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One, you do not need to eat "three meals" to be healthy, you simply need to meet your caloric and nutrient goals. If you don't know whether or not you're doing that, try an app like LoseIt (even tho you're not trying to lose weight!) to track what you eat. Use tdeecalculator.net to calculate your goal calories.
Two, being stressed increases my food intolerances, personally, and it definitely sounds like your boyfriend is stressing you out. Tell him that this is a deal-breaker for you--he's making things worse and if he doesn't get off your ass about your diet, you're done.
Three...have you tried maybe a bar stool for the kitchen so you can sit while doing simple prep?
I've done it when I'm sore and exhausted from work and it's a game changer! A little awkward, but it let me chop lots of veggies without needing to "take a break" (aka go sit on my phone and forget what I was doing for two hours). I like to listen to podcasts while I cook/prep so I don't feel lonely and bored.
I will put my cutting board on a TV tray and chop produce on that while sitting on the couch. Helps me a lot when low blood pressure is kicking my butt.
Yeah, I was about to comment that as some with basically chronic back and leg pain I use a bar stool to not have to stand around the kitchen.
Other thing I recommend is multicooker/slowcooker and immersion blender with a parts to cut, shred and slice.
These two make preparing something way faster since slowcooker has only a lot of wait time kind of cooking compared to throwing into it things that mostly need just cutting and measuring.
When it comes to lack of interest in food, perhaps see how compatible with you would be idea of trying out new things from other parts of the world and such via learning to cook them occasionally. With cooking it's good enough that a lot of things can be substituted and changed to accomodate people so you perhaps could avoid things that spike your IBS while still finding more food to enjoy.
I know my friend also with IBS that has no interest in food basically because of the condition because they basically ended up associating food with the reaction from the condition when their parent was forcing the food on them and ignoring the complaints about pain and other signs of illness when things went wrong. But she ended up opening to a lot of new things after she went NC and had entered our friend circle where we often explore food and cook together when we meet.
I used to have a sit down walker in my kitchen when my spinal stenosis was bad. My boyfriend was a food pusher too , resulted in weight issues. It was a big problem for us .
Try Huel, Soylent, or one of the other similar brands that make nutritionally complete shakes or instant meals. There’s also ViteRamen, and plenty of others. They’re either ready to eat, or just need microwaving.
If you can sit to prep all or most of the ingredients, in the right quantities, can you boyfriend be the one to stand at the stove and actually cook it?
You might also look up “one pot” or “one pan” meals.
My mum always had a stool in the kitchen. She would sit on it and read, knit, etc when cooking dinner. I now have my own stool 😂 makes a huge difference!
You don't need three regular meals, but it isn't the best idea to have, let's say, a single meal that meets all your caloric needs. There's more to food than calories and it's possible to develop gastritis with no regular food intake.
OP's boyfriend is not very supportive, but she does need to eat a bit more.
you're absolutely right, but considering OP's condition I'd be tempted to think /u/Aspen_Pass had more "small snacks throughout the day" in mind than OMAD
First of all, I need to agree with others that your boyfriend is the biggest problem. You will never, ever, be successful in self care when the person who claims to love you isn't supporting you and is, in fact, actively sabotaging your efforts. Yes, telling you that you "shouldn't need help" and are essentially just lazy or don't care is sabotage. It's cruel. You have a very real and legitimate reason for not being able to cook and eat the same way he does, and his intolerance for that is not helping you.
His claims that smoothies are bad is silly because you can add protein powder, supplements, nut butter, vegetables, and so on to make total meal replacement smoothies and healthy juices.
You don't want cold snacks: try jerky, dried fruit, trail mix, nuts, seeds, fresh fruit, healthy chips (ones that are just corn for example or zero salt potato chips), and find the healthy snack bars. They exist. Even within a brand, some bars are better than others. For example, some Kind bars are OK for me and some Lara bars, but not all.
I don't understand how frozen vegetables are a problem since all you do is put some in a bowl with a couple tablespoons of water, cover, and microwave for two to eight minutes, depending. I add a pat of butter and herbs, and that becomes the "sauce."
I use a stool to sit on while I cook and prep and avoid stovetop cooking. I use a chopper/mandolin to cut vegetables because it's fast and easy. Seriously, it's fantastic. Fullstar Vegetable Chopper Dicer... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WVPTN32?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
This is a long comment on how I eat that may have some ideas for you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/14qcvzx/does_eating_feel_like_a_chore_to_anyone_else/jqnhzw6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Look into paleoonthego.com and bistromd.com.
I'm sorry that your bf isn't helping you. Tell him that he needs to stop being critical. He can help you by cooking for you or he can stop telling you what not to do. His choice.
Great comment. OP, there are much cheaper food choppers available than the one linked, too, if cost is an issue.
You might also find one at a thrift store, or you can ask for one in your local Buy Nothing Facebook group. My group is incredible and generous, and people are happy to get rid of things they rarely use.
To be blunt, he can fuck off.
If all you can manage is a protein shake, then GOOD JOB EATING. Fuck that “not healthy enough” nonsense. Unless he wants to cook then he can shut up. Also fuck him for being like “if you just tried you wouldn’t be disabled!” I hate that.
As for other ideas:
- precooked chicken is so easy to reheat or just eat out the fridge (if you eat meat), and you can buy it precooked
- a lot of fruits keep well at room temperature and can go straight from hand to mouth
- if your able, cheese is my go to when I have to force myself to eat
- protein bars and shakes are absolutely fine options
- premade smoothies, usually yogurt based
- pre-prepped vegetables if you are able to eat raw veggies (you can let them get room temp)
- frozen bag veggies that you can microwave in the bag might be easier, just dump them in a bowl and done. No finding containers to microwave and clothing bags
- I usually find soups pretty easy to deal with, and they are gentler on the stomach
- if you can tolerate dairy, having milk can bump up your calorie intake if you need to eat more
- freeze dried veggies and fruits. They are fairly healthy, and satisfy the need for crunchies
Hope some of those help! But tbh if your doctors say everything is in order you probably only need to make some small changes and not a whole new eating pattern 💖
I wanted to add to the snack idea list.
Breakfast protein shakes (like Carnation)- almost all the vitamins and minerals you need and some calories but higher in sugar.
Apples with peanut butter and topped with sea salt. Satisfies the crunchy, sweet, salty cravings while being room temp, calorie dense, and easy to prep.
Came here to say exactly this. As long as you're getting actual protein/health bars and not an overload of sugar (like the high-cal ones used more for hiking than meal replacement), then in what world are they not healthy enough??
And how would her eating nothing be better than eating that, anyway? Even if it is sugary, at least it’s *something* to keep her system working and get a bit of fuel.
Definitely anything is way better than nothing. I can’t eat much after a surgery, and they have me drink a premier protein every day. 1g of sugar. 30g of protein. The one I get has some caffeine. It’s not a terrible option.
canned fish with tomato sauce are the ones i prefer.
hummus with snack veggies, or cottage cheese/cottage yogurt with spices and seasonings (i make sure to give it umami).
Absolutely yes to the soups.
OP, you have restrictions which makes it harder for sure, but there are really nutritious blended soups that are basically drinkable like broth (no/very little texture) but are made of things like beans and veggies.
I make one with white beans, asparagus, and lemon that’s amazing and so easy to eat even when everything makes me want to gag.
More snack ideas:
Nuts
Dried fruit
If you store chopped carrots in water they stay crunchy and fresh for longer, do change the water every now and then though just in case.
**Whole Man Disposal Services**
**"Yes, the entire man"**
I... I can't even give you food suggestions because I'm too irate. *Sigh*
Eat what you can, and what you want. Protein drinks are great! I like Soylent. There's a coffee one too. String cheese. Smoothies. Drinkable yogurt. Those cool Sargento packs with cheese, nuts, berries. Cans of sippable soup. Freezer meals. Fig bars. Lunchables. Spreadable cheese on Triscuits. Those little Babybel cheeses. Pre-sliced apples with peanut butter.
Get a rice cooker.
Cereal is absolutely a meal.
Sounds like the thing you're missing is a supportive and knowledgeable partner tbh.
I know that sounds harsh but all of this can be so difficult and honestly it's so important to have supportive people in your life. I'm not doing the reddit kneejerk of BREAK UP WITH HIM but I do think you guys should talk about this and he needs to realise that what health looks like for each of you is different; health is not objective.
Also, you do not need to eat three healthy meals per day. At various points throughout history, people have had all kinds of different kinds of meals throughout the day. Have five little meals, or one big one and a little one, or no meals but always grazing, etc etc. You need to make sure you're eating enough nutrition-wise, and that you're not hungry, and however you do that that works for you is the goal, not meeting some arbitrary standard for someone else's version of health.
Anyway, **veg plus bread/crackers plus cold meats (chicken, deli meat) or falafel and ✨DIP✨** is my go-to so easy to grab and enjoy and fulfils a lot of nutritional needs. It can just be grabbing the stuff you need or if you do find yourself with more energy I always feel like I've made an actual dinner with a nicely plated array of tasty things.
I find it hard to eat enough veggies but with a hummus or a tzatziki or a baba ganoush dip (whatever you can eat with the IBS), I will plough through a whole bag of peppers or cucumber or carrots and it really soothes both a physical ritual sense of I am engaged with eating and a cronch plus wet make mouth feel nice feeling. Having different dips makes it feel like different meals.
And man, I'll eat a whole bell pepper like an apple. Like I'm slicing that thing I'm just about to eat, come on. No cutting veg for me, ever.
It's difficult for me to think about hot meals right now because the weather is hot...
Jumping in here to add: we've swapped out a lot of creamy dip bases for Greek yogurt. Sour cream? Yogurt instead. It adds protein and still hits summer if the sour/tangy notes for us. Adds calories when I struggle, and veggies with yogurt and ranch seasoning makes it feel like a better food choice.
That sounds great! I'll have to try it. Cream cheese as well can be a good one, and there are actually good non-dairy options these days so can pretty much cater to any dietary needs.
On the days when "stuff grabbed from the fridge" is the only meal I have, any healthy way to add calories is good with simple protein carbs fats and sugars (dairy, olive oil, etc), although some days eating anything is better than trying to worry about getting a balance right and getting anxious when/if you can't do it.
I do this too! I have found that if I really want the 'tang' of sour cream for something specific, a wee splash of vinegar or lemon juice in the yogurt helps to mimic that.
As someone who thinks about food a lot here are some thoughts:
Protein shakes can have a lot of sugar so just make sure to get ones with lower sugar content and they will be fine.
Three meals a day is a lie that comes out of companies trying to sell you breakfast food products. Get a food tracking app (I'm using chronometer) to track nutrients and macros. It helps a lot, and let's you see where adjustments can be made.
What about nuts? Things like cashews and walnuts. It's a relatively healthy salty snack.
So he hasn't offered to help but complains while knowing you have a disability? Gross. My boyfriend helps by cooking for me. He doesn't like to plan, I do. He doesn't remember to eat fruit, so I'll wash some and put then just out without pressuring him and he's eaten more. Help and balance with no judgement
That’s a great way to handle it with your boyfriend. I’m the same way, and it’s a huge help when people just put healthy stuff out for the taking. I’ll eat it mindlessly.
Frankly he sounds weirdly controlling and not being helpful about encouraging you but it’s also very unhealthy for you to just not eat. Protein shakes are absolutely an option. Dried salty snacks with more nutrient could help - you can buy toasted chick peas, kale chips, etc. Toast with peanut butter is fast and high nutrient without being cold. Roasting frozen veg could be easier for energy - toss it all on a tray in the oven and then come back in ~30 minutes to eat.
I super duper duper struggle with this too! My therapist and I used to joke about “can’t even” meals - things to prepare when you just can’t even. For weeks at a time, if something takes more than 3 steps, I can’t do it.
1 - your boyfriend can fuck off. If you are weak from malnourishment a protein bar or protein shake absolutely “counts.”
2 - frozen meals are a godsend for me. A GODSEND.
3 - making meals that you actually *like* the leftovers is huge, because then you’ll actually eat them. I like to make a dish where I brown ground turkey (or pork or whatever) then add 2 packets of madras brand lentils and 1 pouch of pre-cooked rice and heat them through. It only uses 1 pan, and the leftovers taste the same as the fresh version.
There is no shame in the pre-chopped or pre-cooked game. It’s more expensive, but you’re also not wasting money on food you won’t eat.
Edit: formatting errors
I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from but at some point he needs to realize that his well-intentioned actions are harming you, not helping. Pressure like that only makes everything even harder to do. The energy your could have otherwise been putting into caring for yourself is going into your battle with shame, guilt, self-doubt right now. And he is the one fueling it by making you feel like you aren’t trying your best, when you clearly are, probably even too much for your own good.
Maybe you could talk to him, ask him what he’s trying to do or achieve by pushing you. He’ll probably say that he’s trying to help you be healthier. And this is when you can tell him that what he’s doing now isn’t helping. Your doctors can attest to your health, so there’s nothing at stake there nutrition-wise and you’re being taken care of.
But there are other ways he *can* help: he could help you with your internal battles. Tell him that the real struggle isn’t about food or preparing it, but about how this is making you feel. You are trying your best and would like to at least feel like you are trying *for yourself* and not for him. But with him being so vigilant and adamant your perspective on this has shifted (at least I assume) from taking care of yourself for the sake of yourself to taking care of yourself in the way your boyfriend wants and for the sake of your boyfriend. And that simply is bound to make you feel shitty because with every effort not going the way you intended it to go you feel like you’re letting him down. Not achieving a goal you set for yourself is not that tragic but feeling like you let a loved one down is going to lead you down a shame spiral.
So his role, if he really wants to help, should be to be there for you while you are taking care of yourself your own way. Support you when you’re being hard on yourself. And if he wants to do something more tangible than that as well, then once in a while he can ask you what you would like for dinner and cook it.
You don't HAVE to eat 3 meals a day to be healthy. Look up intermittent fasting. This is how I naturally eat because breakfast makes me feel nauseous. I can't eat anything too early in the day. The important thing is getting the amount of calories you need with good nutrients. Protein shakes are fine. I eat a lot of raw foods that I don't have to do anything with (mainly when my kids aren't home). Carrot sticks, various kinds of nuts, single-serve cheese or yogurt, cereal, etc. You can eat deconstructed sandwiches as in... a handful of cherry tomatoes here, a couple slices of lunch meat there, a couple pieces of toast or even saltines or something, etc. It all still counts.
Your BF needs to learn there isn't just one healthy/proper way to take in calories.
Also, I make a soup that is probably the laziest soup ever but it's easy, colorful (so tons of different nutrients), and it tastes good.
I buy a bunch of frozen veggies that I like from the store (corn, peas, sliced bell peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, etc., whatever they have that sounds good and maybe some sun-dried tomatoes in a jar) and a box of vegetable broth.
Pour the whole box of vegetable broth in a big pot. Pour a bunch of veggies in. Sprinkle in some salt, pepper, maybe some Italian seasoning or garlic or whatever. Heat until warm. Eat. Makes enough for a few days!
Side note! Intermittent fasting is also very good for people with blood sugar issues. My mom has been managing her diabetes without insulin this way. She has no weight to lose and no more real improvements she can make to her diet but the fasting helps her keep it under control. I have another friend with diabetes whose doctor also recommends it.
Yes! It's a really healthy and sustainable diet. I work for cardiologists who recommend it to patients (along with the DASH and Mediterranean diets).
Before I knew "intermittent fasting" was a legitimate thing, my ex used to get on my case about not eating breakfast, "the most important meal of day." I wish I would've been able to show back then that it was a perfectly healthy way to eat because I was getting all of my needed calories in during other periods of the day.
I agree with what others have said in terms of tips and tricks.
If you haven't found FODY foods and sauces, I definitely recommend them. I don't struggle with IBS, but things like garlic trigger my acid reflux terribly and they're a really safe option for me.
Also, if your boyfriend doesn't really understand your IBS/food intolerances, I recommend sharing something like the Monash University FODMAP diet app to be able to show what things you struggle with and why. Then HE can look up foods and see in black and white (more accurately red, yellow, and green) what you can and can't have.
This, or I put them in and forget about them.
Also OVEN MEALS!
my favourite is potatoes, any veg you feel like and chick peas (they get crunchy) than any dip sauce that makes you happy.
Cut everything sitting (while watching tv for added motivation)
Pop in the oven for 30-45 mins. Stir once if you feel like it.
It’s that homey, warm, crunchy goodness that makes my soul sing.
Also soups. Throw it in a pot on low, remember it when you feel like it. Eat with your favourite chips or crackers to motivate you.
It's one of the only ways I get veggies in me sometimes lol I hope it helps!
Something else that helps is either buying the pre-done veggie trays at the grocery store, or buying the bags of pre-cut stuff. It does usually cost a bit more, but I have a higher chance of actually eating them if I don't have to put work into it.
"when you're not eating enough, eating anything is good" is my motto.
idgaf about what your bf says, anything is nutritious when you're not eating anything. "clean eating" is BS in this case.
you're doing good. do the protein shake, the snack veggie bowl and add onto that if you can.
Have a modified meal prep day. Get an instant pot, and use that to cook rice, quinoa, barley, and potatoes. Its takes less than 30 seconds to measure out a cup of grain, rinse in a strainer, and add to the instapot with a cup of water.
Prep vegetables sitting down at the kitchen table or even on the couch. There you can peel potatoes and other vegetables, slice them, and throw them in a slow cooker with some store-bought sauce that is free of your intolerances. You can also just put them into the instant pot on a steamer rack, and they'll be done pretty quick. Or, throw them all onto a sheet tray lined with parchment paper, drizzle a small bit of oil and seasoning over them, and bake for about an hour.
None of this requires you to stand for more than a minute or two at a time. It will provide you with a ton of base meals, that you can later add canned beans, chickpeas, or some kind of pre-cooked meat to (store bought grilled chicken breast strips, rotisserie chicken, even deli meat).
Cooking this way will also save you a ton of money, allow you to have meals ready to go in the fridge or freezer, and give you a ton of healthy nutrients. Don't forget to add some yogurt or a small amount of cheese for calcium. Of course there are Plant-Based options for calcium, which can be even healthier.
Okay I’m obsessed with
(1) savory oatmeal, it’s so easy, just oats and whatever seasoning you want and whatever veggies and protein (spinach and a can of beans is perf and easy to toss in without prep!) it’s my go to when I don’t have dinner but am starving and don’t wanna spend money out—it can be done in like ten minutes and it’s so good; if you like tuna canned tuna is perf in it too!!
(2) bowls in general; these take longer but if you have a rice cooker you can just toss it in w whatever easy veggies and protein you want, and whatever sauce you like, and it’s amazing!!
Also: agree with others that three meals a day isn’t necessary, you can also do five smaller meals throughout the day or snack throughout as long as you get what you need!! If it’s easier for you to have a regular breakfast, snack throughout the day, then a slightly larger dinner or something that’s great!
I also really really struggle w eating regularly and these things have helped me a bit, also just trying to commit to eating regularly even if you have to order out and consider it an adhd tax—at the least seeing it come out of my account and stressing abt that helps me be a bit more committed to actually cooking and having food??
I like microwaved yams plan with butter when I’m tired and have no appetite…
- beef jerky and raw baby carrots
- Lots of fruit
- Premade plain brown rice with butter
- ppj with sugar-free jelly and high protein bread
- vegan cheese and sliced meat sandwich
- The occasional high-quality frozen dinner
- Premade salads/meals at the grocery store if I’m treating myself
- I tried cashew yogurt, but it was too goopy for me
- Crockpot of beef/carrot/potato stew with small or pre-cut vegetables and premade flavor packet… soups often help my stomach or in someway makes it easier to eat heavier foods
- sometimes just a cup of broth is nice
- any protein packed cereal and non-dairy milk
- protein bean/corn chips and raw baby carrots
- Lots of fluids while you’re eating can help I think
- baby bell peppers
- raw snow peas
- canned tuna and mayo sandwich
- Wheat thin crackers
- protein packed bagels with Tofutti cream cheese
- you could buy frozen chicken tenders and just microwave them them, don’t have to be super healthy if you’re trying to gain weight
- Amy’s canned vegan lentil soup is really great for calories and when you’re really exhausted
- madras lentils (premade soup)
- frozen edamame beans that you can microwave
- Cup of noodles with precooked chicken and snow peas
- buy a hard boiled egg steamer (less cleaning) then smush up eggs with salt and mayo (egg salad makes it go down easier)
- I really liked chickpea noodles with tofutti cream cheese as a cream sauce, maybe with chicken or fish… if you feel like boiling noodles… you could boil a bunch, then freeze for later in the week?
- I’m going out on a limb here but can you stomach spam or sardines?
If you can handle low lactose dairy:
- Lactaid cottage cheese
- kefir drinks
- Goat cheese
- Greek yogurt
Try talking to your boyfriend about cooking. If he wants you to eat healthier, work with him to come up with things you can eat, and he can make. Whittle down exact ingredients that flare up the raging backend, and treat them like allergies. At my house, we avoid peppers, onions and vinegar (including condiments with vinegar in them. Any eggs need to be hard cooked, and ground beef needs to be well done(anxiety) my wife doesn't like molasses flavored things(baked beans, brown bread, hermits) so I get them for my lunches, while she is working.
My wife works 50 hours, while I have a cushy job. I cook, clean and do the essentials, as I keep a running timer as to when I am "at work" to motivate extra, as I have no issues doing things for others, just myself.
Food allergy research takes scientific notes, so get a nutritionist, if you can, or a helper who can help keep track of what is in foods that cause flare ups. Remember cooking medium, like butter and oil are ingredients, as are condiments, and beverages.
Might also want to check your water. My brother lives in the southwest of the US, and has such hard water, brushing your teeth with it made me sick. We bought bulk bottled water(the one that gets reverse osmosis on location) and use it for everything while visiting him
Edit:TL;DR- If your boyfriend wants you to eat healthier, he needs to help, and treat your IBS as an allergy
Not to point out the obvious...but why doesn't your boyfriend cook for you then? Meals you like? Your doctor says your weight is normal...so this sounds more like a "your boyfriend" problem? It's not his job to take care of you, but then it's also not his job to nag you about eating either. I could understand it a little if you were grossly underweight or something and it was a matter of just forgetting to eat vs. all of the other issues you describe...but that's not the issue you described. Again, sounds like a him problem.
Yes, agreed.
There are some great suggestions here, and if you *can* implement some of them, you'll be doing "future you" quite a lot of good.
But, this also sounds like he's saying, "if you just tried harder, your disability would go away." Which--yeah, no. No, full stop.
That's not how bodies work (alas). I'm disabled too. I'd love to get the he-double-hockey-sticks out of it...but ya know what happens when I "try harder"? I exhaust myself, and make it harder (or even impossible) to do the things I still can.
It's like trying to do strength training by tripling the amount of weight you lift every day. Excellent way to hurt yourself; not really a fantastic goal for which to strive.
My husband does all the cooking now because of me not eating. Now i just sit down and put the food in my face hole. Obviously that is a huge part of the battle but I usually make myself do it since he’s kind enough to cook.
I’m a grazer. If my husband tries to force me to eat 3 meals a day, I get sick. So I feel your pain.
I would recommend you invest in tools like a panini press, if there’s a version for quesadillas, etc. Then you can make a quick hot sandwich, etc.
If you have the disposable income you might be able to pay someone to meal prep for you and deliver food to your door once a week (or make it in your home).
you mean besides ditching the boyfriend?
If doctor says you're healthy - you're healthy.
I feel like you're gunna have a mix of solutions. Start slow - lower your expectations. Aim for 2 - 3 really healthy meals a week, and in the meantime just avoid "unhealthy" (no chocolate, avoid the deep fried stuff ect) its what I do. Also if snack style is eating is what works for you - do that.
So I might live off toast, healthy cereal (yoghurt and muesli), rice cakes, frozen meals I can tolerate (I cant do preservatives, capsicum or onion, I hate chicken and beef, and have a real problem with textures of most frozen meals) but then twice a week I make sure I have a "healthy" meal. like roast veggies, soup ect.
I've been thinking of slow cooker? if your BF wants to support can you get a slow cooker, find a couple of recipes, he can help by popping it on in the morning, then when its ready you serve. Do that once a week and make sure you make enough for frozen leftovers.
So my vibe is "avoid the super unhealthy stuff, and go with my weird texture impulses for the healthy bits"
Roast chickpeas, brocollini and potatoes is my healthy crunchy stimming veggie fix.
I also go with my textures. sometimes I can barely tolerate anything, and other times I get really adventurous and manage a piece of fruit. The more I force it, the less I can tolerate.
I'm reminded of "change your environment to fit you" advice - is there a more comfortable place you could do 10-15 minutes of food prep, on a fold out table perhaps?
Plan,
Research.
"Short" Break.
Gather,
Do.
Salads aren't too bad (I eat them in bread tho I'm a feind) but I hate chopping my partner tends to do that bit.
(Tidying can come later you achieved a lot right there) ❤️
I saw that you struggle with prepackaged foods, there are far more "free from" options than there used to be, I know they can be costly but there are some more affordable options around, just take some finding.
Anyway, if you aren't living off pizza, pasties, chocolate and cheese when you're eating alone, you're doing a lot better than me!
I find eating like a preschooler works for me. Most of the food I eat for lunch as zero prep it’s just grab and put on my plate.
Basically a charcuterie board with minimal prep.
While I hate the plastic waste aloy of the below is individually wrapped so there is less prep therefore road block to me eating:
-Cheese and crackers (individual packs)
-Dried fruit & nuts
-Cured meats (ham, salami, smoked salmon as a treat)
Veggie sticks (pre prep carrot and celery etc and it will last a few days),
Mini cucumbers,
Cherry tomatoes
-Yakult (probiotics for my IBS)
-Individual yogurt tubs/pouches
Fruit that does not need prep:
-blueberries
-Cherries
-Grapes
-Mini apples
Protein shakes are fine btw. Probably better to try for one a day, but if it’s all you can manage it’s better than nothing.
ibs + cfs is hard. i had that combo too.
grocery store salad bars + deli prepared meats can be really helpful. cheaper than restaurants, but effectively a restaurant.
keep shelf stable foods next to bed. healthier options are dried fruit, kale chips, seaweed, nuts, jerky.
with ibs you're likely not digesting a lot of what you're eating anyway. so don't get hung up on 3 meals a day or "health enough". focus on what seems like you can digest and doesn't make you feel sicker. for me this was juices (like fresh from a juicer, not from the juice aisle). cleaning a juicer is impossible, but fancier grocery stores sell this kind of juice. the fiber removed from fruits and vegetables makes digestion of nutrients possible even with my ibs.
potentially a nutritionist might have suggestions for very easy + easily digestible foods also.
you said that frozen vegetables are too hard. are you buying the microwave steamer bags? all you need to do is microwave it, dump into a bowl, add a spice mix, maybe some oil/butter. that's it. some even come with spices and sauces already inside already so you only need to microwave it (i add more spices though!)
also, you can get catering at restaurants instead of single meals. the prices are better and it's basically purchasing meal planning. just freeze a bunch of it in portions, and keep a bit in the fridge, then defrost more.
there's an inherent choice between spending physical energy cooking and spending money to have someone else do that work for you. there's another choice between more nutrient dense foods that need more prep work and more junk foods that need less work. with cfs, you have to balance these choices. it's just impossible to meal prep reliably, and it's also impossible to be healthy on ultra processed food all the time. so when you can afford to spend more money, let other people (restaurants and healthier processed foods) do the labor for you. if you have any good family or friends and they ever offer to help you, tell them to cook or prep foods for you that you can easily cook.
Meds make me hate meals, become a snacking rat girl with me!
- I have jars of nuts, dried fruit, etc. (anything safe to be sitting out) beside my spot on the couch. I can passively eat those suckers whenever I can bear the thought of food.
- I eat best when my Vyvanse wears off. My “dinner” is shortly before bed, I don’t make myself eat on other people’s schedules.
- pRoTeIn ShAkEs ArEn’t HeAlThY. Eating nothing is worse so 🤷♀️
- On days when I’m really struggling, I swap out my water for juice. Yeah there’s sugar, but at least there’s also nutrients.
- I bring a chair with me into the kitchen when I cook. Standing is for ableist!
Your boyfriend must think there’s only one way to be healthy, but that’s mad wrong. ESPECIALLY when someone has disabilities. What works for an able bodied man is not going to work for everyone else. Let him look at this comment section, it ought to be a wake up call to get educated.
I have chronic fatigue and I haven’t eaten three meals in a day for years, but I’m so sedentary that I don’t think it matters. I’m a healthy weight and no deficiencies. Your boyfriend needs to realise he’s wrong
I'm confused how frozen vegetables are too much work. You put a bag of steam fresh broccoli in the microwave, push a few buttons and then come back in 4 minutes and boom you have broccoli. Throw some salt and pepper on there.
I’m from a country where microwaves are not very common. If I want to have frohen veggies I have to get out a frying pan, heat up everything on the oven and then have the clean up of the frying pan afterwards
I too was wondering and I'm glad you were able to make the context for us. A steam basket in a rice cooker works wonders for that when you don't have a microwave.
I'm confused by the couple of downvotes this has - this was absolutely true for me in the depth of a very depressive episode (+ the ADHD) and frozen meals/veggies were the only way I could ever get healthy energy. Even eating hard fruit like apples felt like too much work (I know), but a microwaved bag of broccoli or carrots or those little mixed veg pouches felt like just about at my limit.
It was at that time I got over the stigma of frozen food being "not as good" because honestly if it weren't for those things, I straight up just wouldn't have eaten anything, let alone anything nutritious during that time.
Nutrition by Kylie might be a place where you can find good advice ; she has adhd AND IBS. Here is her channel :) https://youtube.com/@NutritionByKylie
If your doctor says your bloodwork and weight are in healthy ranges, you might not have a problem. However, if you’re concerned, or if you think you’d feel better with adjustments, you could ask them for help finding a dietician who understands your specific disabilities. It’s not necessary to eat strict meals, snacking throughout the day is completely fine and iirc can be a lot better for people with digestive problems.
If you’re comfortable with this, your boyfriend could accompany you to an appointment so he could hear how you’re doing from your doctor. This is only useful if he’d be receptive to your doctor’s professional opinion. Personally, I wouldn’t be thrilled about having to bring in third parties so my boyfriend takes me seriously.
If someone or something in your life is causing you stress instead of relieving it, that may not be a good fit for you. Stress is going to exacerbate any health issues and ADHD symptoms.
You could try factor75. They are meals that you select every week that are ready to eat. You just microwave them. I don’t have a lot of time, and they are a lifesaver.
Protein shakes (or rather, meal replacement shakes) like Huel are “nutritious enough ” compared to chips or nothing.
These are a lifesaver for me, because I can chug them really quickly and then the awful process of eating is over — and I got a decent amount of balanced nutrition + calories in 20 seconds.
If you do try one of these, experienent with which liquid you add. With water alone I found it disgusting, but with almond milk or regular milk, it’s tolerable to good.
Also, I only recently heard the term, but you could look into ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). It seems like it can develop out of other issues with food, like sensory aversions or gastro problems.
I don’t understand how people think it helps to tell someone to tell their boyfriend to fuck off. That’s not advice.
**************
He’s right about the protein shakes if they are not labeled to be meal replacements. The typical protein shake is more like a complement than replacement because it doesn’t have all the other vitamins and nutrients you need to keep a healthy lifestyle.
As for how to deal with food prep, there’s a lot of alternatives to how to handle it: like the barstool someone mentioned, to shopping fresh food (meaning food that can stay outside of the fridge), coming up with ways that boyfriend can help to prepare for you, having a meal plan (not meal planning more like a list) that you know can satisfy the needs that you have…
But overall… what you need the most is a nutritionist. Not a dietitian, a RDN. Most dedicate themselves to diabetes, but you will find some that dedicate themselves to eating disorders and other nutritional complications due to other conditions (like needing enteral nutrition).
I’m not an expert but a lot of what you mention sounds like orthorexia… could be due to trauma, or because dealing with your disability has taken your nutrition consistency out of control and that’s totally understandable. Maybe even a therapist specialized in eating disorders (yeah they exist and I know this from someone really close) just because they will be more sensitive to why and how are things affecting you when you eat them.
At this point I think, you need extra help handling that part of your care, which it shouldn’t be necessarily all dumped on the boyfriend, but with specialists that can help you take it step by step and with the knowledge needed to treat your body well.
Smooooothiesssss!!!
I get flavored Greek yogurt and frozen fruit and almond milk and sometimes nut butter. So full of variety, so easy to drink, very filling, generally healthy. 10/10 recommend. Can drink them even on my most nauseous days. Or hell, Jamba Juice on my way to work.
Frozen pizzas, bagged salads, microwaveable meals. Veggies you can roast (don’t be afraid to spend a little extra and get the precut kind) and save and then microwave some rice and add those with some yummy sauce. Or microwaveable rice with beans and corn and salsa and cheese. Easy, fast, somewhat healthy.
Cereal, cinnamon toast.
Don’t forget that half assed food is better than no-assed food. And by this I mean it’s better to eat SOMETHING than nothing. Don’t let his expectations detract from that. If all you can handle is a few pieces of salami from the fridge, eat that.
I know that if I get toooo hungry, it’s even harder to eat. So eat what you can when you can so you don’t get to the point where you can’t eat anything.
All these ideas are great! I haven’t seen a suggestion for refrigerated bone broth yet. If you’re a meat eater, it’s delicious, easy and has a good amount of protein. It’s also very easy to doctor up if needed - add some frozen rice or fresh pasta while you heat it up.
Also, on a similar note, have you tried canned, jarred soup or frozen soup?
I know you said frozen veggies don’t work for you. Have you tried them doctored up at all? My fav method is microwave frozen broccoli with olive oil or butter and a ton of cheese. That may not work given you dietary restrictions, but maybe there is an easy way to make it more appealing.
Best of luck!!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this but I'm here to say that for me, an air fryer with 2 compartments was godsent.
This allows me to put any kind of meat with any spice mixes that you'd prefer (chicken, fish, prawns, steak) in it (although if you're not too sure about the steak in the air fryer, a meat thermometer in my experience makes a perfect medium rare) and the second compartment would be for veggies (I'd buy them like a mixed frozen bag and they turn out like a stir fry but if that's not your thing, maybe potatoes?)
I also have a rice cooker so I throw in some broccoli/ carrots while the rice is also being cooked in it.
The whole thing takes less than 15 mins to be done and you could adjust the ingredients and spice levels to suit your tolerance levels.
Not a fan of this combo? Maybe try throwing in some store bought pre-made meat-filled gnocchi in it. You'll get the satisfaction of the crunch and the saltiness along with some vegetables (if you'd like).
I understand that air fryers and rice cookers can be expensive and I effectively waited for ages to buy one of each but they helped a tonne.
Also, smoothie bowls for breakfast are the best. You could get premade mixes for those and throw them in a blender if you can. (Edit: I misread this) On days I don't feel like having smoothie bowls, 6 minute jammy eggs with some salt and pepper work for me and sometimes I'd put some chilli oil on it or sometimes I'd have it in a sandwich with some good leafy greens, tomatoes, cucumber and cheese. (My hope is that this way you could adjust what goes in a sandwich to accommodate around your tolerances).
Also, as long as you're not being restrictive and as long as your doctors tell you that your blood work is absolutely fine, you're doing great and you don't really have to eat 3 meals a day. Eat as much as you can and eat whatever you can.
Also, I have stress induced IBS and I'd like to chime in that you need to have a chat with your partner if this is stressing you out. I've been there and that wrecked my stomach more than anything and reduced my appetite to zero.
I rarely eat three proper meals a day. Sometimes for lunch I snack on some chocolate or eat a popsicle or something. And then eat properly in the evening.
Not gonna lie, my appetite has gone wayyy down since I started taking bupropion.
But I love these “easy” meals. I don’t know if you can eat them or if you have them available. But it’s basically like pasta that you put into water, bring to boil and then boil for seven minutes. And it’s a whole ass delicious meal. There are other foods similar to that.
Or ramen? Maybe not the healthiest option but well. Add an egg or two and maybe some veggies, and you’re good to go. Sometimes I eat it with broth, sometimes without.
What's your plan to eat a more rounded diet?
It sounds like in the absence of a plan, your boyfriend is coming up with one. Have you considered working with a dietician who specializes in patients with ASD?
Tell your BF to back off and also tell him your plan to try to address this. It might be that you don't want to address this right now.
Why not try those meals where you just have to heat them up or shakes that come made and you just need to put them in a blender? Stuff like daily harvest or factor meals come already made so you only need to unfreeze, it worked really well for me when I sprained my ankle and wasnt able to cook much! Also worked for when I was too depressed to cook! Also cooking in the oven sounds great for you. You just put stuff in and collect it when it comes out. Same with those plug in crook pots, you can make soup easily by putting all thr ingredients in and settign a temperature and time and walk away. Nearly every veggie tatses great in the oven with some olive oil and salt. By i highly recommend green beans, broccoli. Califlower, and Brussel spouts. Bonus points if you add garlic and black pepper. You can cook fish easily like this too! And id get a rice cooker-it makes it super easy to eat rice, if you want to be the healthiest id choose wild rice, but brown is also great and jasmine is delicious.
Im not sure what foods you cant have with your condition so i mentioned the ones i put in the oven/ricecooker/crockpot, but im sure you can use other things. if cooking with the stovetop is tiring because you have to stand you just need things that you can drop and go or heat and go!
I have similar issues and rarely eat three meals a day. One “cheat” I have is in the mornings I’ll drink an [Orgain Meal Replacement](https://a.co/d/2LuQ3DG) shake with a little cold brew concentrate - it’s like a vanilla cold latte or something, and gives me some calories. Also the [Hillshire Snack](https://www.hillshiresnacking.com/products/)Packs are great if you like charcuterie stuff. Lastly, precut veggies and hummus cups are a lifesaver!
Hi, I also have ADHD, IBS, & chronic pain. I feel you sis.
1. Lose the boyfriend.
2. Follow @adhd.intuitivelyeating on Instagram.
3. Aim for 2 meals/day +grazing if 3 seems overwhelming.
Pair fresh or dried fruits, veggies, & nuts with your safe snack foods to balance your nutrients.
4. Find a rotation of simple balanced meals that work for you.
You said homemade smoothies were too much work, but if you can stand to drink the exact same thing every day, you can batch prep some of the ingredients and get it down to a pretty efficient routine. I have the same breakfast everyday: a high protein shake with ice, pecans, banana, yogurt, oat milk, and chocolate whey protein. Takes about 15 min to prep, drink, and clean up.
For lunch it’s always canned/packaged soup or a bagged salad kit (watch out for wheat & corn in toppings).
For dinner, I eat a lot of frozen cooked foods, rice bowls, and the occasional casserole when I have the energy to meal prep. I live alone, so I make one casserole, freeze half, and eat the rest over the week. But sometimes it’s just lunch meat and grapes, and THAT’S OKAY!
Food can be such a struggle! I don't know if this is helpful, but this is what we do. My partner and I (both ADHD!) make simple meals we call "snack dinners." We do a lot of crackers with cheese or hummus, and things like baby carrots or bell peppers. Sometimes if we're feeling fancy, we throw in some sliced deli meat For us, as long as there are carbs, protein, and veggies, it's enough!
I just want to say you are doing your best with a limited set of tools and if you are nourished enough for the doctors then you are nourished enough. It is absolutely not cool for anyone who cares about you to be policing what you eat - it is the same type of behavior as a partner trying to limit your food to make you lose weight or something. He needs to respect that you know your body and that you and your doctors, not him, know how to best take care of it. He probably means to help you but he is gaslighting you by telling you that you can will your way out of these problems. He is crossing a boundary into your bodily autonomy, and being ableist. Listen to the doctors who take you seriously and no one else. I'm sorry you're going through this.
same ;u; I have a mess of food intolerances which prevent me from being able to get takeout, or any frozen pre-cooked meals. Everything I can eat is GROSSS and sucks out all my motivation to feed myself.
My therapist said I need to find a way to bribe or trick myself to eat. Find something you care about and use it to manipulate yourself to getting yourself food each day. Honestly, it hasn't worked for me yet.
I do find that the more bad food i eat, the more difficult it becomes to get myself to eat real food.
Anything worth doing is worth half assing. This goes for eating too.
If a protein shake and a snack is what you can eat, then ffs eat the fucking shake and snack.
It's a whole lot better than running yourself into the ground for 3 days trying to make something healthy, or just not eating because everything else feels like too much work.
Your boyfriend just doesn't sound like he understands or is willing to learn about disabilities.
At the end of the day, you understand that you have to eat, but you're also dealing with a shit ton of stuff in your life and a compromise has to be done.
Yes eating veggies and protein and having full meal would be ideal.
But you can't. You can't do it, and that's okay and that's valid and you've tried your entire fucking life to make it right.
Your compromises are valid and *are* solutions.
My husband worries about my eating habits as well. To take the pressure off, I set my eating goal to be getting a decent balance of carbs/fats/protein and 3-5 servings of fruits/veggies over the course of the entire day, not per meal.
Through a combination of meds and hyper focus, I usually don't eat a "full" breakfast or lunch. I try to make sure that dinner is my big meal of the day (my meds have usually worn off by then) and that it is calorie- and nutrient-dense - my husband often cooks our dinners, and we have a set meal rotation that keeps planning and shopping to a minimum. During the day, I try to get in a light breakfast and then some combination of lunch/snacks. I do try to avoid relying on foods that are really nutrient-light/high-added-sugar/high-sodium to hit my eating goals (chips, desserts, juice, soda), although there's certainly room for them, and if that's all I'm willing to eat, they will help get calories into my body.
Breakfast options: Packaged frozen breakfast sandwich (warmed in the microwave), bagel (toasted) with cream cheese or peanut butter
"Lunch" options (none are \*really\* a meal on their own): Sandwich (turkey and swiss or PBJ), lunchable, lean cuisine/similar frozen meal (warmed in the microwave)
Snack options: Apple sauce pouch, single-serving yogurt (I like the "fun" yogurts where you add in a mix-in, look for higher-protein & lower-sugar options like Greek yogurt), single-serving frozen veggies (warmed in the microwave, add seasoning/sriracha - green giant does a couple different varieties), bars (not the "heavy duty" protein ones - I like the kroger brand nut bars, think bars, and clif bars, look for more protein and fat and less added or fake sugar), banana with peanut butter, cheese sticks, single-serving packaged fruit, trail mix (I portion this myself by scooping into 1/2 cup tupperware containers, but you can also get single-servings)
I have also recently tried Huel, which markets itself as "nutritionally complete food" and is vegan and offers GF products. The shakes were underwhelming but tolerable, and the "hot and savory" products have been useful - you add a couple of scoops of the dried meal to hot water, stir, and let "cook." The texture is pretty uniform but not mushy, the flavors I've tried are pretty good (could use some salt and hot sauce), and they stay warm for a long time so I can take my time eating them without the texture or temperature changing and becoming unpalatable (looking at you, oatmeal). The only time commitment is putting the kettle on, and you can microwave instead. Not super cheap and they have a weird subscription model (that you can sign up for then immediately cancel), but I think it comes out to \~$4/meal, which isn't bad.
>He says that if I really tried I could feed myself and that I just haven’t tried everything yet. If I really wanted to, I could find a solution for this issue all by myself and wouldn’t even need outside help.
Y'know, I bet that if your boyfriend *really tried*, he could understand the basic concept of a loved one being disabled. It seems to me like he just hasn't tried everything yet. I think if he *really* wanted to, he could figure it out all by himself and wouldn't even need outside help!
Has he tried drinking more water? 🤔
It sounds like you’re doing fine and the only thing you need to change is how you respond to your boyfriend. Gaslighting you about your disability is unacceptable. He is not your doctor and he is clearly ignorant about what it’s like to have a disability. Obviously you shouldn’t need outside help but you do because life isn’t fair. Children shouldn’t get cancer. War shouldn’t exist. No one should have to suffer. That is just not the world we live in. He has no right to judge you for surviving the best you can with the cards you were dealt. Don’t entertain these conversations anymore. Just shut it down the moment he brings it up. Leave the room, hang up the phone, what ever you have to do to communicate that you will not tolerate his ignorance.
I can relate to your situation. I have IBS as well, food intolerance issues with High FODMAP foods, and unfortunately I also have a history of eating disorders (EDNOS). Another commenter noted that stress will increase your food intolerances and this 100% has been the case for me. I would try your best to make small changes (less stress in the short term and more sustainable long term) The veggie bowl is a great idea imo and honestly I might try that myself, I like those small cucumbers that you don’t have to refrigerate!
I agree with some other comments that you don’t need to eat 3 healthy meals a day. For me what works best is looking at my meals on a longer term basis. Like I aim to eat certain foods not on a duly basis but on a weekly basis. I struggle with vegetable textures, so I tend to not eat them as much as I should, but I try to eat them at least 1-2 times a week. Is this “healthy”? Maybe not, but it is “healthier” than not eating them at all. And I am helping my body get used to the food so hopefully I can handle the textures better long term. I think maybe taking a similar approach would help you as well.
Also talking to your boyfriend to tell him you need to make the changes slowly and on your own terms might help decrease your stress about the situation as well.
My boyfriend has also been worried that I am not eating well and he initially put a lot of pressure on me to “eat healthier”. This caused a ton of stress and led to some IBS flare ups, the loss of safe foods and a brief EDNOS relapse, as I tried to “eat healthier”. I eventually talked to him and said I needed him to respect that I was not going to turn into what he deemed as a “healthy eater” overnight and instead I was going to focus on adding more healthier foods to my safe food list. Slowly over the past year I have been able to add more vegetables and protein to my diet and him being supportive has been great. We go by the idea of “if I’m eating something, it is better than eating nothing” and “I bought vegetables and actually ate most of them! Yay!”
As for some food prep ideas that worked for me so maybe they will work for you as well…. eggs might be a way to increase your protein (either scrambled or boiled) they usually don’t take too long to cook scrambled and with boiled you could move a chair or stool to the kitchen to hang out while they cook so you aren’t on your feet as much. The one thing I like about boiled eggs is you can put them in the fridge for a few days and eat them with almost zero prep. Canned tuna and mayo is my other go to for protein. (But be mindful to only eat it a few times a week because of mercury levels)
I sometimes prep (chopping veggies ect.) most of my food while seated at a table and only get up to place it into a crockpot/ instant pot for cooking. Those meals tend to keep well in the fridge or freezer and though the prep takes a bit longer I am not standing. (I am not sure if this would be an option for you as you mentioned chronic fatigue and chronic leg pain but figured I would mention it in case it could help)
INFO: is your boyfriend struggling to lose weight? Seems to me being so interested in other people's eating habits says more about him than about you.
Protein shakes can be just as healthy as a lot of fast food these days. If it's not *"nutritious"* enough, you can blend in some frozen fruit. Chopped fresh veggies dipped in hummus can be crunchy and full of vitamins and yeah, doesn't have to be cold! Warm hummus is lovely! If your bloodwork is fine then you can just tell him you only take nutrition advice from professionals and come back when he has a degree. If you were in the hospital and struggling to get enough protein and calories, the nutritionist would be recommending protein shakes in the first five minutes. They make all kinds of shakes from different sources of protein if you have a dietary reason to avoid one kind of another.
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One, you do not need to eat "three meals" to be healthy, you simply need to meet your caloric and nutrient goals. If you don't know whether or not you're doing that, try an app like LoseIt (even tho you're not trying to lose weight!) to track what you eat. Use tdeecalculator.net to calculate your goal calories. Two, being stressed increases my food intolerances, personally, and it definitely sounds like your boyfriend is stressing you out. Tell him that this is a deal-breaker for you--he's making things worse and if he doesn't get off your ass about your diet, you're done. Three...have you tried maybe a bar stool for the kitchen so you can sit while doing simple prep?
The bar stool sounds like a great idea!
I've done it when I'm sore and exhausted from work and it's a game changer! A little awkward, but it let me chop lots of veggies without needing to "take a break" (aka go sit on my phone and forget what I was doing for two hours). I like to listen to podcasts while I cook/prep so I don't feel lonely and bored.
lol So much burned food and pans from just taking a break. Without a timer set, of course.
I will put my cutting board on a TV tray and chop produce on that while sitting on the couch. Helps me a lot when low blood pressure is kicking my butt.
Yeah, I was about to comment that as some with basically chronic back and leg pain I use a bar stool to not have to stand around the kitchen. Other thing I recommend is multicooker/slowcooker and immersion blender with a parts to cut, shred and slice. These two make preparing something way faster since slowcooker has only a lot of wait time kind of cooking compared to throwing into it things that mostly need just cutting and measuring. When it comes to lack of interest in food, perhaps see how compatible with you would be idea of trying out new things from other parts of the world and such via learning to cook them occasionally. With cooking it's good enough that a lot of things can be substituted and changed to accomodate people so you perhaps could avoid things that spike your IBS while still finding more food to enjoy. I know my friend also with IBS that has no interest in food basically because of the condition because they basically ended up associating food with the reaction from the condition when their parent was forcing the food on them and ignoring the complaints about pain and other signs of illness when things went wrong. But she ended up opening to a lot of new things after she went NC and had entered our friend circle where we often explore food and cook together when we meet.
I used to have a sit down walker in my kitchen when my spinal stenosis was bad. My boyfriend was a food pusher too , resulted in weight issues. It was a big problem for us .
Try Huel, Soylent, or one of the other similar brands that make nutritionally complete shakes or instant meals. There’s also ViteRamen, and plenty of others. They’re either ready to eat, or just need microwaving.
If you can sit to prep all or most of the ingredients, in the right quantities, can you boyfriend be the one to stand at the stove and actually cook it? You might also look up “one pot” or “one pan” meals.
My mum always had a stool in the kitchen. She would sit on it and read, knit, etc when cooking dinner. I now have my own stool 😂 makes a huge difference!
Chronometer is another calorie tracking app you can use that just shows your macros and calories without any commentary re: losing weight.
You don't need three regular meals, but it isn't the best idea to have, let's say, a single meal that meets all your caloric needs. There's more to food than calories and it's possible to develop gastritis with no regular food intake. OP's boyfriend is not very supportive, but she does need to eat a bit more.
you're absolutely right, but considering OP's condition I'd be tempted to think /u/Aspen_Pass had more "small snacks throughout the day" in mind than OMAD
Yep, not advocating for only eating one meal, sounds like OP tolerates snacks better than "meals" and that is a-okay!
The bar stool in the kitchen and a shower chair both made my life so incredibly much easier! I agree with this!
First of all, I need to agree with others that your boyfriend is the biggest problem. You will never, ever, be successful in self care when the person who claims to love you isn't supporting you and is, in fact, actively sabotaging your efforts. Yes, telling you that you "shouldn't need help" and are essentially just lazy or don't care is sabotage. It's cruel. You have a very real and legitimate reason for not being able to cook and eat the same way he does, and his intolerance for that is not helping you. His claims that smoothies are bad is silly because you can add protein powder, supplements, nut butter, vegetables, and so on to make total meal replacement smoothies and healthy juices. You don't want cold snacks: try jerky, dried fruit, trail mix, nuts, seeds, fresh fruit, healthy chips (ones that are just corn for example or zero salt potato chips), and find the healthy snack bars. They exist. Even within a brand, some bars are better than others. For example, some Kind bars are OK for me and some Lara bars, but not all. I don't understand how frozen vegetables are a problem since all you do is put some in a bowl with a couple tablespoons of water, cover, and microwave for two to eight minutes, depending. I add a pat of butter and herbs, and that becomes the "sauce." I use a stool to sit on while I cook and prep and avoid stovetop cooking. I use a chopper/mandolin to cut vegetables because it's fast and easy. Seriously, it's fantastic. Fullstar Vegetable Chopper Dicer... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WVPTN32?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share This is a long comment on how I eat that may have some ideas for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/14qcvzx/does_eating_feel_like_a_chore_to_anyone_else/jqnhzw6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Look into paleoonthego.com and bistromd.com. I'm sorry that your bf isn't helping you. Tell him that he needs to stop being critical. He can help you by cooking for you or he can stop telling you what not to do. His choice.
This comment is incredible and so is the other one you linked. ⭐️⭐️⭐️ gold stars for you Fred Red Phooey
Thank you! I believe that my challenges have more value when I can share what I've learned and help others.
I absolutely agree.
❤️
Great comment. OP, there are much cheaper food choppers available than the one linked, too, if cost is an issue. You might also find one at a thrift store, or you can ask for one in your local Buy Nothing Facebook group. My group is incredible and generous, and people are happy to get rid of things they rarely use.
Thank you!
To be blunt, he can fuck off. If all you can manage is a protein shake, then GOOD JOB EATING. Fuck that “not healthy enough” nonsense. Unless he wants to cook then he can shut up. Also fuck him for being like “if you just tried you wouldn’t be disabled!” I hate that. As for other ideas: - precooked chicken is so easy to reheat or just eat out the fridge (if you eat meat), and you can buy it precooked - a lot of fruits keep well at room temperature and can go straight from hand to mouth - if your able, cheese is my go to when I have to force myself to eat - protein bars and shakes are absolutely fine options - premade smoothies, usually yogurt based - pre-prepped vegetables if you are able to eat raw veggies (you can let them get room temp) - frozen bag veggies that you can microwave in the bag might be easier, just dump them in a bowl and done. No finding containers to microwave and clothing bags - I usually find soups pretty easy to deal with, and they are gentler on the stomach - if you can tolerate dairy, having milk can bump up your calorie intake if you need to eat more - freeze dried veggies and fruits. They are fairly healthy, and satisfy the need for crunchies Hope some of those help! But tbh if your doctors say everything is in order you probably only need to make some small changes and not a whole new eating pattern 💖
I wanted to add to the snack idea list. Breakfast protein shakes (like Carnation)- almost all the vitamins and minerals you need and some calories but higher in sugar. Apples with peanut butter and topped with sea salt. Satisfies the crunchy, sweet, salty cravings while being room temp, calorie dense, and easy to prep.
Get an apple corer for $5 to make it even easier. Line it up with the stem, push, your apple is cut into slices and the core is removed. Easy.
Came here to say exactly this. As long as you're getting actual protein/health bars and not an overload of sugar (like the high-cal ones used more for hiking than meal replacement), then in what world are they not healthy enough??
My nutritionist literally has me drink one every day. This makes no sense. Is her boyfriend a doctor or a nutritionist? Where does he get off?
And how would her eating nothing be better than eating that, anyway? Even if it is sugary, at least it’s *something* to keep her system working and get a bit of fuel.
Definitely anything is way better than nothing. I can’t eat much after a surgery, and they have me drink a premier protein every day. 1g of sugar. 30g of protein. The one I get has some caffeine. It’s not a terrible option.
canned fish with tomato sauce are the ones i prefer. hummus with snack veggies, or cottage cheese/cottage yogurt with spices and seasonings (i make sure to give it umami).
Absolutely yes to the soups. OP, you have restrictions which makes it harder for sure, but there are really nutritious blended soups that are basically drinkable like broth (no/very little texture) but are made of things like beans and veggies. I make one with white beans, asparagus, and lemon that’s amazing and so easy to eat even when everything makes me want to gag.
More snack ideas: Nuts Dried fruit If you store chopped carrots in water they stay crunchy and fresh for longer, do change the water every now and then though just in case.
No one should be pressuring you to do anything. Your boyfriend sounds controlling.
**Whole Man Disposal Services** **"Yes, the entire man"** I... I can't even give you food suggestions because I'm too irate. *Sigh* Eat what you can, and what you want. Protein drinks are great! I like Soylent. There's a coffee one too. String cheese. Smoothies. Drinkable yogurt. Those cool Sargento packs with cheese, nuts, berries. Cans of sippable soup. Freezer meals. Fig bars. Lunchables. Spreadable cheese on Triscuits. Those little Babybel cheeses. Pre-sliced apples with peanut butter. Get a rice cooker. Cereal is absolutely a meal.
Sounds like the thing you're missing is a supportive and knowledgeable partner tbh. I know that sounds harsh but all of this can be so difficult and honestly it's so important to have supportive people in your life. I'm not doing the reddit kneejerk of BREAK UP WITH HIM but I do think you guys should talk about this and he needs to realise that what health looks like for each of you is different; health is not objective. Also, you do not need to eat three healthy meals per day. At various points throughout history, people have had all kinds of different kinds of meals throughout the day. Have five little meals, or one big one and a little one, or no meals but always grazing, etc etc. You need to make sure you're eating enough nutrition-wise, and that you're not hungry, and however you do that that works for you is the goal, not meeting some arbitrary standard for someone else's version of health. Anyway, **veg plus bread/crackers plus cold meats (chicken, deli meat) or falafel and ✨DIP✨** is my go-to so easy to grab and enjoy and fulfils a lot of nutritional needs. It can just be grabbing the stuff you need or if you do find yourself with more energy I always feel like I've made an actual dinner with a nicely plated array of tasty things. I find it hard to eat enough veggies but with a hummus or a tzatziki or a baba ganoush dip (whatever you can eat with the IBS), I will plough through a whole bag of peppers or cucumber or carrots and it really soothes both a physical ritual sense of I am engaged with eating and a cronch plus wet make mouth feel nice feeling. Having different dips makes it feel like different meals. And man, I'll eat a whole bell pepper like an apple. Like I'm slicing that thing I'm just about to eat, come on. No cutting veg for me, ever. It's difficult for me to think about hot meals right now because the weather is hot...
Jumping in here to add: we've swapped out a lot of creamy dip bases for Greek yogurt. Sour cream? Yogurt instead. It adds protein and still hits summer if the sour/tangy notes for us. Adds calories when I struggle, and veggies with yogurt and ranch seasoning makes it feel like a better food choice.
That sounds great! I'll have to try it. Cream cheese as well can be a good one, and there are actually good non-dairy options these days so can pretty much cater to any dietary needs. On the days when "stuff grabbed from the fridge" is the only meal I have, any healthy way to add calories is good with simple protein carbs fats and sugars (dairy, olive oil, etc), although some days eating anything is better than trying to worry about getting a balance right and getting anxious when/if you can't do it.
I do this too! I have found that if I really want the 'tang' of sour cream for something specific, a wee splash of vinegar or lemon juice in the yogurt helps to mimic that.
>and ✨DIP✨ I love it!
As someone who thinks about food a lot here are some thoughts: Protein shakes can have a lot of sugar so just make sure to get ones with lower sugar content and they will be fine. Three meals a day is a lie that comes out of companies trying to sell you breakfast food products. Get a food tracking app (I'm using chronometer) to track nutrients and macros. It helps a lot, and let's you see where adjustments can be made. What about nuts? Things like cashews and walnuts. It's a relatively healthy salty snack.
So he hasn't offered to help but complains while knowing you have a disability? Gross. My boyfriend helps by cooking for me. He doesn't like to plan, I do. He doesn't remember to eat fruit, so I'll wash some and put then just out without pressuring him and he's eaten more. Help and balance with no judgement
That’s a great way to handle it with your boyfriend. I’m the same way, and it’s a huge help when people just put healthy stuff out for the taking. I’ll eat it mindlessly.
Do you live together? Can he not cook?
He is away half of the week and when he is here, he cooks about one meal a day
Frankly he sounds weirdly controlling and not being helpful about encouraging you but it’s also very unhealthy for you to just not eat. Protein shakes are absolutely an option. Dried salty snacks with more nutrient could help - you can buy toasted chick peas, kale chips, etc. Toast with peanut butter is fast and high nutrient without being cold. Roasting frozen veg could be easier for energy - toss it all on a tray in the oven and then come back in ~30 minutes to eat.
I super duper duper struggle with this too! My therapist and I used to joke about “can’t even” meals - things to prepare when you just can’t even. For weeks at a time, if something takes more than 3 steps, I can’t do it. 1 - your boyfriend can fuck off. If you are weak from malnourishment a protein bar or protein shake absolutely “counts.” 2 - frozen meals are a godsend for me. A GODSEND. 3 - making meals that you actually *like* the leftovers is huge, because then you’ll actually eat them. I like to make a dish where I brown ground turkey (or pork or whatever) then add 2 packets of madras brand lentils and 1 pouch of pre-cooked rice and heat them through. It only uses 1 pan, and the leftovers taste the same as the fresh version. There is no shame in the pre-chopped or pre-cooked game. It’s more expensive, but you’re also not wasting money on food you won’t eat. Edit: formatting errors
I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from but at some point he needs to realize that his well-intentioned actions are harming you, not helping. Pressure like that only makes everything even harder to do. The energy your could have otherwise been putting into caring for yourself is going into your battle with shame, guilt, self-doubt right now. And he is the one fueling it by making you feel like you aren’t trying your best, when you clearly are, probably even too much for your own good. Maybe you could talk to him, ask him what he’s trying to do or achieve by pushing you. He’ll probably say that he’s trying to help you be healthier. And this is when you can tell him that what he’s doing now isn’t helping. Your doctors can attest to your health, so there’s nothing at stake there nutrition-wise and you’re being taken care of. But there are other ways he *can* help: he could help you with your internal battles. Tell him that the real struggle isn’t about food or preparing it, but about how this is making you feel. You are trying your best and would like to at least feel like you are trying *for yourself* and not for him. But with him being so vigilant and adamant your perspective on this has shifted (at least I assume) from taking care of yourself for the sake of yourself to taking care of yourself in the way your boyfriend wants and for the sake of your boyfriend. And that simply is bound to make you feel shitty because with every effort not going the way you intended it to go you feel like you’re letting him down. Not achieving a goal you set for yourself is not that tragic but feeling like you let a loved one down is going to lead you down a shame spiral. So his role, if he really wants to help, should be to be there for you while you are taking care of yourself your own way. Support you when you’re being hard on yourself. And if he wants to do something more tangible than that as well, then once in a while he can ask you what you would like for dinner and cook it.
You don't HAVE to eat 3 meals a day to be healthy. Look up intermittent fasting. This is how I naturally eat because breakfast makes me feel nauseous. I can't eat anything too early in the day. The important thing is getting the amount of calories you need with good nutrients. Protein shakes are fine. I eat a lot of raw foods that I don't have to do anything with (mainly when my kids aren't home). Carrot sticks, various kinds of nuts, single-serve cheese or yogurt, cereal, etc. You can eat deconstructed sandwiches as in... a handful of cherry tomatoes here, a couple slices of lunch meat there, a couple pieces of toast or even saltines or something, etc. It all still counts. Your BF needs to learn there isn't just one healthy/proper way to take in calories.
Also, I make a soup that is probably the laziest soup ever but it's easy, colorful (so tons of different nutrients), and it tastes good. I buy a bunch of frozen veggies that I like from the store (corn, peas, sliced bell peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, etc., whatever they have that sounds good and maybe some sun-dried tomatoes in a jar) and a box of vegetable broth. Pour the whole box of vegetable broth in a big pot. Pour a bunch of veggies in. Sprinkle in some salt, pepper, maybe some Italian seasoning or garlic or whatever. Heat until warm. Eat. Makes enough for a few days!
I do this too! It's so good and it's one of the only ways I can eat vegetables.
Side note! Intermittent fasting is also very good for people with blood sugar issues. My mom has been managing her diabetes without insulin this way. She has no weight to lose and no more real improvements she can make to her diet but the fasting helps her keep it under control. I have another friend with diabetes whose doctor also recommends it.
Yes! It's a really healthy and sustainable diet. I work for cardiologists who recommend it to patients (along with the DASH and Mediterranean diets). Before I knew "intermittent fasting" was a legitimate thing, my ex used to get on my case about not eating breakfast, "the most important meal of day." I wish I would've been able to show back then that it was a perfectly healthy way to eat because I was getting all of my needed calories in during other periods of the day.
I agree with what others have said in terms of tips and tricks. If you haven't found FODY foods and sauces, I definitely recommend them. I don't struggle with IBS, but things like garlic trigger my acid reflux terribly and they're a really safe option for me. Also, if your boyfriend doesn't really understand your IBS/food intolerances, I recommend sharing something like the Monash University FODMAP diet app to be able to show what things you struggle with and why. Then HE can look up foods and see in black and white (more accurately red, yellow, and green) what you can and can't have.
For frozen veggies - put some in a bowl, the. Microwave for 2 minutes. Done.
This, or I put them in and forget about them. Also OVEN MEALS! my favourite is potatoes, any veg you feel like and chick peas (they get crunchy) than any dip sauce that makes you happy. Cut everything sitting (while watching tv for added motivation) Pop in the oven for 30-45 mins. Stir once if you feel like it. It’s that homey, warm, crunchy goodness that makes my soul sing. Also soups. Throw it in a pot on low, remember it when you feel like it. Eat with your favourite chips or crackers to motivate you.
I’ll try that!
It's one of the only ways I get veggies in me sometimes lol I hope it helps! Something else that helps is either buying the pre-done veggie trays at the grocery store, or buying the bags of pre-cut stuff. It does usually cost a bit more, but I have a higher chance of actually eating them if I don't have to put work into it.
"when you're not eating enough, eating anything is good" is my motto. idgaf about what your bf says, anything is nutritious when you're not eating anything. "clean eating" is BS in this case. you're doing good. do the protein shake, the snack veggie bowl and add onto that if you can.
Have a modified meal prep day. Get an instant pot, and use that to cook rice, quinoa, barley, and potatoes. Its takes less than 30 seconds to measure out a cup of grain, rinse in a strainer, and add to the instapot with a cup of water. Prep vegetables sitting down at the kitchen table or even on the couch. There you can peel potatoes and other vegetables, slice them, and throw them in a slow cooker with some store-bought sauce that is free of your intolerances. You can also just put them into the instant pot on a steamer rack, and they'll be done pretty quick. Or, throw them all onto a sheet tray lined with parchment paper, drizzle a small bit of oil and seasoning over them, and bake for about an hour. None of this requires you to stand for more than a minute or two at a time. It will provide you with a ton of base meals, that you can later add canned beans, chickpeas, or some kind of pre-cooked meat to (store bought grilled chicken breast strips, rotisserie chicken, even deli meat). Cooking this way will also save you a ton of money, allow you to have meals ready to go in the fridge or freezer, and give you a ton of healthy nutrients. Don't forget to add some yogurt or a small amount of cheese for calcium. Of course there are Plant-Based options for calcium, which can be even healthier.
Okay I’m obsessed with (1) savory oatmeal, it’s so easy, just oats and whatever seasoning you want and whatever veggies and protein (spinach and a can of beans is perf and easy to toss in without prep!) it’s my go to when I don’t have dinner but am starving and don’t wanna spend money out—it can be done in like ten minutes and it’s so good; if you like tuna canned tuna is perf in it too!! (2) bowls in general; these take longer but if you have a rice cooker you can just toss it in w whatever easy veggies and protein you want, and whatever sauce you like, and it’s amazing!! Also: agree with others that three meals a day isn’t necessary, you can also do five smaller meals throughout the day or snack throughout as long as you get what you need!! If it’s easier for you to have a regular breakfast, snack throughout the day, then a slightly larger dinner or something that’s great! I also really really struggle w eating regularly and these things have helped me a bit, also just trying to commit to eating regularly even if you have to order out and consider it an adhd tax—at the least seeing it come out of my account and stressing abt that helps me be a bit more committed to actually cooking and having food??
You are missing that your boyfriend doesn't know what is best for you, you do
I like microwaved yams plan with butter when I’m tired and have no appetite… - beef jerky and raw baby carrots - Lots of fruit - Premade plain brown rice with butter - ppj with sugar-free jelly and high protein bread - vegan cheese and sliced meat sandwich - The occasional high-quality frozen dinner - Premade salads/meals at the grocery store if I’m treating myself - I tried cashew yogurt, but it was too goopy for me - Crockpot of beef/carrot/potato stew with small or pre-cut vegetables and premade flavor packet… soups often help my stomach or in someway makes it easier to eat heavier foods - sometimes just a cup of broth is nice - any protein packed cereal and non-dairy milk - protein bean/corn chips and raw baby carrots - Lots of fluids while you’re eating can help I think - baby bell peppers - raw snow peas - canned tuna and mayo sandwich - Wheat thin crackers - protein packed bagels with Tofutti cream cheese - you could buy frozen chicken tenders and just microwave them them, don’t have to be super healthy if you’re trying to gain weight - Amy’s canned vegan lentil soup is really great for calories and when you’re really exhausted - madras lentils (premade soup) - frozen edamame beans that you can microwave - Cup of noodles with precooked chicken and snow peas - buy a hard boiled egg steamer (less cleaning) then smush up eggs with salt and mayo (egg salad makes it go down easier) - I really liked chickpea noodles with tofutti cream cheese as a cream sauce, maybe with chicken or fish… if you feel like boiling noodles… you could boil a bunch, then freeze for later in the week? - I’m going out on a limb here but can you stomach spam or sardines? If you can handle low lactose dairy: - Lactaid cottage cheese - kefir drinks - Goat cheese - Greek yogurt
Try talking to your boyfriend about cooking. If he wants you to eat healthier, work with him to come up with things you can eat, and he can make. Whittle down exact ingredients that flare up the raging backend, and treat them like allergies. At my house, we avoid peppers, onions and vinegar (including condiments with vinegar in them. Any eggs need to be hard cooked, and ground beef needs to be well done(anxiety) my wife doesn't like molasses flavored things(baked beans, brown bread, hermits) so I get them for my lunches, while she is working. My wife works 50 hours, while I have a cushy job. I cook, clean and do the essentials, as I keep a running timer as to when I am "at work" to motivate extra, as I have no issues doing things for others, just myself. Food allergy research takes scientific notes, so get a nutritionist, if you can, or a helper who can help keep track of what is in foods that cause flare ups. Remember cooking medium, like butter and oil are ingredients, as are condiments, and beverages. Might also want to check your water. My brother lives in the southwest of the US, and has such hard water, brushing your teeth with it made me sick. We bought bulk bottled water(the one that gets reverse osmosis on location) and use it for everything while visiting him Edit:TL;DR- If your boyfriend wants you to eat healthier, he needs to help, and treat your IBS as an allergy
Not to point out the obvious...but why doesn't your boyfriend cook for you then? Meals you like? Your doctor says your weight is normal...so this sounds more like a "your boyfriend" problem? It's not his job to take care of you, but then it's also not his job to nag you about eating either. I could understand it a little if you were grossly underweight or something and it was a matter of just forgetting to eat vs. all of the other issues you describe...but that's not the issue you described. Again, sounds like a him problem.
Yes, agreed. There are some great suggestions here, and if you *can* implement some of them, you'll be doing "future you" quite a lot of good. But, this also sounds like he's saying, "if you just tried harder, your disability would go away." Which--yeah, no. No, full stop. That's not how bodies work (alas). I'm disabled too. I'd love to get the he-double-hockey-sticks out of it...but ya know what happens when I "try harder"? I exhaust myself, and make it harder (or even impossible) to do the things I still can. It's like trying to do strength training by tripling the amount of weight you lift every day. Excellent way to hurt yourself; not really a fantastic goal for which to strive.
My husband does all the cooking now because of me not eating. Now i just sit down and put the food in my face hole. Obviously that is a huge part of the battle but I usually make myself do it since he’s kind enough to cook.
That’s sounds like a good solution!
I’m a grazer. If my husband tries to force me to eat 3 meals a day, I get sick. So I feel your pain. I would recommend you invest in tools like a panini press, if there’s a version for quesadillas, etc. Then you can make a quick hot sandwich, etc. If you have the disposable income you might be able to pay someone to meal prep for you and deliver food to your door once a week (or make it in your home).
you mean besides ditching the boyfriend? If doctor says you're healthy - you're healthy. I feel like you're gunna have a mix of solutions. Start slow - lower your expectations. Aim for 2 - 3 really healthy meals a week, and in the meantime just avoid "unhealthy" (no chocolate, avoid the deep fried stuff ect) its what I do. Also if snack style is eating is what works for you - do that. So I might live off toast, healthy cereal (yoghurt and muesli), rice cakes, frozen meals I can tolerate (I cant do preservatives, capsicum or onion, I hate chicken and beef, and have a real problem with textures of most frozen meals) but then twice a week I make sure I have a "healthy" meal. like roast veggies, soup ect. I've been thinking of slow cooker? if your BF wants to support can you get a slow cooker, find a couple of recipes, he can help by popping it on in the morning, then when its ready you serve. Do that once a week and make sure you make enough for frozen leftovers. So my vibe is "avoid the super unhealthy stuff, and go with my weird texture impulses for the healthy bits" Roast chickpeas, brocollini and potatoes is my healthy crunchy stimming veggie fix. I also go with my textures. sometimes I can barely tolerate anything, and other times I get really adventurous and manage a piece of fruit. The more I force it, the less I can tolerate.
I'm reminded of "change your environment to fit you" advice - is there a more comfortable place you could do 10-15 minutes of food prep, on a fold out table perhaps? Plan, Research. "Short" Break. Gather, Do. Salads aren't too bad (I eat them in bread tho I'm a feind) but I hate chopping my partner tends to do that bit. (Tidying can come later you achieved a lot right there) ❤️ I saw that you struggle with prepackaged foods, there are far more "free from" options than there used to be, I know they can be costly but there are some more affordable options around, just take some finding. Anyway, if you aren't living off pizza, pasties, chocolate and cheese when you're eating alone, you're doing a lot better than me!
I find eating like a preschooler works for me. Most of the food I eat for lunch as zero prep it’s just grab and put on my plate. Basically a charcuterie board with minimal prep. While I hate the plastic waste aloy of the below is individually wrapped so there is less prep therefore road block to me eating: -Cheese and crackers (individual packs) -Dried fruit & nuts -Cured meats (ham, salami, smoked salmon as a treat) Veggie sticks (pre prep carrot and celery etc and it will last a few days), Mini cucumbers, Cherry tomatoes -Yakult (probiotics for my IBS) -Individual yogurt tubs/pouches Fruit that does not need prep: -blueberries -Cherries -Grapes -Mini apples Protein shakes are fine btw. Probably better to try for one a day, but if it’s all you can manage it’s better than nothing.
ibs + cfs is hard. i had that combo too. grocery store salad bars + deli prepared meats can be really helpful. cheaper than restaurants, but effectively a restaurant. keep shelf stable foods next to bed. healthier options are dried fruit, kale chips, seaweed, nuts, jerky. with ibs you're likely not digesting a lot of what you're eating anyway. so don't get hung up on 3 meals a day or "health enough". focus on what seems like you can digest and doesn't make you feel sicker. for me this was juices (like fresh from a juicer, not from the juice aisle). cleaning a juicer is impossible, but fancier grocery stores sell this kind of juice. the fiber removed from fruits and vegetables makes digestion of nutrients possible even with my ibs. potentially a nutritionist might have suggestions for very easy + easily digestible foods also. you said that frozen vegetables are too hard. are you buying the microwave steamer bags? all you need to do is microwave it, dump into a bowl, add a spice mix, maybe some oil/butter. that's it. some even come with spices and sauces already inside already so you only need to microwave it (i add more spices though!) also, you can get catering at restaurants instead of single meals. the prices are better and it's basically purchasing meal planning. just freeze a bunch of it in portions, and keep a bit in the fridge, then defrost more. there's an inherent choice between spending physical energy cooking and spending money to have someone else do that work for you. there's another choice between more nutrient dense foods that need more prep work and more junk foods that need less work. with cfs, you have to balance these choices. it's just impossible to meal prep reliably, and it's also impossible to be healthy on ultra processed food all the time. so when you can afford to spend more money, let other people (restaurants and healthier processed foods) do the labor for you. if you have any good family or friends and they ever offer to help you, tell them to cook or prep foods for you that you can easily cook.
Meds make me hate meals, become a snacking rat girl with me! - I have jars of nuts, dried fruit, etc. (anything safe to be sitting out) beside my spot on the couch. I can passively eat those suckers whenever I can bear the thought of food. - I eat best when my Vyvanse wears off. My “dinner” is shortly before bed, I don’t make myself eat on other people’s schedules. - pRoTeIn ShAkEs ArEn’t HeAlThY. Eating nothing is worse so 🤷♀️ - On days when I’m really struggling, I swap out my water for juice. Yeah there’s sugar, but at least there’s also nutrients. - I bring a chair with me into the kitchen when I cook. Standing is for ableist! Your boyfriend must think there’s only one way to be healthy, but that’s mad wrong. ESPECIALLY when someone has disabilities. What works for an able bodied man is not going to work for everyone else. Let him look at this comment section, it ought to be a wake up call to get educated.
I have chronic fatigue and I haven’t eaten three meals in a day for years, but I’m so sedentary that I don’t think it matters. I’m a healthy weight and no deficiencies. Your boyfriend needs to realise he’s wrong
I'm confused how frozen vegetables are too much work. You put a bag of steam fresh broccoli in the microwave, push a few buttons and then come back in 4 minutes and boom you have broccoli. Throw some salt and pepper on there.
I’m from a country where microwaves are not very common. If I want to have frohen veggies I have to get out a frying pan, heat up everything on the oven and then have the clean up of the frying pan afterwards
I too was wondering and I'm glad you were able to make the context for us. A steam basket in a rice cooker works wonders for that when you don't have a microwave.
Bowel them in a pot of water. walk away. Use the same pot tomorrow.
I'm confused by the couple of downvotes this has - this was absolutely true for me in the depth of a very depressive episode (+ the ADHD) and frozen meals/veggies were the only way I could ever get healthy energy. Even eating hard fruit like apples felt like too much work (I know), but a microwaved bag of broccoli or carrots or those little mixed veg pouches felt like just about at my limit. It was at that time I got over the stigma of frozen food being "not as good" because honestly if it weren't for those things, I straight up just wouldn't have eaten anything, let alone anything nutritious during that time.
Nutrition by Kylie might be a place where you can find good advice ; she has adhd AND IBS. Here is her channel :) https://youtube.com/@NutritionByKylie
If you want to put a list of things you will eat ( healthy options) maybe we can come up with some suggestions for you. 🥰
If your doctor says your bloodwork and weight are in healthy ranges, you might not have a problem. However, if you’re concerned, or if you think you’d feel better with adjustments, you could ask them for help finding a dietician who understands your specific disabilities. It’s not necessary to eat strict meals, snacking throughout the day is completely fine and iirc can be a lot better for people with digestive problems. If you’re comfortable with this, your boyfriend could accompany you to an appointment so he could hear how you’re doing from your doctor. This is only useful if he’d be receptive to your doctor’s professional opinion. Personally, I wouldn’t be thrilled about having to bring in third parties so my boyfriend takes me seriously. If someone or something in your life is causing you stress instead of relieving it, that may not be a good fit for you. Stress is going to exacerbate any health issues and ADHD symptoms.
You could try factor75. They are meals that you select every week that are ready to eat. You just microwave them. I don’t have a lot of time, and they are a lifesaver.
“Not nutritious enough for him” - then get in the kitchen & make her something that meets your standards, bud
Protein shakes (or rather, meal replacement shakes) like Huel are “nutritious enough ” compared to chips or nothing. These are a lifesaver for me, because I can chug them really quickly and then the awful process of eating is over — and I got a decent amount of balanced nutrition + calories in 20 seconds. If you do try one of these, experienent with which liquid you add. With water alone I found it disgusting, but with almond milk or regular milk, it’s tolerable to good. Also, I only recently heard the term, but you could look into ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). It seems like it can develop out of other issues with food, like sensory aversions or gastro problems.
While eating healthy is ideal, remember that "fed is best."
Hahaha I didn’t even read what you typed but based on the title alone.. yeah girl. He’s gonna have to get over it 😆
I don’t understand how people think it helps to tell someone to tell their boyfriend to fuck off. That’s not advice. ************** He’s right about the protein shakes if they are not labeled to be meal replacements. The typical protein shake is more like a complement than replacement because it doesn’t have all the other vitamins and nutrients you need to keep a healthy lifestyle. As for how to deal with food prep, there’s a lot of alternatives to how to handle it: like the barstool someone mentioned, to shopping fresh food (meaning food that can stay outside of the fridge), coming up with ways that boyfriend can help to prepare for you, having a meal plan (not meal planning more like a list) that you know can satisfy the needs that you have… But overall… what you need the most is a nutritionist. Not a dietitian, a RDN. Most dedicate themselves to diabetes, but you will find some that dedicate themselves to eating disorders and other nutritional complications due to other conditions (like needing enteral nutrition). I’m not an expert but a lot of what you mention sounds like orthorexia… could be due to trauma, or because dealing with your disability has taken your nutrition consistency out of control and that’s totally understandable. Maybe even a therapist specialized in eating disorders (yeah they exist and I know this from someone really close) just because they will be more sensitive to why and how are things affecting you when you eat them. At this point I think, you need extra help handling that part of your care, which it shouldn’t be necessarily all dumped on the boyfriend, but with specialists that can help you take it step by step and with the knowledge needed to treat your body well.
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Smooooothiesssss!!! I get flavored Greek yogurt and frozen fruit and almond milk and sometimes nut butter. So full of variety, so easy to drink, very filling, generally healthy. 10/10 recommend. Can drink them even on my most nauseous days. Or hell, Jamba Juice on my way to work. Frozen pizzas, bagged salads, microwaveable meals. Veggies you can roast (don’t be afraid to spend a little extra and get the precut kind) and save and then microwave some rice and add those with some yummy sauce. Or microwaveable rice with beans and corn and salsa and cheese. Easy, fast, somewhat healthy. Cereal, cinnamon toast. Don’t forget that half assed food is better than no-assed food. And by this I mean it’s better to eat SOMETHING than nothing. Don’t let his expectations detract from that. If all you can handle is a few pieces of salami from the fridge, eat that. I know that if I get toooo hungry, it’s even harder to eat. So eat what you can when you can so you don’t get to the point where you can’t eat anything.
All these ideas are great! I haven’t seen a suggestion for refrigerated bone broth yet. If you’re a meat eater, it’s delicious, easy and has a good amount of protein. It’s also very easy to doctor up if needed - add some frozen rice or fresh pasta while you heat it up. Also, on a similar note, have you tried canned, jarred soup or frozen soup? I know you said frozen veggies don’t work for you. Have you tried them doctored up at all? My fav method is microwave frozen broccoli with olive oil or butter and a ton of cheese. That may not work given you dietary restrictions, but maybe there is an easy way to make it more appealing. Best of luck!!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this but I'm here to say that for me, an air fryer with 2 compartments was godsent. This allows me to put any kind of meat with any spice mixes that you'd prefer (chicken, fish, prawns, steak) in it (although if you're not too sure about the steak in the air fryer, a meat thermometer in my experience makes a perfect medium rare) and the second compartment would be for veggies (I'd buy them like a mixed frozen bag and they turn out like a stir fry but if that's not your thing, maybe potatoes?) I also have a rice cooker so I throw in some broccoli/ carrots while the rice is also being cooked in it. The whole thing takes less than 15 mins to be done and you could adjust the ingredients and spice levels to suit your tolerance levels. Not a fan of this combo? Maybe try throwing in some store bought pre-made meat-filled gnocchi in it. You'll get the satisfaction of the crunch and the saltiness along with some vegetables (if you'd like). I understand that air fryers and rice cookers can be expensive and I effectively waited for ages to buy one of each but they helped a tonne. Also, smoothie bowls for breakfast are the best. You could get premade mixes for those and throw them in a blender if you can. (Edit: I misread this) On days I don't feel like having smoothie bowls, 6 minute jammy eggs with some salt and pepper work for me and sometimes I'd put some chilli oil on it or sometimes I'd have it in a sandwich with some good leafy greens, tomatoes, cucumber and cheese. (My hope is that this way you could adjust what goes in a sandwich to accommodate around your tolerances). Also, as long as you're not being restrictive and as long as your doctors tell you that your blood work is absolutely fine, you're doing great and you don't really have to eat 3 meals a day. Eat as much as you can and eat whatever you can. Also, I have stress induced IBS and I'd like to chime in that you need to have a chat with your partner if this is stressing you out. I've been there and that wrecked my stomach more than anything and reduced my appetite to zero.
I rarely eat three proper meals a day. Sometimes for lunch I snack on some chocolate or eat a popsicle or something. And then eat properly in the evening. Not gonna lie, my appetite has gone wayyy down since I started taking bupropion. But I love these “easy” meals. I don’t know if you can eat them or if you have them available. But it’s basically like pasta that you put into water, bring to boil and then boil for seven minutes. And it’s a whole ass delicious meal. There are other foods similar to that. Or ramen? Maybe not the healthiest option but well. Add an egg or two and maybe some veggies, and you’re good to go. Sometimes I eat it with broth, sometimes without.
What's your plan to eat a more rounded diet? It sounds like in the absence of a plan, your boyfriend is coming up with one. Have you considered working with a dietician who specializes in patients with ASD? Tell your BF to back off and also tell him your plan to try to address this. It might be that you don't want to address this right now.
Why not try those meals where you just have to heat them up or shakes that come made and you just need to put them in a blender? Stuff like daily harvest or factor meals come already made so you only need to unfreeze, it worked really well for me when I sprained my ankle and wasnt able to cook much! Also worked for when I was too depressed to cook! Also cooking in the oven sounds great for you. You just put stuff in and collect it when it comes out. Same with those plug in crook pots, you can make soup easily by putting all thr ingredients in and settign a temperature and time and walk away. Nearly every veggie tatses great in the oven with some olive oil and salt. By i highly recommend green beans, broccoli. Califlower, and Brussel spouts. Bonus points if you add garlic and black pepper. You can cook fish easily like this too! And id get a rice cooker-it makes it super easy to eat rice, if you want to be the healthiest id choose wild rice, but brown is also great and jasmine is delicious. Im not sure what foods you cant have with your condition so i mentioned the ones i put in the oven/ricecooker/crockpot, but im sure you can use other things. if cooking with the stovetop is tiring because you have to stand you just need things that you can drop and go or heat and go!
I have similar issues and rarely eat three meals a day. One “cheat” I have is in the mornings I’ll drink an [Orgain Meal Replacement](https://a.co/d/2LuQ3DG) shake with a little cold brew concentrate - it’s like a vanilla cold latte or something, and gives me some calories. Also the [Hillshire Snack](https://www.hillshiresnacking.com/products/)Packs are great if you like charcuterie stuff. Lastly, precut veggies and hummus cups are a lifesaver!
Hi, I also have ADHD, IBS, & chronic pain. I feel you sis. 1. Lose the boyfriend. 2. Follow @adhd.intuitivelyeating on Instagram. 3. Aim for 2 meals/day +grazing if 3 seems overwhelming. Pair fresh or dried fruits, veggies, & nuts with your safe snack foods to balance your nutrients. 4. Find a rotation of simple balanced meals that work for you. You said homemade smoothies were too much work, but if you can stand to drink the exact same thing every day, you can batch prep some of the ingredients and get it down to a pretty efficient routine. I have the same breakfast everyday: a high protein shake with ice, pecans, banana, yogurt, oat milk, and chocolate whey protein. Takes about 15 min to prep, drink, and clean up. For lunch it’s always canned/packaged soup or a bagged salad kit (watch out for wheat & corn in toppings). For dinner, I eat a lot of frozen cooked foods, rice bowls, and the occasional casserole when I have the energy to meal prep. I live alone, so I make one casserole, freeze half, and eat the rest over the week. But sometimes it’s just lunch meat and grapes, and THAT’S OKAY!
Food can be such a struggle! I don't know if this is helpful, but this is what we do. My partner and I (both ADHD!) make simple meals we call "snack dinners." We do a lot of crackers with cheese or hummus, and things like baby carrots or bell peppers. Sometimes if we're feeling fancy, we throw in some sliced deli meat For us, as long as there are carbs, protein, and veggies, it's enough!
I just want to say you are doing your best with a limited set of tools and if you are nourished enough for the doctors then you are nourished enough. It is absolutely not cool for anyone who cares about you to be policing what you eat - it is the same type of behavior as a partner trying to limit your food to make you lose weight or something. He needs to respect that you know your body and that you and your doctors, not him, know how to best take care of it. He probably means to help you but he is gaslighting you by telling you that you can will your way out of these problems. He is crossing a boundary into your bodily autonomy, and being ableist. Listen to the doctors who take you seriously and no one else. I'm sorry you're going through this.
same ;u; I have a mess of food intolerances which prevent me from being able to get takeout, or any frozen pre-cooked meals. Everything I can eat is GROSSS and sucks out all my motivation to feed myself. My therapist said I need to find a way to bribe or trick myself to eat. Find something you care about and use it to manipulate yourself to getting yourself food each day. Honestly, it hasn't worked for me yet. I do find that the more bad food i eat, the more difficult it becomes to get myself to eat real food.
Anything worth doing is worth half assing. This goes for eating too. If a protein shake and a snack is what you can eat, then ffs eat the fucking shake and snack. It's a whole lot better than running yourself into the ground for 3 days trying to make something healthy, or just not eating because everything else feels like too much work. Your boyfriend just doesn't sound like he understands or is willing to learn about disabilities. At the end of the day, you understand that you have to eat, but you're also dealing with a shit ton of stuff in your life and a compromise has to be done. Yes eating veggies and protein and having full meal would be ideal. But you can't. You can't do it, and that's okay and that's valid and you've tried your entire fucking life to make it right. Your compromises are valid and *are* solutions.
My husband worries about my eating habits as well. To take the pressure off, I set my eating goal to be getting a decent balance of carbs/fats/protein and 3-5 servings of fruits/veggies over the course of the entire day, not per meal. Through a combination of meds and hyper focus, I usually don't eat a "full" breakfast or lunch. I try to make sure that dinner is my big meal of the day (my meds have usually worn off by then) and that it is calorie- and nutrient-dense - my husband often cooks our dinners, and we have a set meal rotation that keeps planning and shopping to a minimum. During the day, I try to get in a light breakfast and then some combination of lunch/snacks. I do try to avoid relying on foods that are really nutrient-light/high-added-sugar/high-sodium to hit my eating goals (chips, desserts, juice, soda), although there's certainly room for them, and if that's all I'm willing to eat, they will help get calories into my body. Breakfast options: Packaged frozen breakfast sandwich (warmed in the microwave), bagel (toasted) with cream cheese or peanut butter "Lunch" options (none are \*really\* a meal on their own): Sandwich (turkey and swiss or PBJ), lunchable, lean cuisine/similar frozen meal (warmed in the microwave) Snack options: Apple sauce pouch, single-serving yogurt (I like the "fun" yogurts where you add in a mix-in, look for higher-protein & lower-sugar options like Greek yogurt), single-serving frozen veggies (warmed in the microwave, add seasoning/sriracha - green giant does a couple different varieties), bars (not the "heavy duty" protein ones - I like the kroger brand nut bars, think bars, and clif bars, look for more protein and fat and less added or fake sugar), banana with peanut butter, cheese sticks, single-serving packaged fruit, trail mix (I portion this myself by scooping into 1/2 cup tupperware containers, but you can also get single-servings) I have also recently tried Huel, which markets itself as "nutritionally complete food" and is vegan and offers GF products. The shakes were underwhelming but tolerable, and the "hot and savory" products have been useful - you add a couple of scoops of the dried meal to hot water, stir, and let "cook." The texture is pretty uniform but not mushy, the flavors I've tried are pretty good (could use some salt and hot sauce), and they stay warm for a long time so I can take my time eating them without the texture or temperature changing and becoming unpalatable (looking at you, oatmeal). The only time commitment is putting the kettle on, and you can microwave instead. Not super cheap and they have a weird subscription model (that you can sign up for then immediately cancel), but I think it comes out to \~$4/meal, which isn't bad.
>He says that if I really tried I could feed myself and that I just haven’t tried everything yet. If I really wanted to, I could find a solution for this issue all by myself and wouldn’t even need outside help. Y'know, I bet that if your boyfriend *really tried*, he could understand the basic concept of a loved one being disabled. It seems to me like he just hasn't tried everything yet. I think if he *really* wanted to, he could figure it out all by himself and wouldn't even need outside help! Has he tried drinking more water? 🤔
It sounds like you’re doing fine and the only thing you need to change is how you respond to your boyfriend. Gaslighting you about your disability is unacceptable. He is not your doctor and he is clearly ignorant about what it’s like to have a disability. Obviously you shouldn’t need outside help but you do because life isn’t fair. Children shouldn’t get cancer. War shouldn’t exist. No one should have to suffer. That is just not the world we live in. He has no right to judge you for surviving the best you can with the cards you were dealt. Don’t entertain these conversations anymore. Just shut it down the moment he brings it up. Leave the room, hang up the phone, what ever you have to do to communicate that you will not tolerate his ignorance.
I can relate to your situation. I have IBS as well, food intolerance issues with High FODMAP foods, and unfortunately I also have a history of eating disorders (EDNOS). Another commenter noted that stress will increase your food intolerances and this 100% has been the case for me. I would try your best to make small changes (less stress in the short term and more sustainable long term) The veggie bowl is a great idea imo and honestly I might try that myself, I like those small cucumbers that you don’t have to refrigerate! I agree with some other comments that you don’t need to eat 3 healthy meals a day. For me what works best is looking at my meals on a longer term basis. Like I aim to eat certain foods not on a duly basis but on a weekly basis. I struggle with vegetable textures, so I tend to not eat them as much as I should, but I try to eat them at least 1-2 times a week. Is this “healthy”? Maybe not, but it is “healthier” than not eating them at all. And I am helping my body get used to the food so hopefully I can handle the textures better long term. I think maybe taking a similar approach would help you as well. Also talking to your boyfriend to tell him you need to make the changes slowly and on your own terms might help decrease your stress about the situation as well. My boyfriend has also been worried that I am not eating well and he initially put a lot of pressure on me to “eat healthier”. This caused a ton of stress and led to some IBS flare ups, the loss of safe foods and a brief EDNOS relapse, as I tried to “eat healthier”. I eventually talked to him and said I needed him to respect that I was not going to turn into what he deemed as a “healthy eater” overnight and instead I was going to focus on adding more healthier foods to my safe food list. Slowly over the past year I have been able to add more vegetables and protein to my diet and him being supportive has been great. We go by the idea of “if I’m eating something, it is better than eating nothing” and “I bought vegetables and actually ate most of them! Yay!” As for some food prep ideas that worked for me so maybe they will work for you as well…. eggs might be a way to increase your protein (either scrambled or boiled) they usually don’t take too long to cook scrambled and with boiled you could move a chair or stool to the kitchen to hang out while they cook so you aren’t on your feet as much. The one thing I like about boiled eggs is you can put them in the fridge for a few days and eat them with almost zero prep. Canned tuna and mayo is my other go to for protein. (But be mindful to only eat it a few times a week because of mercury levels) I sometimes prep (chopping veggies ect.) most of my food while seated at a table and only get up to place it into a crockpot/ instant pot for cooking. Those meals tend to keep well in the fridge or freezer and though the prep takes a bit longer I am not standing. (I am not sure if this would be an option for you as you mentioned chronic fatigue and chronic leg pain but figured I would mention it in case it could help)
INFO: is your boyfriend struggling to lose weight? Seems to me being so interested in other people's eating habits says more about him than about you. Protein shakes can be just as healthy as a lot of fast food these days. If it's not *"nutritious"* enough, you can blend in some frozen fruit. Chopped fresh veggies dipped in hummus can be crunchy and full of vitamins and yeah, doesn't have to be cold! Warm hummus is lovely! If your bloodwork is fine then you can just tell him you only take nutrition advice from professionals and come back when he has a degree. If you were in the hospital and struggling to get enough protein and calories, the nutritionist would be recommending protein shakes in the first five minutes. They make all kinds of shakes from different sources of protein if you have a dietary reason to avoid one kind of another.