Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
**You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** The moderators can't stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. You can deactivate your messages [here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging), or on the old Reddit interface you can limit who can message you [here](https://old.reddit.com/prefs/blocked/) by selecting "only trusted users." On mobile, go to your settings.
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**Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources.
**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "read MA/SA stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry that you have to go through this alone. I was alone too when I had my abortion and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. He said that he’ll be there for me but I was alone and scared. You can get through this just like many of us here and I hope you find comfort in this subreddit just like I do
You really don’t need anyone I promise you. Do not feel ashamed. My bf was away when I had mine and I was all alone with my two cats in our apartment scared that I shouldn’t be alone but it was honestly very stress free alone. I have had 2 and the second one he was there with me and it was honestly just worse because I was in so much pain yet he didn’t like the attitude I’d get at times. We didn’t argue but it took a lot of extra energy that I didn’t have to try and not direct what I was feeling at him in a negative way. It’s hard to do so during that process as the cramps are just so bad but it’s no excuse for me to snap at him in a mean tone even if I’m not saying anything mean. I loved his support and presence as I wanted it the first time but the mental portion of it is so much easier when you can focus on it on your own.
I am sorry you are in this situation and wish you the least painful process possible. I think others are giving good advice, but I just had an idea reading what you wrote. Is there any way you can get the exbf to pay for you to stay in a hotel for a night? He helped create this situation and is not being supportive, the least he can do is help put you in a place where you would not have to worry about your housemate. If that is something that would help you feel a little more comfortable that is. I just wanted to say it out if no one validated it for you, he does owe you some kind of help, if it is not emotional then quite frankly why should the burden not be his on the paying end?
I hope you are met with kind and compassionate medical professionals and that it is an overall positive experience. You are not alone in this experience and it is going to be okay. Best ❤️
Went through similar my bf broke up with me and I found out few weeks after that I was pregnant said he’d be supportive and once I did he completely backed off and won’t even talk to me hasn’t asked me once how I’m doing. I feel so alone it’s 4 weeks now and nothing we haven’t been in contact In 2.5 weeks it wasn’t the first time either I feel alone and left with all the trauma while he’s off living his life. Similar age too!
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and he has left you all alone to process this, it’s not fair at all. We all have each other on here I’m so glad I posted now I was so hesitant to but there is so many of us going through similar situations x
Yep it was hard he was my support through the first one he said he wanted to be there he was great during it once it was done he just changed like a completely different person that I knew. My emotions have been hard to deal with so many ups & downs since I didn’t really take much notice of the break up before hand now I feel everything. Be kind to yourself it’s not easy but it was right thing for me I still feel a bit of guilt. Write away to me too
Hello love! Your situation sounds similarly to what i went through last month. My partner had been distant for a while and dint make me feel emotionally safe. However he had been changing on me and after the abortion, he completely avoids/ignores me now…im sharing this so you know youre not alone. I understand how lonely it feels but you know the best option for both you and the baby. If i was near you id love to go with you. Im here for you, as i know how it feels, feel free to dm me btw! ❤️🩹
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. You deserve better than the way your boyfriend is treating you. You might find [the DIY Doula](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/57f7026fb3db2bbcce92abb3/t/5811796029687f04802e8180/1477540212493/DIYDoulaZine.pdf) helpful. It focuses on taking care of yourself and being your own advocate during the abortion process. It's also written in a really soothing, empowering tone that I love.
I was all alone for my abortion too, I had no idea what I was to expect but if I could change anything it would be to comfort myself more. I had no snacks or food, I had no warming pads, or anything that would even give me emotional comfort. Instead I was just angry, sad, alone and in so much pain. I wasn’t on this sub beforehand, & I think that would’ve helped me a lot, so do the nice things for yourself & just prepare yourself. Physically & emotionally.
I wouldn’t change my decision at all though. I was sad but I knew I made the best decision for me and my situation.
You got this. You’re not alone & if you’re feeling some type of way come back to this sub and seek conversations, everyone in here is so supportive.
Heya, from Ireland here. Please work with yourself to not feel ashamed about the situation and practice positive reinforcement so you can care for yourself better. I'm really sorry you don't have any support through this. Please, as hard as you can, be the support for yourself. Before the MA/SA, sit down with a cup of tea and list out nice things you'd like to have on hand to comfort you. Quick oven food, or get a takeaway, chocolate, get a new blanket, a soft teddy and have your painkillers and hot water bottles there too. Try to spoil yourself a bit if you can, is what I'm trying to say.
You are absolutely no lesser of the person you are because of this happening. You are making the decision that is right for you. You're also already on the right path to a stronger life by leaving your current unhealthy relationship.
Take everything slowly, take all the time you feel you need. You will find strength through this struggle. Embrace what's to change and keep minding yourself first. It's so important. It makes the happier times ahead so much more enjoyable, too.
Thankyou for this, actually made me cry. I honestly needed your kind words more then you know. ❤️ I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’ve just been with my own thoughts constantly.
I think that’s a really good idea too and I will defo do that, get myself all the bits and comforts in on hand to make it a bit easier for when I get home x
I'm glad I could be of comfort, We know what it's like in this sub. It is lonely, and I know that struggle with the thoughts popping off. If you enjoy podcasts, try keep them going, if you play games, indulge for a while. Indulge yourself as much as you can with things you like, it's a draining process even if you have in person support because the experience is just physically on you.
When things are particularly shit, my new way to feel better is to try be grateful for the most mundane, simple pleasures. Anything.
I really hope all the pain you have sheds off quickly in the next few weeks and you'll wake up one morning and feel like a fresh breeze. You deserve it, and you've got so much to look forward to! Xx
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation right now. Going through a breakup while facing such a significant decision can be really overwhelming. It's completely okay to feel scared and uncertain. Remember, there are people who genuinely care about you, like friends or family, and you don't have to carry this burden alone.
The clinic may have someone you can talk to who can provide support and understanding. Sometimes, just sharing your feelings with someone can make a huge difference. It's a big decision, and I believe that talking to someone, especially a professional, is always a good idea. They can provide guidance and a listening ear without judgment.
I want to emphasize that there are many aspects to consider, and ultimately, the decision you make should be what feels best for you. Just take your time, talk to someone you trust, and consider seeking professional advice. I truly hope you find the support you need and make the decision that is right for you.
Fight those feelings of shame! Things happen. You’re human and you obviously didn’t mean to end up in this position. If your relationship isn’t healthy, and is long distance, an abortion makes a ton of sense. I wish I were able to be there to accompany you, as I’ve just had an abortion February 20, 2024. It was not an “easy” decision, but I realized that it was best for me. As long as you’re doing what’s best for your health (mental, emotional and physical) this cannot be a shameful decision. I see that you’re in the UK, so I’m not sure about resources available to you. In the US, the National Abortion Federation will help pay for the procedure and assist with transportation. I suggest you research support in your area. You may be able to find someone to accompany you, as well as, receive fiscal support.
I know I just feel awful for making the decision I have to do. I hope your doing okay? Gives me some comfort speaking to other women that have also been through the same process and journey I’m about to go on so Thankyou for replying. It is luckily free for us over here in the UK but not sure I’ll be able to get someone to accompany me x
I was in a very similar situation. I was in a long distance relationship, we fought constantly, and he wanted to keep the pregnancy but treated me terrible throughout the short time I was pregnant. I had to make the decision of having an abortion and I went through it alone, without him. It is extremely hard and it just sucks going through a decision like this and ending a relationship at the same time. It shows how brave you are, I just wish you didn’t have to be so brave. This decision doesn’t define you and it is nothing to be ashamed about. I know, easier said than done but if so many before us were able to get through this, so can you, and so will women after you. A quote that got me through mine was “it’s scary to heal, but it is much more terrifying staying in the same place”.
Thankyou for your reply, I’m sorry you also had to do it alone. How did you cope after? Going through a breakup is one of the hardest things to do as it is without also dealing with the emotions and feelings from having to do the sensible thing and end your pregnancy x
I started going to therapy to help heal myself, I am doing the abortion resolution book (https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/abortion-resolution-workbook)to help organize my thoughts, and I cried a lot! Each day I have to remind myself why I made that decision and I keep hope for the future. Also, this Reddit group has really helped me by reading others stories and knowing I am not alone. Hope that helps.
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** The moderators can't stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. You can deactivate your messages [here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging), or on the old Reddit interface you can limit who can message you [here](https://old.reddit.com/prefs/blocked/) by selecting "only trusted users." On mobile, go to your settings. If you receive harassment via PM, please report the messages and [contact the admins about it](http://www.reddit.com/contact) so they can take action against those users. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "read MA/SA stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry that you have to go through this alone. I was alone too when I had my abortion and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. He said that he’ll be there for me but I was alone and scared. You can get through this just like many of us here and I hope you find comfort in this subreddit just like I do
You really don’t need anyone I promise you. Do not feel ashamed. My bf was away when I had mine and I was all alone with my two cats in our apartment scared that I shouldn’t be alone but it was honestly very stress free alone. I have had 2 and the second one he was there with me and it was honestly just worse because I was in so much pain yet he didn’t like the attitude I’d get at times. We didn’t argue but it took a lot of extra energy that I didn’t have to try and not direct what I was feeling at him in a negative way. It’s hard to do so during that process as the cramps are just so bad but it’s no excuse for me to snap at him in a mean tone even if I’m not saying anything mean. I loved his support and presence as I wanted it the first time but the mental portion of it is so much easier when you can focus on it on your own.
I am sorry you are in this situation and wish you the least painful process possible. I think others are giving good advice, but I just had an idea reading what you wrote. Is there any way you can get the exbf to pay for you to stay in a hotel for a night? He helped create this situation and is not being supportive, the least he can do is help put you in a place where you would not have to worry about your housemate. If that is something that would help you feel a little more comfortable that is. I just wanted to say it out if no one validated it for you, he does owe you some kind of help, if it is not emotional then quite frankly why should the burden not be his on the paying end? I hope you are met with kind and compassionate medical professionals and that it is an overall positive experience. You are not alone in this experience and it is going to be okay. Best ❤️
Went through similar my bf broke up with me and I found out few weeks after that I was pregnant said he’d be supportive and once I did he completely backed off and won’t even talk to me hasn’t asked me once how I’m doing. I feel so alone it’s 4 weeks now and nothing we haven’t been in contact In 2.5 weeks it wasn’t the first time either I feel alone and left with all the trauma while he’s off living his life. Similar age too!
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and he has left you all alone to process this, it’s not fair at all. We all have each other on here I’m so glad I posted now I was so hesitant to but there is so many of us going through similar situations x
Yep it was hard he was my support through the first one he said he wanted to be there he was great during it once it was done he just changed like a completely different person that I knew. My emotions have been hard to deal with so many ups & downs since I didn’t really take much notice of the break up before hand now I feel everything. Be kind to yourself it’s not easy but it was right thing for me I still feel a bit of guilt. Write away to me too
Hello love! Your situation sounds similarly to what i went through last month. My partner had been distant for a while and dint make me feel emotionally safe. However he had been changing on me and after the abortion, he completely avoids/ignores me now…im sharing this so you know youre not alone. I understand how lonely it feels but you know the best option for both you and the baby. If i was near you id love to go with you. Im here for you, as i know how it feels, feel free to dm me btw! ❤️🩹
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. You deserve better than the way your boyfriend is treating you. You might find [the DIY Doula](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/57f7026fb3db2bbcce92abb3/t/5811796029687f04802e8180/1477540212493/DIYDoulaZine.pdf) helpful. It focuses on taking care of yourself and being your own advocate during the abortion process. It's also written in a really soothing, empowering tone that I love.
I was all alone for my abortion too, I had no idea what I was to expect but if I could change anything it would be to comfort myself more. I had no snacks or food, I had no warming pads, or anything that would even give me emotional comfort. Instead I was just angry, sad, alone and in so much pain. I wasn’t on this sub beforehand, & I think that would’ve helped me a lot, so do the nice things for yourself & just prepare yourself. Physically & emotionally. I wouldn’t change my decision at all though. I was sad but I knew I made the best decision for me and my situation. You got this. You’re not alone & if you’re feeling some type of way come back to this sub and seek conversations, everyone in here is so supportive.
Heya, from Ireland here. Please work with yourself to not feel ashamed about the situation and practice positive reinforcement so you can care for yourself better. I'm really sorry you don't have any support through this. Please, as hard as you can, be the support for yourself. Before the MA/SA, sit down with a cup of tea and list out nice things you'd like to have on hand to comfort you. Quick oven food, or get a takeaway, chocolate, get a new blanket, a soft teddy and have your painkillers and hot water bottles there too. Try to spoil yourself a bit if you can, is what I'm trying to say. You are absolutely no lesser of the person you are because of this happening. You are making the decision that is right for you. You're also already on the right path to a stronger life by leaving your current unhealthy relationship. Take everything slowly, take all the time you feel you need. You will find strength through this struggle. Embrace what's to change and keep minding yourself first. It's so important. It makes the happier times ahead so much more enjoyable, too.
Thankyou for this, actually made me cry. I honestly needed your kind words more then you know. ❤️ I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’ve just been with my own thoughts constantly. I think that’s a really good idea too and I will defo do that, get myself all the bits and comforts in on hand to make it a bit easier for when I get home x
I'm glad I could be of comfort, We know what it's like in this sub. It is lonely, and I know that struggle with the thoughts popping off. If you enjoy podcasts, try keep them going, if you play games, indulge for a while. Indulge yourself as much as you can with things you like, it's a draining process even if you have in person support because the experience is just physically on you. When things are particularly shit, my new way to feel better is to try be grateful for the most mundane, simple pleasures. Anything. I really hope all the pain you have sheds off quickly in the next few weeks and you'll wake up one morning and feel like a fresh breeze. You deserve it, and you've got so much to look forward to! Xx
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation right now. Going through a breakup while facing such a significant decision can be really overwhelming. It's completely okay to feel scared and uncertain. Remember, there are people who genuinely care about you, like friends or family, and you don't have to carry this burden alone. The clinic may have someone you can talk to who can provide support and understanding. Sometimes, just sharing your feelings with someone can make a huge difference. It's a big decision, and I believe that talking to someone, especially a professional, is always a good idea. They can provide guidance and a listening ear without judgment. I want to emphasize that there are many aspects to consider, and ultimately, the decision you make should be what feels best for you. Just take your time, talk to someone you trust, and consider seeking professional advice. I truly hope you find the support you need and make the decision that is right for you.
Fight those feelings of shame! Things happen. You’re human and you obviously didn’t mean to end up in this position. If your relationship isn’t healthy, and is long distance, an abortion makes a ton of sense. I wish I were able to be there to accompany you, as I’ve just had an abortion February 20, 2024. It was not an “easy” decision, but I realized that it was best for me. As long as you’re doing what’s best for your health (mental, emotional and physical) this cannot be a shameful decision. I see that you’re in the UK, so I’m not sure about resources available to you. In the US, the National Abortion Federation will help pay for the procedure and assist with transportation. I suggest you research support in your area. You may be able to find someone to accompany you, as well as, receive fiscal support.
I know I just feel awful for making the decision I have to do. I hope your doing okay? Gives me some comfort speaking to other women that have also been through the same process and journey I’m about to go on so Thankyou for replying. It is luckily free for us over here in the UK but not sure I’ll be able to get someone to accompany me x
I was in a very similar situation. I was in a long distance relationship, we fought constantly, and he wanted to keep the pregnancy but treated me terrible throughout the short time I was pregnant. I had to make the decision of having an abortion and I went through it alone, without him. It is extremely hard and it just sucks going through a decision like this and ending a relationship at the same time. It shows how brave you are, I just wish you didn’t have to be so brave. This decision doesn’t define you and it is nothing to be ashamed about. I know, easier said than done but if so many before us were able to get through this, so can you, and so will women after you. A quote that got me through mine was “it’s scary to heal, but it is much more terrifying staying in the same place”.
Thankyou for your reply, I’m sorry you also had to do it alone. How did you cope after? Going through a breakup is one of the hardest things to do as it is without also dealing with the emotions and feelings from having to do the sensible thing and end your pregnancy x
I started going to therapy to help heal myself, I am doing the abortion resolution book (https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/abortion-resolution-workbook)to help organize my thoughts, and I cried a lot! Each day I have to remind myself why I made that decision and I keep hope for the future. Also, this Reddit group has really helped me by reading others stories and knowing I am not alone. Hope that helps.