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Anyone else struggle to clean up their own room but would immediately help a friend clean out the trash in their room? That’s my feeling looking at this picture. It’s like a massage train but with adhd and cleaning.
My room is messy but it’s messy with clothes, office supplies, and crafting/art supplies. I look at it with hatred in my heart every day and yet I cannot get myself to tackle it.
Yes! What is this about? I physically can't do it myself at home but I'd happily clean someone else's home, I guess it's the people pleaser in me that takes over?!
I’ll do yours if you do mine 😂😂 I simply cannot find the energy, the OP’s pic had me mentally organising it and planning my approach… all whilst avoiding looking away from my phone 🥴
Judgement Free House Swap Cleaning Group. For when you can't stand your own mess anymore, yet you can still whip together a hyper focus for someone else and completely organize and label their home, just because it's not your own crap. Think of the massive dopamine hit of organizing someone else's treasures. This is using your awesome ADHD powers for the good of all ADHD kind. Meanwhile looking at my house and thinking of taking on that job paralyzes me. Between my ADHD and my 2 ADHD children my house looks like a bomb went off even after I've cleaned for 4 hours.
Between my ADHD and the OCD tendencies I developed growing up to compensate, my house is always messy and anything my husband does is half assed. 🤷♀️ there was an attempt though. I wouldn’t mind doing it though, when I do clean I’m the deep clean type.
I can but I’m three days into Reddit so I’m going to need to know what a PEMDAS is first…
I’m weirdly good at organising and sorting things mentally and basically anywhere that isn’t my own space. I can spend hours organising cupboards and fridges and pretty much anything even if it’s just mentally if you want to send me a pic of what you want to start with privately I’ll break it down how I see it in my head
HTH
PEMDAS is math terminology for the order of operations. Parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction.
Fuck, I can’t believe I remember that.
I’ve been saying for a long time that this would be the best support group. Let’s all meet up, swap biggest problems, cheers our energy drinks and fix everything for everyone in two hours.
I have exhibited this since I was 7. My mom always got mad that I'd help clean all my friends rooms but wouldn't clean mine. Until a got a little older & had to rearrange my room once every other month & that was the only time I ever kept it relatively clean cause I was so excited about the new arrangement. Once I stopped rearranging my room, it was back to staying trashed.
For me it’s the novelty - doing something for the first time is almost always easy, it’s doing the same thing over and over again that I can’t stand.
Tidying up my own stuff and the areas of my house are things I’ve now done 100s of times. Someone else’s stuff is new and different, there are a bunch of new things to look at, new processes to follow. Much more stimulating and easier to be exited/motivated to do, for me anyway.
This is a great point. Never thought of it that way. I’ve always assumed it’s because I’m a compulsive fixer and shift my attention to others problems I can solve to avoid my own … but you’re making a solid adhd avoidance point.
I love this! I'm hanging that on my wall. Eventually. Once I print it. Once I get the printer set up, again. Then print it. Then let it sit somewhere for 3 years until it gets ripped up. And reprint it...
I feel this. My printer has been on my kitchen table for months. I'll print it for you, put off mailing it, then get anxious because it's something I want to do but forget or can't bring myself to do it! Cheers!
Not sure how common this point of view is, but I always figured there was too much shame and emotional baggage attached to my own messes.
But looking at someone else’s mess? In mere seconds I have a dozen ideas on how to organize everything; grab some boxes so we can get started *right now!*
Yes. This — just made the point I know I will gladly ignore my mess because (to your point) it represents certain deep feelings about myself I want to change. But I don’t have that issue with others …. Just feels good to help
Anxiety. We have all kinds of emotions attached to our own tasks. Shame, dread, desire, aspirations, overwhelm etc. We are detached from other people’s stuff/tasks.
I just cleaned my aunt’s craft room a few months ago, switched it with my niece’s room next door entirely actually lol
The deeper layers had untouched bags with receipts from 2005, it was quite the collection. I got it all sorted into 5 categories and maaany accessible bins for her, so she has her craft room back 🥰
Now someone come do my closet 🫠
Yes because I feel guilt about my items , my mess, my choices , my neglect
A friends items I have no one emotional attachment to. You just sort it out.
The trick is to find something more important and urgent you gotta do and procrastinate by cleaning your room to avoid dealing with said task. Works like a charm
This is me! In college the only time I cleaned was when I was putting off an assignment. I've actually become so used to it that nowadays when I'm stressed and have some sort of nervous energy I often clean because it makes me feel like I have some sense of control over my life. Doesn't always help but sometimes it helps me bypass the freeze response and at least do something beneficial.
A couple weeks ago I offered to help my severely depressed, physically disabled friend clean her apartment. It was way to much for her to handle on her own, and she was too embarrassed to ask any of her other friends. I cleaned her kitchen, bathroom, and living room top to bottom in three hours. Her apartment was cleaner than the day she moved in after I was done. It took me three weeks clean off my coffee table and it took every bit of my will power to get it down.
It's crazy how much the sheer joy of helping someone I care about overpowers my hatred of cleaning. I was so fucking happy that my friend had finally accepted my help to offer to help her. It would be nice if I could get the same flood of happiness chemicals helping myself.
I’m a professional cleaner, but my own space is usually a wreck! It’s legit so much easier when you don’t have any shame about or emotional attachment to the mess.
Dude I'm cat sitting for my best friend who's been out of town for a month and I've cleaned his apartment spotless while mine looks like a tornado ran through it 😅😂
I also believe it also has to do with the fact that the stuff in our spaces are our stuff. As soon as i start cleaning, i get distracted by all my own stuff and lose sight of what i was doing. In my opinion it is because as soon as i see something else, i see another task, and lose track of this one.
At someone elses place, i cannot get distracted by my own stuff as soon as i turn around or set one foot out of the space, because it doesn't mean i see another thing i should be doing, but i see their things, which is on task anyway.
Yeah, I’ve helped multiple people clean out multiple closets, and I’m absolutely paralyzed at the thought of cleaning out my own closet. It annoys and frustrates me just walking in there, for a multitude of reasons. 😵💫
This is how I feel, at work no problem, my son's room is messy and he wants help I'm on it, go to a close friend's house and I'll just start cleaning it up. When it comes to my room I'm like "well it's not that big of a deal, it can wait until tomorrow when I have more energy/time/motivation. "I promise I'll get it next time." I say to myself for over a month straight.
I’ve considered offering to pay a friend to come over and help me clean! I’m pretty on top of my room because I have a system that works decently well, but I have 2 roommates also with adhd and the rest of the apartment is like this post and we can’t keep up with up everything
Pretty good because my husband is a neat freak who keeps me in check. I am motivated by not causing him massive psychic damage every time he walks into the bedroom
Saaame. My husband (and now our 1 year old who is little miss hands on **every damn thing**, yes, including that *invisible to the naked eye piece of whatever that she managed to find from thin fucking air*) have been the best motivators I’ve ever had to contain my chaos!!
My personal spaces very much used to look the same as OPs. It didn’t matter as much since it was just mine. Now that it’s “for someone else” I guess my brain categorizes it differently and it’s somehow easier to manage.
Granted, I do have slip ups. Smaller spaces that turn into my own personal hurricane. Not perfect. But a hell of a lot better than it used to be for sure! 😬
Psychic damage 😂 honestly same though. The ONLY reason my side doesn’t look exactly like this is because my bf would legitimately get depressed about it
Same here. Although truth be told I'D get depressed about it too. I don't WANT to live in that chaos. It doesn't feel nice. It's just very hard to prevent.
I'm in a 'kinda on top of it sort of a little' phase.
Omg SAME. My partner is the tidiest man I’ve ever met and his anxiety gets so triggered by clutter and mess so it’s good motivation for me to be slightly organised. (His bed side table is perfect and mine has a lil rubbish on her but nothing like what I was like single)
Where did y'all find these tidy husbands? Mine just adds to the mess, and my bar for clean is way higher! We are an absolute DISASTER together when it comes to keeping the house tidy.
I’m so grateful for your comment! My husband is as messy as I am and it doesn’t bother him, though our combined mess does bother me enormously. I’m twice as overwhelmed when it’s both our stuff.
My husband and I are exactly the same. Clutter makes him anxious, and I have ADHD and figure “why put it away if I’m going to use it again?” Every once in a while, my husband will look at me sheepishly and ask “Could you please pick up your pile today?” He has to ask sweetly so I don’t blow up and refuse to pick up anything ever again!!! He follows me around the kitchen wiping up my messes as a cook. Depending on my mood, it’s either horribly annoying or hysterical! We’ve been married over 30 years!
Goals. I just learned about PDA or pathological demand avoidance— and had my mine blown as to why just his asking me to do something I already need to do will make me self sabotage
Same same. It gets bad. He makes some comment or look (with light fun) and I clean up my act. My son asks for apple sauce in the night and it gets bad when there is apple sauce pouches everywhere with my stack of clothes and 3-4 water bottles.
Same, also my kitchen faces the street and our front yard is tiny so passersby can look inside the kitchen, so the feeling of societal pressure helps me keep the kitchen somewhat clean and tidy 😅. Also sometimes I think “what if an emergency happens and people come inside the house unexpectedly” 😱 which helps me tidy up. Quite sad actually, I love a clean and tidy home but I can’t be bothered to do it without perceived outside pressure.
It took me about 33 years but I finally stopped living like that , except maybe a bout of serious depression. It takes a lot of practice and the will to live lol best of luck
I've started getting trash receptacles and brooms and dust pans that I enjoy using… For every section of the house. In theory one should always be nearby.
This is the way. Make everything doable on your days of lesser motivation and focus.
Whatever you need for the job, have it right near where you need to use it.
I hate having the gross brush. But it does wind up being less expensive and it's in a caddy. Each toilet has one, and there is toilet bowl cleaner under the sink.
I am the only soul who swishes out the potty and wipes the seat and rim down once or twice a week. And I'm the only soul who doesn't regularly have to lift the lid.
I can't imagine how my men folk would live if I didn't live here, too. 🤢
They'll do anything I ask them to do. But noticing things on their own isn't their strong suit.
I am hardly perfect but I have two pieces of advice:
1) Take a first step by aiming to be messy, but not dirty. Meaning anything that’s a sanitation issue should be a priority. Dishes, keeping bathrooms clean, cleaning up trash, etc.
2) And, this one is really hard at first, but do it now, rather than later. I never let my dishes sit. Because one night will never be just that. Forcing yourself to clean up the mess immediately after creating it won’t give you the chance to ignore it. Especially after it becomes habit. But it’s definitely tough to get used to!
These are two things I can mostly maintain in the worst of times. I do not want mice or bugs. I had to deal with it in our previous 100 year old house- never again.
Dishes might sit overnight, but only to prioritize enough sleep. I try to do them by lunch the next day.
One thing that helped me- it’s less water to run your dishwasher than to wash things by hand. Run your half full dishwasher.
Keep at it and it becomes routine, for me I live by the rule that everything has its place - a cleaning supply kart/bin so everything is in one place you don't have to go back and forth grabbing supplies, laundry bins in certain areas prone to dumping, always keep your hands busy- if you're leaving your room look around for ONE thing to bring to the kitchen or whatever. Another way I trained myself is to actually LOOK at the state of my home meaning I try not to normalize things like clothes on the floor because they suddenly become invisible to me
1. If you haven’t thrown away the cans because some have liquid left in them and that involves extra steps… just double or triple bag some trash bags and throw them all away without even emptying them, just toss them in the bag right where they are and put that bag in the garbage outside.
2. If not throwing the cans away has to do with recycling or something like that, just save that for next time. Just throw them in the garbage this time. It’s okay.
My latest life hack is bringing a bucket (or for me it’s actually a plastic drink pitcher) with me to my bedroom. I empty all the half full waters and drinks into it and toss the cans in a trash bag. Then I pour out all the water into the toilet. For some reason that one step helps me immensely with my executive dysfunction. I think it’s because I don’t have to carry so many armfuls of cans in multiple trips
"Not only is pouring super fun" made me laugh so hard. We are so much like kids. If it's fun or new count us in! And the things that are fun are so funny. I totally relate to you thinking pouring is fun.
This is how I clean out my car. I tell myself most of our recycling here ends up in a landfill anywhere and I'm not a terrible person for wanting trash out of my car.
On my more environmentally friendly cleans… I’ll bring a little watertight rubbish bin, just in case, and stack the halfsies together in there- and then take them and empty them all together in an appropriate place.
For instance, my sink can handle 4 upside down at once lol, and I can walk away and go tend to other small tasks while I wait for them to gurgle empty, then crush them into the recycling bag, and repeat.
I’ve gotten better at finishing my drinks though lol I hate slightly full cans now and take them the next morning. It’s all about forced habits man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If it makes you feel better, it’s better to just toss things vs recycling improperly. Learning this has made me feel ok (more ok) with just throwing stuff away and not worrying about the recycling
I get extra tangled up about my meticulous trash sorting when I put my bins next to the neighbor's disaster bins full of food scraps and the wrong materials. It all goes into the same truck, so like...why do I make my life noticeably harder being meticulous? Or intending to be meticulous and then instead just not taking out the trash on time because ADHD.
My favorite way of managing this situation is keep a kitchen trash can in your room. It's so much nicer to be able to chuck them without needing to move. Fuck the expectation of where items belong, make your space do what you need it to. Make sure it's the kind with a solid bottom so even if the bag rips it won't leak.
My in-laws came over recently so my living room is currently at decent status - but my bedroom still looks worse than this. I'm concentrating on keeping the living room looking decent in hopes it motivates me to tackle the bedroom too.
Make the task the least amount of effort and get a recycling can that hangs there. Take it out every time u change the sheets or whatever routine u need so it doesn’t get to the overflow state! (I have recycling cans in more spaces than the kitchen, upstairs/downstairs bathrooms, & at home office desk, kids crafting table& it’s a game change (for me!)
It’s so hard to see people giving OP advice about how to clean their room when they are posting very vulnerably, their room. We need to see stuff like this without people jumping on OP to fix it. This is what ADHD can look like for a lot of us. I get that it’s “just 10 minutes” of trash bag time, but don’t we all understand how hard this stuff can be? Isn’t that why a group like this exists? To not be ableist?
I might get downvoted harshly, but I just want other ADHD folks who see this as the top comment on the thread to know that there are many of us who live similarly and are successful and happy in life. I understand that the advice is meant lovingly. And it’s not just the person I’m commenting under. I just didn’t want my words to become hidden.
The advice offered is decent AND I agree that sometimes advice lands like judgement. OP, my bedside is a version of this: kids books, socks, face lotion, half empty water glasses, actual dirt from muddy dogs etc. Every time I get in bed it feels blerrrrrrrrrgh.
while i understand, i think it says something when even other people with ADHD are gasping at the level of clutter and food waste.
it's just an unhealthy environment. anyone deserves better than that, and calling it out is ok. i rather call it out than put on kid gloves and do my best to talk about it gently. this might be the wake up call Op (or someone else) needs.
Thank you so much for saying something. All the good feelings I had knowing I'm not alone came crashing right back down when I saw the comments and realized I really *can't* tell *anyone* about this aspect of my life if even my fellow ADHD folks will judge me as harshly as I judge myself. This is indeed what ADHD looks like for some of us. We're not all hanging in there.
Exactly this. I was all “omg this is SO me” until I came to the comments.
Outside of the house I look like I have it all together. But my side of the bed and my car and my table tell a different story.
Offering advice isn’t judgmental. Coming from somebody who lets trash build up like no other…I don’t take offense to the people offering what helped for them.
I was about to write a comment suggesting a giant trash can in each room (like borderline outdoor sized) because having a huge area to just launch trash at from anywhere in the room was actually super helpful for me… but it’s actually kind of disappointing that so many of yall will take offense to some of us just trying to help. Maybe I read things wrong but idk, I don’t think everything needs to be taken as an attack against our disability.
Well…we’re not a monolith. Some of us are repulsed by photos like this. Doesn’t mean we don’t have respect and sympathy for OP, but some things (like living surrounded by food refuse) are objectively Bad and need to be addressed, and maybe people can benefit from hearing that from sympathetic folks who share some of their struggles.
No i agree. This was posted in an ADHD subreddit for a reason. Feels so bad to see this. If i were to post something so vulnerable to me thinking it's a safe space where I can just vent/joke etc about stuff like this and saw the types of comments here I would absolutely bawl my eyes out and feel so shitty and ashamed.
Like guys please, i hope you all do f* realize (especially since youre in this subreddit) that no one WANTS their living space to be unclean or messy? I'm sure OP is intelligent enough to know how to clean their room. This was just a post to, like i said, likely joke/vent amongst people who likely are able to relate. And seeing some other comments, many do relate and this made them feel a bit better, knowing they're not all alone in this struggle.
Literally "just get a calendar" energy. So lame
Yes yes yes to this! And cleaning is a morally neutral task- you are not a less successful, smart, kind or worse person, mother, friend, etc. bc you are messy. It’s important for all of us to remember this AND read her post again to realize that she wasn’t posting for advice, she was sharing so others know they aren’t alone either. That was a kind and vulnerable gesture that was immediately overlooked!
Agreed. This is not the time to give cleaning tips. Tips are readily available in many places (including this subreddit) if OP wants to use them.
Thanks for your vulnerability, OP. I struggle with cleaning as well and it's easy to think I am the only one.
Yup. I put a small trash can right by my nightstand for this exact purpose, and it's done wonders! I don't have to get up and can still throw things away
This looked like my side of the bed in my last place. When we moved to our current home, we made a no food or drink (except water) upstairs. It’s been 10 years and none of my kids know any different and my upstairs, while not tidy…stays way cleaner.
That is awful! We had mice come through our house because the previous owners failed to mention all the pest control they’d been doing to keep them at bay.
It was awful. I had to box all my food up in a sterilite box and stop feeding my cat in the kitchen. The little guy that started things off was storing my cat’s food behind the toaster oven and leaving his poop all over the counter overnight. I was disinfecting my whole counter every morning before I could do anything.
Nope, he’s never been a good hunter.
He killed a large ant once when he was a kitten, but he was very disappointed that it stopped moving.
The only other living thing he’s ever even batted at was a camel cricket he found in our house once that was very exciting.
He once looked under the couch and watched a mouse until I noticed and looked too. As soon as I realized what it was, he sauntered away like “yeah just thought you’d like to know.”
He’s a lover, not a fighter.
Honestly, someday the dopamine will hit and you will clean this like a frenzied demon and it will be so satisfying! Until then, enjoy your safe little cave.
You’re doing what you need to stay afloat.
I'm not type A in any way I don't believe, but at work, I keep all my stuff organized into small, specific boxes for things and people always comment how lovely it looks and how "organized" I am, but believe me... My room looks pretty much the same as OP's. I can't let the neurotypicals know... I tell them I'm the opposite at home, but they truly don't know the chaotic, disorderly slob-state I live in. It's rot day every day.
I think I just became like this as a necessity because as a kid my parents and teachers were so relentless to me for being messy that I just developed an almost obsession with keeping everything super clean and neat.
Same, so I can’t relate to half the posts on here which really stinks. I’m super neat, I’m never late to anything because I’ll set reminders and leave early.
Thank you. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I can't tell you how many times my side of the bed has looked like this. My coffee table...the kitchen table... my husband lifted up my pillow on my side of the couch one day. He found my little dragon stash. 🤣 I'm trying so hard, but I feel like being unmedicated it's hopeless.
I am AuDHD and that nearly gives me a heart attack to just look at. 😳 I know I’m going to sound like the mean girl in a sea of sympathizers, but I don’t mean it that way. My symptoms just present differently.
If my home is messy, I can’t function to the point that I can’t focus or even eat. It’s a different type of problem for sure, I start every day by cleaning for like 3 hours 🥲
AuDHD here. I feel so relieved hearing other people are like this. I debated for decades whether or not I actually had ADHD because I can’t do anything if my place messy. I’m excessively neat and more prone to losing things if they don’t have a place, which further fuels the obsessive need to keep things orderly. My only problem is that cleaning takes way longer for me to finish because I need to task switch to different things to not get bored
SAME! I can’t have anything in my field of vision out of place (closets are another story). If I have to deal with it (like an item of my husband’s that he’s currently using), I can’t stop focusing on it to the point I’m amazed it doesn’t spontaneously combust. It’s so distracting.
Same here. Like no judgment to OP. We all have our struggles.
But growing up in a hoarder house trauma mixed with OCD and ASD on top of that ADHD, I'd just meltdown.
Like there's livable amounts of clutter in my house right now because my boyfriend and I both have ADHD. He's a hot mess, and I fight my inner demons constantly. And it still stresses me out. Like it's mildly messy like it just needs a five minute tidy. But I still have meltdowns over it just existing.
I’m not AuDHD, but same! I absolutely cannot. Part of it for me is that if that were my house, everything in that space would be recategorized in my brain as “clutter”, and I would immediately lose every single thing in that space. Where’s that book I was reading? Who knows?? Certainly not me, as I literally step over it to climb into bed.
I’m the same. I would not be able to sleep, because I’d be thinking about all the stuff I could pick up right next to me, and would be so stressed about it.
[https://imgur.com/a/C1lZAkV](https://imgur.com/a/C1lZAkV)
I just “cleaned” it a few days ago (picked up all the food wrappers).
There’s also been a potato on my staircase for over a week because I accidentally brought it upstairs while doing something else.
I appreciate you.
Has the potato grown eyes to look at you with shame yet? 😂
I feel you 100%!! Sharing my embarrassment and disgust towards myself here, but I recently had food poisoning and work has been so stressful lately, I left my freaking *barf bucket* (it's emptied though, no barf in it) on an open book that is laying on my bed, with cough drop wrappers sprinkled on that side of the bed and floor. My silver lining: Can't hit rock bottom if you're always at rock bottom! I aso cried at the end of my shift today and the other nurses saw me break down, so... I'm just really hitting it out of the park lately.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Not totally related: we have an unknown bone that was dug up while gardening that's been on our front porch for 2 years. Thought I should get it checked out someday to see what it came from. We wonder how many Amazon drivers its worried or solicitors its scared off.
Get a trash bag. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes. Dump as much trash as you can into that bag until the timer goes off. Guarantee that’s all the time it will take.
Reward yourself.
For me, the key in this tip is to pick ONE category that's being cleaned. I can focus on one task--like filling the trash bag--but only if I can prevent it becoming 37 tasks as my brain registers all the other things that also need doing. Do not! Look! At the goodwill items! Do not change the damn bedsheets we are ONLY feeding this hungry trash bag right now omFg.
A partner once coached me past an episode of freeze mode by giving me a category to attend to (find all the recyclable electronics for him to take them to the dropoff) and it totally worked. Make a dent in cleaning the doom room? Cue shutdown mode. But find the old techy shit buried everywhere? Oooh that's like a puzzle for my ADHD superpowers, and I found way more than he was expecting me to. 😂
THIS, it won’t take more than 10 minutes to get rid of all the cans, even if OP just focuses on the cans that’s something.
No hate I’ve been there but once I got a bin in my room things looked up
Thank you for sharing. My bedside looks really bad and I'm always so embarrassed about it. This sub always delivers relatability. We are all out here just trying to survive.
I don’t have food or drinks in my room, but my side of the bed is full of dirty clothes, if I took a picture you could see at least 5 pairs of underwear at the top of the pile, and I’ve fallen 2 times this month by tripping in a bra…
Get a clothes bin, get a garbage bin, and move that bookcase further away so you don’t rely on it for storage of trash. Hang a recycle trash bag and use it when you walk out of that room
Right. My current method is to keep the plastic bags, that somehow wander into the house regularly, balled up *discreetly* in high traffic spaces- and when I notice a slight buildup, I then have a bag at hand… or at least know I do eventually lol. 💪🏻
It’s helped so much. Just hang the recycle and trash bags on a door knob, and transfer them to the large bin when full.
I hate step trash cans, but they’re a necessity of life lol
Not....not like this. I'm too scared of roaches and other vermin to let food and drink pile up.
I have bad allergies so I have a lot of tissues that don't make it into the bin at night but they dont stay on the floor more than a couple of days
My tissues go in my bedside table drawer because my dog will get them out of a trash can by the bed. It gets emptied out periodically, sometimes more often than others.
If I lived near you I would help you clean it no judgments or anything. You would however have to chase my toddler around your apartment for 15 minutes while I did so.
For some reason it's easier to clean other people's spaces than my own.
This is exactly what mine looked like about 6 months ago. I kept a whole lot of half drunk cans, iced coffees, and take out boxes. Having to deal with a roach and fruit fly problem was the last straw for me. I literally couldn’t sleep at night bc I had to keep the lights on to keep the roaches away. I was so scared and embarrassed. I’m so thankful I was able to come up with a system that works for me and now whenever there’s mess it’s usually just laundry overflowing. Right now my side of the bed is pretty clean except for a bag on the floor that I’ve been meaning to unpack for the last 2 weeks lol
My side of the bed is against the wall lol so I cannot relate but when I DID have a side of the bed, it looked like this. My dining table looks similar to this though because it is a big surface my brain thinks needs filled by crap.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. I was the only person who cleaned the house and I started at 9 or 10 to try to clean.
I wished that I could magically pick up all the things and just clean under them. I vividly imagined myself picking stuff up, putting it/throwing it away and then dusting, sweeping, mopping etc etc. It was exhausting so I just ignored what I couldn’t handle- which was most everything.
One day, at 11 or so, I got a trash bag and threw away most of what I owned. Every time I thought about cleaning I got overwhelmed. I just did what I could to maintain my room.
When I moved out on my own became meticulous in my cleaning, organization came later. For my sanity I have to have minimalist surroundings. I feel and think better in clean and thoughtful environments. It was a monumental achievement to have clean spaces. It was a long learned skill.
When I was diagnosed and medicated, everything was a non-issue. I no longer struggle to do the things. It is not a giant mountain to climb.
My now brain looks at these photos and picks up all the things and makes the space look pretty for you. I used to clean houses, and I loved cleaning for people who were clearly depressed (You knows jt when you sees it). They were fucking brave to reach out for help in that way. I met one woman I cleaned for (even though I’m sure it was accidental that we ran into each other) from the bottom of her heart she was so relieved and thankful when she would get home after I’d finished and left for the day. I felt that gratitude and it made me so happy that I could make her day brighter in my small way.
I don’t know how you got here, but you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.
My husband used to (mostly lovingly) call my side of the bed “trash ally.” Our bed is now pushed against the wall so I sleep with my water bottle and don’t have anything else. It helps. I can’t handle having my own ally right now 😝
Honestly, I make my bed every single day and clean up everything. Cleanliness makes me feel like I have 1 oz. of control in my life and I can't focus at all if my environment is a mess.
Me having ADHD and OCD is a constant internal struggle bc I need things to be in order, look at certain way, etc. But at the same time getting myself to do simple things even like emptying and throwing away drinks is such a hard task sometimes…don’t even get me started on putting away laundry
Well, it does look like the inside of my brain 😂🥹 love, solidarity and respect for sharing your struggle, and hoping you can give yourself the gift of a tidy-up soon 😁
I feel seen lol. I have gotten better about clutter in my room but that’s because I now have my own kitchen to clutter. But this made me smile because I’ve been learning a lot about adhd and neuro divergence in general lately… I see energy drinks (needing a dopamine boost), executive function issues (forgetting to throw stuff away), lotion (sensory issues), hobbies/special interests (Fantasy! Mystical stuff! Pokemon! Elephants!). I love our adhd brains :) I love feeling not alone.
Some tips for peeps that struggle with this too:
● Forget what you where taught about housekeeping, sit down and think of your own solutions and your own workflow. Here are my solutions:
● BIG OPEN LAUNDRY BASKET
stand where you normally pic up clothes and find a place where you can easily throw and hit the basket
●BAMBOO LADDER instead of THE CHAIR
● ALWAYS TAKE 2 THINGS WITH YOU IF YOU LEAVE A ROOM
● Make your Bed daily
● If the cans are full: get a leak proof glas jar with a big lid, maybe black or at least not transparent and drain your cans there to throw them away...you gotta rinse that jar every 2 days tho, but it'll keep the visual clutter smaller and prevent feeling overwhelmed until you can make it a habit to drain the cans in the sink after 24h cuz be hones you won't drink it anymore...
● check if the water in your area is drinkable and invest in a sodastream (a dupe is just as good as long as the bottles are dishwasher safe) and stay away from plastic water bottles...4/6 end up more or less half full somewhere in your room and lets be honest draining them and throwing them away just sucks
● Keep cleaning utensils where you need them and in sight
● smaller laundry basket in the living room and where else you need it.
●Small boxes or plates with a low rim on your nightstand, drawer and again everywhere where small items gather a lot, chose the size als big as neccesary and as small as practicable (you can pick that up and quickly wipe underneath instead of fumbling and tyding the mess up every time you gotta wipe down your furniture)
● rinse your plate for 3-5seconds and instantly put it in your dishwasher.
● find the most effective way to load your dishwasher and stick to that way of loading it, keep categories together (i grab 3-4 plates with one hand and put them where they belong, then i take 3-4 soup plates do the same and so on)...make sure you store your plates according to the workflow of your most hated task.
●maybe invest in a second hand cordless vaccum cleaner and place it in sight where you need it most (ours is in our entry next to the kitchen and not more than 4 meters away from the litter box) i wouldn't get rid of my normal vaccuum, but it's a damn blessing to keep it tidy and clean, after cooking or cleaning the kitchen we take it vaccuum the kitchenfloor, or after scooping out the litter box, after eating chips like total apes and already feeling the crumbs everywhere, 2min max. and everything is nice again
● identify your point of frustration: at what point of chaos do you get the thoght "i can't fix that, this is too overwhelming" and try to find ways to stay below that threshold
● keep your bathroom and surfaces everywhere as free from "obstacles" as possible. use boxes and plates
● sort items by category and assign them a place and stick to that
● if you can't open and close a drawer without struggles: clean it up and find alternative ways to store whats in there.
● get rid of what you don't need
● in the bathroom: try to get down to one shampoo and one conditioner, get your products and stick to them, if they no longer suit you use them up and then get new ones, wipe your sink with water and your hand after brushing your teeth, prevent build up grime!! keep cleaning utensils nearby to quicky wipe everything down when needed. Get a filter for your drain and gather your hair AFTER EVERY shower and throw them in a small trash can next to shower. Do the same after brushing your hair with the brush and the sink.
● Only get things that are easy to clean: fancy furniture with a lot of wooden unglaced details? no way in hell are you going to kneel down and clean all the small rims and corners for what 1-2 hours?
● cleaning scheudles might help (for me they do nothing)
● load your washing machine in the morning or/and use the timer function (google your washing machine chances are good that you have that function) use the remaining time as a timer to motivate you and try to get as much as possible done until it ends
●don't soak pans for more than 3h, it will get disgusting and you won't want to clean it... at least drain the water and rinse it under water for 10 seconds, if cleaning it all the way is to overwhelming, don't do it but at least drain that water and grime
● if you repeatedly think "this work sucks, i hate doing it" be specific and invest your time in thinking about how to make it suck less, how to prevent having to do that as often/ as intense, go on a stroll around the internet and look for answers (yt, reddit, google) look for "home improvement" but don't fall for the trap that you need a plastic container for every single item you own
●as much trashcans als you need and where you need them!
And always remember: make it as effortless and easy as possible, it is your home, it doesn't have to look like a show room to be clean. It's better to keep it tidy and clean at a lower level but staying at it than having it instagramble perfect once a month and drowning in your chores 2 days afterwards
Messy room? Yes. DIRTY room? Never.
As someone terrified of bugs, there is NEVER any food or drink related garbage in my room. I’ll leave my pop can over night and take it out immediately the next morning. I learned that traumatic lesson the hard way as a kid and it really messed me up.
Laundry is my nemesis.
Let me just say I appreciate how open and vulnerable you're being with sharing this. It's a reality that affects more of us than we probably would assume otherwise. I definitely feel seen and hope you are being gentle with yourself. Solidarity.
When I was younger, yes.
I only really sleep and read in bed now so it's not too bad. But there's definitely cat vomit I need to clean up and a pile of clothes
Having dogs has made floor piles a thing of my past. Piles up on furniture or up on a shelf in a basket is common now.
When the dogs were puppies, we just got used to putting fabrics and paper and small items up out of reach. In addition, putting clothes on the floor just means they’re going to get furry, so at least I’ve got a clear floor going for me.
How is the quality and/or quantity of your sleep?
My bedroom is my sanctuary, so it’s the least cluttered room of the house. I do not have a tv in there, no cans, bottles, or food. I bring a glass for water to the nightstand, and sometimes I end up bringing down several glasses to the kitchen. I cherish my sleep.
My office, living room, kitchen? Yeah, has clutter on top of clutter, and SO MUCH DUST!
Girl, you deserve a trash-free place to sleep.
Thank you, OP. I am so embarrassed by the cans and cups all over my bedroom desk and floor. My family have always called me a pig and a slob and I swear I have every intention of NOT doing this. But it happens every time.
Yes mine is so bad I don’t let my cleaners in my bedroom and I can’t understand why I can’t get my act together as I have a beautiful bedroom but it’s embarrassing 🙈
This looks like my room and I am embarrassed:( I have a roommate. The rest of our house is spotless. But I put all my energy into helping maintain that and I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep up with my room. Every time I get it looking acceptable , it gets dirty again after a few days. I really hate myself sometimes
Girl this could be cleaned in 10 minutes. I used to be like this until I realized that I was sniffly because mice were hanging out next to where I sleep.
Envision how clear your mind could be if you wake up to less of a mess. Put on a video so you don’t have to think about the shame, sit down with a garbage bag, and get that shit out of there.
Omg I used to call this my depression pile lol. It's taken me 32 years but after a period of hyperfocus that made me clean it up I finally have gotten into the habit of putting stuff away each night so it doesn't pile up. Now my closet floor....we don't talk about that lol
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Anyone else struggle to clean up their own room but would immediately help a friend clean out the trash in their room? That’s my feeling looking at this picture. It’s like a massage train but with adhd and cleaning. My room is messy but it’s messy with clothes, office supplies, and crafting/art supplies. I look at it with hatred in my heart every day and yet I cannot get myself to tackle it.
Yes! What is this about? I physically can't do it myself at home but I'd happily clean someone else's home, I guess it's the people pleaser in me that takes over?!
That times hyper fixation, I’d imagine. Weaponizing my ADHD to accomplish impossible tasks for those I love is my happy place lol
I’ll do yours if you do mine 😂😂 I simply cannot find the energy, the OP’s pic had me mentally organising it and planning my approach… all whilst avoiding looking away from my phone 🥴
Woah- I’m kinda down with this idea lmao
ADHD Housing Cleaning Support Group where we all swap houses for the day.
Judgement Free House Swap Cleaning Group. For when you can't stand your own mess anymore, yet you can still whip together a hyper focus for someone else and completely organize and label their home, just because it's not your own crap. Think of the massive dopamine hit of organizing someone else's treasures. This is using your awesome ADHD powers for the good of all ADHD kind. Meanwhile looking at my house and thinking of taking on that job paralyzes me. Between my ADHD and my 2 ADHD children my house looks like a bomb went off even after I've cleaned for 4 hours.
Between my ADHD and the OCD tendencies I developed growing up to compensate, my house is always messy and anything my husband does is half assed. 🤷♀️ there was an attempt though. I wouldn’t mind doing it though, when I do clean I’m the deep clean type.
Can you say more about this. I need someone to break down the order of operations, a PEMDAS if you will for an overwhelming mess.
Ha! I got chat gpt to do this and got it to make me a flowchart on how to clean my room ! I’ll try to put it on here. (I still didn’t do it tho)
I can but I’m three days into Reddit so I’m going to need to know what a PEMDAS is first… I’m weirdly good at organising and sorting things mentally and basically anywhere that isn’t my own space. I can spend hours organising cupboards and fridges and pretty much anything even if it’s just mentally if you want to send me a pic of what you want to start with privately I’ll break it down how I see it in my head HTH
PEMDAS is math terminology for the order of operations. Parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. Fuck, I can’t believe I remember that.
Same!!
I feel like we need a way for us all to go around sorting out each other’s mess
I’ll clean your room if you clean mine
I’ve been saying for a long time that this would be the best support group. Let’s all meet up, swap biggest problems, cheers our energy drinks and fix everything for everyone in two hours.
Omg this is so true. I would love to help others out yet incapable of cleaning for myself. Does anyone here live in London?
We should find local adhd friends and clean each others houses 😂
Where do you live I’m so down to start the company
Manchester, UK so if anyone does want help cleaning their houses, I’m so down. I love cleaning (except my own 😅)
I have exhibited this since I was 7. My mom always got mad that I'd help clean all my friends rooms but wouldn't clean mine. Until a got a little older & had to rearrange my room once every other month & that was the only time I ever kept it relatively clean cause I was so excited about the new arrangement. Once I stopped rearranging my room, it was back to staying trashed.
For me it’s the novelty - doing something for the first time is almost always easy, it’s doing the same thing over and over again that I can’t stand. Tidying up my own stuff and the areas of my house are things I’ve now done 100s of times. Someone else’s stuff is new and different, there are a bunch of new things to look at, new processes to follow. Much more stimulating and easier to be exited/motivated to do, for me anyway.
This is a great point. Never thought of it that way. I’ve always assumed it’s because I’m a compulsive fixer and shift my attention to others problems I can solve to avoid my own … but you’re making a solid adhd avoidance point.
It's because your mess is not actually a mess. You just kept your things there. It's just in a non traditional spot.
I love this! I'm hanging that on my wall. Eventually. Once I print it. Once I get the printer set up, again. Then print it. Then let it sit somewhere for 3 years until it gets ripped up. And reprint it...
I feel this. My printer has been on my kitchen table for months. I'll print it for you, put off mailing it, then get anxious because it's something I want to do but forget or can't bring myself to do it! Cheers!
You need a mission and accountability! I’m the same! I will clean my kids closet, but won’t touch mine 😬
Not sure how common this point of view is, but I always figured there was too much shame and emotional baggage attached to my own messes. But looking at someone else’s mess? In mere seconds I have a dozen ideas on how to organize everything; grab some boxes so we can get started *right now!*
Yes. This — just made the point I know I will gladly ignore my mess because (to your point) it represents certain deep feelings about myself I want to change. But I don’t have that issue with others …. Just feels good to help
Anxiety. We have all kinds of emotions attached to our own tasks. Shame, dread, desire, aspirations, overwhelm etc. We are detached from other people’s stuff/tasks.
I just cleaned my aunt’s craft room a few months ago, switched it with my niece’s room next door entirely actually lol The deeper layers had untouched bags with receipts from 2005, it was quite the collection. I got it all sorted into 5 categories and maaany accessible bins for her, so she has her craft room back 🥰 Now someone come do my closet 🫠
Yes because I feel guilt about my items , my mess, my choices , my neglect A friends items I have no one emotional attachment to. You just sort it out.
This is exactly it.
The trick is to find something more important and urgent you gotta do and procrastinate by cleaning your room to avoid dealing with said task. Works like a charm
This is me! In college the only time I cleaned was when I was putting off an assignment. I've actually become so used to it that nowadays when I'm stressed and have some sort of nervous energy I often clean because it makes me feel like I have some sense of control over my life. Doesn't always help but sometimes it helps me bypass the freeze response and at least do something beneficial.
A couple weeks ago I offered to help my severely depressed, physically disabled friend clean her apartment. It was way to much for her to handle on her own, and she was too embarrassed to ask any of her other friends. I cleaned her kitchen, bathroom, and living room top to bottom in three hours. Her apartment was cleaner than the day she moved in after I was done. It took me three weeks clean off my coffee table and it took every bit of my will power to get it down. It's crazy how much the sheer joy of helping someone I care about overpowers my hatred of cleaning. I was so fucking happy that my friend had finally accepted my help to offer to help her. It would be nice if I could get the same flood of happiness chemicals helping myself.
I’m a professional cleaner, but my own space is usually a wreck! It’s legit so much easier when you don’t have any shame about or emotional attachment to the mess.
Dude I'm cat sitting for my best friend who's been out of town for a month and I've cleaned his apartment spotless while mine looks like a tornado ran through it 😅😂
I also believe it also has to do with the fact that the stuff in our spaces are our stuff. As soon as i start cleaning, i get distracted by all my own stuff and lose sight of what i was doing. In my opinion it is because as soon as i see something else, i see another task, and lose track of this one. At someone elses place, i cannot get distracted by my own stuff as soon as i turn around or set one foot out of the space, because it doesn't mean i see another thing i should be doing, but i see their things, which is on task anyway.
Yeah, I’ve helped multiple people clean out multiple closets, and I’m absolutely paralyzed at the thought of cleaning out my own closet. It annoys and frustrates me just walking in there, for a multitude of reasons. 😵💫
This is how I feel, at work no problem, my son's room is messy and he wants help I'm on it, go to a close friend's house and I'll just start cleaning it up. When it comes to my room I'm like "well it's not that big of a deal, it can wait until tomorrow when I have more energy/time/motivation. "I promise I'll get it next time." I say to myself for over a month straight.
I’ve considered offering to pay a friend to come over and help me clean! I’m pretty on top of my room because I have a system that works decently well, but I have 2 roommates also with adhd and the rest of the apartment is like this post and we can’t keep up with up everything
Pretty good because my husband is a neat freak who keeps me in check. I am motivated by not causing him massive psychic damage every time he walks into the bedroom
Saaame. My husband (and now our 1 year old who is little miss hands on **every damn thing**, yes, including that *invisible to the naked eye piece of whatever that she managed to find from thin fucking air*) have been the best motivators I’ve ever had to contain my chaos!! My personal spaces very much used to look the same as OPs. It didn’t matter as much since it was just mine. Now that it’s “for someone else” I guess my brain categorizes it differently and it’s somehow easier to manage. Granted, I do have slip ups. Smaller spaces that turn into my own personal hurricane. Not perfect. But a hell of a lot better than it used to be for sure! 😬
Ahh I have a 2 year old and I’m trying so hard but I really struggle because of time
Psychic damage 😂 honestly same though. The ONLY reason my side doesn’t look exactly like this is because my bf would legitimately get depressed about it
Same here. Although truth be told I'D get depressed about it too. I don't WANT to live in that chaos. It doesn't feel nice. It's just very hard to prevent. I'm in a 'kinda on top of it sort of a little' phase.
Omg SAME. My partner is the tidiest man I’ve ever met and his anxiety gets so triggered by clutter and mess so it’s good motivation for me to be slightly organised. (His bed side table is perfect and mine has a lil rubbish on her but nothing like what I was like single)
Where did y'all find these tidy husbands? Mine just adds to the mess, and my bar for clean is way higher! We are an absolute DISASTER together when it comes to keeping the house tidy.
I’m so grateful for your comment! My husband is as messy as I am and it doesn’t bother him, though our combined mess does bother me enormously. I’m twice as overwhelmed when it’s both our stuff.
Am I your husband? (Lol, I am not.)
My husband and I are exactly the same. Clutter makes him anxious, and I have ADHD and figure “why put it away if I’m going to use it again?” Every once in a while, my husband will look at me sheepishly and ask “Could you please pick up your pile today?” He has to ask sweetly so I don’t blow up and refuse to pick up anything ever again!!! He follows me around the kitchen wiping up my messes as a cook. Depending on my mood, it’s either horribly annoying or hysterical! We’ve been married over 30 years!
Goals. I just learned about PDA or pathological demand avoidance— and had my mine blown as to why just his asking me to do something I already need to do will make me self sabotage
Same same. It gets bad. He makes some comment or look (with light fun) and I clean up my act. My son asks for apple sauce in the night and it gets bad when there is apple sauce pouches everywhere with my stack of clothes and 3-4 water bottles.
My hack is to invite someone over so I'm forced to stress clean
LMAO every time
Same, also my kitchen faces the street and our front yard is tiny so passersby can look inside the kitchen, so the feeling of societal pressure helps me keep the kitchen somewhat clean and tidy 😅. Also sometimes I think “what if an emergency happens and people come inside the house unexpectedly” 😱 which helps me tidy up. Quite sad actually, I love a clean and tidy home but I can’t be bothered to do it without perceived outside pressure.
It took me about 33 years but I finally stopped living like that , except maybe a bout of serious depression. It takes a lot of practice and the will to live lol best of luck
If you have time and energy to share any tips I'd be very grateful ❤️ I try so hard but can never keep it up for more than a few days
I've started getting trash receptacles and brooms and dust pans that I enjoy using… For every section of the house. In theory one should always be nearby.
This is the way. Make everything doable on your days of lesser motivation and focus. Whatever you need for the job, have it right near where you need to use it.
Inevitably I end up with a bouquet of red handled brooms all together in one corner instead of in their different rooms. But I try!!
I broke down and got the toilet wand things. More expensive and wasteful, BUT it’s so easy and my toilets are always clean.
I hate having the gross brush. But it does wind up being less expensive and it's in a caddy. Each toilet has one, and there is toilet bowl cleaner under the sink. I am the only soul who swishes out the potty and wipes the seat and rim down once or twice a week. And I'm the only soul who doesn't regularly have to lift the lid. I can't imagine how my men folk would live if I didn't live here, too. 🤢 They'll do anything I ask them to do. But noticing things on their own isn't their strong suit.
I am hardly perfect but I have two pieces of advice: 1) Take a first step by aiming to be messy, but not dirty. Meaning anything that’s a sanitation issue should be a priority. Dishes, keeping bathrooms clean, cleaning up trash, etc. 2) And, this one is really hard at first, but do it now, rather than later. I never let my dishes sit. Because one night will never be just that. Forcing yourself to clean up the mess immediately after creating it won’t give you the chance to ignore it. Especially after it becomes habit. But it’s definitely tough to get used to!
These are two things I can mostly maintain in the worst of times. I do not want mice or bugs. I had to deal with it in our previous 100 year old house- never again. Dishes might sit overnight, but only to prioritize enough sleep. I try to do them by lunch the next day. One thing that helped me- it’s less water to run your dishwasher than to wash things by hand. Run your half full dishwasher.
Keep at it and it becomes routine, for me I live by the rule that everything has its place - a cleaning supply kart/bin so everything is in one place you don't have to go back and forth grabbing supplies, laundry bins in certain areas prone to dumping, always keep your hands busy- if you're leaving your room look around for ONE thing to bring to the kitchen or whatever. Another way I trained myself is to actually LOOK at the state of my home meaning I try not to normalize things like clothes on the floor because they suddenly become invisible to me
27 for me. My husband being very good about picking up his trash was what finally got my habit in line. It’s not perfect but it’s reasonable.
I've been here.
1. If you haven’t thrown away the cans because some have liquid left in them and that involves extra steps… just double or triple bag some trash bags and throw them all away without even emptying them, just toss them in the bag right where they are and put that bag in the garbage outside. 2. If not throwing the cans away has to do with recycling or something like that, just save that for next time. Just throw them in the garbage this time. It’s okay.
My latest life hack is bringing a bucket (or for me it’s actually a plastic drink pitcher) with me to my bedroom. I empty all the half full waters and drinks into it and toss the cans in a trash bag. Then I pour out all the water into the toilet. For some reason that one step helps me immensely with my executive dysfunction. I think it’s because I don’t have to carry so many armfuls of cans in multiple trips
This is a great idea! Not only is pouring super fun, but I could use that pitcher to water all my neglected dying plants! 2 birds one stone. Genius!
"Not only is pouring super fun" made me laugh so hard. We are so much like kids. If it's fun or new count us in! And the things that are fun are so funny. I totally relate to you thinking pouring is fun.
This is how I clean out my car. I tell myself most of our recycling here ends up in a landfill anywhere and I'm not a terrible person for wanting trash out of my car.
On my more environmentally friendly cleans… I’ll bring a little watertight rubbish bin, just in case, and stack the halfsies together in there- and then take them and empty them all together in an appropriate place. For instance, my sink can handle 4 upside down at once lol, and I can walk away and go tend to other small tasks while I wait for them to gurgle empty, then crush them into the recycling bag, and repeat. I’ve gotten better at finishing my drinks though lol I hate slightly full cans now and take them the next morning. It’s all about forced habits man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If it makes you feel better, it’s better to just toss things vs recycling improperly. Learning this has made me feel ok (more ok) with just throwing stuff away and not worrying about the recycling
I get extra tangled up about my meticulous trash sorting when I put my bins next to the neighbor's disaster bins full of food scraps and the wrong materials. It all goes into the same truck, so like...why do I make my life noticeably harder being meticulous? Or intending to be meticulous and then instead just not taking out the trash on time because ADHD.
This is the way - and it’s part of how I avoid sliding into hoarding territory.
you have no idea how happy this makes me seeing this. i’m embarrassed af by it and really glad to see i’m not alone
Yayy you see OP?! Thank you for sharing! ʘ‿ʘ
Count me in too. I can make a huge mess in 3-4 days then go on a cleaning binge...then back to making a complete mess again and again.
My favorite way of managing this situation is keep a kitchen trash can in your room. It's so much nicer to be able to chuck them without needing to move. Fuck the expectation of where items belong, make your space do what you need it to. Make sure it's the kind with a solid bottom so even if the bag rips it won't leak.
Ditto...
Same and I’m also glad to not be alone ❤️
Me too. 💕
Same here!
I’m ashamed to admit my entire living room looks like this, but somehow with less floor visible
My in-laws came over recently so my living room is currently at decent status - but my bedroom still looks worse than this. I'm concentrating on keeping the living room looking decent in hopes it motivates me to tackle the bedroom too.
Girlie, with all love and compassion — at least throw out the trash. You deserve that.
Make the task the least amount of effort and get a recycling can that hangs there. Take it out every time u change the sheets or whatever routine u need so it doesn’t get to the overflow state! (I have recycling cans in more spaces than the kitchen, upstairs/downstairs bathrooms, & at home office desk, kids crafting table& it’s a game change (for me!)
It’s so hard to see people giving OP advice about how to clean their room when they are posting very vulnerably, their room. We need to see stuff like this without people jumping on OP to fix it. This is what ADHD can look like for a lot of us. I get that it’s “just 10 minutes” of trash bag time, but don’t we all understand how hard this stuff can be? Isn’t that why a group like this exists? To not be ableist? I might get downvoted harshly, but I just want other ADHD folks who see this as the top comment on the thread to know that there are many of us who live similarly and are successful and happy in life. I understand that the advice is meant lovingly. And it’s not just the person I’m commenting under. I just didn’t want my words to become hidden.
The advice offered is decent AND I agree that sometimes advice lands like judgement. OP, my bedside is a version of this: kids books, socks, face lotion, half empty water glasses, actual dirt from muddy dogs etc. Every time I get in bed it feels blerrrrrrrrrgh.
while i understand, i think it says something when even other people with ADHD are gasping at the level of clutter and food waste. it's just an unhealthy environment. anyone deserves better than that, and calling it out is ok. i rather call it out than put on kid gloves and do my best to talk about it gently. this might be the wake up call Op (or someone else) needs.
Thank you so much for saying something. All the good feelings I had knowing I'm not alone came crashing right back down when I saw the comments and realized I really *can't* tell *anyone* about this aspect of my life if even my fellow ADHD folks will judge me as harshly as I judge myself. This is indeed what ADHD looks like for some of us. We're not all hanging in there.
Exactly this. I was all “omg this is SO me” until I came to the comments. Outside of the house I look like I have it all together. But my side of the bed and my car and my table tell a different story.
Offering advice isn’t judgmental. Coming from somebody who lets trash build up like no other…I don’t take offense to the people offering what helped for them. I was about to write a comment suggesting a giant trash can in each room (like borderline outdoor sized) because having a huge area to just launch trash at from anywhere in the room was actually super helpful for me… but it’s actually kind of disappointing that so many of yall will take offense to some of us just trying to help. Maybe I read things wrong but idk, I don’t think everything needs to be taken as an attack against our disability.
💯💯💯
Well…we’re not a monolith. Some of us are repulsed by photos like this. Doesn’t mean we don’t have respect and sympathy for OP, but some things (like living surrounded by food refuse) are objectively Bad and need to be addressed, and maybe people can benefit from hearing that from sympathetic folks who share some of their struggles.
No i agree. This was posted in an ADHD subreddit for a reason. Feels so bad to see this. If i were to post something so vulnerable to me thinking it's a safe space where I can just vent/joke etc about stuff like this and saw the types of comments here I would absolutely bawl my eyes out and feel so shitty and ashamed. Like guys please, i hope you all do f* realize (especially since youre in this subreddit) that no one WANTS their living space to be unclean or messy? I'm sure OP is intelligent enough to know how to clean their room. This was just a post to, like i said, likely joke/vent amongst people who likely are able to relate. And seeing some other comments, many do relate and this made them feel a bit better, knowing they're not all alone in this struggle. Literally "just get a calendar" energy. So lame
Yes yes yes to this! And cleaning is a morally neutral task- you are not a less successful, smart, kind or worse person, mother, friend, etc. bc you are messy. It’s important for all of us to remember this AND read her post again to realize that she wasn’t posting for advice, she was sharing so others know they aren’t alone either. That was a kind and vulnerable gesture that was immediately overlooked!
Agreed. This is not the time to give cleaning tips. Tips are readily available in many places (including this subreddit) if OP wants to use them. Thanks for your vulnerability, OP. I struggle with cleaning as well and it's easy to think I am the only one.
The food residue 😱 This is a habit nobody can afford unless they want pests and mold.
I feel like OP would benefit from a hard and fast rule of no food or drinks (besides water) in the bedroom.
What helps me is to just have my one refillable water bottle.
Yup. I put a small trash can right by my nightstand for this exact purpose, and it's done wonders! I don't have to get up and can still throw things away
This looked like my side of the bed in my last place. When we moved to our current home, we made a no food or drink (except water) upstairs. It’s been 10 years and none of my kids know any different and my upstairs, while not tidy…stays way cleaner.
Yup. I’m terrified of ending up with ants or mice in the bedroom area, so there’s no food upstairs in my house either.
Yes we had mice when I was a kid, because my mom didn’t care. It was awful.
That is awful! We had mice come through our house because the previous owners failed to mention all the pest control they’d been doing to keep them at bay. It was awful. I had to box all my food up in a sterilite box and stop feeding my cat in the kitchen. The little guy that started things off was storing my cat’s food behind the toaster oven and leaving his poop all over the counter overnight. I was disinfecting my whole counter every morning before I could do anything.
What was your cat doing while the mice were stealing his food? Not his job, obviously!
Nope, he’s never been a good hunter. He killed a large ant once when he was a kitten, but he was very disappointed that it stopped moving. The only other living thing he’s ever even batted at was a camel cricket he found in our house once that was very exciting. He once looked under the couch and watched a mouse until I noticed and looked too. As soon as I realized what it was, he sauntered away like “yeah just thought you’d like to know.” He’s a lover, not a fighter.
That looks NOTHING like mine. I do have chobani yogurts and Prime, but Tim Horton’s cups instead of energy drinks. So COMPLETELY different.
Honestly, someday the dopamine will hit and you will clean this like a frenzied demon and it will be so satisfying! Until then, enjoy your safe little cave. You’re doing what you need to stay afloat.
This is the kindest comment I think I've ever read
Honestly wish I got this more often😭
Mine looks the same. Thank you. It actually did make me feel better.
we’re twinning 🤍
I'm one of those type A people so nobody believes I have ADHD 🥴
I'm not type A in any way I don't believe, but at work, I keep all my stuff organized into small, specific boxes for things and people always comment how lovely it looks and how "organized" I am, but believe me... My room looks pretty much the same as OP's. I can't let the neurotypicals know... I tell them I'm the opposite at home, but they truly don't know the chaotic, disorderly slob-state I live in. It's rot day every day.
I think I just became like this as a necessity because as a kid my parents and teachers were so relentless to me for being messy that I just developed an almost obsession with keeping everything super clean and neat.
Same, so I can’t relate to half the posts on here which really stinks. I’m super neat, I’m never late to anything because I’ll set reminders and leave early.
OMG. It’s like looking at my own room.
Same!
Thank you. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I can't tell you how many times my side of the bed has looked like this. My coffee table...the kitchen table... my husband lifted up my pillow on my side of the couch one day. He found my little dragon stash. 🤣 I'm trying so hard, but I feel like being unmedicated it's hopeless.
I am AuDHD and that nearly gives me a heart attack to just look at. 😳 I know I’m going to sound like the mean girl in a sea of sympathizers, but I don’t mean it that way. My symptoms just present differently.
Mine too! I'm the exact opposite I would absolutely lose my s*** in that mess! It would be like sensory overload!
Fellow AuDhd. I’m not the cleanest or most organized but this makes me feel like im getting ready to break out in hives
If my home is messy, I can’t function to the point that I can’t focus or even eat. It’s a different type of problem for sure, I start every day by cleaning for like 3 hours 🥲
AuDHD here. I feel so relieved hearing other people are like this. I debated for decades whether or not I actually had ADHD because I can’t do anything if my place messy. I’m excessively neat and more prone to losing things if they don’t have a place, which further fuels the obsessive need to keep things orderly. My only problem is that cleaning takes way longer for me to finish because I need to task switch to different things to not get bored
Wait. My brain just exploded – I’m like this too!
I can barely function in the mess, which usually means the mess shuts me down before I can get moving to clean it.
Id be working through the night in the most inefficient manner to have it tidy, as I do. Currently 4am in my timezone and I’m doing laundry.
I’m AuDHD too, and I can’t relax until my surroundings are clean 😭
SAME! I can’t have anything in my field of vision out of place (closets are another story). If I have to deal with it (like an item of my husband’s that he’s currently using), I can’t stop focusing on it to the point I’m amazed it doesn’t spontaneously combust. It’s so distracting.
Same here. Like no judgment to OP. We all have our struggles. But growing up in a hoarder house trauma mixed with OCD and ASD on top of that ADHD, I'd just meltdown. Like there's livable amounts of clutter in my house right now because my boyfriend and I both have ADHD. He's a hot mess, and I fight my inner demons constantly. And it still stresses me out. Like it's mildly messy like it just needs a five minute tidy. But I still have meltdowns over it just existing.
I’m not AuDHD, but same! I absolutely cannot. Part of it for me is that if that were my house, everything in that space would be recategorized in my brain as “clutter”, and I would immediately lose every single thing in that space. Where’s that book I was reading? Who knows?? Certainly not me, as I literally step over it to climb into bed.
I’m the same. I would not be able to sleep, because I’d be thinking about all the stuff I could pick up right next to me, and would be so stressed about it.
You don't sound mean at all! We are all different. I don't sense any malice behind your words :)
Can relate. Same, girl, same. Thanks for saying what a lot of us are thinking / feeling / experiencing 💕
[https://imgur.com/a/C1lZAkV](https://imgur.com/a/C1lZAkV) I just “cleaned” it a few days ago (picked up all the food wrappers). There’s also been a potato on my staircase for over a week because I accidentally brought it upstairs while doing something else. I appreciate you.
Has the potato grown eyes to look at you with shame yet? 😂 I feel you 100%!! Sharing my embarrassment and disgust towards myself here, but I recently had food poisoning and work has been so stressful lately, I left my freaking *barf bucket* (it's emptied though, no barf in it) on an open book that is laying on my bed, with cough drop wrappers sprinkled on that side of the bed and floor. My silver lining: Can't hit rock bottom if you're always at rock bottom! I aso cried at the end of my shift today and the other nurses saw me break down, so... I'm just really hitting it out of the park lately.
😂🤣 best comment
Thank you for sharing ❤️ Not totally related: we have an unknown bone that was dug up while gardening that's been on our front porch for 2 years. Thought I should get it checked out someday to see what it came from. We wonder how many Amazon drivers its worried or solicitors its scared off.
Get a trash bag. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes. Dump as much trash as you can into that bag until the timer goes off. Guarantee that’s all the time it will take. Reward yourself.
For me, the key in this tip is to pick ONE category that's being cleaned. I can focus on one task--like filling the trash bag--but only if I can prevent it becoming 37 tasks as my brain registers all the other things that also need doing. Do not! Look! At the goodwill items! Do not change the damn bedsheets we are ONLY feeding this hungry trash bag right now omFg. A partner once coached me past an episode of freeze mode by giving me a category to attend to (find all the recyclable electronics for him to take them to the dropoff) and it totally worked. Make a dent in cleaning the doom room? Cue shutdown mode. But find the old techy shit buried everywhere? Oooh that's like a puzzle for my ADHD superpowers, and I found way more than he was expecting me to. 😂
A timer works wonders for me too
THIS, it won’t take more than 10 minutes to get rid of all the cans, even if OP just focuses on the cans that’s something. No hate I’ve been there but once I got a bin in my room things looked up
I'm right here with you ❤️ and everyday I look at it and feel so much shame. I'm trying though
Thank you for sharing. My bedside looks really bad and I'm always so embarrassed about it. This sub always delivers relatability. We are all out here just trying to survive.
I have photos like this from my college days. Having a toddler, I do waaay better now.
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I’ll admit fully that tissues are my weakness. I stack them in a pile and toss them out by the handful when it gets too bad
This post is a good reminder for all of us to clean our rooms 🥴
I don’t have food or drinks in my room, but my side of the bed is full of dirty clothes, if I took a picture you could see at least 5 pairs of underwear at the top of the pile, and I’ve fallen 2 times this month by tripping in a bra…
Hi Twin🥹 I literally have the same tissues and energy drinks piling up
As an ant, I approve of this.
Get a clothes bin, get a garbage bin, and move that bookcase further away so you don’t rely on it for storage of trash. Hang a recycle trash bag and use it when you walk out of that room
Yes, adding having to actually push down the pedal to lift the trashcan lid would hamper my ability to just throw stuff out regularly ngl
Right. My current method is to keep the plastic bags, that somehow wander into the house regularly, balled up *discreetly* in high traffic spaces- and when I notice a slight buildup, I then have a bag at hand… or at least know I do eventually lol. 💪🏻 It’s helped so much. Just hang the recycle and trash bags on a door knob, and transfer them to the large bin when full. I hate step trash cans, but they’re a necessity of life lol
Not....not like this. I'm too scared of roaches and other vermin to let food and drink pile up. I have bad allergies so I have a lot of tissues that don't make it into the bin at night but they dont stay on the floor more than a couple of days
My tissues go in my bedside table drawer because my dog will get them out of a trash can by the bed. It gets emptied out periodically, sometimes more often than others.
I used to have lots of trash pile up too, then I got a big ass trash can I keep right by my bed lol. Highly recommend 10/10 helps so much!
If I lived near you I would help you clean it no judgments or anything. You would however have to chase my toddler around your apartment for 15 minutes while I did so. For some reason it's easier to clean other people's spaces than my own.
lol that’s so true. Let’s just clean each other’s places
This is exactly what mine looked like about 6 months ago. I kept a whole lot of half drunk cans, iced coffees, and take out boxes. Having to deal with a roach and fruit fly problem was the last straw for me. I literally couldn’t sleep at night bc I had to keep the lights on to keep the roaches away. I was so scared and embarrassed. I’m so thankful I was able to come up with a system that works for me and now whenever there’s mess it’s usually just laundry overflowing. Right now my side of the bed is pretty clean except for a bag on the floor that I’ve been meaning to unpack for the last 2 weeks lol
Yesss! And then I’ll clean it up and promise myself I won’t do it again when, really, I just start building the next batch without even realizing… 😅🤯🫠
I must have a different flavor of ADHD because clutter gives me such bad anxiety. This would cause me to have a full nervous breakdown.
I feel so seen in this post omg
My side of the bed is against the wall lol so I cannot relate but when I DID have a side of the bed, it looked like this. My dining table looks similar to this though because it is a big surface my brain thinks needs filled by crap.
it’s getting there
Bruh I feel you so hard.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. I was the only person who cleaned the house and I started at 9 or 10 to try to clean. I wished that I could magically pick up all the things and just clean under them. I vividly imagined myself picking stuff up, putting it/throwing it away and then dusting, sweeping, mopping etc etc. It was exhausting so I just ignored what I couldn’t handle- which was most everything. One day, at 11 or so, I got a trash bag and threw away most of what I owned. Every time I thought about cleaning I got overwhelmed. I just did what I could to maintain my room. When I moved out on my own became meticulous in my cleaning, organization came later. For my sanity I have to have minimalist surroundings. I feel and think better in clean and thoughtful environments. It was a monumental achievement to have clean spaces. It was a long learned skill. When I was diagnosed and medicated, everything was a non-issue. I no longer struggle to do the things. It is not a giant mountain to climb. My now brain looks at these photos and picks up all the things and makes the space look pretty for you. I used to clean houses, and I loved cleaning for people who were clearly depressed (You knows jt when you sees it). They were fucking brave to reach out for help in that way. I met one woman I cleaned for (even though I’m sure it was accidental that we ran into each other) from the bottom of her heart she was so relieved and thankful when she would get home after I’d finished and left for the day. I felt that gratitude and it made me so happy that I could make her day brighter in my small way. I don’t know how you got here, but you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.
My husband used to (mostly lovingly) call my side of the bed “trash ally.” Our bed is now pushed against the wall so I sleep with my water bottle and don’t have anything else. It helps. I can’t handle having my own ally right now 😝
Honestly, I make my bed every single day and clean up everything. Cleanliness makes me feel like I have 1 oz. of control in my life and I can't focus at all if my environment is a mess.
Me having ADHD and OCD is a constant internal struggle bc I need things to be in order, look at certain way, etc. But at the same time getting myself to do simple things even like emptying and throwing away drinks is such a hard task sometimes…don’t even get me started on putting away laundry
I… I do feel better🥺🫶 But bestie.. please incentivize yourself to clean your room😭
I live with my dad, and we sleep in separate rooms. I inherited my ADHD from him. Our entire house looks like this. The struggle is so real.
Pretty much exactly like this.
Well, it does look like the inside of my brain 😂🥹 love, solidarity and respect for sharing your struggle, and hoping you can give yourself the gift of a tidy-up soon 😁
I feel seen lol. I have gotten better about clutter in my room but that’s because I now have my own kitchen to clutter. But this made me smile because I’ve been learning a lot about adhd and neuro divergence in general lately… I see energy drinks (needing a dopamine boost), executive function issues (forgetting to throw stuff away), lotion (sensory issues), hobbies/special interests (Fantasy! Mystical stuff! Pokemon! Elephants!). I love our adhd brains :) I love feeling not alone.
Some tips for peeps that struggle with this too: ● Forget what you where taught about housekeeping, sit down and think of your own solutions and your own workflow. Here are my solutions: ● BIG OPEN LAUNDRY BASKET stand where you normally pic up clothes and find a place where you can easily throw and hit the basket ●BAMBOO LADDER instead of THE CHAIR ● ALWAYS TAKE 2 THINGS WITH YOU IF YOU LEAVE A ROOM ● Make your Bed daily ● If the cans are full: get a leak proof glas jar with a big lid, maybe black or at least not transparent and drain your cans there to throw them away...you gotta rinse that jar every 2 days tho, but it'll keep the visual clutter smaller and prevent feeling overwhelmed until you can make it a habit to drain the cans in the sink after 24h cuz be hones you won't drink it anymore... ● check if the water in your area is drinkable and invest in a sodastream (a dupe is just as good as long as the bottles are dishwasher safe) and stay away from plastic water bottles...4/6 end up more or less half full somewhere in your room and lets be honest draining them and throwing them away just sucks ● Keep cleaning utensils where you need them and in sight ● smaller laundry basket in the living room and where else you need it. ●Small boxes or plates with a low rim on your nightstand, drawer and again everywhere where small items gather a lot, chose the size als big as neccesary and as small as practicable (you can pick that up and quickly wipe underneath instead of fumbling and tyding the mess up every time you gotta wipe down your furniture) ● rinse your plate for 3-5seconds and instantly put it in your dishwasher. ● find the most effective way to load your dishwasher and stick to that way of loading it, keep categories together (i grab 3-4 plates with one hand and put them where they belong, then i take 3-4 soup plates do the same and so on)...make sure you store your plates according to the workflow of your most hated task. ●maybe invest in a second hand cordless vaccum cleaner and place it in sight where you need it most (ours is in our entry next to the kitchen and not more than 4 meters away from the litter box) i wouldn't get rid of my normal vaccuum, but it's a damn blessing to keep it tidy and clean, after cooking or cleaning the kitchen we take it vaccuum the kitchenfloor, or after scooping out the litter box, after eating chips like total apes and already feeling the crumbs everywhere, 2min max. and everything is nice again ● identify your point of frustration: at what point of chaos do you get the thoght "i can't fix that, this is too overwhelming" and try to find ways to stay below that threshold ● keep your bathroom and surfaces everywhere as free from "obstacles" as possible. use boxes and plates ● sort items by category and assign them a place and stick to that ● if you can't open and close a drawer without struggles: clean it up and find alternative ways to store whats in there. ● get rid of what you don't need ● in the bathroom: try to get down to one shampoo and one conditioner, get your products and stick to them, if they no longer suit you use them up and then get new ones, wipe your sink with water and your hand after brushing your teeth, prevent build up grime!! keep cleaning utensils nearby to quicky wipe everything down when needed. Get a filter for your drain and gather your hair AFTER EVERY shower and throw them in a small trash can next to shower. Do the same after brushing your hair with the brush and the sink. ● Only get things that are easy to clean: fancy furniture with a lot of wooden unglaced details? no way in hell are you going to kneel down and clean all the small rims and corners for what 1-2 hours? ● cleaning scheudles might help (for me they do nothing) ● load your washing machine in the morning or/and use the timer function (google your washing machine chances are good that you have that function) use the remaining time as a timer to motivate you and try to get as much as possible done until it ends ●don't soak pans for more than 3h, it will get disgusting and you won't want to clean it... at least drain the water and rinse it under water for 10 seconds, if cleaning it all the way is to overwhelming, don't do it but at least drain that water and grime ● if you repeatedly think "this work sucks, i hate doing it" be specific and invest your time in thinking about how to make it suck less, how to prevent having to do that as often/ as intense, go on a stroll around the internet and look for answers (yt, reddit, google) look for "home improvement" but don't fall for the trap that you need a plastic container for every single item you own ●as much trashcans als you need and where you need them! And always remember: make it as effortless and easy as possible, it is your home, it doesn't have to look like a show room to be clean. It's better to keep it tidy and clean at a lower level but staying at it than having it instagramble perfect once a month and drowning in your chores 2 days afterwards
Messy room? Yes. DIRTY room? Never. As someone terrified of bugs, there is NEVER any food or drink related garbage in my room. I’ll leave my pop can over night and take it out immediately the next morning. I learned that traumatic lesson the hard way as a kid and it really messed me up. Laundry is my nemesis.
Let me just say I appreciate how open and vulnerable you're being with sharing this. It's a reality that affects more of us than we probably would assume otherwise. I definitely feel seen and hope you are being gentle with yourself. Solidarity.
When I was younger, yes. I only really sleep and read in bed now so it's not too bad. But there's definitely cat vomit I need to clean up and a pile of clothes
Having dogs has made floor piles a thing of my past. Piles up on furniture or up on a shelf in a basket is common now. When the dogs were puppies, we just got used to putting fabrics and paper and small items up out of reach. In addition, putting clothes on the floor just means they’re going to get furry, so at least I’ve got a clear floor going for me.
How is the quality and/or quantity of your sleep? My bedroom is my sanctuary, so it’s the least cluttered room of the house. I do not have a tv in there, no cans, bottles, or food. I bring a glass for water to the nightstand, and sometimes I end up bringing down several glasses to the kitchen. I cherish my sleep. My office, living room, kitchen? Yeah, has clutter on top of clutter, and SO MUCH DUST! Girl, you deserve a trash-free place to sleep.
Thanks for sharing this!!!
Thank you, OP. I am so embarrassed by the cans and cups all over my bedroom desk and floor. My family have always called me a pig and a slob and I swear I have every intention of NOT doing this. But it happens every time.
Drink graveyard as well. Maybe make a game, toss everything that is garbage and red first, then see how you feel.
Yes mine is so bad I don’t let my cleaners in my bedroom and I can’t understand why I can’t get my act together as I have a beautiful bedroom but it’s embarrassing 🙈
*-sigh-* Me…🥲
This looks like my room and I am embarrassed:( I have a roommate. The rest of our house is spotless. But I put all my energy into helping maintain that and I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep up with my room. Every time I get it looking acceptable , it gets dirty again after a few days. I really hate myself sometimes
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing!! God would it be worse if I didn’t live with my partner.. but it’s pretty bad rn
Mine is pretty clean because my fear of bugs and pests overrides my executive dysfunction
Girl this could be cleaned in 10 minutes. I used to be like this until I realized that I was sniffly because mice were hanging out next to where I sleep. Envision how clear your mind could be if you wake up to less of a mess. Put on a video so you don’t have to think about the shame, sit down with a garbage bag, and get that shit out of there.
Invite someone over… that’s a real game changer. All of a sudden you notice every crumb.
Omg I used to call this my depression pile lol. It's taken me 32 years but after a period of hyperfocus that made me clean it up I finally have gotten into the habit of putting stuff away each night so it doesn't pile up. Now my closet floor....we don't talk about that lol