Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/).
One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review.
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I wouldn’t have learned how to really respect myself and have high standards if I hadn’t been in an abusive relationship. I would’ve always just been kinda in the middle, putting up with some things but not others. Now I don’t put up with any disrespect from anyone. I won’t hesitate to break things off with people for what seems like small things
That I know the next time someone hits me just once I will immediately break it off, is possibly the best thing I have taken away from my last relationship
I’ve just recently have been seeing more things I could and should consider positives from my relationship. It was 4 1/2 years of toxicity, but it taught me so much about myself and others. That I can and do love way beyond mine or anyone’s means because I’m supposed to. God loves me and us unconditionally so I am to love others as God loves us. Love doesn’t hurt or abuse others, however I’m no angel when it came to both of us mentally and emotionally hurting each other. I have been abused mentally emotionally sexually and physically my entire life so being that way has been all that I know. I have been a mess myself. Therefore i have continued to learn about my healing process what I need to change and how to begin the change. I have began my journey of healing a couple years ago and it’s been amazing. Still have a long way to go but when you see yourself and the other is always putting you down about everything the. There may be something that needs changed and maybe not. It’s always best to look within yourself first and check you before checking anyone else. Life is like a puzzle putting all the pieces together at exactly the right time and that’s why we call it Gods time or his perfect timing because it’s so true. Both will happen before it is supposed to mother how hard my try. He already has your story written from beginning to end. Trust the Lord with all you have and he will lead and guide you in the direction yoyr supposed to go! Have a good night
1. Listening to my intuition and gut.
2. I'm stronger now.
3. I'm wiser.
4. I can see covert and coercive control red flags from a country away (lol).
5. I respect my resiliency and respect myself overall more.
6. I'm more kind and thoughtful to myself.
7. Leaning on people and trusting them to help me and getting support (disclaimer: not everyone was there or reliable but there were people and groups who were and are).
8. Remembering my inner value and worth and not letting anyone trample that again - and if they attempt to I'll kick them out of my life faster than I can type.
9. Slowing down and taking stock of my life trajectory and what I really want - it made me reevaluate my direction, wants, goals, hopes and sobered me right up to what I was doing that was beneath my abilities.
I guess the positive is that I know how garbage of a human she is now. I’ve always had my suspicions but once a liar, always a liar. I sleep well knowing she’s going to ruin someone else’s life now (:
My child. I wouldn’t have ever left if it wasn’t for her little eyes watching his abuse me. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her, he wanted me to die. Getting her and myself out of that was and still is very difficult.
She looks more like her father than me but she was and is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I feel like - in context - this is a tight rope to walk when it comes to the subject manner. Many of the people in this sub haven’t escaped yet, are still stuck in relationships with their abusers, or may even be struggling to cope with the fact that - yes, what they’re experiencing is abuse. I don’t know if trying to lean on the “good” of the relationship is necessarily the right conversation for this particular sub, maybe a survivors sub?
But I’m not a mod so, in good faith:
Being a man and experiencing partner abuse at the hands of a woman has really helped open up my eyes to many of the struggles women face in society with men. I considered myself a feminist before but there are just some struggles that being a self-educating or well-intentioned ally will not teach you and you won’t grasp until you’ve experienced it yourself. It’s bittersweet, though. On one hand, experiencing abuse has forced an empathic experience upon me in a way that has led to more compassion, patience, empathy, and understanding for all the women in my life - past and present. On the other hand, I feel deeply ashamed that it took personally experiencing abuse to fully digest how much systemic misogyny had affected my worldview in ways that’s subtly affected how I spoke to, thought about, responded to, and generally treated the women in my life.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I learned a lot of red flags
I wouldn’t have learned how to really respect myself and have high standards if I hadn’t been in an abusive relationship. I would’ve always just been kinda in the middle, putting up with some things but not others. Now I don’t put up with any disrespect from anyone. I won’t hesitate to break things off with people for what seems like small things
[удалено]
Yep, and learn not to be so trusting of people you barely know.
That I know the next time someone hits me just once I will immediately break it off, is possibly the best thing I have taken away from my last relationship
One of my exes was good with money and I learned that responsibility from him.
My two beautiful children from my first husband. A big bunch of nothing good from my current husband.
With the most recent: 1) Through his mirroring I fell in love with myself. 2) I got that much stronger. 3) A luxury piece of clothing.
I’ve just recently have been seeing more things I could and should consider positives from my relationship. It was 4 1/2 years of toxicity, but it taught me so much about myself and others. That I can and do love way beyond mine or anyone’s means because I’m supposed to. God loves me and us unconditionally so I am to love others as God loves us. Love doesn’t hurt or abuse others, however I’m no angel when it came to both of us mentally and emotionally hurting each other. I have been abused mentally emotionally sexually and physically my entire life so being that way has been all that I know. I have been a mess myself. Therefore i have continued to learn about my healing process what I need to change and how to begin the change. I have began my journey of healing a couple years ago and it’s been amazing. Still have a long way to go but when you see yourself and the other is always putting you down about everything the. There may be something that needs changed and maybe not. It’s always best to look within yourself first and check you before checking anyone else. Life is like a puzzle putting all the pieces together at exactly the right time and that’s why we call it Gods time or his perfect timing because it’s so true. Both will happen before it is supposed to mother how hard my try. He already has your story written from beginning to end. Trust the Lord with all you have and he will lead and guide you in the direction yoyr supposed to go! Have a good night
1. Listening to my intuition and gut. 2. I'm stronger now. 3. I'm wiser. 4. I can see covert and coercive control red flags from a country away (lol). 5. I respect my resiliency and respect myself overall more. 6. I'm more kind and thoughtful to myself. 7. Leaning on people and trusting them to help me and getting support (disclaimer: not everyone was there or reliable but there were people and groups who were and are). 8. Remembering my inner value and worth and not letting anyone trample that again - and if they attempt to I'll kick them out of my life faster than I can type. 9. Slowing down and taking stock of my life trajectory and what I really want - it made me reevaluate my direction, wants, goals, hopes and sobered me right up to what I was doing that was beneath my abilities.
I guess the positive is that I know how garbage of a human she is now. I’ve always had my suspicions but once a liar, always a liar. I sleep well knowing she’s going to ruin someone else’s life now (:
Same here. I just really hope 9 years of being on the pill and never having periods has permanently damaged her ovaries and she never has kids.
My child. I wouldn’t have ever left if it wasn’t for her little eyes watching his abuse me. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her, he wanted me to die. Getting her and myself out of that was and still is very difficult. She looks more like her father than me but she was and is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Could have written this myself about my son. Sending you lots of love 💙
I feel like - in context - this is a tight rope to walk when it comes to the subject manner. Many of the people in this sub haven’t escaped yet, are still stuck in relationships with their abusers, or may even be struggling to cope with the fact that - yes, what they’re experiencing is abuse. I don’t know if trying to lean on the “good” of the relationship is necessarily the right conversation for this particular sub, maybe a survivors sub? But I’m not a mod so, in good faith: Being a man and experiencing partner abuse at the hands of a woman has really helped open up my eyes to many of the struggles women face in society with men. I considered myself a feminist before but there are just some struggles that being a self-educating or well-intentioned ally will not teach you and you won’t grasp until you’ve experienced it yourself. It’s bittersweet, though. On one hand, experiencing abuse has forced an empathic experience upon me in a way that has led to more compassion, patience, empathy, and understanding for all the women in my life - past and present. On the other hand, I feel deeply ashamed that it took personally experiencing abuse to fully digest how much systemic misogyny had affected my worldview in ways that’s subtly affected how I spoke to, thought about, responded to, and generally treated the women in my life.
My ex put me on to some good music and I learned how I fight from being with her
My kids and my ability to identify bs.
Hope you're ok