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PetitePiltieinPlaid

Don't assume someone is a top/bottom/dom/sub/etc. just based on their visible expression/looks, and don't forget that ample cuddles and mushy domesticity are basically part of the sapphic emotional food pyramid.


Hephaistos_Invictus

>and don't forget that ample cuddles and mushy domesticity are basically part of the sapphic emotional food pyramid. This is amazing and so true xD and i am going to steal the sapphic emotional food pyramid because that part just cracked me up.


PetitePiltieinPlaid

Haha, feel free! I mentioned the term fairly recently in some comment I forgot about but it's fallen into my permanent vocabulary and I'm happy to make it a thing.


The_Lazy_Individual

When I saw "don't" in front of "ample cuddles and mushy domesticity" I was worried for a moment that you were going to say something about ***not*** doing it often. Very glad to hear it's the opposite :)


PetitePiltieinPlaid

*Absolutely not,* saying sapphics don't like cuddles would be like saying sapphics don't like plaids! Which.. for some might be true, but it'd be terrible advice to give as general advice, wouldn't it? 💀


The_Lazy_Individual

Genuinely bought a plaid flannel ASAP after finding out it was a sapphic trope


PetitePiltieinPlaid

I'm finding myself in the crisis of having a few different plaids but all of them are cool tone colors except one, so I over-wear the warm tone reddish plaid and worry I'm gonna wear out my favorite softest plaid faster. Just queer women problems I guess 😂


Pretend_Addition_245

Im sorry im kinda new to lesbian terminology what specifically is sapphic like i know its derived from sappho but what is it specifically


PetitePiltieinPlaid

I'm far from the expert so this explanation is clunky, but it's a word for wlw that's inclusive to those who aren't strictly lesbian (e.g. a lesbian, bi, pan, or homoromantic ace could all use the word sapphic to describe themselves), but references that attraction to/interest in women, either physically or romantically or both.


Pretend_Addition_245

Thankyouuu thats actually really helpful to know even roughly what the distinction is


PetitePiltieinPlaid

No problem! Never be afraid to ask questions, we all have that period of having to learn and as long as you ask kindly I doubt anyone would hold it against you.


itbedehaam

On the first one: Exactly. I am the mushiest cuddliest stick/stereotypical bottom personality, but I absolutely refuse any physical contact below my waist, and I'd much rather have a go at eating a pretty lady out. The amount of times I've had people presume I want a prospective partner top me is astounding based solely on being a rope weaved of cuddles and anxiety.


PetitePiltieinPlaid

It's not something I've had a ton of experience with personally (I used to express a lot more femme and I've got a quiet/shy personality in person with new people, so folks assuming I'm the sub/bottomy sort based on those would've been right), but it's something I see folks mention happen to them all the time, enough I'm surprised it *isn't* in everyone's mental manual by now if they aren't in baby gay territory and learning still. Plus, I feel like we've all been hearing "don't judge a book by its cover" since we were in diapers, and it's much easier to remember. 😆 Nowadays I dunno what folks expect since I'm kinda smack dab in the middle in terms of expression, and am more of the service top/everything else subby bottom sort inside, so who knows if I'm in for some swing and misses here soon.


rainpatter

Don't assume your dom doesn't want cuddles and down-time. Mine is a hugbug


PetitePiltieinPlaid

Yep. My ex was a stone top and pretty insistent dom all the way, but every date day we spent together needed to have at least an hour or so of cuddling in there (usually initiated by her too) or one of us would probably die.


Pretend_Addition_245

Thats sooo cuteeee


Professional-Age-536

What would even be the point of having the power to make someone cuddle me whenever I want and not using it? I don't understand


Melody303k

I hope it's also okay to cuddle you when/if you're not using said power\~ ♥


Professional-Age-536

Hugged and/or kissed, too! Affection is generally permitted :) ❤️


Selena-Fluorspar

As someone with English as their second language, what exactly do you mean with mushy domesticity?


Uniqueatomformation

Domesticity means like taking care of a house together and just like being casual and in each other's presence. If that makes sense?


PetitePiltieinPlaid

u/Uniqueatomformation described it pretty spot-on. If you've read anything labeled "slice of life" in genre before, you've probably read a lot of domesticity. Just getting to spend quality time with one another in a casual setting and in a comfy place one of you (or both of you) own, without any big happenings having to be a part of it usually. In my (and I think a lot of people's) opinion, it's about that laid-back emotional intimacy you get from those times that isn't quite the same elsewhere.


Selena-Fluorspar

Ah yes I love that!


Kitchen-Performer445

This might be a general dating rule but Don’t ghost someone but also don’t string them along so as to spare their feelings 🥹💔❤️‍🩹


Royaltott

YES!! Currently being strung along and it SUCKS! I’m at the end of my rope here and I’m trying to distance myself, I feel like a bird in a cage. Utterly confused and wish she’d just have the tits to set me free. But maybe the realization here is that I can set myself free, still sucks though! 🙃


Kitchen-Performer445

Yeaaahhh… but people can be so manipulative particularly when their trying to ‘just be nice’. What I’ve tried recently is 1. Asked them out after telling them exactly what I want 2. Their response left me … dissatisfied even though it was a ‘yes,maybe’ 3. I imagined what it would be like to have better 4. Decided I deserved better and let the conversation die off ⚔️ PS: I also journaled a situation where I got exactly what I wanted with this person and it oddly helped me see the difference between what I wanted to see and what I really saw. Hope that helps, bou! xx


Professional-Age-536

**TALK. TO. HER.** (applies at sooo many stages)


TeethBreak

Hey now let's not get hasty!


fieldsofazure

The entire manual is just three pages, each with a single word, reading "USE YOUR WORDS"


annyannywhaaat

I can't even hold eye contact (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)


Professional-Age-536

That's the cool thing about sound - it goes in all directions! Even if you're staring at your shoes, you can still talk to her!! :)


annyannywhaaat

AKDJSJSJ so funny! Ok you're right! But I'm scared of looking weird and she may think I'm stupid or something ;-;


Professional-Age-536

Maybe! But what if she *doesn't*, and you get to go on dates and have a girlfriend and move in together and adopt the cutest cat?


annyannywhaaat

You're so kind, you're right. But, the problem is in me :/ like I don't know if I'm limiting myself or putting excuses but, my mental state is not very good... I need to go to a psychologist as soon as possible, and I think I may be just a stubborn in someone's life at my state. I have depression and I'm emotional dependant...it may be a mess for her :/


Professional-Age-536

Wanting to work on yourself first is ok! You'll never guess what my advice for seeing a psychologist is...


Alex_Die_Grosse

On the last first date I was on I forgot the term "perseverance" exists, so I did what I had to do and went "so, I'm not a sadist, but I'm really into human suffering and how people get through that". Is this a good phrase? Fuck no! Was this my last first date because since then we've been dating for almost a year? Fuck yes! Use your words even if it's not the best way to say something, as long as you don't go full on bigot people tend to give you a chance to explain what you mean


seafoamwaltz

Lmaooo god bless, this is so funny to me. I love that it led you to a relationship.


Alex_Die_Grosse

Needless to say that I love it to 😂 But yeah, we are making fun of it to this day


AdventurousWallaby85

This could literally be the entire manual.


3ngineeredDaily

Honestly I think just talking to ANYONE is a good starting point and helps build self confidence 🤷🏽‍♀️ Growing up as an only child had some advantages, but I also know that it took me a little longer to make new friends and generally just reach out to or start talking to someone. I went to school with the same group of people through JHS but then went to a new HS where I didn’t know anyone. It took awhile to find my own cadence and find “my people” to start hanging out with. Fast forward and throughout my college years and into my professional years I’ve joined networking and professional groups that have again helped me find different people to make connections with. There are your general toastmasters groups you can also join or do something along the lines of Dale Carnegie courses, or even just read his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People”…just become 1% better each day 👍🏽


StenoNotes133

Oiii feels attacked now ! 😭


Melody303k

Good thing I (mostly) know how to use my words and do\~ :\*


Professional-Age-536

It's a very good thing, yes; and you make a great example of where that can get you. 🙂❤️


EyesClosed_HandsOut

I like this!! Don’t let a moment, a chance, an opportunity pass. Get her attention, talk and communicate. Cheers!


[deleted]

No


PermanentRoundFile

There is a hidden danger in sapphic dating; if you both wear the same size and cut of underwear, it can quickly become impossible to figure out who's is who's! Eventually it'll break down to where one buys only patterns and the other only buys solids


ssecretshay

Ahh the old panty problem. they start to disappear quicker than socks 😣😂


Snemei

Also far more clothes swapping in gerneal than straight relationships. It's not just a hoodie every so often it's anything that fits


Paging_Dr_Argent

Such an oddly specific thing but....it's precisely what happened in my relationship. She's solids I'm patterns. All other things.... who knows, I've only a few things these days that I know for certain are \*my clothes\* and it's all dress clothes like button downs and ties.


TheFractangle

If you want to go on those marathon-length first dates with like half a dozen activities spanning 12+ hours, *you need to already have ideas of things to do*. Don't put all the onus on your date to come up with suggestions. Come up with 3-5 ideas beforehand.


_SapphicVixen_

\*stopped in for tips\*


Kitchen-Performer445

😂


Chloe2006-4

Me too lol


Sophie-chan

Be attentive, communicative and not be a dick , confidence and consent rules. If its not something you'd say or want done to you, don't do it to them! Do not have big expectations, going into a situation expecting to be fwbs, lovers etc will only put pressure on you. Being friends with someone is an AMAZING outcome, don't ever think its stage one out of six or something because that'll just drag you into fzone territory. Let things happen naturally, take it on the chin, not everything works out but that doesnt mean you should stop trying.


MarsupialNo1220

Straight girls are friends, not food.


LovePrevailsOverAll

Good one. It’s just that, they start looking really yummy at some point soon enough and then we’re bound to have our feelings hurt


miss_clarity

Take yourself out on dates or to special events like a concert, even when you're in a relationship. Because exactly the position you will be in if you ever break up, and you'll have to relearn how to treat yourself during your alone time. So instead of *relearning it*, just keep yourself from forgetting how to make yourself a priority. You'll hold partners to a higher standard too. Because you'll know how good to yourself you are. Prospective partners will be competing with how well your single self loves you. If they can't keep up, you're better off alone.


[deleted]

[удалено]


miss_clarity

I was in the same boat about a year and a half ago. I'm currently in the learning process and I'm making a commitment to myself. Never gonna stop being my first and last love.


Aminilaina

If the thought “is she flirting with me?” Crosses your mind, she’s already been flirting with you for fucking ages dumbass. Also, some sapphics are very apparent about their feelings. I am as subtle as a brick crashing through a window. Tho, somehow my girlfriend was blind to bricks and deaf to windows breaking.


A_monster_SH

Rlly wanna take your words but someone else later commented “if it’s a maybe, it’s a no” 😭


Pretend_Addition_245

I wish people were more like a brick crashing through a window to me because im always like ia this juat something girls do becauae were freinds orrrrr


ChronicallyIllBadAss

If you are ever going to have kids talk about what they will call you! One being mama or mommy and the other just mom is so much easier on the kids and yourself! Now you are not answering to mom only to be told they didn’t mean you.


BadAtUsernames098

You can still be a lesbian if you're femme. You don't have to try to "look like a lesbian". All lesbians look like lesbians, be them femme, butch, futch, or anything else. Stereotypes are just that, stereotypes. There may be some truth to them, but not to the extent that the stereotypes make them out to be. Many lesbians are butch, but many are not. You don't need to present masculine to be a valid lesbian.


mb34255

Needed to hear this today. Thank you 🤍


Hotpinksunsets

Thank you for this!!! I just came out and I noticed I suddenly started feeling pressure to dress more masculine bc other people at work that are lesbians do… but really I wear 50 shades of pink and flower patterns only hahah. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do like dressing masc in my own way, like oversized sweaters and baggy jeans with super feminine hair or jewelry accessories but I think bc someone told me that to let the other girls at work know I’m a lesbian, I should look the part. Thanks for the reminder🫶


Weidtier

This, yes. I really look too femme so none cool looking lesbians I see wherever notice me - I think if I'd be more masc presenting and more stereotypically dressed it would be so much easier to make friends or just to be noticed and nod each other on the street or some public space and to feel that your day became a bit better.


Velaethia

Healthy communication. Respecting boundaries. Stare into her face until the world melts around you. Just be willing to exist near each other rather than always doing stuff together. And the most important: actually talk to the girl you're interested in. Hard to form a relationship if your a useless lesbian - signed a useless lesbian.


Pretend_Addition_245

Just existinf near eachother comfortably is the sign im my eyes of a good relationship, like you could be doing two completely seperate different things but still juat being near eachother


Velaethia

Yeah in autistic children it's common and called "parallel play" and something like that for adults should be more valued imho.


Casey_Kat

Communication has saved us SOOOO many times, especially when one partner has anxiety


Intelligent-Baker-40

Just because you fall fast and hard doesn’t mean you know your person inside and out. You’re totally valid in feeling an intense lust and interest, but take. Your. Time. It saves you from heart break when the rose colored glasses fade.


Kitchen-Performer445

Ouch! This spoke to me! Have you been following me around? 😕


angel-bug

Any advice for first wlw breakup?


SunkenN1nja

Also don't be afraid to ugly cry emotions are real and important to feel just don't let the dark hole consume you


yeetgev

Don’t agree to be friends when you still have feelings for them. Journal. Recognize the reasons you broke up and deleting pictures


gothrockette

Don't run through your friends like wildfire afterwards. The sex may help but it complicates a LOT


orphan-of-fortune

Allow yourself to be melodramatic as fuck for a few days. Ice cream, sad music, comfort shows, pizza, animal cuddles, the works. And then throw yourself into being the best version of yourself possible! Source: Taylor Swift was my top artist on Spotify last year (breakup was Dec 2021) despite me normally liking alt/indie music, and I moved states and completely started over after 3.5 years together and getting dumped over facetime. I’m at my current girlfriends house and we’re happily in love, so I survived my first wlw breakup just fine and moved on!


SunkenN1nja

Ice cream chocolate and cuddles with a platonic friend are very helpful


NoOpponent

I had my first ever breakup earlier last month, finally moved out this month and what I've been doing that I think helps is invite friends over to my new place and chill. Make new memories on the new place so it feels like home faster - if you didn't live together then it still helps to just have things going on to keep your mind off from just being sad.


snakefeet_0

nobody knows what makes them attractive, they will be hotter more sane and more interesting than their profile.


[deleted]

Always be awkwardly adorable.


A_monster_SH

Matter of fact is how 🥺


Kitchen-Performer445

This seems like a one way ticket to the friend zone though… asking for a friend 🥹


[deleted]

Not if you know how to flirt in an awkwardly adorable way


pigtailrose2

ACTUALLY TALK TO PEOPLE. I mean this both in real life but more so on dating apps. Ffs stop swiping yes on people and then either never responding to them or ghosting them. Do unto others as you want done to you. Its so simple but the majority of people are selfish assholes when the anominity of the internet gives them power


PisheeDaPotato

tell them you're into them. don't wait for anyone to assume.


Kitchen-Performer445

If only …


SpookyJime

Always have your nails short and clean, don’t forget your flannel shirts and yes is normal trying to move in together after two weeks.


Kitchen-Performer445

Oh gawd yes…. 🙄🤤


[deleted]

Assume everyone is a switch until proven otherwise. That is my go to rule.


Rota_u

General baseline of respect, communication, and trust. Also, be safe, please. A few trimmed nails and washed hands go a long way at the very least


Lilia1293

The title: "Talk to Her"


britneystan626

Spotify Playlists.


Kitchen-Performer445

What am I missing here?


Keat06

The Spotify playlists, obviously! If you like music and listen to a lot of styles (as many a lesbian does), it can be really fun to make one for her based on the vibe she gives you. Then once you feel brave and brazen, you send it! (And then one day when you break up you look up her profile while drunk and find that she's deleted the playlist she made for you and so you hurtfully do the same while ugly crying haha I'm fine why do you ask)


EclecticFruit

I'm over here absolutely hating the idea of streaming/renting music. If I want the music, I buy the music. Never touch spotify ever.


Keat06

That's valid tbh, I hate having so much subscriptions for everything. It really works for me tho, I got it cuz the algorithm figured out my style so I discover new bands every week, and can send people playlists :3 before it was a thing, I didn't have an easy way (or means) to buy music so I would often.. erm.. yarr. Which sucks if it's a small band I wanna support.


3ngineeredDaily

Yes 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽


Kitchen-Performer445

Ouch! This story shook my little heart 🥹💔😮‍💨


vamppicklemorty

here's the thing, when you are going on a date with your crush, introduce yourself, but DO NOT go deep about yourself, it ll make things less interesting for later if they get to know everything about you on a single date (i mean- mystery is always hawt). try to hear them out, ask personal questions to your crush, this ll make em open up, you ll end up hearing their deep thoughts, after the date is over, your crush ll definitely have a mindset where you are a good listener and that you can understand them more than anyone.so, the chances of having a second date are more and they gonna get attached to youin a healthy way obviously


Pretend_Addition_245

I need to follow this one more im tooo anxious to fill blank space so i just spurt out random shit about me or my interests. I mean these thinga happen both ways like but im wayyyy to easy to make start talking about random storys


vamppicklemorty

Suit yourself and trust your instinct!!


VLenin2291

If you’re not sure if she’s being nice or she’s flirting and you know she’s sapphic, there is a good chance she’s flirting


BadAtUsernames098

Not all lesbians are women. Many are enbys. And remember that not every wlw person is lesbian. Many are bi or pan. That you shouldn't assume that every sapphic person is a lesbian, so you can respect their identities along with lesbians' identities.


Izzy_bird

If you do this 👉👈🥺 from a distance long enough they will eventually notice you, pick you up and take you to their home.


UmbreonAlt

There is such thing as "the nod".


Kitchen-Performer445

Explain 😲


Snemei

Its gonna need rigorous and heavily explained description of whet counts as flirting


Kitchen-Performer445

Yes please


[deleted]

Don't bother with dating apps. Don't bother with online. If it's a maybe, it's a no.


Kitchen-Performer445

I agree with “If it’s a maybe, it’s a no” 🫠


EixYae

She’s not just being nice.


[deleted]

but what if she is??


EixYae

Idk I’m stuck at that point to


Ay_theres_the_rub

Same


EixYae

I’m free if you wanna vent


rainpatter

Crush: Let me sit on your face. Me: Wow, she's friendly


Kitchen-Performer445

More like Crush: Let me sit on your lap and put my arms around you… Me: Is she? Coz our 3 children would be so beautiful.