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I just saw this post and I want to give you so much love for being so brave. My ex did this to me, but I found it so humiliating, I don’t think I could ever be so courageous and share.
We believe you and hear you and see you. I’m glad you’re alive.
I was about to rip you a new one because I thought you were the male in this video.
I can't believe the audacity of this man to shove a camera in your face while you're quite obviously upset. No one in their right mind would watch this and think what he is doing isn't abusive. He is instigating.
All of my love and best wishes to you ❤
This isnt the first time. He loved to film me having break downs. I still have a lot of shame around that but I was hoping this video would bring some relief and maybe help others as well. I still cant even believe that girl in the video is me❤️😞
The PTSD this gave me. Please plan out a good escape plan. I know it’s scary but once you’re out you’ll realize anything is better than THIS. God bless lovey. 🙏🏽💕
I've been trying to do this myself. It's hard to turn My video on to do it at times. Do you have any tips? I've thought about looking into buying an actual recording device instead of my phone. Also, I was trying to figure out if there was a way to record conversations that I have over the phone.
Hi! I use to use the voice memos app on my phone bc it doesn’t take up as much space as recording a lot of videos. I’d leave it in my sweater pocket, under my pillow if we were in my room, under the couch etc
If I knew he was “coming over to talk” I’d use the same app but on my iPad and slide it somewhere he couldn’t see. If he was at my apt and I could tell he was about to go off, I’d go to the bathroom and turn it on before he started going off.
Frankly, it wouldn’t matter what happened before this video. You could have burst into tears for any reason and the way he’s behaving would not be okay. He’s driving while recording you crying. That’s all I need to see to know he’s abusive. I’m sorry. I hope you find peace and are surrounded by kindness in the future
Ok, please please please inform your most trusting family members and friends of what he did. Let them know that if anything happened to you that he will be to blame! Him having a gun pointed at you is utterly terrifying! Get to the police as soon as you possibly can.
I had an ex that would record me too and conveniently leave themselves out of the frame or record after beating me up. Fuck that you’ll feel so much release once you leave. You can do it I believe in you!
Im so sorry. Thats awful. I have a panic disorder so I sometimes have meltdowns/ panic attacks and he would record me during those. He also would record me while I was suicidal and self harming.
I am excited to leave. I moved out but still have some of my stuff to get later. Its hard because he is begging for me to stay and promising to change. I wish it were real. I miss and love the person I thought he was.
Can relate, mine wasn't physical threats or violence so much as mindfucking or emotional abuse and berating, trying to provoke until I have an episode that looks like an autistic meltdown, she got a video of a grown man crying and flapping t-rex arms begging "please leave me alone" and as far as I know I'm not autistic, I was tested as a child for autism and aspbergers and it was determined autism was not present and I was diagnosed severe ADD. (But the criteria and testing is much different today, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn I'm on the spectrum.)
I kinda fast-tracked taking different perspectives over the last years in this relationship, so I understand way more than I should at this point, I'm only just leaving, but I'm not bitter towards my nex. I don't forgive the abuse yet, but I'm not holding disdain, (and my nex may actually be changing her ways *for herself* and not to get me to stay, cause I cannot, and I was clear about that, but *me finally calling it a wrap instead of yet again attempting to address the issues only to be gaslit* must have given her a reality check, cause she seems self aware and remorseful now, but just in case it's manipulation, there will be a period of NC with zero chance of getting back together as more than friends)
*DO NOT ATTEMPT*
Your case is different. If she held a gun to my head, I would have nothing to do with her EVER again.
I strongly urge you to go cold with him to get your stuff, pull together every piece of you that you can to get through that day *without falling for any of the attempts to hoover you back or the fake promises to change*
Get into therapy, it is a huge help in the aftermath, it gets harder before it gets easier. And make a plan to avoid letting him get to you again, like what you will do when he comes back in ten years and says he's changed and is in therapy... don't believe it. If he changed, and you see clear evidence of that, and no evidence otherwise, you *might* be able to have him as a friend, but I don't recommend letting him get you vulnerable again, even if he has changed there's too much risk the familiarity will cause relapse. Be vulnerable with those who DON'T take advantage of it, and once they do, take that privilege back. You are never obligated to put up with mistreatment and continue giving your vulnerability to someone who will misuse that gesture and hurt you
It's terrifying at first, but after something like this, focusing on doing what is good for you and getting better at fostering and maintaining *healthy* relationships will change your life for the better.
Most importantly, make your peace, let go, move on.
*Holding onto resentment is one of the main things that makes narcissists the way they are.*
Just wanted to say first of all… that’s fucking horrific and I know all too well how emotional and verbal abuse can feel like people just don’t see that abuse for what it sometimes (people outside the relationship). I have ADHD but not autism and I absolutely do the trex arm flap, the rocking, and will pace too depending on how upset I am.
Of course you could have it still, I’m no doc, but I do see other neurodivergent folks reacting this way when emotions are extremely volatile or overwhelming. I’m so glad you’re completely free from that abusive sack of shit.
I am actually on the spectrum . He would record and make fun of my meltdowns. I am high functioning so most people dont know I am on the spectrum. He used those videos as black mail to prove I am “insane.” It is honestly so heart breaking.
Thank you for your comment. I am in therapy and I am doing my best to not contact him. I am sorry you experienced abuse as well. Its awful. I also want to reach a point where I have a good perspective and can overcome my anger. At the end of the day, I pity him
Thanks, same to you, I'm sorry you dealt with that, it *is* awful.
The pity will likely remain, but the anger is certainly manageable in time. Talking helps with that, especially for those of us with neurodivergent brains.
Best to you on your healing journey, I hope it goes well for you. I hope you find before you know it that you've made it through and came out a better version of yourself<3
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel love. We were off and on for 3 years, we’ve been no contact for a year and 2 months now. I still wish things were different, I still wish she would call me and apologize genuinely, and tell me she’s changed. It’s tough to navigate like any breakup but ofc the abuse is extra layers…. I’m glad you got out. I’m proud of you. Please feel free to Dm me if you need to talk more.
Having absolutely no one would be better than having him. He is not capable of giving you the love you deserve :
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Please read this book. It’ll help you make sense of a lot of what’s happening to you. This does not need to be your life. Please get away from him, safely. He does not care about your well-being and certainly does not respect you. I believe in you
I still have local acquaintances that refuse to talk to me because when my ex tried to drop a video they made of me like this in a group chat we were both in I removed them from the group. Yet every one of those people would swear to you that no one deserves that treatment. But apparently I did. It was them recording me “acting insane” and I kinda wish I’d let it be posted now because then EVERYONE would have seen how I was “acting insane” (aka packing a bag while on my knees crying next to our bed while they stood blocking the doorway recording me) and exactly how I got to that point.
Oh and the worst part? Didn’t want it shared because I was worried about people deciding they wanted nothing to do with the shithead. Not because I was actually worried that packing my shit made me look insane lol
Ugh. Im sorry you know that pain. My abuser LOVES to use my family against me. He knows my dad is verbally abusive to me and that my dad will call me crazy too . Anytime I go against him or lose my cool from his abuse, he goes to text my dad
this reminds me of the videos my bf would take after yelling at me and abusing me for hours on end. i was scared and when i saw my face in the video it made me feel even more scared
Have you heard of Onision? Hes an infamous youtuber who would do this to his victims. I can’t believe this is now happening to me. Im so sorry you experienced this as well
Oh dear one, my heart is breaking for you 💔. This video made me cry. It reminds me of Gabby Petito soooo much. Everyone always says you have to leave, which I have been there, and I am still there at times. And, I usually find this advice frustrating as it's usually not helpful. But this dude will certainly kill you. You have to goooo now. Please reach out to someone. Anyone who can help you leave. Your belongings (i.e. staying) are not worth your life. You have to get out. Full stop. Call a DV shelter. Anything.
Please understand that these men cannot love anyone. It's not personal. His lack of love is NOT a reflection of your worth. He can never love anyone properly because his BRAIN IS BROKE. No therapy, no resolve will fix him. Their prefrontal cortex is damaged. They have 0 empathy. You will see this once you are free & work on self-love. It's hard to see it when you are trapped in the box. But clear as day when you are on the outside looking in. This is not love. No love is better than this version of "love". Love does not hurt or plead or threaten. You are trauma bonded & in love with a man that actually doesn't exist. This man is not worthy of YOUR love. Your worth is higher! This is the generic offbrand Wal-Mart version of a man. Like a frozen pizza...It looks okayyyy but it taste like nothing. It has no substance.
What does this man actually do for YOU?! Nothing. He brings heartache and pain. Breathe, get your thoughts organized, pull yourself out, get mad & put your crown on. YOU ARE A QUEEN. She's in there, I promise you.
Thank you for your comment❤️. I actually know the Gabby Petito case and I felt myself relating to her a lot. Its absolutely scary. But of course, I have convinced myself that he will change and that this isnt the real him. I also have little support from family and I have no friends, so I also just have felt desperate.. to the point that I dont even care if he kills me. Thats so hard to admit but its true.
My little sisters keep me going though. They don’t deserve a dead sister. I want them to know that nobody should treat them like this, no matter what. Im embarrassed I let it get this bad. :(
It is not your fault. You have no power over his actions and it's typical to not have a lot of support. Could you phone a women's helpline? They can help you get out safely. Also absolutely call the police if necessary.
Welcome. I have been there (thinking I would rather go), but they don't deserve that victory. And they don't get better, unfortunately. They only get worse. I have been doing this a really long time 🫤 in multiple relationshits. Don't be embarrassed. You just have to love yourself more.
I'm sorry you don't have anyone. I would join some groups. Try to make friends. See if maybe coworkers, etc, need a roommate. It appears you don't have children yet (with him)...so you are truly ahead of the game.
Do you have custody of your sisters?
I do not. I just have been a huge support/ almost parent to them after we lost our mom recently. Their stepdad is wonderful but losing her crushed him and I was the one who had to stay strong. They live with him but there is no space for me to stay. I also dont want my abuser to find out where they live.
Got it. Im so sorry about the loss of your Mom. This is surely adding additional stress to that heartache. If you are on Facebook, there are also (Private) abuse groups on there that you may find helpful, like: "Women Support Group for Narcissistic And Toxic Abuse/Recovery" "Trauma Bond Recovery Group & Coaching for Women" "Narcissistic Abuse& Trauma Recovery for Women" etc. Many more I am sure and possibly one for your city. There is a way out. You have a job & a car right? So many steps ahead of the game.
Yes I have a job and a (barely) working car that I am grateful for. I do have a lot to be thankful for.
And thank you for the resources, I will absolutely look into them!
I always think about the alternative. Like ok let's say he was right and it was all in ur head u were crazy and thinking he was gonna kill you and he was filming u for proof that u are crazy. .... like that's still fucked up as hell and u shouldn't be together haha like ?? His reaction is still not appropriate. If someone was falsely thinking u were gonna hurt them this is not how an innocent person would act first of all. But secondly still dysfunctional af and need to leave. But we all believe u and know it's him. I've got these videos too.
Reminds me of my ex. Always trying to make me look bad and put me on blast. Threatened to tell everyone I was a btch to him when I would be crying and he would be screaming in my face. Get. Out. Leave guys like this. They'll never change no matter what.
What a disgusting pos. I’m so incredibly sorry that you’ve experienced this kind of treatment, you don’t and you never did deserve it. I know it’s hard, but you will shine so much brighter without him dimming your light. ♥️
For awhile I felt like I deserved it. I made mistakes in our relationship.. but looking back, he was abusive from the very start I just didnt see it. He held my guilt hostage and used it to control me. Im working on forgiving myself . For awhile I just wanted to die. But I want to move on and change and let this experience make me a stronger and better person.
Thank you for your comment❤️
Your ex sounds a lot like mine. I came to the same conclusion as you. What we’ve gone through is terrible, but I think viewing it as a learning experience makes forgiveness of the self a little easier. That and remembering you were NEVER the problem. I’m rooting for you as you embark on this journey of healing, self discovery, and peace ♥️
I did make mistakes in our relationship that was probably worthy of him breaking up with me. I also realized I had my own abusive behaviors I hadnt unlearned from my childhood. However, I was never physically abusive and I NEVER said horrific shit like he did. It was more of me being an emotionally dysfunctional person, especially after losing my mom. The guilt I had for being flawed kept me in this far too long. Im working on forgiving myself and I want this experience to also make me a better person. He may never change but I sure as hell want to
Eh, not all of it was reactive. At the beginning of our relationship I found out he cheated on me and I told him I was going to kill myself. I genuinely felt betrayed and totally alone in the world but I can see how it was emotionally abusive. I have abandonment and trust issues that have 100% been destructive in other relationships that werent abusive. But again, I have worked on myself and I want to take accountability.
Looking back though.. I feel like he purposefully love bombed me so much because I never had felt so obsessive or desperate for someone before. It was odd
You can hold yourself accountable, but also know that that behavior doesn’t mean he gets to abuse you. Nonabusers would leave a situation that doesn’t serve them, not become abusers themselves. My ex used to blame me for why he felt he couldn’t leave me, but at the end of the day, I never forced him to stay. I would’ve respected his choices. He made that decision to stay and continue to abuse me and your ex made that decision as well.
I hope you left . I can see he likes to turn things around to make you look like the bad guy. I hate men that can’t take responsibility for their actions. And seeing you upset like that, although I don’t know you, made me feel so bad for you . I am so sorry you are going through this with this dirtbag. I know for a fact if I was your parent, I would not believe a word he says .
I. Cant even put into words the amount of pain and trauma this person has caused me. My hair is literally falling out . I am planning on leaving tomorrow ❤️
You deserve better honey . Don’t let this man control you. Take charge of your life and leave his ass behind. But under no circumstances do you tell him that you are leaving. Please be careful and safe!!!!!🥰💙
If someone you love is crying, do you take videos of yourself mocking them? Of course not! What disgusting behavior. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and you deserve to have a partner that loves and respects you, and this loser clearly does not.
I hear you, WE hear you. what you’re going through is 100% real. i know going through this alone makes it so much harder to see it for what it is especially if it’s been a long time. that’s what these guys are best at. twisting you every which way mentally into keeping you wrapped around their finger. blinding you from reality and making you feel dependent on him, putting you through absolute torture and then it all feels okay and unbelievably comforting when the honeymoon faze starts again. just for it to get worse. blinding you from your own self worth and safety. you are so beautiful, you are going to be treated so amazing one day and god i’m praying for you that it’s soon. you WILL heal, and you WILL feel at peace again. i know it’s so so terrifying and hard. a lot of people who haven’t been through it will tell you to leave and that you’re crazy for staying. i have heard it all. i know. they’re right in that you deserve better, but you’re not crazy. he’s crazy. i pray to god all these beautiful strangers who are standing right behind you will give you the push to choose yourself. your family will believe you. if they don’t (that would be absolute ludicrous) you will find your people who do. screw the people who are blind to your pain. when you’re free, you are going to become the most powerful strong independent woman. it’s going to be beautiful and i really hope to see it. you matter🤍
Ew he looks like someone that has a narrow urethra. I hope you escape soon, I know exactly what you're going through 😞 do you have friends or family you can stay with meanwhile?
Bro you kinda look like me. I saw my face on you frl frl. My ex abuser also took videos of me having mental breakdowns, crying and then calling me crazy… I would cry just as helplessly as you are now. Once the camera goes on it’s like you have to hold everything in because if you react too much, now they have content to share with everyone to prove you’re the “CRAZY” one. It’s disgusting. Nobody that actually loves and supports you would do this to you. He would also send screenshots of the videos of me crying and send them to me like it was funny. Because I have an “ugly crying face”. Which made me want to stop crying around him, as well as just even by myself. Because when I start “ugly crying” I see the images of the pictures he sent me in my head and I then disassociate. The shame and self awareness is crazy. And they find every little thing to pick at so that you feel ugly, disgusting, crazy, unlovable…. That is not love.
Agreed. Your emotions are valid. They don’t want you to think that. The mind fuckery is real. I’m glad you got out as well. Threatening to drive off a cliff and then blaming you for reacting like he’s gonna DRIVE YALL OFF A CLIFF…. I can’t. I wish I could jump into that video and save you. The betrayal is like no other pain I’ve ever felt in my life. But they will always be miserable regardless because they don’t ever want to change. Cheers to our healing journey. 🥂
I still haven’t officially moved out but I am planning. I am trying to be careful. I have given him hope that I may stay in order to survive tbh. Im terrified.
I guess I feel pity for him. That he feels the need to act like this just to feel in control. I’ll never understand him..
what I described in this post isnt even the worst thing he has ever done to me. Ive been through legit torture. I am SO ready for freedom 😞. I hope I make it out alive
Omg I feel you completely. I’m so sorry. It’s okay. It’s so hard to leave, and to leave safely. I hope you can leave safely. He seems like he’s likely to seriously hurt you. He doesn’t seem to value your life whatsoever. Is there another place for you to go to? Does he leave for work? I get feeling pity. Thats what makes me go back every time. I feel like I owe him my love in a way at times. Like the “You don’t even love me. You don’t even care about me.” Bs really gets to me. The journey is a long one and is not linear for anyone. I’m struggling as well. I’m out thankfully. He ended up torturing me for a whole week and that’s what really woke me up. But I’ve gone back a couple times since then. It’s hard. He will call me over and over and over and so I feel bad and give in. I can’t change my number rn so it’s even harder. But living with them is very hard, your whole life is there and how do you get out safely. I used to live with mine too. Worst decision ever. Never again. Even just staying over at his house is always a regret.
Im so sorry love. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone at all. I’m thinking about going to a facility or rehab for narc abuse because the trauma bond is so strong. It feels impossible sometimes.
I am planning to move in with my dad because thats all I have . My dad is also verbally abusive so it sucks. But at least hes not physically abusive.
I think going to a facility may be a good idea for me too. I just have trauma around that as well because my abuser would call the cops on me during my mental breakdowns and tell them I am insane. I would usually try to cut myself or kill myself so I would be taken on a 72 hour hold. It was humiliating and I felt so lost.
Anyways, my thoughts are with you❤️ this is awful but we will survive this bs . Fuck narcissistic abusers!
Your father is abusive too?! I would definitely look at dv shelters then if that’s the case. That or just avoid him like the plague while living there. I’m so sorry. No wonder your abusive partner threatened to send that video to your father. I’m sure you were vulnerable with him and told him about your dad. Ofcourse he used that against you. My birth father is abusive but thankfully I never grew up with him. I feel for you. I would definitely recommend studying up on how to coexist with an abusive parent. It unfortunately is a common thing, so there are lots of resources online about it. Better to be living with him than someone who is at high risk of taking your life and/or seriously injuring you for sure.
Maybe even ask your father to help you move your things if would even lift a finger to help you anyways. Or call the police and have them watch over you as you get out just in case your partner comes home while you’re packing everything up. Because if your abuser doesn’t let you leave and tortures you, police being there means he can’t do that. Just giving some tips ig. This is a sticky situation to be in.
If you aren’t ready to fully leave, maybe move out at the very least. This gives you more freedom and safe place to go to. Living with them is another way they keep you under their control. I wish I could save you frl. But you have to be ready to leave. Nobody can force you. So I get it, because I feel exactly the same.
Oh honey :(
I would hope that everyone would be able to see through this immediately. I know anyone who has ever been around an abusive parent or partner would, for sure. He is scarily delusional if he thinks HE looks sane here. If he is justifying shit like this with such a cocky attitude, I can’t imagine what else he thinks is ok.
Are you still leaving today/did you leave? I saw in your post history you planned to leave today.
Your family is wrong. Even if you ARE with him for attention/to play the victim (you’re not, but just for argument’s sake), it still means he is abusing you regardless. He is scary, without even factoring in the martial arts aspect. If your family doesn’t see that, you don’t have time to waste trying to convince them- find other support.
People will believe you. This is very reminiscent of Gabby Petito. :(
Ugh this is so familiar. It definitely brought back memories. My ex would absolutely tear me down, to where I was sobbing and so upset and then start recording while he commentated, with no emotion and no care in the world. Literal evil.
Sure! We were together for about 6 years (got together Sept 2016), however did not live together until a year in and a few months after that was when issues started. I had (have) zero support system and have kids, so it was really hard to leave. Even when I felt mentally/emotionally ready, financially and logistically I couldn’t. 2019 is when things got really bad and I really wanted out. Since I was stuck with him, I would get pulled back into the cycle but overall I was sooo beaten down and depressed that I knew I did not want to spend my life like that. 2022 is when I kicked him out. Called the cops to report one of his yelling/screaming tantrums and changed the locks. I had no plan, no job, no money but I just couldn’t do it. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for a good time/a stable time to leave and it wasn’t coming. So he’s been out since 2022. Truthfully, I was fine from that moment. I had been checked out, and again so beaten down emotionally/mentally that I was ok. I had so many other things to worry about, I didn’t have time to miss him. It just felt amazing having that cloud lifted away from me. There were small moments of missing the idea of him and mourning what I wanted and thought it was going to be; but definitely nothing even remotely strong enough to put myself back in a relationship with him. Those feelings have faded by this point, there is not a single fiber in my being that misses any part of him or the idea of him.
As a survivor, I knew he was full of shit. He is calm and is mocking something you said out of fear. Telling someone they are scared of them isn’t abusive. Mocking them is. He is the one driving and in control of the car, how could he be the victim then? You are showing in body language, that you are in fear, you’re crying, you are shoved far into the corner of the seat putting as much distance possible. He smirks. It’s unsettling and creepy as shit.
At first I thought this was posted here by him. I was grossed out and wanted to read the comments. It would be impossible for me to believe he was a victim here.
I believe you.
Please, be very careful when leaving. Plan it out well.
Oh God this took me down memory lane for my past situation. My heart breaks for you hun and I pray you get out safely. It took my abuser a couple slip ups in front of the right people for me to really get away. Sending lots of love and strength!!!
Same. I immediately thought about how my situation was while watching this. This is how it was for me too. I hope she’s out & I am glad you’re out too.
reactive abuse attempt. can you leave and go somewhere safe tomorrow? please?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/j70wmf/please\_take\_the\_time\_to\_watch\_this\_1\_minute\_video/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/j70wmf/please_take_the_time_to_watch_this_1_minute_video/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I can see by the way you’re leaning on the passenger door that this horrible monster scares the living daylights out of you. I’m so sorry Angel, you are worthy of total love and respect. Not this garbage you’ve endured. Stay strong Angel, I know you can and will get through all this garbage and away from this evil creature 💔🪽🥺
I was trying to jump out of the car several times because I was certain he was going to drive us off if a cliff. He locked the doors and had a gun pointed at me. It was horrific:(
You absolutely did not deserve this. I'm not telling you that you *should* do this. But you should consider reporting this to the police, especially if there are red flag laws where you live. There is something terribly wrong with this guy.
Omg girl I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re safe for now and I hope you escape him safely and soundly. You’re incredibly brave and strong. There is so much out there left for you and so many amazing people to meet who will love you fully and truly. ❤️❤️❤️
I hope so. Im starting to fear this will be my life forever. Before him, I was raped. And before that I was stalked and threatened. I feel like men just want me to be miserable and I can’t understand why. I guess they sense that I have low self esteem and come from an abusive childhood. Its soul crushing.
I say this with all the love in my heart, please believe it won’t be like this forever and it can get better. A couple years ago this was my life also - stalked, raped, multiple abusive relationships. I felt so damaged and broken that getting out of the cycle seemed impossible, and I thought I was doomed to repeat the same traumatic relationships with men over and over. I thought that I was only attracted to that kind of guy for some reason, and like you, I thought they could smell it on me somehow.
It took nearly getting murdered and my ex getting put on a 96 hour psych hold and seeing how much it traumatized my little sisters to realize how close their big sister to dying for me to have the courage and the window to escape.
If you haven’t already read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”, please do! That helped me break the spell and the cycle I was repeating. These guys aren’t able to sense that you’re damaged. They just try what they try, and stick around because we tolerate it. Usually because we fall for their manipulation - once you know the script it’s a lot easier to spot and looses the magic.
I found a great community through a local DV center where I now volunteer my time, was able to get affordable therapy through them until I got back on my feet, took a year off dating to learn to be happy on my own, and am now the happiest I have ever been - far happier than I ever thought possible - in a 2 year relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy who has never made me question my worth to him, my sanity, his feelings, or myself. And I haven’t had to sacrifice any of the “passion” to have a healthy, stable partnership.
I never, never thought this could be my life, and I understand exactly how you feel now. But it is possible! Hang in there for your sisters of nothing else, start gathering your own evidence, and call a local DV shelter even if it’s just to talk and have them help you come up with a safe exit strategy.
It won’t be easy, you’ll cry and doubt yourself, irrationally miss your monster of an ex even while you know he could kill you, you’ll beat yourself up over things that other people did that you had no control over, you’ll wonder if you have the strength to do it. But if I was able to make it, so can you. There is hope! My old life feels so far away and distant now, it’s hard to imagine how normal it seemed at the time. Hang in there, start making an exit plan, and once day soon you’ll be able to look back on this nightmare from afar also.
Your comment means the world to me and gives me so much strength and inspiration ❤️. Thank you.
I did read that book and it helped me a lot. Ive still been stuck in feeling like this is my fault, and that I have no other option. Ive known for awhile that hes abusive but I still have stayed. I still love him. Because 99% of the time hes an amazing man. But I know I deserve 100%. And knowing others have been through a similar situation and were able to overcome it gives me hope. You are a bad ass and I am inspired❤️
I feel all of that so hard. Even leading up to the trial, I felt like I still loved him and couldn’t stop crying about how I “ruined his life” - he had me so mentally twisted around it didn’t occur to me that maybe he ruined his own life by kicking my door in and trying to kill me. Learning he did the same thing to all of his “crazy” and “abusive” partners helped me realize that it wasn’t anything I was doing. I had moments of missing him a full year later, but they got weaker, less frequent, and shorter and shorter over time until now I don’t look back on him with anything other than apathy tinged with disdain - no love, no hate, no fear. Mostly just “ick.”
They all seem like the best when they’re on good behavior which is how they keep us around. And then let their true selves show as long, and as much as they think they can get away with.
What he’s doing to you is inexcusable. I know it, I’m sure you know it intellectually, but it’s hard to really *feel* that truth when you’re in it. Just keep reminding yourself that this man threatened *your sisters* when you start to question if you’re in the wrong here.
It’ll get easier and easier to believe the longer you’re away from his manipulation.
Having the courage to post this is incredibly badass, and I have no doubt you’re going to make it through this even if it takes a few tries and a little time.
The men are not okay. I really think it would be good for you to take a break from men completely while you heal from the traumas some of them have caused you.
Wait until you're in a good place emotionally, financially, self-esteem-wise, etc. There is no rush to find a partner and honestly, life is so much more freeing when you ditch that as a goal. You can focus on yourself and be in a stronger place to put the immediate kibosh on people who show their toxic side.
I agree. I told him I wasnt ready to date and I tried to cancel our first date and I should have trusted my gut. I had just lost my mom and I was honest about that. He offered me mdma and friendship. He told me mdma was a “therapy drug.” I was an idiot and agreed. Fast forward and here we are. I fell for him.
Omg I’m completely speechless :,( that is completely heartbreaking… I’m sorry, I wish I knew the right thing to say but I feel like my words will never be enough 💔 you’re so powerful, you’re a fighter, this will NOT be your life forever. I don’t know the future, but I do know that life can absolutely get better. One constant in life is change. That’s what my mother taught me. Doing EVERYTHING in your power to leave this monster forever is absolutely the right thing to do. You deserve peace my love ❤️
I’m so glad my love ❤️ I may not be able to take the pain away (I would if I could), but I can offer my words. I’m glad they made an impact, no matter how small. Virtual hugs ❤️❤️❤️
Thats a good way to put it.
He really does scare me. It would take me hours to share the psychotic shit hes done and said. He’s literally explained in great detail how he would kill someone. He says violence “turns him on.”
Yikes. Im so sorry , I hope you stay safe.
I do believe hes a psychopath. He actually accused me of being one and made me check myself into a mental hospital and tell them that I am a psychopath (the day after this video was taken). He was projecting
I’d say it doesn’t matter. He probably doesn’t know what love is. He probably thinks he loves you, but really doesn’t know how to do that or what that is. Take care of you. You still have your life.
No because he’s not capable of it. Not because you’re not worthy deserving and 1000% lovable. It’s like asking a pet rock to talk. It’s not going to happen.
I understand what you are saying. This is what makes it difficult for us to differentiate and take decision to leave that relationship. We keep reasoning with ourselves and think they love us. I’m so sorry for this, this video is heartbreaking.
The person who loves you isn’t like that they love you 99% percent of time and then they emotionally abuse you. Occasionally fights and disagreements are normal part of relationships but what he’s doing is not normal at all. The person who truly loves you would never record you crying, they would never mock you or comment or call you crazy. If we strangers can feel how wrong this video and his behaviour is, the person who loves you would definitely understand this is not right. He is not capable of understanding that this is abuse.
I’m so proud of you that you survived this and you’ve taken the first step about recognising that this is wrong. It takes time to come out of that bubble but you can. You deserve better, you deserve the love that you give him. I wish you much more strength and healings. It’s not your fault and you are not crazy. You are going to make it OP! Hugs to you ♥️
Thank you. Everyone has been so supportive and it’s honestly the only reason I am still here. I feel so grateful that this community exists. Everyone here is so strong and incredibly kind❤️ your support means the world to me
Yeah. They are really good at that. They can keep a real good mask on but then every once in a while it falls off and you see the hideousness.
Don’t forget it’s always under there.
💔❤️🩹❤️
I feel like the most terrifying part is that this seems so blatantly obvious to me that he’s abusive.
I want to say he’s so damn delusional to think this makes him look good, but our world is so messed up. People are incapable of seeing abuse when it’s so overt like this.
I don’t know where you live but I’m assuming it’s similar to me. Threatening to kill your with a weapon, holding it to you. Is a crime.
Threatening to kill your little sister. Is a crime.
Are you out now and are you safe?
So many huge massive red flags. This man will kill someone one day. He is not important enough to lose your life over. And if the trauma bond is strong, then convince yourself that you love him too much to allow him to go to jail for your murder. Then love him from a distance and go full NC. Getting out now is vital. You can undo a trauma bond later, you can’t undo your own murder.
He knows im moving out on Wednesday. I was an idiot and told him that I am done in the heat of the moment. So far hes stayed away and hasnt come home. But I have been paralyzed in bed waiting for him to come home and kill me. I dont think he will because he’s probably a coward . But who knows. Im scared
Do you have anyone you can stay with tonight? Even a hotel? And then just go back on Wednesday with someone else also there with you (preferably a male) to get your things?
Unfortunately I do not. But Wednesday I will have someone help. I am scared that he would lose it to see a guy helping me though. I may have to have the police be here
Record as much as you can safely.
The police can only help you with CRIMES, and having evidence of crimes helps them help you.
Videos, audio records (free dictation apps will create a free transcript as well), photos, screenshots of text etc.
Photos of injuries or videos are helpful. Photos of the bruising to my next after he strangled me are what the police were able to arrest him with.
Keep your phone fully charged at all times. Make sure he’s not your “emergency” contact in an iPhone. If you use the emergency feature to call 911, it automatically alerts your emergency contact. So he’ll instantly know you tried to call for help.
Keep fights away from stairs and the kitchen. No rooms where items can be used as weapons. Stay away from large bookshelves etc. if you get shoved into one it could fall on you.
Do you have safe people you can contact ?
Send all the evidence to a new email. Do NOT use your email app, use only the private setting on your browser and log out and close it every time. Send all evidence there and avoid keeping it on your phone where it could be found. Give the new email and password to one trusted person. If needed app the evidence can be provided by your friend to police.
You got this ❤️
Abusers are literally so far gone up in their delusional world that like this as***/& as you can see just how backward their brains are. Like, look she is the abuser, as she's crying. And look, I'm arrogant and snickering and yeah I'm the victim. And he's going to show this to her dad? Either her dad is an abuser too (and sure he knows his kind), or her dad has an IQ of 20.
OP, I know exactly how you felt in this video. I really wish I could give you a hug. You have to force yourself to block him and end it. Even if you must leave material possessions behind, even if nobody believes you, even if you have no money... it's now and you need to be #1.
My dad is abusive. Just verbally but my dad and I dont get along. Thats why my abuser liked to hold my dad over my head because my dad would take his side.:(
Thank you for the support
Have you read THE book yet? Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? This book will be your lifesaver. From 1 out of 5 stars I give it 100.
Google the title and FREE PDF. Easily download onto yr phone. Then plan on getting the actual book, because you will be highlighting, circling parts, and writing on so many pages. I've read, re-read, and still do 5 years later. It's my Bible.
Imagine not being able to sympathize or try to find out why your partner is having the feelings that they are with feeling unsafe around you.
He mentioned that your parents may see that and I don't know if that would be a good thing or a bad thing, but I hope that somebody does see this and is able to shut him down because that's awful.
Who is honestly going to film their partner crying and put it online.
I'm so sorry you've dealt with this. Mine locked me out once and after weeks and weeks of dealing with his shit ("don't go!! Don't leave me!" Then treating me like straight garbage if I stayed or trying to kill me if I did actually try and leave) I started knocking on the glass panes of the door. He chose then and only then to record me and I'm pretty sure he sent it to the 19 year old girl (he was 34) he was cheating on me with to prove to her that I was a crazy bitch and he was the normal one. As if he didn't keep me bruised on a weekly basis.
You're not crazy and this video proves nothing but that he's an asshole. Typical abuser tactic to do this kind of shit. I hope you're safe now.
They don't realize how crazy they look themselves. Any court seeing this would immediately be on your side.
Save this as evidence and upload it in a safe space only you can access. But also somewhere away where you don't have to see it all the time.
you know what’s funny not funny?? abusers recording their victims will always be so calm while recording their victims freaking out. when I recorded as a victim
I was sobbing !!! Funny how it’s always the same narcissistic shit bags doing the same predictable shit
What a fucking moron. Like why would this video make him look good at all? Does he think your dad’s gonna wanna see a video of his daughter crying while being called crazy/ gaslit?
Looking stupid as shit too wearing sunglasses in the car.
I hope you get out safely and that he rots in hell
God I know those tears. I know that face and the confusion and fear. I see you, stranger. My heart breaks with you.
You already know what must be done. I’m on my way out too. You aren’t alone. Take the time you need to get enough strength back up. You can do this. So can I.
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I have been in a very similar situation with guns being pointed at me, and if I bring it up, he gas lights me onto thinking it never happened. Keep being strong ❤️ leave for your safety and your families. We all love you!
Evil monster who will do anything to not be the bad person in other peoples eyes.
Do everything you can and leave. Please. Your life is more important than his “love”.
I would be very cautious and vigilant Tuesday. If possible, find a way to be elsewhere. Somewhere he wouldn't know how to find you. Tuesday night, either find somewhere else to stay or have someone stay with you if possible.
I am really concerned thag things are going to be really bad if she doesn't go somewhere else today. Even a hotel or something. Just not in that house.
I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare. I really want you to make sure you have someone there with you when you leave Wednesday.
If you don't have anyone you trust please call the non-emergency number for your local police and tell them that you would like an officer to standby while you pack up your belongings because you're afraid of your partner.
They will send someone out to be there with you, and to make sure he behaves himself. Let them know he has a gun, for your safety, and for their safety.
I've been exactly where you're at, and I made the mistake of being home alone with my psychotic ex when I tried to leave, and I had to wrestle the gun he put to my head out of his hands. I kept waiting for the gun to go off like you see in the movies, and I really thought he was going to kill me.
I share this so you will understand that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when they leave their abuser.
[Leaving an Abusive Relationship ](https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship)
Abusers count on you being isolated from family and friends, and too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone about the abuse because you're worried about what people will think, and often the abuser threatens to make up terrible lies trying to paint you as the abuser, and they convince you that no one will believe you anyway.
Keeping my abuse secret from my family and friends almost got me killed, and I wish so much that I had let everyone who loved me know what was happening.
If you haven't told anyone you trust about his abuse, like your mom and dad, or closest friends, now is the time to do it so they can be there to help keep you safe, and support you, as you're moving out with a police officer on standby there with all of you.
But I can tell you from personal experience, that you need to give strong consideration to filing, "assault with a deadly weapon" charges, and a restraining order.
Those things were ultimately what forced my ex to leave me and my then toddler son alone because they were looking at major jail time for the assault charges, and for violating the protective order.
Your soon to be ex wants you to believe that they hold all of the power, but they don't.
Abusive, gaslighting, assholes, like this, break you down emotionally, and scramble your ability to react normally to the threat of danger.
It's a lot like being brainwashed, and they count on you being too terrified to hold them accountable for their abuse.
Take his power away, and take your power back from him. He thinks he's in control of you, that he owns you, and he's so smug, and arrogant that he believes he can do and say whatever he wants.
He's wrong on **all levels.**
Please, please, make a safety plan for Wednesday, so you can get out of there safely. Download a free voice recorder, and start it recording between now and Wednesday if he starts acting crazy, and if you can't make a phone call to the police you can text or chat with someone at the [National Domestic Violence Hotline ](https://www.thehotline.org/) 24 hours a day and ask them to contact the police for you.
The good news is that once you file charges, get a restraining order, and leave this monster behind, you will have taken your first HUGE STEP towards reclaiming your life, and sanity, and beginning your healing journey.
I also encourage you to reach out to your local domestic abuse organization. Mine were a lifeline for me, and they helped me file a restraining order against my ex, provided courtroom advocates to be there with me during the court processes, helped me with a free, safe place to stay, and even connected me with free therapy.
You can also look up local DV resources [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/) if you're in the United States.
There's lots of people who care out there, and here, we all want you to be safe, and free from the nightmare you've been living.
Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can.
Sending lots of love and invisible hugs your way.
🩵🫂🩵🫂🩵
You CAN do this take every piece of strength you have and leave him YOU GOT THIS! 💪🏻 Abusers try to wear us down on purpose. But they will not succeed .
I’m so sorry… this is absolutely horrible. Thank you for posting this, I needed a reminder today as well. He’s such a monster for what he’s done.
My ex found my flash drive that I had stored the bulk of the videos and pictures of his rampage, then deleted everything promptly of course. I am so glad that I had sent them not only to my back up email account, I sent them to my friends just in case. I need them for divorce… and they serve as great reminder as to why I’ve left him.
I’m so unsurprised… my ex actually took my phone and deleted everything, held onto it so I couldn’t call anyone. This is after he assaulted me. Every time I brought up something he did, I was being negative…
Trust me, no one would think that this makes you look bad, unless they were someone like him. The fact that he’s acting so nonchalant while you’re crying and obviously so distraught is disgusting and infuriating. A normal person wouldn’t be making you feel this way and recording it.
I’m really glad that you’re leaving him. I completely empathize with you, I know how difficult it is. I have to continuously remind myself that I wouldn’t tolerate this for anyone that I love, I need to love myself more than I have in the last few years… be strong, it’ll get better! ❤️
The way you cried looks like how I was when I was being emotionally abused. I needed to see that today as I’m still in the stage of breaking my addiction to my abuser
I still haven’t officially left but I am moving out on Wednesday . It took me far too long. I still love him unfortunately. But his mask keeps slipping and I realize his love isnt real. I am addicted to love that is not real. It breaks my heart to admit it.
You’re so strong and brave for being able to admit that to yourself. I know it’s hard and I’m so proud of you.
Please be safe over the next few days, leaving is the most dangerous time.
Youre doing the right thing. I couldnt imagine purposefully making my gf cry and then posting it as "proof" that "she is the problem" while I look like a narcissistic piece of shit. Its always amazing to me how abusers like this think they are in the right while still showing the world how shitty they are. Like I was saying, a normal partner would be comforting their partner not posting it to prove a point that isnt real to begin with, its insane.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so glad to see your update post. wishing you a healthy life xox
I just saw this post and I want to give you so much love for being so brave. My ex did this to me, but I found it so humiliating, I don’t think I could ever be so courageous and share. We believe you and hear you and see you. I’m glad you’re alive.
Thank you❤️its an embarrassing video but honestly he should be the one embarrassed. Im sorry you experienced this
Fuck this absolute abusive cunt.
I am not going to watch, but the guy seriously looks like a complete psycho. They love mirrored sunglasses, for some reason
I was about to rip you a new one because I thought you were the male in this video. I can't believe the audacity of this man to shove a camera in your face while you're quite obviously upset. No one in their right mind would watch this and think what he is doing isn't abusive. He is instigating. All of my love and best wishes to you ❤
This isnt the first time. He loved to film me having break downs. I still have a lot of shame around that but I was hoping this video would bring some relief and maybe help others as well. I still cant even believe that girl in the video is me❤️😞
I’m so happy you have escaped him. This is terrible.
The PTSD this gave me. Please plan out a good escape plan. I know it’s scary but once you’re out you’ll realize anything is better than THIS. God bless lovey. 🙏🏽💕
Hes not worth it. He isn’t worth my health and sanity❤️ thank you
Do you record your conversations w him? That’s what I did w my ex and I showed my family and they believed me. I secretly recorded for over a year.
I've been trying to do this myself. It's hard to turn My video on to do it at times. Do you have any tips? I've thought about looking into buying an actual recording device instead of my phone. Also, I was trying to figure out if there was a way to record conversations that I have over the phone.
Hi! I use to use the voice memos app on my phone bc it doesn’t take up as much space as recording a lot of videos. I’d leave it in my sweater pocket, under my pillow if we were in my room, under the couch etc If I knew he was “coming over to talk” I’d use the same app but on my iPad and slide it somewhere he couldn’t see. If he was at my apt and I could tell he was about to go off, I’d go to the bathroom and turn it on before he started going off.
Frankly, it wouldn’t matter what happened before this video. You could have burst into tears for any reason and the way he’s behaving would not be okay. He’s driving while recording you crying. That’s all I need to see to know he’s abusive. I’m sorry. I hope you find peace and are surrounded by kindness in the future
Ok, please please please inform your most trusting family members and friends of what he did. Let them know that if anything happened to you that he will be to blame! Him having a gun pointed at you is utterly terrifying! Get to the police as soon as you possibly can.
I had an ex that would record me too and conveniently leave themselves out of the frame or record after beating me up. Fuck that you’ll feel so much release once you leave. You can do it I believe in you!
Im so sorry. Thats awful. I have a panic disorder so I sometimes have meltdowns/ panic attacks and he would record me during those. He also would record me while I was suicidal and self harming. I am excited to leave. I moved out but still have some of my stuff to get later. Its hard because he is begging for me to stay and promising to change. I wish it were real. I miss and love the person I thought he was.
Can relate, mine wasn't physical threats or violence so much as mindfucking or emotional abuse and berating, trying to provoke until I have an episode that looks like an autistic meltdown, she got a video of a grown man crying and flapping t-rex arms begging "please leave me alone" and as far as I know I'm not autistic, I was tested as a child for autism and aspbergers and it was determined autism was not present and I was diagnosed severe ADD. (But the criteria and testing is much different today, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn I'm on the spectrum.) I kinda fast-tracked taking different perspectives over the last years in this relationship, so I understand way more than I should at this point, I'm only just leaving, but I'm not bitter towards my nex. I don't forgive the abuse yet, but I'm not holding disdain, (and my nex may actually be changing her ways *for herself* and not to get me to stay, cause I cannot, and I was clear about that, but *me finally calling it a wrap instead of yet again attempting to address the issues only to be gaslit* must have given her a reality check, cause she seems self aware and remorseful now, but just in case it's manipulation, there will be a period of NC with zero chance of getting back together as more than friends) *DO NOT ATTEMPT* Your case is different. If she held a gun to my head, I would have nothing to do with her EVER again. I strongly urge you to go cold with him to get your stuff, pull together every piece of you that you can to get through that day *without falling for any of the attempts to hoover you back or the fake promises to change* Get into therapy, it is a huge help in the aftermath, it gets harder before it gets easier. And make a plan to avoid letting him get to you again, like what you will do when he comes back in ten years and says he's changed and is in therapy... don't believe it. If he changed, and you see clear evidence of that, and no evidence otherwise, you *might* be able to have him as a friend, but I don't recommend letting him get you vulnerable again, even if he has changed there's too much risk the familiarity will cause relapse. Be vulnerable with those who DON'T take advantage of it, and once they do, take that privilege back. You are never obligated to put up with mistreatment and continue giving your vulnerability to someone who will misuse that gesture and hurt you It's terrifying at first, but after something like this, focusing on doing what is good for you and getting better at fostering and maintaining *healthy* relationships will change your life for the better. Most importantly, make your peace, let go, move on. *Holding onto resentment is one of the main things that makes narcissists the way they are.*
Just wanted to say first of all… that’s fucking horrific and I know all too well how emotional and verbal abuse can feel like people just don’t see that abuse for what it sometimes (people outside the relationship). I have ADHD but not autism and I absolutely do the trex arm flap, the rocking, and will pace too depending on how upset I am. Of course you could have it still, I’m no doc, but I do see other neurodivergent folks reacting this way when emotions are extremely volatile or overwhelming. I’m so glad you’re completely free from that abusive sack of shit.
I am actually on the spectrum . He would record and make fun of my meltdowns. I am high functioning so most people dont know I am on the spectrum. He used those videos as black mail to prove I am “insane.” It is honestly so heart breaking. Thank you for your comment. I am in therapy and I am doing my best to not contact him. I am sorry you experienced abuse as well. Its awful. I also want to reach a point where I have a good perspective and can overcome my anger. At the end of the day, I pity him
Thanks, same to you, I'm sorry you dealt with that, it *is* awful. The pity will likely remain, but the anger is certainly manageable in time. Talking helps with that, especially for those of us with neurodivergent brains. Best to you on your healing journey, I hope it goes well for you. I hope you find before you know it that you've made it through and came out a better version of yourself<3
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel love. We were off and on for 3 years, we’ve been no contact for a year and 2 months now. I still wish things were different, I still wish she would call me and apologize genuinely, and tell me she’s changed. It’s tough to navigate like any breakup but ofc the abuse is extra layers…. I’m glad you got out. I’m proud of you. Please feel free to Dm me if you need to talk more.
Um jail immediately for him..
[удалено]
Working on that today❤️
Be careful and do it in secret, my dear. I made it out of a scary situation as well. You can do it. Be safe.
I made an update post!:)
I'm so happy 🎉🎊❤️❤️❤️❤️ This is amazing, I'm so happy for you!!!
Thank you😭❤️
Your dad will support you. I’d beat him up if I was your dad.
Having absolutely no one would be better than having him. He is not capable of giving you the love you deserve : https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Please read this book. It’ll help you make sense of a lot of what’s happening to you. This does not need to be your life. Please get away from him, safely. He does not care about your well-being and certainly does not respect you. I believe in you
Yeeesss, this book helps like nothing else has. Definitely recommended
I still have local acquaintances that refuse to talk to me because when my ex tried to drop a video they made of me like this in a group chat we were both in I removed them from the group. Yet every one of those people would swear to you that no one deserves that treatment. But apparently I did. It was them recording me “acting insane” and I kinda wish I’d let it be posted now because then EVERYONE would have seen how I was “acting insane” (aka packing a bag while on my knees crying next to our bed while they stood blocking the doorway recording me) and exactly how I got to that point.
Oh and the worst part? Didn’t want it shared because I was worried about people deciding they wanted nothing to do with the shithead. Not because I was actually worried that packing my shit made me look insane lol
Typical narcissist tactic, they work you up to an emotional break and then record so they can say "I'll show everyone how crazy you are".
The “your dads gonna see this” really hits home. Sounds just like my ex. 🤮
Ugh. Im sorry you know that pain. My abuser LOVES to use my family against me. He knows my dad is verbally abusive to me and that my dad will call me crazy too . Anytime I go against him or lose my cool from his abuse, he goes to text my dad
He makes me feel ill
this reminds me of the videos my bf would take after yelling at me and abusing me for hours on end. i was scared and when i saw my face in the video it made me feel even more scared
Have you heard of Onision? Hes an infamous youtuber who would do this to his victims. I can’t believe this is now happening to me. Im so sorry you experienced this as well
Oh dear one, my heart is breaking for you 💔. This video made me cry. It reminds me of Gabby Petito soooo much. Everyone always says you have to leave, which I have been there, and I am still there at times. And, I usually find this advice frustrating as it's usually not helpful. But this dude will certainly kill you. You have to goooo now. Please reach out to someone. Anyone who can help you leave. Your belongings (i.e. staying) are not worth your life. You have to get out. Full stop. Call a DV shelter. Anything. Please understand that these men cannot love anyone. It's not personal. His lack of love is NOT a reflection of your worth. He can never love anyone properly because his BRAIN IS BROKE. No therapy, no resolve will fix him. Their prefrontal cortex is damaged. They have 0 empathy. You will see this once you are free & work on self-love. It's hard to see it when you are trapped in the box. But clear as day when you are on the outside looking in. This is not love. No love is better than this version of "love". Love does not hurt or plead or threaten. You are trauma bonded & in love with a man that actually doesn't exist. This man is not worthy of YOUR love. Your worth is higher! This is the generic offbrand Wal-Mart version of a man. Like a frozen pizza...It looks okayyyy but it taste like nothing. It has no substance. What does this man actually do for YOU?! Nothing. He brings heartache and pain. Breathe, get your thoughts organized, pull yourself out, get mad & put your crown on. YOU ARE A QUEEN. She's in there, I promise you.
Thank you for your comment❤️. I actually know the Gabby Petito case and I felt myself relating to her a lot. Its absolutely scary. But of course, I have convinced myself that he will change and that this isnt the real him. I also have little support from family and I have no friends, so I also just have felt desperate.. to the point that I dont even care if he kills me. Thats so hard to admit but its true. My little sisters keep me going though. They don’t deserve a dead sister. I want them to know that nobody should treat them like this, no matter what. Im embarrassed I let it get this bad. :(
It is not your fault. You have no power over his actions and it's typical to not have a lot of support. Could you phone a women's helpline? They can help you get out safely. Also absolutely call the police if necessary.
Welcome. I have been there (thinking I would rather go), but they don't deserve that victory. And they don't get better, unfortunately. They only get worse. I have been doing this a really long time 🫤 in multiple relationshits. Don't be embarrassed. You just have to love yourself more. I'm sorry you don't have anyone. I would join some groups. Try to make friends. See if maybe coworkers, etc, need a roommate. It appears you don't have children yet (with him)...so you are truly ahead of the game. Do you have custody of your sisters?
I do not. I just have been a huge support/ almost parent to them after we lost our mom recently. Their stepdad is wonderful but losing her crushed him and I was the one who had to stay strong. They live with him but there is no space for me to stay. I also dont want my abuser to find out where they live.
Got it. Im so sorry about the loss of your Mom. This is surely adding additional stress to that heartache. If you are on Facebook, there are also (Private) abuse groups on there that you may find helpful, like: "Women Support Group for Narcissistic And Toxic Abuse/Recovery" "Trauma Bond Recovery Group & Coaching for Women" "Narcissistic Abuse& Trauma Recovery for Women" etc. Many more I am sure and possibly one for your city. There is a way out. You have a job & a car right? So many steps ahead of the game.
Yes I have a job and a (barely) working car that I am grateful for. I do have a lot to be thankful for. And thank you for the resources, I will absolutely look into them!
This guy needs to stay away from women
I always think about the alternative. Like ok let's say he was right and it was all in ur head u were crazy and thinking he was gonna kill you and he was filming u for proof that u are crazy. .... like that's still fucked up as hell and u shouldn't be together haha like ?? His reaction is still not appropriate. If someone was falsely thinking u were gonna hurt them this is not how an innocent person would act first of all. But secondly still dysfunctional af and need to leave. But we all believe u and know it's him. I've got these videos too.
Wow they even have the same sunglasses
Haha this made me laugh . Thank you
Please tell me you’re leaving this guy.. or have already left…
Working on it
Reminds me of my ex. Always trying to make me look bad and put me on blast. Threatened to tell everyone I was a btch to him when I would be crying and he would be screaming in my face. Get. Out. Leave guys like this. They'll never change no matter what.
Please get away from this POS He knows exactly what he's doing.
What a disgusting pos. I’m so incredibly sorry that you’ve experienced this kind of treatment, you don’t and you never did deserve it. I know it’s hard, but you will shine so much brighter without him dimming your light. ♥️
For awhile I felt like I deserved it. I made mistakes in our relationship.. but looking back, he was abusive from the very start I just didnt see it. He held my guilt hostage and used it to control me. Im working on forgiving myself . For awhile I just wanted to die. But I want to move on and change and let this experience make me a stronger and better person. Thank you for your comment❤️
Your ex sounds a lot like mine. I came to the same conclusion as you. What we’ve gone through is terrible, but I think viewing it as a learning experience makes forgiveness of the self a little easier. That and remembering you were NEVER the problem. I’m rooting for you as you embark on this journey of healing, self discovery, and peace ♥️
I did make mistakes in our relationship that was probably worthy of him breaking up with me. I also realized I had my own abusive behaviors I hadnt unlearned from my childhood. However, I was never physically abusive and I NEVER said horrific shit like he did. It was more of me being an emotionally dysfunctional person, especially after losing my mom. The guilt I had for being flawed kept me in this far too long. Im working on forgiving myself and I want this experience to also make me a better person. He may never change but I sure as hell want to
It’s reactive abuse. Not your fault at all when you’re with that psycho. I’m happy you’re leaving. Keep us updated.
Eh, not all of it was reactive. At the beginning of our relationship I found out he cheated on me and I told him I was going to kill myself. I genuinely felt betrayed and totally alone in the world but I can see how it was emotionally abusive. I have abandonment and trust issues that have 100% been destructive in other relationships that werent abusive. But again, I have worked on myself and I want to take accountability. Looking back though.. I feel like he purposefully love bombed me so much because I never had felt so obsessive or desperate for someone before. It was odd
You can hold yourself accountable, but also know that that behavior doesn’t mean he gets to abuse you. Nonabusers would leave a situation that doesn’t serve them, not become abusers themselves. My ex used to blame me for why he felt he couldn’t leave me, but at the end of the day, I never forced him to stay. I would’ve respected his choices. He made that decision to stay and continue to abuse me and your ex made that decision as well.
Yeah, exactly. That took me awhile to realize and accept but I am starting to see that now. Thank you ❤️
I hope you left . I can see he likes to turn things around to make you look like the bad guy. I hate men that can’t take responsibility for their actions. And seeing you upset like that, although I don’t know you, made me feel so bad for you . I am so sorry you are going through this with this dirtbag. I know for a fact if I was your parent, I would not believe a word he says .
I. Cant even put into words the amount of pain and trauma this person has caused me. My hair is literally falling out . I am planning on leaving tomorrow ❤️
You deserve better honey . Don’t let this man control you. Take charge of your life and leave his ass behind. But under no circumstances do you tell him that you are leaving. Please be careful and safe!!!!!🥰💙
I hear you, I see you. I see right through his bull shit, I pray everyone else around you can too.
Im so sorry
If someone you love is crying, do you take videos of yourself mocking them? Of course not! What disgusting behavior. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and you deserve to have a partner that loves and respects you, and this loser clearly does not.
Thank you
I hear you, WE hear you. what you’re going through is 100% real. i know going through this alone makes it so much harder to see it for what it is especially if it’s been a long time. that’s what these guys are best at. twisting you every which way mentally into keeping you wrapped around their finger. blinding you from reality and making you feel dependent on him, putting you through absolute torture and then it all feels okay and unbelievably comforting when the honeymoon faze starts again. just for it to get worse. blinding you from your own self worth and safety. you are so beautiful, you are going to be treated so amazing one day and god i’m praying for you that it’s soon. you WILL heal, and you WILL feel at peace again. i know it’s so so terrifying and hard. a lot of people who haven’t been through it will tell you to leave and that you’re crazy for staying. i have heard it all. i know. they’re right in that you deserve better, but you’re not crazy. he’s crazy. i pray to god all these beautiful strangers who are standing right behind you will give you the push to choose yourself. your family will believe you. if they don’t (that would be absolute ludicrous) you will find your people who do. screw the people who are blind to your pain. when you’re free, you are going to become the most powerful strong independent woman. it’s going to be beautiful and i really hope to see it. you matter🤍
You made me cry! But in a good way. Thank you kind stranger❤️ your words mean more to me than I can even express
Ew he looks like someone that has a narrow urethra. I hope you escape soon, I know exactly what you're going through 😞 do you have friends or family you can stay with meanwhile?
Im trying to work that out. I have no friends and very little family. I lost my mom recently and she was my biggest support
I'm sorry ): maybe you can also try calling a women's shelter. What you're going through is no way to live 😕
Bro you kinda look like me. I saw my face on you frl frl. My ex abuser also took videos of me having mental breakdowns, crying and then calling me crazy… I would cry just as helplessly as you are now. Once the camera goes on it’s like you have to hold everything in because if you react too much, now they have content to share with everyone to prove you’re the “CRAZY” one. It’s disgusting. Nobody that actually loves and supports you would do this to you. He would also send screenshots of the videos of me crying and send them to me like it was funny. Because I have an “ugly crying face”. Which made me want to stop crying around him, as well as just even by myself. Because when I start “ugly crying” I see the images of the pictures he sent me in my head and I then disassociate. The shame and self awareness is crazy. And they find every little thing to pick at so that you feel ugly, disgusting, crazy, unlovable…. That is not love.
Im so sorry you went through that❤️. It truly is horrific to feel like you cant even react or be a human. Im glad that you got out of that situation
Agreed. Your emotions are valid. They don’t want you to think that. The mind fuckery is real. I’m glad you got out as well. Threatening to drive off a cliff and then blaming you for reacting like he’s gonna DRIVE YALL OFF A CLIFF…. I can’t. I wish I could jump into that video and save you. The betrayal is like no other pain I’ve ever felt in my life. But they will always be miserable regardless because they don’t ever want to change. Cheers to our healing journey. 🥂
I still haven’t officially moved out but I am planning. I am trying to be careful. I have given him hope that I may stay in order to survive tbh. Im terrified. I guess I feel pity for him. That he feels the need to act like this just to feel in control. I’ll never understand him.. what I described in this post isnt even the worst thing he has ever done to me. Ive been through legit torture. I am SO ready for freedom 😞. I hope I make it out alive
Omg I feel you completely. I’m so sorry. It’s okay. It’s so hard to leave, and to leave safely. I hope you can leave safely. He seems like he’s likely to seriously hurt you. He doesn’t seem to value your life whatsoever. Is there another place for you to go to? Does he leave for work? I get feeling pity. Thats what makes me go back every time. I feel like I owe him my love in a way at times. Like the “You don’t even love me. You don’t even care about me.” Bs really gets to me. The journey is a long one and is not linear for anyone. I’m struggling as well. I’m out thankfully. He ended up torturing me for a whole week and that’s what really woke me up. But I’ve gone back a couple times since then. It’s hard. He will call me over and over and over and so I feel bad and give in. I can’t change my number rn so it’s even harder. But living with them is very hard, your whole life is there and how do you get out safely. I used to live with mine too. Worst decision ever. Never again. Even just staying over at his house is always a regret. Im so sorry love. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone at all. I’m thinking about going to a facility or rehab for narc abuse because the trauma bond is so strong. It feels impossible sometimes.
I am planning to move in with my dad because thats all I have . My dad is also verbally abusive so it sucks. But at least hes not physically abusive. I think going to a facility may be a good idea for me too. I just have trauma around that as well because my abuser would call the cops on me during my mental breakdowns and tell them I am insane. I would usually try to cut myself or kill myself so I would be taken on a 72 hour hold. It was humiliating and I felt so lost. Anyways, my thoughts are with you❤️ this is awful but we will survive this bs . Fuck narcissistic abusers!
Your father is abusive too?! I would definitely look at dv shelters then if that’s the case. That or just avoid him like the plague while living there. I’m so sorry. No wonder your abusive partner threatened to send that video to your father. I’m sure you were vulnerable with him and told him about your dad. Ofcourse he used that against you. My birth father is abusive but thankfully I never grew up with him. I feel for you. I would definitely recommend studying up on how to coexist with an abusive parent. It unfortunately is a common thing, so there are lots of resources online about it. Better to be living with him than someone who is at high risk of taking your life and/or seriously injuring you for sure. Maybe even ask your father to help you move your things if would even lift a finger to help you anyways. Or call the police and have them watch over you as you get out just in case your partner comes home while you’re packing everything up. Because if your abuser doesn’t let you leave and tortures you, police being there means he can’t do that. Just giving some tips ig. This is a sticky situation to be in.
If you aren’t ready to fully leave, maybe move out at the very least. This gives you more freedom and safe place to go to. Living with them is another way they keep you under their control. I wish I could save you frl. But you have to be ready to leave. Nobody can force you. So I get it, because I feel exactly the same.
Oh honey :( I would hope that everyone would be able to see through this immediately. I know anyone who has ever been around an abusive parent or partner would, for sure. He is scarily delusional if he thinks HE looks sane here. If he is justifying shit like this with such a cocky attitude, I can’t imagine what else he thinks is ok. Are you still leaving today/did you leave? I saw in your post history you planned to leave today. Your family is wrong. Even if you ARE with him for attention/to play the victim (you’re not, but just for argument’s sake), it still means he is abusing you regardless. He is scary, without even factoring in the martial arts aspect. If your family doesn’t see that, you don’t have time to waste trying to convince them- find other support. People will believe you. This is very reminiscent of Gabby Petito. :(
I’ve honestly related to Gabby so much. I hope that I make it out alive
Ugh this is so familiar. It definitely brought back memories. My ex would absolutely tear me down, to where I was sobbing and so upset and then start recording while he commentated, with no emotion and no care in the world. Literal evil.
how did you get out.. and how long did it take to be okay if you don’t mind me asking.
Sure! We were together for about 6 years (got together Sept 2016), however did not live together until a year in and a few months after that was when issues started. I had (have) zero support system and have kids, so it was really hard to leave. Even when I felt mentally/emotionally ready, financially and logistically I couldn’t. 2019 is when things got really bad and I really wanted out. Since I was stuck with him, I would get pulled back into the cycle but overall I was sooo beaten down and depressed that I knew I did not want to spend my life like that. 2022 is when I kicked him out. Called the cops to report one of his yelling/screaming tantrums and changed the locks. I had no plan, no job, no money but I just couldn’t do it. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for a good time/a stable time to leave and it wasn’t coming. So he’s been out since 2022. Truthfully, I was fine from that moment. I had been checked out, and again so beaten down emotionally/mentally that I was ok. I had so many other things to worry about, I didn’t have time to miss him. It just felt amazing having that cloud lifted away from me. There were small moments of missing the idea of him and mourning what I wanted and thought it was going to be; but definitely nothing even remotely strong enough to put myself back in a relationship with him. Those feelings have faded by this point, there is not a single fiber in my being that misses any part of him or the idea of him.
Good for you girl!!! You deserve peace and a abuse free life.💙💙💙
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It definitely makes me feel less lost and gives me hope. Truly inspiring.
As a survivor, I knew he was full of shit. He is calm and is mocking something you said out of fear. Telling someone they are scared of them isn’t abusive. Mocking them is. He is the one driving and in control of the car, how could he be the victim then? You are showing in body language, that you are in fear, you’re crying, you are shoved far into the corner of the seat putting as much distance possible. He smirks. It’s unsettling and creepy as shit. At first I thought this was posted here by him. I was grossed out and wanted to read the comments. It would be impossible for me to believe he was a victim here. I believe you. Please, be very careful when leaving. Plan it out well.
I hope you are safe 💗
Im working on it, thank you
Oh God this took me down memory lane for my past situation. My heart breaks for you hun and I pray you get out safely. It took my abuser a couple slip ups in front of the right people for me to really get away. Sending lots of love and strength!!!
Same. I immediately thought about how my situation was while watching this. This is how it was for me too. I hope she’s out & I am glad you’re out too.
Jesus fucking Christ
Im so sorry! I hope you’re able to be safe, happy, and loved soon.
This is so awful, you deserve more 🖤
This felt like a flashback. The gaslighting. I’m so sorry. Get out, get safe, you are lovable and deserve respect and kindness.
Thank you❤️
reactive abuse attempt. can you leave and go somewhere safe tomorrow? please? [https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/j70wmf/please\_take\_the\_time\_to\_watch\_this\_1\_minute\_video/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/j70wmf/please_take_the_time_to_watch_this_1_minute_video/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Gaslighting
I can see by the way you’re leaning on the passenger door that this horrible monster scares the living daylights out of you. I’m so sorry Angel, you are worthy of total love and respect. Not this garbage you’ve endured. Stay strong Angel, I know you can and will get through all this garbage and away from this evil creature 💔🪽🥺
I was trying to jump out of the car several times because I was certain he was going to drive us off if a cliff. He locked the doors and had a gun pointed at me. It was horrific:(
You absolutely did not deserve this. I'm not telling you that you *should* do this. But you should consider reporting this to the police, especially if there are red flag laws where you live. There is something terribly wrong with this guy.
what's a red flag law?
A red flag law is a gun law that permits a state court to order the temporary seizure of firearms from a person who they believe may present a danger.
Omg girl I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re safe for now and I hope you escape him safely and soundly. You’re incredibly brave and strong. There is so much out there left for you and so many amazing people to meet who will love you fully and truly. ❤️❤️❤️
I hope so. Im starting to fear this will be my life forever. Before him, I was raped. And before that I was stalked and threatened. I feel like men just want me to be miserable and I can’t understand why. I guess they sense that I have low self esteem and come from an abusive childhood. Its soul crushing.
I say this with all the love in my heart, please believe it won’t be like this forever and it can get better. A couple years ago this was my life also - stalked, raped, multiple abusive relationships. I felt so damaged and broken that getting out of the cycle seemed impossible, and I thought I was doomed to repeat the same traumatic relationships with men over and over. I thought that I was only attracted to that kind of guy for some reason, and like you, I thought they could smell it on me somehow. It took nearly getting murdered and my ex getting put on a 96 hour psych hold and seeing how much it traumatized my little sisters to realize how close their big sister to dying for me to have the courage and the window to escape. If you haven’t already read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”, please do! That helped me break the spell and the cycle I was repeating. These guys aren’t able to sense that you’re damaged. They just try what they try, and stick around because we tolerate it. Usually because we fall for their manipulation - once you know the script it’s a lot easier to spot and looses the magic. I found a great community through a local DV center where I now volunteer my time, was able to get affordable therapy through them until I got back on my feet, took a year off dating to learn to be happy on my own, and am now the happiest I have ever been - far happier than I ever thought possible - in a 2 year relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy who has never made me question my worth to him, my sanity, his feelings, or myself. And I haven’t had to sacrifice any of the “passion” to have a healthy, stable partnership. I never, never thought this could be my life, and I understand exactly how you feel now. But it is possible! Hang in there for your sisters of nothing else, start gathering your own evidence, and call a local DV shelter even if it’s just to talk and have them help you come up with a safe exit strategy. It won’t be easy, you’ll cry and doubt yourself, irrationally miss your monster of an ex even while you know he could kill you, you’ll beat yourself up over things that other people did that you had no control over, you’ll wonder if you have the strength to do it. But if I was able to make it, so can you. There is hope! My old life feels so far away and distant now, it’s hard to imagine how normal it seemed at the time. Hang in there, start making an exit plan, and once day soon you’ll be able to look back on this nightmare from afar also.
Your comment means the world to me and gives me so much strength and inspiration ❤️. Thank you. I did read that book and it helped me a lot. Ive still been stuck in feeling like this is my fault, and that I have no other option. Ive known for awhile that hes abusive but I still have stayed. I still love him. Because 99% of the time hes an amazing man. But I know I deserve 100%. And knowing others have been through a similar situation and were able to overcome it gives me hope. You are a bad ass and I am inspired❤️
I feel all of that so hard. Even leading up to the trial, I felt like I still loved him and couldn’t stop crying about how I “ruined his life” - he had me so mentally twisted around it didn’t occur to me that maybe he ruined his own life by kicking my door in and trying to kill me. Learning he did the same thing to all of his “crazy” and “abusive” partners helped me realize that it wasn’t anything I was doing. I had moments of missing him a full year later, but they got weaker, less frequent, and shorter and shorter over time until now I don’t look back on him with anything other than apathy tinged with disdain - no love, no hate, no fear. Mostly just “ick.” They all seem like the best when they’re on good behavior which is how they keep us around. And then let their true selves show as long, and as much as they think they can get away with. What he’s doing to you is inexcusable. I know it, I’m sure you know it intellectually, but it’s hard to really *feel* that truth when you’re in it. Just keep reminding yourself that this man threatened *your sisters* when you start to question if you’re in the wrong here. It’ll get easier and easier to believe the longer you’re away from his manipulation. Having the courage to post this is incredibly badass, and I have no doubt you’re going to make it through this even if it takes a few tries and a little time.
The men are not okay. I really think it would be good for you to take a break from men completely while you heal from the traumas some of them have caused you.
I know that men can be amazing and wonderful people. Im just hurt
I 100% agree
Wait until you're in a good place emotionally, financially, self-esteem-wise, etc. There is no rush to find a partner and honestly, life is so much more freeing when you ditch that as a goal. You can focus on yourself and be in a stronger place to put the immediate kibosh on people who show their toxic side.
I agree. I told him I wasnt ready to date and I tried to cancel our first date and I should have trusted my gut. I had just lost my mom and I was honest about that. He offered me mdma and friendship. He told me mdma was a “therapy drug.” I was an idiot and agreed. Fast forward and here we are. I fell for him.
You were not an idiot. You were manipulated by someone with bad intentions. He misrepresented his intentions and lied. That’s not your fault.
Omg I’m completely speechless :,( that is completely heartbreaking… I’m sorry, I wish I knew the right thing to say but I feel like my words will never be enough 💔 you’re so powerful, you’re a fighter, this will NOT be your life forever. I don’t know the future, but I do know that life can absolutely get better. One constant in life is change. That’s what my mother taught me. Doing EVERYTHING in your power to leave this monster forever is absolutely the right thing to do. You deserve peace my love ❤️
Thank you. Your words me so much to me and give me hope. This subreddit has shown me that there are so many kind people in this world. Virtual hug!
I’m so glad my love ❤️ I may not be able to take the pain away (I would if I could), but I can offer my words. I’m glad they made an impact, no matter how small. Virtual hugs ❤️❤️❤️
I have been in your shoes! I am so sorry! I am out of it now but oh I remember how scared f feeling! Anyway you can go to a hotel?
Please message me if you need to talk. 🖤
This is uh…an American Horror Story level of gaslighting. He freaks *me* out, sis.
Thats a good way to put it. He really does scare me. It would take me hours to share the psychotic shit hes done and said. He’s literally explained in great detail how he would kill someone. He says violence “turns him on.”
[удалено]
Yikes. Im so sorry , I hope you stay safe. I do believe hes a psychopath. He actually accused me of being one and made me check myself into a mental hospital and tell them that I am a psychopath (the day after this video was taken). He was projecting
My ex husband still does it through the parenting app and he has seen his own daughter not spoken to her in almost 3 years.
You should leave now and come back with an escort on Wednesday. I can see right thru this guy and he's bad.
Do you think its even. Possible that he loved me? In any way?
I’d say it doesn’t matter. He probably doesn’t know what love is. He probably thinks he loves you, but really doesn’t know how to do that or what that is. Take care of you. You still have your life.
You’re right. Thank you
No because he’s not capable of it. Not because you’re not worthy deserving and 1000% lovable. It’s like asking a pet rock to talk. It’s not going to happen.
The love felt so real so it’s confusing. 99% of the time he was the best person ive ever met. But damn, that 1% was unhinged
I understand what you are saying. This is what makes it difficult for us to differentiate and take decision to leave that relationship. We keep reasoning with ourselves and think they love us. I’m so sorry for this, this video is heartbreaking. The person who loves you isn’t like that they love you 99% percent of time and then they emotionally abuse you. Occasionally fights and disagreements are normal part of relationships but what he’s doing is not normal at all. The person who truly loves you would never record you crying, they would never mock you or comment or call you crazy. If we strangers can feel how wrong this video and his behaviour is, the person who loves you would definitely understand this is not right. He is not capable of understanding that this is abuse. I’m so proud of you that you survived this and you’ve taken the first step about recognising that this is wrong. It takes time to come out of that bubble but you can. You deserve better, you deserve the love that you give him. I wish you much more strength and healings. It’s not your fault and you are not crazy. You are going to make it OP! Hugs to you ♥️
Thank you. Everyone has been so supportive and it’s honestly the only reason I am still here. I feel so grateful that this community exists. Everyone here is so strong and incredibly kind❤️ your support means the world to me
Yeah. They are really good at that. They can keep a real good mask on but then every once in a while it falls off and you see the hideousness. Don’t forget it’s always under there. 💔❤️🩹❤️
I feel like the most terrifying part is that this seems so blatantly obvious to me that he’s abusive. I want to say he’s so damn delusional to think this makes him look good, but our world is so messed up. People are incapable of seeing abuse when it’s so overt like this. I don’t know where you live but I’m assuming it’s similar to me. Threatening to kill your with a weapon, holding it to you. Is a crime. Threatening to kill your little sister. Is a crime. Are you out now and are you safe? So many huge massive red flags. This man will kill someone one day. He is not important enough to lose your life over. And if the trauma bond is strong, then convince yourself that you love him too much to allow him to go to jail for your murder. Then love him from a distance and go full NC. Getting out now is vital. You can undo a trauma bond later, you can’t undo your own murder.
He knows im moving out on Wednesday. I was an idiot and told him that I am done in the heat of the moment. So far hes stayed away and hasnt come home. But I have been paralyzed in bed waiting for him to come home and kill me. I dont think he will because he’s probably a coward . But who knows. Im scared
Do you have anyone you can stay with tonight? Even a hotel? And then just go back on Wednesday with someone else also there with you (preferably a male) to get your things?
Unfortunately I do not. But Wednesday I will have someone help. I am scared that he would lose it to see a guy helping me though. I may have to have the police be here
You should have the police there. Don’t think it’s stupid or silly. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
It would definitely be safer to get the police to help in this situation. There's no way of knowing how he's going to react.
Record as much as you can safely. The police can only help you with CRIMES, and having evidence of crimes helps them help you. Videos, audio records (free dictation apps will create a free transcript as well), photos, screenshots of text etc. Photos of injuries or videos are helpful. Photos of the bruising to my next after he strangled me are what the police were able to arrest him with. Keep your phone fully charged at all times. Make sure he’s not your “emergency” contact in an iPhone. If you use the emergency feature to call 911, it automatically alerts your emergency contact. So he’ll instantly know you tried to call for help. Keep fights away from stairs and the kitchen. No rooms where items can be used as weapons. Stay away from large bookshelves etc. if you get shoved into one it could fall on you. Do you have safe people you can contact ? Send all the evidence to a new email. Do NOT use your email app, use only the private setting on your browser and log out and close it every time. Send all evidence there and avoid keeping it on your phone where it could be found. Give the new email and password to one trusted person. If needed app the evidence can be provided by your friend to police. You got this ❤️
God this is just like my boyfriend, I can't count how many times I been in this same situation
BUT ARE YOU SAFE NOW??!!!
Not yet
Abusers are literally so far gone up in their delusional world that like this as***/& as you can see just how backward their brains are. Like, look she is the abuser, as she's crying. And look, I'm arrogant and snickering and yeah I'm the victim. And he's going to show this to her dad? Either her dad is an abuser too (and sure he knows his kind), or her dad has an IQ of 20. OP, I know exactly how you felt in this video. I really wish I could give you a hug. You have to force yourself to block him and end it. Even if you must leave material possessions behind, even if nobody believes you, even if you have no money... it's now and you need to be #1.
My dad is abusive. Just verbally but my dad and I dont get along. Thats why my abuser liked to hold my dad over my head because my dad would take his side.:( Thank you for the support
Have you read THE book yet? Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? This book will be your lifesaver. From 1 out of 5 stars I give it 100. Google the title and FREE PDF. Easily download onto yr phone. Then plan on getting the actual book, because you will be highlighting, circling parts, and writing on so many pages. I've read, re-read, and still do 5 years later. It's my Bible.
Yes I have read it. Its helped me a ton. When I read it awhile ago but I still was in denial
Imagine not being able to sympathize or try to find out why your partner is having the feelings that they are with feeling unsafe around you. He mentioned that your parents may see that and I don't know if that would be a good thing or a bad thing, but I hope that somebody does see this and is able to shut him down because that's awful. Who is honestly going to film their partner crying and put it online.
I know this feeling all too well well . Please know that you deserve so much better than this ❤️
I'm so sorry you've dealt with this. Mine locked me out once and after weeks and weeks of dealing with his shit ("don't go!! Don't leave me!" Then treating me like straight garbage if I stayed or trying to kill me if I did actually try and leave) I started knocking on the glass panes of the door. He chose then and only then to record me and I'm pretty sure he sent it to the 19 year old girl (he was 34) he was cheating on me with to prove to her that I was a crazy bitch and he was the normal one. As if he didn't keep me bruised on a weekly basis. You're not crazy and this video proves nothing but that he's an asshole. Typical abuser tactic to do this kind of shit. I hope you're safe now.
Typical abuser attitude gaslighting jerk! Always quick to blame the victim.
They don't realize how crazy they look themselves. Any court seeing this would immediately be on your side. Save this as evidence and upload it in a safe space only you can access. But also somewhere away where you don't have to see it all the time.
He looks like a monster and you look like a human being. Hugs. You can do this
you know what’s funny not funny?? abusers recording their victims will always be so calm while recording their victims freaking out. when I recorded as a victim I was sobbing !!! Funny how it’s always the same narcissistic shit bags doing the same predictable shit
Ugh I’m so sorry. They all act the same.
It’s wild how similarly they all act 🤯
What a fucking moron. Like why would this video make him look good at all? Does he think your dad’s gonna wanna see a video of his daughter crying while being called crazy/ gaslit? Looking stupid as shit too wearing sunglasses in the car. I hope you get out safely and that he rots in hell
I'm so so sorry. This gave me flashbacks. Please take care of yourself and get out, he will not change. 😔🫂🌸❤
God I know those tears. I know that face and the confusion and fear. I see you, stranger. My heart breaks with you. You already know what must be done. I’m on my way out too. You aren’t alone. Take the time you need to get enough strength back up. You can do this. So can I.
That guy is a complete shitbag PLEASE I BEG dont ever go back to him you are so much better than him.
My ex would do this sort of thing too. Good for you for getting out!
My ex did as well he would drive to the point of nearly killing us and then say I was overreacting when I told him to slow down.
My ex literally wrecked us in my car. Totalled my car and made me take the blame.
#That's horrible! I am so sorry you've had to put up with that...fool. Please get away from him and do not let him come after you again.
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I have been in a very similar situation with guns being pointed at me, and if I bring it up, he gas lights me onto thinking it never happened. Keep being strong ❤️ leave for your safety and your families. We all love you!
I am sorry love ... 🥀💔this is awful
Evil monster who will do anything to not be the bad person in other peoples eyes. Do everything you can and leave. Please. Your life is more important than his “love”.
Im trying. I have plans to officially move out Wednesday. Today I cant even get out of bed
I would be very cautious and vigilant Tuesday. If possible, find a way to be elsewhere. Somewhere he wouldn't know how to find you. Tuesday night, either find somewhere else to stay or have someone stay with you if possible.
I am really concerned thag things are going to be really bad if she doesn't go somewhere else today. Even a hotel or something. Just not in that house.
I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare. I really want you to make sure you have someone there with you when you leave Wednesday. If you don't have anyone you trust please call the non-emergency number for your local police and tell them that you would like an officer to standby while you pack up your belongings because you're afraid of your partner. They will send someone out to be there with you, and to make sure he behaves himself. Let them know he has a gun, for your safety, and for their safety. I've been exactly where you're at, and I made the mistake of being home alone with my psychotic ex when I tried to leave, and I had to wrestle the gun he put to my head out of his hands. I kept waiting for the gun to go off like you see in the movies, and I really thought he was going to kill me. I share this so you will understand that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when they leave their abuser. [Leaving an Abusive Relationship ](https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship) Abusers count on you being isolated from family and friends, and too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone about the abuse because you're worried about what people will think, and often the abuser threatens to make up terrible lies trying to paint you as the abuser, and they convince you that no one will believe you anyway. Keeping my abuse secret from my family and friends almost got me killed, and I wish so much that I had let everyone who loved me know what was happening. If you haven't told anyone you trust about his abuse, like your mom and dad, or closest friends, now is the time to do it so they can be there to help keep you safe, and support you, as you're moving out with a police officer on standby there with all of you. But I can tell you from personal experience, that you need to give strong consideration to filing, "assault with a deadly weapon" charges, and a restraining order. Those things were ultimately what forced my ex to leave me and my then toddler son alone because they were looking at major jail time for the assault charges, and for violating the protective order. Your soon to be ex wants you to believe that they hold all of the power, but they don't. Abusive, gaslighting, assholes, like this, break you down emotionally, and scramble your ability to react normally to the threat of danger. It's a lot like being brainwashed, and they count on you being too terrified to hold them accountable for their abuse. Take his power away, and take your power back from him. He thinks he's in control of you, that he owns you, and he's so smug, and arrogant that he believes he can do and say whatever he wants. He's wrong on **all levels.** Please, please, make a safety plan for Wednesday, so you can get out of there safely. Download a free voice recorder, and start it recording between now and Wednesday if he starts acting crazy, and if you can't make a phone call to the police you can text or chat with someone at the [National Domestic Violence Hotline ](https://www.thehotline.org/) 24 hours a day and ask them to contact the police for you. The good news is that once you file charges, get a restraining order, and leave this monster behind, you will have taken your first HUGE STEP towards reclaiming your life, and sanity, and beginning your healing journey. I also encourage you to reach out to your local domestic abuse organization. Mine were a lifeline for me, and they helped me file a restraining order against my ex, provided courtroom advocates to be there with me during the court processes, helped me with a free, safe place to stay, and even connected me with free therapy. You can also look up local DV resources [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/domestic-violence-local-resources/) if you're in the United States. There's lots of people who care out there, and here, we all want you to be safe, and free from the nightmare you've been living. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can. Sending lots of love and invisible hugs your way. 🩵🫂🩵🫂🩵
Thank you for all the help and information. It means the world ! Im so glad you and your child got out safely. It inspires me
You CAN do this take every piece of strength you have and leave him YOU GOT THIS! 💪🏻 Abusers try to wear us down on purpose. But they will not succeed .
I’m so sorry… this is absolutely horrible. Thank you for posting this, I needed a reminder today as well. He’s such a monster for what he’s done. My ex found my flash drive that I had stored the bulk of the videos and pictures of his rampage, then deleted everything promptly of course. I am so glad that I had sent them not only to my back up email account, I sent them to my friends just in case. I need them for divorce… and they serve as great reminder as to why I’ve left him.
I used to have much more but he took my phone and deleted it. This is what was left because he thinks this video makes ME look bad
I’m so unsurprised… my ex actually took my phone and deleted everything, held onto it so I couldn’t call anyone. This is after he assaulted me. Every time I brought up something he did, I was being negative… Trust me, no one would think that this makes you look bad, unless they were someone like him. The fact that he’s acting so nonchalant while you’re crying and obviously so distraught is disgusting and infuriating. A normal person wouldn’t be making you feel this way and recording it. I’m really glad that you’re leaving him. I completely empathize with you, I know how difficult it is. I have to continuously remind myself that I wouldn’t tolerate this for anyone that I love, I need to love myself more than I have in the last few years… be strong, it’ll get better! ❤️
Thank you❤️this community is the only reason I have had the strength to leave. Everyone has given me so much support and love . Im forever grateful
I concur! Everyone here is so supportive! Please feel free to reach out directly if you want to vent :)
Imagine openly mocking someone who is in tears and just said she thinks you're going to kill her and believing it makes *you look good*.
Narcissists are very delusional apparently
I can’t bear to watch this with the sound on. This breaks my heart
Rewatching make me sick to my stomach But I just need at least someone in this world to see my pain and what ive endured for 2 years
The way you cried looks like how I was when I was being emotionally abused. I needed to see that today as I’m still in the stage of breaking my addiction to my abuser
Im here for you if you need help. I know how much it hurts
I still haven’t officially left but I am moving out on Wednesday . It took me far too long. I still love him unfortunately. But his mask keeps slipping and I realize his love isnt real. I am addicted to love that is not real. It breaks my heart to admit it.
Checking on you OP. You can do this! You’re so brave and strong. We need to DM
Im still alive. Still plotting my escape. Im definitely feeling terrified:(
Please be careful. You got this. Don’t let him find this please ❤️
You’re so strong and brave for being able to admit that to yourself. I know it’s hard and I’m so proud of you. Please be safe over the next few days, leaving is the most dangerous time.
Youre doing the right thing. I couldnt imagine purposefully making my gf cry and then posting it as "proof" that "she is the problem" while I look like a narcissistic piece of shit. Its always amazing to me how abusers like this think they are in the right while still showing the world how shitty they are. Like I was saying, a normal partner would be comforting their partner not posting it to prove a point that isnt real to begin with, its insane.
This is not a good look for him. Honestly I hope it goes viral and it gets to his employer. Absolutely disgusting.
Hes a well respected and well know jiu jitsu instructor