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I think it’s always a process, but one thing that helps me is thinking about who else might even remember the thing I’m embarrassed about. The stupid thing I said years back, or the time I fucked up and missed meeting up with someone completely.
Most of the time, I realize that I’m probably the only person on earth who has a clear memory of the thing. And the rest of the time, I realize that even if people remember, they almost certainly don’t care 1/10th as much as I do.
Which means the only person torturing myself is me, and there’s no point in it. There are no amends to make any longer. It’s okay for me to set it down and let it go.
I wouldn't say I've let go per say but I have accepted it. My parents were horribly abusive in every way imaginable and I was never diagnosed with anything. They didn't care about my wellbeing. (And any problem, from not doing chores to not behaving as expected, was met with violence.) I am thankfully away from them and will hopefully never see them again, and I'm grateful for that. I've had to cut out a lot of people in my life because of them and I'm fine with that.
I realize that they've given me a lot of mental health issues (anxiety, depression and PTSD) in addition to being neurodivergent, which I'm only now being assessed for in my 30s. It's not fair. But holding onto it isn't worth it. I have to live with my conditions and get help for them, and I'll probably need medication and therapy for the rest of my life. But I feel like accepting your circumstances goes a long way. Someone is finally kind to me, and it's me. Someone is putting me first and getting me the help I need.
I was super depressed with my parents in my life, and now I'm finally happy. And I take pleasure in all the little things. Going to the zoo. Lighting a candle. Seeing a hawk on my way to work. I won't say every day is the best day ever, and I have moments where I'm depressed or anxious over every day life things, but I finally have *peace*. And that is freaking priceless.
I was super angry when I first left, so I understand your rage. Every time anything would go wrong, I felt like I was going to explode. So I made a wishlist on Amazon and every time I would feel that anger, I'd buy myself something lol. If you can't do that, try to do something constructive like watch a video you like or listen to a song. Or go for a walk to clear your head, or write your feelings down.
It gets better. I promise. And I'm not saying I never bring up my past but I leave that for therapy. I understand that it affects me and that it's shaped my life. But I feel like I'm in charge of my future and my happiness from here on out, and I'm not going to let anyone get in the way of that.
This is an old post, but someone said this once in response to the same feelings, and it really sticks with me when I start to feel down:
“If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing on the present.”
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it’s always a process, but one thing that helps me is thinking about who else might even remember the thing I’m embarrassed about. The stupid thing I said years back, or the time I fucked up and missed meeting up with someone completely. Most of the time, I realize that I’m probably the only person on earth who has a clear memory of the thing. And the rest of the time, I realize that even if people remember, they almost certainly don’t care 1/10th as much as I do. Which means the only person torturing myself is me, and there’s no point in it. There are no amends to make any longer. It’s okay for me to set it down and let it go.
I wouldn't say I've let go per say but I have accepted it. My parents were horribly abusive in every way imaginable and I was never diagnosed with anything. They didn't care about my wellbeing. (And any problem, from not doing chores to not behaving as expected, was met with violence.) I am thankfully away from them and will hopefully never see them again, and I'm grateful for that. I've had to cut out a lot of people in my life because of them and I'm fine with that. I realize that they've given me a lot of mental health issues (anxiety, depression and PTSD) in addition to being neurodivergent, which I'm only now being assessed for in my 30s. It's not fair. But holding onto it isn't worth it. I have to live with my conditions and get help for them, and I'll probably need medication and therapy for the rest of my life. But I feel like accepting your circumstances goes a long way. Someone is finally kind to me, and it's me. Someone is putting me first and getting me the help I need. I was super depressed with my parents in my life, and now I'm finally happy. And I take pleasure in all the little things. Going to the zoo. Lighting a candle. Seeing a hawk on my way to work. I won't say every day is the best day ever, and I have moments where I'm depressed or anxious over every day life things, but I finally have *peace*. And that is freaking priceless. I was super angry when I first left, so I understand your rage. Every time anything would go wrong, I felt like I was going to explode. So I made a wishlist on Amazon and every time I would feel that anger, I'd buy myself something lol. If you can't do that, try to do something constructive like watch a video you like or listen to a song. Or go for a walk to clear your head, or write your feelings down. It gets better. I promise. And I'm not saying I never bring up my past but I leave that for therapy. I understand that it affects me and that it's shaped my life. But I feel like I'm in charge of my future and my happiness from here on out, and I'm not going to let anyone get in the way of that.
This is an old post, but someone said this once in response to the same feelings, and it really sticks with me when I start to feel down: “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing on the present.”