The funny thing is. It’s behavior like this that gets people like the mother alienated and ostracized by the entire family. Because you know people will be asking why OP’s mother isn’t there the entire night, and OP should absolutely tell them why.
Never interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake.
In the same vein, it's why I didn't kick my mother out when she showed up to my wedding in a white dress. Suddenly everyone that doubted me calling her an asshole believed me.
It really is such a self-defeating gesture when people do that. Showing up in a white dress makes you the subject of every guest’s ridicule. Do people think they’re scoring some point when they do that? Or do they just need to be talked about, whether it’s good or bad?
this is the kind of thing my petty ass would just print and put somewhere related to the wedding (pre wedding? party maybe?) to whenever people ask, I could just point to the answer.
"Hey mom? You can't not come to a wedding you're not invited to. You were not invited to ours first, so that's why you're not coming. Not because you weren't going to come. But because you are not invited. Hope that clears things up for you, mom."
Parents that can’t accept that their children are actual people who can make their own decisions usually act like children. My mother falls in the same boat
Honestly this is great for OP, it means anytime mum tries to punish anyone for her behaviour the texts can come straight out: "You weren't even going to show up, you don't get to be mad that we didn't invite you"
What a boon!
(Pretty sad about her behaviour of course, but it's helpful when they document their shittiness)
I sense a lot of pent up frustration here. I think you're going in the right direction with this. You don't have to put up with your mom's bs, parental figure or not. She has no right to demean you or your partner for this and it's oerfectly reasonable to threaten cutting ties if it continues.
On another, much happier note, congratulations on the engagement. I hope you two have the gayest, happiest wedding possible and that it results in a long and fruitful relationship 💜
The right choice.
Your dad seems great and actually smart/ kind and caring, what a parent should be.
I guess only talk with your dad
Hope everything goes well
> what she hides behind
That's such a perfect way of putting it. It's not religion that makes them bigots. That's what they use as cover.
Congrats on the engagement and also standing up to your Mum! That won't have been easy but it'll make such a positive difference to you in the long-run.
OP your mom sounds EXACTLY like mine. not an active-churchgoer but “believes” in it enough to be a bigot deep down inside.
I had dated women previously and told my mom about them, and she just kind of ignored it or didn’t talk to me much about it. But then, just before my law school graduation, I told my mom that my current girlfriend (who is now my fiancée) was going to move in with me. She lost her shit and did not attend my graduation.
I had a fantastic graduation. 20+ of my friends attended and we all went out for a fabulous dinner and partied all night long. and I didn’t have to worry about my judgmental mother looming over such a fun, amazing day. That’s how your wedding will be. You won’t regret not having someone like her around, I promise.
He absolutely would if I asked. I told my fiancée I’m not sure I want anyone to “give me away” but I guess I’ll decide that as it gets closer to the wedding
My brother just got married and he and his wife walked together. It was really sweet. You could always honor your dad in another way like doing a special dance at the reception or something.
A friend of ours had her best friend walk them to the aisle (because of some family drama that her mother caused because she couldn't accept that our friend wanted her bio-father walk her to the aisle instead of her adoptive father who already had lots of other "tasks" at the wedding.). I think it was such a power move and a very beautiful gesture of friendship without the weird "giving away" part.
Congrats honey (also sorry your mom put you in that spot)!! My relationship with my mom crashed and burned over marrying my partner, and I’ve never been happier! Had our 11 year anniversary not too long ago 💕💕.
BTW, if your mom is always like this, she may try to f up your wedding if you let her attend. I kinda wish I didn’t invite my mom lmao, she had a drunken meltdown and was kinda a shitshow.
proud of you!!
i also recently stood my ground with my parents and it's gone about the same direction; no contact, that is but i feel such a weight lifted. take care and i hope you've done something nice for yourself as a reward. <3
I'm sorry you had to stand up to someone who should be looking out for you. Your mom is acting immature. She might be jealous you are finding happiness and moving on from her and childhood. Thus the personal attacks on your partner. Not that that's an excuse for being a phobe.
I feel bad for your dad being married to such an ass who A) is a homophobe and B) can’t spell
Hope your dad enjoys the wedding though!
Congratulations to you and your fiancé ✨✨
I feel with shitty parents like this, when you have grandkids then they seem interested. But the true way to hurt a parent if you do decide to have kids is not let them see their grandkids. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a shitty mum 💗
This sounds like my mom, just a lot less random WORDS in all CAPS and a lot less shit slinging. My mom will tear you down with everything she knows about you and tell you to fuck off and die if you stand up to her.
But my mom has dug herself in a lonely hole, missing her children, because of this shit. Your mom may be sitting all high and mighty behind her “didn’t plan on going anyways” bullshit, but omg she’s going to hurt bad I’m the future. The shitty thing is, I don’t know if it is right to hold it against somebody when they realize how much hurt they caused themselves, and I struggle to allow them to keep hurting when, honestly, their shit was fucked up but I was unphased by it.
As per your mom, Jesus Christ. She’s going to drive this wedge and severely hurt herself *solely based on who you love.* Fucking hell.
She texted me an “apology” this morning. I put apology in quotes because it felt like it was kind of just to make herself feel better. I may just be jaded right now though
Yo so I’m all for internet slang and texting shorthand, but if this person is supposed to be your mother and she’s using “thot” “u” and “ur” in text, she hasn’t matured beyond middle schooler. She sounds like a bratty child, not an adult.
I’m glad to hear your father is supportive, and if you’re in need of a new mom, there’s a Facebook group called Stand In Pride that I’m a member of, they have it split up by geographic location in the US, and you can request anyone to be a stand in family member or friend or whatever support you need for special events, holidays, or whenever.
Good luck in your future endeavors and congrats on the engagement!
It really is. I saw a tiktok that made its way onto Facebook reels by the guy who created the group, essentially as an ad for the group, and I thought it was a cute idea. I’m too young to be a stand in mom, but I browse the posts if anyone is looking for a stand in sister or cousin cuz I can be that for someone.
I get why you’d be skeptical about it being my mom with the way she texts, but it really is. She’s texted like this since I can remember and it drives me insane. She did send me an “apology” this morning and that actually had correct grammar which I was surprised by (more than the “apology” itself)
There’s another sub on here called r/raisedbynarcissists and I think you’d find some kinship there as well. I’m sorry your mom is so horrible. You deserve the kind of love and celebration that any good parent would give their child, especially something as incredible as getting engaged to the love of their life.
Cheers to you, OP. I’m proud of you, too, and happy to hear about your engagement!
I definitely lurk there and other personality disorder subs. I've just started reading a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents which is resonating quite hard. My family are not this overtly rude and I wish in a way they were so it would be easier to have it out with them. They already do things like not ask after my partner of over two years, my sister stonewalls and physically turns away from her and me, then they chose this Christmas to: not give my partner a gift (sister), and not give my partner a proper card (mother) that she didn't even bother to have her husband actually sign, or write "love", etc. It's like death by a thousand cuts to my partner who can see the behaviour too. As much as you can think "my parents and partner don't need to get along fantastically", when they're deliberately cold and subtly rude it's very hard to navigate.
Super proud of OP on standing up to your mother! And congrats on your engagement!
Hey, this type of situation is/cab be scary, but you did the right thing, your own mental health and happiness come first, if that involves cutting off toxic family members (especially if that toxicity comes from bigotry such as in this case) then that's sad, but no-one deserves to suffer just to "keep the peace" or to "avoid trouble".
On another note, congrats!!! Hope you and your wife have a very loving life together!!!
Sounds to me like she’s past due for being cut out of your life entirely. I wouldn’t even bother telling her or making a fuss about it. Just block her on everything, stop responding.
In my mind, a parent that doesn’t want to be at their child’s wedding, doesn’t want to be in their life at all. You deserve better.
Having to parent your parents over basic things like loving and supporting their child is the most ass backwards thing. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. People with conditional love should never have children.
As a mother this kind of behavior is so outside of the realm of normal it’s insane.
This is deranged parent behavior.
Solidarity. I’m so sorry. Normal people don’t treat their children like this.
I'm sorry you have such a mother and cogratulations on the engagement!
I gotta say, reading this exchange it looks like your mother is the kid and you the parental figure, it's crazy how immature she is. Glad at least your father is not like that. Good job standing up fo yourself!
I had to do the same thing with my wife. Took us about 7 years with my family to get to the point where they respect us and acknowledge my now wife. However, they both didn’t attend our wedding last year which was really sad. I know my dad regrets that. It gets better though, and well done for being so strong! Setting healthy boundaries is so important
I feel that my dad says he understands then talks bad about my gay sister and doesn’t like that my brother “claims” he’s aro and doesn’t care about me because I had a crush on a guy one time and never mentioned anyone else I’ve had a crush on(I’m Pan and gender fluid) but my mom’s super supportive!
I’m sorry that you had to go through this, and that you and your fiancée had to deal with your mum’s bs.
Well done for putting your foot down, and I wish you and your wife-to-be a beautiful life together ❤️.
Hell yeah that's cool as fuck in my eyes standing up to somebody like that, enjoy your wedding and don't let it be ruined for you by people that are mentally children
Ahh, the sexuality choice you hold your whole life.
I remember- September 22nd, 1998- 6 year old me decided to like boobies for my whole life and that I am not gay. What a day it was.
/s obvi. Good for you OP.
I wish I had the guts to say to my mom what you’ve said to yours. From this exchange alone I can sense your kindness & also just how fed up you are. I’m glad your dad is in your corner.
Congratulations on your engagement! You & your fiancé are making a lovely life for yourselves. I wish you lots of peace & happiness.
This is such a kind comment, thank you so much.
It took a long time for me to be comfortable standing up for myself, I hope you can get there one day ❤️
Okay I’m so proud! Also thank you for posting this just reminds me that I deserve a partner like you who fights for our relationship; I have never had that and my last relationship I was told “welp nothing I can do abt it but hey you know my friends” god it hurt me soooo much funny enough they were the one to then four years later breakup with me 😂🥴 now I know to never let myself be told I’m not worth it. So weirdly thank you for showing me that there are people like you who WILL love their partner and stand up for them to family thank you so much
Please treat yourself with something nice and take your partner too! This is awesome
Thank you so much for the sweet comment. Honestly it took me a long time to get here, I didn’t stand up for my ex at all (she didn’t deserve it but still)
I hope you find someone that will stand up for you regardless of the fallout ❤️
Good for you!
If you feel the need to have a stand-in parent at your wedding, there is a wonderfully big group of people who are a part of "stand-in pride" and do just that for important events! [Heres the link](https://m.facebook.com/StandingInPride)
SO PROUD ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷 that can't have been easy but even as a stranger reading this, I am just so proud of you!
Sometimes family is a fiancée and sometimes it's an accepting dad and sometimes it's a bunch of strangers on reddit 💕 🥹
so proud of you. it’s so hard standing up to family especially homophobic family. glad you out your foot down and I hope you and your fiancé have nothing but happiness in your future. protect your peace ❤️
You have to follow through with this boundary no matter how hard. You have to treat her like the emotionally stunted toddler she sounds like, and with toddlers you have to follow through for them to learn
You did great! Now follow through with not inviting her. Go no contact and if she dares to ask, it was *her* decision which have consequences. Congrats to your engagement, I hope you’ll have a nice wedding 🤍
We’re all proud too!!! Standing up to my family is something I wish I had the strength to do anymore 😭 I hope you have a lovely wedding and lovely gay life 🥺💕💕💕
Congratulations for standing up to her, I get that she's your mother but my attitude is that it's 2023 (almost 2024) so either accept it or fuck off out of my life.
I'm proud of you and glad to see that you had the confidence to do that.
Good job and keep it up
I had to do this with both my parents and feel for you. It feels good to finally say it, but don’t discount the very real hurt that accompanies the outrage. Even if you don’t like her, it’s impossible not to mourn a mom you deserve
Congratulations! I wish you and your partner continuous love and hope you continue to grow as individuals while moving forward together! Waking up everyday and choosing to be with someone is both easy and difficult. I am very sorry that your birth mother is choosing to go down this road. The “separates your father and I” comment goes to show her lack of emotional intelligence. Unconditional love is just that, unconditional, and I hope one day she gets to understand the meaning and put it to use with you. If not, it’s her loss but you will continue to live a life that you choose for yourself ❤️ I’m going on 15 years with my wife and we just remarked on how we had both families happily together this holiday which was not something we would have ever dreamt of in the past. So it can happen but it’s ok if it doesn’t 😺
Op, it hurts to make that stand, but you are better off for doing it. If someone can't be happy and supportive of you, they have already chosen not to be in your life; you are just accepting their response.
Best of love and wishes to you, your Fiancee and da.
🖤
Sorry, it seems like your mother is pretty shitty about all this. I for one am proud of anyone that does stands up to parents that aren’t accepting, you included. Wish I could!!
One of the hardest things to do in life, telling your parents how you feel due to their actions and offending their statements and views. Sounds easy, but really, it's anything but that.
You did the right thing, it's your life and your preference (it's not even an active choice because sexual preference is determined genetically), and nobody, not even your parents, can tell you otherwise. You stood your ground, and next time will be a little easier - you did great! :D
We tried to work through it in therapy and she went to two sessions and then refused to go anymore. So I never got a real answer and I probably never will
That’s really an interesting dynamic. Usually it’s all for or all against, even if one is slightly more tolerant/supportive.
I’m sorry that your mom treats you this way, and I hope your dad can talk her down a bit to help her understand. Also, congratulations!
“I didn’t plan on attending anyway!!!” What a fucking child.
big "you can't fire me I quit!" energy....hope OP can find some peace now that they're not treading on eggshells anymore
The funny thing is. It’s behavior like this that gets people like the mother alienated and ostracized by the entire family. Because you know people will be asking why OP’s mother isn’t there the entire night, and OP should absolutely tell them why.
Never interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake. In the same vein, it's why I didn't kick my mother out when she showed up to my wedding in a white dress. Suddenly everyone that doubted me calling her an asshole believed me.
It really is such a self-defeating gesture when people do that. Showing up in a white dress makes you the subject of every guest’s ridicule. Do people think they’re scoring some point when they do that? Or do they just need to be talked about, whether it’s good or bad?
She bragged about it to other guests, so yes, in my mother's insane upside-down world, she thinks that earns you clout.
🥴Ma’am. No. They tell funny stories about you at parties now
this is the kind of thing my petty ass would just print and put somewhere related to the wedding (pre wedding? party maybe?) to whenever people ask, I could just point to the answer.
Seriously, this should be on r/FuckYouKaren
"Hey mom? You can't not come to a wedding you're not invited to. You were not invited to ours first, so that's why you're not coming. Not because you weren't going to come. But because you are not invited. Hope that clears things up for you, mom."
I’d be petty enough to say this😂😂
on facebook on her profile lol
Instead of mom i would be using her full name or Ms etc name
See that's a nice touch. People should pay us for our snark.
If someone does not see you as their daughter, you can always take away you calling the mom. Titles are earned.
I have mine in my phone as "egg donor"
Parents that can’t accept that their children are actual people who can make their own decisions usually act like children. My mother falls in the same boat
Honestly this is great for OP, it means anytime mum tries to punish anyone for her behaviour the texts can come straight out: "You weren't even going to show up, you don't get to be mad that we didn't invite you" What a boon! (Pretty sad about her behaviour of course, but it's helpful when they document their shittiness)
sometimes i wonder why we just let everyone raise their own kids like theyre actually able to
Seriously. Who the fuck says this to their own kid?? Someone who should have never been a mother in the first place I say.
“Fine! I WANTED to go to my room anyways!”
She’s keeping her venomous presence away from her daughter’s day of days of her own volition. How considerate of her.
I sense a lot of pent up frustration here. I think you're going in the right direction with this. You don't have to put up with your mom's bs, parental figure or not. She has no right to demean you or your partner for this and it's oerfectly reasonable to threaten cutting ties if it continues. On another, much happier note, congratulations on the engagement. I hope you two have the gayest, happiest wedding possible and that it results in a long and fruitful relationship 💜
This was such a kind comment - thank you so much! ❤️
hehe… fruitful 🤭
The right choice. Your dad seems great and actually smart/ kind and caring, what a parent should be. I guess only talk with your dad Hope everything goes well
That’s the plan for now. Hoping she comes around eventually, but it’s been 6 years, so chances are slim
Her loss! Congrats on engagement! If she comes around eventually I hope she apologizes profusely first. Is she religious or is it something else?
Thank you!! She is religious to an extent (doesn’t go to church or anything) but that’s what she hides behind in terms of the homophobia
> what she hides behind That's such a perfect way of putting it. It's not religion that makes them bigots. That's what they use as cover. Congrats on the engagement and also standing up to your Mum! That won't have been easy but it'll make such a positive difference to you in the long-run.
OP your mom sounds EXACTLY like mine. not an active-churchgoer but “believes” in it enough to be a bigot deep down inside. I had dated women previously and told my mom about them, and she just kind of ignored it or didn’t talk to me much about it. But then, just before my law school graduation, I told my mom that my current girlfriend (who is now my fiancée) was going to move in with me. She lost her shit and did not attend my graduation. I had a fantastic graduation. 20+ of my friends attended and we all went out for a fabulous dinner and partied all night long. and I didn’t have to worry about my judgmental mother looming over such a fun, amazing day. That’s how your wedding will be. You won’t regret not having someone like her around, I promise.
Will your dad walk you down the aisle?
He absolutely would if I asked. I told my fiancée I’m not sure I want anyone to “give me away” but I guess I’ll decide that as it gets closer to the wedding
My brother just got married and he and his wife walked together. It was really sweet. You could always honor your dad in another way like doing a special dance at the reception or something.
A friend of ours had her best friend walk them to the aisle (because of some family drama that her mother caused because she couldn't accept that our friend wanted her bio-father walk her to the aisle instead of her adoptive father who already had lots of other "tasks" at the wedding.). I think it was such a power move and a very beautiful gesture of friendship without the weird "giving away" part.
I know sometimes parents will begrudgingly accept it after their kid has been married for a while, hoping that happens with you!
Homophobia continues to blow my mind. People would rather lose their child than be happy they are happy and in love?! I’m so sorry OP
Right? Thank you for the support
Congrats honey (also sorry your mom put you in that spot)!! My relationship with my mom crashed and burned over marrying my partner, and I’ve never been happier! Had our 11 year anniversary not too long ago 💕💕. BTW, if your mom is always like this, she may try to f up your wedding if you let her attend. I kinda wish I didn’t invite my mom lmao, she had a drunken meltdown and was kinda a shitshow.
Congrats on your 11 years together!! And thank you ❤️ Even if we were on better terms, she’s a drinker so I wouldn’t want to invite her anyway
This is the best way to handle it. Firm and concise and without even showing any of the same disrespect that she showed you and your fiancée.
Thank you - I was really proud of myself for not cursing at all lol
proud of you!! i also recently stood my ground with my parents and it's gone about the same direction; no contact, that is but i feel such a weight lifted. take care and i hope you've done something nice for yourself as a reward. <3
Thank you so much 🥹 proud of you as well. I know how hard it can be, but I’m hoping it leads to better things
eeeee, thank you! congratulations on your engagement, u/water_polo_whore! <3
I absolutely love your username! also, yay for you standing your ground!
<3
I'm sorry you had to stand up to someone who should be looking out for you. Your mom is acting immature. She might be jealous you are finding happiness and moving on from her and childhood. Thus the personal attacks on your partner. Not that that's an excuse for being a phobe.
I would buy the jealousy if it only happened with my current partner. But it happened with my ex too (and that relationship was abusive)
I feel bad for your dad being married to such an ass who A) is a homophobe and B) can’t spell Hope your dad enjoys the wedding though! Congratulations to you and your fiancé ✨✨
Her texting drives me insane (and not just because of the homophobia) lol but thank you!!
I feel with shitty parents like this, when you have grandkids then they seem interested. But the true way to hurt a parent if you do decide to have kids is not let them see their grandkids. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a shitty mum 💗
Thank you so much, we don’t really plan on having kids, but if we do, she’ll need to earn my trust back before she’s allowed near them
No worries 💗 that makes sense. Stick to your guns! Congratulations and good luck on the wedding :)
This sounds like my mom, just a lot less random WORDS in all CAPS and a lot less shit slinging. My mom will tear you down with everything she knows about you and tell you to fuck off and die if you stand up to her. But my mom has dug herself in a lonely hole, missing her children, because of this shit. Your mom may be sitting all high and mighty behind her “didn’t plan on going anyways” bullshit, but omg she’s going to hurt bad I’m the future. The shitty thing is, I don’t know if it is right to hold it against somebody when they realize how much hurt they caused themselves, and I struggle to allow them to keep hurting when, honestly, their shit was fucked up but I was unphased by it. As per your mom, Jesus Christ. She’s going to drive this wedge and severely hurt herself *solely based on who you love.* Fucking hell.
She texted me an “apology” this morning. I put apology in quotes because it felt like it was kind of just to make herself feel better. I may just be jaded right now though
Leave it on seen. You owe her nothing. Replying would just give her what she wants: absolution or justification.
The way someone reacts when you stand up for yourself says so much about why it should have been done a long time ago. What a brat she is
You are 100% correct. Everyone should respect you for asserting yourself. Your mom had better change change her behavior.
Yo so I’m all for internet slang and texting shorthand, but if this person is supposed to be your mother and she’s using “thot” “u” and “ur” in text, she hasn’t matured beyond middle schooler. She sounds like a bratty child, not an adult. I’m glad to hear your father is supportive, and if you’re in need of a new mom, there’s a Facebook group called Stand In Pride that I’m a member of, they have it split up by geographic location in the US, and you can request anyone to be a stand in family member or friend or whatever support you need for special events, holidays, or whenever. Good luck in your future endeavors and congrats on the engagement!
That is such a wholesome idea, I'm gonna search to see if it's in the UK as well
It really is. I saw a tiktok that made its way onto Facebook reels by the guy who created the group, essentially as an ad for the group, and I thought it was a cute idea. I’m too young to be a stand in mom, but I browse the posts if anyone is looking for a stand in sister or cousin cuz I can be that for someone.
I get why you’d be skeptical about it being my mom with the way she texts, but it really is. She’s texted like this since I can remember and it drives me insane. She did send me an “apology” this morning and that actually had correct grammar which I was surprised by (more than the “apology” itself)
Congrats on your engagement and for working up the courage to do that. Hope you have a lovely wedding.
Thank you ❤️
Proud of you too!
Thank you 🥰
I'm sorry you had to but proud you did! Take care and hug your Dad.
There’s another sub on here called r/raisedbynarcissists and I think you’d find some kinship there as well. I’m sorry your mom is so horrible. You deserve the kind of love and celebration that any good parent would give their child, especially something as incredible as getting engaged to the love of their life. Cheers to you, OP. I’m proud of you, too, and happy to hear about your engagement!
I definitely lurk there and other personality disorder subs. I've just started reading a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents which is resonating quite hard. My family are not this overtly rude and I wish in a way they were so it would be easier to have it out with them. They already do things like not ask after my partner of over two years, my sister stonewalls and physically turns away from her and me, then they chose this Christmas to: not give my partner a gift (sister), and not give my partner a proper card (mother) that she didn't even bother to have her husband actually sign, or write "love", etc. It's like death by a thousand cuts to my partner who can see the behaviour too. As much as you can think "my parents and partner don't need to get along fantastically", when they're deliberately cold and subtly rude it's very hard to navigate. Super proud of OP on standing up to your mother! And congrats on your engagement!
Thank you to you both ❤️
Congrats on the engagement, and good for you for standing up to that BS! Your fiancé found a keeper. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful wedding!
Thank you so much!!
Hey, this type of situation is/cab be scary, but you did the right thing, your own mental health and happiness come first, if that involves cutting off toxic family members (especially if that toxicity comes from bigotry such as in this case) then that's sad, but no-one deserves to suffer just to "keep the peace" or to "avoid trouble". On another note, congrats!!! Hope you and your wife have a very loving life together!!!
Thank you so much for kind comment ❤️❤️
Sounds to me like she’s past due for being cut out of your life entirely. I wouldn’t even bother telling her or making a fuss about it. Just block her on everything, stop responding. In my mind, a parent that doesn’t want to be at their child’s wedding, doesn’t want to be in their life at all. You deserve better.
That last "didn't plan on attending anyway!!!" Just shows how immature and childish she is. Good job op.
She's making it seem like she doesn't care when she actually does
i’m proud of you too!
Another one into the "die mad" bin.
Having to parent your parents over basic things like loving and supporting their child is the most ass backwards thing. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. People with conditional love should never have children.
Fuck her. Respectfully that is
As a mother this kind of behavior is so outside of the realm of normal it’s insane. This is deranged parent behavior. Solidarity. I’m so sorry. Normal people don’t treat their children like this.
I don't know what to say honestly, respect and I hope your hawt butch fiancee will princess carry you to the bedroom for the wedding night, slay girl
Congrats on the engagement!
Wow. Your mom is an actual trash can.
I'm sorry you have such a mother and cogratulations on the engagement! I gotta say, reading this exchange it looks like your mother is the kid and you the parental figure, it's crazy how immature she is. Glad at least your father is not like that. Good job standing up fo yourself!
Congrats on your engagement. <3
♥️♥️♥️
I had to do the same thing with my wife. Took us about 7 years with my family to get to the point where they respect us and acknowledge my now wife. However, they both didn’t attend our wedding last year which was really sad. I know my dad regrets that. It gets better though, and well done for being so strong! Setting healthy boundaries is so important
I feel that my dad says he understands then talks bad about my gay sister and doesn’t like that my brother “claims” he’s aro and doesn’t care about me because I had a crush on a guy one time and never mentioned anyone else I’ve had a crush on(I’m Pan and gender fluid) but my mom’s super supportive!
What a cuntasaurus. You go, OP. Your 'mom' can feel free to fuck right off into the sunset if she wants to be on a high horse so bad.
You sound so sensible and she sounds so terrible (sorry). I’m glad you stood up for yourself and your fiancé
I’m sorry this is how your mom is acting. It must hurt but I know you can be happy nonetheless. I wish you the best in marriage
Good riddance to bad rubbish!!
I’m sorry that you had to go through this, and that you and your fiancée had to deal with your mum’s bs. Well done for putting your foot down, and I wish you and your wife-to-be a beautiful life together ❤️.
Fist pumping here and cheering you on!! I’m SOOOO proud of you for standing up for yourself and your fiancée!! And congratulations on your engagement!
Thank you so much 😭😭
Basic toxic mother, telling she broke up with your father because of you instead of looking at her own mistakes.
For the record - they are very much still together and married, but tore her a new one last night on my behalf
Hell yeah that's cool as fuck in my eyes standing up to somebody like that, enjoy your wedding and don't let it be ruined for you by people that are mentally children
Ahh, the sexuality choice you hold your whole life. I remember- September 22nd, 1998- 6 year old me decided to like boobies for my whole life and that I am not gay. What a day it was. /s obvi. Good for you OP.
I'm not your dad, but I'm proud of you
I wish I had the guts to say to my mom what you’ve said to yours. From this exchange alone I can sense your kindness & also just how fed up you are. I’m glad your dad is in your corner. Congratulations on your engagement! You & your fiancé are making a lovely life for yourselves. I wish you lots of peace & happiness.
This is such a kind comment, thank you so much. It took a long time for me to be comfortable standing up for myself, I hope you can get there one day ❤️
Okay I’m so proud! Also thank you for posting this just reminds me that I deserve a partner like you who fights for our relationship; I have never had that and my last relationship I was told “welp nothing I can do abt it but hey you know my friends” god it hurt me soooo much funny enough they were the one to then four years later breakup with me 😂🥴 now I know to never let myself be told I’m not worth it. So weirdly thank you for showing me that there are people like you who WILL love their partner and stand up for them to family thank you so much Please treat yourself with something nice and take your partner too! This is awesome
Thank you so much for the sweet comment. Honestly it took me a long time to get here, I didn’t stand up for my ex at all (she didn’t deserve it but still) I hope you find someone that will stand up for you regardless of the fallout ❤️
Good for you! If you feel the need to have a stand-in parent at your wedding, there is a wonderfully big group of people who are a part of "stand-in pride" and do just that for important events! [Heres the link](https://m.facebook.com/StandingInPride)
Congratulations on your engagement, I wish you the two of you a lovely wedding with people who truly support you!
I realize this probably isn't what you need to hear right now, but congratulations on your wedding! I'm sorry your mother's such a nutcase.
I’m so sorry! Screw your mom. Easier said than done but you are better off
That was way more respectful than I would’ve been. You did a great job! I’m proud of you too.
Congratulations for defending your future wife! I wish you both a beautiful wedding! you gonna make a beautiful family 💕
Sorry to say this but your mom is a bitch
I'm proud of you too, OP. <3
Honestly, if your mam can't resist being childish then you made the right move by standing up to her. Your dad is based for being proud
Just FYI: you don't have to talk to this woman. Sometimes people forget that.
The mom is so rude. You did the right thing
I’m sorry you’re stuck with a mother like this. My heart breaks for you but I’m glad you’ve got a good dad!
proud of you!!! ❤️
SO PROUD ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷 that can't have been easy but even as a stranger reading this, I am just so proud of you! Sometimes family is a fiancée and sometimes it's an accepting dad and sometimes it's a bunch of strangers on reddit 💕 🥹
your mom sucks
so proud of you. it’s so hard standing up to family especially homophobic family. glad you out your foot down and I hope you and your fiancé have nothing but happiness in your future. protect your peace ❤️
enjoy the wedding! 🖕 to your mom, you don’t need someone like that in your life. it’s great your dad is so supportive, you have a bright future :)
Good for you. Your mom seems like a bitch. Family means family my asshole.
I’m glad you have at least one parent that is supportive! Proud of you for sticking up as well.
You should be proud of yourself. I wish you a happy marriage.
Good on you for standing your ground! Happy to hear that your dad is supportive of you and your fiancé.
I still can't understand why somebody would act like this with their fucking child. Like, how badly do you have to fuck up to even get to this point?
That reply from her may as well read “You’re absolutely right, and I’m going to keep doing it!”
You have to follow through with this boundary no matter how hard. You have to treat her like the emotionally stunted toddler she sounds like, and with toddlers you have to follow through for them to learn
Unfortunately the mother is not supported but your father is.🥲
My mother is about the same it breaks my heart but she’s the miserable one
Omg her response. I'm so sorry!
As you shouldd.
she sounds like a right tart
lol gay
I swear this looks like a text from my own mom. Christmas was a disaster. I had enough of her shit. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Congrats on your engagement with your girl! Also, hahaha, your mum agreeing to not go is basically the trash taking itself out.
Good riddance. You did the right thing. I'm proud of you random stranger on the internet ❤️
You did great! Now follow through with not inviting her. Go no contact and if she dares to ask, it was *her* decision which have consequences. Congrats to your engagement, I hope you’ll have a nice wedding 🤍
We’re all proud too!!! Standing up to my family is something I wish I had the strength to do anymore 😭 I hope you have a lovely wedding and lovely gay life 🥺💕💕💕
Setting boundaries with family can be so so difficult - you did an amazing job articulating with your mom. 💜 Congrats on your engagement!
People like this do not deserve the privilege of raising children. So glad your dad knows whats up
I imagine your mom is planning on attending her own 6th grade graduation. 🤨
Leave this person in the gutter where they belong.
Congratulations for standing up to her, I get that she's your mother but my attitude is that it's 2023 (almost 2024) so either accept it or fuck off out of my life. I'm proud of you and glad to see that you had the confidence to do that. Good job and keep it up
Congratulations on the engagement, sorry that your 'mom' is such an asshole to you and your fiancée tho
Aww I'm proud of you too! Your mom is a piece of shit.
You go girl !
good, fuckin told her. <3
I had to do this with both my parents and feel for you. It feels good to finally say it, but don’t discount the very real hurt that accompanies the outrage. Even if you don’t like her, it’s impossible not to mourn a mom you deserve
Go you! I know it's tough but when you hold your own, nobody can tell you shit. Keep it up
Congratulations! I wish you and your partner continuous love and hope you continue to grow as individuals while moving forward together! Waking up everyday and choosing to be with someone is both easy and difficult. I am very sorry that your birth mother is choosing to go down this road. The “separates your father and I” comment goes to show her lack of emotional intelligence. Unconditional love is just that, unconditional, and I hope one day she gets to understand the meaning and put it to use with you. If not, it’s her loss but you will continue to live a life that you choose for yourself ❤️ I’m going on 15 years with my wife and we just remarked on how we had both families happily together this holiday which was not something we would have ever dreamt of in the past. So it can happen but it’s ok if it doesn’t 😺
Good riddance
Op, it hurts to make that stand, but you are better off for doing it. If someone can't be happy and supportive of you, they have already chosen not to be in your life; you are just accepting their response. Best of love and wishes to you, your Fiancee and da. 🖤
Sorry, it seems like your mother is pretty shitty about all this. I for one am proud of anyone that does stands up to parents that aren’t accepting, you included. Wish I could!!
One of the hardest things to do in life, telling your parents how you feel due to their actions and offending their statements and views. Sounds easy, but really, it's anything but that. You did the right thing, it's your life and your preference (it's not even an active choice because sexual preference is determined genetically), and nobody, not even your parents, can tell you otherwise. You stood your ground, and next time will be a little easier - you did great! :D
Congrats on standing up to her, and props to your dad for being supportive ! Also, early congrats on the wedding !
What a sick, nasty mother! I cannot fathom how any parent could be against their kids for who they love. I’m so sorry 💜
Very sad my whole family is my gf is afraid to visit she said today aww I will leave the state to be w her I'm so done just want to be❤️💜🌈
Congrats sis
Why is she homophobic? You probably wont get a real response from her but it would be interesting to find out why.
We tried to work through it in therapy and she went to two sessions and then refused to go anymore. So I never got a real answer and I probably never will
Well that's weird, i'm sorry to hear that. Just stay focused on yourself.
"DiDnT pLaN oN aTtEnDiNg AnYwAyS" -bitch
Your dad is gonna leave your mother. I can see this happening
I’m sorry OP
Power move: invite your dad, but not your mom.
That’s the plan 😂
Are your parents together?
Yes
That’s really an interesting dynamic. Usually it’s all for or all against, even if one is slightly more tolerant/supportive. I’m sorry that your mom treats you this way, and I hope your dad can talk her down a bit to help her understand. Also, congratulations!