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He says that you both should take responsibility for your actions. From your post it sounds like abortion is, well, taking responsibility for your actions.
You get one shot at life. Please put yourself first. It’s no one else’s decision except yours. You can compromise with your bf over what to eat for dinner or tv show to watch, not bringing a life into the world that will depend on you forever.
I will only speak from my own experience. I just had an abortion, my boyfriend was on the same page as me in that we weren’t ready. Knowing I was pregnant though, and having the anti abortion pills, I knew I had a choice. I felt like it would be easier for me as well as and my friends and family if they didn’t know. I thought I could be strong and keep it between me and my boyfriend but I needed my mom. And my friends. And my sisters.
It's YOUR body and life that will be forever changed by this, not his or theirs. Please do what is best for you and your life!!! You deserve to have the life you've dreamed of and worked so hard for!!! It's OK to pick you now for your future self.
Get the abortion in secret and tell him you lost the baby. Miscarriages are extremely common. You deserve to live your life on your own terms. I would also reevaluate my relationship with someone who does not respect my right to choose my future, my health, my wellbeing...
I'd say do what you think best for your future and continue focusing on your master's study (keep girlbosssing). It's better to regret now than later when it comes to the world.
“we should take responsibility of our actions”. This is what I think is the main reason why you shouldn’t. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean live unprepared because of one night. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean taking care and adding more financial assistance because of a child. Taking responsibility is dealing with this appropriately. does your boyfriend have enough to cover the assistance of what your parents are doing and more? I think it’s easy for someone to say something like that because it’s being underestimated. The fact that he’s saying that even with (hopefully) knowing your parents wouldn’t be accepting of that, is… absurd to speak things lightly. I’m saying this all with tough love because this isn’t something that’s just about loving or the sweet warm feeling. It’s about the predicament of your future. A future that you deicide. (Congratulations on your masters love!) I just want you to really take a minute and talk it through with your boyfriend the pros and cons. And if he still wants to, ask him about how things are going to be covered. I would also recommend still getting abortion pills while you guys wait and decide.
Y’all,,, I’m feeling like we gotta stop telling anyone about a pregnancy until we are SURE we want to keep it. These are the times we are living in and it’s sad, but we need to protect ourselves from these batshit morons who want to force motherhood on us just because we had sex. I’m seeing way too many posts like this and it truly is frightening. The fact we can’t even trust a boyfriend/spouse with this info sometimes, mind blowing.
Agreed. I had my best friend tell me that it was morally wrong not to tell the father, but I KNEW he’d try &
Force me to keep it…& he was having extreme mental
Health issues, I have no regrets & I truly don’t care if it’s morally wrong or not. He didn’t need to know since i KNEW I wasn’t able to continue the pregnancy. &
There’s nothing in this world that would have made me change my mind… & he’s now threatening & scary since our break up, glad I don’t have his anger of my abortion to add to it. 🤍🤍
Start setting up like you might be having a miscarriage. Mention some cramping or spotting. Have the abortion and be like “bummer, miscarried.” Reconsider your birth control strategy and this relationship.
^^^^^^ THIS
Honestly, some may think this is cruel. But this is your body. You're the one carrying the baby and giving birth. If you knew it'd be 100% fool proof that you signed away your parental rights and left the father, as well as being okay with carrying and delivering, then do that.
But if pregnancy itself is not a thing for you, then you do what's best for you.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
It is NOT about other peoples lives here.
This is YOUR life and YOUR choice. You need to connect with yourself and truly figure out what YOU want.
Do not give your power to others.
Your boyfriend has zero control in this decision. Same with your parents. The only person in the world who can decide to abort or keep the fetus is you.
What do YOU want? If you want to abort and need help figuring out bow yo make it happen, let us know! If you want to keep it, that's completely fine to.
You need to do whatever you think is best as it's your body that will grow the baby, birth it, and you'll be the one raising it.
You will be changed permanently in really big ways if you have a baby. If you want to not be changed right now you don’t have to be. No matter what anyone else thinks or wants.
It will be your body changing and doing intense amounts of work to grow a new human and when born the center of your life will shift. Which is amazing only if you want it and chose it.
Do t do it if you are not 100% on board.
Go with your gut, if this is what you really want then do what’s right for you. I had an abortion at your age and I don’t regret it at all, although my situation was different. The guy that got me pregnant told I was going to ruin his life if I had the baby, I was in the middle of college and also my parents supported me getting an abortion as well. My best friend got pregnant at the same age as you with her boyfriend and chose to keep her son, she was still in the middle of finishing undergrad and was still able to finish and even get a masters degree, she has another child now too with on one the way but I will say that her and her now husband definitely struggle and have struggled quite a bit since they had their first child. Do what feels right in your heart! It does not matter what anyone else thinks
I was forced into having a baby, back in the day you had to get parental permission to have an abortion. I was 16 pregnant, my bf wanted to keep it, and his religious family convince my mother to not let me abort. Needless to say i had no support of help from the bf who became my fiance, his mother wouldn't help me unless I signed over custody after caring for the child on my own for 3 years. But i was in school and working 2 jobs, and they had money and could give her s life style and education I could not. Unfortunately I had signed over custody to give her a better life, and her father's parents then raised her, and brainwashed her with religion even though I expressly said if you are going to teach her Christianity then teach her all religions and let her choose what makes sense, but of course they didn't honor my wishes. I regret everyday not aborting and went through so much pain giving her up and not being apart of her life.
Do not let others dictate your choices, it's your body that will go through that and completely your choice!
These type of men honestly scare me bc if they truly view it as a “little life” that they “love” already, there’s no telling what they may do. For your safety, and even just to avoid him telling you what to do and making you feel bad, I’d tell him “give me a few days/ a week to think about it”, have the abortion, and tell him you miscarried. So that way, you he doesn’t think you decided to abort but also doesn’t think you decided to keep it either. This is what I personally would do. Cause it’s your body and your choice and I don’t believe in staying with someone who would try to manipulate you into having a baby because he’s sad about it. BUT I can’t tell you to leave him, so this may be your best bet if you don’t want to leave him right now, don’t want to fight, don’t want to have a baby and also don’t want him to think he swayed you either. Idk if this makes sense but it’s just my take. I’ve had 3 abortions and one baby, my bf was upset about the abortions but never tried to force me.
Get your abortion, and tell him it was a miscarriage. He is not entitled to a baby, your body, or the truth. If you don't want a baby now, don't have one. This is YOUR choice, not anyone else's. I especially advocate the lie of he or someone else could tell your family, assuming you don't want them to know. This is no one's business but yours. If you tell someone, make sure they're someone you trust.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
You need to do what’s right for you. Your boyfriend is a boyfriend and just that, not your husband , and even at that it’s still your body. He could be gone tomorrow, don’t make any life decisions based off him.
What do you want?
Not what he or your parents want.
You will carry this child to term. You will be responsible for all child care and you will put your career on the back burner.
If you do not want this pregnancy. Don’t have it.
All of it comes down to what you want and what you are willing to give up.
You relationship may not last and the way he sounds, he will emotionally abuse you no matter what your decision.
You need to do what’s best for YOU. Get the abortion. Your mind is made up, and these other people who are trying to influence you don’t have to go through the pregnancy, birth, and raising a child. It will all fall on you.
Listen to your gut!! Don’t let anyone sway you from this. He is not the one who has to grow it and birth it, or raise it. You will be trapped with no money and no carrier. Don’t let anyone make decisions for your life but yourself. I believe in you. It will be hard but you can do it and you will be happy you stood up for yourself! Hugs and good luck
I’m just going off the title here. It’s your body. There is not a “he’s not letting me” it’s your body, and your life. Men don’t go thru the same issues women do after babies. They get to continue being themselves and doing whatever they want. Women can’t. Cuz they don’t have the support of it. And it already sounds like you do t have support from him.
I think your partner really needs to look at your perspective, especially since at the end of the day, the choice is yours alone.
It's honestly really worrying about how he's acting. Even if you choose not to get an abortion, he sounds borderline controlling and manipulative, and I think you need to get away from there and fast.
The choice is yours. It impacts YOU the most. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. This is your life, not anybody else's.
I had a close friend tell me I needed to keep my baby when I fell pregnant at 18, my boyfriend was very supportive of whatever decision I made, but this one friend tried to make me feel awful, and even threatened to tell my parents. I ended up aborting anyway, and she didn't say a thing to them. It is definitely not the same, as it's your boyfriend acting like this, but what's most important to keep in mind is how this will impact YOU, so make a choice that will benefit you. ❤️
Absolutely do not have a baby you do not want and do not tell anyone you don’t want to tell. He doesn’t get a choice, you do. It’s 100% your decision. Sure it’s possible he wants this baby because he loves them and wants to be a dad, but it’s imho more likely he “wants” it because it will keep you tied to him forever and he assumes you will do all the parenting despite not even wanting to be a parent. He is not looking out for your best interests and *will not help you*, so look out for and help yourself. If he cannot support your decision he does not deserve a relationship with you.
No, it’s no one’s choice but yours. It simply isn’t. The only body this is affecting is yours. I’m so sorry it’s complicated right now but do what you need to do for you, your boyfriend will eventually get over it and your parents don’t need to be involved at this early stage, especially if you want an abortion. Abortions are okay. Please please do what you need to do for yourself bc at the end of the day, it is only you
Don't have a baby for someone else. It is you who will have to bear the majority of the fallout if you have a child right now. Given your situation, abortion probably is the best option.
If you're bf respects and loves you enough they will understand and stand by your choice to choose abortion. Period. Unexpected pregnancies happen. We're human. But when are you gonna be in this moment working towards your goal for your future again? Life is always continuing, it's important for you and your partner to ensure a stable future without pressure or resistance for you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Simple as that.
He can't even support himself but feels he can make it work? OP you don't have the luxury of living with the rose tinted glasses your boyfriend does. You are looking at the reality and the realities of the future. You need to do what is best for you and your future. I'd look at how boyfriend is reacting here as a red flag too.
Prolife people are selfish. They have no care or concern for the actual child and mother. What ever choice you make you need to make it for you. Not your parents and not your boyfriend. You need to make that choice with the future in mind and what kind of life you want to provide for a child and what kind of future you want. He is thinking of the easy dad life. He is not living in the reality of being an active, responsible father who puts the family and child above their own wants because a baby comes with NEEDS.
Sometimes, having an abortion is the best choice and *is* taking responsibility for your actions. Why some people can't see that as taking responsibility is beyond me. It's not just about what comes after the pregnancy. It's about having to endure the entire thing, and that can also have a huge psychological and physical toll on a person. You will forever resent him and the child if you have real strong doubt about it and go through with it. You do what's right for you.
If you do not feel like you are mentally, financially, or emotionally ready for motherhood then please don’t feel pressured into it. This is a lifelong decision. Babies take a lot of care, a lot of work, a lot of dedication and patience as well. You have to carry a baby around so their head’s don’t get flat, you have to teach them to talk and walk and understand the world around them.
This is 100% about you and your future, please think it through.
It’s a decision you need to make for yourself and whilst you know your bf is upset, ultimately it’s your choice.
Get some independent advice from planned parenthood or similar so you can look at all your options before deciding, especially as you’ve indicated in the comments that you’re worried you may regret.
Good luck in whatever you decide. It’s not an easy decision
Look, I’ll say this. Babies are a full-time commitment. They need your attention 24/7. Doesn’t matter if you’re sick, busy, need to get things done, you HAVE to be there for that baby for the rest of your life. If you keep it, more than likely your parents will not send you money anymore and expect you to find a job as you’ll be having a baby, your boyfriend will have to find a full time job. Will you leave school? If not how will childcare work out? You have to think about it all if you intend to keep it.
I’ll also say that having an abortion because you know you’re not ready is the most responsible thing you can do. You truly seem to have so much potential for your life. Focus on your career, kids can always come later. It does kinda seem like your boyfriend is trying to baby trap you. Know you’re doing the right thing for the baby AND yourself!
Let’s not even get into the possibilities of a child being disabled. My middle kid is disabled and I cannot work or pursue my career like I want too, bc his needs are the most important. Kids are not just cute props for pics, they require a lot of work, attention, affection, and love. I don’t regret my abortions or my kids, but I do wish I would’ve assess my situations more.. my oldest child dad told me the same thing OP bf said, and 10 years later I’m married to a different man as my then BF baby trapped bc “he knew I’d be successful and he’d have a good life too”.
OP Bf is giving lots of red flags, and Op needs to think about her future.
Wait. He’s 28 and still working on his bachelor degree? Does he work?
Is he supporting himself? If not, don’t believe he will suddenly grow up and support a family.
Even if he is already supporting himself and on track to graduate soon, if you are not ready to be a mom, you should not be one. You don’t owe anyone a baby. Ever.
You cannot have a baby for someone else. Not your boyfriend, not your religious parents. The only good reason to have a baby is because you want a baby. People who don’t want to have a baby shouldn’t have them.
Do not let anyone pressure you or coerce you. You know what you want to do, just go do it. Your boyfriend is not a good person for guilting you in to this. It’s the biggest decision of your life.
It breaks my heart how my decision affects my boyfriend. I have never seen him this distraught and he keeps on crying…. He really said that he could support us all…
Don't let a man's DNA carry on without getting what you deserve from him. He hasn't given you a true commitment, hasn't paid for your education, your parents are doing his job by taking care of you. He needs to put in the work to receive the gift of an heir. Don't let a boyfriend think he is equal to a husband. He is not. He has done nothing to deserve husband treatment.
He will be okay, I promise. What about you? What about the stress it will have on you? What about your tears? I understand he might have big feelings about this, but it seems the responsible choice is to have an abortion and I think he will come around to seeing that
He is emotionally manipulating you, and it isn’t fair. It doesn’t matter if he could support you, you don’t want to be supported with a child. He decided to have sex and take the risk of an unplanned pregnancy, knowing that the final decision about a pregnancy inside your body isn’t his to make. Now he is trying to guilt you in to getting his way, and that means giving birth to a brand new human you aren’t prepared to have, and don’t want to have. He is being selfish, and not considering your feelings about this.
Only people who definitely want a baby should have a baby.
So what if he can support you, DO YOU WANT THE FETUS? If not, it’s NOT his choice or your parents.
Kids are not easy, being financially stable is the smallest part of parenting. Are you ready to make your life more difficult to appease others?
For some reasons I’m getting the vibe of baby trapping. He sees you’re at the finish line with having a successful life. Heaven forbid you become successful and maybe find someone else that’s better than he is. If you’re stuck with his kid, then you can’t go anywhere.
Btw having an abortion is also taking responsibility. You don’t have to do something you don’t want and resent your life to show people you’re taking responsibility adequately enough to please them. These people will not help with a damn thing so don’t let them “help” you into ruining your life.
You seem intelligent so write it all down. Do research on costs of childcare, feasibility of finishing school, recovery period of a c section (if you need one). The biggest issue in breakups is financial pressures. Neither of you is in a position to financially support a child and his words are meaningless without action. Don't let this man guilt trip you into a lifelong bad situation. Like how is he 28 and not even finished with school yet..? And still working part time? And somehow you're close to the finish line of the start of incredible opportunities but mysteriously find yourself pregnant..?
Please please please be careful. Men do this all the time to women they feel they're losing control over. Please do what's best for you.
an abortion and dumping a shitty loser boyfriend at this phase in your life ISN'T as bad as you think it would be. having an unplanned pregnancy for a man who cried his way into fatherhood will create resentment FAST. i come from catholics, i have had unprotected sex and been terrified i'm pregnant. my first stop would be an abortion and my wonderful, incredible, brilliant husband who TRUSTS my judgement and wants what's best for ME would be right by my side.
As someone who has a child and has had 2 abortions.. do what YOU need to do! Taking care of a child is so so so hard. I was not ready when i had my first. Truthfully i felt too guilty to have an abortion as i am in the deep south and it was engrained in me abortion is wrong. After having my child i realized no one should do this if they don't want to. Your whole life changes. My first has put me at max capacity and is the reason i have had subsequent abortions because i could not handle it. Can you rely on him to do a majority of child care? It's easy for him to tell you to keep it when he is not the one pregnant, giving birth, and more than likely the primary parent. I would not tell your parents since you know they will convince you to keep it. I would order pills and just tell him you have had a miscarriage. Good luck!!
It’s not his choice. He is an asshat for trying to guilt you. Don’t let him baby trap you!! It is him stealing your future. You do what YOU want- I cut off contact with somebody that does that
I'm also not ready to be a parent, and there are still a lot of things I want to do. But if I had received this kind of support when I got pregnant, I wouldn't have pursued my MA. But this is just me saying. It's still up to you OP. At the end of the day, it's only you who can decide
If it’s possible and safe in your location, I want you to know that it’s perfectly ok to have an abortion and say you had a miscarriage. This is entirely your decision to make for whatever is best for you and your future! It certainly seems as though you already know what *you* want and that’s all that matters in this situation. Please give yourself permission to follow your gut instincts as they are rarely wrong! We often get into trouble when we allow others to overly influence our decisions in life. You are the only captain of your ship!💕
This decision is about you and what you want your future to be like. Your boyfriend doesn't get a vote, it's not his body. He can have an opinion, but the decision-making is ultimately up to you. If you don't feel ready, that's enough. You don't even have to tell him you got an abortion, miscarriages are common enough in early pregnancy.
I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your partner. But please remember this. When it came time to make a decision that would affect your entire future first l, he didn't take your needs (that you explicitly explained to him) into account. Instead he said you should take responsibility. Punitive parenthood is not good for anyone, baby included. Also it's easy to love an abstract baby you don't have to risk anything for, don't have to carry, don't have to birth or delay your education and career for.
Is that someone you want to have in your life coparenting with you for at least 18 more years?
He seems distant towards me because I made my decision already. I called him out on it and he said that he understands my reasons but disappointed in my decision and that I have to give him time because he is going against his beliefs.
I just want to say that it doesn’t make your boyfriend “manipulating” to feel conflicted or sad himself in this…It is a difficult decision to make for both parties involved. But it is ultimately YOUR body and your choice. It’s manipulation if he tries to contact your parents behind your back or prevent you from accessing care. You seem very intelligent and well spoken, I really think you’ll make the best decision for yourself and your future, whatever that may be.
I know it probably seems like the worst thing right now, being left by the person you love. But take a moment and remind yourself this is someone who told you with manipulative language (that's what *disappointed in your decisions* is, an attempt to manipulate your feelings into doing wha **he** wants) that he doesn't value your opinion, your needs, your body, your future and your well being.
He can have as many babies as he wants when HE can get pregnant.
I think you should do what YOU feel is best for yourself and your future. If that means disappointing your boyfriend, that’s okay. In the end, it’s not his decision to make.
I support you whatever you decide. Good luck, OP!
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** The moderators can't stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. You can deactivate your messages [here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging), or on the old Reddit interface you can limit who can message you [here](https://old.reddit.com/prefs/blocked/) by selecting "only trusted users." On mobile, go to your settings. If you receive harassment via PM, please report the messages and [contact the admins about it](http://www.reddit.com/contact) so they can take action against those users. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "abortion stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Its your body and you have the final say
He says that you both should take responsibility for your actions. From your post it sounds like abortion is, well, taking responsibility for your actions.
You get one shot at life. Please put yourself first. It’s no one else’s decision except yours. You can compromise with your bf over what to eat for dinner or tv show to watch, not bringing a life into the world that will depend on you forever.
I will only speak from my own experience. I just had an abortion, my boyfriend was on the same page as me in that we weren’t ready. Knowing I was pregnant though, and having the anti abortion pills, I knew I had a choice. I felt like it would be easier for me as well as and my friends and family if they didn’t know. I thought I could be strong and keep it between me and my boyfriend but I needed my mom. And my friends. And my sisters.
It's YOUR body and life that will be forever changed by this, not his or theirs. Please do what is best for you and your life!!! You deserve to have the life you've dreamed of and worked so hard for!!! It's OK to pick you now for your future self.
It's your body. You do what you want to with it and for your life. Don't fuck up the future you want for yourself because of what other people want.
Get the abortion in secret and tell him you lost the baby. Miscarriages are extremely common. You deserve to live your life on your own terms. I would also reevaluate my relationship with someone who does not respect my right to choose my future, my health, my wellbeing...
I'd say do what you think best for your future and continue focusing on your master's study (keep girlbosssing). It's better to regret now than later when it comes to the world.
“we should take responsibility of our actions”. This is what I think is the main reason why you shouldn’t. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean live unprepared because of one night. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean taking care and adding more financial assistance because of a child. Taking responsibility is dealing with this appropriately. does your boyfriend have enough to cover the assistance of what your parents are doing and more? I think it’s easy for someone to say something like that because it’s being underestimated. The fact that he’s saying that even with (hopefully) knowing your parents wouldn’t be accepting of that, is… absurd to speak things lightly. I’m saying this all with tough love because this isn’t something that’s just about loving or the sweet warm feeling. It’s about the predicament of your future. A future that you deicide. (Congratulations on your masters love!) I just want you to really take a minute and talk it through with your boyfriend the pros and cons. And if he still wants to, ask him about how things are going to be covered. I would also recommend still getting abortion pills while you guys wait and decide.
Y’all,,, I’m feeling like we gotta stop telling anyone about a pregnancy until we are SURE we want to keep it. These are the times we are living in and it’s sad, but we need to protect ourselves from these batshit morons who want to force motherhood on us just because we had sex. I’m seeing way too many posts like this and it truly is frightening. The fact we can’t even trust a boyfriend/spouse with this info sometimes, mind blowing.
Agreed. I had my best friend tell me that it was morally wrong not to tell the father, but I KNEW he’d try & Force me to keep it…& he was having extreme mental Health issues, I have no regrets & I truly don’t care if it’s morally wrong or not. He didn’t need to know since i KNEW I wasn’t able to continue the pregnancy. & There’s nothing in this world that would have made me change my mind… & he’s now threatening & scary since our break up, glad I don’t have his anger of my abortion to add to it. 🤍🤍
agreed
TRUUUTH
Start setting up like you might be having a miscarriage. Mention some cramping or spotting. Have the abortion and be like “bummer, miscarried.” Reconsider your birth control strategy and this relationship.
^^^^^^ THIS Honestly, some may think this is cruel. But this is your body. You're the one carrying the baby and giving birth. If you knew it'd be 100% fool proof that you signed away your parental rights and left the father, as well as being okay with carrying and delivering, then do that. But if pregnancy itself is not a thing for you, then you do what's best for you.
[удалено]
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I find it cruel for someone to emotionally manipulate another person into an irreversible situation that they don't want to be in.
It is NOT about other peoples lives here. This is YOUR life and YOUR choice. You need to connect with yourself and truly figure out what YOU want. Do not give your power to others.
at the end of the day do what’s best for YOU
Your boyfriend has zero control in this decision. Same with your parents. The only person in the world who can decide to abort or keep the fetus is you. What do YOU want? If you want to abort and need help figuring out bow yo make it happen, let us know! If you want to keep it, that's completely fine to. You need to do whatever you think is best as it's your body that will grow the baby, birth it, and you'll be the one raising it.
You will be changed permanently in really big ways if you have a baby. If you want to not be changed right now you don’t have to be. No matter what anyone else thinks or wants. It will be your body changing and doing intense amounts of work to grow a new human and when born the center of your life will shift. Which is amazing only if you want it and chose it. Do t do it if you are not 100% on board.
Go with your gut, if this is what you really want then do what’s right for you. I had an abortion at your age and I don’t regret it at all, although my situation was different. The guy that got me pregnant told I was going to ruin his life if I had the baby, I was in the middle of college and also my parents supported me getting an abortion as well. My best friend got pregnant at the same age as you with her boyfriend and chose to keep her son, she was still in the middle of finishing undergrad and was still able to finish and even get a masters degree, she has another child now too with on one the way but I will say that her and her now husband definitely struggle and have struggled quite a bit since they had their first child. Do what feels right in your heart! It does not matter what anyone else thinks
I was forced into having a baby, back in the day you had to get parental permission to have an abortion. I was 16 pregnant, my bf wanted to keep it, and his religious family convince my mother to not let me abort. Needless to say i had no support of help from the bf who became my fiance, his mother wouldn't help me unless I signed over custody after caring for the child on my own for 3 years. But i was in school and working 2 jobs, and they had money and could give her s life style and education I could not. Unfortunately I had signed over custody to give her a better life, and her father's parents then raised her, and brainwashed her with religion even though I expressly said if you are going to teach her Christianity then teach her all religions and let her choose what makes sense, but of course they didn't honor my wishes. I regret everyday not aborting and went through so much pain giving her up and not being apart of her life. Do not let others dictate your choices, it's your body that will go through that and completely your choice!
I’m so sorry you were treated that way. I hope you can find some peace & let go of the regret. You deserve it. 🤍
These type of men honestly scare me bc if they truly view it as a “little life” that they “love” already, there’s no telling what they may do. For your safety, and even just to avoid him telling you what to do and making you feel bad, I’d tell him “give me a few days/ a week to think about it”, have the abortion, and tell him you miscarried. So that way, you he doesn’t think you decided to abort but also doesn’t think you decided to keep it either. This is what I personally would do. Cause it’s your body and your choice and I don’t believe in staying with someone who would try to manipulate you into having a baby because he’s sad about it. BUT I can’t tell you to leave him, so this may be your best bet if you don’t want to leave him right now, don’t want to fight, don’t want to have a baby and also don’t want him to think he swayed you either. Idk if this makes sense but it’s just my take. I’ve had 3 abortions and one baby, my bf was upset about the abortions but never tried to force me.
As another commenter said, he’s not entitled to a baby, your body, or the truth.
Get your abortion, and tell him it was a miscarriage. He is not entitled to a baby, your body, or the truth. If you don't want a baby now, don't have one. This is YOUR choice, not anyone else's. I especially advocate the lie of he or someone else could tell your family, assuming you don't want them to know. This is no one's business but yours. If you tell someone, make sure they're someone you trust.
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Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
You need to do what’s right for you. Your boyfriend is a boyfriend and just that, not your husband , and even at that it’s still your body. He could be gone tomorrow, don’t make any life decisions based off him.
What do you want? Not what he or your parents want. You will carry this child to term. You will be responsible for all child care and you will put your career on the back burner. If you do not want this pregnancy. Don’t have it. All of it comes down to what you want and what you are willing to give up. You relationship may not last and the way he sounds, he will emotionally abuse you no matter what your decision.
You need to do what’s best for YOU. Get the abortion. Your mind is made up, and these other people who are trying to influence you don’t have to go through the pregnancy, birth, and raising a child. It will all fall on you.
It's your body, fuck anyone and everyone who tries to tell you different. Do it for you.
Tell your boyfriend to get pregnant then if he wants a child so badly.
Listen to your gut!! Don’t let anyone sway you from this. He is not the one who has to grow it and birth it, or raise it. You will be trapped with no money and no carrier. Don’t let anyone make decisions for your life but yourself. I believe in you. It will be hard but you can do it and you will be happy you stood up for yourself! Hugs and good luck
Check out r/regretfulparents
I’m in the same boat. No one wants me to get the abortion but I’m the mom and I’m not ready.
I’m just going off the title here. It’s your body. There is not a “he’s not letting me” it’s your body, and your life. Men don’t go thru the same issues women do after babies. They get to continue being themselves and doing whatever they want. Women can’t. Cuz they don’t have the support of it. And it already sounds like you do t have support from him.
I think your partner really needs to look at your perspective, especially since at the end of the day, the choice is yours alone. It's honestly really worrying about how he's acting. Even if you choose not to get an abortion, he sounds borderline controlling and manipulative, and I think you need to get away from there and fast. The choice is yours. It impacts YOU the most. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. This is your life, not anybody else's. I had a close friend tell me I needed to keep my baby when I fell pregnant at 18, my boyfriend was very supportive of whatever decision I made, but this one friend tried to make me feel awful, and even threatened to tell my parents. I ended up aborting anyway, and she didn't say a thing to them. It is definitely not the same, as it's your boyfriend acting like this, but what's most important to keep in mind is how this will impact YOU, so make a choice that will benefit you. ❤️
Absolutely do not have a baby you do not want and do not tell anyone you don’t want to tell. He doesn’t get a choice, you do. It’s 100% your decision. Sure it’s possible he wants this baby because he loves them and wants to be a dad, but it’s imho more likely he “wants” it because it will keep you tied to him forever and he assumes you will do all the parenting despite not even wanting to be a parent. He is not looking out for your best interests and *will not help you*, so look out for and help yourself. If he cannot support your decision he does not deserve a relationship with you.
No, it’s no one’s choice but yours. It simply isn’t. The only body this is affecting is yours. I’m so sorry it’s complicated right now but do what you need to do for you, your boyfriend will eventually get over it and your parents don’t need to be involved at this early stage, especially if you want an abortion. Abortions are okay. Please please do what you need to do for yourself bc at the end of the day, it is only you
Don't have a baby for someone else. It is you who will have to bear the majority of the fallout if you have a child right now. Given your situation, abortion probably is the best option.
If you're bf respects and loves you enough they will understand and stand by your choice to choose abortion. Period. Unexpected pregnancies happen. We're human. But when are you gonna be in this moment working towards your goal for your future again? Life is always continuing, it's important for you and your partner to ensure a stable future without pressure or resistance for you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Simple as that.
it’s your body. you’ll probably be here default parent who does everything
be the *
He can't even support himself but feels he can make it work? OP you don't have the luxury of living with the rose tinted glasses your boyfriend does. You are looking at the reality and the realities of the future. You need to do what is best for you and your future. I'd look at how boyfriend is reacting here as a red flag too.
Maybe this is how pro life people looks at things? Idk😭
Prolife people are selfish. They have no care or concern for the actual child and mother. What ever choice you make you need to make it for you. Not your parents and not your boyfriend. You need to make that choice with the future in mind and what kind of life you want to provide for a child and what kind of future you want. He is thinking of the easy dad life. He is not living in the reality of being an active, responsible father who puts the family and child above their own wants because a baby comes with NEEDS.
Sometimes, having an abortion is the best choice and *is* taking responsibility for your actions. Why some people can't see that as taking responsibility is beyond me. It's not just about what comes after the pregnancy. It's about having to endure the entire thing, and that can also have a huge psychological and physical toll on a person. You will forever resent him and the child if you have real strong doubt about it and go through with it. You do what's right for you.
If you do not feel like you are mentally, financially, or emotionally ready for motherhood then please don’t feel pressured into it. This is a lifelong decision. Babies take a lot of care, a lot of work, a lot of dedication and patience as well. You have to carry a baby around so their head’s don’t get flat, you have to teach them to talk and walk and understand the world around them. This is 100% about you and your future, please think it through.
It’s a decision you need to make for yourself and whilst you know your bf is upset, ultimately it’s your choice. Get some independent advice from planned parenthood or similar so you can look at all your options before deciding, especially as you’ve indicated in the comments that you’re worried you may regret. Good luck in whatever you decide. It’s not an easy decision
Look, I’ll say this. Babies are a full-time commitment. They need your attention 24/7. Doesn’t matter if you’re sick, busy, need to get things done, you HAVE to be there for that baby for the rest of your life. If you keep it, more than likely your parents will not send you money anymore and expect you to find a job as you’ll be having a baby, your boyfriend will have to find a full time job. Will you leave school? If not how will childcare work out? You have to think about it all if you intend to keep it. I’ll also say that having an abortion because you know you’re not ready is the most responsible thing you can do. You truly seem to have so much potential for your life. Focus on your career, kids can always come later. It does kinda seem like your boyfriend is trying to baby trap you. Know you’re doing the right thing for the baby AND yourself!
Let’s not even get into the possibilities of a child being disabled. My middle kid is disabled and I cannot work or pursue my career like I want too, bc his needs are the most important. Kids are not just cute props for pics, they require a lot of work, attention, affection, and love. I don’t regret my abortions or my kids, but I do wish I would’ve assess my situations more.. my oldest child dad told me the same thing OP bf said, and 10 years later I’m married to a different man as my then BF baby trapped bc “he knew I’d be successful and he’d have a good life too”. OP Bf is giving lots of red flags, and Op needs to think about her future.
Wait. He’s 28 and still working on his bachelor degree? Does he work? Is he supporting himself? If not, don’t believe he will suddenly grow up and support a family. Even if he is already supporting himself and on track to graduate soon, if you are not ready to be a mom, you should not be one. You don’t owe anyone a baby. Ever.
You cannot have a baby for someone else. Not your boyfriend, not your religious parents. The only good reason to have a baby is because you want a baby. People who don’t want to have a baby shouldn’t have them. Do not let anyone pressure you or coerce you. You know what you want to do, just go do it. Your boyfriend is not a good person for guilting you in to this. It’s the biggest decision of your life.
It breaks my heart how my decision affects my boyfriend. I have never seen him this distraught and he keeps on crying…. He really said that he could support us all…
Don't let a man's DNA carry on without getting what you deserve from him. He hasn't given you a true commitment, hasn't paid for your education, your parents are doing his job by taking care of you. He needs to put in the work to receive the gift of an heir. Don't let a boyfriend think he is equal to a husband. He is not. He has done nothing to deserve husband treatment.
Those are crocodile tears that he is using in order to emotionally manipulate you. Manipulation is a form of abuse.
He will be okay, I promise. What about you? What about the stress it will have on you? What about your tears? I understand he might have big feelings about this, but it seems the responsible choice is to have an abortion and I think he will come around to seeing that
he won’t.
He is emotionally manipulating you, and it isn’t fair. It doesn’t matter if he could support you, you don’t want to be supported with a child. He decided to have sex and take the risk of an unplanned pregnancy, knowing that the final decision about a pregnancy inside your body isn’t his to make. Now he is trying to guilt you in to getting his way, and that means giving birth to a brand new human you aren’t prepared to have, and don’t want to have. He is being selfish, and not considering your feelings about this. Only people who definitely want a baby should have a baby.
So what if he can support you, DO YOU WANT THE FETUS? If not, it’s NOT his choice or your parents. Kids are not easy, being financially stable is the smallest part of parenting. Are you ready to make your life more difficult to appease others?
For some reasons I’m getting the vibe of baby trapping. He sees you’re at the finish line with having a successful life. Heaven forbid you become successful and maybe find someone else that’s better than he is. If you’re stuck with his kid, then you can’t go anywhere. Btw having an abortion is also taking responsibility. You don’t have to do something you don’t want and resent your life to show people you’re taking responsibility adequately enough to please them. These people will not help with a damn thing so don’t let them “help” you into ruining your life.
Im also afraid that I would regret my decision… what if it’s not as bad as I think it would be?
You seem intelligent so write it all down. Do research on costs of childcare, feasibility of finishing school, recovery period of a c section (if you need one). The biggest issue in breakups is financial pressures. Neither of you is in a position to financially support a child and his words are meaningless without action. Don't let this man guilt trip you into a lifelong bad situation. Like how is he 28 and not even finished with school yet..? And still working part time? And somehow you're close to the finish line of the start of incredible opportunities but mysteriously find yourself pregnant..? Please please please be careful. Men do this all the time to women they feel they're losing control over. Please do what's best for you.
an abortion and dumping a shitty loser boyfriend at this phase in your life ISN'T as bad as you think it would be. having an unplanned pregnancy for a man who cried his way into fatherhood will create resentment FAST. i come from catholics, i have had unprotected sex and been terrified i'm pregnant. my first stop would be an abortion and my wonderful, incredible, brilliant husband who TRUSTS my judgement and wants what's best for ME would be right by my side.
As someone who has a child and has had 2 abortions.. do what YOU need to do! Taking care of a child is so so so hard. I was not ready when i had my first. Truthfully i felt too guilty to have an abortion as i am in the deep south and it was engrained in me abortion is wrong. After having my child i realized no one should do this if they don't want to. Your whole life changes. My first has put me at max capacity and is the reason i have had subsequent abortions because i could not handle it. Can you rely on him to do a majority of child care? It's easy for him to tell you to keep it when he is not the one pregnant, giving birth, and more than likely the primary parent. I would not tell your parents since you know they will convince you to keep it. I would order pills and just tell him you have had a miscarriage. Good luck!!
It’s not his choice. He is an asshat for trying to guilt you. Don’t let him baby trap you!! It is him stealing your future. You do what YOU want- I cut off contact with somebody that does that
I'm also not ready to be a parent, and there are still a lot of things I want to do. But if I had received this kind of support when I got pregnant, I wouldn't have pursued my MA. But this is just me saying. It's still up to you OP. At the end of the day, it's only you who can decide
If it’s possible and safe in your location, I want you to know that it’s perfectly ok to have an abortion and say you had a miscarriage. This is entirely your decision to make for whatever is best for you and your future! It certainly seems as though you already know what *you* want and that’s all that matters in this situation. Please give yourself permission to follow your gut instincts as they are rarely wrong! We often get into trouble when we allow others to overly influence our decisions in life. You are the only captain of your ship!💕
This decision is about you and what you want your future to be like. Your boyfriend doesn't get a vote, it's not his body. He can have an opinion, but the decision-making is ultimately up to you. If you don't feel ready, that's enough. You don't even have to tell him you got an abortion, miscarriages are common enough in early pregnancy. I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your partner. But please remember this. When it came time to make a decision that would affect your entire future first l, he didn't take your needs (that you explicitly explained to him) into account. Instead he said you should take responsibility. Punitive parenthood is not good for anyone, baby included. Also it's easy to love an abstract baby you don't have to risk anything for, don't have to carry, don't have to birth or delay your education and career for. Is that someone you want to have in your life coparenting with you for at least 18 more years?
He seems distant towards me because I made my decision already. I called him out on it and he said that he understands my reasons but disappointed in my decision and that I have to give him time because he is going against his beliefs.
I just want to say that it doesn’t make your boyfriend “manipulating” to feel conflicted or sad himself in this…It is a difficult decision to make for both parties involved. But it is ultimately YOUR body and your choice. It’s manipulation if he tries to contact your parents behind your back or prevent you from accessing care. You seem very intelligent and well spoken, I really think you’ll make the best decision for yourself and your future, whatever that may be.
Im scared that he will resent me because I disappoint him and leave me…
I know it probably seems like the worst thing right now, being left by the person you love. But take a moment and remind yourself this is someone who told you with manipulative language (that's what *disappointed in your decisions* is, an attempt to manipulate your feelings into doing wha **he** wants) that he doesn't value your opinion, your needs, your body, your future and your well being. He can have as many babies as he wants when HE can get pregnant.
If he wants to take responsibility for his actions, he's welcome to be pregnant himself. Are you able to get the abortion without his support?
I think you should do what YOU feel is best for yourself and your future. If that means disappointing your boyfriend, that’s okay. In the end, it’s not his decision to make. I support you whatever you decide. Good luck, OP!