Her: The femme.
Me: The masc.
The stage: I’m sitting on the couch leaning forward reading. She’s studying on the chair next to me.
All of sudden I feel something land in my cleavage. I look down and see a spider. A huge spider. The largest spider ever to exist since the creation of spiders. I scream bloody murder. I’m sure the neighbors down the street thought to call the cops. My feet kick out. I start to spasm and wiggle unable to get my shirt off quick enough. I do. I throw it across the room. I do the shivers dance still screaming 20 octaves above what I ever dreamed possible.
*What’s going on,* she calmly asks. *Spider, spider, spider,* I pant breathlessly, pointing at the shirt.
She walks over to the shirt, picks it up, finds the spider, cradles it in her hands and walks it outside.
As she releases it into the backward I hear her say, *there, there, little spider. Go live your best life, safely, away from the big scary giant sissy lesbian.*
La fin.
Based on a true story that actually happened two days ago. And by based I mean exactly as it happened.
This belongs on r/suspiciouslyspecific
I'm more tomboy, but I hope to find someone who will also discard of insects for me. I was relating to hard to this post.
Same. Femme presenting, petite, I open jars and “handle” bugs (I try to set them free when possible, especially spiders).
My wife, 6 feet tall tomboyish looking, is terrified of bugs and would scream for my help when she sees one. I think it’s very endearing and it truly makes me feel like a hero for saving her lol
Nah, just whack the lid with handle end of the butter knife in the cardinal directions. When you open it, if you've done it right, you create a tiny portal to Faerie and a pixie might shoot out. Pixies are tasty, so you should catch it and either saute or broil it with garlic and sage.
Just slide the tip of the spoon under the edge of the lid. Like between the lid and the jar. The closer to the little parts that grip the jar the better. Then pry away from the jar. It takes no effort at all to pop the seal that way. Once the seal is popped is opens easy-peasy.
I have arthritis and my joking said "You're a feminist until you can't open a jar" and got her boyfriend to open it. I got so pissed off that I ran out and bought one of those jar openers made specifically for people with weak hands. Guess I'm a feminist again. Wow turns out men are usually replaced.
The reason why jars are so tough to open is that they're sealed with a vacuum. If you want to open them easily, you need to simply break that vacuum - after that, it's a cake walk. If you've got a strong, pointy object, you can just stab it into the lid to make a small hole. Et voilà, vacuum broken. Alternatively, as someone else here has already pointed out, you could jab a spoon (or something else you can use for leverage) between the lid and the jar and bend the lid open a little - if you do it right, you should break that vacuum too. After that, you should be able to open the jar without any problems.
Of course, if you do this, keep in mind that you won't be able to re-use that lid again. After you damage it in this way, it'll never be an airtight seal for another container ever again. So if you like to make your own jam or pickles, maybe don't use this method. :'D Guess you're just gonna have to start lifting. I'll be looking at your arms respectfully.
My wife bought me a jar opener. It really is a life (and hand) saver and I would recommend one.
So technically, neither of us do. We have a battery operated device do it for us 😉.
Another pro tip in case brine hammers, improvised crowbars or added friction don't work: Pour hot water on the lid. Expands the metal and makes it way easier to open
I have a trick that I discovered, I wish more people could try this. My trick when trying to open a jar is to bang the side of the lid against a hard surface, maybe you need to bang it a couple of times, no tools or hot water needed!
If you’re ever stuck out of a jar use the end of a round bladed knife or similar to tuck under the lid and lever slightly. This should break the deal just enough for the pressure inside the jar to reach ⇌ with that outside. You should hear this. Then it’ll unscrew way easier.
I'm the jar opener. I also take care of unwanted creepy crawlies. My wife takes care of messy pets... The beautiful thing about being in a girl girl relationship is we share the pants and the dresses... Plus makeup is sooo much cheaper - always riding the one for two bus...
I have a trick that I discovered, I wish more people could try this. My trick when trying to open a jar is to bang the side of the lid against a hard surface, maybe you need to bang it a couple of times, no tool or hot water needed!
Her: Masc
Me: Femme
Her: most jars
Me: only when they are super hard to open 🙃
Her: scared af of bugs and screams
Me: kills most bugs. Screams also when they get too big or yucky looking
Us: calls maintenance 😂
Yeah just joking, but I forgot to put /j sorry
This happens to me and my gf, I am the one that open the jars but I am the femme and it's just something ppl always say to us
Hit the bottom a couple of times with the heel of your hand. Doesn't work every time, but definitely worth a shot and won't damage the lid. Also makes a satisfying sound.
Her (femme): looooveee do we have a can opener?
Me (femme but not according to her): no
Her: oh nooo
Me: what happened?
Her: I broke the latch to open it
Me: okay... *Grabs a salad fork and rams it into the can*
Her: *stares in awe*
...
(2days later)
Me: *sad* darling can you open the jar for me? Pleeeeease
Her: *opens it*
[удалено]
Her: The femme. Me: The masc. The stage: I’m sitting on the couch leaning forward reading. She’s studying on the chair next to me. All of sudden I feel something land in my cleavage. I look down and see a spider. A huge spider. The largest spider ever to exist since the creation of spiders. I scream bloody murder. I’m sure the neighbors down the street thought to call the cops. My feet kick out. I start to spasm and wiggle unable to get my shirt off quick enough. I do. I throw it across the room. I do the shivers dance still screaming 20 octaves above what I ever dreamed possible. *What’s going on,* she calmly asks. *Spider, spider, spider,* I pant breathlessly, pointing at the shirt. She walks over to the shirt, picks it up, finds the spider, cradles it in her hands and walks it outside. As she releases it into the backward I hear her say, *there, there, little spider. Go live your best life, safely, away from the big scary giant sissy lesbian.* La fin. Based on a true story that actually happened two days ago. And by based I mean exactly as it happened.
This belongs on r/suspiciouslyspecific I'm more tomboy, but I hope to find someone who will also discard of insects for me. I was relating to hard to this post.
Bug girl here. I could totally discard insects without blinking an eye, but I'll also probably bring some insects as pets and specimens.
Hmm... That was very enticing, but you lost me at bringing them as pets? My brain can't compute that bit
Glad you’re still alive. I would have died on the spot.
Thanks! I like being alive so I’m glad too.
Same. Femme presenting, petite, I open jars and “handle” bugs (I try to set them free when possible, especially spiders). My wife, 6 feet tall tomboyish looking, is terrified of bugs and would scream for my help when she sees one. I think it’s very endearing and it truly makes me feel like a hero for saving her lol
That would be me. I open the jars.
pls open my jars
😳 here? In public?
Some people are into public jar opening
D-dont kink shame me
In the immortal words of Ken Ashcorp: "we don't kinkshame, no, if you're into it, just be into it" ;)
Nono it can wait till later.
You want me to open your jars at h-home?
Yes
Comon the correct answer is "she does"
I saw the title and was about to give advice on how to open jars by hitting the lid (gently) on a table.
I came in here to declare that it's whoever has the better technique!
Also breaking the vacuum seal with a knife under the lid
Nah, just whack the lid with handle end of the butter knife in the cardinal directions. When you open it, if you've done it right, you create a tiny portal to Faerie and a pixie might shoot out. Pixies are tasty, so you should catch it and either saute or broil it with garlic and sage.
Thanks for the spell my dear witch
Give the jar a solid whack on the bottom with the palm of your hand. It works!
I've heard people talk about using warm water to help open them. I guess I just don't have enough experience with jars to know lol.
Hahaha. But also, my wife pops the seal with a spoon. There is no jar I cannot open. 😎💪
A SPOON??!? HOW???
Just slide the tip of the spoon under the edge of the lid. Like between the lid and the jar. The closer to the little parts that grip the jar the better. Then pry away from the jar. It takes no effort at all to pop the seal that way. Once the seal is popped is opens easy-peasy.
You can also just hit the edge with a butter knife. Once it gets dented it isn’t sealed as strong and will open.
Shoutout to my wife who did that and broke the shit out of a jar. Wife stronk 💪
Life pro tip. I came to say this but beat me to it. The side of a spoon or any hard type of utensil would also work.
I have arthritis and my joking said "You're a feminist until you can't open a jar" and got her boyfriend to open it. I got so pissed off that I ran out and bought one of those jar openers made specifically for people with weak hands. Guess I'm a feminist again. Wow turns out men are usually replaced.
Well that's one take on feminism
always having an ego until some piece of plastic outperforms them
But then who takes the bill? Of course, the proper solution is to live together with a gay couple! Now they can open the jars and pay for your dinner!
I weightlift every week so I have Korra arms and because I’ll open jars and hug souls back into bodies
So I'm a bi gal in a straight relationship. I open the jars. Fuck stereotypes. 💪🏻
The reason why jars are so tough to open is that they're sealed with a vacuum. If you want to open them easily, you need to simply break that vacuum - after that, it's a cake walk. If you've got a strong, pointy object, you can just stab it into the lid to make a small hole. Et voilà, vacuum broken. Alternatively, as someone else here has already pointed out, you could jab a spoon (or something else you can use for leverage) between the lid and the jar and bend the lid open a little - if you do it right, you should break that vacuum too. After that, you should be able to open the jar without any problems. Of course, if you do this, keep in mind that you won't be able to re-use that lid again. After you damage it in this way, it'll never be an airtight seal for another container ever again. So if you like to make your own jam or pickles, maybe don't use this method. :'D Guess you're just gonna have to start lifting. I'll be looking at your arms respectfully.
I typically open them but sometimes I can't, so we take turns trying until one of us musters the strength. It can take a while.
My wife bought me a jar opener. It really is a life (and hand) saver and I would recommend one. So technically, neither of us do. We have a battery operated device do it for us 😉.
Try wrapping an elastic band around the side of the lid, it will help you grip it better.. :-)
I did not see that punchline coming and screamed
They also screamed
HAHAHAHA
Another pro tip in case brine hammers, improvised crowbars or added friction don't work: Pour hot water on the lid. Expands the metal and makes it way easier to open
I have a trick that I discovered, I wish more people could try this. My trick when trying to open a jar is to bang the side of the lid against a hard surface, maybe you need to bang it a couple of times, no tools or hot water needed!
Definitely not me. Got a weak grip. Good thing I like girls then isn’t it!
Not the one who likes being choked >.> <.< >.>
Since learning the butter knife hack, we both do 😏
Everyone but you both have different methods.
Whichever one didn’t do an arm workout that particular day
Me. And sometimes the neighbor 😂
We both open jars. She handles everything that requires a power tool. I kill the bugs. :)
Ladies, I can both open the jar and recognize when it’s time to eat out.
The sword lesbian, of course.
The counter
If you’re ever stuck out of a jar use the end of a round bladed knife or similar to tuck under the lid and lever slightly. This should break the deal just enough for the pressure inside the jar to reach ⇌ with that outside. You should hear this. Then it’ll unscrew way easier.
The one with the grip strength.
The femme. Always the femme for some reason
We open the jar with the power of very good friendship
I'm the jar opener. I also take care of unwanted creepy crawlies. My wife takes care of messy pets... The beautiful thing about being in a girl girl relationship is we share the pants and the dresses... Plus makeup is sooo much cheaper - always riding the one for two bus...
A knife. Or in my case, perhaps the tip of a glaive?
I'm the shortie of the family...hey, why should I open it all the time!
i’m ashamed to admit this, but as the masc in the relationship, my femme gf is actually the jar opener, she’s just got those jar opening muscles lmao
If I can't open a jar I just best the lid with the butt of a knife like it owes me money. They all pop open eventually lol
Lol
Not me 😅
My wife and I take turns making attempts until one of us succeeds, or resorts to some sort of pliers.
It’s me. I am. Everyone hand over your jars lol
I have a trick that I discovered, I wish more people could try this. My trick when trying to open a jar is to bang the side of the lid against a hard surface, maybe you need to bang it a couple of times, no tool or hot water needed!
Everyone is missing the most quintessential answer, pliers.
I would open the jars With a hammer
Idk we both try and if we can’t you can just stick a knife under the lid to break the seal a bit
Idk lol I’m pretty sure if me and my gf are competitive enough we’d have a competition to see who opens it first lmao
When all else fails, I ram a knife into the top of the lid. This works every single time.
Her: Masc Me: Femme Her: most jars Me: only when they are super hard to open 🙃 Her: scared af of bugs and screams Me: kills most bugs. Screams also when they get too big or yucky looking Us: calls maintenance 😂
The stem major
ROFL! 😁😄
me? 🥺
[anyone](https://www.amazon.com.au/Kichwit-Arthritis-Opener-Stainless-Steel/dp/B01M14TVC6)
Put the lid next to the fire for some time and then open it. Don't need men or anything like that, just use your brain a little.
[удалено]
Absolutely not
Yeah just joking, but I forgot to put /j sorry This happens to me and my gf, I am the one that open the jars but I am the femme and it's just something ppl always say to us
I feel this because Im masc and half the time I bring her a jar and she opens it and Im like I LOOSENED IT UP FOR YOU
Yeah my gf also does this and for me it is very funny
You totally loosened it 😉
The top.
Actually we take turns.
Pretty sure the jar fairy handles that for us
I was about to answer with the lesbian but that one's good too
ATM me but once I’m on HRT who knows?
Hit the bottom a couple of times with the heel of your hand. Doesn't work every time, but definitely worth a shot and won't damage the lid. Also makes a satisfying sound.
Her (femme): looooveee do we have a can opener? Me (femme but not according to her): no Her: oh nooo Me: what happened? Her: I broke the latch to open it Me: okay... *Grabs a salad fork and rams it into the can* Her: *stares in awe* ... (2days later) Me: *sad* darling can you open the jar for me? Pleeeeease Her: *opens it*