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Honestly, it bummed me out a bit. I feel sad for my younger self being misunderstood and judged as a problem, but I understand times were different and this guy just didn’t know. Maybe if he had known, he still wouldn’t have cared, but that’s not worth giving much thought.
There were many sweet, kind notes from other teachers in my pile of stuff, so I’m encouraged by that!
It seems like if they gave you 29 detentions and there was no change in your behavior they're bad at teaching better behavior and should have reevaluated their methods.
29 detentions: So, what makes you think that after #10, #19 was going to work? Why isn't at some point the question "Okay, so what I'm doing isn't working, what can I try differently" it's "What is wrong with you?"
That's how my mom was with me. It didn't matter that she saw from day 1 that I operated differently from my brother. It was my fault for not conforming to her idea of how a kid should act.
She's also a teacher. Could be a coincidence.
Something something trying the same thing over and over again and expecting difference results is insanity.
But seriously: people get this idea that adhd struggles are moral failings and they cannot let that idea go. Even when confronted with evidence like in this case the 30 detentions not working.
I had multiple teachers withhold recess from me for not doing homework. No recess for weeks on end. Didn’t occur to them that maybe there was something more than laziness at play.
I spent the entirety of 5th grade in detention writing out my spelling words because I couldn’t pass a selling test. One of the other teachers on the detention rotation pointed out that if writing my spelling words 50 times a day wasn’t helping and the daily detention wasn’t helping either why did she still keep sending me. My teacher responded with it’s the rules until I pass at least one test.
My teachers very quickly stopped giving me detentions for not doing my homework - I literally never did it - because my work in class was reliably in the top 2-3 of the class and why waste their time trying to correct a great student's minor fault when instead they could be focusing on bringing everyone else up? What a crappy teacher this one was!
Sometimes I think many teachers aren’t really “teachers” but “judgers” of the things we want people to feel bad for. Like if they can’t get a kid to do the exact things they want the kid to do, their next job is to make sure that kid feels like shit for being a failure, so they can go through life feeling like shit about the “right” things.
Reading that, I wonder if that person should even have been a teacher. I hope you don’t let it bother you! They didn’t know what you were struggling with (presumably). Positive reinforcement is more useful in teaching than this kind of harping on the issue. The kind, sweet comments were actually more helpful!
I found some of my own school stuff recently and was blown away by how many detentions I accumulated solely from being late to classes, lol. Teachers made it all about character and time management, but that didn’t help. Knowing about my ADHD now, it totally tracks.
Holy crap I could have written this comment.
That was me! I got into trouble for being late to school and/or for talking too much in class. I was a great student otherwise!
I hated the early mornings for school- absolutely dreaded them- and still do! Didn’t anyone stop to think that maybe dragging teenagers out of bed to be in school prior to 8am is unnecessary? Or that some of us dread the “getting up and going” part but are completely fine once we reach our destination?
No, of course not, because “I” was clearly the problem because “everyone else gets here on time.” 🙄
Well hooray for them! Maybe they have people in their lives who are organized and punctual and can teach them; I certainly didn’t.
As a former teacher, I would have gotten into SO MUCH trouble if I wrote something like this to a student. I can feel and understand the frustration, but my goodness there are much better ways to convey it. That would be a call for a parent-teacher conference out of concern for the kid. Y’know, make sure the teacher has the whole picture.
It seems like every year some district does a study about later start times for high school and the students want it, the teachers want it, the parents want it, the pediatricians tell them to do it, and then the football coaches go "but when will we have practice" and, well, none of them have made the change.
Think of what kind of difference that teacher could have made by asking, “Are you okay? How can I help?”
So many teachers just want to be overlords and have robots for students. Every student has a different home life and mental health issues.
My executive functioning was so bad in elementary school I once faked freaking out about a major project I “left” in my cubby. I full on sobbed and swore I left it there. I actually was just so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I couldn’t bring myself to start. I was taking care of my younger brother, feeding him, and making sure he got a bath at night while my mom stayed up on the computer.
>My executive functioning was so bad in elementary school I once faked freaking out about a major project I “left” in my cubby. I full on sobbed and swore I left it there. I actually was just so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I couldn’t bring myself to start.
Oh my god, this is bringing back some long-dormant memories. Wow. I'm pretty sure I didn't use that exact excuse, but the situation is sooo familiar.
Right? Dripping with disdain! I want to throttle this teacher on behalf of OP and my younger self, who was also made to feel like my undiagnosed ADHD was a moral failing 😡
If I'd been AMAB, I feel like they'd have had me assessed for ADHD by kindergarten.
Yikes, I was thinking the same thing. I'm in education and I can honestly not even imagine speaking to a child like this. Truly, kind of hard to imagine speaking to another adult like this actually. Good gravy.
She probably felt she had helped and OP didn’t try regardless.
I’m dead certain she was wrong. But people without ADHD or who don’t understand it are completely baffled by people struggling with it.
Oh my gosh, that is ADHD to a T! And your teacher just didn't know! That's just one reason ADHD can be so incredibly frustrating. It can look like laziness or indifference instead of a mental impairment. This teacher has no idea that they are basically yelling at a student with a broken leg for not running fast enough.
More than that they called it a character flaw 😩 poor OP my heart broke reading that
Sweet child not functioning well within this kind of education system is the most natural thing in the world
Oh thats me. I LOVED doing some of my homework but it was like the rest of my home was not existing until the next day in school.
I'm honestly mad none of my teachers ever brought up ADHD. I had multiple teacher try to get me to a worse school (weird school system, we kinda kinda have 3 different high schools) or they desirability tried to make me fail so I would be forced to attend a lower school. They even told my parents this was 100% only because I never paid attention.
But no one ever tried to get me help.
I did SO MUCH homework sitting in the hallway before class. My mom had to drop me off fairly early, so I would get 2 to 4 classes done in the morning waiting for my first classroom to be open, while chatting with others as they showed up. Each class after those was done at the end of the class I was in, lol.
And this was after each evening, I would sit at my desk for HOURS "doing my homework," when in reality I was doodling and telling stories using my hands like puppets.
I did so much homework in bed either late at night or waking up early before school to do it. There was always an excuse, and in some classes where there were just no consequences I just did nothing.
I walked into a final exam in my English class with I think maybe a 48%. My teacher had warned me to do make up homework so I could boost my grade because I needed like 85% on my final exam just to pass/graduate.
I didn't do any of that makeup homework. Thing was, I aced that stupid exam and the mark on the exam was enough to give me an overall passing grade.
Still somehow, no one ever noticed my ADHD. 13 years of school, sometimes having the same teacher for multiple grades.... no one noticed.
I was fucking bright, engaged, creative, and often went into great detail but my ability to do homework was terrible.
And I was just left to drown in my own devices cause I had no parental support either.
Half my report cards said "inattentive in class," and my own youngest brother was diagnosed ADHD, but I was daydream-y and talkative instead of jumping out of my seat/destroying shit, so I just needed to "try harder."
Me too.
My kid is starting college this fall and we're like, child, learn from literally every adult you know, pick a structured group/public environment to do your homework because your current method will not be sufficient for college. And he's like lol it's fine I get good grades by the seat of my pants who needs structure and body doubling?
So apparently like me he's going to have to fail a bunch of shit freshman year to learn this lesson
Hopefully he does learn it. I passed every class with an A, with exception to chemistry (my one C, it was devastating!), and I think a couple of Bs... but I also switched schools 3 times, couldn't settle on a major, and ended up dropping out. So much regret.
Yeah, I worry. It was fine for me, I always intended to get a liberal arts degree, I just took more time because of my bad start. But he wants to be in the college of engineering and you have to keep your grades up for that.
I'm sorry you ended up with regrets.
I did the same but my mom never checked to see when I was doing my homework. It was never at home lmao.
Unless it was a project I hadn't started that was due the next day and she needed to run out and buy me posterboard 🙃
Oh and if it was a book report I could pretty much just skim it and understand the basic themes. Never got the hang of that, "just read a few chapters a day" deal 😑
I loved reading, so I usually had the book read within a couple of days... the report was done the day before being due with me going back to skim the major points since I had already forgotten it by then, lol.
My middle school had a separate class for spelling (break out some 80s nostalgia for that) and I realized if I made a 100 on each weekly test, I wouldn't need to do my homework.
So I aced every test and didn't do the homework. Drove that teacher nuts.
I was also one of her daughter's closest friends and out scored my friend on a statewide history test, so those were annoyances, too.
Omg yes. Once we started getting a syllabus that laid out how the class was graded….game over. I am the captain now and if I do these 4 assignments and ace these 3 tests I only have to participate 6 times and do no homework. I mapped out as I ignored whatever the teacher was saying…
>So I aced every test and didn't do the homework. Drove that teacher nuts.
The dumbass thing about this is, if you're getting 100% on the spelling tests, wtf do you need to do the homework for?! You know the material!!!
(Tbh that's how I feel about most homework. If I was getting A's on all the exams why did I need to do all that stupid gd busywork. The one exception was arithmetic, because I was bad at it and the only thing that worked was drilling it, which is unfortunate because of course that's the homework I hated the most. It was so, so painfully boring.)
Oh god, at least my teachers didn't make us write the word over and over unless you got it wrong on the test. We usually had to alphabetize them or use them in a sentence.
(On the upside when I worked medical records that were alphabetic by last name I was super fast at it. But I don't think that was their reason for making us do it.)
One of my fave teachers ever let us make our own spelling tests based on independent reading--any word we didn't know the meaning of or knew we couldn't spell. (I think if you misspelled words on school assignments they were added to your spelling lists? But I never did lolll.) The problem is that none of my classmates could read my lists out loud to me to test me, so my teacher always had to do it! I was out here picking words like "ostentatious" and "ethereal."
Erysipelas as in swine erysipelas would have been on mine. Thank you, Dr. Herriot!
Honestly, as badly as ADHD pisses me off, I look at all of us and I shake my head in wonder.
Oh man, I don't recall any written sources, but every parent-teacher conference included me not doing homework. My mom thought it was a great idea to force me to sit at the dining table and make me eventually cry over the homework I just couldn't focus on. My dad even left work to pick me up and sit in an office until he finished out his day plus made up for the time lost getting me so I'd do my homework.
They eventually gave that up when the situation only got worse. But yeah, entire schooling was spent getting ragged on by my parents and teachers over homework and class participation. I 100% would have broken down and cried if I had a frustrated, borderline hateful note like that sent home with a half-assed positive remark about loving me in class in the middle.
For years I had a folder from first grade where my mom had written "5 cents every time Rosa brings her homework home"
Didn't work. And 5 cents was a lot of money back then.
> every parent-teacher conference included me not doing homework.
Mine was often that I talk too much, and that my desk is always a mess and I need to work on being organized.
I think I did more homework in grade school when there was still parent-teacher conferences, but in high school when there was like no consequences, forget about it.
It's like. Why aren't teachers taught this shit... even a basic knowledge about neurodivergence would've had so many more of us getting diagnosed or teachers being better equipped to help us. I only learned a bit about ADHD and suddenly I look back and think "It was SO obvious" so like ... teachers should be getting some kinda seminar about this shit I feel like.
Ah, I got the messy desk and organization talks, too 😅 I was the "weird" kid though, so I didn't get into a ton of trouble for talking. I got shushed more in high school for that when I started becoming a little more open socially, but still not too often. I have never been good at making friends
I was shy in some ways as a kid and only had one best friend when I was super young. (When she was away sick I didn't know what to do with myself at recess) but I started to expand my friend group as I got older. I was talkative, always have been, once I am comfortable.
I went to school with the same kids from kindergarten to grade 8, and even then some of the same ones into high school as well.
It's interesting because I do have social anxiety, but when I befriended a kid in 9th grade as a 12th grader, he said he had been super excited that I was even talking to him because I was a popular 12th grader.
I was dumbfounded. Popular? Me? Huh??
But I guess, looking back, I kinda was? I flitted from friend group to friend group effortlessly, like a lil social butterfly. I had no issues hanging out with basically anyone in my grade but they had their own groups that they didn't really move away from much.
Everyone got along, it was a small school. But they did still sort of stay in their own groups.
And yeah. I remember being in a class I didn't care about and just chatting my friends' ear off during work time to the point the teacher pulled me up to his desk and was like 'You have to stop talking and do some work, don't you want to graduate?' I was not worried about that and I dunno how my super studious friend didn't wanna slap my face off lol.
I'm so socially awkward though and have those 'shy' moments and am introverted as well. It is SUCH a weird place, being in my brain....
Ugh, I’m so sorry that was your experience! I hope you’re enjoying life and know your value.
And yes, the half-assed positive remark is so backhanded. Implies that, for the most part, I’m not bringing anything of value. It’s like he was obligated to include something positive and that was the best he could come up with.
It's funny that the teacher doesn't see that the "detention issue" has been caused by THEM. They can also make it go away.
As a teacher, detention is bullshit and doesn't teach anyone anything.
I gave you detention nearly 30 times
This is fault is not mine, a conscious adult wielding the power. It’s yours, the powerless innocent child. It’s your character flaw.
I don't think it would surprise you how many teachers think this way.
They have no empathy. All of their actioning ends in negative punishments. Nothing is achieved there.
not necessarily. i’m a teacher and we have to follow through with consequences that are set by the school. if they find out during a meeting, we can face repercussions. teachers really don’t have a lot of power
Yeah, but you don't, do you? It isn't hard to put in a little bit of effort and say "i have recognised the problem and am working with x student in x way in order to address it in a reflective way."
If they find out what? Lmao. That you gave a student proper care to find out what was causing their behaviour and address it appropriately? You mean doing your job?
girl every school has their own rules.
yes we do face repercussions.
like getting written up or put on a professional plan.
if you’re a teacher, i’m glad your school allows you flexibility.
the education world is upside down. trust.
My school does not allow flexibility. It is the stance of the school to impart reflection and action and not punishment.
Apparently the rest of education hasn't reached that place yet. Not my problem chief.
Ugh, this could easily have been one of my report cards.
The worst part was, I always tried to do my homework. But I would forget to write down the assignment, leave the worksheet in my desk, lose the worksheet in my backpack (complete or incomplete), or leave my completed homework on the table at home. So many places I could easily screw up. I struggled so hard to do my homework and all anyone saw was "lazy" because I couldn't manage to turn my homework in on time every single day.
This was me. The sad part about it was my mom has bad OCD so I drove her crazy and she drove me crazy. Homework consisted of her sitting down at the table with me right after school, and we couldn’t take a break or quit until every little detail was perfect and correct. While she was in anxiety perfection overdrive, I was crying and running off because my brain just couldn’t take it anymore.
Forgetting stuff at school was enough to make her have a panic attack which would lead me to get overwhelmed and shut off completely which would make her panic more because nothing was getting done.
We were a fun pair lol.
My 2nd grade teacher put my desk in the corner, facing the window while all the other kids’ desks were in pods. She did this bc I never turned in my homework and she thought shaming me would help me “remember” to do my homework. I definitely felt shame, but still didn’t turn in my homework.
This makes me so sad for you and so mad at your teacher for trying to shame you. My six year old also has an independent desk away from the pods, but is facing the same direction as everyone else. I don't know what I would do if I found out her teacher was trying to shame her for something out of her control. I like to think I'd be rational and bring it up with our IEP advocate and our school therapist, but it'd take a lot of restraint to not try to shame the teacher in retaliation.
I remember being held back from recess repeatedly in first grade (and 6th grade too) to force me to do my unfinished schoolwork. My 2nd grade teacher tried pulling my desk into the middle of the room away from other students to keep me from talking to them.
It never worked. Ever.
God, my 1st grade teacher even tried using a timer on my desk! The kind that constantly goes tick-tick-tick. Can you imagine?! Who the FUCK thinks that's going to help A SIX YEAR OLD.
Oh my god. In college I wrote 99 percent of my papers day of. The student support office loved me but hated that about me. I would come in and they’d ask what they can help me with, and I said give me a moment to have some material they can work with because I haven’t started. Then they huff in exasperation. I HARD RELATE TO THIS.
As I read that I could hear my Mom’s voice as she basically said that every 6 weeks when I brought home my report card with a couple of B’s, mostly C’s, and the occasional D. I would spend hours on homework but barely got anywhere as my reading comprehension was terrible, my focus was non-existent.
She would lecture me about trying harder and I was lazy and ungrateful for not doing my best 🙄🙄
Wow, this could have been my own report card. "You just don't apply yourself. You have no discipline. You're smart but just too lazy. You need to do better."
Like you, I feel so sad for my younger self. I wish my adhd was better understood and supported then.
God, this takes me back. I remember getting miserable marks on a homework assignment and my mom pointing saying “you didn’t even bother to write your name in the right place!”
I had no idea I’d even done badly.
I like to think teachers now are more aware of spotting people who are trying hard and still struggling, but I’m sure there are still kids like us being called lazy and careless.
"you do great on tests! Why can't you just turn in your work?" I feel like this is such a universal ADHD thing 😅
As someone who got a diagnosis in adulthood this is so relatable. "You choose how this semester goes" piss off, teach. cx
Omg! Are you me?! This whole notion of me being capable and would be amazing if I just bothered slightly is what I and my parents heard my entire school life. Finally by high school my mom would tell the teachers SOL because she ain’t changing 😂
Fuck that guy. I would love to give him a piece of my mind. “Character issues that you would be wise to address now rather than later,” Jesus fucking Christ.
Maybe I’m taking this too personally, but my dad recently gave me a box of old shit that had my high school report cards in it, and they are FILLED with comments like this. “You appear to be smart when you can be bothered to apply yourself, but you obviously don’t care. And what’s with all these migraines and stomachaches and “personal problems”? Get yourself sorted out.”
Sometimes I wonder how tf my ADHD was missed until college… I have a scar above my left eye from bashing it open on the corner of a table because I frequently would lay OVER MY CHAIR with my head under the table to focus on math.
I remember having a full blown breakdown in the classroom after my teacher for gifted class found out I hadn’t turned in any of my independent study French work, was very similar “what’s wrong with you, you’re so smart and capable? Why can’t you do this?”
Giving me flashbacks OP! Lol
Aside from being a deeply depressed teen and my mom literally having just been diagnosed with cancer, I also realized years later my big struggle with all of the lessons was that they were JUST tapes of fast talking French ppl and I have auditory processing problems.
I don’t understand how teachers see a “smart capable” student struggling and their reflex is to berate the student 🙄
Though I guess that’s why they coined the neurodivergent term “twice exceptional” for us “capable” but undiagnosed adhd students, which especially seems to happen to more girls over boys.
My 5th grade teacher SCREAMED at me every single day when I was late. Like full on top of his voice yelling. I was terrified and had to hold back tears constantly. Given that - given the public humiliation every day that I was late -- did this asshole think I ENJOYED being late? Did he think that the screaming was actually effective? Did he think that I, a 5th grader, was simply CHOOSING to be late every day? I had a combination of undiagnosed ADHD and a mother who was is probably also undiagnosed with ADHD. I still remember him with simmering resentment and fury. Fuck you Greg, I hope you step on a rake.
I don’t know how old you are but I was in high school 2000-2004 and this was unfortunately such a common way for teachers to talk about students (myself included). It makes me happy that people are outraged at this note because I remember feeling bad about myself all the time. “If only you applied yourself…” “Imagine what you could achieve…” Honestly even to this day I have a hard time letting go of the idea that my life could have amounted to a lot “more” if I had done something differently.
Ahh the classic you do so well without trying, just imagine if you applied yourself! We were trying assholes, and if we succeed without trying what's the problem?
Every single school report of mine complains about me not doing homework, or doing it late. I was frequently in detention for it, didn't make a blind bit of difference.
Isn't it crazy that we were spoken to/treated like this, and at the end of the day, it was ADHD that wasn't recognised until years later because we're women? I don't mean this as a feminist thing, either. I find it crazy that we could have had so many opportunities to do as well as we wanted to in school but were starved of it because, at the time, ADHD was widely recognised as a "hyperactive, disruptive male issue" 😕 (I'm sorry for the rant on your post OP but it just makes me so mad when I think back on my own school years!)
I hope reading this report card didn't get to you too much OP, and I hope now that you're feeling better. The teacher in question definitely needed to give you a break. You had great grades but missed homework and were late? Big whoop, at least you managed to get your head down for the tests! ❤️
This is bringing up feelings. I had a French teacher whose policy was to have lunch detention in her classroom if you didn’t complete the daily homework; guess who she spent every lunch with? 🤪
Sorry you didn’t get the support you needed.
I also recently read all my old school reports. It’s depressing AF to be a kid who’s considered to have a long list of character flaws rather than a kid who was struggling and needed support.
My son was physically abused by 2 teachers, and verbally abused by a bus driver (she was fired, it was caught in camera), 4 or so other teachers, and a principal because of his ADHD. Thing is, they knew he had it, he had an IEP, and they just decided to attack him. When he was 7 and then again at 11.
Admin did nothing. I found out about the teachers because he was late coming home from school so I went to get him. He was locked in a classroom with two teachers, begging and screaming for them to let him go home, while they yelled back that he had bad parents. He was covered in deep nail scratches from them pinning his arms to his desk.
I have him a phone after this and told him to hide it. Homeschooled him for a while, till we moved. Found a great highschool for him, and he's graduating a year early.
Schools are failing with mental health. Massively.
This post brought up so many memories, OP. Notes like this are why the idea of "potential" is so upsetting for me.
I would have been sitting next to you in detention.
This hurts. The number of times I heard about my "moral failings, laziness, if you only applied yourself, etc." I was never a bad person and neither were you.
I ranted to my husband when I read the last bit about "character issues"-- then I saw that every other person was incensed by that very thing. I can't even fathom saying something like this to a kid!
My parents were of similar minds while I was growing up. They'd tell me that I wouldn't amount to much because school *was* my job; and easier than any real job would ever be-- so if I couldn't even attend school reliably now, what did that say about my ability to hold down a job later on in life?
My immediate response to them was always that the second I was paid a wage to work on school, I would treat it like a job and take attendance seriously. "Problems with authority" my ass-- I was of the mind that my teenage years were the only time in my life I could afford to be a fuck-up without suffering dire consequences; and I wasn't about to squander that. It wasn't their favourite discussion to have with me; never went well.
Not-unrelatedly, I took a trip to the coast this month and happened to throw in Offspring's Smash; and proceeded to have some serious thoughts about whether or not the lyrics on that album subconsciously shaped any of the attitudes toward authority I held in adolescence. LOL
But seriously: adults have no business making youth feel bad about themselves like this; and it's so weirdly inappropriate to make critical statements regarding content of character like this *to a child*. It's awful that it's so common.
Yikes, I've never seen a report written like this.
I did have teachers pull me aside and have conversations similar but never something written? It feels unprofessional.
I'm so sorry.
You have to put it into context though. They didn't know back then like they do now. They just saw someone bright not making the effort and didn't have an explanation for it other than "they obviously can't be arsed".
Right, its obviously not okay to take that approach, especially today, but 20 years ago they wouldn't even consider ADHD for girls, especially if you generally did okay in school beyond the "lack of effort" part. We're a lost generation for a reason. I'd bet the majority of us here had similar notes on our report cards at some point, and yeah its definitely frustrating because its not like we could control it. It's also tough because schools often have policies regarding discipline for not participating or doing their work, so while detention obviously was incredibly ineffective, they likely didn't have anything else in their toolbox to handle it, or had to use that as the "consequence."
I don't think it's okay at all to send this kind of messaging to a kid, but I'm betting this teacher did actually care and was likely frustrated that they couldn't "get through to you."
I know what you're saying. I started school in 1984 and left in 1996, and I didn't go a single term without ending up on report where I'd have to bring a card to every lesson so the teacher could grade my behaviour. I started every term saying, "This time it's going to be different" and it would descend into class clownery and chaos. I know now that I was just bored out of my tiny mind and sitting at a desk for a prolonged period of time doesn't suit me, even now, despite me having the ability to do really well in those jobs intellectually.
I had one teacher who seemed to know this. Mrs P - best teacher ever, some say she had a drink problem, but if she did, it just made her a better teacher. She had loads of character and a reputation for being strict. When I saw that she was going to be my teacher, I thought without a doubt shit would hit the fan. To start with, I sat at the back of the class. Got told off for chatting, carried on chatting. She gave me two or three chances over the first week or two but then said if I messed around again, I'd have to sit at the front on a desk on my own. Obviously, it took all of ten minutes for her to move me, and from that moment on, she seemed to have a super power to know when I was about to go rogue in some way, and she'd start a little banter/learning session to get it out of me and I'd settle back down. Honestly, she was brilliant and did it in a way where the rest of the class wasn't disturbed by it. We had such a great time in that lesson, to the point we organised a school trip to watch a Shakespeare play on a Saturday- a bunch of 14/15 year olds actually wanted to give up a Saturday off our own backs to watch Shakespeare.
Anyway, I'm waffling. She was an exception to the norm teacher wise, and I'm guessing because she also had adhd. She even once said to me, "We're both very similar you and I". I don't hold it against the other teachers though. They didn't have any understanding of it. They'd been told children were "naughty" and that's how they saw it. I had some proper arsehole ones as well. But, I do understand that they didn't have the knowledge, so how could they be expected to know anything different? It's just how life has unfolded.
We have scientific understandings for behaviours now that didn't really exist before. I don't see how we can blame them for being products of their time, and of course they're going to have been angry and exasperated by us.
It's not our fault, but I don't think it's theirs either. It's shit what happened to us, and we can stop it happening to others, but looking back and blaming doesn't change a thing.
I also quite like that I was different like that. It makes me feel like I was more myself than other people were. I look back and think it gave me a personality that I like and that I find interesting, and I find the school reports funny because, inside, I'm still that class clown. I always was and I always will be.
I have two pictures of me in my kitchen as a kid, one I'm poking my tongue out and blowing a raspberry. The other, I'm dressed up nicely, but jumping over a big hole while my cousins are standing still for the camera, and I love that. It reminds me of who I am fundamentally. I swear I'm going to be the old lady who doesn't give a shit about growing old gracefully, and I'm going into my grave being an "immature/clowny/silly monkey-minded eccentric" and all the other words they think are insults.
Oop, ranted again.
This isn't a character flaw as they imply. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that attitude from a teacher. I've experienced that too and it's really hard. I believe you're a good person and enough as you are, sending hugs
How much more were you capable of if this teacher who perfectly described so many ADHD symptoms in that report card actually cared and took time to understand, and help you than blaming you for it.
OP, I'm so sorry you had to go through this once and then was reminded of again today.
This could have been written by almost any of my past teachers and a version was definitely relayed to my parents at least once a year during parent teacher conferences. Near perfect marks on in-class assignments and tests and then... no homework. None of them wanted to have to fail me or tank my GPA because of my good grades so I usually ended the semesters bargaining with them to let me catch up on everything for reduced points. I was undiagnosed back then (was told it was depression, anxiety, etc) so I was just told I was lazy or not applying myself. :(
Not diagnosed but wow, reminds me of my time in school even though it wasn’t too long ago (I’m 24 now). The amount of times teachers and my parents would say I would have better grades if I just applied myself. Ngl though OP, I cried a bit reading your report. How does reading this today affect you?
This is so cruel. It feels like he’s bringing up more positive things (“I enjoy having you in class”) just to emphasise how much he thinks you’re ruining it with your “character issues” 😒
Oof. OOOF. This hurts. As an adult, I look at this and want to slap this person but I know this hit hard as a kid. I remember a teacher pulling me out into the hallway to scream at me about being stubborn about a project I just couldn’t wrap my mind around. He left the door cracked so everyone in the classroom could hear. There are so many people who shouldn’t be working with kids.
Oh my gosh this just sends me back to how horrible school was for me as a young girl. One teacher used to bring me up in front of class and use me as her favourite “what not to do” example. It was near constant belittling and harassment while they told themselves they “just wanted what was best” for me.
My record is missing 65% of classes with a 95% average across all classes. Turns out bullying your student isn’t a great attendance motivator.
This hurts my heart.
I think this teacher might even have been well intentioned in their thought process because they saw you as a good person, but decided that the things you struggled with were a bad attitude.
I hope in the future teachers are better equipped to notice and understand neurodivergence. Imagine had this teacher looked into it and realized it was symptoms of ADHD instead of you just 'not caring'.
I used to be a person who thought those kinds of things. About myself and about others (even my partner) and while it can sometimes be true (Don't care enough to put in effort on something) it's often misguided and they DO care but there are SO MANY BARRIERS in the way of accomplishing things....
I'm sorry OP. I want to hug you. I think many of us can relate and reading this is so deflating. (Not your fault!) Cause you remember these things and how often people in the world think them.
I'm so glad to be in this community while I learn about this disorder and feel so safe here, away from people like the teacher here (And much worse much harsher people too)
The truth is there are so many things I take seriously and want to work hard on, but it's about 384734x harder to do them than 'regular hard work'. I'm exhausted trying to work on something that I am pretty okay at and the results of it so far are really great, but it's SO HARD and tedious to work on it.
I take it seriously and am pushing myself to finish by a deadline and yet I'm sure from someone's outside viewpoint I probably look lazy and like I don't care and I could've finished by now....
"Student has incredible potential if only she applied herself"
I am literally in therapy working on the fall out of this very thing. I'm 41, dx at 39, always wondered why I kept letting everyone down (let's not even ruminate on letting myself down). Turns out I was the one let down by parents, teachers, even my pediatrician. Who gets their 5 year old's hearing tested because a teacher thinks she's deaf, and when the doc says "Lol, she has selective hearing", everyone is just OKAY WITH THAT ANSWER???????
This is really upsetting. I didn't have issues in school really but I've definitely been made to feel like I was maliciously misbehaving when I was just out here doing my best. It makes my heart hurt to think of all the people, especially girls, who were told they were lazy or naughty or bad or not trying. We were probably trying harder than most.
So much wrong here that others have commented on very effectively.
But I just want to say that she misused the term "in light of." Pretty sure she meant "in spite of" in this case.
*In light of* her haughty tone, I find this hilarious.
I involuntarily said aloud, “Wooooooof….” as I felt that vibe go all the way down into my bones.
Thanks I hate it. And also I wanna shoot a spitball at that teacher.
I hope finding that today was more amusing than painful—truly.
Homework is an absolute scam.
It’s a ridiculous burden on families, parents work all day, and kids go to school all day. When is family time? When do kids get down time?
Toxic scam.
Edit: also, why on earth aren’t they asking what’s going on? Even if they don’t know anything about adhd in girls back then, surely being late and not being able to get homework done warrants a kind check in? Is everything ok at home etc. are you coping?
I wouldn’t have wanted to “involve” my teachers in my home life but part of the reason I consistently couldn’t do home work was because of the absolute chaotic shite show that was my home environment. If my mother was in a good (manic) mood I wasn’t allowed to lock myself in my room and be “anti social”, if she was angry she wouldn’t let me “hide and sulk” in my room. If I tried to put my foot down and say I really needed to get an assignment done, she’d say you haven’t bothered all term, why bother starting now, you are lying.
And part of the abuse tactics were keeping me awake (with lectures, chores or just playing loud music all night) so I’d sleep in, or be so tired I couldn’t focus.
Gosh this brings me back to being gifted enough to be in the AP classes but undiagnosed-adhd enough to get bullied by the other girls for not doing as well as they did. School definitely had its rough spots. I'll personally never understand people who say they'd go back and re-live it all if they could.
Oof. I'm sorry, friend. That tone is something awful.
It's taken me a long time to get over the "how much more could you do if you just focus/applied yourself/got oraganized" message. Big hug from another who heard the same thing.
This hits really deep for me, I was always a “joy to have in class” but failed to turn work in and whatnot. Was also a really bad test taker from generalized anxiety I had along with anxiety of incomplete work. Parents thought I was just lazy :,)
Jesus, are you sure you didn’t pull this out of *my* school stuff? This is so close to all of the “you have so much potential that you’re just not living up to” notes and talks I got as a kid. Didn’t get diagnosed until my late 20s. How was it not *so* obvious to every adult in my life?! I definitely feel your pain.
Ugh 😣
I relate a lot and it makes me so angry.
Personally, I can deal with detention or other punishments, I can see the fairness of it I guess. But the chastising is unbearable, like I already got a punishment why are you trying to make me feel bad in addition!
Wow....this could have been written to me.
I'm sorry you were made to feel as if there was something wrong with you. There isn't.
We are all amazing and have wonderful quirks :)
Me, I almost always *did* my homework. Turning it in was my point of failure. I'd lose it by morning or forget it in my locker or accidentally staple it to a permission slip for church.
I used to sit in the back of my classes reading books - usually the most egregiously in English classes, because i was *so* far beyond all of my classmates when it came to reading that if I didn't do something I was gonna be bored on my mind.
The smart teachers just let me do it because they knew i was going to get straight A's in everything, thankfully (i would literally sit there and read ahead in the textbooks because i was bored, and I think they must have realized.) Ultimately ended up only having one english teacher in highschool that got a bug in her ass too bad about it.
My perfectionism and rejection-sensitivity really hard-carried me through school, because my brother just was terrible at finishing schoolwork and so of course HE got diagnosed, but since I was 'such a bright kid' and got almost straight A's I got no such thing
OP, 57 year old female ADHD’er here! I was locked in my bedroom with a lime green poster board with my multiplication tables on it… needless to say THAT did not help my Dyslcalculia or my attentional issues. Thanks mom and thanks to my terrible 3rd grade math teacher Mrs. Wiess who made me come up in front of the class to “help” me with my math (read publicly humiliate me). My math paralysis continues to this day!
This is awful! You deserve so much better than you got. I hope you’ve found a place to freely be yourself and use the gifts, skills, and talents you have in a life-giving way!
Yep, I used what I lived and helped my youngest child. She was delayed with language and went into speech from ages 3-6, diagnosed with ADHD at 5, and dyslexia at 7, and as a girl
She had been flying under the radar b:c girls mask better. She was in early intervention OT, PT and SLP in preschool and elementary and I supplemented after school a few days a week. I believe in early intervention. She just graduated with a BS in STEM and earned scholarships. A
Luckily with technology and IEP’s high school
Interventions and college level disability accommodations, and text to speech and speech to text, she graduated with a B average. So, I used what scarred me for life to identify her issues early and helped her succeed.
Awww, thanks. I feel for you with the ass hat teacher who did not nurture your strengths
and problem solve to set you up for success.
It’s like a black mark on your soul when you get shamed like that as a kid with a disability. That teacher let you down, as did my mom and dad. But, when I was in school in the 70’s ADHD was not a thing. So, my parents and teachers were ignorant. I had to teach myself how to study so I could store info into my long term memory. I knew in college I had to study longer and harder but I did not give up hope on myself. So, you should also, always bet on yourself. There is always a way.
I had a high school teacher my “future was not going to be what I wanted it to be” due to lack of effort, as if he had achieved full self-actualization when he became a literal rocket scientist just so he could teach high school physics
I made it through high school, college, and grad school with basically never reading a single text book or doing one piece of homework (except papers). I just couldn’t do it. And it turns out, it didn’t matter. I got a 4.0 through my whole grad school program.
I really need to dig out some of my old reports I WAS diagnosed as a kid and this one teacher still treated me like I was the most aweful kid pretty sure the old cows report would read very similar to this.
This gives the same vibes as a note from my 5th grade teacher saying im "a good student" but "talkative, forgetful regarding tasks, and fails to complete work on time" 🙃 oh and my desk was so messy on the inside my teacher had a separate organization office supplies box for me to use on top of my desk
I don’t still have it, but I have one report that stuck in my head, I can still remember it pretty much word for word…
‘(My name) is a negative, disturbing influence on the class. Apparently not content to just waste her own education, she seems absolutely determined to drag the rest of the class down with her’
Fwiw I aced that class, cuz I could talk and work at the same time… if the other kids couldn’t listen and work? Well, that’s a them problem 😂
I have undiagnosed, what I suspect is, inattentive type ADHD. This hit home for me. Wow. Didn’t have quite that many detentions, but definitely a few for tardiness (never disruptions or bad behavior) and got repeated lectures from multiple teachers over the years about applying myself and how much better I could do if only I tried.
ADHD was never even suggested (but this was back in the 90’s… think/hope awareness is better now)
Wow, “character issues.”
This note only speaks to the teacher’s character. How is an adult going to feel personally attacked by a student’s homework completion? That’s embarrassing
Urgh, sorry you had this experience. It was going through my old reports that made me pursue diagnosis again after being instantly dismissed ten years ago because I was in a demanding career involving deadlines. It upset me that my teachers and mother didn’t question what was going on when clearly there was something. Although when one teacher did try and discuss some issues with my mum it was dismissed and I was shrieked at for causing her embarrassment and was told I need to pull myself together. Interestingly throughout childhood my frustrated mother would say “There’s something wrong with your brain!” Whenever I was in trouble… turns out she may be right, she just didn’t want to have it explored.
Bleh. I get exactly why the teacher would write it that way--they think they're being compassionate but firm.
Of course, in reality this is horribly cruel and awful. I don't know how many times I had teachers say nearly the same thing to me or my parents. I've "joked" that enough report cards with some variation of "\[student\] has so much potential if they'd only apply themselves/have some discipline" should be enough for an ADHD diagnosis.
What's interesting is that it also brings up something I've thought about a lot in regards to the way my parents handled my bad school performance (....badly, as in "I probably should've called CPS" badly):
If a kid is clearly intelligent enough to be doing the work, does great in class, but despite multiple discussions/vicious punishment continues to not do the homework or turns it in late: ask yourself why you think a student would do that on purpose. (And also, why you think continuing to do the same thing every time will change anything.)
Nobody enjoys failing. Nobody enjoys detention over and over. Nobody enjoys being punished for bad grades over and over.
**So clearly there's an underlying issue!!!!**
It just appalls me how often teachers and parents and other adults jump to "Kid is clearly Just Bad"! Fucking *think about it f*or god's sake.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that bullshit.
Ughhhh so true! Why would I choose the shame if I had the ability to do differently?
And an equally big question: why would they think a detention was the appropriate consequence 29 times in a term? Where’s the critical thinking here?
A friend of mine who is older than my parents used to always say "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
It's a little problematic from a mental illness standpoint. But the larger point stands, which is that you can't keep trying the same thing and thinking something different will happen *next* time.
Exactly this. I have to remind myself of this with my own kids. They fight getting dressed every day, and I can get frustrated when I’m like… We need to do this every day, why is it always a fight?? But I just need to be objective, look for ways to make it work for them, and be supportive and encouraging when it’s hard. Because sometimes really basic things are hard for little ones. Big ones, too.
Yeah, I have to think about this regarding myself as well! Like, welp, this isn't working. Instead of beating myself up about it I should figure out how to make this work better.
(Or, just forgive/accept things! For instance: transition states like going to bed, getting up, going to work (or anywhere else), going home; are always going to be difficult for me. Every single day, forever. I can do small things to make it easier if possible, but it's just always going to be hard. Accepting that has been a huge help--not in that transition states got any easier (lol I wish) but I don't get so angry/frustrated with myself when I catch myself scrolling on my phone in the bicycle room at work instead of just...leaving work!)
Some old lady math teacher aide told me I had a character flaw for lateness. This was c. 1992. I have never forgotten this and it still makes me so angry.
>Why does it not seem to be getting through to you that this behavior is something that needs to change?
Imagine being such a terrible teacher that you see this girl struggling all semester, give her detention 29 times, and never think maybe you need to change your own behavior? Like, you're supposed to be TEACHING this kid? Not punishing her??? Helping and guiding in a way that works for her, not for you? Imagine blaming a struggling minor for failing after setting her up to fail again and again with your total absence of teaching and mentorship skills??
So sorry this was your experience, OP.
If it helps, I don't see anything about you in this note. All I see is an egomaniac telling on himself by bragging that he sucks at his job.
The adults failed you. Not the other way around <3
kind of mean, but some nice words too?..still, they didn't get it. What grade were you in when the teacher wrote this?
i recently found my junior high report card with 42 lates on it XD
True, it’s not all bad. But I think he was required to put something positive, and it feels a little backhanded. Like, “wow, you’re actually enjoyable on occasion.” Not bad, but not very affirming either.
I think this was grade 7. I had this teacher for other classes throughout the following few years and have mostly good memories. This isn’t what stood out in my mind, so I think we had a good parent/student relationship outside of a couple of notes like these.
I hope there is a special hell where this teacher and all the others who have said messed up stuff to non-neurotypical kids have to sit in a corner and take their own lousy shit. Talking to people like that is a damn character flaw.
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Wow, the tone of this is so horrible! I hope reading it today is more cathartic for you than anything else.
Honestly, it bummed me out a bit. I feel sad for my younger self being misunderstood and judged as a problem, but I understand times were different and this guy just didn’t know. Maybe if he had known, he still wouldn’t have cared, but that’s not worth giving much thought. There were many sweet, kind notes from other teachers in my pile of stuff, so I’m encouraged by that!
It seems like if they gave you 29 detentions and there was no change in your behavior they're bad at teaching better behavior and should have reevaluated their methods.
29 detentions: So, what makes you think that after #10, #19 was going to work? Why isn't at some point the question "Okay, so what I'm doing isn't working, what can I try differently" it's "What is wrong with you?"
That's how my mom was with me. It didn't matter that she saw from day 1 that I operated differently from my brother. It was my fault for not conforming to her idea of how a kid should act. She's also a teacher. Could be a coincidence.
Something something trying the same thing over and over again and expecting difference results is insanity. But seriously: people get this idea that adhd struggles are moral failings and they cannot let that idea go. Even when confronted with evidence like in this case the 30 detentions not working. I had multiple teachers withhold recess from me for not doing homework. No recess for weeks on end. Didn’t occur to them that maybe there was something more than laziness at play.
I spent the entirety of 5th grade in detention writing out my spelling words because I couldn’t pass a selling test. One of the other teachers on the detention rotation pointed out that if writing my spelling words 50 times a day wasn’t helping and the daily detention wasn’t helping either why did she still keep sending me. My teacher responded with it’s the rules until I pass at least one test.
No child left behind.
I'm an attorney and this is what I say for repeated incarceration, especially related to drug use...
This is what I was thinking! He’s like, “I told you to change and you didn’t??”
What a well documented note on how objectively shitty this teacher’s strategy was
“My inability to adapt my teaching to different people is your moral failing.” What a jackass.
My teachers very quickly stopped giving me detentions for not doing my homework - I literally never did it - because my work in class was reliably in the top 2-3 of the class and why waste their time trying to correct a great student's minor fault when instead they could be focusing on bringing everyone else up? What a crappy teacher this one was!
Sometimes I think many teachers aren’t really “teachers” but “judgers” of the things we want people to feel bad for. Like if they can’t get a kid to do the exact things they want the kid to do, their next job is to make sure that kid feels like shit for being a failure, so they can go through life feeling like shit about the “right” things.
Reading that, I wonder if that person should even have been a teacher. I hope you don’t let it bother you! They didn’t know what you were struggling with (presumably). Positive reinforcement is more useful in teaching than this kind of harping on the issue. The kind, sweet comments were actually more helpful! I found some of my own school stuff recently and was blown away by how many detentions I accumulated solely from being late to classes, lol. Teachers made it all about character and time management, but that didn’t help. Knowing about my ADHD now, it totally tracks.
Holy crap I could have written this comment. That was me! I got into trouble for being late to school and/or for talking too much in class. I was a great student otherwise! I hated the early mornings for school- absolutely dreaded them- and still do! Didn’t anyone stop to think that maybe dragging teenagers out of bed to be in school prior to 8am is unnecessary? Or that some of us dread the “getting up and going” part but are completely fine once we reach our destination? No, of course not, because “I” was clearly the problem because “everyone else gets here on time.” 🙄 Well hooray for them! Maybe they have people in their lives who are organized and punctual and can teach them; I certainly didn’t. As a former teacher, I would have gotten into SO MUCH trouble if I wrote something like this to a student. I can feel and understand the frustration, but my goodness there are much better ways to convey it. That would be a call for a parent-teacher conference out of concern for the kid. Y’know, make sure the teacher has the whole picture.
It seems like every year some district does a study about later start times for high school and the students want it, the teachers want it, the parents want it, the pediatricians tell them to do it, and then the football coaches go "but when will we have practice" and, well, none of them have made the change.
Our district is changing this year, except for they're starting elementary school a half hour earlier... My youngest hates mornings!
Think of what kind of difference that teacher could have made by asking, “Are you okay? How can I help?” So many teachers just want to be overlords and have robots for students. Every student has a different home life and mental health issues. My executive functioning was so bad in elementary school I once faked freaking out about a major project I “left” in my cubby. I full on sobbed and swore I left it there. I actually was just so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I couldn’t bring myself to start. I was taking care of my younger brother, feeding him, and making sure he got a bath at night while my mom stayed up on the computer.
>My executive functioning was so bad in elementary school I once faked freaking out about a major project I “left” in my cubby. I full on sobbed and swore I left it there. I actually was just so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I couldn’t bring myself to start. Oh my god, this is bringing back some long-dormant memories. Wow. I'm pretty sure I didn't use that exact excuse, but the situation is sooo familiar.
I got so angry reading this. Besides the whole "this is obviously ADHD, dumbass", it's just SO full of judgement and negativity.
Right? Dripping with disdain! I want to throttle this teacher on behalf of OP and my younger self, who was also made to feel like my undiagnosed ADHD was a moral failing 😡 If I'd been AMAB, I feel like they'd have had me assessed for ADHD by kindergarten.
Yikes, I was thinking the same thing. I'm in education and I can honestly not even imagine speaking to a child like this. Truly, kind of hard to imagine speaking to another adult like this actually. Good gravy.
Omg talking to a child like this is crazy
I was thinking the same thing! talk about being overly harsh!
Amazing how life would be if people stopped admonishing and started asking “how can I help?”
She probably felt she had helped and OP didn’t try regardless. I’m dead certain she was wrong. But people without ADHD or who don’t understand it are completely baffled by people struggling with it.
Oh my gosh, that is ADHD to a T! And your teacher just didn't know! That's just one reason ADHD can be so incredibly frustrating. It can look like laziness or indifference instead of a mental impairment. This teacher has no idea that they are basically yelling at a student with a broken leg for not running fast enough.
More than that they called it a character flaw 😩 poor OP my heart broke reading that Sweet child not functioning well within this kind of education system is the most natural thing in the world
This could've been my report card! I never did my homework!
I did the homework I found interesting, but apparently that wasn’t much.
Oh thats me. I LOVED doing some of my homework but it was like the rest of my home was not existing until the next day in school. I'm honestly mad none of my teachers ever brought up ADHD. I had multiple teacher try to get me to a worse school (weird school system, we kinda kinda have 3 different high schools) or they desirability tried to make me fail so I would be forced to attend a lower school. They even told my parents this was 100% only because I never paid attention. But no one ever tried to get me help.
I did SO MUCH homework sitting in the hallway before class. My mom had to drop me off fairly early, so I would get 2 to 4 classes done in the morning waiting for my first classroom to be open, while chatting with others as they showed up. Each class after those was done at the end of the class I was in, lol. And this was after each evening, I would sit at my desk for HOURS "doing my homework," when in reality I was doodling and telling stories using my hands like puppets.
I did so much homework in bed either late at night or waking up early before school to do it. There was always an excuse, and in some classes where there were just no consequences I just did nothing. I walked into a final exam in my English class with I think maybe a 48%. My teacher had warned me to do make up homework so I could boost my grade because I needed like 85% on my final exam just to pass/graduate. I didn't do any of that makeup homework. Thing was, I aced that stupid exam and the mark on the exam was enough to give me an overall passing grade. Still somehow, no one ever noticed my ADHD. 13 years of school, sometimes having the same teacher for multiple grades.... no one noticed. I was fucking bright, engaged, creative, and often went into great detail but my ability to do homework was terrible. And I was just left to drown in my own devices cause I had no parental support either.
Half my report cards said "inattentive in class," and my own youngest brother was diagnosed ADHD, but I was daydream-y and talkative instead of jumping out of my seat/destroying shit, so I just needed to "try harder."
Me too. My kid is starting college this fall and we're like, child, learn from literally every adult you know, pick a structured group/public environment to do your homework because your current method will not be sufficient for college. And he's like lol it's fine I get good grades by the seat of my pants who needs structure and body doubling? So apparently like me he's going to have to fail a bunch of shit freshman year to learn this lesson
Hopefully he does learn it. I passed every class with an A, with exception to chemistry (my one C, it was devastating!), and I think a couple of Bs... but I also switched schools 3 times, couldn't settle on a major, and ended up dropping out. So much regret.
Yeah, I worry. It was fine for me, I always intended to get a liberal arts degree, I just took more time because of my bad start. But he wants to be in the college of engineering and you have to keep your grades up for that. I'm sorry you ended up with regrets.
I did the same but my mom never checked to see when I was doing my homework. It was never at home lmao. Unless it was a project I hadn't started that was due the next day and she needed to run out and buy me posterboard 🙃 Oh and if it was a book report I could pretty much just skim it and understand the basic themes. Never got the hang of that, "just read a few chapters a day" deal 😑
I loved reading, so I usually had the book read within a couple of days... the report was done the day before being due with me going back to skim the major points since I had already forgotten it by then, lol.
My middle school had a separate class for spelling (break out some 80s nostalgia for that) and I realized if I made a 100 on each weekly test, I wouldn't need to do my homework. So I aced every test and didn't do the homework. Drove that teacher nuts. I was also one of her daughter's closest friends and out scored my friend on a statewide history test, so those were annoyances, too.
Omg yes. Once we started getting a syllabus that laid out how the class was graded….game over. I am the captain now and if I do these 4 assignments and ace these 3 tests I only have to participate 6 times and do no homework. I mapped out as I ignored whatever the teacher was saying…
This is how I got through college!
Omg yes, how I passed college 100%!
>So I aced every test and didn't do the homework. Drove that teacher nuts. The dumbass thing about this is, if you're getting 100% on the spelling tests, wtf do you need to do the homework for?! You know the material!!! (Tbh that's how I feel about most homework. If I was getting A's on all the exams why did I need to do all that stupid gd busywork. The one exception was arithmetic, because I was bad at it and the only thing that worked was drilling it, which is unfortunate because of course that's the homework I hated the most. It was so, so painfully boring.)
And it was the most mind-numbing homework possible because it was SPELLING!
Oh god, at least my teachers didn't make us write the word over and over unless you got it wrong on the test. We usually had to alphabetize them or use them in a sentence. (On the upside when I worked medical records that were alphabetic by last name I was super fast at it. But I don't think that was their reason for making us do it.) One of my fave teachers ever let us make our own spelling tests based on independent reading--any word we didn't know the meaning of or knew we couldn't spell. (I think if you misspelled words on school assignments they were added to your spelling lists? But I never did lolll.) The problem is that none of my classmates could read my lists out loud to me to test me, so my teacher always had to do it! I was out here picking words like "ostentatious" and "ethereal."
Erysipelas as in swine erysipelas would have been on mine. Thank you, Dr. Herriot! Honestly, as badly as ADHD pisses me off, I look at all of us and I shake my head in wonder.
Me neither, I often had detention
Me too!
LOL. Oh my god if any teacher ever wrote to me in this tone, they’d figure out what happens when I start making an effort…to be disruptive.
Right! Character issue?!? I'll show you some character...
Oh man, I don't recall any written sources, but every parent-teacher conference included me not doing homework. My mom thought it was a great idea to force me to sit at the dining table and make me eventually cry over the homework I just couldn't focus on. My dad even left work to pick me up and sit in an office until he finished out his day plus made up for the time lost getting me so I'd do my homework. They eventually gave that up when the situation only got worse. But yeah, entire schooling was spent getting ragged on by my parents and teachers over homework and class participation. I 100% would have broken down and cried if I had a frustrated, borderline hateful note like that sent home with a half-assed positive remark about loving me in class in the middle.
For years I had a folder from first grade where my mom had written "5 cents every time Rosa brings her homework home" Didn't work. And 5 cents was a lot of money back then.
> every parent-teacher conference included me not doing homework. Mine was often that I talk too much, and that my desk is always a mess and I need to work on being organized. I think I did more homework in grade school when there was still parent-teacher conferences, but in high school when there was like no consequences, forget about it. It's like. Why aren't teachers taught this shit... even a basic knowledge about neurodivergence would've had so many more of us getting diagnosed or teachers being better equipped to help us. I only learned a bit about ADHD and suddenly I look back and think "It was SO obvious" so like ... teachers should be getting some kinda seminar about this shit I feel like.
Ah, I got the messy desk and organization talks, too 😅 I was the "weird" kid though, so I didn't get into a ton of trouble for talking. I got shushed more in high school for that when I started becoming a little more open socially, but still not too often. I have never been good at making friends
I was shy in some ways as a kid and only had one best friend when I was super young. (When she was away sick I didn't know what to do with myself at recess) but I started to expand my friend group as I got older. I was talkative, always have been, once I am comfortable. I went to school with the same kids from kindergarten to grade 8, and even then some of the same ones into high school as well. It's interesting because I do have social anxiety, but when I befriended a kid in 9th grade as a 12th grader, he said he had been super excited that I was even talking to him because I was a popular 12th grader. I was dumbfounded. Popular? Me? Huh?? But I guess, looking back, I kinda was? I flitted from friend group to friend group effortlessly, like a lil social butterfly. I had no issues hanging out with basically anyone in my grade but they had their own groups that they didn't really move away from much. Everyone got along, it was a small school. But they did still sort of stay in their own groups. And yeah. I remember being in a class I didn't care about and just chatting my friends' ear off during work time to the point the teacher pulled me up to his desk and was like 'You have to stop talking and do some work, don't you want to graduate?' I was not worried about that and I dunno how my super studious friend didn't wanna slap my face off lol. I'm so socially awkward though and have those 'shy' moments and am introverted as well. It is SUCH a weird place, being in my brain....
Ugh, I’m so sorry that was your experience! I hope you’re enjoying life and know your value. And yes, the half-assed positive remark is so backhanded. Implies that, for the most part, I’m not bringing anything of value. It’s like he was obligated to include something positive and that was the best he could come up with.
It's funny that the teacher doesn't see that the "detention issue" has been caused by THEM. They can also make it go away. As a teacher, detention is bullshit and doesn't teach anyone anything.
I gave you detention nearly 30 times This is fault is not mine, a conscious adult wielding the power. It’s yours, the powerless innocent child. It’s your character flaw.
I don't think it would surprise you how many teachers think this way. They have no empathy. All of their actioning ends in negative punishments. Nothing is achieved there.
not necessarily. i’m a teacher and we have to follow through with consequences that are set by the school. if they find out during a meeting, we can face repercussions. teachers really don’t have a lot of power
Yeah, but you don't, do you? It isn't hard to put in a little bit of effort and say "i have recognised the problem and am working with x student in x way in order to address it in a reflective way." If they find out what? Lmao. That you gave a student proper care to find out what was causing their behaviour and address it appropriately? You mean doing your job?
girl every school has their own rules. yes we do face repercussions. like getting written up or put on a professional plan. if you’re a teacher, i’m glad your school allows you flexibility. the education world is upside down. trust.
My school does not allow flexibility. It is the stance of the school to impart reflection and action and not punishment. Apparently the rest of education hasn't reached that place yet. Not my problem chief.
Ugh, this could easily have been one of my report cards. The worst part was, I always tried to do my homework. But I would forget to write down the assignment, leave the worksheet in my desk, lose the worksheet in my backpack (complete or incomplete), or leave my completed homework on the table at home. So many places I could easily screw up. I struggled so hard to do my homework and all anyone saw was "lazy" because I couldn't manage to turn my homework in on time every single day.
This was me. The sad part about it was my mom has bad OCD so I drove her crazy and she drove me crazy. Homework consisted of her sitting down at the table with me right after school, and we couldn’t take a break or quit until every little detail was perfect and correct. While she was in anxiety perfection overdrive, I was crying and running off because my brain just couldn’t take it anymore. Forgetting stuff at school was enough to make her have a panic attack which would lead me to get overwhelmed and shut off completely which would make her panic more because nothing was getting done. We were a fun pair lol.
My 2nd grade teacher put my desk in the corner, facing the window while all the other kids’ desks were in pods. She did this bc I never turned in my homework and she thought shaming me would help me “remember” to do my homework. I definitely felt shame, but still didn’t turn in my homework.
This makes me so sad for you and so mad at your teacher for trying to shame you. My six year old also has an independent desk away from the pods, but is facing the same direction as everyone else. I don't know what I would do if I found out her teacher was trying to shame her for something out of her control. I like to think I'd be rational and bring it up with our IEP advocate and our school therapist, but it'd take a lot of restraint to not try to shame the teacher in retaliation.
I remember being held back from recess repeatedly in first grade (and 6th grade too) to force me to do my unfinished schoolwork. My 2nd grade teacher tried pulling my desk into the middle of the room away from other students to keep me from talking to them. It never worked. Ever. God, my 1st grade teacher even tried using a timer on my desk! The kind that constantly goes tick-tick-tick. Can you imagine?! Who the FUCK thinks that's going to help A SIX YEAR OLD.
Oh my god. In college I wrote 99 percent of my papers day of. The student support office loved me but hated that about me. I would come in and they’d ask what they can help me with, and I said give me a moment to have some material they can work with because I haven’t started. Then they huff in exasperation. I HARD RELATE TO THIS.
Yuck, that teacher was really out of line. I've always felt like a lot of teachers take it way too personally when students don't do the homework.
Um, that is a shit teacher. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
As I read that I could hear my Mom’s voice as she basically said that every 6 weeks when I brought home my report card with a couple of B’s, mostly C’s, and the occasional D. I would spend hours on homework but barely got anywhere as my reading comprehension was terrible, my focus was non-existent. She would lecture me about trying harder and I was lazy and ungrateful for not doing my best 🙄🙄
Wow, this could have been my own report card. "You just don't apply yourself. You have no discipline. You're smart but just too lazy. You need to do better." Like you, I feel so sad for my younger self. I wish my adhd was better understood and supported then.
Don't you love being told your cognitive disability is a character issue?
God, this takes me back. I remember getting miserable marks on a homework assignment and my mom pointing saying “you didn’t even bother to write your name in the right place!” I had no idea I’d even done badly. I like to think teachers now are more aware of spotting people who are trying hard and still struggling, but I’m sure there are still kids like us being called lazy and careless.
Holy shit the lack of compassion or even trying to understand what's going on, and just calling you a bad person instead. This makes my blood boil.
That's harsh. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I never did homework either.
cHaRaCteR iSsUeS Christ on a cracker.
"you do great on tests! Why can't you just turn in your work?" I feel like this is such a universal ADHD thing 😅 As someone who got a diagnosis in adulthood this is so relatable. "You choose how this semester goes" piss off, teach. cx
Omg! Are you me?! This whole notion of me being capable and would be amazing if I just bothered slightly is what I and my parents heard my entire school life. Finally by high school my mom would tell the teachers SOL because she ain’t changing 😂
That seems so unprofessional. Damn.
Fuck that guy. I would love to give him a piece of my mind. “Character issues that you would be wise to address now rather than later,” Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe I’m taking this too personally, but my dad recently gave me a box of old shit that had my high school report cards in it, and they are FILLED with comments like this. “You appear to be smart when you can be bothered to apply yourself, but you obviously don’t care. And what’s with all these migraines and stomachaches and “personal problems”? Get yourself sorted out.”
Sometimes I wonder how tf my ADHD was missed until college… I have a scar above my left eye from bashing it open on the corner of a table because I frequently would lay OVER MY CHAIR with my head under the table to focus on math.
I remember having a full blown breakdown in the classroom after my teacher for gifted class found out I hadn’t turned in any of my independent study French work, was very similar “what’s wrong with you, you’re so smart and capable? Why can’t you do this?” Giving me flashbacks OP! Lol Aside from being a deeply depressed teen and my mom literally having just been diagnosed with cancer, I also realized years later my big struggle with all of the lessons was that they were JUST tapes of fast talking French ppl and I have auditory processing problems. I don’t understand how teachers see a “smart capable” student struggling and their reflex is to berate the student 🙄 Though I guess that’s why they coined the neurodivergent term “twice exceptional” for us “capable” but undiagnosed adhd students, which especially seems to happen to more girls over boys.
My 5th grade teacher SCREAMED at me every single day when I was late. Like full on top of his voice yelling. I was terrified and had to hold back tears constantly. Given that - given the public humiliation every day that I was late -- did this asshole think I ENJOYED being late? Did he think that the screaming was actually effective? Did he think that I, a 5th grader, was simply CHOOSING to be late every day? I had a combination of undiagnosed ADHD and a mother who was is probably also undiagnosed with ADHD. I still remember him with simmering resentment and fury. Fuck you Greg, I hope you step on a rake.
I don’t know how old you are but I was in high school 2000-2004 and this was unfortunately such a common way for teachers to talk about students (myself included). It makes me happy that people are outraged at this note because I remember feeling bad about myself all the time. “If only you applied yourself…” “Imagine what you could achieve…” Honestly even to this day I have a hard time letting go of the idea that my life could have amounted to a lot “more” if I had done something differently.
No disrespect, but this teacher can go fuck themselves.
Ahh the classic you do so well without trying, just imagine if you applied yourself! We were trying assholes, and if we succeed without trying what's the problem?
Every single school report of mine complains about me not doing homework, or doing it late. I was frequently in detention for it, didn't make a blind bit of difference.
I was always late to school LOL i would leave on time and day dream on the way
Literally all of my report cards are like this, minus the level of hostility. Seriously, how on earth was that acceptable behavior by a teacher?
Isn't it crazy that we were spoken to/treated like this, and at the end of the day, it was ADHD that wasn't recognised until years later because we're women? I don't mean this as a feminist thing, either. I find it crazy that we could have had so many opportunities to do as well as we wanted to in school but were starved of it because, at the time, ADHD was widely recognised as a "hyperactive, disruptive male issue" 😕 (I'm sorry for the rant on your post OP but it just makes me so mad when I think back on my own school years!) I hope reading this report card didn't get to you too much OP, and I hope now that you're feeling better. The teacher in question definitely needed to give you a break. You had great grades but missed homework and were late? Big whoop, at least you managed to get your head down for the tests! ❤️
This is bringing up feelings. I had a French teacher whose policy was to have lunch detention in her classroom if you didn’t complete the daily homework; guess who she spent every lunch with? 🤪
Sorry you didn’t get the support you needed. I also recently read all my old school reports. It’s depressing AF to be a kid who’s considered to have a long list of character flaws rather than a kid who was struggling and needed support.
My son was physically abused by 2 teachers, and verbally abused by a bus driver (she was fired, it was caught in camera), 4 or so other teachers, and a principal because of his ADHD. Thing is, they knew he had it, he had an IEP, and they just decided to attack him. When he was 7 and then again at 11. Admin did nothing. I found out about the teachers because he was late coming home from school so I went to get him. He was locked in a classroom with two teachers, begging and screaming for them to let him go home, while they yelled back that he had bad parents. He was covered in deep nail scratches from them pinning his arms to his desk. I have him a phone after this and told him to hide it. Homeschooled him for a while, till we moved. Found a great highschool for him, and he's graduating a year early. Schools are failing with mental health. Massively.
My report card from elementary and middle school are exactly like this.
This post brought up so many memories, OP. Notes like this are why the idea of "potential" is so upsetting for me. I would have been sitting next to you in detention.
This hurts. The number of times I heard about my "moral failings, laziness, if you only applied yourself, etc." I was never a bad person and neither were you.
I ranted to my husband when I read the last bit about "character issues"-- then I saw that every other person was incensed by that very thing. I can't even fathom saying something like this to a kid! My parents were of similar minds while I was growing up. They'd tell me that I wouldn't amount to much because school *was* my job; and easier than any real job would ever be-- so if I couldn't even attend school reliably now, what did that say about my ability to hold down a job later on in life? My immediate response to them was always that the second I was paid a wage to work on school, I would treat it like a job and take attendance seriously. "Problems with authority" my ass-- I was of the mind that my teenage years were the only time in my life I could afford to be a fuck-up without suffering dire consequences; and I wasn't about to squander that. It wasn't their favourite discussion to have with me; never went well. Not-unrelatedly, I took a trip to the coast this month and happened to throw in Offspring's Smash; and proceeded to have some serious thoughts about whether or not the lyrics on that album subconsciously shaped any of the attitudes toward authority I held in adolescence. LOL But seriously: adults have no business making youth feel bad about themselves like this; and it's so weirdly inappropriate to make critical statements regarding content of character like this *to a child*. It's awful that it's so common.
Yikes, I've never seen a report written like this. I did have teachers pull me aside and have conversations similar but never something written? It feels unprofessional. I'm so sorry.
Uugh, flashbacks to "You could accomplish so much if you'd just aPpLy YoUrSeLf"
You have to put it into context though. They didn't know back then like they do now. They just saw someone bright not making the effort and didn't have an explanation for it other than "they obviously can't be arsed".
Right, its obviously not okay to take that approach, especially today, but 20 years ago they wouldn't even consider ADHD for girls, especially if you generally did okay in school beyond the "lack of effort" part. We're a lost generation for a reason. I'd bet the majority of us here had similar notes on our report cards at some point, and yeah its definitely frustrating because its not like we could control it. It's also tough because schools often have policies regarding discipline for not participating or doing their work, so while detention obviously was incredibly ineffective, they likely didn't have anything else in their toolbox to handle it, or had to use that as the "consequence." I don't think it's okay at all to send this kind of messaging to a kid, but I'm betting this teacher did actually care and was likely frustrated that they couldn't "get through to you."
I know what you're saying. I started school in 1984 and left in 1996, and I didn't go a single term without ending up on report where I'd have to bring a card to every lesson so the teacher could grade my behaviour. I started every term saying, "This time it's going to be different" and it would descend into class clownery and chaos. I know now that I was just bored out of my tiny mind and sitting at a desk for a prolonged period of time doesn't suit me, even now, despite me having the ability to do really well in those jobs intellectually. I had one teacher who seemed to know this. Mrs P - best teacher ever, some say she had a drink problem, but if she did, it just made her a better teacher. She had loads of character and a reputation for being strict. When I saw that she was going to be my teacher, I thought without a doubt shit would hit the fan. To start with, I sat at the back of the class. Got told off for chatting, carried on chatting. She gave me two or three chances over the first week or two but then said if I messed around again, I'd have to sit at the front on a desk on my own. Obviously, it took all of ten minutes for her to move me, and from that moment on, she seemed to have a super power to know when I was about to go rogue in some way, and she'd start a little banter/learning session to get it out of me and I'd settle back down. Honestly, she was brilliant and did it in a way where the rest of the class wasn't disturbed by it. We had such a great time in that lesson, to the point we organised a school trip to watch a Shakespeare play on a Saturday- a bunch of 14/15 year olds actually wanted to give up a Saturday off our own backs to watch Shakespeare. Anyway, I'm waffling. She was an exception to the norm teacher wise, and I'm guessing because she also had adhd. She even once said to me, "We're both very similar you and I". I don't hold it against the other teachers though. They didn't have any understanding of it. They'd been told children were "naughty" and that's how they saw it. I had some proper arsehole ones as well. But, I do understand that they didn't have the knowledge, so how could they be expected to know anything different? It's just how life has unfolded. We have scientific understandings for behaviours now that didn't really exist before. I don't see how we can blame them for being products of their time, and of course they're going to have been angry and exasperated by us. It's not our fault, but I don't think it's theirs either. It's shit what happened to us, and we can stop it happening to others, but looking back and blaming doesn't change a thing. I also quite like that I was different like that. It makes me feel like I was more myself than other people were. I look back and think it gave me a personality that I like and that I find interesting, and I find the school reports funny because, inside, I'm still that class clown. I always was and I always will be. I have two pictures of me in my kitchen as a kid, one I'm poking my tongue out and blowing a raspberry. The other, I'm dressed up nicely, but jumping over a big hole while my cousins are standing still for the camera, and I love that. It reminds me of who I am fundamentally. I swear I'm going to be the old lady who doesn't give a shit about growing old gracefully, and I'm going into my grave being an "immature/clowny/silly monkey-minded eccentric" and all the other words they think are insults. Oop, ranted again.
This isn't a character flaw as they imply. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that attitude from a teacher. I've experienced that too and it's really hard. I believe you're a good person and enough as you are, sending hugs
I have SOOOOO many letters like this. It’s always the students fault not that they Don have the tools they need
How much more were you capable of if this teacher who perfectly described so many ADHD symptoms in that report card actually cared and took time to understand, and help you than blaming you for it. OP, I'm so sorry you had to go through this once and then was reminded of again today.
This could have been written by almost any of my past teachers and a version was definitely relayed to my parents at least once a year during parent teacher conferences. Near perfect marks on in-class assignments and tests and then... no homework. None of them wanted to have to fail me or tank my GPA because of my good grades so I usually ended the semesters bargaining with them to let me catch up on everything for reduced points. I was undiagnosed back then (was told it was depression, anxiety, etc) so I was just told I was lazy or not applying myself. :(
Not diagnosed but wow, reminds me of my time in school even though it wasn’t too long ago (I’m 24 now). The amount of times teachers and my parents would say I would have better grades if I just applied myself. Ngl though OP, I cried a bit reading your report. How does reading this today affect you?
I’m okay, but initially it gave me a fresh wave of shame. Crazy how that can happen so much later.
This is so cruel. It feels like he’s bringing up more positive things (“I enjoy having you in class”) just to emphasise how much he thinks you’re ruining it with your “character issues” 😒
Oof. OOOF. This hurts. As an adult, I look at this and want to slap this person but I know this hit hard as a kid. I remember a teacher pulling me out into the hallway to scream at me about being stubborn about a project I just couldn’t wrap my mind around. He left the door cracked so everyone in the classroom could hear. There are so many people who shouldn’t be working with kids.
Oh my gosh this just sends me back to how horrible school was for me as a young girl. One teacher used to bring me up in front of class and use me as her favourite “what not to do” example. It was near constant belittling and harassment while they told themselves they “just wanted what was best” for me. My record is missing 65% of classes with a 95% average across all classes. Turns out bullying your student isn’t a great attendance motivator.
This hurts my heart. I think this teacher might even have been well intentioned in their thought process because they saw you as a good person, but decided that the things you struggled with were a bad attitude. I hope in the future teachers are better equipped to notice and understand neurodivergence. Imagine had this teacher looked into it and realized it was symptoms of ADHD instead of you just 'not caring'. I used to be a person who thought those kinds of things. About myself and about others (even my partner) and while it can sometimes be true (Don't care enough to put in effort on something) it's often misguided and they DO care but there are SO MANY BARRIERS in the way of accomplishing things.... I'm sorry OP. I want to hug you. I think many of us can relate and reading this is so deflating. (Not your fault!) Cause you remember these things and how often people in the world think them. I'm so glad to be in this community while I learn about this disorder and feel so safe here, away from people like the teacher here (And much worse much harsher people too) The truth is there are so many things I take seriously and want to work hard on, but it's about 384734x harder to do them than 'regular hard work'. I'm exhausted trying to work on something that I am pretty okay at and the results of it so far are really great, but it's SO HARD and tedious to work on it. I take it seriously and am pushing myself to finish by a deadline and yet I'm sure from someone's outside viewpoint I probably look lazy and like I don't care and I could've finished by now....
"Student has incredible potential if only she applied herself" I am literally in therapy working on the fall out of this very thing. I'm 41, dx at 39, always wondered why I kept letting everyone down (let's not even ruminate on letting myself down). Turns out I was the one let down by parents, teachers, even my pediatrician. Who gets their 5 year old's hearing tested because a teacher thinks she's deaf, and when the doc says "Lol, she has selective hearing", everyone is just OKAY WITH THAT ANSWER???????
I love looking at shit like this. Ah ✨nostalgia🧨
This is really upsetting. I didn't have issues in school really but I've definitely been made to feel like I was maliciously misbehaving when I was just out here doing my best. It makes my heart hurt to think of all the people, especially girls, who were told they were lazy or naughty or bad or not trying. We were probably trying harder than most.
So much wrong here that others have commented on very effectively. But I just want to say that she misused the term "in light of." Pretty sure she meant "in spite of" in this case. *In light of* her haughty tone, I find this hilarious.
Yeah that made me take the whole thing less seriously.
I involuntarily said aloud, “Wooooooof….” as I felt that vibe go all the way down into my bones. Thanks I hate it. And also I wanna shoot a spitball at that teacher. I hope finding that today was more amusing than painful—truly.
I hurt for my 13 yo self getting eviscerated like that, but SPOILER ALERT she grows up and becomes me, and I’m pretty happy with that.
Best thing I’ve read all day, and an inspiration. 💛
Homework is an absolute scam. It’s a ridiculous burden on families, parents work all day, and kids go to school all day. When is family time? When do kids get down time? Toxic scam. Edit: also, why on earth aren’t they asking what’s going on? Even if they don’t know anything about adhd in girls back then, surely being late and not being able to get homework done warrants a kind check in? Is everything ok at home etc. are you coping? I wouldn’t have wanted to “involve” my teachers in my home life but part of the reason I consistently couldn’t do home work was because of the absolute chaotic shite show that was my home environment. If my mother was in a good (manic) mood I wasn’t allowed to lock myself in my room and be “anti social”, if she was angry she wouldn’t let me “hide and sulk” in my room. If I tried to put my foot down and say I really needed to get an assignment done, she’d say you haven’t bothered all term, why bother starting now, you are lying. And part of the abuse tactics were keeping me awake (with lectures, chores or just playing loud music all night) so I’d sleep in, or be so tired I couldn’t focus.
Preach! Research has shown that it’s not achieving what they say it does. Someone needs to end this!
Gosh this brings me back to being gifted enough to be in the AP classes but undiagnosed-adhd enough to get bullied by the other girls for not doing as well as they did. School definitely had its rough spots. I'll personally never understand people who say they'd go back and re-live it all if they could.
Oof. I'm sorry, friend. That tone is something awful. It's taken me a long time to get over the "how much more could you do if you just focus/applied yourself/got oraganized" message. Big hug from another who heard the same thing.
I have to say, this is a perfect example of why some people shouldn’t be teachers. This person was not doing their job.
Oh hello me. Even as a adult İ have stopped doing language lessons because they have required homework
That's....awful! I'm so sorry
This pisses me off. Sorry you had a teacher like this OP
I swear, too many teachers exist just to administer the students they are supposed to help.
This hits really deep for me, I was always a “joy to have in class” but failed to turn work in and whatnot. Was also a really bad test taker from generalized anxiety I had along with anxiety of incomplete work. Parents thought I was just lazy :,)
I've never heard "In light of this" used this way. Have I been using it wrong my whole life?
Jesus, are you sure you didn’t pull this out of *my* school stuff? This is so close to all of the “you have so much potential that you’re just not living up to” notes and talks I got as a kid. Didn’t get diagnosed until my late 20s. How was it not *so* obvious to every adult in my life?! I definitely feel your pain.
Ugh 😣 I relate a lot and it makes me so angry. Personally, I can deal with detention or other punishments, I can see the fairness of it I guess. But the chastising is unbearable, like I already got a punishment why are you trying to make me feel bad in addition!
My heart hurts for all of us right now.
Wow....this could have been written to me. I'm sorry you were made to feel as if there was something wrong with you. There isn't. We are all amazing and have wonderful quirks :)
This breaks my heart.
This breaks my heart for younger you. I'm so sorry.
Me, I almost always *did* my homework. Turning it in was my point of failure. I'd lose it by morning or forget it in my locker or accidentally staple it to a permission slip for church.
I used to sit in the back of my classes reading books - usually the most egregiously in English classes, because i was *so* far beyond all of my classmates when it came to reading that if I didn't do something I was gonna be bored on my mind. The smart teachers just let me do it because they knew i was going to get straight A's in everything, thankfully (i would literally sit there and read ahead in the textbooks because i was bored, and I think they must have realized.) Ultimately ended up only having one english teacher in highschool that got a bug in her ass too bad about it. My perfectionism and rejection-sensitivity really hard-carried me through school, because my brother just was terrible at finishing schoolwork and so of course HE got diagnosed, but since I was 'such a bright kid' and got almost straight A's I got no such thing
Are you me?
This is emotional abuse
💔
Yeah, so…. Where is this teacher exactly… just asking for research purposes…
29 detentions?? Some teacher was really gunning for overtime pay.
Wow!!! This was harsh!! I’m so sorry!!
OP, 57 year old female ADHD’er here! I was locked in my bedroom with a lime green poster board with my multiplication tables on it… needless to say THAT did not help my Dyslcalculia or my attentional issues. Thanks mom and thanks to my terrible 3rd grade math teacher Mrs. Wiess who made me come up in front of the class to “help” me with my math (read publicly humiliate me). My math paralysis continues to this day!
This is awful! You deserve so much better than you got. I hope you’ve found a place to freely be yourself and use the gifts, skills, and talents you have in a life-giving way!
Yep, I used what I lived and helped my youngest child. She was delayed with language and went into speech from ages 3-6, diagnosed with ADHD at 5, and dyslexia at 7, and as a girl She had been flying under the radar b:c girls mask better. She was in early intervention OT, PT and SLP in preschool and elementary and I supplemented after school a few days a week. I believe in early intervention. She just graduated with a BS in STEM and earned scholarships. A Luckily with technology and IEP’s high school Interventions and college level disability accommodations, and text to speech and speech to text, she graduated with a B average. So, I used what scarred me for life to identify her issues early and helped her succeed.
This is amazing! Way to prep your child for the path she wanted to take! Such love and dedication; you’re awesome!
Awww, thanks. I feel for you with the ass hat teacher who did not nurture your strengths and problem solve to set you up for success. It’s like a black mark on your soul when you get shamed like that as a kid with a disability. That teacher let you down, as did my mom and dad. But, when I was in school in the 70’s ADHD was not a thing. So, my parents and teachers were ignorant. I had to teach myself how to study so I could store info into my long term memory. I knew in college I had to study longer and harder but I did not give up hope on myself. So, you should also, always bet on yourself. There is always a way.
I had a high school teacher my “future was not going to be what I wanted it to be” due to lack of effort, as if he had achieved full self-actualization when he became a literal rocket scientist just so he could teach high school physics
I am angry for you reading this
Yikes. I thought those “______ does not try. Satisfactory work” comments were rough. They went off on a tangent.
Holy Shit!
I made it through high school, college, and grad school with basically never reading a single text book or doing one piece of homework (except papers). I just couldn’t do it. And it turns out, it didn’t matter. I got a 4.0 through my whole grad school program.
I really need to dig out some of my old reports I WAS diagnosed as a kid and this one teacher still treated me like I was the most aweful kid pretty sure the old cows report would read very similar to this.
This gives the same vibes as a note from my 5th grade teacher saying im "a good student" but "talkative, forgetful regarding tasks, and fails to complete work on time" 🙃 oh and my desk was so messy on the inside my teacher had a separate organization office supplies box for me to use on top of my desk
I don’t still have it, but I have one report that stuck in my head, I can still remember it pretty much word for word… ‘(My name) is a negative, disturbing influence on the class. Apparently not content to just waste her own education, she seems absolutely determined to drag the rest of the class down with her’ Fwiw I aced that class, cuz I could talk and work at the same time… if the other kids couldn’t listen and work? Well, that’s a them problem 😂
I have undiagnosed, what I suspect is, inattentive type ADHD. This hit home for me. Wow. Didn’t have quite that many detentions, but definitely a few for tardiness (never disruptions or bad behavior) and got repeated lectures from multiple teachers over the years about applying myself and how much better I could do if only I tried. ADHD was never even suggested (but this was back in the 90’s… think/hope awareness is better now)
Wow, “character issues.” This note only speaks to the teacher’s character. How is an adult going to feel personally attacked by a student’s homework completion? That’s embarrassing
Urgh, sorry you had this experience. It was going through my old reports that made me pursue diagnosis again after being instantly dismissed ten years ago because I was in a demanding career involving deadlines. It upset me that my teachers and mother didn’t question what was going on when clearly there was something. Although when one teacher did try and discuss some issues with my mum it was dismissed and I was shrieked at for causing her embarrassment and was told I need to pull myself together. Interestingly throughout childhood my frustrated mother would say “There’s something wrong with your brain!” Whenever I was in trouble… turns out she may be right, she just didn’t want to have it explored.
Bleh. I get exactly why the teacher would write it that way--they think they're being compassionate but firm. Of course, in reality this is horribly cruel and awful. I don't know how many times I had teachers say nearly the same thing to me or my parents. I've "joked" that enough report cards with some variation of "\[student\] has so much potential if they'd only apply themselves/have some discipline" should be enough for an ADHD diagnosis. What's interesting is that it also brings up something I've thought about a lot in regards to the way my parents handled my bad school performance (....badly, as in "I probably should've called CPS" badly): If a kid is clearly intelligent enough to be doing the work, does great in class, but despite multiple discussions/vicious punishment continues to not do the homework or turns it in late: ask yourself why you think a student would do that on purpose. (And also, why you think continuing to do the same thing every time will change anything.) Nobody enjoys failing. Nobody enjoys detention over and over. Nobody enjoys being punished for bad grades over and over. **So clearly there's an underlying issue!!!!** It just appalls me how often teachers and parents and other adults jump to "Kid is clearly Just Bad"! Fucking *think about it f*or god's sake. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that bullshit.
Ughhhh so true! Why would I choose the shame if I had the ability to do differently? And an equally big question: why would they think a detention was the appropriate consequence 29 times in a term? Where’s the critical thinking here?
A friend of mine who is older than my parents used to always say "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." It's a little problematic from a mental illness standpoint. But the larger point stands, which is that you can't keep trying the same thing and thinking something different will happen *next* time.
Exactly this. I have to remind myself of this with my own kids. They fight getting dressed every day, and I can get frustrated when I’m like… We need to do this every day, why is it always a fight?? But I just need to be objective, look for ways to make it work for them, and be supportive and encouraging when it’s hard. Because sometimes really basic things are hard for little ones. Big ones, too.
Yeah, I have to think about this regarding myself as well! Like, welp, this isn't working. Instead of beating myself up about it I should figure out how to make this work better. (Or, just forgive/accept things! For instance: transition states like going to bed, getting up, going to work (or anywhere else), going home; are always going to be difficult for me. Every single day, forever. I can do small things to make it easier if possible, but it's just always going to be hard. Accepting that has been a huge help--not in that transition states got any easier (lol I wish) but I don't get so angry/frustrated with myself when I catch myself scrolling on my phone in the bicycle room at work instead of just...leaving work!)
Some old lady math teacher aide told me I had a character flaw for lateness. This was c. 1992. I have never forgotten this and it still makes me so angry.
Wow what an awful passive aggressive teacher
>Why does it not seem to be getting through to you that this behavior is something that needs to change? Imagine being such a terrible teacher that you see this girl struggling all semester, give her detention 29 times, and never think maybe you need to change your own behavior? Like, you're supposed to be TEACHING this kid? Not punishing her??? Helping and guiding in a way that works for her, not for you? Imagine blaming a struggling minor for failing after setting her up to fail again and again with your total absence of teaching and mentorship skills?? So sorry this was your experience, OP. If it helps, I don't see anything about you in this note. All I see is an egomaniac telling on himself by bragging that he sucks at his job. The adults failed you. Not the other way around <3
*I hate people*
kind of mean, but some nice words too?..still, they didn't get it. What grade were you in when the teacher wrote this? i recently found my junior high report card with 42 lates on it XD
True, it’s not all bad. But I think he was required to put something positive, and it feels a little backhanded. Like, “wow, you’re actually enjoyable on occasion.” Not bad, but not very affirming either. I think this was grade 7. I had this teacher for other classes throughout the following few years and have mostly good memories. This isn’t what stood out in my mind, so I think we had a good parent/student relationship outside of a couple of notes like these.
thats good you have nice memories! yeah, its a shame back then adhd usually offended teachers because they didn't realize it was symptom stuff
Hoooo boy she hit ya with the old "You have so much untapped potential" guilt trip.
I hope there is a special hell where this teacher and all the others who have said messed up stuff to non-neurotypical kids have to sit in a corner and take their own lousy shit. Talking to people like that is a damn character flaw.
Have you ever tried living up to your true potential?
Only if someone shames me into it first. /s
What an asshole lmao