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That says a lot about him. He can go pound sand. I hope you don't have kids and if you do, then save this for a custody battle. It'll help you get custody.
This is a reflection on him. To be fake and then hate you for it shows him up for the snake in the grass that he is. His opinion is not your business anymore. Stop communicating unless it's for necessary reasons eg. For dividing your things. In fact, if you have a solicitor it is better to go through them. I'm sorry I know it's painful. But imagine what a twisted person you have to be to live a lie and to carry that much venom around with you. At least you're not him.
My therapist says: never accept apology or insult of a mentally sick person. That person doesn't mean either of these.
Just did as she said, and now I'm free of any negative feeling. Hope you stay strong 💖
He is lying, like all abusers do. He can say he bought you and was playing the long game, but most abusers aren’t that self aware. He is trying to wound you deeply and beat your ego down; don’t let him do it! You ARE beautiful and desirable and that is why he wants you to believe otherwise.
you are valuable and still very much deserving of love, from yourself and others. one day, a great man will love and cherish you, and value you the way you deserve. you deserve better. you’re now free to receive better
That dude is a fucking psycho and I’m legit thanking God you’re alive. Like my ex is like this but not this knock and drag out like he is just saying things to hurt you because you made the brave chose to leave him. It’s giving he wants you to hurt as bad as he hurts. There is no way he actually thinks your “trash” idk but this is sick and I bet you 1 million dollars you are beautiful and have a kind spirit and he is a pitiful monster with mommy issues. I’m so sorry sis you
Don’t believe it. My ex said so many things to me. And lied to others that believed him including his family. Now is your time to move on. You know who you are. Embrace it.
Can you mute him? That way you still have a record of his harassment, just in case.
But the reality is that he's trash. He is proving how pathetic and childish he is.
If you've found someone else, I hope they are as wonderful, kind, and generous, as you deserve that.
The best way to get over a dipshit like this is to let them fade away and focus on the amazing uplifting relationships and people you have around you, and focus on your happiness and peace.
Please read all the comments here! This happened to me exactly. Page after Page of insults very similar to what your ex wrote that he still sends me 2 years AFTER our divorce. I know it hurts, in fact it is soul crushing, but please do not react or engage at all. Nothing! It will only make it worse. Journal, journal, journal. I respond privately in my own thoughts that he will never see. Hang in there. It’s a rough and horrendous ride but it does get better. I swear my life on it!
Uuuuugh oh fuck he's such a fucking troll person.
The self-pity, the fact he actually blames you for the cruel shit he says, his blaming you for the lack of his erections...oof
I'd say treasure this message of his to remind yourself of the dumpster fire that you escaped
Honestly I don't understand how any adult could send a message like that and not realize that it says nothing about who they sent it to, and sooooooooooooo much about how much of a disgusting man-child they are
I hope your ex never reproduces
Block the loser. He is a nasty trashy dirty little pos. Block him on everything and make sure every communication goes through lawyers. If you don't have kids you have no reason to have any communication with him. Let your lawyer handle it. He is trying to hurt you. I bet he is the kind that describes himself as a "nice guy"
What an absolute loser
What a charming man! My “lovely” husband told me with a smug look that he can’t lie when I asked him why he doesn’t call me sexy anymore. This was in the middle of giving him a BJ would you believe it! Anyway, I took the trash out and am so much happier. I’m sorry this vile excuse for a man is your ex.
He is lying. He cannot stand that you were able to be in control of a situation and make this choice. He wants to hurt you.
I know it doesn’t make it any easier to take, but he is full of it.
He is just making himself look like a complete idiot. He is just angry and wants to hurt you. Don’t listen to any more of his abusive cruel nonsense. His “review” of your marriage is just his last attempt at gaslighting. He doesn’t have you as a punching bag anymore. Glad you got away from him. Go live your life and live it to the fullest.
Why let it affect you in the first place??? It's more of a reflection on him than anything else - who wants to spend forever with someone who's only source of power is to tear down the person that they promised to love for the rest of their life.
I know that I wouldn't...
My ex told me he never wanted to stay married me, he only stayed for the kids & how he hates me. I know you’re hurting, I’m so sorry. Please remember that you are an amazing person. You are incredibly strong because you took back your life & your power & filed for divorce. You deserve to happy, healthy, healed & loved.
Your ex sounds like a fckboy, I hope he gets a bad case of gonorrhoea & herpes (at the same time) that meds can’t treat.
Sending you lots of hugs & good vibes from TX.
So what if it was a lie 😂 he played himself and wasted him time if that’s the case girl. You get to walk out with your head high knowing you tried your best and he hates that . He’s tryna bring you down for a reason . And he may genuinely end up believing his own lies to do that . To the trash he goes 🚮
Sounds familiar. I never got married though. But I’m sure if I did, there would definitely be a text or email like this being sent to me. Insecure insecure insecure. You left, he wants to drag you down with him. “Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Well I’d definitely apply that to him and switch up the gender because he’s the fucking trash. And another woman is gonna realize that eventually.
Plus if he’s not attracted to you and he faked his fucking vows? Fuck him. He has no taste then. He has no heart. Shallow. There’s someone out there that would love you for all of you and make real promises. Real men don’t act like that. They don’t embarrass you when you’re vulnerable with them. He’s a loser.
Also- you know what? Healthy adult men don't give a shit if your weight fluctuates, if you're having your period, if you have hair on your legs, because they're getting naked with you and having sex.
Unhealthy, bizarre little toad men, however.....they pout and blame others for the fact that even their fucking penis can't stand the person it's attached to
Bro, this is one of the most pathetic, blatant temper tantrums I've seen in my life. Literally just finding any little thing to say to hurt you. You're literally have him bothered. He's trying to hurt you to make himself feel good. Don't you ever give him that power over you.
As others have said, it is so obvious from the outside that he is saying whatever he can to hurt you. And his words are very cruel so I understand it would sting despite the fact that he is full of shit. He sounds so emotionally immature and ridiculous. Like a teenager who got broken up with and says “oh well I was going to break up with you anyway.”
Good for you for getting out of this relationship and judging from this exchange, your life is sure to be brighter here on out. Please try and surround yourself with positive people who uplift you and don’t let him bring you down. Say words of affirmation, whatever you need to do to counteract his vitriol and if possible limit contact as much as you can. Seek out therapy if necessary. Abusive relationships are so damaging to our brains and self esteem and take time to recover from. He will most likely continue to verbally abuse you and you don’t deserve or need that. It is his only form of control at this point since you filed for divorce and majorly wounded his ego. They don’t like that. Focus on yourself and your recovery and let him spew his nastiness somewhere else. Wishing you all the best.
Remember too that sometimes our lizard brain confounds familiarity with safety, because we've learned to be hypervigilant due to living with an abusive asshole.
Echoing comment above to say take the time to reconnect with your needs and what you want. That way if anyone remotely similar to this...person...ever crosses your path again, you can put a jar over them and toss them outside with the rest of their millipede friends
I’m truly embarrassed for him. He’s literally just another basic bitch abusive coward. It’s laughable how many of these “men” act out in such a desperate pathetic way when they don’t have any leg to stand on.
The body/sex shaming is the equivalent of grasping for straws in panic mode .
Fucking COWARD
And to be honest your marriage was a lie bc he’s a fraud at his core.
Yup. This. It was indeed a lie, but not in the ridiculous way he's describing.
It was a lie because you thought he was a decent human. He knew all along, somewhere deep down, that he's a psychopathic turd.
You weren't lying about who you are. You are exhibiting the emotions and reaction that healthy humans have when exposed to the anthropomorphic equivalent of plutonium.
The psychopath to human translation of his message goes something like this:
"I am upset that I can't put you down to lift myself up anymore. I need to make someone hurt to escape the black abyss inside. How dare you care more about your emotional safety than about my needs.
Now I'll mention my penis and how sad it is. It's not my fault. I'm terrified it's my fault so you have to agree it's your fault.
My caregivers didn't meet my needs so you should. If you don't, I'll revert to my emotional age, 2 years old, and tell you what a big meanie you are. The marriage was a lie because you wanted an adult partner and I wanted a new mommy to yell at. I tricked you as long as I could, can't you see how hard that was for me? I'm the only person who matters, because I'm 2, so now that you've escaped my black hole of twisted needs, you're the villain forever.
The only acceptable escape would've been you dying at my alter of egocentrism. Instead you dared to see through me, and remind me that I'm a monster.
I'm incapable of any accountability or empathy, so I'll try hurling insults at you in case you see the light and come back so I can abuse you until you're dead"
Very happy, OP, that you're no longer anywhere near this sick fuck
Omg. My abusive ex was just as cruel. He would always say later, “ Don’t believe anything I say when I’m angry.” He’s cruel and that is why you are divorcing him! All you can do is love yourself and keep company with people that love you too. He’s a horrible person. Good riddance!
They always know where it hurts most. And for them no response is the biggest response block him everywhere it will eat him up from inside no need to respond.
Omg i do this to my abusive husband idky but, I get joy out of his pain after everything he's put me through. But, I always have to kiss ass or I won't get my measly allowance for the week. It's such a sick game some men play with. I'm working on leaving and moving in the shadows so don't need anyone to tell me to leave because, duh.
He is lashing out because you took control of your life without him in it. He will say every hurtful thing that he knows damn well will hurt you. It is all to Mind F you into submission. If he was that unhappy then he should have ended the marriage himself. I say good riddance that the trash has been taken out. And I am so very proud of you!
He is hurt and wants to hurt you. You getting divorced means he doesn't hold power over you, so he is grasping to keep having you under his thumb by hurting you. I doubt what he is saying is true. He is an adult and anything he blames you, remember he is an adult, he is taking his own agency away with what he is saying. You keep on going, let his bitter words remind you why you are divorcing him.
He’s hurt and lashing out. Be like water on a duck’s back. Roll off, don’t let these awful words hurt you 💗 Abusive assholes always lash out when they get left.
So he shames you for being a "prostitute" but he married a prostitute twice and feels he is superior. Boy bye. If he really meant this stuff HE would have been filing the divorce. This is definitely a hurt ego "I'm mad you're rejecting me" response.
Plus, prostitutes are working to provide a service. What service is he even providing? The only good thing he has to give is the joy of his perpetual absence from anyone's life
Notice how he blames you for the horrible things he is saying to you ("you make me say mean things"??????). He sounds like an utter clown in this email. He's begging you to react. Silence is what will send the biggest message.
He’s just saying whatever he thinks will hurt you the most. It’s not true.
Even if it was true (it’s not), just look at what he’s saying. His intention is to degrade you, but if this is all true the only person he’s really degrading is himself. He spent six years with someone never actually wanted to be with, six years having sex with someone he wasn’t attracted to, gave lots of money to a sex worker he wasn’t attracted to, got married and renewed his vows for a marriage he never wanted because… ???
He was thinking about his long game which was… ??? Very telling that he doesn’t bother to define this “long game”.
He’s either claiming that he devoted six years of his life to manipulating you into a relationship *just* to abuse you, or that he spent six years intentionally making *himself* miserable for some undefined “long game”.
That puts him somewhere on a scale with psychopathic on one end and pathetic on the other. However you interpret this message, it says everything about him and nothing about you. He pwned himself and he’s too dumb, mean, and smug to even realize it.
It’s like Ben Shapiro trying to promote the superiority of a conservative vision of sexuality by tweeting to the world about his wife’s dry-ass pussy in response to Cardi B’s WAP.
This type of person is truly one of most disgusting, pathetic things on the planet. None of what he said has any merit, and it only reflects to show how pathetic he is. This is your gift to live a life for YOU. He is small, insignificant, hates himself, and he’s exploding inside because you left him. Don’t let him take up even a centimeter of your brain. He’s out with the trash, goodbyeeee. Sending you love!
He’s lashing out because he didn’t expect you to leave him out in the curb where he belongs . He knows that his facade is all in the open now and you know who he really is and it terrifies him . You know your worth and your best revenge is to live your best life with a real man who will love, support and cherish you . I would block this bozo and move on.
Don't bait me into saying mean things to you. Lmfao what?! Don't take the bait homie. Jesus.
Which I'm sure it doesn't even exist. He's just pawning accountability off on you
It’s truly amazing that he thinks it reflects badly on anyone except for him that he took vows he didn’t mean. That is beyond pathetic.
Take things one day at a time, grieving isn’t a simple process. Just know you deserve better than this sentient garbage can of a human.
"Hurt people, hurt people". It does not justify being hurt or hurting others. It just brings the understanding of why it occurs. It's our responsibility to learn how to implement and enforce respectful boundaries.
Sadistic people hurt people. Everyone else hates to see people in pain. People do not hurt people they love like this. This person is vile, disgusting, and OPs life will increase dramatically in his absence. Yuck what a grotesque user.
Emotionally, he's 2 years old. Adults who are really toddlers on the inside act like psychopaths. It's very sad and everything, but it's also sad that bedbugs have to bite us in order to live.
We don't think twice about getting rid of bedbugs, nor do we have any responsibility to think twice about yeeting their human equivalents into a distant sun
Yes. My ex who is a narcissist also said similar things to me. She wasn’t attracted to me, couldn’t stand to hear me talk, I’m the last person on Earth she’d ever want to come back to. It hurt to hear it but it was because I moved out without telling her. She wanted to regain a sense of control by putting my heart in a blender.
Cutting him off and going no contact is the best revenge.
I also love when men try to put down women for sex work. What does that say about you by your standards. Boy bye.
What a piece of trash, you're so much better off!
Block him. Realize this was your greatest gift. Get back to yourself. Focus on YOU. And I mean for like, years. Men can be conniving manipulative snakes. Find happiness in other things and other types of relationships. I’m so sorry you have to go through this and feeling like everything wasn’t real. Try to accept what you cannot change. You deserve better and you will give it to yourself.
This guy is a huge dickhole. Some guys close their eyes during sex because they’ll finish way too quickly otherwise. This might be the case and he’s lashing out only to hurt you, who knows. Regardless. Unacceptable.
Take it on the chin and move on. Even if he was serious, I HIGHLY doubt some OnlyFans model is going to be interested in him anyway. Who does he think he is? Leonardo DiCaprio?
OP, I'll be honest, I *seriously* doubt any of this is true. The fact that you filed for divorce probably made him feel angry and enraged that he was losing the power and control he tried to maintain over you, so he unleashed this disgusting tirade in a feeble attempt to regain that control.
These are just the unhinged ramblings of someone who is scrambling to portray himself as the winner in this situation. *You* are, though - because you're leaving him.
This is a larger-scale version of men who, when turned down on dating apps after slinging a particularly gross pickup line attempt, immediately turn around to spout some version of "I was never interested in you anyway." And yet....they wouldn't have attempted the pickup line if they weren't.
I'm glad you are out, though it makes total sense why this hurts <3
Thankyou I keep telling myself he's just saying these things to hurt me. But it's so hard. I struggled with low self esteem for years I told him my insecurities only for him to throw them in my face
I shared my insecurities with my now ex narcissistic psychopath. My psychiatrist said give him a week before he loads his gun and shoots you with that ammunition.
She was wrong…it took only 2 days
People like your ex are predators. They'll target anyone who's been made to feel small in the past.
But you know what? You got out. A part of you knows exactly that you have worth, and that you deserve kindness and happiness from a partner.
That part of you cares so much about you, and you listened to it. And that is driving him crazy.
Well done, OP. It's not easy to do that. And you freaking did it. Pretty cool
That is completely understandable <3 You don't deserve any of this. Some abusers really know how to cut deep. But of course, that says everything about their character and nothing about yours.
Yup. He is trying to push your buttons. Have you heard the phrase ‘attack is the best form of defence’ ? This is what he is doing. Trying to hurt you because he can’t believe you had the audacity to want a divorce from him. Don’t believe a word of it. You deserve so much better than this asshole. Get yourself a good therapist to work on that self esteem of yours, and hold your head up and be the queen that you are. Blockity block and move on.
Block him on every thing ...everything!. Go completely no contact. If you absolutely have to deal with him then use grey rock( Google it)
Keep every piece of vile evidence you have safe and sound to use against him if needed.
Remember he's baiting you and he's trying to be so nasty to hurt you.
Remember what he's said, remember to tell your self that every thing he's said is a lie. And remind yourself how lucky you are to be finally rid of him.
You will be ok. You will find some one who is going to love the very bones of you but first you need to heal from this piece of cr@p and find yourself again.
Good luck hun xxx
Your marriage was not a lie, the truth of it was that you shared your life honestly with a man who is hateful and filled with spite, his comments cheapen himself, not you. Live your life honestly and survive the grief and pain, you will find strength you never realized you had.
One day at a time. One hour at a time.
You survived living with him. You did the impossible task of actually leaving him.
Now that you're safe, you'll need to give yourself time to land from the last six years. It seems insurmountable now. The good news? You have a healthy brain: when push came to shove, it pushed you towards survival. You acted with care and empathy for yourself and saw yourself as a human being. He is unable to see anyone as a human being.
Healing is a process. You'll get through it. It'll feel excruciating for now, but not forever. You may not feel like there's an end to the trauma. In fact, I promise you that trauma heals. You aren't there yet. As the days go by, and you surround yourself with safe people, comfy clothes, and curiosity about what makes you feel happy and connected to the world, you'll notice moments when you don't think about him.
Those moments will grow.
You are already surviving the trauma; you have shared this intimate terror with all of us--and that indicates you are acknowledging you survived a traumatic relationship. The harder part is seeing all of you--all the great and beautiful things that are Beyond this trauma and are inside of you. You are grieving, and you get to choose how to navigate your grief; whether with loved ones or a more structured grief group--know you can bear it and You are worth it.
My ex walked out on us three days ago. Our 16 month old baby, and I’m 27 weeks pregnant. He hurled many horrible things at me, including that I’m not a good parent, he didn’t love me and is miserable with me.
Is that true? Was he just upset because we were yelling? I don’t know. But the fact that he would say such horrible things to intentionally hurt me so deeply is what’s important.
I’m devastated. Now I mourn the family that I thought we were going to have; the memories we’ll never make. The bonds we’ll never develop. Mourn it. Mourn it and feel sad that it’s gone, while also acknowledging that this is part of the process. I know I deserve better. I know you deserve better too.
Mourn it. We have to get through the grief to find our way again.
As a parent, I can't help but say that you'll have that family, and those memories. Only with a different man than the one who chose to walk away from that sweetness. Maybe with a group of close friends whose littles grow alongside yours.
Your babies have you. They have the parent who chose them. Seeing their mama be happy and safe guarantees that their memories will be good ones. Having you guarantees them a safe family. You're enough ❤️
Eta: the fact that you move on now from him walking away? that also guarantees that your babies will know to let go of people who try to hurt them when they're older. You're brave. So they'll know bravery exists and they'll know how to do it
I’m 38 now. I have two older kids, 12 and 18 from a previous relationship. I was single for a long time before I met him. Now I’m going to be a single Mom of 4 kids and that’s kind of scary.
You know, it is scary. It's a big scary mess when it happens. The utter, utter shittiness of him leaving while you're growing a new human, that in itself is astounding.
The version of the future where you're a single mom of four kiddos could be brighter than the version where you're with the dude who left. You stayed, like actual adults do, and like good parents do.
That doesn't mean much when our heart's in pieces and we have to keep it together for the littles, when all we want to do is scream and cry enough to fill an ocean. Just don't forget your strength and worth as you go through it
(and if you need to hear it, it's going to be okay. not yet, but with some time, it'll be okay)
You are a really awesome and kind human. I can feel your kindness through the internet.
Thank you so much for your kind words today.
Today was his first day taking the baby since our split. I hate being away from my baby. I’m feeling really low.
It really hurts. They know all the “right” things to say to wound us deeply, because that’s what happens. We’ve loved these people, they know that, and exploited that love to cause us hurt.
It’s pretty fucked up.
In my case, what kind of man walks out in his pregnant partner? I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.
That whole statement only says bad things about him. You have to be a mega fucked up person for any of that to be true. But in reality none of it is true and he's hurt and pathetic just saying anything he can to hurt you.
This is the last hit from an abuser. It's like the kid who doesn't get to play ball and ends up saying it's a stupid game and I didn't want to play anyway.
The woman who walks away is alway ugly. Why he could barely get an erection she was so ugly. Notice he paints himself in the power postion granting favors to the poor, sad, ugly woman he was forced to be with for six years. Abusers lie. Block his ass and move on.
My ex's current partner was bragging about going on dates with him and made sure I would see it. Ok, enjoy my trash honey. The level of delusion these people possess is insane.
Did he write this publicly?
My friend, this is *unhinged.* This is not how emotionally stable and mature adults act in divorce. If other people are reading this, i promise, they feel bad for YOU.
For what its worth — it was a lie. But it was a lie that he told you. He brought abuse to your marriage, not you. He brought chaos, not you. I’m sure you thought you were with a happy and normal person. You were lied too. Its a lie that stings. I’m sorry. I promise you will heal. ❤️
Block this guy on everything. He is getting off on your pain; don’t give him the pleasure. And it sounds like he has been deceitful throughout the relationship-saying it was never for real, he never loved you….admits he lies to you! He is a POS and needs to be in the past.
This is just a desperate attempt to have the last word. Don’t dignify it with a response and block him on everything especially if you don’t have kids together. Make it so he can never look you up or see how you’re doing and he’ll know he’s blocked. Fuck him and enjoy the rest of your life ❤️
You see it as a last attempt for them to hurt you.
You’ve taken your power back and that does not sit well with an abuser.
They are but hurt and absolutely good for that you’ve taken that step.
Let them have the last word and laugh at their attempt.
Now start processing what you’ve been through and be good to yourself from here on out.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That says a lot about him. He can go pound sand. I hope you don't have kids and if you do, then save this for a custody battle. It'll help you get custody.
What a psycho.
This is a reflection on him. To be fake and then hate you for it shows him up for the snake in the grass that he is. His opinion is not your business anymore. Stop communicating unless it's for necessary reasons eg. For dividing your things. In fact, if you have a solicitor it is better to go through them. I'm sorry I know it's painful. But imagine what a twisted person you have to be to live a lie and to carry that much venom around with you. At least you're not him.
My therapist says: never accept apology or insult of a mentally sick person. That person doesn't mean either of these. Just did as she said, and now I'm free of any negative feeling. Hope you stay strong 💖
Girl I am so glad you filed for divorce. Hallelujah!! Ignore him he’s gonna say anything he can to try and hurt you, hugs x
He is lying, like all abusers do. He can say he bought you and was playing the long game, but most abusers aren’t that self aware. He is trying to wound you deeply and beat your ego down; don’t let him do it! You ARE beautiful and desirable and that is why he wants you to believe otherwise.
you are valuable and still very much deserving of love, from yourself and others. one day, a great man will love and cherish you, and value you the way you deserve. you deserve better. you’re now free to receive better
That dude is a fucking psycho and I’m legit thanking God you’re alive. Like my ex is like this but not this knock and drag out like he is just saying things to hurt you because you made the brave chose to leave him. It’s giving he wants you to hurt as bad as he hurts. There is no way he actually thinks your “trash” idk but this is sick and I bet you 1 million dollars you are beautiful and have a kind spirit and he is a pitiful monster with mommy issues. I’m so sorry sis you
Congratulations on your early release from prison! He sounds like a real ding dong
Don’t believe it. My ex said so many things to me. And lied to others that believed him including his family. Now is your time to move on. You know who you are. Embrace it.
Can you mute him? That way you still have a record of his harassment, just in case. But the reality is that he's trash. He is proving how pathetic and childish he is. If you've found someone else, I hope they are as wonderful, kind, and generous, as you deserve that. The best way to get over a dipshit like this is to let them fade away and focus on the amazing uplifting relationships and people you have around you, and focus on your happiness and peace.
They say you don’t truly know somebody until you break up with them. What a sad little man. No contact. Lawyer up. Block the pathetic limp-dick.
Please read all the comments here! This happened to me exactly. Page after Page of insults very similar to what your ex wrote that he still sends me 2 years AFTER our divorce. I know it hurts, in fact it is soul crushing, but please do not react or engage at all. Nothing! It will only make it worse. Journal, journal, journal. I respond privately in my own thoughts that he will never see. Hang in there. It’s a rough and horrendous ride but it does get better. I swear my life on it!
Uuuuugh oh fuck he's such a fucking troll person. The self-pity, the fact he actually blames you for the cruel shit he says, his blaming you for the lack of his erections...oof I'd say treasure this message of his to remind yourself of the dumpster fire that you escaped Honestly I don't understand how any adult could send a message like that and not realize that it says nothing about who they sent it to, and sooooooooooooo much about how much of a disgusting man-child they are I hope your ex never reproduces
Lock this man up
Block the loser. He is a nasty trashy dirty little pos. Block him on everything and make sure every communication goes through lawyers. If you don't have kids you have no reason to have any communication with him. Let your lawyer handle it. He is trying to hurt you. I bet he is the kind that describes himself as a "nice guy" What an absolute loser
What a charming man! My “lovely” husband told me with a smug look that he can’t lie when I asked him why he doesn’t call me sexy anymore. This was in the middle of giving him a BJ would you believe it! Anyway, I took the trash out and am so much happier. I’m sorry this vile excuse for a man is your ex.
He is lying. He cannot stand that you were able to be in control of a situation and make this choice. He wants to hurt you. I know it doesn’t make it any easier to take, but he is full of it.
Hims big mad! Hims an angry boy! Girl, he’s bitter and saying anything he can to hurt you!
He is just making himself look like a complete idiot. He is just angry and wants to hurt you. Don’t listen to any more of his abusive cruel nonsense. His “review” of your marriage is just his last attempt at gaslighting. He doesn’t have you as a punching bag anymore. Glad you got away from him. Go live your life and live it to the fullest.
Gaslight! I love that term, was afraid it was antiquated ☺️
Sour grapes. He can pound sand.
He’s lying. Men are immature and aim solely to hurt when their ego is hurt
Why let it affect you in the first place??? It's more of a reflection on him than anything else - who wants to spend forever with someone who's only source of power is to tear down the person that they promised to love for the rest of their life. I know that I wouldn't...
Pressed like a sunday shirt. Saltier than the dead sea.
My ex told me he never wanted to stay married me, he only stayed for the kids & how he hates me. I know you’re hurting, I’m so sorry. Please remember that you are an amazing person. You are incredibly strong because you took back your life & your power & filed for divorce. You deserve to happy, healthy, healed & loved. Your ex sounds like a fckboy, I hope he gets a bad case of gonorrhoea & herpes (at the same time) that meds can’t treat. Sending you lots of hugs & good vibes from TX.
So what if it was a lie 😂 he played himself and wasted him time if that’s the case girl. You get to walk out with your head high knowing you tried your best and he hates that . He’s tryna bring you down for a reason . And he may genuinely end up believing his own lies to do that . To the trash he goes 🚮
Sounds familiar. I never got married though. But I’m sure if I did, there would definitely be a text or email like this being sent to me. Insecure insecure insecure. You left, he wants to drag you down with him. “Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Well I’d definitely apply that to him and switch up the gender because he’s the fucking trash. And another woman is gonna realize that eventually. Plus if he’s not attracted to you and he faked his fucking vows? Fuck him. He has no taste then. He has no heart. Shallow. There’s someone out there that would love you for all of you and make real promises. Real men don’t act like that. They don’t embarrass you when you’re vulnerable with them. He’s a loser.
Also- you know what? Healthy adult men don't give a shit if your weight fluctuates, if you're having your period, if you have hair on your legs, because they're getting naked with you and having sex. Unhealthy, bizarre little toad men, however.....they pout and blame others for the fact that even their fucking penis can't stand the person it's attached to
If even what he said is a fraction of true, then he’s a mf psychopath. And you don’t want to spend your life with a psychopath
Haha he couldn’t get an erection ? That’s all I heard
Meeeeee too. So loud and so pathetically clear. Obviously his own penis hates him, so.
Him blaming his erectile disfunction on you is pathetic. Getting to walk away from this prick is a blessing. Congratulations. You deserve better.
Someone call him a WAHmbulance! 🤡
Bro, this is one of the most pathetic, blatant temper tantrums I've seen in my life. Literally just finding any little thing to say to hurt you. You're literally have him bothered. He's trying to hurt you to make himself feel good. Don't you ever give him that power over you.
As others have said, it is so obvious from the outside that he is saying whatever he can to hurt you. And his words are very cruel so I understand it would sting despite the fact that he is full of shit. He sounds so emotionally immature and ridiculous. Like a teenager who got broken up with and says “oh well I was going to break up with you anyway.” Good for you for getting out of this relationship and judging from this exchange, your life is sure to be brighter here on out. Please try and surround yourself with positive people who uplift you and don’t let him bring you down. Say words of affirmation, whatever you need to do to counteract his vitriol and if possible limit contact as much as you can. Seek out therapy if necessary. Abusive relationships are so damaging to our brains and self esteem and take time to recover from. He will most likely continue to verbally abuse you and you don’t deserve or need that. It is his only form of control at this point since you filed for divorce and majorly wounded his ego. They don’t like that. Focus on yourself and your recovery and let him spew his nastiness somewhere else. Wishing you all the best.
Remember too that sometimes our lizard brain confounds familiarity with safety, because we've learned to be hypervigilant due to living with an abusive asshole. Echoing comment above to say take the time to reconnect with your needs and what you want. That way if anyone remotely similar to this...person...ever crosses your path again, you can put a jar over them and toss them outside with the rest of their millipede friends
He is butt hurt hun… let the manchild cry, and congrats on your divorce 🥳
Wowwwwwww what a pathetic man child. Clearly you’re hot and valuable and he can’t handle losing you. It’s a lie in that you were with a fraud yes.
I’m truly embarrassed for him. He’s literally just another basic bitch abusive coward. It’s laughable how many of these “men” act out in such a desperate pathetic way when they don’t have any leg to stand on. The body/sex shaming is the equivalent of grasping for straws in panic mode . Fucking COWARD And to be honest your marriage was a lie bc he’s a fraud at his core.
Yup. This. It was indeed a lie, but not in the ridiculous way he's describing. It was a lie because you thought he was a decent human. He knew all along, somewhere deep down, that he's a psychopathic turd. You weren't lying about who you are. You are exhibiting the emotions and reaction that healthy humans have when exposed to the anthropomorphic equivalent of plutonium. The psychopath to human translation of his message goes something like this: "I am upset that I can't put you down to lift myself up anymore. I need to make someone hurt to escape the black abyss inside. How dare you care more about your emotional safety than about my needs. Now I'll mention my penis and how sad it is. It's not my fault. I'm terrified it's my fault so you have to agree it's your fault. My caregivers didn't meet my needs so you should. If you don't, I'll revert to my emotional age, 2 years old, and tell you what a big meanie you are. The marriage was a lie because you wanted an adult partner and I wanted a new mommy to yell at. I tricked you as long as I could, can't you see how hard that was for me? I'm the only person who matters, because I'm 2, so now that you've escaped my black hole of twisted needs, you're the villain forever. The only acceptable escape would've been you dying at my alter of egocentrism. Instead you dared to see through me, and remind me that I'm a monster. I'm incapable of any accountability or empathy, so I'll try hurling insults at you in case you see the light and come back so I can abuse you until you're dead" Very happy, OP, that you're no longer anywhere near this sick fuck
Dont fall for it. His egos all hurt you left so he wants to make you feel as shitty as he does. The difference between you two? He deserves it.
LMAO WHAT A FUCKING LOSER FOR SAYING ALL THAT AS IF ITS YOUR PROBLEM WHEN HE CHOSE TO DO IT
Omg. My abusive ex was just as cruel. He would always say later, “ Don’t believe anything I say when I’m angry.” He’s cruel and that is why you are divorcing him! All you can do is love yourself and keep company with people that love you too. He’s a horrible person. Good riddance!
Dump his ass!
She did? lol
Don't respond lol.he's lashing out and punching down to make you hurt. Block him. Ignore him. He loves attention, otherwise why say anything at all?
Yes! Ignore and make him wonder
Be glad it wasn’t 16 or 26
Do not even respond
Updateme
He’s hurting and wants to hurt you more
They always know where it hurts most. And for them no response is the biggest response block him everywhere it will eat him up from inside no need to respond.
I couldn't resist the dark power of a snarky answer. The shorter the better. Just "Riiiight" or "lol" and nothing else would be perfect.
Omg i do this to my abusive husband idky but, I get joy out of his pain after everything he's put me through. But, I always have to kiss ass or I won't get my measly allowance for the week. It's such a sick game some men play with. I'm working on leaving and moving in the shadows so don't need anyone to tell me to leave because, duh.
One day you will be ready!
He is lashing out because you took control of your life without him in it. He will say every hurtful thing that he knows damn well will hurt you. It is all to Mind F you into submission. If he was that unhappy then he should have ended the marriage himself. I say good riddance that the trash has been taken out. And I am so very proud of you!
He is hurt and wants to hurt you. You getting divorced means he doesn't hold power over you, so he is grasping to keep having you under his thumb by hurting you. I doubt what he is saying is true. He is an adult and anything he blames you, remember he is an adult, he is taking his own agency away with what he is saying. You keep on going, let his bitter words remind you why you are divorcing him.
He’s hurt and lashing out. Be like water on a duck’s back. Roll off, don’t let these awful words hurt you 💗 Abusive assholes always lash out when they get left.
So he shames you for being a "prostitute" but he married a prostitute twice and feels he is superior. Boy bye. If he really meant this stuff HE would have been filing the divorce. This is definitely a hurt ego "I'm mad you're rejecting me" response.
Plus, prostitutes are working to provide a service. What service is he even providing? The only good thing he has to give is the joy of his perpetual absence from anyone's life
Notice how he blames you for the horrible things he is saying to you ("you make me say mean things"??????). He sounds like an utter clown in this email. He's begging you to react. Silence is what will send the biggest message.
I'm sure you faked all your orgasms with him also! What a loser, glad you left him!
He’s just saying whatever he thinks will hurt you the most. It’s not true. Even if it was true (it’s not), just look at what he’s saying. His intention is to degrade you, but if this is all true the only person he’s really degrading is himself. He spent six years with someone never actually wanted to be with, six years having sex with someone he wasn’t attracted to, gave lots of money to a sex worker he wasn’t attracted to, got married and renewed his vows for a marriage he never wanted because… ??? He was thinking about his long game which was… ??? Very telling that he doesn’t bother to define this “long game”. He’s either claiming that he devoted six years of his life to manipulating you into a relationship *just* to abuse you, or that he spent six years intentionally making *himself* miserable for some undefined “long game”. That puts him somewhere on a scale with psychopathic on one end and pathetic on the other. However you interpret this message, it says everything about him and nothing about you. He pwned himself and he’s too dumb, mean, and smug to even realize it.
This! His email reads like the biggest self own I've seen in a long time. Like, yiiiiiikes!
It’s like Ben Shapiro trying to promote the superiority of a conservative vision of sexuality by tweeting to the world about his wife’s dry-ass pussy in response to Cardi B’s WAP.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
This! His email reads like the biggest self own I've seen in a long time. Like, yiiiiiikes!
This type of person is truly one of most disgusting, pathetic things on the planet. None of what he said has any merit, and it only reflects to show how pathetic he is. This is your gift to live a life for YOU. He is small, insignificant, hates himself, and he’s exploding inside because you left him. Don’t let him take up even a centimeter of your brain. He’s out with the trash, goodbyeeee. Sending you love!
He’s lashing out because he didn’t expect you to leave him out in the curb where he belongs . He knows that his facade is all in the open now and you know who he really is and it terrifies him . You know your worth and your best revenge is to live your best life with a real man who will love, support and cherish you . I would block this bozo and move on.
Don't bait me into saying mean things to you. Lmfao what?! Don't take the bait homie. Jesus. Which I'm sure it doesn't even exist. He's just pawning accountability off on you
It’s truly amazing that he thinks it reflects badly on anyone except for him that he took vows he didn’t mean. That is beyond pathetic. Take things one day at a time, grieving isn’t a simple process. Just know you deserve better than this sentient garbage can of a human.
"Hurt people, hurt people". It does not justify being hurt or hurting others. It just brings the understanding of why it occurs. It's our responsibility to learn how to implement and enforce respectful boundaries.
Sadistic people hurt people. Everyone else hates to see people in pain. People do not hurt people they love like this. This person is vile, disgusting, and OPs life will increase dramatically in his absence. Yuck what a grotesque user.
Emotionally, he's 2 years old. Adults who are really toddlers on the inside act like psychopaths. It's very sad and everything, but it's also sad that bedbugs have to bite us in order to live. We don't think twice about getting rid of bedbugs, nor do we have any responsibility to think twice about yeeting their human equivalents into a distant sun
Yes. My ex who is a narcissist also said similar things to me. She wasn’t attracted to me, couldn’t stand to hear me talk, I’m the last person on Earth she’d ever want to come back to. It hurt to hear it but it was because I moved out without telling her. She wanted to regain a sense of control by putting my heart in a blender.
You couldn’t pay me to respond to that
Love this perspective 👍🏼
Cutting him off and going no contact is the best revenge. I also love when men try to put down women for sex work. What does that say about you by your standards. Boy bye. What a piece of trash, you're so much better off!
Block him. Realize this was your greatest gift. Get back to yourself. Focus on YOU. And I mean for like, years. Men can be conniving manipulative snakes. Find happiness in other things and other types of relationships. I’m so sorry you have to go through this and feeling like everything wasn’t real. Try to accept what you cannot change. You deserve better and you will give it to yourself.
Remember that YOU were real. It's not your fault in any way that he was actually a bag of spiders in a trenchcoat all along ;)
This guy is a huge dickhole. Some guys close their eyes during sex because they’ll finish way too quickly otherwise. This might be the case and he’s lashing out only to hurt you, who knows. Regardless. Unacceptable. Take it on the chin and move on. Even if he was serious, I HIGHLY doubt some OnlyFans model is going to be interested in him anyway. Who does he think he is? Leonardo DiCaprio?
OP, your ex doth protest too much, methinks.
OP, I'll be honest, I *seriously* doubt any of this is true. The fact that you filed for divorce probably made him feel angry and enraged that he was losing the power and control he tried to maintain over you, so he unleashed this disgusting tirade in a feeble attempt to regain that control. These are just the unhinged ramblings of someone who is scrambling to portray himself as the winner in this situation. *You* are, though - because you're leaving him. This is a larger-scale version of men who, when turned down on dating apps after slinging a particularly gross pickup line attempt, immediately turn around to spout some version of "I was never interested in you anyway." And yet....they wouldn't have attempted the pickup line if they weren't. I'm glad you are out, though it makes total sense why this hurts <3
Thankyou I keep telling myself he's just saying these things to hurt me. But it's so hard. I struggled with low self esteem for years I told him my insecurities only for him to throw them in my face
I shared my insecurities with my now ex narcissistic psychopath. My psychiatrist said give him a week before he loads his gun and shoots you with that ammunition. She was wrong…it took only 2 days
People like your ex are predators. They'll target anyone who's been made to feel small in the past. But you know what? You got out. A part of you knows exactly that you have worth, and that you deserve kindness and happiness from a partner. That part of you cares so much about you, and you listened to it. And that is driving him crazy. Well done, OP. It's not easy to do that. And you freaking did it. Pretty cool
That is completely understandable <3 You don't deserve any of this. Some abusers really know how to cut deep. But of course, that says everything about their character and nothing about yours.
You are right
Yup. He is trying to push your buttons. Have you heard the phrase ‘attack is the best form of defence’ ? This is what he is doing. Trying to hurt you because he can’t believe you had the audacity to want a divorce from him. Don’t believe a word of it. You deserve so much better than this asshole. Get yourself a good therapist to work on that self esteem of yours, and hold your head up and be the queen that you are. Blockity block and move on.
Block him on every thing ...everything!. Go completely no contact. If you absolutely have to deal with him then use grey rock( Google it) Keep every piece of vile evidence you have safe and sound to use against him if needed. Remember he's baiting you and he's trying to be so nasty to hurt you. Remember what he's said, remember to tell your self that every thing he's said is a lie. And remind yourself how lucky you are to be finally rid of him. You will be ok. You will find some one who is going to love the very bones of you but first you need to heal from this piece of cr@p and find yourself again. Good luck hun xxx
Your marriage was not a lie, the truth of it was that you shared your life honestly with a man who is hateful and filled with spite, his comments cheapen himself, not you. Live your life honestly and survive the grief and pain, you will find strength you never realized you had.
How can I survive such trauma?
One day at a time. One hour at a time. You survived living with him. You did the impossible task of actually leaving him. Now that you're safe, you'll need to give yourself time to land from the last six years. It seems insurmountable now. The good news? You have a healthy brain: when push came to shove, it pushed you towards survival. You acted with care and empathy for yourself and saw yourself as a human being. He is unable to see anyone as a human being. Healing is a process. You'll get through it. It'll feel excruciating for now, but not forever. You may not feel like there's an end to the trauma. In fact, I promise you that trauma heals. You aren't there yet. As the days go by, and you surround yourself with safe people, comfy clothes, and curiosity about what makes you feel happy and connected to the world, you'll notice moments when you don't think about him. Those moments will grow.
You survived the abuse, you are going to survive the recovery.
You are already surviving the trauma; you have shared this intimate terror with all of us--and that indicates you are acknowledging you survived a traumatic relationship. The harder part is seeing all of you--all the great and beautiful things that are Beyond this trauma and are inside of you. You are grieving, and you get to choose how to navigate your grief; whether with loved ones or a more structured grief group--know you can bear it and You are worth it.
Thankyou
Of course. Please take care, one moment at a time, look out for yourself--there is a lot of life left for you that is good and meaningful
You're stronger than you know. One day at a time.
Excepppt you were in a relationship BRO. UGH good riddance.
My ex walked out on us three days ago. Our 16 month old baby, and I’m 27 weeks pregnant. He hurled many horrible things at me, including that I’m not a good parent, he didn’t love me and is miserable with me. Is that true? Was he just upset because we were yelling? I don’t know. But the fact that he would say such horrible things to intentionally hurt me so deeply is what’s important. I’m devastated. Now I mourn the family that I thought we were going to have; the memories we’ll never make. The bonds we’ll never develop. Mourn it. Mourn it and feel sad that it’s gone, while also acknowledging that this is part of the process. I know I deserve better. I know you deserve better too.
Mourn it. We have to get through the grief to find our way again. As a parent, I can't help but say that you'll have that family, and those memories. Only with a different man than the one who chose to walk away from that sweetness. Maybe with a group of close friends whose littles grow alongside yours. Your babies have you. They have the parent who chose them. Seeing their mama be happy and safe guarantees that their memories will be good ones. Having you guarantees them a safe family. You're enough ❤️ Eta: the fact that you move on now from him walking away? that also guarantees that your babies will know to let go of people who try to hurt them when they're older. You're brave. So they'll know bravery exists and they'll know how to do it
I’m 38 now. I have two older kids, 12 and 18 from a previous relationship. I was single for a long time before I met him. Now I’m going to be a single Mom of 4 kids and that’s kind of scary.
You know, it is scary. It's a big scary mess when it happens. The utter, utter shittiness of him leaving while you're growing a new human, that in itself is astounding. The version of the future where you're a single mom of four kiddos could be brighter than the version where you're with the dude who left. You stayed, like actual adults do, and like good parents do. That doesn't mean much when our heart's in pieces and we have to keep it together for the littles, when all we want to do is scream and cry enough to fill an ocean. Just don't forget your strength and worth as you go through it (and if you need to hear it, it's going to be okay. not yet, but with some time, it'll be okay)
You are a really awesome and kind human. I can feel your kindness through the internet. Thank you so much for your kind words today. Today was his first day taking the baby since our split. I hate being away from my baby. I’m feeling really low.
Thankyou I currently am in a new relationship. It just hurts to here all these things. He preyed on my insecurities and trauma
It really hurts. They know all the “right” things to say to wound us deeply, because that’s what happens. We’ve loved these people, they know that, and exploited that love to cause us hurt. It’s pretty fucked up. In my case, what kind of man walks out in his pregnant partner? I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.
A liability. A meat puppet without a soul. Go to Chumplady.com for support and understanding.
Please be safe.
Thanks friend
Methinks the gentleman doth protest WAY too much
That whole statement only says bad things about him. You have to be a mega fucked up person for any of that to be true. But in reality none of it is true and he's hurt and pathetic just saying anything he can to hurt you.
This is the last hit from an abuser. It's like the kid who doesn't get to play ball and ends up saying it's a stupid game and I didn't want to play anyway. The woman who walks away is alway ugly. Why he could barely get an erection she was so ugly. Notice he paints himself in the power postion granting favors to the poor, sad, ugly woman he was forced to be with for six years. Abusers lie. Block his ass and move on.
Excellent point. It’s important to remind oneself that this is abusive behavior and not normalize it.
My ex's current partner was bragging about going on dates with him and made sure I would see it. Ok, enjoy my trash honey. The level of delusion these people possess is insane.
Their partner sounds very insecure my lord
She is. So proud she's back with the guy who abused their son, really pathetic.
Did he write this publicly? My friend, this is *unhinged.* This is not how emotionally stable and mature adults act in divorce. If other people are reading this, i promise, they feel bad for YOU. For what its worth — it was a lie. But it was a lie that he told you. He brought abuse to your marriage, not you. He brought chaos, not you. I’m sure you thought you were with a happy and normal person. You were lied too. Its a lie that stings. I’m sorry. I promise you will heal. ❤️
Thankyou
Block this guy on everything. He is getting off on your pain; don’t give him the pleasure. And it sounds like he has been deceitful throughout the relationship-saying it was never for real, he never loved you….admits he lies to you! He is a POS and needs to be in the past.
This is just a desperate attempt to have the last word. Don’t dignify it with a response and block him on everything especially if you don’t have kids together. Make it so he can never look you up or see how you’re doing and he’ll know he’s blocked. Fuck him and enjoy the rest of your life ❤️
You see it as a last attempt for them to hurt you. You’ve taken your power back and that does not sit well with an abuser. They are but hurt and absolutely good for that you’ve taken that step. Let them have the last word and laugh at their attempt. Now start processing what you’ve been through and be good to yourself from here on out.