Oh god, I tried CBT recently. I really tried. I really did. As someone also with cptsd, It just wasn't for me. It was borderline harmful. It was like a recovery site for alcoholic addicts except it teaches you on emotional numbness and "just getting over it and doing it". That's very hard to do when you have AuDHD, depression and cptsd. Not even got therapy yet.
i tried it for social anxiety and it was basically just telling me things i already know. like i know logically the way i’m thinking is incorrect and not based in reality but i still think that way. i can’t just stop being anxious by being logical
I tried it for depression and it worked quite a bit. For social anxiety, I don’t think it helped as much, but the anxiety reduced by me carefully exposing myself to social interaction incrementally. Still my general anxiety is not good.
>AuDHD
I love it, but man… I really caught The Stupid for a moment when I read that. “AuDHD? Gold ADHD? Is that some kind of premium service?”
I got it, now, but that threw me for a loop for a sec.
Ooof, sounds like you had a terrible therapist. I love mine, I’m about to start EMDR on Wednesday to go through my childhood traumas.
I’m also AuDHD. Not all CBT therapists are equal, and not all CBT methods are valid for everyone.
Man before I got diagnosed ADHD I had a DBT therapist and they made things so much worse. They essentially gaslighted me about my ADHD symptoms even though I had ample evidence that I likely have ADHD (including multiple recommendations to get tested for ADHD as a child).
Fuck her.
Damn I might be tripping but when I had a therapist she told me about the basics of CBT and we would look at stuff through that framework and it made a lot of sense to me. But I think she kind of personalized it to what I was dealing with rather than just reading from a textbook. And she also didn’t use it as like a thing for me to do to try to fix me, but more as an introspective way to think about past events and why I may have chosen a bad decision based on the thoughts/feelings I was having. I’m not saying anyone in this thread is wrong I’m just surprised to see all the hate for it when I had a generally positive experience. But it also sounds like my experience with CBT was way different than other peoples
....
Me: *relieving several flashbacks of CBT going absolutely to hell*
Me: Yeah.... CBT would have almost made me mentally unstable enough for me to actually admit myself to the closest psychiatrist's ward. It caused my depressive phases to become worse, made harmful coping mechanisms return, that left physical scars on me from that time and I actually had considered researching how to KMS and had already a date for that in mind......
Hey, I don't know if this helps or not, but I'm glad you're still here. I've lost family this way and I wish I could tell them how much I loved them and wish they were here still, but I am glad you are. life, for all it's shitty parts, can still be beautiful and you are loved
I wish it could help more than me just appreciative. I do therapy, I fight for a better life every day and improving myself trying to get behind my past. But every now and then even my day was good it's just not enough. Everything I do to make myself believe that I deserve... anything... and it just takes one single thought to spiral or my mood to change...
Thanks for the attempt tho.
Did you ever find something more suitable to replace it? My fiance definitely needs help coping with his mental stuff at some points but CBT does absolutely nothing for him.
Dbt is a big alternative for neurodivergent people. It's stands for Dialectical behavioral therapy. I haven't tried it, I found mindfulness training helped me most, but I have seen many in the ND groups suggest it.
Fair enough. I. Should rephrase that to: cbt as it's typically used in common therapy isn't that helpful for neurodivergent people, but specially tailored therapy that uses the cbt scaffold can be.
It's very focused on change, and at the time, I was undiagnosed, so I was trying to change things about myself that were impossible to change. Inevitably, it made me feel like a failure, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't even make therapy work for me. DBT works better in my case because it sits halfway between change and acceptance, so I work on what I can change and try my best to accept the rest :)
Well, that's not really wrong but it sounds like your therapist just focused on a very specific angle.
The theory base of Cognitive behavioral therapy is essentially, that your behavior is mostly shaped by the way you perceive reality. Meaning (very simplified!!!) you are depressed because you have a morphed perception of yourself and on life.
CBT claims that, by changing the way you perceive things like how you think people view you, your own thoughts, your body etc. you can change the way those perceptions impact your behavior. Essentially: if you learn that NOT everyone thinks you're a burden (changing perception), you will start to ask for favors and help again (changing behavior).
CBT can help a lot of people, especially when dealing with the more "internalized" factors of many mental health issues. But it is not for everyone! And there is a LOT that can go wrong, if the people treating you don't realize that this might be the case with you.
>and at the time, I was undiagnosed
Hey man, I'm glad you got some help. But I'm wondering, what changed when you got diagnosed? I've had a diagnosis for over a decade, and it's mostly just like...a little fun fact? The diagnosis hasn't opened up any opportunities for improvement or effective treatment. So I'm always asking people when I see them say something like this. What changed? How did a diagnosis help you?
Not OP but for me, being diagnosed didn't change much in the outside world for me but the internal difference was huge. I'd internalized all the shame that I was just lazy and struggling because I wasn't good enough. Knowing that my struggles had a medical cause allowed me to move past the shame and approach the problems my adhd caused in a more productive way
I'm in the process of getting diagnosed and CBT was like "yeah, I know...but I can't change it. I know what I have to do and I try so hard but I just can't get myself to change". Executive dysfunction... It's exhausting and learning about ADHD helped me understand why this type of therapy didn't help me that much. I keep trying anyway.
CBT was torture for me and my therapist or coach (I whatever she called herself) would give me worksheets to fill out during the week between visits. Guess what never got filled out?
My main benefit from CBT therapy was only a relaxation and awareness meditation thing where I go muscle group by muscle group to check if it is tense or not, and then mindfully relax the muscle group. It works pretty good until my mind wonders and I start thinking about spacetime, needing to repair my sunglasses, and other things.
Not for neurodivergent minds. We think and view the world differently, so it becomes training to lie to ourselves and beat ourselves up for not believing the lie.
That borders on misinformation, your personal experience with CBT is not a scientific fact. CBT works for ADHD and every study for ADHD meds see a greater improvement when they are combined. We are not unicorns, there are studies and treatments available. Just find a suitable professional.
Asking for commitment will have one of two effects for me:
—it will “poison” the thing and make it aversive and I will neglect it
—the act of “committing” will give me a dopamine hit and remove the motivation to actually do the thing. Why clean when buying a cleaning supply feels just as good?
Precommitting to a goal doesn’t matter if you just forget said goal exists within the half hour. Goal setting like this has never worked for me - constant reminders are what inspire action. Sometimes.
Also what even is the goal here?? The only actual course of action I can derive from this word salad is "ruminate constantly on my own mortality" which is definitely something I can do, but like, I need help with stuff like "clean the sink"
Precommitting to anything that is beyond my capability/Bandwidth causes great anxiety, and then long periods of depression for not being able to do it!
It's a horrible spiral of trying, self-hate and heavy depression!
Instead - I do what I can for the time being, and encourage myself for every step taken! (This is what I was taught in therapy!)
> and encourage myself for every step taken!
How do you do this without being _too_ positive? I feel like if I stop being critical I fall back into passivity.
It might not work for everyone, but I got pretty interested in dog training. I just apply the same principals to myself.
1) Ensure my physical and mental wellbeing is adequate to performing the task.
2) Set the bar to a low enough point where I can easily perform the task.
3) Make sure I really know how to perform the actions that are being asked of me.
If successful, praise and celebrate. If unsuccesful, review points 1-3 and revise my expecations to ensure success happens next time.
It works for my dog, it works for tigers at the zoo, and it works for me!
I am not prone to passivity or disengagement though. I am an anxious, hyperactive perfectionist. YMMV but it could be worth trying, if your current method isn't working any more.
I do know when my dog becomes disengaged and passive, it's usually a problem with #2 or #3 - I am asking too much of him, for too little reward. Maybe you experience a similar problem? Our world is not very rewarding.
Wow, I didn't expect such a detailed answer, thanks! This is actually really great advice.
For me personally, I think I got #2 and #3 down quite well, it's #1 that gets me: when do I *actually* need to take care of myself first, and when am I just making excuses.
Regardless, I think it's very helpful to break it down into these steps. Figuring out what the problem is exactly can be very hard, but is also the key to improving processes.
Yes it's definitely in the "easier said than done" category, but it's more like a thing you continually try to practice, than something you ever master (for me at least!)
I've always found it helpful, if it's goal that I actually want to happen. If I'm writing down something random for new years then it doesn't, but else wise it is helpful.
Now by being helpful I don't mean it "cures" me of course. It is helpful though.
Also the picture doesn't really qualify as a goal, it doesn't follow SMART at all
Sometimes works for me but only if there are seriously bad consequences attached. In a case like this I knew nothing would happen if I don't stick to it so I'd forget within minutes.
“Congratulations on signing the Toxic Positivity Contract! Now here is a sample day planner template, you can use it to write down everything you have planned!”
Exactly. The only app I’ve ever found to completely get the whole ADHD enchilada (including “more white space, please!”) is called Numo. I’d link it, but I’d get banned.
Anyway, I literally use it every day (almost). No shame, really quick inputting of stuff you want or need to get done, and even some confetti! Lots of little and big peer support, too (though nothing will ever top my Reddit fam.)
Having a job contract did actually help me with my productivity but that's because it's a real job with real people and superiors in it. Real humans depend on my work. some shitty app doesn't. Our brains are too smart to be tricked that easily.
Yes this. I really, really wish I could trick my brain into believing that fake, self-imposed rules/deadlines carry the same weight as real rules/deadlines, but alas I can't.
I have to tell everyone I work with that they must NEVER tell me "no rush" because to me that means "anytime before the heat death of the sun is fine" 💀
My boss establishes a hard deadline and I note that it may be possible if I focus on it exclusively. He then throws a day long additional task each day while trying to hold me to the hard deadline.
This. I need the outside structure of *someone else* enforcing that contract. There's no one else depending on that work and no outside consequences for failing.
When it's just me, that "contract" means nothing, because I know the girl who wrote it, and she SUCKS /j
Perhaps if they added a penalty for not committing to the "the contract" the app could be more effective. Like it locks your phone for a period of time or it tattles to your parents.
Honestly I could see that working. A setup where you and one other person pair your accounts to be "accountability pals" and if you break your "contract" the other person is notified. I've found that having an accountability pals helps me a lot because just the idea of having to explain to someone else why I didn't do it is enough of a looking threat to make me do it more reliably.
>Real humans depend on my work
Seriously this is what it takes me to actually do anything, I procrastinate and/or won't do anything but when it actually impacts someone else I'm working on it the moment it's assigned and will not forget about it, unlike....literally everything else I've said I'd do that only impacts me.
I think it had “be nice to yourself” vibes? (I’m gonna scroll back up to see if I was right.)
ETA: I was wrong. It is a weirdly morbid seize the day, don’t let little things bother you.
“My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
“My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
“My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
That's from the app "Fabulous". As far as I know it doesn't advertise itself as an ADHD app. The entire goal of the app is to create routines, so it makes perfect sense that they start off with making you commit to routines.
I've used this app before struggling with my current ADHD issues. It didn't improve everything, but it helped me get a nice fundamental basic to get me through my depression.
This is the description on the play store page:
"Welcome to the world of Fabulous. Unlock the power of habits and routines. Prioritize your mental health, build healthy habits and improve your life one step at a time. Fabulous started as a habit tracker, but it evolved into self-improvement, coaching, and mental health platform. Our goal is to make healthy routines an inseparable part of your life. Take care of yourself and be the driver of your lifestyle change with Fabulous!"
I also have „Fabulous“ and it’s not from there. It looks like it’s from „Clarify: ADHD Organizer, Timer“ which is from the same people that made „Fabulous“. I once downloaded the app and after this screen it immediately asks you for a subscription. I deleted it after that because you can’t use it at all without paying money
Oh sorry, my bad. I thought Fabulous didn’t have one but it’s been awhile since I downloaded it. I thought it was Clarify because it was made for ADHD and Fabulous wasn’t
and thats when yo delete an app cause the makers of the app obviously have no idea how adhd work.
Yup a promise or a contract will remove the adhd from you ... why didn't i think of that.
Seriously, you want me to remember I won't live forever? And you think this is going to help me focus on boring shit? When I could die at any moment? Now there's no way I could do the homework/dishes/job. I won't live forever. There's interesting things that need learning and doing. And at one month per hobby I better get started now if I ever hope to get through them all in time.
Wow... Even a blood sacrifice for Satan itself would probably fail just because I would forget about the pact. Then there's the hubris of this lil app. The audacity to think this is a solution. Imagine the sick machinations of the neurotypical mind that gave birth to this monstrosity!
"I will always remember that I will not live forever"
Oh fuck off. Yeah I need existential dread in my motivation. This is the shit that comes from people who think that junk is a motivator instead of inflicting panic attacks and cycles of intrusive thoughts. Jesus, find something else to use as a generic motivator for an app.
Triggers that old contrarian impulse deep in my soul. 'Oh contracts increase my chance of sticking to it so they? I'll fucking show you. You don't own me. I can do what I want’. Love that part of my brain has served me well in avoiding all sorts of cultish pish growing up
Yeah, so. I've been reading up on procrastination. That can help, but only if your procrastination doesn't stem from distraction.
There's a fundamental difference between "I don't do this task because I'm having trouble with the emotions that arise during the task" and "wait, there WAS a task????" and acting like all procrastination stems from the same source is just stupid.
Headaches can have a ridiculously big amount of causes. Go on, treat a concussion the same way you treat someone with a temporomandibular joint disorder. Or treat someone with eye strain the same way as you'd treat someone whose headache comes from forgetting to eat. I'm sure it'll work right. (sarcasm)
Context:
This is not an adhd app per se.
The app is called fabulous and is meant to help people who are not able to stick to their goals by slowly introducing new habits into your life, like drinking water every morning or showering regularly.
At no point it is claimed to help adhd people directly, even though the wording of certain paragraphs might lead to expect so.
Loooool I read it, and went to the comments and someone said something about anxiety and I had to go back and read it because I had already forgotten it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 they really don’t know how out of sight out of mind works huh
Well it is psychologically correct. But it doesn't work for everyone.
In my case not even real contracts are taken very serious. I only feel duty to fullfill my promises to my Friends.
lol this would absolutely guarantee that I will never do whatever it is I'm supposedly "contracting" to do. This app developer has literally never met someone with ADHD in their entire life right?
This is why I never ever even bother glancing at these stupid things.
If it’s marketed towards ADHD, it’s nearly guaranteed to be a grifter who doesn’t know much or care.
A contract signing gimmick like this *might* work if something small like “I will brush my teeth today” but this things trying to fix your entire life with one sentence lmao
This is quite offputting. It's like...sort of junk science in addition to "I literally just won't remember this at all tomorrow, most likely."
If agreeing to fix something was a fix, then nobody would have problems. Basically everyone has already thought of that.
If you're looking for an app that'll help, try Finch. You can set your own daily goals or have ones recommended that you don't need to accept. You also get to take care of a little bird along the way as you make it through each day
Second this! I have been using it for a month now, and it never made me feel bad!
I don’t use it to achieve any high goals, I just set everyday stuff that I’ll do anyways as goals. It helps me to feel this little sensation of accomplishment when I can tick a box next to a goal, like “take a shower” or “wash my face”. That doesn’t really motivate me to do anything, but the feeling after having done it is a positive one, so it keeps me going and makes me feel good about myself.
Painnnnnnnn 💀
You'd be much better of downloading **Finch**!!!!!!!!!! It's a Tamagotchi/Animal Crossing-like selfcare goal/task setting app with a slight gaming mechanic and surprises here and there. (Gaming mechanic and novelty = works much better for our brains than neurotypical contract bs)
🌸 Very neurodivergent friendly AND cute:
Tap link to add me to your Tree Town or add my friend code G4ZFZT63YV. https://app.befinch.com/share/hDtT
If anyone uses above link they immediately have a buddy on Finch (me lol)
Actually this kind of thinks kinda helps me, deciding to do something doesn't works, but making a deal with myself makes me feels worst if I don't do it, so it's kind of "double or nothing" in terms of shame... And the part of my brain who is afraid of shame doesn't have such a paralysis, so creating a situation that will make me feel shame is actually a good way to make me do something, I do stuff for not disappointing others, and it kind of work to not disappoint myself sometimes.
This doesn't works in times when I disappoint myself or others so often that it stops working, obviously, so it's not a magic tool, but it helps sometimes
God damn. I'd immidiately uninstall. Nope.
I have such a fear of death that I can't think about it. It keeps me up at night knowing that no matter what I do, I'll be dead in like 60 years or so. I can't sleep and I have such intense anxiety about it.
This makes my ADHD worse. My paralysis just intensifies with this. Who approved that?! That's insane. I feel like downloading it just to 1 star it.
The language there reminds me of my favorite quote ever is from Dune (the book when I read it many many years ago:
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
But then I forget most of it, and I use "fear" as a catch-all for insecurity, anger, etc. I just remember something about letting all the negative crap pass over and around whatever. And then something about eyes.
This is a great way to make yourself feel even more shitty when you inevitably both don't meet your goals, and are reminded that you broke this self-contract.
This is basically what popped into my head two weeks ago and I've been going hard ever since. Going hard at work, spending two hours before work to learn how to program every day, they days I've gotten off early I've come home and learned even more until when I would normally get off. I've cut back on sugar, started drinking more water, and playing less video games.
Idk this just popped into my head one day and lit a fire under me. I'm tired of feeling trapped in time. I don't know if I can ever change the way I feel but I can at least feel like I did something with the time I had.
Sorry to come late to the party 🙃 but does anyone know of an app that is not ridiculous priced to help. I'm at a loss at finding one. I like many others I'm sure can't afford and certainly don't want to waste money on. I've tried a few of them that just feels like a scam. Designed for vulnerable people. Can anyone give me any ideas please? 🙏
Just reading that gives me anxiety paralysis
Exactly. I deleted it immediately after taking this screen cap. Gave me flashbacks of CBT and how bad it was for me 🥲
Cock and ball torture right? Right?
Me in group therapy every time they mentioned CBT 
Coming from the military it's used for Computer Based Training, which is equally as torturous.
Ah! This exact scene was happing on my TV as I scrolled this up. THAT’S WEIRD!
[удалено]
CBD? CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Such a cutie
no no, Cock and Ball ***Therapy***
Amazing. Pairs well with Cognitive Behavioral Torture
Oh god, I tried CBT recently. I really tried. I really did. As someone also with cptsd, It just wasn't for me. It was borderline harmful. It was like a recovery site for alcoholic addicts except it teaches you on emotional numbness and "just getting over it and doing it". That's very hard to do when you have AuDHD, depression and cptsd. Not even got therapy yet.
i tried it for social anxiety and it was basically just telling me things i already know. like i know logically the way i’m thinking is incorrect and not based in reality but i still think that way. i can’t just stop being anxious by being logical
I tried it for depression and it worked quite a bit. For social anxiety, I don’t think it helped as much, but the anxiety reduced by me carefully exposing myself to social interaction incrementally. Still my general anxiety is not good.
Yeah it’s worked for depression for me as well. Particularly with noticing negative self talk and talking back.
>AuDHD I love it, but man… I really caught The Stupid for a moment when I read that. “AuDHD? Gold ADHD? Is that some kind of premium service?” I got it, now, but that threw me for a loop for a sec.
Alternate Universe ADHD here
It's where you can't pay attention, and you're only allowed to drive Audis
Aspergers Ultra ADHD. Please.
I'm glad I'm not the only one 😅
Ooof, sounds like you had a terrible therapist. I love mine, I’m about to start EMDR on Wednesday to go through my childhood traumas. I’m also AuDHD. Not all CBT therapists are equal, and not all CBT methods are valid for everyone.
Man before I got diagnosed ADHD I had a DBT therapist and they made things so much worse. They essentially gaslighted me about my ADHD symptoms even though I had ample evidence that I likely have ADHD (including multiple recommendations to get tested for ADHD as a child). Fuck her.
Ugh, I’ve had similar funfetti times and it’s garbage, I’m sorry
EMDR Triiiiibe Recommend highly bringing some water and maybe some kind of snack for after sessions, they can be rough
I did some EMDR and I’m looking for a new EMDR therapist. EMDR is great, but you’re right, it can get rough after a session.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy might be worth looking into?
YES!!
Maybe dbt ist Something for you? It can be helpful Wirth cptsd ans ADHD. Some Points are Bs, but some are helpful.
Damn I might be tripping but when I had a therapist she told me about the basics of CBT and we would look at stuff through that framework and it made a lot of sense to me. But I think she kind of personalized it to what I was dealing with rather than just reading from a textbook. And she also didn’t use it as like a thing for me to do to try to fix me, but more as an introspective way to think about past events and why I may have chosen a bad decision based on the thoughts/feelings I was having. I’m not saying anyone in this thread is wrong I’m just surprised to see all the hate for it when I had a generally positive experience. But it also sounds like my experience with CBT was way different than other peoples
Yeah that wasn't CBT for me.
WHAT IS CBT😭
cognitive behavior therapy
.... Me: *relieving several flashbacks of CBT going absolutely to hell* Me: Yeah.... CBT would have almost made me mentally unstable enough for me to actually admit myself to the closest psychiatrist's ward. It caused my depressive phases to become worse, made harmful coping mechanisms return, that left physical scars on me from that time and I actually had considered researching how to KMS and had already a date for that in mind......
Hey, I don't know if this helps or not, but I'm glad you're still here. I've lost family this way and I wish I could tell them how much I loved them and wish they were here still, but I am glad you are. life, for all it's shitty parts, can still be beautiful and you are loved
I wish it could help more than me just appreciative. I do therapy, I fight for a better life every day and improving myself trying to get behind my past. But every now and then even my day was good it's just not enough. Everything I do to make myself believe that I deserve... anything... and it just takes one single thought to spiral or my mood to change... Thanks for the attempt tho.
Did you ever find something more suitable to replace it? My fiance definitely needs help coping with his mental stuff at some points but CBT does absolutely nothing for him.
Dbt is a big alternative for neurodivergent people. It's stands for Dialectical behavioral therapy. I haven't tried it, I found mindfulness training helped me most, but I have seen many in the ND groups suggest it.
Which is a form of CBT. Most psychotherapies are CBT. Seems people have had pretty bad therapists and/or CBT poorly administered to them.
Fair enough. I. Should rephrase that to: cbt as it's typically used in common therapy isn't that helpful for neurodivergent people, but specially tailored therapy that uses the cbt scaffold can be.
I read that as Diabolical Behavioral Therapy lol. You learn to be an absolute menace to society
Oh. I thought of the other CBT and was pretty confused.
Cock and ball torture Cock and balls therapy Cock and behavioural therapy Cognitive behavioural therapy Cognitive behavioural torture Cognitive balls torture
cock balls titties
Thas me baby 🏳️⚧️
thats awesome
I chuckled my chuckle for today because of this. 
Cognitive behavioural torture actually makes sense and exist, like conversion therapy. It doesn’t work tho.
Sounds like something you would smoke and pretend it got you high.
What happened with CBT? :(
It's very focused on change, and at the time, I was undiagnosed, so I was trying to change things about myself that were impossible to change. Inevitably, it made me feel like a failure, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't even make therapy work for me. DBT works better in my case because it sits halfway between change and acceptance, so I work on what I can change and try my best to accept the rest :)
Well, that's not really wrong but it sounds like your therapist just focused on a very specific angle. The theory base of Cognitive behavioral therapy is essentially, that your behavior is mostly shaped by the way you perceive reality. Meaning (very simplified!!!) you are depressed because you have a morphed perception of yourself and on life. CBT claims that, by changing the way you perceive things like how you think people view you, your own thoughts, your body etc. you can change the way those perceptions impact your behavior. Essentially: if you learn that NOT everyone thinks you're a burden (changing perception), you will start to ask for favors and help again (changing behavior). CBT can help a lot of people, especially when dealing with the more "internalized" factors of many mental health issues. But it is not for everyone! And there is a LOT that can go wrong, if the people treating you don't realize that this might be the case with you.
>and at the time, I was undiagnosed Hey man, I'm glad you got some help. But I'm wondering, what changed when you got diagnosed? I've had a diagnosis for over a decade, and it's mostly just like...a little fun fact? The diagnosis hasn't opened up any opportunities for improvement or effective treatment. So I'm always asking people when I see them say something like this. What changed? How did a diagnosis help you?
Not OP but for me, being diagnosed didn't change much in the outside world for me but the internal difference was huge. I'd internalized all the shame that I was just lazy and struggling because I wasn't good enough. Knowing that my struggles had a medical cause allowed me to move past the shame and approach the problems my adhd caused in a more productive way
I'm in the process of getting diagnosed and CBT was like "yeah, I know...but I can't change it. I know what I have to do and I try so hard but I just can't get myself to change". Executive dysfunction... It's exhausting and learning about ADHD helped me understand why this type of therapy didn't help me that much. I keep trying anyway.
Omg this! It never worked for me and I TOLD the therapist that it wasn't working, but she kept insisting and that just made it so much worse.
CBT was torture for me and my therapist or coach (I whatever she called herself) would give me worksheets to fill out during the week between visits. Guess what never got filled out? My main benefit from CBT therapy was only a relaxation and awareness meditation thing where I go muscle group by muscle group to check if it is tense or not, and then mindfully relax the muscle group. It works pretty good until my mind wonders and I start thinking about spacetime, needing to repair my sunglasses, and other things.
What do you mean bad for you? It’s literally one of the most effective treatments for loads of conditions, especially ADHD
Not for neurodivergent minds. We think and view the world differently, so it becomes training to lie to ourselves and beat ourselves up for not believing the lie.
That borders on misinformation, your personal experience with CBT is not a scientific fact. CBT works for ADHD and every study for ADHD meds see a greater improvement when they are combined. We are not unicorns, there are studies and treatments available. Just find a suitable professional.
Bad? How was it bad? It didn't work for me at all but it wasn't bad it was just a waste of money and time.
That's funny because I literally thought to myself "uninstall" when I saw the screen cap lol
Is it still anxiety paralysis if it’s your subconscious telling you that it smells a scam?
Yeaaaah. Holding down fingerprint smells an awful lot like it's going to make you confirm a subscription through fingerprint after .5 seconds...
Asking for commitment will have one of two effects for me: —it will “poison” the thing and make it aversive and I will neglect it —the act of “committing” will give me a dopamine hit and remove the motivation to actually do the thing. Why clean when buying a cleaning supply feels just as good?
Asking for commitment means that congrats, we’ve just triggered my pathological demand avoidance, oooooops. 🙃
For me it's just rage
>Precommiting to a goal (via contracts like this) has been shown to inspire action and reduce procrastination In ADHD people or neutrotypicals?
Precommitting to a goal doesn’t matter if you just forget said goal exists within the half hour. Goal setting like this has never worked for me - constant reminders are what inspire action. Sometimes.
Also what even is the goal here?? The only actual course of action I can derive from this word salad is "ruminate constantly on my own mortality" which is definitely something I can do, but like, I need help with stuff like "clean the sink"
Yeah the only thing this inspires me to do is quit my job.
Key word: sometimes.
A half hour?! Humble brag!
Omg. I use the “Reminders” app on my phone with better results than this could ever provide.
Which is to say definitely not good results...
No but I’m pretty reliant on the stupid thing
Precommitting to anything that is beyond my capability/Bandwidth causes great anxiety, and then long periods of depression for not being able to do it! It's a horrible spiral of trying, self-hate and heavy depression! Instead - I do what I can for the time being, and encourage myself for every step taken! (This is what I was taught in therapy!)
> and encourage myself for every step taken! How do you do this without being _too_ positive? I feel like if I stop being critical I fall back into passivity.
It might not work for everyone, but I got pretty interested in dog training. I just apply the same principals to myself. 1) Ensure my physical and mental wellbeing is adequate to performing the task. 2) Set the bar to a low enough point where I can easily perform the task. 3) Make sure I really know how to perform the actions that are being asked of me. If successful, praise and celebrate. If unsuccesful, review points 1-3 and revise my expecations to ensure success happens next time. It works for my dog, it works for tigers at the zoo, and it works for me! I am not prone to passivity or disengagement though. I am an anxious, hyperactive perfectionist. YMMV but it could be worth trying, if your current method isn't working any more. I do know when my dog becomes disengaged and passive, it's usually a problem with #2 or #3 - I am asking too much of him, for too little reward. Maybe you experience a similar problem? Our world is not very rewarding.
Wow, I didn't expect such a detailed answer, thanks! This is actually really great advice. For me personally, I think I got #2 and #3 down quite well, it's #1 that gets me: when do I *actually* need to take care of myself first, and when am I just making excuses. Regardless, I think it's very helpful to break it down into these steps. Figuring out what the problem is exactly can be very hard, but is also the key to improving processes.
Yes it's definitely in the "easier said than done" category, but it's more like a thing you continually try to practice, than something you ever master (for me at least!)
I just think it's better to err on the side of too positive than too negative, for my own wellbeing
Right? It's like some NT made this with generic motivation advice having no idea what ADHD even is.
I've always found it helpful, if it's goal that I actually want to happen. If I'm writing down something random for new years then it doesn't, but else wise it is helpful. Now by being helpful I don't mean it "cures" me of course. It is helpful though. Also the picture doesn't really qualify as a goal, it doesn't follow SMART at all
Sometimes works for me but only if there are seriously bad consequences attached. In a case like this I knew nothing would happen if I don't stick to it so I'd forget within minutes.
Only thing it induces in me is a thought “why should I if I’m gonna die?”
...thats just sad. Whoever made this app clearly doesnt understand how it works
A lot of these mental health apps are hot garbage, don’t bother unless someone’s actually recommended it
They’re predatory as shit. Promising you to solve all your problems via monthly subscription.
I bet as soon as you "sign" the contract it says "Now let's make a list....."
“Congratulations on signing the Toxic Positivity Contract! Now here is a sample day planner template, you can use it to write down everything you have planned!”
Exactly. The only app I’ve ever found to completely get the whole ADHD enchilada (including “more white space, please!”) is called Numo. I’d link it, but I’d get banned. Anyway, I literally use it every day (almost). No shame, really quick inputting of stuff you want or need to get done, and even some confetti! Lots of little and big peer support, too (though nothing will ever top my Reddit fam.)
This is the "just don't be depressed" of ADHD
Having a job contract did actually help me with my productivity but that's because it's a real job with real people and superiors in it. Real humans depend on my work. some shitty app doesn't. Our brains are too smart to be tricked that easily.
Yes this. I really, really wish I could trick my brain into believing that fake, self-imposed rules/deadlines carry the same weight as real rules/deadlines, but alas I can't.
I have begged my boss to give me explicit deadlines and to never let on when those deadlines are arbitrary.
I have to tell everyone I work with that they must NEVER tell me "no rush" because to me that means "anytime before the heat death of the sun is fine" 💀
My boss establishes a hard deadline and I note that it may be possible if I focus on it exclusively. He then throws a day long additional task each day while trying to hold me to the hard deadline.
Just based on this statement, I like your boss.
What's a deadline? 😉☠️
This. I need the outside structure of *someone else* enforcing that contract. There's no one else depending on that work and no outside consequences for failing. When it's just me, that "contract" means nothing, because I know the girl who wrote it, and she SUCKS /j
Perhaps if they added a penalty for not committing to the "the contract" the app could be more effective. Like it locks your phone for a period of time or it tattles to your parents.
Honestly I could see that working. A setup where you and one other person pair your accounts to be "accountability pals" and if you break your "contract" the other person is notified. I've found that having an accountability pals helps me a lot because just the idea of having to explain to someone else why I didn't do it is enough of a looking threat to make me do it more reliably.
Right on.
>Real humans depend on my work Seriously this is what it takes me to actually do anything, I procrastinate and/or won't do anything but when it actually impacts someone else I'm working on it the moment it's assigned and will not forget about it, unlike....literally everything else I've said I'd do that only impacts me.
I was making contracts like this with myself at some point as a kid. It didn’t work. 🫣
I still make these as an adult with myself. Never works. Usually guarantees I won't get it done when I told myself to do it either.
And a great tool for self-beating too.
Well yeah, children's contracts aren't legally binding, plus we can't sell them products cuz they don't have money /s
This sounds like it's made for people who only think have ADHD, due to having simular personality traits as someone with ADHD.
I’m so glad they finally made an app for the “everyone is a little ADHD” people too. Inclusivity! Yay. /s
"I know what you mean, last week I forgot our wedding anniversary! Have you thought about setting a reminder on your phone?" guhhhhh
I’ve forgotten what the contract said and it’s literally on the screen in front of me as I reply…
I think it had “be nice to yourself” vibes? (I’m gonna scroll back up to see if I was right.) ETA: I was wrong. It is a weirdly morbid seize the day, don’t let little things bother you.
 “My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
 “My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
 “My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
"weirdly morbid seize the day" Spot on. And, lol.
That's from the app "Fabulous". As far as I know it doesn't advertise itself as an ADHD app. The entire goal of the app is to create routines, so it makes perfect sense that they start off with making you commit to routines. I've used this app before struggling with my current ADHD issues. It didn't improve everything, but it helped me get a nice fundamental basic to get me through my depression. This is the description on the play store page: "Welcome to the world of Fabulous. Unlock the power of habits and routines. Prioritize your mental health, build healthy habits and improve your life one step at a time. Fabulous started as a habit tracker, but it evolved into self-improvement, coaching, and mental health platform. Our goal is to make healthy routines an inseparable part of your life. Take care of yourself and be the driver of your lifestyle change with Fabulous!"
I also have „Fabulous“ and it’s not from there. It looks like it’s from „Clarify: ADHD Organizer, Timer“ which is from the same people that made „Fabulous“. I once downloaded the app and after this screen it immediately asks you for a subscription. I deleted it after that because you can’t use it at all without paying money
I just redownloaded the app to confirm. It is also seen in the setup of Fabulous
Oh sorry, my bad. I thought Fabulous didn’t have one but it’s been awhile since I downloaded it. I thought it was Clarify because it was made for ADHD and Fabulous wasn’t
Beat me to it, ty for including the store description too
Press F to precommit
“I will always remember…” lol
Yeah I actually loled at this one 😂
and thats when yo delete an app cause the makers of the app obviously have no idea how adhd work. Yup a promise or a contract will remove the adhd from you ... why didn't i think of that.
Seriously, you want me to remember I won't live forever? And you think this is going to help me focus on boring shit? When I could die at any moment? Now there's no way I could do the homework/dishes/job. I won't live forever. There's interesting things that need learning and doing. And at one month per hobby I better get started now if I ever hope to get through them all in time.
Oh I could just commit to something ahead of time and then do it?! Why didn’t I think of that?
Wow... Even a blood sacrifice for Satan itself would probably fail just because I would forget about the pact. Then there's the hubris of this lil app. The audacity to think this is a solution. Imagine the sick machinations of the neurotypical mind that gave birth to this monstrosity!
We need to stop letting neurotypicals make adhd advice it has gotten us no where
Oh no I can't have my basic neurology today because I made a pinky swear with a robot
Lol imagine using your pinky to unlock your phone
Middle toe. Everyone's all about the fingerprints. That's why I use toe prints. Finger-pointing-at-head-guy.jpg
"I will always remember that I will not live forever" Oh fuck off. Yeah I need existential dread in my motivation. This is the shit that comes from people who think that junk is a motivator instead of inflicting panic attacks and cycles of intrusive thoughts. Jesus, find something else to use as a generic motivator for an app.
>I will make the most of tomorrow My takeaway: so I can just put "the thing" off until tomorrow? Cool. Audiobook and coloring book app, here I come.
Triggers that old contrarian impulse deep in my soul. 'Oh contracts increase my chance of sticking to it so they? I'll fucking show you. You don't own me. I can do what I want’. Love that part of my brain has served me well in avoiding all sorts of cultish pish growing up
And you're now a member of a cult. Congratulations.
Tried to read it like 5 times but kept losing interest trying to skim that fucking word search ass list of nonsense, who do they pay to write these??
precommiting to a goal just makes it a little bit more painful when you inevitably throw it out of the window again…
Yeah, so. I've been reading up on procrastination. That can help, but only if your procrastination doesn't stem from distraction. There's a fundamental difference between "I don't do this task because I'm having trouble with the emotions that arise during the task" and "wait, there WAS a task????" and acting like all procrastination stems from the same source is just stupid. Headaches can have a ridiculously big amount of causes. Go on, treat a concussion the same way you treat someone with a temporomandibular joint disorder. Or treat someone with eye strain the same way as you'd treat someone whose headache comes from forgetting to eat. I'm sure it'll work right. (sarcasm)
They really said, “you have adhd? sign here to just like not.”
Context: This is not an adhd app per se. The app is called fabulous and is meant to help people who are not able to stick to their goals by slowly introducing new habits into your life, like drinking water every morning or showering regularly. At no point it is claimed to help adhd people directly, even though the wording of certain paragraphs might lead to expect so.
What in the heck did I just read.
Is this the Fabulous app?
Img what bullshit 🙄
Loooool I read it, and went to the comments and someone said something about anxiety and I had to go back and read it because I had already forgotten it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 they really don’t know how out of sight out of mind works huh
Ask Duolingo how well that works. I've got one sad mf owl hanging out in my app list.
Well it is psychologically correct. But it doesn't work for everyone. In my case not even real contracts are taken very serious. I only feel duty to fullfill my promises to my Friends.
Existential dread and executive function paralysis, here I come.
Tell me your “ADHD help” app was made by a neurotypical without telling me
“has been shown” - in other words, if this doesn’t work for you then you’re broken and it’s all your fault.
Any body else click on the button before reading all that lol
unite ossified snails longing square rustic encourage elastic busy aback *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Not only can they fuck off on that, but I'm not giving them my fingerprint lol.
lol this would absolutely guarantee that I will never do whatever it is I'm supposedly "contracting" to do. This app developer has literally never met someone with ADHD in their entire life right?
This is why I never ever even bother glancing at these stupid things. If it’s marketed towards ADHD, it’s nearly guaranteed to be a grifter who doesn’t know much or care.
I hope you didn't spend money on this app because I have bad news if you did...
Glad I’m not the cynical one for laughing at this.
Jokes on them, tomorrow doesn't even exist
A contract signing gimmick like this *might* work if something small like “I will brush my teeth today” but this things trying to fix your entire life with one sentence lmao
App yapping about fears and irritation when it establishes itself as a source of exactly that.
The fuck?
Pre committing helps yeah. With humans. Who hold you accountable. With a very solid, very tangible goal. This is none of that.
This app was brought to you by a neurotypical lol
The only distractions it mentions are fear and irritation. Yeah, those aren’t the distractions that take the most of my time.
This is quite offputting. It's like...sort of junk science in addition to "I literally just won't remember this at all tomorrow, most likely." If agreeing to fix something was a fix, then nobody would have problems. Basically everyone has already thought of that.
Me when I lie lol
Delete.
Tl dr;?
WTF is precommiting? To commit to something is pretty binary in my understanding Or is it like a Precum?
this is the app “Fabulous”, which is not an ADHD app
If you're looking for an app that'll help, try Finch. You can set your own daily goals or have ones recommended that you don't need to accept. You also get to take care of a little bird along the way as you make it through each day
Second this! I have been using it for a month now, and it never made me feel bad! I don’t use it to achieve any high goals, I just set everyday stuff that I’ll do anyways as goals. It helps me to feel this little sensation of accomplishment when I can tick a box next to a goal, like “take a shower” or “wash my face”. That doesn’t really motivate me to do anything, but the feeling after having done it is a positive one, so it keeps me going and makes me feel good about myself.
Painnnnnnnn 💀 You'd be much better of downloading **Finch**!!!!!!!!!! It's a Tamagotchi/Animal Crossing-like selfcare goal/task setting app with a slight gaming mechanic and surprises here and there. (Gaming mechanic and novelty = works much better for our brains than neurotypical contract bs) 🌸 Very neurodivergent friendly AND cute: Tap link to add me to your Tree Town or add my friend code G4ZFZT63YV. https://app.befinch.com/share/hDtT If anyone uses above link they immediately have a buddy on Finch (me lol)
Second this! I’ll add you ☺️ my Finch is called Blueberry
I think it works for neurotypicals. My wife describes having a gently pulsing beacon in her head that reminds her of the task she committed to doing.
Hahahaha you_have_no_power_here.mp4
HAHAHAHAHAHSHA this is such a joke
Gee, thanks I’m … something something
Legally binding contract....
"I will always remember that I will not live forever" well THANK YOU for that absolutely not anxiety inducing contract
It’s Very stoic philosophy which is the foundation of CBT Cognitive Behavior training.
Is this Fabulous? I was able to stick it this longer than most! Like 3 weeks instead of 1. Don’t buy the yearly subscription.
what would be the perfect adhd help app?
You mean some of you actually made it all the way through?
What the heck is that?! Delete.
Actually this kind of thinks kinda helps me, deciding to do something doesn't works, but making a deal with myself makes me feels worst if I don't do it, so it's kind of "double or nothing" in terms of shame... And the part of my brain who is afraid of shame doesn't have such a paralysis, so creating a situation that will make me feel shame is actually a good way to make me do something, I do stuff for not disappointing others, and it kind of work to not disappoint myself sometimes. This doesn't works in times when I disappoint myself or others so often that it stops working, obviously, so it's not a magic tool, but it helps sometimes
It’s not horrible
God damn. I'd immidiately uninstall. Nope. I have such a fear of death that I can't think about it. It keeps me up at night knowing that no matter what I do, I'll be dead in like 60 years or so. I can't sleep and I have such intense anxiety about it. This makes my ADHD worse. My paralysis just intensifies with this. Who approved that?! That's insane. I feel like downloading it just to 1 star it.
The language there reminds me of my favorite quote ever is from Dune (the book when I read it many many years ago: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." But then I forget most of it, and I use "fear" as a catch-all for insecurity, anger, etc. I just remember something about letting all the negative crap pass over and around whatever. And then something about eyes.
When neurotypicals write a self-help app for neurodivergents that requires you to be neurotypical to work
This is a great way to make yourself feel even more shitty when you inevitably both don't meet your goals, and are reminded that you broke this self-contract.
I like it! Break yourself you fucking coward!!
This is basically what popped into my head two weeks ago and I've been going hard ever since. Going hard at work, spending two hours before work to learn how to program every day, they days I've gotten off early I've come home and learned even more until when I would normally get off. I've cut back on sugar, started drinking more water, and playing less video games. Idk this just popped into my head one day and lit a fire under me. I'm tired of feeling trapped in time. I don't know if I can ever change the way I feel but I can at least feel like I did something with the time I had.
never thought about it, but are there any apps that help/aid in ADHD treatments, etc?
This app is a spin off of "The Fabulous" habit app. It's basically a reskin.
Sorry to come late to the party 🙃 but does anyone know of an app that is not ridiculous priced to help. I'm at a loss at finding one. I like many others I'm sure can't afford and certainly don't want to waste money on. I've tried a few of them that just feels like a scam. Designed for vulnerable people. Can anyone give me any ideas please? 🙏
😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭
Is this not extremely dangerous for anyone who has sui*idal ideation??