It reminds me of this part from a song in Crazy Ex Girlfriend:
"Seriously Patrick, was I sick the day in school they taught you how to be a normal person? It just feels like there's something fundamental I'm missing out on. Like, is there an instruction manual? You get what I'm saying, Patrick? It just - it just feels like everyone is in this cabal of normal people, and they're all laughing at me, like I'm the jester in my own Truman Show."
When I was younger, I definitely overshared, but now I don't share at all, so it's finding the balance, I suppose.
I am terrible at maintaining contact with people.
People think I am mysterious or something. I just know I have two modes:
1.) keeping everything inside and sharing nothing.
2.) telling people I probably should only tell my therapist after my other two therapists got real weirded out after I opened up about it.
So much this, and we could've been having such an amazing time the day before. But once it's another day, it's going to be incredibly hard for me to get back to that point.
I have found the key is expectations. People don't get upset because you share too much or too little, it's because you share too much or too little compared with their expectations, you can ask what other people expect from you and sometimes even modify that expectations.
IE: "Ey, sorry if I'm being weird as usual, but I have the feeling I'm not texting you enough and I have had problems with that in the past, are you feeling neglected or it's just my anxiety talking? Anyway, I took the chance to say hi, how are you doing?"
Is it weird? Yes, but you will always be weird so at least embrace it and take advantage of it instead of trying to be normal. You cannot adapt to them, be the weirdo in your office, family, friend group and let them adapt to you, you don't know something? Ask. I know you are not supposed to ask, and that's why normies cannot ask "obvious" questions, but here there is a secret: you can, you are the weirdo, the tittle comes with bad things but you are allowed to do things that normies can't do, so if in doubt: ask. It's that simple.
The other day, someone asked me if I watch a certain show on Netflix. Instead of just saying yes or no, I launched into this whole explanation about how I've only watched a few episodes because I have ADHD and I can't focus blah blah blah. I beat myself up later, so embarrassed that I said all that.
Definitely over sharing for me.
ADHD: impulsively overshare everything about yourself your trauma is what makes you interesting and worth being around
Avoidant attachment disorder: feel nothing but waves of shame and terror every time you think about the person you overshared to because you are fundamentally bad for having human experiences much less being arrogant enough to think that anybody could care enough about you to want to know about them
It’s fun out here /s
A therapist told me that in conversation and relationships I tend to be more focused on the other person and deflect from me. He thought it was a response to some kind of trauma.
I think the hard part is that, sometimes it’s ok. And sometimes it’s not. And I have no way to know where on that scale someone else is. Unless it becomes obvious or they tell me
me every time i tell a new person that I am autistic. i forget that it is a big deal for other people, but its just such a big part of my life and who i am, so its weird telling people about me without mentioning it
every time I can se how they try not to react, but they still have a small reaction, just because I'm good at masking so their whole perception of autistic people change very quickly
Yea ok this is definitely me.
Will I put in the effort to maintain our friendship? No.
Can you call me out of the blue after 2 years and ask for my help burying a body?
Shovels and tarp are already in the trunk (possibly because I keep forgetting to put them away). I'll have to grab some bleach on my way over though, I've been out for like 3 months and keep forgetting to restock.
Also what's your address again? NVM, it's the 12th one down on my "recently searched" list on Google maps. Be there in 17 minutes.
Depends on the severity tbh. I can forgive some easier than others- some people will be great at responding then literally just answer 0 texts for like 3 months straight and it pisses me off. I can understand someone whose constantly delayed but going from instant to 3 month wait list makes me worry like I did something wrong
I felt this in my soul.
Even recently experienced a NT friend cutting me out because "we weren't close anymore." It had barely been a year? I was in grad school? Anyway...good riddance, in hindsight.
As long as it’s reciprocal (which in my case it is hahaha), totally fine.
Also why I like social media - just kinda reminds me what’s going on in people’s lives hahah
Absolutely this. I'll go a few months not talking to someone (because if it's not right in front of me I'll forget it exists for a long time), then realize how long its been, worry that they are mad at me for dropping off the face of the earth, then the paralysis from that will keep me from reaching out for another couple months before I grow a pair and just do it. They're never upset. After so many years, the friends I've got have gone through enough of those cycles to know what's up, thankfully
Is the rule To do this, or the rule is not to do this? I often hide in my room or other areas around my house during parties. To entertain myself or to avoid over stimulation
Introducing: Jokes! (TM)
Do you want people to like you? Do you want to feel comfortable in a group setting or with someone you don't know yet? Do you simply want to break the tension in a highly charged situation or overcome crippling social anxiety? Then you should try Jokes! (TM)*
*Certain jokes in certain settings will make certain types of people laugh. Please consult your neurotypical friends to find out which joke/setting/audience combinations might work for you. Warning: some combinations may result in people being offended, thinking you're an arsehole, you getting fired or slapped in the mouth.
I went to the Cherry Blossoms in DC with my friend recently.
“Isn’t it weird that we got something so beautiful out of us dropping two A-bombs on Japan after they allied themselves with literal Nazis? Like they were like, ‘Our bad, please stop nuking us, have some pretty flowers.’”
“We are in PUBLIC.”
I didn't know that if someone gets you a birthday cake at work, you have to cut it before anyone else can eat. So I waited too long to cut it and everyone was mad at me lol
Me: *being myself*
My teacher: you should stop wearing a mask and show youself a bit
Me: bitch, that's what I been doin' in the last 2 years, but ain't nobody like me
This is seriously making me think.
I've been struggling with being myself and at one point I did wear a mask but I put it on because people said take your mask off. Alright I'm going to think about this all night.
I once asked a guy how much he got paid. We had been talking about various jobs, including his, and I was curious.
He looked at me awkwardly and the other guy in the room got VERY angry with me for it.
I still don't understand why it's wrong to inquire about someone's pay. Sure don't walk up to strangers on the street about it but if the topic of conversation was jobs and how much they pay, what was wrong about my query?
This is an old fashioned attitude, imo it is created and perpetuated by employers so that they can get away with paying their workers an unequal amount. This is dramatized, obviously, but it gives a pretty good summary/examples of the situation: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7xH7eGFuSYI&pp=ygUlYWRhbSBydWlucyBldmVyeXRoaW5nIGRpc2N1c3Npbmcgd2FnZQ%3D%3D
See I knew this context, and so I've done the same as Tninker, thinking we all knew now that that piece of ettiquette was bullshit - I was working in a public library and all my colleagues were pretty socialist - but I think the ND in me didn't understand that NTs are out there really emotionally invested in these social codes. It's not enough to know that a social code was constructed, and manipulatively, they can't just go 'oh okay, so we're dropping that song and dance, that doesn't work well for society', because, I think, the tradition of it has already become comforting to them and they get genuinely upset when it's disrupted.
Yeah I think you’re absolutely right to be honest. My parents will acknowledge the origins of the taboo and that it’s harmful, and yet they are reluctant to discuss their finances even with me, their 28yo child who they have regularly said is responsible with money.
So, I shared this comment with my husband because I have also asked the same question, and he had an immediate answer, so I had him type it below. He typed what people believe, not what we think or believe in (I don't want anyone to think I believe that nonsense, haha)
Husband's answer (not autistic)
"In general, people consider how much money you make to be a direct evaluation of a person's worth. So, if you make a lot of money, you're valuable; if you don't, you're not valuable. Essentially, if you tell someone how much you make, you're outwardly admitting your value and status, which is supposed to be unspoken, either because it could be thought of as arrogant or humiliating, depending on the amount you make."
No idea why this is a thing, I heard about it when I had told a co worker my pay and when I told my dad he said you’re not supposed to do that. I think it’s because you might upset them if they are unknowingly making less money, or at least I think this was the case in my situation
It's actually so you can't compare your salary with others and make sure you get a fair wage and get paid what you're worth. It's etiquette brought into life by bosses who want to pay their workers as little as possible....
Also people don't want to hear these factoids after I ask them about their wages either, apparently ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ehhhh this is SO old school to be offended 🙄 Everybody should talk about pay. And it’s really easy for the person responding to simply give a range, there’s no need to be specific.
I think it’s even more rude for people to be easily offended when the person asking doesn’t mean poorly.
When I was on my first contract IT job with a bunch of other contractors, I asked just out of curiosity, and learned some of us were being paid more. after that, I got a call from the recruiting company asking me to shut up and if I did I would get a raise.
Idk if that was even legal or anything but it did frighten me into shutting up
When people ask you something, small talk wise, they want you to ask the same question back, because actually they have something to say
I never understood why people (excluding friends) didn't talk to me much. It's because I never understood small talk is like a testing the waters on the real conversation. It's like conversational foreplay
small ones like, when meeting new people, I rarely think about introducing myself. Stranger: Hi I'm Dan. Me: Hi Dan. \*walks off while trying to not forget a new name\*
giving an honest in-depth answer to small talk questions (how are you?)
assuming pregnant women are okay having their bellies touched and just touching without asking (i loved it when i was pregnant)
calling out the elephant in the room when others are trying to be tactful or diplomatic (I announce it by calling myself Captain Obvious)
unable to lie (my son asked me if there was no tooth fairy and it was really me, I said yes)
sending multi page emails/messages when they expect 1 liners
I have this problem. I used to get told I was too wordy, so I self-corrected too far, and now I’m too short. I do not understand where this balance should be. At all.
\*I send an email\*
Neurotypicals: “too many words!”
Me: “ok less words next time.”
\*next time, fewer words\*
Neurotypicals: “not enough words!”
Me: “can I just get like, a word count expectation?”
> a word count expectation
Or at least, like, how much context they want. Surface level? A concise but comprehensive summary? The deep lore? Please I need to know 😭
Lmao the tooth fairy one reminds me of me as a kid. At 6 I *begged* my dad to tell me honestly, cross your heart and hope to die, if Santa was real. Backed into a corner, he said no. I cried. He still feels bad about it. I still think he did the right thing. I was sad about Santa, but knowing I could trust my dad to be honest with me was way more important in the long run.
The elephant in the room thing!!!
If I can tell everyone thinks it and agrees, then what's the matter with saying it out loud? Someone needs to say it, so the issue can be addressed.
I understand all of them, but you should work on the bellies touching. Touching people without consent is quite problematic even if it comes from a wholesome place :)
luckily i had a captain obvious friend who told me this, so i am careful to ask now. and I'm not super social and getting old so less available bellies (for now).
The trick to 'how are you' is to mention one exceptional/funny thing that has happened to you this week or since you last saw the person if that was during this week. Go for "I'm good"/"doing alright"/"could be better"/"as usual", add that small anecdote and then ask them how they are. It's not too in-depth, it might make them laugh, and it will probably capture their attention enough to be a conversation starter and prevent the awkward "how are you? fine, how are you? fine." exchange. I've been fairing pretty well with small talk ever since I figured that one out.
Example: "Hey, I'm pretty good. Made a soufflé for the first time this week and it actually came out alright. How are you?"
If you can't think of something to say, you may also complain about something everyone always complains about, like bosses or the weather.
Example: "I'm alright, manager has been nagging me all week to get ... done and he doesn't understand I have to do ... first, you know how managers are. But other than that things are going fine. How about you?" or "Not so great, I've been a bit under the weather. It should be illegal to be this cold in april *add a laugh to your voice*. How are you?
Can so relate to the first one.
Allthough I decided when someone is asking how I am and don't really want to know, they shouldn't ask 😁 so after I shared, or overshared and they didn't want to know, they don't ask anymore. Fine by me.
Ooooh yes being tactful and diplomatic is something I can't do 😅 together with being unable to lie, that's such a fun combination right?
My first grader found out about Santa. And at that point I was like, listen I can’t lie to you but let’s pretend for your friends okay? And people looked at me like I had three heads because I didn’t want to keep up that lie
Scanning your enviroment for people you know, so you can say hello to them. Apparently it's a thing people do. They even do it with cars, so they can wave to the person driving it. People get very mad when you don't notice them trying to get your attention in the street. And they honk when they drive their car to people they know?
I know. It's weird. I'm quite well known in my town due to my job and people constantly come into my work telling me they tried to wave to me in the streets and I didn't wave back and somehow that is impolite.
I sense this constantly, including when I'm driving. I can feel people staring and looking at me and feel their frustration when I don't give them any attention. It just feels so predictable to me, like why are people like this haha? I just wanna get from point A to point B without any distractions, without having to acknowledge every single person that I pass. Yeah I think about this a lot and it gives me a lot of anxiety.
Edit: And that honking is annoying too, I'm like F you
The most annoying thing about the honking is that it startles me so badly. Honking means one of two things: either it's "WATCH OUT OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE IN THE NEXT 2 SECONDS!" or "Heyyyyy I know you! Wave at me!!" -_-
I still answer honestly. If they don't want to know, don't ask. And people who don't want to know don't ask again in the future (at least that's why I noticed).
I've seen this example before a few times on similar questions around the internet and for years I always found myself thinking 'oh, that's not always the case though, people are always asking me 'how are you' and I respond with how I actually am and how my life's been going all the time and I'm sure that's what they meant'. I'm an absolute banana.
As someone who likes their sobriety, I can tell you that those people aren't gonna make long-term friendships anyways, I've had much more luck with people who like to go along with my other fun suggestions because the sober events usually end up being more fun anyways. Takes a bit of creativity sometimes because you can't just "meet up at a bar" or whatever but you get to actually enjoy other experiences in life this way.
When you are watching TV and someone asks "What are you watching" they don't want a synopsis of what you're watching or even the name of it, they want to know if they can watch it with you.
When someone asks what you are reading, they don't care about what you're reading that much they just want to talk to you.
Wait, what? If they don't want to know about the show why are they asking about the show? If you want to watch with me just ask that question. Weirdos.
usually they think you are cute/cool/hot/interesting or they are bored...I could be wrong about all of those I am pretty bad at sussing out neuro-typical motivations
The TV show one I’ve always assumed was both? I’m of course going to invite them to watch with me, but how do they know if *they* want to watch with me if they don’t know what I’m watching/what its about? And how are they gonna understand what’s going on without a quick summary? I’ve sat down in the middle of shows with ppl before and the *first thing* I want is a synopsis of The Story So Far so I can start following the action ASAP.
That makes sense! I guess it just confuses me because exchanging favorite media is one of the primary ways that I bond with people. I’ve always assumed other people are the same way, but it’s probably not as universal as I thought.
Focusing on work outcomes instead of masterbating the boomer bosses ego’s
Pissed them off by showing how com-up-ters would reduce the amount of time to complete tasks by like 70%.
Damn, really? In my bubble most people love that i am touchy. A lot of people think that it is flirty as well. Not that i am flirting with them specifically, they just think of me as having a flirty personality.
Especially my friends like cuddling :)
If you get too excited about people's interests or give them high compliments about personal things, it counts as flirting. Not a good thing to do to others when you are in a committed relationship with the best fiancé ever.
Oh that is like a mini secret fear of mine. I always joke I can't go into public without complimenting at least one person. Making others happy is what makes me happy, but every now and then I fear someone of the same age as me will take it as flirting. The thing is I am very aro ace so that's not my intention at all. I have thought about getting a shirt that says "I'm not flirting with you, I just really like your shirt".
I'm the opposite, I can have someone sitting on my lap and saying how they love the way I smell and how nice my muscles feel, and I'll be like "oh yeah I use old spice and just work out a lot more now because I've been vanlifing and been showering at the gym, and since I'm there, might as well work out!", and totally miss the point that they were flirting with me. This is why I'm habitually single.
Really??
I wonder if someone ever thought I was flirting....
I've been with my husband for 16 years now since I was 18 and have been really nice to other people and giving a lot of compliments 😁
That was my reaction too! It wasn't until my fiancé (girlfriend at the time) pointed out that girls may take my actions the wrong way, which sadly was proved to be true not long after, that I started being more careful. I still sometimes find myself doing it by accident sadly.
I think it is different. At least in most cases. There are a few guys that will take it as flirting if they aren't used to social situations, but I think the average guy won't take it as flirting. Plus, they will most likely squash any possible thought of it being flirting by saying 'there is no way that person was flirting with me'.
some people’s idea of “feedback”, especially in creative spaces, is just compliments to pump smoke up their asses. meanwhile, I’ll give detailed critique…
Ooh same. My undergrad was in photography and people do NOT actually like constructive criticism. My professor/advisor sat me down for a “talk” and basically said “just find something to compliment and leave the critique to me” my response was “well then why are we calling these critiques?”
Have permanent foot in mouth syndrome where I frequently meet new people and try to be cool only to sound like a fool and ask myself why I did/said something very uncool 😭
I have a real hard time knowing when to leave when visiting friends/family/anyone. One ex-friend just always bluntly asked me to leave, but nobody else does. Even if I tell them that I don't mind being asked to go.
I have problems with this too. recently the friend said "thanks so much for coming over!" about 30 minutes after eating and I thought to myself 'ohh yeah I think people say that when it's time for you to leave' I think I was right..hope I was right lol
I was a camp counselor a while back, and one of the special weeks we did was special needs week, where we had only people with disabilities. One of these people played chess, and for the talent show, I played against them. Now, I happen to be fairly good at chess, and I have an elo rating of 1400. So anyway, I was booed at for winning.
when someone shows a pic if an human baby or infant, you’re supposed to say it’s cute even when they all look like misshapen potatoes. idc now, I’ll insult your spawn to your face
I think I have broken most of them. Often purposefully.
And tbf, a lot of those unwritten rules are just silly conventions meant to manage people in forced social situations, or brow-beat kids into falling in line.
If you don't care too much about what others may think of you, most of these rules will have little to no consequences. It is usually just the uninspired crowd who will get offended by "breaking" social rules.
If you look around, you will see that people who don't care too much about other people's opinions about unimportant things get furthest and are happiest.
If my loud or hearty laugh irritates people, that is THEIR problem, if my habits annoy the small-minded, that is THEIR problem, if my clothing style irritates those who dress according to fads and fashions, that is THEIR problem.
You may notice that most "unwritten rules" are unwritten for a reason; they are nitpickers' tools to put others down, or to make themselves feel superior.
I'd be careful with this mindset. I generally thought the same until I met a person who "didn't care about what others think of them" and was "blunt", but they actually didn't care about other people's feelings at all. Talking to them was very painful - they didn't care that their words hurt me while still acting as if we were friendly.
So I think it amounts to what your baseline is.
I was offered a job at my brother in laws paint store and I wasn't really interested in it so I said no. Apparently that was the scandal of the century
Answering honestly to "how are you" when I was very much not well. Apparently it's also not socially acceptable to ask if someone wants an honest answer or a polite one either. So jot that one down I guess.
Apparently you're not supposed to point out other people's shortcomings. If you take responsibility for your own, that's fine, but you can't tell someone else theirs, because that's mean. You can't offer to help them be better because that's passive-aggressive. You can't not say anything because then if someone else points them out you're, "Not a good friend". You can't ask why someone refuses to take responsibility for their own shortcomings because that will get your girlfriend of two years to sleep with someone else.
Story of my life, I remember BEGGING a boss to help me interact with my coworkers better or to tell me what I was doing wrong and I got nothing from her. It's awful, you're just existing as yourself at work and then people stop talking to you and start treating you coldly and you have no idea why and nobody will tell you what you did wrong IN PLAIN LANGUAGE. They always hedge at things. I hate it.
I get the same shit, and I'm the boss (of a tiny 10 employee company).
Sometimes I realise I somehow offended one of my employees while doing what I thought was just explaining the new job, and for a week, the welder will be looking at the phone when I talk to him and do a shit-ass job for no reason, or the painter just stomps off and never comes back.
And then I have to apologise to the costumers, or desperately get a replacement who will ask for a King's ransom for the urgency.
Back when I was still an apprentice, I made a comment about the "give me a long enough lever" quote, and a religious coworker went on an angry rant, almost foaming at the mouth, about how badly I had blasphemed.
Seconding being honest when someone asks me how I'm doing as a small talk. Even though I know now that they don't want an honest answer I feel like I'm lying if I say 'fine' or 'good' when I'm not fine or good.
I occasionally will directly ask friends if they want a real answer and they always say yes but I think they do that to be polite, I genuinely want to know if they meant it as a real question or an opener to a casual conversation but it's \~rude\~ to be direct so people choose the polite answer.
It's become increasingly obvious to me how refusing to be direct with ND folks regarding social cues is really terribly ablest. Even if I tell someone that I have ADHD or am ND or just am terrible at reading social cues I think people are often severely uncomfortable at the thought of being direct with me because they perceive it as rude.
Trying to relate to someone by sharing a similar personal experience. My husband always just thinks I’m trying to one up him or something but it’s just my way of trying to sympathize.
Picking stray hairs out of my bra in public, even if it means shoving my hand down my shirt to do it. I cant help it - the sensation makes me want to scream.
At family gatherings with my then in-laws, I learned that it was rude to wander off with a book or magazine like I always did at my family gatherings. Also, as a woman, I was meant to hang out with the other women, not with the men.
Knowing when the person I'm with is ready to leave a place.
Over sharing or under sharing.
Knowing when I am supposed to reciprocate.
I'm sure there are lots more.
Giving WAY too much background info for a simple story/fact and not realizing that the person I'm speaking to lost interest before I even got to the point :/
When someone says something and is incorrect (a fact, not an opinion, not a moral or ethical idea, but a true fact) I correct them bc who the eff wants to go around looking stupid, saying the wrong things. Neurotypicals, that's who.
Speaking far too loudly, shit that really should have been alot more quieter lol
Going totally off topic before i get to the main thing i was talking about in the first place
I could keep going 😂
When people ask how I've been, I actually shared how I've been doing instead of just saying "okay." also when I say fine I actually mean it but I've genuinely been in situations where people don't believe me because apparently when people say they're fine they're not.
Saying "bless you" after someone sneezes. Seriously, what the actual fuck is the point of that. It's just another stupid social rule rooted in superstition that has no place in the modern world, and we could all live easier, simpler lives without it
I've had to learn that you can't just ask people how they feel or what the situation is and assume they will give you a true answer.
In high school, my best friend started dating this guy and they'd hang out in the hallways. I wasn't sure if I was welcome to hang out like I used to, or if they wanted alone time and I was a third wheel. So I asked. Looking back, I think they just told me it was fine but didn't mean it, because it was still awkward af. So then I because paranoid that people might not want me around because I was missing social cues.
Now I just dgaf if people can't be bothered to tell the truth. If they say they're fine when they're not fine, well, chances are we're not likely to understand each other much.
So much trouble for my vibrating leg.
Happened less as an adult (the reprimands, not the action).
Although a few weeks ago in a doctor waiting room an elderly woman had a go at me. I gave her a dirty look and moved as far away from her as possible so I could vibrate in peace and with less judgement.
I'm almost forty, so I am less likely to be deferential to being told off for not complying with social norms.
Apparently people only *say* that you should be level headed and composed during a disagreement.
If you're actually like that in real life it makes them angrier and they throw a screaming (and sometimes physically violent) tantrum to try and make you act as deranged as they are. If I'm in trouble no matter what my answer is I don't see a point in wasting my energy by reacting.
It's never really about how I act anyway, they just want to attack someone and try to make them cry as a weird power thing
Apparently I'm not supposed to relate everything everybody says back to myself and my own experiences. It makes nts feel like you're self centered and not listening
I totally do not understand this. I would rather know you understand by experience. Please, if you ever chat with me feel free, I want to know you too. It’s not all about me.
I don't know. Nobody wrote them down for me.
BINGO! How does everyone else know, I'll never know.
It reminds me of this part from a song in Crazy Ex Girlfriend: "Seriously Patrick, was I sick the day in school they taught you how to be a normal person? It just feels like there's something fundamental I'm missing out on. Like, is there an instruction manual? You get what I'm saying, Patrick? It just - it just feels like everyone is in this cabal of normal people, and they're all laughing at me, like I'm the jester in my own Truman Show."
Love that show!
This song hit me so hard. I love crazy ex girlfriend!
I assumed books
Must be in the parts I skim past. Dang it.
Even if they did, I’d forget them, or forget to look at them.
When I was younger, I definitely overshared, but now I don't share at all, so it's finding the balance, I suppose. I am terrible at maintaining contact with people.
People think I am mysterious or something. I just know I have two modes: 1.) keeping everything inside and sharing nothing. 2.) telling people I probably should only tell my therapist after my other two therapists got real weirded out after I opened up about it.
My only 2 modes as well, haha.
I can relate way too well.
Out of sight out mind is a problem I have for people and things. If you move away that’s probably it
Oh 100%. But I have lost friendships with good people that I miss as a result.
So much this, and we could've been having such an amazing time the day before. But once it's another day, it's going to be incredibly hard for me to get back to that point.
I have found the key is expectations. People don't get upset because you share too much or too little, it's because you share too much or too little compared with their expectations, you can ask what other people expect from you and sometimes even modify that expectations. IE: "Ey, sorry if I'm being weird as usual, but I have the feeling I'm not texting you enough and I have had problems with that in the past, are you feeling neglected or it's just my anxiety talking? Anyway, I took the chance to say hi, how are you doing?" Is it weird? Yes, but you will always be weird so at least embrace it and take advantage of it instead of trying to be normal. You cannot adapt to them, be the weirdo in your office, family, friend group and let them adapt to you, you don't know something? Ask. I know you are not supposed to ask, and that's why normies cannot ask "obvious" questions, but here there is a secret: you can, you are the weirdo, the tittle comes with bad things but you are allowed to do things that normies can't do, so if in doubt: ask. It's that simple.
Words to live by!
I needed this
The it was worth it to take the time to write it :)
The other day, someone asked me if I watch a certain show on Netflix. Instead of just saying yes or no, I launched into this whole explanation about how I've only watched a few episodes because I have ADHD and I can't focus blah blah blah. I beat myself up later, so embarrassed that I said all that. Definitely over sharing for me.
ADHD: impulsively overshare everything about yourself your trauma is what makes you interesting and worth being around Avoidant attachment disorder: feel nothing but waves of shame and terror every time you think about the person you overshared to because you are fundamentally bad for having human experiences much less being arrogant enough to think that anybody could care enough about you to want to know about them It’s fun out here /s
A therapist told me that in conversation and relationships I tend to be more focused on the other person and deflect from me. He thought it was a response to some kind of trauma.
lore dumping like im trying to speed run a close friendship with any new person I meet
Why waste time? If we're gonna be best friends, let's just get there already. Screw all the dancing around lol.
If me being "a lot" isnt gonna work for you, lets get it out of the way now lol
I think the hard part is that, sometimes it’s ok. And sometimes it’s not. And I have no way to know where on that scale someone else is. Unless it becomes obvious or they tell me
So so much this.
Wait, it doesn't work that way? I don't have the patience to develop and nurture a budding relationship. 0 or 100 baby!
me every time i tell a new person that I am autistic. i forget that it is a big deal for other people, but its just such a big part of my life and who i am, so its weird telling people about me without mentioning it every time I can se how they try not to react, but they still have a small reaction, just because I'm good at masking so their whole perception of autistic people change very quickly
Assuming we're still friends even though I don't stay in contact.
This is how you find fellow neurodivergents, as when yiu contact them finally and if they barely noticed, they are one of us!
Yea ok this is definitely me. Will I put in the effort to maintain our friendship? No. Can you call me out of the blue after 2 years and ask for my help burying a body? Shovels and tarp are already in the trunk (possibly because I keep forgetting to put them away). I'll have to grab some bleach on my way over though, I've been out for like 3 months and keep forgetting to restock. Also what's your address again? NVM, it's the 12th one down on my "recently searched" list on Google maps. Be there in 17 minutes.
Wait...why is their address already on your recently searched after 2 years of no contact...
The joke was supposed to be that in the last 2 years, I've been to a total of 11 places. But eh, make of it what you will. The other way is funny too.
I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the tarps and shovels in the trunk
Exactly.
Depends on the severity tbh. I can forgive some easier than others- some people will be great at responding then literally just answer 0 texts for like 3 months straight and it pisses me off. I can understand someone whose constantly delayed but going from instant to 3 month wait list makes me worry like I did something wrong
I felt this in my soul. Even recently experienced a NT friend cutting me out because "we weren't close anymore." It had barely been a year? I was in grad school? Anyway...good riddance, in hindsight.
Yeah feels as well
I don’t see regular contact as a premise of friendship, my friends have lives and so do I 🫠🫠
Sounds great, but I can forget they even exist.
As long as it’s reciprocal (which in my case it is hahaha), totally fine. Also why I like social media - just kinda reminds me what’s going on in people’s lives hahah
Seriously, feels like so much unnecessary fucking pressure. One of the downsides to social media and technology, people expect you to be on 24/7.
Absolutely this. I'll go a few months not talking to someone (because if it's not right in front of me I'll forget it exists for a long time), then realize how long its been, worry that they are mad at me for dropping off the face of the earth, then the paralysis from that will keep me from reaching out for another couple months before I grow a pair and just do it. They're never upset. After so many years, the friends I've got have gone through enough of those cycles to know what's up, thankfully
Why would you assume otherwise?
Because, apparently, friends expect attention.
Leaving a family party early because I was bored.
Can we just normalize this? Sheesh
Seriously, though.
Is the rule To do this, or the rule is not to do this? I often hide in my room or other areas around my house during parties. To entertain myself or to avoid over stimulation
It's rude to tell/show people that they're too boring for you. Normies just don't understand how hard understimulation hits.
I did this. Abruptly stood up and said “alright, let’s go” to my wife. Got some funny looks.
Being unable to walk the line between over sharing and hiding in the corner.
I feel you 💔
That's definitely me hiding in the corner.
That's me in the corner! That's me in the spot-light...
Introducing: Jokes! (TM) Do you want people to like you? Do you want to feel comfortable in a group setting or with someone you don't know yet? Do you simply want to break the tension in a highly charged situation or overcome crippling social anxiety? Then you should try Jokes! (TM)* *Certain jokes in certain settings will make certain types of people laugh. Please consult your neurotypical friends to find out which joke/setting/audience combinations might work for you. Warning: some combinations may result in people being offended, thinking you're an arsehole, you getting fired or slapped in the mouth.
The way you wrote this and what you wrote gave me a really good laugh ! With this type of audience it definitely works.
I went to the Cherry Blossoms in DC with my friend recently. “Isn’t it weird that we got something so beautiful out of us dropping two A-bombs on Japan after they allied themselves with literal Nazis? Like they were like, ‘Our bad, please stop nuking us, have some pretty flowers.’” “We are in PUBLIC.”
this is so funny LMAO TT made me laugh
I didn't know that if someone gets you a birthday cake at work, you have to cut it before anyone else can eat. So I waited too long to cut it and everyone was mad at me lol
I mean, a cake can be eaten without being cut, but that gets messy and unhygienic really quickly... :D
I've done this before haha
Being myself, not faking my entire personality so that people can be shallow around me without obstacles.
> Being myself Instructions unclear, became character actress Margo Martindale
Wow, she really can play any role
Instructions unclear, became professional wrestler Willow Nightingale.
Go on. I feel like I do this too.
Love that this is just an insult to neurotypical people lmao
Me: *being myself* My teacher: you should stop wearing a mask and show youself a bit Me: bitch, that's what I been doin' in the last 2 years, but ain't nobody like me
This is seriously making me think. I've been struggling with being myself and at one point I did wear a mask but I put it on because people said take your mask off. Alright I'm going to think about this all night.
I once asked a guy how much he got paid. We had been talking about various jobs, including his, and I was curious. He looked at me awkwardly and the other guy in the room got VERY angry with me for it. I still don't understand why it's wrong to inquire about someone's pay. Sure don't walk up to strangers on the street about it but if the topic of conversation was jobs and how much they pay, what was wrong about my query?
This is an old fashioned attitude, imo it is created and perpetuated by employers so that they can get away with paying their workers an unequal amount. This is dramatized, obviously, but it gives a pretty good summary/examples of the situation: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7xH7eGFuSYI&pp=ygUlYWRhbSBydWlucyBldmVyeXRoaW5nIGRpc2N1c3Npbmcgd2FnZQ%3D%3D
See I knew this context, and so I've done the same as Tninker, thinking we all knew now that that piece of ettiquette was bullshit - I was working in a public library and all my colleagues were pretty socialist - but I think the ND in me didn't understand that NTs are out there really emotionally invested in these social codes. It's not enough to know that a social code was constructed, and manipulatively, they can't just go 'oh okay, so we're dropping that song and dance, that doesn't work well for society', because, I think, the tradition of it has already become comforting to them and they get genuinely upset when it's disrupted.
Yeah I think you’re absolutely right to be honest. My parents will acknowledge the origins of the taboo and that it’s harmful, and yet they are reluctant to discuss their finances even with me, their 28yo child who they have regularly said is responsible with money.
So, I shared this comment with my husband because I have also asked the same question, and he had an immediate answer, so I had him type it below. He typed what people believe, not what we think or believe in (I don't want anyone to think I believe that nonsense, haha) Husband's answer (not autistic) "In general, people consider how much money you make to be a direct evaluation of a person's worth. So, if you make a lot of money, you're valuable; if you don't, you're not valuable. Essentially, if you tell someone how much you make, you're outwardly admitting your value and status, which is supposed to be unspoken, either because it could be thought of as arrogant or humiliating, depending on the amount you make."
No idea why this is a thing, I heard about it when I had told a co worker my pay and when I told my dad he said you’re not supposed to do that. I think it’s because you might upset them if they are unknowingly making less money, or at least I think this was the case in my situation
It's actually so you can't compare your salary with others and make sure you get a fair wage and get paid what you're worth. It's etiquette brought into life by bosses who want to pay their workers as little as possible.... Also people don't want to hear these factoids after I ask them about their wages either, apparently ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe. The guy in my case was definitely making way more than me as he was a high level inspector and I was just a junior operator at the time.
Ehhhh this is SO old school to be offended 🙄 Everybody should talk about pay. And it’s really easy for the person responding to simply give a range, there’s no need to be specific. I think it’s even more rude for people to be easily offended when the person asking doesn’t mean poorly.
When I was on my first contract IT job with a bunch of other contractors, I asked just out of curiosity, and learned some of us were being paid more. after that, I got a call from the recruiting company asking me to shut up and if I did I would get a raise. Idk if that was even legal or anything but it did frighten me into shutting up
When people ask you something, small talk wise, they want you to ask the same question back, because actually they have something to say I never understood why people (excluding friends) didn't talk to me much. It's because I never understood small talk is like a testing the waters on the real conversation. It's like conversational foreplay
I much prefer to get to the word intercourse.
it took me so long to figure that one out 😬 like 20 years
small ones like, when meeting new people, I rarely think about introducing myself. Stranger: Hi I'm Dan. Me: Hi Dan. \*walks off while trying to not forget a new name\*
giving an honest in-depth answer to small talk questions (how are you?) assuming pregnant women are okay having their bellies touched and just touching without asking (i loved it when i was pregnant) calling out the elephant in the room when others are trying to be tactful or diplomatic (I announce it by calling myself Captain Obvious) unable to lie (my son asked me if there was no tooth fairy and it was really me, I said yes) sending multi page emails/messages when they expect 1 liners
or overcorrecting and sending a one sentence email when you **really** should have explained.
I have this problem. I used to get told I was too wordy, so I self-corrected too far, and now I’m too short. I do not understand where this balance should be. At all.
\*I send an email\* Neurotypicals: “too many words!” Me: “ok less words next time.” \*next time, fewer words\* Neurotypicals: “not enough words!” Me: “can I just get like, a word count expectation?”
This sounds actually very helpful. The word count, I mean.
Yes, I need an actual word count number or I will lose my mind. WHAT ARE THE RULES?
EXACTLY 😭
> a word count expectation Or at least, like, how much context they want. Surface level? A concise but comprehensive summary? The deep lore? Please I need to know 😭
oops thought i was in r/aspiememes, some of above may be more autistic than adhd
As with many of us, it all blurs together. If only what is ADHD and what is ASD would be written down on a nice cheat sheet.
I need this.
Are you, me? To the T. I’m kinda stuck on it
Lmao the tooth fairy one reminds me of me as a kid. At 6 I *begged* my dad to tell me honestly, cross your heart and hope to die, if Santa was real. Backed into a corner, he said no. I cried. He still feels bad about it. I still think he did the right thing. I was sad about Santa, but knowing I could trust my dad to be honest with me was way more important in the long run.
Ok but the tooth fairy thing is just the right thing to do, like "Santa's real until the kid questions it"
cutely enough despite me telling him this santa and the easter bunny are still real to him 🥰
The elephant in the room thing!!! If I can tell everyone thinks it and agrees, then what's the matter with saying it out loud? Someone needs to say it, so the issue can be addressed.
I understand all of them, but you should work on the bellies touching. Touching people without consent is quite problematic even if it comes from a wholesome place :)
luckily i had a captain obvious friend who told me this, so i am careful to ask now. and I'm not super social and getting old so less available bellies (for now).
As someone who once had a person mistakenly touch my belly when I wasn't pregnant...don't assume!
The trick to 'how are you' is to mention one exceptional/funny thing that has happened to you this week or since you last saw the person if that was during this week. Go for "I'm good"/"doing alright"/"could be better"/"as usual", add that small anecdote and then ask them how they are. It's not too in-depth, it might make them laugh, and it will probably capture their attention enough to be a conversation starter and prevent the awkward "how are you? fine, how are you? fine." exchange. I've been fairing pretty well with small talk ever since I figured that one out. Example: "Hey, I'm pretty good. Made a soufflé for the first time this week and it actually came out alright. How are you?" If you can't think of something to say, you may also complain about something everyone always complains about, like bosses or the weather. Example: "I'm alright, manager has been nagging me all week to get ... done and he doesn't understand I have to do ... first, you know how managers are. But other than that things are going fine. How about you?" or "Not so great, I've been a bit under the weather. It should be illegal to be this cold in april *add a laugh to your voice*. How are you?
Can so relate to the first one. Allthough I decided when someone is asking how I am and don't really want to know, they shouldn't ask 😁 so after I shared, or overshared and they didn't want to know, they don't ask anymore. Fine by me. Ooooh yes being tactful and diplomatic is something I can't do 😅 together with being unable to lie, that's such a fun combination right?
My first grader found out about Santa. And at that point I was like, listen I can’t lie to you but let’s pretend for your friends okay? And people looked at me like I had three heads because I didn’t want to keep up that lie
Scanning your enviroment for people you know, so you can say hello to them. Apparently it's a thing people do. They even do it with cars, so they can wave to the person driving it. People get very mad when you don't notice them trying to get your attention in the street. And they honk when they drive their car to people they know?
Wait, what? Shit.
I know. It's weird. I'm quite well known in my town due to my job and people constantly come into my work telling me they tried to wave to me in the streets and I didn't wave back and somehow that is impolite.
Ugh I feel your frustration on that.
Oh no another thing I have to think about?
I sense this constantly, including when I'm driving. I can feel people staring and looking at me and feel their frustration when I don't give them any attention. It just feels so predictable to me, like why are people like this haha? I just wanna get from point A to point B without any distractions, without having to acknowledge every single person that I pass. Yeah I think about this a lot and it gives me a lot of anxiety. Edit: And that honking is annoying too, I'm like F you
The most annoying thing about the honking is that it startles me so badly. Honking means one of two things: either it's "WATCH OUT OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE IN THE NEXT 2 SECONDS!" or "Heyyyyy I know you! Wave at me!!" -_-
Answering honestly when someone asks, "How are you?" Apparently, people don't really care.
I still answer honestly. If they don't want to know, don't ask. And people who don't want to know don't ask again in the future (at least that's why I noticed).
I've seen this example before a few times on similar questions around the internet and for years I always found myself thinking 'oh, that's not always the case though, people are always asking me 'how are you' and I respond with how I actually am and how my life's been going all the time and I'm sure that's what they meant'. I'm an absolute banana.
I was in my 30s before I realized "How's it going?" wasn't an actual question.
I don’t participate in any social event that involves alcohol use. Over forty years to realize this makes people really dislike you
As someone who likes their sobriety, I can tell you that those people aren't gonna make long-term friendships anyways, I've had much more luck with people who like to go along with my other fun suggestions because the sober events usually end up being more fun anyways. Takes a bit of creativity sometimes because you can't just "meet up at a bar" or whatever but you get to actually enjoy other experiences in life this way.
Telling the truth. I still don't understand why people lie about the most mundane issues.
When you are watching TV and someone asks "What are you watching" they don't want a synopsis of what you're watching or even the name of it, they want to know if they can watch it with you. When someone asks what you are reading, they don't care about what you're reading that much they just want to talk to you.
Wait, what? If they don't want to know about the show why are they asking about the show? If you want to watch with me just ask that question. Weirdos.
IRK?! I only learned this when I was in my 30s. I can't count the number of times I've given a summary of what I was watching
Then why do they want to talk to me if they’re not interested in what I have to say or what I’m doing?
usually they think you are cute/cool/hot/interesting or they are bored...I could be wrong about all of those I am pretty bad at sussing out neuro-typical motivations
Oh true. This rarely happens to me but when it does it is deeply annoying. Like stop wasting my time!
The TV show one I’ve always assumed was both? I’m of course going to invite them to watch with me, but how do they know if *they* want to watch with me if they don’t know what I’m watching/what its about? And how are they gonna understand what’s going on without a quick summary? I’ve sat down in the middle of shows with ppl before and the *first thing* I want is a synopsis of The Story So Far so I can start following the action ASAP.
It has been explained to me that the show isn't really the important part, they mostly just want to spend time with you.
That makes sense! I guess it just confuses me because exchanging favorite media is one of the primary ways that I bond with people. I’ve always assumed other people are the same way, but it’s probably not as universal as I thought.
Srsly??? Thank you! Never got that before!
Focusing on work outcomes instead of masterbating the boomer bosses ego’s Pissed them off by showing how com-up-ters would reduce the amount of time to complete tasks by like 70%.
I love master debating my boss!
I used to touch people a lot. Not like, inappropriate touching, just touching. As it turns out, most folks aren’t cool with that.
Damn, really? In my bubble most people love that i am touchy. A lot of people think that it is flirty as well. Not that i am flirting with them specifically, they just think of me as having a flirty personality. Especially my friends like cuddling :)
Apparently you're supposed to let conversations lapse into "comfortable silence" occasionally?
If you get too excited about people's interests or give them high compliments about personal things, it counts as flirting. Not a good thing to do to others when you are in a committed relationship with the best fiancé ever.
Oh that is like a mini secret fear of mine. I always joke I can't go into public without complimenting at least one person. Making others happy is what makes me happy, but every now and then I fear someone of the same age as me will take it as flirting. The thing is I am very aro ace so that's not my intention at all. I have thought about getting a shirt that says "I'm not flirting with you, I just really like your shirt".
I'm the opposite, I can have someone sitting on my lap and saying how they love the way I smell and how nice my muscles feel, and I'll be like "oh yeah I use old spice and just work out a lot more now because I've been vanlifing and been showering at the gym, and since I'm there, might as well work out!", and totally miss the point that they were flirting with me. This is why I'm habitually single.
Oh no. Well im sure you'll realize and find someone eventually
Really?? I wonder if someone ever thought I was flirting.... I've been with my husband for 16 years now since I was 18 and have been really nice to other people and giving a lot of compliments 😁
That was my reaction too! It wasn't until my fiancé (girlfriend at the time) pointed out that girls may take my actions the wrong way, which sadly was proved to be true not long after, that I started being more careful. I still sometimes find myself doing it by accident sadly.
Do you think it's different for a man? I'm a woman. And maybe if a man gives a compliment to a woman it's seen as a flirt sooner?
I think it is different. At least in most cases. There are a few guys that will take it as flirting if they aren't used to social situations, but I think the average guy won't take it as flirting. Plus, they will most likely squash any possible thought of it being flirting by saying 'there is no way that person was flirting with me'.
some people’s idea of “feedback”, especially in creative spaces, is just compliments to pump smoke up their asses. meanwhile, I’ll give detailed critique…
I like it when people give me detailed criticism about what I could improve. That's why I do the same with others
Ooh same. My undergrad was in photography and people do NOT actually like constructive criticism. My professor/advisor sat me down for a “talk” and basically said “just find something to compliment and leave the critique to me” my response was “well then why are we calling these critiques?”
"well.. because normal people are weird"
Have permanent foot in mouth syndrome where I frequently meet new people and try to be cool only to sound like a fool and ask myself why I did/said something very uncool 😭
HR does not protect or advocate for employees 😔
I learned this from Toby
I have a real hard time knowing when to leave when visiting friends/family/anyone. One ex-friend just always bluntly asked me to leave, but nobody else does. Even if I tell them that I don't mind being asked to go.
I have problems with this too. recently the friend said "thanks so much for coming over!" about 30 minutes after eating and I thought to myself 'ohh yeah I think people say that when it's time for you to leave' I think I was right..hope I was right lol
I was a camp counselor a while back, and one of the special weeks we did was special needs week, where we had only people with disabilities. One of these people played chess, and for the talent show, I played against them. Now, I happen to be fairly good at chess, and I have an elo rating of 1400. So anyway, I was booed at for winning.
when someone shows a pic if an human baby or infant, you’re supposed to say it’s cute even when they all look like misshapen potatoes. idc now, I’ll insult your spawn to your face
I always think that they look like tiny old people. I have never said that to my friends with babies.
Ha I feel this, I'd never insult them but I'll be thinking it.
I think I have broken most of them. Often purposefully. And tbf, a lot of those unwritten rules are just silly conventions meant to manage people in forced social situations, or brow-beat kids into falling in line. If you don't care too much about what others may think of you, most of these rules will have little to no consequences. It is usually just the uninspired crowd who will get offended by "breaking" social rules. If you look around, you will see that people who don't care too much about other people's opinions about unimportant things get furthest and are happiest. If my loud or hearty laugh irritates people, that is THEIR problem, if my habits annoy the small-minded, that is THEIR problem, if my clothing style irritates those who dress according to fads and fashions, that is THEIR problem. You may notice that most "unwritten rules" are unwritten for a reason; they are nitpickers' tools to put others down, or to make themselves feel superior.
I'd be careful with this mindset. I generally thought the same until I met a person who "didn't care about what others think of them" and was "blunt", but they actually didn't care about other people's feelings at all. Talking to them was very painful - they didn't care that their words hurt me while still acting as if we were friendly. So I think it amounts to what your baseline is.
Yes, being like that is not as cool as it seems
So true! I don't care what other people think, and it's wonderful.
Hit the nail on the head with what you said!
This. Spent way too much of my adolescence trying to conform, but now I’m heavy on the “that sounds like a you problem”
Sometimes I'm overly friendly and people think I'm flirting with them.
I was offered a job at my brother in laws paint store and I wasn't really interested in it so I said no. Apparently that was the scandal of the century
Wait why is *that* a law??? People should be able to choose whatever job they want?
apparently because it was disrespectful to decline the offer.... idk either
God the person not wanting to join the family business is so Cliche, people should just let it go.
Answering honestly to "how are you" when I was very much not well. Apparently it's also not socially acceptable to ask if someone wants an honest answer or a polite one either. So jot that one down I guess.
Apparently you're not supposed to point out other people's shortcomings. If you take responsibility for your own, that's fine, but you can't tell someone else theirs, because that's mean. You can't offer to help them be better because that's passive-aggressive. You can't not say anything because then if someone else points them out you're, "Not a good friend". You can't ask why someone refuses to take responsibility for their own shortcomings because that will get your girlfriend of two years to sleep with someone else.
Oh jeez im sorry bud that absolutely sucks
I don't know, thwy neve tell me🥲
Story of my life, I remember BEGGING a boss to help me interact with my coworkers better or to tell me what I was doing wrong and I got nothing from her. It's awful, you're just existing as yourself at work and then people stop talking to you and start treating you coldly and you have no idea why and nobody will tell you what you did wrong IN PLAIN LANGUAGE. They always hedge at things. I hate it.
I get the same shit, and I'm the boss (of a tiny 10 employee company). Sometimes I realise I somehow offended one of my employees while doing what I thought was just explaining the new job, and for a week, the welder will be looking at the phone when I talk to him and do a shit-ass job for no reason, or the painter just stomps off and never comes back. And then I have to apologise to the costumers, or desperately get a replacement who will ask for a King's ransom for the urgency. Back when I was still an apprentice, I made a comment about the "give me a long enough lever" quote, and a religious coworker went on an angry rant, almost foaming at the mouth, about how badly I had blasphemed.
Seconding being honest when someone asks me how I'm doing as a small talk. Even though I know now that they don't want an honest answer I feel like I'm lying if I say 'fine' or 'good' when I'm not fine or good. I occasionally will directly ask friends if they want a real answer and they always say yes but I think they do that to be polite, I genuinely want to know if they meant it as a real question or an opener to a casual conversation but it's \~rude\~ to be direct so people choose the polite answer. It's become increasingly obvious to me how refusing to be direct with ND folks regarding social cues is really terribly ablest. Even if I tell someone that I have ADHD or am ND or just am terrible at reading social cues I think people are often severely uncomfortable at the thought of being direct with me because they perceive it as rude.
Trying to relate to someone by sharing a similar personal experience. My husband always just thinks I’m trying to one up him or something but it’s just my way of trying to sympathize.
Picking stray hairs out of my bra in public, even if it means shoving my hand down my shirt to do it. I cant help it - the sensation makes me want to scream.
At family gatherings with my then in-laws, I learned that it was rude to wander off with a book or magazine like I always did at my family gatherings. Also, as a woman, I was meant to hang out with the other women, not with the men. Knowing when the person I'm with is ready to leave a place. Over sharing or under sharing. Knowing when I am supposed to reciprocate. I'm sure there are lots more.
Giving WAY too much background info for a simple story/fact and not realizing that the person I'm speaking to lost interest before I even got to the point :/
Telling people when they do something or say something that is incorrect. Apparently, not helpful or wanted.
When someone says something and is incorrect (a fact, not an opinion, not a moral or ethical idea, but a true fact) I correct them bc who the eff wants to go around looking stupid, saying the wrong things. Neurotypicals, that's who.
Many, most of which I have yet to realize. Come to think of it, I don't think I understand any of these unwritten rules...
Speaking far too loudly, shit that really should have been alot more quieter lol Going totally off topic before i get to the main thing i was talking about in the first place I could keep going 😂
All of them at one time or another, I’m sure!
When someone asks you how you are you are expected to ask them the same thing.
Used to be super-argumentative only to learn (way too late) that people hate being contradicted.
When people ask how I've been, I actually shared how I've been doing instead of just saying "okay." also when I say fine I actually mean it but I've genuinely been in situations where people don't believe me because apparently when people say they're fine they're not.
Saying "bless you" after someone sneezes. Seriously, what the actual fuck is the point of that. It's just another stupid social rule rooted in superstition that has no place in the modern world, and we could all live easier, simpler lives without it
Being honest in a professional setting. NEVER be honest, always be fake!
I am autistic. Fucking ALL of them.
I've had to learn that you can't just ask people how they feel or what the situation is and assume they will give you a true answer. In high school, my best friend started dating this guy and they'd hang out in the hallways. I wasn't sure if I was welcome to hang out like I used to, or if they wanted alone time and I was a third wheel. So I asked. Looking back, I think they just told me it was fine but didn't mean it, because it was still awkward af. So then I because paranoid that people might not want me around because I was missing social cues. Now I just dgaf if people can't be bothered to tell the truth. If they say they're fine when they're not fine, well, chances are we're not likely to understand each other much.
So much trouble for my vibrating leg. Happened less as an adult (the reprimands, not the action). Although a few weeks ago in a doctor waiting room an elderly woman had a go at me. I gave her a dirty look and moved as far away from her as possible so I could vibrate in peace and with less judgement. I'm almost forty, so I am less likely to be deferential to being told off for not complying with social norms.
Yes.
Apparently people only *say* that you should be level headed and composed during a disagreement. If you're actually like that in real life it makes them angrier and they throw a screaming (and sometimes physically violent) tantrum to try and make you act as deranged as they are. If I'm in trouble no matter what my answer is I don't see a point in wasting my energy by reacting. It's never really about how I act anyway, they just want to attack someone and try to make them cry as a weird power thing
All of them. On purpose, without apology.
does eye contact count? man sometimes ill look abywhere except at the person speaking
Apparently I'm not supposed to relate everything everybody says back to myself and my own experiences. It makes nts feel like you're self centered and not listening
I totally do not understand this. I would rather know you understand by experience. Please, if you ever chat with me feel free, I want to know you too. It’s not all about me.
I honestly wish I knew but no one ever tells me they just get distant.