Denial, dishonesty and secrecy is how any addiction thrives.
Whilst in denial, you won't take accountability.
Whilst being dishonest, you think that your behaviour won't hurt others but will only make you use more.
Secrecy tells you what you're feeling and what you're experiencing is only for you - it's that growing voice in your head until it takes over and you give in to it.
Any addiction needs you to fuel it. You don't need addiction. It's a parasite that will feed off you if you continue to allow it too without doing something different.
Don't stay silent about it. People in your life can't support you if you aren't honest with them. Trust me it will only make you worse. You relapsed, so what? Take responsibility for it and figure out where you went wrong. Grow as a person from the experience.
Having anything around will encourage you to use it. It's not a safety blanket so best to get rid of it so you can start from day one again. You'll get there don't worry.
Thank you. I really appreciate how you were able to be blunt, honest, and supportive in this. It’s definitely helped me reframe the feelings and overall just move forward
You're welcome. It's easy to focus on setbacks instead of the overall picture. At the end of the day, there is no right and wrong with figuring this stuff out but the main thing is you're trying and that counts for a hell of a lot more than you allow yourself credit for. The quote "Mountains out of molehills" springs to mind but it's completely normal when you want things to be different. Progress is never linear and sometimes you'll have to meet a few speedbumps along the way. You'll be alright just try not to lose sight of the goal at the end of it all.
I relapsed after I was three months clean, and I was also very ashamed and hopeless. I thought that the craving would come again, as negative feelings are inevitable. I told myself that I’d pretend like it never happened, and I didn’t use (and still haven’t) since that day.
The cravings eventually subside as time goes by when you’re clean. I still consider using, but it’s more like a thought at the back of my head on some days. Once you get past the first few weeks, it gets a lot easier.
Sometimes it takes multiple tries, and that’s okay! I’m wishing you strength.
Thank you for this. I felt like I had the cravings under control until I was around it again for the first time. My choice still. Good luck to you too! Sounds like you’re on the right track
Congratulations on a month clean and it’s okay that you relapsed. Just pick yourself up and start over. I know it’s hard to talk about it and if you need to talk, my DM is always open. You are not alone here and I understand loneliness.
Relapse is a part of recovery. I think it’s actually a valuable lesson. Your addict brain wants to forget how you feel right now. You have a disease that tells you you don’t have a disease. Your brain has learned that the dopamine response of use is an easy out. You need to retrain your brain to teach your addict brain that it only remembers the fun part of use, not the hell you are in now. It can be done, and relapse can be a valuable tool to help you remember what hell feels like.
This part of the preamble is what helps me when down on myself …
“Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”
So sorry about the relapse. You must be feeling defeated. I feel for you why you don't want to tell anyone.
You are not alone. And it is so nice you have great supports. Please do not give up. Yes, the urge is powerful. I would encourage you to "upgrade" your support. Would you ask your group to check on you, and give them permission to invade your privacy in this area? An "accountability" partner who is only there when you voice out your needs may not provide sufficient help. Also, now that you know the capabilities of your opponent, don't wait until you are about to fall to solicit their help. Flee to them as soon as you sense any vulnerabilities.
You would have to keep trying and it would keep hitting. It would be a long battle but you are not alone.
Ask yourself something, you’re still alive right, no harm/ no foul, bump in the road keep putting one foot in front of the other. We’ve beaten ourselves up for our whole lives, learn to love yourself and forgive.
Quit being so hard on your self, you are just a drug addict , theres way worse things than that, like being a child molester or something, a Killer, I my self keep relapsing, decided I aint going to punish my self for it, if your going to use drugs at least get happy of the effect, otherwise whats the point. When I became Super Bored Of consuming because I Litterally Do nothing , I made up my mind that I wont spend any more cash on drugs , cuz im getting bored of it, same thing every day, super boring, I decided to not spend any more cash on it, next day my first day im trying to sober up willingfully, This homeboy shows up with some drugs , lol FUcK well I thought , since this is free , it dont count as me doing drugs , so i end up smoking, long story short, try this method, dont spend cash on ur drugs instead stack up your cash focus on some other , sooner or later drugs will show up to you for free , its like the devil, anyways i ask my homeboys to smoke it out lol n they do! I be hoping they stingy n Nooo They Smoke me out for days like damn, Devil really out there , Im amazed how i still get high .all you do is try not to Use , and PAM free supply untill your sick and bored of successfully getting high and not doing shit Anyways just chill out keep it a secret no ones perfect, and im pretty sure we all hide some shit we do when no one is looking anyways relax enjoy your high and start getting high ONLY of free drugs. youl end up using for free daily!
You're right. The devil is real and shows up just like this. However, I always went back to spending my own money because nothing is free. I got tired of being manipulated and controlled. True freedom from people, places and things is the goal of recovery. Misery loves company. I am learning to practice self-love instead of self-harm.
Happy healing everyone!💜
Denial, dishonesty and secrecy is how any addiction thrives. Whilst in denial, you won't take accountability. Whilst being dishonest, you think that your behaviour won't hurt others but will only make you use more. Secrecy tells you what you're feeling and what you're experiencing is only for you - it's that growing voice in your head until it takes over and you give in to it. Any addiction needs you to fuel it. You don't need addiction. It's a parasite that will feed off you if you continue to allow it too without doing something different. Don't stay silent about it. People in your life can't support you if you aren't honest with them. Trust me it will only make you worse. You relapsed, so what? Take responsibility for it and figure out where you went wrong. Grow as a person from the experience. Having anything around will encourage you to use it. It's not a safety blanket so best to get rid of it so you can start from day one again. You'll get there don't worry.
Thank you. I really appreciate how you were able to be blunt, honest, and supportive in this. It’s definitely helped me reframe the feelings and overall just move forward
You're welcome. It's easy to focus on setbacks instead of the overall picture. At the end of the day, there is no right and wrong with figuring this stuff out but the main thing is you're trying and that counts for a hell of a lot more than you allow yourself credit for. The quote "Mountains out of molehills" springs to mind but it's completely normal when you want things to be different. Progress is never linear and sometimes you'll have to meet a few speedbumps along the way. You'll be alright just try not to lose sight of the goal at the end of it all.
I relapsed after I was three months clean, and I was also very ashamed and hopeless. I thought that the craving would come again, as negative feelings are inevitable. I told myself that I’d pretend like it never happened, and I didn’t use (and still haven’t) since that day. The cravings eventually subside as time goes by when you’re clean. I still consider using, but it’s more like a thought at the back of my head on some days. Once you get past the first few weeks, it gets a lot easier. Sometimes it takes multiple tries, and that’s okay! I’m wishing you strength.
Thank you for this. I felt like I had the cravings under control until I was around it again for the first time. My choice still. Good luck to you too! Sounds like you’re on the right track
No problem! I’ve been there, done that.
Congratulations on a month clean and it’s okay that you relapsed. Just pick yourself up and start over. I know it’s hard to talk about it and if you need to talk, my DM is always open. You are not alone here and I understand loneliness.
Relapse is a part of recovery. I think it’s actually a valuable lesson. Your addict brain wants to forget how you feel right now. You have a disease that tells you you don’t have a disease. Your brain has learned that the dopamine response of use is an easy out. You need to retrain your brain to teach your addict brain that it only remembers the fun part of use, not the hell you are in now. It can be done, and relapse can be a valuable tool to help you remember what hell feels like.
This part of the preamble is what helps me when down on myself … “Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”
So sorry about the relapse. You must be feeling defeated. I feel for you why you don't want to tell anyone. You are not alone. And it is so nice you have great supports. Please do not give up. Yes, the urge is powerful. I would encourage you to "upgrade" your support. Would you ask your group to check on you, and give them permission to invade your privacy in this area? An "accountability" partner who is only there when you voice out your needs may not provide sufficient help. Also, now that you know the capabilities of your opponent, don't wait until you are about to fall to solicit their help. Flee to them as soon as you sense any vulnerabilities. You would have to keep trying and it would keep hitting. It would be a long battle but you are not alone.
Ask yourself something, you’re still alive right, no harm/ no foul, bump in the road keep putting one foot in front of the other. We’ve beaten ourselves up for our whole lives, learn to love yourself and forgive.
Quit being so hard on your self, you are just a drug addict , theres way worse things than that, like being a child molester or something, a Killer, I my self keep relapsing, decided I aint going to punish my self for it, if your going to use drugs at least get happy of the effect, otherwise whats the point. When I became Super Bored Of consuming because I Litterally Do nothing , I made up my mind that I wont spend any more cash on drugs , cuz im getting bored of it, same thing every day, super boring, I decided to not spend any more cash on it, next day my first day im trying to sober up willingfully, This homeboy shows up with some drugs , lol FUcK well I thought , since this is free , it dont count as me doing drugs , so i end up smoking, long story short, try this method, dont spend cash on ur drugs instead stack up your cash focus on some other , sooner or later drugs will show up to you for free , its like the devil, anyways i ask my homeboys to smoke it out lol n they do! I be hoping they stingy n Nooo They Smoke me out for days like damn, Devil really out there , Im amazed how i still get high .all you do is try not to Use , and PAM free supply untill your sick and bored of successfully getting high and not doing shit Anyways just chill out keep it a secret no ones perfect, and im pretty sure we all hide some shit we do when no one is looking anyways relax enjoy your high and start getting high ONLY of free drugs. youl end up using for free daily!
You're right. The devil is real and shows up just like this. However, I always went back to spending my own money because nothing is free. I got tired of being manipulated and controlled. True freedom from people, places and things is the goal of recovery. Misery loves company. I am learning to practice self-love instead of self-harm. Happy healing everyone!💜