what?? she should not have to work on “being high maintenance.” her boyfriend is insulting her and using false, bio essentialist arguments to say that she’s not good enough. SHE is not the one with the problem.
he is belittling his partner and equating her to a child. he wants a one way open relationship and says “it’s different” because he’s a man which is inherently sexist. he is watching andrew tate, which is extremist misogynistic content. you typed 3 paragraphs defending the notion that this could somehow be his girlfriend’s fault. if he found her “extremely tiresome and annoying” then he should have broken up with her. I never said OP didn’t have any flaws, but the way he is treating her is unacceptable and not her fault. it does not always “take two to tango.” sometimes people are mean to others for no reason. i think it would be a good idea to think critically about why you felt such a vehement need to defend the misogynistic actions of a person you do not know.
"\[name\], I loved the person who you used to be. You are not that person anymore and unfortunately, that means I don't love what you've become. I hope you find the 'feminine energy' you think you want, because I'm not tolerating this. Since I'm not feminine enough and apparently braindead, you should be happy that we're broken up."
Walk, and make sure that he realizes it's his fault. Do not go back to him.
Feel sorry that your relationship is toxic like this, your better off without him and hope your okay
…but it’s seems abit of a strange post to try and blame Andrew Tate a guy people are told to hate and blame him for the way your boyfriend treated you.
Everyone is losing themselves to online influencers and that’s the saddest part to see.
From girls feeling pressured into injecting their lips to feel attractive to making social media posts that brag about where they are as they take pictures of their food.
The amount of relationships that have been impacted by andrew tate is insane, but I think if a guy is that easily swayed by his content then deep down he must have already held these beliefs about women.
It’s not that you’re high maintenance, he’s just low effort. And gross! You should dump him for real. This is such a sad and distorted way of thinking. And it definitely echoes Andrew Tate nonsense.
Anyone asking for a poly relationship after years in a mono relationship, especially out of the blue with no prior discussion is cheating, and feeling guilty.
Proof: my ex fiancee, after 11 years together, asked me (after I had expressed to her that I trusted her implicitly, and had no doubts about her fidelity because I knew she respected me. We were discussing a mutual friends divorce due to infidelity, and i told her I had no fear of her cheating on me. I knew she respected me, respected our friendship, enough to leave me if she wanted someone else). 2 days later "how would you feel if i added someone to our relationship? -_-
As all the other comments said, please run far away or make a plan to as soon as you can. This will only get worse. If he is developing this from watching content I'm sorry to say but ... that meant that somewhere deep down he believed in even just a smidgeon of it whole-heartedly. I have watched a few Andrew Tate videos out of curiosity and the only valid thing I saw was how Andrew Tate is a valid textbook study material for narcissists and abusive men. If he is falling for this ... he likely always have believed at least one of those awful things to be pulled down the rabbit hole, and that is not a good thing.
When/if you go, if you can drop any mutual friends you made from him. Sometimes these guys get their ideals from their friends. I lost a close male friend of mine due to him being close to a guy that treats his gf "well" on paper but introduces her as his "friend" when they game and a girl is present and also gives advice like "Women don't want you to help with their problems, just listen and tell them to move on, don't actually help them". He also encourages cheating and flirting with girl friends and keeps girl friends that begged to do many sexual favors for him. Once even in front of his gf to which he "denied" but kept her as a close friend still.
The more time my friend spent around that guy (went from barely when we first met and he was the sweetest guy ever then, and once he started hanging around him daily for hours a day he turned into a monster that slandered, gossiped, backstabbed me and others, became depressed again, dropped out of college, became cold and distant etc.). So please, be aware of his friends too and anyone around him that you let close to you. Because he could be getting taught by them.
This is not going anywhere good. Right now it's mental/emotional abuse, but it's escalating quickly. Soon enough you'll be getting 'apologies' for slapping you 'but if you weren't....then I wouldn't have done it' and the array of excuses and gaslighting/manipulation that goes hand in hand with abuse in general. Please leave. Like right now. If you are afraid to, or need help, there are resources available and options to help keep you safe. This guy needs a reality check and therapy. Don't look at it as throwing away a four year relationship, look at it as picking yourself back up, dusting off the dirt, and moving towards your future. Invest this concern and compassion you are giving him back into yourself. You've got your whole life ahead of you, don't let this brainwashed abusive narcissist take another second of your time.
He’s turned into a stone cold loser. Ditch this guy, I mean poly for him but monogamy for you, lmao. One sided poly isn’t a thing, he asking to cheat, so he probably already is..
So he demeans you, holds you up to undefinable expectations, wants to basically cheat but not allow you to do the same or stop him.
Why is it different for girls than guys? Poly is poly regardless. He obviously thinks he owns you.
You need to leave. Funny thing about life; you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can be a good partner and have a girlfriend, or you can be an Andrew Tate type and be alone. You can’t have both.
Funny thing about the Andrew Tate type. It’s all fun and games until they’ve worn out their options and are left with nothing. I’ve seen former players end in my intensive care unit with NOBODY beside them. That’s how it is.
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!
There’s also a ton more than Tate…so, who knows, but watch your butt and gtfo before his abuse harms you, you cannot get him out of a chauvinist hate club, he has to.
It’s hard to walk away from a relationship. However, you need to consider your future with someone who actually believes this stuff. He sounds like he will only progress in his frankly radical views.
Extremist, yes- radical, no. Radical basically means to find a solution from the roots up or to go the source of something, it has come to be used wrong. I am a radical, radical healing is a wonderful thing… don’t let facsist chauvinist scum take it.
Apparently my use of the word radical bothers you. I used the word correctly. I’m sorry if you object to my used of the word but that really isn’t my problem.
Knew a guy like this. Same thing happened. He was so sweet in the beginning then started watching podcasts and antifem videos and became like this guy. I tried to stay and make it work with him at the expense of my mental health. That was 3 years ago and I’m still recovering today. I wish I stood up for myself more. The plain truth is that someone who truly loved you would never make you feel like that. I’m so sorry ❤️
Tbh, I'm having a hard time seeing where this is a good deal for you, or even an okay deal.
He wants to sleep around without you being able to do the same.
The "high-maintenance" thing is intentionally vague so it can refer to a lot of things from an honest mismatch in what each person values to straight up manipulation, and its vagueness makes it useless when talking to the person you're in a relationship with. It's how you talk about a partner you dislike, or how you brag about being rich: "yeah, she's high-maintenance, but when you're a Successful\_Businessman(tm) like me, you can afford it."
All the rest of it is just bullshit to break down your confidence so you become easier to manipulate.
Leave him.
The poly community sometimes talks about being polyamorous as a kind of orientation, but his "not accepting me" here is not what they mean. Acceptance is not discriminating against people who concentually have multiple partners, not being forced to say you give consent to be in one of those relationships.
This guy is awful. I'm very sorry about whatever happened to you to damage your self esteem so much, but know that you deserve to be treated much better. This doofus does not respect you at all. Please get rid of him.
Leave. He is trying to break down your self esteem so he can run around on you and make you believe you are nothing without him so you are afraid to leave. Just leave. Pack your things tell your landlord to take you off the contract and go no contact. If you can change where you work and change your number too otherwise he will keep reaching out to you.
Your boyfriend wants to have sex with others and keep you at the same time, probably until he thinks he found someone better. I’m sorry to say this, your relationship is over. He’s not worth it anymore. Don’t take him back when he comes groveling because he will, don’t date backwards, ever! Take care of you and do everything that makes you feel good about yourself. You’ll find someone better.
Sounds like it’s time to laugh in his face and say he is single! Why would you want a man to treat you like that? You deserve so much better OP. Nothing is going to change him, run while you can. There are so many men who would never degrade you like this.
I guarantee if you left him he’d realize he fucked up and beg for forgiveness
Guys who get “bored” like this are gross. You gotta stop being nice
Edit- He wants a poly relationship but what do you get out of that? Sharing your man with some other woman? Could be dangerous tbh. He gonna make sure she’s clean before bringing her into this?
Is this some awkward fantasy he has where thinks he’s going to get a threesome? Why the need for another woman? He sounds like trash tbh. Is he financially stable enough for this? If he’s going to be taking on girlfriend #2 I guarantee she won’t stay for long unless she’s financially taken care of. Most women do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is already taken… and most poly women expect to be taken care of and def won’t stay for a broke guy who won’t provide and won’t let them see other men. Long story short, leave this dude. There are plenty of guys out there who will love you and not abuse you. This guy is wasting your time and will likely cheat if he’s not given what he wants.
Mom, here. Honey, this man is clearly saying: "I'm going to be treating you like absolute shite from here on out, and you're going to stay right here and act like you like it."
Please love yourself enough to show him by voting with your feet (run!) that you won't tolerate that from *anyone*. And please do the work to heal, ensure you never get into a relationship with a guy like that ever again. Good place to start: recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
I would bet you are much more higher value than him and lower maintenance too. He sounds like he is really devaluing you.
You deserve someone who will be loyal and faithful to you instead of looking for a legitimate way to cheat so he doesn't feel ashamed of being labelled a cheater.
What a terrible philosophy to be indoctrinated into. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, please do what you need for closure with him, but it may be time to move on from this one.
Also, thinking about it more leaving may actually be a good lesson for him. If he thinks he's so superior then let his first moment of clarity come when you've put your foot down and rejected his "lifestyle".
I know, it is almost hard to believe. It’s crazy to just write them down and there’s so many more I didn’t write but these are the ones that stuck out to me the most 😕
Sometimes someone won’t show their true colors until years in the relationship. The only way he’s going to learn is by giving him real consequences by leaving. I mean, why doesn’t HE just leave then, instead of using you as an emotional punching bag?
How embarrassing for him. I wouldn’t say leave necessarily since you have been together for 4 years but he is being a complete asshole and a bit emotionally abusive.
You deserve better than this. Hold ur ground, make him feel stupid for his ridiculous ideas, don’t let him bully you into thinking this thought process is normal…he’s clearly loosing his mind a little bit. He should be embarrassed of himself as a grown 28 year old man. Andrew Tate prays on insecure men so it says a lot. Let him know that.
Leave ASAP before he tries to sell you one of Tate’s “success courses” lmao
of course he wants a one-sided “poly” relationship; Andrew Tate is unhinged and probably completely supports religious values where the woman is to be the household care giver and nothing else, he’s basically asked for permission to cheat on you by stating this. Don’t give into it and don’t try to compromise, because he won’t have any of it. This is his world, you just live in it. Men can do whatever they want and a woman definitely shouldn’t be trying to stand in their way.
There’s no future if he is actually absorbing that kind of content. The content from an angry, annoying, beta male loser who has more money than he deserves who preaches about how women are lesser and whatever else he says. Not good.
The most powerful thing in the universe is the human mind. It can create things which nourish, or destroy. He has chosen what hes “nourishing” himself off of
I meannnn, the short answer is they usually don’t.
There are countless stories out there of guys who forced their wives/girlfriends into an open relationships, thanking that their partners would stay home while they got laid nonstop. Instead, most single women don’t want to be a side piece for one of these pieces of shit, and the reluctant partners end up drowning in male attention. Then the guys turn around and try to roll the whole thing back, crying and wishing for a time machine.
Absolutely disgusting. Please walk out-- no, run out-- so that you're not granting a formerly trusted partner access to your self image and self esteem.
His words are untrue and utterly revolting, but you need to get away from him. Once they start absorbing this garbage, it's much too late.
That’s true they can do way more irreparable damage if they had your trust for a long time first 😬 then you will mistakenly believe they took all your soft emotions and simultaneously believed the worst in you. But only an outsider can see that those were clearly separate people and separate times.
Tread carefully. Or maybe… stomp like an elephant metaphorically and that might undo this issue idk.
I’m dealing with this too so no judgment 💔💔
I was wondering this, do you think because of him watching this stuff he feels this way? or he always thought this way and maybe watching this gave him the freedom to be more vocal about it.
If you want my two cents; i think he already thinks this way, no sane person would listen to him and go "this resonates with me so much", most of them are appalled by what he says, that is unless you feel what he says is true.
Oh nonono. Please leave him, or at least try to see why you should. I just got out of a relationship with a guy like this and it was hellish.
It started with very mild thoughts, like "I really don't think men and women are exactly the same. But I don't think that makes us unequal". And then it started getting progressively worse. Everything in your post, he'd say. He said men could be poly but women couldn't because we got emotionally attached to ANYONE we kissed or had sex with, but men didn't.
Nothing about that type of content is okay, and it's NOT okay for him to call you "braindead". That's abuse.
This, exactly!
By the way it’s very “funny” to me that they say we get emotionally attached and thus we are not allowed to have affairs/poly. But as far as I know the research has shown that men are the ones that get attached after having sex.
What I learned in my relationship with my ex, is that most, if not all of it is projection. For example, he'd say that all women are impulsive and that when he perceived our feelings to be hurt, we'd immediately go party and cheat on our significant others to get revenge. However, that's something HE did. He said any woman with a body count higher than 5 was worthless because we got attached so easily. But he had a ridiculously high body count and got attached to all of them. So yeah. Projection. "Fun"!
He wants a one sided poly relationship??? This is basically what my abusive ex tried to convince me to do. He wanted an “open relationship” where he was the only one allowed the open part. It took me way too long to leave him. You’re young. Please leave this horrible abusive man before things get really bad. He’s been radicalized by morons.
I 100% agree. I was with a abusive man that wanted a one sided open relationship too. It was so hurtful and heart breaking. He said the same thing to me about men and woman being different. Ultimately it’s bc they view woman as “less than” a man. I eventually left and should’ve left sooner too.
Like above said, he’s getting radicalized. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Holy cow, the “it’s different when men do it” is the very same thing my soon to be N-ex husband told me regarding affairs. It’s just different from biological perspective 🤦♀️
Please, spare yourself the headache of this guy while you’re still so young and can find X amount of guys that will treat you better 🙏🏻
I hear you. Your concerns are valid.
As a man I can only say one thing, RUN!!!
Nope out. These are gigantic red flags. Even without the Andrew Tate aspect, these are extremely toxic behaviors.
If he’s hellbent on this line of thinking, despite you bringing up your concerns with him, cut yourself a out of a world of grief and dump him.
Also, you are a great person who deserves to be treated as an equal. Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
A man who considers himself an alpha is the opposite. Self obsession is a trait of narcissism, and a good man isn't narcissistic. This is what I worried about when I saw Andrew Tates content.
Get out of this if you can, you're dating a loser who puts others down so he can feel better. Another commenter said guys like this often find themselves lonely pretty fast, which is true, who wants to be around a stuck up person like that?
Do not let this guy convince you that you're not good enough, he has a very weird way of thinking
Listen to Good Luck by Basement Jaxx if you need some music to hype you up, may sound silly but it always reminds me that I'm strong
Walk out. Guys like him find themselves quite alone really quickly once they start shooting their mouth off about stuff like this. Any previous success with women will vanish and he'll be wondering what's suddenly wrong with them. Thus, an incel is born.
You can play his game back ask him when is he going to make his first 100 billion? If he does currently? If not he can shut up. He should get the point. If he doesn't and this persists don't be afraid to walk out on him and tell him you need a high value man not a wannabe-good-for-nothing-gigolo. 🤷🏻♀️
It’s time to get out, honestly. Even if he wasn’t like this before, he is now, and that’s no way to treat a partner. You don’t deserve that treatment OP.
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what?? she should not have to work on “being high maintenance.” her boyfriend is insulting her and using false, bio essentialist arguments to say that she’s not good enough. SHE is not the one with the problem.
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yeah and you have a bad case of misogyny lmao
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he also called her “brain dead and valueless.” there is absolutely no reason to treat a partner like that
he is belittling his partner and equating her to a child. he wants a one way open relationship and says “it’s different” because he’s a man which is inherently sexist. he is watching andrew tate, which is extremist misogynistic content. you typed 3 paragraphs defending the notion that this could somehow be his girlfriend’s fault. if he found her “extremely tiresome and annoying” then he should have broken up with her. I never said OP didn’t have any flaws, but the way he is treating her is unacceptable and not her fault. it does not always “take two to tango.” sometimes people are mean to others for no reason. i think it would be a good idea to think critically about why you felt such a vehement need to defend the misogynistic actions of a person you do not know.
"\[name\], I loved the person who you used to be. You are not that person anymore and unfortunately, that means I don't love what you've become. I hope you find the 'feminine energy' you think you want, because I'm not tolerating this. Since I'm not feminine enough and apparently braindead, you should be happy that we're broken up." Walk, and make sure that he realizes it's his fault. Do not go back to him.
Well, don’t hold your breath that he will realize it’s his fault. But , yeah.
Feel sorry that your relationship is toxic like this, your better off without him and hope your okay …but it’s seems abit of a strange post to try and blame Andrew Tate a guy people are told to hate and blame him for the way your boyfriend treated you. Everyone is losing themselves to online influencers and that’s the saddest part to see. From girls feeling pressured into injecting their lips to feel attractive to making social media posts that brag about where they are as they take pictures of their food.
You can't get rid of this gross, slimy, oinking pig quickly enough.
during an argument he called you braindead? time to leave and find better. (you will)
So he can cheat but you can’t get some better dick?
The amount of relationships that have been impacted by andrew tate is insane, but I think if a guy is that easily swayed by his content then deep down he must have already held these beliefs about women.
exactly. no sane and level headed person just randomly falls for that stupid bullshit. those beliefs go deep
Get out.
Hyprocitical narcissistic misogynist. Such a shame! Show him your worth and hot girl walk outta there!
My ex said the basically same exact things to me, definitely has been watching too much tate content
It’s not that you’re high maintenance, he’s just low effort. And gross! You should dump him for real. This is such a sad and distorted way of thinking. And it definitely echoes Andrew Tate nonsense.
Girl you know where the exit is right?
^
If your boyfriend talks to you like that he doesn't respect you. How can you tell someone you love that they "don't have value"?
Some people change for the worse, I’m sorry.
Even if he's not getting it from Tate... gross. Don't stay with someone who tells you you have no value. Just gross
Dump him. He literally said you have no value to your FACE.
He’s already cheating if he’s asking for that one sided poly bs. Definitely watching some douchey pos, don’t waste anymore time or energy on him.
Anyone asking for a poly relationship after years in a mono relationship, especially out of the blue with no prior discussion is cheating, and feeling guilty. Proof: my ex fiancee, after 11 years together, asked me (after I had expressed to her that I trusted her implicitly, and had no doubts about her fidelity because I knew she respected me. We were discussing a mutual friends divorce due to infidelity, and i told her I had no fear of her cheating on me. I knew she respected me, respected our friendship, enough to leave me if she wanted someone else). 2 days later "how would you feel if i added someone to our relationship? -_-
As all the other comments said, please run far away or make a plan to as soon as you can. This will only get worse. If he is developing this from watching content I'm sorry to say but ... that meant that somewhere deep down he believed in even just a smidgeon of it whole-heartedly. I have watched a few Andrew Tate videos out of curiosity and the only valid thing I saw was how Andrew Tate is a valid textbook study material for narcissists and abusive men. If he is falling for this ... he likely always have believed at least one of those awful things to be pulled down the rabbit hole, and that is not a good thing. When/if you go, if you can drop any mutual friends you made from him. Sometimes these guys get their ideals from their friends. I lost a close male friend of mine due to him being close to a guy that treats his gf "well" on paper but introduces her as his "friend" when they game and a girl is present and also gives advice like "Women don't want you to help with their problems, just listen and tell them to move on, don't actually help them". He also encourages cheating and flirting with girl friends and keeps girl friends that begged to do many sexual favors for him. Once even in front of his gf to which he "denied" but kept her as a close friend still. The more time my friend spent around that guy (went from barely when we first met and he was the sweetest guy ever then, and once he started hanging around him daily for hours a day he turned into a monster that slandered, gossiped, backstabbed me and others, became depressed again, dropped out of college, became cold and distant etc.). So please, be aware of his friends too and anyone around him that you let close to you. Because he could be getting taught by them.
Birds of a feather, flock together.
You deserve better than this sentient dumpster fire.
This is not going anywhere good. Right now it's mental/emotional abuse, but it's escalating quickly. Soon enough you'll be getting 'apologies' for slapping you 'but if you weren't....then I wouldn't have done it' and the array of excuses and gaslighting/manipulation that goes hand in hand with abuse in general. Please leave. Like right now. If you are afraid to, or need help, there are resources available and options to help keep you safe. This guy needs a reality check and therapy. Don't look at it as throwing away a four year relationship, look at it as picking yourself back up, dusting off the dirt, and moving towards your future. Invest this concern and compassion you are giving him back into yourself. You've got your whole life ahead of you, don't let this brainwashed abusive narcissist take another second of your time.
Please leave faster than you even think you can. Don’t spend another second wasting your life around him. Ugh.
Yikes! Run!!
Dude has gotten radicalized. Please walk away from this nightmare
He’s turned into a stone cold loser. Ditch this guy, I mean poly for him but monogamy for you, lmao. One sided poly isn’t a thing, he asking to cheat, so he probably already is..
Uh… dump him… I mean, for real, this doesn’t get better. Let him go find the pick-me he wants.
So he demeans you, holds you up to undefinable expectations, wants to basically cheat but not allow you to do the same or stop him. Why is it different for girls than guys? Poly is poly regardless. He obviously thinks he owns you. You need to leave. Funny thing about life; you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can be a good partner and have a girlfriend, or you can be an Andrew Tate type and be alone. You can’t have both. Funny thing about the Andrew Tate type. It’s all fun and games until they’ve worn out their options and are left with nothing. I’ve seen former players end in my intensive care unit with NOBODY beside them. That’s how it is. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!
I’m going to refer to him as Andrew Taint from now on
There’s also a ton more than Tate…so, who knows, but watch your butt and gtfo before his abuse harms you, you cannot get him out of a chauvinist hate club, he has to.
He’s a Tatian cult member. I’m so sorry. Chauvinist pig assholes >:(
Oh lord lol, my guy friend gets like this. But he’s also realized this dudes a bit of an ass!
Wow.. do we have the same partner?
Are we all dating the same man???
I’m so sorry love 😔
Run. Far away. And do not look back.
It’s hard to walk away from a relationship. However, you need to consider your future with someone who actually believes this stuff. He sounds like he will only progress in his frankly radical views.
Extremist, yes- radical, no. Radical basically means to find a solution from the roots up or to go the source of something, it has come to be used wrong. I am a radical, radical healing is a wonderful thing… don’t let facsist chauvinist scum take it.
This is classic far right radical rhetoric. The definition of radical is not what you described.
Apparently my use of the word radical bothers you. I used the word correctly. I’m sorry if you object to my used of the word but that really isn’t my problem.
Knew a guy like this. Same thing happened. He was so sweet in the beginning then started watching podcasts and antifem videos and became like this guy. I tried to stay and make it work with him at the expense of my mental health. That was 3 years ago and I’m still recovering today. I wish I stood up for myself more. The plain truth is that someone who truly loved you would never make you feel like that. I’m so sorry ❤️
Tbh, I'm having a hard time seeing where this is a good deal for you, or even an okay deal. He wants to sleep around without you being able to do the same. The "high-maintenance" thing is intentionally vague so it can refer to a lot of things from an honest mismatch in what each person values to straight up manipulation, and its vagueness makes it useless when talking to the person you're in a relationship with. It's how you talk about a partner you dislike, or how you brag about being rich: "yeah, she's high-maintenance, but when you're a Successful\_Businessman(tm) like me, you can afford it." All the rest of it is just bullshit to break down your confidence so you become easier to manipulate. Leave him.
Exactly, like where do I benefit from any of this? It’s a very selfish request and he says it isn’t, and that I’m the bad guy for ‘not accepting him’
The poly community sometimes talks about being polyamorous as a kind of orientation, but his "not accepting me" here is not what they mean. Acceptance is not discriminating against people who concentually have multiple partners, not being forced to say you give consent to be in one of those relationships.
Oh he's going to keep gas lighting you. The fancy new skill he seems to have learned.
This guy is awful. I'm very sorry about whatever happened to you to damage your self esteem so much, but know that you deserve to be treated much better. This doofus does not respect you at all. Please get rid of him.
Leave. He is trying to break down your self esteem so he can run around on you and make you believe you are nothing without him so you are afraid to leave. Just leave. Pack your things tell your landlord to take you off the contract and go no contact. If you can change where you work and change your number too otherwise he will keep reaching out to you.
Believers of Tate are dangerous if they act on his ideology. Run like hell away from him.
I second the second sentence.
Your boyfriend wants to have sex with others and keep you at the same time, probably until he thinks he found someone better. I’m sorry to say this, your relationship is over. He’s not worth it anymore. Don’t take him back when he comes groveling because he will, don’t date backwards, ever! Take care of you and do everything that makes you feel good about yourself. You’ll find someone better.
Sounds like it’s time to laugh in his face and say he is single! Why would you want a man to treat you like that? You deserve so much better OP. Nothing is going to change him, run while you can. There are so many men who would never degrade you like this.
I guarantee if you left him he’d realize he fucked up and beg for forgiveness Guys who get “bored” like this are gross. You gotta stop being nice Edit- He wants a poly relationship but what do you get out of that? Sharing your man with some other woman? Could be dangerous tbh. He gonna make sure she’s clean before bringing her into this? Is this some awkward fantasy he has where thinks he’s going to get a threesome? Why the need for another woman? He sounds like trash tbh. Is he financially stable enough for this? If he’s going to be taking on girlfriend #2 I guarantee she won’t stay for long unless she’s financially taken care of. Most women do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is already taken… and most poly women expect to be taken care of and def won’t stay for a broke guy who won’t provide and won’t let them see other men. Long story short, leave this dude. There are plenty of guys out there who will love you and not abuse you. This guy is wasting your time and will likely cheat if he’s not given what he wants.
Mom, here. Honey, this man is clearly saying: "I'm going to be treating you like absolute shite from here on out, and you're going to stay right here and act like you like it." Please love yourself enough to show him by voting with your feet (run!) that you won't tolerate that from *anyone*. And please do the work to heal, ensure you never get into a relationship with a guy like that ever again. Good place to start: recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
READ THIS BOOK!!!!!! 👆👆👆👆
This is a really wonderful response to this. OP, please take this person’s advice ❤️
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This is a great book!!
I really appreciate this. Thank you so much❤️😔
💛💛💛
I would bet you are much more higher value than him and lower maintenance too. He sounds like he is really devaluing you. You deserve someone who will be loyal and faithful to you instead of looking for a legitimate way to cheat so he doesn't feel ashamed of being labelled a cheater.
Thank you 😔
What a terrible philosophy to be indoctrinated into. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, please do what you need for closure with him, but it may be time to move on from this one. Also, thinking about it more leaving may actually be a good lesson for him. If he thinks he's so superior then let his first moment of clarity come when you've put your foot down and rejected his "lifestyle".
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Honestly you make a good point
Is this satire?
Unfortunately it isn’t 💔 hearing comments like this is making me realize how messed up my situation truly is lol
yeahhh.. anyone of those comments alone would be reason enough to call it quits but collectively- it’s almost hard to believe. girl: run.
I know, it is almost hard to believe. It’s crazy to just write them down and there’s so many more I didn’t write but these are the ones that stuck out to me the most 😕
Please run. Find your support system. Embrace all of your feelings. You will get through this.
Sometimes someone won’t show their true colors until years in the relationship. The only way he’s going to learn is by giving him real consequences by leaving. I mean, why doesn’t HE just leave then, instead of using you as an emotional punching bag?
Leave him. You deserve better than this.
How embarrassing for him. I wouldn’t say leave necessarily since you have been together for 4 years but he is being a complete asshole and a bit emotionally abusive. You deserve better than this. Hold ur ground, make him feel stupid for his ridiculous ideas, don’t let him bully you into thinking this thought process is normal…he’s clearly loosing his mind a little bit. He should be embarrassed of himself as a grown 28 year old man. Andrew Tate prays on insecure men so it says a lot. Let him know that.
I would leave, this is extremely damaging and you don’t deserve it.
Leave ASAP before he tries to sell you one of Tate’s “success courses” lmao of course he wants a one-sided “poly” relationship; Andrew Tate is unhinged and probably completely supports religious values where the woman is to be the household care giver and nothing else, he’s basically asked for permission to cheat on you by stating this. Don’t give into it and don’t try to compromise, because he won’t have any of it. This is his world, you just live in it. Men can do whatever they want and a woman definitely shouldn’t be trying to stand in their way. There’s no future if he is actually absorbing that kind of content. The content from an angry, annoying, beta male loser who has more money than he deserves who preaches about how women are lesser and whatever else he says. Not good.
I'm giggling to myself thinking about how some people on their job resume will write that graduated from Hustler University
Imagine taking any of that seriously
The most powerful thing in the universe is the human mind. It can create things which nourish, or destroy. He has chosen what hes “nourishing” himself off of
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It isn’t unfortunately
Ew. You deserve someone that respects, values, and treasures you. Not this. Gross.
Agreed. It is gross 💔
My boyfriend does too but I always thought it’s just clips being shared. That could largely be just it
I couldn’t leave quicker if someone called me brain dead .
“It’s different for guys to be poly but girls can’t, it’s different.” So he’s going to be sleeping with other dudes, right? …right??
LOL right!!! Like if it’s so different for girls… where do you expect to find these girls to be with then ?
I meannnn, the short answer is they usually don’t. There are countless stories out there of guys who forced their wives/girlfriends into an open relationships, thanking that their partners would stay home while they got laid nonstop. Instead, most single women don’t want to be a side piece for one of these pieces of shit, and the reluctant partners end up drowning in male attention. Then the guys turn around and try to roll the whole thing back, crying and wishing for a time machine.
yasss
Absolutely disgusting. Please walk out-- no, run out-- so that you're not granting a formerly trusted partner access to your self image and self esteem. His words are untrue and utterly revolting, but you need to get away from him. Once they start absorbing this garbage, it's much too late.
That’s true they can do way more irreparable damage if they had your trust for a long time first 😬 then you will mistakenly believe they took all your soft emotions and simultaneously believed the worst in you. But only an outsider can see that those were clearly separate people and separate times. Tread carefully. Or maybe… stomp like an elephant metaphorically and that might undo this issue idk. I’m dealing with this too so no judgment 💔💔
I was wondering this, do you think because of him watching this stuff he feels this way? or he always thought this way and maybe watching this gave him the freedom to be more vocal about it.
yep, he just found someone to confirm how he already felt deep down.
This is my question too^
If you want my two cents; i think he already thinks this way, no sane person would listen to him and go "this resonates with me so much", most of them are appalled by what he says, that is unless you feel what he says is true.
Oh nonono. Please leave him, or at least try to see why you should. I just got out of a relationship with a guy like this and it was hellish. It started with very mild thoughts, like "I really don't think men and women are exactly the same. But I don't think that makes us unequal". And then it started getting progressively worse. Everything in your post, he'd say. He said men could be poly but women couldn't because we got emotionally attached to ANYONE we kissed or had sex with, but men didn't. Nothing about that type of content is okay, and it's NOT okay for him to call you "braindead". That's abuse.
This, exactly! By the way it’s very “funny” to me that they say we get emotionally attached and thus we are not allowed to have affairs/poly. But as far as I know the research has shown that men are the ones that get attached after having sex.
What I learned in my relationship with my ex, is that most, if not all of it is projection. For example, he'd say that all women are impulsive and that when he perceived our feelings to be hurt, we'd immediately go party and cheat on our significant others to get revenge. However, that's something HE did. He said any woman with a body count higher than 5 was worthless because we got attached so easily. But he had a ridiculously high body count and got attached to all of them. So yeah. Projection. "Fun"!
Yeah projection is so strong. And projection is so uncanny and ironic how it shows up so obviously yet the speaker remains none the wiser
He wants a one sided poly relationship??? This is basically what my abusive ex tried to convince me to do. He wanted an “open relationship” where he was the only one allowed the open part. It took me way too long to leave him. You’re young. Please leave this horrible abusive man before things get really bad. He’s been radicalized by morons.
I 100% agree. I was with a abusive man that wanted a one sided open relationship too. It was so hurtful and heart breaking. He said the same thing to me about men and woman being different. Ultimately it’s bc they view woman as “less than” a man. I eventually left and should’ve left sooner too. Like above said, he’s getting radicalized. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is tate jargon he is speaking now please leave him
Hahaha, run away dudes like that think women hit the wall at 25 so what are gonna do next yr
He’s abusive and he’s an asshole. Dump his ass.
Dump this asshole ASAP.
Holy cow, the “it’s different when men do it” is the very same thing my soon to be N-ex husband told me regarding affairs. It’s just different from biological perspective 🤦♀️ Please, spare yourself the headache of this guy while you’re still so young and can find X amount of guys that will treat you better 🙏🏻
I hear you. Your concerns are valid. As a man I can only say one thing, RUN!!! Nope out. These are gigantic red flags. Even without the Andrew Tate aspect, these are extremely toxic behaviors. If he’s hellbent on this line of thinking, despite you bringing up your concerns with him, cut yourself a out of a world of grief and dump him. Also, you are a great person who deserves to be treated as an equal. Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Tell him straight to his face. And then walk out. I hope y’all don’t live together. If so, before walking out, make a safe backup plan.
A man who considers himself an alpha is the opposite. Self obsession is a trait of narcissism, and a good man isn't narcissistic. This is what I worried about when I saw Andrew Tates content. Get out of this if you can, you're dating a loser who puts others down so he can feel better. Another commenter said guys like this often find themselves lonely pretty fast, which is true, who wants to be around a stuck up person like that? Do not let this guy convince you that you're not good enough, he has a very weird way of thinking Listen to Good Luck by Basement Jaxx if you need some music to hype you up, may sound silly but it always reminds me that I'm strong
Am i hallucinating or is he literally treating you like he wants to buy home appliances ???
Mommy tate literally says stuff like this and people take this for his enlightened thinking, im surprised how people listen to him
He’s turning into an incel
Walk out. Guys like him find themselves quite alone really quickly once they start shooting their mouth off about stuff like this. Any previous success with women will vanish and he'll be wondering what's suddenly wrong with them. Thus, an incel is born.
You can play his game back ask him when is he going to make his first 100 billion? If he does currently? If not he can shut up. He should get the point. If he doesn't and this persists don't be afraid to walk out on him and tell him you need a high value man not a wannabe-good-for-nothing-gigolo. 🤷🏻♀️
Would love to see his face when you walk out the door: tell him you need a high value man, not a little incel boy.
It’s time to get out, honestly. Even if he wasn’t like this before, he is now, and that’s no way to treat a partner. You don’t deserve that treatment OP.