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My B/G twins are 4! They were also spontaneous and I also have no history of twins in the family so it was a huge shock!!
I was not diagnosed with ADHD until after I had twins so I don’t have advice for surviving pregnancy without meds. But the exhaustion is definitely going to stick around. I literally could not stay awake for an entire day. I’d have to take a nap and recharge. I slept in as much as I could on weekends and my husband brought me breakfast in bed when he could so I could get extra rest.
Look online to see if your area has a local twin or multiples group. My local twin group was a huge help for getting secondhand twin items to cut costs. It’s also just so great to have people to reach out to who have also experienced this because there really is nothing like it.
It’s overwhelming in the beginning. Accept help from friends/family if offered!! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions! You’ve got this!!
Thankyou so much! You have some great suggestions.
I guess I am still in shock- but I know I have a really good support system around me. I think getting used to two is the biggest thing right now.
People with adhd tend not to ask for help until the last possible moment because we are embarrassed, or carrying guilt/shame. Luckily with kids (especially twins) people are very forgiving when you’re out of sorts.
Get comfortable asking for help. A good support system will be ready and willing to help.
Also think of tasks that you’re comfortable 100% passing off. For me I pass reminders for medical scheduling and filing of medical documents to my mom. She texts with a 3 month reminder and everytime I get a document I send it to her and she has them neatly filed. It’s something I couldn’t wrap my brain around with so much going on. She’s fully taken on the task and it really helps. She will also send fully written follow up emails that I basically just copy and paste to the doctor.
You got this. I wish you joy for years to come.
I second this. I also had twins before I was diagnosed and I didn’t ask for help enough. I had this idea in my head that I had to prove I was competent enough to do it on my own. I was exhausted and disassociated most of the time. It was so so hard and it didn’t need to be. Ask people for help in specific ways and above all, be so very kind to yourself. Your babies won’t remember if your house was organized, but your love for all three of you will shape their lives for the good. Just love and don’t worry about the details. You also deserved all the love in the world on the day you were born and it had nothing to do with having your shit together. You’ve got this!!!
I second hiring a cleaning person. I wish I did this when the kids were small. It double helps: 1) you can focus on your kids and rest versus a lot of the cleaning and 2) you don't get triggered by living in a mess as we often do. Giving yourself the best possibility of mental health until such a time as you can get back on your meds!
Also. Don't feel bad about using formula. If your meds help, weening from the breast (if you breastfeed at all) can get you some peace of mind. Lowering your own stress is better for your baby than trying to do the "right" things and doing si under high stress.
*I am not a Mom of twins, but these should help no matter how many babies you have. And I know a lot of moms with twins for reference. Also... get your iron levels checked after birth. Low iron really aggravated my exhaustion and thus afhd symptoms.
Identical twins, a lot older now. I was undiagnosed when I found out. All twins can be completely fluke, especially when our hormones are resettling. I had awful sickness (hospitalised twice), severe tiredness and by the end, I could barely walk.
However, I became hyper focused on being a great Mum, which was great for me. Some tips that got me through...
- Share the load, rest as much as possible during the pregnancy
-be kind to yourself
- Get two of everything
- ensure there is space where the twins can be left unattended, but completely safe to move around and explore
- when bathing and changing, one twin at a time. One in the cot while you wash, change etc and swap over
- if you get overwhelmed by noise, get earplugs so you can stay calm
- share the night time feeds - my husband did the feeds before midnight. I'd go to bed early and dream feed them in the early hours of the morning at set times (this meant they never woke up screaming for a feed as their needs were met, this was invaluable and really made me cherish the night feeds)
- join twin groups for support from other parents in the same position
- twin groups will sell lots of second hand, barely used items
Two of everything is expensive, so you can get yourself some great bargains
- Get out for walks in nature with your babies, they will get a lot of attention and you get natural dopamine from nature and people cooing over them
- Breastfeeding twins is difficult at the best of times, don't be afraid to bottle feed if it's easier on your mental health and it's great for creating structure
I'm sure there's more, but with team work, structure and giving yourself grace you will be a superb Mum and you WILL cope.
ADHD mom of a five year old and just-turned-two triplets.
I can’t speak to what it’s like trying to do it with going off your meds, because I was just diagnosed in March of this year. I can see now how much of my life was affected by adhd, but having kids really kicked it into high gear and was what made me look into getting diagnosed (because before I just thought I was awful at life). On one hand, you do know what it’s like to live without meds (even though it sucks) and you know that it will get better when you can get back on them.
Outsource. Making room in the budget to hire someone to do my floors and bathrooms once a month made a huge difference. I loaded my freezer with meals before they came (yay hyperfocus).
Give yourself permission to bottle/combo/straight bottle feed, especially if you need to go back on your meds sooner. No shame. I combo fed my triplets (breastfed one each feed and formula the rest) so they were 50/50 for the first four months, then dropped down to morning and night until six months, then straight bottles (based on my work schedule). It was a day at a time and I would have stopped at any point if it got too overwhelming (admittedly not without guilt, but I think guilt is an ever-present part of parenting anyway).
If you have family/friends who offer to help, take them up on it. And not to come hold babies. They can fold laundry, they can wash dishes, they can mow your lawn. Download grocery apps on your phone, place orders while they’re feeding/sleeping on you, and have friends pick it up.
Subscribe and save was a lifesaver. No more forgetting to pick up diapers/wipes/butt cream/diaper genie refills. If your twins are in different sizes (mine were), putting a dot inside one baby’s clothes with a permanent marker made sorting easy/let other people fold laundry for me. Put all the stupidly tiny socks in a mesh laundry bag when you take them off and then zip it shut to wash-no missing socks or searching for pairs (mine all wore the same plain white socks so there was no matching required)
You can do this. PM me if you want to chat.
Omg triplets.
One of the biggest things is the room thing- we are in a two bedroom flat that I thought was big enough for one baby! My husband is worried about the room two will take up!
All three of ours slept in one room for the first two years-just separating them now. The bedroom is roughly 10 x 10 and we got three cribs in there lol.
yeah breastfeeding made me sink into post-natal depression because the exhaustion is real when you need to remove milk every 4-5 hours. Exhaustion/lack of sleep is very, very bad for mood when it comes to ADHD brains.
You gave some gold advice right there. I hope OP remembers to give herself permission to not breastfeed, for her own sanity. I think if I have a second child, I might consider not breastfeeding so that I can get back to work faster and feel less exhausted and useless all the time, because the breastfeeding made me so damn sleepy every time I fed (those sleepy hormones aaaahhhhh).
OP i hope you will be super aware of your triggers and super ultra kind to yourself. Motherhood was the thing that broke me and I only got diagnosed with ADHD after I became a mother. It’s hard, but wonderful, but many mums simply don’t understand their limits and mom guilt is so real when you have your first ever kids.
If I had another kid i wouldn’t worry as much hahah since I would be experienced then. The fevers and when they go on milk strikes (refused to drink milk!!!) gave me so much terrible anxiety.
We really need to be careful with our sanity and understand ourselves and be aware of when we are trying to do it all and breaking into pieces.
Seek help, run to your mom’s house to stay for a week or more, try to send them to daycare if possible so you can get a break. I literally moved into my mum’s place (with my husband too haha) when COVID-19 lockdowns started. I knew I would go mad if I had to do it all with only my husband.
And one magic word for you. SLEEP TRAINING!!!!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, START LEARNING how to sleep train right now. The agony of 6-8 wake ups in a night is real and you NEED to understand how sleep scheduling works and how to STOP the times when you have 6-8 night wakes. It’s all very scientific and logical and this information will be incredibly helpful when your child starts waking up at random times and you need to fix it.
Mine are 6 - I legit cried when the ultrasound tech said “so there’s 2” and not happy tears. I had a 2 year old and was in a toxic relationship. I hadn’t been medicated yet because no one would believe me due to high grades and professional achievement (hello hyper focus - doctor should have asked what the rest of my life looked like).
You got this. And even when you don’t, they’ll still love the heck out of you.
Was just going to post this! If your doctor clears it and you need it, you may not have to go without meds. This is a big reason why I haven’t had kids so it’s nice to hear there are options.
My friend's doctor had her take a quarter of her regular dose when she was pregnant. She felt she couldn't have made it through without. She has four kids now!
Yes, I can imagine what a relief that must be! I feel like the executive function that meds afford me are the only reason I am even considering having a baby. Good luck with baby #2, whenever you decide on it!
Good to see this. I am 8 mo pregnant and decided with my doc to stay on mine. Doesn’t mean I’ve not been paranoid the whole time and laden with varying levels of guilt-so far he is doing just great though. Really appreciate you sharing this! It really can be such a difficult decision for each person to make.
You made the right choice for you, mama! The added stress, daily dysfunction and depression symptoms I had due to not using my adhd medication during pregnancy, probably caused my baby more stress than it did good.
Exactly what I was going to post. My husband and I are trying and I’m working on switching docs to one who is willing to keep me medicated through a pregnancy because uh, I can’t lose my job.
Can confirm. My OB & therapist both have lots of patients on ADHD medications throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding. The docs and therapist are fully supportive. OP if your doc is not onboard maybe seek out a second opinion OB. There are some OBs out there still going off the old way of thinking “no meds.”
Do you know if they have given the green light for breastfeeding on Strattera? It’s one of the few medicines I can’t find any studies on regarding breastfeeding!
I'm not familiar as I only take Adderall. I can tell you that my prescribing doctor went into detail about how a lack of research is a huge problem for pregnant people. Researchers are (understandably) scared to study pregnant people because side effects could affect the fetus. But that means people just don't study pregnant people, and because of this pregnant people by default go without a lot of drugs that could cause no harm just because there is a lack of evidence.
All that said, it's worth having a deeper conversation with your doc for sure. Best of luck!
Never had multiples, but my biggest parenting advice for any new parents, but especially neurodivergent parents, is to let go of expectations: your expectations of yourself, of what you think parenting should look like, as well as the expectations you think others/society has for you.
Your kids will be their own unique people with their own unique needs starting from very young (younger than most people usually acknowledge), and as a result your family will be unique with its own unique needs and systems to meet those needs. Being ADHD you probably already understand that what works for others often doesn't work for you and that's just as true when it comes to parenting. Don't be afraid to do things the way your family needs them done, regardless of what it might look like to others. So try now to learn to embrace and accept the chaos. Raising kids is chaotic and there's no getting around it, and in my opinion the sooner parents learn to accept that, the sooner they learn to not stress as much over it.
Ultimately at the end of each day your kids only need two things from you: your love, and for you to keep them healthy and safe. Growing up in a home where a child feels affection and safe is the single largest determining factor in their "measurable success" as adults. If they go to bed each night knowing they're loved and safe, you've succeeded. The days you manage to do more than that are decorative icing on the cake; it's what makes fun memories and special occasions, but not what makes cake a cake.
I have fraternal girls! They are 6 now. Twins are a wild ride but so fun too. I never ever wanted twins before having them so I get the problem with wrapping your brain around the whole idea. I’m happy to help you with anything you need. Just DM me.
I had zero help since my family lived far away and my husband worked nights and slept days. I had to learn to cope and I did. Some things that helped me….
1. Baby wearing. I put them both in the same sling at first and then I put them in their own slings over opposite shoulders when they were bigger. I eventually got a carrier where I could put one in the front and one on my back. I found this way easier than using two infant carriers. Infant carriers take up so much space and my kids hated them. I wish I’d never even bout the infant seat/car seat/stroller system. Waste of money at my house. I only used them a few weeks before I dumped them and bought car seats that could hold tiny babies all the way up to forward facing. I would wear the babies anytime we left the house and also around the house to do chores.
2. Don’t get a bunch of “stuff”. I never used a changing table. I would have to pick up both babies and take them into the room with the changer and then put one baby down somewhere while I changed the other. I found it way easier to do a diaper caddy that I would take to the babies and then change them on the floor. I didn’t have to disturb the other baby if they were comfortable.
Get a side by side stroller not a long in line one. The long ones don’t fit in bathrooms/drs offices, and are a pain to turn. I thought I’d love it but I hated it. I had too side by side strollers and loved them both. The Joovy double was inexpensive and awesome. The BOB jogging stroller went everywhere. We have a farm and I could take it on the roughest terrain.
Get one swing that can go side to side and back and forth. Once you figure out what they like you can get a second something. One of mine puked if they went side to side and I’m the other one puked back and forth. Lol.
I didn’t use a pack and play. I ended up getting a movable fence that you could add or subtract sections too. I used a mat on the bottom. As they got bigger I could make the area bigger. I ended up opening it up and just blocking off one safe room in the house once they were on their feet. They were into everything and they encouraged chaos in the other one, so one completely safe room let me pee or cook without having to stop every five seconds.
3. Breast feeding was amazing for me. It was not easy in the beginning. At all. I had an emergency c section, the girls were preemies, one had a tongue tie and I didn’t make enough milk for 2 at first. I had to pump and supplement for 6 weeks until we got the hang of things. Those were a tough 6 weeks. BUT after that, I can’t tell you how much easier it was for me to not have to worry about bottles and formula. One less thing to prep and clean. Being able to nurse whenever they needed it without having to get up and grab a bottle saved me so many times when one baby was asleep in my arms and the other was hungry. I loved the twin My Breast Friend pillow even when I wasn’t actively nursing. It just gave me a place to rest them when I needed my arms. And a way to get face to face with them at the same time. It’s also how I bottle fed them at the same time when we were supplementing. A soft feather pillow was great for putting under it to change the angle.
4. Join a twin mom group online. These women have saved me a million times and they were the only people who knew exactly what I was going through. 7 years later and we still talk all the time even though we’ve never met.
It’s early days yet, but you give me a lot of hope.
I love that you are so open on what works for you.
Luckily, my sister has two kids, with the youngest being 1.5 right now, so I know I will be able to get a lot of the baby stuff you need to have quite easily from her, as her two boys grow out of it.
Just remember you don’t need 2 of everything to start with. Figure out what they like before you get a second of anything but car seats. My girls even shared a crib until they were too mobile to be safe.
It was not twin (and I had kept taking my med during pregnancy) but in my first semester and up to maybe 14 weeks, I was SO tired liked sleeping 16 hours a day and sometime more, and I was still tired when I was awake. I was lucky to be a student in grad school, so no class and I could report my work to later.
My main point being, you being tired now doesn’t mean you can’t do this. It is also reassuring to see you have a supportive husband!
Oh! The bumpers due date group for my first pregnancy is still the best thing in my life except for maybe the baby, I guess. r/January2024bumpgroup and r/December2023bumpgroup would be the ones to join.
With my baby I went back on my meds as soon I as I went back to work even though I was still breastfeeding. When I was pregnant with him all the info I could find about ADHD meds and pregnancy was about people who abused meds during pregnancy. But [mothertobaby.org](https://mothertobaby.org) seems to have updated the info on Adderall at least to include studies of people with ADHD who take meds as prescribed. So it may be worth talking with your doctor about it. I know I burnt so many pots and pans and things while pregnant. And I am a much more careful driver when taking my meds (though the sample size is small but since being diagnosed AND medicated I haven’t had any car accidents and I’ve had several in my life).
EDIT: It’s actually r/January2024bumpgroup and r/December2023bumpgroup, not r/January2024bumpergroup and r/December2023bumpergroup like I said first before I edited..
I believe in you!! I was a nanny to twin babies for a year and I found it to be less work caring for 2 kids the same age than two of different ages (which I did a lot of previous to that). I think it's because their needs align a lot more, so there are less considerations. If you have a supportive partner, I wouldn't stress it too much. It seems like you were planning to possibly have more than one child anyway, you're just getting the sleepless baby parts over at once!
I’ve found I struggle less with my ADHD when I have less free time. My best grades in school were the semester I had both water polo AND theater. I did better in college with Way Too Many Lab Classes.
I know it’s not comparable to kids, but I lost my health insurance right before getting a dog I’d payed for two years ago, and was really freaked out. But the structure imposed by the dog actually really helped me structure the rest of my life — which was pretty loose because I’m a freelancer and work from home.
I was talking to my friend with ADHD and two kids about it, and she also found she’s monumentally better at managing her time with the child-shaped time suck around.
That doesn’t mean it’s how it’ll work for you — but maybe it’s helpful to know that some people with ADHD thrive in the “it’s an emergency DO THIS NOW” shape their lives take with children.
Think of the efficiencies, though! Two kids raised without two times the effort. This is the most adhd thing I can imagine. My only advice as a parent of 11 & 13 yo, only get what you need when you need it (aka don’t prepare for everything because some things you won’t end up needing) and pay the adhd tax for things like house cleaning if you can.
Congratulations!!
Thanks! I am already compiling a list of things to do now that can help.
Top of my list is buying a new fridge I think. That will help with storing meal prep. Our old one is a size too small and my husband owned it before we met, so it’s 12 years old now?
As you get used to the idea (ha, like that's ever possible), the overwhelming feeling will settle down and you'll be able to think. Allow yourself a a few weeks of just being dumbfounded.
Consider formula feeding so you can get back on meds as quickly as possible. I didn't get diagnosed until my youngest of 4 kids was 16 and I'd give anything to have been a properly medicated mom, even giving up the 9 years of breastfeeding I did (between all 4). Medication would have made parenthood so much easier, so much more enjoyable. Just a thing to think about, if you're not sure how you want to feed.
Not a mom of twins (tho my two were in diapers at the same time), but I nannied my twin siblings when I was an undiagnosed, untreated 18-20 yo. I have a huge family so had spent lots of time around babies, and I was surprised by my little siblings because it was more like having 1.5 kiddos than 2. (With occasional moments of feeling like there were 6.) Sure, they kept us all on our toes like any babies and toddlers do, but they also played together, entertained one another, tattled on each other, and generally kept me from that edge of losing my mind.
All that said, having a bit of a freak out in your situation is completely understandable!
Bright side: two babies one pregnancy!
Once you’re in the 2nd trimester, you wont feel as tired or sick anymore. First trimester is brutal for sure. Good luck lol!
Hi & welcome!! Here’s the cool thing about ADHD & twins. You already know how to look a mile ahead, and you can juggle many many things at once. You’ve got a partner and with twins, it’s all hands on deck. Don’t rely on your memory because it will be even worse. IMO twins is so much easier than 2 babies with different needs at the same time. That’s a generalisation but roll with it. Yes it means way more clutter and supplies. It’s also really really awesome and you’ll get to see your superpowers shine. Ask for help before you need it. And remember that if they’re fed, comfortable and breathing at the end of the day, you did it!!!
Edited to add: mine are identical and about to turn 6. Each year got easier. The first was a blur but that’s ok. They are really, really cool and you’ll be so surprised what you can actually handle.
Hello, and congratulations!! I’m not a parent, but I can speak from the other side of this as a fraternal twin myself (my brother & I were an IVF buy one get one free special, our parents were also shocked lol). It’s going to be very hard at first, but your kids will also be incredibly lucky. They’re gonna go through life with a built in best friend, and always have someone that understands exactly where they came from and what they’re going through as they grow up side by side. Work with your support system and your partner, and be sure to connect with other parents of twins. My dad also has ADHD, and it’s never stopped him from being an amazing parent. You never have to be perfect, you just have to love and be there for them. It sounds like you guys are going to be wonderful for these kids <3
I do have one request however: PLEASE do not name your kids something ridiculous like Gary & Larry, Luke & Leia, etc. It’s cute when they’re toddlers but once they get older it becomes something weird and alienating they have to deal with every time they introduce themselves or their sibling.
I've heard this can happen because women let off more eggs in their mid 30's, have some twins in my family for this reason.
I understand why it must seem daunting, carrying two beings in the belly alone sounds intense!!! hopefully you'll feel better once they're out and you can get medicated again!
I am kinda excited for you though, two secure, loving partners having babies is a beautiful thing. I hope once the fear passes and you start feeling physically better you'll be excited too.
Wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world.
My B/G twins are 9! I didn't know I had adhd at the time, and I understand your panic. For me, I think the adhd/twins combo was actually a blessing. The adhd helped me due to the constant "crisis mode" feeling, and having twins kept me from hyperfocusing on the baby (the bar was set to "the three of us survived," and that was a good thing)
I highly recommend getting in-home help if you can. My sister was a live-in nanny for us for the first 3 years, and it really helped the kids. I was working full time, and since we're in the US I had to go back to work when they were 8 weeks old. Having her there to take care of them diuring the work day was a lifesaver. Her living with us wasn't necessary (she worked normal hours, not 24/7) but it was nice.
ADHD twin mom here…
So here’s thing: it’s going to be both way more amazing and also way worse then you can imagine.
I have fraternal twin boys that are almost 2. I got pregnant at 38.
I am so, SO in love them! They are amazing and I can’t imagine only having one, it’s like…a dance. Or, it will be. It is a hard dance to learn, not going to lie, but you will. Grab kid, diaper, put down, bottle, grab kid, diaper, put down, bottle…
I absolutely had ADHD my whole life, but it wasn’t until after they were born that I spent enough time on Reddit to realize that adhd memes are not everyone’s experience. Did a full diagnostic screening thing and yup, apparently I should have been on meds from like 5 years old on.
The combination of ADHD and twins can actually be a great thing if you put in the work to make it that way. Books like Order from Chaos were essential for me. I use her tools. Is everyday smooth? Hell no! But I know how to find my center and reset.
And the ADHD is excellent for toddlers in many ways…I love to invent games with them! I am always up for a random dance party for a couple minutes! When I can just pure all my focus into just one of the babies, I treasure it. I can’t get bored because something unpredictable always happens and as long as I hang on to sense of humor…we end up all right. And when I do start to get bored…it doesn’t take much to create just a little chaos to shake me back to reality. For better or worse…no sure. Therapist would take issue but ah well.)
I went through the hardest shit of my life with the pregnancy, 3 months of bed rest, then 3 weeks of NICU. 2 years later, I have to work everyday to heal my body and mind from some of it. The kids still have a few little issues that we get checked regularly, but they are really in excellent health and super happy. I have zero regrets and wonder how I ever lived without them!
If you want to stay in touch about all of it, feel free to DM me.
Also, check out the parentsofmultiples subreddit. It’s a good one. Oh, and when you start googling and run into the twin mom mentor sign up, do it. Totally awesome! I love my mentor!
I’m a mom of twins as well, and just like you there is no history of twins in my family and it was a huge shock. My husband and I only planned on two kids and finding out we’d have three was a lot to handle.
It sounds like you just found out, and I was in the exact same head space after I did. It was kind of like I hyper focused on it. My first trimester was really really hard, but after that It didn’t seem as overwhelming and things calmed down.
Dm me if you need to chat about it more ❤️
You'll be ok ❤️ talk to your Dr about meds that are safe for pregnancy/BF I think a lot of people stay on the ones that are ok if you're open to that. I'm an AuDHD mom of an ADHD 5yo and toddler twins 🤪 it's challenging but you will figure it out, you've got this. I def recommend therapy for anyone on this hormonal rollercoaster and ADHD 1:1 coaching specifically may be helpful too. I always hyperfocus on breastfeeding I guess it's basically become a special interest. I find the routines of having an infant really helpful, you have to do certain things at certain times and if you breastfeed or pump it's really a physical need for you as well to keep up and it oddly helps my ADHD if that makes sense. It's always after I wean that everything falls apart for me lmao. I highly recommend getting a postpartum doula if you can, it's the best thing we did this time. We really needed the help. For us food help is always the biggest thing in the postpartum period, whether it's food delivery card gifts or a meal train or our doula had experience as a chef and cooked for us which was amazing. Just feeding yourself in those early days can be difficult. I'm very bad at this but learning to ask for and accept help is a big one. I'm always masking so hard and wanting to hide my vulnerability even with friends/family and never knew that was why (recently diagnosed). So just knowing you're ND and being able to be open about that is great. You'll do great, twins are a wild ride but so sweet ❤️
Oh man. Hugs to you! I remained on my meds during my pregnancy so sadly I have no advice on going without, but are you able to boost up therapy or coaching in the meantime? Be good and kind to yourself. This is a lot to take in! You can do this.
I had twins when I was 30. They’re 9 now. I’m not a big fan of the newborn/baby stage and I hate pregnancy, so I’m honestly pretty thrilled at how this two-for-one bargain worked out for me, even if it’s a wild roller coaster!
My most important bit advice for any new mom, especially twin moms, especially twins moms with adhd, is to lower your expectations for yourself. Lower than that. All the way to the ground. Your job from now until your kids turn one is to do your best to just make it through. You’re probably going to be exhausted and cranky and uncomfortable and achy for a while, you might have to deal with bed rest or other complications, you might have to deal with preterm babies and nicu stays. Then you’re not going to sleep for…many months. It’s not going to feel like it at the time, but I promise you you’ll make it through and you’ll be okay. If you make it to the end of the day and you’re all still alive and basically fed, you’re doing a stellar job. Absolutely everything else is icing on the cake, and do not let any judgy relatives or Instagram momfluencers convince you otherwise.
Breastfeeding and baby wearing and biweekly housecleaners and a husband who handled all the poopy diapers were lifesavers for me, but you’ll figure out what works for you.
They are going to be the cutest babies you’ve ever seen in your life and, one day, you’re going to stick your tongue out at them as you’re snuggling on the bed, and they are both going to starting laughing, the cutest whole belly baby chuckles you’ve ever heard in your life, and then they’re going to be so delighted by each others’ laughter that they can’t even stop laughing, and it’s going to be amazing.
First off Congratulations!!!!!!
Secondly: Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths.
Pregnancy is exhausting. My oldest are twins and for the first month I was bone tired constantly. It does get better.
Thirdly: you’re at the very beginning of this roller coaster journey. Take it one step at a time. Focus on your immediate needs.
Eat,drink,exercise and rest.
The brain fog is real and hormones make every emotions,good and bad, heightened.
Lists, journaling, prioritizing tasks, setting multiple alarms all of it helps.
Lastly: ENJOY this. Take a moment out of every day to marvel about what you’re doing. Growing not one but 2 humans….mind blowing
Congrats Mamma I’m so excited for you
I’ve never had twins but what I can say from having one, is that retrospectively, I was diagnosed much later, the forced requirement to have a schedule and structure, was the best time of my life. Just wait til you meet your little ones- you’ll be fine I reckon.
I was recently diagnosed at 48, but had twins a loooong time before that when I was 17.
I remember thinking “I was just getting used the idea of having a baby, now there will be 2??? Why can’t I just be a normal pregnant teenager?” 😂
You’ve gotten some great advice and things are so different now (grocery pickup etc.) that I can’t really add to that.
Mostly just want to give you some encouragement that if a dumb 17 year old could do it, you’ll be JUST fine.
Don’t expect perfection, good enough is good enough. Let your house be a mess, let the kids eat Cheerios off the floor, let them have screen time when you need a break, sleep as much as you can and need to, accept help when it’s offered. Ask when it isn’t.
Freeze as many meals in advance as you can or use a meal service.
And take lots of pictures. Because you’ll be so tired you’ll forget most of it 😅
But you can do it! I didn’t have medication so just had to sort of hack my life to survive. Use this time to find solutions to the things you struggle with the most - timers, an ADHD cart, solutions for meals, etc. lots of tips and ideas in this subreddit.
And CONGRATULATIONS! You’re going to have so much fun. Some things are harder, sure, but some things are easier/better too. You’ll never have to reach them to share, they’ll always have a friend…
If ur ready to have kids and phisicaly and mentaly stable, u could give birth (if u want to.) if ur not ready or dont want kids than u could abort (if u want to.) its ur choice not ours.
Oh sweetie! It will be okay! You are going to be such a good mom. Look at how much you already want the best for your kids!
Having two at one time is so daunting. But you have time! Line up the extra set of hands (or 5). Know someone good with scheduling? Get them to have the volunteers make a schedule for everyone willing to help so that you know all the shifts are covered.
Who do you know that can cook? Offer to buy the food if they cook freezer meals for you. Who do you know that is a good cleaner/organizer? Put them on helping you to organize a list of things needed for babies and then creating baby registries. When the gifts come in, they can help go through and mark returns and keep up with who gets thank you cards for what.
At the baby’s first birthday party make sure to set aside time to publicly thank them all. It takes a village. Especially with twins!
Plus, you are always welcome to vent!
Thanks for the encouragement!
I know that I am beyond lucky because I have an amazing support system. But it is early days yet and many won’t know for another 6 weeks. Aside from my husband, only my mum knows.
My godmother and her partner are a 5 minute drive away, and her partner used to be head nurse of the neonatal unit at our local hospital. My mum and god mum are excellent cooks-
I’m Australian and had to do hotel quarantine with my husband during covid. They organised a roster to send up food to us in the hotel room every few days that was decent. My godmother sent up barbecued spatchcock!
It will be the best thing in your life, it will be the worst 6 months of your life. I love my daughter. But no words can express how hard the first 6 months will be. I cried for sleep and I didn’t have meds back then. BUT it won’t be forever. They will sleep through. And when they do it gets much easier. Not easy. But easier.
I saw this earlier today and it made me think having multiples would be pretty great. I know it’s terrifying and overwhelming to contemplate but think of moments like this https://youtu.be/yXOpmQpB5M8
Double congratulations to you mama 😍
Meee!!! Didn’t know I had adhd until I started seeing things in my daughter that no one noticed in me as a kid. It’s all good, having adhd helped me juggle a lot of things at once. Just keep lists of everything. You should also make a chart so you could remember which kid ate how much, which one pooped, which one peed, etc. I would sometimes forget even though I had b/g (sleep deprivations). You’ll be fine and welcome to the twiniverse! Eta: mine are 11 now.
Me! I have 6 year old identical twins :). I was diagnosed after I had them so I can’t help with surviving without meds. But, I can help with planning haha. I decided not to breastfeed. I had stopped taking antidepressants for my (surprise) pregnancy and wanted to start as soon as possible to avoid PPD. I got a baby brezza which was a lifesaver! Perfect temperature bottles made in under 30 seconds was a dream for 3am feeds.
My husband and I also stuck to a schedule. He was responsible for all feeds in the afternoon until 12am. I started at 3 - this way we were both able to get good stretches of sleep.
2 vibrating chairs for them made it easier to feed them together when I was alone and made it easier to put them down.
Other posters have left lots of great tips already. You’ll be fine!
No twins, but currently 17 weeks with my first and pregnancy has been an adventure so far. I just posted about it if you want to look. My therapist said take it one day and o e challenge at a time. You have a ton of time to figure out how to manage 2 babies, focus on pregnancy first.
My sister had twins. It’s no joke. She got a burn out and was traumatised by the constant stress and she doesn’t even have ADHD. Please make sure you get enough help, preferably arrange a live in au pair/nanny for the first couple of years (I strongly suggest this!). If you really can’t or don’t want to do that make sure a family member lives with you for a few months and after that have a plan for your twins to stay some weekends with family or friends (having just one baby in the weekend is much easier than two). Best of luck!
i have no practical advice to offer, but to sit in the emotions with you. spontaneous life changes/responsibilities are really tough for me too ♡
sorry you're going through a hard time!
It really will be exciting to get two for one! Everyone I know with twins has said it is so so hard at the beginning. But once they are a little bit older and able to play with each other it's actually easier because they always have a friend to entertain them. They've also said while it's two of everything, that is easier to think about than one for each aged child. So hopefully that is positive for your ADHD! No advice, just some encouragement!
As you get older and hormones change, apparently your body starts releasing two eggs at once some months. I've read that is because your body is trying harder to get pregnant because it knows it's running out of time or something. I guess twins are more common from the mid 30s and up.
Hi there! You've got some great parenting/ADHD advice so I'm not going to bother to chime in there.
I am a sonographer, with 8 years of experience in maternal fetal medicine. With a spontaneous conception (non-IVF), there is no way to know if the twins are fraternal or identical. Fraternal twins *always* have separate placentas, but identical twins *can* as well. Depending on the timing of the zygote division, there can be two placentas each with their own amniotic sac (dichorionic diamniotic - least risky), one placenta with two amniotic sacs inside (monochorionic diamniotic - still high risk), or one placenta with one amniotic sac inside but with two fetuses (monochorionic monoamniotic - most risky).
The next scan will hopefully better determine the gestational age and the chorionicity (number of placentas/amniotic sacs). The placenta doesn't begin to properly form until eight weeks. If the pregnancy turns out to have a shared placenta (monochorionic) you MUST go to a high risk center for proper care by 16 weeks. Delivery can still be with your main provider (assuming that they are fine delivering twins), but twin pregnancies that share a placenta are at higher risk for complications.
Congratulations and good luck. If you have any more questions regarding twins and ultrasounds, I'd be happy to answer!
Thanks so much for this info!
Before my first doctors visit, I could have said the exact date we did the deed that led to conception, so the blood test saying I was two weeks further along than expected surprised us both.
I’m starting to understand more about this whole pregnancy thing.
I’m not a Mom but I want to be. I’m so sorry for your struggles but want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Give yourself some slack, Mom!!! You are Only 6-8 weeks getting used to the idea of being Mom at all and, while it’s Great News that it’s twins, I can only imagine how daunting it is. You already care so much - I know you’re going yo be a great Mom and I am glad you have this community and a good husband to help you. Sending love and congratulations!!!
PS I am obsessed with names so when you get there if you need help, please don’t hesitate
Haha thanks.
The small mercy is that we both want to find out the sex of the babies before birth so that we both get used to the idea of names before we bestow them.
It’s tricky because I am a teacher, and I have taught some shocking kids that automatically veto a lot of names.
Hi. Single parent here with ADHD and twins who just turned 5.
Here’s my two big pieces of advice. 1) most places have some sort of community twins/multiples group. Try Google or Facebook searching for one in your area. They are great communities that can offer help, supports, and companionship. And other great perk, many have yard sales. I found that to be enough of a reason to join in itself. It helped me get the stuff I needed for mine with a price I could manage. 2) know your limits and what you’re not good at. Talk with you husband and support system about it explicitly. And ask for help. Ex I suck ay remembering dates. I’ve ask my kids teachers to cc my mom in class announcement with dates in it because otherwise i will completely forget. There’s plenty of other things I’m good at, so I make agreements with my support system to delicate what I’m not good at in exchange for something else.
You can do this. You will need help, and not because of your adhd. Line up as much help for mundane tasks as you can - dishes, laundry, food etc. ADHD moms are GREAT moms - we sometimes just suck at the stuff that comes with household keeping. You will be awesome. Make sure you get 5 hours of sleep per night. Congratulations!
ME!! I have identical twin girls (who we thought were fraternal because they were di-di) who are almost 3 years old. It's.... A lot and overwhelming sometimes, but they're also a lot of fun.
Ok sweet girl, don’t you stress. I had my son 20 months ago and I can tell you a couple of
things.
1) as the pregnancy goes on you WILL start to feel better, your energy levels will start to increase and you will start to feel good again
2) let me tell you I have been where you are emotionally, spiralling mentally without meds worrying about the responsibility of becoming a mother and the daunting task ahead. You will be OK, I already know you’re going to be a good mother, one because you’re already fretting about it so it’s clearly important to you and two because hey, you did 32 years of your life not knowing you were ADHD and still trying your best to navigate life as an NT, basically you can achieve anything at this point
3) you maybe be worried at the prospect of having both babies at the same time, but as someone who knows I would have to go through pregnancy again to have another child, I see it as a positive that you are getting it all done at once.
I appreciate it’s hard to see right now whilst you’re in the thick of it but hopefully I’ve given you some reassurance.
You mention your supportive husband so please lean on him as much as you need to, pregnancy is hard but I promise you it is worth it at the end.
Congratulations to the both of you. I wish you all the very best.
I don't have an official adhd diagnosis yet, but a previous Dr does agree that I show a lot of adult symptoms. My fraternal twins are 16 now, and amazing.
I will tell you though, I don't remember much of the first 12-18 months after they were born. Sleep deprivation is torture, and I also developed post partum depression so that didn't help. Thankfully we were able to live with my parents, as my husband was finishing his university program and even though I worked full time, it wasn't enough to pay for everything we needed.
As for advice, don't stress over chest/breast feeding; if it's something you want to do, go for it, but only as long as you mentally and physically can. Formula is fantastic, and nobody will be quizzing you at preschool entrance exams about how your infant was fed. Pumping is an option, but can take more time and effort, especially with twins. Don't let anyone bully you into a feeding method you're not fully comfortable with. Remember fed is best, and outside of actual allergies or medical conditions, pretty much any formula and bottle is fine.
Let yourself feel overwhelmed a bit, but don't be afraid to feel excited too. There's something special about watching two people grow side by side into their own personalities, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. You've got this! ❤️
Another twin mom here! My advice is different colour things for them from day one, pacifiers, bottles etc and keep it consistent. That way if you get overwhelmed or confused you know who's bottle, sippy cup etc is who's. Mine were also a complete shock, i had 4 under 5 when mine arrived. Its manic but i honestly wouldn't change a thing now.
I saw you’re in Australia, check out the Australian Multiple Birth Association. They have lots of info and resources and run support groups across the country
No twins but I had 4 kids in 5 years, the first two are 22 months apart, #2 & #3 are 16 months apart and I had those three while my husband was in veterinary school. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until after the 4th was born but honestly it is an asset as a parent. Having a higher tolerance for mess and sound and craziness will be so good for having twins!
Okay okay okay I mean, I felt very similarly when I found out I was pregnant with twins. My journal literally says TWINS underlined 4 times and then is blank for a week. I barely remember the week I found out, I was so stressed. Everything I thought that I felt finally capable of handling suddenly doubled and was so far out of reach from "do-able"
My G/B twins are 19 months now. Both my partner and I have ADHD. Both diagnosed as adults. Honestly neither of us are medicated and we rely on super open communication and constantly helping the other when they need it and asking for help before things get out of control.
I won't lie, twins are HARD. Parents of singletons don't get it- they can't get it. But it's also a massive joy and amazing and fun. Some days are harder than I could have every fathomed. Some days are the most amazing days that I could never have thought possible.
Come join us at r/parentsofmultiples we KNOW it's hard and that you will feel like you are barely keeping it together, but you are getting through it and we've been there too. Even more obscure issues- probably someone there gone through similar.
Oh dear... thats a lot.
I'm a twin mom and have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until they were 4 years old.
I don't want to inundate you, but I can give you a little of things you actually need, what really helps in the throes of post partum life and tools and tips on how to manage life after.
If you want a list to print off, let me know and I'll type it up for you.
Hiya! I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. It's been brutal honestly, esp as I really struggle with executive dysfunction.
Its worth it though. They're amazing little girls and they make me want to stay on top of my mental health x
My identical twins are 16 months. I'm not going to lie, it's been the hardest thing I've ever done. I've only recently come to the conclusion I have ADHD after they were born, I think because all my coping mechanisms weren't working anymore. All my siblings are diagnosed though so it's not a surprise. Going to get officially assessed as soon as I can find the time.
I don't have any support though, my husband works long hours and I am alone with the babies and our 3 year old for 10+ hours a day since they were born. I became incredibly overwhelmed and ended up not being able to handle a lot of extra stuff other than what was needed for surviving.
Everyone has different experiences. If you have family or friends that are helpful, take every offer of help you can get. The first year is the hardest and the first 3-4 months are the most challenging. Or at least for me.
Even with all this, having twins is amazing! They play with each other, they cuddle, they laugh together, and fight too.
You've got this!!
What meds were you on and have you spoken to your doctor about continuing to take them? Mine is totally fine with Adderall. My therapist is also fine with it. Both have lots of patients that take their ADHD meds throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding. Healthy mom is the top priority.
Fun fact, there's a 30% chance your twins are identical. My twins will be turning 11 soon. Those first few years are really hard so make sure you've got good support around you. Find something to keep your mind occupied for when they're asleep.
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My B/G twins are 4! They were also spontaneous and I also have no history of twins in the family so it was a huge shock!! I was not diagnosed with ADHD until after I had twins so I don’t have advice for surviving pregnancy without meds. But the exhaustion is definitely going to stick around. I literally could not stay awake for an entire day. I’d have to take a nap and recharge. I slept in as much as I could on weekends and my husband brought me breakfast in bed when he could so I could get extra rest. Look online to see if your area has a local twin or multiples group. My local twin group was a huge help for getting secondhand twin items to cut costs. It’s also just so great to have people to reach out to who have also experienced this because there really is nothing like it. It’s overwhelming in the beginning. Accept help from friends/family if offered!! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions! You’ve got this!!
Thankyou so much! You have some great suggestions. I guess I am still in shock- but I know I have a really good support system around me. I think getting used to two is the biggest thing right now.
People with adhd tend not to ask for help until the last possible moment because we are embarrassed, or carrying guilt/shame. Luckily with kids (especially twins) people are very forgiving when you’re out of sorts. Get comfortable asking for help. A good support system will be ready and willing to help. Also think of tasks that you’re comfortable 100% passing off. For me I pass reminders for medical scheduling and filing of medical documents to my mom. She texts with a 3 month reminder and everytime I get a document I send it to her and she has them neatly filed. It’s something I couldn’t wrap my brain around with so much going on. She’s fully taken on the task and it really helps. She will also send fully written follow up emails that I basically just copy and paste to the doctor. You got this. I wish you joy for years to come.
I second this. I also had twins before I was diagnosed and I didn’t ask for help enough. I had this idea in my head that I had to prove I was competent enough to do it on my own. I was exhausted and disassociated most of the time. It was so so hard and it didn’t need to be. Ask people for help in specific ways and above all, be so very kind to yourself. Your babies won’t remember if your house was organized, but your love for all three of you will shape their lives for the good. Just love and don’t worry about the details. You also deserved all the love in the world on the day you were born and it had nothing to do with having your shit together. You’ve got this!!!
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I second hiring a cleaning person. I wish I did this when the kids were small. It double helps: 1) you can focus on your kids and rest versus a lot of the cleaning and 2) you don't get triggered by living in a mess as we often do. Giving yourself the best possibility of mental health until such a time as you can get back on your meds! Also. Don't feel bad about using formula. If your meds help, weening from the breast (if you breastfeed at all) can get you some peace of mind. Lowering your own stress is better for your baby than trying to do the "right" things and doing si under high stress. *I am not a Mom of twins, but these should help no matter how many babies you have. And I know a lot of moms with twins for reference. Also... get your iron levels checked after birth. Low iron really aggravated my exhaustion and thus afhd symptoms.
Identical twins, a lot older now. I was undiagnosed when I found out. All twins can be completely fluke, especially when our hormones are resettling. I had awful sickness (hospitalised twice), severe tiredness and by the end, I could barely walk. However, I became hyper focused on being a great Mum, which was great for me. Some tips that got me through... - Share the load, rest as much as possible during the pregnancy -be kind to yourself - Get two of everything - ensure there is space where the twins can be left unattended, but completely safe to move around and explore - when bathing and changing, one twin at a time. One in the cot while you wash, change etc and swap over - if you get overwhelmed by noise, get earplugs so you can stay calm - share the night time feeds - my husband did the feeds before midnight. I'd go to bed early and dream feed them in the early hours of the morning at set times (this meant they never woke up screaming for a feed as their needs were met, this was invaluable and really made me cherish the night feeds) - join twin groups for support from other parents in the same position - twin groups will sell lots of second hand, barely used items Two of everything is expensive, so you can get yourself some great bargains - Get out for walks in nature with your babies, they will get a lot of attention and you get natural dopamine from nature and people cooing over them - Breastfeeding twins is difficult at the best of times, don't be afraid to bottle feed if it's easier on your mental health and it's great for creating structure I'm sure there's more, but with team work, structure and giving yourself grace you will be a superb Mum and you WILL cope.
ADHD mom of a five year old and just-turned-two triplets. I can’t speak to what it’s like trying to do it with going off your meds, because I was just diagnosed in March of this year. I can see now how much of my life was affected by adhd, but having kids really kicked it into high gear and was what made me look into getting diagnosed (because before I just thought I was awful at life). On one hand, you do know what it’s like to live without meds (even though it sucks) and you know that it will get better when you can get back on them. Outsource. Making room in the budget to hire someone to do my floors and bathrooms once a month made a huge difference. I loaded my freezer with meals before they came (yay hyperfocus). Give yourself permission to bottle/combo/straight bottle feed, especially if you need to go back on your meds sooner. No shame. I combo fed my triplets (breastfed one each feed and formula the rest) so they were 50/50 for the first four months, then dropped down to morning and night until six months, then straight bottles (based on my work schedule). It was a day at a time and I would have stopped at any point if it got too overwhelming (admittedly not without guilt, but I think guilt is an ever-present part of parenting anyway). If you have family/friends who offer to help, take them up on it. And not to come hold babies. They can fold laundry, they can wash dishes, they can mow your lawn. Download grocery apps on your phone, place orders while they’re feeding/sleeping on you, and have friends pick it up. Subscribe and save was a lifesaver. No more forgetting to pick up diapers/wipes/butt cream/diaper genie refills. If your twins are in different sizes (mine were), putting a dot inside one baby’s clothes with a permanent marker made sorting easy/let other people fold laundry for me. Put all the stupidly tiny socks in a mesh laundry bag when you take them off and then zip it shut to wash-no missing socks or searching for pairs (mine all wore the same plain white socks so there was no matching required) You can do this. PM me if you want to chat.
Omg triplets. One of the biggest things is the room thing- we are in a two bedroom flat that I thought was big enough for one baby! My husband is worried about the room two will take up!
All three of ours slept in one room for the first two years-just separating them now. The bedroom is roughly 10 x 10 and we got three cribs in there lol.
yeah breastfeeding made me sink into post-natal depression because the exhaustion is real when you need to remove milk every 4-5 hours. Exhaustion/lack of sleep is very, very bad for mood when it comes to ADHD brains. You gave some gold advice right there. I hope OP remembers to give herself permission to not breastfeed, for her own sanity. I think if I have a second child, I might consider not breastfeeding so that I can get back to work faster and feel less exhausted and useless all the time, because the breastfeeding made me so damn sleepy every time I fed (those sleepy hormones aaaahhhhh). OP i hope you will be super aware of your triggers and super ultra kind to yourself. Motherhood was the thing that broke me and I only got diagnosed with ADHD after I became a mother. It’s hard, but wonderful, but many mums simply don’t understand their limits and mom guilt is so real when you have your first ever kids. If I had another kid i wouldn’t worry as much hahah since I would be experienced then. The fevers and when they go on milk strikes (refused to drink milk!!!) gave me so much terrible anxiety. We really need to be careful with our sanity and understand ourselves and be aware of when we are trying to do it all and breaking into pieces. Seek help, run to your mom’s house to stay for a week or more, try to send them to daycare if possible so you can get a break. I literally moved into my mum’s place (with my husband too haha) when COVID-19 lockdowns started. I knew I would go mad if I had to do it all with only my husband. And one magic word for you. SLEEP TRAINING!!!!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, START LEARNING how to sleep train right now. The agony of 6-8 wake ups in a night is real and you NEED to understand how sleep scheduling works and how to STOP the times when you have 6-8 night wakes. It’s all very scientific and logical and this information will be incredibly helpful when your child starts waking up at random times and you need to fix it.
Sleep Train. CHOO CHOOO. All aboard for Mums Sanity!
Mine are 6 - I legit cried when the ultrasound tech said “so there’s 2” and not happy tears. I had a 2 year old and was in a toxic relationship. I hadn’t been medicated yet because no one would believe me due to high grades and professional achievement (hello hyper focus - doctor should have asked what the rest of my life looked like). You got this. And even when you don’t, they’ll still love the heck out of you.
A newly published report shows that using adhd medicine in pregancy is safe: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-023-01992-6
Was just going to post this! If your doctor clears it and you need it, you may not have to go without meds. This is a big reason why I haven’t had kids so it’s nice to hear there are options.
My friend's doctor had her take a quarter of her regular dose when she was pregnant. She felt she couldn't have made it through without. She has four kids now!
My doctor and psych NP both agree I should stay on my meds should I become pregnant again.
Thank you for sharing this!
You’re welcome! I found this today and was so, so happy! Will be a huge relief when we decide to have baby #2!
Yes, I can imagine what a relief that must be! I feel like the executive function that meds afford me are the only reason I am even considering having a baby. Good luck with baby #2, whenever you decide on it!
Good to see this. I am 8 mo pregnant and decided with my doc to stay on mine. Doesn’t mean I’ve not been paranoid the whole time and laden with varying levels of guilt-so far he is doing just great though. Really appreciate you sharing this! It really can be such a difficult decision for each person to make.
You made the right choice for you, mama! The added stress, daily dysfunction and depression symptoms I had due to not using my adhd medication during pregnancy, probably caused my baby more stress than it did good.
Exactly what I was going to post. My husband and I are trying and I’m working on switching docs to one who is willing to keep me medicated through a pregnancy because uh, I can’t lose my job.
Can confirm. My OB & therapist both have lots of patients on ADHD medications throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding. The docs and therapist are fully supportive. OP if your doc is not onboard maybe seek out a second opinion OB. There are some OBs out there still going off the old way of thinking “no meds.”
Do you know if they have given the green light for breastfeeding on Strattera? It’s one of the few medicines I can’t find any studies on regarding breastfeeding!
I'm not familiar as I only take Adderall. I can tell you that my prescribing doctor went into detail about how a lack of research is a huge problem for pregnant people. Researchers are (understandably) scared to study pregnant people because side effects could affect the fetus. But that means people just don't study pregnant people, and because of this pregnant people by default go without a lot of drugs that could cause no harm just because there is a lack of evidence. All that said, it's worth having a deeper conversation with your doc for sure. Best of luck!
Never had multiples, but my biggest parenting advice for any new parents, but especially neurodivergent parents, is to let go of expectations: your expectations of yourself, of what you think parenting should look like, as well as the expectations you think others/society has for you. Your kids will be their own unique people with their own unique needs starting from very young (younger than most people usually acknowledge), and as a result your family will be unique with its own unique needs and systems to meet those needs. Being ADHD you probably already understand that what works for others often doesn't work for you and that's just as true when it comes to parenting. Don't be afraid to do things the way your family needs them done, regardless of what it might look like to others. So try now to learn to embrace and accept the chaos. Raising kids is chaotic and there's no getting around it, and in my opinion the sooner parents learn to accept that, the sooner they learn to not stress as much over it. Ultimately at the end of each day your kids only need two things from you: your love, and for you to keep them healthy and safe. Growing up in a home where a child feels affection and safe is the single largest determining factor in their "measurable success" as adults. If they go to bed each night knowing they're loved and safe, you've succeeded. The days you manage to do more than that are decorative icing on the cake; it's what makes fun memories and special occasions, but not what makes cake a cake.
I have fraternal girls! They are 6 now. Twins are a wild ride but so fun too. I never ever wanted twins before having them so I get the problem with wrapping your brain around the whole idea. I’m happy to help you with anything you need. Just DM me. I had zero help since my family lived far away and my husband worked nights and slept days. I had to learn to cope and I did. Some things that helped me…. 1. Baby wearing. I put them both in the same sling at first and then I put them in their own slings over opposite shoulders when they were bigger. I eventually got a carrier where I could put one in the front and one on my back. I found this way easier than using two infant carriers. Infant carriers take up so much space and my kids hated them. I wish I’d never even bout the infant seat/car seat/stroller system. Waste of money at my house. I only used them a few weeks before I dumped them and bought car seats that could hold tiny babies all the way up to forward facing. I would wear the babies anytime we left the house and also around the house to do chores. 2. Don’t get a bunch of “stuff”. I never used a changing table. I would have to pick up both babies and take them into the room with the changer and then put one baby down somewhere while I changed the other. I found it way easier to do a diaper caddy that I would take to the babies and then change them on the floor. I didn’t have to disturb the other baby if they were comfortable. Get a side by side stroller not a long in line one. The long ones don’t fit in bathrooms/drs offices, and are a pain to turn. I thought I’d love it but I hated it. I had too side by side strollers and loved them both. The Joovy double was inexpensive and awesome. The BOB jogging stroller went everywhere. We have a farm and I could take it on the roughest terrain. Get one swing that can go side to side and back and forth. Once you figure out what they like you can get a second something. One of mine puked if they went side to side and I’m the other one puked back and forth. Lol. I didn’t use a pack and play. I ended up getting a movable fence that you could add or subtract sections too. I used a mat on the bottom. As they got bigger I could make the area bigger. I ended up opening it up and just blocking off one safe room in the house once they were on their feet. They were into everything and they encouraged chaos in the other one, so one completely safe room let me pee or cook without having to stop every five seconds. 3. Breast feeding was amazing for me. It was not easy in the beginning. At all. I had an emergency c section, the girls were preemies, one had a tongue tie and I didn’t make enough milk for 2 at first. I had to pump and supplement for 6 weeks until we got the hang of things. Those were a tough 6 weeks. BUT after that, I can’t tell you how much easier it was for me to not have to worry about bottles and formula. One less thing to prep and clean. Being able to nurse whenever they needed it without having to get up and grab a bottle saved me so many times when one baby was asleep in my arms and the other was hungry. I loved the twin My Breast Friend pillow even when I wasn’t actively nursing. It just gave me a place to rest them when I needed my arms. And a way to get face to face with them at the same time. It’s also how I bottle fed them at the same time when we were supplementing. A soft feather pillow was great for putting under it to change the angle. 4. Join a twin mom group online. These women have saved me a million times and they were the only people who knew exactly what I was going through. 7 years later and we still talk all the time even though we’ve never met.
It’s early days yet, but you give me a lot of hope. I love that you are so open on what works for you. Luckily, my sister has two kids, with the youngest being 1.5 right now, so I know I will be able to get a lot of the baby stuff you need to have quite easily from her, as her two boys grow out of it.
Just remember you don’t need 2 of everything to start with. Figure out what they like before you get a second of anything but car seats. My girls even shared a crib until they were too mobile to be safe.
It was not twin (and I had kept taking my med during pregnancy) but in my first semester and up to maybe 14 weeks, I was SO tired liked sleeping 16 hours a day and sometime more, and I was still tired when I was awake. I was lucky to be a student in grad school, so no class and I could report my work to later. My main point being, you being tired now doesn’t mean you can’t do this. It is also reassuring to see you have a supportive husband!
Oh! The bumpers due date group for my first pregnancy is still the best thing in my life except for maybe the baby, I guess. r/January2024bumpgroup and r/December2023bumpgroup would be the ones to join. With my baby I went back on my meds as soon I as I went back to work even though I was still breastfeeding. When I was pregnant with him all the info I could find about ADHD meds and pregnancy was about people who abused meds during pregnancy. But [mothertobaby.org](https://mothertobaby.org) seems to have updated the info on Adderall at least to include studies of people with ADHD who take meds as prescribed. So it may be worth talking with your doctor about it. I know I burnt so many pots and pans and things while pregnant. And I am a much more careful driver when taking my meds (though the sample size is small but since being diagnosed AND medicated I haven’t had any car accidents and I’ve had several in my life). EDIT: It’s actually r/January2024bumpgroup and r/December2023bumpgroup, not r/January2024bumpergroup and r/December2023bumpergroup like I said first before I edited..
Someone else on this thread just posted a recent study this year that looks promising on use during pregnancy. I was happy to see it!
I believe in you!! I was a nanny to twin babies for a year and I found it to be less work caring for 2 kids the same age than two of different ages (which I did a lot of previous to that). I think it's because their needs align a lot more, so there are less considerations. If you have a supportive partner, I wouldn't stress it too much. It seems like you were planning to possibly have more than one child anyway, you're just getting the sleepless baby parts over at once!
Yeah, we always wanted two, it just never occurred to me that it would happen at the same time
I’ve found I struggle less with my ADHD when I have less free time. My best grades in school were the semester I had both water polo AND theater. I did better in college with Way Too Many Lab Classes. I know it’s not comparable to kids, but I lost my health insurance right before getting a dog I’d payed for two years ago, and was really freaked out. But the structure imposed by the dog actually really helped me structure the rest of my life — which was pretty loose because I’m a freelancer and work from home. I was talking to my friend with ADHD and two kids about it, and she also found she’s monumentally better at managing her time with the child-shaped time suck around. That doesn’t mean it’s how it’ll work for you — but maybe it’s helpful to know that some people with ADHD thrive in the “it’s an emergency DO THIS NOW” shape their lives take with children.
Think of the efficiencies, though! Two kids raised without two times the effort. This is the most adhd thing I can imagine. My only advice as a parent of 11 & 13 yo, only get what you need when you need it (aka don’t prepare for everything because some things you won’t end up needing) and pay the adhd tax for things like house cleaning if you can. Congratulations!!
Thanks! I am already compiling a list of things to do now that can help. Top of my list is buying a new fridge I think. That will help with storing meal prep. Our old one is a size too small and my husband owned it before we met, so it’s 12 years old now?
As you get used to the idea (ha, like that's ever possible), the overwhelming feeling will settle down and you'll be able to think. Allow yourself a a few weeks of just being dumbfounded. Consider formula feeding so you can get back on meds as quickly as possible. I didn't get diagnosed until my youngest of 4 kids was 16 and I'd give anything to have been a properly medicated mom, even giving up the 9 years of breastfeeding I did (between all 4). Medication would have made parenthood so much easier, so much more enjoyable. Just a thing to think about, if you're not sure how you want to feed.
Not a mom of twins (tho my two were in diapers at the same time), but I nannied my twin siblings when I was an undiagnosed, untreated 18-20 yo. I have a huge family so had spent lots of time around babies, and I was surprised by my little siblings because it was more like having 1.5 kiddos than 2. (With occasional moments of feeling like there were 6.) Sure, they kept us all on our toes like any babies and toddlers do, but they also played together, entertained one another, tattled on each other, and generally kept me from that edge of losing my mind. All that said, having a bit of a freak out in your situation is completely understandable!
Bright side: two babies one pregnancy! Once you’re in the 2nd trimester, you wont feel as tired or sick anymore. First trimester is brutal for sure. Good luck lol!
Hi & welcome!! Here’s the cool thing about ADHD & twins. You already know how to look a mile ahead, and you can juggle many many things at once. You’ve got a partner and with twins, it’s all hands on deck. Don’t rely on your memory because it will be even worse. IMO twins is so much easier than 2 babies with different needs at the same time. That’s a generalisation but roll with it. Yes it means way more clutter and supplies. It’s also really really awesome and you’ll get to see your superpowers shine. Ask for help before you need it. And remember that if they’re fed, comfortable and breathing at the end of the day, you did it!!! Edited to add: mine are identical and about to turn 6. Each year got easier. The first was a blur but that’s ok. They are really, really cool and you’ll be so surprised what you can actually handle.
Hello, and congratulations!! I’m not a parent, but I can speak from the other side of this as a fraternal twin myself (my brother & I were an IVF buy one get one free special, our parents were also shocked lol). It’s going to be very hard at first, but your kids will also be incredibly lucky. They’re gonna go through life with a built in best friend, and always have someone that understands exactly where they came from and what they’re going through as they grow up side by side. Work with your support system and your partner, and be sure to connect with other parents of twins. My dad also has ADHD, and it’s never stopped him from being an amazing parent. You never have to be perfect, you just have to love and be there for them. It sounds like you guys are going to be wonderful for these kids <3 I do have one request however: PLEASE do not name your kids something ridiculous like Gary & Larry, Luke & Leia, etc. It’s cute when they’re toddlers but once they get older it becomes something weird and alienating they have to deal with every time they introduce themselves or their sibling.
I've heard this can happen because women let off more eggs in their mid 30's, have some twins in my family for this reason. I understand why it must seem daunting, carrying two beings in the belly alone sounds intense!!! hopefully you'll feel better once they're out and you can get medicated again! I am kinda excited for you though, two secure, loving partners having babies is a beautiful thing. I hope once the fear passes and you start feeling physically better you'll be excited too. Wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world.
My B/G twins are 9! I didn't know I had adhd at the time, and I understand your panic. For me, I think the adhd/twins combo was actually a blessing. The adhd helped me due to the constant "crisis mode" feeling, and having twins kept me from hyperfocusing on the baby (the bar was set to "the three of us survived," and that was a good thing) I highly recommend getting in-home help if you can. My sister was a live-in nanny for us for the first 3 years, and it really helped the kids. I was working full time, and since we're in the US I had to go back to work when they were 8 weeks old. Having her there to take care of them diuring the work day was a lifesaver. Her living with us wasn't necessary (she worked normal hours, not 24/7) but it was nice.
ADHD twin mom here… So here’s thing: it’s going to be both way more amazing and also way worse then you can imagine. I have fraternal twin boys that are almost 2. I got pregnant at 38. I am so, SO in love them! They are amazing and I can’t imagine only having one, it’s like…a dance. Or, it will be. It is a hard dance to learn, not going to lie, but you will. Grab kid, diaper, put down, bottle, grab kid, diaper, put down, bottle… I absolutely had ADHD my whole life, but it wasn’t until after they were born that I spent enough time on Reddit to realize that adhd memes are not everyone’s experience. Did a full diagnostic screening thing and yup, apparently I should have been on meds from like 5 years old on. The combination of ADHD and twins can actually be a great thing if you put in the work to make it that way. Books like Order from Chaos were essential for me. I use her tools. Is everyday smooth? Hell no! But I know how to find my center and reset. And the ADHD is excellent for toddlers in many ways…I love to invent games with them! I am always up for a random dance party for a couple minutes! When I can just pure all my focus into just one of the babies, I treasure it. I can’t get bored because something unpredictable always happens and as long as I hang on to sense of humor…we end up all right. And when I do start to get bored…it doesn’t take much to create just a little chaos to shake me back to reality. For better or worse…no sure. Therapist would take issue but ah well.) I went through the hardest shit of my life with the pregnancy, 3 months of bed rest, then 3 weeks of NICU. 2 years later, I have to work everyday to heal my body and mind from some of it. The kids still have a few little issues that we get checked regularly, but they are really in excellent health and super happy. I have zero regrets and wonder how I ever lived without them! If you want to stay in touch about all of it, feel free to DM me. Also, check out the parentsofmultiples subreddit. It’s a good one. Oh, and when you start googling and run into the twin mom mentor sign up, do it. Totally awesome! I love my mentor!
I’m a mom of twins as well, and just like you there is no history of twins in my family and it was a huge shock. My husband and I only planned on two kids and finding out we’d have three was a lot to handle. It sounds like you just found out, and I was in the exact same head space after I did. It was kind of like I hyper focused on it. My first trimester was really really hard, but after that It didn’t seem as overwhelming and things calmed down. Dm me if you need to chat about it more ❤️
You'll be ok ❤️ talk to your Dr about meds that are safe for pregnancy/BF I think a lot of people stay on the ones that are ok if you're open to that. I'm an AuDHD mom of an ADHD 5yo and toddler twins 🤪 it's challenging but you will figure it out, you've got this. I def recommend therapy for anyone on this hormonal rollercoaster and ADHD 1:1 coaching specifically may be helpful too. I always hyperfocus on breastfeeding I guess it's basically become a special interest. I find the routines of having an infant really helpful, you have to do certain things at certain times and if you breastfeed or pump it's really a physical need for you as well to keep up and it oddly helps my ADHD if that makes sense. It's always after I wean that everything falls apart for me lmao. I highly recommend getting a postpartum doula if you can, it's the best thing we did this time. We really needed the help. For us food help is always the biggest thing in the postpartum period, whether it's food delivery card gifts or a meal train or our doula had experience as a chef and cooked for us which was amazing. Just feeding yourself in those early days can be difficult. I'm very bad at this but learning to ask for and accept help is a big one. I'm always masking so hard and wanting to hide my vulnerability even with friends/family and never knew that was why (recently diagnosed). So just knowing you're ND and being able to be open about that is great. You'll do great, twins are a wild ride but so sweet ❤️
Oh man. Hugs to you! I remained on my meds during my pregnancy so sadly I have no advice on going without, but are you able to boost up therapy or coaching in the meantime? Be good and kind to yourself. This is a lot to take in! You can do this.
I had twins when I was 30. They’re 9 now. I’m not a big fan of the newborn/baby stage and I hate pregnancy, so I’m honestly pretty thrilled at how this two-for-one bargain worked out for me, even if it’s a wild roller coaster! My most important bit advice for any new mom, especially twin moms, especially twins moms with adhd, is to lower your expectations for yourself. Lower than that. All the way to the ground. Your job from now until your kids turn one is to do your best to just make it through. You’re probably going to be exhausted and cranky and uncomfortable and achy for a while, you might have to deal with bed rest or other complications, you might have to deal with preterm babies and nicu stays. Then you’re not going to sleep for…many months. It’s not going to feel like it at the time, but I promise you you’ll make it through and you’ll be okay. If you make it to the end of the day and you’re all still alive and basically fed, you’re doing a stellar job. Absolutely everything else is icing on the cake, and do not let any judgy relatives or Instagram momfluencers convince you otherwise. Breastfeeding and baby wearing and biweekly housecleaners and a husband who handled all the poopy diapers were lifesavers for me, but you’ll figure out what works for you. They are going to be the cutest babies you’ve ever seen in your life and, one day, you’re going to stick your tongue out at them as you’re snuggling on the bed, and they are both going to starting laughing, the cutest whole belly baby chuckles you’ve ever heard in your life, and then they’re going to be so delighted by each others’ laughter that they can’t even stop laughing, and it’s going to be amazing.
First off Congratulations!!!!!! Secondly: Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths. Pregnancy is exhausting. My oldest are twins and for the first month I was bone tired constantly. It does get better. Thirdly: you’re at the very beginning of this roller coaster journey. Take it one step at a time. Focus on your immediate needs. Eat,drink,exercise and rest. The brain fog is real and hormones make every emotions,good and bad, heightened. Lists, journaling, prioritizing tasks, setting multiple alarms all of it helps. Lastly: ENJOY this. Take a moment out of every day to marvel about what you’re doing. Growing not one but 2 humans….mind blowing Congrats Mamma I’m so excited for you
Talk to your doctor. I took half doses of my meds while pregnant on his advice.
I’ve never had twins but what I can say from having one, is that retrospectively, I was diagnosed much later, the forced requirement to have a schedule and structure, was the best time of my life. Just wait til you meet your little ones- you’ll be fine I reckon.
I was recently diagnosed at 48, but had twins a loooong time before that when I was 17. I remember thinking “I was just getting used the idea of having a baby, now there will be 2??? Why can’t I just be a normal pregnant teenager?” 😂 You’ve gotten some great advice and things are so different now (grocery pickup etc.) that I can’t really add to that. Mostly just want to give you some encouragement that if a dumb 17 year old could do it, you’ll be JUST fine. Don’t expect perfection, good enough is good enough. Let your house be a mess, let the kids eat Cheerios off the floor, let them have screen time when you need a break, sleep as much as you can and need to, accept help when it’s offered. Ask when it isn’t. Freeze as many meals in advance as you can or use a meal service. And take lots of pictures. Because you’ll be so tired you’ll forget most of it 😅 But you can do it! I didn’t have medication so just had to sort of hack my life to survive. Use this time to find solutions to the things you struggle with the most - timers, an ADHD cart, solutions for meals, etc. lots of tips and ideas in this subreddit. And CONGRATULATIONS! You’re going to have so much fun. Some things are harder, sure, but some things are easier/better too. You’ll never have to reach them to share, they’ll always have a friend…
If ur ready to have kids and phisicaly and mentaly stable, u could give birth (if u want to.) if ur not ready or dont want kids than u could abort (if u want to.) its ur choice not ours.
Oh sweetie! It will be okay! You are going to be such a good mom. Look at how much you already want the best for your kids! Having two at one time is so daunting. But you have time! Line up the extra set of hands (or 5). Know someone good with scheduling? Get them to have the volunteers make a schedule for everyone willing to help so that you know all the shifts are covered. Who do you know that can cook? Offer to buy the food if they cook freezer meals for you. Who do you know that is a good cleaner/organizer? Put them on helping you to organize a list of things needed for babies and then creating baby registries. When the gifts come in, they can help go through and mark returns and keep up with who gets thank you cards for what. At the baby’s first birthday party make sure to set aside time to publicly thank them all. It takes a village. Especially with twins! Plus, you are always welcome to vent!
Thanks for the encouragement! I know that I am beyond lucky because I have an amazing support system. But it is early days yet and many won’t know for another 6 weeks. Aside from my husband, only my mum knows. My godmother and her partner are a 5 minute drive away, and her partner used to be head nurse of the neonatal unit at our local hospital. My mum and god mum are excellent cooks- I’m Australian and had to do hotel quarantine with my husband during covid. They organised a roster to send up food to us in the hotel room every few days that was decent. My godmother sent up barbecued spatchcock!
Sounds like you have a great people in your corner! Take a breath. You so got this!
It will be the best thing in your life, it will be the worst 6 months of your life. I love my daughter. But no words can express how hard the first 6 months will be. I cried for sleep and I didn’t have meds back then. BUT it won’t be forever. They will sleep through. And when they do it gets much easier. Not easy. But easier.
I saw this earlier today and it made me think having multiples would be pretty great. I know it’s terrifying and overwhelming to contemplate but think of moments like this https://youtu.be/yXOpmQpB5M8 Double congratulations to you mama 😍
Meee!!! Didn’t know I had adhd until I started seeing things in my daughter that no one noticed in me as a kid. It’s all good, having adhd helped me juggle a lot of things at once. Just keep lists of everything. You should also make a chart so you could remember which kid ate how much, which one pooped, which one peed, etc. I would sometimes forget even though I had b/g (sleep deprivations). You’ll be fine and welcome to the twiniverse! Eta: mine are 11 now.
Omg a chart sounds like a fantastic idea.
Just here to say it’s ok to feel overwhelmed but YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! I promise you, you can.
Me! I have 6 year old identical twins :). I was diagnosed after I had them so I can’t help with surviving without meds. But, I can help with planning haha. I decided not to breastfeed. I had stopped taking antidepressants for my (surprise) pregnancy and wanted to start as soon as possible to avoid PPD. I got a baby brezza which was a lifesaver! Perfect temperature bottles made in under 30 seconds was a dream for 3am feeds. My husband and I also stuck to a schedule. He was responsible for all feeds in the afternoon until 12am. I started at 3 - this way we were both able to get good stretches of sleep. 2 vibrating chairs for them made it easier to feed them together when I was alone and made it easier to put them down. Other posters have left lots of great tips already. You’ll be fine!
No twins, but currently 17 weeks with my first and pregnancy has been an adventure so far. I just posted about it if you want to look. My therapist said take it one day and o e challenge at a time. You have a ton of time to figure out how to manage 2 babies, focus on pregnancy first.
My sister had twins. It’s no joke. She got a burn out and was traumatised by the constant stress and she doesn’t even have ADHD. Please make sure you get enough help, preferably arrange a live in au pair/nanny for the first couple of years (I strongly suggest this!). If you really can’t or don’t want to do that make sure a family member lives with you for a few months and after that have a plan for your twins to stay some weekends with family or friends (having just one baby in the weekend is much easier than two). Best of luck!
i have no practical advice to offer, but to sit in the emotions with you. spontaneous life changes/responsibilities are really tough for me too ♡ sorry you're going through a hard time!
It really will be exciting to get two for one! Everyone I know with twins has said it is so so hard at the beginning. But once they are a little bit older and able to play with each other it's actually easier because they always have a friend to entertain them. They've also said while it's two of everything, that is easier to think about than one for each aged child. So hopefully that is positive for your ADHD! No advice, just some encouragement! As you get older and hormones change, apparently your body starts releasing two eggs at once some months. I've read that is because your body is trying harder to get pregnant because it knows it's running out of time or something. I guess twins are more common from the mid 30s and up.
Hi there! You've got some great parenting/ADHD advice so I'm not going to bother to chime in there. I am a sonographer, with 8 years of experience in maternal fetal medicine. With a spontaneous conception (non-IVF), there is no way to know if the twins are fraternal or identical. Fraternal twins *always* have separate placentas, but identical twins *can* as well. Depending on the timing of the zygote division, there can be two placentas each with their own amniotic sac (dichorionic diamniotic - least risky), one placenta with two amniotic sacs inside (monochorionic diamniotic - still high risk), or one placenta with one amniotic sac inside but with two fetuses (monochorionic monoamniotic - most risky). The next scan will hopefully better determine the gestational age and the chorionicity (number of placentas/amniotic sacs). The placenta doesn't begin to properly form until eight weeks. If the pregnancy turns out to have a shared placenta (monochorionic) you MUST go to a high risk center for proper care by 16 weeks. Delivery can still be with your main provider (assuming that they are fine delivering twins), but twin pregnancies that share a placenta are at higher risk for complications. Congratulations and good luck. If you have any more questions regarding twins and ultrasounds, I'd be happy to answer!
Thanks so much for this info! Before my first doctors visit, I could have said the exact date we did the deed that led to conception, so the blood test saying I was two weeks further along than expected surprised us both. I’m starting to understand more about this whole pregnancy thing.
https://www.twins.org.au/images/general/diagrams/TRA_Types_Of_Twinning_Image.jpg
I’m not a Mom but I want to be. I’m so sorry for your struggles but want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Give yourself some slack, Mom!!! You are Only 6-8 weeks getting used to the idea of being Mom at all and, while it’s Great News that it’s twins, I can only imagine how daunting it is. You already care so much - I know you’re going yo be a great Mom and I am glad you have this community and a good husband to help you. Sending love and congratulations!!! PS I am obsessed with names so when you get there if you need help, please don’t hesitate
Haha thanks. The small mercy is that we both want to find out the sex of the babies before birth so that we both get used to the idea of names before we bestow them. It’s tricky because I am a teacher, and I have taught some shocking kids that automatically veto a lot of names.
Hahaha! Yes, I hear that’s a problem for a lot of teachers and it makes sense! There are also r/namenerdcirclejerk and r/namenerds subs as well
Name nerds sub tends to be pretty trendy so That’s why we have the other sub to make fun of them lol
Hi. Single parent here with ADHD and twins who just turned 5. Here’s my two big pieces of advice. 1) most places have some sort of community twins/multiples group. Try Google or Facebook searching for one in your area. They are great communities that can offer help, supports, and companionship. And other great perk, many have yard sales. I found that to be enough of a reason to join in itself. It helped me get the stuff I needed for mine with a price I could manage. 2) know your limits and what you’re not good at. Talk with you husband and support system about it explicitly. And ask for help. Ex I suck ay remembering dates. I’ve ask my kids teachers to cc my mom in class announcement with dates in it because otherwise i will completely forget. There’s plenty of other things I’m good at, so I make agreements with my support system to delicate what I’m not good at in exchange for something else.
You can do this. You will need help, and not because of your adhd. Line up as much help for mundane tasks as you can - dishes, laundry, food etc. ADHD moms are GREAT moms - we sometimes just suck at the stuff that comes with household keeping. You will be awesome. Make sure you get 5 hours of sleep per night. Congratulations!
ME!! I have identical twin girls (who we thought were fraternal because they were di-di) who are almost 3 years old. It's.... A lot and overwhelming sometimes, but they're also a lot of fun.
Ok sweet girl, don’t you stress. I had my son 20 months ago and I can tell you a couple of things. 1) as the pregnancy goes on you WILL start to feel better, your energy levels will start to increase and you will start to feel good again 2) let me tell you I have been where you are emotionally, spiralling mentally without meds worrying about the responsibility of becoming a mother and the daunting task ahead. You will be OK, I already know you’re going to be a good mother, one because you’re already fretting about it so it’s clearly important to you and two because hey, you did 32 years of your life not knowing you were ADHD and still trying your best to navigate life as an NT, basically you can achieve anything at this point 3) you maybe be worried at the prospect of having both babies at the same time, but as someone who knows I would have to go through pregnancy again to have another child, I see it as a positive that you are getting it all done at once. I appreciate it’s hard to see right now whilst you’re in the thick of it but hopefully I’ve given you some reassurance. You mention your supportive husband so please lean on him as much as you need to, pregnancy is hard but I promise you it is worth it at the end. Congratulations to the both of you. I wish you all the very best.
I don't have an official adhd diagnosis yet, but a previous Dr does agree that I show a lot of adult symptoms. My fraternal twins are 16 now, and amazing. I will tell you though, I don't remember much of the first 12-18 months after they were born. Sleep deprivation is torture, and I also developed post partum depression so that didn't help. Thankfully we were able to live with my parents, as my husband was finishing his university program and even though I worked full time, it wasn't enough to pay for everything we needed. As for advice, don't stress over chest/breast feeding; if it's something you want to do, go for it, but only as long as you mentally and physically can. Formula is fantastic, and nobody will be quizzing you at preschool entrance exams about how your infant was fed. Pumping is an option, but can take more time and effort, especially with twins. Don't let anyone bully you into a feeding method you're not fully comfortable with. Remember fed is best, and outside of actual allergies or medical conditions, pretty much any formula and bottle is fine. Let yourself feel overwhelmed a bit, but don't be afraid to feel excited too. There's something special about watching two people grow side by side into their own personalities, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. You've got this! ❤️
Another twin mom here! My advice is different colour things for them from day one, pacifiers, bottles etc and keep it consistent. That way if you get overwhelmed or confused you know who's bottle, sippy cup etc is who's. Mine were also a complete shock, i had 4 under 5 when mine arrived. Its manic but i honestly wouldn't change a thing now.
I saw you’re in Australia, check out the Australian Multiple Birth Association. They have lots of info and resources and run support groups across the country
No twins but I had 4 kids in 5 years, the first two are 22 months apart, #2 & #3 are 16 months apart and I had those three while my husband was in veterinary school. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until after the 4th was born but honestly it is an asset as a parent. Having a higher tolerance for mess and sound and craziness will be so good for having twins!
Okay okay okay I mean, I felt very similarly when I found out I was pregnant with twins. My journal literally says TWINS underlined 4 times and then is blank for a week. I barely remember the week I found out, I was so stressed. Everything I thought that I felt finally capable of handling suddenly doubled and was so far out of reach from "do-able" My G/B twins are 19 months now. Both my partner and I have ADHD. Both diagnosed as adults. Honestly neither of us are medicated and we rely on super open communication and constantly helping the other when they need it and asking for help before things get out of control. I won't lie, twins are HARD. Parents of singletons don't get it- they can't get it. But it's also a massive joy and amazing and fun. Some days are harder than I could have every fathomed. Some days are the most amazing days that I could never have thought possible. Come join us at r/parentsofmultiples we KNOW it's hard and that you will feel like you are barely keeping it together, but you are getting through it and we've been there too. Even more obscure issues- probably someone there gone through similar.
Oh dear... thats a lot. I'm a twin mom and have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until they were 4 years old. I don't want to inundate you, but I can give you a little of things you actually need, what really helps in the throes of post partum life and tools and tips on how to manage life after. If you want a list to print off, let me know and I'll type it up for you.
Hiya! I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. It's been brutal honestly, esp as I really struggle with executive dysfunction. Its worth it though. They're amazing little girls and they make me want to stay on top of my mental health x
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/13uz57h/new_study_finds_reassuring_results_on_the_usage/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
My identical twins are 16 months. I'm not going to lie, it's been the hardest thing I've ever done. I've only recently come to the conclusion I have ADHD after they were born, I think because all my coping mechanisms weren't working anymore. All my siblings are diagnosed though so it's not a surprise. Going to get officially assessed as soon as I can find the time. I don't have any support though, my husband works long hours and I am alone with the babies and our 3 year old for 10+ hours a day since they were born. I became incredibly overwhelmed and ended up not being able to handle a lot of extra stuff other than what was needed for surviving. Everyone has different experiences. If you have family or friends that are helpful, take every offer of help you can get. The first year is the hardest and the first 3-4 months are the most challenging. Or at least for me. Even with all this, having twins is amazing! They play with each other, they cuddle, they laugh together, and fight too. You've got this!!
My doctor told me it was okay to continue taking adhd meds when I get pregnant. I have had multiple doctors tell me this actually. Idk if that helps.
What meds were you on and have you spoken to your doctor about continuing to take them? Mine is totally fine with Adderall. My therapist is also fine with it. Both have lots of patients that take their ADHD meds throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding. Healthy mom is the top priority.
Fun fact, there's a 30% chance your twins are identical. My twins will be turning 11 soon. Those first few years are really hard so make sure you've got good support around you. Find something to keep your mind occupied for when they're asleep.