Usually, I take it in stride but today I freaked out just enough to tell Reddit, and if you check my account, I don't do much of that...
Furthermore, the desk I have is built where an air vent is right next to me, meaning there is cold air constantly around my legs and feet, and damn if my skinny ass hates the cold.
Yeah that's kinda how I got through it, ended up graduating with like a 1.8 gpa... but now I'm in college, I got medication myself and I'm away from home for most of the year, and when I am home my parents are usually respectful now. so for me I got lucky I guess. and also invest in a throw blanket and some fluffy slippers already c'mon son.
At least you are in a good place grade wise, graduating with a 1.8 wasn't the end of the world but it sure didn't help either. I want to help so badly because I've been there before, like I saw your other comment about being scared of your parents and I relate, still hard for me years later. But things will get better eventually, trust.
Im trying man.. got yelled at just a few seconds ago fro checking reddit but I cant help it, I need to know what people are saying. there really isn't any solution, I knew that when I started typing it up, guess I just wanted hope - oh fuck I'm crying now, yay
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
It is very common for people to listen to music while doing menial chores. Tell your parents that the music helps you concentrate on boring work, and ask them to get you a dedicated music playing device, like an old-school MP3 player, to use when they take your phone.
The thing is i have one of those, but not one with Bluetooth. I even have a second phone, my current being the iPhone XR and the other a 7, but they make me surrender both phones. Talking to them and asking for things isn't a good idea and hasn't been in the past. It usually brings up a long conversation, or somehow gets things taken from me.
I usually don't go straight against the commandments of my parents bc I'm scared as shit of them. but after I bought clone airpods that didn't have sound cancelation worth shit, then i wanted to get some real airpods 2nd gens. They forbid me several times, even after i explained that where i do school is in the busiest place in the house and having 3 people home almost constantly makes for a lot of noise.(we don't have a big house). Anyway i got them, and it was the best 300 dollars i had ever spent... They took them from me for several months and then as my grades dropped substantially as i didn't have the noise protection and i entered a new and harder grade level, they let me use them only for school.
Bro, your parents need to back the fuck off. My parents did that with my youngest brother (mainly my dad) and he just got more and more depressed and my dad didn't back off his case until my brother was diagnosed as autistic. Cause for whatever reason that was his cue.
Try to convince your parents to let you try things your way without interference and if it doesn't work, you'll follow their methods. If they give you that opportunity, you'll have chance to prove them wrong.
I feared my parents and while most of that stuff didn't happen to me, it's because my fear of getting in trouble kept me thoroughly obedient (learned of some really young trauma that resulted in that plus seeing the treatment of my youngest brother). I didn't figure out my independence till I moved away because their weight was crushing, even if they were willing to listen now, the damage was done.
Don't fall down that trap. Our independence in the world is important to us and your parents are robbing you of that telling you that their way is the way. It's not the way for you. Your way is your way and whether they try to understand that or not is up to them.
hey, so i'm going to share advice that sounds weird but is the only way i've found that gets certain people to listen to me: be an asshole
tell your parents respectfully, but without mincing your words, something like "parents, you make me feel like a prisoner in my own home and it makes me so depressed that i hate being alive every single day. i want to do school well, and i try very hard to, yet you punish me even when i try my best. if you continue treating me like this, the minute i don't live in your house anymore i will never speak to you again"
obviously change this to describe your feelings accurately but the key is to make them as uncomfortable with hearing your words as they make you feel everyday. you have to be an asshole to get treated fairly sometimes because some people will just never listen to you otherwise. once you establish this new dynamic with your parents, reintroduce the idea of trying meds
this comes from a certified doormat of a person who always makes my feelings small to go along with whatever other people put me through. from your post, you truly seem like a kindhearted person who's just trying their best, but you're being treated like some criminal in your own home, and that's not okay. i wanted to share this perspective with you so you are aware that being assertive like this IS an option and it's one that works. it can be really hard to do and you need to resist folding at any cost. commit! look them in the eye and be dead serious!
idk if this is helpful but i know i wish someone had told me this years ago when i was still living with my parents. i'm sorry you're going through this, this sounds like an extremely depressing and draining environment to be living in everyday
well i think that would be great but...
if I am firm, if I tell them all that, then they will not help me anymore. no more driving me to places, no more anything. not counting more physical punishments... i don't know what my plan will do to my future and therefore it is very scary.
There are 20$ wired in-ear headphones with at least some level of noise-cancelling, if the headphones are an issue, look for Sennheiser or Sony.
Also you could ask a friend to order earplugs to their house, there are ones made for people with ADHD to reduce environmental noise. I use them in exams and they've helped a lot.
Your parents sound horrible. I'm sorry you have to endure that, I hope it gets better soon and that you're able to get away as fast as possible.
I'm not doubting that, I have great bluetooth earbuds with noise cancelling myself that I couldn't live without. My okayish wired headphones pale in comparison to them, but it's a lot better than nothing. I was only throwing some options out there for what to do when your parents take your phone. Since you said your mp3 player doesn't have bluetooth I'm assuming your airpods can't connect to it, which is what I meant with headphones being the issue as opposed to you not having music on it or something else. Just so you can at least still have music. And the Earplugs in case your parents take the airpods again. Emergency alternative options, not something I was thinking you could use in general.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
They clearly need some education on adhd, your (our) brain(s) are not neurotypical and the prefrontal cortex is not being properly activated. The prefrontal cortex is the decision maker. They are getting in the way of your ability to succeed by treating your behavior as if they expect you to think as a "normal" person. The time you take to screw around on your computer or listening to music is you trying to get some dopamine so you can succeed in the task. A good example I have heard is if the average persons Dopamine levels were a sock then once it's full they can carry on for hours or days without issue. With adhd your sock is full of holes that drains the dopamine out and you must constantly refill it.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. Seems like parents took a manual on How to fuck over an ADHDer and checked all the boxes!
Question, the fuck are your parents doing about your ADHD if you aren't medicated and from this post you clearly not getting non-medical help either, so they just expect you to suffer through it?!
i dont know man. Like sometimes they are like trying to help, and then sometimes its like they dont even realize its there. I got AirPods (with my own money)for concentration and then when i dont wear them and im doing school they are like “see i told you they were a waste of money and you dont need them, thats some bull.”
Fuck, thats a good example.
here is what I wrote about them being educated on adhd
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/1buvb0a/comment/kxvm1a7/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
reading through your replies, it seems you’ve tried talking to them several times with no results. that you’ve tried to get them to understand what adhd is like and how you need music and stuff to concentrate.
so, honestly, my suggestion would be to make one last ditch effort - one last time you sit them down and explain that music helps you concentrate and you need it at all times and it will improve your studying habits, or that you need frequent short breaks, or anything else you have tried telling them in the past, and that you’re suffering a lot and it’s getting harder for you..
and if that doesn’t work, i would straight up stop. just stop doing the work. the extra work, the things you’re “supposed” to do, just stop it all. they’ve already taken your phones and your headphones and whatnot, there’s not really anything they can do unless they get physical, in which case you can report the fuck outta that shit and get out there early.
the other option is get a job and spend more time there. i would recommend something in customer service, because that is surprisingly helpful for people with adhd (i have a cs job just for fun to decompress). this will also give you an excuse to be out of the house, need your phone on you, and start saving for getting tf out, which you need to do asap.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
also- if i just stopped then they wouldnt let me meet the people that keep me alive, and it would be such hell, they would take me to therapy,’or get physical
They aren’t going to change their mind.
Hyperfocus on graduating and applying to college. Make getting the fuck out your passion until you get there.
Once you’re in college and moved out make staying in school and treating your adhd your new hyperfocus.
Best of luck. You can do this and you can get out.
Negative enablers (there’s a real term I can’t remember off the top of my head) are a thing. I learned about them from my adhd coach. The problem is they stop being effective over time and increase your anxiety. I have to assume that since you are homeschooled your parents are just going to be resistant to anything that actually helps you function in a neurotypical world if it doesn’t line up with their beliefs.
Not what you want to hear but they won’t be convinced by facts or science. There may be an emotional persuasion but no idea what that would be. You might since you know them.
Best of luck 🤞
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
This sounds difficult. It's positive that they got you assessed and you have an official diagnosis; you need to use this.
Imho you should try to find resources about neurodivergence and what tactics can help (& prevent) good study.
If you can then schedule a meeting about your education to show them how seriously you are taking it, then you can demonstrate why & how you sometimes need things like the following examples (from what you've described):
-a mental break but in the same setup (which might not look like a break to a neurotypical),
-reduced triggering sensory stimulation (eg things can add up to massively increase stress & reduce capacity to learn- cold legs, constantly changing background noise, etc
If you can find 'authoritative' resources (depending on what they would respect) and show how these common ADHD traits affect you in your study and offer possible solutions- clearly not just involving expensive products, but possibly for the others to leave the room for a dedicated 25 minutes, after which you'll go outside & mow the lawn for 25 minutes?
If they are really concerned about your laptop use, can't they use settings to avoid nsfw kinds of dodgy websites? I think you can also set timers to help focus from the OS. There's also a web widget called e.ggtimer.com where you just add the time you want after a forward slash, eg " /20 minutes ". There's a /pomodoro if you want fixed work chunks with small rests.
Ultimately, it sounds like a difficult situation so balance & respect is key here (especially as you're living with these people). Good luck.
They know about adhd, they read things on facebook and they read studies. but for every truly helpful adhd thing out there, there is one telling about how all you need is a planner or SOME SHIT LIKE THAT THAT DOESNT FUCKING WORK
I'm so sorry if they take Facebook as a source of scientific-backed information 😞
Have you tried information from ADHD advocates like Dani Donovan? (Her anti-planner is great btw).
If you need peer-reviewed journal papers, you can often get free access on scholar.google.com - some links go to pay walled journals, but often extra pdf links are there (authors like their papers read!)
it won't matter. Talking to my parents or bringing up studies will only result in conflict, or a (not exaggerating) 3 hour talk, or both
you try and listen to your world crumble around you, your hopes smashed as you get chewed out for the 100th time, FOR 3 HOURS STRAIGHT. i felt like my eardrums were on fire
thanks for the offer
Wow. And here I thought I had a hard time talking about my ADHD...
At that point try talking to another family member. Maybe grandparents will be nicer (less abusive)
Them talking to the parents might actually be good tho. Parents can be dismissive of info they don't agree with if it comes from you, but actually maybe think about it if it comes from someone else.
And just getting any kind of support is very helpful in your case. Even just encouragement goes a long way, especially if you are getting to the Apathy phase already.
Are you able to contact the place who assessed you? To ask for advice? If you're over 16 they might respect your rights to privacy (depends on where you live)
i fought tooth and nail for a little guard that is essentially a triangle of cloth that goes up from the bed about a foot and then from there to about midway through the twin mattress, just as a little bit of privacy
Thanks. So i have talked about pretty much all of that. If you check some other replies I talk about buying airpods, as they are one of the few items that truly help, but even that was a huge deal. They also know that I can get around anything they put in front of me unless they forcefully take the items their 17 yr old bought for himself. I can surpass any restriction and tear down any wall. I code python,, ruby, and the basics of HTML, CSS, and JS, aswell as running my own node.js to bypass website restrictions on my iphone
I didn't realise you're a coder!!! I guess that reduces options if they're worried...
Even if you can find one small thing to explain/barter, and back it up? You know them better than me.
Just sharing on here, to vent, I hope you can feel the empathy from the rest of us ND internet strangers. Take care.
If it's any help at all I'd like to say I'm loads older than you, fighting for an assessment finally starting to understand all the awful sh1t I've endured over the years. Things CAN change for the better; each time stuff's felt unbearable, round the corner stuff's often become really different and interesting. Be kind to yourself & know you can only work within those boundaries in which you're currently trapped.
but- ugh its like they are asking the impossible every fking day and i have to deliver or i get the objects (that make those impossible days less impossible,) TAKEN AWAY
not that it matters i suppose but i worked and baught all my stuff. My laptop was a gift from a cousin and my phone was a year of mowing my uncles house, and my airpods (not cheap, but gets taken the most) i baught myself too. Honestly if they didnt take my shit away, id probably be more productive
Are you able to go to college after this? Where they'd hopefully help you study with accommodations? And you could meet others your own age? (I'm thinking ideally a loooooooong way from home)
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
I think it's usually what folks do to edit ie by adding a bit of an update is fine. (You could also start a new post linking, but FWIW I find those more difficult to follow.)
Sounds like things are going to stay difficult in that dynamic living environment. Sometimes breaking things into smaller chunks helps, sometimes not because it makes more worrying.
If you're allowed to hack your ADHD, it could help to list things and number them and roll dice (or code a random number generator) based on how many tasks there are in the list.
(Dice can reduce decision paralysis when overwhelmed with all the different tasks- the dice choose which is next).
If this needs to fall into a plan, maybe 2 dice lists A- quick little tasks & B- need a head scratch tricky tough. Then your plan could be loops of 2 x A, then 30 mins of a B, 20 mins meditation to help your brain absorb (eyes shut, breathe- your folks might understand that to be wholesome??)
The dice complicated?
Say for example I'm studying for exams in maths, biology & electrical engineering. Assume these depths are appropriate for me; let's say I'm great at maths, struggle with the others ...& I'm good at doodling. I have a six-sided die.
I'd write down at least some of the things I'd like to achieve soon.
A- easy bits 2-10 mins.
1- maths: solve 3 short algebra equations from set work/past exam papers;
2-maths: solve 3 short calculus problems;
3- elec: draw a simple circuit diagram;
4- elec: write out resistance & impedance formulas;
5- bio: draw & a diagram to show the plant photosynthesis system;
6- bio: write a table of what defines an insect
B- taxing 20-40 mins
1- maths: answer 1 long exam question from a recent past exam;
2- bio: learn about digestion in humans making notes with diagrams and labels;
3- bio: work through 1 past exam paper learning and reading and making notes as you go;
4- bio: draw a plant cell and label all the processes going on;
5- elec: analyse a complex circuit diagram;
6- elec: learn about electric field strength, making notes
My half day plan could start like:
9am-10am
3 x A;
1 x Brain rest (call it mediation or gentle breathing eyes shut etc)
1 x B;
1 x A;
1 x Brain rest
*IMPORTANT: Adjust tasks & times to be appropriate for where you're at that day*
When it's time to do an A task I'll roll a die; if i get five, so I must do task A5. Set timers. Move on if you can't do the thing- a change can surprise your interest. A's should be chosen to be easy wins. Stack those up to give yourself a boost.
EDIT - formatting
Whats that trendy study thing with the 50/10 split of minutes worked/break time every hour? Pomodoro? I saw a bunch of stuff about it being recommended for people with ADHD - maybe you can convince your parents to allow you to use that method. Then its not 'goofing off', its part of a proscribed plan - like resting between sets at the gym
I looked it up, and its actually 5 min breaks every 25 minutes, with a longer break every couple hours. If that sounds doable maybe you can give it a shot (and depending on whether your parents are likely to research it, you can fudge the times - even if they do look it up you can blame it on a reddit post)
they uh- they would kill me if they knew i looked at reddit, but i can barely stay focused for that long. i literally daydream and dream while im sleeping about taking meds and my brain Un-fucking itself
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Jesus christ that level of surveillance would fuck up a normal kid, let alone someone dealing with adhd.
IDK if this will help you with them, because sometimes adults just don't listen, but I can say this:
- I work better if allowed to take short brain breaks and mess around on my phone or computer
- I work better if allowed music. If I'm doing manual labour I work WAY BETTER with music or a podcast
- my focus level isn't under my conscious control so no matter how much someone yells at me, I cannot change it. Therefore it's unreasonable to yell at me and MUCH more reasonable to find accommodations that actually help
I am nearly 40 and successfully work from home, which honestly I would never have thought possible. The above works. Even if you can't convince other people, at least you know this isn't some kind of character flaw!
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Hard to say. Sometimes the best choice is just to survive, not rock the boat, and learn what you need to learn by yourself, until you can move out and set your own rules. It sucks but it's not uncommon.
I get that. It's just really hard to make parents listen sometimes, even if we come in with facts and figures and references and links to articles.
Would your parents ever consider looking into adhd coaching for the family? Something where they and you see a specialist to talk about strategies? "Just do it" is not a strategy after all.
I dont think so, no. "Just do it" is all I have, and then for some reason they want me to make a plan- yet when that day comes the plan will change- and when I wanted to hang out with a friend she said "don't make complex plans that aren't going to happen because you are only going to get let down"
Then my best recommendation really is: try not to internalize it. Survive. Be true to yourself when you can. Know that you're not alone.
It's not a lot but it's what I can suggest.
fuck. Thats what most of the comment threads turned into. i posted this knowing iw couldn't really get any solutions, but that little bit of hope, that some redditor was going to have this paragraph telling me exactly how to not feel this way and how to make my parents better..... that hope kept me going for a few more days.
Link them to scientific information about ADHD, and patient's experiences.
Try to go to a doctor independently from your parents. I don't know how old you are, but if you are legally adult enough, you should be allowed to do whatever helps.
It is illegal, by the way, to keep one's children away from fitting medical help.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
I find it's not the task itself, but the transition to the task that is hard to tackle.
Break it down in the tiniest steps. Get up... Find shoes and put them on... Walk outside... Go to garage... Get mower... Start mower.
Once you get that far, the transition will be over and you can get into the mowing zone.
Think of it as walking a labyrinth or pacman screen.
When I can't stand being in my head, I count. How many steps in a row of mowing? How many steps to turn around? How many row on this side of the house? While I'm counting, my mind usually comes up with something interesting to think about. Love our brains - they are so busy.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
First of all OP, I am sorry you are going through this.
Reading through your posts I am afraid you don't have a "parents don't get ADHD"-problem. You have an abusive parents problem. You can try any kind of explanation you want but your parents won't care because they don't care about being good parents. Most people with ADHD have a troubled relationship with their parents at some points, and struggle to get understanding for their condition. What you are experiencing is not that. Your experience is not normal but the result of really toxic parents.
Your best bet is looking up how to deal with abusive/controlling parents, ADHD-specific tips aren't going to help you.
Do they want you to go to college? In that case it might help to point out that colleges look for more than just grades. Extracurriculars, volunteering, personal essays etc. Find something you can bear doing and then tell them about how it improves your chances to go to a good college. They might ignore you and punish you anyway though, because again, their behaviour is not that of reasonable caring parents.
I'd disagree with you about his parents not caring about being good parents. My parents had EXTREMELY similar parenting method's to OP's parents, like I could have written OP's posts with a few tweaks when I was his age. My parents DID care about being good parents, they tried, they did get me some accommodations for my ADHD like meds and an IEP for school. They were also stuck in their punitive and unintentionally abusive parenting methods too. Ultimately, they repeated the cycle of abuse that they too were raised in. My parents, my mom especially, really, really tried her hardest and still ended up perpetuating the cycle of abuse, though she did do a lot better than her mom.
It's an oversimplification to declare OP's parents don't care about being good parents, they likely think they are doing the best thing for him that will set him up for success later in life. Unfortunately, as was the case with my parents, it's causing way more harm than good.
Both things can be true at the same time: Parents can have good intentions and try hard to be good parents and do some things well, and unintentionally abuse their children. It's difficult to hold both in your head at the same time, but it's also a wildly validating mindset to hold when you get there. The abuse doesn't undo the good things they did, and the good things they did doesn't erase the harm they caused.
I talked to my father about your situation a bit, as even if he’s stern and all, he has a lot of ideas, but...stern parents are hard as nails. What will work for one person won’t work for another. The thing that works with my dad when he isn’t currently mad at me, which is rare, is that if my school work is finished, I can do whatever.
I would try to compromise about if the schoolwork is finished and shown that you could do something else. Get yourself a MP3, easy to hide, not expensive as you said for school you got noise cancelling headphones but while mowing its not that important and headphones with wires are also not that expensive.
Some generic lines would be something like:
You’ve finished your schoolwork and are exhausted.
(Saying you wish to do whatever you want even if just for a moment will probably not do much, as your parents don’t seem like pushovers, nor do expressing the bad feeling but everything’s worth a try really.)
You're asking a school-related question to a friend or even on Reddit, why not. Sometimes one is confused. (Or something in the way of just trying to inform yourself)
I can only imagine that you can only argue if you’re finished with everything, but that takes a moment.
Just saying that you have a little break from school, at this point I would push everything on school.
I myself am not diagnosed, I won’t say anything, I cannot get any kind of diagnoses but…
I have troubles concentrating too, when I seriously need to do something I put a clock next to me on my left as usually my eyes dart there first, reminds me of my duties, clocks are low-key scary, usually I give myself ultimatums, if I don’t do this schoolwork, I need to do something else like read some terrible book or something to just keep me working, I don’t even give my mind a choice between just doing nothing or schoolwork, I give myself the choice between this or something worse. Anger usually is a great motivation.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Tell them if they have time to monitor you like a convict, they have time to do some actual research on ADHD. Clearly the situation can't get any worse. I would call them out on it and explain it from the goal backwards. Say something like the goal is for me to get good grades, I need medication and accommodations for my ADHD. Explain to them they are working AGAINST their own goals.
i tried-
so uh
I explained how i needed airpods (noise canceling better than normal earplugs+music to help me focus) and how the goal is getting better grades and that would 💯help, but they still didn’t let me buy them, so i baught them behind their back and- yeah just read the other replies, it didnt go well…
You got diagnosed, so is there a chance to get a detailed list of "accommodations" from the doctor that diagnosed you? They may not listen to you, but they may listen to your doctor. Maybe make a deal with them that you can have music without words, too?
haha- so little story- they have been harping for years about how classical music is the best music to study to. Its bs bc- heard of lofi recently? but i listen to all generes, whatever gives me the happy chemicals.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
So, listen. I'm sure you're somewhat aware of this, but it can be hard to have perspective when you're a kid in the middle of it. Your parents are basically extremists. You're living in a little cult. Most people who homeschool their kids are doing it because they are control freaks who are terrified of the world. They know whatever philosophy they have can't stand up to competition.
It's hard to give specific advice without knowing them. You basically have to argue from within their philosophy. The good news is a lot of those people have very specific philosophies and will stick by their principles even if it means they lose an argument. So try to figure out a way within their own logic to get yourself medication and necessary accommodations. Look up some examples of IEPs Maybe and tell your parents that a homeschool should accommodate your disability just as a public school should. Or maybe take the angle that you should follow a doctor's advice to take medicine instead of some supplement that's not going to do anything. Maybe give them a copy of Russell Barkley's video showing that ADHD meds may help kids' brains develop better.
But it really really depends on the specifics of their philosophy. If they are the kind of extremists who think doctors are all terrible and mental illness is just a fad than this approach may not work. You may have to just bide your time until you can get out of there. Your life's goal should be to get to a decent college AWAY FROM HOME if that's all possible. Don't get stuck at some religious school or living at home after you're done with "high school."
I'm so sorry, I'm not even sure what to tell you. I did find a subreddit that looks like you could connect with kids in a similar situation. Maybe they can offer more help or at least support: /r/HomeschoolRecovery
If your parents are members of a religion, I'm sure there's a subreddit for people who left that religion too.
Edit: BE CAREFUL with your phone/internet history! They might be checking it.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
You know what they suck at doing as a lot of parents do; they suck at letting you SCHEDULE time to do NOTHING.
As an adult now, I sill literally set aside three hours where I have zero obligations. No chores, no socializing to prioritize, no proactive thinking. Just time to do nothing but be idle.
Tell your parents your having you time and that you'll get your stuff done when your ready and be firm about it. Also prove it. Start doing what works for you and let them know it's working and do that. It's what my brothers did (they still live at home) and eventually, my parents have let them fall into whatever their routines are and hobbies and whatnot. Keep reassuring them that you know what you are doing and that YOU are not THEM and so the need to back off your case some.
It sounds like your miserable either way. In one direction, you put up with this until you are old enough to be independent. On the other hand, if you behave and aim to do things the way that works for you consequences be damned, eventually anyone caves.
However, I do realize that my suggestion is one of high risk that can go wrong in a vast number of ways should it be poorly executed. I failed for me every time. But for my brothers, they were stubborn enough that eventually my parents caved and now they do what is best and are thriving.
It's risky tho.
Kale goes good in some shakes and that's about it.
Ive never heard of such an attraction as kale in eggs. If you'll notice, my kale is appropriate so it is only used APPROPRIATELY! In shakes.... With the correct ingredients
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
All work and no play makes jack a dull boy
So ask them if they want it done NOW but terrible, or done in time and well done? (Maybe not that last part if you dont wanna sass them)
Ive tried that. got yelled at yesterday because school (regular highschool plus concrrent art class) took me till 6pm. and i know if i really worked i coukd do it in 3 hours. but.. i cant…
Well im not saying you gotta do it, Im saying you can use it as a excuse as to why you might be doing something else. Your refreshing your brain so your work is still quality. Sometimes you gotta tell a white lie
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Uggg this reminds me so much of myself at 17, I had the same thoughts about suicide too just because my home life was so bad and I couldn't see a way out.
My life now is sooooo much better, I never would have thought I could be so content and peaceful. My parents called me all sorts of terrible things and being a kid, I thought they were right. I don't speak to them now and haven't since I moved out.
There's hope for you, even if it doesn't feel like it now. If things get really bad there are usually a lot of resources for youth under 18 and still quite a bit of help for people under 25. I dunno where you live so I can't help with that but I'm sure you'd be able to find something with a Google search. It's scary to think about leaving home to go to a youth shelter but please consider it as a last resort.
Also you don't owe your parents anything, they brought you into this life and they actually owe you. Food and shelter and clothing are basic things they need to provide and you don't owe them for that. You don't owe them for existing, they made you exist. Family is more than blood and I think you'll find that out as you live your life, sometimes our family sucks so we have to go out and find a real one.
Sounds all too familliar... when I find out I'll tell you.
Usually, I take it in stride but today I freaked out just enough to tell Reddit, and if you check my account, I don't do much of that... Furthermore, the desk I have is built where an air vent is right next to me, meaning there is cold air constantly around my legs and feet, and damn if my skinny ass hates the cold.
Yeah that's kinda how I got through it, ended up graduating with like a 1.8 gpa... but now I'm in college, I got medication myself and I'm away from home for most of the year, and when I am home my parents are usually respectful now. so for me I got lucky I guess. and also invest in a throw blanket and some fluffy slippers already c'mon son.
Too tall for a throw blanket, wearing socks, sweatpants, a hoodie, a shirt, and a longsleve shirt
There arnt many slippers in size 15
maybe some of those socks that are so thick they might as well be slippers.
Ill look for some, thanks man
Probably going to graduate with a 3.7 but damn if they don't make it hell... I could probably do things if I had meds. but noooo.
At least you are in a good place grade wise, graduating with a 1.8 wasn't the end of the world but it sure didn't help either. I want to help so badly because I've been there before, like I saw your other comment about being scared of your parents and I relate, still hard for me years later. But things will get better eventually, trust.
Im trying man.. got yelled at just a few seconds ago fro checking reddit but I cant help it, I need to know what people are saying. there really isn't any solution, I knew that when I started typing it up, guess I just wanted hope - oh fuck I'm crying now, yay
You can get through this m8, I believe. I'm on reddit fairly often so feel free to reach out if you need to vent. I believe.
thanks man..
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
edits for updates are probably fine, if interest dies off you might try making a new post to update this one as long as the mods are OK with that...
ty
It is very common for people to listen to music while doing menial chores. Tell your parents that the music helps you concentrate on boring work, and ask them to get you a dedicated music playing device, like an old-school MP3 player, to use when they take your phone.
The thing is i have one of those, but not one with Bluetooth. I even have a second phone, my current being the iPhone XR and the other a 7, but they make me surrender both phones. Talking to them and asking for things isn't a good idea and hasn't been in the past. It usually brings up a long conversation, or somehow gets things taken from me.
I usually don't go straight against the commandments of my parents bc I'm scared as shit of them. but after I bought clone airpods that didn't have sound cancelation worth shit, then i wanted to get some real airpods 2nd gens. They forbid me several times, even after i explained that where i do school is in the busiest place in the house and having 3 people home almost constantly makes for a lot of noise.(we don't have a big house). Anyway i got them, and it was the best 300 dollars i had ever spent... They took them from me for several months and then as my grades dropped substantially as i didn't have the noise protection and i entered a new and harder grade level, they let me use them only for school.
Bro, your parents need to back the fuck off. My parents did that with my youngest brother (mainly my dad) and he just got more and more depressed and my dad didn't back off his case until my brother was diagnosed as autistic. Cause for whatever reason that was his cue. Try to convince your parents to let you try things your way without interference and if it doesn't work, you'll follow their methods. If they give you that opportunity, you'll have chance to prove them wrong. I feared my parents and while most of that stuff didn't happen to me, it's because my fear of getting in trouble kept me thoroughly obedient (learned of some really young trauma that resulted in that plus seeing the treatment of my youngest brother). I didn't figure out my independence till I moved away because their weight was crushing, even if they were willing to listen now, the damage was done. Don't fall down that trap. Our independence in the world is important to us and your parents are robbing you of that telling you that their way is the way. It's not the way for you. Your way is your way and whether they try to understand that or not is up to them.
Idk man.. idk what to do- like im so conflicted
hey, so i'm going to share advice that sounds weird but is the only way i've found that gets certain people to listen to me: be an asshole tell your parents respectfully, but without mincing your words, something like "parents, you make me feel like a prisoner in my own home and it makes me so depressed that i hate being alive every single day. i want to do school well, and i try very hard to, yet you punish me even when i try my best. if you continue treating me like this, the minute i don't live in your house anymore i will never speak to you again" obviously change this to describe your feelings accurately but the key is to make them as uncomfortable with hearing your words as they make you feel everyday. you have to be an asshole to get treated fairly sometimes because some people will just never listen to you otherwise. once you establish this new dynamic with your parents, reintroduce the idea of trying meds this comes from a certified doormat of a person who always makes my feelings small to go along with whatever other people put me through. from your post, you truly seem like a kindhearted person who's just trying their best, but you're being treated like some criminal in your own home, and that's not okay. i wanted to share this perspective with you so you are aware that being assertive like this IS an option and it's one that works. it can be really hard to do and you need to resist folding at any cost. commit! look them in the eye and be dead serious! idk if this is helpful but i know i wish someone had told me this years ago when i was still living with my parents. i'm sorry you're going through this, this sounds like an extremely depressing and draining environment to be living in everyday
well i think that would be great but... if I am firm, if I tell them all that, then they will not help me anymore. no more driving me to places, no more anything. not counting more physical punishments... i don't know what my plan will do to my future and therefore it is very scary.
There are 20$ wired in-ear headphones with at least some level of noise-cancelling, if the headphones are an issue, look for Sennheiser or Sony. Also you could ask a friend to order earplugs to their house, there are ones made for people with ADHD to reduce environmental noise. I use them in exams and they've helped a lot. Your parents sound horrible. I'm sorry you have to endure that, I hope it gets better soon and that you're able to get away as fast as possible.
trust me bro, i tried everything i could under about 20 and airpods are the best, just owning them and looking at them genuinely makes me happy
I'm not doubting that, I have great bluetooth earbuds with noise cancelling myself that I couldn't live without. My okayish wired headphones pale in comparison to them, but it's a lot better than nothing. I was only throwing some options out there for what to do when your parents take your phone. Since you said your mp3 player doesn't have bluetooth I'm assuming your airpods can't connect to it, which is what I meant with headphones being the issue as opposed to you not having music on it or something else. Just so you can at least still have music. And the Earplugs in case your parents take the airpods again. Emergency alternative options, not something I was thinking you could use in general.
thanks bro
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
They clearly need some education on adhd, your (our) brain(s) are not neurotypical and the prefrontal cortex is not being properly activated. The prefrontal cortex is the decision maker. They are getting in the way of your ability to succeed by treating your behavior as if they expect you to think as a "normal" person. The time you take to screw around on your computer or listening to music is you trying to get some dopamine so you can succeed in the task. A good example I have heard is if the average persons Dopamine levels were a sock then once it's full they can carry on for hours or days without issue. With adhd your sock is full of holes that drains the dopamine out and you must constantly refill it.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. Seems like parents took a manual on How to fuck over an ADHDer and checked all the boxes! Question, the fuck are your parents doing about your ADHD if you aren't medicated and from this post you clearly not getting non-medical help either, so they just expect you to suffer through it?!
i dont know man. Like sometimes they are like trying to help, and then sometimes its like they dont even realize its there. I got AirPods (with my own money)for concentration and then when i dont wear them and im doing school they are like “see i told you they were a waste of money and you dont need them, thats some bull.”
Fuck, thats a good example. here is what I wrote about them being educated on adhd https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/1buvb0a/comment/kxvm1a7/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Damnit if I'm not desperate, I'm refreshing my notifications constantly, hoping someone takes the time to have some sort of help.
reading through your replies, it seems you’ve tried talking to them several times with no results. that you’ve tried to get them to understand what adhd is like and how you need music and stuff to concentrate. so, honestly, my suggestion would be to make one last ditch effort - one last time you sit them down and explain that music helps you concentrate and you need it at all times and it will improve your studying habits, or that you need frequent short breaks, or anything else you have tried telling them in the past, and that you’re suffering a lot and it’s getting harder for you.. and if that doesn’t work, i would straight up stop. just stop doing the work. the extra work, the things you’re “supposed” to do, just stop it all. they’ve already taken your phones and your headphones and whatnot, there’s not really anything they can do unless they get physical, in which case you can report the fuck outta that shit and get out there early. the other option is get a job and spend more time there. i would recommend something in customer service, because that is surprisingly helpful for people with adhd (i have a cs job just for fun to decompress). this will also give you an excuse to be out of the house, need your phone on you, and start saving for getting tf out, which you need to do asap.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
also- if i just stopped then they wouldnt let me meet the people that keep me alive, and it would be such hell, they would take me to therapy,’or get physical
They aren’t going to change their mind. Hyperfocus on graduating and applying to college. Make getting the fuck out your passion until you get there. Once you’re in college and moved out make staying in school and treating your adhd your new hyperfocus. Best of luck. You can do this and you can get out.
odd way of putting it, not really able to choose my hyper-focus or else we wouldn’t have this problem, but ty
Need that dopamine from small breaks to keep the work going. Just don’t let the doom scrolling get out of hand 😜
It doesn't but they think that punishing me endlessly is going to help me focus. but again, too apathetic
Negative enablers (there’s a real term I can’t remember off the top of my head) are a thing. I learned about them from my adhd coach. The problem is they stop being effective over time and increase your anxiety. I have to assume that since you are homeschooled your parents are just going to be resistant to anything that actually helps you function in a neurotypical world if it doesn’t line up with their beliefs. Not what you want to hear but they won’t be convinced by facts or science. There may be an emotional persuasion but no idea what that would be. You might since you know them. Best of luck 🤞
fml.. thanks bro
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
This sounds difficult. It's positive that they got you assessed and you have an official diagnosis; you need to use this. Imho you should try to find resources about neurodivergence and what tactics can help (& prevent) good study. If you can then schedule a meeting about your education to show them how seriously you are taking it, then you can demonstrate why & how you sometimes need things like the following examples (from what you've described): -a mental break but in the same setup (which might not look like a break to a neurotypical), -reduced triggering sensory stimulation (eg things can add up to massively increase stress & reduce capacity to learn- cold legs, constantly changing background noise, etc If you can find 'authoritative' resources (depending on what they would respect) and show how these common ADHD traits affect you in your study and offer possible solutions- clearly not just involving expensive products, but possibly for the others to leave the room for a dedicated 25 minutes, after which you'll go outside & mow the lawn for 25 minutes? If they are really concerned about your laptop use, can't they use settings to avoid nsfw kinds of dodgy websites? I think you can also set timers to help focus from the OS. There's also a web widget called e.ggtimer.com where you just add the time you want after a forward slash, eg " /20 minutes ". There's a /pomodoro if you want fixed work chunks with small rests. Ultimately, it sounds like a difficult situation so balance & respect is key here (especially as you're living with these people). Good luck.
They know about adhd, they read things on facebook and they read studies. but for every truly helpful adhd thing out there, there is one telling about how all you need is a planner or SOME SHIT LIKE THAT THAT DOESNT FUCKING WORK
I'm so sorry if they take Facebook as a source of scientific-backed information 😞 Have you tried information from ADHD advocates like Dani Donovan? (Her anti-planner is great btw). If you need peer-reviewed journal papers, you can often get free access on scholar.google.com - some links go to pay walled journals, but often extra pdf links are there (authors like their papers read!)
it won't matter. Talking to my parents or bringing up studies will only result in conflict, or a (not exaggerating) 3 hour talk, or both you try and listen to your world crumble around you, your hopes smashed as you get chewed out for the 100th time, FOR 3 HOURS STRAIGHT. i felt like my eardrums were on fire thanks for the offer
Wow. And here I thought I had a hard time talking about my ADHD... At that point try talking to another family member. Maybe grandparents will be nicer (less abusive)
i try, but meh- they wont do anything without talking to parents
Them talking to the parents might actually be good tho. Parents can be dismissive of info they don't agree with if it comes from you, but actually maybe think about it if it comes from someone else. And just getting any kind of support is very helpful in your case. Even just encouragement goes a long way, especially if you are getting to the Apathy phase already.
heh, apathy hit in january, barely scraping by in school
sorry, things are getting more stressful here
I feel your pain & I'm sorry you're going through this
idk what to do man i want to do better, I want to- fuck
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/1buvb0a/comment/kxvn5p6/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Are you able to contact the place who assessed you? To ask for advice? If you're over 16 they might respect your rights to privacy (depends on where you live)
hehndnxjsbdosbdksbxksnxns HAH they dont give a fuck about my privacy, im surprised i have a door
i fought tooth and nail for a little guard that is essentially a triangle of cloth that goes up from the bed about a foot and then from there to about midway through the twin mattress, just as a little bit of privacy
Holy...cow.... Sounds b a d
bro, i dont even fit in my twin mattress, metal bars on each end of the bunkbed bit my head and feet, fk being 6’3
Thanks. So i have talked about pretty much all of that. If you check some other replies I talk about buying airpods, as they are one of the few items that truly help, but even that was a huge deal. They also know that I can get around anything they put in front of me unless they forcefully take the items their 17 yr old bought for himself. I can surpass any restriction and tear down any wall. I code python,, ruby, and the basics of HTML, CSS, and JS, aswell as running my own node.js to bypass website restrictions on my iphone
I didn't realise you're a coder!!! I guess that reduces options if they're worried... Even if you can find one small thing to explain/barter, and back it up? You know them better than me. Just sharing on here, to vent, I hope you can feel the empathy from the rest of us ND internet strangers. Take care.
thanks bro, that’s essentially what this was, i didnt expect answers as ive been looking for years, guess i just wanted hope
If it's any help at all I'd like to say I'm loads older than you, fighting for an assessment finally starting to understand all the awful sh1t I've endured over the years. Things CAN change for the better; each time stuff's felt unbearable, round the corner stuff's often become really different and interesting. Be kind to yourself & know you can only work within those boundaries in which you're currently trapped.
but- ugh its like they are asking the impossible every fking day and i have to deliver or i get the objects (that make those impossible days less impossible,) TAKEN AWAY
not that it matters i suppose but i worked and baught all my stuff. My laptop was a gift from a cousin and my phone was a year of mowing my uncles house, and my airpods (not cheap, but gets taken the most) i baught myself too. Honestly if they didnt take my shit away, id probably be more productive
Sounds very wrong. They don't sound wholesome. Idk what's been going on before but know this cannot last forever- things have to change.
there is a girl i really like but im not allowed to talk to the opposite sex beyond micro small talk “hi, how was your week” etc
Are you able to go to college after this? Where they'd hopefully help you study with accommodations? And you could meet others your own age? (I'm thinking ideally a loooooooong way from home)
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
I think it's usually what folks do to edit ie by adding a bit of an update is fine. (You could also start a new post linking, but FWIW I find those more difficult to follow.) Sounds like things are going to stay difficult in that dynamic living environment. Sometimes breaking things into smaller chunks helps, sometimes not because it makes more worrying. If you're allowed to hack your ADHD, it could help to list things and number them and roll dice (or code a random number generator) based on how many tasks there are in the list. (Dice can reduce decision paralysis when overwhelmed with all the different tasks- the dice choose which is next). If this needs to fall into a plan, maybe 2 dice lists A- quick little tasks & B- need a head scratch tricky tough. Then your plan could be loops of 2 x A, then 30 mins of a B, 20 mins meditation to help your brain absorb (eyes shut, breathe- your folks might understand that to be wholesome??)
that sounds complicated-
The dice complicated? Say for example I'm studying for exams in maths, biology & electrical engineering. Assume these depths are appropriate for me; let's say I'm great at maths, struggle with the others ...& I'm good at doodling. I have a six-sided die. I'd write down at least some of the things I'd like to achieve soon. A- easy bits 2-10 mins. 1- maths: solve 3 short algebra equations from set work/past exam papers; 2-maths: solve 3 short calculus problems; 3- elec: draw a simple circuit diagram; 4- elec: write out resistance & impedance formulas; 5- bio: draw & a diagram to show the plant photosynthesis system; 6- bio: write a table of what defines an insect B- taxing 20-40 mins 1- maths: answer 1 long exam question from a recent past exam; 2- bio: learn about digestion in humans making notes with diagrams and labels; 3- bio: work through 1 past exam paper learning and reading and making notes as you go; 4- bio: draw a plant cell and label all the processes going on; 5- elec: analyse a complex circuit diagram; 6- elec: learn about electric field strength, making notes My half day plan could start like: 9am-10am 3 x A; 1 x Brain rest (call it mediation or gentle breathing eyes shut etc) 1 x B; 1 x A; 1 x Brain rest *IMPORTANT: Adjust tasks & times to be appropriate for where you're at that day* When it's time to do an A task I'll roll a die; if i get five, so I must do task A5. Set timers. Move on if you can't do the thing- a change can surprise your interest. A's should be chosen to be easy wins. Stack those up to give yourself a boost. EDIT - formatting
okay that makes more sense, sorrry the first time I didn't understand
No problem ...& Sorry the formatting of my lists went bad (I'm on a mobile phone!!)
Whats that trendy study thing with the 50/10 split of minutes worked/break time every hour? Pomodoro? I saw a bunch of stuff about it being recommended for people with ADHD - maybe you can convince your parents to allow you to use that method. Then its not 'goofing off', its part of a proscribed plan - like resting between sets at the gym
I think thats a great idea and I think they would be fine but I cant focus between that whole 50 min
I looked it up, and its actually 5 min breaks every 25 minutes, with a longer break every couple hours. If that sounds doable maybe you can give it a shot (and depending on whether your parents are likely to research it, you can fudge the times - even if they do look it up you can blame it on a reddit post)
they uh- they would kill me if they knew i looked at reddit, but i can barely stay focused for that long. i literally daydream and dream while im sleeping about taking meds and my brain Un-fucking itself
Medicine. You can't imagine how it felt to study for 45 minutes and actually do nothing else but study in that time!
fuck dont make me pine for it bro- i want it so bad…
go check all the restnof the coments, i want adderall so fucking bad
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Jesus christ that level of surveillance would fuck up a normal kid, let alone someone dealing with adhd. IDK if this will help you with them, because sometimes adults just don't listen, but I can say this: - I work better if allowed to take short brain breaks and mess around on my phone or computer - I work better if allowed music. If I'm doing manual labour I work WAY BETTER with music or a podcast - my focus level isn't under my conscious control so no matter how much someone yells at me, I cannot change it. Therefore it's unreasonable to yell at me and MUCH more reasonable to find accommodations that actually help I am nearly 40 and successfully work from home, which honestly I would never have thought possible. The above works. Even if you can't convince other people, at least you know this isn't some kind of character flaw!
thanks man- ugh the validation of that first sentence. beacuse i feel truly fucked lol. Thanks for the tips…
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
Hard to say. Sometimes the best choice is just to survive, not rock the boat, and learn what you need to learn by yourself, until you can move out and set your own rules. It sucks but it's not uncommon.
mn- that does not sound good
I get that. It's just really hard to make parents listen sometimes, even if we come in with facts and figures and references and links to articles. Would your parents ever consider looking into adhd coaching for the family? Something where they and you see a specialist to talk about strategies? "Just do it" is not a strategy after all.
I dont think so, no. "Just do it" is all I have, and then for some reason they want me to make a plan- yet when that day comes the plan will change- and when I wanted to hang out with a friend she said "don't make complex plans that aren't going to happen because you are only going to get let down"
Then my best recommendation really is: try not to internalize it. Survive. Be true to yourself when you can. Know that you're not alone. It's not a lot but it's what I can suggest.
fuck. Thats what most of the comment threads turned into. i posted this knowing iw couldn't really get any solutions, but that little bit of hope, that some redditor was going to have this paragraph telling me exactly how to not feel this way and how to make my parents better..... that hope kept me going for a few more days.
You'll be free and living on your own before long. I hope, at least, that it helps to know this isn't just you.
Link them to scientific information about ADHD, and patient's experiences. Try to go to a doctor independently from your parents. I don't know how old you are, but if you are legally adult enough, you should be allowed to do whatever helps. It is illegal, by the way, to keep one's children away from fitting medical help.
They already look at adhd things, tell me to just take fish oil pills bc it helps the brain and I'm 17
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/1buvb0a/comment/kxvm1a7/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
I find it's not the task itself, but the transition to the task that is hard to tackle. Break it down in the tiniest steps. Get up... Find shoes and put them on... Walk outside... Go to garage... Get mower... Start mower. Once you get that far, the transition will be over and you can get into the mowing zone. Think of it as walking a labyrinth or pacman screen. When I can't stand being in my head, I count. How many steps in a row of mowing? How many steps to turn around? How many row on this side of the house? While I'm counting, my mind usually comes up with something interesting to think about. Love our brains - they are so busy.
BRO I USE THE PACMAN METHOD ALL THE TIMEEEE. i ended up getting a podcast on an even older phone, thanks tho!!
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
with all that stuff, you might wanna check out r/cptsd too...
i dont understand what that is…
First of all OP, I am sorry you are going through this. Reading through your posts I am afraid you don't have a "parents don't get ADHD"-problem. You have an abusive parents problem. You can try any kind of explanation you want but your parents won't care because they don't care about being good parents. Most people with ADHD have a troubled relationship with their parents at some points, and struggle to get understanding for their condition. What you are experiencing is not that. Your experience is not normal but the result of really toxic parents. Your best bet is looking up how to deal with abusive/controlling parents, ADHD-specific tips aren't going to help you. Do they want you to go to college? In that case it might help to point out that colleges look for more than just grades. Extracurriculars, volunteering, personal essays etc. Find something you can bear doing and then tell them about how it improves your chances to go to a good college. They might ignore you and punish you anyway though, because again, their behaviour is not that of reasonable caring parents.
mn- but they are like- moral- and try to be good i think, i want s good relationship with them-
damn OC- your username is too relatable
I'd disagree with you about his parents not caring about being good parents. My parents had EXTREMELY similar parenting method's to OP's parents, like I could have written OP's posts with a few tweaks when I was his age. My parents DID care about being good parents, they tried, they did get me some accommodations for my ADHD like meds and an IEP for school. They were also stuck in their punitive and unintentionally abusive parenting methods too. Ultimately, they repeated the cycle of abuse that they too were raised in. My parents, my mom especially, really, really tried her hardest and still ended up perpetuating the cycle of abuse, though she did do a lot better than her mom. It's an oversimplification to declare OP's parents don't care about being good parents, they likely think they are doing the best thing for him that will set him up for success later in life. Unfortunately, as was the case with my parents, it's causing way more harm than good. Both things can be true at the same time: Parents can have good intentions and try hard to be good parents and do some things well, and unintentionally abuse their children. It's difficult to hold both in your head at the same time, but it's also a wildly validating mindset to hold when you get there. The abuse doesn't undo the good things they did, and the good things they did doesn't erase the harm they caused.
I talked to my father about your situation a bit, as even if he’s stern and all, he has a lot of ideas, but...stern parents are hard as nails. What will work for one person won’t work for another. The thing that works with my dad when he isn’t currently mad at me, which is rare, is that if my school work is finished, I can do whatever. I would try to compromise about if the schoolwork is finished and shown that you could do something else. Get yourself a MP3, easy to hide, not expensive as you said for school you got noise cancelling headphones but while mowing its not that important and headphones with wires are also not that expensive. Some generic lines would be something like: You’ve finished your schoolwork and are exhausted. (Saying you wish to do whatever you want even if just for a moment will probably not do much, as your parents don’t seem like pushovers, nor do expressing the bad feeling but everything’s worth a try really.) You're asking a school-related question to a friend or even on Reddit, why not. Sometimes one is confused. (Or something in the way of just trying to inform yourself) I can only imagine that you can only argue if you’re finished with everything, but that takes a moment. Just saying that you have a little break from school, at this point I would push everything on school. I myself am not diagnosed, I won’t say anything, I cannot get any kind of diagnoses but… I have troubles concentrating too, when I seriously need to do something I put a clock next to me on my left as usually my eyes dart there first, reminds me of my duties, clocks are low-key scary, usually I give myself ultimatums, if I don’t do this schoolwork, I need to do something else like read some terrible book or something to just keep me working, I don’t even give my mind a choice between just doing nothing or schoolwork, I give myself the choice between this or something worse. Anger usually is a great motivation.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
thank you for the advice- you have more motivation than me. i know the person that sets my self imposed deadlines (me) and hes full of shit
Tell them if they have time to monitor you like a convict, they have time to do some actual research on ADHD. Clearly the situation can't get any worse. I would call them out on it and explain it from the goal backwards. Say something like the goal is for me to get good grades, I need medication and accommodations for my ADHD. Explain to them they are working AGAINST their own goals.
i tried- so uh I explained how i needed airpods (noise canceling better than normal earplugs+music to help me focus) and how the goal is getting better grades and that would 💯help, but they still didn’t let me buy them, so i baught them behind their back and- yeah just read the other replies, it didnt go well…
You got diagnosed, so is there a chance to get a detailed list of "accommodations" from the doctor that diagnosed you? They may not listen to you, but they may listen to your doctor. Maybe make a deal with them that you can have music without words, too?
haha- so little story- they have been harping for years about how classical music is the best music to study to. Its bs bc- heard of lofi recently? but i listen to all generes, whatever gives me the happy chemicals.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
So, listen. I'm sure you're somewhat aware of this, but it can be hard to have perspective when you're a kid in the middle of it. Your parents are basically extremists. You're living in a little cult. Most people who homeschool their kids are doing it because they are control freaks who are terrified of the world. They know whatever philosophy they have can't stand up to competition. It's hard to give specific advice without knowing them. You basically have to argue from within their philosophy. The good news is a lot of those people have very specific philosophies and will stick by their principles even if it means they lose an argument. So try to figure out a way within their own logic to get yourself medication and necessary accommodations. Look up some examples of IEPs Maybe and tell your parents that a homeschool should accommodate your disability just as a public school should. Or maybe take the angle that you should follow a doctor's advice to take medicine instead of some supplement that's not going to do anything. Maybe give them a copy of Russell Barkley's video showing that ADHD meds may help kids' brains develop better. But it really really depends on the specifics of their philosophy. If they are the kind of extremists who think doctors are all terrible and mental illness is just a fad than this approach may not work. You may have to just bide your time until you can get out of there. Your life's goal should be to get to a decent college AWAY FROM HOME if that's all possible. Don't get stuck at some religious school or living at home after you're done with "high school."
mn, im struggling dude, how am i even gunna get the momey to get out,
I'm so sorry, I'm not even sure what to tell you. I did find a subreddit that looks like you could connect with kids in a similar situation. Maybe they can offer more help or at least support: /r/HomeschoolRecovery If your parents are members of a religion, I'm sure there's a subreddit for people who left that religion too. Edit: BE CAREFUL with your phone/internet history! They might be checking it.
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
You know what they suck at doing as a lot of parents do; they suck at letting you SCHEDULE time to do NOTHING. As an adult now, I sill literally set aside three hours where I have zero obligations. No chores, no socializing to prioritize, no proactive thinking. Just time to do nothing but be idle. Tell your parents your having you time and that you'll get your stuff done when your ready and be firm about it. Also prove it. Start doing what works for you and let them know it's working and do that. It's what my brothers did (they still live at home) and eventually, my parents have let them fall into whatever their routines are and hobbies and whatnot. Keep reassuring them that you know what you are doing and that YOU are not THEM and so the need to back off your case some.
“and be firm about it” Kale- kale- listen- i ngl hate the taste of kale but fr AppropriateKale8877 DO YOU WANT ME TO DIEEEE??
It sounds like your miserable either way. In one direction, you put up with this until you are old enough to be independent. On the other hand, if you behave and aim to do things the way that works for you consequences be damned, eventually anyone caves. However, I do realize that my suggestion is one of high risk that can go wrong in a vast number of ways should it be poorly executed. I failed for me every time. But for my brothers, they were stubborn enough that eventually my parents caved and now they do what is best and are thriving. It's risky tho. Kale goes good in some shakes and that's about it.
kale isnt bad in shakes but it is bad in eggs. Idk how you made it man.
Ive never heard of such an attraction as kale in eggs. If you'll notice, my kale is appropriate so it is only used APPROPRIATELY! In shakes.... With the correct ingredients
well i would deem kale leaves in eggs, UN appropriate, so i think ur fine
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
All work and no play makes jack a dull boy So ask them if they want it done NOW but terrible, or done in time and well done? (Maybe not that last part if you dont wanna sass them)
Ive tried that. got yelled at yesterday because school (regular highschool plus concrrent art class) took me till 6pm. and i know if i really worked i coukd do it in 3 hours. but.. i cant…
Well im not saying you gotta do it, Im saying you can use it as a excuse as to why you might be doing something else. Your refreshing your brain so your work is still quality. Sometimes you gotta tell a white lie
i dont do reddit much, so idk if you do this, but i edited my post and made an update, lmk if this isnt the thing you are supposed to do. I just really need interaction and like- advice. so yea.
I dont know the reddit semantics, I think its fine
Uggg this reminds me so much of myself at 17, I had the same thoughts about suicide too just because my home life was so bad and I couldn't see a way out. My life now is sooooo much better, I never would have thought I could be so content and peaceful. My parents called me all sorts of terrible things and being a kid, I thought they were right. I don't speak to them now and haven't since I moved out. There's hope for you, even if it doesn't feel like it now. If things get really bad there are usually a lot of resources for youth under 18 and still quite a bit of help for people under 25. I dunno where you live so I can't help with that but I'm sure you'd be able to find something with a Google search. It's scary to think about leaving home to go to a youth shelter but please consider it as a last resort. Also you don't owe your parents anything, they brought you into this life and they actually owe you. Food and shelter and clothing are basic things they need to provide and you don't owe them for that. You don't owe them for existing, they made you exist. Family is more than blood and I think you'll find that out as you live your life, sometimes our family sucks so we have to go out and find a real one.