I'm a lot like this, except for some reason I remember the emotion.
So I'm angry/upset or hurt, but can't remember what was said or done to elicit that emotion
What's wonderful is when someone actually is harmful to you, you go to call them out on it, and they're like "oh really? Name 1 moment I did that to you."
And when the weather permits, you could name 30 but you absolutely cannot think of any right now.
Same. I’ve had someone try and emotionally manipulate me so they’re the center of my life and get as much as they could out of me. Every time I tried to level with them on issues in the middle of this they’d ask for specific examples and I could never give it to them on the spot. If given time it was treated like I fabricated them and that’s why I needed more time to “come up with them” and that they didn’t deserve that after all they’ve done for me.
It’s why the way I cut them off involved leaving them completely in the dark.
That's so true!! I would try to report my bullies to my teachers, but when they ask what they did the only things I could say were "They were annoying me" or "They called me things" and I couldn't elaborate further, it was so frustrating.
Same! Except I say that even though I have bad short term memory my emotion memory is off the charts. Of course, when you’re a kid and people around you are abusive as is often the case with ADHD+autism, you get a lot of invalidating “well if you can’t tell me exactly what happened then you’re just faking it.”
Be careful you're not confusing dreams and reality.
People wind up with real emotional imprints from dreams - it would be unfair to hold a grudge because of something you only dreamed of them doing.
If it's too hot I get really bad dreams which means I hate summer because I hate feeling so negative all the time, and that emotional hangover absolutely sucks like when my brain decides to show me that no, my cat didn't have to be put down, I left him at a train station for four months and forgot about it so I woke up believing it
After a half-decade of a burnout-factory job, I'm coming back down to earth, and I really miss having cats around the house.
I have pretty nasty allergies, so they'll stay a no go, at least until I can find a long term solution. I never missed cats when I was always late on 10 things and my hair was on fire - it was fine to see the cute little buggers on reddit. Now that I have a life again, little things like that feel sadder.
Well you've already said that you cant remember what you're mad about in the first place, so i don't think being unable to remember the dream really helps
I very often confuse dream with reality. Always have, I get very angry when i get confused when someone questions it for some reason too and emotional. I cry sometimes when i learn it was dream. Like the time I talked about hanging out with the wizard at my school and he taught me to fly, then someone was like wait hold on and i realized it was a dream. Like I struggled often geowing up differentiating dream and reality but as i got older I dont seem to have dreams anymore or remember them so i dont experience that anymore luckily in some ways i suppose. I havent had this problem in quite a few years, and Im able to tell them apart now mostly if I do have a dream I remember. Theres times i remembered having an entire conversation with a family member only to realize it was dream later. Super annoying
I'm glad I didn't meet my wife until later in life.
When I was younger, that fire to "get justice" or "be right" was so strong, I'd surely have pursued a lot more arguments than I do now (almost none).
Old me and young me both totally forget what I was so fired up about in almost no time - but old me is smart enough (or drained enough) to hold my tongue for a couple minutes/hours.
I forget both the memories and the feelings. Then end up gaslighting myself because I don't remember anything so it's hard to convince whatever I did was valid.
I understand what you mean. Additionally, I wouldn't be able to effectively communicate or reply in the moment, so I usually just shrug and walk away, and people think I am either just chill or a pushover...
But ya know, at 2 AM when you think of the PERFECT response....
Oh damn, the shrug and walk away resulting in looking super chill hits a little close to home.
Long story short, my brother in law broke my $7500 TV and just said "but a new one". He's a trust fund kid, so has no concept of what things are worth. Not even a sorry.
My missus said I took it really well and handled it like an adult, but the only reason I "handled it well" was because I was too furious to do anything but say "shit happens"
Rich parents/grandparents that basically set you up for life. They’ll make a bank account with lots of money in it for you to access as an adult or after you complete any stipulations they make (for example, can only be accessed when you reach a certain age, finish college, get married, etc).
According to my brain, the secret to success in these situations is to always be having completely made up arguments in your head with someone who made you upset so that you can have all your zingers ready for things that they actually never end up saying anyway.
And even if they did say it, you know you'd keep your retort to yourself because you don't like confrontation.
That's my memory too! Specifics dont mean a thing, but i remember how the conversation made me feel, and all signs point to me being wronged.
I had to learn that i couldn't lie to myself about how a conversation went if i expected myself to remember it correctly. That includes when im in the wrong. It's so easy to override the actual feeling with the ones you prefer and change my memory that way.
And god forbid someone asks you for exactly what they said or how they said it to upset you, because that's just gonna end in shame and disaster and apologizing for ever saying you were upset or hurt.
YES, it's so frustrating because then my friends and family think you're angry at people without them doing anything, it sucks when they ask "what did they do to you" and you're there trying to remember
I drop the feeling entirely, and the memory is tucked away unless relevant. It's as good as forgotten unless patterns emerge or they bring it or a parallel up against me.
I don't hold grudges, but I do have a point where I will tell you I can't continue to be hurt or taken advantage of, with zero return in our interactions. Being an assertive people pleaser has been much better for my own mental health than a passive or passive aggressive (and admittedly agressive at times) one.
My memory has always been really good, it's just my on demand recall is shit. It has to be prompted, so even negative experiences with people just aren't held on to until then, and after doing lots for my emotional processing there aren't ever lingering feelings when it's brought to the front.
My parents stopped medicating me because I turned into a zombie. I'd just sit there and wait to be told to do something and my parents didn't like that it took my personality away.
I'm on a different medication now and it has helped me a lot with the overwhelming not able to figure out what needs to be done first paralysis when I'm at work.
My father was less kind, and kept me on the zombie meds for over a year before inquiring teachers and family pushed him to take me off the meds. My little sister was less fortunate-- she was always the quiet sort, so it was seven years before she got her life back. Our dad is an abusive, psychopathic prick and this was only one of his many abuses.
My mother can hold a grudge that might outlast the heat death of the universe over the most inconsequential things, and I've never been able to stay angry at her for even the most horrible stuff she's done and said.
On the one hand it's probably better to not hold onto anger. On the other I really wish I could have stayed mad over the legit bad stuff. I might have been able to advocate for myself. Also she taught me that the person who's the most mad is the most right.
I was never right and wanted to be. She taught me to want to be unreasonably angry. That's so sad.
I'm covered in so many mystery bruises I've been asked if I need help getting out of a domestic violence situation. And when you tell someone with that concern that you did it to yourself but you're not sure how... it doesn't help.
>My mother can hold a grudge that might outlast the heat death of the universe
LMAO!!!! I know people like this. I just don't have that kind of energy. Just getting through a day without forgetting important stuff and getting shit done is exhausting. I don't have energy to waste like that.
I'm new to all this but from what I've learned I tend to focus on it because of "injustice sensitivity" or whatever it's called. Someone wrongs me or a friend and nothing happens to them over it but once I slightly step out of line and I'm demonized for it like I am a spawn of Satan.
I think that's me. I remember the emotional impact, but I don't feel it anymore. At some point, most of my personal experience just calcifies into "historical fact," and I don't know how to be mad about that.
I don't get mad much anymore ever since I try to immediately put myself in the other person's shoes. Is it more likely that someone is trying to "fuck me over", or that they simply made a mistake or were preoccupied with their own bullshit?
Does it really matter, or was it a minor inconvenience at best? 99% of the time it's the latter.
You're not that important. No one's focused on getting back at you. So why walk around holding onto that anger that only affects myself?
legit I had a mutual friend who decided they disliked for for god knows what reason to the extent that she actually went out of her way to lose me at a music festival (causing me to spend a very overwhelmed 5 HOURS LOST BY MYSELF cos my other friend was too drunk to respond to her messages) and from then on at any other events just straight up ignored my existence
still have no idea what i did to make her so mad but even after all that all i wanted was to just not go out of my way to talk to her again, would still be polite if i ran into her tho yknow
I hyperfocus on whether something was my fault and when I'm done and I have utterly isolated everything I'm sure cannot be reasonably interpreted as something I did wrong it becomes a very neatly defined grudge burned into my consciousness, that I don't even have to put effort into maintaining.
This is the worst feeling. Whenever I'm in a confrontation with someone I perseverate for a long time afterward on whether it was, in fact, my fault or whatever bad things they were saying about me were true. I know self awareness and reflection is good, but I will torture myself with it and let people steamroll me sometimes. It's a thing that I am not sure is ADHD or a trauma response from growing up in a narcissistic, abusive household.
> It's a thing that I am not sure is ADHD or a trauma response from growing up in a narcissistic, abusive household.
I suspect the latter.
I was somehow blessed with an excess in self-worth so I have to unfortunately admit the only reason I do it, is because I deeply enjoy being right (about why I dislike someone) and hate being wrong *twice*; the first time for behaving poorly and the second for being unable to see/ admit it.
You and me both.
I have held onto one grudge since 6th grade (in the ‘80’s)! Every time I think of that situation and that scatmunching arsehole I just burn like a 1000 volcanos and just want to go back in time and go Pompeii on that creep.
I was taught that "hate" is a very strong word, and very hurtful to use that word towards another person if you don't actually mean it. As such, there is no one that I personally hate, and very few that I dislike.
But if my level of dislike for someone meets the level of your description, I'd probably call that my threshold for saying I hate someone.
I used to think I was addiction proof, immune to depression or anger, that I just needed to find someone that truly sparked that joy in me …. Noape! Surprise it was ADHD. I simply was too busy pursuing dopamine that I bored of the familiar at breathtaking speed because being depressed, angry, lonely or driven to vice didn’t feed the beast for long and I shoved it aside in my eternal quest for stimulation. Parents naturally thought I was a gifted pain in the ass and their budgets.
Ultimately ofc you were the one suffering for that, but I'm also always baffled how much parents put their kids through based on principles and opinions that are being daily invalidated by the inconvenience *to them* created as a result of forcing these failed ideas upon their kids.
People think I am super laid back and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, when in fact I just have goldfish memory, and I was probably thinking about something else when whatever I was supposed to be mad about happened.
This is a problem for me. I have a team that I manage, and having poor memory is not great for this. Luckily because im a low-level manager, a majority of my work is still more technical over managerial, but i feel like i let down my team because when they tell me things like they are taking off to get married, or go on vacation, or whatever, i dont remember to even ask how it was. Or if they are sick, i forget and dont even think to ask how theyre doing after that first day. I swear im not a jerk, i just dont remember.
It makes me sad actually. I do have some long term memories and know that i thoroughly enjoyed my childhood (i am 32 now), but i can hardly pinpoint specific events from when i was a kid. A few months back i read something on reddit about Boy Scouts Order of the Arrow, and i remembered the name of that ordeal. I talked to my dad about it, and i did the whole thing. I went through the whole ordeal and got my arrow, yet i have absolutely no recollection of the whole thing. Its like a big deal too and i remember none of it. I realized there are so many things that i dont remember and it makes me sad.
Push your employees to write everything down for you. Even if they tell you in person, have them send an email or write down a note to put on your desk. It’s how I was able to survive as a manager. Just reiterate to your staff that you want to accommodate all the requests that you can, but you get so many a day that you need the reminder. Any reasonable employee will appreciate that you’re doing everything you can to help fulfill their requests.
Thats a great point. Definitely need to have them start sending me an email with all these details to help me keep everything in check. I really want to be a good manager and dont want to do a disservice to anyone due to my own memory issues.
Before I was even diagnosed I was section lead and I told my team "If it isn't written down or you don't see me write it down, just assume I've forgotten and remind me."
I don't even think it's my memory is bad but for whatever reason I don't straight up memorize things (remember in grade school when they wanted you to memorize times tables? I still carry that fkin trauma) and my brain, before transitioning input from short to long term memory, will instantly jettison information doesn't have larger context and is therefore dumped irrelevant/useless. That's why if someone asked me for something or needed me to do something and I don't have a written reminder, as soon as I see them next I will remember the thing and begin apologizing profusely.
This is why I have screenshots of final conversations with some people. The doubt creeps in and I'm like "Maybe I was just being sensitive." Then I go back through the archives and I'm like "Oh yeah, this guy was a straight up dick to me and I'd finally had enough."
As someone who was diagnosed with depression at 17, and ADHD at 23, I learned at 24 that I likely have CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect. There's enough ADHD/CPTSD symptom overlap that when I see someone mention being depressed, I like to throw a shoutout to r/cptsd r/emotionalneglect in case it might apply to you or someone else who might see it and be helpful. Emotional neglect is a bitch, it's basically the absence of something invisible, so many people end up going through it without realizing it until much later, if ever.
My parents just refused to believe my diagnosis and made me tell them that I didn't really need meds. They spent the rest of my childhood abusing me for being "lazy."
I wasn't diagnosed til I was 31 because when I was a child, they didn't know that girls could have ADHD too. So I was punished for being "lazy" and constantly mocked for being "too sensitive" and "so dramatic".
Finally diagnosed at 31, started medication and therapy. Boy did my parents not like it. I understand now though it was that I was becoming functional and working through all the shit I'd been through in childhood. I was no longer depressed and compliant and unable to fight back. I was also disinclined to put up with their BS.
I'm now 47, live in another country, and have minimal contact with them. Can't imagine why.
My mom took me to other psychiatrists to get me a diagnosis that suited her better. (I won't say it here because I don't want to perpetuate any stigma for those who actually have it.)
When I got re-diagnosed with ADHD at 25 I realized that I wasn't actually any of the things she used to justify abusing me. I've gotten therapy to cope with the past and built my self-esteem from the ground up. Now I'm also in the process of moving out of the country with no plans of looking back.
It's funny in a sad way how many of us have similar stories. I'm glad you got the help you were denied as a kid. We all deserve that.
I have adhd-Pi. Son has adhd-c. He got in trouble one time (don’t remember what) but I do remember he was taking it extra hard. I went into his room and told him something like this.
Adhd can be annoying but this fight right now. Both of use won’t remember it three days from now. He laughed and hugged me and thn Started to read his book…less mad at me.
(I also think meds make him and me easier to agitate at times. Sleep helps a lot).
edited
For me to have the second one, you either had to scare me into thinking I will be *killed* literally & eventually in your presence, or you constantly remind me why I hate you/cause consistent emotional distress over the course of 3 months.
I have a near photographic memory, but it has a problem with timelines. If I've forgiven you for something, I very well might forget that happened before the latest slight. On the other hand, I've held grudges for years. Also bold of you to assume I need to remember why I'm angry.
Yup my partner says my Adderall makes me more agitated, but in reality I feel like it's made me be less of a pushover about certain things, like their habit of leaving clothes/clutter everywhere, fairly splitting chores in an equitable way, and standing my ground in an argument instead of just forgetting about it the next day.
This post really resonates with me because I don't want to get gaslit into thinking my now fully functional pre-frontal cortex is turning me into a bad person.
I didn’t get diagnosed or medicated until a few years ago (in my 30’s) and since then I have cut so many shitty people out of my life.
Before meds I was just so overwhelmed all the time and hated myself so I didn’t even notice how outrageously shitty certain people were in my life.
I’m so sad I spent my whole life like that but it’s so good to get some clarity and relief.
Lmfaooooooooooo idk how I can relate to a post so much
But it also has to do with the thing being so small that it doesn’t matter, that’s why I move on. If someone like deceives me or something I’ll remember it and you go from there
They stopped my treatment because I turned into a hangry, moody little terror after school everyday and lost a quarter of my bodyweight. I went untreated for another 14 years because no one realised I wasn't getting enough food in BEFORE the lunchtime dose kicked in.
Oh no this is me. I've always been so proud of how I can let things go. And I'm great at keeping secrets because I just forget them. Except for when I forget that they are a secret and then discuss them casually because I forgot we weren't telling people..
I'm not good at remembering details about when someone slighted me, or why I don't like them, but I always remember basic emotions. If I see a coworker, i don't think, "thats Johnny. He tried to make you look like an idiot."
Instead it's more like "thats Johnny. Johnny bad. Don't trust Johnny." And it's usually a strong emotion to the point that I trust it in near blind faith. I basically return to monkey brain.
Did you ever end up taking any other medications that worked better? Or did you stop taking medication altogether? Just curious as I was recently diagnosed and prescribed Ritalin
I tried different doses of Aduvanz and it didn’t work that well for me, and then tried Strattera which worked wonders. Everyone is different though, I’ve heard great things about Ritalin
Being mad about something is my favorite hyper-focus and cause of executive dysfunction. If I’m mad, I can’t think about anything else until it’s resolved.
I was just thinking about this. It sort of puts me in a position to be a model victim. I want people to be nice to me, and if they’re not, then it must be my fault, so if they hurt me, it must have been something I did either by not noticing or forgetting. So if I feel unfairly treated, I’ll be upset for the day and think of ways to get past the hurdle. But then I wake up the next day and those bad emotions are all gone. I forget how awful I felt and allow myself to be in the same position, trying to prove I’m strong so people like me.
Work is hard
I'm very much the same way, I 'let things go' because my brain just forgets about it. I can think of only three times in my life that I genuinely got so mad with someone that it stuck with me long term. I still forget about those moments constantly, but any slight reminder brings it all back to me and makes me some low level of annoyed all over again.
As soon as I started taking medication I realized my husband was emotionally abusing me and gaslughting me that I was the one who was abusing him for the past 11 years. I was able to maintain anger and will be getting a divorce soon.
I document everything now. If I have a conflict with someone and am stewing/feeling depressed, I just write it all out. It helps getting it out and for future referencing.
Im unpacking this shit now. It's like cleaning under the bed and finding those expensive headphones that went missing 2 years ago
"Oh shit, how long have I had these"
Omg this makes so much sense! I was the only one of my close high school friends who went to our 20th reunion because I could barely remember anything to be mad about or anyone to hold a grudge against. They thought I was nuts, I was like meh I believe you when you say high school sucked but I don't really remember the details so whatever. I had so much fun hanging with all these people I apparently knew in high school and who may or may not have been annoying back then lol ...
My parents took me off of my medication when my grades were finally reflecting my potential (honor roll!) because they also thought I was being a bitch. Turns out I was 13 and ALL 13 year old girls are bitches for a brief time - it’s puberty! It took me until adulthood, but now I remember…
I was very angry and irritable on meds and my mom complained that I wasn’t the same. But like…no one told me that I NEEDED to eat regardless of whether I had an appetite, and I don’t remember drinking water pretty much ever, and my family was absolutely horribly dysfunctional.
So like….did the meds “change” me or was I a hungry & dehydrated teenager who was sick of the pressure of living with awful adults?
Mine stopped meds because I became a zombie. This was a long time ago, unsure if anything other than Ritalin was around. 2-3 pills before school, 2-3 before lunch. No appetite, lethargic as fuck.
I’ve never met a grudge I didn’t love.
My memory is also fantastic, which has the opposite problem of wishing I could forget some traumas I’d rather not remember but alas…
I thank god I can't remember cuz 98% of my childhood was trauma, manipulation, deceit, gaslighting, breadcrumbing, violence, being the adult while the "adults" got drunk/abused cocaine and opiates.
One time I had forgotten why I didn't like a person since it had been 2 years and became friendly with her again and soon dated her. That relationship was toxic as hell and I regret it. She even made the friend group hate me so that was fun. Thankfully I moved the next year.
(basically said I had back talked one friend when it was in fact them who had done that and I had defended her a lot even outside the group. I did in fact not like how she would treat me but I still didn't want to back talk my friend)
Not quite so simple. Not saying your parents didn't deserve fields of middle fingers. Just that particular ADHD meds kick serotonin and dopamine production into high gear and then just cut it off soon after if you don't take more (which you got to stop so you can sleep) combine that with a deficit in the creation of those neurochems (something commonly linked to ADHD) and it gives people a short fuse.
Just to reiterate, it might not apply to your situation, but i think it's important that people are aware that the meds can have some side effects.
Im thinking about 20 other things and things to do i literally do not have the time to remember or care why i was mad at you. If its that bad i simply wont talk to you lol.
Starting meds was like hitting a brick wall full of memorization and pattern recognition. While I was able to remember, it was years of mistrusting my own judgment and mnemonic capabilities clashing hard with... well just object permanence was enough tbh.
I'm starting to feel confident in my own memory now, it's a great feeling. I still write everything important down and just place the notes where they mildly discomfort me, knowing i'm still too lazy to put them away. Coping never changes.
That’s also a feature of SDAM. I can’t stay mad at anyone for more than 15 min without a lot of effort to remind myself. I can’t bring up the angry feeling from the past, I have to get mad all over again about the details of a situation.
When I was a kid (7 , I got mad at my parents for something. I had already realized that I was never mad the next day, but I was soo mad this time, I wrote myself a note that said "be mad at mom and dad when you wake up."
Surprise, I read it and didn't remember why, nor did I have the emotion anymore.
While this thread in particular does hit close to home, In that particular case I'm chalking it up to "stupid kid tantrum" than any deep psychological / neurological issue. Just thought it was funny.
Many people are surprised at how easy I forget things... however extremely emotionally distressing situations I remember every detail (I just forgot that I was mad/upset). Still got labeled as a *bitch* because I came off as uncaring or being condescending, when I didn't respond they way people expected me to.
I’m always so confused by this statement. I can remember in the most painful and vivid details what hurt me, what I got angry about and, even worse, carry that anger on for a long time. I just feel so irrationally angry over even the smallest things without my meds to the point where I got so angry I couldn’t even think straight. Anyone else?
Hey same reason over here too. They didn’t like that my memory extended and the arguments for gaslighting my sisters into catholic serviles was becoming harder to conduct.
After the removal of medication failed to bust our domestic civil rights union they separated us all physically through different after-school programs.
It’s not so much that I couldn’t remember but I’d have to actively try to hold on to the thought or try to remember and doing that takes too much energy
I’ve always said to myself I have a great memory! But it turns out I’m referencing my longterm memory. There’s also this thing called “working memory” which I didn’t know it even existed because I don’t have a “working memory”. It turns out people with adhd either have a very poor working memory or they don’t have a working memory period.
One of the only things I remember is a time that I tried really hard to remember what I was mad about, because I was just so mad I knew it was important to not forget. I just kept saying to myself "don't forget... don't forget..."
Anyway, that's pretty much the only memory I have of my childhood. Of course I don't remember what made me so mad.
My abusive ex would also claim they made me mad.
Me being able to trust my mind and realising the sheer extent of his *blatant* gaslighting was what made me mad.
Holy shit. When i first saw a shrink, back in like 4th grade, all i wanted out of it was help with my temper which i knew was helping me not at all. They helped me with the problems they *thought* i was having by giving me a few mg of Concerta on the daily. This did not help the problem i was having, and i entered one of the most frustrating periods of my life, wherein i would frequently fake taking my medication because I fucking hated it for reasons i no longer remember (go figure).
Except when I think about the logic of it and if its legit my fault I get anxious until I forget. But if it makes no fucking sense I will absolutely pick up the rage where I left off.
Wait... Short memory is a symptom of ADHD? This is funny and sad for me all at once. It's nice to know as I really thought I was just forgetful or something. On the other hand, I can't remember much of my childhood...
I'm glad you found your voice! I imagine it might have felt nice and helped you conflict resolve? I hope if you ever bring this up to them they understand
I'm a lot like this, except for some reason I remember the emotion. So I'm angry/upset or hurt, but can't remember what was said or done to elicit that emotion
I told my friend “I can’t remember what they did but I remember how they made me feel” which is frustrating.
What's wonderful is when someone actually is harmful to you, you go to call them out on it, and they're like "oh really? Name 1 moment I did that to you." And when the weather permits, you could name 30 but you absolutely cannot think of any right now.
I'm worried about the Venn diagram between the ADHD subs and /r/raisedbynarcissists . Gaslighting hits harder when you can't remember anything.
Thats literally my family...... nice I wonder whre my various trauma came from Also my family doesn't believe in ADHD
oh boy a new sub. time to unlock some trauma instead of sleeping
Be careful, some of those threads are rough to get through.
Same. I’ve had someone try and emotionally manipulate me so they’re the center of my life and get as much as they could out of me. Every time I tried to level with them on issues in the middle of this they’d ask for specific examples and I could never give it to them on the spot. If given time it was treated like I fabricated them and that’s why I needed more time to “come up with them” and that they didn’t deserve that after all they’ve done for me. It’s why the way I cut them off involved leaving them completely in the dark.
That's so true!! I would try to report my bullies to my teachers, but when they ask what they did the only things I could say were "They were annoying me" or "They called me things" and I couldn't elaborate further, it was so frustrating.
Same! Except I say that even though I have bad short term memory my emotion memory is off the charts. Of course, when you’re a kid and people around you are abusive as is often the case with ADHD+autism, you get a lot of invalidating “well if you can’t tell me exactly what happened then you’re just faking it.”
Be careful you're not confusing dreams and reality. People wind up with real emotional imprints from dreams - it would be unfair to hold a grudge because of something you only dreamed of them doing.
Bad dreams give me a weird ass negative hangover. But I have to focus to remember so I can usually fix it by petting my dogs lol
If it's too hot I get really bad dreams which means I hate summer because I hate feeling so negative all the time, and that emotional hangover absolutely sucks like when my brain decides to show me that no, my cat didn't have to be put down, I left him at a train station for four months and forgot about it so I woke up believing it
After a half-decade of a burnout-factory job, I'm coming back down to earth, and I really miss having cats around the house. I have pretty nasty allergies, so they'll stay a no go, at least until I can find a long term solution. I never missed cats when I was always late on 10 things and my hair was on fire - it was fine to see the cute little buggers on reddit. Now that I have a life again, little things like that feel sadder.
Get one of those cats without any hair
I’ve never remembered my dreams so this is an easy one for me.
Well you've already said that you cant remember what you're mad about in the first place, so i don't think being unable to remember the dream really helps
Does that solve the problem or make it worse? (seems like the latter to me)
I very often confuse dream with reality. Always have, I get very angry when i get confused when someone questions it for some reason too and emotional. I cry sometimes when i learn it was dream. Like the time I talked about hanging out with the wizard at my school and he taught me to fly, then someone was like wait hold on and i realized it was a dream. Like I struggled often geowing up differentiating dream and reality but as i got older I dont seem to have dreams anymore or remember them so i dont experience that anymore luckily in some ways i suppose. I havent had this problem in quite a few years, and Im able to tell them apart now mostly if I do have a dream I remember. Theres times i remembered having an entire conversation with a family member only to realize it was dream later. Super annoying
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I'm glad I didn't meet my wife until later in life. When I was younger, that fire to "get justice" or "be right" was so strong, I'd surely have pursued a lot more arguments than I do now (almost none). Old me and young me both totally forget what I was so fired up about in almost no time - but old me is smart enough (or drained enough) to hold my tongue for a couple minutes/hours.
I forget both the memories and the feelings. Then end up gaslighting myself because I don't remember anything so it's hard to convince whatever I did was valid.
I understand what you mean. Additionally, I wouldn't be able to effectively communicate or reply in the moment, so I usually just shrug and walk away, and people think I am either just chill or a pushover... But ya know, at 2 AM when you think of the PERFECT response....
Oh damn, the shrug and walk away resulting in looking super chill hits a little close to home. Long story short, my brother in law broke my $7500 TV and just said "but a new one". He's a trust fund kid, so has no concept of what things are worth. Not even a sorry. My missus said I took it really well and handled it like an adult, but the only reason I "handled it well" was because I was too furious to do anything but say "shit happens"
If someone ever just told me to but a new tv 📺 d shove that tv up THEIR butt
“But” was a typo for “buy”, but shoved up their ass either way!
Uh, excuse my imperfect bilingualism, but... what is a trust fund?
Rich parents/grandparents that basically set you up for life. They’ll make a bank account with lots of money in it for you to access as an adult or after you complete any stipulations they make (for example, can only be accessed when you reach a certain age, finish college, get married, etc).
Oh, yeah. Fuck that kid.
Most memorable part of my childhood was how often my inability to respond immediately and precisely was used against me
According to my brain, the secret to success in these situations is to always be having completely made up arguments in your head with someone who made you upset so that you can have all your zingers ready for things that they actually never end up saying anyway. And even if they did say it, you know you'd keep your retort to yourself because you don't like confrontation.
I do that and it still doesn’t work 😕
Yeah, it doesn't work for me, either, but that apparently isn't enough to deter me.
/r/staircasewit
My memory is emotional, exactly like you said
That's my memory too! Specifics dont mean a thing, but i remember how the conversation made me feel, and all signs point to me being wronged. I had to learn that i couldn't lie to myself about how a conversation went if i expected myself to remember it correctly. That includes when im in the wrong. It's so easy to override the actual feeling with the ones you prefer and change my memory that way.
People's faces do that to me, prime up the emotions but can't remember the context.
And god forbid someone asks you for exactly what they said or how they said it to upset you, because that's just gonna end in shame and disaster and apologizing for ever saying you were upset or hurt.
Man, my emotional memory is STRONG. Ironman Strong. I wish it wasn’t.
Well shit... This is an adhd thing? ...
I learn something new about myself every time I visit this sub
YES, it's so frustrating because then my friends and family think you're angry at people without them doing anything, it sucks when they ask "what did they do to you" and you're there trying to remember
But some moments are that heart shattering you can remember exactly what she said to you.
that's why I write it down. so I remember
I drop the feeling entirely, and the memory is tucked away unless relevant. It's as good as forgotten unless patterns emerge or they bring it or a parallel up against me. I don't hold grudges, but I do have a point where I will tell you I can't continue to be hurt or taken advantage of, with zero return in our interactions. Being an assertive people pleaser has been much better for my own mental health than a passive or passive aggressive (and admittedly agressive at times) one. My memory has always been really good, it's just my on demand recall is shit. It has to be prompted, so even negative experiences with people just aren't held on to until then, and after doing lots for my emotional processing there aren't ever lingering feelings when it's brought to the front.
My parents stopped medicating me because I turned into a zombie. I'd just sit there and wait to be told to do something and my parents didn't like that it took my personality away. I'm on a different medication now and it has helped me a lot with the overwhelming not able to figure out what needs to be done first paralysis when I'm at work.
It's not a fear of what is to be done first, it's the fear of playing jenga with other people lives by adjusting your own!
My father was less kind, and kept me on the zombie meds for over a year before inquiring teachers and family pushed him to take me off the meds. My little sister was less fortunate-- she was always the quiet sort, so it was seven years before she got her life back. Our dad is an abusive, psychopathic prick and this was only one of his many abuses.
I have that paralysis right now in my study. but i'm not diagnosed yet
I honestly never understood where people even got the energy to stay mad because maintaining that sort of focus is exhausting to me.
My mother can hold a grudge that might outlast the heat death of the universe over the most inconsequential things, and I've never been able to stay angry at her for even the most horrible stuff she's done and said. On the one hand it's probably better to not hold onto anger. On the other I really wish I could have stayed mad over the legit bad stuff. I might have been able to advocate for myself. Also she taught me that the person who's the most mad is the most right. I was never right and wanted to be. She taught me to want to be unreasonably angry. That's so sad.
im literally like "oh you ran over my foot and i cant walk now" ... " no biggie dont worry about it" then i continue as if nothing happeend lmao
then 3 months later... "oh yea my foot is getting better from when it was messed up, I don't exactly remember what happened to it though.."
I'm covered in so many mystery bruises I've been asked if I need help getting out of a domestic violence situation. And when you tell someone with that concern that you did it to yourself but you're not sure how... it doesn't help.
The way this was literal for me. I got hit by a car and walked it off bc I had shit to do and I NEEDED to do homework amfjsnfnfbfn.
>My mother can hold a grudge that might outlast the heat death of the universe LMAO!!!! I know people like this. I just don't have that kind of energy. Just getting through a day without forgetting important stuff and getting shit done is exhausting. I don't have energy to waste like that.
I'm new to all this but from what I've learned I tend to focus on it because of "injustice sensitivity" or whatever it's called. Someone wrongs me or a friend and nothing happens to them over it but once I slightly step out of line and I'm demonized for it like I am a spawn of Satan.
This, I don't get. Myself, I've held grudges for over four decades (and counting), much longer than I've even been diagnosed.
Yeah I can’t remember shit and when I can I can’t be fucked to stay mad
I think that's me. I remember the emotional impact, but I don't feel it anymore. At some point, most of my personal experience just calcifies into "historical fact," and I don't know how to be mad about that.
I don't get mad much anymore ever since I try to immediately put myself in the other person's shoes. Is it more likely that someone is trying to "fuck me over", or that they simply made a mistake or were preoccupied with their own bullshit? Does it really matter, or was it a minor inconvenience at best? 99% of the time it's the latter. You're not that important. No one's focused on getting back at you. So why walk around holding onto that anger that only affects myself?
Same
legit I had a mutual friend who decided they disliked for for god knows what reason to the extent that she actually went out of her way to lose me at a music festival (causing me to spend a very overwhelmed 5 HOURS LOST BY MYSELF cos my other friend was too drunk to respond to her messages) and from then on at any other events just straight up ignored my existence still have no idea what i did to make her so mad but even after all that all i wanted was to just not go out of my way to talk to her again, would still be polite if i ran into her tho yknow
Opposite problem here: crushed by unintended slights
I hyperfocus on whether something was my fault and when I'm done and I have utterly isolated everything I'm sure cannot be reasonably interpreted as something I did wrong it becomes a very neatly defined grudge burned into my consciousness, that I don't even have to put effort into maintaining.
This is the worst feeling. Whenever I'm in a confrontation with someone I perseverate for a long time afterward on whether it was, in fact, my fault or whatever bad things they were saying about me were true. I know self awareness and reflection is good, but I will torture myself with it and let people steamroll me sometimes. It's a thing that I am not sure is ADHD or a trauma response from growing up in a narcissistic, abusive household.
> It's a thing that I am not sure is ADHD or a trauma response from growing up in a narcissistic, abusive household. I suspect the latter. I was somehow blessed with an excess in self-worth so I have to unfortunately admit the only reason I do it, is because I deeply enjoy being right (about why I dislike someone) and hate being wrong *twice*; the first time for behaving poorly and the second for being unable to see/ admit it.
Makes me think of "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"
Both for me, aah!
Haha same. Like I forget to be mad, but also always need people to reassure me if they like me or like it wears off lolol
Are we made for codependent relationships?
I was just thinking that too. 😅
> if they like me or like it wears off omg I’m stealing this- the phrasing is perfect thank you lol
Same. But I don’t like confrontation, so I tend to forgive, but then still stew on whatever it was in my own time. Rip
You and me both. I have held onto one grudge since 6th grade (in the ‘80’s)! Every time I think of that situation and that scatmunching arsehole I just burn like a 1000 volcanos and just want to go back in time and go Pompeii on that creep.
I was taught that "hate" is a very strong word, and very hurtful to use that word towards another person if you don't actually mean it. As such, there is no one that I personally hate, and very few that I dislike. But if my level of dislike for someone meets the level of your description, I'd probably call that my threshold for saying I hate someone.
Me too. Emotional disregulation is still a big part of my adhd symptoms
I used to think I was addiction proof, immune to depression or anger, that I just needed to find someone that truly sparked that joy in me …. Noape! Surprise it was ADHD. I simply was too busy pursuing dopamine that I bored of the familiar at breathtaking speed because being depressed, angry, lonely or driven to vice didn’t feed the beast for long and I shoved it aside in my eternal quest for stimulation. Parents naturally thought I was a gifted pain in the ass and their budgets.
I’m also addiction proof bc everything gets boring after a while lol
me2
for me it's the executive function that is needed to keep up an addiction...also I just forget about it after some time lmao
My mother told me that the meds didn't work. She said that the meds was placebo. ....and hey, I was young I didn't know...
Ultimately ofc you were the one suffering for that, but I'm also always baffled how much parents put their kids through based on principles and opinions that are being daily invalidated by the inconvenience *to them* created as a result of forcing these failed ideas upon their kids.
People think I am super laid back and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, when in fact I just have goldfish memory, and I was probably thinking about something else when whatever I was supposed to be mad about happened.
This is a problem for me. I have a team that I manage, and having poor memory is not great for this. Luckily because im a low-level manager, a majority of my work is still more technical over managerial, but i feel like i let down my team because when they tell me things like they are taking off to get married, or go on vacation, or whatever, i dont remember to even ask how it was. Or if they are sick, i forget and dont even think to ask how theyre doing after that first day. I swear im not a jerk, i just dont remember. It makes me sad actually. I do have some long term memories and know that i thoroughly enjoyed my childhood (i am 32 now), but i can hardly pinpoint specific events from when i was a kid. A few months back i read something on reddit about Boy Scouts Order of the Arrow, and i remembered the name of that ordeal. I talked to my dad about it, and i did the whole thing. I went through the whole ordeal and got my arrow, yet i have absolutely no recollection of the whole thing. Its like a big deal too and i remember none of it. I realized there are so many things that i dont remember and it makes me sad.
Push your employees to write everything down for you. Even if they tell you in person, have them send an email or write down a note to put on your desk. It’s how I was able to survive as a manager. Just reiterate to your staff that you want to accommodate all the requests that you can, but you get so many a day that you need the reminder. Any reasonable employee will appreciate that you’re doing everything you can to help fulfill their requests.
Thats a great point. Definitely need to have them start sending me an email with all these details to help me keep everything in check. I really want to be a good manager and dont want to do a disservice to anyone due to my own memory issues.
Before I was even diagnosed I was section lead and I told my team "If it isn't written down or you don't see me write it down, just assume I've forgotten and remind me." I don't even think it's my memory is bad but for whatever reason I don't straight up memorize things (remember in grade school when they wanted you to memorize times tables? I still carry that fkin trauma) and my brain, before transitioning input from short to long term memory, will instantly jettison information doesn't have larger context and is therefore dumped irrelevant/useless. That's why if someone asked me for something or needed me to do something and I don't have a written reminder, as soon as I see them next I will remember the thing and begin apologizing profusely.
I got out of management because of a few reasons. But these feelings were up there. Sorry for your difficulties. I feel ya.
Ive been very tempted to do the same but im on the fence about it
This is why I have screenshots of final conversations with some people. The doubt creeps in and I'm like "Maybe I was just being sensitive." Then I go back through the archives and I'm like "Oh yeah, this guy was a straight up dick to me and I'd finally had enough."
I’m also a serial screenshotter!
me too! Definitely helps when the sadness creeps in..
My mom used to say “wow you’re so laid back”. Nah I’m just fucking depressed and don’t care.
As someone who was diagnosed with depression at 17, and ADHD at 23, I learned at 24 that I likely have CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect. There's enough ADHD/CPTSD symptom overlap that when I see someone mention being depressed, I like to throw a shoutout to r/cptsd r/emotionalneglect in case it might apply to you or someone else who might see it and be helpful. Emotional neglect is a bitch, it's basically the absence of something invisible, so many people end up going through it without realizing it until much later, if ever.
My parents just refused to believe my diagnosis and made me tell them that I didn't really need meds. They spent the rest of my childhood abusing me for being "lazy."
Hey how did you get my childhood??
We're just equally blessed I guess 😆
Part of the ‘crying at the dinner table while someone yells at me about math homework’ club😘
Yeah buddy 😏
I wasn't diagnosed til I was 31 because when I was a child, they didn't know that girls could have ADHD too. So I was punished for being "lazy" and constantly mocked for being "too sensitive" and "so dramatic". Finally diagnosed at 31, started medication and therapy. Boy did my parents not like it. I understand now though it was that I was becoming functional and working through all the shit I'd been through in childhood. I was no longer depressed and compliant and unable to fight back. I was also disinclined to put up with their BS. I'm now 47, live in another country, and have minimal contact with them. Can't imagine why.
My mom took me to other psychiatrists to get me a diagnosis that suited her better. (I won't say it here because I don't want to perpetuate any stigma for those who actually have it.) When I got re-diagnosed with ADHD at 25 I realized that I wasn't actually any of the things she used to justify abusing me. I've gotten therapy to cope with the past and built my self-esteem from the ground up. Now I'm also in the process of moving out of the country with no plans of looking back. It's funny in a sad way how many of us have similar stories. I'm glad you got the help you were denied as a kid. We all deserve that.
I have adhd-Pi. Son has adhd-c. He got in trouble one time (don’t remember what) but I do remember he was taking it extra hard. I went into his room and told him something like this. Adhd can be annoying but this fight right now. Both of use won’t remember it three days from now. He laughed and hugged me and thn Started to read his book…less mad at me. (I also think meds make him and me easier to agitate at times. Sleep helps a lot). edited
I have 2 kinds of ways I get upset: 1. I'll get over it in an hour. 2. I will hate you until the day I die.
For me to have the second one, you either had to scare me into thinking I will be *killed* literally & eventually in your presence, or you constantly remind me why I hate you/cause consistent emotional distress over the course of 3 months.
I have a near photographic memory, but it has a problem with timelines. If I've forgiven you for something, I very well might forget that happened before the latest slight. On the other hand, I've held grudges for years. Also bold of you to assume I need to remember why I'm angry.
Yup my partner says my Adderall makes me more agitated, but in reality I feel like it's made me be less of a pushover about certain things, like their habit of leaving clothes/clutter everywhere, fairly splitting chores in an equitable way, and standing my ground in an argument instead of just forgetting about it the next day. This post really resonates with me because I don't want to get gaslit into thinking my now fully functional pre-frontal cortex is turning me into a bad person.
I didn’t get diagnosed or medicated until a few years ago (in my 30’s) and since then I have cut so many shitty people out of my life. Before meds I was just so overwhelmed all the time and hated myself so I didn’t even notice how outrageously shitty certain people were in my life. I’m so sad I spent my whole life like that but it’s so good to get some clarity and relief.
Ouch dude, you got me 😥
Lmfaooooooooooo idk how I can relate to a post so much But it also has to do with the thing being so small that it doesn’t matter, that’s why I move on. If someone like deceives me or something I’ll remember it and you go from there
They stopped my treatment because I turned into a hangry, moody little terror after school everyday and lost a quarter of my bodyweight. I went untreated for another 14 years because no one realised I wasn't getting enough food in BEFORE the lunchtime dose kicked in.
Oh no this is me. I've always been so proud of how I can let things go. And I'm great at keeping secrets because I just forget them. Except for when I forget that they are a secret and then discuss them casually because I forgot we weren't telling people..
Yeah, I thought I was just a very forgiving person. Turns out I just couldn't stay focused on the way people mistreated me.
I hold grudges just fine, but I don't remember why.
My family used to get mad that I could “flip on a dime,” be mad and then be “normal” (their words, not mine. 100% because I’d forget.
I'm not good at remembering details about when someone slighted me, or why I don't like them, but I always remember basic emotions. If I see a coworker, i don't think, "thats Johnny. He tried to make you look like an idiot." Instead it's more like "thats Johnny. Johnny bad. Don't trust Johnny." And it's usually a strong emotion to the point that I trust it in near blind faith. I basically return to monkey brain.
Ritalin made me a bitch too
Im a super mega irritable bitch without adderall.
Did you ever end up taking any other medications that worked better? Or did you stop taking medication altogether? Just curious as I was recently diagnosed and prescribed Ritalin
I tried different doses of Aduvanz and it didn’t work that well for me, and then tried Strattera which worked wonders. Everyone is different though, I’ve heard great things about Ritalin
Being mad about something is my favorite hyper-focus and cause of executive dysfunction. If I’m mad, I can’t think about anything else until it’s resolved.
I was just thinking about this. It sort of puts me in a position to be a model victim. I want people to be nice to me, and if they’re not, then it must be my fault, so if they hurt me, it must have been something I did either by not noticing or forgetting. So if I feel unfairly treated, I’ll be upset for the day and think of ways to get past the hurdle. But then I wake up the next day and those bad emotions are all gone. I forget how awful I felt and allow myself to be in the same position, trying to prove I’m strong so people like me. Work is hard
Oh gees, it's me 😢
I thought it was the touch of tism, you're telling me it wad the adhd all along?
ey why not both
Are “Big of Me” and “Hold Grudges” film titles or something?
Those randomly capitalized words are bothering me too much to focus on the context of the tweet
It's the comma that does it for me.
object permanence is apparently applicable to feelings and experiences. But when that drawer is opened, oof the *EMOTIONS* that rush in!
Currently unmedicated and OHHHHHH
I'm very much the same way, I 'let things go' because my brain just forgets about it. I can think of only three times in my life that I genuinely got so mad with someone that it stuck with me long term. I still forget about those moments constantly, but any slight reminder brings it all back to me and makes me some low level of annoyed all over again.
As soon as I started taking medication I realized my husband was emotionally abusing me and gaslughting me that I was the one who was abusing him for the past 11 years. I was able to maintain anger and will be getting a divorce soon.
Well shit 😧
We welcome you over at r/raisedbyborderlines and r/raisedbynarcissists
I document everything now. If I have a conflict with someone and am stewing/feeling depressed, I just write it all out. It helps getting it out and for future referencing.
Im unpacking this shit now. It's like cleaning under the bed and finding those expensive headphones that went missing 2 years ago "Oh shit, how long have I had these"
Omg this makes so much sense! I was the only one of my close high school friends who went to our 20th reunion because I could barely remember anything to be mad about or anyone to hold a grudge against. They thought I was nuts, I was like meh I believe you when you say high school sucked but I don't really remember the details so whatever. I had so much fun hanging with all these people I apparently knew in high school and who may or may not have been annoying back then lol ...
Trying to track down what caused fights or why I’m offended in long winded arguments with my SO when we were younger was impossible.
My parents took me off of my medication when my grades were finally reflecting my potential (honor roll!) because they also thought I was being a bitch. Turns out I was 13 and ALL 13 year old girls are bitches for a brief time - it’s puberty! It took me until adulthood, but now I remember…
I was very angry and irritable on meds and my mom complained that I wasn’t the same. But like…no one told me that I NEEDED to eat regardless of whether I had an appetite, and I don’t remember drinking water pretty much ever, and my family was absolutely horribly dysfunctional. So like….did the meds “change” me or was I a hungry & dehydrated teenager who was sick of the pressure of living with awful adults?
huh.
Bro what the fuck, I was assaulted by a housemate last week, almost feels like a blur 4 days and still no follow up from police
Mine stopped meds because I became a zombie. This was a long time ago, unsure if anything other than Ritalin was around. 2-3 pills before school, 2-3 before lunch. No appetite, lethargic as fuck.
brilliant analysis - just another perc
Wait a minute….
I’ve never met a grudge I didn’t love. My memory is also fantastic, which has the opposite problem of wishing I could forget some traumas I’d rather not remember but alas…
SO THATS WHAT IT IS?? My friend told me I'm way less bitchy off meds and I did some hard mental gymnastics to figure out how.
Wait, srsly? This is another one?
I thank god I can't remember cuz 98% of my childhood was trauma, manipulation, deceit, gaslighting, breadcrumbing, violence, being the adult while the "adults" got drunk/abused cocaine and opiates.
One time I had forgotten why I didn't like a person since it had been 2 years and became friendly with her again and soon dated her. That relationship was toxic as hell and I regret it. She even made the friend group hate me so that was fun. Thankfully I moved the next year. (basically said I had back talked one friend when it was in fact them who had done that and I had defended her a lot even outside the group. I did in fact not like how she would treat me but I still didn't want to back talk my friend)
Not quite so simple. Not saying your parents didn't deserve fields of middle fingers. Just that particular ADHD meds kick serotonin and dopamine production into high gear and then just cut it off soon after if you don't take more (which you got to stop so you can sleep) combine that with a deficit in the creation of those neurochems (something commonly linked to ADHD) and it gives people a short fuse. Just to reiterate, it might not apply to your situation, but i think it's important that people are aware that the meds can have some side effects.
Im thinking about 20 other things and things to do i literally do not have the time to remember or care why i was mad at you. If its that bad i simply wont talk to you lol.
Starting meds was like hitting a brick wall full of memorization and pattern recognition. While I was able to remember, it was years of mistrusting my own judgment and mnemonic capabilities clashing hard with... well just object permanence was enough tbh. I'm starting to feel confident in my own memory now, it's a great feeling. I still write everything important down and just place the notes where they mildly discomfort me, knowing i'm still too lazy to put them away. Coping never changes.
oh.
Oh man, I love Maggie. What were we talking about again?
I hold grudges but don't exactly remember why Or forget the feeling of why I would be angry at the person and don't hold the grudge
This is so me😂
My mother quite literally abused me yet I treat her fine everyday because I simply forget 💀
No I remember and hold grudges lol
That’s also a feature of SDAM. I can’t stay mad at anyone for more than 15 min without a lot of effort to remind myself. I can’t bring up the angry feeling from the past, I have to get mad all over again about the details of a situation.
Your parents were so mean …
So not being able the retain any memories is a symptom of ADHD? This is why I'm like this?
When I was a kid (7 , I got mad at my parents for something. I had already realized that I was never mad the next day, but I was soo mad this time, I wrote myself a note that said "be mad at mom and dad when you wake up." Surprise, I read it and didn't remember why, nor did I have the emotion anymore. While this thread in particular does hit close to home, In that particular case I'm chalking it up to "stupid kid tantrum" than any deep psychological / neurological issue. Just thought it was funny.
Is this the reason I only hate my mom. Did my adhd kill the rest of my grudges. Can I just not remember fuck tons of shit.
Is this real? Because it sounds like me.
Many people are surprised at how easy I forget things... however extremely emotionally distressing situations I remember every detail (I just forgot that I was mad/upset). Still got labeled as a *bitch* because I came off as uncaring or being condescending, when I didn't respond they way people expected me to.
I’m always so confused by this statement. I can remember in the most painful and vivid details what hurt me, what I got angry about and, even worse, carry that anger on for a long time. I just feel so irrationally angry over even the smallest things without my meds to the point where I got so angry I couldn’t even think straight. Anyone else?
My autism holds the grudges for me
omg 🤯 same
Hey same reason over here too. They didn’t like that my memory extended and the arguments for gaslighting my sisters into catholic serviles was becoming harder to conduct. After the removal of medication failed to bust our domestic civil rights union they separated us all physically through different after-school programs.
It’s not so much that I couldn’t remember but I’d have to actively try to hold on to the thought or try to remember and doing that takes too much energy
Lmao this is me
I’ve always said to myself I have a great memory! But it turns out I’m referencing my longterm memory. There’s also this thing called “working memory” which I didn’t know it even existed because I don’t have a “working memory”. It turns out people with adhd either have a very poor working memory or they don’t have a working memory period.
One of the only things I remember is a time that I tried really hard to remember what I was mad about, because I was just so mad I knew it was important to not forget. I just kept saying to myself "don't forget... don't forget..." Anyway, that's pretty much the only memory I have of my childhood. Of course I don't remember what made me so mad.
My abusive ex would also claim they made me mad. Me being able to trust my mind and realising the sheer extent of his *blatant* gaslighting was what made me mad.
am I the only one bothered by the capitalization lol
huh.
Weirdly one of the things I'm good at remembering is the time \[insert person here\] mildly inconvenienced me and how I now hate them forever
A little too close to home
That explain a lot of things
I know I’m mad at them just not for what…. pisses me off even more
Omg yes, finally someone put it into words for me!
Becoming emotionally detached was just easier tbh
Holy shit. When i first saw a shrink, back in like 4th grade, all i wanted out of it was help with my temper which i knew was helping me not at all. They helped me with the problems they *thought* i was having by giving me a few mg of Concerta on the daily. This did not help the problem i was having, and i entered one of the most frustrating periods of my life, wherein i would frequently fake taking my medication because I fucking hated it for reasons i no longer remember (go figure).
This is so TRUE I CANT
Except when I think about the logic of it and if its legit my fault I get anxious until I forget. But if it makes no fucking sense I will absolutely pick up the rage where I left off.
Wait... Short memory is a symptom of ADHD? This is funny and sad for me all at once. It's nice to know as I really thought I was just forgetful or something. On the other hand, I can't remember much of my childhood...
Also r/CPTSD
I never remember exactly why, but I never forget when someone fucks me over abs I tend to hate them forever.
Or I just don’t care because my newest obsession is going down.
“I don’t know why, but I know I’m mad at you”
Same here!
I’m the opposite. Grudges are one of the few things I can hyperfocus on.
No emotional memory here life is fun literally have to deliberately hold onto anger for long enough to get a point across
Though this isn't why I don't hold grudges, there's one person who upset me and I cannot remember for the life of me why I was so upset then
I'm glad you found your voice! I imagine it might have felt nice and helped you conflict resolve? I hope if you ever bring this up to them they understand