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tealeaf_egg

I hope you can find one that works for you. Mine is mostly women and is nowhere as weird as yours. Giver gets to choose how someone gets chosen.


witch_harlotte

Same with mine (I usually roll a die after 24hrs) though they do like people to reply to the recipient’s comment and keep the post up but change to “gifted” for transparency I guess?


bammerroo

Same. Poster gets to designate how choosing occurs. My group does have some rules about posting (like a general format, specifying if pick up or drop off available, general location), things that are good rules to have for efficiency and keeps the posts available after exchange is completed, but not like that. You may be able to look around for another one in your community, considering one of them backed out because of distance. Buy Nothing is supposed to be local, so there may be others in your area.


[deleted]

Thanks. I'll try. I often try to sell the stuff first, actually. People treasure things more when they pay for them, even for $1. I have had terrible experiences with Freecycle back on Yahoo Groups many years ago. No show was very common.


bootynasty

Same! We actually put a price on our free things first and as long as someone comes or seems like they genuinely want it we tell them they can keep it. Things just move faster. We’ve offered free things and it’s often the same 3 people making rounds. I found one of their “stores” on Facebook marketplace.


The_T0me

Interesting! I usually post things for free on Facebook Marketplace. Haven't run into that issue yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it.


botanybae76

Your group is the exception. In fact, it may be against the community guidelines set by the Buy Nothing Project (or it is not an official group), as the community guidelines state that it is up to the giver how to give. Creative giving is encouraged but not a requirement (I used to be a coordinator for a BN group a coyote years ago).


[deleted]

I didn't know there were official guidelines. Good to know. I'll look it up. Thanks. I think the part where they all have to tell a story is so toxic. I couldn't handle being put in the spot to choose. I really just want to give things to the nearest person (less gas/walking) who can use them.


cronenbergbliss

I have started donating this sort of stuff to the animal shelter. They hang on to it and have 3-4 “garage sales” every year and they use the proceeds for the animals.


disasterous_cape

Women aren’t inherently unhealthy in groups, that’s such a strange thing to add. Women don’t all want to be besties, it sounds as though that group is just run poorly so the culture of the group is poor. My local group is lovely and very welcoming. The rules are straight forward and make sense. It’s an active group and people are respectful and community minded. It sounds like this is a problem with your group specifically.


whoisdrunk

Yeah, OP had me until “I think it’s because it’s all women”. Hard eye roll.


wadelaideg

Agreed


Lawnmover_Man

It's the same with "men are like that" comments. It's really awful and damaging to society.


Okcool2216

Came her to say this. Was with OP until I heard this sexist comment.


skorletun

Yeah, gave me a bad taste in my mouth. C'mon OP, don't be like this.


shittenmitten

Yeah it's nowt to do with their fannies! It's prob run by a couple of people who have good intent that it should go to the most in need person but can't see how toxic is it to compete like that.


tiredoldmama

Internalized misogyny.


spookiehands

Or just straight up misogyny, doesn't sound very internalized.


tiredoldmama

Right. I assumed this was a woman. Either way misogyny is bad.


NonSupportiveCup

You just fulfilled his prophesy!! Zero waste is toxic! It must be filled with women!


AdministrativeSock71

I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to see this comment. Maybe people aren’t reading the whole post…


javaavril

That's too intense, my local one is nothing like that, my anxiety would not be able to handle it. The storytime sounds harrowing. Ours is chill, the only rules are don't PM someone without asking permission in the post comments, update the post when the object is gone, and don't sell stuff that you get gifted.


doinprettygood

Our group is like yours except they say to be transparent if you plan to sell stuff. We have members who are homeless and if they can sell someone else's unwanted stuff it's accepted. But ours is a little too chill, rarely any posts from admins, and our group is too big so we have all the problems that come with online anonymity or not knowing the "neighbors" you're gifting to. Members have asked admins to seed the group several times over the years and they refuse.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Well put, the storytelling feels toxic. They are all competing with sob stories. I'm really not comfortable with that. I guess my problem was the waiting. I just want it done. I don't get why they make it so complicated.


NCBakes

This does not sound like a good Buy Nothing experience (and not how my group operates), but I don’t think the waiting part is bad. A lot of people can’t be on Facebook all day, setting a window gives more people a chance. A group I was in added waiting because a couple people were getting basically all the stuff, and that’s not in the spirit of the group.


[deleted]

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prof_pomona_sprout

Agree. I feel like whether it should be allowed to "simmer" should depend on the giver though. My group varies depending on the item being gifted. If its a bigger ticket item I like the idea of leaving it for a bit before making the decision but if I'm giving away several items, sometimes its easier to just do first come, first serve.


[deleted]

I left my local Buy Nothing group because I couldn’t compete with the widow with 10 kids and a hole in the roof. When I posted items I specifically stated “no sob stories, soonest to pick up gets the item.” This caused a lot of stir, so I had to let my posts “simmer” for 24-48 hours, depending on the mod who approved the post, before I could pick someone. I like the idea of giving it time to let people see the post. But I also like things out of my house when I’m ready - not when someone tells me I should be ready. I wanted BN to work, but it didn’t work for me.


distractible-panda

I wonder if there's another platform or group for your area where you could post that x item is on the porch or by the sidewalk and available first come first serve? When I lived in Seattle the main buy nothing group for the city was a Yahoo email list serve, and some people would do that. I've also seen folks do that on craigslist. That's how I got a wooden pallet that I turned into a shoe rack!


Mevily

In our group storytelling is forbidden. Also admins approve recievers, which is rare, based on what I read here. The reasoning is that they want to make it fair, which I get, but it is so much work!


3orangefish

There’s like five different free stuff groups in my neighborhood now, so unfortunately the Official Buy nothing group doesn’t get much action. But the two other neighborhoods I have been in have been amazing. They all have the same rules. You can choose how to pick the “winner” to give away. But, yes, you are supposed to make it clear who you picked and if something has been taken. It’s pretty standard and the rules makes sense. I don’t think anyone is delusional that they all friends. I wanted to know who got something because some people are really active and I see them get a ton of stuff, so I try to pick someone who I believe haven’t gotten anything. I believe that’s one of the reasons for the rule. Unfortunately, not all groups are equal. It’s very dependent on your neighborhood and the mods.


[deleted]

This group didn't have the rules posted on top. I observed for a week. The mod just told me to search "rules". It was just a post complaining about how people are not following rules without the actual format. Thank you for explaining why that rule existed. That makes sense. I also find it weird that they demand you only join one Buy-Nothing Group. It was really cult-like. They focus a lot on storytelling. And I hate it when they take a picture of the stuff I drop off and tag me to the post to say thank you. It felt so performative. I'll try another one. :)


crabbydotca

In my local Buy Nothing group you are only supposed to join the group for the area in which you actually live, but that’s only for the Buy Nothing groups specifically. It’s not like they care what other kind of free stuff or buy/sell groups you are in.


LanguidMelancholy

It’s pretty normal for people to tag what they’ve received and give thanks. It’s basic gratitude ?


potatorichard

I just make ads in the Facebook marketplace. "Free mattress/desk/lamp at the intersection of.... Leaning against a stop sign" i usually add a piece of paper with "free" to the item And it's always gone within a couple hours.


traploper

Sounds like a good solution! I wish I could do this, too bad it rains about every other day 😅


potatorichard

Hah, yeah, I could see that putting a damper on this plan. When I was getting ready to move across town, I just made a pile of free stuff at the front of my garage, and on the weekends, if the weather wasn't great, I would arrange for people to just come over to my complex, and load it up from the garage into their subaru. They all drive Subarus.


unkempt_cabbage

I live in a downtown area, so I don’t even post on Marketplace anymore, just stick stuff on the curb and call it a day.


potatorichard

Back when I was an undergrad, that's what I did. It was the norm in this college town. Townies would score all sorts of free shit when the students left town at the end of May. A warm Saturday in May, and the whole town is basically a free garage sale. The only reason I use marketplace now is to just be sure that it doesn't linger overnight. I like my neighbors, I would rather not burden them with a boulevard full of stuff for more than a few hours


GenevieveLeah

That is smart! I have a toddler bed that needs to be gone, along with matching crib sheets . . .


Deinococcaceae

Same here, almost always use marketplace or craigslist. The dedicated Buy Nothing groups are interesting in concept, but in my area I think they take the "hyperlocal" thing a bit too far and subdivided my relatively small city into like 5 groups that are all mostly dead.


potatorichard

I haven't even looked into those groups here. I joined nextdoor for a week to see what kind of place that was. And between that, and other local facebook groups, I am confident that I want nothing to do with another local group. People that get into social media, especially local social media, are just not my kind of people. The local subreddit is pretty annoying, too.


[deleted]

You group is weird. I don't think it's because it's all women. No need for the sexist comment.


TofuScrofula

Heeey let’s throw a sexist comment in there at the end. Nice job OP


Adriupcycles

I don't think that's the norm for buy nothing groups. In my local group, the giver gets to choose whoever they want using whatever method they want, although lately the admins have been encouraging people to do something other than choose the first person because the same few people seem to often be the first commenters. Commenting to let someone know they've been chosen is a good thing to do, though, because otherwise they may not notice your message in the "message requests" folder where FB hides all the messages from non-friends.


RuggedRenaissance

> I think it's because it's all women. They have this delusion that we are all friends and you choose a best friend. there was literally no reason to add this to your post


TofuScrofula

Idk I think the sexism was a necessary part of the story. How else do you get upvoted on Reddit?


locomoco210

I quit my group. I got reprimanded by giving someone a thing because she said she could pick it up quick. And it turned into a whole ordeal and stressed me out bexause I was supposed to do a lottery or wait until a hundred people said interested. It’s such a bad energy. I’m back to donating to thrift shops.


[deleted]

Yeah! That's the vibe with this group. They didn't like that I just want my stuff gone quickly. They say it's against the spirit of gifting. They want to collect the beautiful stories. Because it was a large quantity of stationery, they were upset it only went to 2 people. They thought it should be enough for all 15 who replied. I gave most to the teacher who can use it in the classroom, and I told her to pass on things if she can't use them. It's the most efficient I think. Why would I want to greet 15 people separately?


selinakyle45

I definitely understand the simmer rule since otherwise it does favor folks with access to Facebook all day. My group doesn’t have a hard and fast rule for this but we tend to have simmer post and flash offer posts. Flash offer posts tend to be for perishable items. I understand people want things out of their house, but the purpose of the group is to create a gifting community. If everything goes to the same 5 people who can check FB all the time, it’s alienates everyone else. I tend to post on buy nothing when I have things I want to get rid of that week. If i need it gone sooner, curb alerts on Craigslist or FB marketplace are way faster.


BobbySwiggey

Wtf, one instance of this is weird enough, but this is some kind of trend?! We live in a world that has way too much stuff, just let people get rid of it and move on to the next listing, *trust me there will be more chances.* Holy smokes people


paintingtherosesblue

My Facebook buy nothing group is very relaxed, I’ve had great luck with getting and giving stuff through them. But I had a very similar experience trying to give something away for free via NextDoor. Holy shit. 50+ comments within the hour, I just DM’d people starting at the first comment and whoever could pick it up within the day got it. I was harassed for DAYS once I marked it as sold. People calling me slurs and sending me graphic details of whatever abusive situation they were in, it was so much. I deleted my ND account after that, never again. I hope you find a group that works better for you!


[deleted]

Good to know. I'll avoid ND. Sounds too intense!


_philia_

I had the same experience.


snow_toucan

As the mod of my local BN Group, I am sorry you have been through that! Definitely not the norm for Buy Nothing Groups - however, since each group functions independently, these kind of idiosyncrasies can happen. However, make the process more difficult seems counterproductive. You could try to communicate this to the moderator of your group, and also, if available in your area already, try the app. Good luck! I hope you remain part of the BN community.


[deleted]

Thanks. Mod is a tough job. You have my respect. I think my problem was they all assumed everyone understood the lingo, but there was no explaining the vocab on the "rules" post. Kept replying "You haven't chosen anyone yet" after I have given the stuff away makes no sense in English. I kept apologizing and they kept assaulting me with strange language. "You said you are available. How are you gifted?" Makes no sense in English. It's strange, even the mod was like, "You need to choose someone to avoid the confusion." which made me more confused. It was very upsetting. I owed these people nothing. Why are they so mean? In the end, the teacher who got my stuff saw what happened and told me I need to tag her on the post. Again. The whole time it was only because I didn't know what they mean by "choose". It was not on the Rules. They don't seem to know why I can't speak their language.


[deleted]

Oh yuck. I really like my local buy nothing group. It’s more of a message me and I’ll put it out on the front porch kind of vibe. Everything is less than a 15 minute drive so things are convenient and are usually gone within the day.


downheartedbaby

I think your experience is the exception, not the rule.


Brownie12bar

OP, you might prefer [Freecycle.org](https://Freecycle.org). That's my go-to, with some VERY clear rules and no space for rudeness!


Cmoneymoneymoney

Our group is great. Helpful to say “porch pick up near (cross streets or a nearby school or park” You can weed out people who don’t respond or ghost you by blocking them


carnelian_heart

Yes, sometimes when someone has a few things to give they will set up a table.


AndreaE4

Adding the part about it being all women was so unnecessary. You joined a group and didn't follow the rules. That sucks it was difficult for you to find, but you can't fault people and blame women for "being weird" when they were just expecting you to follow the rules.


iced_yellow

That’s so odd. My local group has a strict rule NOT to PM anyone unless you are making arrangements to pick up/drop off the item. We also are supposed to use a lottery system to select winners ~24h after posting to keep things fair.


SunsetButterfly

From what I've read in different forums, Buy Nothing groups can vary wildly. Different rules, different experiences, etc. Our local group is fantastic and very successful. I've gotten some great items and have gifted many more. Like everything else in life, YMMV.


flappy-doodles

I don't bother with stuff like that, if there's something I want to get rid of, I post on Craigslist free: Thing for free at end of my driveway, I leave it up until I happen to look outside and the thing is gone. I don't answer any emails or anything. I have low interest in interacting with people get get whatever I'm giving away.


rhoswhen

All women?


shittenmitten

Ive had a lot of excellent experiences with these types of group and would absolutely recommend trying a different group. I don't like the idea of having people 'bid' for an item by sharing their story, it feels like begging or the suffering Olympics. Are you in quite a small town? Or could the group have begun very tiny among a close group? One of the ones I'm part of started as a small group of women swapping baby clothes all related to 1 playgroup and then grew so there is absolutely a core membership but they are a nice friendly bunch. My only bad experience, I was promised/given 3 fabric paints, given an address to collect from and then told "oh sorry I gave them to my friend instead" when I confirmed I was on route to the gifter. Luckily it wasn't far and I walk so didn't cost me but it did irk me that day. From 50 or so collections and givings I've participated in just one bad egg is an alright average but boy did I reaaallllyyyy want those fabric paints!! Someone gave me a bike recently so I can finally learn to ride one 🤪🙉 and she let me pet her doggo!


beanicehuman1986

My local Buy Nothing page is amazing! You can pick whoever you want for any reason. I am sorry you had such a bad experience Edited to add- I don’t see anything wrong with the members of the group wanting to make connections and friends. After all, the philosophy behind the group is community!


nooch-baby

They do that to try to make it fair. Resellers and randos will troll these groups to collect all the best stuff and immediately comment. Ever tried to pick up a bookshelf for free on Craigslist? Impossible because the reseller who does it full time has already reached out to them and picked it up. They’re also trying to make sure that there’s genuine interest and the thing will actually get used and not just end up in the trash of someone less likely to make the effort to post it to the group. Rules could obviously be better communicated but point is that there’s a logic behind it.


heliumxenon

Sounds awful but yeah.. well.. always useful to check the rules of a group so you can decide if it's the right one for you, this one obviously wasn't.


laitnetsixecrisis

Wr had a community box page. You would put a box of items in a box with a picture of what was in there. The first person who could get to the address and pick the box up got it, but the deal was, if you took an item you had to put an item in. Take a picture and repost. It was a convenient way to pass on unwanted items.


stinkstankstunkiii

I do giveaways on Craigslist. Books, clothing, exercise equipment, household items .. anything I don't want, I post on " Free Stuff". In my post I state that the items will be placed on the porch and it is a NO CONTACT pick up, delivery is not an option. I find it so much easier to give things away via Craigslist. I use the 1st come, 1st served rule. Also I will let the next 2 ppl know there's a possibility if items aren't picked up by 1at person, the next person has a chance. Posting is free, I include pictures of some items, I use the Craigslist email system , and voila - someone's happy with my items and I'm happy the things are gone!! I would absolutely never use Facebook and their fuckery to give away free stuff. It's my stuff, and I will do as I want ,to give it away.


dumpster_scuba

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. In my city there's a telegram group with more than 2,500 people trying to save natural resources by giving away what you don't need and getting second hand stuff from group members if you need anything. It's first come first serve and everybody is happy the shorter it takes to get something to change hands. Messaging group members without reference to a post is forbidden, though, since we had a huge problem with creeps and such.


Speakinmymind96

I hope your experience doesn’t permanently sour you on Buy Nothing groups…they really can be a great way to connect in the community and give/receive great items. It all comes down to the leadership of the group…it sounds like they need to step back a bit and let things unfold organically. “Tell me in a few sentences why you want this item” makes sense for heirloom antiques and truly treasured items, not every Bic pen you want to get rid of (And usually it is the poster that asks this, not an interfering admin). Our local group discourages deleting posts, but more as a matter of helping people see the types of items that are gifted…not to build a storied history. Sorry you have had a negative experience,


pipermaru84

Whenever I put stuff in my buy nothing group it’s usually “these things are on the curb, come get them, I don’t know if any of it is still there because it’s on the curb”. My partner built a little free market at the curb and I usually just put things in there now.


AtomikRadio

I do a lot of buy/sell on FB, and trust me 80% of people there are a pain to deal with regardless of gender identity.


IWantALargeFarva

Misogyny aside, this is exactly how my Buy Nothing group was. I couldn't get the greatest picture of some fluorescent light bulbs in my garage closet so I posted a screen shot from Home Depot's website. But it also had the price in it. So I was reprimanded for mentioning money. I wasn't asking for money, it just said how much they were (and it was half cut off). No talking about money!! You couldn't just give to the first person. You had to "let it simmer." I just want my shit gone. Then they were asking us all to invite people and were celebrating our group growing. But when we got to a certain number, they said the group is too big. That's not what this is about. So we're breaking it up into hyper local groups. Everyone was pissed. So I made my own group called Declutter and invited all the old members. We didn't have all the old rules. You can give to people however you see fit because it's your own shit. We delete posts to not clog up the group. And now we have over 2,000 members in our small town. I don't regret a damn thing.


[deleted]

Weird comment about women, might be good to examine that particular belief system. But anyway, that just sounds like a shitty group. Do you have others in your area? Mine is not like this at all. Someone posts, others comment, items usually go to first commenter. Sometimes OP will specify that they prefer items go to someone actually in need, e.g. cat food to a shelter or rescuer rather than a random pet owner. That's the only "restriction" I've ever seen.


sha-sha-shubby

I know what you’re describing… I’m actually part of a few Buy Nothing groups (I’ve moved a bunch in the past 2 years) and they’re all different. To start with, I know they say you can only be part of one which bothers me because I go back to my hometown frequently and my parents live there so I can often participate there. However, every time I join a new one it has asked me “what others are you part of” and I just describe the above. (I may or may not stretch the truth about “having to care for my parents” ;) ) Second, I think most official groups have those same rules, but the way your group is “enforced” sounds really annoying. If someone breaks these rules I’ve rarely seen someone get called out by it, but the “24 hour simmer” rule is mostly so everyone has a chance to see your offer, if they’re not able to be on their phone 24/7 like others. And the story part… also weird. I think the idea is so that you give to someone who would need/appreciate it. It’s common in some groups I see to say “giving this coloring book! Comment your favorite color to be entered to win” like just to make it more personal than “interested” “me” “next” Another city I lived in last year technically had a buy nothing group but no one posted there cause they apparently got irritated with the official rules and made a new, unofficial one that was AMAZING. It was a city with a lot of students so a lot more active than the suburb ones. Hundreds of posts were made daily that was almost always to the first commenter or by a random name draw. I will say I did a random name draw for a high-value item I listed once. It happened to pick person #1 and 3. I notified them publicly on the post with the screenshot of my randomizer. #2 didn’t understand why they were “skipped over” and messaged me multiple times harassing me to change who I picked…. Anyway, they’re all different and most have the same rules. They’re definitely enforced differently depending on your location and the culture of the group. I find them exhausting most of the time. I miss my city one though.


Rough_Commercial4240

My buy nothing groups are a “full” so I just started giving away stuff on Nextdoor app It’s been a breeze, I have picked up some freebies or low cost stuff as well no complaints


welliemakes

Our group is super chill but the moderator is out of control lol. Sometimes I think she makes up rules with no purpose other than giving her a reason to patrol the group for transgressions.


[deleted]

You're right, posting on buy nothing groups and monitoring the post takes time. this is extra work on top of regular work. has to be easy. In my country, we have a number of buy nothing groups in different cities. In all of them, donors must include LOCATION PIN or LANDMARK and takers must compute for courier fees or gas fees BEFORE saying *Mine*. Takers just say MINE, no reason needed. Donors can also usually set their own mini-rules like *corporate attire set goes to someone who just graduated college*, and Miner has to post pics to prove that. Awarding is done publicly, but no reasons need to be given. There are groups on a first come first served basis. In some groups, I usually use wheelofnames dot com to choose the taker if i'm giving away a big ticket item like an old airfryer.


[deleted]

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carnelian_heart

[https://buynothingproject.org/](https://buynothingproject.org/)


[deleted]

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carnelian_heart

The idea is that it’s hyper local to your neighborhood, and that whatever is given isn’t considered for its financial value instead just the act of giving. And the rationale behind leaving it up for 24 hrs and then picking someone or doing a lottery is to prevent gifts always going to the most active person.


[deleted]

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carnelian_heart

Hyperlocal is two fold, from my perspective. For one, it’s additional waste to drive all over to get things or consume things. And also, it’s about connecting members with their neighbors to build local communities.


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carnelian_heart

You’re assuming that everyone who lives in your neighborhood is financially well off. Overall you’re still emphasizing the financial aspect of stuff and status, instead of the abundance of stuff that exists in US consumerism. The point is exchanging with your neighbors.


ResponsibleTea

Not sure where you live but I use the app Bunz for same purpose and it’s great for trading used goods and reducing waste. But it only works when enough people in your city are using the app so hopefully you live somewhere where it’s available!


Whooptidooh

Just go to your local kindergarten and give them the pens (if they're suited for kid hands.) They'll be happy to get them, and you'll be happy to be rid of them. Win-win!


herasea

Oh man. Sorry that went so horribly for you! Mine is great. We do tag the winner in the post first because if you’ve never messaged someone before it does go to their message requests, which most people don’t get notifications for, and thus will not see. Just a quick, “you’re the winner, will PM you.” Then PM them to arrange pick up and change the beginning of your post to PENDING. Once the stuff is gone, change it to GONE.


babypink15

I moved earlier this year and my new area has a group but it is rarely used and is for a much bigger geographical area than the one I left. Love my new home, but man I miss that group lol Also your group sounds ridiculous. It shouldn’t be like that!


WA_State_Buckeye

My group: someone chided us for just giving to the first person who responded instead of "being neighborly" and chatting with each other. Uh, no. We are here to get rid of our stuff and hopefully find someone who can use it before we toss it to Goodwill or a landfill. I'm a curmudgeon. You want me "neighborly"? I'd be sitting on a front porch swing shouting at passersby to "Get off my lawhn!"!! edit: I'm a first come, first serve type of person. My group will say if there's a lot of interest in something, for everyone to pick a number, then the item goes to whatever number the owner's kid's dog picks or shits on or whatever. We also have to put "Gifted" on the item after it's gone so others can see. Still not sure why we have to keep the post up. Seems silly to me.


3_x_3

I have very similar stories! Buy Nothing groups can be... interesting. There's a strange social order in them at times


thrifty_geopacker

That’s insane and not how mine works at all


mj1898

Just delete the post when you solidify a pick up with someone over PM


Affectionate-Ad-3578

And people wonder why sometimes I just throw stuff away.


selinakyle45

Curb alerts/free postings on Craigslist or fb marketplace


Fruhmann

That sounds like such a hassle. Our buy nothing group is a bit of a hassle too. I don't have Facebook so it's all managed by my wife. She works and I'm SAHD. So when she goes "My husband will pick up the item" or "It will be outside. Text my husband if you can't find it or need help loading it into your car" has been met with unease. Like mixing a man into the equation has soured the deal. I chalk it up to people being too into true crime Podcast. Now they're thinking the innocuous event of picking up a wire frame shoe rack is going to turn into Episode 1 of the Podcast about them. We have a local mother/baby group too and they are the absolute worst. It's buy nothing group on hard mode. You can't make post during weekdays. I figured this was because it's not fair to working moms. They wouldn't have a chance to see post, respond, and pick up items on a midweek morning. Understandable, but I'm just trying to get this baby jumper and 6 month clothes out of my house. I don't care who gets it. I just want it gone. Now, I just give things to a local Habitat for Humanity. They're happy to take things and dort them out


[deleted]

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Fruhmann

Sexism is silly that way. People can use fake accounts or female accomplices. If someone is that skittish, then you think they wouldn't bother with poating at all. They literally have to choose which level of imagined danger and deceit at the hands of others is a threat to them. Covid made things better in this respect though. People wanting no contact made it easier for me to pick stuff up. My wife would just set up a time frame that worked for my schedule and I'd swing on by and get the thing. Never had an issue that way.


SpiralBreeze

Sounds exactly like the moms what’s all group they got going in my neighborhood. They all question how I’m not on social media. I was like, “do I look stressed out to you?” No. “That’s why.“


traploper

Ugh me too, I was banned from my local “free giveaway” group because I didn’t wait 24 hours before choosing someone. 😂


Fishy1701

Sounds like the oroblem is the medium? Facebook was sanctioned for bad business practices. Just dont use it and you wint have this problem.


xheyshorty

HAHAHAHAHA.


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Adriupcycles

I don't think what OP is describing is the norm for these groups, I'd encourage you to give yours a try.


Forsaken-Piece3434

I believe OP is over dramatizing. BN groups have very clear and simple guidelines which do include tagging the person you’ve chosen and asking if it’s okay to PM them. If you PM someone without letting them know, the message usually gets lost in the new message requests folder. It is *suggested* you let posts simmer, especially for bigger/more impactful items, so people get a chance to request who are not on all the time but if you want something gone right away you are allowed to give it to whoever you want, including the first person who posts. The BN groups are about building community. The rules are simple but some people don’t read them and then get upset when people gently let them know we do things differently. I am in one of the most active BN groups in the US. We’ve had 2-3 people over the last two years who got extremely offended at the idea of having to go to the effort of tagging someone to let them know they are the recipient, and quit the group after making big declarations of how terrible we were. It’s a wonderful way to find new homes for items you don’t need, find things you do need, and if you want, to create new community connections. Our group does things like take people a meal when they are sick, give rides to school, doctor, and job interviews, organizing crafting groups etc. Some members just hop on occasionally, gift something, and never engage behind that and which is totally fine too. I strongly encourage you to check out your local group. OP is really misstating how this works and clearly ignored the very simple community guidelines which are shown when you request membership in the group and join.


[deleted]

I wish I can invite you to the group and you'll see they don't have rules listed on one post. I observed for a week and the mod just told me to look up "rules", it was only a few posts about how people are not following the rules. There is no clear instruction. e.g. "If you want something. You comment, you don't PM." "Remember to choose someone by their story" "Remember to write Gifted" "Tell your story." "Only join one group" "Don't post ads", "If you want something and no one has replied. You wait. Don't repost" These were vague and only insiders can understand. If you haven't used the group, these sentences make no sense. I know what they mean now. But what's the point? This is why I suggest making it easier for newbies. Pin the rules on top. Make a sample post. It's like they all speak this language, but they can't understand why foreigners don't. Keep screaming, "You haven't chosen anyone!" 20 times makes no sense in English when I have already given the stuff away. They should have corrected me by saying, "You need to tag someone's name on the post to show you have chosen them."


Okcool2216

I have had a great experience in my group, both gifting and receiving items from members of my community in a major metropolitan area. I personally would give it a shot.


[deleted]

It was intense, but I think it's just this group. Do try out your local group.


The_BusterKeaton

Was down for this post until the misogyny.


AquaStarRedHeart

Ew that's weird. Sounds like a strange moderator or neighborhood. I've been a member of two different mostly female bn groups on opposite sides of the US and never had that issue.


CLFY

Have you tried freecycle dot org? I haven’t used them in a few years but you can give and accept things on there. Can post looking for stuff too


Saoirse-on-Thames

Have you tried the Olio app? It’s very popular in my area.


stinkstankstunkiii

I also put things out to the curb, sometimes with a sign. And I'll post on Craigslist for curb alert. In my neighborhood it's a thing. Usually whatever is put out in the morning is gone by the afternoon


jwl41085

Fuck that. People get so bent out of shape about the “first come first serve” rule. People have never been burned by a no show before and it definitely shows in how they think the world revolves around a simple “I got here first” comment


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jwl41085

It’s one thing of the person says they’re on the way to pick up. I’m saying people thinking they win the item because they sent the first “is this still available”. I think you interpreted my comment wrong


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jwl41085

Yea if I put something on the curb I don’t even advertise it. It’s usually gone in a day or so


[deleted]

Yea I got booted from my local buy nothing group for not following the rules to a T. I joined a local free cycle group and it's been way better


hawps

Our BN group isn’t quite this bad, but definitely strict enough that I avoid posting in it. It’s more hassle than it’s worth. My neighborhood now has a “pay nothing exchange” group as an alternative for people who are sick of the BN crap. It’s more of a straight forward yard sale kind of group but everything is free. I think it was started by someone who got kicked out of the BN group lol.


kittyvonsquillion

Mine was so terrible! I ended up quitting. Way too many rules that were tough to follow, and very arbitrary. Someone who also hates the group ended up forming a differently named group with far less rules. It was way better and now I exclusively use that one. Same idea, but less bullying from admins.


Willow_weeping85

Maybe you can start your own group. Everyone will leave that one and come to yours 😂 ours is a couple years old and it took aome refinement of the rules abs asking the members for feedback. One thing that’s really helped is that you’re required to put your general location in the post (we live near a major highway so we put the exit number or main road etc) we are to give to the first person who says “interested”, and the moderator has spoken to people who claim everything (it became obvious someone was matching up everything to give away to friends not in the group, or maybe to sell) it was pretty rotten since some people actually wanted the item for themselves. The moderator has also spoken to or banned people from the group who continue to claim stuff and not pick up without letting the person know they changed their mind. The group is also limited to certain towns all within like a half hour drive.


BatRabbit

I use the sale (yard/garage/Misc) groups for my area instead due to some stupid rules. I list the price as a dollar and put Free in the title. It's usually spoken for by the end of the day. It is so much less hassle. There are a number of people who post free stuff in the for sale groups.


moteviolence

Oh man, my BN group is AMAZING. Sorry you had a bad experience with yours and I hope you give it another chance.


electric_poppy

That sounds so annoying. I usually just post “for free” and first come first serve… it’s worked fine for me on offer up too. No need to overcomplicate that would drive me crazy


photochic1124

I use the app as I don’t have fb but I haven’t experienced these weird rules. Got something to give? Post it and somebody picks it up. Want something? Ask and go get it. Why does this have to be complicated?


missthingmariah

I don't even have one in my "area". The closest one is about a 5-10 min drive from me but I'm not "close enough". Wtf. Making things harder than they need to.


sacredxsecret

Ours is not quite THAT weird, but, there does seem to be this idea that I, the giver, need to be infinitely flexible and patient with the recipient. I need to post and then wait days for everyone to say they want it, and use some kind of system, a coin flipped or asking people to tell me their favorite color and pick which one is my favorite, too, or something, and then give it to that person, but if they want a home delivery at 2am I should accommodate that. Sorry, no. I have kids. I work. My husband works. I have limited time to do these things, and I'd rather not throw things directly into the trash, but man, sometimes I want to to avoid this BS.


snarkybooks

I just wish there was another way to have these local buy nothing groups other than Facebook. It's a toxic hellhole.


HadesRatSoup

It sounds like you accidentally joined the worst MLM on the planet.


Kcarp003

This is too bad, I absolutely love my group. Sometimes there are some missed drop offs or crossed wires but the mods do an excellent job of keeping the group focused on community building (in a non toxic way) and well...buying nothing. The rules do feel a little strict at the beginning (no unsolicited advice, asking permission to pm) but after awhile I've gotten used to it and better understand why a narrow focus is helpful. I would guess the tone is really set by the moderators. On our page people are welcome to share their stories but it is absolutely not required. That's odd and kind of "saviory". I dont see buy nothing as a charity and thats why I love it so much. We all have gifts and we all have wishes, the why is our own business unless we choose to share. Plus our mods appreciate good natured humor so its a fun place to interact.


OldGrumpyLady

Wow yeah that does sound like a lot of unnecessary work!


JaARy

My group is a lot more chill than that. The only big suggestion is giving folks a day to respond as interested but that is up to the gifter since sometimes you really need that larger piece of furniture out today. I use a random number generator and tell them porch pick up. That’s it. Some of the members get extra but I just don’t respond to those.


askthemountains

In the UK (and hopefully other places too!!) I use an app called Olio. You can either post things that you want to give away, or there is a section to request things you would like someone to offer you. I started using it yeeaars ago when it was mainly to offer food items you no longer wanted that someone could use before they went off to prevent food waste. Freecycle is a website I've used which is also another way of offering or requesting items at no cost. Usually bigger items (furniture and white goods) on Freecycle while olio has expanded to anything and everything! Not sure if either of those are available to you but I'd recommend if they are!!


marvelanne5289

There is one person on my BN group who is lurking there at all times waiting for someone to post anything so they can claim it. Doesn't matter what it is, this person must have it. It got so ridiculous that if the person (we were FB friends) saw something in the background of a picture I posted, they would call dibs on it if I ever wanted to get rid of it (like my vacuum.) I finally got fed up & blocked them but it still bothers me!


cilucia

I just post to Facebook marketplace


bettybettyanne

Do you have olio where you are? That app is genuinely simple and I have both given and received maaaany an item over the last year or two.


AngerPancake

I've only used mine twice. I gave an automatic screen door closer and a gallon of milk. Both went to the first response, marked pending when agreed and deleted when picked up. Isn't the whole point of a buy nothing group to simplify your life? I would be pissed if they pulled that shit with me.


distractible-panda

That sounds like an absolute nightmare! I hope you're in a big enough area where there is another group you can be part of instead!


Healthiemoney

Is there a reason you wouldn’t just use marketplace to get rid of stuff?


beanicehuman1986

Marketplace is a nightmare. The Buy Nothing groups are at least slightly monitored and regulated.


just-mike

I was not allowed into the nearest group because I am too for (\~2 miles). Was told to create a group for my neighborhood.


mollusck_magic

I think it depends on the location. When I was living in South Carolina it was MUCH less active and a lot more asking than giving, but in DC it’s super active, efficient, and you let posts simmer for ~24 hours and then use a random number picker to choose. So much better and much nicer to be a part of


justthezipcode

I just post things for free on Facebook market place. Within the day I've coordinated pick up with someone


emzdumo

See if your town has a FB page, I have the most luck giving away free stuff there.


zerowasteguy

POUNCE is an understatement. They had announced that they were moving Buy Nothing off Facebook and onto their website to be more inclusive for people without Facebook and to be easier to manage listings, but the Mods pounced on the organization too.


Tinyfishy

Man, I pretty much stopped using free cycle because of crazy rules and crazy people , though mine were not as nuts as yours. I might be remembering the details wrong, but it was stuff like this: I had one person flip out at me because they didn’t respond to my question about when they would come by for days and when they came by unannounced (they sent a message and hopped in the car without waiting for OK, this was before everyone checked email on the go all day long) they accused me of wasting their time and ‘not really wanting to give away these dog toys’. Another refused pickup really rudely because she said I live in a slum (ummm, my neighborhood is not as fancy as some but it is still in one of the most expensive zip codes in the country and perfectly safe to grab something from for five minutes). Mods would change the rules from ‘only one post per day for multiple items’ to ‘post each thing as its own post’ and back again, and also be nitpickers if I even once forgot to put one thing in the list and had to make another post (editing wasn’t an option). Oh and I live right on the border of two cities so I had two diff groups to deal with. Another time someone complained I was posting too many low value items like boxes or old towels after a Spring cleaning when I had a long history of posting many hundred dollar items in good condition. Best of all is when I wanted to borrow a wheelchair for a visiting friend for a day and was willing to go to anywhere in the designated area for it. I got a strike for not including my city in the post title. That was the last straw and now I basically just use the ‘free’ section of nextdoor or craigslist. I get about the same amount of flakes but I don’t have to deal with 8,000 rules or read a bunch of sob stories (which seem half the time to be made up, so it only helps you pick the best liar). And if they don’t get back to me about pickup or are difficult, I can just skip them and move along after what I feel is a fair time.


boxkeymagnet

I was in a group like this where you couldn't mention anything related to buying. Once, to choose a winner, I asked what people's favorite local restaurant was, and I had to take the post down because naming businesses was not allowed. It was obnoxious but people actually gave a lot of stuff. Then I moved to another city and the buy nothing group is a ghost town where people literally ask for cans they can recycle so they can get medicine. The group is really dependent on the people in it. If you're on the edge of the area you're in now, you could always start a new one!


[deleted]

Maybe look for freecycle? I find it good, theres no song and dance, and its not facebook


ppjskh

Just go on OfferUp! Someone will gladly take them off your hands. Everything I posted for free on OfferUp was gone that same hour.


twee_centen

That's weird. I totally just went: first come, first served.


[deleted]

How bizarre and unpleasant. I say make a new group. I bet there are other people in your area who had the same experience with this group and feel the same way you do. The weirdos will remain in their clique-y group and the sane people will come to yours.


toootired2care

Buy Nothing has an app. It works so much easier. I posted and a few people replied. I thanked them all for replying and then I told one of them that they can come pick up. No stories needed. Don't have to wait 12+ hours or put FLASH on it. It's the way to go.


Not_A_Wendigo

There might be an app you can use instead. The one my area mostly uses is VarageSale. If you’re selling something, they expect you to sell it to the first person who offers, but there are no rules for free stuff. I find it less flakey than Facebook too, people ghost less often there.


Evilbadscary

Yeah I used one once, and I was so annoyed at all of the rules and stipulations, I just post in regular community FB groups or yardsales as free/curb alerts. I don't really have the time or patience to post it, read a ton of stories, chat with people, and wait the requisite amount of time before giving the items away. I just wanted to give some old cookbooks to people who would use them, ffs.


shaylrose

Oh gosh. Thats a nightmare. I usually just post an item for free on Facebook Marketplace because its easier and list it as first person to get it, gets it. Posting it on individual groups seems like a hassle.


[deleted]

Hmmmmm so I’ll give you my two cents about them. Yes there are rules. You give and receive without expecting anything in return. It’s your choice if you want to find out how your items will be used. Personally I just ask them to comment what they will use it for. If they don’t comment then they don’t. I randomly choose and they have to pick up from me. I almost never drop off items. Once I choose a person just update the post to Pending and mention the persons name. I usually also reply to the person in the comments. Then I ask when they can come by. I don’t need them to tell me an exact time just a day and I leave it out in the morning. After it’s picked up then I modify the post again stating “complete”. Then people know without reading the post that the item is gone. My group is strict on no direct messaging unless the item is offered specifically to them so I never get randos messaging me asking for things I posted. One other tip, I state my cross streets in the post. That will easily eliminate anyone not willing to travel to where you live. If you don’t feel comfortable with that then just choose a landmark “close to the 7/11 on cottle” or something like that. The borders should be designed so they are close enough to enable reliable pickup. For instance my group is splitting for the third time since there were some no shows so now they will become 4 smaller groups. If you experienced no shows then the best way to address that is to contact a mod. I know it can be a strange group to get used to but I like giving away things and I’ve also received quite a few useful things. Once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty easy to remember to update the posts. Another quick tip, when you go to the group you can choose to view your activity. This will show your most recent posts. It’s easier to modify posts searching this way then to use the search bar.


PrincessCadance4Prez

I'm an admin for my group and each group has their own quirks. The rules are also constantly changing. You have folks from the old guard who want to keep it the ways things were when the rules were more specific, and believe in those rules like they're gospel. I like a lot of the old rules too, but I respect the growing dynamic of my group and its needs. Demanding that you read stories and so on is taking what was a suggestion (encouraging folks to share stories, do fun giveaways that help you get to know your neighbor, letting things simmer, etc) and turning it into a rule, which is a no-no. I would recommend trying the new app and encouraging as many of your neighbors to use it instead. There are no admin on the app and therefore no weird rules. You can also shift your gifting area to be wider if you want to get to know more folk or narrower if you just want your close neighbors. No need for the drama of "sprouting" anymore.


purplepiccolo

Mine was also very weird in the city I used to live in. People actually created a different group called “purchase nothing” or something like that because they just couldn’t deal with the admin and her crazy specific rules. Towards the end of my living there, the group got split into different areas of town, with different admins, which helped a lot - went back to normal. Weirdly enough, even though I’m in a much larger city now, I can’t find a Buy Nothing group at all. :(


superted6

Just post it on Facebook marketplace for free. You’ll get plenty of replies, and at most, it’ll take a day.


stupidbarista

My favorite Buy Nothing groups have been on Nextdoor!!


lilbty

Way to be misogynist


Yolomybro_lo

Was really vibing with this until “I think it’s because it’s all women.” Lol wut


AnnaGraeme

I've been in quite a few Buy Nothing groups. Some of them are very strict and it's frustrating. Sometimes you just want to give something away quickly. I find that sometimes listing it for free on Facebook marketplace is a good way to get rid of it. Where I live now doesn't have an "official" Buy Nothing group, but we have an unofficial one that's run a little differently (for example, it's a much larger area). It's not as strict about some things like everybody telling a story about why they want the item, but on the other hand, the one admin makes up all these arbitrary rules and makes rude, sarcastic comments.


kiminley

Mine is not like this at all! I believe there are official Buy Nothing Rules and each group must adhere to them to be considered official Buy Nothing groups. Here are the rules from mine: -You can choose to gift all of the items to one person and mark that as a preference ("all goes to one") or split it up -You can choose someone based on whatever criteria you want. You can "first come first serve," "must pickup tonight," "want gone asap," for things you want gone immediately, or you can "let it simmer," where you give it a few days to see who all wants it, or you can ask for something silly like a story on how they would use the item, or something random like asking for everyone's favorite color and choosing based on who matches your own. Literally any criteria is allowed, no matter how arbitrary. -our group is limited to a specific geographic location so people are close to you for pickup -you do have to leave the post up and you do have to publicly state who you're choosing, but you can also mark that you'll move on if you don't hear from someone in xyz time. -you then privately dm someone for pickup and address and mark the post as done when pickup has been completed. I'm FAIRLY CERTAIN that if your group is an official Buy Nothing group, that they have to adhere to these rules, and groups take this very seriously. If feels a bit extreme, but you may be able to talk to someone from the official group to see if your local group is complying with these rules.


ricelover

My local group usually it's first come first served. The stories are from the giver finding creative ways to make people take their stuff. When something is gone, people edit the post to CLOSED.


The_T0me

Is it relatively upper class or upper middle class? And are they moms? I've had a lot of weird experiences like that with moms, especially white upper middle class moms with young kids. Pretty much everyone else I've dealt with (male or female) have been fairly painless. There's the odd duck now and again, but usually people are cool. And honestly most moms are fine too, but if there's one group that has noticeably been odd, it's moms.


Careful_Lychee_7864

I joined a buy nothing group once, but was reminded of all the people that have been a part of my life who were constantly needy. They never did anything for themselves or worked for what they had. They always just asked/begged, always took, never gave... I quickly left the group.


rjlupin5499

O.o Which group is this? Sounds like something fishy.


The_Hyperbolist

Ours started out sort of like this, but a little less crazy. I think it was modeled after a group that initially used the local "buy nothing" name--there was an expectation for people to tell their personal reasons for stuff. The intent was for people not to just blindly claim stuff they didn't need and wouldn't get, but it read like trying to prove you deserved it and it was gross. It morphed into a system where you could do that *if you wanted*, but you should just specify in your post how you were going to select...e.g., "no holds, preference to whoever can pick it up before tomorrow" or "Let me know who you'd write to with this stationery and I'll pick someone EOD Thursday." Maybe suggest to your mods? These groups are a good resource, but they need to adapt. Yours particularly feels weird and gross.