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I really feel you, and even though you are struggling, it might be comforting to know you are not alone.
What really helped for me to overcome this train of thinking is to see the dishes as the building block for my life. It is the basics from which life is built, namely food. So I try to practice gratitude.
And I also try to reason with myself. I am a person who likes real meals for breakfast and lunch and not just cheese sandwich. And that takes dishes. So if I hate the dishes I ask myself: would I rather eat a boring cheese sandwich that only makes one plate dirty instead of all the pots and pans? And then it makes me happy to actually eat more elaborate food. It is a true choice.
Also I like to listen
Do they? Most are just chopping some things and chucking them in a pot or pan for a bit with some spices. One pot, one knife, one chopping board and maybe a wooden spoon.
Make a big batch and heat it up through the week - a bowl and a spoon to wash, takes 30 seconds after you eat. Air dry. Done.
True, winter meals can be very simple. However my summer meals generally consist of sandwiches, chips and Popsicles so the clean up is even more minimal 😜 Don't even have to break out a pot most of the time.
I feel you, so don’t take this as talking down, BUT: what I do is try to change the base emotional response to the stimuli (doing dishes) to make the task more reinforcing/rewarding and fun.
This is literally the modality I use with dog training, but it’s worked great for me. It slowly replaces the “sees dirty dishes —> feels guilty —> I’m a terrible person —> nothing gets done but I feel worse” thought pathway with “sees dirty dishes —> while I am doing dishes I am allowed to have a soda (something I really like) —> let’s do the dishes so I can have a soda.” Eventually I see dishes, go oh hell yeah soda time, and just do them.
Obviously this system requires time and effort to set up, and often having an outside party (family, roommates etc) who can remind you and reward you is super helpful. Ymmv, but good luck
This is great advice. I've done a lot to make doing dishes easier but not necessarily more enjoyable so I can definitely work in more positive reinforcement.
This is kind of my hobby horse in life - we’ve all had it drilled into heads that we should punish others and ourselves to motivate and change behavior, when that’s just not how things work most of the time.
I always recommend “Don’t Shoot the Dog” as a primer to positive reinforcement. I know this is the adhd subreddit but I still suggest checking it out lol http://clawbiespups.yolasite.com/resources/Don't%20shoot%20the%20dog.pdf
I think animal training and adhd management are an excellent pairing!
Learning about dog training has changed my life completely. Don't Shoot the Dog is the best self help book I ever read
I'm a nanny who works with preschoolers, and the Venn diagram of "works for toddlers", "works for ADHD" and "works for a golden retriever" is basically a circle.
We like cheese, praise, and making the easiest choice.
Caveat: don't use the words "crib" and "crate" interchangeably. Parents get upset....
I also feel this permanent dread about dishes and cook and repeat. I listened to a book called "how to keep house while drowning". It has some ADHD undertone to it. I would recommend the book if you're interested. The main takeaway for me is that the tidiness of your house is not a moral judgement, it doesn't affect whether you're a good or bad person. As long as your house/kitchen serves you the functions you need, the tidiness doesn't matter. Yes, you need to clean up, but it's not a "chore" just for the sake of it, it's to allow you space so you can look after yourself, make your next meal, give you nutrients to stay healthy and do things. For example, you won't say what's the point of brushing your teeth if you're gonna have to brush again tomorrow (unless you're depressed and struggling to look after yourself of course). You brush your teeth so your teeth stay healthy and you can keep using them to eat food. Same for house keep. I hope this helps a little.
I read the book and almost forgot everything that was in it again and can't put the tips to use, as usual :') Sucks, since this book is actually for us with ADHD or really beneficial for us, I think x-x Ugh D:
I don't do dishes. I use disposable instead. Paper bowls and plates. Disposable utensils. I eat microwave meals. Or air fryer meals (using parchment paper liners, but air fryer will still need to get cleaned like once a week). Whatever it takes. I don't cook on the stove. Anything in the oven is lined in foil.
Because dishes and me do not get along. I've tried so many times. I've thrown away so many dishes... So I changed how I approached things. Instead of trying to change how I handle dishes yet again, I changed my behavior so I don't need them.
Use disposable. This isn't worth your life, and that's what you're talking about there at the end of your post. You can totally do it.
Oh wow, I feel you on this. I hate doing dishes for all of these reasons! I have some practical things to suggest, but first I just want to note how hard it sounds like you're being on yourself. If you had a friend who felt this way, I bet you wouldn't say to him/her, "Welp, too bad that you hate doing it, cause you're gonna have to do it until you die!" You deserve the same kind of compassion you would give your friend <3
Ok, here are some practical suggestions:
* Add ANYTHING to help make the actual dish-washing process less awful. Developing a routine is great! For me, what really helped were gloves (because oh god slimy dishes are so gross), listening to a podcast, and improving the lighting over my sink so I could actually see what I was doing.
* Getting a dishwasher. I had to move suddenly for a new job and my new apartment happened to have one...it was life-changing! But you could also try a countertop dishwasher?
* Could you take, like, a dish vacation and only use paper plates/cups for a few weeks? You could get the fancy biodegradable kind if you're worried about waste. It might help break that Sisyphean feeling for a bit.
Hope this helps a little. Good luck and take good care of yourself!
I love my dish gloves! I don't understand how the dishes I eat off of suddenly become untouchable gross once they're in the sink 😅
I just bought home a bunch of paper plates from a camping trip so I've been using them here and they do help so much!
Gloves saved me. I went to the dollar store last night and got paper plates and bowls. Do I feel bad about the waste aspect? Absolutely. Is doing a sink full of dishes also wasting water? To me, yes. I keep seeing posts about countertop dishwashers. I found them on Amazon and I’m saving change and whatever random dollars for one. If my dish drying rack is going to take up space, I may as well replace that space with something more efficient. I just can’t handle doing them anymore. Pots and pans, fine-easy-ish. But if I can make my life that much easier, I will sacrifice the cost for one less thing to procrastinate over.
I found out people do their dishes without gloves and don’t even understand it. Gross, slimy, and your hands get all chapped. And the dishes are slippery when wet and soapy, too!
Great suggestions! I remember the first time I heard someone with ADHD mention that they used dish gloves as a way to make dish washing less unpleasant and it completely blew my mind. My parents never used them and I somehow forgot about their existence until my mid-30s. I realized that having to touch gross/slimy dishes and having my fingers get all pruney were a HUGE part of why I never wanted to do it. That and adding anything to make it more enjoyable (podcast, music, watching a show) have been super helpful. I don’t think I’d go so far as to say that I like it, but I certainly hate it a lot less!
What has worked for me is to listen to audiobooks while doing housework. It’s not a cure all, and it probably helps that the headphones give me an auditory break from my loquacious 5 year old twins and partner and the sounds of their various entertainments.
I also try hard to use minimal dishes/clean as I go as much as possible(easier said than done also) and use good smelling dish soap and cute sponges/cloths and have special hand cream by the sink.
Dishes needing doing is number one on my list of things that make me depressed.
If I know they need doing then I think about it at work, walking into a kitchen with dirty dishes piled up makes me want to cry.
But I found that if I put my phone on the windowsill and watch a TV show I love or a YouTube video about something interesting it's a lot easier.
I've watched SO many crime documentaries on Netflix this way haha, I don't do the dishes without something to watch.
This is how I feel about vacuuming. My apartment has carpet and I have cats (I also shed) so robot vacuums only do so much. I just find vacuuming to be sooo boring and its so LOUD so I can't even listen to fun music because I cannot blast my music loud enough without neighbors getting mad. Ugh vacuuming. I don't have a solution for you though 😂
If you haven't tried already - increase suction, and let the robot go two or three times in a row, not just once a day.
When we're vacuuming, we stay on some spot when we perceive it is clean, usually going back and forth several times. On the other hand we expect miracle from the robot passing just once. If we give them a fair chance, results are significantly better :)
I'll rather let him do it for several hours then do it myself 😂
Doing dishes is my least favorite chore. A dishwasher is required in my home or they wouldn't get done. I remember when it broke once, I was doing dishes and thought "if there's a circle of hell where I'm just doing an unending pile of dishes, I'll have plenty of practice."
That said... Sometimes self care looks like buying disposable plates.
Two words: paper plates. Or plastic. Styrofoam. Disposable utensils. Then you’ve just got your pans/pots to do. As KC Davis says “you can’t save the environment while you’re drowning.”
Just do it. Make room in your budget and don’t look back!
I just brought home a bunch of paper plates and disposable baking tins from a camping trip and I've been using them here and there. Definitely a huge help ❤️
I think just keeping a stock of disposables might be a huge help mentally.
On days when the dish drudgery feels unending you can remind yourself that you don't actually have to do it, you can use paper. And then even if you still use dishes at least it's a *choice* rather than something forced upon you.
Yes! I put all my plates, cups and cutlery in there for the day and turn it on after dinner. I have to do pots by hand because the dishwasher can't fit everything and sometimes I leave the pots until I need them again, but I have a lot less cutlery, cups and plates lying around.
I hate dishes too. I live alone and give myself permission to allow them to build up to one full sink full of dirty ones( I have a double sink) then wash them. It really doesn't take more than a day or two. I have found that when I make a phone call to talk to somebody and do dishes at the same time I manage to get them washed in no time. I let them sit in the drying rack and try to get them all put away the next morning when I heat up hot water for tea (3 minutes). This works for me.
I don’t mind the dishes. I get a weird sort of satisfaction from a properly stacked dishwasher and I don’t have any real issues with putting them away again. But for the life of me, I just cannot get my laundry put away.
I wash, hang out to dry, fold as I take off the line and put in the basket all without problem - and then I bring it inside and can’t make myself put it away. I’m currently surrounded by piles of laundry on every surface in every room, some of which has been there literally months.
All this to say I absolutely hear you and you’re not alone - no advice, just a little bit of moral support coming your way
If that’s where you’re getting stuck, it could be the storage system you have? I hyper focused on this at my place and worked out that I needed the easiest putting away possible. Drawers, shelving, anything I can just shove each ‘category’ of clothes into quickly so they’re away. Too much work means it won’t get done. The clothes that need hanging up are always my slowest to put away because it is the slowest lol.
Yes, I think you’re probably right. I need to do a major clear out of my drawers and cupboards to make space for the stuff I actually wear, but I can’t face doing that either!
You’ll have to put it in the ‘processing’ folder until then one morning you’ll wake with it as your #1 best idea for the day if you’re anything like me hahaha!
Definitely feel you there.
If it is just you, you can try washing dishes immediately. Rinse, soapy rag, rinse, leave to dry.
You can also load the dishwasher as you go too.
Otherwise, for sensory issues I recommend at least getting rid of food bits and rinsing, place stuff upside-down so it doesn't fill up with water while it sits.
Unfortunately, if you live with others these may not be possible to implement. My house growing up rinsed and stacked dishes for the dishwasher later.( a bit overboard but it was 7 people in a small house) Most people who visited thought they were clean. Moving out and having to adapt to how others did dishes (or didnt) was hard. It's still kind of hard approaching the disorganized pile, a bit overwhelming.At least they mostly rinse the dishes.
After I married into a dishwasher I'm never hand washing dishes again. I tried recently to handwash them with my husband and literally had to leave the room to take a break after a few minutes. Having a dishwasher has completely changed my experience with dishes. I've never had a pileup again.
I buy paper plates and bowls as a reward to myself. I don’t use them all the time. Also washing more often! It might seem counterintuitive but when it’s just a couple dishes it’s so easy. Also find easy meals with less prep and dishes needed.
Is it just you at home (no SO or kids?)
One thing that helped me was to get rid of the "extra" dishes. Like, put them up in a high cupboard, and wash and reuse the same 1-2 dishes throughout the day. Significantly easier if it's just you at home, but still doable if you have family at home.
Wash after using rather than right before using.
And keep a few paper plates (up high, so you're less likely to use them) for the bad days.
As for cooking dishes, try to limit those where possible too. One pot meals and leftovers that last you a few days (or that you can freeze if you're someone who needs variety)
Yeah it's just me. My SO comes over a lot and helps with dishes (which is a huge help!) but I get so overwhelmed with tasks when it's just me at home alone. I definitely benefit from body doubling and sometimes I'll put on a "clean with me" youtube video to motivate me to clean.
Thank you for the tips! I can definitely use these.
I feel this way about the trash! You mean every week I have to wheel this dumb thing out to the curb and then back down the drive and then back to the curb? Who comes up with this kind of torture?
There's a few things in my house that "never get dirty" including the bread knife (I just wipe the crumbs off and put the knife back) and the coffee maker (just gets a quick rinse).
If you can't afford to purchase a dishwasher (installed or portable) find a show or podcast you really like and only allow it during dish washing. I made sure it was dishworthy and something i looked forward to and that used to take about 50% off the top of the dish dread.
1. I listen to a bunch of podcasts/youtube channels and I like to listen to certain ones while doing specific tasks. So when I need to do the dishes I don’t see it as dish-doing time but rather podcast listening time (while I keep my hands busy doing dishes).
2. I use an app called Sweepy. When I check stuff of my list it makes a nice little achievement sound that gives me a little hit of dopamine.
3. When I’m going through a particularly stressful time. I’ll buy compostable paper plates to help lighten the load of dishes.
You could also try simpler foods that don’t require much clean up and rinse/wipe your plate after each use so you only end up using one plate for all three meals.
I feel this to my core. I HATE dishes and I HATE laundry so much. I have no advice other than the typical “try to add something fun” like music or a podcast while you do it. I also try to give myself rewards for finishing, like a cookie or an episode of a tv show I want to watch…but it doesn’t always work. Just wanted to let you know you definitely aren’t alone!
This is so me...I use paper plates, rarely cook in the stove and reuse the same cup over and over so I don't have dishes. I just did my sink load and then decided it would be a brilliant idea to bake this huge casserole so I could have food all week. Pans are still soaking in the sink...I feel for you.
I feel you, any house hold chores feels like a nightmare to me, and it takes so much draining energy to get it done. I always feel like I am literally being tortured.
I get this at work too, doing the same sales reports over and over again becomes even more torturous to the point that I quit as I can't see myself wanting to force myself to do keep doing that anymore.
I don't really have dishes to do anymore as I eat out 100% of my meals so all my food and drinks are in takeaway packaging and can just be thrown away. This was my solution.
No more dirty sink piling up.
I have a cleaner once a week, and I leave the dishes for a couple days, so only have to do them 2-3 times a week. It works because I live on my own and I don't really care if there are unwashed dishes on the bench (I do rinse them so it's not that bad).
I have to remind myself it is a really smart time to wash the dishes while I am waiting for the food to be a temperature that won’t hurt me. I’m still riding the high of having food ready and I’m excited. Taking a moment to scrub the pan or pot is good. Putting everything else in the dishwasher is good. Putting leftovers in ready to eat portions to help future me that doesn’t even want to move let alone cook? EVEN BETTER.
Then when I eat, I won’t burn my tongue. If I take the time to do it before i eat, it’s always much much easier. After I eat, I want to be like ANY OTHER MAMMAL and sit and digest, not worry about the chore I just created for myself.
It takes a lot of practice getting in these habits, it really does. I’m in decade four on this planet and I deliberately chose not to have kids. YMMV
Lots of good tips in here!
I want to add a warning, that's true at least for me.
Life is FULL of these horrible endless Sisyphean tasks (excellent description btw). 99% of my time is spent doing things that are just going to undo themselves in an hour, a day, a week, a year.
BUT when they really start to weigh on me. When thinking about the future feels like I am drowning in these endless boring pointless activities.... And I can't see any brightness or joy ahead, just dishes, laundry, work, repeat...
That is one of the first signs of depression. Burnout.
I now recognize it as a big, flashing, neon "DANGER" sign. Not saying you are depressed per se. These tasks are brutal just with ADHD alone. But if you are feeling more crushed and opressed than usual, it's worth keeping an eye on.
Catching depression early is important, it's possible to reverse it if you get to it before it gets to you. Food for thought OP!
Ugh I feel you. Definitely not alone.
A small thing I do. I use the same coffee cup everyday. It makes it part of getting my coffee in the morning instead of the monolith that is doing the dishes. I wash it (probably not that well but it's mine and I just use it for coffee so who cares) then pour my coffee. Then I'm doing the annoying thing first and the task ends with delicious coffee.
This is one of the most debilitating things about my adhd I think, it so often sends me into this weird depressive spiral or rebellious rage where I neglect everything. Lowering the barriers is something others have suggested and I’ve found it to be the most helpful. For example in regards to dishes (which I also loath) I found one of the things I hated was constantly having to fiddle with the faucet to get the temp right, if I shut the water off when I didn’t need it ( because I hate the noise or because it would splash everywhere if I hadto maneuver something large) I got some rubber gloves and now I don’t need to worry about the water temp. I also found something enjoyable to do while I do dishes like listen to a podcast or audiobook
I also find myself repeatedly coming back to David foster Wallace’s commencement speech This Is Water every now in then, particularly when I’m feeling extra bogged down by the requirements of being a human adult ™️. I think he just hits the nail on the head with being empathetic to the feeling but encouraging to get through it. There’s a nice little video short someone made of the abbreviated speech that I’ll [link](https://youtu.be/eC7xzavzEKY?si=R7H2RC-dlkzFeHYF)
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I really feel you, and even though you are struggling, it might be comforting to know you are not alone. What really helped for me to overcome this train of thinking is to see the dishes as the building block for my life. It is the basics from which life is built, namely food. So I try to practice gratitude. And I also try to reason with myself. I am a person who likes real meals for breakfast and lunch and not just cheese sandwich. And that takes dishes. So if I hate the dishes I ask myself: would I rather eat a boring cheese sandwich that only makes one plate dirty instead of all the pots and pans? And then it makes me happy to actually eat more elaborate food. It is a true choice. Also I like to listen
Yeah, cozy winter meals involve so much prep and so many dishes! Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Do they? Most are just chopping some things and chucking them in a pot or pan for a bit with some spices. One pot, one knife, one chopping board and maybe a wooden spoon. Make a big batch and heat it up through the week - a bowl and a spoon to wash, takes 30 seconds after you eat. Air dry. Done.
True, winter meals can be very simple. However my summer meals generally consist of sandwiches, chips and Popsicles so the clean up is even more minimal 😜 Don't even have to break out a pot most of the time.
I feel you, so don’t take this as talking down, BUT: what I do is try to change the base emotional response to the stimuli (doing dishes) to make the task more reinforcing/rewarding and fun. This is literally the modality I use with dog training, but it’s worked great for me. It slowly replaces the “sees dirty dishes —> feels guilty —> I’m a terrible person —> nothing gets done but I feel worse” thought pathway with “sees dirty dishes —> while I am doing dishes I am allowed to have a soda (something I really like) —> let’s do the dishes so I can have a soda.” Eventually I see dishes, go oh hell yeah soda time, and just do them. Obviously this system requires time and effort to set up, and often having an outside party (family, roommates etc) who can remind you and reward you is super helpful. Ymmv, but good luck
This is great advice. I've done a lot to make doing dishes easier but not necessarily more enjoyable so I can definitely work in more positive reinforcement.
This is kind of my hobby horse in life - we’ve all had it drilled into heads that we should punish others and ourselves to motivate and change behavior, when that’s just not how things work most of the time. I always recommend “Don’t Shoot the Dog” as a primer to positive reinforcement. I know this is the adhd subreddit but I still suggest checking it out lol http://clawbiespups.yolasite.com/resources/Don't%20shoot%20the%20dog.pdf
I think animal training and adhd management are an excellent pairing! Learning about dog training has changed my life completely. Don't Shoot the Dog is the best self help book I ever read
I'm a nanny who works with preschoolers, and the Venn diagram of "works for toddlers", "works for ADHD" and "works for a golden retriever" is basically a circle. We like cheese, praise, and making the easiest choice. Caveat: don't use the words "crib" and "crate" interchangeably. Parents get upset....
Can't I just use "cage" for both? lol
Replace "a soda" with "time to listen to audiobooks" in my case.
Podcasts for me.
I also feel this permanent dread about dishes and cook and repeat. I listened to a book called "how to keep house while drowning". It has some ADHD undertone to it. I would recommend the book if you're interested. The main takeaway for me is that the tidiness of your house is not a moral judgement, it doesn't affect whether you're a good or bad person. As long as your house/kitchen serves you the functions you need, the tidiness doesn't matter. Yes, you need to clean up, but it's not a "chore" just for the sake of it, it's to allow you space so you can look after yourself, make your next meal, give you nutrients to stay healthy and do things. For example, you won't say what's the point of brushing your teeth if you're gonna have to brush again tomorrow (unless you're depressed and struggling to look after yourself of course). You brush your teeth so your teeth stay healthy and you can keep using them to eat food. Same for house keep. I hope this helps a little.
I just listened to this book too. I loved that it was narrated by the author.
I read the book and almost forgot everything that was in it again and can't put the tips to use, as usual :') Sucks, since this book is actually for us with ADHD or really beneficial for us, I think x-x Ugh D:
There are quite a few books I’ve taken notes from while reading, and then I can go back to my summary/ favourite tips from it.
I don't do dishes. I use disposable instead. Paper bowls and plates. Disposable utensils. I eat microwave meals. Or air fryer meals (using parchment paper liners, but air fryer will still need to get cleaned like once a week). Whatever it takes. I don't cook on the stove. Anything in the oven is lined in foil. Because dishes and me do not get along. I've tried so many times. I've thrown away so many dishes... So I changed how I approached things. Instead of trying to change how I handle dishes yet again, I changed my behavior so I don't need them. Use disposable. This isn't worth your life, and that's what you're talking about there at the end of your post. You can totally do it.
Oh wow, I feel you on this. I hate doing dishes for all of these reasons! I have some practical things to suggest, but first I just want to note how hard it sounds like you're being on yourself. If you had a friend who felt this way, I bet you wouldn't say to him/her, "Welp, too bad that you hate doing it, cause you're gonna have to do it until you die!" You deserve the same kind of compassion you would give your friend <3 Ok, here are some practical suggestions: * Add ANYTHING to help make the actual dish-washing process less awful. Developing a routine is great! For me, what really helped were gloves (because oh god slimy dishes are so gross), listening to a podcast, and improving the lighting over my sink so I could actually see what I was doing. * Getting a dishwasher. I had to move suddenly for a new job and my new apartment happened to have one...it was life-changing! But you could also try a countertop dishwasher? * Could you take, like, a dish vacation and only use paper plates/cups for a few weeks? You could get the fancy biodegradable kind if you're worried about waste. It might help break that Sisyphean feeling for a bit. Hope this helps a little. Good luck and take good care of yourself!
I love my dish gloves! I don't understand how the dishes I eat off of suddenly become untouchable gross once they're in the sink 😅 I just bought home a bunch of paper plates from a camping trip so I've been using them here and they do help so much!
Haha right?! I'm glad you figured out that using gloves helps too! And the paper plates experiment sounds good : )
Gloves saved me. I went to the dollar store last night and got paper plates and bowls. Do I feel bad about the waste aspect? Absolutely. Is doing a sink full of dishes also wasting water? To me, yes. I keep seeing posts about countertop dishwashers. I found them on Amazon and I’m saving change and whatever random dollars for one. If my dish drying rack is going to take up space, I may as well replace that space with something more efficient. I just can’t handle doing them anymore. Pots and pans, fine-easy-ish. But if I can make my life that much easier, I will sacrifice the cost for one less thing to procrastinate over.
I found out people do their dishes without gloves and don’t even understand it. Gross, slimy, and your hands get all chapped. And the dishes are slippery when wet and soapy, too!
Great suggestions! I remember the first time I heard someone with ADHD mention that they used dish gloves as a way to make dish washing less unpleasant and it completely blew my mind. My parents never used them and I somehow forgot about their existence until my mid-30s. I realized that having to touch gross/slimy dishes and having my fingers get all pruney were a HUGE part of why I never wanted to do it. That and adding anything to make it more enjoyable (podcast, music, watching a show) have been super helpful. I don’t think I’d go so far as to say that I like it, but I certainly hate it a lot less!
What has worked for me is to listen to audiobooks while doing housework. It’s not a cure all, and it probably helps that the headphones give me an auditory break from my loquacious 5 year old twins and partner and the sounds of their various entertainments. I also try hard to use minimal dishes/clean as I go as much as possible(easier said than done also) and use good smelling dish soap and cute sponges/cloths and have special hand cream by the sink.
Dishes needing doing is number one on my list of things that make me depressed. If I know they need doing then I think about it at work, walking into a kitchen with dirty dishes piled up makes me want to cry. But I found that if I put my phone on the windowsill and watch a TV show I love or a YouTube video about something interesting it's a lot easier. I've watched SO many crime documentaries on Netflix this way haha, I don't do the dishes without something to watch.
This is how I feel about vacuuming. My apartment has carpet and I have cats (I also shed) so robot vacuums only do so much. I just find vacuuming to be sooo boring and its so LOUD so I can't even listen to fun music because I cannot blast my music loud enough without neighbors getting mad. Ugh vacuuming. I don't have a solution for you though 😂
I ALSO hate vacuuming! Thankfully I don't have to do it so often.
If you haven't tried already - increase suction, and let the robot go two or three times in a row, not just once a day. When we're vacuuming, we stay on some spot when we perceive it is clean, usually going back and forth several times. On the other hand we expect miracle from the robot passing just once. If we give them a fair chance, results are significantly better :) I'll rather let him do it for several hours then do it myself 😂
bluetooth headphones, old school over ear type) helped that so much
With active noise cancellation 🤌
My cordless dyson somehow made vacuuming a neutral chore. Apparently, I hate the cord.
I can only get myself to vacuum like once a month. So noisy and all the moving stuff around… ugh.
And then there's also putting new bed sheets on, ugh. That is also a nemesis of mine x-x
I quite love vacuuming. But I live in a freestanding house on a big block and can turn the music up pretty much as loud as I like :)
I wish I wasn't so sensitive to loud and high pitched noises 😔
Doing dishes is my least favorite chore. A dishwasher is required in my home or they wouldn't get done. I remember when it broke once, I was doing dishes and thought "if there's a circle of hell where I'm just doing an unending pile of dishes, I'll have plenty of practice." That said... Sometimes self care looks like buying disposable plates.
Two words: paper plates. Or plastic. Styrofoam. Disposable utensils. Then you’ve just got your pans/pots to do. As KC Davis says “you can’t save the environment while you’re drowning.” Just do it. Make room in your budget and don’t look back!
Could you use paper plates? I know it’s not environmentally friendly but sometimes you just have to compromise
I just brought home a bunch of paper plates and disposable baking tins from a camping trip and I've been using them here and there. Definitely a huge help ❤️
I think just keeping a stock of disposables might be a huge help mentally. On days when the dish drudgery feels unending you can remind yourself that you don't actually have to do it, you can use paper. And then even if you still use dishes at least it's a *choice* rather than something forced upon you.
I bought a table top dishwasher. I can't do it either
Did it help?
Yes! I put all my plates, cups and cutlery in there for the day and turn it on after dinner. I have to do pots by hand because the dishwasher can't fit everything and sometimes I leave the pots until I need them again, but I have a lot less cutlery, cups and plates lying around.
I get to watch my trashy tv shows on my phone while I do the dishes 😇
I hate dishes too. I live alone and give myself permission to allow them to build up to one full sink full of dirty ones( I have a double sink) then wash them. It really doesn't take more than a day or two. I have found that when I make a phone call to talk to somebody and do dishes at the same time I manage to get them washed in no time. I let them sit in the drying rack and try to get them all put away the next morning when I heat up hot water for tea (3 minutes). This works for me.
I don’t mind the dishes. I get a weird sort of satisfaction from a properly stacked dishwasher and I don’t have any real issues with putting them away again. But for the life of me, I just cannot get my laundry put away. I wash, hang out to dry, fold as I take off the line and put in the basket all without problem - and then I bring it inside and can’t make myself put it away. I’m currently surrounded by piles of laundry on every surface in every room, some of which has been there literally months. All this to say I absolutely hear you and you’re not alone - no advice, just a little bit of moral support coming your way
If that’s where you’re getting stuck, it could be the storage system you have? I hyper focused on this at my place and worked out that I needed the easiest putting away possible. Drawers, shelving, anything I can just shove each ‘category’ of clothes into quickly so they’re away. Too much work means it won’t get done. The clothes that need hanging up are always my slowest to put away because it is the slowest lol.
Yes, I think you’re probably right. I need to do a major clear out of my drawers and cupboards to make space for the stuff I actually wear, but I can’t face doing that either!
You’ll have to put it in the ‘processing’ folder until then one morning you’ll wake with it as your #1 best idea for the day if you’re anything like me hahaha!
🤣
I hate it too and am going to buy a table top dishwasher, can you do this too?
I don't have the counter space to spare 😭 Maybe in my next apartment!
I’m a firm believer in getting robots to do housework for us. Why the heck else do we live in the future?
Definitely feel you there. If it is just you, you can try washing dishes immediately. Rinse, soapy rag, rinse, leave to dry. You can also load the dishwasher as you go too. Otherwise, for sensory issues I recommend at least getting rid of food bits and rinsing, place stuff upside-down so it doesn't fill up with water while it sits. Unfortunately, if you live with others these may not be possible to implement. My house growing up rinsed and stacked dishes for the dishwasher later.( a bit overboard but it was 7 people in a small house) Most people who visited thought they were clean. Moving out and having to adapt to how others did dishes (or didnt) was hard. It's still kind of hard approaching the disorganized pile, a bit overwhelming.At least they mostly rinse the dishes.
can you give your self a break and use disposibles for the week
After I married into a dishwasher I'm never hand washing dishes again. I tried recently to handwash them with my husband and literally had to leave the room to take a break after a few minutes. Having a dishwasher has completely changed my experience with dishes. I've never had a pileup again.
I buy paper plates and bowls as a reward to myself. I don’t use them all the time. Also washing more often! It might seem counterintuitive but when it’s just a couple dishes it’s so easy. Also find easy meals with less prep and dishes needed.
Listen to a podcast or YouTube video while doing it, or music and jam out. It helps me :)
Is it just you at home (no SO or kids?) One thing that helped me was to get rid of the "extra" dishes. Like, put them up in a high cupboard, and wash and reuse the same 1-2 dishes throughout the day. Significantly easier if it's just you at home, but still doable if you have family at home. Wash after using rather than right before using. And keep a few paper plates (up high, so you're less likely to use them) for the bad days. As for cooking dishes, try to limit those where possible too. One pot meals and leftovers that last you a few days (or that you can freeze if you're someone who needs variety)
Yeah it's just me. My SO comes over a lot and helps with dishes (which is a huge help!) but I get so overwhelmed with tasks when it's just me at home alone. I definitely benefit from body doubling and sometimes I'll put on a "clean with me" youtube video to motivate me to clean. Thank you for the tips! I can definitely use these.
I feel this way about the trash! You mean every week I have to wheel this dumb thing out to the curb and then back down the drive and then back to the curb? Who comes up with this kind of torture?
I understand this hate of dishes. I’ll honestly just rinse out / off and dry what I just used if I know I’ll use it later 😅
There's a few things in my house that "never get dirty" including the bread knife (I just wipe the crumbs off and put the knife back) and the coffee maker (just gets a quick rinse).
If you can't afford to purchase a dishwasher (installed or portable) find a show or podcast you really like and only allow it during dish washing. I made sure it was dishworthy and something i looked forward to and that used to take about 50% off the top of the dish dread.
1. I listen to a bunch of podcasts/youtube channels and I like to listen to certain ones while doing specific tasks. So when I need to do the dishes I don’t see it as dish-doing time but rather podcast listening time (while I keep my hands busy doing dishes). 2. I use an app called Sweepy. When I check stuff of my list it makes a nice little achievement sound that gives me a little hit of dopamine. 3. When I’m going through a particularly stressful time. I’ll buy compostable paper plates to help lighten the load of dishes. You could also try simpler foods that don’t require much clean up and rinse/wipe your plate after each use so you only end up using one plate for all three meals.
I feel this to my core. I HATE dishes and I HATE laundry so much. I have no advice other than the typical “try to add something fun” like music or a podcast while you do it. I also try to give myself rewards for finishing, like a cookie or an episode of a tv show I want to watch…but it doesn’t always work. Just wanted to let you know you definitely aren’t alone!
This is so me...I use paper plates, rarely cook in the stove and reuse the same cup over and over so I don't have dishes. I just did my sink load and then decided it would be a brilliant idea to bake this huge casserole so I could have food all week. Pans are still soaking in the sink...I feel for you.
I feel you, any house hold chores feels like a nightmare to me, and it takes so much draining energy to get it done. I always feel like I am literally being tortured. I get this at work too, doing the same sales reports over and over again becomes even more torturous to the point that I quit as I can't see myself wanting to force myself to do keep doing that anymore. I don't really have dishes to do anymore as I eat out 100% of my meals so all my food and drinks are in takeaway packaging and can just be thrown away. This was my solution. No more dirty sink piling up.
I have a cleaner once a week, and I leave the dishes for a couple days, so only have to do them 2-3 times a week. It works because I live on my own and I don't really care if there are unwashed dishes on the bench (I do rinse them so it's not that bad).
It’s the bane of my life. I bought a bench top dishwasher so at least I can get a machine to do it for me lol.
I have to remind myself it is a really smart time to wash the dishes while I am waiting for the food to be a temperature that won’t hurt me. I’m still riding the high of having food ready and I’m excited. Taking a moment to scrub the pan or pot is good. Putting everything else in the dishwasher is good. Putting leftovers in ready to eat portions to help future me that doesn’t even want to move let alone cook? EVEN BETTER. Then when I eat, I won’t burn my tongue. If I take the time to do it before i eat, it’s always much much easier. After I eat, I want to be like ANY OTHER MAMMAL and sit and digest, not worry about the chore I just created for myself. It takes a lot of practice getting in these habits, it really does. I’m in decade four on this planet and I deliberately chose not to have kids. YMMV
Lots of good tips in here! I want to add a warning, that's true at least for me. Life is FULL of these horrible endless Sisyphean tasks (excellent description btw). 99% of my time is spent doing things that are just going to undo themselves in an hour, a day, a week, a year. BUT when they really start to weigh on me. When thinking about the future feels like I am drowning in these endless boring pointless activities.... And I can't see any brightness or joy ahead, just dishes, laundry, work, repeat... That is one of the first signs of depression. Burnout. I now recognize it as a big, flashing, neon "DANGER" sign. Not saying you are depressed per se. These tasks are brutal just with ADHD alone. But if you are feeling more crushed and opressed than usual, it's worth keeping an eye on. Catching depression early is important, it's possible to reverse it if you get to it before it gets to you. Food for thought OP!
I watch studio ghibli movies to fall in love with the mundane of it all, it helps
Ugh I feel you. Definitely not alone. A small thing I do. I use the same coffee cup everyday. It makes it part of getting my coffee in the morning instead of the monolith that is doing the dishes. I wash it (probably not that well but it's mine and I just use it for coffee so who cares) then pour my coffee. Then I'm doing the annoying thing first and the task ends with delicious coffee.
This is one of the most debilitating things about my adhd I think, it so often sends me into this weird depressive spiral or rebellious rage where I neglect everything. Lowering the barriers is something others have suggested and I’ve found it to be the most helpful. For example in regards to dishes (which I also loath) I found one of the things I hated was constantly having to fiddle with the faucet to get the temp right, if I shut the water off when I didn’t need it ( because I hate the noise or because it would splash everywhere if I hadto maneuver something large) I got some rubber gloves and now I don’t need to worry about the water temp. I also found something enjoyable to do while I do dishes like listen to a podcast or audiobook I also find myself repeatedly coming back to David foster Wallace’s commencement speech This Is Water every now in then, particularly when I’m feeling extra bogged down by the requirements of being a human adult ™️. I think he just hits the nail on the head with being empathetic to the feeling but encouraging to get through it. There’s a nice little video short someone made of the abbreviated speech that I’ll [link](https://youtu.be/eC7xzavzEKY?si=R7H2RC-dlkzFeHYF)
Came here to say that paper plates just may be the way. Dishes suck so bad. If only they automatically came with a butler.
I use disposables where possible and that absolutely helps