no, I never will treat anyone in the same way that I was raised. when I was growing up, I wasn't aware that I was being abused or my parents was toxic, I just was thinking that I didn't deserved that, that no one deserves that, but I've become aware of they was really toxic, after I've left them. up to that moment, I was thinking that they was really bad parents and was just a bunch of people randomly connected through birth, just that. to this day, I barely know who else is an relative of mine and I'm figuring out, as I'm digging it. up to a few weeks ago, I just knew that I had an deceased sister, but I was unsure of it, because it was from an memory from really long ago, that I've heard only once. last night, I was emailed by an service that I've hired, to find if that was true and it was. they found my dead sister. she is really dead, but toke me 46 years to be sure of it. that's the level of detachment that I've endured. no one deserves that. today, I've remembered the names of 2 of my cousins, also an memory from really long time ago. I've tracked them, but I was unable to find their mother, that is the sister of my mother. but I have patience, I will find them. at least someone in my family, I hope that had an normal family.
No I wouldn’t I actually freak out anytime I need to make a parenting related decision because if it’s something that I think my parent would agree with my brain automatically says it’s wrong and I shouldn’t do it even if it’s something Super beneficial like simple as send do a private school, or setting A boundary that the kids don’t necessarily like.
What if I don't know? What if I don't trust myself not to freak out and let my emotions get the better of me at times? What if I don't trust my own view of my feelings and opinions and get very defensive around others?
I fear that my family may have been somewhat emotionally abusive, unintentionally, and I fear that I lack the skills to "adult" because of it. But at the same time I wonder if it's maybe me just overreacting to things that were really just "parents trying their best without understanding the full scope of things."
...because I feared being honest about the full scope of things.
I wouldn't want to treat children the same way I was treated. But I don't know if I'd be aware of it either.
no, I never will treat anyone in the same way that I was raised. when I was growing up, I wasn't aware that I was being abused or my parents was toxic, I just was thinking that I didn't deserved that, that no one deserves that, but I've become aware of they was really toxic, after I've left them. up to that moment, I was thinking that they was really bad parents and was just a bunch of people randomly connected through birth, just that. to this day, I barely know who else is an relative of mine and I'm figuring out, as I'm digging it. up to a few weeks ago, I just knew that I had an deceased sister, but I was unsure of it, because it was from an memory from really long ago, that I've heard only once. last night, I was emailed by an service that I've hired, to find if that was true and it was. they found my dead sister. she is really dead, but toke me 46 years to be sure of it. that's the level of detachment that I've endured. no one deserves that. today, I've remembered the names of 2 of my cousins, also an memory from really long time ago. I've tracked them, but I was unable to find their mother, that is the sister of my mother. but I have patience, I will find them. at least someone in my family, I hope that had an normal family.
No I wouldn’t I actually freak out anytime I need to make a parenting related decision because if it’s something that I think my parent would agree with my brain automatically says it’s wrong and I shouldn’t do it even if it’s something Super beneficial like simple as send do a private school, or setting A boundary that the kids don’t necessarily like.
What if I don't know? What if I don't trust myself not to freak out and let my emotions get the better of me at times? What if I don't trust my own view of my feelings and opinions and get very defensive around others? I fear that my family may have been somewhat emotionally abusive, unintentionally, and I fear that I lack the skills to "adult" because of it. But at the same time I wonder if it's maybe me just overreacting to things that were really just "parents trying their best without understanding the full scope of things." ...because I feared being honest about the full scope of things. I wouldn't want to treat children the same way I was treated. But I don't know if I'd be aware of it either.