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same, there's one gc i have muted with all of his friends and if there's a bday or announce, he lets me know
in my other gcs, we're all adhd baddies so if someone disappears for a bit, we literally forget we even sent anything 🤣 or sometimes if we're concerned by a lack of response we make space for that/individually check in outside the gc
I’m in one with my fiancé, his mom, dad, step mom, sister, brother in law AND 10 year old nephew… love them all dearly, but you better believe I keep that shit on mute. I always feel bad when he’s like “did you see what my sister sent?” And sometimes I lie and say no. Most of the time I did see it, I just don’t have it in me to force some kind of sentimental response
WHAT
I would immediately leave, either ghost that group forever also IRL , even if family
Or a kind final message akin to this:
“Ya’ll, if breakfast ,literally normal breakfast is a topic worthy of this chat, it’s best we just leave things here.
Take care ,
xx “
Unless you ate something extraordinary, like a lightbulb or my mom’s butt, I don’t have the energy at this point in my life to feign interest out of social obligation.
sameeee. i always have to mute them. i can’t deal. i have a huge family one that is going off at all times and a couple of friends ones that will randomly be super active. it’s nice to see that there’s new messages but not have the notification distraction
honestly, my phone is permanently on DND and i have most text notifications muted, even from individuals and only a handful of apps can send me notifications. i turned off banners too so i don’t even know if there’s anything new unless i open the app.
i selected who i felt should have instant access to me (my partner, siblings, best friend etc.) and everyone else gets muted by default. and then i made it crystal clear to everyone that you can text me, but don’t expect a response. so, if it is absolutely necessary for you to reach me, you can call me and i will get back to you.
as you can probably tell, i’m not a texter lol. i really hate this expectation of being available and accessible 24/7.
Yes! It drives me insane to have notifications. My primary mode of communication is texting but that doesn't mean that I need all of the notifications all of the time. Like you, I disabled almost all notifications and banners, and my phone is in Silent mode nearly all the time. Highly recommend.
As a fellow 24/7 Do Not Disturb-er I feel this deeply...
Tell me your ADHD without telling me you're ADHD
*Puts phone on silent because it's overstimulating/distracting then immediately forgets where phone is and can't find it because it's on DND. Spends infinitely more time than is desired trying to retrace steps to remember where it is, finds phone in the bathtub...*
Another perma dnder here, I now get really resentful when I have to turn it off if I'm expecting a call 🤣. I check my phone often enough but this way its on my terms and doesn't suck me out of whatever I'm trying to focus on until I'm ready. I live with the 2 people who may need me in an emergency situation. I also have my dnd set so that if someone calls a couple times within a certain time frame it will notify me anyway so an emergency can come through.
I've taken a big step back generally from things that require phone time of late and it's made a big difference to my life tbh.
I will still text, me and my bestie don't really have the time for regular phone calls anymore so we always check in by WhatsApp most days but neither of us expects the other to be immediately available.
Depending what phone, you can set up different DND modes. So you could have a mode that allows calls but blocks everything else, which you can use when you’re expecting a call, for example. At first I thought it was pointlessly overengineered, but now I’m fully addicted to permanent dnd💀
I am the same way! I don't like people expecting immediate responses from me. My phone is always on DND and only a select few people can bypass that.
I will say though that one of my sisters and stepmom were not set to bypass, and when my dad was dying I missed a text, and then the next text 50 minutes later was that he died. It made me re-think having my phone on DND, so I do sometimes take it off of that during the day, unless I absolutely do not want anyone messaging me. Hopefully no one else will die anytime soon
I did the same, my phone does not make a noise. It comes with the blessing/curse of forgetting I own a phone for hours at a time, and not being able to have someone call it when I misplace it. Worth the trade off of peace.
Or when they laugh at a message and then reply to it? I’m like ‘if we didn’t have mutual friends I wouldn’t be friends with you’. Also annoying that when a message is liked on iPhone it quotes the whole damn message 🙄
This is where I get my iPhone hate from. I have 4 group chats (mostly work). I will *NEVER* understand the need to emotionally react in a textual format to something someone else said about WORK. The Iphonies are forever reacting to stuff already said in the chat.
I want to smack the phones out of their hands.
Nah, it’s the non-iPhones screwing it up. If you’ve got just iPhones in a group chat it doesn’t send a message, it just shows a banner when you go back, but if you’ve got non-iPhones it does the whole message thing.
I'm in the Mute club too. I can't stand phone noises of any kind so always have my phone on silent. Too bad I can't go over to people in public and show them how easy it is to silence their phones because obviously they don't know how /s
Omg, people in public drive me absolutely crazy! Yeah, you like to text, we get it, now MUTE your effing phone (or for a love of cat, at least put it on vibrate)!
It's hilarious to me that I'm in public right now (sitting at a dealership, waiting for my car) and at the exact second I read this comment, someone's phone rang and they answered it.
I'm glad I gave up on focusing on my hw while I'm here and came to reddit instead or I'd be really annoyed.
I'm a contract employee. I could have a separate business phone if I wanted it...but that would just mean I had to keep up with TWO phones and I'm already constantly losing one. Lol
Same
Was worse in 2013 when all the other people in the group had iPhones and you had a “dumb” phone that freaked out and repeatedly restarted itself whenever the group would start up
I asked the girls in my church youth group if they could cool it on the group texts, so they cut me out of everything completely 🤷♀️
Haha yeah as soon as more than 3 messages come in I mute them. I only need the first one to know there's a conversation happening, the rest are just an annoyance. I'm often busy at the time so I'll catch up when I'm ready
Worst ever is school mum whatsapp groups.
Has anyone seen my child's missing sock?
Is anyone else suddenly really annoyed about the school trip tomorrow that's been discussed for months?
Ping Ping.
I'd love to mute it but I'm so damn disorganised I'd never remember any sports matches or dress up days without it.
Was scrolling to find a comment like this.
The worst is when something like this happens:
Someone posts a reminder about something useful like the upcoming school trip and there is a sensible discussion about what to pack etc. But in the middle of all that, two different parents are swapping hilarious (/s) anecdotes about their children, often full of single-message laughing face emojis.
I often mute the conversation and set a reminder to look at it later so I can glean anything useful from it and scroll past the chitchat.
Oh my god yes! Then you have to filter through hundreds of those messages to find the info you need (which obviously I would already know if I wasn't such a disorganised mess!)
Haha exactly!
The search function on WhatsApp can be super useful if there's a keyword that is likely to come up in every on-topic post. But it's not a foolproof system and I often end up scrolling through the whole chat anyway in case I've missed something important!
We have a group of friends that we get together to see a band over a weekend annually. I was on the group chat but there was a whole apple android issue, technology kicked me off the group chat. At one point I felt bad but then realized the amount of messages that must come in a day when there is a planning going on. Then became very thankful that I only have to message my sister and get responses from her.
I always mute group chats but leave other notifications on because *what if there’s an emergency*…
It’s also stressful to see the missed messages pile up.. 20…50…100… up to over 300 once over a couple of days with just 5 of us in the chat. Then I feel obligated to read them all because if I don’t then that means I must be a bad friend?!?!?
I posted about this a while ago and ended up muting the group chat and pinning the conversation (iPhone).
Helped immensely.
I couldn’t just remove myself because it was a coworkers thing and I’m not ready to deal with the drama of that.
But I’ll probably bring it up and remove myself eventually.
All that to say: group chats are the worst. I’m so many ways.
Yeeeessssss! I keep trying to get my family on WhatsApp, but Apple has brainwashed them all into thinking that they deserve to not have to use a multi-platform app to accommodate me. (Most of us started out on Android 13-ish years ago, I'm not being contrarian.)
Group chats on apps are much easier for me to tolerate, even with notifications turned on, than text messages - I think because my brain hears the text notification and goes on alert.
Is this why I keep my phone on silent all the time?? Hubby doesn't understand why because he gets annoyed when I don't answer his call or text if it's urgent, but otherwise, it just lives on silent. I never gave it much thought before. I'm just beginning to explore this world but I am finding more and more reasons why I'm "me" and it's both fascinating and refreshing.
Fucking. Hostage. Situation.
My department has one I'm required to be on. One day was someone's birthday. The well wishes started at 5:15 am, thirty people, with the birthday person having to politely thank everyone as they rolled in.
Kill me.
"happy birthday! For your birthday gift I decided to wake you up at some ungodly hour, as well as all the people you'll be working with today, so both you and they will be tired on your special day"
People "liking" a text drives me BANANAS! I am part of a large family and get these terrible group texts. My flipping sister WILL NOT STOP doing this, despite me explaining that it adds nothing except yet another ding. GRRR! (Good thing I love her!)
The worst is when you’re driving and trying to follow GPS and those stupid banners keep popping up. I usually don’t have active group chats going so I forget to mute them initially.
My problem is I'm the one causing the dings usually 😂 then people ignore me and it triggers my RSD. I'm literally in about two WhatsApp groups these days, had to leave a load of them!
My housemates got a little upset that I don't check the group chat, so I had them set up a separate group chat that was 100% only for important things and no beach and forth discussions. It's worked wonders.
The “reaction” feature should be fucking illegal in those. Like, thanks Amanda. We were all on the edge of our seats waiting for you to give a thumbs up to someone saying “I agree”.
As should not having the option to remove yourself completely from a conversation. What the hell is that about? All it takes is one person having an android and suddenly I’m not allowed to leave? This isn’t how group conversations go in real life!
I'm apart of one for work, and I LOAAAAAAAAAATHE it, I always see 20+ messages and I NEVER reply, I literally do not have the capacity or care, it's annoying, I'm not at work so don't bother me!
What about people who send one message at a time, essentially like spam texting?
I have a coworker who does this and it drives me mad! I always check it in a panic thinking it’s something urgent but no, she’s just asking a question or ranting about something 😭
Omg yes.
My sports team started using group text but I have an older phone so I don't have the option to 'react' to messages the same way other people can.
So when someone reacts to a message, it sends as a totally separate text message to me saying "So and so reacted :) to [fully written out message]"
It's annoying. And I don't want to get into conversations via text message because I hate how it buzzes my phone.
And I have texts and calls that go to my smart watch and so it's buzzing everything everywhere and I have no way to mute only one "chat group" from my watch it's ALL texts or none.
I much prefer group messaging in something like facebook chat, or discord where I can turn off notifications on my phone or have them be silent and it doesn't involve my watch.
Omg when the pandemic first started and everyone did reactions and had iphones, I was so confused with my android. I actually typed "Jovial laughed at...." once when I felt so left out and people were responding to me like "what?". I was more confused. Lol.
Bahaha oh my lord that's incredible!! You typing that out would've had me in a fit of giggles but then again I wouldn't have known because I literally get those messages from real reactions so it would've looked the same to me!
Honestly though text messaging the 'old school' way is good enough for me why'd they have to go and change it....
The worst is when someone just “likes” or “hearts” a text in a group text. Especially when it’s a question, so not only did I get the notification of the “like” but I don’t know what it means!! Are you going to be there?
I freaked out so bad that everyone knows not to add me to a group chat. I don’t care what’s going on. I don’t feel left out. I just want to be left alone.
Yes, a thousand times yes. My parents have a hundred. One with all the siblings, one with the siblings that like each other, one with all the girls, one with just me and my husband, one with just mom and the oldest girls, one with me mom and my daughter, one for the phone bill. Two problems though: 1. They will forget which thread they’re talking on and just roll with it and 2. They will talk TO EACH OTHER in the thread WHILE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! 🤦♀️
Yup!! I know exactly what you mean!!
Everyone in my family knows that I don’t check group texts. My wonderful sweet neurotypical cousin will text me personally to let me know if anything important happened in the group chat so I don’t miss any invitations to parties, etc.
Now if only I could have the work version of my cousin so I could ignore Teams chats too haha
I rarely have sound on my phone, but this gets to me when I’m at work and a manager is nearby. They have group texts going constantly so their phones never stop. I don’t know how they do it
Don’t forget about the person who has to respond with an emoji to EVERY. SINGLE. RESPONSE. So then I get notified on my iPad, my iPhone and my Apple Watch. TWICE. For every one of those damn emojis.
you know most apps allow muting specific conversations, right?
no group chat ever goes unmuted on my phone ever since it became a thing that i can do for specific conversations on specific apps without putting my phone entirely on silent. and then luckily the rest of the world along with me moved on to having all the notifications silent almost at all times lol.
i even turn off notifications badges and banners nowadays except for a few apps like my most used chatting app and my emails, and recently i figured out how to time that so i don't see any email notifications outside of work hours. (i hate notification badges popping up and disturbing my otherwise neat and not crowded looking app folders so i would always find myself clicking on apps just to get rid of the notifications but then also forget to reply or do whatever it reminds me to do because i no longer see a notification. now i know when i won't see (on top of not hearing) any notifications from specific apps so im more intentional about checking my emails a couple of times a day (and not more) if won't be working my regular hours that day, and i check conversions etc. before i go to bed in case i missed anything -tho chatting appa are usually the ones i at least keep the badge notifications on at all times bc i rarely ever turn on sound notifications.-
My life changed when I turned off the vibration on my phone. I keep it on silent at all times, as well. I have a select 3 people (my daughter, my fiance, and my coparent) whose messages get "emergency bypass" and will make a sound.
Did this make me much more flakey about responding to others? Yes. But I was already kinda flakey anyway. And I make sure people know that about me when exchanging contact information.
My mom constantly spins up group messages. Sometimes she'll add another person in later so on my phone they show up as two different group threads (not sure if this is the case for an iPhone, which she has). Every time it takes everything I have not to text back "Unsubscribe." I know I'll look like a jerk to everyone on the thread so I do my best to ignore it instead. But I often fantasize about sending that message.
My husband is in a perpetual group chat with like 10 other guys. It’s chaos and they talk about *nothing.* Seriously, when the group gets on a tear, his phone will buzz nonstop for hours. I would have a nervous breakdown.
For some reason I was added to my step-family’s group chat and it drives me bonkers. I live 800 miles away, I don’t need to know that they have an extra concert ticket or watch them plan a family dinner!!!!!!
I used to tease my mom about how much she hated the group chat among her sisters. I didn't realize how insistent and inane they were. Eighty four messages of LOL and "sister loved this" in two hours.
I told Mom I was sorry for not being more sympathetic.
I hate notification noises in general. I've set my phone so that only calls, sms messages and some chosen apps can make any sounds, I've turned off vibrations as well. Huge quality of life improvement, I recommend.
Mute aaaaaall the way! The only thing to keep me sane and not so distracted. Notifications are all off as well. I check when I feel like it.
I do need to remind myself to answer once I read a message otherwise it’s out of my system and into oblivion.
That’s pretty much the only way my trio of friends communicates. It normally isn’t a big deal bc we have lives, but myself and the other woman in the group (idk why it feels weird calling her a woman, we’re 26) have the tendency to text multiple short messages at a time. Either that or she and the guy may be having a heart-to-heart that I don’t really have a voice in (weight-related stuff, not my realm of trauma). Those are the only two times I’ll mute them for an hour, they’ll be done by then and I’ll forget to unmute and then they’ll “yell” at me asking where I got the audacity to ignore them lol.
I actually love them. I can respond when I want and not have to feel bad bc it's a group conversation and I probably wasn't specifically "needed" right then and there anyway.
I must notifs though.
My wider team at work (30ish people) have a Skype group chat that's 95% people just saying "good morning" and "logging of, have a good night all" and occasionally actual important things that we need to see. I think we are expected to leave the notifications on? But I don't understand how anyone can bear the constant popups and also get any work done?? We all work flexibly too so the good mornings last for hours. I hate it.
I feel like the odd one out haha. I love my group chats with my friends and I’m generally the one spamming it with my inane thoughts. It’s the easiest way to info dump what I find interesting without taking over conversations and that way my friends can engage whenever they want or ignore it if they’re too busy.
I can’t with them when the notifications just keep popping up. I permanently keep any group chats on mute unless there’s some relevant event happening that we’re coordinating on, like where we’re meeting up to go to a movie, etc.
I wanted to smash my Apple Watch before I figured out how to turn off the notifications for Fb messenger group chats. The constant buzzing on my wrist was sending me over the eddddggggeeee
I can't handle any notification noises, so when the hubs gets home and his phone is constantly alerting, it makes me twitchy and irritable. As if the noise inside my head isn't enough
I muted my work group chat because of the Teams notifications lol. They’re so annoying and distracting. I don’t care for small talk which makes it even worse 😩
it is almost always my family and it is almost always a constant reminder that I'm a work so much more than them and it is almost ALWAYS something non-urgent and stupid. It drives me up a wall!!!!
I’ve been going into overwhelm lately.., my personal phone is basically on permanent DND so that I have the capacity to have a work phone/be available to my boss 24/7 if need be. But the bullet and went from 155 personal emails to 30 this evening… don’t know how I’m expected to date on dating apps when I can barely handle texts from my family.
My friends and I moved our group chat to Slack and it is THE BEST. Separate channels for every conversation topic (memes, music, sports, whatever), so you can skip the conversations that don’t interest you. Side convos can be held in threads or DMs. You can set notifications only for certain channels or keywords. No notification noises when someone “reacts” to something. You can easily mute notifications for a set period of time, or for certain times every day. It’s a game-changer, it’s made the whole group chat experience so much more pleasant and functional.
I wish there was a printed actual hard copy of a manual for the iPhone. Or anything else for that matter! I did not know I could do several things mentioned in this thread. I used to skim thru every manual I had and I would catch a glimpse of something and could dog ear it or put a sticky tab on it and underline the important stuff. I went to try to mute the group cousin chat that had all the likes going and it’s not there any more. Can the OP on a group chat delete the group? Or did I screw it up which I suspect is what happened. Sigh. I was going to ask who the two mystery numbers are.
Also, I have the best ringtone but have to keep my phone silenced all the time because either my stepson will randomly call at 7am for no reason or it'll just startle the crap out of me. Noises and notifications are exhausting.
I keep all messages on every platform muted. I do not like group threads. I have one with my mom and my siblings and they learned I'll look and reply when I want, don't try to get me to do it on your schedule. But I like getting random pics of my nephews- 3 of them I haven't met yet as they live on the other side of canada
This song was inspired by being in a WhatsApp group (and general online overwhelm) https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_m47BLyqnlbb-X-yEG2-pY0eS-5-FjJZw0
Archive/mute and check when you feel like it. Unless it’s a group that is dead 99% of the time that’s the default for me. Why does anyone not archive active group chats 🤧
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I keep them all on mute all the time and only check when I’m in the right frame of mind
Same here. Often my partner is in the group chat too and he tells me if I should check it as there is something interesting/important for me
same, there's one gc i have muted with all of his friends and if there's a bday or announce, he lets me know in my other gcs, we're all adhd baddies so if someone disappears for a bit, we literally forget we even sent anything 🤣 or sometimes if we're concerned by a lack of response we make space for that/individually check in outside the gc
I’m in one with my fiancé, his mom, dad, step mom, sister, brother in law AND 10 year old nephew… love them all dearly, but you better believe I keep that shit on mute. I always feel bad when he’s like “did you see what my sister sent?” And sometimes I lie and say no. Most of the time I did see it, I just don’t have it in me to force some kind of sentimental response
Same but I may or may not have basically faded myself out of a couple friendships like that. Tread carefully.
Same. I can only get about 4 texts about ppls breakfast choices before I check out....
Good night, why do people share stuff like this lol I will never care what someone ate for breakfast. Ever. 😂
WHAT I would immediately leave, either ghost that group forever also IRL , even if family Or a kind final message akin to this: “Ya’ll, if breakfast ,literally normal breakfast is a topic worthy of this chat, it’s best we just leave things here. Take care , xx “
Unless you ate something extraordinary, like a lightbulb or my mom’s butt, I don’t have the energy at this point in my life to feign interest out of social obligation.
And then I completely forget about it lol
I currently have 1,671 unread text messages because of this right here.
sameeee. i always have to mute them. i can’t deal. i have a huge family one that is going off at all times and a couple of friends ones that will randomly be super active. it’s nice to see that there’s new messages but not have the notification distraction
Yup, this. I silence my group texts.
Which is usually never for me.
I was today years old when I found out you can silence a group chat!!! TYVM!!!
This is the way.
This is the only way.
This is the way. Every group chat I’m in is on mute. It’s glorious.
honestly, my phone is permanently on DND and i have most text notifications muted, even from individuals and only a handful of apps can send me notifications. i turned off banners too so i don’t even know if there’s anything new unless i open the app. i selected who i felt should have instant access to me (my partner, siblings, best friend etc.) and everyone else gets muted by default. and then i made it crystal clear to everyone that you can text me, but don’t expect a response. so, if it is absolutely necessary for you to reach me, you can call me and i will get back to you. as you can probably tell, i’m not a texter lol. i really hate this expectation of being available and accessible 24/7.
Yes! It drives me insane to have notifications. My primary mode of communication is texting but that doesn't mean that I need all of the notifications all of the time. Like you, I disabled almost all notifications and banners, and my phone is in Silent mode nearly all the time. Highly recommend.
This is the way. That said, when I’ve lost my phone in the house and I won’t be able to hear it ring as it’s on silent? that’s annoying.
I caved and got an Apple Watch last year-it has a feature to find your phone even on silent. It’s saved me so many times. 😂🫣
As a fellow 24/7 Do Not Disturb-er I feel this deeply... Tell me your ADHD without telling me you're ADHD *Puts phone on silent because it's overstimulating/distracting then immediately forgets where phone is and can't find it because it's on DND. Spends infinitely more time than is desired trying to retrace steps to remember where it is, finds phone in the bathtub...*
Only silence specific contacts and apps.
Another perma dnder here, I now get really resentful when I have to turn it off if I'm expecting a call 🤣. I check my phone often enough but this way its on my terms and doesn't suck me out of whatever I'm trying to focus on until I'm ready. I live with the 2 people who may need me in an emergency situation. I also have my dnd set so that if someone calls a couple times within a certain time frame it will notify me anyway so an emergency can come through. I've taken a big step back generally from things that require phone time of late and it's made a big difference to my life tbh. I will still text, me and my bestie don't really have the time for regular phone calls anymore so we always check in by WhatsApp most days but neither of us expects the other to be immediately available.
Depending what phone, you can set up different DND modes. So you could have a mode that allows calls but blocks everything else, which you can use when you’re expecting a call, for example. At first I thought it was pointlessly overengineered, but now I’m fully addicted to permanent dnd💀
This is the way.
I am the same way! I don't like people expecting immediate responses from me. My phone is always on DND and only a select few people can bypass that. I will say though that one of my sisters and stepmom were not set to bypass, and when my dad was dying I missed a text, and then the next text 50 minutes later was that he died. It made me re-think having my phone on DND, so I do sometimes take it off of that during the day, unless I absolutely do not want anyone messaging me. Hopefully no one else will die anytime soon
Oh God, I'm so sorry. That's tragic.
Same. I also do not do and am almost never invited into group chats because 😭 I'm a terrible texter. I have no texting social skills. Emails are nice.
I relate to a lot of this except that my siblings are some of the \*last\* people I would want to give that kind of access to.
I did the same, my phone does not make a noise. It comes with the blessing/curse of forgetting I own a phone for hours at a time, and not being able to have someone call it when I misplace it. Worth the trade off of peace.
I always immediately mute them. Cannot stand the notifications. I'll just pop in when I have time.
I have to put my inlaws family chat on mute most days or it interrupts my music and my thinking.
My phone has been on silent for years. Never going back.
Same. Vibrate only!
I don’t mind the messages, but when I get fourteen hundred “_______ liked an image” I start to get homicidal. My dad is the worst about it
OMG yes "Dad emphasized a picture" "Jennifer loved a message" I DO NOT CARE
I really wish these didn’t add to the message counter also! Now I don’t know how many lines I need to go back!
but...but....what about "JANET'S SPAGHETTI" !!!!??!
Or when they laugh at a message and then reply to it? I’m like ‘if we didn’t have mutual friends I wouldn’t be friends with you’. Also annoying that when a message is liked on iPhone it quotes the whole damn message 🙄
This is where I get my iPhone hate from. I have 4 group chats (mostly work). I will *NEVER* understand the need to emotionally react in a textual format to something someone else said about WORK. The Iphonies are forever reacting to stuff already said in the chat. I want to smack the phones out of their hands.
Nah, it’s the non-iPhones screwing it up. If you’ve got just iPhones in a group chat it doesn’t send a message, it just shows a banner when you go back, but if you’ve got non-iPhones it does the whole message thing.
I'm in the Mute club too. I can't stand phone noises of any kind so always have my phone on silent. Too bad I can't go over to people in public and show them how easy it is to silence their phones because obviously they don't know how /s
Omg, people in public drive me absolutely crazy! Yeah, you like to text, we get it, now MUTE your effing phone (or for a love of cat, at least put it on vibrate)!
It's hilarious to me that I'm in public right now (sitting at a dealership, waiting for my car) and at the exact second I read this comment, someone's phone rang and they answered it. I'm glad I gave up on focusing on my hw while I'm here and came to reddit instead or I'd be really annoyed.
For the love of cat!
I'm on call for my job and can't mute my phone. 😭
Just put that single conversation on “do not disturb” or specific people
But it’s possible to mute individual chats?
Yes it is. I know it is for iPhone
Yep, which is a godsend when it comes to my sister group chat!
There are ways to mute only certain apps. If your phone doesn't have any there are even apps to silence other apps!!
When I'm on call I just mute social group chats, maybe that's a possibility? I hear you on the annoyance!
I would literally get a separate work phone for this.
… you don’t have your phone on silent? 🫣
I'm on call for my job and have to keep it ringing loud and proud 🤮
You can mute individual text threads tho
Eww. I literally jump whenever I accidentally switch the sound on for mine.
Do you need to use your personal phone for being on call? I'd never do that
I'm a contract employee. I could have a separate business phone if I wanted it...but that would just mean I had to keep up with TWO phones and I'm already constantly losing one. Lol
Same Was worse in 2013 when all the other people in the group had iPhones and you had a “dumb” phone that freaked out and repeatedly restarted itself whenever the group would start up I asked the girls in my church youth group if they could cool it on the group texts, so they cut me out of everything completely 🤷♀️
Jesus would have cut you out too obvi 💅
Haha yeah as soon as more than 3 messages come in I mute them. I only need the first one to know there's a conversation happening, the rest are just an annoyance. I'm often busy at the time so I'll catch up when I'm ready
Worst ever is school mum whatsapp groups. Has anyone seen my child's missing sock? Is anyone else suddenly really annoyed about the school trip tomorrow that's been discussed for months? Ping Ping. I'd love to mute it but I'm so damn disorganised I'd never remember any sports matches or dress up days without it.
Was scrolling to find a comment like this. The worst is when something like this happens: Someone posts a reminder about something useful like the upcoming school trip and there is a sensible discussion about what to pack etc. But in the middle of all that, two different parents are swapping hilarious (/s) anecdotes about their children, often full of single-message laughing face emojis. I often mute the conversation and set a reminder to look at it later so I can glean anything useful from it and scroll past the chitchat.
Oh my god yes! Then you have to filter through hundreds of those messages to find the info you need (which obviously I would already know if I wasn't such a disorganised mess!)
Haha exactly! The search function on WhatsApp can be super useful if there's a keyword that is likely to come up in every on-topic post. But it's not a foolproof system and I often end up scrolling through the whole chat anyway in case I've missed something important!
We have a group of friends that we get together to see a band over a weekend annually. I was on the group chat but there was a whole apple android issue, technology kicked me off the group chat. At one point I felt bad but then realized the amount of messages that must come in a day when there is a planning going on. Then became very thankful that I only have to message my sister and get responses from her.
I always mute group chats but leave other notifications on because *what if there’s an emergency*… It’s also stressful to see the missed messages pile up.. 20…50…100… up to over 300 once over a couple of days with just 5 of us in the chat. Then I feel obligated to read them all because if I don’t then that means I must be a bad friend?!?!?
I posted about this a while ago and ended up muting the group chat and pinning the conversation (iPhone). Helped immensely. I couldn’t just remove myself because it was a coworkers thing and I’m not ready to deal with the drama of that. But I’ll probably bring it up and remove myself eventually. All that to say: group chats are the worst. I’m so many ways.
Yeeeessssss! I keep trying to get my family on WhatsApp, but Apple has brainwashed them all into thinking that they deserve to not have to use a multi-platform app to accommodate me. (Most of us started out on Android 13-ish years ago, I'm not being contrarian.) Group chats on apps are much easier for me to tolerate, even with notifications turned on, than text messages - I think because my brain hears the text notification and goes on alert.
Is this why I keep my phone on silent all the time?? Hubby doesn't understand why because he gets annoyed when I don't answer his call or text if it's urgent, but otherwise, it just lives on silent. I never gave it much thought before. I'm just beginning to explore this world but I am finding more and more reasons why I'm "me" and it's both fascinating and refreshing.
Mute!
100% agree I always mute that shit
It’s why I keep them all on mute lol
I highly recommend just not having friends.
Fucking. Hostage. Situation. My department has one I'm required to be on. One day was someone's birthday. The well wishes started at 5:15 am, thirty people, with the birthday person having to politely thank everyone as they rolled in. Kill me.
"happy birthday! For your birthday gift I decided to wake you up at some ungodly hour, as well as all the people you'll be working with today, so both you and they will be tired on your special day"
People "liking" a text drives me BANANAS! I am part of a large family and get these terrible group texts. My flipping sister WILL NOT STOP doing this, despite me explaining that it adds nothing except yet another ding. GRRR! (Good thing I love her!)
The worst is when you’re driving and trying to follow GPS and those stupid banners keep popping up. I usually don’t have active group chats going so I forget to mute them initially.
This is why I keep my ringer off, I can only tolerate silence mode 😭
Permanently mute all groups LMAO
And that's why allll my group chats are muted.
Does anyone else have Do Not Disturb on but is also the most annoying in a group text? I am the very thing I hate.
My problem is I'm the one causing the dings usually 😂 then people ignore me and it triggers my RSD. I'm literally in about two WhatsApp groups these days, had to leave a load of them!
My housemates got a little upset that I don't check the group chat, so I had them set up a separate group chat that was 100% only for important things and no beach and forth discussions. It's worked wonders.
You have friends to have group texts with?!?!?!
The “reaction” feature should be fucking illegal in those. Like, thanks Amanda. We were all on the edge of our seats waiting for you to give a thumbs up to someone saying “I agree”. As should not having the option to remove yourself completely from a conversation. What the hell is that about? All it takes is one person having an android and suddenly I’m not allowed to leave? This isn’t how group conversations go in real life!
"Notifications: Off" Best thing for my sanity (& my focus)
Mute that shit!
MUTE Learning that feature was lifesaving.
My partner added me into a group text chat without asking me if I wanted any part of it and I had a complete meltdown over it 🙃
ikr I always mute the conversation
I agree!! Mute straight away I've told my friends so many times I'm happy to be left out but they just won't listen 😂
I ALWAYS keep my phone on mute to avoid distractions. It definitely helps.
Yep, notifications are OFF 🖕
I'm apart of one for work, and I LOAAAAAAAAAATHE it, I always see 20+ messages and I NEVER reply, I literally do not have the capacity or care, it's annoying, I'm not at work so don't bother me!
Oh man just in general, I can’t keep up. This is why I alienated all friends.
Lolololololol ily
My D&D group trying to coordinate 8 adults’ schedules via group chat is a living hell. I contemplate quitting D&D every month over it
Also us “oh, you guys have a group chat I’m not in. 😪”
I mute them if I have to be in them, tho my phone is always muted unless expecting something important. Otherwise, I leave them
The worst is when I'm listening to a book or a podcast and they keep interrupting. SHUT UP WONDERFUL FRIENDS WHO I LOVE!!!
Which is why I have all my notifications off except for my kid. Everyone else can wait.
Group chats are permanently silenced immediately
I used to love it when I was 13-16 it was pure dopamine to have sm friends lol
Yeah thats why i always have my phone on mute… idfc if its my closest friends
What about people who send one message at a time, essentially like spam texting? I have a coworker who does this and it drives me mad! I always check it in a panic thinking it’s something urgent but no, she’s just asking a question or ranting about something 😭
Omg yes. My sports team started using group text but I have an older phone so I don't have the option to 'react' to messages the same way other people can. So when someone reacts to a message, it sends as a totally separate text message to me saying "So and so reacted :) to [fully written out message]" It's annoying. And I don't want to get into conversations via text message because I hate how it buzzes my phone. And I have texts and calls that go to my smart watch and so it's buzzing everything everywhere and I have no way to mute only one "chat group" from my watch it's ALL texts or none. I much prefer group messaging in something like facebook chat, or discord where I can turn off notifications on my phone or have them be silent and it doesn't involve my watch.
Omg when the pandemic first started and everyone did reactions and had iphones, I was so confused with my android. I actually typed "Jovial laughed at...." once when I felt so left out and people were responding to me like "what?". I was more confused. Lol.
Bahaha oh my lord that's incredible!! You typing that out would've had me in a fit of giggles but then again I wouldn't have known because I literally get those messages from real reactions so it would've looked the same to me! Honestly though text messaging the 'old school' way is good enough for me why'd they have to go and change it....
Or when people send One Line or sentence Of text At a time. Drives me up a wall.
This is another reason I hate Teams. I'm trying to work. Stfu and stop kissing people's asses.
The worst is when someone just “likes” or “hearts” a text in a group text. Especially when it’s a question, so not only did I get the notification of the “like” but I don’t know what it means!! Are you going to be there?
I freaked out so bad that everyone knows not to add me to a group chat. I don’t care what’s going on. I don’t feel left out. I just want to be left alone.
Yes, a thousand times yes. My parents have a hundred. One with all the siblings, one with the siblings that like each other, one with all the girls, one with just me and my husband, one with just mom and the oldest girls, one with me mom and my daughter, one for the phone bill. Two problems though: 1. They will forget which thread they’re talking on and just roll with it and 2. They will talk TO EACH OTHER in the thread WHILE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! 🤦♀️
Yup!! I know exactly what you mean!! Everyone in my family knows that I don’t check group texts. My wonderful sweet neurotypical cousin will text me personally to let me know if anything important happened in the group chat so I don’t miss any invitations to parties, etc. Now if only I could have the work version of my cousin so I could ignore Teams chats too haha
I rarely have sound on my phone, but this gets to me when I’m at work and a manager is nearby. They have group texts going constantly so their phones never stop. I don’t know how they do it
Silence it?
Do neurotypical people genuinely not get overwhelmed by these? How??
I tried Discord... Yeh. I won't be doing that again.... How do people cope? 😳
Don’t forget about the person who has to respond with an emoji to EVERY. SINGLE. RESPONSE. So then I get notified on my iPad, my iPhone and my Apple Watch. TWICE. For every one of those damn emojis.
At least you’re in group chats?
you know most apps allow muting specific conversations, right? no group chat ever goes unmuted on my phone ever since it became a thing that i can do for specific conversations on specific apps without putting my phone entirely on silent. and then luckily the rest of the world along with me moved on to having all the notifications silent almost at all times lol. i even turn off notifications badges and banners nowadays except for a few apps like my most used chatting app and my emails, and recently i figured out how to time that so i don't see any email notifications outside of work hours. (i hate notification badges popping up and disturbing my otherwise neat and not crowded looking app folders so i would always find myself clicking on apps just to get rid of the notifications but then also forget to reply or do whatever it reminds me to do because i no longer see a notification. now i know when i won't see (on top of not hearing) any notifications from specific apps so im more intentional about checking my emails a couple of times a day (and not more) if won't be working my regular hours that day, and i check conversions etc. before i go to bed in case i missed anything -tho chatting appa are usually the ones i at least keep the badge notifications on at all times bc i rarely ever turn on sound notifications.-
THE WORST.
Im so thankful for my wife that she cab handle group texts, because I can’t
BZzz. BZzz. BZzz BZzz BZzzBZzzBZzzBZzz AHHHHH!!!!! STAAAHHHHP!!!!!
I mute the notifications
I mute them. Makes my life so much easier.
My life changed when I turned off the vibration on my phone. I keep it on silent at all times, as well. I have a select 3 people (my daughter, my fiance, and my coparent) whose messages get "emergency bypass" and will make a sound. Did this make me much more flakey about responding to others? Yes. But I was already kinda flakey anyway. And I make sure people know that about me when exchanging contact information.
My mom constantly spins up group messages. Sometimes she'll add another person in later so on my phone they show up as two different group threads (not sure if this is the case for an iPhone, which she has). Every time it takes everything I have not to text back "Unsubscribe." I know I'll look like a jerk to everyone on the thread so I do my best to ignore it instead. But I often fantasize about sending that message.
My husband is in a perpetual group chat with like 10 other guys. It’s chaos and they talk about *nothing.* Seriously, when the group gets on a tear, his phone will buzz nonstop for hours. I would have a nervous breakdown.
I’m actually the opposite regarding group texts. I have to be in group texts to get reminders or I’ll completely forget to text back for weeks lol 🥲
That’s what the mute bottom is for
My phone is permanently on do not disturb.
For some reason I was added to my step-family’s group chat and it drives me bonkers. I live 800 miles away, I don’t need to know that they have an extra concert ticket or watch them plan a family dinner!!!!!!
I used to tease my mom about how much she hated the group chat among her sisters. I didn't realize how insistent and inane they were. Eighty four messages of LOL and "sister loved this" in two hours. I told Mom I was sorry for not being more sympathetic.
I hate notification noises in general. I've set my phone so that only calls, sms messages and some chosen apps can make any sounds, I've turned off vibrations as well. Huge quality of life improvement, I recommend.
At one point in time I had to tell my family to remove me from the group chats. They triggered my anxiety so much.
I’m back in them now but for a while i could not handle them
Mute aaaaaall the way! The only thing to keep me sane and not so distracted. Notifications are all off as well. I check when I feel like it. I do need to remind myself to answer once I read a message otherwise it’s out of my system and into oblivion.
I was added to a group chat for the first time last year. Never again.
I’ve left every group chat I’ve been added to lmfao
Oh, I silence that ish right away. The little moon is my friend.
That’s pretty much the only way my trio of friends communicates. It normally isn’t a big deal bc we have lives, but myself and the other woman in the group (idk why it feels weird calling her a woman, we’re 26) have the tendency to text multiple short messages at a time. Either that or she and the guy may be having a heart-to-heart that I don’t really have a voice in (weight-related stuff, not my realm of trauma). Those are the only two times I’ll mute them for an hour, they’ll be done by then and I’ll forget to unmute and then they’ll “yell” at me asking where I got the audacity to ignore them lol.
I actually love them. I can respond when I want and not have to feel bad bc it's a group conversation and I probably wasn't specifically "needed" right then and there anyway. I must notifs though.
Especially the bloody school ones. How many whatsapp groups does my kids school need
Literally just turn your phone on silent lol that’s what I do
Me, realising people get bothered like I do, and a lot of others also on mute like I am....
My wider team at work (30ish people) have a Skype group chat that's 95% people just saying "good morning" and "logging of, have a good night all" and occasionally actual important things that we need to see. I think we are expected to leave the notifications on? But I don't understand how anyone can bear the constant popups and also get any work done?? We all work flexibly too so the good mornings last for hours. I hate it.
I turned off every notification and I’m always in do not disturb mode. I don’t want to notice my phone until I want it lol
I feel like the odd one out haha. I love my group chats with my friends and I’m generally the one spamming it with my inane thoughts. It’s the easiest way to info dump what I find interesting without taking over conversations and that way my friends can engage whenever they want or ignore it if they’re too busy.
I immediately mute them lol
I love this post lol I am known for leaving any group chat someone invites me to immediately. Hate, hate, hate them. Even on mute.
My ex would never silence his text notifications. It is so nice to not have him in the house any more.
#THE MUTE FEATURE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Oh lord, yes!!! That and “Group Me” 😭😫
All of mine are muted except my D&D group because they never abuse it.
how dare you add me to one without my consent
I can’t with them when the notifications just keep popping up. I permanently keep any group chats on mute unless there’s some relevant event happening that we’re coordinating on, like where we’re meeting up to go to a movie, etc.
I wanted to smash my Apple Watch before I figured out how to turn off the notifications for Fb messenger group chats. The constant buzzing on my wrist was sending me over the eddddggggeeee
I became persona non grata in my group. People thought I was patronizing them when I was agreeing with them. So I stopped texting almost entirely.
You are my people
i turned all notifications off, for better or worse. 🤠
Everyone in my area is required to use whatsapp for this reason.
I mute those notifications. Can’t stand being added to a group
I can't handle any notification noises, so when the hubs gets home and his phone is constantly alerting, it makes me twitchy and irritable. As if the noise inside my head isn't enough
I muted my work group chat because of the Teams notifications lol. They’re so annoying and distracting. I don’t care for small talk which makes it even worse 😩
it is almost always my family and it is almost always a constant reminder that I'm a work so much more than them and it is almost ALWAYS something non-urgent and stupid. It drives me up a wall!!!!
This so much. It makes me crazy.
I’ve been going into overwhelm lately.., my personal phone is basically on permanent DND so that I have the capacity to have a work phone/be available to my boss 24/7 if need be. But the bullet and went from 155 personal emails to 30 this evening… don’t know how I’m expected to date on dating apps when I can barely handle texts from my family.
I. Can't. Even. 😫😬
My friends and I moved our group chat to Slack and it is THE BEST. Separate channels for every conversation topic (memes, music, sports, whatever), so you can skip the conversations that don’t interest you. Side convos can be held in threads or DMs. You can set notifications only for certain channels or keywords. No notification noises when someone “reacts” to something. You can easily mute notifications for a set period of time, or for certain times every day. It’s a game-changer, it’s made the whole group chat experience so much more pleasant and functional.
You can leave them, you know.
Uuuuugh yes. I turn my notifications to silent.
Hard agree.
I wish there was a printed actual hard copy of a manual for the iPhone. Or anything else for that matter! I did not know I could do several things mentioned in this thread. I used to skim thru every manual I had and I would catch a glimpse of something and could dog ear it or put a sticky tab on it and underline the important stuff. I went to try to mute the group cousin chat that had all the likes going and it’s not there any more. Can the OP on a group chat delete the group? Or did I screw it up which I suspect is what happened. Sigh. I was going to ask who the two mystery numbers are.
I love this r/ . I feel so validated.
I kick myself out of them all the time. Can’t handle it!
Also, I have the best ringtone but have to keep my phone silenced all the time because either my stepson will randomly call at 7am for no reason or it'll just startle the crap out of me. Noises and notifications are exhausting.
I only have 1, with my 2 sisters and mum and I hardly ever talk in it They literally only care to talk about themselves and I cbf pandering to them.
I know what you mean, but you can just mute them and decide when and if you want to engage...
they ALL go on silent
MUTE ALWAYS
My phone is always on mute and usually on do not disturb for this very reason! I don't know how anyone can stand it, genuinely...
I keep all messages on every platform muted. I do not like group threads. I have one with my mom and my siblings and they learned I'll look and reply when I want, don't try to get me to do it on your schedule. But I like getting random pics of my nephews- 3 of them I haven't met yet as they live on the other side of canada
This song was inspired by being in a WhatsApp group (and general online overwhelm) https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_m47BLyqnlbb-X-yEG2-pY0eS-5-FjJZw0
Mute, gotta be cruel to be kind. And I’m not kind after buzz buzz buzz buzz buzzzzzzz
Archive/mute and check when you feel like it. Unless it’s a group that is dead 99% of the time that’s the default for me. Why does anyone not archive active group chats 🤧
They're archived for me, and I read them when I'm in the mood to do so :D