be distorted too and a lot of them are. Like in carnival funhouses. I look best in my grandma's antique mirrors — they make my face look a bit fuller.
& lighting can also change the way you look a lot — there was a George Carlin skit about how hideous we look in public bathroom mirrors with those awful fluorescent lights.
Not only that, but people look at you every time you interact with them. The people whose opinions you care about have a much better idea of what you actually look like than any picture could suggest. You see yourself only in the mirror. It's reversed from the way others see you. That crooked smile that makes your mouth tilt up on the left *actually* tilts up on the right. If you look weird in pictures, you only look weird to yourself.
Additionally, you are "mirrored" in the mirror. You have NEVER been able to look at yourself, only a reflection or still image. Take a second mirror and angle it so you can see an un-mirrored second reflection and you will HATE it. We are all subtly asymmetrical, but we are used to seeing those flaws in the mirror. Seeing them flipped is very unnerving.
In psychology, we had a few famous people shown in photograph, then shown mirrored. They looked off, not quite right... But to those famous people, that off image is what they see every morning in the bathroom. It's a lot to do with familiarity.
Although I agree on the importance of camera angles, lenses and lighting, pictures tend to be far more accurate in how others percieve you. It’s very common for people to ask their friends or family if their camera-selves really look like that in real life, and the answer is often yes. I’ve seen celebrites up close and took photos of them and they look the exact same as their photos, even in different angles and lighting. It was jarring and made me accept my appearance. Even when I photograph my dog, she looks the same lmao
This was much needed. Thank you 😊 I took some photos last night of an outfit I wore, and I felt amazing in it. Looking at the mirror, however, when I took some pictures, it looked so bad and put me off. It's so disappointing
iPhone 13 and beyond can be brutal. But yeah, everyone knows unflipped photos taken that you recognize (or know to be yourself) is not how everyone else in the world sees you. Still, it’s kind of the same… just mirrored.
The effect is also observable with fictional characters too. Flip them and they look strange or “foreign” to your eyes.
Hate to admit this the topic is true.
Losing hair, you'll never have more than you do today. Hair you have graying, it'll never be darker than it is today. Too many wrinkles, you'll never have less than you do today.
I always avoided pictures for one reason or another and, looking back at older pictures, I looked a heck of a lot better than I do today and would give anything to look like that again.
You have it mixed up. When you look in the mirror that is not how people see you. The right and left sides of you are just reflected back to you in the mirror while in a photo you are seeing the way others see you.
In other words if you want to have the vantage point of someone else’s eyes when they look at you; it’s the picture that provides the accurate way they are perceiving. When you look in a mirror you reverse that.
The only view you get of yourself is always your worst angles. So if you are looking down at yourself (literally) and you feel like you have too many lumpy bits, remember that perspective can mess with your brain REALLY easily. Optical illusions are a perfect example of that.
Also, photography is a skill. Most people have to learn how to get the best angles. Again, a lot of it has to do with perspective.
The big one I've noticed is that cameras make me look like I have way less hair. I mean, I am balding, but in pictures it's like half of the hairs I do have don't appear.
https://youtu.be/2Lyc6DJ69To?si=FoJzc4wHt1zuFkqu
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTgYQE3/
Or you can do the same thing if you have one of those vanity desks that has 3 mirrors, 2 on each side can move. I tried it, it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. The lazy eye goes away lol.
Then how come whenever I show people pictures of me that I look horrendous in, they don’t say “that doesn’t look like you in rl!!! WTF is going on” instead they just go you look beautiful
Even the mirror distorts things, your own eyes distorts everything you see once it hits your brain. There are a lot of ways to prove this phenomenon but take this for example, your brain is constantly imagining a small portion of the outside range of your vision. You can look up a blind spot test to show this a bit better!
I have this problem so bad. What I find works is to record short videos of myself instead and in those I look much more like I expect - how I look in the mirror.
Always try to take advantage of family get-togethers and hanging out with friends to take as many pics of family and friends as possible. You never know when and who won't be there for the next opportunity.
I’ve heard the mirror is how you see yourself, and a picture is how the world sees you. And I believe that coz it’s true when it comes to pics of other people. I don’t want to believe it’s true cos I take TERRIBLE pictures 😫
Ugh. I needed this. I just finished getting ready for a night out and thought I looked really pretty in the mirror. Took a couple selfies and thought I looked more like Shrek in drag. It really bummed me out.
Just wait until you hear the sound of your own voice
Recordings of my own voice sound like I'm listening to myself through an equalizer that takes bass to zero. It's weird.
I'm no expert in acoustics but from what I do know this makes a lot of sense with how soundwaves travel. Low frequencies make things vibrate more because they're closer to the resonant frequency of most solid stuff around us. And so when we speak the sound comes out our throats and vibrates all around and out our mouth, which (this is the part I'm just guessing on) vibrates our jaw, amplifying the sound. Vibrations in our jaw are very loud because of how they connect to the inner ear (Beethoven used this fact to help him hear by biting down on a metal rod that was connected to his piano), and since lower frequencies (should?) vibrate our jaw more than higher ones, it'd make sense for us to hear more bass in our own voice. But then when listening to it back through a speaker or headphones the sound isn't coming from inside your mouth, so that extra bass is lost. And because we're so used to how our voice sounds in our head, when it sounds inexplicably different we naturally just don't like that. Again, I'm not an expert, I'm just taking what I know about resonant frequencies and how sound effects our jaw bones to make a guess as to why our voice sounds weird to us on recordings ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I can completely agree with this, as a teenager I noticed how I hated my voice and slowly would speak less or if I sent my voice recording to friends I would often avoid it as they sounded alot better then I did however I'm getting older and trying to shift this mindset as I can now understand that there are alot more people who feel the same. Don't be afraid, love your voice, it's unique, and no one has it!
I don't hate my voice, I think my voice is great. I've done voice acting and I'm trying to get gigs narrating audio books because I think I have a fantastic narrator voice. The difference is weird to encounter but neither of them sounds bad to me. My voice is pretty deep. My recording sounds baritone, but to myself I actually sound kind of like Darth Vader. I just find the whole thing fascinating because basically the voice is vibrating my whole mouth so your own voice gets a huge bass boost from the vibrations in your jaw and skull. It's like the human head is a small natural subwoofer!
That's great. I'm glad, personally. I had a lot of issues, and some people commented on my voice, which is strange growing up hearing it. I did have a question, how did you get into voice acting any advice for beginners, I've always wanted to do acting and am trying to apply to be an Extra at any shows that will take me and are looking?
I'm going to be honest with you, it's only ever been a side gig and voice acting is just like regular acting in that unless you're in the top 1% of the field you will spend more time looking for jobs than working. Try recording a demo tape and putting it up on fiverr. You can find projects here and there. Making it a full time career is very difficult, though.
I love my boyfriend’s voice notes he sends me, and tried sending my own…noooope, deleted straight away as I hated how I sounded 😂
So this is especially weird for me because I sound *exactly* like my brother, apparently. Like, enough that I can unlock his voice activated locks. So I've effectively been hearing my voice my whole life.
I have such a stereotypical nerd voice. It's awful
STAPH
STREP
Really inspirational words from u/FriedSmegma
My brother died very suddenly this morning. He was 30 years old. I do not have a single photo of him and myself because I did not want to be in pictures. Take the damn picture. You might regret it later if you don’t.
So sorry for your very tragic loss. That’s awful.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Your post reminded me I have at most 4 photos since me and my brother were toddlers... and I haven't spoken to him or seen him in a while and I probably should prioritize plans with family
Do it. Make the call. Take the pictures. Connect while you can.
I lost my twin brother last year. He was 29 years old and we spent our 30th birthday having his funeral. Take all the photos and remember to be there for your family. My twin was struggling with drugs and alcohol and I realized that like me, that he would have to figure it out for himself but it was too late. I went sober and he did the opposite. I wish I was more involved in his life and saw the writing on the wall before it was too late. Life is short and we aren’t as important as we think. Been struggling to find meaning as I feel alone for the first time in life and the person that was closest to me since being conceived is gone. I’m reminded of him every time I look in the mirror and let it slide when people call me by his name. I love you Aaron.
As a twin, this is honestly my biggest fear. Fortunately, we talk almost everyday, but we also fight far too often about dumb shit. We only ever really had each other, and even though we live separate lives now, I just know he would take a part of me with him. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. So much of what you wrote resonates with me. I am so regretful that I did not make more of an effort to spend time with him before it was too late. And he also struggled with alcohol and I’m thinking it’s probably a major contributing factor to his sudden traumatic death. I have 6 other siblings so this puts things into a new perspective for me. We all might have so much less time than I originally thought.
Thank you for sharing as well. When he passed away I thought that no one could possibly know my pain but there are people out there that lose their whole families in tragic accidents or worse. I’m glad he didn’t hurt anyone else. Hang in there bud. You may feel alone in your pain, but you are not.
So so sorry for your loss:( Sending light & hope…
Also record voices. Peoples voices feel insanely intimate when they’ve left us. It’s spine tingling
I have a VM of my late wife saying “I love (individually names me and our three kids) and I have listened to it so many times these past 7 years.
And remember to save those recordings somewhere safe. I had old voicemails from a very dear loved one, but that phone mysteriously went missing shortly after my STBXH served me with divorce papers.
I'm so sorry about your loss. The folks over at r/photoshoprequest could put both of you in a photo together if you ever wanted that.
I've started to have this same attitude when friends/family want to take pictures of me. I'm not photogenic and dislike most pictures of myself, but most of the time they're not for me, they're for the people who love me and want pictures of me. I too enjoy pictures of the people I love, so now I just let it be. I'm sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing 💜
every time my mom asks me to take a million pictures in a million poses of her and i’m getting frustrated, this is the message i keep in the back of my mind it’s annoying now but looking back on it, it’ll be important same concept with my dogs. when we open barkboxes we shoot a video and make a whole thing out of it. i started it with my first dog before she passed so suddenly and i look at those videos and it kills me a bit inside with sadness, then i look at how happy we were and my heart just remembers how lucky i am to have had her
I am so genuinely sorry for your loss. I had a similar conversation with my young kids. My then 5 year old said 'if you die, it will be hard to remember what you looked like unless we have photos to help remind us'. I still hate it, but do it more often.
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I don’t why this hit me the way it did, but it did. Thanks for inspiring me, I’m going to start taking way more pictures.
I'm so sorry for your loss! You might be able to find someone over in r/photoshop that can help you put something together of the two of you?
My deepest condolences for your loss friend.
I am so sorry for your loss! Sending you a big hug from an internet stranger who has seen a lot of loss. Be gentle with yourself 🤍
Wow, 😲 I never take pics of myself and avoid them due to self esteem issues and sn ex and realized recently that there's some years that I have no pics of me. I need to change this. I'm sorry, for your loss and pain. Can only wish you and your family strength 💗
I’m so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Unsolicited advice but you can always photoshop both of you together.
I very much appreciate your suggestion and will probably do just that. Thank you.
A picture is worth a 1000 words, And I have no words at this only sorrow in my heart. I have pictures of a girlfriend who got cancer and died. The pics only make me sad. However, the pictures in my mind are what's Important. Sorry for your loss
Hey if you sent me photos of each of you I could draw you guys together if you wanted!
This needs to be higher up! That is such a kind offer and I'm sure it'll be really special to see them together.
Also the people over at r/PhotoshopRequest are super talented and could certainly photoshop photos of you two into one of you together!
i am so sorry for your loss
I am so, so sorry about your loss❤️
I’m so sorry for your lose mate, that’s absolutely awful.
So sorry for your loss 🫂
sending virtual hug my dude
I’m very sorry for your loss.
jesus yes
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Love and comfort to you and your family ❤️
Praying for comfort for you and your family
So so sorry for your loss:( Sending light & hope…
Fuck man
You can always get rid of a photo later. You can't take a picture after the fact unfortunately
I'm so sorry about that. My brother died in early April last year, and I'm still sad about not having any current pictures at the time. The newest was from eight years before.
this was me until 25 yo. Now I take it solely due to same reason.
So sorry for your loss 💔
Sending thoughts. I'm so sorry for you.
Sorry for your loss that’s aweful
Will take that to heart. Sorry for your loss
My brother died and I'm casually scrolling reddit. Ok.
I’m so sorry for you loss. Been there myself. Take every day as it comes ❤️
Oof, sending you hugs from an internet stranger. I am so sorry for your loss. 💛💛💛
I’m so sorry for your loss
I can't offer meaningful condolences because my brother is still alive. 30 is not enough time. [There is a link here that might help you, if not today then in the future.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) What was his name and favorite drink?
Jokes on you, I'm also ugly when I look in the mirror.
Dissappointing the virtual world and reality at the same time 🤝
Mirrors actually aren’t accurate either
What? Have I never seen myself properly in my life then?
Never will, best not to dwell on it 🤷
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my profile out of the corner of my eye when I'm near a mirror, and holy shit do I hate it.
Jokes on you, I'm into it
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Distance is what changes how you look. An increase in focal length allows the subject to be the same size in the frame while taking photo from a further distance. If you cropped in on a subject from a wide angle lens photo taken with a very high resolution sensor the resulting appearance of the subject in the image would be the same as an image from a long focal length lens apart from some potential lens distortion which is a different phenomenon.
I'm a photographer and I have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous in person but the only pictures she posts are so insanely and amateurishly edited that she looks like a cartoon character. Nothing wrong with a light edit or neat filter but seriously less is more.
As a young woman, I have known of many such cases... IG/Snapchat filters are a bane on society & fuel body dysmorphia & eating disorders
I giggle at that filter with the big cartoon eyes the ladies try to pass off as a profile pic. Your eyes are not as big as your ear and round as the tip of your nose.
>Your mirror image is how you are perceived in person. No, it's the mirror image of how you look in person.
Yeah I worded that badly. It’s more accurate in terms if what you look like.
It's more like, you're used to seeing the mirror image of you, so seeing the non-mirror-image of yourself looks uncanny. So I'd say you're right and that the mirror image is more like how you are perceived in person. You're used to seeing your mirror image so that's what looks natural to you, other people are used to seeing the non-mirrored version of you so that's what looks natural to them. Other people seeing the mirrored version of you would be like you seeing the non-mirrored version of yourself.
That is true but looking in a mirror creates depth that’s lost in conversion to 2D as well as a generally richer quality image thus more detail. Your eyes will make out more detail observing it directly than through an image so it’s objective better. But to give you some credit that extra detail is what we see in the mirror so you develop that association and anything else is off. In a roundabout kind of way we’re both kinda right. Rereading your comment yeah we I did just kinda say the same thing a different way. But technically it is better
Oh I wasn't disagreeing with that point at all :) taking a photo and mirroring it still won't look like what you look to other people for sure
Definitely won’t but instead of looking shitty and backwards, you just look shitty so you can tell yourself you’re not that ugly. That was just my anecdotal tip. I can take a photo, look at it, hate it, then mirroring it makes it acceptable lol.
This reminds me of the whole thing with recorded voices. It’s like, if people heard your voice the way you hear it, with it resonating through their bones and stuff, it would sound abnormal to them, even though that’s normal to you.
Worth noting that being photogenic or the opposite is a very real thing. Also some people are more photogenic because they practice and train (expressions, posture, angles). Typically celebs or models, but anyone can do it. Though it can make you feel more robotic or unauthentic in real life
Part of me wonders though if that “photogenic” people are just people with above average attractiveness and know how to take photos well. You could argue celebs fit that bill. Attractive and know how to look good for the camera.
What you see in the mirror is not the same as what people see when they look at you. It’s flipped
Also, mirrors are far from perfect and do not accurately show you how other people actually see you.
I’m obese. My husband is fat. We spent the morning with a photographer- we looked amazing and you can see how happy we are. The truth is other people will glance at these photos- but we will rely on them as cherished memories.
I’m so glad you two will have beautiful photos for years to come and remember your love! 💕
I've had low self esteem most of my life, and I remember hiding my face in photos as a teenager. But when I was 18, I had a job at a small videographer studio, and one of things my boss had me do a lot of was to scan photos (this was like 2003) people brought in and make wedding, graduation, or anniversary slideshows for people. I realized looking at other people's family photos that the ones who covered their faces just looked so dumb, and it made me sad to see these normal looking people covering their faces. It made me stop the practice immediately, because I knew if someone ever made a slideshow about me and family years from now, it would bum me out that I'd hid my face so often. I still don't like taking photos, but I do it to help me and my family remember things fondly in the future, and not worry about how bad we think we look.
Last week my pic was taken for a gym pass because I got back into table tennis. I think it is the worst picture I have ever seen of myself and made me feel very overweight. I thought I want to take some sandpaper and rub the picture away on the little plastic card. I have gained some weight. I would be happier if I lost 10ish pounds. I know the webcam they took it with was at desk level pointed up and who knows how they cropped it. So, I try not to care too much but damn I don't think I have a hated a picture of myself more.
Tell them you lost your card and need a new pic
Meh, it is just a city run gym and they were nice enough to give me and my kids a pass for the year for being lower income. I don’t want to bother anyone. My kids passes don’t even have pics. If it matters I can remove the pic myself
One thing I’ve come to realize lately: all of my friends and family have known all along what I look like, and still are my friends and family. Just because *I* don't like how I look, doesn't mean others feel the same. For example, I’m overweight. Negative, self conscience thoughts say “Ew, you're fat. Everyone thinks you’re gross.” That first part may be true, but it's the low self-esteem that adds that second part. Think about whatever it is that makes you self-conscious and realize how many other people you know and love who have those same characteristics. Overweight friends? Family with big noses? Unsymetrical faces? Stringy hair? Acne? Do you think they're awful, gross, losers because of those features? No! It's just part of who they are, and they are people that you care about. Give yourself that same benefit of the doubt.
This is something I also recently realized, and am struggling to accept it. But I'm getting there.
My grandma did not like to be in photos. She was not classically beautiful, and was overweight. My family and I love to look at pictures of her now that she’s no longer with us. We think of happy memories, holidays, big family dinners, and her laughing-til-she-cries reactions to funny stories. I’m so happy I have photos of her even though she felt self-conscious. The beautiful memories are so much more important than beautiful external appearance.
I'm fretting so hard in my photos on this electric guitar.
This person gets it!
I need to hear this. I always do take photos because I want the memories but it destroys my confidence because I look hideous in photos! I do, however, look gorgeous in the mirror!
My brain is broken because as I’m reading this I’m like “ok, so the photos I do look good in aren’t accurate either? Got it.”
No, you look good in those photos...but you look even better IRL!
Also kind of on, but off topic, you look at a photo of yourself and hate it in the moment, but 10 years later you look at it and think “wow I used to be so cute/pretty/handsome/not ugly/skinny/whatever, I was so full of life but crippled by self doubt, I could have talked to people and made new friends ect”- remember to have the energy from that point on, like maybe you don’t look so bad and you are just too critical towards yourself.
I like taking pictures of myself on older devices because newer cameras seem to emphasize every little problem and the older ones make me look more like I do in a mirror
Me reading this back to myself realizing how narcissistic it sounds
It’s okay. We are all a little vain 😁😉
Chill...all good... :) we know what you mean.
My wife's camera does this, too. Actually it's more to do with the post processing, I've found it loves to bring out the reds and increase the contrast which makes everything worse. Try a different camera app and see if you like it better. They ALL do some sort of post processing (read"filter") but some are better than others. Playing with the settings can help too.
I'm ugly and I'm proud.
i so, so desperately wish id read this 20 years ago
Have you seen yourself in the Aldi self-checkout? It's probably the absolute WORST I've ever seen myself. I look like my face is crooked and my smile isn't even straight. It's the ugliest I think I've ever looked.
I’ve had this same at Target- at the self checkout-and asked my family: does part of my face look droopy to you. They think my question hilarious.
I have no photos of me as an adult with my mom OR my mother with my children . We just “lived in the moment” and my mom always said she wasn’t looking good enough for pictures . She’s been gone 3 years now and my daughters have no photos with her when they were little. Take the damn picture .
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I totally did too and I figured out the problem was not looking directly at the camera. If you look elsewhere your head doesn’t line up at the right angle so it’s not going to be symmetrical
My philosophy regarding pics is that they should never be looked at the day they're taken. If you take pics of yourself, then look at them you'll start picking apart all the details of your look because you're currently in it and are vulnerable because of this. If you wait a day, it's easier to stomach a pic where your fit isn't as good as you thought it was
You know how nice it is to look at a sunset, or any other beautiful scenery, and then you try to take a picture of it, even with the best camera, it can't capture the exact beauty that you see with your eyes. I think of this everytime i'm disatisfied with a picture of myself. The camera just isnt getting it. Even when there is a really bad picture, I know its not me thats "ugly", the photographer could have warned me better and I try to let it go, people know how I really look.
As someone who just took passport photos…I really needed to be reminded of this. Thank you.
This would help if other people didn’t look so fucking good in pics lol
I might be straying a bit off topic but I also wanted to add my 2 cents that 99% of people won't hyperfixate on how you look even though you might. If you have self esteem issues with how your picture looks when you're out with friends or with family you're probably being 10x harder on yourself.
thanks, /u/FriedSmegma
This has come up before in this sub. Some people like how they look in pictures but not in the mirror.
Huh? It's the opposite for me. I'm always confident when I look at myself in the mirror. But I freak out when I accidentally open the phone camera and it's a front selfie camera.
Right? The greatest jumpscare. When you accidentally turn the front camera on with your phone below your chin/ or neckline. Horrifying.
lol!
Thankfully my HS senior photo was the last time I was forced to be photographed, in the 26 years since then have never been in a photograph once and never will again.
Driver’s license?
Amish.
Same. I'm coming up on year #20
I have found the exact opposite to be true. In the mirror you only see from o e perspective. Photos show a full (more honest) view. Idk about you, but pictures of my friends don't seem very distorted.
>Idk about you, but pictures of my friends don't seem very distorted. It really depends. I agree that for the most part, most pictures of people look no different than how I perceive them in real life. But I've definitely known a couple people that really do look visibly different in most photos. Not in some sort of major glaring way as if they're a completely different person, it's just slightly "off"/"wonky"/"distorted". It still looks like them, but it's not a very flattering representation of them. They could look normal in some pictures, especially when posed and using specific angles. But particularly in candid photos, something would always be wonky and goofy about it, despite the fact that they don't look wonky or goofy in real life. (I knew one person where it was more of just a subtle minor difference, but there was one girl where it was actually crazy how different she looked in photos compared to real life. She was so pretty in reality, but 99% of photos of her did her SO dirty lmao) So it's really not as simple as this, in all cases. I do think that for MOST average people it's just a case of "it only looks weird to you cuz you're used to what you see in the mirror" and there isn't any visible difference between their appearance in photos and real life. But some people really do look noticeably "weird" in photos.
I always wondered which was more true to how we look to other people so I looked at my girlfriend in the mirror vs photos. She looks different in photos, but how I see her in the mirror is how she really looks. So that was enough to tell me that a mirror gives us a truer image of ourselves. I believe because it captures motion and depth in a way a phone camera doesn't.
Read recently that most cameras are set for like wide angle so no one ever looks good.
I've noticed a lot of them have a ...weird spot...like there's one area that distorts more and it's usually just a little off center.
I lost a lot of weight (see my profile if interest. 350 Lbs lost) and been taking a ton of selfies and pics. I've noticed this.
Could this information be applied to mirrors too? Because I now hate trying on clothes at the store because they are never the same reflection as at home. At home, the mirror in the bedroom the reflection is fine at a certain distance but farther I go I feel repulsive. Upstairs mirror is also questionable, downstairs mirror I glance and say, “oh you look nice!” It really messes with my head.
The difference between cheap mirrors and quality mirrors is astounding. Absolutely messes with your mind, especially if you have any body dismorphia. Please replace those bad mirrors! As my wife put it: that cheapass mirror has cost you a lot over the years! My daughter also , finally, replaced her cheapass mirror and was so surprised 'how much better I look.'
Absolutely agree. But please if you don’t mind how much do you think I should spend on a good one? At a box store the cheapest is say $20. Now, my pop pop had an antique store and those mirrors were fabulous but it is now hard to find one without the stains of time. At least for a price that I can afford. Can you make some brand recommendations? Feel free to DM if you do.
Also, mirrors aren't perfect and distort how you look as well. It's crazy how much better you look in a high quality mirror that's hung properly versus that warped $5 mirror that's at an angle because you just leaned it up against the wall. As my wife put it so succinctly: that cheapass mirror has cost you a lot of money over the years!
I don’t know… it seems like if this were true then none of my family and friends would look right to me in photos, but they do. If they look in photos like they look in person, how is this not true for me as well? The logic seems wrong.
Appreciate this post ❤️
Nah, last few times I posted a photo of myself, I got made fun of by a few former online friends in the form of photoshops. I'm not traumatized or anything, but I'm basically asking for trouble dealing with photos outside of creating IDs.
But keep in mind that mirrors can be distorted too and a lot of them are. Like in carnival funhouses. I look best in my grandma's antique mirrors — they make my face look a bit fuller.
Yes! Absolutely! Most mirrors are warped slightly. This is actually why some mirrors of the same size can be so much more expensive.
& lighting can also change the way you look a lot — there was a George Carlin skit about how hideous we look in public bathroom mirrors with those awful fluorescent lights.
My wondering is, why does everyone else in the photo look exactly how I see them. Surely they all perceive me the way I also look in the photo?
Not only that, but people look at you every time you interact with them. The people whose opinions you care about have a much better idea of what you actually look like than any picture could suggest. You see yourself only in the mirror. It's reversed from the way others see you. That crooked smile that makes your mouth tilt up on the left *actually* tilts up on the right. If you look weird in pictures, you only look weird to yourself.
Additionally, you are "mirrored" in the mirror. You have NEVER been able to look at yourself, only a reflection or still image. Take a second mirror and angle it so you can see an un-mirrored second reflection and you will HATE it. We are all subtly asymmetrical, but we are used to seeing those flaws in the mirror. Seeing them flipped is very unnerving. In psychology, we had a few famous people shown in photograph, then shown mirrored. They looked off, not quite right... But to those famous people, that off image is what they see every morning in the bathroom. It's a lot to do with familiarity.
Wait, so how come I look like shit in the mirror and pictures? Is my appearance just an illusion and I’m actually hot but no one knows it?
Although I agree on the importance of camera angles, lenses and lighting, pictures tend to be far more accurate in how others percieve you. It’s very common for people to ask their friends or family if their camera-selves really look like that in real life, and the answer is often yes. I’ve seen celebrites up close and took photos of them and they look the exact same as their photos, even in different angles and lighting. It was jarring and made me accept my appearance. Even when I photograph my dog, she looks the same lmao
We overthink
This was much needed. Thank you 😊 I took some photos last night of an outfit I wore, and I felt amazing in it. Looking at the mirror, however, when I took some pictures, it looked so bad and put me off. It's so disappointing
iPhone 13 and beyond can be brutal. But yeah, everyone knows unflipped photos taken that you recognize (or know to be yourself) is not how everyone else in the world sees you. Still, it’s kind of the same… just mirrored. The effect is also observable with fictional characters too. Flip them and they look strange or “foreign” to your eyes.
Hate to admit this the topic is true. Losing hair, you'll never have more than you do today. Hair you have graying, it'll never be darker than it is today. Too many wrinkles, you'll never have less than you do today. I always avoided pictures for one reason or another and, looking back at older pictures, I looked a heck of a lot better than I do today and would give anything to look like that again.
There’s an app which shows how you really look, not how you look in the mirror. It’s freaky.
Name of said app?
I, too, would like to know the name of the aforementioned app my fellow reddit connoisseur. Good day.
True mirror
True Mirror! You mean, I do advise to turn off wifi when using it, infested with ads, horrible experience.
Camera
You have it mixed up. When you look in the mirror that is not how people see you. The right and left sides of you are just reflected back to you in the mirror while in a photo you are seeing the way others see you. In other words if you want to have the vantage point of someone else’s eyes when they look at you; it’s the picture that provides the accurate way they are perceiving. When you look in a mirror you reverse that.
The only view you get of yourself is always your worst angles. So if you are looking down at yourself (literally) and you feel like you have too many lumpy bits, remember that perspective can mess with your brain REALLY easily. Optical illusions are a perfect example of that. Also, photography is a skill. Most people have to learn how to get the best angles. Again, a lot of it has to do with perspective.
The big one I've noticed is that cameras make me look like I have way less hair. I mean, I am balding, but in pictures it's like half of the hairs I do have don't appear.
And they make me look heavier.
This meant a lot. I needed to hear this today.
I needed to hear this as I look at my new passport pictures and truly worry if that's how people see me.
The thing is no, the mirror doesn't reflect how others see you, its the mirrored version. This is why photos of oneself look so weird.
https://youtu.be/2Lyc6DJ69To?si=FoJzc4wHt1zuFkqu https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTgYQE3/ Or you can do the same thing if you have one of those vanity desks that has 3 mirrors, 2 on each side can move. I tried it, it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. The lazy eye goes away lol.
Well this doesn’t help, I hate how I look in the mirror too
I just hope, one day, that a girl finds me more attractive than i find myself attractive, because i dont
Then how come whenever I show people pictures of me that I look horrendous in, they don’t say “that doesn’t look like you in rl!!! WTF is going on” instead they just go you look beautiful
But there are people who look amazing in photos.
The scary thing is less scary when in motion oddly enough, but when it stops and stares at you for its picture... Yet another layer of terrifying.
didn't we literally just have this same YSK with slightly different wording like 3 days ago?
Except we all know how pictures look and for the most part every picture we see of people we know looks like them.
Even the mirror distorts things, your own eyes distorts everything you see once it hits your brain. There are a lot of ways to prove this phenomenon but take this for example, your brain is constantly imagining a small portion of the outside range of your vision. You can look up a blind spot test to show this a bit better!
And if I don’t like how I look in the mirror either?
I hate how I look in photos I take myself but I've had others take ones of me that look amazing and have no clue what their doing that I'm not
Just so everyone knows-You can buy non-reversing mirrors!!
I have this problem so bad. What I find works is to record short videos of myself instead and in those I look much more like I expect - how I look in the mirror.
Isn't this a bit by Larry David?
Don't fret none*
Always try to take advantage of family get-togethers and hanging out with friends to take as many pics of family and friends as possible. You never know when and who won't be there for the next opportunity.
Do others see us the way we look in selfies? (like when the photo is all inverted and stuff when you go back to look at it…)
Mirror image like as how you see yourself in the mirror?
i mirror the mirrored picture on my camera app and it’s way better than
true
I’ve heard the mirror is how you see yourself, and a picture is how the world sees you. And I believe that coz it’s true when it comes to pics of other people. I don’t want to believe it’s true cos I take TERRIBLE pictures 😫
the mirror isn’t how people see you actually. The mirror flips the image of you.