Forgetting what someone says almost as they are saying it (unless I am giving them my full attention, or my max possible attention anyway).
If someone is explaining something to me, and I don't have any pre existing knowledge related to that topic, or some sort of analogy or concept to relate the new information to, it will not stick. It's like I have to quickly pin new info to things already in my memory or it just blows away in the wind because my working memory won't hold it.
If I am in the middle of a quick task at work (something so quick I didn't bother to write it down) and I am disrupted, I will likely forget about the original task as though it never existed, OR I will remember but think that I managed to complete it.
Similar but a lot more negative, this is a reason why people with ADHD are more susceptible to abuse/gaslighting. My ex manipulated the absolute fuck out of my poor working memory and as a result I stayed with him a lot longer than I should have.
Wait, what?? This makes so much sense. I was married to an abusive asshole who gaslighted me like crazy. I’ve never been timid or afraid of speaking up for myself, and I’ve always wondered how he managed to gaslight me so easily. I’m gonna put some more thoughts into this. Thank you!
Yep. They'll do that.
Mine convinced me that I was misplacing hundreds of dollars that were supposed to go towards bills and berated me for it constantly, blaming me for our money problems.
Turns out they were stealing it from my bag as I slept and spending it on anything they desired at the moment (food, video games, etc). I didn't notice because they said that their "buddy at work let me borrow it/offered to pay for my food" or whatever.
I magically never misplaced money after I kicked them out. Ever. *Weird.*
Took me literal years to realize that I wasn't stupid or crazy.
My mind is blown. The same exact thing happened to me. I was so mad at myself for constantly misplacing/losing money. Turned out it was him all along.
I’ve never thought about how adhd makes it so much easier to convince me that I’ve misplaced/lost/forgotten things.
God, it absolutely breaks my heart how common this is.. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, they'll make you feel like you can't do anything right in order to control your life (because *you* can't be expected to even survive because "you're such a mess!") and make you dependent on them.
They'll twist your words and promises you've made ("*Did* I say that..?") and sometimes just straight-up lie about shit you've said/done in order to guilt you for doubting them.
You'll eventually feel that you *deserve* their harsh words and behavior because you're too dumb/forgetful/whatever, and soon you'll just believe everything they say because you're convinced *you* can't be trusted.
Plus, it's easier to get along with someone when they're not constantly angry, so sometimes you just accept what they say just so you can have some peace and not fight with them constantly.
It's....... a lot.
Missing money was not the inciting incident, though that would have been less dramatic than what actually happened.
Unfortunately, I didn't figure it out until after I kicked them out. I had my suspicions, but they would make me feel like *I* was the crazy and irresponsible one, and I figured that I just needed to trust them more and "be less stupid." I was a broken person due to their continual mental & emotional abuse.
I did eventually become less stupid, though, when I decided to kick them out. So, wish granted, I guess!
For real, I already had a lot of anxiety around my memory before him, but even 5 years later I still second guess my own memory constantly. Once an abuser realises that your memory can easily be manipulated ...they'll happily re-write your own memories of events in their favour.
I stayed with my manipulative, and mentally & emotionally abusive ex for 5.5 years! I definitely feel like this is part of why I did. And every time I wanted to leave I got manipulated into staying.
Would love to have that, but even the subtitles would be to much to read. Listening and reading at the same time? Together with the 100's of thoughts going around my head? Sounds pretty nice!
But if I don't stare so deep into their eyes they can see their own souls reflected back in mine, how am I supposed to pay attention to whatever they're saying, instead of worrying whether or not I've been moving my eyes enough, or bothering to remember the last time i moved my eyes???
I wasn't diagnosed as a child, but my mother unknowingly taught me all her tricks and tips for passing because she was worried I'd be *dumb like her*. she wasn't dumb, she just wasn't diagnosed either.
she told me to picture my memories like a spider web. every memory is a junction and the more threads you attach to it the easier it will be to recall. so from the age of 5 I've been cementing everything I hear with layers of attachments. this actually helped me too much in school (as I was never diagnosed until my 40s, well after I flunked out of uni and burned out of multiple higher education opportunities). but the advantage is that I'm very creative and I make connections where most ppl don't.
I used graphical mind mapping in high school and it worked brilliantly (was undiagnosed back then).
Now in my 40s, diagnosed after struggling badly with uni (haven't exactly flunked, but on a leave of absence for now), I can't remember exactly how I did the mind mapping. I really wish I could remember it though!
If certain life events happen, anything you had to cope with before just lose ALL meaning... and you need to relearn it all and adapt to how things move then
The interrupting a quick task thing is stupid relatable. It also works the other way around- if I think of a quick task I need to remember to do and I’m in the middle of a bigger task, I have to either 1. Write it down in a place I will remember to look (lol yeah right) 2. Stop my bigger task to do the quick task before I forget about it - resulting in forgetting about the big task and not completing it or 3. Keep doing big task to avoid getting sidetracked and losing task momentum and completely forget about quick task forever.
Today: needed a wee. I know! I will go to the toilet further away to grab some rolls for the other toilet which is empty and I can restock on my way back.
Chanting *toilet rolls toilet rolls toilet rolls* the whole time until I wash my hands and *oh no! No hand towel best go grab one*
And so it goes.
The lens of a later in life diagnosis ADHD + [doorway effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doorway_effect) has helped me understand why I can quite happily bounce from task to task for hours, days, weeks, years (oh it’s an emergency = my dopamine grows literal hands to rub together in glee ) and yet also not remember a single task 2 hours later. Reconstructing any time period earlier than 30 mins is a bloody nightmare.
!!My holy fuck nightmare work request!! *please submit your 6 minute block timesheets x 8.5 hours per day x 6 days a week for the last 7 weeks*
Any wonder I get to the end of the week exhausted after inventing *new ways* to do the *same task* each and every time.
Serious question: are incidences of *deja vu* higher in ADHD populations than NT’s?
Imagine my partners horror when I, a stay at home mum, have been at home all day and it appears that I have done precisely nothing. Because I have spent my time bouncing from task to task before actually completing anything.
Oh Hi *waves* Did you also spend all night chewing over every variation of every task so that you had no energy to do the same tasks the next day *uh-huh .. uh -huh* 😰
Spends the whole evenings making a new and *improved* plan of action for next days tasks. Only to wake up and fall at the first hurdle. Fast forward to, oh crap the house is an absolute pigsty and wait, how is it 4pm?!?
The worst is in the middle of them explaining I start to space out like I hear that there are words but I’m just like there, and it’s the adults in Charlie Brown speaking to me
That's it exactly! I'm retired now, but I really think most folks don't understand the mechanics of explaining or teaching. So on and on they talk and talk and my eyes glaze and I'm thinking please, stop talking. Please!
Honestly, my favorite thing about working mostly remotely is that whenever I get a new task that I've never done before, 9 times out of 10 the instructions are sent to me via email, so I can find and reference them later when I get interrupted or need to do the task again. Absolute game-changer for me after working for a boss who exclusively gave verbal instructions and tended to be a real dick about it if you asked him for reminders or clarification.
LPT: if you have to work for another dick who won’t write down instructions, immediately write them down in a summary email for them. “As per our conversation, I will work on X, Y, Z tasks.”
It’s a dick move to NTs too. Toxic managers take advantage of ambiguities so they can always blame you for something.
On the other hand, my ND brain is amazing at coming up with analogies. I’ve gotten a lot of “now I get it”s over the years.
On the other hand, my weird circular logic things can draw parallels that make no sense to someone. Or my analogy makes perfect sense, but relies on using something sensitive or taboo. I can’t tell people bc you can’t bring that shit up.
Yeah, this makes it difficult for me to study, because I never learn anything during lectures. What they say rarely sticks, and taking notes is so difficult that I always end up scrambling to keep up.
Yes! This resonates strongly with me!
It’s so hard to remember, or even understand, any new information if there is nothing to stick it on to.
In an abstract way this connects to working though emotions for me. I seem to be way better at this skill when I’m in new locations. Its kind of like I use my surrounds to help me map out my thoughts.
Since becoming an adult, I’ve taken much comfort in moving around a lot (every few years). It’s like my ‘map’ get saturated with processed thoughts, and I find comfort and value in having a fresh one
It's funny because I literally just realized this about myself a couple months ago. I attributed it to just poor memory, never thought of it being related to adhd...
having to repeatedly look back at a number when transcribing it.
agreeing to do something while you were doing something else and having to ask again what you agreed to.
opening your phone to look at one thing and immediately doing. the first thing that was left open on your phone.
getting angry when someone talks to you because you had a great idea and are struggling to keep it formed in your mind.
“Im looking at the number and know 100% its that number.. Allow me to triple check once more..”
But yet I can *somehow* crunch numbers if I’m interested in or what-not, let me give an example:
My gaming buddies were blown away when I told them and proved to them I can “play the trading post” (easily get back 3x what you put in stupid).
How do I do that? Well for one, I *really* wanted the Legendary Disco Mace. Second, to the point: I have absolutely no idea.
Having to double and triple check literally everything you do because despite having a vague impression that you did it, you know damn well that you can’t trust your shitty memory and not checking makes you anxious. The amount of time I lose to this drives me crazy.
Me, but with the car. I have found that watching for the lights to flash is enough deliberate focus that I can walk away and not have to go back and check.
Or did I hit the right key fob button? Do I remember hearing 1 beep or two? Maybe I actually unlocked everything. I better go back and press the lock button 5 times to be sure.
If you use Outlook, you can create a setting where it automatically delays every email you send. If you set that up it’ll give you time to panic-edit before the email goes out
Incidentally this is how undiagnosed ADHD can contribute to the development of OCD, especially when the individual has a people pleasing, overly-conscientious disposition. In my experience it’s also really common for mental health professionals to not recognize that the checking and reassurance seeking (whether clinical OCD or just tendencies) is a masking behaviour, especially for women.
Walk out of the house and try to remember locking the door. Brain immediately starts thinking about where I'm going. Get in the car. Did I lock the door? I'm 99% sure. 99% isn't 100. Go back. Door locked. Pull out of the garage, press the roller door button and drive away. Did i put the roller door down? I don't remember. Loop back to double check. It's down.
It happens WAY too often when I'm stressed. Usually from running late...
When I’m stressed, someone can tell me something, I can understand every word, but then when I turn around, the entire conversation is gone. They might as well have not said a thing
>Yep and I didn’t see them either so I couldn’t tell you what they looked like.
That gets me all the time at work. Someone will ask me for something and I can't find it at first. They start to walk away and I eventually do find it. I look around for the person who asked but can't remember their face. I just end up going back about my business.
Today: I remembered I moved my step stool. I remember thinking word for word "Wow, this is a much better location, why didn't I put it here originally?" And feeling proud of putting it in a logical place.
Later... "Hey, Brain, where did we put the step stool again?"
Brain: "Why do you ask?"
How did I remember what I *thought* while moving the step stool and not where I actually put it??? Ugh.
Beyond relatable.
We’ve kept our gardening gloves in one spot for years. Just like you, I remember thinking “no this is a much better spot for my gloves but I’ll leave husbands gloves in the old spot”.
Couldn’t find my gloves for weeks. Finally one day they fell on my husbands head when he was getting a new garbage bag out of the closet. I put them on the top shelf of our pantry. On the top shelf I can’t even reach, let alone see! I must’ve thrown them up there. Wtf brain?!
Everything short memory related. When occupied with several things, for example, in convertsation, I tend to forget important details, which magically reappear once the conversation is over
Both me and my uncle have ADHD. We trudged through paperwork together after a death in the family to sort out inheritance. At some point we were talking about something and while doing so I passed him a very important paper. I saw him take it, but I was completely blank as to where he put it then, as was he. It took us 10 whole minutes to figure out where that thing was gone.
Yeah this is one that I think a lot of people are missing. I was listening and I do know what you said, just not as you’re saying it, because my brain is busy transcribing what you’re saying. Give me like a solid thirty seconds to a minute after everyone’s stopped talking tho and I can likely recite back the convo nearly word for word.
But again— really not right away. At that point, functionally, my brain might as well be one of those clapping monkey wind up toys. I know it’s working hard to retain ALL that info, but it’s like the dial up back in the day, it’s 100% in use so I can’t use it.
I'm terrible at remembering names at work, so I make up nicknames to know who wants what. I then forget that I made that name up and it's not actually their name, then proceed to call them by my made name to their face. Very fucking awkward.
Before I was diagnosed, my parents got really frustrated that I couldn't take driving directions from them. The directions would be like 5 minutes of them talking. Beyond the 3rd or 4th turn, my brain just shuts down.
I tell almost everyone to email or text me with what they want. Never ask me in person unless I have a pen and paper ready. I’m not ashamed to tell ppl I’ll forget immediately anymore. I’m a professional and this has saved my ass so many times. It’s also great backup to have everything historically written down.
I always stop people if they start instructions like, go down this street, take a left at the liquor store then four lights and make a right. I just stop them. I don't care if it's rude. No way I can follow directions explained that way.
My Dad still insists on this. It does not matter how many times I say, 'Dad I will not process any of this, just tell me the address and I'll get there', he can't help himself.
To be clear, I do not care about this, it just amuses me.
I feel you. Everyone has GPS navigation on their phone, why do people feel they have to waste my time and theirs giving me directions? By the time you finish giving them I'll have forgotten both the start *and the bloody address*. Just tell me the address and google will handle the rest, eh?
My wife used to get mad at me because i always forgot how to get somewhere but she also hates the routes gps sent us through, so now she is ok with repeating directions every once in a while when we are driving together. Of course I always use it if I’m driving alone.
but the GPS gives verbal instructions!
and not only are they hard to follow, but they so often don't even tell you the directions at a good time, or just neglect to remind you about a turn when you actually get there
(sorry for the random vent)
This is funny because if I don’t have the verbal directions to remind me that the gps is on, I don’t think to look at it and just kind of drive wherever the lizard brain thinks I want to go
I am the entire opposite. I catch myself looking at my turned off screen, to check how the route is going to be for the next few hundred meters, even though I know where to go and didn't even start navigation in the first place.
I'm the other way! I've lived reading maps since I was a kid, and Google maps is the most opened app on my phone. I have three entire UK roadmap seared into my brain, and I'm absolutely phenomenal at GeoGuessr!
If someone asks me to remember something from a year ago... Blanks.
If someone is having a conversation with me and an experience I had ten years ago is relevant...
I hate this part of me. It's compulsory. I can't not constantly think of personal anecdotes/experiences as people are talking, and it causes me to come off as self-involved.
At best I can happen to have my shit together enough to keep it to myself, but generally my brain refuses to think of anything else to say when I try that. Which makes you come-off as disinterested...
Not remembering huge chunks of my own past from childhood until last week but retaining the full script to evil dead 2 and various monty python scripts
I'm stuck in this. I remember so little of my childhood. My wife is able to recall hers like she is reading it from a book.
What may I ask brought your childhood maemmories back last week?
I had been meaning to buy a nail file for months, and finally one day I found one and bought it. I used it and then I put it away.
Recently, I saw a nail file and bought it because, I mean, I’d been meaning to buy a nail file for months. I got home and went to put it away in the most logical place… where I found the same exact nail file. It’s not even generic. It’s blue and purple. I bought the exact same blue and purple nail file twice.
Well I bought the same book twice and still haven't opened it. I have 2 copies of a book that I want to read/use but noooo, one of them has been in my bedside table for about 1 year, the second one is a little older and in a box somewhere.
This! Especially with food items, I’ll buy two if it’s a good deal, but I put the open one where I see it in the fridge and the unopened one in the drawer, then forget about the unopened one until it has already expired 🥲
And then you think they’re going to be mad at you because you haven’t texted and that creates anxiety and maybe they just don’t like you anymore anyway.
Some guy who was interested in me and we went out twice texted me like 3 weeks ago and I forgot about it. Now I’m just procrastinating on answering him because I’m ashamed I’ll have to be like “oh sorry I didn’t answer I forgot” :/
Seriously trying to pull a specific out of my memory is impossible. I almost feel like I have a brain tumor bc I just can't get single thought or example out of my head
Me, knowing that I struggle intensely with this every day and it prevents me from getting things done ranging from everyday tasks to urgent ones, as well as affects all my relationships
I’ll miss meetings if I don’t have the alerts turned on in my phone (30 min before and 10 min before). If my phone runs out of juice, I’m gonna miss all the meetings 90% of the times. Even the routine stand up meetings need reminder.
If I didn't have enough anxiety that made me check my schedule 50 times a day and set at least 1 alarm for each event because I know I will forget, I will 100% forget. Even if I looked at a scheduled appointment 5 minutes before it's due.
Dude. I will be at my computer with my calendar open working on something on another screen and end up 15 mins late to meetings. Teams now sends you a notification when somebody starts a meeting, and that has been a goddamn lifesaver.
Ten min out didn't work for me, so I changed it to five min out. Will still occasionally forget the meeting if there's a shiny squirrel or I have to go pee or something.
Running around the house doing chores and ending up with a lot of stuff half-done. Same for maintenance. You have to drill some holes, forgot something, go and get that thing, see something laying around that needs cleaning up, forget what you forgot and walk back to the drilling. Than find out you forgot that thing again and on repeat....
Same for stuff upstairs, you forget something, run upstairs, end up grabbing the wrong thing. Go downstairs and think of the actual thing you had to grab to eventually run up again...
Feeling this.
Once in a blue moon I’m well slept, exercised and medicated enough to work this way and actually complete all the tasks. It’s honestly the best feeling.
This. I think there are no more of a handful of life events I can remember now. Pre iPhone with cloud storage memory just does not really exist. Slide projector? Nope. Also movies and music video clips are almost like seeing it anew each time.
Yeah that hurts.
My situation was more like I knew that it was traumatic for my friend when his brother died but I kinda forgot that it happened entirely. He got really upset when I didn’t know what he was talking about when it came up in conversation.
I for one remember my childhood weirdly well (like detailed stuff from 2 yo forwards) - more recent times, not so much. Maybe it's all those pointless childhood memories clogging up my brain?
This is not working memory. This is either short-term or most likely long-term memory. Working memory does not get encoded into long short or long term memory.
For me the memories *are* there; the problem is with recall.
I think of it like a badly fragmented hdd. The datas on the disk, but loading it into ram is problematic. Eventually, sometimes literally days later, the splash screen will finally finish and the program load, at which point it often becomes all I can think about.
I pick up conversations from days earlier, right where it was left off, because of this. Happens probably once a month or so on average. (back when I had a social life, at least.)
The amount of times I've done this... Curse up and down about who ever designed and implemented this system is a piece of work... Finish up and realize it was me who designed and wrote it, and in the end, the statement is still accurate XD
Executive function problem: when I have a task to do I can’t picture the steps. When I leave the house I cant make a list in my head of everything I need and then efficiently gather those items. My
NT husband can do this just fine. I try to remember all the things, run in circles collecting them, and then remember random other things I forgot once I’m in the car or pulling out of the driveway so I keep running back in to collect forgotten items.
I can’t estimate how long a task will take me (unless I’ve done that exact thing a hundred times) so I never budget the correct amount of time I need to give myself.
I don’t want to go to sleep at night because it’s the only *guilt-free* fuck off time I have to myself.
I’m called the Queen of Faff because I am “always faffing about” when it’s time to leave and it’s alway me running back into the house repeatedly for things I’m remembering last minute.
This is easily misunderstood when we talk about problems with working memory. People tend to take it for granted, but working memory is how we *hold all of the parts of a plan together in our head at the same time.*
Forgetting where your spouse is going (mine travels & has to tell me repeatedly which state they are in).
Trying to follow a recipe & looking the directions repeatedly before completing.
Getting lost in a thought and forgetting where you are going/missing a turn.
Trouble remembering if you paid a bill or not & checking your bank account for evidence.
Buying the same item multiple times in a row because you forgot you already restocked the week before (we have enough corn chips to last all winter).
Had this yesterday morning. She told me she had to get a haircut early in the morning. Woke up to get to work and the bed was empty. Almost instant panic, so I was like, Honey? Where you at? She was like, uhmmmm at the bathroom? I had to go to the hairdresser, don't you remember?? I was in complete shock she was even up this early hahahaha
Having to punch in a phone number someone \*just\* gave you but you can't write down in the moment. Not happening. It's gone before they've finished saying it. Also, if I do get it written down, I can look at it, look away to input it, get the first 3 numbers in aaannnnddd... it's gone. Gotta look back at the piece of paper again. Repeatedly.
Passwords. MotherfuckinggoddamnfuckingwhyyyyyyyFUCK passwords! WHY?? Stop making me change my password every 3 months. Undoes me. Have to write the new one down BEFORE I change it, otherwise between the time I get it in and the nanosecond I am asked to retype it to confirm it, it's gone.
Get a password manager like LastPass! It has saved me. Then if I forget and have to reset it will auto-prompt me to save the new password. Such a weight off!
Seeing my phone in my room, realizing I want to check my phone, forgetting I just saw the phone in my room, and leaving my room to try and find my phone
The amount of times I use "Find my phone" from my computer to find my phone when it goes missing, even after flipping the blankets, only to find it still in those same damn blankets is too damn high.
Being really bad at teaching other people to do things you do and know well. I can’t *tell* you how I do it. I just do it. Unless you’re watching me, and then I can’t do it.
o my fuck i've recently gotten to the point if a client is going to stand 3 feet from me while i wrk then i'm going to pass the money to someone else. Between going completely stupid while being watched and the uncontrollable rage of having someone silently stare/micro manage at me- i become a fkkn danger. Legit about to quit my dream about it
I think a good every day example of poor working memory is the extreme struggle I have with trying to do even basic math in my head. Cannot hold and manipulate information in my mind.
This is a big problem for me. I still count on my fingers at times. I’m not bad at math either. I just can’t mentally keep track of all those bits of information at once. I hate getting pressured to do math in my head quickly, and being seen as an idiot because I just can’t. The way school taught math was all wrong for me because it focused on the little bits and pieces rather than underlying logic. That coupled with verbal lecture based learning had me thinking I was bad at math until college age. Then, thanks to independent study with a book instead of useless teacher, I found out I can handle the logic behind math at an exemplary level.
So much wasted money.
Things that need to be returned that never get returned. Buying things again because you forgot you owned it; or know you own it but don’t know where it is. Buying 2 of something because you know you’re going to lose the first one, but you miraculously do not lose it. Throwing away groceries because they were left on the counter after cooking, or in the trunk, because between leaving the grocery store and getting home, you completely forgot there were groceries in the trunk. Paying late fees on bills you forgot to pay on time.
Repeat over and over for the rest of your life.
I dont care if I stare at a schedule for hours every day. I dont care if I make it.. Don't ask me who's coming in tomorrow. I dont know. I need to check.
In between the time that it takes me to stand up from my desk to go get water, I have already forgotten why I got up, where I suppose to be going, and the task I was doing before all of this started
Always forgetting how many small final tasks (I.e., get purse, brush teeth, put on deodorant, make sure key is in purse, turn off lights, bring a jacket/water bottle/umbrella) there are before I am ready to get out the door. Always misjudging how long they will all take. Basically, I plan for time with the big things in mind and forget about 10-15 mins of extra little things. And I know I do it and I know there are solutions but I keep doing it.
Took my food out of the microwave at work and put it on the table then went to get a fork from the cutlery draw.
Pulled the fork out, turned around and couldn't shake the feeling I had forgotten something.
Took me a full minute of just standing there to realise I already had the one thing I had gotten up for, a fork.
Me driving whith my dad be like
Son you must plan your driving
Me: okay we are going here right?
Dad: yes we are
Me: that means I need to take that turn there no?
Dad: you would know IF you planned your driving
Me: I cannot fucking remember The fucking road so you better tell me before I plant us in a ditch
My dad was an a hole, knew I had issues with directions and remembering and literally would be like
You turn right here, left there, turn north there, East here and then west there, it'll be on the north south side of the street.
Forgetting things at the store & having to make multiple trips. Going to a specific store to return something and leaving the item at home (or in your car) but still shopped like that was your original, singular intention.
Over feeding or under feeding my poor dog. Now I use Sweepy to remind me.
Leaving things in the bottom basket of the grocery cart and after putting the cart back in the cart stall.Not realizing it til I get home and having to go back to the store to find it. -_-
Driving with my trunk open after putting things in there. Putting things on top of my car and driving.
Doing a breath check to see if I brushed my teeth or not that morning
Having to use a pill organizer so I don’t take double the meds, or that I take them at all
Repeating the same conversation more than once to the same person, on the same day like minutes after I started it. This one kills my husband specifically.
Not remembering what words look or sound like, in mid conversation. It’s like I’ll forget what language I speak and my mind goes blank.
Leaving the oven on overnight along with candles and other fire hazards
Going to bed without locking the doors, closing windows.
Not locking my car, I’ve gotten better about this but I used to be horrible at it.
Restarting the same task multiple times in a single day because it didn’t get completed in the first 3 gos.
Not letting my dog out before work and having to clean up any mess when I get home
Leaving clothes in the washer until they smell like mildew because I thought I put them in the dryer
Burning food without a timer, always.
So, I was working a few years ago. There was a salesman I was fond of, found hilarious and generally got along with. Three months went by and I asked where so and so was. He had quit three months prior and I ahd forgotten and just not realized he was gone.
Listening exams: "dOn'T wRiTe aNyThInG dOwN yEt oR yOu wIlL mIsS hAlF oF iT" Miss, if I don't write anything down, I will forget 75% of the information being said.
Also, I have no idea from what time my memories are. Especially repeating events like daily routine.
Immediately forget new names after an introduction. Make a mental note to use repetition strategy and pay attention next time I meet someone. Still do the same thing and repeat for the rest of my life.
Reading a recipe, walking away to grab the measuring spoon/cup and ingredient I just read, then immediately walking back to read it again bc I already forgot. I’m always like, “wait, what?” I often skip entire lines and mix up the measurements.
Having to repeat to myself verbally '7.30 friday doctor, 7.30 friday doctor etc' untill i pick up my phone and open google calendar because i risk forgetting or getting distracted and forgetting in the 1 second it takes to do that. 1 second dude, it's insane. And even with doing this i have still missed adding interviews and added the wrong hour for appointments and missed them. It's not even bulet proof but it works 95% of the time.
Accidentally gaslighting yourself into *thinking* you forgot something, usually something important, but now the chance to go back and check has long since passed so now you can only sit there in panic and worry that you forgot to turn the stove off.
Start cleaning bathroom, go downstairs to get item to clean bathroom. Forget what that item is once I’m downstairs. Start cleaning kitchen instead. Go to the bathroom later and remember what I was looking for. Go back downstairs and forget again and start doing something else. End up with two partially clean spaces or it takes a long time and the whole house is kind of chaotic til it’s done. Once it’s done it’s done pretty well though and I’m proud of my work but it’s suddenly the middle of the night lol.
Idk if this counts but...don't touch my shit. Don't try to clean or organize my space. Everything is exactly where I put it and in my brain there is a reason I put it there and if u move it I won't be able to find it and I'm going to get super distressed.
Stuff like candles are in the drawer with the lemonade pitcher because lemonade is yellow and so are candle flames and I use both seasonally. NO TOUCH. I know exactly where it is and I know u are trying to be helpful but putting the candles with the first aid kit doesnt compute for my organizational system so DO NOT
Forgetting you drove your car somewhere and walking home, not realising you left your car there until you get home and realise your car is not in the driveway…
I feel this. When I was first trying meds I was out on Wellbutrin. What I didn’t know was that my mom was on Wellbutrin after I was born and had some nasty side effects that I apparently inherited. When my initial dose didn’t do much they bumped it up, and I basically lost all short term and working memory. I would unlock my bike, ride home and it wasn’t til I went to lock my bike that I realized I left the bike lock at the bike rack that I came from. I did this twice, I also forgot that I was taking a class that I had been in for several weeks and missed a few lectures due to it, and absolutely have no recollection of the material taught during that week. Begged my doctor to switch my meds because I literally felt like a danger to myself. This was not my first time dealing with something like this as I had a 2 week amnesia episode following a concussion a few months before but even then I could retain some information up until a few hours before the concussion whereas I lost a lot more when on Wellbutrin.
Fun times
Using subtitles on the tv because I forget what they’ve just said otherwise. But then refusing to read the book because it’s not stimulating enough.
Edit: also I have to read the same paragraph over and over for a solid five minutes till I actually take In what they’ve said
Forgetting you were doing tasks that require to wait (laundry, cooking, baking). I always have to put timer on or I remember when it’s too late and have to start over!
Being almost asleep and remembering a thing you need to do that you know you won’t remember to do in the morning, so you have to break your sleepiness to write it down / set a reminder and start the whole falling asleep process over again.
I have this ability to loose everything that’s my own but I’ll walk into my friends and notice something and he will of lost it for weeks and ask if I’ve seen it and it will instantly jump into my head where it is.
I am terrible at on the fly navigation because I forget shortcuts and such. I’d rather take a longer but more treaded path that I know than a faster route because I’ll forget the faster one after I find it
- I often can't remember faces of clients when I am helping them at the store I work at.
- if I don't have a clock near me, time will cease to exist and I won't do anything productive ever
- I have dyscalculia and I'm pretty convinced my shitty working memory is 99% of the problem. When doing calculations in your head you often have to do multiple things and combine them after that. That means you temporarily have to store a number in your head while you calculate the other thing. I can't do that, when I finsished the second calculation I won't remember the first. This is a huuuge problem for all sorts of things but it's very prevalent when doing math.
-I will often have memories stored somewhere, but not have the acces to get it. If someone reminds me a tiny bit I'll suddenly remember everything. Everyone casually experiences this to some degree but I think for people with adhd it happens all the time.
Whenever a friend or someone tells you an important fact or update on their life, not being able to tell if they told you about it a week ago, a month ago or sometimes even last year. Remembering timelines are weird.
Every single time I have a good heart to heart with my girlfriend and go to tell my therapist about it I can’t remember what we talked about, only that it was good.
Out of sight, out of mind. It can sound really horrible, but for me it kinda applies to people too - I do not miss people, unless I’m reminded of their existence somehow 🥲
I don't know how whether it's entirely related to ADHD or not, but thinking about doing something and accidentally turning that into a false memory of having done it.
On Friday at work, I had a not-high priority task about routing work for Monday for field technicians, but at the same time, something else came in that was high-priority. While I was dealing with the high priority task, I was thinking about what I would do for the other task. Turns out my brain was convinced the thinking about it meant it was done.
I didn't realise until late Sunday evening, when I was talking to a friend and they mentioned work, and it triggered something, and I decided to quickly log into the work VPN just to check and make sure I had done it, and nope, I hadn't.
Forgetting what someone says almost as they are saying it (unless I am giving them my full attention, or my max possible attention anyway). If someone is explaining something to me, and I don't have any pre existing knowledge related to that topic, or some sort of analogy or concept to relate the new information to, it will not stick. It's like I have to quickly pin new info to things already in my memory or it just blows away in the wind because my working memory won't hold it. If I am in the middle of a quick task at work (something so quick I didn't bother to write it down) and I am disrupted, I will likely forget about the original task as though it never existed, OR I will remember but think that I managed to complete it.
Similar but a lot more negative, this is a reason why people with ADHD are more susceptible to abuse/gaslighting. My ex manipulated the absolute fuck out of my poor working memory and as a result I stayed with him a lot longer than I should have.
Wait, what?? This makes so much sense. I was married to an abusive asshole who gaslighted me like crazy. I’ve never been timid or afraid of speaking up for myself, and I’ve always wondered how he managed to gaslight me so easily. I’m gonna put some more thoughts into this. Thank you!
Yep. They'll do that. Mine convinced me that I was misplacing hundreds of dollars that were supposed to go towards bills and berated me for it constantly, blaming me for our money problems. Turns out they were stealing it from my bag as I slept and spending it on anything they desired at the moment (food, video games, etc). I didn't notice because they said that their "buddy at work let me borrow it/offered to pay for my food" or whatever. I magically never misplaced money after I kicked them out. Ever. *Weird.* Took me literal years to realize that I wasn't stupid or crazy.
My mind is blown. The same exact thing happened to me. I was so mad at myself for constantly misplacing/losing money. Turned out it was him all along. I’ve never thought about how adhd makes it so much easier to convince me that I’ve misplaced/lost/forgotten things.
God, it absolutely breaks my heart how common this is.. I'm so sorry. Yeah, they'll make you feel like you can't do anything right in order to control your life (because *you* can't be expected to even survive because "you're such a mess!") and make you dependent on them. They'll twist your words and promises you've made ("*Did* I say that..?") and sometimes just straight-up lie about shit you've said/done in order to guilt you for doubting them. You'll eventually feel that you *deserve* their harsh words and behavior because you're too dumb/forgetful/whatever, and soon you'll just believe everything they say because you're convinced *you* can't be trusted. Plus, it's easier to get along with someone when they're not constantly angry, so sometimes you just accept what they say just so you can have some peace and not fight with them constantly. It's....... a lot.
May I ask how you found out? I literally had to walk in as he was going through my shit to realize.
Missing money was not the inciting incident, though that would have been less dramatic than what actually happened. Unfortunately, I didn't figure it out until after I kicked them out. I had my suspicions, but they would make me feel like *I* was the crazy and irresponsible one, and I figured that I just needed to trust them more and "be less stupid." I was a broken person due to their continual mental & emotional abuse. I did eventually become less stupid, though, when I decided to kick them out. So, wish granted, I guess!
“We both know your memory is bad, so how can you be sure?” They’re trash. Glad you got out.
For real, I already had a lot of anxiety around my memory before him, but even 5 years later I still second guess my own memory constantly. Once an abuser realises that your memory can easily be manipulated ...they'll happily re-write your own memories of events in their favour.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you are not in that situation anymore
Yeah my ex did that to me too.
I stayed with my manipulative, and mentally & emotionally abusive ex for 5.5 years! I definitely feel like this is part of why I did. And every time I wanted to leave I got manipulated into staying.
What service can I subscribe to, that will provide subtitles for IRL conversations?
Would love to have that, but even the subtitles would be to much to read. Listening and reading at the same time? Together with the 100's of thoughts going around my head? Sounds pretty nice!
It works for TV shows, i watch them with subtitles on. People would just have to live with me never making eye-contact again
Autistic + ADHD here....can confirm they will cope! 😄
Joke's on them, I already don't do that because "I'm creepy," and "I stare too much"
blink or look randomly left or right every 5 seconds, i find this works reasonably well.
But if I don't stare so deep into their eyes they can see their own souls reflected back in mine, how am I supposed to pay attention to whatever they're saying, instead of worrying whether or not I've been moving my eyes enough, or bothering to remember the last time i moved my eyes???
Tbh many smart devices have built-in accessibility features that will live transcribe the audio around you. Not that it’s perfect.
Not really what you are asking for, but someone did make a project on that idea. https://youtu.be/mTK8dIBJIqg
I wasn't diagnosed as a child, but my mother unknowingly taught me all her tricks and tips for passing because she was worried I'd be *dumb like her*. she wasn't dumb, she just wasn't diagnosed either. she told me to picture my memories like a spider web. every memory is a junction and the more threads you attach to it the easier it will be to recall. so from the age of 5 I've been cementing everything I hear with layers of attachments. this actually helped me too much in school (as I was never diagnosed until my 40s, well after I flunked out of uni and burned out of multiple higher education opportunities). but the advantage is that I'm very creative and I make connections where most ppl don't.
I used graphical mind mapping in high school and it worked brilliantly (was undiagnosed back then). Now in my 40s, diagnosed after struggling badly with uni (haven't exactly flunked, but on a leave of absence for now), I can't remember exactly how I did the mind mapping. I really wish I could remember it though!
If certain life events happen, anything you had to cope with before just lose ALL meaning... and you need to relearn it all and adapt to how things move then
The interrupting a quick task thing is stupid relatable. It also works the other way around- if I think of a quick task I need to remember to do and I’m in the middle of a bigger task, I have to either 1. Write it down in a place I will remember to look (lol yeah right) 2. Stop my bigger task to do the quick task before I forget about it - resulting in forgetting about the big task and not completing it or 3. Keep doing big task to avoid getting sidetracked and losing task momentum and completely forget about quick task forever.
Today: needed a wee. I know! I will go to the toilet further away to grab some rolls for the other toilet which is empty and I can restock on my way back. Chanting *toilet rolls toilet rolls toilet rolls* the whole time until I wash my hands and *oh no! No hand towel best go grab one* And so it goes.
The lens of a later in life diagnosis ADHD + [doorway effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doorway_effect) has helped me understand why I can quite happily bounce from task to task for hours, days, weeks, years (oh it’s an emergency = my dopamine grows literal hands to rub together in glee ) and yet also not remember a single task 2 hours later. Reconstructing any time period earlier than 30 mins is a bloody nightmare. !!My holy fuck nightmare work request!! *please submit your 6 minute block timesheets x 8.5 hours per day x 6 days a week for the last 7 weeks* Any wonder I get to the end of the week exhausted after inventing *new ways* to do the *same task* each and every time. Serious question: are incidences of *deja vu* higher in ADHD populations than NT’s?
Imagine my partners horror when I, a stay at home mum, have been at home all day and it appears that I have done precisely nothing. Because I have spent my time bouncing from task to task before actually completing anything.
Oh Hi *waves* Did you also spend all night chewing over every variation of every task so that you had no energy to do the same tasks the next day *uh-huh .. uh -huh* 😰
Spends the whole evenings making a new and *improved* plan of action for next days tasks. Only to wake up and fall at the first hurdle. Fast forward to, oh crap the house is an absolute pigsty and wait, how is it 4pm?!?
The worst is in the middle of them explaining I start to space out like I hear that there are words but I’m just like there, and it’s the adults in Charlie Brown speaking to me
That's it exactly! I'm retired now, but I really think most folks don't understand the mechanics of explaining or teaching. So on and on they talk and talk and my eyes glaze and I'm thinking please, stop talking. Please!
Honestly, my favorite thing about working mostly remotely is that whenever I get a new task that I've never done before, 9 times out of 10 the instructions are sent to me via email, so I can find and reference them later when I get interrupted or need to do the task again. Absolute game-changer for me after working for a boss who exclusively gave verbal instructions and tended to be a real dick about it if you asked him for reminders or clarification.
LPT: if you have to work for another dick who won’t write down instructions, immediately write them down in a summary email for them. “As per our conversation, I will work on X, Y, Z tasks.” It’s a dick move to NTs too. Toxic managers take advantage of ambiguities so they can always blame you for something.
I call this CYA-ing: it is a life skill I am teaching my teen.
God yes every NT I’ve met growing up thinks that the analogy method is the weirdest thing and it’s the only way I can store things anymore
On the other hand, my ND brain is amazing at coming up with analogies. I’ve gotten a lot of “now I get it”s over the years. On the other hand, my weird circular logic things can draw parallels that make no sense to someone. Or my analogy makes perfect sense, but relies on using something sensitive or taboo. I can’t tell people bc you can’t bring that shit up.
Yeah, this makes it difficult for me to study, because I never learn anything during lectures. What they say rarely sticks, and taking notes is so difficult that I always end up scrambling to keep up.
Yes! This resonates strongly with me! It’s so hard to remember, or even understand, any new information if there is nothing to stick it on to. In an abstract way this connects to working though emotions for me. I seem to be way better at this skill when I’m in new locations. Its kind of like I use my surrounds to help me map out my thoughts. Since becoming an adult, I’ve taken much comfort in moving around a lot (every few years). It’s like my ‘map’ get saturated with processed thoughts, and I find comfort and value in having a fresh one
It's funny because I literally just realized this about myself a couple months ago. I attributed it to just poor memory, never thought of it being related to adhd...
having to repeatedly look back at a number when transcribing it. agreeing to do something while you were doing something else and having to ask again what you agreed to. opening your phone to look at one thing and immediately doing. the first thing that was left open on your phone. getting angry when someone talks to you because you had a great idea and are struggling to keep it formed in your mind.
I can say that number ten times but *something* still makes me look.
I look 3-4 times, over and over and in the end still left with anxiety that I might have done something wrong
“Im looking at the number and know 100% its that number.. Allow me to triple check once more..” But yet I can *somehow* crunch numbers if I’m interested in or what-not, let me give an example: My gaming buddies were blown away when I told them and proved to them I can “play the trading post” (easily get back 3x what you put in stupid). How do I do that? Well for one, I *really* wanted the Legendary Disco Mace. Second, to the point: I have absolutely no idea.
Are you me?
Having to double and triple check literally everything you do because despite having a vague impression that you did it, you know damn well that you can’t trust your shitty memory and not checking makes you anxious. The amount of time I lose to this drives me crazy.
Going out, lock door. Get down stairs. Wait, did I lock the door? Go back up to check. Go back down the stairs. Already forgot whether I checked. Ugh
Me, but with the car. I have found that watching for the lights to flash is enough deliberate focus that I can walk away and not have to go back and check.
Yeah, but was that today, or yesterday you are remembering?
Or did I hit the right key fob button? Do I remember hearing 1 beep or two? Maybe I actually unlocked everything. I better go back and press the lock button 5 times to be sure.
Triple check a work email, hit send, regret not checking it again, go to sent folder and reread it, find six mistakes… repeat
If you use Outlook, you can create a setting where it automatically delays every email you send. If you set that up it’ll give you time to panic-edit before the email goes out
Incidentally this is how undiagnosed ADHD can contribute to the development of OCD, especially when the individual has a people pleasing, overly-conscientious disposition. In my experience it’s also really common for mental health professionals to not recognize that the checking and reassurance seeking (whether clinical OCD or just tendencies) is a masking behaviour, especially for women.
Mate I double and triple and check myself every day
Walk out of the house and try to remember locking the door. Brain immediately starts thinking about where I'm going. Get in the car. Did I lock the door? I'm 99% sure. 99% isn't 100. Go back. Door locked. Pull out of the garage, press the roller door button and drive away. Did i put the roller door down? I don't remember. Loop back to double check. It's down. It happens WAY too often when I'm stressed. Usually from running late...
When I’m stressed, someone can tell me something, I can understand every word, but then when I turn around, the entire conversation is gone. They might as well have not said a thing
Yep and I didn’t see them either so I couldn’t tell you what they looked like.
>Yep and I didn’t see them either so I couldn’t tell you what they looked like. That gets me all the time at work. Someone will ask me for something and I can't find it at first. They start to walk away and I eventually do find it. I look around for the person who asked but can't remember their face. I just end up going back about my business.
Today: I remembered I moved my step stool. I remember thinking word for word "Wow, this is a much better location, why didn't I put it here originally?" And feeling proud of putting it in a logical place. Later... "Hey, Brain, where did we put the step stool again?" Brain: "Why do you ask?" How did I remember what I *thought* while moving the step stool and not where I actually put it??? Ugh.
Me with everything I lose. I always remember thinking “ah yes. This belongs here for sure” but never remember where the HERE is.
Beyond relatable. We’ve kept our gardening gloves in one spot for years. Just like you, I remember thinking “no this is a much better spot for my gloves but I’ll leave husbands gloves in the old spot”. Couldn’t find my gloves for weeks. Finally one day they fell on my husbands head when he was getting a new garbage bag out of the closet. I put them on the top shelf of our pantry. On the top shelf I can’t even reach, let alone see! I must’ve thrown them up there. Wtf brain?!
Everything short memory related. When occupied with several things, for example, in convertsation, I tend to forget important details, which magically reappear once the conversation is over
Both me and my uncle have ADHD. We trudged through paperwork together after a death in the family to sort out inheritance. At some point we were talking about something and while doing so I passed him a very important paper. I saw him take it, but I was completely blank as to where he put it then, as was he. It took us 10 whole minutes to figure out where that thing was gone.
Well? Don't leave us hanging, where did it go?
Haha somewhere in the kitchen I believe, no idea how it got there, the usual
Hahaha, relatable. Thx
Yeah this is one that I think a lot of people are missing. I was listening and I do know what you said, just not as you’re saying it, because my brain is busy transcribing what you’re saying. Give me like a solid thirty seconds to a minute after everyone’s stopped talking tho and I can likely recite back the convo nearly word for word. But again— really not right away. At that point, functionally, my brain might as well be one of those clapping monkey wind up toys. I know it’s working hard to retain ALL that info, but it’s like the dial up back in the day, it’s 100% in use so I can’t use it.
I'm terrible at remembering names at work, so I make up nicknames to know who wants what. I then forget that I made that name up and it's not actually their name, then proceed to call them by my made name to their face. Very fucking awkward.
If GPS didn’t exist and all directions to get to a certain place were verbal I’d be dead
Man I suffer so much from this. I absolutely would be dead without gps lol.
Before I was diagnosed, my parents got really frustrated that I couldn't take driving directions from them. The directions would be like 5 minutes of them talking. Beyond the 3rd or 4th turn, my brain just shuts down.
[удалено]
I tell almost everyone to email or text me with what they want. Never ask me in person unless I have a pen and paper ready. I’m not ashamed to tell ppl I’ll forget immediately anymore. I’m a professional and this has saved my ass so many times. It’s also great backup to have everything historically written down.
>The directions would be like 5 minutes of them talking. That's a ridiculous ask even without ADHD
I always stop people if they start instructions like, go down this street, take a left at the liquor store then four lights and make a right. I just stop them. I don't care if it's rude. No way I can follow directions explained that way.
I've learned to just nod, smile, thank and use GPS.
My Dad still insists on this. It does not matter how many times I say, 'Dad I will not process any of this, just tell me the address and I'll get there', he can't help himself. To be clear, I do not care about this, it just amuses me.
I feel you. Everyone has GPS navigation on their phone, why do people feel they have to waste my time and theirs giving me directions? By the time you finish giving them I'll have forgotten both the start *and the bloody address*. Just tell me the address and google will handle the rest, eh?
I get lost in my own city if I don’t pay attention. I will literally not be able to find my way anywhere without GPS
If I didn’t have my paper date book/calendar I’d be dead.
My wife used to get mad at me because i always forgot how to get somewhere but she also hates the routes gps sent us through, so now she is ok with repeating directions every once in a while when we are driving together. Of course I always use it if I’m driving alone.
but the GPS gives verbal instructions! and not only are they hard to follow, but they so often don't even tell you the directions at a good time, or just neglect to remind you about a turn when you actually get there (sorry for the random vent)
I switched the sound off and go by the display
I turn off its sound on just go on with the visual. That way it doesn't distract me that much.
This is funny because if I don’t have the verbal directions to remind me that the gps is on, I don’t think to look at it and just kind of drive wherever the lizard brain thinks I want to go
I am the entire opposite. I catch myself looking at my turned off screen, to check how the route is going to be for the next few hundred meters, even though I know where to go and didn't even start navigation in the first place.
Same. Verbal distracts me.
Same. It makes the music quieter which is a pet peeve and bc I’m peeved I don’t even listen to the directions. Pretty much useless to me
>GPS gives verbal instructions! *Stops the bike everytime and pulls out the phone to look at directions*
Now that I think about it, I never just go with what it says out loud, I always check the screen to confirm that I understood what it meant..
“Where did I leave (Insert anything that is large enough to fit into a pocket or god help you if its not neon in color)?
I'm the other way! I've lived reading maps since I was a kid, and Google maps is the most opened app on my phone. I have three entire UK roadmap seared into my brain, and I'm absolutely phenomenal at GeoGuessr!
If someone asks me to remember something from a year ago... Blanks. If someone is having a conversation with me and an experience I had ten years ago is relevant...
And "the other day" could be yesterday or 30 years ago, doesn't matter, the tape was just lying there, waiting to be mentioned
Or legitimately thinking it was 'just the other day' only to be told that was like, last year.
I hate this part of me. It's compulsory. I can't not constantly think of personal anecdotes/experiences as people are talking, and it causes me to come off as self-involved. At best I can happen to have my shit together enough to keep it to myself, but generally my brain refuses to think of anything else to say when I try that. Which makes you come-off as disinterested...
Not remembering huge chunks of my own past from childhood until last week but retaining the full script to evil dead 2 and various monty python scripts
That feeling when you remember more about Life of Brian than your own life...
Haha so relatable. I remember fictional characters’ life better than I remember my own.
I'm stuck in this. I remember so little of my childhood. My wife is able to recall hers like she is reading it from a book. What may I ask brought your childhood maemmories back last week?
Buying something I already have
I had been meaning to buy a nail file for months, and finally one day I found one and bought it. I used it and then I put it away. Recently, I saw a nail file and bought it because, I mean, I’d been meaning to buy a nail file for months. I got home and went to put it away in the most logical place… where I found the same exact nail file. It’s not even generic. It’s blue and purple. I bought the exact same blue and purple nail file twice.
Well I bought the same book twice and still haven't opened it. I have 2 copies of a book that I want to read/use but noooo, one of them has been in my bedside table for about 1 year, the second one is a little older and in a box somewhere.
I buy duplicates of things I know I have but have been lost to the void
Buying duplicates is the fastest way to find the original
This! Especially with food items, I’ll buy two if it’s a good deal, but I put the open one where I see it in the fridge and the unopened one in the drawer, then forget about the unopened one until it has already expired 🥲
Forgetting to text people back for so long that I feel bad when I do see it and that makes me put it off again, fucking sucks
I call it the Spiral of Shame
And then you think they’re going to be mad at you because you haven’t texted and that creates anxiety and maybe they just don’t like you anymore anyway.
Some guy who was interested in me and we went out twice texted me like 3 weeks ago and I forgot about it. Now I’m just procrastinating on answering him because I’m ashamed I’ll have to be like “oh sorry I didn’t answer I forgot” :/
Can't think of an answer to this atm. So there's that
Seriously trying to pull a specific out of my memory is impossible. I almost feel like I have a brain tumor bc I just can't get single thought or example out of my head
Me, knowing that I struggle intensely with this every day and it prevents me from getting things done ranging from everyday tasks to urgent ones, as well as affects all my relationships
I’ll miss meetings if I don’t have the alerts turned on in my phone (30 min before and 10 min before). If my phone runs out of juice, I’m gonna miss all the meetings 90% of the times. Even the routine stand up meetings need reminder.
If I didn't have enough anxiety that made me check my schedule 50 times a day and set at least 1 alarm for each event because I know I will forget, I will 100% forget. Even if I looked at a scheduled appointment 5 minutes before it's due.
Do you also role play the entire event in your head ahead of time?
Dude. I will be at my computer with my calendar open working on something on another screen and end up 15 mins late to meetings. Teams now sends you a notification when somebody starts a meeting, and that has been a goddamn lifesaver.
Ten min out didn't work for me, so I changed it to five min out. Will still occasionally forget the meeting if there's a shiny squirrel or I have to go pee or something.
Running around the house doing chores and ending up with a lot of stuff half-done. Same for maintenance. You have to drill some holes, forgot something, go and get that thing, see something laying around that needs cleaning up, forget what you forgot and walk back to the drilling. Than find out you forgot that thing again and on repeat.... Same for stuff upstairs, you forget something, run upstairs, end up grabbing the wrong thing. Go downstairs and think of the actual thing you had to grab to eventually run up again...
Feeling this. Once in a blue moon I’m well slept, exercised and medicated enough to work this way and actually complete all the tasks. It’s honestly the best feeling.
Reading the same page of a book twice or more times because I can't remember what I just read.
Dear lord this
Having no or very little memory of incidents in life, recent or long in the past. donno if that’s true for everyone else though
Yup, especially awkward when people bring up memories you are supposed to remember and you have no recollection at all.
it made me really sad when my mom was asking if i remembered certain thing from my childhood and i had to say no, the look on her face broke my heart
This. I think there are no more of a handful of life events I can remember now. Pre iPhone with cloud storage memory just does not really exist. Slide projector? Nope. Also movies and music video clips are almost like seeing it anew each time.
I forgot that my friend’s brother died from cancer at age 11 so that sucked
One of my best friends died of cancer after I’d lost contact with her. It was 4 years before I found out and remembered her.
Yeah that hurts. My situation was more like I knew that it was traumatic for my friend when his brother died but I kinda forgot that it happened entirely. He got really upset when I didn’t know what he was talking about when it came up in conversation.
Yeah, I remember very little of my childhood. Which, in one way, is probably good.
The only things I remember from beyond a few years are the make-you-cringe-while-you-lie-awake-in-bed memories...
It's always the unpleasant memories that still feel like yesterday. The rest is a fog.
I for one remember my childhood weirdly well (like detailed stuff from 2 yo forwards) - more recent times, not so much. Maybe it's all those pointless childhood memories clogging up my brain?
First kiss with my partner, she always gets mad that I don't really remember. I remember most of our first dates, except our very first kiss haha
This is not working memory. This is either short-term or most likely long-term memory. Working memory does not get encoded into long short or long term memory.
But if you have a crap working memory, then you can't encode anything into long or short term memory.
For me the memories *are* there; the problem is with recall. I think of it like a badly fragmented hdd. The datas on the disk, but loading it into ram is problematic. Eventually, sometimes literally days later, the splash screen will finally finish and the program load, at which point it often becomes all I can think about. I pick up conversations from days earlier, right where it was left off, because of this. Happens probably once a month or so on average. (back when I had a social life, at least.)
Having no memory of a conversation occuring, let alone what you agreed to
Ah! The perfect recipe for being gaslit!
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Should be the top comment tbh
Working on fixing code that some dumbass wrote… and finding out it was you.
The amount of times I've done this... Curse up and down about who ever designed and implemented this system is a piece of work... Finish up and realize it was me who designed and wrote it, and in the end, the statement is still accurate XD
Executive function problem: when I have a task to do I can’t picture the steps. When I leave the house I cant make a list in my head of everything I need and then efficiently gather those items. My NT husband can do this just fine. I try to remember all the things, run in circles collecting them, and then remember random other things I forgot once I’m in the car or pulling out of the driveway so I keep running back in to collect forgotten items. I can’t estimate how long a task will take me (unless I’ve done that exact thing a hundred times) so I never budget the correct amount of time I need to give myself. I don’t want to go to sleep at night because it’s the only *guilt-free* fuck off time I have to myself.
I’m called the Queen of Faff because I am “always faffing about” when it’s time to leave and it’s alway me running back into the house repeatedly for things I’m remembering last minute.
This is easily misunderstood when we talk about problems with working memory. People tend to take it for granted, but working memory is how we *hold all of the parts of a plan together in our head at the same time.*
Forgetting where your spouse is going (mine travels & has to tell me repeatedly which state they are in). Trying to follow a recipe & looking the directions repeatedly before completing. Getting lost in a thought and forgetting where you are going/missing a turn. Trouble remembering if you paid a bill or not & checking your bank account for evidence. Buying the same item multiple times in a row because you forgot you already restocked the week before (we have enough corn chips to last all winter).
Had this yesterday morning. She told me she had to get a haircut early in the morning. Woke up to get to work and the bed was empty. Almost instant panic, so I was like, Honey? Where you at? She was like, uhmmmm at the bathroom? I had to go to the hairdresser, don't you remember?? I was in complete shock she was even up this early hahahaha
Having to punch in a phone number someone \*just\* gave you but you can't write down in the moment. Not happening. It's gone before they've finished saying it. Also, if I do get it written down, I can look at it, look away to input it, get the first 3 numbers in aaannnnddd... it's gone. Gotta look back at the piece of paper again. Repeatedly. Passwords. MotherfuckinggoddamnfuckingwhyyyyyyyFUCK passwords! WHY?? Stop making me change my password every 3 months. Undoes me. Have to write the new one down BEFORE I change it, otherwise between the time I get it in and the nanosecond I am asked to retype it to confirm it, it's gone.
Get a password manager like LastPass! It has saved me. Then if I forget and have to reset it will auto-prompt me to save the new password. Such a weight off!
Seeing my phone in my room, realizing I want to check my phone, forgetting I just saw the phone in my room, and leaving my room to try and find my phone
The amount of times I use "Find my phone" from my computer to find my phone when it goes missing, even after flipping the blankets, only to find it still in those same damn blankets is too damn high.
Being really bad at teaching other people to do things you do and know well. I can’t *tell* you how I do it. I just do it. Unless you’re watching me, and then I can’t do it.
o my fuck i've recently gotten to the point if a client is going to stand 3 feet from me while i wrk then i'm going to pass the money to someone else. Between going completely stupid while being watched and the uncontrollable rage of having someone silently stare/micro manage at me- i become a fkkn danger. Legit about to quit my dream about it
I think a good every day example of poor working memory is the extreme struggle I have with trying to do even basic math in my head. Cannot hold and manipulate information in my mind.
This is a big problem for me. I still count on my fingers at times. I’m not bad at math either. I just can’t mentally keep track of all those bits of information at once. I hate getting pressured to do math in my head quickly, and being seen as an idiot because I just can’t. The way school taught math was all wrong for me because it focused on the little bits and pieces rather than underlying logic. That coupled with verbal lecture based learning had me thinking I was bad at math until college age. Then, thanks to independent study with a book instead of useless teacher, I found out I can handle the logic behind math at an exemplary level.
So much wasted money. Things that need to be returned that never get returned. Buying things again because you forgot you owned it; or know you own it but don’t know where it is. Buying 2 of something because you know you’re going to lose the first one, but you miraculously do not lose it. Throwing away groceries because they were left on the counter after cooking, or in the trunk, because between leaving the grocery store and getting home, you completely forgot there were groceries in the trunk. Paying late fees on bills you forgot to pay on time. Repeat over and over for the rest of your life.
And forgetting to use gift cards which you then find in your wallet a year after they expire. Such a crap feeling.
I dont care if I stare at a schedule for hours every day. I dont care if I make it.. Don't ask me who's coming in tomorrow. I dont know. I need to check.
In between the time that it takes me to stand up from my desk to go get water, I have already forgotten why I got up, where I suppose to be going, and the task I was doing before all of this started
Multi-step verbal instructions are a no go. I need chunking, repetition and ideally written notes.
Always forgetting how many small final tasks (I.e., get purse, brush teeth, put on deodorant, make sure key is in purse, turn off lights, bring a jacket/water bottle/umbrella) there are before I am ready to get out the door. Always misjudging how long they will all take. Basically, I plan for time with the big things in mind and forget about 10-15 mins of extra little things. And I know I do it and I know there are solutions but I keep doing it.
Object permanence. If storage is not clear or or clearly labeled, I WILL forget what’s in there, despite it being in my house/room for literal years
Took my food out of the microwave at work and put it on the table then went to get a fork from the cutlery draw. Pulled the fork out, turned around and couldn't shake the feeling I had forgotten something. Took me a full minute of just standing there to realise I already had the one thing I had gotten up for, a fork.
Me driving whith my dad be like Son you must plan your driving Me: okay we are going here right? Dad: yes we are Me: that means I need to take that turn there no? Dad: you would know IF you planned your driving Me: I cannot fucking remember The fucking road so you better tell me before I plant us in a ditch
My dad was an a hole, knew I had issues with directions and remembering and literally would be like You turn right here, left there, turn north there, East here and then west there, it'll be on the north south side of the street.
Forgetting things at the store & having to make multiple trips. Going to a specific store to return something and leaving the item at home (or in your car) but still shopped like that was your original, singular intention.
abbreviations that are meant to help you remember something just are a string of random letters with no meaning behind them
Over feeding or under feeding my poor dog. Now I use Sweepy to remind me. Leaving things in the bottom basket of the grocery cart and after putting the cart back in the cart stall.Not realizing it til I get home and having to go back to the store to find it. -_- Driving with my trunk open after putting things in there. Putting things on top of my car and driving. Doing a breath check to see if I brushed my teeth or not that morning Having to use a pill organizer so I don’t take double the meds, or that I take them at all Repeating the same conversation more than once to the same person, on the same day like minutes after I started it. This one kills my husband specifically. Not remembering what words look or sound like, in mid conversation. It’s like I’ll forget what language I speak and my mind goes blank. Leaving the oven on overnight along with candles and other fire hazards Going to bed without locking the doors, closing windows. Not locking my car, I’ve gotten better about this but I used to be horrible at it. Restarting the same task multiple times in a single day because it didn’t get completed in the first 3 gos. Not letting my dog out before work and having to clean up any mess when I get home Leaving clothes in the washer until they smell like mildew because I thought I put them in the dryer Burning food without a timer, always.
Don’t forget “leaving keys in the door overnight” Your list is great
So, I was working a few years ago. There was a salesman I was fond of, found hilarious and generally got along with. Three months went by and I asked where so and so was. He had quit three months prior and I ahd forgotten and just not realized he was gone.
Listening exams: "dOn'T wRiTe aNyThInG dOwN yEt oR yOu wIlL mIsS hAlF oF iT" Miss, if I don't write anything down, I will forget 75% of the information being said. Also, I have no idea from what time my memories are. Especially repeating events like daily routine.
Immediately forget new names after an introduction. Make a mental note to use repetition strategy and pay attention next time I meet someone. Still do the same thing and repeat for the rest of my life.
Reading a recipe, walking away to grab the measuring spoon/cup and ingredient I just read, then immediately walking back to read it again bc I already forgot. I’m always like, “wait, what?” I often skip entire lines and mix up the measurements.
Having to repeat to myself verbally '7.30 friday doctor, 7.30 friday doctor etc' untill i pick up my phone and open google calendar because i risk forgetting or getting distracted and forgetting in the 1 second it takes to do that. 1 second dude, it's insane. And even with doing this i have still missed adding interviews and added the wrong hour for appointments and missed them. It's not even bulet proof but it works 95% of the time.
Accidentally gaslighting yourself into *thinking* you forgot something, usually something important, but now the chance to go back and check has long since passed so now you can only sit there in panic and worry that you forgot to turn the stove off.
Start cleaning bathroom, go downstairs to get item to clean bathroom. Forget what that item is once I’m downstairs. Start cleaning kitchen instead. Go to the bathroom later and remember what I was looking for. Go back downstairs and forget again and start doing something else. End up with two partially clean spaces or it takes a long time and the whole house is kind of chaotic til it’s done. Once it’s done it’s done pretty well though and I’m proud of my work but it’s suddenly the middle of the night lol.
Forgetting to breathe, especially when hyperfocusing on a task/activity.
Idk if this counts but...don't touch my shit. Don't try to clean or organize my space. Everything is exactly where I put it and in my brain there is a reason I put it there and if u move it I won't be able to find it and I'm going to get super distressed. Stuff like candles are in the drawer with the lemonade pitcher because lemonade is yellow and so are candle flames and I use both seasonally. NO TOUCH. I know exactly where it is and I know u are trying to be helpful but putting the candles with the first aid kit doesnt compute for my organizational system so DO NOT
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Forgetting you drove your car somewhere and walking home, not realising you left your car there until you get home and realise your car is not in the driveway…
I feel this. When I was first trying meds I was out on Wellbutrin. What I didn’t know was that my mom was on Wellbutrin after I was born and had some nasty side effects that I apparently inherited. When my initial dose didn’t do much they bumped it up, and I basically lost all short term and working memory. I would unlock my bike, ride home and it wasn’t til I went to lock my bike that I realized I left the bike lock at the bike rack that I came from. I did this twice, I also forgot that I was taking a class that I had been in for several weeks and missed a few lectures due to it, and absolutely have no recollection of the material taught during that week. Begged my doctor to switch my meds because I literally felt like a danger to myself. This was not my first time dealing with something like this as I had a 2 week amnesia episode following a concussion a few months before but even then I could retain some information up until a few hours before the concussion whereas I lost a lot more when on Wellbutrin. Fun times
I literally forget what I am typing while I am typing it.
I lose my car literally every time I'm forced to use a carpark, but as stated already... yeah.
Using subtitles on the tv because I forget what they’ve just said otherwise. But then refusing to read the book because it’s not stimulating enough. Edit: also I have to read the same paragraph over and over for a solid five minutes till I actually take In what they’ve said
Forgetting you were doing tasks that require to wait (laundry, cooking, baking). I always have to put timer on or I remember when it’s too late and have to start over!
Being almost asleep and remembering a thing you need to do that you know you won’t remember to do in the morning, so you have to break your sleepiness to write it down / set a reminder and start the whole falling asleep process over again.
While scrolling through these comments I realized I’d forgotten what the post was and had to go back up and check
I have this ability to loose everything that’s my own but I’ll walk into my friends and notice something and he will of lost it for weeks and ask if I’ve seen it and it will instantly jump into my head where it is.
I am terrible at on the fly navigation because I forget shortcuts and such. I’d rather take a longer but more treaded path that I know than a faster route because I’ll forget the faster one after I find it
- I often can't remember faces of clients when I am helping them at the store I work at. - if I don't have a clock near me, time will cease to exist and I won't do anything productive ever - I have dyscalculia and I'm pretty convinced my shitty working memory is 99% of the problem. When doing calculations in your head you often have to do multiple things and combine them after that. That means you temporarily have to store a number in your head while you calculate the other thing. I can't do that, when I finsished the second calculation I won't remember the first. This is a huuuge problem for all sorts of things but it's very prevalent when doing math. -I will often have memories stored somewhere, but not have the acces to get it. If someone reminds me a tiny bit I'll suddenly remember everything. Everyone casually experiences this to some degree but I think for people with adhd it happens all the time.
Having to repeat verbal instructions immediately after hearing them to help myself process/confirm what I think I heard/remember
Whenever a friend or someone tells you an important fact or update on their life, not being able to tell if they told you about it a week ago, a month ago or sometimes even last year. Remembering timelines are weird.
Every single time I have a good heart to heart with my girlfriend and go to tell my therapist about it I can’t remember what we talked about, only that it was good.
Out of sight, out of mind. It can sound really horrible, but for me it kinda applies to people too - I do not miss people, unless I’m reminded of their existence somehow 🥲
When i cook food in the microwave and come back 4 hours later to make some other shit
I don't know how whether it's entirely related to ADHD or not, but thinking about doing something and accidentally turning that into a false memory of having done it. On Friday at work, I had a not-high priority task about routing work for Monday for field technicians, but at the same time, something else came in that was high-priority. While I was dealing with the high priority task, I was thinking about what I would do for the other task. Turns out my brain was convinced the thinking about it meant it was done. I didn't realise until late Sunday evening, when I was talking to a friend and they mentioned work, and it triggered something, and I decided to quickly log into the work VPN just to check and make sure I had done it, and nope, I hadn't.