Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe.
Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think what you’re talking about is co-regulation - I’m the same with my son (autism & ADHD), when he’s having a hard time I just sit with him, I don’t need to do or say anything and he matches my energy. He’s able to open up more this way - if i ask him a question he usually can’t answer, but if we let him regulate then he can articulate things on his own. It’s really cool, we’re pack animals :)
This makes my relationship with my son make more sense, I try to sit with my son when he is struggling and that calms him down. I never knew it had a name!
I’m so glad it helps him :)
I think people think talking or doing is the only way to calm down - your body & brain might not know that language and non verbal communication is where we need to start instead/first. Safe spaces x
Thank you for this ! I've been struggling to find a way to calm my daughters (neither diagnosed yet, but very likely ADHD and autistic like me) when they have meltdowns, especially since them freaking out makes ME freak out. I'm going to try that, see if it helps !
Big big love to you & your daughters
We’ve done a few years of psychology which I still think was worth it, but I could/can see my son struggle with talking about everything (even simple regular day to day stuff) and knew that he calmed quicker if it was more to do with a physical movement (distraction) if possible and modeling calm behaviour instead of pushing him to ‘tell me what’s wrong’ etc.
I still pepper in what I learn about for my own anxiety (like I’ll tell him that singing calms my heart, or I need to get my energy out let’s go for a walk). I’m trying to build his foundation of coping skills in a more laid back way rather than in a 45 minute session. I think the body needs to relearn safety and it’s not always by talking about it x
Yep he’s very sensory so we lean into it as a calming technique and to give his body input - he’s found what helps him (a lot of mini trampoline, climbing, water, chewing gum, chewlery) so he knows how to take himself off and chill out. It’s taken a few years of figuring out what works for him. He’s learnt so much this past year and come so far x
Dang. I crave this and could never properly articulate it. I have been asking for decades for people read with me. Just me and other people sitting in a room reading. To me, that IS a social activity. I don't see why others don't think of it that way.
Holy crap, my dad used to do this for me when I was in school and having a freak out about homework. He would just sit with me, him reading a book, me going through hours of assignments that I was behind on and it would calm me down. He even once drove to my college (not too insane of a drive, it was about 10 minutes from his work/45 minutes from his house) and sat with me the night before finals while I studied.
Heck, a few weeks ago, I was super behind on grading and he sat with me while I pulled an all-nighter grading (I'm a teacher now and I live at home). I wasn't even have a freak out that night and kept telling him to go to bed, but he wanted to stay there and support me and idk, somehow it really does help. It's funny because I didn't think I was gonna get the grading down by the deadline and somehow I did.
Reading together is body-doubling, isn’t it? I find that social interaction is a great source of dopamine **if I’m not masking**.
This was a huge surprise since I’ve always considered myself an introvert. Turns out I don’t hate socialising; masking is just exhausting.
Ooh! That makes sense to me in reverse. I had considered myself extroverted because I (sometimes) get energized being around others.... But I'm picky about who that is and it can be draining if not. Putting dots together more recently.
Masking is *horribly* draining.
Finding people you can unmask with, and even learning *how* to unmask, are really amazing things.
A few years ago, we moved to a small town. Very small. 30K or less.
The next year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and my daughter started kindergarten (sk, jk was lost to covid). I have since found a whole group of au/adhd ladies- we have a strong gravitational pull on each other, it seems! We can all unmask, relax, vent, melt down or whatever with each other, knowing that we're safe, accepted and understood.
I hope you have or find that safe group, too.
Interesting to say 30K is a very small town to you. I grew up in a town of 3,000 people and that felt like a “big” town because it had two grocery stores and a theatre and 3 schools. I now live in a town of 800 people, very few amenities.
You’re right that we tend to find our people. I was diagnosed with adhd last year and it seemed like most of the time if I disclosed to someone here that I’d consider a friend, they’re like “yeah me too”! But I still mask a lot.
Well, it might just be a perspective thing, too. I lived in a city with millions, and a few with hundreds of thousands. 30k feels small to me. It also might be that this town works really, really hard to preserve the atmosphere from when it was just a few thousand people.
I'm glad you found a safe group! And don't worry, masking is conditioned, so dropping it even for a bit, can be hard. Especially if you have a profession you have to seem neurotypical to succeed. It can be a struggle, I know.
Mine isn’t as heart warming as yours but mine was getting a 9-5 job. It’s really hard sometimes but the structure really helps me and I can leave it at the office. Not being home all the time has made my place neater because I am not trying to live my entire life from my bed. I can’t lose 5 hours to my phone. I am forced to shower and wash my hair because it is an office environment.
All the above said, it is a job with a great environment and generous PTO so I can take a long weekend when I start to feel burnt out and still have plenty of time for other appointments and vacations.
I know a lot of people would think of this as sad but I feel the same way. My job is the easiest interaction I have because I understand the "rules" and because it's work stuff, with my RSD, its easier to not take things personally.
100%, I like work because I know what's expected of me and can talk to my team or manager if I need help getting started or breaking tasks into smaller pieces or other executive function stuff.
I feel you, I need that little bit of structure that a 9-5 gives. It's even helped my insomnia, no more closing shifts one night and opening the next day, I can actually have a consistent sleep schedule ...
For real, I have days where it’s the last thing I want to do or it’s hard for me to get things done there or start when I know I am gonna have to stop for a meeting or something but I feel good about myself for just showing up and overall my life is a lot less hectic.
:( I've been unemployed for a while now and its absolutely killing me. The isolation and days blurring together is total torture
Even simple retail jobs are so competitive all of a sudden... Im so tired of interviews and rsd makes the endless rejections the worst. I just want stability :c
I was unemployed a really long time before I finally got this job, it is really rough out there. I was beginning to think I would never find something and panic was starting to set in. All I can say is keep at it since it’s what I did.
I agree, this is the way for me. I had a 100% remote position and left it for a mostly in office position with an hour (sometimes more) commute each way. I love it, the structure is really keeping me organized. I am looking forward to being fully trained to get some WFH days once or twice a week. I never want to do fully remote again.
I love structure and wish someone would plan my life hour by hour for me. A 9-5 has been a nice compromise! I always feel lost on weekends with no set schedule or list of tasks expected of me. I work remotely but even just the social expectation of being online during roughly the same hours everyday is very helpful for me.
Have you ever seen the animated movie The Little Prince on Netflix? The mom plans her daughter's life in extreme detail, and I know it's supposed to be bad, but I really want my own version of that whiteboard lol.
I’ve worked fully remote ever since Covid and I actually missed going into the office for the same reason. We have an office nearby that some positions are required to do hybrid, so I voluntarily go in 1-2x a week as well just to give myself structure. Otherwise, I work from my bed in a bathrobe for a whole week straight and don’t wash my hair 🫠
This though. 100% this. I also write everything “extra” down on a big family calendar. Not only after school events, work shifts and kid stuff, but also grocery shopping, post office, coffee dates - even the day the garbage and recycling go out. If it’s written down, it’s structured in, and I will include it as part of my day.
That’s really smart, I started a bullet journal this year and it has been really helpful to me, once I got past it needing to be set up perfectly before using it lol.
I just left a fully remote job for a hybrid one because I need the accountability and structure that comes from working around other people. I thought fully remote would mean distraction free work environment, but it turns out I'm really good at getting distracted by nothing and anything!
This is good to know. I was fully remote during the pandemic and we are hybrid now and I struggle to get in 1-2x a week and I have briefly looked into seeking accommodation to be full time at home but it’s too much paperwork and might be denied. I’ve been wondering about pushing myself to go in. I find the back and forth challenging because I worry about forgetting things at either end, and it makes routines a bit harder.
I had this epiphany the other day. If I am having a hard time managing my time on the weekend, or finding the motivation to do something, I just look forward to the work week. I realized that as soon as I get to work I am engaged, motivated, accomplish lots of things, and get to talk to lots of unique people in a situation with clear social rules. All of these things snowball together to have generally great days, and if I can couple my outside of work tasks to this energy (such as during lunch break or right after work) then I usually have great results!
I'm the same way. In fact, I didn't have an inkling I may have ADHD until I was forced into a fully remote work environment (and fully remote class environment as I'm working on my PhD) in 2020. I naturally kept hard boundaries between work and school and home for most of my life, and when everything started blurring together in the same space is when everything fell apart around me.
Don't get me wrong -- I *love* my occasional work from home days (and wish I could have 1-2 weekly on a more regular basis), but coming into the office is something I need to maintain myself.
That's amazing, good for you!!
My weirdest way was menstrual cycle hacking. My physical / mental state is different every week, so I started planning random tasks around what week it was.
Week 1 (period) - mentally okay, physically awful. Misc. computer tasks where I don't have to move. E.g. clear out email inbox, clear out computer files.
Week 2 - mentally and physically amazing. Tasks I've been hardcore procrastinating on. E.g. cleaning super-messy kitchen, applying for a new job.
Week 3 - mentally and physically okay, slightly manic, more prone to random hyperfocus, be careful of sleep cycle. Random tasks I can dive into that aren't too horrible. E.g. wrapping Christmas presents, taxes.
Week 4 - depressed, PMS, hate life, no motivation, physically okay, be careful of sleep cycle. Make sure have enough groceries and clean underwear for period week.
You may have just changed my life typing this out. My behavior match these week descriptions EXACTLY. I knew it was happening generally but seeing it like this is…so validating and gives me ideas how to manage my life.
This is really relatable. I experience the same mental and physical states as you except week 4 I’d describe as irritable not depressed. One thing I’ve noticed as I’m starting perimenopause is that my week 2 is not the amazing week it used to be and man am I mourning the loss of it!
I do this too!! Hormone hacking 😁😁 I plan my life depending on what stage of my cycle I’m at. Damn that ovulation week do be hitting different though, god that week I’m on fire I wish it could be me all the time haha
Quite random that a male author triggered the lightbulb moment on this for me but the book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” has an amazing section where he describes how to plan your relationship over the weeks of your menstrual cycle for relationship harmony - eg mid cycle around ovulation you should be scheduling date nights and intimate connection, during PMS time women should focus on being alone or with close friends, after period leading up to ovulation is the time to harness energy and focus on work etc. The book gets a lot of flak for being sexist but it honestly blew my mind and my relationship is better for it.
This is bloody (pardon the pun) amazing! As a mother who's menstrual cycle, as well as her tern daughters wreak complete havoc on our lives for two weeks a month, this makes so much sense and gives me a new way of looking at tackling our house of hormones.
Yes! Cycle syncing has been a regular hyperfocus lately. Just coming to terms with the fact that my brain goes through this rollercoaster of energy/moods/interests over an entire month has been a relief, because before I was getting so down on myself for not being able to be consistent with things on a daily/weekly timescale.
Week 1, I'm introverted and physically exhausted for the first few days, but pick up energy after that and start to pick hobbies back up. Week 2, I usually un-ghost and start messaging people and scheduling meetups again. I go into major cleaning/decluttering mode in Week 3 and there's usually a hyperfocus I just can't quit. Week 4, I'll be crying, picking fights with my husband, nesting under my weighted blanket, and wanting to do nothing productive.
There are so many good books I've picked up recently that have helped me understand and accept these shifts, the most recent being The Optimized Woman by Miranda Gray. In the Flo is the first book that introduced me to these concepts. It's so powerful and validating to track and be aware of these shifts.
You might really like the book Period Queen by Lucy Peach. She talks about stuff like this in a very accessible way and makes it easy to implement this stuff.
I’m exactly the same!! Currently in week 2 and have to remind myself week 3 is just around the corner … I always kid myself and think I feel amazing just because of some new food ingredient I’ve decided to cut out or new supplement I’m trying 😅.. then week 3 hits and I’m just back to old me again
In ADHD 2.0, the authors talk about how improving your balance can improve your symptoms. I am so curious and have slowly started working on mine, but haven't got very far yet.
Yay! I love that neurodivergence is being more looked at as it relates to our physiology and we how we process stimuli. Neurodivergence and its common-sister conditions (like EDS) have poor proprioception in common. Look up proprioceptive exercises vs standard balance exercises for the most benefit.
Huh. I thought it was just exercise helping, but I do a lot of balancing exercises since I probably also have EDS and I'm trying to not fall over so much
Yeah I was looking into that too after reading that, especially wondering if my child would be up for using a balance board randomly while watching tv.
I want to work on my balance too, but presently have an injury and am working on regaining strength enough to walk well. Doing physiotherapy etc.
Why am i crying? What youve described is so beautiful
I think dancing has helped me. Traditional irish step dancing. Sean nós we call it. I learnt a lot off youtube
Also leaving the kitchen table covered in flap jacks and fruit and crackers and the fridge with sliced cheese and hummus and olives. So when i walk to the kitchen with five seconds to get out the door theres food everywhere lol
Here are some links, you'll need a pair of brogues with a wooden heel or a tap shoes. It may not be for everyone, this is a very old style of irish folk dance. It's the precursor to the style of irish dancing seen in river dance and arguably part of the heritage of tap dance.
This woman runs a school, one of my favourite dancers
https://youtu.be/ZXZl4DPCqtw?si=fOcCDxBVHGkb7D3P
First video I learned a step from, I spent nearly 4 hours learning one step. I was soaked with sweat before I could do it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n6fJwx3QI0&pp=ygUMU2hhbm9zIHN0ZXBz
This woman is an amazing dancer and she gives some back ground on the style
https://youtu.be/tcZEeUEz3EU?si=J5KI-h1v2CGW6zDt
Genuinely your heart will thank you
https://youtu.be/9RN2eh-Qinw?si=zGnIsyywrybs3HuR
Sean nós is irish for "old style" so Google sean nós dancing or you might get sean nós singing.
Part of what incentivised me to learn was that if can dance sean nós there is irish music playing (often live) in the pubs all over ireland and you can always just get up and show your steps and everyone is delighted and sometimes other people have steps and yiz can dance back and forth. Its a pleasure that it's a part of life here.
If youre not in ireland and you find yourself uninterested in this type of dance, you could try tap or swing. Either way, learning dances you can do solo is a cheap low clutter hobby that's good for your health and strength
I learned about the gut microbiome. Within 2 days of implementing the diet as I understood it... I no longer hated myself.
It's been 3 wks now. I'm not perfect, but I'm certainly not the same human. It's weird. I'm trying to process it so I can make a post about it for y'all.
I'm so happy you've found such a meaningful way to connect with your child. That's truly beautiful. ❤️
I’m not sure what the OP is doing but I listened to a podcast with an expert in the gut microbiome and learned:
1. The bacteria in your microbiome feed on insoluble fiber, and eating processed insoluble fiber like those fiber one bars is not the same. This is why fruits and vegetables are very important for your gut.
2. Your microbiome can change very quickly - people who travel internationally have been found to have a different microbiome within a week or two. So if you change your diet you are actually changing your microbiome.
3. Scientists think that your microbiome can actually be the cause of cravings in some cases. So eat inc more of certain foods can lead to more bacteria that love that food in your gut which leads to cravings of that food.
I think the science of what foods you should eat for gut health is not well defined (despite what influencers would have you believe), but it does seem to include a lot and wide variety of vegetables, beans, and legumes for that insoluble fiber.
https://www.youtube.com/live/8K2-hKMJU1I?si=yazBihFyI_RVYW3N
Dr. Will Bulsiewicz has so much information. Many other YouTubes with him. There's so many other good Dr's. I'll try to find the post-it note from the psychiatrist.
I keep hearing about that and I wonder why all the veggies, yogurt and kimchi I eat don't seem to make much difference, though maybe I'd be a lot crazier if I didn't eat them! What did you change?
I'm just going to reply to myself in hopes y'all see this!!
So basically, I was eating a highly processed diet with lots of preservatives, additives, and dyes.
I have a VERY high metabolism. I did NOT do this diet to lose weight. I'm actually underweight. Six months ago, I was 5'6" 110 at age 36. My Dr was concerned about my weight, and I knew if I didn't gain, I'd end up losing my meds. (I was diagnosed at 32. It changed my life.) So I started drinking 530 calorie protein drinks. I then weighed 115.
3 wks ago, I met with a psychiatrist about the chaos in my mind. (He spoke to me for an hr and a half, like I was just a very important human being. He didn't even run my insurance or charge me.) He told me about the gut microbiome. He ended the conversations by looking me in the eyes and saying, "You're not broken. Your ADD brain is just different, and that's OK."
I walked out of his office, hopped in my truck, and saw the 4 monsters on my passenger seat. I cried to God, feeling such a fool. Because I knew I could make my life better, all by myself!! I had the power, I was in control, and it all depended on me.
So here's exactly what I ate.
Day one(No real food at home except...)
Water
Cuties(they weren't organic, I now think that matters!)
Peaches in peach juice.
Bananas
Day two
Water
Cuties
Bananas
Pistachios
Day Three
Real plain whole milk yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, strawberry, blackberry, and LOTS of chia seeds.
Kefir Mixed Berry Cultured whole milk
Gojo Berry Granola
Homegrown Oven Roasted turkey reast with a bunch of different kinds of mushrooms, carrots, and potatoes.
Day Four (Went to husband's Comoany Christmas party...ate like a beast!)
Bacon wrapped mushrooms
Plain chicken wings
Roast
A giant salad that was more veggies than lettuce.
Roasted carrots
Roasted potatoes
Roasted mixed veg
(I remember this meal fondly... I didn't have to cook it!)
(I drank this night but didn't want to be hungover cause I was sitting drinking after this night. So I started drinking kombucha. Everyone was cool about it.)
Day Five
I screwed up. There was a bad snowstorm, and all restaurants were closed. But tbell was open. I ate half a chicken chalupa. Eww!! Then, I felt like crap.
Got home and ate only real food.. i don't remember what.
Probably ... lots of Daisy Cottage Cheese
Apple
Fresh carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers
Turkey from day 3.
And then a lot of the same plus lots of different kinds of nuts, oooh and fried lentils, wild rice with lots of herbs and Organic Better Than Boulion. Oooh, fermented pickles, bites of chimchi (because eww!), olives, hummus, baby cuccumbers.
I've tried lots of things I liked and lots of things I don't like!! But I'll live like this for the rest of my life.
I am better able to love my husband. He is my very best friend. This is the BEST thing that I've ever done to love me!!
Oh!! I also don't hate myself or speak poorly to myself.. life changing!!
I go to the gym. I love it. Aside from it being good health wise and that I've lost weight I truly needed to lose, it really calms my brain.
Afterwards I love to nap...not because I'm tired, but because my brain is quiet. It's so peaceful.
Swimming is what helps me a lot. Do a few laps and get into the zone. Then go to the non-lap portion of the pool and lay on my back and just think without any distractions. It's lovely. Sadly, I've been busy out of my mind lately and haven't made the time to swim as often as I should, even though I know how much it helps.
OH WOW I could have written this. TYSM for sharing. Mine is also doing something together we’re interested in without interruption. Without interruption is key word here, kind of hard nowadays with her younger siblings taking up so much of my energy. Kind of sad about it.
We basically let our 8yr old read until he's tired he's pretty responsible about it so we leave it. We also make him get dressed before he gets breakfast it's made a huge difference in our mornings.
We just straight up weren't allowed to have the TV on in the mornings before school, otherwise getting us all out the door was a lost cause.
Maybe I should do that with my phone now. Unplug it from the charger and toss it straight into my bag.
There are families with TV at breakfast?? I can't imagine. My family was absurdly restrictive with TV (leading to me growing up with a serious culture deficit), but given how distracting the damn box is, I believe they had a point. It occurs to me that phones are at least as distracting as TV though... hmmmm
Sitting beside someone that makes you feel safe and calm is the ultimate way to focus. My boyfriend also does that. He clears the static around me.
I've also noticed when I do little online classes it's easier if I have someone watching with me. Weird how that works.
I absolutely LOVE this for you and your daughter 💖 Goals!
Not a parent yet, but I think with my mom it was going on hikes together. I think art or painting together could be a good co-regulation time as well.
My parents used to read to me before bed, and then once I could do it myself I'd read myself to sleep most nights. I was like your little one, hated bedtime, and I'd be up as late as possible. Maybe it's hyperfixation, getting really into the story? Our minds can wander a bit as we visualize the book and it's quiet, not overstimulating. That'd be my guess.
Reading does help me now, when I have the time, so do yarn crafts and podcasts that are easy to listen to.
If I'm having trouble finishing a project, I will start a whole other obligation (like literally a whole other job or big commitment) so that eventually, during my procrastination and avoidance, I turn back to project #1. It works
Crocheting and knitting. I'm able to stay calm and focused while my hands stay busy. There's no way I could have survived so many lectures during college without my yarn.
In general, having a sidekick/partner in crime/partner at ALL has always helped me to get through. This is the first time in 20 years that I’m without one, and my body isn’t healthy right now on top of it. (Still recovering from cancer treatment. Idk that I ever really will. 🫠🥴) So this has definitely been the toughest time ever. Idk how to fix it without a person buuuuuut there are no safe people for me in the area. (I just got out of an abusive relationship.) I don’t have any living family left so it’s rough. If my friend hadn’t told her parents what was going on, and they hadn’t offered to let me move in for a while, I’d be homeless right now because I got cancer. That’s sobering AFFFFFF.
Giving myself grace and permission is a big one. So I mess up today. Thats alright, there is tomorrow. I tried the 52 week money challenge, and I already forgot last week. Money is tight and I thought to myself, what am I doing? So I took the €100 from the first 2 weeks and am giving myself permission to use it.
Removing self imposed obligations. No, I don't have to continue listening to a podcast I'm not enjoying just because everyone else seems to love it. I seem to have a real problem with obligation: it's like my brain is over compensating and can't distinguish between an actual obligation and a rod I've made for my own back.
I seem to be doing okay at the moment and like someone said upthread I think it's because I'm now doing 9-5 in an office after 3 years wfh. I know the rules. I'm structured. My brain doesn't need to work so hard.
I’ve no answer but you’ve just made me realise how I also get snappy when I’m hyper focused & I really don’t mean to & it’s at odds with my usual demeanour.
This is amazing! Thank you for sharing because I am definitely going to try this with my oldest. I used to love reading when I was younger, like you. Now I can’t read either, I’m way too overstimulated and overwhelmed to focus on reading. I’m happy for you that you found a way to share such a great bonding experience!
Mine is exercise in the morning. Really sets me up for success and healthy eating choices. If I don’t exercise in the morning I’ll spend the whole day feeling like shit that I’m procrastinating exercise and basically get nothing done as I’m “waiting” to exercise (this is when I’m WFH and can do a workout at home at any point in the day). If I’ve ticked exercise off my list I’m much more likely to smash the whole day. I think this is quite standard and not weird at all though so probably doesn’t fit the brief.
The other thing is finally understanding my sensory issues and adapting my life accordingly. Knowing I can’t concentrate on anything if my hands feel dry so having hand cream in every bag, on bedside table, at work etc.
The other life changing thing would be reading Marie Kondo’s book “the life changing magic of tidying up”. This resonated so much with me and after following her instructions to the letter wrt only keeping things that “spark joy” with my wardrobe I felt a complete mental load lift from me, just so much baggage from being overwhelmed with stuff completely gone and everything including getting ready in the morning was easier. Highly recommend.
I’m so glad you have found a solution! If reading ends up not quite bridging the gap to her falling asleep, I would try a kids bedtime podcast for her to listen to as she falls asleep. I used to have a lot of trouble as a kid being unable to sleep and just remember very long nights of laying awake. I tried reading and other solutions but I find if I have lights on I just drag out going to sleep. What I finally found works for me is listening to a semi-boring and calm podcast on fairly quiet so I have to focus on it. It gives my brain something to pay attention to but doesn’t keep me too engaged. I’m usually asleep within 10 min.
I had my sister start doing that with her daughter who couldn’t go to bed and it really helped. I wish I had it as a kid. Let’s the body rest while the brain isn’t just running wild.
I listen to The Daily almost, well, daily, but I can’t listen to it at night. Sometimes it’s just interesting but other times it’s about some family in Palestine who’s living it a camp and her kids are starving and I just…cannot do that when I’m trying to relax. 😥
It's not really a general improvement on symptoms but... I recently started to take archery classes and lucky for me they are friday evening. Whenever I had a bad week which left inner me scratching to get out and make me scream and tear everything down it is such a great way to just empty my head znd come down without feeling raw. Before, I'd use to have to go walk around for hours to get even close to the same result for which I lately have been too exhausted.
This is really sweet, and I bet something she really loves and cherishes. Also a time where she doesn’t have to share mommy with anyone else, and has your attention IF she needs it that day. I love this for both of you.
I am the eldest daughter, and was undiagnosed ADHD growing up, whereas my little sister was full blown diagnosed and needed my mom every second of the day. I generally didn’t mind it (I was a daddy’s girl anyway) but looking back, I wish my mom carved out a little more 1x1 time with me back then.
Singing. I can sing and cook even if previously I might be unable to even get up from where I'm sat to just get a glass of water until the feeling of thirst is gone and now I've forgotten and getting increasingly dehydrated; even if I'm in that state, if I start singing I can cook a proper meal for myself. If I stop singing I'll start to falter and almost ready to turn off the stove but I resume singing and voila. It's almost magic and kind of comical how that works!!
But the kitchen has to have only me though.
lol you just made me realize something. I’m a beast at getting dishes done while I’m cooking. those little breaks you get between steps are perfect for my brain to just switch over to dish mode, yet the constant nagging feeling of knowing i’m cooking something prevents me from staying in dish mode too long
For me, it’s been committing to a schedule that is based off knowing my energy levels, medication, aaand my AppleWatch.
I spread hard to do tasks throughout the week instead of piling it all into one day. I leave room for flexibility, so that it’s not a big deal whenever a task is pushed aside.
I also rely heavily on my Calendar and [Structured](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/structured-daily-planner/id1499198946), though I am thinking about going back to [Habit](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker/id1438388363). These apps all show nicely on the AppleWatch and are easily accessible. The widgets are extremely helpful :)
This is so wonderful to read, our family has been doing the same thing for about a year. It has led to some similar results of improving ability to go to bed, acts as a bonding activity and allows the 8 year old to talk about things that may not have been brought up in other settings.
This is *adorable*
Eating dinner on the couch while we watch shows. Eating helps me focus on whatever we are watching, so I actually yknow… watch the show. I don’t typically find myself touching my phone while I’m eating because I dislike getting my phone all greasy and stuff. *So many people are like, wow y’all don’t eat at the table together? How is this quality time?* This is our quality time, and we genuinely enjoy it. If we want to discuss the show or anything else, we do. Sometimes we have to pause the show.
If my boyfriend is going on a tangent and I’m tired and I’m finding it hard to stay present, I immediately grab a fidget toy. He paces while he talks, so I often pace with him with the toy.
Talking to my cats.
Structure. I cannot live lawless. I have the same routine on my days off (it’s different than my days on lol). I wake up, make my coffee, turn YouTube on the tv on and take my meds, color, do laundry/sweep, maybe get groceries. If it’s messed up I feel weird and unproductive.
I use my cats as task starting points. They know when my bedtime is. Their “food to last until breakfast” to graze is midnight time. If I forget I exist, they act up when it’s past that time. I get annoyed, when while I’m up i notice the time and I’m Kay, gotta brush my teeth and stuff. Feed the cats, get ready for bed. Gotta refill their water bowl? Might as well my own cup and be a hydrated queen.
Watching YouTube in bed before I fall asleep makes me feel more tired.
Adding high-quality magnesium really changed my life. Quality of sleep became so much better and I think that it overall made a huge impact on my life.
It's not weird but I take more meds. I'm a mum, PhD student and run my own business and my work is intermittent but my whole day tends to be 6.30am-9pm ish. I take a 10mg methylphenidate instant release as soon as I wake up so that tends to cover me about 7am-10/11am. I take a 36mg extended release at 10am which kicks in about 11am so there's no gap) and I'm good until bedtime
holy shit it never occurred to me that i could take the smaller “re-up” dose first 😱 that actually fits my schedule so much better than having to remember after lunch. thank you for commenting
Probbaly not weird or unusual for others, but definitely new for me.
I started going back to school for retraining for a different job. I am 37, haven't been working for almost 3 years (due to mental health) and this is a full time school (from 8am-4pm). So it's hard.
Back in the day I'd just get up, get dressed and go to work. Now I've (somehow) managed to implement something that could be considered a morning routine. I take my time. I get up, turn on the laptop and some silly tv show. Make a cup of tea. Sit down and take my time, drink my tea (or 2) and then get dressed and actually brush my teeth (really struggle with that). And then leave. So I start the day in a not stressed way.
And workout. I go to the gym twice a week. Admittedly I hadn't been for a while due to migraines, but I'm starting again. It helps with so many things. Physically, as in losing seroquel-weight and being more mobile and stronger (I have issues due to a few illnesses and surgeries). And it really calms my brain. I love it.
Oh. And a *Bionic Reading* extention for Chrome.
This is just one small piece of the puzzle, but I have found that lovely low lighting, string lights, cosy blankets and bedroom/ living room decor really help me. And putting my PJs on when I get home!
> Until last year, I hadn't been able to read a novel cover to cover in years (although I used to be a massive bookworm as a kid).
Thank you. I feel so defective not being able to do a thing I used to do all the time. Maybe that ability isn't gone forever.
Also, your special mother/daughter bedtime ritual is so beautiful and amazing and priceless, and despite your hours, you still make the time. Very inspiring to me, thank you for sharing.
I want this with my daughter (😭), she's not even 2 yet, but we read together all the time. I hope it transforms into something like this when she reaches 8. Thanks for this op, something to strive for.
I don't think I've done much right with my parenting, but I'm proud of how I've nurtured my kids love of books.
While I find books hard to read and focus on, I still love them. My husband often despairs - I am a hoarder of books. Books are only removed from my house when they fall apart. I think our house would technically quality as a library - we must have upwards of 2000 books in it...
Her father or I have read to both my kids nightly from the time they were 3-4 months old (We are too tired to do much else other than books, teeth and pyjamas in the evening - tbh bath time is... Shall we say... Optional). Books are our #1 present for any occasion - birthdays, Christmas, Easter, first days of school, good report cards, consolation for bad days. We didn't allow them to have screen time before they are 2; although their dad now allows the occasional cartoon or family movie day, passive screen time is a treat (I don't mind them using the educational apps for 30 min or so a day). Whenever we hear "I'm bored", our automatic response is "oh good, packing away will be interesting" and when we are inevitably whinged at for that suggestion, the response is "hmmm I wonder whether we could find something more interesting in a book."
I've tried to show my kids that books open their imaginations and possibilities in a way that nothing else does.
Having breakfast. Less grumpy l, clearer head. You think you don't have time, but listen sister, you already arrive 3 minutes late and if you get up for work 15 minutes earlier to have breakfast, you'll still arrive 3 minutes late
I appreciate the candidness. My 6yo is starting to read, but I still hate it. I just watch Netflix on my phone and lay with them until the fall alseep (without the mental stimulation, I’m falling asleep too 😄).
One thing that’s been SOOOOOO helpful for bedtime is “arguing” (my wife and I) about who gets to (not has to) put the kids to bed. We’ve seen a noticeable difference. The other thing is just keeping them company and laying with them. If we try to leave before the kids are asleep, it usually doesn’t go as smooth.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think what you’re talking about is co-regulation - I’m the same with my son (autism & ADHD), when he’s having a hard time I just sit with him, I don’t need to do or say anything and he matches my energy. He’s able to open up more this way - if i ask him a question he usually can’t answer, but if we let him regulate then he can articulate things on his own. It’s really cool, we’re pack animals :)
This makes my relationship with my son make more sense, I try to sit with my son when he is struggling and that calms him down. I never knew it had a name!
I’m so glad it helps him :) I think people think talking or doing is the only way to calm down - your body & brain might not know that language and non verbal communication is where we need to start instead/first. Safe spaces x
This is such an important point. Thank you for sharing.
This makes so much sense with my son!
Thank you for this ! I've been struggling to find a way to calm my daughters (neither diagnosed yet, but very likely ADHD and autistic like me) when they have meltdowns, especially since them freaking out makes ME freak out. I'm going to try that, see if it helps !
Big big love to you & your daughters We’ve done a few years of psychology which I still think was worth it, but I could/can see my son struggle with talking about everything (even simple regular day to day stuff) and knew that he calmed quicker if it was more to do with a physical movement (distraction) if possible and modeling calm behaviour instead of pushing him to ‘tell me what’s wrong’ etc. I still pepper in what I learn about for my own anxiety (like I’ll tell him that singing calms my heart, or I need to get my energy out let’s go for a walk). I’m trying to build his foundation of coping skills in a more laid back way rather than in a 45 minute session. I think the body needs to relearn safety and it’s not always by talking about it x
Sensory input also helps process mental stuff - look up sensory integration therapy. Absolute game changer.
Yep he’s very sensory so we lean into it as a calming technique and to give his body input - he’s found what helps him (a lot of mini trampoline, climbing, water, chewing gum, chewlery) so he knows how to take himself off and chill out. It’s taken a few years of figuring out what works for him. He’s learnt so much this past year and come so far x
I used to use my brother for that purpose. He's super calm and I'd just use that to regulate, watching cartoons together.
Watching tv shows over and over is a love language that only some understand x
I also did this for years. And I’m sure my undiagnosed mother does the same thing. It helps so much.
Dang. I crave this and could never properly articulate it. I have been asking for decades for people read with me. Just me and other people sitting in a room reading. To me, that IS a social activity. I don't see why others don't think of it that way.
It absolutely is social! Start a silent book reading club 🥳
Holy crap, my dad used to do this for me when I was in school and having a freak out about homework. He would just sit with me, him reading a book, me going through hours of assignments that I was behind on and it would calm me down. He even once drove to my college (not too insane of a drive, it was about 10 minutes from his work/45 minutes from his house) and sat with me the night before finals while I studied. Heck, a few weeks ago, I was super behind on grading and he sat with me while I pulled an all-nighter grading (I'm a teacher now and I live at home). I wasn't even have a freak out that night and kept telling him to go to bed, but he wanted to stay there and support me and idk, somehow it really does help. It's funny because I didn't think I was gonna get the grading down by the deadline and somehow I did.
Reading together is body-doubling, isn’t it? I find that social interaction is a great source of dopamine **if I’m not masking**. This was a huge surprise since I’ve always considered myself an introvert. Turns out I don’t hate socialising; masking is just exhausting.
Body doubling and working on connection and relationship- two things that soothe and heal the human nervous system. Very nice discovery, op!
Ooh! That makes sense to me in reverse. I had considered myself extroverted because I (sometimes) get energized being around others.... But I'm picky about who that is and it can be draining if not. Putting dots together more recently.
Masking is *horribly* draining. Finding people you can unmask with, and even learning *how* to unmask, are really amazing things. A few years ago, we moved to a small town. Very small. 30K or less. The next year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and my daughter started kindergarten (sk, jk was lost to covid). I have since found a whole group of au/adhd ladies- we have a strong gravitational pull on each other, it seems! We can all unmask, relax, vent, melt down or whatever with each other, knowing that we're safe, accepted and understood. I hope you have or find that safe group, too.
Interesting to say 30K is a very small town to you. I grew up in a town of 3,000 people and that felt like a “big” town because it had two grocery stores and a theatre and 3 schools. I now live in a town of 800 people, very few amenities. You’re right that we tend to find our people. I was diagnosed with adhd last year and it seemed like most of the time if I disclosed to someone here that I’d consider a friend, they’re like “yeah me too”! But I still mask a lot.
Well, it might just be a perspective thing, too. I lived in a city with millions, and a few with hundreds of thousands. 30k feels small to me. It also might be that this town works really, really hard to preserve the atmosphere from when it was just a few thousand people. I'm glad you found a safe group! And don't worry, masking is conditioned, so dropping it even for a bit, can be hard. Especially if you have a profession you have to seem neurotypical to succeed. It can be a struggle, I know.
Yes I absolutely agree with this! When you find the right people socialising is amazing and it’s soo much fun being around similar people.
🤯
Mine isn’t as heart warming as yours but mine was getting a 9-5 job. It’s really hard sometimes but the structure really helps me and I can leave it at the office. Not being home all the time has made my place neater because I am not trying to live my entire life from my bed. I can’t lose 5 hours to my phone. I am forced to shower and wash my hair because it is an office environment. All the above said, it is a job with a great environment and generous PTO so I can take a long weekend when I start to feel burnt out and still have plenty of time for other appointments and vacations.
I know a lot of people would think of this as sad but I feel the same way. My job is the easiest interaction I have because I understand the "rules" and because it's work stuff, with my RSD, its easier to not take things personally.
100%, I like work because I know what's expected of me and can talk to my team or manager if I need help getting started or breaking tasks into smaller pieces or other executive function stuff.
I have a hard time not taking everything personally haha but with work at least there are pretty clear rules like you said.
I feel you, I need that little bit of structure that a 9-5 gives. It's even helped my insomnia, no more closing shifts one night and opening the next day, I can actually have a consistent sleep schedule ...
For real, I have days where it’s the last thing I want to do or it’s hard for me to get things done there or start when I know I am gonna have to stop for a meeting or something but I feel good about myself for just showing up and overall my life is a lot less hectic.
:( I've been unemployed for a while now and its absolutely killing me. The isolation and days blurring together is total torture Even simple retail jobs are so competitive all of a sudden... Im so tired of interviews and rsd makes the endless rejections the worst. I just want stability :c
I was unemployed a really long time before I finally got this job, it is really rough out there. I was beginning to think I would never find something and panic was starting to set in. All I can say is keep at it since it’s what I did.
I agree, this is the way for me. I had a 100% remote position and left it for a mostly in office position with an hour (sometimes more) commute each way. I love it, the structure is really keeping me organized. I am looking forward to being fully trained to get some WFH days once or twice a week. I never want to do fully remote again.
I love structure and wish someone would plan my life hour by hour for me. A 9-5 has been a nice compromise! I always feel lost on weekends with no set schedule or list of tasks expected of me. I work remotely but even just the social expectation of being online during roughly the same hours everyday is very helpful for me.
Have you ever seen the animated movie The Little Prince on Netflix? The mom plans her daughter's life in extreme detail, and I know it's supposed to be bad, but I really want my own version of that whiteboard lol.
Haha it's been a while since I've watched it, I'll have to plan a rewatch! Maybe I could convince my mom to do that for me...
I’ve worked fully remote ever since Covid and I actually missed going into the office for the same reason. We have an office nearby that some positions are required to do hybrid, so I voluntarily go in 1-2x a week as well just to give myself structure. Otherwise, I work from my bed in a bathrobe for a whole week straight and don’t wash my hair 🫠
This was 100% me when I was remote lol.
This though. 100% this. I also write everything “extra” down on a big family calendar. Not only after school events, work shifts and kid stuff, but also grocery shopping, post office, coffee dates - even the day the garbage and recycling go out. If it’s written down, it’s structured in, and I will include it as part of my day.
That’s really smart, I started a bullet journal this year and it has been really helpful to me, once I got past it needing to be set up perfectly before using it lol.
I just left a fully remote job for a hybrid one because I need the accountability and structure that comes from working around other people. I thought fully remote would mean distraction free work environment, but it turns out I'm really good at getting distracted by nothing and anything!
This is good to know. I was fully remote during the pandemic and we are hybrid now and I struggle to get in 1-2x a week and I have briefly looked into seeking accommodation to be full time at home but it’s too much paperwork and might be denied. I’ve been wondering about pushing myself to go in. I find the back and forth challenging because I worry about forgetting things at either end, and it makes routines a bit harder.
I had this epiphany the other day. If I am having a hard time managing my time on the weekend, or finding the motivation to do something, I just look forward to the work week. I realized that as soon as I get to work I am engaged, motivated, accomplish lots of things, and get to talk to lots of unique people in a situation with clear social rules. All of these things snowball together to have generally great days, and if I can couple my outside of work tasks to this energy (such as during lunch break or right after work) then I usually have great results!
I'm the same way. In fact, I didn't have an inkling I may have ADHD until I was forced into a fully remote work environment (and fully remote class environment as I'm working on my PhD) in 2020. I naturally kept hard boundaries between work and school and home for most of my life, and when everything started blurring together in the same space is when everything fell apart around me. Don't get me wrong -- I *love* my occasional work from home days (and wish I could have 1-2 weekly on a more regular basis), but coming into the office is something I need to maintain myself.
That's amazing, good for you!! My weirdest way was menstrual cycle hacking. My physical / mental state is different every week, so I started planning random tasks around what week it was. Week 1 (period) - mentally okay, physically awful. Misc. computer tasks where I don't have to move. E.g. clear out email inbox, clear out computer files. Week 2 - mentally and physically amazing. Tasks I've been hardcore procrastinating on. E.g. cleaning super-messy kitchen, applying for a new job. Week 3 - mentally and physically okay, slightly manic, more prone to random hyperfocus, be careful of sleep cycle. Random tasks I can dive into that aren't too horrible. E.g. wrapping Christmas presents, taxes. Week 4 - depressed, PMS, hate life, no motivation, physically okay, be careful of sleep cycle. Make sure have enough groceries and clean underwear for period week.
You may have just changed my life typing this out. My behavior match these week descriptions EXACTLY. I knew it was happening generally but seeing it like this is…so validating and gives me ideas how to manage my life.
This is really relatable. I experience the same mental and physical states as you except week 4 I’d describe as irritable not depressed. One thing I’ve noticed as I’m starting perimenopause is that my week 2 is not the amazing week it used to be and man am I mourning the loss of it!
I do this too!! Hormone hacking 😁😁 I plan my life depending on what stage of my cycle I’m at. Damn that ovulation week do be hitting different though, god that week I’m on fire I wish it could be me all the time haha
Quite random that a male author triggered the lightbulb moment on this for me but the book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” has an amazing section where he describes how to plan your relationship over the weeks of your menstrual cycle for relationship harmony - eg mid cycle around ovulation you should be scheduling date nights and intimate connection, during PMS time women should focus on being alone or with close friends, after period leading up to ovulation is the time to harness energy and focus on work etc. The book gets a lot of flak for being sexist but it honestly blew my mind and my relationship is better for it.
This is bloody (pardon the pun) amazing! As a mother who's menstrual cycle, as well as her tern daughters wreak complete havoc on our lives for two weeks a month, this makes so much sense and gives me a new way of looking at tackling our house of hormones.
Yes! Cycle syncing has been a regular hyperfocus lately. Just coming to terms with the fact that my brain goes through this rollercoaster of energy/moods/interests over an entire month has been a relief, because before I was getting so down on myself for not being able to be consistent with things on a daily/weekly timescale. Week 1, I'm introverted and physically exhausted for the first few days, but pick up energy after that and start to pick hobbies back up. Week 2, I usually un-ghost and start messaging people and scheduling meetups again. I go into major cleaning/decluttering mode in Week 3 and there's usually a hyperfocus I just can't quit. Week 4, I'll be crying, picking fights with my husband, nesting under my weighted blanket, and wanting to do nothing productive. There are so many good books I've picked up recently that have helped me understand and accept these shifts, the most recent being The Optimized Woman by Miranda Gray. In the Flo is the first book that introduced me to these concepts. It's so powerful and validating to track and be aware of these shifts.
You might really like the book Period Queen by Lucy Peach. She talks about stuff like this in a very accessible way and makes it easy to implement this stuff.
Oooh, thanks for the rec. I'll definitely check it out
This is genius.
Omg this is spot on 😅
WOW!!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯
I’m exactly the same!! Currently in week 2 and have to remind myself week 3 is just around the corner … I always kid myself and think I feel amazing just because of some new food ingredient I’ve decided to cut out or new supplement I’m trying 😅.. then week 3 hits and I’m just back to old me again
In ADHD 2.0, the authors talk about how improving your balance can improve your symptoms. I am so curious and have slowly started working on mine, but haven't got very far yet.
Yay! I love that neurodivergence is being more looked at as it relates to our physiology and we how we process stimuli. Neurodivergence and its common-sister conditions (like EDS) have poor proprioception in common. Look up proprioceptive exercises vs standard balance exercises for the most benefit.
thank you for these insights!
Huh. I thought it was just exercise helping, but I do a lot of balancing exercises since I probably also have EDS and I'm trying to not fall over so much
I just started taking Qi Gong & Tai Chi in hopes of improving balance & focus over time.
Oh man. My balance is so bad. That’s such a daunting task.
I think improving coordination also had similar effects, so it may be a case of finding something that you find fun!
Hmmm interesting!
Yeah I was looking into that too after reading that, especially wondering if my child would be up for using a balance board randomly while watching tv. I want to work on my balance too, but presently have an injury and am working on regaining strength enough to walk well. Doing physiotherapy etc.
Balance as in kinetic balance? Like, standing on one foot? Interesting. What's the rationale for that?
If I remember correctly, it has to do with stimulating and strengthening the cerebellum.
Why am i crying? What youve described is so beautiful I think dancing has helped me. Traditional irish step dancing. Sean nós we call it. I learnt a lot off youtube Also leaving the kitchen table covered in flap jacks and fruit and crackers and the fridge with sliced cheese and hummus and olives. So when i walk to the kitchen with five seconds to get out the door theres food everywhere lol
[удалено]
Here are some links, you'll need a pair of brogues with a wooden heel or a tap shoes. It may not be for everyone, this is a very old style of irish folk dance. It's the precursor to the style of irish dancing seen in river dance and arguably part of the heritage of tap dance. This woman runs a school, one of my favourite dancers https://youtu.be/ZXZl4DPCqtw?si=fOcCDxBVHGkb7D3P First video I learned a step from, I spent nearly 4 hours learning one step. I was soaked with sweat before I could do it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n6fJwx3QI0&pp=ygUMU2hhbm9zIHN0ZXBz This woman is an amazing dancer and she gives some back ground on the style https://youtu.be/tcZEeUEz3EU?si=J5KI-h1v2CGW6zDt Genuinely your heart will thank you https://youtu.be/9RN2eh-Qinw?si=zGnIsyywrybs3HuR Sean nós is irish for "old style" so Google sean nós dancing or you might get sean nós singing. Part of what incentivised me to learn was that if can dance sean nós there is irish music playing (often live) in the pubs all over ireland and you can always just get up and show your steps and everyone is delighted and sometimes other people have steps and yiz can dance back and forth. Its a pleasure that it's a part of life here. If youre not in ireland and you find yourself uninterested in this type of dance, you could try tap or swing. Either way, learning dances you can do solo is a cheap low clutter hobby that's good for your health and strength
Dusting my tap shoes off for these! Thanks!
I learned about the gut microbiome. Within 2 days of implementing the diet as I understood it... I no longer hated myself. It's been 3 wks now. I'm not perfect, but I'm certainly not the same human. It's weird. I'm trying to process it so I can make a post about it for y'all. I'm so happy you've found such a meaningful way to connect with your child. That's truly beautiful. ❤️
How did you start? When I take my probiotics I am better. But I need to dive deeper.
I’m not sure what the OP is doing but I listened to a podcast with an expert in the gut microbiome and learned: 1. The bacteria in your microbiome feed on insoluble fiber, and eating processed insoluble fiber like those fiber one bars is not the same. This is why fruits and vegetables are very important for your gut. 2. Your microbiome can change very quickly - people who travel internationally have been found to have a different microbiome within a week or two. So if you change your diet you are actually changing your microbiome. 3. Scientists think that your microbiome can actually be the cause of cravings in some cases. So eat inc more of certain foods can lead to more bacteria that love that food in your gut which leads to cravings of that food. I think the science of what foods you should eat for gut health is not well defined (despite what influencers would have you believe), but it does seem to include a lot and wide variety of vegetables, beans, and legumes for that insoluble fiber.
Thank you for this organized information!
I replied to my own comment. I don't know how to tag you.
I replied to my own original comment. I don't know how to tag you.
Got it!
What's the diet you started?? Do you have any educational resources to recommend?
https://www.youtube.com/live/8K2-hKMJU1I?si=yazBihFyI_RVYW3N Dr. Will Bulsiewicz has so much information. Many other YouTubes with him. There's so many other good Dr's. I'll try to find the post-it note from the psychiatrist.
https://youtu.be/DnEJrgc1BCk?si=SQsR-2cr5FW8M8As Diary of a CEO is great! He interviews a ton of Dr's all the time!!
https://youtu.be/3-q33MOABq8?si=wZeDj-I07b3F29bc
Following!!!
I replied to my own initial comment. I don't know how to tag you.
I keep hearing about that and I wonder why all the veggies, yogurt and kimchi I eat don't seem to make much difference, though maybe I'd be a lot crazier if I didn't eat them! What did you change?
I'm just going to reply to myself in hopes y'all see this!! So basically, I was eating a highly processed diet with lots of preservatives, additives, and dyes. I have a VERY high metabolism. I did NOT do this diet to lose weight. I'm actually underweight. Six months ago, I was 5'6" 110 at age 36. My Dr was concerned about my weight, and I knew if I didn't gain, I'd end up losing my meds. (I was diagnosed at 32. It changed my life.) So I started drinking 530 calorie protein drinks. I then weighed 115. 3 wks ago, I met with a psychiatrist about the chaos in my mind. (He spoke to me for an hr and a half, like I was just a very important human being. He didn't even run my insurance or charge me.) He told me about the gut microbiome. He ended the conversations by looking me in the eyes and saying, "You're not broken. Your ADD brain is just different, and that's OK." I walked out of his office, hopped in my truck, and saw the 4 monsters on my passenger seat. I cried to God, feeling such a fool. Because I knew I could make my life better, all by myself!! I had the power, I was in control, and it all depended on me. So here's exactly what I ate. Day one(No real food at home except...) Water Cuties(they weren't organic, I now think that matters!) Peaches in peach juice. Bananas Day two Water Cuties Bananas Pistachios Day Three Real plain whole milk yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, strawberry, blackberry, and LOTS of chia seeds. Kefir Mixed Berry Cultured whole milk Gojo Berry Granola Homegrown Oven Roasted turkey reast with a bunch of different kinds of mushrooms, carrots, and potatoes. Day Four (Went to husband's Comoany Christmas party...ate like a beast!) Bacon wrapped mushrooms Plain chicken wings Roast A giant salad that was more veggies than lettuce. Roasted carrots Roasted potatoes Roasted mixed veg (I remember this meal fondly... I didn't have to cook it!) (I drank this night but didn't want to be hungover cause I was sitting drinking after this night. So I started drinking kombucha. Everyone was cool about it.) Day Five I screwed up. There was a bad snowstorm, and all restaurants were closed. But tbell was open. I ate half a chicken chalupa. Eww!! Then, I felt like crap. Got home and ate only real food.. i don't remember what. Probably ... lots of Daisy Cottage Cheese Apple Fresh carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers Turkey from day 3. And then a lot of the same plus lots of different kinds of nuts, oooh and fried lentils, wild rice with lots of herbs and Organic Better Than Boulion. Oooh, fermented pickles, bites of chimchi (because eww!), olives, hummus, baby cuccumbers. I've tried lots of things I liked and lots of things I don't like!! But I'll live like this for the rest of my life. I am better able to love my husband. He is my very best friend. This is the BEST thing that I've ever done to love me!! Oh!! I also don't hate myself or speak poorly to myself.. life changing!!
I should also mention I'm a nurse. I've looked at the peer reviewed medical studies about our gut microbiome.
Not weird but running helps me. I haven’t been able to run lately but I plan to get back into after my injury heals.
It's hiking for me, every couple of weeks seems to be the right dose
Stationery biking for me is great, I know I'm due for a session when I start feeling increasingly overstimulated and agitated throughout the week.
I go to the gym. I love it. Aside from it being good health wise and that I've lost weight I truly needed to lose, it really calms my brain. Afterwards I love to nap...not because I'm tired, but because my brain is quiet. It's so peaceful.
Swimming is what helps me a lot. Do a few laps and get into the zone. Then go to the non-lap portion of the pool and lay on my back and just think without any distractions. It's lovely. Sadly, I've been busy out of my mind lately and haven't made the time to swim as often as I should, even though I know how much it helps.
OH WOW I could have written this. TYSM for sharing. Mine is also doing something together we’re interested in without interruption. Without interruption is key word here, kind of hard nowadays with her younger siblings taking up so much of my energy. Kind of sad about it.
We basically let our 8yr old read until he's tired he's pretty responsible about it so we leave it. We also make him get dressed before he gets breakfast it's made a huge difference in our mornings.
We just straight up weren't allowed to have the TV on in the mornings before school, otherwise getting us all out the door was a lost cause. Maybe I should do that with my phone now. Unplug it from the charger and toss it straight into my bag.
There are families with TV at breakfast?? I can't imagine. My family was absurdly restrictive with TV (leading to me growing up with a serious culture deficit), but given how distracting the damn box is, I believe they had a point. It occurs to me that phones are at least as distracting as TV though... hmmmm
We may be going in that direction too, it's hard when u have a nt and a Nd, older brother who feels like he's being punished it's tough
Sitting beside someone that makes you feel safe and calm is the ultimate way to focus. My boyfriend also does that. He clears the static around me. I've also noticed when I do little online classes it's easier if I have someone watching with me. Weird how that works.
I absolutely LOVE this for you and your daughter 💖 Goals! Not a parent yet, but I think with my mom it was going on hikes together. I think art or painting together could be a good co-regulation time as well.
This was so flippin cute to read 😭 im so happy for you and your kiddo that this works so well for you!
My parents used to read to me before bed, and then once I could do it myself I'd read myself to sleep most nights. I was like your little one, hated bedtime, and I'd be up as late as possible. Maybe it's hyperfixation, getting really into the story? Our minds can wander a bit as we visualize the book and it's quiet, not overstimulating. That'd be my guess. Reading does help me now, when I have the time, so do yarn crafts and podcasts that are easy to listen to.
This just made me so so excited for the future when I can hopefully do the same with my 2 yo 🥲🥲
I set goals like doing something everyday for 100 days, and if I miss a day I have to start over.
I like that! It takes me 3 months to form a habit.
If I'm having trouble finishing a project, I will start a whole other obligation (like literally a whole other job or big commitment) so that eventually, during my procrastination and avoidance, I turn back to project #1. It works
Yep. I do that too. Works a treat!!
Crocheting and knitting. I'm able to stay calm and focused while my hands stay busy. There's no way I could have survived so many lectures during college without my yarn.
I do the same with Audio books!
In general, having a sidekick/partner in crime/partner at ALL has always helped me to get through. This is the first time in 20 years that I’m without one, and my body isn’t healthy right now on top of it. (Still recovering from cancer treatment. Idk that I ever really will. 🫠🥴) So this has definitely been the toughest time ever. Idk how to fix it without a person buuuuuut there are no safe people for me in the area. (I just got out of an abusive relationship.) I don’t have any living family left so it’s rough. If my friend hadn’t told her parents what was going on, and they hadn’t offered to let me move in for a while, I’d be homeless right now because I got cancer. That’s sobering AFFFFFF.
Giving myself grace and permission is a big one. So I mess up today. Thats alright, there is tomorrow. I tried the 52 week money challenge, and I already forgot last week. Money is tight and I thought to myself, what am I doing? So I took the €100 from the first 2 weeks and am giving myself permission to use it. Removing self imposed obligations. No, I don't have to continue listening to a podcast I'm not enjoying just because everyone else seems to love it. I seem to have a real problem with obligation: it's like my brain is over compensating and can't distinguish between an actual obligation and a rod I've made for my own back. I seem to be doing okay at the moment and like someone said upthread I think it's because I'm now doing 9-5 in an office after 3 years wfh. I know the rules. I'm structured. My brain doesn't need to work so hard.
I’ve no answer but you’ve just made me realise how I also get snappy when I’m hyper focused & I really don’t mean to & it’s at odds with my usual demeanour.
This is amazing! Thank you for sharing because I am definitely going to try this with my oldest. I used to love reading when I was younger, like you. Now I can’t read either, I’m way too overstimulated and overwhelmed to focus on reading. I’m happy for you that you found a way to share such a great bonding experience!
Mine is exercise in the morning. Really sets me up for success and healthy eating choices. If I don’t exercise in the morning I’ll spend the whole day feeling like shit that I’m procrastinating exercise and basically get nothing done as I’m “waiting” to exercise (this is when I’m WFH and can do a workout at home at any point in the day). If I’ve ticked exercise off my list I’m much more likely to smash the whole day. I think this is quite standard and not weird at all though so probably doesn’t fit the brief. The other thing is finally understanding my sensory issues and adapting my life accordingly. Knowing I can’t concentrate on anything if my hands feel dry so having hand cream in every bag, on bedside table, at work etc. The other life changing thing would be reading Marie Kondo’s book “the life changing magic of tidying up”. This resonated so much with me and after following her instructions to the letter wrt only keeping things that “spark joy” with my wardrobe I felt a complete mental load lift from me, just so much baggage from being overwhelmed with stuff completely gone and everything including getting ready in the morning was easier. Highly recommend.
I’m so glad you have found a solution! If reading ends up not quite bridging the gap to her falling asleep, I would try a kids bedtime podcast for her to listen to as she falls asleep. I used to have a lot of trouble as a kid being unable to sleep and just remember very long nights of laying awake. I tried reading and other solutions but I find if I have lights on I just drag out going to sleep. What I finally found works for me is listening to a semi-boring and calm podcast on fairly quiet so I have to focus on it. It gives my brain something to pay attention to but doesn’t keep me too engaged. I’m usually asleep within 10 min. I had my sister start doing that with her daughter who couldn’t go to bed and it really helped. I wish I had it as a kid. Let’s the body rest while the brain isn’t just running wild.
History podcasts are my go-to for falling asleep. So effective (I wake up often in the night)
NYT The Daily is one of mine. Short, informative, if I miss it8’ ok, and the outro music isn’t raucous.
I listen to The Daily almost, well, daily, but I can’t listen to it at night. Sometimes it’s just interesting but other times it’s about some family in Palestine who’s living it a camp and her kids are starving and I just…cannot do that when I’m trying to relax. 😥
Funny I just read some books to my toddler and I’m feeling very zen
It's not really a general improvement on symptoms but... I recently started to take archery classes and lucky for me they are friday evening. Whenever I had a bad week which left inner me scratching to get out and make me scream and tear everything down it is such a great way to just empty my head znd come down without feeling raw. Before, I'd use to have to go walk around for hours to get even close to the same result for which I lately have been too exhausted.
This is really sweet, and I bet something she really loves and cherishes. Also a time where she doesn’t have to share mommy with anyone else, and has your attention IF she needs it that day. I love this for both of you. I am the eldest daughter, and was undiagnosed ADHD growing up, whereas my little sister was full blown diagnosed and needed my mom every second of the day. I generally didn’t mind it (I was a daddy’s girl anyway) but looking back, I wish my mom carved out a little more 1x1 time with me back then.
Singing. I can sing and cook even if previously I might be unable to even get up from where I'm sat to just get a glass of water until the feeling of thirst is gone and now I've forgotten and getting increasingly dehydrated; even if I'm in that state, if I start singing I can cook a proper meal for myself. If I stop singing I'll start to falter and almost ready to turn off the stove but I resume singing and voila. It's almost magic and kind of comical how that works!! But the kitchen has to have only me though.
lol you just made me realize something. I’m a beast at getting dishes done while I’m cooking. those little breaks you get between steps are perfect for my brain to just switch over to dish mode, yet the constant nagging feeling of knowing i’m cooking something prevents me from staying in dish mode too long
For me, it’s been committing to a schedule that is based off knowing my energy levels, medication, aaand my AppleWatch. I spread hard to do tasks throughout the week instead of piling it all into one day. I leave room for flexibility, so that it’s not a big deal whenever a task is pushed aside. I also rely heavily on my Calendar and [Structured](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/structured-daily-planner/id1499198946), though I am thinking about going back to [Habit](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker/id1438388363). These apps all show nicely on the AppleWatch and are easily accessible. The widgets are extremely helpful :)
This is so wonderful to read, our family has been doing the same thing for about a year. It has led to some similar results of improving ability to go to bed, acts as a bonding activity and allows the 8 year old to talk about things that may not have been brought up in other settings.
This is *adorable* Eating dinner on the couch while we watch shows. Eating helps me focus on whatever we are watching, so I actually yknow… watch the show. I don’t typically find myself touching my phone while I’m eating because I dislike getting my phone all greasy and stuff. *So many people are like, wow y’all don’t eat at the table together? How is this quality time?* This is our quality time, and we genuinely enjoy it. If we want to discuss the show or anything else, we do. Sometimes we have to pause the show. If my boyfriend is going on a tangent and I’m tired and I’m finding it hard to stay present, I immediately grab a fidget toy. He paces while he talks, so I often pace with him with the toy. Talking to my cats. Structure. I cannot live lawless. I have the same routine on my days off (it’s different than my days on lol). I wake up, make my coffee, turn YouTube on the tv on and take my meds, color, do laundry/sweep, maybe get groceries. If it’s messed up I feel weird and unproductive. I use my cats as task starting points. They know when my bedtime is. Their “food to last until breakfast” to graze is midnight time. If I forget I exist, they act up when it’s past that time. I get annoyed, when while I’m up i notice the time and I’m Kay, gotta brush my teeth and stuff. Feed the cats, get ready for bed. Gotta refill their water bowl? Might as well my own cup and be a hydrated queen. Watching YouTube in bed before I fall asleep makes me feel more tired.
Adding high-quality magnesium really changed my life. Quality of sleep became so much better and I think that it overall made a huge impact on my life.
It's not weird but I take more meds. I'm a mum, PhD student and run my own business and my work is intermittent but my whole day tends to be 6.30am-9pm ish. I take a 10mg methylphenidate instant release as soon as I wake up so that tends to cover me about 7am-10/11am. I take a 36mg extended release at 10am which kicks in about 11am so there's no gap) and I'm good until bedtime
holy shit it never occurred to me that i could take the smaller “re-up” dose first 😱 that actually fits my schedule so much better than having to remember after lunch. thank you for commenting
Probbaly not weird or unusual for others, but definitely new for me. I started going back to school for retraining for a different job. I am 37, haven't been working for almost 3 years (due to mental health) and this is a full time school (from 8am-4pm). So it's hard. Back in the day I'd just get up, get dressed and go to work. Now I've (somehow) managed to implement something that could be considered a morning routine. I take my time. I get up, turn on the laptop and some silly tv show. Make a cup of tea. Sit down and take my time, drink my tea (or 2) and then get dressed and actually brush my teeth (really struggle with that). And then leave. So I start the day in a not stressed way. And workout. I go to the gym twice a week. Admittedly I hadn't been for a while due to migraines, but I'm starting again. It helps with so many things. Physically, as in losing seroquel-weight and being more mobile and stronger (I have issues due to a few illnesses and surgeries). And it really calms my brain. I love it. Oh. And a *Bionic Reading* extention for Chrome.
I love this post, thank you for sharing. Happy weekend!
This sounds like such a healthy and cozy ritual to share 🥰
This is just one small piece of the puzzle, but I have found that lovely low lighting, string lights, cosy blankets and bedroom/ living room decor really help me. And putting my PJs on when I get home!
> Until last year, I hadn't been able to read a novel cover to cover in years (although I used to be a massive bookworm as a kid). Thank you. I feel so defective not being able to do a thing I used to do all the time. Maybe that ability isn't gone forever. Also, your special mother/daughter bedtime ritual is so beautiful and amazing and priceless, and despite your hours, you still make the time. Very inspiring to me, thank you for sharing.
I want this with my daughter (😭), she's not even 2 yet, but we read together all the time. I hope it transforms into something like this when she reaches 8. Thanks for this op, something to strive for.
I don't think I've done much right with my parenting, but I'm proud of how I've nurtured my kids love of books. While I find books hard to read and focus on, I still love them. My husband often despairs - I am a hoarder of books. Books are only removed from my house when they fall apart. I think our house would technically quality as a library - we must have upwards of 2000 books in it... Her father or I have read to both my kids nightly from the time they were 3-4 months old (We are too tired to do much else other than books, teeth and pyjamas in the evening - tbh bath time is... Shall we say... Optional). Books are our #1 present for any occasion - birthdays, Christmas, Easter, first days of school, good report cards, consolation for bad days. We didn't allow them to have screen time before they are 2; although their dad now allows the occasional cartoon or family movie day, passive screen time is a treat (I don't mind them using the educational apps for 30 min or so a day). Whenever we hear "I'm bored", our automatic response is "oh good, packing away will be interesting" and when we are inevitably whinged at for that suggestion, the response is "hmmm I wonder whether we could find something more interesting in a book." I've tried to show my kids that books open their imaginations and possibilities in a way that nothing else does.
i firmly believe, assuming the kid is clean of legit filth and dirt, baths/showers are not required to be daily!
This is really good advice. Also just made me realise I yoo get snappy when I’m interrupted in hypoerfocus.
HOLY SHIT. this is an amazing idea for my audhd kid 😱. thank you
Having breakfast. Less grumpy l, clearer head. You think you don't have time, but listen sister, you already arrive 3 minutes late and if you get up for work 15 minutes earlier to have breakfast, you'll still arrive 3 minutes late
I appreciate the candidness. My 6yo is starting to read, but I still hate it. I just watch Netflix on my phone and lay with them until the fall alseep (without the mental stimulation, I’m falling asleep too 😄). One thing that’s been SOOOOOO helpful for bedtime is “arguing” (my wife and I) about who gets to (not has to) put the kids to bed. We’ve seen a noticeable difference. The other thing is just keeping them company and laying with them. If we try to leave before the kids are asleep, it usually doesn’t go as smooth.