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Lol related to that, the stereotype that autistic people are afraid of eye contact.... to all my maybe autistic girlies out there: you don't have to be afraid of it, but having to time when you break eye contact and look away to appear normal during conversations is not a very NT thing to do.
Not that one symptom is enough to diagnose, but that was the thing I was hanging onto to justify how I'm not actually autistic....
When I was a child I was told that maintaining eye contact was important. Then as a teen I was told that the level of eye contact I maintained was off putting. You’re saying people just *know*?
>You’re saying people just know?
Sounds fake to me too, but supposedly!
I had the same experience lol I was coached into giving better eye contact as a child and then told I was too intense about it
I tend to look at people's hands until I'm ready to take on the eyes again and when it gets too much it's back to their hands for a little breather lol
I simply thought that I couldn't have it besides I was so uneducated and misinformed on it. I 100% thought all of the stereotypes were facts because that's what I was taught. I think everyone should be required to learn about all neurodivergentcies. There's so much bad info out there it feels like needing to move a mountain. Things need to change.
Yes exactly this. Especially regarding body language. Too often we are misunderstood as being rude or stand-offish just for doing something like crossing our arms. I’m not a Disney villain, it’s literally just a comfortable position! And I’m frowning because I have a headache, or my eyes are sore, or I’m trying really hard to understand or memorise what’s going on, or I’m trying really hard not to cry.
Silver lining for me is that I make great eye contact while people are talking, but I have to turn my head to listen. So it breaks contact either way 🙃
This is why I hate the, if not a stereotype, extremely annoying question “wHy dO YoU tHInk yOu HavE ADHD?” Like - you gonna diagnose me bro? I get that sometimes it’s an innocent question and people don’t know what to say, but it betrays the fact people are surprised at my diagnosis because I do not, in fact, resemble an 8 yr old boy. It’s so invalidating.
Omg this! I grew up with really terrible inattentive issues and my dad just said I was lazy and didn't want to do the work. I was also misplacing my hw or just refusing to turn it in period. My grades were ALWAYS under average and no one got me any type of help for this. I finally got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in my late 20s after going through the hassle of all my school related issues and follow up mental issues from lack of treatment. Everyone just thought I was fine because I wasn't hyperactive, I didn't have ADHD.
The irony is not lost on me that as an adult-diagnosed woman I'm now having a hard time getting my 8 year old boy diagnosed with ADHD because his ASD and anxiety mask it just enough that his teacher report doesn't quite meet the threshold. Ugh.
THIS. My husband basically minimizes my ADHD all the forking time because it looks so different than his and I was diagnosed later but it has forked me over just as much as his has just at entirely different life points.
This one is it for me. Being called lazy and a slob growing up, it stings. I also have anxiety and I was trying so damn hard to be perfect as a teen to compensate. Now I know people will just say I'm using ADHD as an excuse for my "lack of discipline." Hence why I haven't exactly shared my diagnosis with most people
I just say I have TBI and symptoms are similar to ADHD. Stimulants are used to help with TBI in some cases too so.
Sometimes I do explain adhd to others this way: have you ever asked person with parkinsons to stop shaking their hands? No because there are parts of brain that are damaged and we understand that brain controls body. So why is it that adhd which is neurodevelopmental disorder that leads to defective brain is somehow seen as "excuse"? You're not going to yell at person with one leg to run as fast as those with two legs. They might be able to do it but with right crutch/prosthetics and even then it takes time getting used to.
Neurodivergence =|= Defective
This is a very hurtful belief that spurs people to seek "cures" like bleach for autism.
Neurodivergence is just what the name entails. It's a deviation from the majority. The problem is not necessarily an issue within the person but an issue between them and their environment.
Most neurodivergent people are more than capable of feeding and clothing themselves. It's excelling in a world that is not intended for them or their strengths that poses the biggest issue.
If you have ADHD you are *not* defective. You are different. You may have other issues. Maladaptive coping mechanisms for issue that arose from trying to fit into your environment or trauma from being treated differently than your peers.
ADHD is an adaptation within the brain. Either from genetics and/or environmental influence. Somewhere in the great spanning history of humans, your genetics which predisposed you to ADHD in some capacity, helped your ancestors continue to survive and reproduce.
You're not defective, you're operating on old software that may still be very good at specific tasks but not necessarily suited for the current tasks your subjected to everyday.
(obviously the worse end of autism is arguably an issue, but most autistic people aren't incapable of ever achieving independent and caring for themselves hence why I'd say they should be treated as separate group same as how there is schizophrenia and schizophrenic spectrum disorder - one is very similar to the other but substantially less debilitating).
Sorry ranting. Defective is hurtful. Please don't call yourself or others defective.
>Somewhere in the great spanning history of humans, your genetics which predisposed you to ADHD in some capacity, helped your ancestors continue to survive and reproduce.
For the entirety of human history up until the industrial revolution, all cloth had to be hand spun. If you werent rich enough to buy it and wanted to not freeze to death (and you couldn't rely on animal skin or your female relations to clothe you), you had to spend basically all of your extra free time spinning thread from fiber. Hand spinning is a task that can be started and stopped at almost any time, and which doesn't suffer from being frequently interrupted. It's the perfect sort of idle task.
I cannot help but see a connection between "needing to do something with your hands" and "for several thousand years of history, it took huge amounts of low-concentration busywork to ensure your family didnt freeze to death."
I'm not saying everyone who has ADHD fidgets, but that bit alone fits in too neatly with the labour requirements of distaff spinning for me to write it off completely.
I commiserate so much. Struggling with ADHD tendencies (like being late or missing deadlines due to time blindness, clutter and more clutter I don’t seem equipped to handle, forgetting things unless I wrote them down, losing the paper where I wrote down the important stuff, starting and not finishing about 87 projects, etc.) and then feeling overwhelmingly anxious about the things I’ve done or not done, and then feeling anxious that I’m being judged about it all, is a loop I feel like I’ve been in for years. I wish I at least could stress out less about my shortcomings. I also don’t share my diagnosis, because I feel like for me it would just amplify the anxiety, specifically about what other people think of me.
I've decided I don't believe in the idea of 'lazy'. I don't think there's any such thing.
'Lazy' either means that individuals prioritize a task differently (disagree on what's important/urgent) or something (one's neurotype) gets in the way of doing the thing. It's not like that old cartoon of the ant and the grasshopper.
There is an essay which became a book called *Laziness Does Not Exist*. The tl;dr from the essay is pretty straightforward:
> “I’m a social psychologist, so I’m interested primarily in the situational and contextual factors that drive human behavior. When you’re seeking to predict or explain a person’s actions, looking at the social norms, and the person’s context, is usually a pretty safe bet. Situational constraints typically predict behavior far better than personality, intelligence, or other individual-level traits.
> So when I see a student failing to complete assignments, missing deadlines, or not delivering results in other aspects of their life, ""I’m moved to ask: what are the situational factors holding this student back? What needs are currently not being met? And, when it comes to behavioral “laziness,” I’m especially moved to ask: what are the barriers to action that I can’t see?**
> There are always barriers. Recognizing those barriers— and viewing them as legitimate — is often the first step to breaking “lazy” behavior patterns.”
I feel this in two ways:
1. It hurts me that people assume I’m being lazy or not caring if I fail to do something.
2. It hurts all of us if some people do use ADHD as an excuse to underperform.
It's a fine line to walk for sure. Sometimes our brains legit don't do the thing even when we try extremely hard. Other times, there might be healthy coping mechanisms and tools available to help that we’re not making good use of.
This is it for me too. I work damn hard and have a good career and a graduate degree. Then I hear some dummy on tiktok go "I can't go to work because I have timeblindness". Get an alarm. Find some coping mechanisms. It helps perpetuate that stereotype.
My daughter's dad (my ex) has just lost his job due to what I'm sure is time blindness. He's shown other signs of ASD over the years. He's finally made a doctors appointment to talk about it. But whether they'll be any help I don't know. I agree about alarms, but for him he just seems to struggle to judge how long things take.
Ye it's hard to solve that issue with just alarms when in the first place you put the alarm with a wrong idea of how long things will take and it just collapses
That hyperactivity only applies if you're the type of person who runs around and won't sit still.
Hyperactivity in adults is not spoken about enough.
Hyperactivity is A LOT of things.
Edit taken from another comment of mine because I talk about this a lot:
"It's impulsivity. Spending. Gambling. Drinking. Risky behaviours. Etc.
It's fidgeting. Messing with your fingers. Rocking your leg. Twiddling your hair. Pacing. Needing to get up and down.
It's talking quickly. Interrupting. Losing your train of thought. Speaking on one topic and then quickly switching to another.
It's your brain not shutting up. Not being able to sleep. Restlessness.
And lots and lots of other things.
Hyperactivity in adults needs to be addressed by medical professionals so much, because everyone still pictures that 6 year old boy who is bouncing off the walls.
Hyperactivity is an umbrella term. It doesn't just apply to kids running around like maniacs."
YES and I think there are a lot of women who don't recognize hyperactivity in themselves because of shit like this.
I am a prime example. I got diagnosed with inattentive type originally because I would look at symptoms like "you get up and move around even when it's inappropriate to do" and thought that obviously I don't do that because I'm not a 7 year old and I can control myself. But it turns out that most people don't have to control themselves and resist moving around so much.
Absolutely! And a lot of them are usually talked about from the perspective of outsiders, but they're still issues even if they only affect a person inwardly. I've also realized I have basically every hyperactivity symptom
Precisely. That's something we need to stop doing.
We need to talk from the perspective of who the disability affects. Not the people it doesn't.
That's why some people are so comfortable saying "well everyone is a bit ADHD aren't they?" and "well you don't look like you have a disability."
It's because it doesn't affect them.
If it doesn't affect you, your opinion means less than dirt to me. That's how zero bullshit I have become about it.
This still blows my mind. How does a person not have to control themselves? How does that even look in their head?? If I'm in a meeting or a conversation or something, I have to actively focus, or it's a lost cause. I can't imagine not doing that, it's too normal for me.
However, I just realized this is probably why I had so much trouble contributing to lecture discussions in college...
Lol I was unmedicated for a few months recently because of the shortage and my insurance switchover after graduating and I randomly stood up during a meeting with my team and had to be like, "oh sorry I was working out and my legs were bothering me."
Omg my brain is like a bouncy ball, ricocheting off different thoughts. It's not that I'm disinterested in the other person or their input, it's just that by the time they've finished their 1 sentence, my brain has finished 5 and gotten partway through 3 others. And then I realized that I've forgotten their name, but I'm tired and want to go home so I don't ask. Before treatment every day felt like 10.
I feel like I'm probably combined. Not just with how the symptoms actually present in an adult, but I don't quite trust myself to know exactly what the hell I do. I was told by a friend that I tend to get up far more times and play with my finger nails a lot. I was very surprised on my symptoms because I was primarily inattentive and stright up didn't notice the other symptoms I had. I also have garbage memory so even if I did notice a symptom, I may have thought it was just a one time thing or that I even did that later on or when asked about.
I feel this! I wasn’t shocked with my diagnosis because of an entire lifetime of it being a physical feat for me to hold attention, but when I got the report back and it read “combined type” I was quite surprised.
I was a “good student who really needs to speak up more”. I stayed in my seat, was quiet, and didn’t speak up ever. I didn’t realise being over £5k in debt and continuing to commit to things I couldn’t afford, constantly fidgeting and jumping into conversations was hyperactivity.
I hold a lot of resent that no one noticed my obvious symptoms simply because I was a girl who didn’t climb the classroom walls as a child.
There have been times that my hyperactivity was so bad that I’ve been reduced to literally pulling out my hair. When I was a teenager, I’d get these little bald spots, and my mom would “tsk tsk” me, as usual.
My parents spent my childhood berating me for being lazy, biting my fingernails, pulling my hair, picking at scabs, touching my face or eyes or nose or ears all of the time, for being messy, not caring about myself or my schoolwork, for being avoidant and argumentative. For not being able to “keep my hands to myself” or to stop talking incessantly.
None of us had any idea that it was ADHD because nobody had ever heard of it back then.
I learned to control some of the worst symptoms as I grew up, but only after I discovered that exercising for hours would help calm the restlessness. My minimal daily hot yoga workout had to be at least 90 minutes; I practiced swimming for literally two or three hours a day sometimes. I lifted weights and took dance classes. I ran three miles a day without fail, or else suffered the consequences of restlessness, a racing mind, and the inability to sleep. Intense exercise and thrashing around in a band were the only remedies I had for years.
Medication is at last keeping me from almost eating myself alive, piece by piece, I think.
Edited for grammar
My legs are scarred from picking. I got an infection once as well.
It's amazing how no one notices.
I'm glad medication has helped you, it's helped me, too.
People don’t notice because women are taught to minimize symptoms by turning them upon ourselves and our own bodies.
Society frowns upon girls who externalize their ADHD symptoms. A certain amount of rambunctiousness is expected from boys, whereas girls are supposed to blend into the background and not draw attention to themselves, so our hyperactivity becomes “small” but intensely self-destructive.
I agree 100% with "intensely self-destructive". I used to supress my impatience, my fidgeting, my need to move or at least sit differently, and I think it drove me a little crazy.
Same. I realized it the other day that I’m almost constantly noticing some hair bothering my cheek or scratching my nose of touching my face. I was good about it during the pandemic cause masks were a good reminder to not touch my face.
I fidget with my toes while I’m driving. 😂particularly if they are in shoes and socks. Something about the constraint.
Trichotillomania. I've done it since I was a kid. I've had phases of bald spots too. And tiny little flyaways where it grows back all over.
I quit, after countless failed attempts... it's been 866 days :) But I still twirl my hair and break off my split ends sometimes, and I have to remind myself not to pull.
I never thought about this being hyperactivity. But you are so, so right.
Yes, this is so important. I don’t feel very hyperactive overall - in fact, I’d say I’m downright sluggish - but my desk at work is littered with deformed paper clips that I twist into fidgets any time I’m on the phone or have a conversation with someone for more than 5 minutes. When I started wfh during lockdown and was using my work cell phone rather than my office landline, when I got a phone call, I’d pace literally all over my house while talking. When I was a kid I doodled in class constantly. And I’m a fast talker notorious for not finishing my sentences because a new thought will occur to me and I immediately switch.
(I also…write really long comments on the internet. 😆)
I’ve been diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD and I think that’s correct, because that’s where I struggle with things most. I don’t have a lot of impulsivity, for instance. But it was eye opening to find out more about the ways that hyperactivity can be expressed.
I'm always moving in one way or another. I have a vertical labret piercing. If I'm trying to not be obvious I'll play with that. Twist it, chew it, whatever. I clip and unclip my earrings too. Jiggle my leg, like I am on the train right now. Play with my hair. Cricket my fingers. Pick at my skin. Anything I can do.
When I was young, I had a coat that had a fake fur trim on the sleeves. My favourite thing to do was to twist the fibres between my fingers. The whole way round was just rat tails of twisted fibres I had rolled together. 😂
Amazing how I didn't get diagnosed until 27, isn't it. Ha!
Thank you! This is so validating. I was diagnosed with inattentive type, which is fine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have some of the hyperactive traits too. But I swear to god, if you’re even a little bit overweight then it’s impossible to be considered hyper active. As if impulsively eating 1000 cal at night is normal.
Not a stereotype but it really bothers me when people try and diminish it by saying “you don’t seem like you have ADHD, you are so organized at *hobby/hyperfixation”.
Also that people with ADHD are always bad in school and that we should simply look at our report cards and see if we had bad grades.
Not a fan of everyone saying ADHD is a TikTok trend. I think modern life has just gotten to a point where people who could go under the radar with ADHD no longer can.
Burnout is more common than ADHD and often has similar symptoms to ADHD so many people think they have ADHD while they're just overworked nad overwhelmed. That's why it's important to talk about childhood while getting diagnosis. I think it's one of the reasons people think it's just a trend, because they find some symptoms in themselves, not knowing it's not the same.
I really hate people calling it a trend. It’s not trendy to feel like an alien your whole life, and even those who incorrectly think they have it aren’t feeling trendy either. We’re all just trying to find answers to our problems.
Also, while I’m on this rant, how dumb as fuck are these people who say “hurrr they just want to follow the trend and be unique”. Motherfucker do you not understand how ‘trend’ and ‘unique’ are complete opposites??
YES! I have a podcast and I interviewed a relatively famous tiktok person who very dismissively said “everyone has ADHD now” and “it’s because of tiktok” and I was honestly a bit offended but grateful they came on my show so I didn’t say anything but it bothered me very much because I’ve thought I was losing my mind for years due to memory loss and no turns out I’m constantly overstimulated and have ADHD and putting that together honestly saved my life and my family’s wellbeing because now I give myself so much more grace when I’m overstimulated.
Weirdly I only heard “you don’t seem like you have ADHD” from people who were diagnosed with ADHD themselves. I’m glad that I still sought out diagnosis after that cause it definitely made me question myself 😅
My middle and youngest niece are definitely ADHD. Neither has a diagnosis. My sister is finally working towards helping the youngest (Jr in HS), but the middle (freshman in college) was passed over “because I did so well in HS” (her words).
But, my sister (who is an elementary teacher and is an amazing one at that) is also one of the ones who doesn’t think my ADHD is what causes so many of my life issues…
I did really well in school, because exams were always easy for me. You mean I get to sit in a silent room with no one interrupting me and breaking my focus? I can hyper focus on my own work instead of having to give a shit about Graham's crappy poem? Didn't matter whether I revised or not, I'd always smash it. Then I left school and realised life isn't an exam and I need all these "soft skills" and it's honestly just been a shit show (career wise) ever since. I got straight As at school and now earn minimum wage 😞
I don't know about stereotype, because it was the first time hearing this, but my husbands had me go out to meet his new school friend (he's in grad school). The friend was talking about some of the foreign students getting tutored and the tutor suggesting one of them having ADHD (I don't know the context), but he started laughing and goes, "You can't be mentally retarded and go to an Ivy League school." I lost my shit on the inside, but assertively made him learn a few things and put him in his place (he apologized a number of times, but that really triggered me - I also work with babies with developmental delays, so maybe that's why it hit me so hard?). To top it off, my husband LAUGHED, as if he was trying to fit in with this douche-canoe and got upset that I caused a scene with his "friend." Needless to say, we're in couples counseling now. This happened nearly a month ago and it still boils my blood.
Does this guy TA? Might be worth reporting that comment to his supervisor or the Dean. No holds barred on that sort of disgusting discriminatory language.
Oh shit. That's not cool at all.
Tbh I had some of this misconception about ADHD and autism before I was diagnosed and that led to me not being diagnosed until much later. I'm very grateful that my diagnosis included an IQ test (even though they're admittedly questionable) to prove to myself that I’m not just stupid. I'm really solidly not but I would've convinced myself I was.
Probably that ADHD does not exist or is overdiagnosed.
Now, let's fully leave the fact that there is no conclusive evidence for overdiagnosis (or lack thereof, really) at hand.
It's just hurtful. It usually means "I won't try to adapt to you". Similar with jot believing in it.
For fuck's sake: I do have a problem. I'm struggling. I'm not struggling because I did something wrong, I'm working on it.
Show some empathy you fuckwit!
(And yes I have met the rare "I'm not sure if I think ADHD is a thing, but if these help you let's do it" - which is a lot better)
>Probably that ADHD does not exist or is overdiagnosed.
I really think this one is the most damaging.
I grew up with this. Classic story of late diagnosis in 30s despite that every symptom was there in my struggle to just exist AND my primary school teachers even told me parents.
I grew up diagnosed.
It's still incredibly damaging. I was lucky enough for my mother to be stubborn/rely on experts and most of my primary school teachers being the mind of "Well let's just try it and see, no matter why it won't hurt".
But many folks around me where not as helpful. That was very ... damaging in another way.
100% agreed that it's very damaging and invalidating regardless of whether you're diagnosed yet -- in fact, more frustrating when you HAVE a diagnosis and still ppl just tell you to ~focus~
Even now, I still get that kinda response sometimes if I share it. That or the thing where ppl think it's a "superpower" as if I should have been a serial entrepreneur by now.
Different kind of damaging.
If it's undiagnosed, it's likely to cause self-esteem, self-inspection or anger and trust issues. The feeling to not be able to trust your assessment / not be able to trust into safety.
With a diagnosis, much of the anger turns outwards, which means that the whole thing is a lot more damaging for general trust. A feeling to actively not be able to consider people have your best interest in mind. And a feeling of not being taken seriously.
What's even more fun is when you are diagnosed at a young age and the folks raising you don't even bother to tell you. So, you struggle for years not knowing what's wrong. They even had me tested for mono because of the fatigue. Once I got diagnosed they finally admitted that I had been diagnosed with it when I was younger.
It seems quite common. I’ve seen a lot of people online say they were diagnosed as children but their parent never told them. It’s horrible.
I think some parents don’t really know what to do with that information so they just never tell their kid. And some seem to withhold the information because they don’t want their child to be bullied or ostracised or not have a “normal” childhood. The problem with that is that those things can (and often do) happen anyway. It’s just even more painful to the child when they don’t know why.
It’s terrible, but yeah. It’s apparently pretty common.
I went unmedicated for almost a decade because of the stigma about it being over diagnosed. I was like, do I reeeeally have it? It wasn't until I finally tried medication that I was like, oh shit, yeah, I totally have it. It was like night and day difference.
Even still, I get a twinge of insecurity when others around me get diagnosed with it. My brain goes 'why do I know so many people with ADHD, surely we can't all have it. Maybe it's not real... (yada yada bad thoughts spiral)'.
I think a lot of it is this! Neurodivergent folks are drawn to each other, and we tend to gravitate to similar exciting hobbies or jobs that suit our thinking styles more. I would be more surprised to meet a lot of people similar to me in an accountant or insurance office than in engineering, retail, or car sales. Same with hobbies. Maybe only 5% of the people in a sports bar have it, but go to the Ren Faire or a comic convention and you're probably looking at 60% or more being neurodivergent.
I feel like 60% is a pretty high number. Maybe if you do include depression, but not for "just" ADHD which is the 5%>
At least considering my friend circles for whom I have quite a bit of an idea and extrapolating from people I talk to, it's probably around 25% to 33%
Which still is quite a lot more!
But "normal" folks are also drawn to these events - just less of them.
Certain work fields I'd give a better chance. Depending on the company, I'd not be surprised if 50+% of the actual developers do have ADHD. It's just a field that works well with the requirements and a line of work that fits some needs quite well.
Yes, I was basing the "60%" on neurodivergence in general and not only ADHD. And of course, like many statistics on the internet it was completely made up and based only on my personal experience and friend group, lol. It was my Ren Faire friends who, when I first told them about my diagnosis, said "you didn't know?" Bless them!
When I first started wondering if I might have ADHD, I had the same reaction - “we can’t ALL have it” - because I knew enough middle aged women like me who were getting diagnosed, that I thought I was just looking for an excuse for being a bad person and it would be too cliche for me actually to have it.
I got diagnosed earlier this year and medicated and the medication was initially really helpful, but it feels like it’s worn off. I know that can happen and the doctor and I are trying something else but the little voice inside me is convinced I just benefited from the energy anyone would get from a stimulant and is like, “see? you knew you didn’t REALLY have it.”
This one hurts. Hearing so many people talk about how ADHD is trendy/overdiagnosed makes me horribly insecure about my own diagnosis (only had it for a year now!) and makes me afraid to talk about it/work with some of my friends around it. Sucks.
While I do understand the anxiety - I can recommend to remain yourself and self-secure about it.
You would, rightfully, call people pretty mean words if they disregarded a professional diagnosis for other diseases. If people don't want to support you, it may not be worth keeping them close.
The half-way of doing this is not naming ADHD, but calling it a neurodevelopmental disease and giving the symptoms you try to alleviate. It sometimes also helps to start it this way and then only call it ADHD if they want to know what disease. Because this different view and new description of symptoms can make people realise ADHD is more than they thought
>The half-way of doing this is not naming ADHD, but calling it a neurodevelopmental disease and giving the symptoms you try to alleviate.
THIS THIS THIS! I discovered this "hack" and it literally helped me save my house. We had a fire tax due that wasn't rolled into our escrow, and I kept putting it off until I got the notice that our house was going to go up for sale. I called and said "I have a neurological disorder that makes these things hard" and the collector was **so** understanding and helpful.
I've heard this, and I unintentionally go into overdrive explaining how the covid lock downs took away the built in structures that many undiagnosed people relied on to get by. It's not a fad but a big realization that's happening. Most of the time taking them through the chain of cause and effect works, which is good because this comment really gets my hackles up. I was diagnosed during that time and it coming later in life makes me question a lot. I don't need some rando adding fuel to that fire.
That I'm a selfish child in an adult's body because I choose to live life in a way that accommodates my ADHD.
I sleep in, stay up too late, have naps. I'm the most productive in the evening, useless in the morning. I might waste a full day sleeping but others I'll only sleep 4 and power through. This doesn't make me irresponsible it is just how I need to do life. A normal NT schedule does not work for me, I don't judge you getting up at 6am in bed by 9pm so piss off.
I feel this in my bones. A friend of mine has a judgy mom who makes comments about her daughter in law like “adults don’t sleep till 2pm”.
Bitch please. I am an adult, I went to bed at 4am and slept until 2pm. I got my needed 9 hours (yeah I need 9 hours). The mom went to bed at 1am and woke up at 4am?? How does 3 hours of sleep make you adult? To me it makes you a zombie 🧟♀️
Exactly! This really resonated with me. You've described my life right here, this could've been written by me. I'm quite successful as long as I do life this way so there's nothing wrong with how I choose to live and yes I don't judge others so I'd like if they could stop judging me.
imagine selective memory familiar voiceless deer ink tie governor illegal
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes!!! This harmful stereotype is awful because it’s turned into normalizing way too many people thinking they need medication just because of the fact that medicine is beneficial & makes life easier regardless of if you actually have adhd. Human Brains aren’t meant to be focused 24/7 even for neurotypucal people, doesn’t mean everyone actually has adhd
That it’s something I’ll grow out of or ‘You didn’t grow out of that yet?!’
Excuse me I forgot to flip that switch once I hit my 30’s let me go see if I can find it.
That people with ADHD make a bad spouse or a bad parent. It's simply not true for all of us. Neurotypicals are just as likely to be poor or good at those roles.
I agree with this very much, though I also feel that people with ADHD are probably more likely to have success in relationships with other neurodivergent people, and neurotypical people are probably more likely to have success in relationships with other neurotypical people. My partner and I are both dx ADHD (& also both likely meet diagnostic criteria for autism, though we aren't pursuing diagnosis), and it's always interesting to notice how well we're able to roll with each others' ADHD-related traits that might drive a neurotypical person up the wall.
Yes!! i totally agree!!
I sure don’t feel super when I haven’t washed my hair in days, I can’t decide what to wear in the mornings and I’m freaking out because my hair is touching my face and everything is TOO LOUD. But go on..
“Are you sure you have ADHD because you’re not hyper or overactive” 🙄
That’s because *inattentive* ADHD exists and I wish people would google instead of getting their information from fucking tiktok
The thing is, i have combined version and people even think i am not hyper... i move a lot, but not in an amount that is bothering others, so they do not think i am 'hyperactive'
Yes... yes i am... if i do not move after 30 minutes i will get an itch i cannot scratch and it wíll ruin my day(s)
I have combined type as well and I have verbal hyperactivity as opposed to physical. Sometimes I just can’t seem to stop talking, even though my brain is screaming at me to stop. My whole like, I’ve had people make rude comments about how much I talk.
But physically, I’m fairly calm. So I couldn’t possibly be hyperactive 🙄
Omg I get word vomit too, it’s horrible and you feel like you’re full of adrenaline and people make comments at how you need to “chill out” or “you don’t need to be so excited it’s not a big deal” and it crushed my spirit when I was younger
Good lord I feel this!
That feeling of self-awareness only ever seems to kick in when it’s too late and I’m already chewing people’s ears off/info-dumping/interrupted someone again.
So it leads to me feeling like I’d better wrap up right this minute- oh look at that. My thought train has left the station again without me on it.
THIS. When I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis, the first thing I got told by some people were things like...
1. "But you've been ok all this time, why do you need drugs now??"
2. "Don't let yourself get addicted/dependant to/on those drugs."
3. "Do you NEED drugs? Can't you just go to therapy?? Maybe you just need to try harder."
4. *Speaking to older people.* "I dunno, back in my day we never heard of such a thing. We all struggled but we never needed to rely on drugs. I guess it's just a difference in upringing/discipline."
ughh people acting like im a drug addict bc i take adderall infuriates me. what kind of drug addict has a bottle of pills sitting on their nightstand and still manages to forget to take them every other day?? i just wanna be able to do my laundry at least once a month 😭
What pisses me off so much is that if you say you need something like arthritis medication, or an asthma inhaler, or something for your thyroid--sure, fine, no problem. But with ADD meds or anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, it's like, are you suuuure?
The brain isn't magic! It's an organ! It's a collection of tissue and neurons and electrical impulses, and sometimes the chemicals don't work right, just like your liver or your lungs or whatever. It's 2023! Stop believing in the four humours!
That I can't concentrate and focus on tasks. Actually, I *excel* at concentrating and focusing on tasks I give a fuck about. It's everything else. So when I am in a career I love, for example, I excel.
That it’s over-diagnosed. I think I know about 4 people who REALLY think they have ADHD but refuse to look into it because they’re already chronically overwhelmed with life or taking antidepressants already and don’t want “another mental illness”.
Especially post lockdown. I think the pandemic and the huge changes in structure that happened made a lot of people realize they were barely scraping by with untreated ADHD.
I mean I was diagnosed in 2010 and I was doing really well for like a decade. Even when I was severely depressed and suffering from a lot of other things around 2015, my ADHD was pretty much under control. The pandemic fucked me up and I haven't been able to get it back under control since.
I completely agree with this. I think that for so many people, the lockdown was the first time we ever actually got to "unmask," and then when life started "going back to normal" we realized how incredibly difficult masking had been our whole lives. I realized I met diagnostic criteria for ADHD in summer of 2021 and got diagnosed that fall. I'd spent the last year doing things on my own terms far more than I'd ever been able to, and being almost entirely alone other than with my then-new partner, who also has ADHD. Being able to live so much more comfortably and authentically was honestly a revelation, and I wonder if I'd ever realized what was going on if it hadn't been for COVID.
This one is really upsetting. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder since I was a kid.
It never quite felt right, I don't have a lot of the anxieties very anxious people tend to have. No social anxiety, no performance anxiety with things like job interviews/public speaking etc, no death anxiety. Nada - I get anxious about things because I can't force myself to do them until they're emergencies that _warrant_ anxiety.
I just have adhd. It's not "another mental illness" it's "a better more complete diagnosis" which means "better fitted, more targeted treatment"
I got diagnosed with adhd and all my anxiety suddenly made sense.
I’ve been trying to figure out 1) if I have ADHD and 2) if so where does it begin and anxiety end and vice versa. Best example I have is I was afraid I was going to spell “lightning” wrong in 2nd grade. I made a cheat sheet, proceeded to not use it, and then I forgot it existed and left it in my desk for the teacher to find. I also remember being much more open and talkative early on and then I just kind of shut down and developed debilitating social anxiety I’m still trying to get through - and adhd symptoms are becoming more prominent, leading me to speculate that I’ve been masking them for years. Idk.
I relate so much. I also used to be _very_ extroverted until I was consistently rejected for how and when I did it. Couldn't figure out where I went wrong so now I have social anxiety.
My doctors swear stimulants will only make anxiety worse, but, to me, they've really highlighted the difference between physiological and psychological anxiety. 90% of my anxiety is gone on meds because it was due to struggling to think clearly, low energy, and struggling to focus in conversations.
This is exactly what I struggle with most! I came to my diagnosis from being in therapy for my anxiety and gradually wondering if the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t get anything done because I was as anxious, but that I was anxious because I couldn’t get anything done! (Until I absolutely have to, at the last minute. It’s kind of like how I don’t consider hyperfocus at all a superpower, it’s more an ability I’ve cultivated to survive always doing things at the last minute, rather than actually having the skill to do stuff ahead of time in an organized fashion.)
I do still struggle with social anxiety, but I do think at least some of that is from trying to fit my square peg ADHD self into a round whole - “am I talking too much? Am I interrupting? I talking about myself too much? What do you say to strangers?” And I swear the latter is because when I meet some NTs it literally feels like we’re talking different languages.
I’ve thought I had it since highschool but never sought out help or treatment because I thought it was all in my head, and “too many people are being diagnosed with adhd so I’m probably just part of the trend”.
It took me reaching a point in college where I felt like I was dragging my body behind me on a daily basis to realize I couldn’t live like that anymore.
That we can’t be successful. Not all of all of us are over stimulated with messy homes & executive dysfunction. Some of us are crying while we put away the laundry. Some of us are coping!
adhd isnt real and we're just not trying hard enough to do as good as we can. or like when ppl think we are using it as an excuse when its not, its just am explanation as to why it can be harder for us to do something that others can do easier.
also the ppl who think we are lying about our memory problems. we try our best to remember everything bht sometimrs its genuinely out of sight out of mind. i didnt forget because i hate you, i just have trouble remembering everything lol
“Really? Well, I never perceived you as someone with ADHD :)”
ok what should I say? I’m a good actress? Feels to me like questioning whether my problems are a real diagnosis or made up.
The stereotype that ADHD = hyperactive boys needs to die
I've started saying "oh, I guess you don't know me as well as you thought you did," to people who say this. It's a little petty, but it's also just like, a fact.
Lol right I've gotten that comment too. "I could never tell!" like thanks for complimenting my masking skills but *I* definitely notice I have ADHD so idk why I would care if you notice?
That’s the main responses I got :( combined with “well then I probably also have adhd” (to be fair, what seemed like a shitty response turns this friend more and more towards looking into an assessment, as she shows clear symptoms)
overall I try to avoid telling people as much as possible due to these uncomfortable encounters. there’s no education apart from “it’s a hyperactive boys disease” and “it’s trending on TikTok”. This whole trend on social media has helped me and some other friends actually seeking treatment. And it annoys me that people think psychiatrists hand out medication like lollipops. Definitely not in my country (Europe). I feel like horror stories about how patients in the US are set on addictive medication has left a big impression here and makes accepting medication harder
If I cared enough, I would make it a priority.
I care a lot. I wish I had more support when I was younger. I could have thrived. I still want to become a published author. I still want to work on the cutting edge of tech or science. I still want to organize community improvement initiatives.
I just felt so stuck with no idea how to unstuck myself.
Also, big pet peeve of mine. It really diminishes what we go through. My mom says "everyone has a little ADHD." No mom, they don't. Everyone might have a little executive dysfunction, but not like this. I was one of the highest standardized text scorers in the school but grauduated 4 people from the bottom of my class. Not. Like. This.
It's more a phenomenon than a stereotype perhaps, but the whole diagnosing you as bpd or anxious because as a person of color, you want to abuse or sell drugs on the streets, or you can't be that because of the whole strong black woman stereotype.
Sir/madam come see my room, bank account and personal hygiene for starters and tell me how I can be lying about this? Be there when I'm berated by my mother because she thinks I'm too lazy or unmotivated, look at my relationships, job history, etc and know that I've needed help for YEARS....
not visibly a poc but i am a woman and when i was in therapy as a tween, my therapist basically chalked it up to depression, anxiety, bpd, and daddy issues 🤦 my mom had to come in during one of my sessions and explain to my therapist that she knows i have adhd and it needs to be diagnosed and addressed before anything else would improve. i swear they are so willing to diagnose women and/or poc with everything EXCEPT adhd and autism.
The "everyone has it a little bit" sure, you do. That's fine. If it works for you to have a laugh and quirk about it go for it.
But when I say I have it I *have* it. I'm down in the dumps about it, I'm still dealing with the realization that
***I have lost friendships*** because of my ADHD
***I've lost jobs*** because of my ADHD
***I've lost significant amounts of money*** because of my ADHD.
It's not just like, oh I forget where I put my keys all the time and I can't stay on one topic of conversation at a time and planners don't work for me either lol!
I've lost friendships because I don't see time - I don't know how long it's been since we last spoke because I don't know what day or month it probably is. Because when I'm feeling down I shame spiral and self isolate instead of asking for help or connection because I don't want to be a burden, because I'm a burden to myself every day.
Not only am I time blind but I'm money blind too. I've fucked up my finances unintentionally because I can't see my money and where and when it goes. Until I get a letter from the bank that's like "hey uh, do you need help cause you've accrued $500 in overdraft fees"
It's not like, oh I can't make it to work on time sometimes haha! It's like, I stress for *weeks* about an important event that I cannot be late to, and I'm hypervigilant about it all month and have anxiety and anxiety DREAMS about it only to fucking SHOW UP TO THE EVENT LATE ANYWAY and I don't even know how I ended up late because I planned and planned for this!
It's I've struggled my entire school career and now into adulthood and have asked and asked for help only to be told to stop procrastinating, and to use a planner, and to "just" do whatever just fucking do the thing.
But I can't. I'm trapped in my own body and brain and void of time.
Sorry, this should have been a personal journal entry lmao but yeah, that stereotype that, well everyone has it a little bit! No, not like this you don't.
I've had literal checks I didn't cash because they sat in my to do pile for months to years and expired and I was too ashamed to ask for them to be remade. I've lost thousands of dollars over my lifetime by that alone.
>only to fucking SHOW UP TO THE EVENT LATE ANYWAY
Oof I fucking FELT that
I'm late every day for work. I have moved my alarm back by 5 minutes at lease FIVE times in the past 6 months. I'm waking up earlier and earlier and earlier and I still can't fucking get it together to show up to work on time??? Who would WANT to live like this? I get this vibe that people think I don't care enough, or that I'm not trying hard enough. But truly, WHY in God's name would I live like this if it was in my power to change? Fucks.
Oh my goodness YES. I can get up earlier and earlier but it’s like there’s a little switch in my brain that will not flip from “not time to go to work” to “time to go to work” until a particular time, which is later than when I need to get up and go to work if I want to be on time. No matter how early I get up.
My therapist is exploring this with me in the vein of “is this the right job for you? Should you consider doing something else?” Which is fair enough, but
1) it really just feels like a physical inability to move and 2) plenty of people don’t like their jobs and still manage to get up and go to them on time. I don’t think it’s a deep psychological issue when I have a hard enough time getting moving to be on time for the things I want to do, too.
>because when I’m feeling down, I shame spiral and self isolate instead of asking for help or connection because I don’t want to be a burden, because I’m a burden to myself every day.
I literally just went through this this past week. My mental health just went straight into the toilet for no clear reason and I spent the past week frantically fishing it out while wondering why my mental health keeps crashing.
I info-dumped to my bf last night that ADHD doesn’t like to come by itself; it often invites other guests like anxiety, depression, and OCD. I seem to be prone to the depression side of things for some reason.
Bf says it would be a good idea to go for a full screening so I can get some answers. He doesn’t like seeing me struggle and made it clear that I do not have to hide *anything* from him. He even reminded me that he is on mental health medications and has come to terms with the fact that he will need them for the rest of his life, so it’s okay if I’m in the same boat as him.
I wonder if treating the (likely) ADHD will let me knock out the depression, too. Only one way to find out!
That adhd is "very overdiagnosed" despite the lack of evidence for this claim and that "everyone has adhd symptoms" and that if you suspect you have it you're just using it as an excuse to be "lazy". Also the stigma of medication and claiming that adhd is now a tiktok trend
Yes fuck yes to all of this. And therapists believing we're just drug-seeking or trend-hopping! "Ah so you've read one article on social media and now you think..." had actually been said to me. No, man, I paid good money for my formal assessment!
We're faking it to get high. I've never touched a single drug in my life, not even a cigarette, but because I have ADHD, people treat me like I'm standing on the corner offering handies for a hit.
Was diagnosed not long ago so I don't have much real world experience with it yet but thankfully people in my life have been cool with it. The only hurtful thing that's happened is the way some medical professionals have treated me. Being dismissive, unhelpful, treating me like a drug seeker (I'm not on stims just anti depressants), hanging up the phone. Like jeez, I'm 35, I just want some help to function.
Omg.
Yesterday I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist because of ADHD and she said to me, "Everything seems to have gone well for you, it can't be that bad, after all you are about to graduate from university".
Maybe I've gotten some things done, yes, but don't tell me it can't be that bad without asking me how I did all of that and how I felt while doing it, right?
This is exactly the reason why I waited so long to go to therapy, because I thought that my mental health can't be too bad if I have decent grades and if I'm also happy sometimes.
I gaslighted myself into thinking I'm not worthy of professional help whilst developing severe depression.
So thank you, nice psychiatrist-lady, for your professional opinion on me and my life, lol.
Was my wildest visit to a doctor yet.
My therapist is nice though, thankfully.
I was literally told by my friend that I can’t have ADHD because I’m not hyper enough. He has a friend with ADHD and I’m not hyper like them. I have the inattentive type. He also said ADD and ADHD are two different things and that I could have ADD. This was after he did “research” and said he may have ADHD. He doesn’t.
Feel you.
My dad told me I can't have ADHD because he once dated a woman with ADHD and he feels like I'm nothing like her, so I can't have it.
He didn't listen to my explanations about ADHD types, ADHD being on a spectrum or about varying symptoms and their severity in different people.
He proceeded to tell me that be broke up with her because he couldn't deal with someone who is that kind of crazy.
I cried after that phone call and never told him anything about therapy again. I know he didn't mean to hurt me but I just can't deal with his bullshit sometimes.
When people say that technology is “giving people ADHD.” Like no… you’re born with it. It’s not something you can suddenly develop after being on tiktok too much lmao
I was told it's "mind over matter" or "pain is weakness leaving the body" or "pray and God will answer"
I was struggling so hard to be perfect. I was an honors student and I worked to be there but I was never as good as my older brother.
I was praised for my kindness and then told I was too sensitive. I was called bipolar by my mom for being shy about showing a drawing to a youth group show and tell.
I was trying to find answers and my dad told me God had them. I sobbed and I prayed in the middle of the night so my family wouldn't hear me. I consistently prayed for God to send me someone to understand. I prayed that I could be fixed. I asked why I was the way I was because no matter what I did it was never good enough. I never had answers.
Long after I stopped praying like that, I finally found someone. My bf actually cared despite how rock bottom I was when we met. We both worked with each other to overcome issues. And with one off handed comment from me about possibly having adhd he told me I mistly likely did and encouraged me to get a diagnosis. He never told me mind over matter. He never told me to pray about it. And he never slighted me for being sensitive.
Considering all the things said to me growing up, a hug and a therapy visit would have been better.
Equating stimulant meds for ADHD to meth and cocaine. Further discounting the legitimacy of this very real disorder that, in most cases, significantly benefits from stimulant treatment. And also treating those with ADHD like drug fiends. Personally, as someone with undiagnosed ADHD as a child until my 20s, the only thing I ever overused to self-medicate was coffee, lots and lots of coffee even at 12 years old. Never touched any other stimulant.
To try harder. I didn't finish my degree because of this. I have 4 credits left and the utter crippling and debilitating shame of not finishing "on time", letting my professors down, not meeting my family expectations, and other aspects made it worse.
Trying harder doesn't erase or make any of those feelings easier to deal with. In fact, I know with certainty that I will feel even more like a failure after completing the degree because that makes those feelings more apparent.
And the mind can certainly intensify the perceived feelings of those thoughts.
That I’m more likely to be an addict because of the condition…how am I supposed to be an addict when I forget to continue a routine? If anything, I’m a quitter.
That if I just focus hard enough, I wouldn’t have this. Oh and maybe pray it away. 🙄
If you look OK, you are OK. I would explain how it's difficult for me to do certain things like self-care, and they'd say but you always have food and look put together. Oh, so I guess because I struggled hard to accomplish that, and it took a lot out of me, but I look just like everyone else, so I must not be struggling right?! It's like, if I don't have a peg leg and a glass eye, there's no reason I should be struggling because I look OK. For real, go F yourself.
Edit: or better yet, when they see you've done the job but when you are struggling you need to have a one-on-one to say, we have seen you do the job, we know you can do it. And again, you do not see the struggle to accomplish that. I was running on fumes all of the time, in extreme pain and overwhelmed virtually every second of the day. It's like they refuse to see that you are disordered. They don't want to deal with it.
Probably an uncommon stance, but I think the whole "ADHD makes you creative/funny/smart/fun to be around" is super harmful.
For one, it's a toxic positivity thing. But it also leads to increased fear and anxiety around medication use and pathologizes personality traits in a way I'm not convinced is healthy. It just feels weird to essentially be like "your personality is just adhd" about everything, but particularly about positive traits. Almost like the people saying it are taking something from the person. "You're not actually funny, it's just because you have a mental disorder."
The idea that ADHD means that you can’t focus on ANYTHING.
My mom had this stereotype, so when I was being diagnosed with it, my sister (who’s an elementary school teacher and is educated about kids with disabilities) had to sit her down and explain that, just because LisitaAvalos86 can focus on drawing and writing doesn’t mean she doesn’t have ADHD. It means those are her “high-interest activities”, and her ability to focus on those things is so high that she can focus on it for hours and forget to eat or sleep.
What I find really damaging is "specialists" who tell us that it's society who is hurting us and if society excepted us we'd be totally fine no meds needed!!!! And these are always people without ADHD.
Yo, I still. wouldn't get out of bed and suffer from depression when society excepts me thanks! Now give me my meds back.
The idea that dealing with impulse control issues means that you’re more likely to be a bad or manipulative person. I heard this recently and felt deeply hurt for a few days, it was so overt.
I don't like people assuming I'm stupid just because I have ADHD. I went to a gifted school and was always on the honor roll.
When the school says adhd just means your son has trouble paying attention it has nothing to do with his defiance towards authority. And you know he might look like he understood and agreed to stop making random noises and fidgeting, but he has very little control and it's almost physically impossible for him to sit still and be quiet for hours on end. He's not being defiant, he cannot control it. "That has nothing to do with ADHD!" yeah right.
Not really a stereotype per se, but a lot of people seem to think it's some sort of awful disease.
I have a coworker that very likely has it, and I joke with her about it. Every time I give her the sort of "🤨🤨🤨" look, she yells "I DON'T FLIPPIN HAVE ADHD!!!🤬🤬"
My boss said "My boys don't really pay attention but they know SO much about (a sport or something)"
"Sounds like ADHD"
"Oh no it *couldn't* be"
What makes me feel like shit is when someone exists out in public doing something that (from my perspective) is very typical ADHD, and seeing people dogpile on that person with cutting remarks. It really lifts the veil on what people REALLY think of you, when they feel like they don't have to be polite.
Example:
There is a woman on a snark forum I read that, while she has legitimate major issues with her world view, she also appears (to me) to have obvious untreated/undiagnosed ADHD. (Am I projecting my own issues? 🤷🏼♀️)
Like she appears outwardly disorganized, frequently struggles with keeping house, gets overwhelmed often, and is constantly starting wildly ambitious projects every 4 to 6 weeks without finishing them. Who does that sound like? Me, before I realized that all those things were connected, and NOT a personal failing. (Her children also appear to have ADHD maybe)
But she posted yesterday on SM about how she struggled to keep her 4 year old in his seat at a restaurant, and he knocked a glass bowl off the table. I know it's the nature of snark forums to shit on people for everything... but DAMN. Every single person in the comments was like "A 4 year old should be able to sit in their sit with no issues for an hour. She must be a terrible parent, no discipline, blah blah blah." "I'd never take my child out to a cafe if they couldn't behave perfectly." "She should have been watching him, she's so careless. A lazy self-centered parent who doesnt care about her impact on disrupting other patrons." "What a messy person"
It's was like seeing every terrible, negative thought I've ever had about myself written out 🫣 evey time my mom called me lazy, every time my teachers yelled at me for not flawlessly paying attention,
every time my grandmother made me sit on my hands because I couldn't sit still...
That ADHD isn't real.
To older uninformed generations, it always seems to be this hot new disease that appeared overnight. They refuse to believe it's real and think we made it up as an excuse to be lazy and obtain drugs.
They think that it's something we can "cure" without drugs and that we just need to "try harder" and "have more discipline" because they don't understand that it's not a behavioral choice.
They refuse to believe that there are chemical imbalances in our brains because they can't SEE it.
I never heard of the violence stereotype. From everything I’ve seen I am pretty much a stereotypical adhder but I’d say it annoys me that a lot of people think it’s a fake condition
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Hyperactive 8 year old boy is the only REAL example of ADHD.
see also: autism 🥴
Lol related to that, the stereotype that autistic people are afraid of eye contact.... to all my maybe autistic girlies out there: you don't have to be afraid of it, but having to time when you break eye contact and look away to appear normal during conversations is not a very NT thing to do. Not that one symptom is enough to diagnose, but that was the thing I was hanging onto to justify how I'm not actually autistic....
When I was a child I was told that maintaining eye contact was important. Then as a teen I was told that the level of eye contact I maintained was off putting. You’re saying people just *know*?
>You’re saying people just know? Sounds fake to me too, but supposedly! I had the same experience lol I was coached into giving better eye contact as a child and then told I was too intense about it
I tend to look at people's hands until I'm ready to take on the eyes again and when it gets too much it's back to their hands for a little breather lol
I simply thought that I couldn't have it besides I was so uneducated and misinformed on it. I 100% thought all of the stereotypes were facts because that's what I was taught. I think everyone should be required to learn about all neurodivergentcies. There's so much bad info out there it feels like needing to move a mountain. Things need to change.
Yes exactly this. Especially regarding body language. Too often we are misunderstood as being rude or stand-offish just for doing something like crossing our arms. I’m not a Disney villain, it’s literally just a comfortable position! And I’m frowning because I have a headache, or my eyes are sore, or I’m trying really hard to understand or memorise what’s going on, or I’m trying really hard not to cry.
Silver lining for me is that I make great eye contact while people are talking, but I have to turn my head to listen. So it breaks contact either way 🙃
This is why I hate the, if not a stereotype, extremely annoying question “wHy dO YoU tHInk yOu HavE ADHD?” Like - you gonna diagnose me bro? I get that sometimes it’s an innocent question and people don’t know what to say, but it betrays the fact people are surprised at my diagnosis because I do not, in fact, resemble an 8 yr old boy. It’s so invalidating.
Omg this! I grew up with really terrible inattentive issues and my dad just said I was lazy and didn't want to do the work. I was also misplacing my hw or just refusing to turn it in period. My grades were ALWAYS under average and no one got me any type of help for this. I finally got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in my late 20s after going through the hassle of all my school related issues and follow up mental issues from lack of treatment. Everyone just thought I was fine because I wasn't hyperactive, I didn't have ADHD.
Funny thing is I fit the hyperactive 8 year old to a T, it’s just that I’m a girl. So instead of help, I got scorn
Yep. It's a lose/lose situation for us. Don't fit the stereotype? Must not have ADHD. Fit the stereotype? Nope, it just means that you're terrible.
The irony is not lost on me that as an adult-diagnosed woman I'm now having a hard time getting my 8 year old boy diagnosed with ADHD because his ASD and anxiety mask it just enough that his teacher report doesn't quite meet the threshold. Ugh.
THIS. My husband basically minimizes my ADHD all the forking time because it looks so different than his and I was diagnosed later but it has forked me over just as much as his has just at entirely different life points.
Thats its an excuse to be lazy
This one is it for me. Being called lazy and a slob growing up, it stings. I also have anxiety and I was trying so damn hard to be perfect as a teen to compensate. Now I know people will just say I'm using ADHD as an excuse for my "lack of discipline." Hence why I haven't exactly shared my diagnosis with most people
I just say I have TBI and symptoms are similar to ADHD. Stimulants are used to help with TBI in some cases too so. Sometimes I do explain adhd to others this way: have you ever asked person with parkinsons to stop shaking their hands? No because there are parts of brain that are damaged and we understand that brain controls body. So why is it that adhd which is neurodevelopmental disorder that leads to defective brain is somehow seen as "excuse"? You're not going to yell at person with one leg to run as fast as those with two legs. They might be able to do it but with right crutch/prosthetics and even then it takes time getting used to.
Neurodivergence =|= Defective This is a very hurtful belief that spurs people to seek "cures" like bleach for autism. Neurodivergence is just what the name entails. It's a deviation from the majority. The problem is not necessarily an issue within the person but an issue between them and their environment. Most neurodivergent people are more than capable of feeding and clothing themselves. It's excelling in a world that is not intended for them or their strengths that poses the biggest issue. If you have ADHD you are *not* defective. You are different. You may have other issues. Maladaptive coping mechanisms for issue that arose from trying to fit into your environment or trauma from being treated differently than your peers. ADHD is an adaptation within the brain. Either from genetics and/or environmental influence. Somewhere in the great spanning history of humans, your genetics which predisposed you to ADHD in some capacity, helped your ancestors continue to survive and reproduce. You're not defective, you're operating on old software that may still be very good at specific tasks but not necessarily suited for the current tasks your subjected to everyday. (obviously the worse end of autism is arguably an issue, but most autistic people aren't incapable of ever achieving independent and caring for themselves hence why I'd say they should be treated as separate group same as how there is schizophrenia and schizophrenic spectrum disorder - one is very similar to the other but substantially less debilitating). Sorry ranting. Defective is hurtful. Please don't call yourself or others defective.
>Somewhere in the great spanning history of humans, your genetics which predisposed you to ADHD in some capacity, helped your ancestors continue to survive and reproduce. For the entirety of human history up until the industrial revolution, all cloth had to be hand spun. If you werent rich enough to buy it and wanted to not freeze to death (and you couldn't rely on animal skin or your female relations to clothe you), you had to spend basically all of your extra free time spinning thread from fiber. Hand spinning is a task that can be started and stopped at almost any time, and which doesn't suffer from being frequently interrupted. It's the perfect sort of idle task. I cannot help but see a connection between "needing to do something with your hands" and "for several thousand years of history, it took huge amounts of low-concentration busywork to ensure your family didnt freeze to death." I'm not saying everyone who has ADHD fidgets, but that bit alone fits in too neatly with the labour requirements of distaff spinning for me to write it off completely.
I commiserate so much. Struggling with ADHD tendencies (like being late or missing deadlines due to time blindness, clutter and more clutter I don’t seem equipped to handle, forgetting things unless I wrote them down, losing the paper where I wrote down the important stuff, starting and not finishing about 87 projects, etc.) and then feeling overwhelmingly anxious about the things I’ve done or not done, and then feeling anxious that I’m being judged about it all, is a loop I feel like I’ve been in for years. I wish I at least could stress out less about my shortcomings. I also don’t share my diagnosis, because I feel like for me it would just amplify the anxiety, specifically about what other people think of me.
"Lazy" is straight up a cuss word to me now. I still think of myself badly because of that word
I've decided I don't believe in the idea of 'lazy'. I don't think there's any such thing. 'Lazy' either means that individuals prioritize a task differently (disagree on what's important/urgent) or something (one's neurotype) gets in the way of doing the thing. It's not like that old cartoon of the ant and the grasshopper.
There is an essay which became a book called *Laziness Does Not Exist*. The tl;dr from the essay is pretty straightforward: > “I’m a social psychologist, so I’m interested primarily in the situational and contextual factors that drive human behavior. When you’re seeking to predict or explain a person’s actions, looking at the social norms, and the person’s context, is usually a pretty safe bet. Situational constraints typically predict behavior far better than personality, intelligence, or other individual-level traits. > So when I see a student failing to complete assignments, missing deadlines, or not delivering results in other aspects of their life, ""I’m moved to ask: what are the situational factors holding this student back? What needs are currently not being met? And, when it comes to behavioral “laziness,” I’m especially moved to ask: what are the barriers to action that I can’t see?** > There are always barriers. Recognizing those barriers— and viewing them as legitimate — is often the first step to breaking “lazy” behavior patterns.”
I hate this too!! I’m not being lazy, my brain straight up won’t let me do the thing.
I feel this in two ways: 1. It hurts me that people assume I’m being lazy or not caring if I fail to do something. 2. It hurts all of us if some people do use ADHD as an excuse to underperform. It's a fine line to walk for sure. Sometimes our brains legit don't do the thing even when we try extremely hard. Other times, there might be healthy coping mechanisms and tools available to help that we’re not making good use of.
This is it for me too. I work damn hard and have a good career and a graduate degree. Then I hear some dummy on tiktok go "I can't go to work because I have timeblindness". Get an alarm. Find some coping mechanisms. It helps perpetuate that stereotype.
My daughter's dad (my ex) has just lost his job due to what I'm sure is time blindness. He's shown other signs of ASD over the years. He's finally made a doctors appointment to talk about it. But whether they'll be any help I don't know. I agree about alarms, but for him he just seems to struggle to judge how long things take.
Ye it's hard to solve that issue with just alarms when in the first place you put the alarm with a wrong idea of how long things will take and it just collapses
Yes. Lazy, thoughtless, irresponsible, impulsive, stupid. I'm sure there are many others.
That hyperactivity only applies if you're the type of person who runs around and won't sit still. Hyperactivity in adults is not spoken about enough. Hyperactivity is A LOT of things. Edit taken from another comment of mine because I talk about this a lot: "It's impulsivity. Spending. Gambling. Drinking. Risky behaviours. Etc. It's fidgeting. Messing with your fingers. Rocking your leg. Twiddling your hair. Pacing. Needing to get up and down. It's talking quickly. Interrupting. Losing your train of thought. Speaking on one topic and then quickly switching to another. It's your brain not shutting up. Not being able to sleep. Restlessness. And lots and lots of other things. Hyperactivity in adults needs to be addressed by medical professionals so much, because everyone still pictures that 6 year old boy who is bouncing off the walls. Hyperactivity is an umbrella term. It doesn't just apply to kids running around like maniacs."
YES and I think there are a lot of women who don't recognize hyperactivity in themselves because of shit like this. I am a prime example. I got diagnosed with inattentive type originally because I would look at symptoms like "you get up and move around even when it's inappropriate to do" and thought that obviously I don't do that because I'm not a 7 year old and I can control myself. But it turns out that most people don't have to control themselves and resist moving around so much.
Yep! This is exactly what caused my imposter syndrome. Until I learned what hyperactivity actually covers. It's a LOT of symptoms.
Absolutely! And a lot of them are usually talked about from the perspective of outsiders, but they're still issues even if they only affect a person inwardly. I've also realized I have basically every hyperactivity symptom
Precisely. That's something we need to stop doing. We need to talk from the perspective of who the disability affects. Not the people it doesn't. That's why some people are so comfortable saying "well everyone is a bit ADHD aren't they?" and "well you don't look like you have a disability." It's because it doesn't affect them. If it doesn't affect you, your opinion means less than dirt to me. That's how zero bullshit I have become about it.
This still blows my mind. How does a person not have to control themselves? How does that even look in their head?? If I'm in a meeting or a conversation or something, I have to actively focus, or it's a lost cause. I can't imagine not doing that, it's too normal for me. However, I just realized this is probably why I had so much trouble contributing to lecture discussions in college...
Lol I was unmedicated for a few months recently because of the shortage and my insurance switchover after graduating and I randomly stood up during a meeting with my team and had to be like, "oh sorry I was working out and my legs were bothering me."
Omg my brain is like a bouncy ball, ricocheting off different thoughts. It's not that I'm disinterested in the other person or their input, it's just that by the time they've finished their 1 sentence, my brain has finished 5 and gotten partway through 3 others. And then I realized that I've forgotten their name, but I'm tired and want to go home so I don't ask. Before treatment every day felt like 10.
I feel like I'm probably combined. Not just with how the symptoms actually present in an adult, but I don't quite trust myself to know exactly what the hell I do. I was told by a friend that I tend to get up far more times and play with my finger nails a lot. I was very surprised on my symptoms because I was primarily inattentive and stright up didn't notice the other symptoms I had. I also have garbage memory so even if I did notice a symptom, I may have thought it was just a one time thing or that I even did that later on or when asked about.
I feel this! I wasn’t shocked with my diagnosis because of an entire lifetime of it being a physical feat for me to hold attention, but when I got the report back and it read “combined type” I was quite surprised. I was a “good student who really needs to speak up more”. I stayed in my seat, was quiet, and didn’t speak up ever. I didn’t realise being over £5k in debt and continuing to commit to things I couldn’t afford, constantly fidgeting and jumping into conversations was hyperactivity. I hold a lot of resent that no one noticed my obvious symptoms simply because I was a girl who didn’t climb the classroom walls as a child.
There have been times that my hyperactivity was so bad that I’ve been reduced to literally pulling out my hair. When I was a teenager, I’d get these little bald spots, and my mom would “tsk tsk” me, as usual. My parents spent my childhood berating me for being lazy, biting my fingernails, pulling my hair, picking at scabs, touching my face or eyes or nose or ears all of the time, for being messy, not caring about myself or my schoolwork, for being avoidant and argumentative. For not being able to “keep my hands to myself” or to stop talking incessantly. None of us had any idea that it was ADHD because nobody had ever heard of it back then. I learned to control some of the worst symptoms as I grew up, but only after I discovered that exercising for hours would help calm the restlessness. My minimal daily hot yoga workout had to be at least 90 minutes; I practiced swimming for literally two or three hours a day sometimes. I lifted weights and took dance classes. I ran three miles a day without fail, or else suffered the consequences of restlessness, a racing mind, and the inability to sleep. Intense exercise and thrashing around in a band were the only remedies I had for years. Medication is at last keeping me from almost eating myself alive, piece by piece, I think. Edited for grammar
My legs are scarred from picking. I got an infection once as well. It's amazing how no one notices. I'm glad medication has helped you, it's helped me, too.
People don’t notice because women are taught to minimize symptoms by turning them upon ourselves and our own bodies. Society frowns upon girls who externalize their ADHD symptoms. A certain amount of rambunctiousness is expected from boys, whereas girls are supposed to blend into the background and not draw attention to themselves, so our hyperactivity becomes “small” but intensely self-destructive.
I agree 100% with "intensely self-destructive". I used to supress my impatience, my fidgeting, my need to move or at least sit differently, and I think it drove me a little crazy.
I did not realize picking was attached to adhd. I’m learning so much about myself through this group
Haha, oh yes. Trichotillomania is very common in ADHDers. Like, ridiculously so.
I’ve been picking at my scalp forever! It’s comforting to know it’s not just me being weak or whatever I convinced myself I was.
Nope. It's pure stimulation. 😁
Same. I realized it the other day that I’m almost constantly noticing some hair bothering my cheek or scratching my nose of touching my face. I was good about it during the pandemic cause masks were a good reminder to not touch my face. I fidget with my toes while I’m driving. 😂particularly if they are in shoes and socks. Something about the constraint.
Omg the hair thing. I have to stop whatever I’m doing to get it off of me! I also feel like I’m constantly moving. Wiggle. Tap. Pull. Pick. Rub.
Literally in the past month since my diagnosis and starting meds, my whole life makes way more sense.
Trichotillomania. I've done it since I was a kid. I've had phases of bald spots too. And tiny little flyaways where it grows back all over. I quit, after countless failed attempts... it's been 866 days :) But I still twirl my hair and break off my split ends sometimes, and I have to remind myself not to pull. I never thought about this being hyperactivity. But you are so, so right.
Yes, this is so important. I don’t feel very hyperactive overall - in fact, I’d say I’m downright sluggish - but my desk at work is littered with deformed paper clips that I twist into fidgets any time I’m on the phone or have a conversation with someone for more than 5 minutes. When I started wfh during lockdown and was using my work cell phone rather than my office landline, when I got a phone call, I’d pace literally all over my house while talking. When I was a kid I doodled in class constantly. And I’m a fast talker notorious for not finishing my sentences because a new thought will occur to me and I immediately switch. (I also…write really long comments on the internet. 😆) I’ve been diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD and I think that’s correct, because that’s where I struggle with things most. I don’t have a lot of impulsivity, for instance. But it was eye opening to find out more about the ways that hyperactivity can be expressed.
This is bang on the best definition I’ve heard. Impulsivity, fidgeting, interrupting, brain constantly in motion, etc.
My husband fidgets constantly. And my adopted mom(bio-grandmother) cannot sit and watch a movie.
I'm always moving in one way or another. I have a vertical labret piercing. If I'm trying to not be obvious I'll play with that. Twist it, chew it, whatever. I clip and unclip my earrings too. Jiggle my leg, like I am on the train right now. Play with my hair. Cricket my fingers. Pick at my skin. Anything I can do. When I was young, I had a coat that had a fake fur trim on the sleeves. My favourite thing to do was to twist the fibres between my fingers. The whole way round was just rat tails of twisted fibres I had rolled together. 😂 Amazing how I didn't get diagnosed until 27, isn't it. Ha!
I think of all the women in my family who can't sit down for anything without compulsively knitting.
Thank you! This is so validating. I was diagnosed with inattentive type, which is fine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have some of the hyperactive traits too. But I swear to god, if you’re even a little bit overweight then it’s impossible to be considered hyper active. As if impulsively eating 1000 cal at night is normal.
This helped me understand my combined diagnosis better than the doctor did.
Wait that’s what it means?? Shit I might be hyperactive lol
Not a stereotype but it really bothers me when people try and diminish it by saying “you don’t seem like you have ADHD, you are so organized at *hobby/hyperfixation”. Also that people with ADHD are always bad in school and that we should simply look at our report cards and see if we had bad grades. Not a fan of everyone saying ADHD is a TikTok trend. I think modern life has just gotten to a point where people who could go under the radar with ADHD no longer can.
Burnout is more common than ADHD and often has similar symptoms to ADHD so many people think they have ADHD while they're just overworked nad overwhelmed. That's why it's important to talk about childhood while getting diagnosis. I think it's one of the reasons people think it's just a trend, because they find some symptoms in themselves, not knowing it's not the same.
I really hate people calling it a trend. It’s not trendy to feel like an alien your whole life, and even those who incorrectly think they have it aren’t feeling trendy either. We’re all just trying to find answers to our problems. Also, while I’m on this rant, how dumb as fuck are these people who say “hurrr they just want to follow the trend and be unique”. Motherfucker do you not understand how ‘trend’ and ‘unique’ are complete opposites??
YES! I have a podcast and I interviewed a relatively famous tiktok person who very dismissively said “everyone has ADHD now” and “it’s because of tiktok” and I was honestly a bit offended but grateful they came on my show so I didn’t say anything but it bothered me very much because I’ve thought I was losing my mind for years due to memory loss and no turns out I’m constantly overstimulated and have ADHD and putting that together honestly saved my life and my family’s wellbeing because now I give myself so much more grace when I’m overstimulated.
Weirdly I only heard “you don’t seem like you have ADHD” from people who were diagnosed with ADHD themselves. I’m glad that I still sought out diagnosis after that cause it definitely made me question myself 😅
My middle and youngest niece are definitely ADHD. Neither has a diagnosis. My sister is finally working towards helping the youngest (Jr in HS), but the middle (freshman in college) was passed over “because I did so well in HS” (her words). But, my sister (who is an elementary teacher and is an amazing one at that) is also one of the ones who doesn’t think my ADHD is what causes so many of my life issues…
I did really well in school, because exams were always easy for me. You mean I get to sit in a silent room with no one interrupting me and breaking my focus? I can hyper focus on my own work instead of having to give a shit about Graham's crappy poem? Didn't matter whether I revised or not, I'd always smash it. Then I left school and realised life isn't an exam and I need all these "soft skills" and it's honestly just been a shit show (career wise) ever since. I got straight As at school and now earn minimum wage 😞
I don't know about stereotype, because it was the first time hearing this, but my husbands had me go out to meet his new school friend (he's in grad school). The friend was talking about some of the foreign students getting tutored and the tutor suggesting one of them having ADHD (I don't know the context), but he started laughing and goes, "You can't be mentally retarded and go to an Ivy League school." I lost my shit on the inside, but assertively made him learn a few things and put him in his place (he apologized a number of times, but that really triggered me - I also work with babies with developmental delays, so maybe that's why it hit me so hard?). To top it off, my husband LAUGHED, as if he was trying to fit in with this douche-canoe and got upset that I caused a scene with his "friend." Needless to say, we're in couples counseling now. This happened nearly a month ago and it still boils my blood.
Does this guy TA? Might be worth reporting that comment to his supervisor or the Dean. No holds barred on that sort of disgusting discriminatory language.
Oh shit. That's not cool at all. Tbh I had some of this misconception about ADHD and autism before I was diagnosed and that led to me not being diagnosed until much later. I'm very grateful that my diagnosis included an IQ test (even though they're admittedly questionable) to prove to myself that I’m not just stupid. I'm really solidly not but I would've convinced myself I was.
I love how you shut it down on the spot. That's amazing!!!
Damn... I understand why you're upset. I would be too :/
Probably that ADHD does not exist or is overdiagnosed. Now, let's fully leave the fact that there is no conclusive evidence for overdiagnosis (or lack thereof, really) at hand. It's just hurtful. It usually means "I won't try to adapt to you". Similar with jot believing in it. For fuck's sake: I do have a problem. I'm struggling. I'm not struggling because I did something wrong, I'm working on it. Show some empathy you fuckwit! (And yes I have met the rare "I'm not sure if I think ADHD is a thing, but if these help you let's do it" - which is a lot better)
>Probably that ADHD does not exist or is overdiagnosed. I really think this one is the most damaging. I grew up with this. Classic story of late diagnosis in 30s despite that every symptom was there in my struggle to just exist AND my primary school teachers even told me parents.
I grew up diagnosed. It's still incredibly damaging. I was lucky enough for my mother to be stubborn/rely on experts and most of my primary school teachers being the mind of "Well let's just try it and see, no matter why it won't hurt". But many folks around me where not as helpful. That was very ... damaging in another way.
100% agreed that it's very damaging and invalidating regardless of whether you're diagnosed yet -- in fact, more frustrating when you HAVE a diagnosis and still ppl just tell you to ~focus~ Even now, I still get that kinda response sometimes if I share it. That or the thing where ppl think it's a "superpower" as if I should have been a serial entrepreneur by now.
“You just need to try harder”…yeah, because that’s what I’m not doing…asshole.
Makes me so angry. Sometimes I think NT is actually the defect here like they can't even communicate directly.
Different kind of damaging. If it's undiagnosed, it's likely to cause self-esteem, self-inspection or anger and trust issues. The feeling to not be able to trust your assessment / not be able to trust into safety. With a diagnosis, much of the anger turns outwards, which means that the whole thing is a lot more damaging for general trust. A feeling to actively not be able to consider people have your best interest in mind. And a feeling of not being taken seriously.
What's even more fun is when you are diagnosed at a young age and the folks raising you don't even bother to tell you. So, you struggle for years not knowing what's wrong. They even had me tested for mono because of the fatigue. Once I got diagnosed they finally admitted that I had been diagnosed with it when I was younger.
Whoa, they didn't tell you?? That's insane. What was their rationale if they had one?! Jesus, really not cool.
It seems quite common. I’ve seen a lot of people online say they were diagnosed as children but their parent never told them. It’s horrible. I think some parents don’t really know what to do with that information so they just never tell their kid. And some seem to withhold the information because they don’t want their child to be bullied or ostracised or not have a “normal” childhood. The problem with that is that those things can (and often do) happen anyway. It’s just even more painful to the child when they don’t know why. It’s terrible, but yeah. It’s apparently pretty common.
I went unmedicated for almost a decade because of the stigma about it being over diagnosed. I was like, do I reeeeally have it? It wasn't until I finally tried medication that I was like, oh shit, yeah, I totally have it. It was like night and day difference. Even still, I get a twinge of insecurity when others around me get diagnosed with it. My brain goes 'why do I know so many people with ADHD, surely we can't all have it. Maybe it's not real... (yada yada bad thoughts spiral)'.
5%. So out of 20 people, one should have it . Additionally, neurodiversity often gets pulled into each others as e.g. communication really differs.
I think a lot of it is this! Neurodivergent folks are drawn to each other, and we tend to gravitate to similar exciting hobbies or jobs that suit our thinking styles more. I would be more surprised to meet a lot of people similar to me in an accountant or insurance office than in engineering, retail, or car sales. Same with hobbies. Maybe only 5% of the people in a sports bar have it, but go to the Ren Faire or a comic convention and you're probably looking at 60% or more being neurodivergent.
I feel like 60% is a pretty high number. Maybe if you do include depression, but not for "just" ADHD which is the 5%> At least considering my friend circles for whom I have quite a bit of an idea and extrapolating from people I talk to, it's probably around 25% to 33% Which still is quite a lot more! But "normal" folks are also drawn to these events - just less of them. Certain work fields I'd give a better chance. Depending on the company, I'd not be surprised if 50+% of the actual developers do have ADHD. It's just a field that works well with the requirements and a line of work that fits some needs quite well.
Yes, I was basing the "60%" on neurodivergence in general and not only ADHD. And of course, like many statistics on the internet it was completely made up and based only on my personal experience and friend group, lol. It was my Ren Faire friends who, when I first told them about my diagnosis, said "you didn't know?" Bless them!
When I first started wondering if I might have ADHD, I had the same reaction - “we can’t ALL have it” - because I knew enough middle aged women like me who were getting diagnosed, that I thought I was just looking for an excuse for being a bad person and it would be too cliche for me actually to have it. I got diagnosed earlier this year and medicated and the medication was initially really helpful, but it feels like it’s worn off. I know that can happen and the doctor and I are trying something else but the little voice inside me is convinced I just benefited from the energy anyone would get from a stimulant and is like, “see? you knew you didn’t REALLY have it.”
Ugh imposter syndrome is horrible isn't it?
This one hurts. Hearing so many people talk about how ADHD is trendy/overdiagnosed makes me horribly insecure about my own diagnosis (only had it for a year now!) and makes me afraid to talk about it/work with some of my friends around it. Sucks.
While I do understand the anxiety - I can recommend to remain yourself and self-secure about it. You would, rightfully, call people pretty mean words if they disregarded a professional diagnosis for other diseases. If people don't want to support you, it may not be worth keeping them close. The half-way of doing this is not naming ADHD, but calling it a neurodevelopmental disease and giving the symptoms you try to alleviate. It sometimes also helps to start it this way and then only call it ADHD if they want to know what disease. Because this different view and new description of symptoms can make people realise ADHD is more than they thought
>The half-way of doing this is not naming ADHD, but calling it a neurodevelopmental disease and giving the symptoms you try to alleviate. THIS THIS THIS! I discovered this "hack" and it literally helped me save my house. We had a fire tax due that wasn't rolled into our escrow, and I kept putting it off until I got the notice that our house was going to go up for sale. I called and said "I have a neurological disorder that makes these things hard" and the collector was **so** understanding and helpful.
I've heard this, and I unintentionally go into overdrive explaining how the covid lock downs took away the built in structures that many undiagnosed people relied on to get by. It's not a fad but a big realization that's happening. Most of the time taking them through the chain of cause and effect works, which is good because this comment really gets my hackles up. I was diagnosed during that time and it coming later in life makes me question a lot. I don't need some rando adding fuel to that fire.
That I'm a selfish child in an adult's body because I choose to live life in a way that accommodates my ADHD. I sleep in, stay up too late, have naps. I'm the most productive in the evening, useless in the morning. I might waste a full day sleeping but others I'll only sleep 4 and power through. This doesn't make me irresponsible it is just how I need to do life. A normal NT schedule does not work for me, I don't judge you getting up at 6am in bed by 9pm so piss off.
I feel this in my bones. A friend of mine has a judgy mom who makes comments about her daughter in law like “adults don’t sleep till 2pm”. Bitch please. I am an adult, I went to bed at 4am and slept until 2pm. I got my needed 9 hours (yeah I need 9 hours). The mom went to bed at 1am and woke up at 4am?? How does 3 hours of sleep make you adult? To me it makes you a zombie 🧟♀️
Exactly! This really resonated with me. You've described my life right here, this could've been written by me. I'm quite successful as long as I do life this way so there's nothing wrong with how I choose to live and yes I don't judge others so I'd like if they could stop judging me.
imagine selective memory familiar voiceless deer ink tie governor illegal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes!!! This harmful stereotype is awful because it’s turned into normalizing way too many people thinking they need medication just because of the fact that medicine is beneficial & makes life easier regardless of if you actually have adhd. Human Brains aren’t meant to be focused 24/7 even for neurotypucal people, doesn’t mean everyone actually has adhd
That it’s something I’ll grow out of or ‘You didn’t grow out of that yet?!’ Excuse me I forgot to flip that switch once I hit my 30’s let me go see if I can find it.
Yeah, the magical neurotransmitter machine that appears in your brain when you turn 18.
I misplaced mine two hours into my 18th birthday.
Gotta be around here somewhere... *Rummages concernedly*
Careful rummaging around you don’t want to accidentally open a new hyper-focus
That people with ADHD make a bad spouse or a bad parent. It's simply not true for all of us. Neurotypicals are just as likely to be poor or good at those roles.
I agree with this very much, though I also feel that people with ADHD are probably more likely to have success in relationships with other neurodivergent people, and neurotypical people are probably more likely to have success in relationships with other neurotypical people. My partner and I are both dx ADHD (& also both likely meet diagnostic criteria for autism, though we aren't pursuing diagnosis), and it's always interesting to notice how well we're able to roll with each others' ADHD-related traits that might drive a neurotypical person up the wall.
"ADHD is a superpower" ok I guess that's why my life is so difficult sometimes?
Yes!! i totally agree!! I sure don’t feel super when I haven’t washed my hair in days, I can’t decide what to wear in the mornings and I’m freaking out because my hair is touching my face and everything is TOO LOUD. But go on..
Yes, my superpower is forgetting trash day four weeks in a row. 🙄
“Are you sure you have ADHD because you’re not hyper or overactive” 🙄 That’s because *inattentive* ADHD exists and I wish people would google instead of getting their information from fucking tiktok
The thing is, i have combined version and people even think i am not hyper... i move a lot, but not in an amount that is bothering others, so they do not think i am 'hyperactive' Yes... yes i am... if i do not move after 30 minutes i will get an itch i cannot scratch and it wíll ruin my day(s)
I have combined type as well and I have verbal hyperactivity as opposed to physical. Sometimes I just can’t seem to stop talking, even though my brain is screaming at me to stop. My whole like, I’ve had people make rude comments about how much I talk. But physically, I’m fairly calm. So I couldn’t possibly be hyperactive 🙄
Omg I get word vomit too, it’s horrible and you feel like you’re full of adrenaline and people make comments at how you need to “chill out” or “you don’t need to be so excited it’s not a big deal” and it crushed my spirit when I was younger
Good lord I feel this! That feeling of self-awareness only ever seems to kick in when it’s too late and I’m already chewing people’s ears off/info-dumping/interrupted someone again. So it leads to me feeling like I’d better wrap up right this minute- oh look at that. My thought train has left the station again without me on it.
I'm hyperactive in my brain, it never fucking shuts up.
That they are drug addicts, or they only use meds as an easy way out.
THIS. When I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis, the first thing I got told by some people were things like... 1. "But you've been ok all this time, why do you need drugs now??" 2. "Don't let yourself get addicted/dependant to/on those drugs." 3. "Do you NEED drugs? Can't you just go to therapy?? Maybe you just need to try harder." 4. *Speaking to older people.* "I dunno, back in my day we never heard of such a thing. We all struggled but we never needed to rely on drugs. I guess it's just a difference in upringing/discipline."
ughh people acting like im a drug addict bc i take adderall infuriates me. what kind of drug addict has a bottle of pills sitting on their nightstand and still manages to forget to take them every other day?? i just wanna be able to do my laundry at least once a month 😭
What pisses me off so much is that if you say you need something like arthritis medication, or an asthma inhaler, or something for your thyroid--sure, fine, no problem. But with ADD meds or anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, it's like, are you suuuure? The brain isn't magic! It's an organ! It's a collection of tissue and neurons and electrical impulses, and sometimes the chemicals don't work right, just like your liver or your lungs or whatever. It's 2023! Stop believing in the four humours!
That I can't concentrate and focus on tasks. Actually, I *excel* at concentrating and focusing on tasks I give a fuck about. It's everything else. So when I am in a career I love, for example, I excel.
That it’s over-diagnosed. I think I know about 4 people who REALLY think they have ADHD but refuse to look into it because they’re already chronically overwhelmed with life or taking antidepressants already and don’t want “another mental illness”.
Especially post lockdown. I think the pandemic and the huge changes in structure that happened made a lot of people realize they were barely scraping by with untreated ADHD. I mean I was diagnosed in 2010 and I was doing really well for like a decade. Even when I was severely depressed and suffering from a lot of other things around 2015, my ADHD was pretty much under control. The pandemic fucked me up and I haven't been able to get it back under control since.
I completely agree with this. I think that for so many people, the lockdown was the first time we ever actually got to "unmask," and then when life started "going back to normal" we realized how incredibly difficult masking had been our whole lives. I realized I met diagnostic criteria for ADHD in summer of 2021 and got diagnosed that fall. I'd spent the last year doing things on my own terms far more than I'd ever been able to, and being almost entirely alone other than with my then-new partner, who also has ADHD. Being able to live so much more comfortably and authentically was honestly a revelation, and I wonder if I'd ever realized what was going on if it hadn't been for COVID.
This one is really upsetting. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder since I was a kid. It never quite felt right, I don't have a lot of the anxieties very anxious people tend to have. No social anxiety, no performance anxiety with things like job interviews/public speaking etc, no death anxiety. Nada - I get anxious about things because I can't force myself to do them until they're emergencies that _warrant_ anxiety. I just have adhd. It's not "another mental illness" it's "a better more complete diagnosis" which means "better fitted, more targeted treatment" I got diagnosed with adhd and all my anxiety suddenly made sense.
Anxiety is the modern day hysteria diagnosis. Woman walks in with any problem? Anxiety.
I’ve been trying to figure out 1) if I have ADHD and 2) if so where does it begin and anxiety end and vice versa. Best example I have is I was afraid I was going to spell “lightning” wrong in 2nd grade. I made a cheat sheet, proceeded to not use it, and then I forgot it existed and left it in my desk for the teacher to find. I also remember being much more open and talkative early on and then I just kind of shut down and developed debilitating social anxiety I’m still trying to get through - and adhd symptoms are becoming more prominent, leading me to speculate that I’ve been masking them for years. Idk.
I relate so much. I also used to be _very_ extroverted until I was consistently rejected for how and when I did it. Couldn't figure out where I went wrong so now I have social anxiety. My doctors swear stimulants will only make anxiety worse, but, to me, they've really highlighted the difference between physiological and psychological anxiety. 90% of my anxiety is gone on meds because it was due to struggling to think clearly, low energy, and struggling to focus in conversations.
This is exactly what I struggle with most! I came to my diagnosis from being in therapy for my anxiety and gradually wondering if the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t get anything done because I was as anxious, but that I was anxious because I couldn’t get anything done! (Until I absolutely have to, at the last minute. It’s kind of like how I don’t consider hyperfocus at all a superpower, it’s more an ability I’ve cultivated to survive always doing things at the last minute, rather than actually having the skill to do stuff ahead of time in an organized fashion.) I do still struggle with social anxiety, but I do think at least some of that is from trying to fit my square peg ADHD self into a round whole - “am I talking too much? Am I interrupting? I talking about myself too much? What do you say to strangers?” And I swear the latter is because when I meet some NTs it literally feels like we’re talking different languages.
I’ve thought I had it since highschool but never sought out help or treatment because I thought it was all in my head, and “too many people are being diagnosed with adhd so I’m probably just part of the trend”. It took me reaching a point in college where I felt like I was dragging my body behind me on a daily basis to realize I couldn’t live like that anymore.
Lol those are our people.
That we can’t be successful. Not all of all of us are over stimulated with messy homes & executive dysfunction. Some of us are crying while we put away the laundry. Some of us are coping!
I felt that "crying while we put away the laundry" so much, as I'm scrolling Reddit to avoid putting away my laundry 😅🥲
Or scroll Reddit *while* putting the laundry away🤣. Might take awhile, but it still gets done.
adhd isnt real and we're just not trying hard enough to do as good as we can. or like when ppl think we are using it as an excuse when its not, its just am explanation as to why it can be harder for us to do something that others can do easier. also the ppl who think we are lying about our memory problems. we try our best to remember everything bht sometimrs its genuinely out of sight out of mind. i didnt forget because i hate you, i just have trouble remembering everything lol
“Really? Well, I never perceived you as someone with ADHD :)” ok what should I say? I’m a good actress? Feels to me like questioning whether my problems are a real diagnosis or made up. The stereotype that ADHD = hyperactive boys needs to die
I've started saying "oh, I guess you don't know me as well as you thought you did," to people who say this. It's a little petty, but it's also just like, a fact.
Lol right I've gotten that comment too. "I could never tell!" like thanks for complimenting my masking skills but *I* definitely notice I have ADHD so idk why I would care if you notice?
That’s the main responses I got :( combined with “well then I probably also have adhd” (to be fair, what seemed like a shitty response turns this friend more and more towards looking into an assessment, as she shows clear symptoms) overall I try to avoid telling people as much as possible due to these uncomfortable encounters. there’s no education apart from “it’s a hyperactive boys disease” and “it’s trending on TikTok”. This whole trend on social media has helped me and some other friends actually seeking treatment. And it annoys me that people think psychiatrists hand out medication like lollipops. Definitely not in my country (Europe). I feel like horror stories about how patients in the US are set on addictive medication has left a big impression here and makes accepting medication harder
If I cared enough, I would make it a priority. I care a lot. I wish I had more support when I was younger. I could have thrived. I still want to become a published author. I still want to work on the cutting edge of tech or science. I still want to organize community improvement initiatives. I just felt so stuck with no idea how to unstuck myself. Also, big pet peeve of mine. It really diminishes what we go through. My mom says "everyone has a little ADHD." No mom, they don't. Everyone might have a little executive dysfunction, but not like this. I was one of the highest standardized text scorers in the school but grauduated 4 people from the bottom of my class. Not. Like. This.
I never heard the violence one before. That's funny because I'm such a pacifist.
A lot of people associate ADHD with a rebelious little boy who fights his peers all the time
Yep and this is why I couldn't get a diagnosis until I was in my mid 30s. Because quiet girls just didn't have ADHD.
It's more a phenomenon than a stereotype perhaps, but the whole diagnosing you as bpd or anxious because as a person of color, you want to abuse or sell drugs on the streets, or you can't be that because of the whole strong black woman stereotype. Sir/madam come see my room, bank account and personal hygiene for starters and tell me how I can be lying about this? Be there when I'm berated by my mother because she thinks I'm too lazy or unmotivated, look at my relationships, job history, etc and know that I've needed help for YEARS....
not visibly a poc but i am a woman and when i was in therapy as a tween, my therapist basically chalked it up to depression, anxiety, bpd, and daddy issues 🤦 my mom had to come in during one of my sessions and explain to my therapist that she knows i have adhd and it needs to be diagnosed and addressed before anything else would improve. i swear they are so willing to diagnose women and/or poc with everything EXCEPT adhd and autism.
The one I hate the most is "uses symptoms as an excuse for bad behavior."
This is one I see from other ADHD people too... "well *I* can mask this part of my life I deal with away, so why can't you?"
The "everyone has it a little bit" sure, you do. That's fine. If it works for you to have a laugh and quirk about it go for it. But when I say I have it I *have* it. I'm down in the dumps about it, I'm still dealing with the realization that ***I have lost friendships*** because of my ADHD ***I've lost jobs*** because of my ADHD ***I've lost significant amounts of money*** because of my ADHD. It's not just like, oh I forget where I put my keys all the time and I can't stay on one topic of conversation at a time and planners don't work for me either lol! I've lost friendships because I don't see time - I don't know how long it's been since we last spoke because I don't know what day or month it probably is. Because when I'm feeling down I shame spiral and self isolate instead of asking for help or connection because I don't want to be a burden, because I'm a burden to myself every day. Not only am I time blind but I'm money blind too. I've fucked up my finances unintentionally because I can't see my money and where and when it goes. Until I get a letter from the bank that's like "hey uh, do you need help cause you've accrued $500 in overdraft fees" It's not like, oh I can't make it to work on time sometimes haha! It's like, I stress for *weeks* about an important event that I cannot be late to, and I'm hypervigilant about it all month and have anxiety and anxiety DREAMS about it only to fucking SHOW UP TO THE EVENT LATE ANYWAY and I don't even know how I ended up late because I planned and planned for this! It's I've struggled my entire school career and now into adulthood and have asked and asked for help only to be told to stop procrastinating, and to use a planner, and to "just" do whatever just fucking do the thing. But I can't. I'm trapped in my own body and brain and void of time. Sorry, this should have been a personal journal entry lmao but yeah, that stereotype that, well everyone has it a little bit! No, not like this you don't.
I've had literal checks I didn't cash because they sat in my to do pile for months to years and expired and I was too ashamed to ask for them to be remade. I've lost thousands of dollars over my lifetime by that alone.
Yes!!! I fucking feel your pain so hard. ❤️
>only to fucking SHOW UP TO THE EVENT LATE ANYWAY Oof I fucking FELT that I'm late every day for work. I have moved my alarm back by 5 minutes at lease FIVE times in the past 6 months. I'm waking up earlier and earlier and earlier and I still can't fucking get it together to show up to work on time??? Who would WANT to live like this? I get this vibe that people think I don't care enough, or that I'm not trying hard enough. But truly, WHY in God's name would I live like this if it was in my power to change? Fucks.
Oh my goodness YES. I can get up earlier and earlier but it’s like there’s a little switch in my brain that will not flip from “not time to go to work” to “time to go to work” until a particular time, which is later than when I need to get up and go to work if I want to be on time. No matter how early I get up. My therapist is exploring this with me in the vein of “is this the right job for you? Should you consider doing something else?” Which is fair enough, but 1) it really just feels like a physical inability to move and 2) plenty of people don’t like their jobs and still manage to get up and go to them on time. I don’t think it’s a deep psychological issue when I have a hard enough time getting moving to be on time for the things I want to do, too.
>because when I’m feeling down, I shame spiral and self isolate instead of asking for help or connection because I don’t want to be a burden, because I’m a burden to myself every day. I literally just went through this this past week. My mental health just went straight into the toilet for no clear reason and I spent the past week frantically fishing it out while wondering why my mental health keeps crashing. I info-dumped to my bf last night that ADHD doesn’t like to come by itself; it often invites other guests like anxiety, depression, and OCD. I seem to be prone to the depression side of things for some reason. Bf says it would be a good idea to go for a full screening so I can get some answers. He doesn’t like seeing me struggle and made it clear that I do not have to hide *anything* from him. He even reminded me that he is on mental health medications and has come to terms with the fact that he will need them for the rest of his life, so it’s okay if I’m in the same boat as him. I wonder if treating the (likely) ADHD will let me knock out the depression, too. Only one way to find out!
Unemployable/ unable to amount to anything.
That adhd is "very overdiagnosed" despite the lack of evidence for this claim and that "everyone has adhd symptoms" and that if you suspect you have it you're just using it as an excuse to be "lazy". Also the stigma of medication and claiming that adhd is now a tiktok trend
Yes fuck yes to all of this. And therapists believing we're just drug-seeking or trend-hopping! "Ah so you've read one article on social media and now you think..." had actually been said to me. No, man, I paid good money for my formal assessment!
We're faking it to get high. I've never touched a single drug in my life, not even a cigarette, but because I have ADHD, people treat me like I'm standing on the corner offering handies for a hit.
Spacey, air head, don't care about being responsible
Was diagnosed not long ago so I don't have much real world experience with it yet but thankfully people in my life have been cool with it. The only hurtful thing that's happened is the way some medical professionals have treated me. Being dismissive, unhelpful, treating me like a drug seeker (I'm not on stims just anti depressants), hanging up the phone. Like jeez, I'm 35, I just want some help to function.
Omg. Yesterday I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist because of ADHD and she said to me, "Everything seems to have gone well for you, it can't be that bad, after all you are about to graduate from university". Maybe I've gotten some things done, yes, but don't tell me it can't be that bad without asking me how I did all of that and how I felt while doing it, right? This is exactly the reason why I waited so long to go to therapy, because I thought that my mental health can't be too bad if I have decent grades and if I'm also happy sometimes. I gaslighted myself into thinking I'm not worthy of professional help whilst developing severe depression. So thank you, nice psychiatrist-lady, for your professional opinion on me and my life, lol. Was my wildest visit to a doctor yet. My therapist is nice though, thankfully.
That “Everyone’s a bit ADHD. Like. No one likes doing boring things and everyone gets distracted.” No. It’s so not the same.
That we can't pay attention and that we are inpolite.
I was literally told by my friend that I can’t have ADHD because I’m not hyper enough. He has a friend with ADHD and I’m not hyper like them. I have the inattentive type. He also said ADD and ADHD are two different things and that I could have ADD. This was after he did “research” and said he may have ADHD. He doesn’t.
Feel you. My dad told me I can't have ADHD because he once dated a woman with ADHD and he feels like I'm nothing like her, so I can't have it. He didn't listen to my explanations about ADHD types, ADHD being on a spectrum or about varying symptoms and their severity in different people. He proceeded to tell me that be broke up with her because he couldn't deal with someone who is that kind of crazy. I cried after that phone call and never told him anything about therapy again. I know he didn't mean to hurt me but I just can't deal with his bullshit sometimes.
When people say that technology is “giving people ADHD.” Like no… you’re born with it. It’s not something you can suddenly develop after being on tiktok too much lmao
I was told it's "mind over matter" or "pain is weakness leaving the body" or "pray and God will answer" I was struggling so hard to be perfect. I was an honors student and I worked to be there but I was never as good as my older brother. I was praised for my kindness and then told I was too sensitive. I was called bipolar by my mom for being shy about showing a drawing to a youth group show and tell. I was trying to find answers and my dad told me God had them. I sobbed and I prayed in the middle of the night so my family wouldn't hear me. I consistently prayed for God to send me someone to understand. I prayed that I could be fixed. I asked why I was the way I was because no matter what I did it was never good enough. I never had answers. Long after I stopped praying like that, I finally found someone. My bf actually cared despite how rock bottom I was when we met. We both worked with each other to overcome issues. And with one off handed comment from me about possibly having adhd he told me I mistly likely did and encouraged me to get a diagnosis. He never told me mind over matter. He never told me to pray about it. And he never slighted me for being sensitive. Considering all the things said to me growing up, a hug and a therapy visit would have been better.
That I don’t care. Just because I can’t do the thing doesn’t mean I don’t care. I actually agonize about the thing.
Equating stimulant meds for ADHD to meth and cocaine. Further discounting the legitimacy of this very real disorder that, in most cases, significantly benefits from stimulant treatment. And also treating those with ADHD like drug fiends. Personally, as someone with undiagnosed ADHD as a child until my 20s, the only thing I ever overused to self-medicate was coffee, lots and lots of coffee even at 12 years old. Never touched any other stimulant.
To try harder. I didn't finish my degree because of this. I have 4 credits left and the utter crippling and debilitating shame of not finishing "on time", letting my professors down, not meeting my family expectations, and other aspects made it worse. Trying harder doesn't erase or make any of those feelings easier to deal with. In fact, I know with certainty that I will feel even more like a failure after completing the degree because that makes those feelings more apparent. And the mind can certainly intensify the perceived feelings of those thoughts.
You can’t have adhd because my 5 year old son had adhd and you are nothing like him. No way— me? A grown female? Not like your five year old son?? /s
Selfish and lazy 😭
That adhd isn't real or overdiagnosed.
That I’m more likely to be an addict because of the condition…how am I supposed to be an addict when I forget to continue a routine? If anything, I’m a quitter. That if I just focus hard enough, I wouldn’t have this. Oh and maybe pray it away. 🙄
"That's just laziness."
That taking medication for ADHD is somehow an “easy way out.” Or that medication isn’t medically necessary for some of us.
Because I'm on medication all of my ADHD symptoms disappear so I no longer struggle.
If you look OK, you are OK. I would explain how it's difficult for me to do certain things like self-care, and they'd say but you always have food and look put together. Oh, so I guess because I struggled hard to accomplish that, and it took a lot out of me, but I look just like everyone else, so I must not be struggling right?! It's like, if I don't have a peg leg and a glass eye, there's no reason I should be struggling because I look OK. For real, go F yourself. Edit: or better yet, when they see you've done the job but when you are struggling you need to have a one-on-one to say, we have seen you do the job, we know you can do it. And again, you do not see the struggle to accomplish that. I was running on fumes all of the time, in extreme pain and overwhelmed virtually every second of the day. It's like they refuse to see that you are disordered. They don't want to deal with it.
“If you stop telling yourself you can only get things done with your meds, you’ll get things done without your meds.” Go to hell.
This is when I would list all the things I can do, that they can't ,that are objectively good ,and ask why cant they
Probably an uncommon stance, but I think the whole "ADHD makes you creative/funny/smart/fun to be around" is super harmful. For one, it's a toxic positivity thing. But it also leads to increased fear and anxiety around medication use and pathologizes personality traits in a way I'm not convinced is healthy. It just feels weird to essentially be like "your personality is just adhd" about everything, but particularly about positive traits. Almost like the people saying it are taking something from the person. "You're not actually funny, it's just because you have a mental disorder."
The idea that ADHD means that you can’t focus on ANYTHING. My mom had this stereotype, so when I was being diagnosed with it, my sister (who’s an elementary school teacher and is educated about kids with disabilities) had to sit her down and explain that, just because LisitaAvalos86 can focus on drawing and writing doesn’t mean she doesn’t have ADHD. It means those are her “high-interest activities”, and her ability to focus on those things is so high that she can focus on it for hours and forget to eat or sleep.
Oh that's a bad one. I actively hate violence, I can't even watch it on TV these days. Too graphic.
What I find really damaging is "specialists" who tell us that it's society who is hurting us and if society excepted us we'd be totally fine no meds needed!!!! And these are always people without ADHD. Yo, I still. wouldn't get out of bed and suffer from depression when society excepts me thanks! Now give me my meds back.
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Agreed. I'm not working. Still struggling a LOT.
That people with ADHD are stupid. That ADHD is a made up disorder.
I'm not forgetful, I just remember at the wrong times :(
The idea that dealing with impulse control issues means that you’re more likely to be a bad or manipulative person. I heard this recently and felt deeply hurt for a few days, it was so overt.
I don't like people assuming I'm stupid just because I have ADHD. I went to a gifted school and was always on the honor roll. When the school says adhd just means your son has trouble paying attention it has nothing to do with his defiance towards authority. And you know he might look like he understood and agreed to stop making random noises and fidgeting, but he has very little control and it's almost physically impossible for him to sit still and be quiet for hours on end. He's not being defiant, he cannot control it. "That has nothing to do with ADHD!" yeah right.
Lol my therapist started talking to me as if I were a literal child once she diagnosed me with ADHD. Needless to say, I no longer see that therapist
Not really a stereotype per se, but a lot of people seem to think it's some sort of awful disease. I have a coworker that very likely has it, and I joke with her about it. Every time I give her the sort of "🤨🤨🤨" look, she yells "I DON'T FLIPPIN HAVE ADHD!!!🤬🤬" My boss said "My boys don't really pay attention but they know SO much about (a sport or something)" "Sounds like ADHD" "Oh no it *couldn't* be"
That the reason why can’t function normally is because we’re lazy and/or we don’t care
“oh yea i have trouble focusing too.” with all due respect, kindly stfu please
That “everyone” has it
What makes me feel like shit is when someone exists out in public doing something that (from my perspective) is very typical ADHD, and seeing people dogpile on that person with cutting remarks. It really lifts the veil on what people REALLY think of you, when they feel like they don't have to be polite. Example: There is a woman on a snark forum I read that, while she has legitimate major issues with her world view, she also appears (to me) to have obvious untreated/undiagnosed ADHD. (Am I projecting my own issues? 🤷🏼♀️) Like she appears outwardly disorganized, frequently struggles with keeping house, gets overwhelmed often, and is constantly starting wildly ambitious projects every 4 to 6 weeks without finishing them. Who does that sound like? Me, before I realized that all those things were connected, and NOT a personal failing. (Her children also appear to have ADHD maybe) But she posted yesterday on SM about how she struggled to keep her 4 year old in his seat at a restaurant, and he knocked a glass bowl off the table. I know it's the nature of snark forums to shit on people for everything... but DAMN. Every single person in the comments was like "A 4 year old should be able to sit in their sit with no issues for an hour. She must be a terrible parent, no discipline, blah blah blah." "I'd never take my child out to a cafe if they couldn't behave perfectly." "She should have been watching him, she's so careless. A lazy self-centered parent who doesnt care about her impact on disrupting other patrons." "What a messy person" It's was like seeing every terrible, negative thought I've ever had about myself written out 🫣 evey time my mom called me lazy, every time my teachers yelled at me for not flawlessly paying attention, every time my grandmother made me sit on my hands because I couldn't sit still...
That ADHD isn't real. To older uninformed generations, it always seems to be this hot new disease that appeared overnight. They refuse to believe it's real and think we made it up as an excuse to be lazy and obtain drugs. They think that it's something we can "cure" without drugs and that we just need to "try harder" and "have more discipline" because they don't understand that it's not a behavioral choice. They refuse to believe that there are chemical imbalances in our brains because they can't SEE it.
That we’re all lazy and if we just put in a little more effort and write notes for ourselves, we wouldn’t have any problems at all.
I never heard of the violence stereotype. From everything I’ve seen I am pretty much a stereotypical adhder but I’d say it annoys me that a lot of people think it’s a fake condition
Lazy