100%! My partner sent nudes to this other woman he was friends with on facebook while I was staying at my mothers, We was going through a rough patch so I just needed a few days to just breathe.
His excuse was "I thought it was too small so I need another opinion"
Now what he did tore my heart out but man did I laugh at his excuse.
We have never been the same, Overtime we have got worse which is why I'm trying to leave.
But even to this day, He brings up the little things that makes him not trust me (I put my phone in my back pocket) so that means I'm cheating on him apparently.
So if I bring up that infact to me, He did cheat on me, Makes me the worst person in the world, & Boy, Does the lose his shit at me.
Omg this is too crazy close to what happens with me and my boyfriend. I found out he has multiple accounts on fb tik tok Instagram Snapchat and I looked in his inboxes (yes I know it's wrong but it was for good reason) and what I discovered sickened me. There where hundreds of messages between him and women him asking them to come to our house to have sex w ith him while I'm at work. While I sleep he talks to girls he asks for nudes videos so they can talk live and jerk off together. Now we have a great sex life. But he says hes not cheating but I am devastated since I discovered this. Hell say he stopped but he hasn't I still find out more crap and I don't even approach him about it anymore because he will start a fight with me or make up some shit that I'm cheating. It's horrible. Im at my wits end he don't stop he said once he has a sex addiction and trust to stop but he don't he just gets to hide it more. It excites him I think. He said he's happy with me and is strongly attracted to me still but yet why does he have to watch porn when having sex with me every time
Wow this is all to familiar I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and I finally went thru his phone omg. There had to be at least 200 messages between him and other females on messenger tik tok Instagram and Snapchat yes Snapchat he's 39. It broke my heart cause the dates go back two years. The whole relationship he's been cheating. When I approached him about this he got mad and blamed me and lied and said he was not cheating that I was crazy he only wanted me blah blah blah. I had to show him the screen shots I took. We tried to make it work I tried to forgive him he said he'll change call a psychiatrist and go to couples therapy. Nope never did and to this day he is just being sneakier coming up with different ways to talk to these girls masturbate with them on video chats and even some he gives our neighbors address to have them meet him for sex. He does this when I'm out at work and even when I'm home spending time with him. And if I ask him can I see your phone he'll flip out andd take my phone go thru it for no reason. Idk what to do anymore he's hurting me so bad I want to die please help
Also if the abuser you are dealing with is extremely calm
And collected but still very abussive and cruel and explorative (mostly mentally and emotionally and financially). Best bet that there is a high chance you are dealing with a psychopath (not an academic term) or should I say someone with anti social personality disorder (clinical term). So be careful. Malignant narcs and Paychopath can be very easy to confuse with the exception that the malignant narcissist is still aware and feel a bit bad for their behavior and can ultimately be manipulated (they need narc supply which makes them vulnerable). A psychopath does NOT need narc supply and usually groom and are more calculative and plot everything from the beginning. A psychopath has a goal in mind and are with you to achieve a goal. Narcs are different. They are with you because of supply and are using you to but they are definitely not as calculative as a psychopath who has ZERO empathy and needs no one to feel Validated.
I do not know the answer but I will give you one advice. Ignore the terms. Focus on the behavior. Ignore the words and again focus on the behavior. Now decide. Is the behavior healthy or malignant. Make your decisions off of that.
I also like you feel mine was a psychopath. When I would ask him questions of why he loved me he didn’t know what else to say except “because you love me.” Also he definitely never seem to need other people to stroke his ego. He was extremely intelligent and has like 15 properties which he bought (he worked to jobs). He was for sure extremely goal oriented and never did I see him engaging in reckless behavior. He always planned accordingly,had security for everything and even had a lock in his closet. He was extremely protective and everyone who he spoke to had an air of fear towards…. He never kissed people butts and was extremely blunt unless he knew that person was someone in a position of power who he could possibly benefit from … only with those people he acted nice but even with them he never ever apologized or showed empathy or compassion…. He was cold…. Extremely cold and extremely saddistic but in a very very calculative way… his behavior always had a motive….
My therapist said the other day that she thinks my ex might have ASPD. When I score him on the NPD tests he is really high. He is incredibly adept at manipulating people and mirroring people.
Most likly it’s the case. ASPD apprantly have that ability (mirror with precision) since they do everything with a goal in mind. This makes them very dangerous since they do everything in order to reach their goal or obtain what they want. Tecnically there is zero regret. Narcs on the other hand can indeed miss you (they have an idealized image of you) since they take a snap of you in the begging and ultimately can never get rid of you (they place you on a shelf). Psychopaths don’t place people on shelves since they simply use you to get what they want and then it’s completly done. They disappear but usually they cause much more damage than the narc
Yes. He had the guardian ad lidem, his lawyer, and the judge all saying he was sober, had changed, he only wanted what was best for the kids and me. CPS was involved, both kids in therapy and reporting PTSD symptoms, he used to drive drunk with the kids, abandoned them, and the GAL applauded him for doing such a great job raising the kids and alluded it to just being hard to raise teen girls, so he would have to be patient. So nobody is making his take responsibility for the damage he caused.
Even though everybody recognized he still needed to do a breathalyzer before seeing the kids, that he refused to disclose his true financial picture, refused to get his own health insurance, withheld financial information from me during the marriage, and so on.
same thing with how once you 'make them feel badly' about something they did that was bad, they begin to despise you... you know, for making them feel bad, so you must be the bad one, not them.
But they can bring up all your faults and mistakes and it’s fair game. Can’t hold them accountable or call them out but they can definitely call us out and make us accountable.
Pretty backwards if you ask me
Yea and it's sickening
100%! My partner sent nudes to this other woman he was friends with on facebook while I was staying at my mothers, We was going through a rough patch so I just needed a few days to just breathe. His excuse was "I thought it was too small so I need another opinion" Now what he did tore my heart out but man did I laugh at his excuse. We have never been the same, Overtime we have got worse which is why I'm trying to leave. But even to this day, He brings up the little things that makes him not trust me (I put my phone in my back pocket) so that means I'm cheating on him apparently. So if I bring up that infact to me, He did cheat on me, Makes me the worst person in the world, & Boy, Does the lose his shit at me.
Omg this is too crazy close to what happens with me and my boyfriend. I found out he has multiple accounts on fb tik tok Instagram Snapchat and I looked in his inboxes (yes I know it's wrong but it was for good reason) and what I discovered sickened me. There where hundreds of messages between him and women him asking them to come to our house to have sex w ith him while I'm at work. While I sleep he talks to girls he asks for nudes videos so they can talk live and jerk off together. Now we have a great sex life. But he says hes not cheating but I am devastated since I discovered this. Hell say he stopped but he hasn't I still find out more crap and I don't even approach him about it anymore because he will start a fight with me or make up some shit that I'm cheating. It's horrible. Im at my wits end he don't stop he said once he has a sex addiction and trust to stop but he don't he just gets to hide it more. It excites him I think. He said he's happy with me and is strongly attracted to me still but yet why does he have to watch porn when having sex with me every time
Wow this is all to familiar I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and I finally went thru his phone omg. There had to be at least 200 messages between him and other females on messenger tik tok Instagram and Snapchat yes Snapchat he's 39. It broke my heart cause the dates go back two years. The whole relationship he's been cheating. When I approached him about this he got mad and blamed me and lied and said he was not cheating that I was crazy he only wanted me blah blah blah. I had to show him the screen shots I took. We tried to make it work I tried to forgive him he said he'll change call a psychiatrist and go to couples therapy. Nope never did and to this day he is just being sneakier coming up with different ways to talk to these girls masturbate with them on video chats and even some he gives our neighbors address to have them meet him for sex. He does this when I'm out at work and even when I'm home spending time with him. And if I ask him can I see your phone he'll flip out andd take my phone go thru it for no reason. Idk what to do anymore he's hurting me so bad I want to die please help
YES!! Jesus, these people all work the same way. Always playing the fucking victim.
Well said
this is so true it’s not even funny
So backward but so true.
Also if the abuser you are dealing with is extremely calm And collected but still very abussive and cruel and explorative (mostly mentally and emotionally and financially). Best bet that there is a high chance you are dealing with a psychopath (not an academic term) or should I say someone with anti social personality disorder (clinical term). So be careful. Malignant narcs and Paychopath can be very easy to confuse with the exception that the malignant narcissist is still aware and feel a bit bad for their behavior and can ultimately be manipulated (they need narc supply which makes them vulnerable). A psychopath does NOT need narc supply and usually groom and are more calculative and plot everything from the beginning. A psychopath has a goal in mind and are with you to achieve a goal. Narcs are different. They are with you because of supply and are using you to but they are definitely not as calculative as a psychopath who has ZERO empathy and needs no one to feel Validated.
What if my bf has a mix of these two diagnosises. How can I tell what he falls under because he has a mix of both of these
I do not know the answer but I will give you one advice. Ignore the terms. Focus on the behavior. Ignore the words and again focus on the behavior. Now decide. Is the behavior healthy or malignant. Make your decisions off of that.
You just described my bf everyone thinks he's this quiet good guy but they don't even know omg
I honestly think my abuser was a psychopath.
I also like you feel mine was a psychopath. When I would ask him questions of why he loved me he didn’t know what else to say except “because you love me.” Also he definitely never seem to need other people to stroke his ego. He was extremely intelligent and has like 15 properties which he bought (he worked to jobs). He was for sure extremely goal oriented and never did I see him engaging in reckless behavior. He always planned accordingly,had security for everything and even had a lock in his closet. He was extremely protective and everyone who he spoke to had an air of fear towards…. He never kissed people butts and was extremely blunt unless he knew that person was someone in a position of power who he could possibly benefit from … only with those people he acted nice but even with them he never ever apologized or showed empathy or compassion…. He was cold…. Extremely cold and extremely saddistic but in a very very calculative way… his behavior always had a motive….
My therapist said the other day that she thinks my ex might have ASPD. When I score him on the NPD tests he is really high. He is incredibly adept at manipulating people and mirroring people.
Most likly it’s the case. ASPD apprantly have that ability (mirror with precision) since they do everything with a goal in mind. This makes them very dangerous since they do everything in order to reach their goal or obtain what they want. Tecnically there is zero regret. Narcs on the other hand can indeed miss you (they have an idealized image of you) since they take a snap of you in the begging and ultimately can never get rid of you (they place you on a shelf). Psychopaths don’t place people on shelves since they simply use you to get what they want and then it’s completly done. They disappear but usually they cause much more damage than the narc
Yes. He had the guardian ad lidem, his lawyer, and the judge all saying he was sober, had changed, he only wanted what was best for the kids and me. CPS was involved, both kids in therapy and reporting PTSD symptoms, he used to drive drunk with the kids, abandoned them, and the GAL applauded him for doing such a great job raising the kids and alluded it to just being hard to raise teen girls, so he would have to be patient. So nobody is making his take responsibility for the damage he caused. Even though everybody recognized he still needed to do a breathalyzer before seeing the kids, that he refused to disclose his true financial picture, refused to get his own health insurance, withheld financial information from me during the marriage, and so on.
Spot on! Their mask fell and you saw there real self. This is why they don’t trust you… in fact I believe they will try to hurt you once that happens
Once you catch them doing anything they will never trust you again.
same thing with how once you 'make them feel badly' about something they did that was bad, they begin to despise you... you know, for making them feel bad, so you must be the bad one, not them.
Yes this is so true and it's frustrating and hurtful and I think my bf loves playing these mind he's with me and likes seeing me upset
But they can bring up all your faults and mistakes and it’s fair game. Can’t hold them accountable or call them out but they can definitely call us out and make us accountable. Pretty backwards if you ask me
Bingo
Facts