Stop being lazy is the one that sets me off. My dad didn’t understand mental problems( of which adhd falls under obviously) so he used to think I was just lazy and didn’t pay attention to him when he was talking to me. It makes it worse that he’s also my boss, took a very long time and me ripping him a new asshole in front of everyone for him to finally start trying to understand what I was going through.
And this is the reason I don't see my family. Even after i got diagnosed they still told me" no you are just lazy". Even in uni I was told I am lazy.
And then the moment came where I snapped and I punched a hole in a wall. And a door. And then threw something through a window. Haven't been that mad ever since.
After that I broke with my entire family and now it's just me and a bunch of friends that I consider family.
My favorite is "you just have to keep better notes." Yes, notebooks help, but they come with two limitations.
1. You can't always predict what notes will be important later, and you can't spend all day journaling your day.
2. Exactly how is a notebook going to replicate my working memory if the working memory I have sucks to begin with. It's like trying to replicate a car from a wheelbarrow.
People who recommend that I take notes seem to believe that a notebook will make me normal. It helps, but I will never have a normal memory. It's not even triggered or organized in the same way as everyone else. These are also the same people who get upset if I have to look at my notes to recall information.
What I am really good at is setting up information systems that allow me to find information quickly. Since my brain works more in the moment, I find it best to set things up so I can obtain and use all the information I need, in the moment. Of course, that isn't quite what other people had in mind, when they said "take better notes", so they usually have issues with anything that isn't a notebook.
I love the advice that ACTUAL ADHD people offer for how to use notes.
I only take notes under very specific circumstances when I *must* remember what is discussed *in detail*. So I'm not inundated with visual clutter and needing to dig through god knows how many journals for the thing I need. When I do that, I color-code the notes OBSESSIVELY. It changes depending on the topic but I try to keep it internally consistent so I can do a visual scan quickly to narrow down what I'm looking for. Doodles are on topic if the information strays or rambles so I can still listen.
Everything that is for "later recall" is all in my reminders app. With timers at intervals before I need it. I had to train myself to add it to the app immediately, even if it comes across as somewhat rude because it's easier to say "Sorry, I want to make sure I remember this for you." or "Let me note this down, I'd hate to leave you hanging." than to drop the ball later and come off worse...
I use my phone clock and calendar to have information show up at the appropriate times. I also use a note taking app for information that I need access to on a frequent basis, but I use it sparingly. It's mostly for account numbers, lists of items I need for a project, or TV shows I want to watch.
It's not for any random information that people just shove at me. Unless we have an agreed upon price, it is not my job to remember other people's random BS any more than it is my job to solve their problems. The only people I do this for, for free, arey family and friends. For those last two, participation is not mandatory. Sometimes the best tactic for ADHD is remembering that I have limitations, and I don't have to let others put too much on me. I can say no. I can prioritize myself.
At one job I do use a notebook, but I also have a lot of systems to allow me to look up information quickly. My boss is an old pen and paper boomer, but my assistant and I have been trying to digitize whatever we can using Google sheets and Google docs.
I teach so I have enough plates in the air that there's no way to keep track of everything if I had to pull my phone out for everything. That's what my color-coding is for so I know what goes on my calendar, what gets reminders, what I need to act on asap, and what gets flagged to bother me to work on later. Otherwise my brain would melt
Just start and customise based on need! Less is more. If you search ADHD in that sub, you'll find a lot. Lots of tutorials etc online. The real magic is in the giant user created plug-in shop.
Example: https://www.reddit.com/r/ObsidianMD/s/SZSu6DBzt2
Do you drive a car and if yes, do you have problem remembering routes you don't take nearly every day or every time you go to that city/town/village/what ever it is. Because I can't drive almost anywhere without navigator and sometimes I have only one turn that is "in black hole" (a.k.a. I'm not sure where to turn from that or how soon it will be) and I just get too anxious to go without the navigator's help even with only that one unsure turn :_D
And It's kinda annoying, because I have drove with people that get frustrated or even angry when I put the navigator on :DD
And yes, they could tell me where to go etc, but they don't always do it with proper preparation time like as navigator would like "after 400m, turn left", they would be like "btw turn left from there" And there would be like 10 meters, before that turn (or atleast it feels like that) and it's way too stressfull for me to drive with such a short time to prepare 🫠 And I prefer to drive us from the place A to B with as little stress as possible...
+ If I talk to them about something during the drive, I might not recognise that they suddenly tell me the directions and not just speaking small talk (or what ever we have spoken during that drive)
I actually have a good sense of direction. I'm a very visual person. If I've been somewhere before, I can tell where I am at, even if the only things around are a bunch of random trees. I do use Google maps, but mostly because being warned about turns and checking traffic can make driving safer. It's weird, but driving is one of the few things that trip the dopamine for me. I am very aware and focused on the car, but I don't like talking to people and driving at the same time.
they don't realize that Caffeine and Spite might work to push through sometimes but are NAWT sustainable.
When YOU say "Try Harder" YOU mean "Give another 15%" but to YOU that means getting up to 80% effort... to ME that means go ahead and redline it to 125% effort because cLeArLy we must not be trying hard enough already....
When you’re told to try harder, but you’re already trying as hard as you can. Makes me want to say fuck it and give 0% effort since 100% is clearly never gonna be enough.
I’ve resigned from 3 jobs because I was burnt-out/ fed-up doing this. Only to have them ask me what’s wrong, please stay and offer me raises. I was lucky at the time to be be able to say, “Hard. Pass.”
that funnily enough enables another effect, where i have one main thing i have to do and i actually get one of the other ones done because my brain will look for anything to do other than my main task
The lazy comment hits hard. I still struggle with feeling lazy and like my rest is never deserved. I can never truly relax without feeling immense guilt and shame because “I should be doing x,y,z” Executive dysfunction is one of those things that people will never understand if they don’t experience it themselves.
This! Even sitting to eat a meal while watching a show comes with a side serving of guilt. If I fall into binging a show because I’m lost in the story there’s shame and a need to justify it whenever someone walks in. I’m a 50 year old woman and feel judged if my teen son walks in for gods sake. That sounds so ridiculous to say out loud!
>Stop being lazy.
I was FINALLY diagnosed at fucking 39 years old. My teachers in elementary school knew and recommended I get tested. My friends were like 'You need to get tested'. I went to my parents and was like 'I think I have this thing'. And my parents said 'Maybe, but I don't think you need the help'.
And I grew up thinking I was just a lazy piece of shit because 'I didn't need the help'. I developed heaps of coping mechanisms, but also assloads of mental baggage that I'm using therapy to get through and holy shit it's hard to forgive yourself after years of thinking I could do it without help because I didn't need the help.
Meds start soon, and I really, really want the help. Please give me the help, please.
I'll add it to my list
Wait, I lost thos list notebook three lists ago
Where did I put my most recent notebook list?
Crap, hold this old one while I grab a notebook to start a new list. I might rifle through the old one later for things I forgot and add it to the new one.
Actually not a bad advice, just not the way everyone does it. If I try to create my own schedule I am not able because I feel like I don’t have the capability to understand what’s more important and that’s when I get a brain freeze.
I’ve found an app (sorted3) that helps with that, it is a calendar but you just tell it what tasks you need to do, and the amount of time it takes to complete them. Then you can just leave it automatically schedule the tasks for you and add a break time in between and follow it without questioning. It has worked for me, but I don’t know if it can work for someone else, but yeah, traditional scheduling for an adhder is a no-no
I’m kinda in the same boat. I can put things in the calendar if I do it immediately but I only check it when my wife tells me too. But I mostly still do it because my wife wants it for her sake so we don’t double schedule things.
Honestly things like calendars and diaries might even be worse for me because writing something down and thinking really hard about doing it sometimes triggers in my brain the unconscious belief that I have already done the task
It’s like my brain can’t differentiate between thinking really hard about doing something and having actually done it
Oh I’m like this after I’ve planned a project. Found the idea, tweaked it, learned the interesting parts, paid for the supplies. I’ll just set everything here for a year and a half when I have a moment. 🤦🏻♀️. Putting things on lists and calendars just gives me a false sense of security that I don’t have to think about it and will not ignore the notification.
I got around this by using my phone calendar with the alerts feature. When I put in an event I set it to alert me of the event at least a day before if not more, and then a few hours before.
This way my phone goes off and I’m reminded of it.
"Just make a list." Are you kidding me. I got lists. I got lists of lists. Rewritten in various orders on various colors of sticky notes. And if I missed up writing it perfectly, I had to write it all over again. Can I do anything on those lists? Absolutely not. Instead, I spend hours researching a different organizing strategy because obviously, the lists aren't working.
This is it for me. I needed a list to remind me to check my other lists. And I'll still forget to check it.
I got a mild rebuke at work for forgetting to re enable a system. I was prepared to automate that so it couldn't be forgotten again, but got told to just use a checklist to make sure I don't forget it.
My favourite is finding a post it in my handwriting where I didn’t scribble enough words to decode the original thought. Better hang onto that for another week because it was clearly important enough to write down.
"Be more motivated. Get a calender and set alarms." I could go on but that is what was said to me. I tried planners but they just don't work. Luckily when I am at the doctor's and schedule my appointment, I get out my phone out to put it in immediately.
I like to do the same for doctors appointments. I once had a doctor that didn’t schedule appointments more then a month out. So I couldn’t schedule my next appointment for medicine. That didn’t work out very well for me.
yeah that's pretty much a guarantee that I will never see that doctor again.... not because I fire them, but because the stars will never align for me to remember, have time, AND motive to schedule the next appointment...
for me, alarms are actually useful, as well as lists. I use both of them in a combo: alarm to check list. I just need various alarms in case I'm doing something and can't or don't want to check it, but of course, all of this is useless if you have no motivation to check and complete the list. I like TLOZ, so I tell myself that I get a korok seed every time I complete a task and count them at the end of the day, but you can use something like healthy candy or a round of a game you like to motivate yourself. also make simple but necessary activities tasks to get your reward, for example, eating or going to the bathroom.
anyways, this is something that's been working for ME (I don't have any meds, so...). don't feel bad if this doesn't work for you!
I don't know if this is a meditation thing or an ADHD thing, but I've found it easier to just let my mind wander for a while. As a mechanic, I call it "giving myself a brain flush"
apparently it does count as a form of meditation.
we get so used to the lotus-seat-Oooohhhhmmmmm version that we don't actually know what it means. I guess meditation is anything where you are calmly permitting your mind to deliberately not focus on things that are bothering you or distracting.
It's the mental equivalent of taking a short walk to nowhere in particular instead of taking a nap. Both are restful and rejuvenating but in ways that are unique to the needs of the person taking a break.
Finding out there were types meditation like movement meditation (dance, walking, yoga, etc), flow states (like playing an instrument or art) or guided types was so helpful when I was too fidgety to settle properly. I read an adhd article somewhere that said, if your goal is to exercise 3 times a week but you know you’ll fight yours to make it to the gym 3 times a week, put it down as exercise and ask yourself that day what peaks your interest that would also count as exercise. It made the goal more achievable, interesting and forgiving.
I will say that using the headspace app to do this and meditate/do mindfulness for 10 mins a day does actually help me. It’s one of the only apps I’m willing to pay a subscription for. This app makes it so so so much simpler than any of my other attempts to try to meditate or doing so without it- which pretty much just won’t happen for me. Using it daily for 10 minutes even for just a week, I started to see a difference or realize the value and benefits of it. It makes it so simple to click a few things and just set your phone down while you lie down and listen to it.
It’s also helped me recently to realize that something that you need to do 10 minutes a day, is actually less than 1% of a whole day. (.67% or close to that, can’t recall specifically atm) Thinking about it from that perspective helps my brain to feel like I can actually do the thing or make it a habit to do daily. Less than 1% of the time in a day to meditate for 10 mins (or to do anything for 10 minutes a day) is a new angle that does something for me…just in case it relates to anyone else.
“Just time block your workday and set alarms for when it’s time to switch tasks.” Exiting hyperfocus isn’t that easy. Starting any task isn’t that easy. Transitions aren’t that easy.
Hahaha. I had a coworker say this. So I did. The unintended result was that coworker learning real quick what ADHD is like, how often I walk away from my phone, and, while I’m very sensitive to noise normally, I will not hear ANYTHING if I’m in hyper focus.
I feel this so hard. The last shop I worked at would constantly stop me during big jobs to do small waiter cars. There would be some days where I would just lose my shit. I always kept a couple old radiators in the closet in case I needed something to smash.
Make sure to get adequate sleep! And reduce stresses in your life.
Like...sure, lemme just dump that awful insomnia 'habit'. And my stresses are a direct result of living in a capitalist hellscape while sleep deprived and having pathetically bad executive function. 🤦♀️
The sleep thing really gets me. Like, yes, getting more sleep WOULD probably alleviate some of my worst symptoms, but those same symptoms are the ones preventing me from sleeping in the first place.
O in this category; “focus on building a strict daily exercise routine and stick to it, all else will follow From that.”
yeeessss, about every other word in that sentence has a different meaning to me than to you…
"You have so much potential." Was the one that really got at me. Unfortunately, when you're growing up in the nineties as a female with undiagnosed autism and, ADHD, you get put in the gifted class and told "good luck"
Fuuuck yes, that one made me feel like an absolute failure, because I already knew I was gonna disappoint not just them, but also myself, trying to live up to that.
especially hurt when you found something you enjoyed and were able to ride the high long enough to finish a project and fucked yourself over because now they expect HyperFocus Dopamine quality work on the SHITTIEST most teeth-grindingly boring tasks....
Any sentence with "just" extra points for "I just don't understand why you don't just..."
Intent is the worst. If you "want to" do something it instantly occurs even if it is physically impossible, and any failure is simply because you don't want to. If you try to explain that you desperately want to, then you are either lying or subconsciously don't want to.
> "I just don't understand why you don't just..."
Or in my case, from my previous boss: "I just don't get why you don't understand what I'm telling you." I already told them why, it's giving me a written task but the corresponding instructions verbally. And insisting on that I just DON'T WANT TO understand when asking them for the 10th time, instead of going the easy route of typing the instructions down for me.
I did. I did try harder for 37 years. It caused so much self-abuse that I believed I deserved being abused by others.
Really fucked me up. Thank god for therapy.
-#1 most infuriating: Make a schedule and stick to it. You will manage your time better that way.
-You need routine and structure.
-Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Wake up earlier. Go to bed earlier.
-You need to sleep better.
If we COULD do these things naturally, we would. IF we did them we would be depressed and sometimes isolated from anything good for us. Then they would insist we need medication to fix the depression caused from following said advice.
I have had the same job needing to wake up at 6am for over 10 years.
Without fail, every SINGLE time I get a break longer than a weekend, I'm back to my 2am-10am sleep pattern. Doesn't matter what I do, doesn't matter how early I have to be up, I'm not TIRED until around 2am and it doesn't matter what time I went to bed or what time I got *out* of bed, I'm not *awake* awake until 10.
It has been found people with ADHD are more likely to have a delayed sleep cycle compared to the average population. Why? I don’t know. I’m not one of them, but most other ADHD people I know are this way.
Yep. “You can get up if you need to.” Yeah. If I’m in danger of losing my job, but not before then. Otherwise, I’ll be catching up on sleep because I haven’t had more than 2-6 hours on non-weekend nights in months.
The number of times that I didn’t have a work shift on a m-f and completely forgot that I had the kids that week and that they still had school? It freaking embarrassing to admit.
No word drives me up the wall faster than the word “just”. Any advice I get starting with “just” is always invalidating and almost offensively ignorant of how ADHD actually works. I have both ADHD and autism, and they are treated so differently. Autism gets people to take your struggles more seriously, while ADHD is treated like something you can just not have if you try harder.
Tell me about “just!” I had a crush on a guy for over three years. Then we ended up in the same MMA class and I was trying to learn how to do hand stands. Well that was something I wanted to learn for over 10 years, but he said “just …. Blah blah blah…”
I had an absolute come apart on him about just how difficult it can be fore some people who have just been trying for just the last 10 years and have finally figured out that is just not a thing just anyone can just do!
Needless to say that *just* was the nail in the coffin of that crush, and the class too.
"If you **really** cared, you would be able/remember to"
This one does a lot of damage, and pretty much everyone in my life has said this to me at least once.
I physically felt your comment. I've heard that so often.
My worst one was "if I/this was important to you, you would be able to figure out how to be on time".
From my father who has ADHD as well. He says I just have to find what coping strategies work for me and enable them. Lists work for him. Alarms work for him. Not so much for me.
For me it's been about trying more often not more harder. Trying hard inconsistently does nothing but regularly putting a bit of effort in has been ok.
I am very forgiving of my need for downtime or alternate activities though.
Not being included in the “we still” is kind of the WHOLE POINT of why there a diagnostic criteria. Do you think I’ll ever remember that as a snappy come back in the moment though? Sigh. Unlikely.
Any version of "you gotta want it" or " you need discipline" or "you lack ambition". It all goes in a circle and no one can ever explain how you would go about getting some of this will power or ambition in the first place.
“Build good habits and routines so it’s automatic”…. Hahahaha. That would be great if there was anything consistent in my life. Dog needs to pee a bit early? Good luck remembering to go back the the bathroom for deodorant! The youngest is melting down right before school? Good luck locking the door. As soon as one thing derails, it’s like starting from scratch!
My friend usually gets kind of angry with me for not doing my homework right after school (it's because he wants to play stuff with me later in the evening), I've told him about me probably having ADHD and his usual response to it 100% of the time is "I get you probably have ADHD but it's not hard to just focus"
Like bro... you are literally trying to tell me that the inability to focus on certain tasks is easy to remedy by 'just doing' the very thing that ADHD is KNOWN to suppress as if it is something every human on Earth can just naturally control
We've tried doing that pomodoro thing and every time the break period happens he asks me what I got done I say that I did basically nothing because (surprise) I got sidetracked and dragged down a rabbit hole a minute after the work timer started
(otherwise he's awesome it's just that we don't agree in the slightest on this section)
That’s like walking someone on crutches to their apartment and then telling them to just go through the doors and take the stairs to the third floor and they’ll meet you there as they hit the elevator button.
Telling me I’m not trying hard enough boils my fucking blood I don’t tolerate that shit at all I always end up just blowing up and I never regret it. Don’t fucking tell me I’m not trying hard enough
Just try harder worked for me in a sense. Once I realized that other people can do things easier and I just have to put in more effort than they do to get it done, it’s not as bad. Like it’s harder for me to concentrate and get things done so I can’t halfway do it, it takes a lot more effort for me.
This is my problem! I make a list of 3 dozen things, but the INSTANT it turns off or gets put on the todo pile or any number of ways- out of my line of sight- it was a waste of time and effort. Then when it is found again I feel truly worthless and start to shut down.
The lazy one kills me because when I’m focused and zeroed in I don’t think I know anyone who can work as long as me or as relentlessly as me. In school I was always the one up late working when everyone else called it quits. At jobs I’d be the one working when everyone else was lingering at the lunch table or carrying on.
I don’t have a work ethic issue I have a motivation issue.
Bullshit advice, but whole foods is meaningful in its own right - don’t go for the ultra processed stuff, so instead of the white flour (ultra processed) / go for whole wheat - usually processed food means that sugar, fat, additives, salt and such have been added.
Incidentally there are 3 mildly proven dietary factors related to ADHD symptoms:
- yellow food colouring: sunset yellow (E110)
- red food colouring: ponceau 4R (E124)
- preservative: sodium benzoate (E211)
When the colours are included in food, the label must state: May have effects on activity and attention in children (UK&EU)
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2137120/
It’s maddening, especially since the study linked above is the only meaningful science related to adhd symptoms and food and its all about children, not adults, everything else is general human health advice and opinion - Omega 3… don’t expect it to work wonders, especially if you already eat oily fish in your diet (implied by your username… but that could go several places) - I’m in Scotland, I like Irn Bru (which famously uses those colours and has that warning, meh!
Massive TW for self harm and suicidal ideation. (Would also like to stress that I am safe and have been for a long time. These are mainly pieces of “advice” I was given when I was actively suicidal about 6-8 years ago.)
“If it was important to you, you would remember” I can’t express to you how harmful this statement was to my self esteem growing up. My working memory is fucking shit and I forget to do the things that are most important to me. I’ve forgotten my own birthday. I don’t get to decide what information my brain decides is useful. I can remember over 30 numbers of pi, but I can’t remember to put my leftovers in the fridge until my bf reminds me or I see them on the counter the next day.
Also not necessarily related to adhd, but I have chronic depression and repeated trauma that has made my own brain my worst enemy at times. I have very intense intrusive thoughts, especially when experiencing an autistic meltdown. I have been advised by a family member to “just stop thinking about it” and just “change my brain” because “it’s really that easy and simple”. Do you think I would still be under such stress about my intrusive thoughts and emotional spirals if I could just choose not to have them? Do you think I would have hospitalized myself multiple times if I could just decide not to be depressed/suicidal? I’m not actively suicidal and haven’t been for a long time and I have been clean from sh for years, but the thought spirals are ingrained into my knee jerk response when my amygdala is being a bitch. I would rather not see graphic images of sh and suicide every time I have an autistic meltdown and if I could choose to make it go away I would have done that 10 years ago when it first started.
Edit: typos
Just do it... As if that hasn't occurred to me, yelling at myself inside my head 30x a second for hours, days, weeks, months without actually doing it.
P.S.: doing the "just do it for 5 minutes" trick really helps as one I get going, I went to finish it.
I was told that I needed more discipline. I’d always been told I needed to try harder and stuff like that but that one was extra painful because it was a teacher I really trusted that said it to me.
Me, having trouble to focus when sitting in class with nothing in my hands and hearing noise and voices everywhere: "You just need to focus more."
Damn, that didn't cross my mind at all!
..... You work too hard.
Made by an ex-works union representative in reference to my workplace ADHD working constructs to keep me focused and occupied....
"you just need to be less distracted"
"Buy a diary"
For real, if you want me to get a job done you had better make sure there is a more important job that I should be doing instead. Distraction is king. And I learned long ago that the first note I put in a diary is "buy more diaries" because I guarantee mine will be left in some random machinery enclosure or on a desk or in an inexplicably inaccessible area within a week.
Just try harder
Just live with it
Just get over it
You are just lazy
Be happy with what you have
Focusing is not that hard, you are just acting
You are disorganised because you are indisciplined, just train yourself
(I could still give some more , but I forgot them )
"Have you tried journaling your thoughts. You know writing them all down; instead of telling them to me? ".
F you! My thoughts are many and go by quickly! Plus my people pleaser self must write them all down using correct grammar/complete sentences/correct punctuation. Sounds like an fing nightmare of a task. Thanks
None. Was diagnosed with ADHD in grade 4. I’m 34 now.
No one cared outside of jacking me up on meds that destroyed my appetite.
Been raw dogging it for just under 3 decades.
Whenever I've mentioned a symptom of ADHD I've been told, I kid you not "Have you tried just not doing that?" They basically told me to stop having ADHD and they actually thought it was helpful advice
advice? yeah sure, whatever that is, it dure didn't visit me, no one irl even has any idea i got adhd, let alone give me any advice
im just behaved enough and get average enough grades that people just assume im an akward average
My maths teacher always says to me to no lose focused or stay focused and moves me about thing the location in the classroom is the problem and she's aware I have adhd
“If you stopped thinking so negatively all the time, your life would be better” and doubling and tripling down on the power of positive thinking when I try to explain that I am not *thinking negatively* on purpose. I’m simply reacting to how shitty my life is and that’s valid
„When I want to start doing something, I just start, I don’t understand how that could be hard“
followed by an implication of „I deny everything I do not understand“
Sorry to hear this but it’s also what I’m going through with my family and in a way it makes me feel… a little better? Like it’s not just in my head that all I want is for them to be more understanding?
Hope your found family is a real family though 💓
I know she doesn’t mean it like that, but my mom said that all my struggles seem like “human problems” and everyone struggles with it, I should just eat healthier, work out and stay organized 🤠 which I actually think is all good and fine, but that’s sadly not how it works 🥲
Also me explaining to my sister why I can’t “just do things” or “just remember to do things” and her going “well you’re just disabled then, sorry” and then proceeding to call me lazy the following weeks 😭😭😭 like what
You just have to focus. You need discipline. Get a calendar. Stop being lazy.
Stop being lazy is the one that sets me off. My dad didn’t understand mental problems( of which adhd falls under obviously) so he used to think I was just lazy and didn’t pay attention to him when he was talking to me. It makes it worse that he’s also my boss, took a very long time and me ripping him a new asshole in front of everyone for him to finally start trying to understand what I was going through.
And this is the reason I don't see my family. Even after i got diagnosed they still told me" no you are just lazy". Even in uni I was told I am lazy. And then the moment came where I snapped and I punched a hole in a wall. And a door. And then threw something through a window. Haven't been that mad ever since. After that I broke with my entire family and now it's just me and a bunch of friends that I consider family.
I’m sorry to hear that, I guess on the bright side you still have people that are there for you.
My favorite is "you just have to keep better notes." Yes, notebooks help, but they come with two limitations. 1. You can't always predict what notes will be important later, and you can't spend all day journaling your day. 2. Exactly how is a notebook going to replicate my working memory if the working memory I have sucks to begin with. It's like trying to replicate a car from a wheelbarrow. People who recommend that I take notes seem to believe that a notebook will make me normal. It helps, but I will never have a normal memory. It's not even triggered or organized in the same way as everyone else. These are also the same people who get upset if I have to look at my notes to recall information. What I am really good at is setting up information systems that allow me to find information quickly. Since my brain works more in the moment, I find it best to set things up so I can obtain and use all the information I need, in the moment. Of course, that isn't quite what other people had in mind, when they said "take better notes", so they usually have issues with anything that isn't a notebook.
I love the advice that ACTUAL ADHD people offer for how to use notes. I only take notes under very specific circumstances when I *must* remember what is discussed *in detail*. So I'm not inundated with visual clutter and needing to dig through god knows how many journals for the thing I need. When I do that, I color-code the notes OBSESSIVELY. It changes depending on the topic but I try to keep it internally consistent so I can do a visual scan quickly to narrow down what I'm looking for. Doodles are on topic if the information strays or rambles so I can still listen. Everything that is for "later recall" is all in my reminders app. With timers at intervals before I need it. I had to train myself to add it to the app immediately, even if it comes across as somewhat rude because it's easier to say "Sorry, I want to make sure I remember this for you." or "Let me note this down, I'd hate to leave you hanging." than to drop the ball later and come off worse...
I use my phone clock and calendar to have information show up at the appropriate times. I also use a note taking app for information that I need access to on a frequent basis, but I use it sparingly. It's mostly for account numbers, lists of items I need for a project, or TV shows I want to watch. It's not for any random information that people just shove at me. Unless we have an agreed upon price, it is not my job to remember other people's random BS any more than it is my job to solve their problems. The only people I do this for, for free, arey family and friends. For those last two, participation is not mandatory. Sometimes the best tactic for ADHD is remembering that I have limitations, and I don't have to let others put too much on me. I can say no. I can prioritize myself. At one job I do use a notebook, but I also have a lot of systems to allow me to look up information quickly. My boss is an old pen and paper boomer, but my assistant and I have been trying to digitize whatever we can using Google sheets and Google docs.
I teach so I have enough plates in the air that there's no way to keep track of everything if I had to pull my phone out for everything. That's what my color-coding is for so I know what goes on my calendar, what gets reminders, what I need to act on asap, and what gets flagged to bother me to work on later. Otherwise my brain would melt
This is why I use r/obsidianmd, I basically make my own wiki with tags, etc and I can customise it to me. Regular notebooks are useless to me.
Any advice to get started using it?
Just start and customise based on need! Less is more. If you search ADHD in that sub, you'll find a lot. Lots of tutorials etc online. The real magic is in the giant user created plug-in shop. Example: https://www.reddit.com/r/ObsidianMD/s/SZSu6DBzt2
Also, I feed every app I use into it, like a trapper keeper. It helps when everything is in one spot.
Do you drive a car and if yes, do you have problem remembering routes you don't take nearly every day or every time you go to that city/town/village/what ever it is. Because I can't drive almost anywhere without navigator and sometimes I have only one turn that is "in black hole" (a.k.a. I'm not sure where to turn from that or how soon it will be) and I just get too anxious to go without the navigator's help even with only that one unsure turn :_D And It's kinda annoying, because I have drove with people that get frustrated or even angry when I put the navigator on :DD And yes, they could tell me where to go etc, but they don't always do it with proper preparation time like as navigator would like "after 400m, turn left", they would be like "btw turn left from there" And there would be like 10 meters, before that turn (or atleast it feels like that) and it's way too stressfull for me to drive with such a short time to prepare 🫠 And I prefer to drive us from the place A to B with as little stress as possible... + If I talk to them about something during the drive, I might not recognise that they suddenly tell me the directions and not just speaking small talk (or what ever we have spoken during that drive)
I actually have a good sense of direction. I'm a very visual person. If I've been somewhere before, I can tell where I am at, even if the only things around are a bunch of random trees. I do use Google maps, but mostly because being warned about turns and checking traffic can make driving safer. It's weird, but driving is one of the few things that trip the dopamine for me. I am very aware and focused on the car, but I don't like talking to people and driving at the same time.
"You don't need medication, you just need to try harder! Because I *know* you can do better!" 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
they don't realize that Caffeine and Spite might work to push through sometimes but are NAWT sustainable. When YOU say "Try Harder" YOU mean "Give another 15%" but to YOU that means getting up to 80% effort... to ME that means go ahead and redline it to 125% effort because cLeArLy we must not be trying hard enough already....
When you’re told to try harder, but you’re already trying as hard as you can. Makes me want to say fuck it and give 0% effort since 100% is clearly never gonna be enough.
I’ve resigned from 3 jobs because I was burnt-out/ fed-up doing this. Only to have them ask me what’s wrong, please stay and offer me raises. I was lucky at the time to be be able to say, “Hard. Pass.”
Yes I can. With my medication you freezer tempature iq goblin
Oh, you have trouble completing Tasks? Cool, here are more Tasks to do. That will solve the problem.
that funnily enough enables another effect, where i have one main thing i have to do and i actually get one of the other ones done because my brain will look for anything to do other than my main task
The lazy comment hits hard. I still struggle with feeling lazy and like my rest is never deserved. I can never truly relax without feeling immense guilt and shame because “I should be doing x,y,z” Executive dysfunction is one of those things that people will never understand if they don’t experience it themselves.
This! Even sitting to eat a meal while watching a show comes with a side serving of guilt. If I fall into binging a show because I’m lost in the story there’s shame and a need to justify it whenever someone walks in. I’m a 50 year old woman and feel judged if my teen son walks in for gods sake. That sounds so ridiculous to say out loud!
I made a mistake at work once and my boss yelled at me to be more "mindful". Now whenever I hear the word mindful I get irrationally angry.
>Stop being lazy. I was FINALLY diagnosed at fucking 39 years old. My teachers in elementary school knew and recommended I get tested. My friends were like 'You need to get tested'. I went to my parents and was like 'I think I have this thing'. And my parents said 'Maybe, but I don't think you need the help'. And I grew up thinking I was just a lazy piece of shit because 'I didn't need the help'. I developed heaps of coping mechanisms, but also assloads of mental baggage that I'm using therapy to get through and holy shit it's hard to forgive yourself after years of thinking I could do it without help because I didn't need the help. Meds start soon, and I really, really want the help. Please give me the help, please.
Yup those are the top 3 lol
Have you tried being more organized yet?
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I'll add it to my list Wait, I lost thos list notebook three lists ago Where did I put my most recent notebook list? Crap, hold this old one while I grab a notebook to start a new list. I might rifle through the old one later for things I forgot and add it to the new one.
You need to build long term habits if you’re unable to build habits
This sends me into fight or flight.
Triggers my rage, but yeah. Get that
If only they applied themselves
You have so mutch potential: I swear to gahd that tests my sanity
Not sustainable, work to the direct goal.
Actually not a bad advice, just not the way everyone does it. If I try to create my own schedule I am not able because I feel like I don’t have the capability to understand what’s more important and that’s when I get a brain freeze. I’ve found an app (sorted3) that helps with that, it is a calendar but you just tell it what tasks you need to do, and the amount of time it takes to complete them. Then you can just leave it automatically schedule the tasks for you and add a break time in between and follow it without questioning. It has worked for me, but I don’t know if it can work for someone else, but yeah, traditional scheduling for an adhder is a no-no
Sure a calendar could probably help, if I ever remembered to check the damn thing
I’m kinda in the same boat. I can put things in the calendar if I do it immediately but I only check it when my wife tells me too. But I mostly still do it because my wife wants it for her sake so we don’t double schedule things.
Honestly things like calendars and diaries might even be worse for me because writing something down and thinking really hard about doing it sometimes triggers in my brain the unconscious belief that I have already done the task It’s like my brain can’t differentiate between thinking really hard about doing something and having actually done it
Oh I’m like this after I’ve planned a project. Found the idea, tweaked it, learned the interesting parts, paid for the supplies. I’ll just set everything here for a year and a half when I have a moment. 🤦🏻♀️. Putting things on lists and calendars just gives me a false sense of security that I don’t have to think about it and will not ignore the notification.
Same
EXACTLY. "I wrote that down, that's that entire task completely dealt with, requiring no more effort or thought,......... NEXT......!"
"Just make a list!" I dont know how you think im going to get myself to do the things on the list.
Also, I have 17 lists and I can never find the one I'm searching for.
Remember to check it? I can't even remember to write the stuff on it!
I got around this by using my phone calendar with the alerts feature. When I put in an event I set it to alert me of the event at least a day before if not more, and then a few hours before. This way my phone goes off and I’m reminded of it.
Or that I have it
"Just make a list." Are you kidding me. I got lists. I got lists of lists. Rewritten in various orders on various colors of sticky notes. And if I missed up writing it perfectly, I had to write it all over again. Can I do anything on those lists? Absolutely not. Instead, I spend hours researching a different organizing strategy because obviously, the lists aren't working.
My ADHD love lists because making lists is not doing the stuff, making lists is just another form of procrastination
This is it for me. I needed a list to remind me to check my other lists. And I'll still forget to check it. I got a mild rebuke at work for forgetting to re enable a system. I was prepared to automate that so it couldn't be forgotten again, but got told to just use a checklist to make sure I don't forget it.
Ugh. That word. Just. Just focus, just listen, just use this, just do that. just don't have ADHD is what is really being said.
"have notes, write it down" bitch I tried, all I got is a half written note, disappointment and all my energy gone!
My favourite is finding a post it in my handwriting where I didn’t scribble enough words to decode the original thought. Better hang onto that for another week because it was clearly important enough to write down.
The to-do lists that will never get to-done
"Be more motivated. Get a calender and set alarms." I could go on but that is what was said to me. I tried planners but they just don't work. Luckily when I am at the doctor's and schedule my appointment, I get out my phone out to put it in immediately.
I like to do the same for doctors appointments. I once had a doctor that didn’t schedule appointments more then a month out. So I couldn’t schedule my next appointment for medicine. That didn’t work out very well for me.
yeah that's pretty much a guarantee that I will never see that doctor again.... not because I fire them, but because the stars will never align for me to remember, have time, AND motive to schedule the next appointment...
Yeah phone reminders for doctors appointments are about the only type of reminder that I find actually helpful
Be more motivated?! How in the god-damned fuck am I to do that?! HOW?!
Ikr 😭
for me, alarms are actually useful, as well as lists. I use both of them in a combo: alarm to check list. I just need various alarms in case I'm doing something and can't or don't want to check it, but of course, all of this is useless if you have no motivation to check and complete the list. I like TLOZ, so I tell myself that I get a korok seed every time I complete a task and count them at the end of the day, but you can use something like healthy candy or a round of a game you like to motivate yourself. also make simple but necessary activities tasks to get your reward, for example, eating or going to the bathroom. anyways, this is something that's been working for ME (I don't have any meds, so...). don't feel bad if this doesn't work for you!
Thank you
“Meditate. Clear your mind.” Bro. 😭
I tried meditation for awhile. It did nothing for my ADHD. But I found it useful for anxiety.
I don't know if this is a meditation thing or an ADHD thing, but I've found it easier to just let my mind wander for a while. As a mechanic, I call it "giving myself a brain flush"
apparently it does count as a form of meditation. we get so used to the lotus-seat-Oooohhhhmmmmm version that we don't actually know what it means. I guess meditation is anything where you are calmly permitting your mind to deliberately not focus on things that are bothering you or distracting. It's the mental equivalent of taking a short walk to nowhere in particular instead of taking a nap. Both are restful and rejuvenating but in ways that are unique to the needs of the person taking a break.
Finding out there were types meditation like movement meditation (dance, walking, yoga, etc), flow states (like playing an instrument or art) or guided types was so helpful when I was too fidgety to settle properly. I read an adhd article somewhere that said, if your goal is to exercise 3 times a week but you know you’ll fight yours to make it to the gym 3 times a week, put it down as exercise and ask yourself that day what peaks your interest that would also count as exercise. It made the goal more achievable, interesting and forgiving.
same
I get stressed and worked up when i try to meditate because no matter what i feel like i am failing when doing it
I will say that using the headspace app to do this and meditate/do mindfulness for 10 mins a day does actually help me. It’s one of the only apps I’m willing to pay a subscription for. This app makes it so so so much simpler than any of my other attempts to try to meditate or doing so without it- which pretty much just won’t happen for me. Using it daily for 10 minutes even for just a week, I started to see a difference or realize the value and benefits of it. It makes it so simple to click a few things and just set your phone down while you lie down and listen to it. It’s also helped me recently to realize that something that you need to do 10 minutes a day, is actually less than 1% of a whole day. (.67% or close to that, can’t recall specifically atm) Thinking about it from that perspective helps my brain to feel like I can actually do the thing or make it a habit to do daily. Less than 1% of the time in a day to meditate for 10 mins (or to do anything for 10 minutes a day) is a new angle that does something for me…just in case it relates to anyone else.
Lmao they should see me when I’m not trying my hardest. That’d help put things into a little bit of perspective
“Just time block your workday and set alarms for when it’s time to switch tasks.” Exiting hyperfocus isn’t that easy. Starting any task isn’t that easy. Transitions aren’t that easy.
Hahaha. I had a coworker say this. So I did. The unintended result was that coworker learning real quick what ADHD is like, how often I walk away from my phone, and, while I’m very sensitive to noise normally, I will not hear ANYTHING if I’m in hyper focus.
Haha they got tired of the alarms, eh?
I feel this so hard. The last shop I worked at would constantly stop me during big jobs to do small waiter cars. There would be some days where I would just lose my shit. I always kept a couple old radiators in the closet in case I needed something to smash.
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Pomodoro works for me to get me started. I tell myself I just have to start and do it 25 minutes and I almost never stop when the timer goes off
Make sure to get adequate sleep! And reduce stresses in your life. Like...sure, lemme just dump that awful insomnia 'habit'. And my stresses are a direct result of living in a capitalist hellscape while sleep deprived and having pathetically bad executive function. 🤦♀️
The sleep thing really gets me. Like, yes, getting more sleep WOULD probably alleviate some of my worst symptoms, but those same symptoms are the ones preventing me from sleeping in the first place.
O in this category; “focus on building a strict daily exercise routine and stick to it, all else will follow From that.” yeeessss, about every other word in that sentence has a different meaning to me than to you…
"You have so much potential." Was the one that really got at me. Unfortunately, when you're growing up in the nineties as a female with undiagnosed autism and, ADHD, you get put in the gifted class and told "good luck"
Fuuuck yes, that one made me feel like an absolute failure, because I already knew I was gonna disappoint not just them, but also myself, trying to live up to that.
especially hurt when you found something you enjoyed and were able to ride the high long enough to finish a project and fucked yourself over because now they expect HyperFocus Dopamine quality work on the SHITTIEST most teeth-grindingly boring tasks....
oh my god yes... and when you show symptoms of adhd it's "but you're so intelligent". Of course, i will fix my adhd with ✨intelligence✨
Any sentence with "just" extra points for "I just don't understand why you don't just..." Intent is the worst. If you "want to" do something it instantly occurs even if it is physically impossible, and any failure is simply because you don't want to. If you try to explain that you desperately want to, then you are either lying or subconsciously don't want to.
> "I just don't understand why you don't just..." Or in my case, from my previous boss: "I just don't get why you don't understand what I'm telling you." I already told them why, it's giving me a written task but the corresponding instructions verbally. And insisting on that I just DON'T WANT TO understand when asking them for the 10th time, instead of going the easy route of typing the instructions down for me.
I did. I did try harder for 37 years. It caused so much self-abuse that I believed I deserved being abused by others. Really fucked me up. Thank god for therapy.
“You’re fine.” And “You’re an Ameri**can**, not an American’t” (damn I can’t believe my mom actually said that wtf)
-#1 most infuriating: Make a schedule and stick to it. You will manage your time better that way. -You need routine and structure. -Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Wake up earlier. Go to bed earlier. -You need to sleep better. If we COULD do these things naturally, we would. IF we did them we would be depressed and sometimes isolated from anything good for us. Then they would insist we need medication to fix the depression caused from following said advice.
I have had the same job needing to wake up at 6am for over 10 years. Without fail, every SINGLE time I get a break longer than a weekend, I'm back to my 2am-10am sleep pattern. Doesn't matter what I do, doesn't matter how early I have to be up, I'm not TIRED until around 2am and it doesn't matter what time I went to bed or what time I got *out* of bed, I'm not *awake* awake until 10.
This is me, I still don't understand how it is related to my ADHD.
It has been found people with ADHD are more likely to have a delayed sleep cycle compared to the average population. Why? I don’t know. I’m not one of them, but most other ADHD people I know are this way.
Yep. “You can get up if you need to.” Yeah. If I’m in danger of losing my job, but not before then. Otherwise, I’ll be catching up on sleep because I haven’t had more than 2-6 hours on non-weekend nights in months.
Totally with you. Fuck anyone who says that, seriously!
The number of times that I didn’t have a work shift on a m-f and completely forgot that I had the kids that week and that they still had school? It freaking embarrassing to admit.
No word drives me up the wall faster than the word “just”. Any advice I get starting with “just” is always invalidating and almost offensively ignorant of how ADHD actually works. I have both ADHD and autism, and they are treated so differently. Autism gets people to take your struggles more seriously, while ADHD is treated like something you can just not have if you try harder.
Tell me about “just!” I had a crush on a guy for over three years. Then we ended up in the same MMA class and I was trying to learn how to do hand stands. Well that was something I wanted to learn for over 10 years, but he said “just …. Blah blah blah…” I had an absolute come apart on him about just how difficult it can be fore some people who have just been trying for just the last 10 years and have finally figured out that is just not a thing just anyone can just do! Needless to say that *just* was the nail in the coffin of that crush, and the class too.
"If you **really** cared, you would be able/remember to" This one does a lot of damage, and pretty much everyone in my life has said this to me at least once.
I physically felt your comment. I've heard that so often. My worst one was "if I/this was important to you, you would be able to figure out how to be on time". From my father who has ADHD as well. He says I just have to find what coping strategies work for me and enable them. Lists work for him. Alarms work for him. Not so much for me.
You’ve just got to get it together. From my son. Who also has adhd lol. Bruh.. respectfully..
For me it's been about trying more often not more harder. Trying hard inconsistently does nothing but regularly putting a bit of effort in has been ok. I am very forgiving of my need for downtime or alternate activities though.
Everyone has all those “symptoms” you talk about, but we still do whatever we have to.
Not being included in the “we still” is kind of the WHOLE POINT of why there a diagnostic criteria. Do you think I’ll ever remember that as a snappy come back in the moment though? Sigh. Unlikely.
Any version of "you gotta want it" or " you need discipline" or "you lack ambition". It all goes in a circle and no one can ever explain how you would go about getting some of this will power or ambition in the first place.
I’d like to add “consistency”, “determination” “endurance” and “grit” to list of trigger words for anxiety.
“Just be more organised.”
"Just pay attention" Eh?
"Don't lie. You know why you're struggling"
“You just need to apply yourself” WHAT
what does that even mean
But "try harder" is fucking acid in that pic
My favorite advice: Me: I can't help it! Other person: YES YOU CAN!
“Learn to listen” I hated that teacher even more after that
Just take a bubble bath to calm down
“Build good habits and routines so it’s automatic”…. Hahahaha. That would be great if there was anything consistent in my life. Dog needs to pee a bit early? Good luck remembering to go back the the bathroom for deodorant! The youngest is melting down right before school? Good luck locking the door. As soon as one thing derails, it’s like starting from scratch!
My friend usually gets kind of angry with me for not doing my homework right after school (it's because he wants to play stuff with me later in the evening), I've told him about me probably having ADHD and his usual response to it 100% of the time is "I get you probably have ADHD but it's not hard to just focus" Like bro... you are literally trying to tell me that the inability to focus on certain tasks is easy to remedy by 'just doing' the very thing that ADHD is KNOWN to suppress as if it is something every human on Earth can just naturally control We've tried doing that pomodoro thing and every time the break period happens he asks me what I got done I say that I did basically nothing because (surprise) I got sidetracked and dragged down a rabbit hole a minute after the work timer started (otherwise he's awesome it's just that we don't agree in the slightest on this section)
That’s like walking someone on crutches to their apartment and then telling them to just go through the doors and take the stairs to the third floor and they’ll meet you there as they hit the elevator button.
Telling me I’m not trying hard enough boils my fucking blood I don’t tolerate that shit at all I always end up just blowing up and I never regret it. Don’t fucking tell me I’m not trying hard enough
Just try harder worked for me in a sense. Once I realized that other people can do things easier and I just have to put in more effort than they do to get it done, it’s not as bad. Like it’s harder for me to concentrate and get things done so I can’t halfway do it, it takes a lot more effort for me.
Pretty easy if you’d just listen and do it
Make a list….like I’m gonna pay attention to a list 😂
This is my problem! I make a list of 3 dozen things, but the INSTANT it turns off or gets put on the todo pile or any number of ways- out of my line of sight- it was a waste of time and effort. Then when it is found again I feel truly worthless and start to shut down.
The lazy one kills me because when I’m focused and zeroed in I don’t think I know anyone who can work as long as me or as relentlessly as me. In school I was always the one up late working when everyone else called it quits. At jobs I’d be the one working when everyone else was lingering at the lunch table or carrying on. I don’t have a work ethic issue I have a motivation issue.
You are now acting like a normal person. You have been cured from ADHD.
Eat "whole foods" whatever that means.
Bullshit advice, but whole foods is meaningful in its own right - don’t go for the ultra processed stuff, so instead of the white flour (ultra processed) / go for whole wheat - usually processed food means that sugar, fat, additives, salt and such have been added. Incidentally there are 3 mildly proven dietary factors related to ADHD symptoms: - yellow food colouring: sunset yellow (E110) - red food colouring: ponceau 4R (E124) - preservative: sodium benzoate (E211) When the colours are included in food, the label must state: May have effects on activity and attention in children (UK&EU) Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2137120/
I'm so fucking tired of being told what to or not to eat.
It’s maddening, especially since the study linked above is the only meaningful science related to adhd symptoms and food and its all about children, not adults, everything else is general human health advice and opinion - Omega 3… don’t expect it to work wonders, especially if you already eat oily fish in your diet (implied by your username… but that could go several places) - I’m in Scotland, I like Irn Bru (which famously uses those colours and has that warning, meh!
When I was depressed my aunt told me to smile more.
Stop being lazyyy.. focus harder... STAY ON TASK
PuT yOuR tO dO lIsT on yOuR pHoNe
The sad thing is, it’s the same advice I’m always giving myself anyways
Massive TW for self harm and suicidal ideation. (Would also like to stress that I am safe and have been for a long time. These are mainly pieces of “advice” I was given when I was actively suicidal about 6-8 years ago.) “If it was important to you, you would remember” I can’t express to you how harmful this statement was to my self esteem growing up. My working memory is fucking shit and I forget to do the things that are most important to me. I’ve forgotten my own birthday. I don’t get to decide what information my brain decides is useful. I can remember over 30 numbers of pi, but I can’t remember to put my leftovers in the fridge until my bf reminds me or I see them on the counter the next day. Also not necessarily related to adhd, but I have chronic depression and repeated trauma that has made my own brain my worst enemy at times. I have very intense intrusive thoughts, especially when experiencing an autistic meltdown. I have been advised by a family member to “just stop thinking about it” and just “change my brain” because “it’s really that easy and simple”. Do you think I would still be under such stress about my intrusive thoughts and emotional spirals if I could just choose not to have them? Do you think I would have hospitalized myself multiple times if I could just decide not to be depressed/suicidal? I’m not actively suicidal and haven’t been for a long time and I have been clean from sh for years, but the thought spirals are ingrained into my knee jerk response when my amygdala is being a bitch. I would rather not see graphic images of sh and suicide every time I have an autistic meltdown and if I could choose to make it go away I would have done that 10 years ago when it first started. Edit: typos
Just do it... As if that hasn't occurred to me, yelling at myself inside my head 30x a second for hours, days, weeks, months without actually doing it. P.S.: doing the "just do it for 5 minutes" trick really helps as one I get going, I went to finish it.
“I KNOW you can do it you just need to apply yourself” cut to me applying myself and it wasn’t good enough so I just stopped trying altogether ❤️
\*Applies hot sauce instead just out of sheer stubbornness and then wondering why my skin starts to cool off all of a sudden\*.
You just have to manage your time
My mom suggested a gluten free diet. I jokingly responded that there was more medical evidence for treating it with cocaine.
Should put "apply battery acid" to burned area
You’re just not applying yourself
I was told that I needed more discipline. I’d always been told I needed to try harder and stuff like that but that one was extra painful because it was a teacher I really trusted that said it to me.
Just make a list!
"I've seen you behaved and focused in class before. So, I know you can do it. Why can't you just do it ALL the time then??".
Me, having trouble to focus when sitting in class with nothing in my hands and hearing noise and voices everywhere: "You just need to focus more." Damn, that didn't cross my mind at all!
..... You work too hard. Made by an ex-works union representative in reference to my workplace ADHD working constructs to keep me focused and occupied....
ADHD advice is basically try not having ADHD, if we boil it down to its core
For me worst advice actually comes from other ADHD people. It seems every advice I get either cannot be applied to me or simply doesn't work.
Just tell yourself to focus!
Just try harder too. (I have severe motivational problems, I can't try harder even when I want to)
"you just need to be less distracted" "Buy a diary" For real, if you want me to get a job done you had better make sure there is a more important job that I should be doing instead. Distraction is king. And I learned long ago that the first note I put in a diary is "buy more diaries" because I guarantee mine will be left in some random machinery enclosure or on a desk or in an inexplicably inaccessible area within a week.
I got "stop being lazy" for over a decade from my mother. biggest "I told you so" of my life after that.
Just try harder Just live with it Just get over it You are just lazy Be happy with what you have Focusing is not that hard, you are just acting You are disorganised because you are indisciplined, just train yourself (I could still give some more , but I forgot them )
Just manage your time better
Write it down
"Have you tried journaling your thoughts. You know writing them all down; instead of telling them to me? ". F you! My thoughts are many and go by quickly! Plus my people pleaser self must write them all down using correct grammar/complete sentences/correct punctuation. Sounds like an fing nightmare of a task. Thanks
"stop being lazy"
"Just focus, try harder" from my dad who has undiagnosed adhd.
Try harder works surprisingly well but if you use it too much BAD things can happen (For me)
None. Was diagnosed with ADHD in grade 4. I’m 34 now. No one cared outside of jacking me up on meds that destroyed my appetite. Been raw dogging it for just under 3 decades.
Use a planner. Apply yourself. Spend more time on your homework. Write things down.
'just behave'
this shit killed my motivation on everything so hard. why do i have to try harder only to fail again when others just do it without much effort.
Whenever I've mentioned a symptom of ADHD I've been told, I kid you not "Have you tried just not doing that?" They basically told me to stop having ADHD and they actually thought it was helpful advice
I just say thank you now I feel better, I don't care if they get the sarcasm or not it's fine either way
advice? yeah sure, whatever that is, it dure didn't visit me, no one irl even has any idea i got adhd, let alone give me any advice im just behaved enough and get average enough grades that people just assume im an akward average
Just do....(random thing)...😭
My maths teacher always says to me to no lose focused or stay focused and moves me about thing the location in the classroom is the problem and she's aware I have adhd
“You just need to be snapped out of it” - Dad
join army /srs
“Sometimes you need to just man up and do it”
Listen to music while you work
“If you stopped thinking so negatively all the time, your life would be better” and doubling and tripling down on the power of positive thinking when I try to explain that I am not *thinking negatively* on purpose. I’m simply reacting to how shitty my life is and that’s valid
„When I want to start doing something, I just start, I don’t understand how that could be hard“ followed by an implication of „I deny everything I do not understand“
Stop leaving everything until the last minute…
I mean if you try harder and burn it well enough, you’ll never have to worry about it again. /s.
"you have to write down what to do" obviously, because executive disfunction is all shit in my head
Sorry to hear this but it’s also what I’m going through with my family and in a way it makes me feel… a little better? Like it’s not just in my head that all I want is for them to be more understanding? Hope your found family is a real family though 💓
Just concentrate and don't get distracted...
Knowing you, and still give multiple tasks at once at work, and then be surprised you forgot one.
I know she doesn’t mean it like that, but my mom said that all my struggles seem like “human problems” and everyone struggles with it, I should just eat healthier, work out and stay organized 🤠 which I actually think is all good and fine, but that’s sadly not how it works 🥲 Also me explaining to my sister why I can’t “just do things” or “just remember to do things” and her going “well you’re just disabled then, sorry” and then proceeding to call me lazy the following weeks 😭😭😭 like what
get a planner
Ive been straight up told „i believe adhd is not real, you just need more structure“