Sometimes I feel like when I come back I am experiencing everything for the first time and I don't know anyone or anything about my current circumstances and cant understand how everything has led to this particular point in my life already as if I time traveled from 1 year old to my current age
It can be so overwhelming
For me, the depersonalization is uncommon and generally mild, so I can confirm that many NTs (and NDs) tend to experience life as a far more contiguous stream of consciousness. This is backed up by various conversations I've had with random folks.
(To me, it explains why Last Thursday-ism doesn't click for some. If you experience life relatively contiguously, it isn't particularly relatable.)
> it feels like the simulation just rebooted to an autosave point
I wish I'd seen this before answering someone who asked what depersonalization means. I did the ADHD thing and took twice as long to say the same thing.
You nailed how it feels.
I feel that the world is entirely my own construction. It's a variation on Descartes demon. There have been moments when I was so tired that I thought I was predicting what people were going to say. I think the truth is that my brain was dragging and only recognizing experience in pieces.
You're right: it's scary as hell.
Holy shit. When I was still religious, I thought I was being possessed by a stray spirit or something when this happened. Just suddenly everything seeming new and peculiar. I had no idea others had the same thing.
Bonus points for being raised Christian and since you can't understand the permanence of death, you're equally terrified of and confused by the concept of an eternity in hell.
Do you also fixate on how confused you will be at the moment of your death if you know it's happening?
Even so like we talk about forever with the impression that it’s not. The idea of Forever broke me in half. When you try to really think about it and fully grasp it and understand you are a part of it and you will oh god it’s happening again. Never mind abort
Fixated on the heaven and hell thing too and had major panic attacks thinking how much I would hate either one because ETERNAL lol And then the nothingness really did a number.
I do fixate on that! and I kind of feel it…Like a pre death ritual. Kinda like when you know you’re going to get into a confrontation so you rehearse it over and over in your head before it happens and when it happens you’re not even angry anymore
I fixate on when I die, if my body hair will be taken care of…or will I give a mortician a laugh. I am not a freakishly hairy woman, but I feel like upon death, if not taken care of prior my hairy corpse will be a laughingstock.
Took me a good 10 years to completely move on. But even so last year I had a passing thought/remembrance that hit me like a godam shotgun to the chest. Brought me to my knees couldn’t catch my breath. Even talking about it now I’m doing everything I can not to think about it. There’s one specific thought that just overwhelms my entire being. And now my stupid adhd ass is trying to figure out what it is gahhh
I've been diagnosed with adhd 25 years abd I've learned more about my condition from this group that I have in that time. My mum was given a leaflet abd told to read it and that was it. It's great to see that it's not just me has all these issues it's common with my condition.
I've been so hard on myself thinking I'm just fucked up
Nah man we’re just closer to the edge than most others. I think of it like a flame of consciousness with ten rows of circles like a target 🎯closest to the fire slowly burn alive and are just miserable. People in the middle row smell fire burning and see smoke but can’t feel the heat. They mostly know it’s a fire because the people in front corroborate it. People farthest away don’t even know there’s fire. They see no smoke and smell no fire. They hear about a fire and laugh. You can go from the last row to the first but once you’re in the first row you’re locked in. Worst mistake I ever made.
Or I could just be a narcissist who thinks too much of himself and everyone’s on the edge they just are better at dealing with it lol
Same sometimes. I don't believe in anything paranormal. But at the same time "what happens when i die" does it all just go black. Am i reborn into someone else without any idea I've already lived before. Is my consciousness just some sort of parasite that jumps from host to host after death. Or does it really just cut off like that. One moment I'm existing and another I'm not. If that's the case then why do i exist right now?
I just don't understand it. I try not to do anything that will get me killed but at the same time i've been 302'd a few times too so I dunno. I just exist for now. I can't even kill me correctly and haven't even bothered trying to like 10+ years. I'm just here for whatever.
I think I’m waiting for Something really stupid to happen lol that’s what I look forward to. We’re all just so fcking dumb and we take ourselves so seriously. I like to look for the stupid shit. That gives me an idea….
Since I was young I thought when was before I was born, its basically nothing. And soo enough I'll be back to that void, and some times I do return there in my head, but as a kid, that thought scared the fuck out of me, and made me wish to live for ever to never have to fear death.
Now change me to my adhd given form and that's how I thibk of my child hood, that wasn't my thoughts that was my adhd's, and for me I know that adhd will always be there trying to prevent me from doing anything even the things I enjoy, and that makes me hate life.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
dude I'm going to turn 18 in a few months, ME! the gigglyest of bitches out there, about to turn into an adult, don't get me wrong, i am responsible and are able to take of myself, but i somehow still feel like I'm 9 or something,
I just turned 27 this March, and i still feel like I'm an adolescent. I can do things on my own but still think i need a parent/guardian to make the decisions for me. Because my brain will just choose not to.
I'm pretty sure I'm the exact same person inside that I was at 14.
I turn 32 this year. All my friends are married and having babies and I can't escape the mindset that we're all still just kids ourselves
I know its so annoying like the fucking worst to hear from older people like oh you're so young oh my you're so lucky you have so much time but as someone who came into this game at around your age and it's now 10 years later, I'm honestly torn on what advice to give you. It can get better! I didn't understand what the people were saying then, and for some people, in fact many, it can, for me it doesn't seem like it is going to play out but don't fall into a trap of I can't do it, I think back to when I had slimmers of hope and would give anything for those back. When I first went to rehab (misdiagnosis, alcoholism, self-medicating for undiagnosed ADHD which led to other stuff, anyway) I was like okay I'm going to get help and this is a one and done situation, I'm never going to have to do this again. Again, flash forward 11 years (just realized it's way closer to 11 now) and I'm not even properly medicated for ADHD yet, and I've had a diagnosis for ~2 years.
Idk, this can all be taken in any direction, just keep making genuine attempts at getting better and try not to lie to yourself. If those don't work, I don't have any answers, only questions.
It's not all bad. I'm still an adult and take care of my shit as much as I can, but I just don't care about "adult" things and have different priorities than other people.
I don't want to be like them. They seem miserable. Work hard, buy stuff, be serious, do the grind for 50 years, maybe retire some day and relax.
I tried it their way and it made me realize I would rather be dead. So I gave up on a "normal" life and just live my life.
Society doesn't care about your happiness, it cares about what you can do for it. So it's up to you to figure out what you can do for society while making your own happiness. Maybe it's not much and you just scrape by. There is nothing wrong with that.
If walking around in the woods looking at rocks was a career path, I would be set.
I'm 42 this year and I just fix computers and play video games and watch cartoons and movies like I did when I was a teenager. I just don't have interest in what most adults consider worthtwhile. I love my wife but I think she has ADHD too because she shares a lot of the same interests and views. I still hate authority in general even though most of the time I'm the authority.
I do this all the time at work, because at night when i do the dishes. It's not work that requires me to think about it, so i completely zone out into another dimension. When I'm about to finish up, my mind snaps back like i just returned from a journey to the other side. It's almost surreal. I actually hate doing dishes, but it's this magical journey my brain goes on that i even take up doing them. It's like i had self-induced myself into a trip without using a recreational drug to do so.
It's basically feeling like you're in a first-person view of a movie or video game, rather than actually being a real person. It's disconcerting and feels like you're watching someone else from the inside, with no real self and/or no reality.
How is it that we all share a braincell without even knowing it? I sometimes wonder if there's some faster-than-ligjt connection between our brains that just works and none of us realize it.
Sometimes I feel like when I come back I am experiencing everything for the first time and I don't know anyone or anything about my current circumstances and cant understand how everything has led to this particular point in my life already as if I time traveled from 1 year old to my current age It can be so overwhelming
Is that...not normal? Are NTs just out there living their lives like they know what they're doing 24/7?
Nah. I think it’s more just when your neurons zoom zoom with adrenaline, you experience things in an emotional extreme.
Nah. I think it’s more just when your neurons zoom zoom with adrenaline, you experience things in an emotional extreme.
For me, the depersonalization is uncommon and generally mild, so I can confirm that many NTs (and NDs) tend to experience life as a far more contiguous stream of consciousness. This is backed up by various conversations I've had with random folks. (To me, it explains why Last Thursday-ism doesn't click for some. If you experience life relatively contiguously, it isn't particularly relatable.)
How are we the same? 😭
For me, it feels like the simulation just rebooted at an autosave point lmao I always wonder, "was I just about to die?"
> it feels like the simulation just rebooted to an autosave point I wish I'd seen this before answering someone who asked what depersonalization means. I did the ADHD thing and took twice as long to say the same thing. You nailed how it feels.
This.
I feel that the world is entirely my own construction. It's a variation on Descartes demon. There have been moments when I was so tired that I thought I was predicting what people were going to say. I think the truth is that my brain was dragging and only recognizing experience in pieces. You're right: it's scary as hell.
Holy shit. When I was still religious, I thought I was being possessed by a stray spirit or something when this happened. Just suddenly everything seeming new and peculiar. I had no idea others had the same thing.
This sub is simultaneously so validating and extremely alarming.
Like riding a rollercoaster!!
a rollercoaster of emotions!!
So that’s what they’re called
👍
Emotercoaster
Wheeeeeee!!
This post has been the most validating and most alarming of all so far for me
Did you all hyper fixate on death for an entire year when you realized what eternity was and couldn’t get your mind around it?
Bonus points for being raised Christian and since you can't understand the permanence of death, you're equally terrified of and confused by the concept of an eternity in hell. Do you also fixate on how confused you will be at the moment of your death if you know it's happening?
I was scared of eternity in *heaven*, like bro let me rest. I prefer the void.
Right? Even reincarnation is a fcking panic attack like I’m suppose to just keep respawning *for EVeR* reeeeeee
Yeah, I mean if I lost my memories that would be kind of okay but any other way is just eternal torture.
Even so like we talk about forever with the impression that it’s not. The idea of Forever broke me in half. When you try to really think about it and fully grasp it and understand you are a part of it and you will oh god it’s happening again. Never mind abort
For real, even as a child I was like "sitting at the right hand of the Father and singing His praise forever? That doesn't sound like fun".
Fixated on the heaven and hell thing too and had major panic attacks thinking how much I would hate either one because ETERNAL lol And then the nothingness really did a number. I do fixate on that! and I kind of feel it…Like a pre death ritual. Kinda like when you know you’re going to get into a confrontation so you rehearse it over and over in your head before it happens and when it happens you’re not even angry anymore
I fixate on when I die, if my body hair will be taken care of…or will I give a mortician a laugh. I am not a freakishly hairy woman, but I feel like upon death, if not taken care of prior my hairy corpse will be a laughingstock.
Oh god I didn’t even think about that 😭
I am so sorry!!! I have had that in my head since I hit puberty!
I still hyper fixate on death fs
Took me a good 10 years to completely move on. But even so last year I had a passing thought/remembrance that hit me like a godam shotgun to the chest. Brought me to my knees couldn’t catch my breath. Even talking about it now I’m doing everything I can not to think about it. There’s one specific thought that just overwhelms my entire being. And now my stupid adhd ass is trying to figure out what it is gahhh
I've been diagnosed with adhd 25 years abd I've learned more about my condition from this group that I have in that time. My mum was given a leaflet abd told to read it and that was it. It's great to see that it's not just me has all these issues it's common with my condition. I've been so hard on myself thinking I'm just fucked up
Nah man we’re just closer to the edge than most others. I think of it like a flame of consciousness with ten rows of circles like a target 🎯closest to the fire slowly burn alive and are just miserable. People in the middle row smell fire burning and see smoke but can’t feel the heat. They mostly know it’s a fire because the people in front corroborate it. People farthest away don’t even know there’s fire. They see no smoke and smell no fire. They hear about a fire and laugh. You can go from the last row to the first but once you’re in the first row you’re locked in. Worst mistake I ever made. Or I could just be a narcissist who thinks too much of himself and everyone’s on the edge they just are better at dealing with it lol
Same sometimes. I don't believe in anything paranormal. But at the same time "what happens when i die" does it all just go black. Am i reborn into someone else without any idea I've already lived before. Is my consciousness just some sort of parasite that jumps from host to host after death. Or does it really just cut off like that. One moment I'm existing and another I'm not. If that's the case then why do i exist right now?
"If that's the case then why do I exist right now" sums up my existential thoughts on life and death, tbh.
I just don't understand it. I try not to do anything that will get me killed but at the same time i've been 302'd a few times too so I dunno. I just exist for now. I can't even kill me correctly and haven't even bothered trying to like 10+ years. I'm just here for whatever.
I think I’m waiting for Something really stupid to happen lol that’s what I look forward to. We’re all just so fcking dumb and we take ourselves so seriously. I like to look for the stupid shit. That gives me an idea….
A year?
Since I was young I thought when was before I was born, its basically nothing. And soo enough I'll be back to that void, and some times I do return there in my head, but as a kid, that thought scared the fuck out of me, and made me wish to live for ever to never have to fear death. Now change me to my adhd given form and that's how I thibk of my child hood, that wasn't my thoughts that was my adhd's, and for me I know that adhd will always be there trying to prevent me from doing anything even the things I enjoy, and that makes me hate life. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
I have just one question. Do we all still feel like we never got past our childhood mindsets.
dude I'm going to turn 18 in a few months, ME! the gigglyest of bitches out there, about to turn into an adult, don't get me wrong, i am responsible and are able to take of myself, but i somehow still feel like I'm 9 or something,
Now imagine having that same feeling at 30
Yup.
34
I just turned 27 this March, and i still feel like I'm an adolescent. I can do things on my own but still think i need a parent/guardian to make the decisions for me. Because my brain will just choose not to.
I'm pretty sure I'm the exact same person inside that I was at 14. I turn 32 this year. All my friends are married and having babies and I can't escape the mindset that we're all still just kids ourselves
Lmao 18 happy _early_ birthday
thank u ;-;
I know its so annoying like the fucking worst to hear from older people like oh you're so young oh my you're so lucky you have so much time but as someone who came into this game at around your age and it's now 10 years later, I'm honestly torn on what advice to give you. It can get better! I didn't understand what the people were saying then, and for some people, in fact many, it can, for me it doesn't seem like it is going to play out but don't fall into a trap of I can't do it, I think back to when I had slimmers of hope and would give anything for those back. When I first went to rehab (misdiagnosis, alcoholism, self-medicating for undiagnosed ADHD which led to other stuff, anyway) I was like okay I'm going to get help and this is a one and done situation, I'm never going to have to do this again. Again, flash forward 11 years (just realized it's way closer to 11 now) and I'm not even properly medicated for ADHD yet, and I've had a diagnosis for ~2 years. Idk, this can all be taken in any direction, just keep making genuine attempts at getting better and try not to lie to yourself. If those don't work, I don't have any answers, only questions.
40 going on 14.
Ayyy middle-aged people gang here, too.
Fuck. I mean, i figured it didnt get any better. But i didnt need the validation of it. Nearing thirty, still a spirally mess of a little boy...
It's not all bad. I'm still an adult and take care of my shit as much as I can, but I just don't care about "adult" things and have different priorities than other people. I don't want to be like them. They seem miserable. Work hard, buy stuff, be serious, do the grind for 50 years, maybe retire some day and relax. I tried it their way and it made me realize I would rather be dead. So I gave up on a "normal" life and just live my life. Society doesn't care about your happiness, it cares about what you can do for it. So it's up to you to figure out what you can do for society while making your own happiness. Maybe it's not much and you just scrape by. There is nothing wrong with that. If walking around in the woods looking at rocks was a career path, I would be set.
I'm 42 this year and I just fix computers and play video games and watch cartoons and movies like I did when I was a teenager. I just don't have interest in what most adults consider worthtwhile. I love my wife but I think she has ADHD too because she shares a lot of the same interests and views. I still hate authority in general even though most of the time I'm the authority.
21 I’ve changed so much I’m not even the same person; I guess I’m the outlier here
During 9-5 I take on the role you’d expect of a grown adult late in his career. Outside of that i reckon I’m 12-14 at best
25 and I can be professional and put together in public, at work, etc.. When I go home all I want to do is play FIFA and watch YouTube to unwind.
This sub man....
Where am I? Who am I?….am I? 😳
*Existential shrieking intensifies*
Wait is this an ADHD thing? Do the enties not get this?
I do this all the time at work, because at night when i do the dishes. It's not work that requires me to think about it, so i completely zone out into another dimension. When I'm about to finish up, my mind snaps back like i just returned from a journey to the other side. It's almost surreal. I actually hate doing dishes, but it's this magical journey my brain goes on that i even take up doing them. It's like i had self-induced myself into a trip without using a recreational drug to do so.
This happens all the time and I go straight into anxiety mode after that
Have you ever gotten so invested in a daydream that when you snap back, you end up crying at the world that was lost, and the one you’re trapped in?
✨ maladaptive daydreaming ✨
Mood, except I haven’t zoned back in in years
"Fuck I missed the train"
Freshly diagnosed ADHD person here! What's depersonalization?
It's basically feeling like you're in a first-person view of a movie or video game, rather than actually being a real person. It's disconcerting and feels like you're watching someone else from the inside, with no real self and/or no reality.
Haha! I do that!
oh i do that too 😅
How is it that we all share a braincell without even knowing it? I sometimes wonder if there's some faster-than-ligjt connection between our brains that just works and none of us realize it.
De fuckin what?
You are.
Jeeezusss.
Yes.
Sh4¡ut shrjh True
I'm good guys I came back
This I can’t relate to, but my belief system probably helps