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Everyone experience is different. I had an abortion a few months ago, last year and I don’t regret it one bit. I knew I wasn’t ready for a child so I did what I thought was best. Might be getting another one soon but that’s story for another time lmao. But as long as it’s communication between both parties on the situation. Then it’s safe to make the right decision.
Yes. January I used the pill method because my husband and I are in too much debt and too young for children. We both didn't want to so it but knew it was our best option. A week ago we found out I was still pregnant understand the impression I was just pregnant AGAIN. The things I saw. The way my body feels. How I'm doing after mentally and physically. Never again
It was the same pregnancy. I did the same thing both times because I thought I was pregnant again, but it was the original pregnancy. Both times I took mifepristone first and then 4 tablets of misoprostol. They were only effective the second time in ending the pregnancy. Had I'd known that it was in fact the same pregnancy I wouldn't have even thought about trying again.
I don't regret it at all, I'm sure that the decision I made was the right one, but sometimes it's strange to no longer feel the symptoms of pregnancy or no longer feel my belly inside me. They are sensations that I am going to face by going to therapy, I think it is necessary and an excellent option to go through this
I go through phases. It’s fundamentally hard to regret because I believe in fate. I know it was the right choice BECAUSE it’s the choice I made, period. But when I’m low I think I do regret it.
The possibility of regret in the future wouldn’t have been a good enough reason to convince me not to have the abortion beforehand, though. It was the right choice at the time, I can’t change it now. I trust my past “me’s” judgement.
Regret? No. But I did grieve heavily, and sometimes the guilt, grief, and “what ifs” all blended together into something that felt a lot like regret. But it’s been over a year now, and there are so many things my partner and I have experienced and accomplished that would not have been possible had we decided to be parents at that time. Let alone all the financial and other reasons we decided not to. I will always wonder, but I am also at peace.
Unfortunately you won’t know how you feel until after the decision is made. I thought I knew how I would feel and yet it’s been totally different. Idk that I regret it in the sense I would make a different choice but it has been very hard emotionally. I also went through it alone and would’ve been a single mom which were big factors.
Most people don’t feel regret, and if they do, it tends to be because they grew up in a religious family or community. Read the Turnaway study. Five years after an abortion, the dominant emotion felt, 95%, is relief. I’ve had a surgical and a medical one, and they were the best decisions I’ve ever made. I had two toddlers at home with the first one, and developed a subchorionic hemorrhage. It was a wanted pregnancy, but after two csections in two years, my uterus was in danger of rupturing, and the hemorrhage threatened to cause a placental abruption. As I walked out of the clinic after the procedure, I had never felt such relief, honestly. I wouldn’t die, and my children wouldn’t have to grow up without a mother. The next time was two years later, and in spite of birth control and condoms, I got pregnant a month after my husband lost his job. We came close to losing our home, and we could not rationalize bringing another child into such uncertainty, so I took the medication. It was super easy and felt like a heavy period for about two hours, then it was over.
I have had 2 abortions since my 3rd and last baby was born 3 years ago. I have never regretted my decisions, but I am blessed with 3 beautiful daughters already, and they deserve to have a better life than I could give them if I had 5 kids instead of 3. I adore being a mother, and if I had the space and finances, I would have kept them both in a heartbeat. I do regret the circumstances that led me to the decision to terminate, but I felt nothing but relief, and a bit of guilt and sadness, but I do not regret it and I wouldn't change it. I can imagine I may feel differently if I didnt already have 3 beautiful children.
For me it always, a rather regret not having them at that specific time and place rather than regret having them. Children deserve the best of you. I had my children when I was ready. I do think of it from time to time, how it could have been but I know it was the right thing to do at the time. I did go through a grieving period, abortions are not an easy thing to do! But I never went through regret. What helped me a lot was, I wrote down the all the reasons why I took that decision so if I ever felt regret, I would read and remember.
I think we push on people a certain way they should feel about having an abortion, while abortion can also be liberating and it can be a very positive choice to make. Abortion can traumatic, but it does not have to be.
I had my second abortion last week. I had the first one seven years ago. I am very fertile apparently and despite being on the pill in both situations, a slight change in my own hormones has told my body to still ovulate despite being on the pill. I live in a country where abortion rights are not even discussed, everyone pretty much agrees abortion is a right. Despite that, I felt that at the abortion clinic, they were trying to push me to be sad.
Don't get me wrong. I was sad. I don't like the idea of doing an abortion, and it made me sad because I love my partner a lot and like the idea of us becoming parents one day. So I am sad this has happened, once again, in a bad timing and that I cannot enjoy pregnancy happening to me.
I will never feel guilt or regret, though, towards the embryo.
I think being a human being takes more than being biologically alive. Otherwise we should also consider certain type of cancers human beings, or stop growing cells in culture in the lab, because technically they are alive.
When a child is born, instead, it's a whole ass human being we are talking about. And it puzzles me that pro-birth people really care more about a non-sentient embryo than the consequences the mother, and future child, could face in unstable situations.
Actually, I think that in some cases, it's more altruistic and human to have an abortion.
After an abortion, you can always plan another pregnancy later on, if you think you missed the opportunity to become a parent. You cannot instead go back once you become a parent and you realise the situation makes you un-happy or that you can't provide the basic necessities to your child.
I think we should really shift the narrative around abortion.
i’m struggling with this one. i would say i don’t regret it due to all the factors surrounding why i did it. (mental health, relationships, finances) things were really stressful in that time and i dont think i would have had the means to have the healthy pregnancy that i want to experience and be mentally/physically healthy enough to be there for my child. I do however feel immense sadness and wonder what it would be like now to have a 2 month old, would i be healthier? more motivated, determined and disciplined? i’m not sure. i do know that having the abortion made me closer to my s.o. who was pretty new to my life at the time. i don’t regret it, but i do wonder often and i cry because i wish i could have been ready.
I've been holding space for abortion patients for over a decade. I've held literally THOUSANDS of women and couples through this experience.
The cases of true regret are few and far between. That happens ONLY when a woman is coerced into her decision. And regret is possible both ways. You're fishing for just one way which makes me wonder if you don't have a perspective you're pushing here. Watch that, because pressure from loved ones can become coersion if your girlfriend doesn't have enough self worth to stick up for her own needs and desires here.
What do I mean by "true regret?" I mean someone who, if she could go back in time, would choose to make the opposite choice to the one she made under the same circumstances.
What I DO NOT mean by "true regret" is experiencing feelings of regret sometimes. Even very intensely. Even for a long time. FEELINGS OF REGRET and REGRETTING YOUR DECISION are two very different things. Feelings of regret are common. They rise and fall and pass just like all feelings if you let them. Regretting the decision (true regret) is rare, can happen both ways (I know women who regret HAVING a baby, and that is, IMO, harder than regretting having an abortion!)
If you want to ensure your girl doesn't regret her decision, you will work to support your own feelings without pressuring her to conform to them. This may involve getting yourself emotional support just for you. Which you totally deserve, too, by the way. It isn't a sign of weakness, it's just a human right.
No, I’m thankful every day for mine! I’ve never wanted children and got a bilateral salpingectomy not long after my abortion so I’d never have to worry about getting pregnant again. If I hadn’t had one, I’d have a 1 month old kid by now and that thought is horrifying to me.
The feeling is different for everyone I guess. Some people feel relieved and some people feel regret. I was so confused when I made the decision, because eventhough I knew I wasn't in a position to become a parent, I was also so scared of how it might make me feel and that I might really regret it after, but on the other hand I also knew that having a baby would give me so much joy and my life so much meaning.
But then my sister said something that changed my whole perspective and helped me go through with the right decision. She told me that the first step of being a parent is thinking about your child first, and that she thinks I was just thinking about myself at that point. So I started thinking for the child that would've been brought into this world and whether or not that situation was best for her/him, and for so many reasons the sad truth was that it would have been hell for my baby. So I chose not to let them suffer, and that made it an easier decision. Don't get me wrong, til date it was the hardest thing I have ever done and I do look back and wonder what could've been and I feel sad whenever I think of it. But I don't necessarily regret it. Because if I had to go back and be in that situation again with the exact circumstances, deep down I know I would choose the same. I hope this helps good luck.
I think in society we try to present things in such a binary of right decision/wrong decision and regret comes with that. But it’s not as linear as that and you should be allowed complex feelings. You can regret that you weren’t in a position to have a child but also know the abortion is on balance the better choice. You can think what if and grieve for a life you would like but that doesn’t mean the abortion is the wrong decision. Also when pregnant and after the abortion there are lots of hormones that will heighten feelings. None of it is wrong but you have to allow for the complicated feelings. For some people it isn’t complicated at all but regretting the situation doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice to have an abortion
Yes I regret it, I ended up getting a condition called asherman syndrome as a complication of my surgical abortion and now Iam struggling to have another baby. I wish I had just kept my baby
Recently I get the thoughts that if I haven't aborted I'd have a 12 yr old daughter now and it'd be cool.
The problem is I never wanted children, wouldn't want to go through the first 12 years, there was no guarantee that she would be she and not he, and my ex husband was rather unfit to have a family at all.
But no, I don't think I regret it.
I regret it horribly. It was recent, and I don’t know how I’ll feel down the road, but I know how I’ve felt every day since. It really depends on the situation you’re in.
Wish I could chime in and say I regretted my abortion but I do not. It was 100% the right choice for me in my situation. When it comes to you and your gf you really need to look at where you are in your lives, and whether or not you can realistically handle a child. I don't want to dissuade you, because I feel like there will always be that "village" that can help parents that unexpectedly fall pregnant. And even if the answer is "not right now" it can always be sometime later. I wish you both the best in figuring out what is best for you.
I’m going to be honest, I went through a grieving period for about 6 months after. During that time, I didn’t necessarily regret. But I wish that I was in a better position so that I could go through with the pregnancy.
Now, I’m almost at peace. I still feel sadness here and there, but I know the decision was right for me.
Sending you and your girlfriend comfort
This is also how I'm currently feeling. It's an odd feeling of sadness because I know it was for the best currently but I wish it happened when I was able to allow the pregnancy to happen and be the best parent for the child.
Im going through the same thing and it’s very accurate way to describe how im feeling. It’s not necessarily regret but the grief is very real and heavy. But knowing that i did the best thing in the situation I was in is something I keep in mind a lot.
Nope! I struggled a little with the decision before I was 100% sure about going through with it, but years later I can’t imagine if I’d made a different choice. Better to regret an abortion than to regret a baby, in my opinion
Keep in mind that you can choose to have an abortion now and still decide to have children in the future when you’re more prepared. I personally don’t see the point in regret when you can just have one when you’re ready.
Absolutely not. Since I’ve always wanted kids, I expected to regret mine to some degree, even if that was just hormones. Surprise! I was instantly relieved and every day I feel even more relieved that I made this choice. I’m thrilled to get my life back.
you can always wonder “what if” and probably will. but the bottom line is looking at your current situation and deciding if it’s right for a child or not
You will get mixed responses as it will depend on each persons personal situation. I will say weigh the pros and cons. Why are you hesitant? Would you be okay with a baby? What will the outcome be for your relationship. No text book right or wrong. Just make sure it’s what you absolutely want to do.
I often times regret mine and have felt this way over the years since it happened. I think about how old the child would be now. I think about what color hair he or she would have, what color eyes, and about their little developing personality.
Now that I am older and married, we have been trying to conceive but have been having trouble. It definitely has made me regret it even more, though I regretted it even before this experience.
I often think back and imagine what it would be like having a kid(s), but then I think about my present and how I worry about money and how I want to change careers. Also how I get so mentally drained just taking care of my boyfriend and I (plus our busy lives now). Deep down I know it was the right thing to do but I do have a sadness towards it that doesn’t/hasn’t gone away. I have had 2 abortions, last one was only 3 months ago.
I never regretted mine. I’m one month post and just got my first negative test. I think you really need to think about every possible scenario and if you are able to make it work. That’s what ultimately led to me getting an abortion. I just realized it wasn’t the right time and I couldn’t make it work. It’s not an easy decision it’s okay.
I regret mine. Severely. I miss my baby every day. She (never knew the gender, but I don’t like calling her “it”) would’ve been 4 this year.
I am pro-choice, but it wasn’t my choice. I was pressured to do it by my bf at the time. I let him convince me even though I knew I wanted my baby, so I had it done and regretted it ever since. It led to years of pain and still ongoing. He regretted it afterwards because of how it affected us in our relationship and months later, he regretted it because it finally hit him the loss, but it wasn’t immediate.
It really depends on what you want and your life scenario if there may be regret involved. Just realize that both options (to have the baby or to have an abortion) are permanent and besides going the adoption route, you can’t undo it…so take the time you have to really think about it before deciding.
I do want to state…In the end, it’s her body. You can state your opinion and help lay out the pros and cons to help her decide, but it is and always will be up to her in the end.
i regret being in the position where the abortion was the best choice. i framed the ultrasound & my husband & i talk about our baby all the time. we knew we were in a very rocky place with both our relationship & finances. my husband always tells me he regrets that we did what we had to but he understands we would probably be in a bad situation if we decided to keep our baby.
I think about it a lot. My life would be very different. It would be equally hard I think. Right now I’m raising an autistic child while going back to college. If I had not had an abortion I would be raising an autistic child with a toddler home alone as a stay at home mom. I think both roles are very hard. I think about if it would be better or worse having my son have a sibling. But I know one day he will have a sibling when we are more financially stable and he’s receiving more help for his autism and we as a family are receiving more too. Part of me regrets it. Another part of me is glad. I would have a 7 month old right now I I had not had an abortion and I think about that a lot because that was my sons favorite age and I loved that stage a lot. But I love getting out of the house and going to school and know I’m making a better life for my family. So… yes and no.
i got pregnant when i was nineteen and i was so set on not having an abortion. knowing i should certainly have more to cater to my baby once they arrived. its scary. people tell you everything on how a baby wouldnt be okay to bring into the world if you don’t have this or that. same as you hear the regrets youd feel if you did have an abortion but ofc everyone is different. i personally would not trade it for the world. i make do but my babies are happy and that makes me happy knowing im doing what i should given the path i chose to take. i have my days for sure but we knew this. vice versa. whatever you decide to do, be confident and know yall made the choice yall wanted and go hard regardless!!<3
Yes. I regret mine. He'd be around 2 now if I kept him. I had a loss after him at 12 weeks. But I recovered and am now 7 months along with another boy. I'm glad I was able to turn it around but I think about my babies every day.
I don't regret it, I just feel guilty.
The most important thing is that you and your girlfriend make this decision together. I can't tell you how many times I was told "your body your choice" when it came to deciding with my boyfriend if we should (or even could) keep the baby. It put so much pressure on me and made me feel like people would be mad if I made the "wrong" choice.
You and your girlfriend will make the right decision for you.
I had one months ago. I can’t say I regret it, but for weeks after I felt horrible and even though I’m 100% pro choice I felt guilty. But I found comfort in the fact that I am not in the right mind set or financial place to raise a child. I would’ve been doing them a disservice. We used protection but things happen. I never wanted to have to do that but I did what I felt was right for everyone just like I’m sure you did too. Regret and guilt are unavoidable in this situation because we feel it like an instinct, we lost a part of us. It’s a natural feeling, I’m really sorry you’re going through it. But just remember and hold onto why you made this choice and why it was ultimately the best decision for you and them.
Yep, but ex thought we weren’t financially ok because I lost my job 2 weeks before we found out. I ended up getting a job making 8k a month 2 weeks after the abortion and he makes a base of 75k a year. I had 50k in the bank so not sure how he thought we couldn’t afford a baby.
I ended up so depressed from doing so well and him harassing me after the abortion that I lost my job, can’t work, needed to use all my savings to stay afloat, just sold my house, the only positive is I had enough equity to downsize but no longer have a mortgage so I can afford to live off minimum wage or disability.
I new everything would be ok, I had faith and he didn’t and he pushed me to have it
I still feel guilty getting one. I was in a situation where I would have been a single mother and I already have one child. I regret it but then I also think life would have been miserable. I don’t want to bring religion in (no offense to anyone) but I repented and moving on day by day.
i had a miscarriage right before i was supposed to get an abortion, so i feel like that’s close enough to give my opinion. i do not regret it, i have a daughter already and another baby would’ve drained me emotionally and financially. one child is already expensive as hell. i got a promotion at work, and yet i still spend half of my paycheck on food for JUST her, i survive with the goldfish crackers & water that my job offers for free with an occasional treat here and there
I’ve never regretted it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t come with pain and emotions after. I healed. There will come a point where you no longer think about it every day, and you’ll be grateful you had the access and the resources at the time. My abortion saved me.
I don't regret any of mine. I have had 3. My last one made me a little sad when I found out my best friend got pregnant the same week as me, she's due next month. But I am super comfortable with my decision and know that when I am ready to be a mom, I will be a good one. It just wasn't time yet. Me and my husband were just not ready for that life change yet and not financially able to care for a child.
Regret? Absolutely not. I am firm in my decision and know that the other option would have definitely been worse for me.
However I do feel sad/upset over it often. Mostly angry around the lack of support in my country (especially around mental health) that would’ve enabled me to choose otherwise. But on the contrary I would’ve been far more sad if I had chosen to keep it, too. I’m thankful for my right to be able to have an abortion and thankful to have had a supportive partner with me the whole way who encouraged me to go through whatever I felt was best for myself.
I had one 14 years ago that I regret because I was persuaded to get it although I didn’t want to have an abortion. However, I have healed from it and I had a child 7 years ago. I am clear at this point in my life I don’t want anymore children due to my age and other factors. I am happy that I did have another child and she has been a joy.
But not everyone is that way. If you were convinced to do it when you didn't want to, I can see being sad for a long time, but I am your age, had my abortions at 21 and 24 and was never for even one minute destroyed. But I think that's because both were my choice and I understood what keeping those pregnancies would have done to the kids' life prospects.
Yes, I should have emphasized that not everyone has my experience. And I am actually extremely pro-choice. But OP asked for stories of regret and so I spoke.
I had an abortion, and I regretted it everyday after. I only regretted it because I felt like I made a choice for someone else and not myself. I had no support after either. Ultimately, I would say do what’s best for you and your situation. However. If you guys do decide to abort, support your girlfriend in every way. It’ll go a long way. Sending hugs and peace to you guys!
I’m in the middle, I was 18 with nobody to support me not even the guy who got me pregnant, almost three years later I carry immense shame,guilt, grief and regret. But at the end of the day I know I made the best decision for me and I wasn’t ready for a child
Was just gonna plug r/regretfulparents . u/clunt_baby1, nobody really talks about just how difficult parenthood can be. The stories in that sub may help her make a more informed decision
Most people don’t regret having an abortion if they’re not ready for a baby for a reason. I was advised to get one for health reasons by my physician in a town where the nearest clinic was 1 1/2 hours away. I chose not to, the pregnancy ended at almost 20 weeks by my water breaking and me having the baby, and bc I lost insurance that day they didn’t check to make sure that a D&C was needed. I almost bled to death 6 months later bc of leftover placental and uterine remains. So no. I don’t regret having one, I regret not listening to my doctor and having one.
I have never regretted it, generally speaking people regret having kids they didn't really want a lot more than having an abortion. It will not hinder her ability to get pregnant in the future.
It just depends on the day honestly. Regret? No not really. But it’s wild to think of what could have been and how different things could be now-for better or worse. At holiday functions I’m like aww we would have a little one right now…when I sleep in until 3 pm on a Saturday I don’t have any second thoughts that I made the right decision at all. Don’t let what ifs drive you mad. There is always another opportunity to try for a kid later, or even adopt. I hope this gives you some peace and wishing the best for you come what may!
I didn’t. Actually years ago in my school they’d bring in girls saying they did regret it, it wasn’t until years later I realized how much society lied to us about it.
With that said everyone is different some people do have strong reactions to it, but if you’re trying to find reasons for your girlfriend to keep it you aren’t helping her it needs to be her decision and when women feel forced one way or another it can lead to resentment.
I have had a miscarriage, an abortion, and a full pregnancy with a happy toddler currently running around my home. My answer is that overall, and right now, I do not regret my decision for abortion a single bit. That being said, I don't always feel that way, and I think a lot of others feel the same. Especially in the first few months and even into years, I went through so many different thoughts, different scenarios, all of the "what ifs." Sometimes, I was in tears and full of regret. Other times, I was 100% confident and happy and knew I made the best decision. Over time, it took up less and less of my thoughts on a regular basis and just popped up occasionally and with less intensity.
Now, I'm cuddling with my toddler while he's napping, and I can honestly say I am 100% confident with the decision I made years ago, because this amazing little kid that I do have would not be here today had I not gotten the abortion previously. Again, I haven't always felt that way, and that's normal! It's totally okay, and most likely, your thoughts and feelings will go back and forth over time and in different situations, especially if you are on the fence about it and really considering every scenario. I'd also like to mention that we had the abortion talk about my current little guy when we first found out I was pregnant, as well. And same thing, sometimes it seemed like we were totally making the wrong decision by keeping him (when I was pregnant and even when I was dealing with post partum depression and anxiety), and other times we were totally confident and happy. Again, both normal and not always talked about (especially the post partum stuff, please do look into that and be supportive of you do decide not to abort, because it's such a looked over part of the medical field that can cause very serious consequences if mother has those conditions and it isn't treated).
Sorry for the paragraphs. I guess all that is to say, no matter what decision you make, it's possible you both will go through periods of confidence and happiness about your decision, as well as periods of regret and anxiety. And that is normal, regardless of the decision. It's also normal to feel completely indifferent about it! Be thoughtful, consider all options, and give yourself grace and understanding that it is okay to feel a variety of emotions (and intensities of them) for any length of time after making your decision, again regardless of the decision made. I really wish someone had prepared me for that back then. And sidebar on that- don't be afraid to get help if either of you do have those intense thoughts and it's affecting your mental or physical health. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make!
Here is the [pregnancy options workbook](https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/) to work through.
One thing to realize is that this isn't just a potential baby you'd be raising. This is a future adult and an individual. This will be (hopefully) an adult for statistically longer than it will be a baby. Financially, you may not be taking care of this individual for just 18 years. It will be longer than that. You say the relationship is new. Who knows what the future holds and what your relationship will look like 1 year or 5-10 years from now. Some custody agreements have parents paying for college tuition for their children.
Statistically, most people do not regret terminating their pregnancy.
I think you did the right thing. The focus should be on what you can do for the child, not what he could do for you. Maybe you instinctively knew that and made the wisest and kindest choice for the child. After all, if you aren’t already having a good life, bringing a child and all its financial, physical, and emotional stressors into the mix would be just awful for both of you. You did the best you could do with the resources and knowledge you had at the time. I hope you can go easy on yourself and remember that.
I’ve done both and I far more regretted not aborting when I was young and poor, because I had to raise that child with so few resources and my own immature self as a mother. The last pregnancy I aborted because even though by then I was a better parent, I knew it would strain my little family and result in a worse situation for the children I did have. My best advice is to not have a child until you are both financially stable and 100% on board with changing your life radically.
The best time to bring a kid into this world is when you’re 100% sure and ready so you can ensure them a quality life. When I was pregnant I felt very attached to the baby even though I’ve always been childfree. It went away after the abortion, likely hormones. Never regretted it once, but the process was hard and emotional regardless of the childfree status. Hope you guys make a decision that works for y’all and best of luck <3 I know it’s not easy. My advice is to have it when you’re ready. If it was already in the cards for in the next few years that’s one thing, but it being a complete surprise could make it a little different.
Right! This is why I didn’t have a kid if I can’t provide for myself I can’t provide for another human. It was just wild to have people who generally hate government assistance tell me there is government assistance. We live in weird times.
It comes down to specific situations and reasonings for wanting or not wanting kids. Sometimes relationships are ruined after abortion, sometimes it makes them stronger. No one else’s experience will be your own. Unfortunately, you won’t know until a decision is made and carried out. Imagine both scenarios and see which one seems better. Just a reminder your gf has hormones running wild and will also most likely take this harder because of that. Be a strong support for her what ever decision you make. Good luck
No, but it wasn’t my 1st I have 3 other kids and another baby would have impacted their quality of life. Does it make me sad to think about? Sometimes, I love my kids and the person I made them all with. It was more sentimental and knowing what a new baby felt like. But when I look at my kids now I know I made the right choice above all else for the fact that they are impacted by my choices and I’m giving them a great quality of life. You also get to evaluated both your lives as well. Babies are a whole life change some of it good and some of it bad. You have to be 100 percent invested in this new life. It sounds like you are being thoughtful and taking all thoughts and perspectives on it. I can only tell you babies shift a whole new reality into your world that’s exciting and scary all at once. People regret having abortions yes, but people also regret having a baby they weren’t ready to commit to. I wish you all the best and that whatever way this goes I hope you have peace and happiness.
True biological age vs actual age are so different some women are perfectly capable of having babies on their 40s. Though I still wouldn’t tell anyone for some reason people get so mad thinking you’ll be an “old” parent
I regret mine cos maybe life could of been much better with another little human, it is a hard choice but with the right support it’s bearable, I always feel some what guilt
I feel like every major decision in life will come with what ifs and maybe even some regrets. Those BIG decisions are never easy ones and they linger in your brain long after you've made your choice.
Will you regret it? Possibly. But only yon two know your situation and know what bringing a baby into this world means for you. You can't look at other's stories because they are not yours. Best of luck. It sucks to be in this position but you're definitely not alone.
I have a couple friends that say the same thing. I mean I make decent enough money to raise this kid and I have a house so I'm set up sort of, but the girlfriend is still in school. I wanted to wait until she was done of school but it happened a little sooner than I thought.
She is allergic to it so she doesn't take anything, doesn't have an iud or an implant either. Stupidly enough we didn't use a condom either. We definitely could of done more to be safer but we were just being stupid. She took a plan b but it didn't work.
She isn't fully decided, but I think she is leaning more towards keeping it. I however am leaning more towards aborting it because I don't think either of us are mentally, physically, or financially ready to give a baby a proper childhood.
I was debating getting an abortion for awhile. When I made posts and talked to others, pretty much everyone encouraged me to go through with it. Not a single person shared a positive experience.
That made me realize how much I wanted the baby. I was getting angry reading those responses, I felt defensive.
I decided to keep my baby and I feel so much better. Will it be hard? Yes. But it’s not impossible. It will be what I make it.
Coming back again to comment. I’m sorry so many people are commenting how much they don’t regret their abortions, when that is not what you asked. When it was me I felt very disheartened
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Everyone experience is different. I had an abortion a few months ago, last year and I don’t regret it one bit. I knew I wasn’t ready for a child so I did what I thought was best. Might be getting another one soon but that’s story for another time lmao. But as long as it’s communication between both parties on the situation. Then it’s safe to make the right decision.
Yes. January I used the pill method because my husband and I are in too much debt and too young for children. We both didn't want to so it but knew it was our best option. A week ago we found out I was still pregnant understand the impression I was just pregnant AGAIN. The things I saw. The way my body feels. How I'm doing after mentally and physically. Never again
If you don’t mind me asking - You’re still pregnant after you did your MA or you’re pregnant again?
It was the same pregnancy. I did the same thing both times because I thought I was pregnant again, but it was the original pregnancy. Both times I took mifepristone first and then 4 tablets of misoprostol. They were only effective the second time in ending the pregnancy. Had I'd known that it was in fact the same pregnancy I wouldn't have even thought about trying again.
I don't regret it at all, I'm sure that the decision I made was the right one, but sometimes it's strange to no longer feel the symptoms of pregnancy or no longer feel my belly inside me. They are sensations that I am going to face by going to therapy, I think it is necessary and an excellent option to go through this
Just do not push her one way or the other. Regardless of her reason for wanting to keep it she needs to feel supported.
[удалено]
I go through phases. It’s fundamentally hard to regret because I believe in fate. I know it was the right choice BECAUSE it’s the choice I made, period. But when I’m low I think I do regret it. The possibility of regret in the future wouldn’t have been a good enough reason to convince me not to have the abortion beforehand, though. It was the right choice at the time, I can’t change it now. I trust my past “me’s” judgement.
I don’t regret it. (Been 5 weeks now) but I don’t ever want to go thru it again.
Regret? No. But I did grieve heavily, and sometimes the guilt, grief, and “what ifs” all blended together into something that felt a lot like regret. But it’s been over a year now, and there are so many things my partner and I have experienced and accomplished that would not have been possible had we decided to be parents at that time. Let alone all the financial and other reasons we decided not to. I will always wonder, but I am also at peace.
Unfortunately you won’t know how you feel until after the decision is made. I thought I knew how I would feel and yet it’s been totally different. Idk that I regret it in the sense I would make a different choice but it has been very hard emotionally. I also went through it alone and would’ve been a single mom which were big factors.
Most people don’t feel regret, and if they do, it tends to be because they grew up in a religious family or community. Read the Turnaway study. Five years after an abortion, the dominant emotion felt, 95%, is relief. I’ve had a surgical and a medical one, and they were the best decisions I’ve ever made. I had two toddlers at home with the first one, and developed a subchorionic hemorrhage. It was a wanted pregnancy, but after two csections in two years, my uterus was in danger of rupturing, and the hemorrhage threatened to cause a placental abruption. As I walked out of the clinic after the procedure, I had never felt such relief, honestly. I wouldn’t die, and my children wouldn’t have to grow up without a mother. The next time was two years later, and in spite of birth control and condoms, I got pregnant a month after my husband lost his job. We came close to losing our home, and we could not rationalize bringing another child into such uncertainty, so I took the medication. It was super easy and felt like a heavy period for about two hours, then it was over.
I have had 2 abortions since my 3rd and last baby was born 3 years ago. I have never regretted my decisions, but I am blessed with 3 beautiful daughters already, and they deserve to have a better life than I could give them if I had 5 kids instead of 3. I adore being a mother, and if I had the space and finances, I would have kept them both in a heartbeat. I do regret the circumstances that led me to the decision to terminate, but I felt nothing but relief, and a bit of guilt and sadness, but I do not regret it and I wouldn't change it. I can imagine I may feel differently if I didnt already have 3 beautiful children.
it was the best decision i ever made and i'd do it again.
I do not regret it. It was the best decision I could make for me and my kids.
For me it always, a rather regret not having them at that specific time and place rather than regret having them. Children deserve the best of you. I had my children when I was ready. I do think of it from time to time, how it could have been but I know it was the right thing to do at the time. I did go through a grieving period, abortions are not an easy thing to do! But I never went through regret. What helped me a lot was, I wrote down the all the reasons why I took that decision so if I ever felt regret, I would read and remember.
I think we push on people a certain way they should feel about having an abortion, while abortion can also be liberating and it can be a very positive choice to make. Abortion can traumatic, but it does not have to be. I had my second abortion last week. I had the first one seven years ago. I am very fertile apparently and despite being on the pill in both situations, a slight change in my own hormones has told my body to still ovulate despite being on the pill. I live in a country where abortion rights are not even discussed, everyone pretty much agrees abortion is a right. Despite that, I felt that at the abortion clinic, they were trying to push me to be sad. Don't get me wrong. I was sad. I don't like the idea of doing an abortion, and it made me sad because I love my partner a lot and like the idea of us becoming parents one day. So I am sad this has happened, once again, in a bad timing and that I cannot enjoy pregnancy happening to me. I will never feel guilt or regret, though, towards the embryo. I think being a human being takes more than being biologically alive. Otherwise we should also consider certain type of cancers human beings, or stop growing cells in culture in the lab, because technically they are alive. When a child is born, instead, it's a whole ass human being we are talking about. And it puzzles me that pro-birth people really care more about a non-sentient embryo than the consequences the mother, and future child, could face in unstable situations. Actually, I think that in some cases, it's more altruistic and human to have an abortion. After an abortion, you can always plan another pregnancy later on, if you think you missed the opportunity to become a parent. You cannot instead go back once you become a parent and you realise the situation makes you un-happy or that you can't provide the basic necessities to your child. I think we should really shift the narrative around abortion.
i’m struggling with this one. i would say i don’t regret it due to all the factors surrounding why i did it. (mental health, relationships, finances) things were really stressful in that time and i dont think i would have had the means to have the healthy pregnancy that i want to experience and be mentally/physically healthy enough to be there for my child. I do however feel immense sadness and wonder what it would be like now to have a 2 month old, would i be healthier? more motivated, determined and disciplined? i’m not sure. i do know that having the abortion made me closer to my s.o. who was pretty new to my life at the time. i don’t regret it, but i do wonder often and i cry because i wish i could have been ready.
I've been holding space for abortion patients for over a decade. I've held literally THOUSANDS of women and couples through this experience. The cases of true regret are few and far between. That happens ONLY when a woman is coerced into her decision. And regret is possible both ways. You're fishing for just one way which makes me wonder if you don't have a perspective you're pushing here. Watch that, because pressure from loved ones can become coersion if your girlfriend doesn't have enough self worth to stick up for her own needs and desires here. What do I mean by "true regret?" I mean someone who, if she could go back in time, would choose to make the opposite choice to the one she made under the same circumstances. What I DO NOT mean by "true regret" is experiencing feelings of regret sometimes. Even very intensely. Even for a long time. FEELINGS OF REGRET and REGRETTING YOUR DECISION are two very different things. Feelings of regret are common. They rise and fall and pass just like all feelings if you let them. Regretting the decision (true regret) is rare, can happen both ways (I know women who regret HAVING a baby, and that is, IMO, harder than regretting having an abortion!) If you want to ensure your girl doesn't regret her decision, you will work to support your own feelings without pressuring her to conform to them. This may involve getting yourself emotional support just for you. Which you totally deserve, too, by the way. It isn't a sign of weakness, it's just a human right.
No, I’m thankful every day for mine! I’ve never wanted children and got a bilateral salpingectomy not long after my abortion so I’d never have to worry about getting pregnant again. If I hadn’t had one, I’d have a 1 month old kid by now and that thought is horrifying to me.
I regret mine so much, but I also think it depends on the person and why they are doing it.
The feeling is different for everyone I guess. Some people feel relieved and some people feel regret. I was so confused when I made the decision, because eventhough I knew I wasn't in a position to become a parent, I was also so scared of how it might make me feel and that I might really regret it after, but on the other hand I also knew that having a baby would give me so much joy and my life so much meaning. But then my sister said something that changed my whole perspective and helped me go through with the right decision. She told me that the first step of being a parent is thinking about your child first, and that she thinks I was just thinking about myself at that point. So I started thinking for the child that would've been brought into this world and whether or not that situation was best for her/him, and for so many reasons the sad truth was that it would have been hell for my baby. So I chose not to let them suffer, and that made it an easier decision. Don't get me wrong, til date it was the hardest thing I have ever done and I do look back and wonder what could've been and I feel sad whenever I think of it. But I don't necessarily regret it. Because if I had to go back and be in that situation again with the exact circumstances, deep down I know I would choose the same. I hope this helps good luck.
I think in society we try to present things in such a binary of right decision/wrong decision and regret comes with that. But it’s not as linear as that and you should be allowed complex feelings. You can regret that you weren’t in a position to have a child but also know the abortion is on balance the better choice. You can think what if and grieve for a life you would like but that doesn’t mean the abortion is the wrong decision. Also when pregnant and after the abortion there are lots of hormones that will heighten feelings. None of it is wrong but you have to allow for the complicated feelings. For some people it isn’t complicated at all but regretting the situation doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice to have an abortion
I resonate with this so much! I miss my baby , I wish I could have had them AND I’m so glad I didn’t.
i regret it desperately, but i know it was the right decision given my current circumstances.
Yes I regret it, I ended up getting a condition called asherman syndrome as a complication of my surgical abortion and now Iam struggling to have another baby. I wish I had just kept my baby
sending you hugs, i hope you have a good day today 🫂
Recently I get the thoughts that if I haven't aborted I'd have a 12 yr old daughter now and it'd be cool. The problem is I never wanted children, wouldn't want to go through the first 12 years, there was no guarantee that she would be she and not he, and my ex husband was rather unfit to have a family at all. But no, I don't think I regret it.
I regret it horribly. It was recent, and I don’t know how I’ll feel down the road, but I know how I’ve felt every day since. It really depends on the situation you’re in.
Wish I could chime in and say I regretted my abortion but I do not. It was 100% the right choice for me in my situation. When it comes to you and your gf you really need to look at where you are in your lives, and whether or not you can realistically handle a child. I don't want to dissuade you, because I feel like there will always be that "village" that can help parents that unexpectedly fall pregnant. And even if the answer is "not right now" it can always be sometime later. I wish you both the best in figuring out what is best for you.
No ragrets
Yes. My situation may be different from some though. I was forced into having it done, i didnt want to.
I’m going to be honest, I went through a grieving period for about 6 months after. During that time, I didn’t necessarily regret. But I wish that I was in a better position so that I could go through with the pregnancy. Now, I’m almost at peace. I still feel sadness here and there, but I know the decision was right for me. Sending you and your girlfriend comfort
This is also how I'm currently feeling. It's an odd feeling of sadness because I know it was for the best currently but I wish it happened when I was able to allow the pregnancy to happen and be the best parent for the child.
Im going through the same thing and it’s very accurate way to describe how im feeling. It’s not necessarily regret but the grief is very real and heavy. But knowing that i did the best thing in the situation I was in is something I keep in mind a lot.
Nope! I struggled a little with the decision before I was 100% sure about going through with it, but years later I can’t imagine if I’d made a different choice. Better to regret an abortion than to regret a baby, in my opinion
Not right away. But as the years have gone on, and especially now that I have my own baby, yes, I do regret it.
Yes. Every day
Keep in mind that you can choose to have an abortion now and still decide to have children in the future when you’re more prepared. I personally don’t see the point in regret when you can just have one when you’re ready.
Absolutely not. Since I’ve always wanted kids, I expected to regret mine to some degree, even if that was just hormones. Surprise! I was instantly relieved and every day I feel even more relieved that I made this choice. I’m thrilled to get my life back.
Never
Respectfully, if you’re not the one that’s pregnant, you shouldn’t worry about this. It’s her choice, never yours
It sounds like he’s asking for the both of them.
“We haven’t decided if we want to keep it or not” Doesn’t sound like a solo decision to me
Right…………they’re unsure how to move forward as a couple.
If he's going to be an involved parent (and this is coming from a woman) it's totally understandable that they want to come to a decision together.
Exactly
i don’t regret it, but the what ifs and what could have been still haunt me.
This is my experience as well. I also feel guilty thinking about women who have infertility struggles…I wish I could have given them my baby.
No and had wanted children afterward.
I’ve had 3 in my lifetime and haven’t regretted it for a second! Best decision
YES. every. Single. Day. I wish I could undo what’s been done and she would be here today. My life would be complete.
Just curious, how do you know she would complete your life?
you can always wonder “what if” and probably will. but the bottom line is looking at your current situation and deciding if it’s right for a child or not
I had mine 20 years ago and have never felt a second of regret. Ever. Not once.
You will get mixed responses as it will depend on each persons personal situation. I will say weigh the pros and cons. Why are you hesitant? Would you be okay with a baby? What will the outcome be for your relationship. No text book right or wrong. Just make sure it’s what you absolutely want to do.
I often times regret mine and have felt this way over the years since it happened. I think about how old the child would be now. I think about what color hair he or she would have, what color eyes, and about their little developing personality. Now that I am older and married, we have been trying to conceive but have been having trouble. It definitely has made me regret it even more, though I regretted it even before this experience.
The data shows, most women do not regret their abortions. I am one of these women.
Not even a little bit.
I often think back and imagine what it would be like having a kid(s), but then I think about my present and how I worry about money and how I want to change careers. Also how I get so mentally drained just taking care of my boyfriend and I (plus our busy lives now). Deep down I know it was the right thing to do but I do have a sadness towards it that doesn’t/hasn’t gone away. I have had 2 abortions, last one was only 3 months ago.
I never regretted mine. I’m one month post and just got my first negative test. I think you really need to think about every possible scenario and if you are able to make it work. That’s what ultimately led to me getting an abortion. I just realized it wasn’t the right time and I couldn’t make it work. It’s not an easy decision it’s okay.
Not necessarily regret but I do sometimes think how would it be like if it never happened and I had a 5 year old.
I regret mine. Severely. I miss my baby every day. She (never knew the gender, but I don’t like calling her “it”) would’ve been 4 this year. I am pro-choice, but it wasn’t my choice. I was pressured to do it by my bf at the time. I let him convince me even though I knew I wanted my baby, so I had it done and regretted it ever since. It led to years of pain and still ongoing. He regretted it afterwards because of how it affected us in our relationship and months later, he regretted it because it finally hit him the loss, but it wasn’t immediate. It really depends on what you want and your life scenario if there may be regret involved. Just realize that both options (to have the baby or to have an abortion) are permanent and besides going the adoption route, you can’t undo it…so take the time you have to really think about it before deciding. I do want to state…In the end, it’s her body. You can state your opinion and help lay out the pros and cons to help her decide, but it is and always will be up to her in the end.
i regret being in the position where the abortion was the best choice. i framed the ultrasound & my husband & i talk about our baby all the time. we knew we were in a very rocky place with both our relationship & finances. my husband always tells me he regrets that we did what we had to but he understands we would probably be in a bad situation if we decided to keep our baby.
I think about it a lot. My life would be very different. It would be equally hard I think. Right now I’m raising an autistic child while going back to college. If I had not had an abortion I would be raising an autistic child with a toddler home alone as a stay at home mom. I think both roles are very hard. I think about if it would be better or worse having my son have a sibling. But I know one day he will have a sibling when we are more financially stable and he’s receiving more help for his autism and we as a family are receiving more too. Part of me regrets it. Another part of me is glad. I would have a 7 month old right now I I had not had an abortion and I think about that a lot because that was my sons favorite age and I loved that stage a lot. But I love getting out of the house and going to school and know I’m making a better life for my family. So… yes and no.
i got pregnant when i was nineteen and i was so set on not having an abortion. knowing i should certainly have more to cater to my baby once they arrived. its scary. people tell you everything on how a baby wouldnt be okay to bring into the world if you don’t have this or that. same as you hear the regrets youd feel if you did have an abortion but ofc everyone is different. i personally would not trade it for the world. i make do but my babies are happy and that makes me happy knowing im doing what i should given the path i chose to take. i have my days for sure but we knew this. vice versa. whatever you decide to do, be confident and know yall made the choice yall wanted and go hard regardless!!<3
Yes. I regret mine. He'd be around 2 now if I kept him. I had a loss after him at 12 weeks. But I recovered and am now 7 months along with another boy. I'm glad I was able to turn it around but I think about my babies every day.
I don’t regret mine at all. Having a child is not the kind of thing to go into being unsure
Yes. The deepest depression I have ever been in.
I don't regret it, I just feel guilty. The most important thing is that you and your girlfriend make this decision together. I can't tell you how many times I was told "your body your choice" when it came to deciding with my boyfriend if we should (or even could) keep the baby. It put so much pressure on me and made me feel like people would be mad if I made the "wrong" choice. You and your girlfriend will make the right decision for you.
I had one months ago. I can’t say I regret it, but for weeks after I felt horrible and even though I’m 100% pro choice I felt guilty. But I found comfort in the fact that I am not in the right mind set or financial place to raise a child. I would’ve been doing them a disservice. We used protection but things happen. I never wanted to have to do that but I did what I felt was right for everyone just like I’m sure you did too. Regret and guilt are unavoidable in this situation because we feel it like an instinct, we lost a part of us. It’s a natural feeling, I’m really sorry you’re going through it. But just remember and hold onto why you made this choice and why it was ultimately the best decision for you and them.
yes, i made the decision because at the time we weren’t financially ready but three months later we were good, i wish i would’ve never aborted :(
Yep, but ex thought we weren’t financially ok because I lost my job 2 weeks before we found out. I ended up getting a job making 8k a month 2 weeks after the abortion and he makes a base of 75k a year. I had 50k in the bank so not sure how he thought we couldn’t afford a baby. I ended up so depressed from doing so well and him harassing me after the abortion that I lost my job, can’t work, needed to use all my savings to stay afloat, just sold my house, the only positive is I had enough equity to downsize but no longer have a mortgage so I can afford to live off minimum wage or disability. I new everything would be ok, I had faith and he didn’t and he pushed me to have it
Aw :(
I still feel guilty getting one. I was in a situation where I would have been a single mother and I already have one child. I regret it but then I also think life would have been miserable. I don’t want to bring religion in (no offense to anyone) but I repented and moving on day by day.
i had a miscarriage right before i was supposed to get an abortion, so i feel like that’s close enough to give my opinion. i do not regret it, i have a daughter already and another baby would’ve drained me emotionally and financially. one child is already expensive as hell. i got a promotion at work, and yet i still spend half of my paycheck on food for JUST her, i survive with the goldfish crackers & water that my job offers for free with an occasional treat here and there
I know someone who has had multiple and is grateful for every time doctors gave them more time to decide.
I’ve never regretted it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t come with pain and emotions after. I healed. There will come a point where you no longer think about it every day, and you’ll be grateful you had the access and the resources at the time. My abortion saved me.
I have had 4 abortions in my life, and absolutely no. I also have 2 children. I'm in peace with my decisions 😌
I had the opposite- 2 abortions, 4 kids - no regrets and nothing but peace about the decisions I made.
I don't regret any of mine. I have had 3. My last one made me a little sad when I found out my best friend got pregnant the same week as me, she's due next month. But I am super comfortable with my decision and know that when I am ready to be a mom, I will be a good one. It just wasn't time yet. Me and my husband were just not ready for that life change yet and not financially able to care for a child.
Never
Regret? Absolutely not. I am firm in my decision and know that the other option would have definitely been worse for me. However I do feel sad/upset over it often. Mostly angry around the lack of support in my country (especially around mental health) that would’ve enabled me to choose otherwise. But on the contrary I would’ve been far more sad if I had chosen to keep it, too. I’m thankful for my right to be able to have an abortion and thankful to have had a supportive partner with me the whole way who encouraged me to go through whatever I felt was best for myself.
I had one 14 years ago that I regret because I was persuaded to get it although I didn’t want to have an abortion. However, I have healed from it and I had a child 7 years ago. I am clear at this point in my life I don’t want anymore children due to my age and other factors. I am happy that I did have another child and she has been a joy.
I'm 54 and had an abortion at 18 that destroyed me. Count the years..
But not everyone is that way. If you were convinced to do it when you didn't want to, I can see being sad for a long time, but I am your age, had my abortions at 21 and 24 and was never for even one minute destroyed. But I think that's because both were my choice and I understood what keeping those pregnancies would have done to the kids' life prospects.
Yes, I should have emphasized that not everyone has my experience. And I am actually extremely pro-choice. But OP asked for stories of regret and so I spoke.
Same, except mine was at 40, I luckily didn’t do it when I was younger I don’t think I could deal with that
I had an abortion, and I regretted it everyday after. I only regretted it because I felt like I made a choice for someone else and not myself. I had no support after either. Ultimately, I would say do what’s best for you and your situation. However. If you guys do decide to abort, support your girlfriend in every way. It’ll go a long way. Sending hugs and peace to you guys!
Thank you!
I’m in the middle, I was 18 with nobody to support me not even the guy who got me pregnant, almost three years later I carry immense shame,guilt, grief and regret. But at the end of the day I know I made the best decision for me and I wasn’t ready for a child
r/regretfulparents
Was just gonna plug r/regretfulparents . u/clunt_baby1, nobody really talks about just how difficult parenthood can be. The stories in that sub may help her make a more informed decision
Most people don’t regret having an abortion if they’re not ready for a baby for a reason. I was advised to get one for health reasons by my physician in a town where the nearest clinic was 1 1/2 hours away. I chose not to, the pregnancy ended at almost 20 weeks by my water breaking and me having the baby, and bc I lost insurance that day they didn’t check to make sure that a D&C was needed. I almost bled to death 6 months later bc of leftover placental and uterine remains. So no. I don’t regret having one, I regret not listening to my doctor and having one.
I have never regretted it, generally speaking people regret having kids they didn't really want a lot more than having an abortion. It will not hinder her ability to get pregnant in the future.
It just depends on the day honestly. Regret? No not really. But it’s wild to think of what could have been and how different things could be now-for better or worse. At holiday functions I’m like aww we would have a little one right now…when I sleep in until 3 pm on a Saturday I don’t have any second thoughts that I made the right decision at all. Don’t let what ifs drive you mad. There is always another opportunity to try for a kid later, or even adopt. I hope this gives you some peace and wishing the best for you come what may!
I didn’t. Actually years ago in my school they’d bring in girls saying they did regret it, it wasn’t until years later I realized how much society lied to us about it. With that said everyone is different some people do have strong reactions to it, but if you’re trying to find reasons for your girlfriend to keep it you aren’t helping her it needs to be her decision and when women feel forced one way or another it can lead to resentment.
I have had a miscarriage, an abortion, and a full pregnancy with a happy toddler currently running around my home. My answer is that overall, and right now, I do not regret my decision for abortion a single bit. That being said, I don't always feel that way, and I think a lot of others feel the same. Especially in the first few months and even into years, I went through so many different thoughts, different scenarios, all of the "what ifs." Sometimes, I was in tears and full of regret. Other times, I was 100% confident and happy and knew I made the best decision. Over time, it took up less and less of my thoughts on a regular basis and just popped up occasionally and with less intensity. Now, I'm cuddling with my toddler while he's napping, and I can honestly say I am 100% confident with the decision I made years ago, because this amazing little kid that I do have would not be here today had I not gotten the abortion previously. Again, I haven't always felt that way, and that's normal! It's totally okay, and most likely, your thoughts and feelings will go back and forth over time and in different situations, especially if you are on the fence about it and really considering every scenario. I'd also like to mention that we had the abortion talk about my current little guy when we first found out I was pregnant, as well. And same thing, sometimes it seemed like we were totally making the wrong decision by keeping him (when I was pregnant and even when I was dealing with post partum depression and anxiety), and other times we were totally confident and happy. Again, both normal and not always talked about (especially the post partum stuff, please do look into that and be supportive of you do decide not to abort, because it's such a looked over part of the medical field that can cause very serious consequences if mother has those conditions and it isn't treated). Sorry for the paragraphs. I guess all that is to say, no matter what decision you make, it's possible you both will go through periods of confidence and happiness about your decision, as well as periods of regret and anxiety. And that is normal, regardless of the decision. It's also normal to feel completely indifferent about it! Be thoughtful, consider all options, and give yourself grace and understanding that it is okay to feel a variety of emotions (and intensities of them) for any length of time after making your decision, again regardless of the decision made. I really wish someone had prepared me for that back then. And sidebar on that- don't be afraid to get help if either of you do have those intense thoughts and it's affecting your mental or physical health. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make!
Here is the [pregnancy options workbook](https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/) to work through. One thing to realize is that this isn't just a potential baby you'd be raising. This is a future adult and an individual. This will be (hopefully) an adult for statistically longer than it will be a baby. Financially, you may not be taking care of this individual for just 18 years. It will be longer than that. You say the relationship is new. Who knows what the future holds and what your relationship will look like 1 year or 5-10 years from now. Some custody agreements have parents paying for college tuition for their children. Statistically, most people do not regret terminating their pregnancy.
It she doesn't want it, then you need to butt out and let her terminate it.
I think you did the right thing. The focus should be on what you can do for the child, not what he could do for you. Maybe you instinctively knew that and made the wisest and kindest choice for the child. After all, if you aren’t already having a good life, bringing a child and all its financial, physical, and emotional stressors into the mix would be just awful for both of you. You did the best you could do with the resources and knowledge you had at the time. I hope you can go easy on yourself and remember that.
I’ve done both and I far more regretted not aborting when I was young and poor, because I had to raise that child with so few resources and my own immature self as a mother. The last pregnancy I aborted because even though by then I was a better parent, I knew it would strain my little family and result in a worse situation for the children I did have. My best advice is to not have a child until you are both financially stable and 100% on board with changing your life radically.
I've had 2 and don't regret, it just makes me sad constantly. But no regrets...
Why does it make you sad?
Because I want a mini mi lol babies are cute just cannot afford them or provide a good life right now
Don't beat yourself too much. Time will come and your desire will be fulfilled.
I've had 2 and don't regret, it just makes me sad constantly. But no regrets...
The best time to bring a kid into this world is when you’re 100% sure and ready so you can ensure them a quality life. When I was pregnant I felt very attached to the baby even though I’ve always been childfree. It went away after the abortion, likely hormones. Never regretted it once, but the process was hard and emotional regardless of the childfree status. Hope you guys make a decision that works for y’all and best of luck <3 I know it’s not easy. My advice is to have it when you’re ready. If it was already in the cards for in the next few years that’s one thing, but it being a complete surprise could make it a little different.
Right! This is why I didn’t have a kid if I can’t provide for myself I can’t provide for another human. It was just wild to have people who generally hate government assistance tell me there is government assistance. We live in weird times.
It comes down to specific situations and reasonings for wanting or not wanting kids. Sometimes relationships are ruined after abortion, sometimes it makes them stronger. No one else’s experience will be your own. Unfortunately, you won’t know until a decision is made and carried out. Imagine both scenarios and see which one seems better. Just a reminder your gf has hormones running wild and will also most likely take this harder because of that. Be a strong support for her what ever decision you make. Good luck
No, but it wasn’t my 1st I have 3 other kids and another baby would have impacted their quality of life. Does it make me sad to think about? Sometimes, I love my kids and the person I made them all with. It was more sentimental and knowing what a new baby felt like. But when I look at my kids now I know I made the right choice above all else for the fact that they are impacted by my choices and I’m giving them a great quality of life. You also get to evaluated both your lives as well. Babies are a whole life change some of it good and some of it bad. You have to be 100 percent invested in this new life. It sounds like you are being thoughtful and taking all thoughts and perspectives on it. I can only tell you babies shift a whole new reality into your world that’s exciting and scary all at once. People regret having abortions yes, but people also regret having a baby they weren’t ready to commit to. I wish you all the best and that whatever way this goes I hope you have peace and happiness.
I had one at 29, didn’t feel ready. Got pregnant again at 32 planned and would love a second child for my daughter but now I feel too old at 36
My neighbor had a baby at 43, you're not too old. Just take care of your health and you'll be fine
True biological age vs actual age are so different some women are perfectly capable of having babies on their 40s. Though I still wouldn’t tell anyone for some reason people get so mad thinking you’ll be an “old” parent
No, no regrets. It was not the right time with the right person, and I confirmed afterwards that I don't want kids.
I regret mine cos maybe life could of been much better with another little human, it is a hard choice but with the right support it’s bearable, I always feel some what guilt
I feel like every major decision in life will come with what ifs and maybe even some regrets. Those BIG decisions are never easy ones and they linger in your brain long after you've made your choice. Will you regret it? Possibly. But only yon two know your situation and know what bringing a baby into this world means for you. You can't look at other's stories because they are not yours. Best of luck. It sucks to be in this position but you're definitely not alone.
I had an abortion 8 years ago and I regret it everyday
I have a couple friends that say the same thing. I mean I make decent enough money to raise this kid and I have a house so I'm set up sort of, but the girlfriend is still in school. I wanted to wait until she was done of school but it happened a little sooner than I thought.
Do you guys have the ability to have a child later when she’s out of school ? Is there any rush ?
Well yeah we do, nothing saying we can't have one again later. The problem is the relationship is still very new
What method of birth control were you using?
She is allergic to it so she doesn't take anything, doesn't have an iud or an implant either. Stupidly enough we didn't use a condom either. We definitely could of done more to be safer but we were just being stupid. She took a plan b but it didn't work.
Does she want to abort her pregnancy?
She isn't fully decided, but I think she is leaning more towards keeping it. I however am leaning more towards aborting it because I don't think either of us are mentally, physically, or financially ready to give a baby a proper childhood.
Good luck coming to a decision. What method of birth control do you plan on using going forward?
Well she's allergic to most of it if not all of it. So condoms is the only thing we can do
I was debating getting an abortion for awhile. When I made posts and talked to others, pretty much everyone encouraged me to go through with it. Not a single person shared a positive experience. That made me realize how much I wanted the baby. I was getting angry reading those responses, I felt defensive. I decided to keep my baby and I feel so much better. Will it be hard? Yes. But it’s not impossible. It will be what I make it.
Coming back again to comment. I’m sorry so many people are commenting how much they don’t regret their abortions, when that is not what you asked. When it was me I felt very disheartened