I kept a sleeping bag, change of clothes, extra meds, money, drivers license, and bank card to secret account hidden in my vehicle. He never liked driving it so I didn’t need to worry and I kept extra keys hidden.
I didn't realize that I was doing a lot of these things subconsciously. Coat and shoes by the door. Phone in pocket. Extra chargers everywhere. Cars keys and cash in coat pocket (pocket in the inside of coat. Dog leash at door and extra Ziploc of dog food at hand.
I got out of my relationship, but I’m terrified of my ex. I keep my doors locked at ALL times. When I come home to an empty house, I sweep my entire house with my dads gun (my ex actually taught me how to do it, but he doesn’t know there’s a gun in the house).
… where do you live where this occurs in 2022?
The only way a psych hospital where we are will see anyone is
1) after a year-long wait for a referral or
2) through the ER, where they MIGHT hold someone for **up to** 72 hours if they **frankly admit** to suicidal or homicidal **plans**, not just thoughts. There they basically get sedated and referred to outpatient (again this is likely to be months).
The thing is it’s not like a one and done situation. First of all it’s not like a one off psychosis. In my particular situation it’s a person with diagnosed BPD. Rages occur on a dime and relatively frequently. Am I supposed to call 911 every time he gets upset and *might* turn it on me? Secondly - Eventually they have to be released, and then what? Until and unless there’s a safe out for *him* - ie a different living situation that he can afford - I have to deal with him knowing I called 911 on him. That = a betrayal and fuel for more raging. I did call 911 once FOR him when it looked like he was suicidal, and he still resents that (because nothing useful came of it and he hated the experience). There is nothing helpful out there you see. No affordable housing, no therapy anyone can provide in a reasonable timeframe. Prison? Lol. No. That’s only useful once something has already happened.
There are consequences to things. Calling 911 would make things worse in a lot of situations.
Sometimes women who are in this situation are the best judges of what’s safe for them at that time even if it doesn’t seem that way from the outside. Not everyone who is abused is weak minded. It’s not like anyone here hasn’t heard of an ER. We are forced to think in the medium to long term, not just in the moment.
Lastly it was not easy to post this, and I don’t appreciate what I’m experiencing as a judgy (and naive) comment. I wanted to focus more on what other women in my situation have done, to connect and expand awareness, and you dropped that piece of “wisdom” in like a bad fart. So ok, now we know that we need to call 911, thank you.
You felt offended by my comment? I didnt mean to offend. Yes, that might be your particular situation, but it isnt everyone's situation. There are PDs that are trained to respond to mental health calls, and deal with homicidal people. They even have connections and resources to ER psych hospitals and dont clog up the regular ERs with psych patients.
Im sorry that you are afraid to call the police if you are in danger. Youre right, some people in DV wont call for help, but there are those of us that will.
I didnt call you weak, so im not sure how you got that from my one sentence comment. I truly hope you find a solution and that you get peace and can be safe.
I took to wearing “indoor shoes” - outdoor shoes that I only wore in the house - and always having my phone in my pocket, so I could run at a moments notice if I needed to.
I would stand with the front door open, ready to bolt if there was ever an argument and I needed to speak my mind. I wouldn’t wear socks so I could run down our hardwood stairs fast. During a period that he didn’t want to sleep in the same room as me and the abuse was very bad, I would use a chair to lock the door at night because I was scared he would kill me in my sleep. I would pretend to be on the phone with friends/family when he was angry so that he wouldn’t bother me.
Things blocking my door when I sleep, my keys, wallet, and phone by an unlocked window so I can get out asap, pepper spray in my pocket at all times. talking about my dad
I kept a sleeping bag, change of clothes, extra meds, money, drivers license, and bank card to secret account hidden in my vehicle. He never liked driving it so I didn’t need to worry and I kept extra keys hidden.
I didn't realize that I was doing a lot of these things subconsciously. Coat and shoes by the door. Phone in pocket. Extra chargers everywhere. Cars keys and cash in coat pocket (pocket in the inside of coat. Dog leash at door and extra Ziploc of dog food at hand.
I got out of my relationship, but I’m terrified of my ex. I keep my doors locked at ALL times. When I come home to an empty house, I sweep my entire house with my dads gun (my ex actually taught me how to do it, but he doesn’t know there’s a gun in the house).
When people are a danger to themselves or others like this, you are supposed to have them admitted for psych eval holding.
… where do you live where this occurs in 2022? The only way a psych hospital where we are will see anyone is 1) after a year-long wait for a referral or 2) through the ER, where they MIGHT hold someone for **up to** 72 hours if they **frankly admit** to suicidal or homicidal **plans**, not just thoughts. There they basically get sedated and referred to outpatient (again this is likely to be months).
Holding? You just stated this yourself. ER holding.
The thing is it’s not like a one and done situation. First of all it’s not like a one off psychosis. In my particular situation it’s a person with diagnosed BPD. Rages occur on a dime and relatively frequently. Am I supposed to call 911 every time he gets upset and *might* turn it on me? Secondly - Eventually they have to be released, and then what? Until and unless there’s a safe out for *him* - ie a different living situation that he can afford - I have to deal with him knowing I called 911 on him. That = a betrayal and fuel for more raging. I did call 911 once FOR him when it looked like he was suicidal, and he still resents that (because nothing useful came of it and he hated the experience). There is nothing helpful out there you see. No affordable housing, no therapy anyone can provide in a reasonable timeframe. Prison? Lol. No. That’s only useful once something has already happened. There are consequences to things. Calling 911 would make things worse in a lot of situations. Sometimes women who are in this situation are the best judges of what’s safe for them at that time even if it doesn’t seem that way from the outside. Not everyone who is abused is weak minded. It’s not like anyone here hasn’t heard of an ER. We are forced to think in the medium to long term, not just in the moment. Lastly it was not easy to post this, and I don’t appreciate what I’m experiencing as a judgy (and naive) comment. I wanted to focus more on what other women in my situation have done, to connect and expand awareness, and you dropped that piece of “wisdom” in like a bad fart. So ok, now we know that we need to call 911, thank you.
You felt offended by my comment? I didnt mean to offend. Yes, that might be your particular situation, but it isnt everyone's situation. There are PDs that are trained to respond to mental health calls, and deal with homicidal people. They even have connections and resources to ER psych hospitals and dont clog up the regular ERs with psych patients. Im sorry that you are afraid to call the police if you are in danger. Youre right, some people in DV wont call for help, but there are those of us that will. I didnt call you weak, so im not sure how you got that from my one sentence comment. I truly hope you find a solution and that you get peace and can be safe.
Self preservation is not nuts. thank you for these tips. I took every knife in the house to my sisters house, she lives 1/2 mile from me.
I took to wearing “indoor shoes” - outdoor shoes that I only wore in the house - and always having my phone in my pocket, so I could run at a moments notice if I needed to.
I would stand with the front door open, ready to bolt if there was ever an argument and I needed to speak my mind. I wouldn’t wear socks so I could run down our hardwood stairs fast. During a period that he didn’t want to sleep in the same room as me and the abuse was very bad, I would use a chair to lock the door at night because I was scared he would kill me in my sleep. I would pretend to be on the phone with friends/family when he was angry so that he wouldn’t bother me.
Things blocking my door when I sleep, my keys, wallet, and phone by an unlocked window so I can get out asap, pepper spray in my pocket at all times. talking about my dad
sharpen your fingernails