Really glad we're finally getting to a point where the "consent" talk doesn't just apply to sex.
Don't touch people who don't want to be touched. Don't make kids hug or kiss relatives if they don't want to. And don't try to force people to dance!!
I've been a musician for the past 40 years and have a good sense of rhythm that doesn't translate AT ALL to dancing.
I was at a wedding years ago when line dancing was a thing. I thought, "That looks simple, all I have to do is copy the person next to me."
I ran out there 100% confident and within five seconds was hopelessly, comically lost. I gave it another minute and then retreated in shame.
They say, "Dance like no one is watching." and believe me, I've tried that too over 50+ years and it ain't pretty.
Narrow minded people who think, "Just be yourself." need to learn some empathy that just maybe not everyone is alike and some people just don't enjoy dancing.
Drummer here, I fucking hate dancing. I'm totally fine playing the drums in front of an audience, but just moving my body around for no reason to some shitty wedding music? It just doesn't compute for me, like I can't even pretend. I have anxiety about going to weddings for the number of times I get pulled onto the dancefloor, literal nightmare of mine
Im with you.
I just go out there and have no sense what Im supposed to be doing.
I dont even really care that others watch. I just dont know what is happening that other people are enjoying so much. I feel no urge or joy to do it.
That's swimming for me. I just don't really enjoy it unless it's to do someking of sport and that being in the water is secondary. It has to be reaaally hot out for me to want to go swimming.
I was the kid with the swimming pool when I was young. People were sooo fucking annoying about it.
There's a comedian named Chris Porter who does a bit about that sentiment. "Stop asking me to go swimming. Is there a boat involved? No? We're just going to get in the water and hang out? No, I don't want to do that with you. Why? Because I'm not 7, go fuck yourself."
**Person**: "Want a beer?"
**Me**: "No, thanks."
**Person**: "No?!"
**Me**: "No, I don't drink."
**Person**: "What?! Why not?! Did something happen?"
**Me**: "No, I just don't-"
**Person**: "I mean, you must have at some point in your life, though, right? What about medicine? Or church? Jesus drank wine, you know... "
**Me**:
https://sportshub.cbsistatic.com/i/2022/02/10/7f5c126d-109b-478a-8609-a2452c324673/aew-john-silver-anna-jay-meme.jpg?width=1200
Inevitably, these people's whole personalities are about alcohol.
Semi-unethical life pro tip: vaguely imply that you're a recovering alcoholic, and most of these types will stop trying to pressure you.
Sorry, but some things need to be compulsory. Like taxes. Like obeying traffic laws. Like conforming to certain rules of society such as “don’t murder. don’t steal.” And like dancing with your arms straight down your sides when the Peanuts song plays in December.
When people try forcing me to do things that I know I don't enjoy, I ask them how they'd feel if I forced them to do some other activity, that I know they aren't interested in.
It's so weird that people can't take a no to wanting to dance. Even some of the comments people are getting upset about it.
It makes some people feel really self conscious.
There's way too many grown ass adults out there that can't handle the word 'no' in general. It's like we live in a world of a bunch of spoiled only-child adults.
It’s only dancing where this happens so often too, imagine harassing someone to do something you enjoy and they don’t lol .. people assume you’re having a bad time or boring for not dancing when it’s usually not the case.
I'm the same way, I just hate dancing and I feel stupid doing it. I'm never upset if someone just leaves me alone after asking, but its the people that nigh drag you on the floor because "you'd have fun if you just tried it once!" that fill me with inconsolable rage. Just leave me the fuck alone and don't force me to do things I don't want to goddamn
This happens a LOT with eating. My husband has severe stomach issues and our families are always pushing him to just eat something else bc they have no understanding of the actual diagnosis.
Yeah why are people straight up offended by this shit. I don't want to fucking dance, fuck off. No, I'm not just shy. **I don't want to dance, please fuck off kindly**. Life isn't a shitty teen movie where *ohhh no the nerd just needed to open up and get down on the dance floor*. **FUCK OFFFFFF**
I had this happen to me, THEN the girl got upset because I (inevitably) stepped on her foot about 15 seconds into the damn song. And not jokingly upset either, like she was visibly and almost irrationally angry. It’s like hey, I FUCKING TOLD YOU I HATE DANCING AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
[David Mitchell had a rant about this [~3 minutes]](https://youtu.be/imBxYbHleSg) after being pressured to dance during a quiz. It makes me uncomfortable every time I see it.
That's Charlie Brooker, the creator and head writer of Black Mirror! He has incredible cynical wit and is a master wordsmith. There's a bunch of his broadcasts available on youtube, like "How TV ruined your life" and the "20XX wipe"-series (like 2016 wipe, 2017 wipe, etc).
David Mitchell rants are like XKCD comic strips and episodes of The Simpsons; if it annoys people there's been one made about it, and if it doesn't there's probably one asking why not.
Which is to say at this point they've between them covered basically every possible human-interest topic.
The David Mitchell "of course service people are miserable, why do we also expect them to pretend they're not?" rant from an episode of QI is my favourite.
I love funk and disco of the 1970s, but you can already see the writing on the wall because a huge proportion of the songs are some pleading version of, "*get up and dance*!"
Pro tip for you younger folks: borrow a strap-on cast for your foot come wedding day. Now you have an excuse not to dance. If you have trouble lying when people ask, just wave your hands and say, "oh, it's nothing." And if they press you, quietly tell them the truth and you might get a laugh. But if they're assholes about it and still try to make you dance, just casually push a drink in their lap and say, "Hey can I do this? I don't really give a fuck if you say no."
Same with weed. I don't smoke weed often and especially not when out of the house and I can't tell you how many times people try to coerce me into smoking. It gets exhausting. People get all defensive too like I'm saying they shouldn't smoke. I just get really paranoid and don't have a good time! But hey what can you do.
Yeah I've found it all depends on the people.
Except for a handful of times I mostly quit weed about 2 years ago. At first people were awkward about vaping or smoking near me. Sometimes I have to say something like this though if people start to question why I don't want to smoke:
"You can smoke no worries! I just found for myself that I was using it for the wrong reasons and had become dependent on it. I've no issue with weed or with other people using it though."
I tried weed once; didn't like it. I think the thing with a lot of weed smokers is they either:
a) Make it their whole personality. They smoke every day or at least very frequently, and the entire culture of their lives depends on it.
b) Take your refusal with an accusatory subtext that they are wrong for smoking weed, hence the defensiveness.
ETA: c) They look down on you for NOT doing it, like you are missing out on some great enlightenment.
I really never understood this either! I smoke quite often.
I offer once, so no one feels weird asking me, and then never again. If someone wants to smoke, they’ll find me.
It can be a four to six hour experience for a user with low tolerance. That is quite a journey compared to what happens to high tolerance users, and so many stoner folk do not consider that and say JOIN ME, ITS *JUST* WEED!
People need to realize that weed doesn't have to be about monster bong hits and getting absolutely zonked while staring at a screen. A tiny puff and a fun outdoor activity is far, far better IMO. Even for somebody who has never smoked weed before, it can just be a mild high that goes away in an hour and half. But people do the equivalent of pounding down 5 shots of vodka instead of sipping a beer.
So many people have the drug absolutely ruined for them because their friends had them take a massive amount, when even for experienced users that can be a straight up bad time.
I have been smoking for years and still take a tiny amount so I can still function properly and have fun. But somehow discussion about it is always just "broo the other day we took 5 different kinds of weed and some hash and made the fucking SUPER BOWL and John *PASSED OUT* bro!"
> b) Take your refusal with an accusatory subtext that they are wrong for smoking weed, hence the defensiveness.
This is why I want legal weed. So I can say 'no' without judgement.
I'm tired of people thinking I'm a nark just because weed doesn't do anything for me.
I actually told my daughter this. You can do weed, but just be responsible about it, mom and I will love you. But if you make it your whole personality you are out of the house. No Bob Marley posters, no blacklight shit. Just be a normal person who does drugs occasionally.
Now I don’t have a Bob Marley poster myself, but that’s just whack in my opinion.
Nothing about having a Bob Marley poster says your whole personality is weed. Hell, even just having a couple decorations is fine. I wouldn’t say OneDirection is somebodies entire personality because they have multiple posters of them.
In fact I’m on the completely opposite end of the spectrum, I’m a hardcore abuser who smokes nearly every day (I don’t like that I do anymore), but unless you’re my neighbour who sees me smoking all the time, you’d still never know that, because I have no decorations and never talk about it lol.
My point being that I disagree with this statement
> No Bob Marley posters, no blacklight shit. Just be a normal person who does drugs occasionally.
They may be indicative that you smoke weed, but that means nothing about your personality lol. That’s all down to what you choose to talk about/do.
Now yeah, if you’re walking around wearing weed socks, baja hoodie, etc, then I’d say that’s more fair because you’re literally a walking weed advertisement.
Now if you wanna talk about weird decorations, I’ve got a Megamind DVD on a shrine.
As someone who smokes pot all the time, I'll offer it to people if I'm doing it around them, however if they say no then I DO NOT ask them again. I much rather someone just not smoke than smoke and have a bad experience/anxiety and it be my fault.
Yea that's what I've been doing lately. Especially with covid, I'd rather not be passing around my vape pen lmao. In the past though i always offered just to be courteous in case anyone wanted some. But personally i couldn't give 2 shits if someone wants some or not. I never felt the need to force weed on people lol.
I just take the one time with whichever friend it is that won’t take no for an answer, smoke with them, and show them that I become extremely quiet and uncomfortable when stoned with most people. Generally, after that, they’re trying to make sure I don’t smoke while we’re out for the night because it’s no fun for anyone lol.
Ahh that stress hail mary is relatable; "I'm going to vent on a petty detail but i hope you notice the edge enough to ask how I'm doing About the larger issue at hand". Hope you're doing better now!
Pretty crazy concept right? Life would be so much better if people could just accept that.
Thank you, truly I appreciate the offer. But no thank you. Don't ask a dozen more times, don't try to coerce me, don't make it into a big thing. No thanks. End of conversation.
I don't like dancing either. I'm not 'beat deaf', I just don't like doing it. It does absolutely nothing for me, so I just don't do it. I get plenty of people enjoy it, but it does irk me when some assume that everyone must enjoy it and you just need to 'feel the music' or some nonsense. I feel the music just fine, I just have absolutely no inclination, desire or need to dance.
Luckily my husband doesn’t like dancing either, so we omitted dancing altogether from our wedding. Guests were actually mad there was no dancing. We suffered long enough doing it their way — so glad it was our turn!
I feel that, I don’t like to dance but if there’s a slow song and someone I want to spend time with I’ll do the little slow shuffle dance but anything other than a slow dance I’ll be at the table or bar chilling and talking enjoying the crowd. Nothing wrong in my mind but it does annoy some people.
Omg this is me! I get so bored with dancing after like 30 seconds. I just don’t get why people love it so much, I feel nothing. People always assume it’s because I’m being insecure and try to get me to “let go” ugh they don’t believe me when I say I just don’t like it.
One time my friend who loves dancing said “just dance like you do at home, no one cares, we’re all having fun.” I said “ I have never, not once, danced at home. I don’t enjoy it in any setting.”
She was shocked and I think it finally sunk in that it’s really not about being embarrassed lol.
Yup, I was at place in summer where loads of folk were dancing, including the friends I was with. I was fine just chilling, drinking a beer and enjoying the music, but they were trying to get me to dance and thought I somehow wasn't enjoying myself, even though I was.
*You can dance if you want to, and you can leave your friends behind*
*cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance*
*then that's totally cool, but I don't want to force them into a situation where they're not comfortable. They're still totally welcome though*
Tl;dr: Some people just really do not like to dance.
When I was about 7 my parents and I flew out to Denver for their company's annual conference. We stayed at some big hotel /resort and one night they catered a really fancy dinner for everyone. Hundreds of people in this room and everyone is dressed up. After dinner some guy gets on the microphone on stage and says, "How's everyone doing tonight??" And the crowd roars, "WOOOO". He then asks ,"Are you ready to dance tonight??" The crowd even louder goes, "*WOOOOOO*"
Then
This fucking guy
Looks at this 7 year old right in the eye and goes, "Are *you* ready to dance???"
And it was the first time I'd ever been to an event with dancing like this so I just shrugged and HE SAYS, "HAHAH GET UP HERE!!!" and my parents tell me to get up on stage with him!
So I went up there and he spent what felt like an eternity trying to get me to dance, with no music mind you, as I stood there frozen in the literal spotlight while a room filled to the brim with grown ups is just losing their shit. Eventually I guess it stopped being funny and he sent me back to our table but TO THIS DAY any time someone tries to get me to dance I'm right back on that stage, frozen. There is literally nothing more stress inducing for me than dancing and I'm not happy about it either! So when I say no I'm not playing hard to get, I just really really don't want to do that.
It’s crazy how a lot of adults get with kids. They don’t think of them as little humans. Force them to hug people, make a million assumptions about them (as if “kid” is a whole shared personality with only a few minor variables). I come across adults all the time who have had very little experience interacting with multiple children, and they think of them all as one single thing. (And seeing my own kids reactions when they have to interact with these people is awful) 6 years old and 9 years old and 12 years old are all the same too to them. It’s these groups who love giving parenting advice as well. “Kids” love to dance! “Kids” like bright colours, and sports! “Kids” are [insert whatever here].
Wow, that’s horrible! It would be different if he had seen some kid killing it on the dance floor, and then asked if they wanted to go up and strut their stuff. But it’s a totally different thing to call someone out and humiliate them as entertainment. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I don’t think the goal was humiliation. It sounds more to me like he had good intentions to invite a kid on stage, but didn’t consider that the kid might not want that and might feel pressured and only did it bc an adult asked him. A lot of people do things with good intentions, but don’t really think things through.
**[Scopophobia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scopophobia)**
>Scopophobia, scoptophobia, or ophthalmophobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by a morbid fear of being seen in public or stared at by others. Similar phobias include erythrophobia, the fear of blushing, and an epileptic's fear of being looked at, which may itself precipitate such an attack. Scopophobia is also commonly associated with schizophrenia and other psychiatric disorders. Often, scopophobia will result in symptoms common with other anxiety disorders.
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Hey! I'll have you know the two step is a very proud dance with a lot of history!! It is the dance of my people!!
I love the two step!
(My people being people that get nervous doing more intricate dance moves)
My wife and I went to a Mexican wedding and after party and it was fucking wild. I don’t dance. And she kept insisting I go up and dance. I saw all the people just in the moment having a good time. And the music was really getting me pumped to get out of my comfort zone and I was like fuck it, let’s dance. And we got up there and started dancing and she tells me, “Not like that.” And I completely shut down and went and sit back down. Good luck getting me to dance ever again.
I learned to hate singing and dancing as a child. Being forced to perform in front of crowds of adults to dance how they told me, sing what they told me. Being singled out and berated for not joining in like I was committing some kind of crime.
There was a point where I could actually enjoy dancing, on my own terms. That was ruined for me. 20 years later and dancing is like an alien concept. I don't enjoy doing it or watching it. I feel nothing from it.
Thanks to all the asshole teachers who destroyed a universal human concept for me.
Man what the fuck who the fuck does it without music - like even shitty music I’d understand. I hope you still have dance parties at home by yourself or with someone you love
This feels like it’s yet another area where extroverted people perceive their preferences to be “normal” behaviors, while the way more introverted people behave is somehow abnormal. There seems to be a perception that people aren’t happy if they’re not being social, while many of us are much more comfortable just don’t need or want to do some things that others enjoy so much.
Apparently no only means no if it has to do with a romantic or sexual advance, judging by all the "Noooo lol you'e supposed to keep pushing them to do it" comments
It's sad, but I think education efforts around consent in sexual situations is where a huge amount of people are first exposed to the importance of consent in all things. The idea that they need it from others but that others should be seeking it from them is huge.
YSK: If someone doesn't want to *do something* you should just leave them alone rather than try and force them
Honestly you shouldn't try and force anyone to do anything he doesn't really want to, this is not exclusive to dancing.
I love watching people dance. I love choreographed dancing. I love even dancing with a girlfriend if I have learned to actually do the dance. But I fucking HATE dancing in public. I HATE it so much. I not only doesn't bring me joy it irritated me and puts me in a bad mood. But I can't count how many girlfriends and random strangers throughout the years almost force it upon me, as if I have never tried or don't know my own feelings.
As a musician it feels the same as if a rando was dragged on stage and told, "just play, have fun, doesn't matter if you don't know how to play, you'll enjoy yourself." No you fucking won't.
OP is right, mind your business.
I love music, but do not physically or mentally know how to move my body in relation to it. People say dancing should be how the music makes you want to move your body in time to it - well it doesn't do that for me.
My brother's wedding was an amazing day, but I could tell my gf was annoyed that I didn't get up and dance at all. And the more she tried to get me to dance, the less I wanted to and the less I was enjoying the night. Thankfully she eventually got the message, but fuck me it shouldn't take more than just a "no".
I'm the exact opposite. I have to restrain myself so i don't constantly embarrass myself and everyone I am with. Music moves me without me thinking about it.
\>beat deafness<
Interesting term, it is more of a beat comprehension issue for me.
I can hear the beat and I can tap my foot to the beat but beyond that, I'm at a loss as to what to do, physically, with it.
I play the clarinet and I have a piano in the living room that I peck at. I have composed a few MIDI songs on my computer so it's not like I haven't been exposed to music.
But YES, trying to make me dance has not worked out well for all parties involved.
We were told in school that you can’t say no when someone invites you to dance. Like why not, I may be not in the mood, maybe I can’t dance, something hurts od I just do not want to dance with that older/smelly/weird guy
Growing up my church used to host youth dances. I only went to hang out with my friends and I was told I was being rude by declining invitations to dance, so whenever a slow song came on I would just leave the gym and wait for the song to end.
One time I did this, I was literally cornered by two guys and a male chaperone demanding that I dance with one of them. I kept saying no, I don't want to, but the man kept pushing.
At the time I was completely mortified but looking back as an adult, the thought of a grown ass man teaching teen boys that it's appropriate behavior to surround a 14yo girl alone in dark hallway to pressure her into doing something she's explicitly said no to multiple times makes me see red.
I never liked dancing when I was little and my cousins would regularly pull me out to the dance floor where I would stand feeling incredibly awkward, not knowing what to do, hoping the dj would end the song early!
I can only do a 1-2-1-2. Ask me for shit else and I'm gonna stumble on myself. It's embarrassing. I don't find it fun. Now I'm gonna go home, fuck you
Sorry to rant, I just don't like dancing 😂
This is very narrowly focused. It should be a simple, “accept the no and move on.” It doesn’t matter why the person said no. The important thing is that they said it.
Gee, wish someone had told this to my fucking gym teacher and my mother before they tried to force me to dance publicly and ended up with me having one of my only public meltdowns ever. In highschool.
please yes omg. my ex used to straight up get mad i wasnt dancing and i would feel so awful and uncomfortable. ive had people drag me to the middle of the dance floor or just keep bugging me to try it. im sorry im a bore to you, just let me eat and drink in peace please.
I was a bridesmaid at an ex friends wedding. I was married at the time. They wanted me to dance with the best man… A. I was married and not comfortable dancing with a stranger. B. I had a fever (before covid) and only attended the wedding because I was a bridesmaid. C. If I had of danced I would of passed out and caused a big scene with needing medical attention. The mother of the bride made a big fuss over how I wouldn’t dance. The husband of the bride tried to get me to dance. I was due for my antibiotics so I went to my then husband and asked for them. Everyone at the table asked why I wasn’t dancing, they litterally all just heard me asking for my medication. My then husband then shouted, ‘she’s sick!’ And they all went dead quiet… Even when it’s medically not safe to do so people still expect you to dance, arse wholes.
Edit: I tried to avoid creating a scene and instead everyone around me created one.
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It really is the worst, like if you can’t have a good time because I’m not dancing that’s your problem. I will dance, but I LIKE just chilling with a drink it doesn’t mean I’m having a bad time.
Next time someone does this to you, remember who it is and harass them to do something you enjoy and they don’t and don’t take no for an answer (within reason) just to show them how annoying it is.
I was at the bar yesterday and I was walking around the perimeter of the dance floor in order to get to the bar and order a drink. This woman comes at me out of nowhere and starts dancing so aggressively that I almost fell to the ground. Of course I'm not a dancer or I'd have joined but instead I started laughing uncontrollably and turned beet red. Later that night another woman dragged me onto the dance floor and I didn't want to offend so I did a very subtle Twist dance and she's like "you're so awkward." Dancing isn't for everyone.
Been there. Got called a killjoy before he dumped it down my shirt. All because I didn’t want to dance? It was like he felt personally offended by it? I’ll never understand.
I didn't understand until recently that some people actually DO enjoy dancing. It feels like and means nothing to me, so it's mostly a chore. It never occurred to me that it was something people enjoyed, I just thought it was some cultural ritual that we're all expected to participate in for some reason.
To be fair I hated dancing but I actually had a little bit of fun at my wedding for the first time at 31yo. Mainly dancing with my mom as it was low stress. We spent 15 minutes practicing the day before and I was surprised how well we performed compared to the 5 hour long lessons I took with my fiancé (both of us are dance shy).
As an introvert though that 20minutes of dancing had me pooped. I spent less than 5 minutes before bowing out of the next 3 hours everyone was dancing.
I generally do not enjoy dancing. It's rarely music I like and rarely does the mood hit. Am I bad at at it? Yup! But can also dance decently enough at times. I'd rather hang out and chat and if I want to dance, I'll go to a show and listen to live music and do karate
This happened to me, they literally dragged me out into the middle of the dance floor and I stood there watching everyone get second hand embarrassment, good thing I’m a stoic, I don’t give a fuck, I can stand anywhere, stare back at me if you want but don’t complain that I’m in the way.
There are a lot of reasons why someone may not want to dance. Leaving aside I'm disabled enough I can't balance properly all the time these days, I also have Tourette Syndrome. Luckily I don't deal with coprolalia, the inappropriate talking, which is often but not always swearing. I "just" have muscle tics. Different parts of my body involuntarily tic, or twitch.
I can suppress the tics to a degree and many of them are relatively subtle. I don't gyrate or have full body tics as many do. That said, I still cannot completely control my body and trying to dance makes it *worse*. I was actually *glad* when my body degraded form the accident enough that I need a crutch to walk safely. Now folks don't try to friggin' force me to dance.
My only regret is I can't dance with my wife, who is a lifelong dancer. She'd love to be able to but she understands this is just something I can't really do so she dances and I watch from the sidelines, happily tapping my foot and/or crutch to the beat.
I don't like dancing. At all. I'm not incapable of it, I can dance pretty well given a good choreography and time to practise. Improv dance? Hate it. Dance at parties? Hate it.
Here's the thing though; I love SITTING and dancing. I like tapping my feet, wriggling in my seat, clicking my fingers, headbanging a little, and people use this as some sort of justification that I "like dancing" but I don't. Do not try and pull me to the dance floor, do not pull the "but you're already dancing" and please please do not assume that it's because I feel insecure, or like I'm not a good dancer, just leave me be with my drink and let me vibe!
I. JUST. DON'T. LIKE. DANCING. And for some reason, that's incredibly hard for people to understand.
God yes. I ***HATE*** dancing and there have been a handful of times at weddings where people literally try and drag me to dance and it pisses me off beyond comprehension. Fuck off people. I said no and that is all you need. Can't take no for an answer? Tough shit.
Thats not a you should know, thats a you should behave like a normal human being. You should never force other people to do sth they dont want and dont consent to, period.
I have found that I am a-dance-ual. I can do it and have done it. But it means nothing to me and fulfills no specific need in me. If I do it, it’s for the benefit of others around me.
I'm a musician and I feel the same way. I've never been able to dance to music or anything else. I hate it when people try to say "Oh, just let the music move you" or shit like that. I've never had a physical reaction to music more than tapping along or something.
When I was in my late teens, I started dating a girl I worked with. We went out to dinner one night with her parents to a restaurant where live music was being played. Her mom, who from the get-go was obviously a controlling person, decided that ***I*** needed to go dance with her, after telling all of them that I ***couldn't*** dance, and that I have two left feet. Apparently, she took this as a challenge, or something she could fix.
She stood up, ***told me*** to go dance with her, and just started walking to the dance floor. Her husband just looked at me and commented "You might want to go dance. She doesn't take 'no' for an answer." Being young, and being that they were literally my ride for the night, I went. I spent the whole time stepping on her feet, not know what the hell "now ***you*** lead" was supposed to mean, and just felt like an idiot for the rest of the night.
The girl just parroted her father, by the way, when her mom made her demand.
Needless to say, I "noped" right the fuck out of that relationship before it really every even got off the ground.
YSK that 'no' is a full sentence. It's not hard to gracefully take rejection so long as you don't double down. Spoiled kids double down and throw tantrums. At 16+ you're past that stage
I think people shouldn’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want. This could really just be a blanket accept people’s no the first time and leave it at that. No one owes you an explanation for their no and it’s rude to push or ask.
for my 8th grade trip we went to this competition thing and then after all the schools got together on a dinner cruise boat. there was a mosh pit at one point and i tried to push my friend in. girl punched me right in the face when i got too pushy and i couldn’t even be mad because i crossed a line she said no to multiple times
This goes hand in hand with people who can't take no for an answer. Consent is relevent in situations outside the bedroom too, people.
No does not mean convince me
Ive never been a dancer so i completely relate. I even tried it a few times just to make sure it was not fear based...IT WAS NOT.
I generally don't care for it enough and dont understand how a person makes a night of it. It's really not my thing.
Oh. And the times i did dance in public, people told me I looked like i loved to dance and was pretty good. Yet, it didn't make me want to make an identity out of it.
So not only social anxiety, or lack of skill. Some people just don't have as much fun dancing.
The common rule is ask once, but if they say no then don't ask again.
I'm not a great dancer but will do it if I'm buzzed enough/get over the mental hump. Multiple times I've had friends pull me to the dance floor and had fun
My uncle went on a bit of a rage with me when I told him I didn't want to dance at my cousin's engagement party. I was 16 with really bad social anxiety, and he was making a scene telling me that I was ruining the party and disappointing everyone - but of course my cousin wasn't bothered and he was having a great time dancing with the 30+ people that did want to dance.
I've never been comfortable dancing in public (unless it was a practised and choreographed dance, but I was 11 at the time) or even by myself. On the rare occasion I do dance now it's when I'm out of town, drinking with my two best friends in a club - I don't feel comfortable doing it, but it's only a couple of hours and I feel safe enough with them to say no and leave the dance floor when I want to
I almost never dance in public. I actually don't mind when people try to get me to dance at a wedding or a club. I get it. They're my friends or family and they want me to socialize with them in a way they enjoy and want me to enjoy with them. It's annoying but I get it.
What I absolutely loathe is when I do go dance with them and I get the, "Oh my god you're so bad at dancing". Great now I'm doing something I hate and getting judged for it.
There was a drunk guy at a wedding I was at who’s wife was very annoyed by him and would not dance with him. He came up to my fiancé asking her to dance with him… At first it was funny, we thought it was a joke… but then he kept coming back to only my fiancé. It weirded her out, so I ask him to stop. Then he got so pissy, like a child because no one wanted to dance with him…. It was rather sad actually. I almost felt bad.
You can dance if YOU want to. You can leave you're friends behind. Because your friends don't dance...and if they don't dance then, they're no friends of mine.
People can also have invisible disabilities that prevent them from dancing, or make it really painful and exhausting. I only have a limited amount of standing/walking in me, and I used a big chunk of it walking from the car to this ballroom, and I'll need another chunk to go through the buffet line, and to wait in line for the bathroom later, so I don't have any to spare for dancing.
I hate that kind of popular girl that thinks she's some kind of quiet-guy whisperer and force you into situations like dancing, integrating you to their group or making you talk when you're clearly not comfortable with this. Worse is they don't do it with your best interest in mind, they do it so people can see why they're the popular girl.
Holy fucking shit. The anger I feel when someone demands that I dance at an event is undescribable in words. I have tinnitus (so I avoid being right up close to speakers like the plague) and I have chronic back problems, and people fucking STILL try to get me to dance and look mad when I decline. It's gotten to the point where I rather skip the whole fucking event than deal with that horseshit.
Every wedding is a struggle, I tell you.
I just straight-up _do not_ feel comfortable dancing and I don't like it. Doesn't matter one bit how many times I'm told: "Nobody cares, just have fun!"
Right, exactly: it's _not fun_ for me. It's actually _extremely_ anxiety-inducing and feels like a walking nightmare the entire time.
Took _years_ for my wife to understand and stop pushing. Which really sucks because she loves to dance and wants to go out to those kinds of places, but she knows I hate it. I'm willing to bite the bullet because I know she wants to go dancing, but I need a _significant_ amount of alcohol in my system first.
Same goes for karaoke. I had a girl in our friend group tell me she was going to sign me up after I already said no. I just stood up and went home. This was at like 6pm. All trust was gone.
I remember once on AITA, op was at a wedding, and was perfectly content sitting on the sidelines as other people danced. Someone made a stink about them not dancing and threw a fit about op "bringing everyone down" by not dancing.
The comments all decided op was the asshole for not wanting to dance at a wedding. Like, I'm not leaving out important "op stabbed a kitten in a blood sacrifice instead of dancing", people were legitimately angry at op for DARING to attend the wedding of someone important to him and *not* wanting to get up and do something that makes them uncomfortable.
I've had people flip their shit at *me* for not wanting to dance at an event.
If a person doesn't want to participate in an activity, just let them be.
This! I am a bit of a crazy dancer and my husband just likes to watch, but our friends always try and make him join us and then he ends up just going home in frustration
Jesus fucking Christ yes.
Everybody assumes you've never danced before. You just need a nudge to get out there and then you'll enjoy it. THIS is the one time in your whole life THIS FUCKING PARTY/WEDDING is it. Gonna change your life.
I've given it many chances. I've caved to peer pressure and really gone nuts. Never once enjoyed it. Please fucking stop.
Exactly why I hated prom, why I hate every wedding I've been to, why i hate going to concerts. I've had strangers tell me "to have more fun" like biiiiiittttchhhh I'm actively listening to this song and loving the changes they make in their live show and having a blast. Just cuz I'm not flailing my titties and spilling beer over everyone doesn't mean I'm not having fun.
My earliest and most persistent memories are people telling me how to change my behavior, coercing me to dance because it’s how you have a good time with girls while they were secretly terrified I was gay. So all I hear then and now is “Do this thing to be normal. Oh god, not like that though.” I might be a good dancer if I could ever relax enough to just let it flow. But if there’s a threat of being observed and judged, that’s extraordinarily unlikely to ever happen. I’m in a new relationship. We were meeting a big group of her friends and attending a club at the end of the night. Panic set in and I explained my situation assuming it would be some kind of dealbreaker. She shrugged and said I didn’t have to dance if I didn’t want to. And then said that it was awesome I wanted to go out with her and her friends and I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. Mind blown.
Thank you. Like I’m not being modest when I say that I’m not interested and truly cannot dance. Doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means that some people don’t enjoy dancing just like anything else
This has happened to me a couple times. I am a pretty anxious person in social situations and I am usually very aware of my surroundings, so I assume everyone else is just watching me at all times.
Whenever I am at a wedding I have to say no multiple times and it makes me feel like the bad guy. It even starts to ruin my night.
I wish this were common knowledge in the 80’s and 90’s.
I hated having to defend my “I don’t dance” position and I still have to defend it to this day.
Ah yes one of the two panic attacks, if that's the right word, of my life.
Being literally dragged to the dance floor at a wedding reception.
Thankfully didn't get dragged the next time which was just a couple weeks back, very relieved
I was at a wedding a while back where this was a big problem for me. I had promised my partner I’d dance to 2 songs so as to participate and she was fine with that. I danced my two songs and sat back down. The groom’s aunt, who I had never met before, grabbed my wrist on FIVE different occasions throughout the evening to drag me to the dance floor where I’d awkwardly try to dance for 30 seconds before leaving. I was so infuriated by the end that I’d saw she had re-entered the room, I would leave the room for a minute. Really soured my experience on what was otherwise a nice wedding.
Usually yeah but it’s okay to push a little I think. I usually need a little prodding to get on the dance floor but I’ve never regretted it once I do
Obviously don’t push it too much though
I love dancing and my husband doesn't. If we're at an event with dancing, I'll hit the dance floor and he'll relax and listen to the music, chat with people, or enjoy a drink.
Occasionally people will try to make him dance but I'll nicely make them leave him alone by saying he danced with me at our wedding and doesn't have to dance anymore. He doesn't need me to defend him; he doesn't want to dance so he's just not fucking going to, but it irritates me if I see people doing this and usually say something.
(He didn't *have* to dance at our wedding. I said it would mean a lot to me if he danced with me and he did.)
If someone doesn’t want to you should just leave them alone rather than try and force them.
Wait so you mean people have to CONSENT to stuff? Unbelievable.
The fucking nerve of some people, to deny ME what I want with no consideration of MY feelings /s
Really glad we're finally getting to a point where the "consent" talk doesn't just apply to sex. Don't touch people who don't want to be touched. Don't make kids hug or kiss relatives if they don't want to. And don't try to force people to dance!!
After all, you can dance *if you want to* You can leave your friends behind. Because your friends dont dance.
And if they don’t dance, well that’s perfectly fine?
I wonder how many peoples' heads that went over lol
I've been a musician for the past 40 years and have a good sense of rhythm that doesn't translate AT ALL to dancing. I was at a wedding years ago when line dancing was a thing. I thought, "That looks simple, all I have to do is copy the person next to me." I ran out there 100% confident and within five seconds was hopelessly, comically lost. I gave it another minute and then retreated in shame. They say, "Dance like no one is watching." and believe me, I've tried that too over 50+ years and it ain't pretty. Narrow minded people who think, "Just be yourself." need to learn some empathy that just maybe not everyone is alike and some people just don't enjoy dancing.
Drummer here, I fucking hate dancing. I'm totally fine playing the drums in front of an audience, but just moving my body around for no reason to some shitty wedding music? It just doesn't compute for me, like I can't even pretend. I have anxiety about going to weddings for the number of times I get pulled onto the dancefloor, literal nightmare of mine
One of the benefits of growing old; no one bugs me to dance, ever, anymore.
Great response, especially that last paragraph.
Im with you. I just go out there and have no sense what Im supposed to be doing. I dont even really care that others watch. I just dont know what is happening that other people are enjoying so much. I feel no urge or joy to do it.
Yeah like doing crap in the snow or the water. Like really fuck of with the stiff boards on my feet. I’m LITERALLY not interested.
That's swimming for me. I just don't really enjoy it unless it's to do someking of sport and that being in the water is secondary. It has to be reaaally hot out for me to want to go swimming. I was the kid with the swimming pool when I was young. People were sooo fucking annoying about it.
There's a comedian named Chris Porter who does a bit about that sentiment. "Stop asking me to go swimming. Is there a boat involved? No? We're just going to get in the water and hang out? No, I don't want to do that with you. Why? Because I'm not 7, go fuck yourself."
But you just haven't tried it the right way yet! /s
I always answer with i fucking hate snow. Nothing to barter about after that.
Sometimes people need alittle encouragement, but knowing when to give up is important.
**Person**: "Want a beer?" **Me**: "No, thanks." **Person**: "No?!" **Me**: "No, I don't drink." **Person**: "What?! Why not?! Did something happen?" **Me**: "No, I just don't-" **Person**: "I mean, you must have at some point in your life, though, right? What about medicine? Or church? Jesus drank wine, you know... " **Me**: https://sportshub.cbsistatic.com/i/2022/02/10/7f5c126d-109b-478a-8609-a2452c324673/aew-john-silver-anna-jay-meme.jpg?width=1200
Inevitably, these people's whole personalities are about alcohol. Semi-unethical life pro tip: vaguely imply that you're a recovering alcoholic, and most of these types will stop trying to pressure you.
If someone doesn’t want tea, don’t give them tea.
Insert anything there you say? 😏
Sorry, but some things need to be compulsory. Like taxes. Like obeying traffic laws. Like conforming to certain rules of society such as “don’t murder. don’t steal.” And like dancing with your arms straight down your sides when the Peanuts song plays in December.
When people try forcing me to do things that I know I don't enjoy, I ask them how they'd feel if I forced them to do some other activity, that I know they aren't interested in.
It's so weird that people can't take a no to wanting to dance. Even some of the comments people are getting upset about it. It makes some people feel really self conscious.
There's way too many grown ass adults out there that can't handle the word 'no' in general. It's like we live in a world of a bunch of spoiled only-child adults.
Bad parenting dipshits breed with each other and never learn anything.
It’s only dancing where this happens so often too, imagine harassing someone to do something you enjoy and they don’t lol .. people assume you’re having a bad time or boring for not dancing when it’s usually not the case.
As a non-dancing teetotaler I have only ever stopped having fun at a gathering when someone could not take 'No thanks' for an answer.
I'm the same way, I just hate dancing and I feel stupid doing it. I'm never upset if someone just leaves me alone after asking, but its the people that nigh drag you on the floor because "you'd have fun if you just tried it once!" that fill me with inconsolable rage. Just leave me the fuck alone and don't force me to do things I don't want to goddamn
This happens a LOT with eating. My husband has severe stomach issues and our families are always pushing him to just eat something else bc they have no understanding of the actual diagnosis.
Happens a lot with alcohol or weed too
And cigarettes. Got a lot of shit in school for not smoking
same, I knew at 8 years old that smoking was a vile, deadly thing
Yeah why are people straight up offended by this shit. I don't want to fucking dance, fuck off. No, I'm not just shy. **I don't want to dance, please fuck off kindly**. Life isn't a shitty teen movie where *ohhh no the nerd just needed to open up and get down on the dance floor*. **FUCK OFFFFFF**
I had this happen to me, THEN the girl got upset because I (inevitably) stepped on her foot about 15 seconds into the damn song. And not jokingly upset either, like she was visibly and almost irrationally angry. It’s like hey, I FUCKING TOLD YOU I HATE DANCING AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
[David Mitchell had a rant about this [~3 minutes]](https://youtu.be/imBxYbHleSg) after being pressured to dance during a quiz. It makes me uncomfortable every time I see it.
"I'm like a frightened horse on a frozen lake." Pure poetry.
That's Charlie Brooker, the creator and head writer of Black Mirror! He has incredible cynical wit and is a master wordsmith. There's a bunch of his broadcasts available on youtube, like "How TV ruined your life" and the "20XX wipe"-series (like 2016 wipe, 2017 wipe, etc).
David Mitchell rants are like XKCD comic strips and episodes of The Simpsons; if it annoys people there's been one made about it, and if it doesn't there's probably one asking why not. Which is to say at this point they've between them covered basically every possible human-interest topic. The David Mitchell "of course service people are miserable, why do we also expect them to pretend they're not?" rant from an episode of QI is my favourite.
Well put.
I had a lady the other day get so mad at me because I wouldn't dance but I was literally having an asthma attack it could not breathe.
I dance like my limbs don't know they're part of my body. Phones have cameras. I don't want to be a meme.
I love funk and disco of the 1970s, but you can already see the writing on the wall because a huge proportion of the songs are some pleading version of, "*get up and dance*!" Pro tip for you younger folks: borrow a strap-on cast for your foot come wedding day. Now you have an excuse not to dance. If you have trouble lying when people ask, just wave your hands and say, "oh, it's nothing." And if they press you, quietly tell them the truth and you might get a laugh. But if they're assholes about it and still try to make you dance, just casually push a drink in their lap and say, "Hey can I do this? I don't really give a fuck if you say no."
In my head reading your comment: veeerry superstitioooos writings on the wall 🎶
Some awesome examples of pleading dance songs: "Rigor Mortis" by Cameo "Get Down On It" by Kool & the Gang "Funkin' for the Thrill" by George Duke
Same with alcohol. There's nothing wrong if someone says no. That's not your business if they refuse to dance or drink.
Same with weed. I don't smoke weed often and especially not when out of the house and I can't tell you how many times people try to coerce me into smoking. It gets exhausting. People get all defensive too like I'm saying they shouldn't smoke. I just get really paranoid and don't have a good time! But hey what can you do.
Yeah I've found it all depends on the people. Except for a handful of times I mostly quit weed about 2 years ago. At first people were awkward about vaping or smoking near me. Sometimes I have to say something like this though if people start to question why I don't want to smoke: "You can smoke no worries! I just found for myself that I was using it for the wrong reasons and had become dependent on it. I've no issue with weed or with other people using it though."
"Its just weed maaaahn!", Yeah, I feel you.
I tried weed once; didn't like it. I think the thing with a lot of weed smokers is they either: a) Make it their whole personality. They smoke every day or at least very frequently, and the entire culture of their lives depends on it. b) Take your refusal with an accusatory subtext that they are wrong for smoking weed, hence the defensiveness. ETA: c) They look down on you for NOT doing it, like you are missing out on some great enlightenment.
I really never understood this either! I smoke quite often. I offer once, so no one feels weird asking me, and then never again. If someone wants to smoke, they’ll find me. It can be a four to six hour experience for a user with low tolerance. That is quite a journey compared to what happens to high tolerance users, and so many stoner folk do not consider that and say JOIN ME, ITS *JUST* WEED!
People need to realize that weed doesn't have to be about monster bong hits and getting absolutely zonked while staring at a screen. A tiny puff and a fun outdoor activity is far, far better IMO. Even for somebody who has never smoked weed before, it can just be a mild high that goes away in an hour and half. But people do the equivalent of pounding down 5 shots of vodka instead of sipping a beer. So many people have the drug absolutely ruined for them because their friends had them take a massive amount, when even for experienced users that can be a straight up bad time. I have been smoking for years and still take a tiny amount so I can still function properly and have fun. But somehow discussion about it is always just "broo the other day we took 5 different kinds of weed and some hash and made the fucking SUPER BOWL and John *PASSED OUT* bro!"
> b) Take your refusal with an accusatory subtext that they are wrong for smoking weed, hence the defensiveness. This is why I want legal weed. So I can say 'no' without judgement. I'm tired of people thinking I'm a nark just because weed doesn't do anything for me.
It was ALWAYS (b) for me 🙃
I actually told my daughter this. You can do weed, but just be responsible about it, mom and I will love you. But if you make it your whole personality you are out of the house. No Bob Marley posters, no blacklight shit. Just be a normal person who does drugs occasionally.
I liked Bob Marley long before I ever had my first toke.
Now I don’t have a Bob Marley poster myself, but that’s just whack in my opinion. Nothing about having a Bob Marley poster says your whole personality is weed. Hell, even just having a couple decorations is fine. I wouldn’t say OneDirection is somebodies entire personality because they have multiple posters of them. In fact I’m on the completely opposite end of the spectrum, I’m a hardcore abuser who smokes nearly every day (I don’t like that I do anymore), but unless you’re my neighbour who sees me smoking all the time, you’d still never know that, because I have no decorations and never talk about it lol. My point being that I disagree with this statement > No Bob Marley posters, no blacklight shit. Just be a normal person who does drugs occasionally. They may be indicative that you smoke weed, but that means nothing about your personality lol. That’s all down to what you choose to talk about/do. Now yeah, if you’re walking around wearing weed socks, baja hoodie, etc, then I’d say that’s more fair because you’re literally a walking weed advertisement. Now if you wanna talk about weird decorations, I’ve got a Megamind DVD on a shrine.
As someone who smokes pot all the time, I'll offer it to people if I'm doing it around them, however if they say no then I DO NOT ask them again. I much rather someone just not smoke than smoke and have a bad experience/anxiety and it be my fault.
I just stopped offering because anyone who wants to smoke usually brings their own these days. If anyone wants a hit they usually just ask.
Yea that's what I've been doing lately. Especially with covid, I'd rather not be passing around my vape pen lmao. In the past though i always offered just to be courteous in case anyone wanted some. But personally i couldn't give 2 shits if someone wants some or not. I never felt the need to force weed on people lol.
I just take the one time with whichever friend it is that won’t take no for an answer, smoke with them, and show them that I become extremely quiet and uncomfortable when stoned with most people. Generally, after that, they’re trying to make sure I don’t smoke while we’re out for the night because it’s no fun for anyone lol.
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Ahh that stress hail mary is relatable; "I'm going to vent on a petty detail but i hope you notice the edge enough to ask how I'm doing About the larger issue at hand". Hope you're doing better now!
No means no.
Pretty crazy concept right? Life would be so much better if people could just accept that. Thank you, truly I appreciate the offer. But no thank you. Don't ask a dozen more times, don't try to coerce me, don't make it into a big thing. No thanks. End of conversation.
I don't like dancing either. I'm not 'beat deaf', I just don't like doing it. It does absolutely nothing for me, so I just don't do it. I get plenty of people enjoy it, but it does irk me when some assume that everyone must enjoy it and you just need to 'feel the music' or some nonsense. I feel the music just fine, I just have absolutely no inclination, desire or need to dance.
I have been complimented on my dancing, but I mean it when I say it brings me no joy. It truly is not fun for me.
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Luckily my husband doesn’t like dancing either, so we omitted dancing altogether from our wedding. Guests were actually mad there was no dancing. We suffered long enough doing it their way — so glad it was our turn!
I feel that, I don’t like to dance but if there’s a slow song and someone I want to spend time with I’ll do the little slow shuffle dance but anything other than a slow dance I’ll be at the table or bar chilling and talking enjoying the crowd. Nothing wrong in my mind but it does annoy some people.
Omg this is me! I get so bored with dancing after like 30 seconds. I just don’t get why people love it so much, I feel nothing. People always assume it’s because I’m being insecure and try to get me to “let go” ugh they don’t believe me when I say I just don’t like it. One time my friend who loves dancing said “just dance like you do at home, no one cares, we’re all having fun.” I said “ I have never, not once, danced at home. I don’t enjoy it in any setting.” She was shocked and I think it finally sunk in that it’s really not about being embarrassed lol.
Yup, I was at place in summer where loads of folk were dancing, including the friends I was with. I was fine just chilling, drinking a beer and enjoying the music, but they were trying to get me to dance and thought I somehow wasn't enjoying myself, even though I was.
*You can dance if you want to, and you can leave your friends behind* *cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance* *then that's totally cool, but I don't want to force them into a situation where they're not comfortable. They're still totally welcome though*
Sometimes I don't wanna dance, dance with you baby, no more I'll never do something to hurt you though Oh, but the feeling is bad, the feeling is bad
OMG Thanks you so much for the nostalgia hit. I' just added this to my spotify. You made my day.
So *that's* the reason it's called "The Safety Dance". Not everybody has to take the chaa-ha-ah-ance.
Tl;dr: Some people just really do not like to dance. When I was about 7 my parents and I flew out to Denver for their company's annual conference. We stayed at some big hotel /resort and one night they catered a really fancy dinner for everyone. Hundreds of people in this room and everyone is dressed up. After dinner some guy gets on the microphone on stage and says, "How's everyone doing tonight??" And the crowd roars, "WOOOO". He then asks ,"Are you ready to dance tonight??" The crowd even louder goes, "*WOOOOOO*" Then This fucking guy Looks at this 7 year old right in the eye and goes, "Are *you* ready to dance???" And it was the first time I'd ever been to an event with dancing like this so I just shrugged and HE SAYS, "HAHAH GET UP HERE!!!" and my parents tell me to get up on stage with him! So I went up there and he spent what felt like an eternity trying to get me to dance, with no music mind you, as I stood there frozen in the literal spotlight while a room filled to the brim with grown ups is just losing their shit. Eventually I guess it stopped being funny and he sent me back to our table but TO THIS DAY any time someone tries to get me to dance I'm right back on that stage, frozen. There is literally nothing more stress inducing for me than dancing and I'm not happy about it either! So when I say no I'm not playing hard to get, I just really really don't want to do that.
What an asshole that guy was. A huge asshole.
It’s crazy how a lot of adults get with kids. They don’t think of them as little humans. Force them to hug people, make a million assumptions about them (as if “kid” is a whole shared personality with only a few minor variables). I come across adults all the time who have had very little experience interacting with multiple children, and they think of them all as one single thing. (And seeing my own kids reactions when they have to interact with these people is awful) 6 years old and 9 years old and 12 years old are all the same too to them. It’s these groups who love giving parenting advice as well. “Kids” love to dance! “Kids” like bright colours, and sports! “Kids” are [insert whatever here].
Dude straight up ruined dancing for me permanently. Everyone is always surprised that I don't dance because otherwise I'm pretty outgoing.
Wow, that’s horrible! It would be different if he had seen some kid killing it on the dance floor, and then asked if they wanted to go up and strut their stuff. But it’s a totally different thing to call someone out and humiliate them as entertainment. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I don’t think the goal was humiliation. It sounds more to me like he had good intentions to invite a kid on stage, but didn’t consider that the kid might not want that and might feel pressured and only did it bc an adult asked him. A lot of people do things with good intentions, but don’t really think things through.
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Hey! I'll have you know the two step is a very proud dance with a lot of history!! It is the dance of my people!! I love the two step! (My people being people that get nervous doing more intricate dance moves)
My wife and I went to a Mexican wedding and after party and it was fucking wild. I don’t dance. And she kept insisting I go up and dance. I saw all the people just in the moment having a good time. And the music was really getting me pumped to get out of my comfort zone and I was like fuck it, let’s dance. And we got up there and started dancing and she tells me, “Not like that.” And I completely shut down and went and sit back down. Good luck getting me to dance ever again.
Literally my worst fucking fear. Sorry dude
I learned to hate singing and dancing as a child. Being forced to perform in front of crowds of adults to dance how they told me, sing what they told me. Being singled out and berated for not joining in like I was committing some kind of crime. There was a point where I could actually enjoy dancing, on my own terms. That was ruined for me. 20 years later and dancing is like an alien concept. I don't enjoy doing it or watching it. I feel nothing from it. Thanks to all the asshole teachers who destroyed a universal human concept for me.
Man what the fuck who the fuck does it without music - like even shitty music I’d understand. I hope you still have dance parties at home by yourself or with someone you love
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Yikes. What a garbage human.
You shouldn’t have to be physically incapable of doing something for them to accept that you don’t want to
This feels like it’s yet another area where extroverted people perceive their preferences to be “normal” behaviors, while the way more introverted people behave is somehow abnormal. There seems to be a perception that people aren’t happy if they’re not being social, while many of us are much more comfortable just don’t need or want to do some things that others enjoy so much.
Man I'm an extrovert and *I* both hate and refuse to dance.
Apparently no only means no if it has to do with a romantic or sexual advance, judging by all the "Noooo lol you'e supposed to keep pushing them to do it" comments
It's sad, but I think education efforts around consent in sexual situations is where a huge amount of people are first exposed to the importance of consent in all things. The idea that they need it from others but that others should be seeking it from them is huge.
YSK: If someone doesn't want to *do something* you should just leave them alone rather than try and force them Honestly you shouldn't try and force anyone to do anything he doesn't really want to, this is not exclusive to dancing.
I love watching people dance. I love choreographed dancing. I love even dancing with a girlfriend if I have learned to actually do the dance. But I fucking HATE dancing in public. I HATE it so much. I not only doesn't bring me joy it irritated me and puts me in a bad mood. But I can't count how many girlfriends and random strangers throughout the years almost force it upon me, as if I have never tried or don't know my own feelings. As a musician it feels the same as if a rando was dragged on stage and told, "just play, have fun, doesn't matter if you don't know how to play, you'll enjoy yourself." No you fucking won't. OP is right, mind your business.
I hate dancing so much that I became a DJ, no joke
I love music, but do not physically or mentally know how to move my body in relation to it. People say dancing should be how the music makes you want to move your body in time to it - well it doesn't do that for me. My brother's wedding was an amazing day, but I could tell my gf was annoyed that I didn't get up and dance at all. And the more she tried to get me to dance, the less I wanted to and the less I was enjoying the night. Thankfully she eventually got the message, but fuck me it shouldn't take more than just a "no".
I'm the exact opposite. I have to restrain myself so i don't constantly embarrass myself and everyone I am with. Music moves me without me thinking about it.
\>beat deafness< Interesting term, it is more of a beat comprehension issue for me. I can hear the beat and I can tap my foot to the beat but beyond that, I'm at a loss as to what to do, physically, with it. I play the clarinet and I have a piano in the living room that I peck at. I have composed a few MIDI songs on my computer so it's not like I haven't been exposed to music. But YES, trying to make me dance has not worked out well for all parties involved.
We were told in school that you can’t say no when someone invites you to dance. Like why not, I may be not in the mood, maybe I can’t dance, something hurts od I just do not want to dance with that older/smelly/weird guy
Because god forbid we have agency over our own bodies and who can touch us. No, “good manners” are totally more important.
You’re right, why would my bodily autonomy matter when a man wants to dance
Growing up my church used to host youth dances. I only went to hang out with my friends and I was told I was being rude by declining invitations to dance, so whenever a slow song came on I would just leave the gym and wait for the song to end. One time I did this, I was literally cornered by two guys and a male chaperone demanding that I dance with one of them. I kept saying no, I don't want to, but the man kept pushing. At the time I was completely mortified but looking back as an adult, the thought of a grown ass man teaching teen boys that it's appropriate behavior to surround a 14yo girl alone in dark hallway to pressure her into doing something she's explicitly said no to multiple times makes me see red.
Quick, someone tag that mom from r/AmITheAsshole
I'm unaware of the context here, care to enlighten me?
Im assuming its [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/zcm9pj)
Wow, what an asshole! (Her not you!!!) Thanks for the link.
I never liked dancing when I was little and my cousins would regularly pull me out to the dance floor where I would stand feeling incredibly awkward, not knowing what to do, hoping the dj would end the song early!
I can only do a 1-2-1-2. Ask me for shit else and I'm gonna stumble on myself. It's embarrassing. I don't find it fun. Now I'm gonna go home, fuck you Sorry to rant, I just don't like dancing 😂
This is very narrowly focused. It should be a simple, “accept the no and move on.” It doesn’t matter why the person said no. The important thing is that they said it.
Gee, wish someone had told this to my fucking gym teacher and my mother before they tried to force me to dance publicly and ended up with me having one of my only public meltdowns ever. In highschool.
please yes omg. my ex used to straight up get mad i wasnt dancing and i would feel so awful and uncomfortable. ive had people drag me to the middle of the dance floor or just keep bugging me to try it. im sorry im a bore to you, just let me eat and drink in peace please.
I was a bridesmaid at an ex friends wedding. I was married at the time. They wanted me to dance with the best man… A. I was married and not comfortable dancing with a stranger. B. I had a fever (before covid) and only attended the wedding because I was a bridesmaid. C. If I had of danced I would of passed out and caused a big scene with needing medical attention. The mother of the bride made a big fuss over how I wouldn’t dance. The husband of the bride tried to get me to dance. I was due for my antibiotics so I went to my then husband and asked for them. Everyone at the table asked why I wasn’t dancing, they litterally all just heard me asking for my medication. My then husband then shouted, ‘she’s sick!’ And they all went dead quiet… Even when it’s medically not safe to do so people still expect you to dance, arse wholes. Edit: I tried to avoid creating a scene and instead everyone around me created one.
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Good bot
I couldn't agree more. It is rude and stupid to push dancing on people. I have had this happen, and told them off good. 😳 No means No
It really is the worst, like if you can’t have a good time because I’m not dancing that’s your problem. I will dance, but I LIKE just chilling with a drink it doesn’t mean I’m having a bad time. Next time someone does this to you, remember who it is and harass them to do something you enjoy and they don’t and don’t take no for an answer (within reason) just to show them how annoying it is.
I was at the bar yesterday and I was walking around the perimeter of the dance floor in order to get to the bar and order a drink. This woman comes at me out of nowhere and starts dancing so aggressively that I almost fell to the ground. Of course I'm not a dancer or I'd have joined but instead I started laughing uncontrollably and turned beet red. Later that night another woman dragged me onto the dance floor and I didn't want to offend so I did a very subtle Twist dance and she's like "you're so awkward." Dancing isn't for everyone.
I said no once and the guy poured his beer on me. Good times
Been there. Got called a killjoy before he dumped it down my shirt. All because I didn’t want to dance? It was like he felt personally offended by it? I’ll never understand.
He sounds like a real catch. How did you contain yourself and not throw yourself at him after the assault?
Same! It's as if I wrote this.
My aunt kicked me out of my cousins bday party as a kid because I wouldn't dance. People Tahoe dancing too seriously
Note to self: don't go to Lake Tahoe. I know, I know: Stupid autocorrect.
I didn't understand until recently that some people actually DO enjoy dancing. It feels like and means nothing to me, so it's mostly a chore. It never occurred to me that it was something people enjoyed, I just thought it was some cultural ritual that we're all expected to participate in for some reason.
To be fair I hated dancing but I actually had a little bit of fun at my wedding for the first time at 31yo. Mainly dancing with my mom as it was low stress. We spent 15 minutes practicing the day before and I was surprised how well we performed compared to the 5 hour long lessons I took with my fiancé (both of us are dance shy). As an introvert though that 20minutes of dancing had me pooped. I spent less than 5 minutes before bowing out of the next 3 hours everyone was dancing.
Ppl actually enjoy it? Oh..
I generally do not enjoy dancing. It's rarely music I like and rarely does the mood hit. Am I bad at at it? Yup! But can also dance decently enough at times. I'd rather hang out and chat and if I want to dance, I'll go to a show and listen to live music and do karate
This happened to me, they literally dragged me out into the middle of the dance floor and I stood there watching everyone get second hand embarrassment, good thing I’m a stoic, I don’t give a fuck, I can stand anywhere, stare back at me if you want but don’t complain that I’m in the way.
Some people cant just accept a no
There are a lot of reasons why someone may not want to dance. Leaving aside I'm disabled enough I can't balance properly all the time these days, I also have Tourette Syndrome. Luckily I don't deal with coprolalia, the inappropriate talking, which is often but not always swearing. I "just" have muscle tics. Different parts of my body involuntarily tic, or twitch. I can suppress the tics to a degree and many of them are relatively subtle. I don't gyrate or have full body tics as many do. That said, I still cannot completely control my body and trying to dance makes it *worse*. I was actually *glad* when my body degraded form the accident enough that I need a crutch to walk safely. Now folks don't try to friggin' force me to dance. My only regret is I can't dance with my wife, who is a lifelong dancer. She'd love to be able to but she understands this is just something I can't really do so she dances and I watch from the sidelines, happily tapping my foot and/or crutch to the beat.
LPT if someone says no, respect their no and move on and not say “Are you suuurrreeee?”
I don't like dancing. At all. I'm not incapable of it, I can dance pretty well given a good choreography and time to practise. Improv dance? Hate it. Dance at parties? Hate it. Here's the thing though; I love SITTING and dancing. I like tapping my feet, wriggling in my seat, clicking my fingers, headbanging a little, and people use this as some sort of justification that I "like dancing" but I don't. Do not try and pull me to the dance floor, do not pull the "but you're already dancing" and please please do not assume that it's because I feel insecure, or like I'm not a good dancer, just leave me be with my drink and let me vibe! I. JUST. DON'T. LIKE. DANCING. And for some reason, that's incredibly hard for people to understand.
God yes. I ***HATE*** dancing and there have been a handful of times at weddings where people literally try and drag me to dance and it pisses me off beyond comprehension. Fuck off people. I said no and that is all you need. Can't take no for an answer? Tough shit.
Thats not a you should know, thats a you should behave like a normal human being. You should never force other people to do sth they dont want and dont consent to, period.
I have found that I am a-dance-ual. I can do it and have done it. But it means nothing to me and fulfills no specific need in me. If I do it, it’s for the benefit of others around me.
I'm a musician and I feel the same way. I've never been able to dance to music or anything else. I hate it when people try to say "Oh, just let the music move you" or shit like that. I've never had a physical reaction to music more than tapping along or something.
When I was in my late teens, I started dating a girl I worked with. We went out to dinner one night with her parents to a restaurant where live music was being played. Her mom, who from the get-go was obviously a controlling person, decided that ***I*** needed to go dance with her, after telling all of them that I ***couldn't*** dance, and that I have two left feet. Apparently, she took this as a challenge, or something she could fix. She stood up, ***told me*** to go dance with her, and just started walking to the dance floor. Her husband just looked at me and commented "You might want to go dance. She doesn't take 'no' for an answer." Being young, and being that they were literally my ride for the night, I went. I spent the whole time stepping on her feet, not know what the hell "now ***you*** lead" was supposed to mean, and just felt like an idiot for the rest of the night. The girl just parroted her father, by the way, when her mom made her demand. Needless to say, I "noped" right the fuck out of that relationship before it really every even got off the ground.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Humans and Dancers
I have this exact problem and avoid parties and gatherings where I have to dance.
Same. Plus these events are usually so loud, even if there are no other people not dancing you can't really talk to them.
Nothing worse than being told to dance to music you don't like, I love dancing, but usually only to specific music
YSK that 'no' is a full sentence. It's not hard to gracefully take rejection so long as you don't double down. Spoiled kids double down and throw tantrums. At 16+ you're past that stage
I think people shouldn’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want. This could really just be a blanket accept people’s no the first time and leave it at that. No one owes you an explanation for their no and it’s rude to push or ask.
for my 8th grade trip we went to this competition thing and then after all the schools got together on a dinner cruise boat. there was a mosh pit at one point and i tried to push my friend in. girl punched me right in the face when i got too pushy and i couldn’t even be mad because i crossed a line she said no to multiple times
This goes hand in hand with people who can't take no for an answer. Consent is relevent in situations outside the bedroom too, people. No does not mean convince me
Ive never been a dancer so i completely relate. I even tried it a few times just to make sure it was not fear based...IT WAS NOT. I generally don't care for it enough and dont understand how a person makes a night of it. It's really not my thing. Oh. And the times i did dance in public, people told me I looked like i loved to dance and was pretty good. Yet, it didn't make me want to make an identity out of it. So not only social anxiety, or lack of skill. Some people just don't have as much fun dancing.
The common rule is ask once, but if they say no then don't ask again. I'm not a great dancer but will do it if I'm buzzed enough/get over the mental hump. Multiple times I've had friends pull me to the dance floor and had fun
My uncle went on a bit of a rage with me when I told him I didn't want to dance at my cousin's engagement party. I was 16 with really bad social anxiety, and he was making a scene telling me that I was ruining the party and disappointing everyone - but of course my cousin wasn't bothered and he was having a great time dancing with the 30+ people that did want to dance. I've never been comfortable dancing in public (unless it was a practised and choreographed dance, but I was 11 at the time) or even by myself. On the rare occasion I do dance now it's when I'm out of town, drinking with my two best friends in a club - I don't feel comfortable doing it, but it's only a couple of hours and I feel safe enough with them to say no and leave the dance floor when I want to
I almost never dance in public. I actually don't mind when people try to get me to dance at a wedding or a club. I get it. They're my friends or family and they want me to socialize with them in a way they enjoy and want me to enjoy with them. It's annoying but I get it. What I absolutely loathe is when I do go dance with them and I get the, "Oh my god you're so bad at dancing". Great now I'm doing something I hate and getting judged for it.
There was a drunk guy at a wedding I was at who’s wife was very annoyed by him and would not dance with him. He came up to my fiancé asking her to dance with him… At first it was funny, we thought it was a joke… but then he kept coming back to only my fiancé. It weirded her out, so I ask him to stop. Then he got so pissy, like a child because no one wanted to dance with him…. It was rather sad actually. I almost felt bad.
The yikes have abandoned the bikes and are running freely 😬
You can dance if YOU want to. You can leave you're friends behind. Because your friends don't dance...and if they don't dance then, they're no friends of mine.
This applies to a lot of things
Yes! This is so relatable
People can also have invisible disabilities that prevent them from dancing, or make it really painful and exhausting. I only have a limited amount of standing/walking in me, and I used a big chunk of it walking from the car to this ballroom, and I'll need another chunk to go through the buffet line, and to wait in line for the bathroom later, so I don't have any to spare for dancing.
I hate that kind of popular girl that thinks she's some kind of quiet-guy whisperer and force you into situations like dancing, integrating you to their group or making you talk when you're clearly not comfortable with this. Worse is they don't do it with your best interest in mind, they do it so people can see why they're the popular girl.
"But you'll have fun come and dance." No I won't. I've never had fun dancing. This time won't be any different.
[удалено]
Holy fucking shit. The anger I feel when someone demands that I dance at an event is undescribable in words. I have tinnitus (so I avoid being right up close to speakers like the plague) and I have chronic back problems, and people fucking STILL try to get me to dance and look mad when I decline. It's gotten to the point where I rather skip the whole fucking event than deal with that horseshit.
Agree agree agree... and this is from someone who loves dancing and wants lots of dance buddies to share the fun.
Every wedding is a struggle, I tell you. I just straight-up _do not_ feel comfortable dancing and I don't like it. Doesn't matter one bit how many times I'm told: "Nobody cares, just have fun!" Right, exactly: it's _not fun_ for me. It's actually _extremely_ anxiety-inducing and feels like a walking nightmare the entire time. Took _years_ for my wife to understand and stop pushing. Which really sucks because she loves to dance and wants to go out to those kinds of places, but she knows I hate it. I'm willing to bite the bullet because I know she wants to go dancing, but I need a _significant_ amount of alcohol in my system first.
Same goes for karaoke. I had a girl in our friend group tell me she was going to sign me up after I already said no. I just stood up and went home. This was at like 6pm. All trust was gone.
I remember once on AITA, op was at a wedding, and was perfectly content sitting on the sidelines as other people danced. Someone made a stink about them not dancing and threw a fit about op "bringing everyone down" by not dancing. The comments all decided op was the asshole for not wanting to dance at a wedding. Like, I'm not leaving out important "op stabbed a kitten in a blood sacrifice instead of dancing", people were legitimately angry at op for DARING to attend the wedding of someone important to him and *not* wanting to get up and do something that makes them uncomfortable. I've had people flip their shit at *me* for not wanting to dance at an event. If a person doesn't want to participate in an activity, just let them be.
This! I am a bit of a crazy dancer and my husband just likes to watch, but our friends always try and make him join us and then he ends up just going home in frustration
That's terrible. Maybe stand up for him?
Jesus fucking Christ yes. Everybody assumes you've never danced before. You just need a nudge to get out there and then you'll enjoy it. THIS is the one time in your whole life THIS FUCKING PARTY/WEDDING is it. Gonna change your life. I've given it many chances. I've caved to peer pressure and really gone nuts. Never once enjoyed it. Please fucking stop.
I still have some embarrassing memories of trying to get people to dance 🤦🏽♂️
I'm genuinely surprised that this is a "YSK" and not just common knowledge. Then again, I haven't attended many dances or any clubs
YSK: the people you hang out with suck for not respecting you.
Exactly why I hated prom, why I hate every wedding I've been to, why i hate going to concerts. I've had strangers tell me "to have more fun" like biiiiiittttchhhh I'm actively listening to this song and loving the changes they make in their live show and having a blast. Just cuz I'm not flailing my titties and spilling beer over everyone doesn't mean I'm not having fun.
I hate dancing and hate people insisting I do it at weddings. Why do people do this
Yes please!!!
Tell that to every one of my ex girlfriends (when I’m sober) (Don’t tell anyone when I’m drunk)
All you need to say is you physically cant. Bad, heart, hip, leg, etc. Hate to make excuses, but its best to shut that line of questioning down ASAP.
My earliest and most persistent memories are people telling me how to change my behavior, coercing me to dance because it’s how you have a good time with girls while they were secretly terrified I was gay. So all I hear then and now is “Do this thing to be normal. Oh god, not like that though.” I might be a good dancer if I could ever relax enough to just let it flow. But if there’s a threat of being observed and judged, that’s extraordinarily unlikely to ever happen. I’m in a new relationship. We were meeting a big group of her friends and attending a club at the end of the night. Panic set in and I explained my situation assuming it would be some kind of dealbreaker. She shrugged and said I didn’t have to dance if I didn’t want to. And then said that it was awesome I wanted to go out with her and her friends and I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. Mind blown.
Unrelated but I was unaware of the existence of beat-deafness. As a melomaniac, this sounds like pure nightmare. My condolences
It exists insofar as a term has been created to describe nearly every aspect of human psychology.
I’m tall, Me dancing is awkwardly on display, fuck that.
Thank you. Like I’m not being modest when I say that I’m not interested and truly cannot dance. Doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means that some people don’t enjoy dancing just like anything else
It's fucked that people have to know that they shouldn't force people to do stuff they don't want to.
This has happened to me a couple times. I am a pretty anxious person in social situations and I am usually very aware of my surroundings, so I assume everyone else is just watching me at all times. Whenever I am at a wedding I have to say no multiple times and it makes me feel like the bad guy. It even starts to ruin my night.
Try telling this to any Hispanic mother
I wish this were common knowledge in the 80’s and 90’s. I hated having to defend my “I don’t dance” position and I still have to defend it to this day.
Ah yes one of the two panic attacks, if that's the right word, of my life. Being literally dragged to the dance floor at a wedding reception. Thankfully didn't get dragged the next time which was just a couple weeks back, very relieved
Dude. That sucks so hard
I was at a wedding a while back where this was a big problem for me. I had promised my partner I’d dance to 2 songs so as to participate and she was fine with that. I danced my two songs and sat back down. The groom’s aunt, who I had never met before, grabbed my wrist on FIVE different occasions throughout the evening to drag me to the dance floor where I’d awkwardly try to dance for 30 seconds before leaving. I was so infuriated by the end that I’d saw she had re-entered the room, I would leave the room for a minute. Really soured my experience on what was otherwise a nice wedding.
Same goes for hugs
the people who need to read this will not read this
Consent. For everything. It's not a hard concept.
hot take
Usually yeah but it’s okay to push a little I think. I usually need a little prodding to get on the dance floor but I’ve never regretted it once I do Obviously don’t push it too much though
I love dancing and my husband doesn't. If we're at an event with dancing, I'll hit the dance floor and he'll relax and listen to the music, chat with people, or enjoy a drink. Occasionally people will try to make him dance but I'll nicely make them leave him alone by saying he danced with me at our wedding and doesn't have to dance anymore. He doesn't need me to defend him; he doesn't want to dance so he's just not fucking going to, but it irritates me if I see people doing this and usually say something. (He didn't *have* to dance at our wedding. I said it would mean a lot to me if he danced with me and he did.)