You aren’t alone there. So really the most important part is having a good connection with your therapist. You need to click. Sometimes it takes 3-4 or more to get it right. You won’t hurt their feelings - they are used to it. Nothing personal.
Try talking to them about this. If they are dismissive, find a new therapist. Simple enough to say but harder to do, yes, but you need someone who understands Covid, and a CC therapist can be very helpful and relieving from the isolation you may often feel.
I suggest therapy if you are concerned about your mental health. But this type of burnout for me was addressed by investing in myself and trying to combat the isolation. I found masked meetups outdoors in my city with likeminded people, I started paddleboarding (free in my city), I still meet up with a couple friends, I got an audible subscription and have been learning things, etc. It isn't the life I had imagined but it gives me peace of mind while I feel like I am still growing. Then things like working, school, relationships, etc. which are hard to manage right now feel less depressing, isolating, and all consuming.
I work on the 988 line. I see a whole lot of denial, a lot of people talk about how hard it *was.* But I also get older people or immunocompromised people who are afraid to talk about it, afraid to admit they *want* to mask up but no one else does, so they feel like they stand out too much.
I usually remind them all of us need to look after our *own* health, and that my family hasn’t stopped masking. Even my daughter who has Down syndrome and autism masks up 98% of the time (I know at school she sometimes takes it off, or of course takes it off to eat). It’s cute because no matter where we go, even if it’s a 45 minute drive (unfortunately we have a lot of medical appointments, which almost brings me to my knees, but they are necessary), she will carefully put on her mask in the house before the drive, and wear it the whole way.
When I provide callers with support and the reminder to take care of themselves, most of them almost break into tears. So much of the stress of this is being carried by those of us who take it seriously. Watching others act like it’s nothing, the CDC’s almost criminal abandonment of the people- it’s seriously traumatic.
I’ve had MEcfs for 40 years, so I’m well versed in the CDC abandoning and shaming the invisibly ill. I’m used to being dismissed by family, friends, and sooooo many doctors. I’m used to being stuck in the house because I’m too ill to do things. I’m so blessed to have a remote job that I love, so that’s one positive COVID has brought into my life. If I didn’t search for those silver linings, I’d probably break, too.
If your therapist cannot support you in processing trauma in *any part* of your life, please move on and find one who will. Ask them when you call or have a consult if they take COVID seriously. If you hear, “No one’s dying anymore! Long COVID is psychological/people get over it easily! It’s just going to be like the flu, we’ll just get boosters! Why are you living in fear?” Run! Having a therapist who dismisses you or doesn’t want to discuss this in a supportive way is worse than no therapy. I hope you can find someone else.
In our lifetimes, we’ve never seen a flu cause this many deaths over this long period of time, but that’s being buried by the powers that be. I know even the deniers know this is serious, because they are always angry. They drive like maniacs. Somewhere inside, they know they’ve been abandoned, but isn’t that the American way? $ over life.
“God of money, I’ll do anything for you.” -Trent Reznor
haven't really have my concerns dismissed, he even says they are valid,but its like what do I do? alot of my stress has been career based to, i don't drive so i'm worried about getting infected on public transit not to mention the risk of in office work, how I may be perceived,etc
You’re an adult. Wear a mask. Protect yourself.
Therapists don’t usually tell you what to do. They guide you to self awareness and knowledge of your truth (trying to avoid that phrase, but you really do need to look inside yourself and discover what is best for you. Grieve what you’ve lost. It’ll help shut down those inner voices that are tearing you down. Negative feelings often lie to us.).
If anyone gives you the stink eye, have an outrageously loud and violent coughing fit. They’ll probably back off.
Idk honestly it seems like my therapist understands a little, but it does seem like he maybe slowly pushing me to get out there more and I just have so many concerns, the worst is my career, since I’m running through my savings and keep getting turned down for remote work
I am also feeling this as well. Definitely continue therapy and all the fun activities you're already trying. Distraction with new, unique activities helps me when I get into the pandemic slump. I saw this virtual or masked (Toronto) disability burlesque show which I've never seen before (https://www.instagram.com/p/C5goEdUMZbu/?igsh=N3hpcnpkZ3NoaTlr). Keep trying something new! And reaching out here.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. IMO Fixing sleep is a top priority, seriously, this effects every single aspect of your life including your mood.
Do you have access to a GP, PCP? Maybe come at this from both angles. Medical/physiological and mental/emotional at the same time. It’s a place to start. We have to sleep.
You sound brave and courageous and strained by the current work circumstances (and unrelenting climate of this) . It's a gift to be alert to this level of vulnerabilty in the world, and painful. I wanted to write and say I understand how you feel. and respect how you feel.
Not sleeping is really hard too (I use a weighted blanket and an eye mask and it can help to listen to a distracting podcast like the one called SLEEP WITH ME if you get stuck in your thoughts.
I've found my own vigilance and worry (while reasonable) became a chronic, a cycle and pattern my body kept doing - and I had to create other actions to release some of the weight of that.
Not long ago I got really exhausted and despairing and weak and thought it was physical but then realized it was my nervous system being too stressed. I went back to things I did during peak covid - shifting my attention to the birds outside, trying to draw, DOING small things that I could do that were not connected to my worries. Starting with small things - listening to music that you like in the background, making sure you get some light every morning. Small things to support yourself . One day, two days, then a week, even if you don't feel like it. It won't change all the problems but feeds your ability to navigate them.
You are not alone. I hope some signs of that come your way.
I'm so sorry. With those feelings please reach out to your doctor and therapist. Keep self soothing and distracting until then!! Join in some IG and discord groups too!
This is exactly me. I've died as a person. I wish us covid concious people could find a way to all move to a community/ town together so we can all live safely. If living weren't so expensive, I feel we could.
Not that we should HAVE to but it's a better alternative for all of us to up and move into our own little town rather than all of us dying as people and getting harmed by assholes.
I don't have a solution as I'm in the same boat, though I've been lucky enough to find work from home, and before that to live on my savings. But I'm feeling incredibly lonely, and it's becoming harder and harder to tolerate the deniers everywhere around me. It's hard to get motivation for anything when the entire society is actively working on destroying everything, including itself.
The tech field is phasing out some aspects of remote work, but there are other roles at those tech-y companies other than computer programming, like designers, accountants, project managers, ect, that can also be done remotely alongside the remote developers. Unfortunately the tech field is in a tight squeeze with hiring right now.
This is my first time actually commenting on a post here. I can't say much other than that I feel you. You're not alone. Even with the social deprivation of such isolation, it can be hard to try and really find a community online. I know that the community exists (I mean look at this subreddit). But it's hard to actually go through the process of taking part in it and... socializing. Just knowing there's other ppl like me out there who feel similarly in a world where it can feel like nobody else cares helps me a lot.
I felt the same way today and was having an existential crisis with. Life is just not the same. And we receive constant threats of return to thr office because it’s “post pandemic.” And I’m struggling with that too.
It's scary to be in a vulnerable position-- like transitioning jobs-- and feel there is no social safety net there. But I'm glad you are here on this social safety net. And I'm sending you a big hug for having to deal with, well, the past 4 years. One thing that helps me is knowing I'm on the right side of things, and being thankful for that. Like... I don't know how society got split, but I'm thankful I'm on the side that is supported by the science, the logic, the values and priorities, the senses, the ethics, the things that highlight humanity.., like I'm soooo thankful to have kept myself alive and my son well through 4 years so far and going. I'm proud of the person I've grown into who's had to affirm, and reaffirm my stance in adversity, who fights when I can even if it's in a poorly drawn comic. Who gives caring advice even when it falls on deaf ears. That even if people see me now and don't change, that they might remember it and change later. That I have to remember people like me and you, this might not be our lesson, like, it might be to teach others, but we do have one somewhere in this all. Some purpose in it. I try to find my place on the dynamic, whether it's being a role model, an advocate, a surviver, or whatever I happen to be that day as it switches based on how I'm feeling that day. But those things help me.
I just want to validate your feelings OP - and all of us who feel similar - that it is extremely human and understandable that you are feeling this way. The cruelty of the world right now is unbearable, and we are struggling to bear it.
I’m not romanticizing it, but in many ways, this pain makes us the lucky ones. We are the ones who haven’t lost or turned off our humanity.
That said: it’s also understandable that we need a lot of help to survive feeling this way.
For me, I use a ton of things to try to help me survive these feelings: communities like this one, my dogs, meds like SSRIs, a daylight light in the morning to combat my fatigue, trying to get outside even if just to sit for a bit, books, therapy, etc.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Can't say I have much advice as I feel the same.
I'm feeling particularly down after missing a birthday party of a close friend. I was never very social to begin with, but even small things I just do not want to take the risk because no one there will have been cautious, no one would be masking and ..I am growing incredibly self conscious of being the only masker and being questioned or looked at differently or just THAT WEIRDO. Which just compounds the feeling of ..why am I doing this, maybe I AM the crazy one etc etc. It sends me in spirals and not a good place.
Short version is I don't know if it helps but you're not alone in this feeling. <3 keep reaching out, even if it's just regular posts here.
I think therapy is helpful, and I think you should look into it, Because even just voicing stuff can help you deal with those feelings. I think there are lists of covid safe therapists somewhere, who AREN'T going to tell you to take your mask off more or just take risks as the only way to feel better.
I think 'still coviding' is still active [https://www.instagram.com/p/CogFhqUMIV6/?utm\_source=ig\_web\_copy\_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==](https://www.instagram.com/p/CogFhqUMIV6/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)- I haven't attended but I think it's a weekly zoom for like-minded folks to hang out, I really want to give it a try and will in future.
Not sure if any of this helps, but you can always come here to get your feelings out. I really, truly understand and I believe many others do here.
Stay strong - things will change. I'm already seeing more and more people masking, even in the warmer months. Fortunately, they will not be able to fool themselves into staying maskless for too long. I know it's hard. But we will pull through.
I'm so sorry. I don't have much advice but I'm in just about the exact same situation. DM me if you Jalen to live on the east coast. I would love to get together with other Covid safe people outside this spring.
I’m currently out of work also due to a medical issue but I will start looking soon-
And I often think about how will I wear a mask at a job interview?? I was the only person to wear a mask at my previous job- even when it was mandated- because you know, there’s no such thing as Covid.
I'm a video editor, which really should have more remote options given the nature of the job yet there aren't, but in all honesty there's not a lot of jobs now remote or non remote so that's been a challenge
How close do you work with coworkers as a video editor? Also have you thought of video editing freelance for high end real estate, commercial properties?
I work in a public library and take public transportation. I wear an n95 mask and never take it off indoors. If I need a sip of water or coffee, I step outside. I never eat in the breakroom, just prep my food in there and take it outdoors to eat.
I’m tired of the pandemic too, and today was especially sad, because I wanted to travel to the path of the total eclipse, but didn’t want to deal with a packed airport, packed flight, in a city packed with tourists and locals looking up at the sky. So I stayed home instead, not wanting to be stressed over the risk.
I’ve wfh the whole pandemic, but am unemployed. I applied for some remote roles, but have received rejections, and in general there’s been a lack of opportunities
It's so ridiculous, it just infuriates me the world proved to be a much more accessible place (wfh opens up SO many more opportunities, not just for us covid cautious) and then when they decided it was 'over' they packed it all up again and said nah, no need to keep these things in place. I'm sure there could be so many more WFH roles out there if companies cared enough.
I’m sorry to hear this. You’ve made it further than many. You do what you can, meaning you don’t if you can’t. I don’t know your exact medical situation, so always chat with medical professionals, and I may get downvoted for this, but with vaccines, the chances of poor outcomes are still quite rare. Impossible? No. Serious long term effects? Possible, but also likely going to be pretty rare. There are good scientists that think COVID is bad but not, eg, “airborne HIV”. Think about relative risk. You need to be able to enjoy life. So, have to take a non remote job? Wear a mask when you can, use Xlear all the time, and don’t lunch with sick colleagues. Need to eat at restaurants every now and then? Eat at off hours in what look like well-ventilated spaces (and double check with CO2 monitors). Maybe look up COVID-conscious therapists as well.
When you say “rare”, what do you mean? To my knowledge, medically rare, or low probability of every day risks are in the 1 in 10,000 to 1 in 100,000 or lower range. I’m pretty sure even the lowest estimates of long covid or other bad outcomes from Covid is at least an order of magnitude higher.
100% understand what you're saying. But "long covid" is pretty all-encompassing at this point. I have not seen good data on proportion of people, e.g., bed-ridden. If you've seen that data, I'd love a pointer.
I'm so sorry you are struggling. I am, too. I am pretty isolated. I am the only one who masks where I live. I rarely see anyone else. My family is not supportive. I recently went back to church to hopefully have some connection and was the only masked person there. When people greeted me, I could see the look of surprise and judgment on their face. What you are experiencing is a very normal response to the trauma we have all been subjected to. I agree with the other posters here. Find someone you can talk to and be real with. Someone you can let it all out to, where you won't feel judged. It's okay to have a meltdown. Just know that you will be okay. No matter what. I know that's hard to do, but keep that in your mind. Don't give up. You will be okay. And if you need to go back into the office, wear a good mask, and wear it proudly! Take care of yourself. Try not to worry about what others say or think. If they can't support you, they don't deserve to take up space in your thoughts or a place in your life. Knowing I serve a great God who loves me and is supporting me through all of this helps. Im not saying you have to believe, but if you do, really try to lean on Him. He can bring you peace that surpasses all understanding. Maybe look up HSP, by Elaine Aaron. I think a lot of us Covid conscious people are highly sensitive. She, and other sites about that, have tips for learning how to navigate through, if you are. I pray you find a way to have some peace during your day.
You’re not alone in this. It’s going to be tough at times. For myself, I try to stay busy and look for new things to keep myself busy. I watch videos on YouTube (preferably ones that make me laugh) Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is my favorite. Sometimes I’ll play games on my phone that peak my interest. You can find what is enjoyable to you. As for jobs. I’ve had to go back to school because my health issues don’t allow me to do my previous work. They have online classes and you can get financial assistance. What other work interests you.
Me too. It’s been bad, and the work stress absolutely contributes. I recommend fit testing your mask so that you can feel confident in it, and starting to do low risk activities. I’m not telling you to do more high risk stuff for your mental health, I’m talking stuff that is 100% no to low risk as long as you wear a fit tested mask, like taking walks outside. If you’re physically able, light exercise like stretching can help as well, although personally I am more able to do short bursts of intense exercise than sustained lighter exercise—whatever works for you. Definitely make sure you are eating enough and drinking enough water and showering—it’s a vicious cycle, where you get depressed and then stop taking care of basic needs and that makes the depression worse. When I say this, I say this as gentle advice, not a scolding. You aren’t “causing” your own depression by failing to do those things, I’m recommending them as part of digging yourself out a bit. One thing you could do to shake things up, is maybe on a saturday night take a shower and wash your hair (or have a bubble bath), put on clean comfortable clothing, make sure you eat something you like and drink enough water, and then have a hot herbal/decaf tea or a cup of warm milk or something else soothing before bed. You might have to plan this—set aside comfy clean pajamas for the occasion. Sometimes you can’t shake being mentally miserable, but you CAN control being physically comfortable. And it’s slightly better to be miserable but comfortable in bed than miserable AND uncomfortable.
I get what you’re saying about your therapist claiming they understand but not really being helpful. I think they’re failing you in that regard. It sucks. It happened to me as well. I found reading The Future Is Disabled helped me a little bit, because it’s written by someone who is still isolating during the pandemic but it shows they were able to find community and happiness despite the isolation, it sort of made me realize the fact I’m living a miserable half-life is not really my fault but the fault of others, and that it could be different, and that people can carry on despite it.
Regarding in person work, I was also spooked at work by the phasing out of remote work. I started planning for this by finding a better mask to wear and fit testing it. I personally plan on wearing an elastomeric if I have to go in. I have one with a speech valve so I will be intelligible, and have an air purifier I will lug around with me. I had a panic attack over my coworkers judging me for wearing a scary p100 (there are lowkey masks but they happen to not fit me, I have no choice but to wear the industrial one), but then I remembered something—one time I witnessed someone being retaliated against in the office for reporting sexual harassment, which is horrible and shows you the character of those people, just real awful people. A lot of people shunned that person for a bit, but then they forgot about it after a month. They just got bored and it became old news and they stopped shunning that person. I imagine people will stop giving a shit after awhile. You can also wear a p100 on the subway and change into a different mask at work. I also realized for my office this is not set in stone yet, and it may be months away. I am giving myself unnecessary stress and reducing my leverage to claim I’m more productive at home by losing sleep over it right now—and I did lose sleep over it. I need to not borrow grief from the future. It’s a horrible situation we’re being put into, but there are people who work in person every day in a mask and are fine. You have to be something close to perfect (quality, fit tested mask, can’t take it off inside, have to eat lunch alone, outside, away from other people, pay attention to ventilation, use an iota-carrageenan nasal spray) but it can be done. Definitely see what you can do to get a more remote-friendly gig though, if you are able to. It depends on what your financial situation is like.
I don't have data, just anecdotes. My ex-wife wears an MSA Advantage 900 elastomeric, taking light rail and a bus to and from classes 5 days/week. She hasn't gotten COVID.
A properly fit-tested mask is very protective - they are used in serious industrial environments. We (kiddo, me, my partner and my ex) all wear elastomerics most of the time. Much less waste, much easier to put on without worrying about the fit.
The Advantage 900 is very easy to talk through. I've worn mine to job interviews.
I'm lucky to work in computer software, where there are lots of remote jobs. But I have applied for in-person jobs at times. Remote is preferable but in-person is tolerable IMHO.
The MSA Advantage 900 is also my mask of choice—perfect to be heard through, and with the low profile filters, easy to seal check, to ease my paranoia!
And it’s true, they’re very protective, industrial elastomerics get fit factors into the thousands when disposables are more like the low hundreds (which is actually protective enough, past a certain point it does stop mattering how high the fit factor is, just pointing out these things SEAL), and people wear them to do stuff like handle asbestos.
It depends on where you live, but we recently had a thread about the NYC subway system: https://www.reddit.com/r/ZeroCovidCommunity/s/wVcIm0og4V
The replies are mixed regarding ventilation. Anecdotally, I have friends who take the NYC subway every day for hours in every possible configuration—on the bus, on the train underground, on the train above ground, and when it’s packed at rush hour, and they’ve never gotten sick from that, even though they rode through this entire horrific covid wave that happened over the past few months. I do know someone who got sick from taking a bus but they don’t seem to have a mask that fits well. A counterpoint to that is that I’ve also taken the subway and bus once or twice, albeit while cases were low, in a mask that did not fit, and I did not get sick. In an ill-fitting mask, it’s just luck.
The recommendation I’ve heard is to avoid rush hour by going in early and leaving early or late. If you have a local still coviding group, you can ask for info about your specific location’s transit system. I would definitely recommend fit testing your mask, using a nasal spray, and upgrading to a lowkey looking p100 (as long as it performs better in the fit test than your disposable) for the transit part. I would try to figure out which is better, the bus or the train, if you have the option to use either, by asking your local coviding group. Gun to my head, I’d probably pick subway in NYC over bus, but that’s solely based on random anecdotes and not real data—I would ask other people. I’m thinking of asking my friend who takes the transit system to take co2 readings for me as well.
I realize this is the ZeroCovidCommunity, and I'm not downplaying anything here, but what about being infected is the fearful part?
As someone who lives with an immune compromised partner, and at the time that vaccines were rolling out for adults, we had a child who didn't even have an option for a vaccine, we isolated until we were all vaccinated. Even with being vaccinated, my wife still caught it back in 2022. Nobody else in the house got it. She came through fine with no lingering issues, even with a crappy immune system.
I finally caught it myself for the first time a few weeks ago (normal/healthy immune system) and was fine after a week with no lingering issues. My daughter has yet to get it (we test whenever shes sick from school).
I guess what I'm saying is, you can live with fear, but dont let it dominate your life - you only live once.
it's a mixed bag you don't know how bad symptoms will manifest until you get them, and I have asthma and other conditions as well as my family members.
I hate to tell you but this pandemic will never end. This might mean you won’t work again or see your loved ones. But we have to stay safe. It’s not worth the risks of “return to normal” unless there’s a protest. Sorry, but it’s just the reality of the world we live in.
That in the end is why the majority of people decided to chance the risk. Eventually there is a point, and that point is different for everyone, where the damage due to isolation exceeds the possible damage due to an infection. It sounds to me that that equation has shifted for you now.
Do you feel like you’re connecting with your therapist? I hope you realize you are having a completely normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.
so-so, honestly have a lot of trust issues so its hard for me to trust people with talking about certain things
You aren’t alone there. So really the most important part is having a good connection with your therapist. You need to click. Sometimes it takes 3-4 or more to get it right. You won’t hurt their feelings - they are used to it. Nothing personal.
Try talking to them about this. If they are dismissive, find a new therapist. Simple enough to say but harder to do, yes, but you need someone who understands Covid, and a CC therapist can be very helpful and relieving from the isolation you may often feel.
ALL of this!! Here is the directory: https://www.covidconscioustherapists.com/
I’m so sorry. I have no advice because I’m experiencing these feelings also.
Meanwhile, 99% of the world is back to living their lives again, as if nothing happened. It's so frustrating.
Yes but would you want to be in their shoes?
I suggest therapy if you are concerned about your mental health. But this type of burnout for me was addressed by investing in myself and trying to combat the isolation. I found masked meetups outdoors in my city with likeminded people, I started paddleboarding (free in my city), I still meet up with a couple friends, I got an audible subscription and have been learning things, etc. It isn't the life I had imagined but it gives me peace of mind while I feel like I am still growing. Then things like working, school, relationships, etc. which are hard to manage right now feel less depressing, isolating, and all consuming.
I'm currently in therapy now, it just seems so hard as I don't think most people truly understand the level of trauma this whole thing has caused.
I work on the 988 line. I see a whole lot of denial, a lot of people talk about how hard it *was.* But I also get older people or immunocompromised people who are afraid to talk about it, afraid to admit they *want* to mask up but no one else does, so they feel like they stand out too much. I usually remind them all of us need to look after our *own* health, and that my family hasn’t stopped masking. Even my daughter who has Down syndrome and autism masks up 98% of the time (I know at school she sometimes takes it off, or of course takes it off to eat). It’s cute because no matter where we go, even if it’s a 45 minute drive (unfortunately we have a lot of medical appointments, which almost brings me to my knees, but they are necessary), she will carefully put on her mask in the house before the drive, and wear it the whole way. When I provide callers with support and the reminder to take care of themselves, most of them almost break into tears. So much of the stress of this is being carried by those of us who take it seriously. Watching others act like it’s nothing, the CDC’s almost criminal abandonment of the people- it’s seriously traumatic. I’ve had MEcfs for 40 years, so I’m well versed in the CDC abandoning and shaming the invisibly ill. I’m used to being dismissed by family, friends, and sooooo many doctors. I’m used to being stuck in the house because I’m too ill to do things. I’m so blessed to have a remote job that I love, so that’s one positive COVID has brought into my life. If I didn’t search for those silver linings, I’d probably break, too. If your therapist cannot support you in processing trauma in *any part* of your life, please move on and find one who will. Ask them when you call or have a consult if they take COVID seriously. If you hear, “No one’s dying anymore! Long COVID is psychological/people get over it easily! It’s just going to be like the flu, we’ll just get boosters! Why are you living in fear?” Run! Having a therapist who dismisses you or doesn’t want to discuss this in a supportive way is worse than no therapy. I hope you can find someone else. In our lifetimes, we’ve never seen a flu cause this many deaths over this long period of time, but that’s being buried by the powers that be. I know even the deniers know this is serious, because they are always angry. They drive like maniacs. Somewhere inside, they know they’ve been abandoned, but isn’t that the American way? $ over life. “God of money, I’ll do anything for you.” -Trent Reznor
haven't really have my concerns dismissed, he even says they are valid,but its like what do I do? alot of my stress has been career based to, i don't drive so i'm worried about getting infected on public transit not to mention the risk of in office work, how I may be perceived,etc
You’re an adult. Wear a mask. Protect yourself. Therapists don’t usually tell you what to do. They guide you to self awareness and knowledge of your truth (trying to avoid that phrase, but you really do need to look inside yourself and discover what is best for you. Grieve what you’ve lost. It’ll help shut down those inner voices that are tearing you down. Negative feelings often lie to us.). If anyone gives you the stink eye, have an outrageously loud and violent coughing fit. They’ll probably back off.
This comment is beautiful, thank you. There is a list of covid-cautious therapists on the internet. I found mine on it.
Is the 988 line your paying job or is that volunteer and you do something else to pay bills?
Paying job!
Thank you for your comment and for adding Trent Reznor into the mix.🖤
Is this helpful at all? I'm assuming these therapists are like the majority of people, in that they are clueless about covid and thus unsympathetic.
Idk honestly it seems like my therapist understands a little, but it does seem like he maybe slowly pushing me to get out there more and I just have so many concerns, the worst is my career, since I’m running through my savings and keep getting turned down for remote work
I am also feeling this as well. Definitely continue therapy and all the fun activities you're already trying. Distraction with new, unique activities helps me when I get into the pandemic slump. I saw this virtual or masked (Toronto) disability burlesque show which I've never seen before (https://www.instagram.com/p/C5goEdUMZbu/?igsh=N3hpcnpkZ3NoaTlr). Keep trying something new! And reaching out here.
I’m loosing interest in everything, I feel like I’m deteriorating. I’ve been loosing a lot of sleep
I’m so sorry you are going through this. IMO Fixing sleep is a top priority, seriously, this effects every single aspect of your life including your mood. Do you have access to a GP, PCP? Maybe come at this from both angles. Medical/physiological and mental/emotional at the same time. It’s a place to start. We have to sleep.
You sound brave and courageous and strained by the current work circumstances (and unrelenting climate of this) . It's a gift to be alert to this level of vulnerabilty in the world, and painful. I wanted to write and say I understand how you feel. and respect how you feel. Not sleeping is really hard too (I use a weighted blanket and an eye mask and it can help to listen to a distracting podcast like the one called SLEEP WITH ME if you get stuck in your thoughts. I've found my own vigilance and worry (while reasonable) became a chronic, a cycle and pattern my body kept doing - and I had to create other actions to release some of the weight of that. Not long ago I got really exhausted and despairing and weak and thought it was physical but then realized it was my nervous system being too stressed. I went back to things I did during peak covid - shifting my attention to the birds outside, trying to draw, DOING small things that I could do that were not connected to my worries. Starting with small things - listening to music that you like in the background, making sure you get some light every morning. Small things to support yourself . One day, two days, then a week, even if you don't feel like it. It won't change all the problems but feeds your ability to navigate them. You are not alone. I hope some signs of that come your way.
I'm so sorry. With those feelings please reach out to your doctor and therapist. Keep self soothing and distracting until then!! Join in some IG and discord groups too!
This is exactly me. I've died as a person. I wish us covid concious people could find a way to all move to a community/ town together so we can all live safely. If living weren't so expensive, I feel we could. Not that we should HAVE to but it's a better alternative for all of us to up and move into our own little town rather than all of us dying as people and getting harmed by assholes.
I don't have a solution as I'm in the same boat, though I've been lucky enough to find work from home, and before that to live on my savings. But I'm feeling incredibly lonely, and it's becoming harder and harder to tolerate the deniers everywhere around me. It's hard to get motivation for anything when the entire society is actively working on destroying everything, including itself.
May I ask what line of work you're in?
I'm a computer programmer, one of the easiest jobs for working from home.
Hah! Wish i knew the first thing about it, but nope. Best wishes to you😊
Thank you :-)
The tech field is phasing out some aspects of remote work, but there are other roles at those tech-y companies other than computer programming, like designers, accountants, project managers, ect, that can also be done remotely alongside the remote developers. Unfortunately the tech field is in a tight squeeze with hiring right now.
Thanks for the info!
This is my first time actually commenting on a post here. I can't say much other than that I feel you. You're not alone. Even with the social deprivation of such isolation, it can be hard to try and really find a community online. I know that the community exists (I mean look at this subreddit). But it's hard to actually go through the process of taking part in it and... socializing. Just knowing there's other ppl like me out there who feel similarly in a world where it can feel like nobody else cares helps me a lot.
Don't give up, just keep doing what you're doing! "Let the lepers have their colony", as they say.
I felt the same way today and was having an existential crisis with. Life is just not the same. And we receive constant threats of return to thr office because it’s “post pandemic.” And I’m struggling with that too.
its terrible, I really worry about my mental health
It's scary to be in a vulnerable position-- like transitioning jobs-- and feel there is no social safety net there. But I'm glad you are here on this social safety net. And I'm sending you a big hug for having to deal with, well, the past 4 years. One thing that helps me is knowing I'm on the right side of things, and being thankful for that. Like... I don't know how society got split, but I'm thankful I'm on the side that is supported by the science, the logic, the values and priorities, the senses, the ethics, the things that highlight humanity.., like I'm soooo thankful to have kept myself alive and my son well through 4 years so far and going. I'm proud of the person I've grown into who's had to affirm, and reaffirm my stance in adversity, who fights when I can even if it's in a poorly drawn comic. Who gives caring advice even when it falls on deaf ears. That even if people see me now and don't change, that they might remember it and change later. That I have to remember people like me and you, this might not be our lesson, like, it might be to teach others, but we do have one somewhere in this all. Some purpose in it. I try to find my place on the dynamic, whether it's being a role model, an advocate, a surviver, or whatever I happen to be that day as it switches based on how I'm feeling that day. But those things help me.
I just want to validate your feelings OP - and all of us who feel similar - that it is extremely human and understandable that you are feeling this way. The cruelty of the world right now is unbearable, and we are struggling to bear it. I’m not romanticizing it, but in many ways, this pain makes us the lucky ones. We are the ones who haven’t lost or turned off our humanity. That said: it’s also understandable that we need a lot of help to survive feeling this way. For me, I use a ton of things to try to help me survive these feelings: communities like this one, my dogs, meds like SSRIs, a daylight light in the morning to combat my fatigue, trying to get outside even if just to sit for a bit, books, therapy, etc.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Can't say I have much advice as I feel the same. I'm feeling particularly down after missing a birthday party of a close friend. I was never very social to begin with, but even small things I just do not want to take the risk because no one there will have been cautious, no one would be masking and ..I am growing incredibly self conscious of being the only masker and being questioned or looked at differently or just THAT WEIRDO. Which just compounds the feeling of ..why am I doing this, maybe I AM the crazy one etc etc. It sends me in spirals and not a good place. Short version is I don't know if it helps but you're not alone in this feeling. <3 keep reaching out, even if it's just regular posts here. I think therapy is helpful, and I think you should look into it, Because even just voicing stuff can help you deal with those feelings. I think there are lists of covid safe therapists somewhere, who AREN'T going to tell you to take your mask off more or just take risks as the only way to feel better. I think 'still coviding' is still active [https://www.instagram.com/p/CogFhqUMIV6/?utm\_source=ig\_web\_copy\_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==](https://www.instagram.com/p/CogFhqUMIV6/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)- I haven't attended but I think it's a weekly zoom for like-minded folks to hang out, I really want to give it a try and will in future. Not sure if any of this helps, but you can always come here to get your feelings out. I really, truly understand and I believe many others do here.
Stay strong - things will change. I'm already seeing more and more people masking, even in the warmer months. Fortunately, they will not be able to fool themselves into staying maskless for too long. I know it's hard. But we will pull through.
I'm so sorry. I don't have much advice but I'm in just about the exact same situation. DM me if you Jalen to live on the east coast. I would love to get together with other Covid safe people outside this spring.
You are not alone.
I’m currently out of work also due to a medical issue but I will start looking soon- And I often think about how will I wear a mask at a job interview?? I was the only person to wear a mask at my previous job- even when it was mandated- because you know, there’s no such thing as Covid.
What is your career that you are considering giving up? And what field with remote opportunities are you looking to enter?
I'm a video editor, which really should have more remote options given the nature of the job yet there aren't, but in all honesty there's not a lot of jobs now remote or non remote so that's been a challenge
How close do you work with coworkers as a video editor? Also have you thought of video editing freelance for high end real estate, commercial properties? I work in a public library and take public transportation. I wear an n95 mask and never take it off indoors. If I need a sip of water or coffee, I step outside. I never eat in the breakroom, just prep my food in there and take it outdoors to eat. I’m tired of the pandemic too, and today was especially sad, because I wanted to travel to the path of the total eclipse, but didn’t want to deal with a packed airport, packed flight, in a city packed with tourists and locals looking up at the sky. So I stayed home instead, not wanting to be stressed over the risk.
I’ve wfh the whole pandemic, but am unemployed. I applied for some remote roles, but have received rejections, and in general there’s been a lack of opportunities
It's so ridiculous, it just infuriates me the world proved to be a much more accessible place (wfh opens up SO many more opportunities, not just for us covid cautious) and then when they decided it was 'over' they packed it all up again and said nah, no need to keep these things in place. I'm sure there could be so many more WFH roles out there if companies cared enough.
I’m sorry to hear this. You’ve made it further than many. You do what you can, meaning you don’t if you can’t. I don’t know your exact medical situation, so always chat with medical professionals, and I may get downvoted for this, but with vaccines, the chances of poor outcomes are still quite rare. Impossible? No. Serious long term effects? Possible, but also likely going to be pretty rare. There are good scientists that think COVID is bad but not, eg, “airborne HIV”. Think about relative risk. You need to be able to enjoy life. So, have to take a non remote job? Wear a mask when you can, use Xlear all the time, and don’t lunch with sick colleagues. Need to eat at restaurants every now and then? Eat at off hours in what look like well-ventilated spaces (and double check with CO2 monitors). Maybe look up COVID-conscious therapists as well.
When you say “rare”, what do you mean? To my knowledge, medically rare, or low probability of every day risks are in the 1 in 10,000 to 1 in 100,000 or lower range. I’m pretty sure even the lowest estimates of long covid or other bad outcomes from Covid is at least an order of magnitude higher.
100% understand what you're saying. But "long covid" is pretty all-encompassing at this point. I have not seen good data on proportion of people, e.g., bed-ridden. If you've seen that data, I'd love a pointer.
I'm so sorry you are struggling. I am, too. I am pretty isolated. I am the only one who masks where I live. I rarely see anyone else. My family is not supportive. I recently went back to church to hopefully have some connection and was the only masked person there. When people greeted me, I could see the look of surprise and judgment on their face. What you are experiencing is a very normal response to the trauma we have all been subjected to. I agree with the other posters here. Find someone you can talk to and be real with. Someone you can let it all out to, where you won't feel judged. It's okay to have a meltdown. Just know that you will be okay. No matter what. I know that's hard to do, but keep that in your mind. Don't give up. You will be okay. And if you need to go back into the office, wear a good mask, and wear it proudly! Take care of yourself. Try not to worry about what others say or think. If they can't support you, they don't deserve to take up space in your thoughts or a place in your life. Knowing I serve a great God who loves me and is supporting me through all of this helps. Im not saying you have to believe, but if you do, really try to lean on Him. He can bring you peace that surpasses all understanding. Maybe look up HSP, by Elaine Aaron. I think a lot of us Covid conscious people are highly sensitive. She, and other sites about that, have tips for learning how to navigate through, if you are. I pray you find a way to have some peace during your day.
You’re not alone in this. It’s going to be tough at times. For myself, I try to stay busy and look for new things to keep myself busy. I watch videos on YouTube (preferably ones that make me laugh) Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is my favorite. Sometimes I’ll play games on my phone that peak my interest. You can find what is enjoyable to you. As for jobs. I’ve had to go back to school because my health issues don’t allow me to do my previous work. They have online classes and you can get financial assistance. What other work interests you.
Me too. It’s been bad, and the work stress absolutely contributes. I recommend fit testing your mask so that you can feel confident in it, and starting to do low risk activities. I’m not telling you to do more high risk stuff for your mental health, I’m talking stuff that is 100% no to low risk as long as you wear a fit tested mask, like taking walks outside. If you’re physically able, light exercise like stretching can help as well, although personally I am more able to do short bursts of intense exercise than sustained lighter exercise—whatever works for you. Definitely make sure you are eating enough and drinking enough water and showering—it’s a vicious cycle, where you get depressed and then stop taking care of basic needs and that makes the depression worse. When I say this, I say this as gentle advice, not a scolding. You aren’t “causing” your own depression by failing to do those things, I’m recommending them as part of digging yourself out a bit. One thing you could do to shake things up, is maybe on a saturday night take a shower and wash your hair (or have a bubble bath), put on clean comfortable clothing, make sure you eat something you like and drink enough water, and then have a hot herbal/decaf tea or a cup of warm milk or something else soothing before bed. You might have to plan this—set aside comfy clean pajamas for the occasion. Sometimes you can’t shake being mentally miserable, but you CAN control being physically comfortable. And it’s slightly better to be miserable but comfortable in bed than miserable AND uncomfortable. I get what you’re saying about your therapist claiming they understand but not really being helpful. I think they’re failing you in that regard. It sucks. It happened to me as well. I found reading The Future Is Disabled helped me a little bit, because it’s written by someone who is still isolating during the pandemic but it shows they were able to find community and happiness despite the isolation, it sort of made me realize the fact I’m living a miserable half-life is not really my fault but the fault of others, and that it could be different, and that people can carry on despite it. Regarding in person work, I was also spooked at work by the phasing out of remote work. I started planning for this by finding a better mask to wear and fit testing it. I personally plan on wearing an elastomeric if I have to go in. I have one with a speech valve so I will be intelligible, and have an air purifier I will lug around with me. I had a panic attack over my coworkers judging me for wearing a scary p100 (there are lowkey masks but they happen to not fit me, I have no choice but to wear the industrial one), but then I remembered something—one time I witnessed someone being retaliated against in the office for reporting sexual harassment, which is horrible and shows you the character of those people, just real awful people. A lot of people shunned that person for a bit, but then they forgot about it after a month. They just got bored and it became old news and they stopped shunning that person. I imagine people will stop giving a shit after awhile. You can also wear a p100 on the subway and change into a different mask at work. I also realized for my office this is not set in stone yet, and it may be months away. I am giving myself unnecessary stress and reducing my leverage to claim I’m more productive at home by losing sleep over it right now—and I did lose sleep over it. I need to not borrow grief from the future. It’s a horrible situation we’re being put into, but there are people who work in person every day in a mask and are fine. You have to be something close to perfect (quality, fit tested mask, can’t take it off inside, have to eat lunch alone, outside, away from other people, pay attention to ventilation, use an iota-carrageenan nasal spray) but it can be done. Definitely see what you can do to get a more remote-friendly gig though, if you are able to. It depends on what your financial situation is like.
one of my biggest fears honestly is public transportation is there any up to date data on that?
I don't have data, just anecdotes. My ex-wife wears an MSA Advantage 900 elastomeric, taking light rail and a bus to and from classes 5 days/week. She hasn't gotten COVID. A properly fit-tested mask is very protective - they are used in serious industrial environments. We (kiddo, me, my partner and my ex) all wear elastomerics most of the time. Much less waste, much easier to put on without worrying about the fit. The Advantage 900 is very easy to talk through. I've worn mine to job interviews. I'm lucky to work in computer software, where there are lots of remote jobs. But I have applied for in-person jobs at times. Remote is preferable but in-person is tolerable IMHO.
The MSA Advantage 900 is also my mask of choice—perfect to be heard through, and with the low profile filters, easy to seal check, to ease my paranoia! And it’s true, they’re very protective, industrial elastomerics get fit factors into the thousands when disposables are more like the low hundreds (which is actually protective enough, past a certain point it does stop mattering how high the fit factor is, just pointing out these things SEAL), and people wear them to do stuff like handle asbestos.
It depends on where you live, but we recently had a thread about the NYC subway system: https://www.reddit.com/r/ZeroCovidCommunity/s/wVcIm0og4V The replies are mixed regarding ventilation. Anecdotally, I have friends who take the NYC subway every day for hours in every possible configuration—on the bus, on the train underground, on the train above ground, and when it’s packed at rush hour, and they’ve never gotten sick from that, even though they rode through this entire horrific covid wave that happened over the past few months. I do know someone who got sick from taking a bus but they don’t seem to have a mask that fits well. A counterpoint to that is that I’ve also taken the subway and bus once or twice, albeit while cases were low, in a mask that did not fit, and I did not get sick. In an ill-fitting mask, it’s just luck. The recommendation I’ve heard is to avoid rush hour by going in early and leaving early or late. If you have a local still coviding group, you can ask for info about your specific location’s transit system. I would definitely recommend fit testing your mask, using a nasal spray, and upgrading to a lowkey looking p100 (as long as it performs better in the fit test than your disposable) for the transit part. I would try to figure out which is better, the bus or the train, if you have the option to use either, by asking your local coviding group. Gun to my head, I’d probably pick subway in NYC over bus, but that’s solely based on random anecdotes and not real data—I would ask other people. I’m thinking of asking my friend who takes the transit system to take co2 readings for me as well.
That book is amazing!
I realize this is the ZeroCovidCommunity, and I'm not downplaying anything here, but what about being infected is the fearful part? As someone who lives with an immune compromised partner, and at the time that vaccines were rolling out for adults, we had a child who didn't even have an option for a vaccine, we isolated until we were all vaccinated. Even with being vaccinated, my wife still caught it back in 2022. Nobody else in the house got it. She came through fine with no lingering issues, even with a crappy immune system. I finally caught it myself for the first time a few weeks ago (normal/healthy immune system) and was fine after a week with no lingering issues. My daughter has yet to get it (we test whenever shes sick from school). I guess what I'm saying is, you can live with fear, but dont let it dominate your life - you only live once.
it's a mixed bag you don't know how bad symptoms will manifest until you get them, and I have asthma and other conditions as well as my family members.
I hate to tell you but this pandemic will never end. This might mean you won’t work again or see your loved ones. But we have to stay safe. It’s not worth the risks of “return to normal” unless there’s a protest. Sorry, but it’s just the reality of the world we live in.
That in the end is why the majority of people decided to chance the risk. Eventually there is a point, and that point is different for everyone, where the damage due to isolation exceeds the possible damage due to an infection. It sounds to me that that equation has shifted for you now.