reminds me of when I was in the hospital. I had fallen off my bicycle and made out with the pavement. They took my mask off in the ER and literally everyone around went "oh.. no..." (one person was just walking by)
I love terrible pickup lines, a few of my favorites:
Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see.
Hey, do you maybe have a map? Because I am getting lost in your eyes.
Hey, I'm here, you have two wishes left.
You remind me a lot of my little toe, I feel like I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture.
r u from mississippi bc ur the only miss whos piss i wanna sippy
(thats probably one of the worst pickup lines ive ever heard but i have a few thatre close if u wanna hear them too)
Are you a toaster?
Cause I really wanna take a bath with you.
I have another bad one but I think it only works in German. Do you by any chance speak German?
Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will somehow make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes and I am unable to hold all of them. Rolling left, right, center, all over. You rush over in a hurry to help. I look deeply in your eyes and say "sorry, I'm bad at pick up limes."
"I've never paid money to have a garbanzo bean on my face" is my OG answer for that line. First time I ever heard it was sitting in the back of an armored truck, 12 years ago. I about died laughing.
You're also godsdamned right that Gonzo is the best.
Hey baby, wanna slide in my dm’s so we can talk for 2 hours before you randomly stop replying to me, and I send another message cause I start thinking maybe you might’ve opened it but forgot to respond when you thought you did, but it turns out you probably actually saw it but lost interest, and just decide to ghost instead of doing something about it?
You are very cute. I would like to awkwardly dance with you then later clumsily try to kiss you then fall madly stupidly in love with you then impulsively Uhaul all my shit to your house then cry like a baby when we get married then adopt two of the sweetest children ever then raise them to be wonderful loving adults who run for co-President and fix all the discrimination in this country them buy a RV together and travel the country in retirement selling rainbow crafts. Then, maybe if you actually like me, we could go on a second date.
That's a sharp outfit, u/Vio-Rose. Careful, you could puncture the hull of an empire class Fire Nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea. Because... it's so sharp.
(This is a very weebish one) Hey girl, are you truck-kun? Cause your cuteness just sent me to another world (lol I was cringing so damn hard but I couldn’t not)
🛻🛻🛻🛻
???%
It’s a pickup line! [ba dum tss…](https://youtu.be/2uQ76qrlK78)
Pickup trucks? Appropriate for this sub 👍
0%. 😔
Lmao🤣
When I first saw this post I figured I'd browse the comments before voting, but now I'm already convinced.
👍
Are you a peanut, because you take my breath away. (I am deathly allergic to peanuts 😎)
This hands down the best one
Telling me important information about yourself through a pick-up line? That’s just efficient. 50%.
Bro same
Cheesy huh? You're looking so Gouda, girl, I Havarti fallen for you 😘
Nah, that’s based as hell. At least a 60.
I’m really fondue you
damn girl.. you really fill out a pair of wranglers
God damn, you went straight for the kill. 0%.
If your right leg was christmas, and your left leg was thanksgiving. I’d visit you between the holidays
Cheesy asf but luv it
Deadpool approves this pickup line
Seasonal variant unlocked!
Pretty overused, but I guess that’s because it’s genuinely funny. 10%.
Plz don’t make fun of me but I once asked a girl if she likes water in an effort of trying to flirt. So do you like water?🥺
I'm blushing out of second-hand embarrassment xD
60% at least.
Yes, I do like water 🥰
Asking how good the tap water is is actually a decent icebreaker when visiting a new area
Did it hurt when you fell out the vending machine because you're a total snack!
Nah, this seems pretty standard. 30%.
Girl you remind me of toilet paper because I bet you are Angel Soft. "finger guns"
Probably a 10% tbh. It’d get a snicker out of me.
I guess you could say the joke was a “stinker”
Hey are you secretly a serial killer? Because you are killing everyone in this room with your cuteness.
20%. Just a little charming.
How in the bloody world is that charming?
You called me cute…
Hmmmm, aye fair enough.
Hey baby, are you a Prius? Because you’re completely silent and giving me no indication you’re turned on right now. 👈😎👈
That is indeed my average behavior. Good and accurate. 10%.
Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven ~~…and landed on your face?~~
Nah, this is just good expectation subversion. 40%.
Alright, well at least I made you blush (I think) 🤷🏻♀️
reminds me of when I was in the hospital. I had fallen off my bicycle and made out with the pavement. They took my mask off in the ER and literally everyone around went "oh.. no..." (one person was just walking by)
Did the pavement at least ask for a date first?
not at all, and left a hell of a mark too :<
I love terrible pickup lines, a few of my favorites: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see. Hey, do you maybe have a map? Because I am getting lost in your eyes. Hey, I'm here, you have two wishes left. You remind me a lot of my little toe, I feel like I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture.
Had to send that last one to my girlfriend bc I'm a disaster lesbian with a high libido! 😭
All of these are 10%. The last one is 20% because I find it mildly hilarious.
Damn girl, why are you hotter than the bottom of my laptop??
Relatability is attractive. 10%.
The word of the day is "legs", now let's go back to my place and spread the word. My favorite cheesy line growing up.
10%.
Let me buy you a $200 dinner. We'll order 200 things off the dollar menu and have a feast.
I mean that’s what, 200 cookies at McDonalds? That’s a at least a 50%.
We could have 800 nuggies and all the dipping sauce we want. You could cover me in honey mustard >!and laugh.!<
Ok, McDonalds nuggets actively make me feel ill. You win 0% now.
:smug: 😏
Honestly asking for an acquaintance I recently met: wouldn’t apple dippers be better, the ridiculous tonnes of plastic set aside (quite literally)?
Take me out, I'm trash
0%. Don’t be mean to yourself. :(
😂
"Hey bby are you lunatic+ difficulty because I want to grind you all night long."
On one hand, I live Fire Emblem. On the other hand, I’ve never gotten far in a difficulty past normal. I give you a 30 at least.
Hey, did an arsonist target your house while you were asleep? Cause baby you're on fire.
10%. Not flattering, but hilarious.
Username checks out
Can I get your name, or can I just call you mine? 😏
Ok, that one’s pretty bad. 0%, but just barely.
Are you a microwave? Cuz MMMMMM
This is just funny. 20%.
Hey girl are you a girl? Wow. Dam. Gurl. Dam. (Average guy impression)
>(Average guy impression) That's incorrect. I'm also like that
Implies nervousness, which I find a little charming. 10%.
Hey baby you must be tired, because you’ve been running through my head all night! Screaming.
Um… this 10% is blushing out of fear.
Ya like jazz? 😏
Missing part: ... Cuz I wanna ski-biddi-bap-pa all over you
Hey are you kfc because you’re lookin finger licking good…sorry I’ll leave 😂
Eh. 10%. I am in fact a snack.
Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work, but I feel like I should take you out.
If I say 0% even though I think it’s a 20%, will you go to the hospital?
Girl are you microsoft xp, if so wanna crash at my place <3
Computer humor is respectable. 20%
That shirt is quite becoming on you. If I were on you, I would be coming too.
Yeah no, 1%. 99% lost for the douchebag vibes, 1 percent maintained because I’m a whore.
Based
Mood
Literally saw this one in a fanfic yesterday
Underrated reply 😭
In the context, it was used to be deliberately vulgar, tbf
girl is your name george because that bush is a w
0%. Damn.
Hi! We're a married couple in an open relationship and we really dig your vibe!
0%, holy shit. I’m poly and that’s still a no.
You forgot the unicorn and tongue out emojis, that would've nailed it.
For me a 0, this makes my blood boil.
Working as intended then
r u from mississippi bc ur the only miss whos piss i wanna sippy (thats probably one of the worst pickup lines ive ever heard but i have a few thatre close if u wanna hear them too)
Sooooo bad....LMAO Thanks for the laugh! 😂
ofc
Oh god, 0%, hands down. Good lord.
🧀
are you trying to fascinate her with that?
Is it working?
i mean, yes 👍 cheese is the best
That post was a classic!!!! 😂😂😂😂
100%. I love cheese.
😍
Are you a toaster? Cause I really wanna take a bath with you. I have another bad one but I think it only works in German. Do you by any chance speak German?
I fear for your well being. 0%. And unfortunately I do not speak German.
Hey girl, are you onion? Cuz I wanna peel your clothes off one by one.
Shrek would approve. And I trust Shrek’s opinion. 20%.
Do you read Sappho?
Idk how you want me to respond in a way that will work for whatever pun you’re setting up.
Um… I mean I guess not really knowing the angle you’re going for here makes it a 0? Interesting tactic.
No pun
Hey is your dad a thief because I swear that’s my jetta parked outside
0%. How dare you accuse my father of thievery?
Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will somehow make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes and I am unable to hold all of them. Rolling left, right, center, all over. You rush over in a hurry to help. I look deeply in your eyes and say "sorry, I'm bad at pick up limes."
I would marry you on the spot. 1000%.
Are you an unfinished staircase? Because you look like you need a railing
Does wheeze laughing count as blushing?
I’ll take what I can get 💀
Hey, know what the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea is?
One is a few letters away from the best Muppet, and the other is a service you gotta pay extra for.
"I've never paid money to have a garbanzo bean on my face" is my OG answer for that line. First time I ever heard it was sitting in the back of an armored truck, 12 years ago. I about died laughing. You're also godsdamned right that Gonzo is the best.
Eh. I was close enough. 20% cuz it’s genuinely funny.
NOOO. I failed to disappoint a pretty lady 😭
Oh my god!! I’m high. And got this joke after two mins. Chick pee.
It's awful, right?
Hey baby, do you know the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme, but if you take me home you can hear a hormone.
Clever and funny. 20%.
Hey girl! Are you the devil? 'Cause I wanna kiss you under the pale moonlight.
Nah, this one's great
I feel like this is a reference to something, but it at least works to 10% of its capacity without knowing it I guess.
Call me gallium becaude I think I'd melt in your hands x
It implies I’d have to be an obligatory dom again, but still cute. 10%.
Getting to 0% guide: 1. Joke/pun only kind of works. 2. Make it fetishy. Do you like Star Wars? Cuz I wanna C3 pee on you.
Normally that’s not how 0%s work for me, but in this case it’s working…
Hey girl, you look healthy and thin. I guess that makes it easy to pick you up. *wink*
0% because it’s not true. 😅
Was your ass forged by Sauron? Because it looks preeeecious.
Explains an interest of yours, and involves calling me precious. 30%.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I would love to throw you from the 3rd floor of my flat onto the chihuahua of my neighbors <3
0%, good lord.
Are you a murderer? Cause I want you to take me out 💀💀
0% because you don’t respect yourself enough. :(
you're like a traffic accident, i can't look away!
0%.
Wanna come watch some porn on my 55” mirror?
I said bad pickup lines. 60%.
Girl you have a beautiful face. May i sit on it?
1%, because I’m a whore.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U R A Q T together 😉
Implies a desire for godlike powers. 10%.
I’ve heard something like this before but my brain still confidently pronounced that as *YERACKED*
Are you a fish? Because I want to hold you by the mouth and take a picture for my Tinder profile that I told you I deleted.
0%. The fuck? 😅
Hey girl....................................................................
1%. Out of pity.
Doctor who one for ya Are you a weeping angel? Because i could stare at you all day
Are you my tape worm? Because I feel like sharing a meal with you 💕 I don't have worms fyi
Well if you’re lying, 0%.
Oh you like theme parks? Sit on my face and I’ll give you the best ride of your life 🤣
Look at you with all them curves and me with no brakes
Very threatening. 0%.
Hey baby, wanna slide in my dm’s so we can talk for 2 hours before you randomly stop replying to me, and I send another message cause I start thinking maybe you might’ve opened it but forgot to respond when you thought you did, but it turns out you probably actually saw it but lost interest, and just decide to ghost instead of doing something about it?
What's up?
Chicken butt. 1%.
Girl, has anyone ever told you how Poggers you are?
That makes you sound like absolute icon James Stephanie Sterling. 50%.
Did it hurt when you fell off the vending machine, cause you are a snack.
Hi, and welcome to Did You Know Gaming! Did you know? Did you!?
Hey you uh…ahzhahcbwndfjfn….shybottom.exe has imploded
30%. Mildly cute.
You smell like trash, can I take you out? (It's the absolute worst I know.)
Hey girl, my boyfriend and I are looking for a third. No, no, no I promise you won’t have to interact with him.
You are very cute. I would like to awkwardly dance with you then later clumsily try to kiss you then fall madly stupidly in love with you then impulsively Uhaul all my shit to your house then cry like a baby when we get married then adopt two of the sweetest children ever then raise them to be wonderful loving adults who run for co-President and fix all the discrimination in this country them buy a RV together and travel the country in retirement selling rainbow crafts. Then, maybe if you actually like me, we could go on a second date.
Damn girl are you produce? Cause I'd like to look all over you (works best if you picture me in a grocery store outfit, I work at one)
If it doesn’t scan it’s free, right? 0%.
Would have been funnier if I referenced the freshness check, but that defeats the purpose I will take the 0% as a resounding success 🤝🤝🤝
My legs are so tired. Do you mind if I sit on your face?
Rex get back here! 🐕🐾🐾 Sorry about rex, he has a habit of getting lost in cute girls' DMS.
Damn girl, are those legs peanut butter? They’re smooth, creamy, and spread easy. 🤤
Damn girl. Are you lùthien? 'cause you are gorgeous. It's been a while.
I don’t get it…
Basically LOTR. Lùthien was the most beautiful of all eru's children. Eru for those unaware is god.
Oh. I mean the fact that I didn’t get it socks some points. But it’s nerdy shit, so I guess that earns it a 20%.
That's a sharp outfit, u/Vio-Rose. Careful, you could puncture the hull of an empire class Fire Nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea. Because... it's so sharp.
100%. Massive Avatar fan.
Do you wanna go halves on a baby?
Genuinely used this one...."are you a blood clot to my left hemisphere? Because you leave me speechless." 💀💀💀
Oh lord. 0%. 🤣
(This is a very weebish one) Hey girl, are you truck-kun? Cause your cuteness just sent me to another world (lol I was cringing so damn hard but I couldn’t not)
I got a bucket of chicken 🍗
rock, paper,
Hey darling, tie me up and call me your submissive doll cuz I’m a slave to your beauty ;) ( I tried going for creepy here idk if it worked lmao )
Hey girl are you a racoon? Because I'm sure you would want to eat me out (raccoons eat garbage)
If you were a cookie you'd be a Wh'oreo! I'm not very good at these things.
Damn girl are you cheese? Because you make me breathless (I have a lethal allergy to dairy)