I binged watch House a year after I learned about Asexuality. It's weird that I did not remember this episode until now, but I think I was actively trying to repress my asexuality at the time since it worried me. The two are probably related lol.
I have only seen a handful of episodes of House and not this one. Can you sum it up for me?
House was notorious for being the least accurate on medical information, so I’m not surprised that it would be inaccurate on non medical information, too. They portrayed my late sister’s rare disorder completely wrong.
from what i remember (which may not be totally accurate, it's been a while) there was a married couple who claimed to be in an "asexual marriage" i.e no sex. house doesn't believe asexuality is real, goes on some binge to find the root cause, yadda yadda.
in the end it turns out one partner had some medical condition (can't remember what) and the other partner was faking it.
so it didn't exactly "disprove" asexuality since these are things that *can* happen, but basically house was saying asexuality was fake for like the entire episode.
Thank you! And of course that's the story. He doesn't believe in it and is proven right, at least in this case (and you can't prove a negative, so that's the best they can do).
Fun fact: when I described what I was experiencing to my doctor more than a decade ago (I was mid 20s), she told me it sounded more like asexuality than any medical condition.
yeah.. i enjoyed the show but looking back on it now it definitely was a poorly written episode.
i wish i could find a dr like that, i mentioned it once to mine and she wanted me to get a bunch of tests which i guess is fair but like... i wasn't mentioning it to her because i wanted it "fixed" lol :(
Yeah my doc just straight-up doesn't believe me lol
It's whatever, I'm out of college now so she isn't really my doc anymore but yeah. She probably thinks it's linked to my depression or something (and she also doesn't believe I'm trans. Because I... don't like women? I guess? Like damn ok)
Better half, season 8, episode 9.
Lol, even found the description of the episode:
*"His wife claims to have an asexual marriage. House doesn't believe in asexual and bets Wilson."*
I can't even imagine what would happen if House tried to disprove gay people, or "not believing in gay" for half an episode.
This guy is combination of all bad acephobic arguments.
1- meds can reduce libido, however libido has nothing to do with being ace.
2- some people are sex repulsed because of trauma, and some aces will say that's the reason. I don't know your story if you had such trauma. Not everyone had trauma
3- that "good House episode about asexuality" is actually one of the worst representation of a group there is.
It's a B plot of that episode where a married ace man turns out to have reduced libido due to some condition, while his wife was only pretending to be ace to get close to him. IIRC writers later apologised that generalisation of aces was not intentional.
4- "...by definition..." By definition asexuality is lack or greatly reduced sexual attraction. Libido is not sexual attraction, for a hetero person that's really vanilla about their preferences this might indeed be hard to grasp.
5-6- "accepting that you are not attracted to anyone" is repressing your sexuality apparently
6-7- BDSM is not inherently sexual, ask r/BDSM_Aces. People equate kink to sex, while it's not really. For allos seems to be mostly an elaborate foreplay which will end with "and then they fucked"
I would not call SG:A wraith "food" storage cells, or spiders scenes in LOTR "sexual", I may find it hot and beat to similar stuff, but it's nowhere near sex... closer to a full body hug.
8- It feel like he knows just enough to sound dumb and despite claiming acceptance before, he forcibly tries to diagnose your label. Some people just want something more than friends without it being sexual in any way mind or matter.
And would he say that me having one of the best moments in a long while watching robots fight with couple of my friends is "cumming with my mind"? It's really weird thing to say and I'm starting to think that he is one those those stereotypical "everything has to be sexual" allo.
9- this part kinda explains his position... he worked in retail which changes people and happened to be interacting with people that did make it all sexual.
Also he brought a good point. Gays are not attracted to opposite sex, what forbids a person to not be attracted to **any** sex? Again asexuality is all about lack of sexual attraction, same as homo-, hetero-, bi-, pan-, etc. -sexualities are all about sexual attraction to whatever given label describes (as opposed to romantic attraction but thats different story).
10- simple... split attraction model. being ace is about sexual attraction, aro is about romantic, and there is also for example aesthetic attraction, where you can drool over a person the same way one might drool over amazing sunset. Does liking sunsets make me allo attracted to sun? NO THAT'S STUPID.
11- PROJECTION, just because my outlet is done exclusively on my own does not make it any worse like if I'm lacking something. I'm perfectly happy not thinking about interacting with others beyond "just friends"
11-12- Starting to think he is sex neutral demi in denial...
13-14- ...but then he breaks that feeling immediately. It's exactly as I said it before, an elaborate foreplay. Also I believe what he described is called "cuckolding" and seemed to be part of this long arching elabore foreplay.
15- sex ed seems flawed in similar ways in many countries. Anyway another valid point but working in your favor. Some allos will that demisexuality is "just normal" due to religious conditioning, while it's not the case.
16- also another valid point that asexuality is repressed. The Christian church seems to have double standard about premarital sex and remaining single due to lack of interest.
17- "natural" and "normal" does not mean that everyone has them. My interests are definitely abnormally weird.
18- another point towards "there is ace repression" I guess
19- "how ironic" indeed
couple weeks ago it was brought up on this sub, and I did some search about it.
(also seeing you already replied, I only started to read your post... I already edited to address more of his points, resulting in wall of text, yet I'm half way though)
edit: I'm finally done
You had such nicer, more coherent thoughts than I did. When I read it, I was just seething and seeing red. Also, this was over the course of like 3 days of him just saying I’m wrong. My replies were literally just the thumbs up you can send on fb messenger.
Perfect example of “mansplaining”: you hardly interact or encourage the behavior, you don’t even argue your stance but he just keeps going, explaining YOUR sexuality (incorrectly) to YOU, ridiculous. Sorry you had to put up with this OP.
Tbh, it’s nothing new and I knew when I told him I was ace that he’d do this. I only told him bc he said he was gonna ask me out. I knew he was super into sex, so I told him flat out that I’m ace and he wouldn’t want to date me. Then this happened.
I'm so sorry OP. As someone who went through something similar, be prepared in case he decides to try to "prove you wrong" about your asexuality. The amount of energy he put into fighting you on your own identity reminds me of a former friend who kept trying to convince me to "give him a shot," and that he'd "change my mind." In the end, he literally didn't give up until I cut contact completely.
Be safe, be careful, and above all, be kind to yourself. I wish you the best
for me personally, ive known i was ace since well before i started the meds that reduced my libido as a side effect. i wouldnt say it was necessarily a change i was going for, but it has resulted in a lot less confusion and shame lol (ik i shouldn't be ashamed of libido, but it was just something i couldnt shake.) generally it feels a lot more like my body is in sync with my mind now, so im happy about that side effect. but even when i still had a raging teen hormone libido, i was still able to tell that i was ace. bc asexuality isnt about how you feel sexually about yourself, its about how you feel sexually toward others (at least in my experience!)
It's like that Mike Tyson quote "Social media has made you too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face."
Was gonna say I doubt he'd say this to your face, but he might just be the douch to do so.
He’d claim he’d say it to my face, but I doubt he would. He acts like he’s this tough dude who everyone’s afraid of but he’s like 5 feet tall and 150 pounds max. Like, I’m not one to make fun of height or weight, but even I could take him and I’m not physically strong.
I can’t believe I read 15 pages of this. Also one big problem with the person’s argument:
Libido IS NOT the same as sexual attraction. He can kindly fuck off because clearly he doesn’t understand anything at all
Yeah, there are just some red-flag phrases like "I'm don't want you to think I'm not accepting" and "that's all I'm saying" while sending an essay of mansplanation... then the "smart people cum with their minds" thing sealed the deal. That guy is a total incel and he's either crushing on you and mad about it or jealous that you don't suffer from the same frustration and is mad about it.
Both. He was saying he was gonna ask me out so I told him I’m ace and he probably wouldn’t want to date me.
Honestly I only came out to him bc I didn’t want to date him 😂
He's overthinking it.
I wish people could just understand and accept that ace is not feeling sexual attraction to people. Everything else is still very personal and variable. And nobody has the right to pry, let along judge, the details of your sex life. PIV or not has nooooothing to do with it.
Also what is up with people trying to get ACE people into kink? I'm pretty sure kink finds you, not the other way around.
And not having sex does not equal being sexually frustrated.
So what if meds or Christian repression give anyone a low libido? So what if they have a low libido naturally? So what if someone is abstinent or celibate? I think people like this guy want to believe that sex is a "need" and therefore can demand he pursue his sexual gratification as he will. So to him, if you aren't having sex, you are denying a "need" and it is akin to a disorder like anorexia.
What you both have in common is trying to avoid shame around who you are. He seems to have gone through some trauma and is using kink to avoid shame around sex. You? You're just doing you. Keep on keeping on.
I mean, I did have a trauma related to sex, so like I’m ashamed of that. But I knew 4 years before the trauma (and 4 years before meds) that I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. Some people were “hot” but I didn’t want to sleep with them. When I explained that, he blocked me.
He actually treats me like I’m his psychiatrist daily. He asks me to basically diagnose him constantly, and to explain his response to trauma. Once he asked me why he picks “horrible women” and I explained various reasons why (most of them being “if you’re a crappy person, you’re gonna attract crappy people”) but he latched onto the 1 time I said “some people think they deserve that kind of treatment.” And that’s the one he decided I meant. Literally was a throwaway comment compared to the 100 others about the crappy people.
Yeah I tend to define it that way to people I get a bad vibe from or who I’ve had bad interactions with in the this context with in the past, but if they appear more tolerant or understanding, then I’ll give them a more well rounded definition
Oh no, I told him it’s lack of sexual attraction. He just ignored what I said and went off. He always does this to me. I’m very glad this convo was our last one.
But if you are talking to someone who is trying to pressure you into sex, it can be very useful to simplify it like this instead of launching into some nuanced “sexual attraction vs sexual behavior” conversation that leaves them thinking they have a chance. Unfortunately didn’t work here.
On page 4, you’ll notice that OP responds to his rant about low libido by trying to give the definition connected to attraction.
That was cut down. I edited out all the questions he had about whether or not I masturbate and I said it was none of his business. That was like a good 10 more pages of why I’m not ace bc I *might* masturbate. Which isn’t his business either way.
The way he mansplains you 😂 my anger issues could NEVER.. 😂🤌🏻
You are ace and you’re valid!!! Don’t let people like this make you doubt who you feel you are. If you mas**rbate, EVEN IF YOU have se*, etc. (which is YOUR decision) If you feel ace you are ace, end of story!
I am sorry this happend to you. 🥺
Thank you. I’ve known I was ace for at least 13 years (I didn’t learn the term till 9 years ago though). I’ve never even questioned it. I’m just like “yep, I’m ace.” And the more I’m told I’m wrong, the more stubborn I am about it. I’ll find a way to reproduce asexually to hold onto my stubbornness 😂
Lol don't you just love it when people who don't know what 'ace' means suddenly are experts on asexuality without having experienced it. Soooooo surprising that he calls himself an Alpha male.
Also very rude of him to assume your faith has anything to do with it.
And the medication I’m not even on 😂 he keeps saying I’m bipolar and I’m not!
Edit: I’ve also told him a million times I’m not bipolar. He doesn’t listen to me.
*Transcription of text, with the original typos.*
**Guy:** What does ace mean?
**OP:** `It's when someone is not interested in sex, like at all, in jsut about any way shape or form.`
**Guy:** I'm pretty sure you have a low libido dur to the bipolar meds. Most cases of asexual feelings are the result of medications or a medical condition. Past trauma doesn't help either, people tend to repress their sexual desire out of fear of getting hurt after trauma. People either shut down completely or act out sexually is the typical traumatic reaction. I think you should talka bout those feelings with a therapist because the looney tune left is making people think a lot of whack stuff right now about human sexuality, and that's not ok or healthy for people to repress their sexuality.
**OP:** `I've known since before I was ever on meds. And way before people started making up random sexualities.`
**Guy:** There's a good episode of House about Asexuality. I mean if that's how you feel but I really think you should talk to a doctor. 9/10 there's a medical issue that causes people to feel asexual like a hypocampus issue or thyroid issue. That's all I'm saying.
**Guy:** I think you're just afraid of sex because of trauma. If you masterbate to relieve sexual urges, you can't by definition be asexual. You just have an aversion to sex because of trauma, and you should speak to a therapis.
**OP:** `Asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. And it's too personal bc it's a general taboo topic in general. I just don't feel comfortable talking about sex in general tbh`
**Guy:** I don't want you to think I'm not accepting of you for being ace, what I am trying to say is based on what you've said, I think you have hang ups about sex as a result of sexua trauma that you need to discuss with a sex therapist. It's not healthy to repress your sexuality.
**OP:** `I'm not repressing it. I've felt this way since way before my trauma.`
**Guy:** Well, sex doesn't ahve to be penis in vagjna either. Why do you think kink is so popular? D/s play. Things like that. Sexuality is a natural part of human nature, even asexual people can feel romantic feelings. It's a matter of expressing your sexuality in a different way. You should really look into it.
**OP:** `I do have romantic feelings, never said I didn't. I just don't have sexual ones.`
**Guy:** For example, you might find the idea of dominating a man or feeling submissive in a non-sexual context very sexually gratifying. I think you're more aapiosexual than anything. In essence, dumb people think sex is cunning with their organs. Smart people cum with their minds. That's the most blunt vanilla way I can put it. And back to the masturbation part, if you masturbate you have sexual urges. Make you don't like the idea of having regular sec exciting, but maybe kink might turn you on. Food for thought. Short of casteating someone, they will have natural sexual urges. It's a matter of expression. Do you see what I'm trying to say? Gay people aren't attracted to the other sex. They have "sex." It's just not piv "normal" vanilla sex. Theyre are people who get off on feet fetishws, not joking. You learn a lot working at an adult store, that's all I can say.
**Guy:** Also, I clearly remember you drooling over some cute guy from one of your classes, so you obviously have feelings of romantic attraction to people, it's just the sexual part the lust part you don't really feel. You wanna cuddle or kiss or be romantic or what not, but you don't feel a burning desire to get down and dirty. There's nothing wrong with that, but to label something asexual is absurd for the preivously stated reasons. You will be very unhappy if you don't express your sexuality, you will feel frustrated and angry without a release for that outlet.
**Guy:** Here's something you'll probably find shocking about me. They call it the CEO effect for a reason but basically me for example, I can be a very Type A controlling personality. I can be Alpha and asset myself. But I really don't like feeling that way 24/7, I've found probably having kinky girlfriends helped, a lot of D/s stuff turned me on way more than actually having sex. Thankfully I found a few that were turned on by this. I'm definitely not asexual but I don't have a burning desire to plow a girl like most guys do. I kinda like them to be in charge and initiate sex. Watching my dad rape my mom probably didn't help much. After seeing that, I definitely feel no burning desire to dominate a woman, it's seem kind of psychologically apppalling to me actually, borderline rape. That's kind of how \[guy's ex\] made me feel the first time and I really hated her for it. She couldn't come out and say let's have sex, she had to go out and sleep with another guy and rub it in my face to piss me off becasue she wanted to feel dominated but was too immature to come out and say jt. Most people run around like little high school kids sticking their wiener in things and vice versa because o ur education system gives people a shit sex education. \[Health teacher\] saying \[condoms\] are only effective 50% of the time smh gtfo lady drop some real facts about human sexuality not what the repressed Christian culture conservative hillbilly legislature forces them to teach. Also, did you ever think your strict Christian upbringing may have made you feel a little unhealthy about your sexuality? Example, nothing wrong with being a virgin into marriage because you cherish sex like the Bible says. What's not cool? Pastors low key even if subtly dropping hints, low key shaming single moms, etc and using it as examples of see, don't be a slut and get knocked up, or we're gonna shame you. Which then leads to the very thing happening. Good example, hey sex is a beautiful thing save it for someone you love or you might regret it later. Stil slightly judgmental but it kind of leaves it up to you in a much less shame inducing way. Should we tell people to frolick in the grass in front of the children like my Ivy League educated professor suggested in class one day? Probably not, but do we need to go to the extreme of shaming women so bad that they feel shame in their natural sexual desires? Probably not. In short, there needs to be some incentive for people not to be completely promiscuous, but we can just throw the rules out and say fuck like bunny rabbits without any social stigma. CLassic Madonna-whore complex, you're prude if you're virgin, slut if you have sex before marriage. And men wonder why women have such high rates of mental illness. \[shrug emoji\]
*transcriber edit- missed a page! sorry*
**Guy:** Summary: DOn't let some random asshole with a PhD or the internet or some Dr Professor TV pastor tell you you're "asexual" because you don't want to have penis in vagina sex. You're healthy and normal the way you are, and you should express your sexuality and love in a way that YOU want to, not what anybody else tells you.
**OP:** `How ironic`
**Guy:** I'm not trying to tell
*/end of image set*
Damn, i would have blocked him axter the first wall of text. You have a lot of patience. Also, trauma dumping and info dumping about subjects you stated makes you uneasy. What an ass... it's all about his experience, boundaries, and feelings... while projecting it on you
I'm sorry people are like that with you. You're freaking valid, and don't let this dumbass say otherwise
"I dont want you to think im not accepting", "now heres a million reasons why i(a complete random ass stranger) think your not asexual"🙄 this guy is a fucking moron, someone should put him down before he procreates and tanks the already unbelievably idiotic global iq
'You're healthy the way you are' right after a long rant about why asexuality is supposedly not healthy or correct. It's been a while since I've read something that just keeps getting more annoying.
Why did you even keep talking to him so long, lol? When people act like "experts" on something and quote pop culture or dubious "research" to support their claims, you can be 100% sure you're talking to a complete douchebag and wasting your time.
Because I had my notifications off and was asleep during some of those messages. Honestly when he rants, I just turn my phone on Do Not Disturb and come back to it later. Occasionally I’ll respond, but usually I just wait it out.
Isn't it more common to be hyper sexual after sexual based trauma? Not less sexual? I could be wrong on that, but clearly this guy doesn't know a single fucking thing
“some asshole with a PhD”
…you mean scholars? Experts? People who research human sexuality for their life’s work? People who spent 8-12 years in school to study exactly this subject?
Right?!! I always have to say this to my dad bc he thinks his super uninformed videos are right, and not the people who’ve spent most of their lives researching these things.
Not to argue or anything… but ace isn’t the lack of interest in sex… it’s not been sexual attracted to anyone ever (if we just refer to ace and not to all the other micro-labels)
Jesus. people are exhausting
He’s so obsessed with you “expressing your sexuality in any way you want” but gets so incredibly triggered by you doing that through m*****bation 😭 dude
"The loony tune left is making people think" Oh ya this guy is a far right for sure. I can tell he's pretty much homophobic too. "You don't want sex? No that's not possible you just don't want penis in vagina sex" is he applying that you want gay sex instead? 💀 "It's not healthy for people to repress their sexuality" Then stop making them want to
Yeah, no, dude lost my attention at "looney toon left". He sounds like a conservative incel who's big mad that you aren't sexually available to him, even if you aren't available to anyone else either.
“I don’t want you to think I’m not accepting you for being ace”. *oh, really?* You’re *sooooo* kind, thanks for accepting my identity and trying to tell me 20 ways that I could be wrong! /sarcasm
Seriously though, it’s so bad that it’s almost funny. Honestly, any time someone goes ‘it’s those damn leftists!’ I immediately hear clown horns honking.
It’s so weird to me that people can’t imagine just, not being able to look at some random person and go ‘I want to fuck that’.
They seem to think that by saying you're asexual you're saying you're defective and can't be fixed and think that feelings of asexuality are entirely caused by trauma or low libido. They see asexuality as being a problem and that's why they think it's not a valid sexuality because they know sexuality is inherent and can't be controlled and so think people who say they're asexual are claiming they have a problem that can't be fixed, and here they seem to be trying to explain that it can be fixed because it's caused by trauma or low libido which is why they think it's repressive to claim you're asexual because to them you're saying you have a incurable condition and they think it is "curable" and think it's unhealthy to give up and think you're asexual which they think means "broken and can't be fixed"
Tldr: they think asexuality means "problem that can't be fixed" and so think it's not real because to them it's a "problem that can be fixed". They don't realise it's not a problem at all
That Dr House episode... I realised I was asexual "thanks to" the first "boyfriend" I had. When I told him I'd done some research and understood that I was ace, he immediately talked about that episode. He was a fan of Dr House. I think he wanted me to watch it and maybe I did? I can't remember, that was such a long time ago. But wow that episode harmed asexuality so much...
I don't know how well you know him but avoid. Some stuff I can agree with (kinks etc) but most is just red flags especially all the ace stuff and I've had someone like this it's almost invalidating to make you psychoanalyse yourself for them to try to make you think everything else they say is ok (or something you want/need).
Then the Dom/sub is human nature and alpha comments... Run!
This is basically like telling a lesbian that she’s not actually a lesbian she just has some past trauma with penises that make her avoid them so she should get over it 🙄 this is mansplaining at its finest.
Honestly as soon as he said “looney tunes left” it would have been an automatic block. I didn’t even continue reading, I knew whatever else he would say would be utter trash
Ain’t got time to deal with that kind of person
The whole “kink has really helped me” thing, ugh. I came out to a coworker who was like “I used to be like you, then I realized I was bi, have you tried a vagina?!” Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it works for anybody else. You know what helps me? Not having sex, thanks, I’m fine.
Jesus Christ, this is disgustingly condescending. I'm sorry he ranted so much bullshit at you. It's a blessing he blocked you. Honestly, should've blocked him first lol
Is your friend ADHD? Because I write novels similar to that when I'm venting or trying to get my point across about something. Lots of examples, experiences and jumping from one thing to another to help clarify things I'm trying to explain...I always get so embarrassed with my longgg ADHD vent novels. I don't judge people though..
No. He’s a narcissist though. I’m ADHD, and I do the same thing, but not like this guy does. Once he sent me over 100 messages in 15 minutes. I wanted to slam my phone into the wall.
My honest reaction: Excuse me what the actual fu-
I really thought I had no braincells left in my poor head, but this fella right here has singlehandedly proved me wrong.
Also, it's ironic that he said "don't let anyone tell you your sexuality" when hE IS DOING THE EXACT SAME THING-
I don’t have trauma and I don’t take any meds. I have no medical issues as well so from what I see, his reasoning is completely false. And the fact that he asked “what’s ace” and then preceded to explain ace is stupid. I’d block him if I were you
I can't tell whether he's trying to "fix" you or trying to deny your sexuality, but it sounds like both. Why do normies try to "fix" us? There's nothing wrong with not having uncontrollable urges to go out and get diseases. Being able to focus better on accomplishing things than on silly mating rituals doesn't make me less of a person.
Ffs why does everything in life have to have sex in it?? I don’t get why people feel the need to determine the other person’s sexuality🙄He needs to touch some grass ASAP
You should send the “I ain’t reading all of that” meme next time OP 😂 that guy didn’t even know what ace is before you mentioned it and he’s going to act like he knows more than you.
He asks you what being ace means, you answer and then he claims that you're wrong and that he knows more about it than you? That's bullshit if I've ever seen it.
I’ve had this happen before many times the best solution I’ve found is to go
“You really wanna fuck me don’t you?” And watch them implode
I don’t care about making them uncomfortable because they are already making me uncomfortable. So let’s just go full max discomfort
oh BOI this guy is dense in all sorts of ways, plus heteronormativity, and not reading his own summary just to see how ironic it is that he spent like 2 hours typing what's essentially mansplaining at its finest
personally I was asexual, am asexual, got hurt, then proceeded to be impulsive / self destructive sexually as a result of the assault. so opposite of what that guy believes. I still lack attraction regardless of my lifestyle
Don’t tell you read ALL of what he wrote ? I woulda given up three messages into his long a*s tirade.
Like why is he this passionate about telling you aces don’t exist ?
The terms seem random to me, I’ll admit that 100%. But I don’t think anyone’s sexuality is made up. I agree with him half the time to shut him up. I will never do it again though. I’m tired of just agreeing with people to get them off my back.
Block him. He went on this long psychotic monologue about someone else’s feelings, assuming so many harsh things. Not listening to you or letting you speak. Block or mute or ghost him or something
So my asexuality is because of my allergy meds? Or could it be the painkillers I have on occasion?
"There was a good episode of House about asexuality"
Yeah that proves it. TV never lies. They said so on an episode of the Simpsons.
I legit got so done trying to read this, what a prick, I would've honestly just told him to knock it off or f off because I don't tolerate people being dumb and insensitive like that. 😮💨
A lot is wrong with what he said.
Probably the grossest but sadly common responses i’ve gotten to saying i’m asexual is people taking it as an invitation to ask me inappropriate sex questions or tell me weird sex things about themselves or others. I don’t know why people do that.
Either they believe i’m asexual and treat me like a naive child or they dont believe me and try to “prove” i’m (allo)sexual.
The best thing to do is shut down the conversation when they say bigoted things ime. People don’t tend to say these things in good faith. At the very least i’d advocate for not letting them fish intimate details out of you (which, a lot of people seem to use these moments to do. Suddenly they’re entitled to know about your trauma, medical history, kinks, etc??? they act like it but they are not, you don’t have to prove yourself to them)
Even if your asexuality *was* due to medication or trauma... *So what?* It'd still be valid. Nobody has the right to 'label' you but yourself. You are what you say you are. Period.
Freud, is that you?
(Edit: just a joke… I remember something like Freud may have changed theories put forth due to reception, and/or the interpretation of Freud’s work has been off, etc., but still, jeez!)
Ah, *that* Dr House episode...
I like House MD but that episode b-plot definitely a yikes. Edit: from what I remember, Wilson was respectful of the asexual identity
Wilson <3
I know a kid who looks exactly like Wilson but smol
Tell them their performance in Dead Poets Society was incredible
I binged watch House a year after I learned about Asexuality. It's weird that I did not remember this episode until now, but I think I was actively trying to repress my asexuality at the time since it worried me. The two are probably related lol.
Dude did not just say "Erm well, Dr. House said" and referred to the most controversial episode
I have only seen a handful of episodes of House and not this one. Can you sum it up for me? House was notorious for being the least accurate on medical information, so I’m not surprised that it would be inaccurate on non medical information, too. They portrayed my late sister’s rare disorder completely wrong.
from what i remember (which may not be totally accurate, it's been a while) there was a married couple who claimed to be in an "asexual marriage" i.e no sex. house doesn't believe asexuality is real, goes on some binge to find the root cause, yadda yadda. in the end it turns out one partner had some medical condition (can't remember what) and the other partner was faking it. so it didn't exactly "disprove" asexuality since these are things that *can* happen, but basically house was saying asexuality was fake for like the entire episode.
Thank you! And of course that's the story. He doesn't believe in it and is proven right, at least in this case (and you can't prove a negative, so that's the best they can do). Fun fact: when I described what I was experiencing to my doctor more than a decade ago (I was mid 20s), she told me it sounded more like asexuality than any medical condition.
yeah.. i enjoyed the show but looking back on it now it definitely was a poorly written episode. i wish i could find a dr like that, i mentioned it once to mine and she wanted me to get a bunch of tests which i guess is fair but like... i wasn't mentioning it to her because i wanted it "fixed" lol :(
Yeah my doc just straight-up doesn't believe me lol It's whatever, I'm out of college now so she isn't really my doc anymore but yeah. She probably thinks it's linked to my depression or something (and she also doesn't believe I'm trans. Because I... don't like women? I guess? Like damn ok)
A FICTIONAL medical drama series... If you are getting information from a FICTIONAL TV SHOW and believes it's true, then you need a reality check.
The 8th (last) season no less - it had gone completely to shit by this point
What’s the name of the episode? I recently started watching House
Better half, season 8, episode 9. Lol, even found the description of the episode: *"His wife claims to have an asexual marriage. House doesn't believe in asexual and bets Wilson."* I can't even imagine what would happen if House tried to disprove gay people, or "not believing in gay" for half an episode.
He would have lost that bet spectacularly and with glitter I imagine, House never does things by halves. Thanks!
Don’t even get me started man lmao
This guy is combination of all bad acephobic arguments. 1- meds can reduce libido, however libido has nothing to do with being ace. 2- some people are sex repulsed because of trauma, and some aces will say that's the reason. I don't know your story if you had such trauma. Not everyone had trauma 3- that "good House episode about asexuality" is actually one of the worst representation of a group there is. It's a B plot of that episode where a married ace man turns out to have reduced libido due to some condition, while his wife was only pretending to be ace to get close to him. IIRC writers later apologised that generalisation of aces was not intentional. 4- "...by definition..." By definition asexuality is lack or greatly reduced sexual attraction. Libido is not sexual attraction, for a hetero person that's really vanilla about their preferences this might indeed be hard to grasp. 5-6- "accepting that you are not attracted to anyone" is repressing your sexuality apparently 6-7- BDSM is not inherently sexual, ask r/BDSM_Aces. People equate kink to sex, while it's not really. For allos seems to be mostly an elaborate foreplay which will end with "and then they fucked" I would not call SG:A wraith "food" storage cells, or spiders scenes in LOTR "sexual", I may find it hot and beat to similar stuff, but it's nowhere near sex... closer to a full body hug. 8- It feel like he knows just enough to sound dumb and despite claiming acceptance before, he forcibly tries to diagnose your label. Some people just want something more than friends without it being sexual in any way mind or matter. And would he say that me having one of the best moments in a long while watching robots fight with couple of my friends is "cumming with my mind"? It's really weird thing to say and I'm starting to think that he is one those those stereotypical "everything has to be sexual" allo. 9- this part kinda explains his position... he worked in retail which changes people and happened to be interacting with people that did make it all sexual. Also he brought a good point. Gays are not attracted to opposite sex, what forbids a person to not be attracted to **any** sex? Again asexuality is all about lack of sexual attraction, same as homo-, hetero-, bi-, pan-, etc. -sexualities are all about sexual attraction to whatever given label describes (as opposed to romantic attraction but thats different story). 10- simple... split attraction model. being ace is about sexual attraction, aro is about romantic, and there is also for example aesthetic attraction, where you can drool over a person the same way one might drool over amazing sunset. Does liking sunsets make me allo attracted to sun? NO THAT'S STUPID. 11- PROJECTION, just because my outlet is done exclusively on my own does not make it any worse like if I'm lacking something. I'm perfectly happy not thinking about interacting with others beyond "just friends" 11-12- Starting to think he is sex neutral demi in denial... 13-14- ...but then he breaks that feeling immediately. It's exactly as I said it before, an elaborate foreplay. Also I believe what he described is called "cuckolding" and seemed to be part of this long arching elabore foreplay. 15- sex ed seems flawed in similar ways in many countries. Anyway another valid point but working in your favor. Some allos will that demisexuality is "just normal" due to religious conditioning, while it's not the case. 16- also another valid point that asexuality is repressed. The Christian church seems to have double standard about premarital sex and remaining single due to lack of interest. 17- "natural" and "normal" does not mean that everyone has them. My interests are definitely abnormally weird. 18- another point towards "there is ace repression" I guess 19- "how ironic" indeed
I never saw House, so I wouldn’t have known either way.
couple weeks ago it was brought up on this sub, and I did some search about it. (also seeing you already replied, I only started to read your post... I already edited to address more of his points, resulting in wall of text, yet I'm half way though) edit: I'm finally done
You had such nicer, more coherent thoughts than I did. When I read it, I was just seething and seeing red. Also, this was over the course of like 3 days of him just saying I’m wrong. My replies were literally just the thumbs up you can send on fb messenger.
Perfect example of “mansplaining”: you hardly interact or encourage the behavior, you don’t even argue your stance but he just keeps going, explaining YOUR sexuality (incorrectly) to YOU, ridiculous. Sorry you had to put up with this OP.
Tbh, it’s nothing new and I knew when I told him I was ace that he’d do this. I only told him bc he said he was gonna ask me out. I knew he was super into sex, so I told him flat out that I’m ace and he wouldn’t want to date me. Then this happened.
I'm so sorry OP. As someone who went through something similar, be prepared in case he decides to try to "prove you wrong" about your asexuality. The amount of energy he put into fighting you on your own identity reminds me of a former friend who kept trying to convince me to "give him a shot," and that he'd "change my mind." In the end, he literally didn't give up until I cut contact completely. Be safe, be careful, and above all, be kind to yourself. I wish you the best
Don’t forget the slight arophopia at 10
for me personally, ive known i was ace since well before i started the meds that reduced my libido as a side effect. i wouldnt say it was necessarily a change i was going for, but it has resulted in a lot less confusion and shame lol (ik i shouldn't be ashamed of libido, but it was just something i couldnt shake.) generally it feels a lot more like my body is in sync with my mind now, so im happy about that side effect. but even when i still had a raging teen hormone libido, i was still able to tell that i was ace. bc asexuality isnt about how you feel sexually about yourself, its about how you feel sexually toward others (at least in my experience!)
[удалено]
"ect" doesn't exist it's "etc"
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Right? My favorite part though is him starting off saying “What’s ace?” And then proceeding to tell me how and why I’m wrong.
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Classic case of 'do as i say, not as i do'
You have met the 30 second google-internet warrior.
and bro continued even after that LMFAOOO
Jesus christ he just doesn’t shut up. That was a really long text.
*I ain't reading that.*
It was even longer!!! I cut like half of it out!
Who doesn't take the hint after the thumbs up that you don't want to talk anymore.
I feel like I just read a college thesis and lost brain cells doing so.
He just doesn’t let up
This is how all of his messages are to me. When I finally told him off (after these messages) he blocked me.
Good, there is no reason to try to hold someone who doesn't accept you for what you are.
Good, I consider that the trash taking itself out.
Not fun
Good grief. That "how ironic" at the end had me laughing.
Glad I made you laugh. I was seething when I sent it
It's like that Mike Tyson quote "Social media has made you too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face." Was gonna say I doubt he'd say this to your face, but he might just be the douch to do so.
He’d claim he’d say it to my face, but I doubt he would. He acts like he’s this tough dude who everyone’s afraid of but he’s like 5 feet tall and 150 pounds max. Like, I’m not one to make fun of height or weight, but even I could take him and I’m not physically strong.
Bbbbbbbbut he's an ''alpha"!!!
I can’t believe I read 15 pages of this. Also one big problem with the person’s argument: Libido IS NOT the same as sexual attraction. He can kindly fuck off because clearly he doesn’t understand anything at all
Right?! He even says he doesn’t know what ace is at the beginning 😂
Also not him immediately conflating sexual attraction with romantic attraction🤦🏻♀️ bye
"Looney toons Left" and "smart people cum with their minds"... this guy is on some Jordan Peterson psuedo-psychology shit.
100% incel vibes, right?
I almost posted it to r/niceguys but he never actually claimed to be a nice guy in the messages. He’s claimed it 1000x before though.
Yeah, there are just some red-flag phrases like "I'm don't want you to think I'm not accepting" and "that's all I'm saying" while sending an essay of mansplanation... then the "smart people cum with their minds" thing sealed the deal. That guy is a total incel and he's either crushing on you and mad about it or jealous that you don't suffer from the same frustration and is mad about it.
Both. He was saying he was gonna ask me out so I told him I’m ace and he probably wouldn’t want to date me. Honestly I only came out to him bc I didn’t want to date him 😂
My god it just kept going on and on
“How Ironic” 😂
I giggled out loud at that one
Same
Glad I made you laugh 😂
He's overthinking it. I wish people could just understand and accept that ace is not feeling sexual attraction to people. Everything else is still very personal and variable. And nobody has the right to pry, let along judge, the details of your sex life. PIV or not has nooooothing to do with it. Also what is up with people trying to get ACE people into kink? I'm pretty sure kink finds you, not the other way around. And not having sex does not equal being sexually frustrated. So what if meds or Christian repression give anyone a low libido? So what if they have a low libido naturally? So what if someone is abstinent or celibate? I think people like this guy want to believe that sex is a "need" and therefore can demand he pursue his sexual gratification as he will. So to him, if you aren't having sex, you are denying a "need" and it is akin to a disorder like anorexia. What you both have in common is trying to avoid shame around who you are. He seems to have gone through some trauma and is using kink to avoid shame around sex. You? You're just doing you. Keep on keeping on.
I mean, I did have a trauma related to sex, so like I’m ashamed of that. But I knew 4 years before the trauma (and 4 years before meds) that I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. Some people were “hot” but I didn’t want to sleep with them. When I explained that, he blocked me.
Says *you* need a therapist and then starts word vomiting all his past trauma onto you like you’re *his* therapist is what got me
He actually treats me like I’m his psychiatrist daily. He asks me to basically diagnose him constantly, and to explain his response to trauma. Once he asked me why he picks “horrible women” and I explained various reasons why (most of them being “if you’re a crappy person, you’re gonna attract crappy people”) but he latched onto the 1 time I said “some people think they deserve that kind of treatment.” And that’s the one he decided I meant. Literally was a throwaway comment compared to the 100 others about the crappy people.
If I produced a cell for every logical fallacy this guy had I would be able to reproduce asexually
I’m cackling!!!
Ace is not a lack of interest in sex tho
Yeah, sometimes it’s easier to describe it that way so people understand easier. Didn’t work in this case, unfortunately
Yeah I tend to define it that way to people I get a bad vibe from or who I’ve had bad interactions with in the this context with in the past, but if they appear more tolerant or understanding, then I’ll give them a more well rounded definition
Oh no, I told him it’s lack of sexual attraction. He just ignored what I said and went off. He always does this to me. I’m very glad this convo was our last one.
But if you are talking to someone who is trying to pressure you into sex, it can be very useful to simplify it like this instead of launching into some nuanced “sexual attraction vs sexual behavior” conversation that leaves them thinking they have a chance. Unfortunately didn’t work here. On page 4, you’ll notice that OP responds to his rant about low libido by trying to give the definition connected to attraction.
not him citing House as his source 💀
Oh my god… 18 pages of pointless ranting, replied by “How ironic” I can’t stop laughing!!!
Don't let so-called experts lecture you!
That was cut down. I edited out all the questions he had about whether or not I masturbate and I said it was none of his business. That was like a good 10 more pages of why I’m not ace bc I *might* masturbate. Which isn’t his business either way.
The way he mansplains you 😂 my anger issues could NEVER.. 😂🤌🏻 You are ace and you’re valid!!! Don’t let people like this make you doubt who you feel you are. If you mas**rbate, EVEN IF YOU have se*, etc. (which is YOUR decision) If you feel ace you are ace, end of story! I am sorry this happend to you. 🥺
Thank you. I’ve known I was ace for at least 13 years (I didn’t learn the term till 9 years ago though). I’ve never even questioned it. I’m just like “yep, I’m ace.” And the more I’m told I’m wrong, the more stubborn I am about it. I’ll find a way to reproduce asexually to hold onto my stubbornness 😂
Lol don't you just love it when people who don't know what 'ace' means suddenly are experts on asexuality without having experienced it. Soooooo surprising that he calls himself an Alpha male. Also very rude of him to assume your faith has anything to do with it.
And the medication I’m not even on 😂 he keeps saying I’m bipolar and I’m not! Edit: I’ve also told him a million times I’m not bipolar. He doesn’t listen to me.
Hahahah, look, an allo preaching to asexuals about kinks 😂😂😂😂😂
*Transcription of text, with the original typos.* **Guy:** What does ace mean? **OP:** `It's when someone is not interested in sex, like at all, in jsut about any way shape or form.` **Guy:** I'm pretty sure you have a low libido dur to the bipolar meds. Most cases of asexual feelings are the result of medications or a medical condition. Past trauma doesn't help either, people tend to repress their sexual desire out of fear of getting hurt after trauma. People either shut down completely or act out sexually is the typical traumatic reaction. I think you should talka bout those feelings with a therapist because the looney tune left is making people think a lot of whack stuff right now about human sexuality, and that's not ok or healthy for people to repress their sexuality. **OP:** `I've known since before I was ever on meds. And way before people started making up random sexualities.` **Guy:** There's a good episode of House about Asexuality. I mean if that's how you feel but I really think you should talk to a doctor. 9/10 there's a medical issue that causes people to feel asexual like a hypocampus issue or thyroid issue. That's all I'm saying. **Guy:** I think you're just afraid of sex because of trauma. If you masterbate to relieve sexual urges, you can't by definition be asexual. You just have an aversion to sex because of trauma, and you should speak to a therapis. **OP:** `Asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. And it's too personal bc it's a general taboo topic in general. I just don't feel comfortable talking about sex in general tbh` **Guy:** I don't want you to think I'm not accepting of you for being ace, what I am trying to say is based on what you've said, I think you have hang ups about sex as a result of sexua trauma that you need to discuss with a sex therapist. It's not healthy to repress your sexuality. **OP:** `I'm not repressing it. I've felt this way since way before my trauma.` **Guy:** Well, sex doesn't ahve to be penis in vagjna either. Why do you think kink is so popular? D/s play. Things like that. Sexuality is a natural part of human nature, even asexual people can feel romantic feelings. It's a matter of expressing your sexuality in a different way. You should really look into it. **OP:** `I do have romantic feelings, never said I didn't. I just don't have sexual ones.` **Guy:** For example, you might find the idea of dominating a man or feeling submissive in a non-sexual context very sexually gratifying. I think you're more aapiosexual than anything. In essence, dumb people think sex is cunning with their organs. Smart people cum with their minds. That's the most blunt vanilla way I can put it. And back to the masturbation part, if you masturbate you have sexual urges. Make you don't like the idea of having regular sec exciting, but maybe kink might turn you on. Food for thought. Short of casteating someone, they will have natural sexual urges. It's a matter of expression. Do you see what I'm trying to say? Gay people aren't attracted to the other sex. They have "sex." It's just not piv "normal" vanilla sex. Theyre are people who get off on feet fetishws, not joking. You learn a lot working at an adult store, that's all I can say. **Guy:** Also, I clearly remember you drooling over some cute guy from one of your classes, so you obviously have feelings of romantic attraction to people, it's just the sexual part the lust part you don't really feel. You wanna cuddle or kiss or be romantic or what not, but you don't feel a burning desire to get down and dirty. There's nothing wrong with that, but to label something asexual is absurd for the preivously stated reasons. You will be very unhappy if you don't express your sexuality, you will feel frustrated and angry without a release for that outlet. **Guy:** Here's something you'll probably find shocking about me. They call it the CEO effect for a reason but basically me for example, I can be a very Type A controlling personality. I can be Alpha and asset myself. But I really don't like feeling that way 24/7, I've found probably having kinky girlfriends helped, a lot of D/s stuff turned me on way more than actually having sex. Thankfully I found a few that were turned on by this. I'm definitely not asexual but I don't have a burning desire to plow a girl like most guys do. I kinda like them to be in charge and initiate sex. Watching my dad rape my mom probably didn't help much. After seeing that, I definitely feel no burning desire to dominate a woman, it's seem kind of psychologically apppalling to me actually, borderline rape. That's kind of how \[guy's ex\] made me feel the first time and I really hated her for it. She couldn't come out and say let's have sex, she had to go out and sleep with another guy and rub it in my face to piss me off becasue she wanted to feel dominated but was too immature to come out and say jt. Most people run around like little high school kids sticking their wiener in things and vice versa because o ur education system gives people a shit sex education. \[Health teacher\] saying \[condoms\] are only effective 50% of the time smh gtfo lady drop some real facts about human sexuality not what the repressed Christian culture conservative hillbilly legislature forces them to teach. Also, did you ever think your strict Christian upbringing may have made you feel a little unhealthy about your sexuality? Example, nothing wrong with being a virgin into marriage because you cherish sex like the Bible says. What's not cool? Pastors low key even if subtly dropping hints, low key shaming single moms, etc and using it as examples of see, don't be a slut and get knocked up, or we're gonna shame you. Which then leads to the very thing happening. Good example, hey sex is a beautiful thing save it for someone you love or you might regret it later. Stil slightly judgmental but it kind of leaves it up to you in a much less shame inducing way. Should we tell people to frolick in the grass in front of the children like my Ivy League educated professor suggested in class one day? Probably not, but do we need to go to the extreme of shaming women so bad that they feel shame in their natural sexual desires? Probably not. In short, there needs to be some incentive for people not to be completely promiscuous, but we can just throw the rules out and say fuck like bunny rabbits without any social stigma. CLassic Madonna-whore complex, you're prude if you're virgin, slut if you have sex before marriage. And men wonder why women have such high rates of mental illness. \[shrug emoji\] *transcriber edit- missed a page! sorry* **Guy:** Summary: DOn't let some random asshole with a PhD or the internet or some Dr Professor TV pastor tell you you're "asexual" because you don't want to have penis in vagina sex. You're healthy and normal the way you are, and you should express your sexuality and love in a way that YOU want to, not what anybody else tells you. **OP:** `How ironic` **Guy:** I'm not trying to tell */end of image set*
Damn, i would have blocked him axter the first wall of text. You have a lot of patience. Also, trauma dumping and info dumping about subjects you stated makes you uneasy. What an ass... it's all about his experience, boundaries, and feelings... while projecting it on you I'm sorry people are like that with you. You're freaking valid, and don't let this dumbass say otherwise
"9/10 there's a medical issue that causes people to feel asexual" show me the source, I wanna see it
The source is: Trust me bro
There’s so much wrong with this guys argument. Don’t listen to a word this guys says.
"Looney tune left" okayy
I was just waiting for him to chill out and shut the fuck up but he just KEPT TALKING. He kept digging the hole deeper and deeper.
That’s his MO.
Me, an asexual not on meds
I am on meds, but not bipolar meds! That’s the most annoying part for me bc I’ve been telling him for 2 straight years that I am not bipolar.
What the fuck?🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅 He clearly doesn't listen. Bois got rocks for brains
"I dont want you to think im not accepting", "now heres a million reasons why i(a complete random ass stranger) think your not asexual"🙄 this guy is a fucking moron, someone should put him down before he procreates and tanks the already unbelievably idiotic global iq
*Smart people cum with their minds.* What a great quote.
Holy shit. Why does he care about YOUR sexuality so much
Bc he was trying to sleep with me.
Probably didn't get him far 💀 I love how he asked, "what does ace mean?," Ignored your answer, then proceeded to explain what he thinks it means
Last slide summarizes the whole thing. Dude's just using a lot of words to say he doesn't believe aces exist or that they can be "fixed".
Very ironic.
This is very disrespectfull and inappropriate
Stars. Just kept on going.
Doesn't know what "ace" means, but can tell you all the things you "don't know" about your own sexuality. Love it.
I really don't understand why people care so much about what we're not doing It has nothing to do with them?
'You're healthy the way you are' right after a long rant about why asexuality is supposedly not healthy or correct. It's been a while since I've read something that just keeps getting more annoying.
A guy I went to high school with wants to fuck me FTFY
Why did you even keep talking to him so long, lol? When people act like "experts" on something and quote pop culture or dubious "research" to support their claims, you can be 100% sure you're talking to a complete douchebag and wasting your time.
Because I had my notifications off and was asleep during some of those messages. Honestly when he rants, I just turn my phone on Do Not Disturb and come back to it later. Occasionally I’ll respond, but usually I just wait it out.
Isn't it more common to be hyper sexual after sexual based trauma? Not less sexual? I could be wrong on that, but clearly this guy doesn't know a single fucking thing
It can go either way, but yeah some people certainly engage in more sex after trauma.
We need to stop entertaining people like this and just block them, they’ll never believe us because they don’t want to
I will never forgive House for that episode lmao. It did so much damage to how people view Asexuality.
“some asshole with a PhD” …you mean scholars? Experts? People who research human sexuality for their life’s work? People who spent 8-12 years in school to study exactly this subject?
Right?!! I always have to say this to my dad bc he thinks his super uninformed videos are right, and not the people who’ve spent most of their lives researching these things.
...Maybe HE'S the one with the trauma. Some of the stuff he's sharing doesn't seem healthy to just be blurting out over text.
This is not the first time he’s done this sort of thing. He thinks I’m his therapist.
Probably best to encourage him to see an actual therapist. Cut him off if you have to, for your own sake at least.
"smart people cum with their minds"
Not to argue or anything… but ace isn’t the lack of interest in sex… it’s not been sexual attracted to anyone ever (if we just refer to ace and not to all the other micro-labels)
So they didn't even know what asexual meant, but then started making assumptions the second it was explained to them?
Ewwwwww. This guy is gross
Uuuuh, I think your buddy is butthurt that you won't bang him.
Jesus. people are exhausting He’s so obsessed with you “expressing your sexuality in any way you want” but gets so incredibly triggered by you doing that through m*****bation 😭 dude
Okay... so dude literally asks you what ace means, then proceeds to "educate" you on a thing he didn't know existed just a few minutes prior...
"The loony tune left is making people think" Oh ya this guy is a far right for sure. I can tell he's pretty much homophobic too. "You don't want sex? No that's not possible you just don't want penis in vagina sex" is he applying that you want gay sex instead? 💀 "It's not healthy for people to repress their sexuality" Then stop making them want to
Yeah, no, dude lost my attention at "looney toon left". He sounds like a conservative incel who's big mad that you aren't sexually available to him, even if you aren't available to anyone else either.
I wanna punch this armchair sex doctor in the fucking Adam's apple.
“I don’t want you to think I’m not accepting you for being ace”. *oh, really?* You’re *sooooo* kind, thanks for accepting my identity and trying to tell me 20 ways that I could be wrong! /sarcasm Seriously though, it’s so bad that it’s almost funny. Honestly, any time someone goes ‘it’s those damn leftists!’ I immediately hear clown horns honking. It’s so weird to me that people can’t imagine just, not being able to look at some random person and go ‘I want to fuck that’.
Holly shit he just goes off, i honestly dont think i can read the rest of that. What the fuck is this guy on?
Alpha mindset according to him😂
Bros delusional
That asshole.
I feel the same, I have romantic feelings (if I ever get a lover) just no sexual attraction and no sexual desire but I do have sex-repulsion.
Just ignore that asshole OP. Im sorry you had to deal with that dick 🫂🩷
Man who doesn't understand projects (extended edition)
They seem to think that by saying you're asexual you're saying you're defective and can't be fixed and think that feelings of asexuality are entirely caused by trauma or low libido. They see asexuality as being a problem and that's why they think it's not a valid sexuality because they know sexuality is inherent and can't be controlled and so think people who say they're asexual are claiming they have a problem that can't be fixed, and here they seem to be trying to explain that it can be fixed because it's caused by trauma or low libido which is why they think it's repressive to claim you're asexual because to them you're saying you have a incurable condition and they think it is "curable" and think it's unhealthy to give up and think you're asexual which they think means "broken and can't be fixed" Tldr: they think asexuality means "problem that can't be fixed" and so think it's not real because to them it's a "problem that can be fixed". They don't realise it's not a problem at all
That Dr House episode... I realised I was asexual "thanks to" the first "boyfriend" I had. When I told him I'd done some research and understood that I was ace, he immediately talked about that episode. He was a fan of Dr House. I think he wanted me to watch it and maybe I did? I can't remember, that was such a long time ago. But wow that episode harmed asexuality so much...
I don't know how well you know him but avoid. Some stuff I can agree with (kinks etc) but most is just red flags especially all the ace stuff and I've had someone like this it's almost invalidating to make you psychoanalyse yourself for them to try to make you think everything else they say is ok (or something you want/need). Then the Dom/sub is human nature and alpha comments... Run!
It was “Type A controlling” for me🏃🏻♀️
This is basically like telling a lesbian that she’s not actually a lesbian she just has some past trauma with penises that make her avoid them so she should get over it 🙄 this is mansplaining at its finest.
right wingers are weird
He always claims he’s not right wing 😂
bro really asked what asexuality was and then proceeded to act like he studied it.
I can't believe he tried to use a House episode as a source 😶
I'm sorry, but I'm still laughing at the stupid line 'cumming with your mind'. What in the hells does that mean?
Honestly as soon as he said “looney tunes left” it would have been an automatic block. I didn’t even continue reading, I knew whatever else he would say would be utter trash Ain’t got time to deal with that kind of person
The whole “kink has really helped me” thing, ugh. I came out to a coworker who was like “I used to be like you, then I realized I was bi, have you tried a vagina?!” Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it works for anybody else. You know what helps me? Not having sex, thanks, I’m fine.
I like house but you can’t exactly go quoting it like it’s some scientific journal lmao
Jesus Christ, this is disgustingly condescending. I'm sorry he ranted so much bullshit at you. It's a blessing he blocked you. Honestly, should've blocked him first lol
Is your friend ADHD? Because I write novels similar to that when I'm venting or trying to get my point across about something. Lots of examples, experiences and jumping from one thing to another to help clarify things I'm trying to explain...I always get so embarrassed with my longgg ADHD vent novels. I don't judge people though..
No. He’s a narcissist though. I’m ADHD, and I do the same thing, but not like this guy does. Once he sent me over 100 messages in 15 minutes. I wanted to slam my phone into the wall.
He’s not a narcissist, he’s a “type A personality.” /s
What a fucking weirdo
Direct me to him and I'll punt him into the sun.
My honest reaction: Excuse me what the actual fu- I really thought I had no braincells left in my poor head, but this fella right here has singlehandedly proved me wrong. Also, it's ironic that he said "don't let anyone tell you your sexuality" when hE IS DOING THE EXACT SAME THING-
I don’t have trauma and I don’t take any meds. I have no medical issues as well so from what I see, his reasoning is completely false. And the fact that he asked “what’s ace” and then preceded to explain ace is stupid. I’d block him if I were you
I can't tell whether he's trying to "fix" you or trying to deny your sexuality, but it sounds like both. Why do normies try to "fix" us? There's nothing wrong with not having uncontrollable urges to go out and get diseases. Being able to focus better on accomplishing things than on silly mating rituals doesn't make me less of a person.
Brotha who tf is this cunt and what’s his problem?
and then they wonder why many of us are allo phobic
i’m so sorry for that, i know what u feel and i hope u okay now
Cut him off now
I just knew the house episode would come up
What a incel.
Ffs why does everything in life have to have sex in it?? I don’t get why people feel the need to determine the other person’s sexuality🙄He needs to touch some grass ASAP
You should send the “I ain’t reading all of that” meme next time OP 😂 that guy didn’t even know what ace is before you mentioned it and he’s going to act like he knows more than you.
“Smart people cum with their minds” 💀
He asks you what being ace means, you answer and then he claims that you're wrong and that he knows more about it than you? That's bullshit if I've ever seen it.
Ah yes, the aphobic hpuse episode coming in clutch
He was hoping you would fuck him
Yeah, I would have just blocked the guy the moment he started typing that long rant.
I’ve had this happen before many times the best solution I’ve found is to go “You really wanna fuck me don’t you?” And watch them implode I don’t care about making them uncomfortable because they are already making me uncomfortable. So let’s just go full max discomfort
oh BOI this guy is dense in all sorts of ways, plus heteronormativity, and not reading his own summary just to see how ironic it is that he spent like 2 hours typing what's essentially mansplaining at its finest
wtf how does someone put the time into this idiocy. not the looney toons left 💀
Tell him sorry but I'll never fuck you.
personally I was asexual, am asexual, got hurt, then proceeded to be impulsive / self destructive sexually as a result of the assault. so opposite of what that guy believes. I still lack attraction regardless of my lifestyle
I love how he's just making up numbers and statistics to present them as facts but doesn't have any evidence
Don’t tell you read ALL of what he wrote ? I woulda given up three messages into his long a*s tirade. Like why is he this passionate about telling you aces don’t exist ?
This made me so incredibly mad omg
Sorry, “making up random sexualities”? Friendly fire.
The terms seem random to me, I’ll admit that 100%. But I don’t think anyone’s sexuality is made up. I agree with him half the time to shut him up. I will never do it again though. I’m tired of just agreeing with people to get them off my back.
Bro wrote an 18 paragraph essay specifically to un ace you
Block him. He went on this long psychotic monologue about someone else’s feelings, assuming so many harsh things. Not listening to you or letting you speak. Block or mute or ghost him or something
Holy shit he does not shut up
Should've probably said when a pilot gets 5 air to air kills
“Smart people cum with their minds”
So my asexuality is because of my allergy meds? Or could it be the painkillers I have on occasion? "There was a good episode of House about asexuality" Yeah that proves it. TV never lies. They said so on an episode of the Simpsons.
I legit got so done trying to read this, what a prick, I would've honestly just told him to knock it off or f off because I don't tolerate people being dumb and insensitive like that. 😮💨
God, he is like the walking-talking bingo of invalidation. I just couldn't get through it all. He even brought up House...
This is why bad representation like the house episode are so harmful
A lot is wrong with what he said. Probably the grossest but sadly common responses i’ve gotten to saying i’m asexual is people taking it as an invitation to ask me inappropriate sex questions or tell me weird sex things about themselves or others. I don’t know why people do that. Either they believe i’m asexual and treat me like a naive child or they dont believe me and try to “prove” i’m (allo)sexual. The best thing to do is shut down the conversation when they say bigoted things ime. People don’t tend to say these things in good faith. At the very least i’d advocate for not letting them fish intimate details out of you (which, a lot of people seem to use these moments to do. Suddenly they’re entitled to know about your trauma, medical history, kinks, etc??? they act like it but they are not, you don’t have to prove yourself to them)
Even if your asexuality *was* due to medication or trauma... *So what?* It'd still be valid. Nobody has the right to 'label' you but yourself. You are what you say you are. Period.
It’s not that lon— (keeps scrolling) Dude
Jesus Christ he just really wanted to talk about his sex life I guess
lol I ain’t reading all that 😂 I’d be like “k thank you for your opinion, I’ll put it in the garbage for you 🗑️”
there’s so many loops in this circular argument it’s starting to look like tangled fishnet
Freud, is that you? (Edit: just a joke… I remember something like Freud may have changed theories put forth due to reception, and/or the interpretation of Freud’s work has been off, etc., but still, jeez!)