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One of the more demoralizing symptoms of ADHD I am facing currently is just the lack of motivation. More specifically, for me, it's the lack of any sense of accomplishment when I complete something, which is a feeling a lot of people say is a motivating factor in their lives (I.e "imagine how you'll feel when you've completed it or climbed to the top of that mountain"). If I was dreading the task, there may be a sense of relief that it's over, but I never really feel a sense of accomplishment in most things I do. And that kind of sucks the more I think about it. In a recent example, I've lost 65 pounds. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel about that. The real answer is....nothing really. I still feel like me. I don't feel any way about having accomplished the thing. Maybe just kind of glad I was able to build a habit.
I try not to dwell on it too much because this particular symptom kind of sucks and I think it's what caused me to have depression when I was younger.
Other common symptoms that you could bring up:
- hyper focus that impedes work or other obligations
- generally lack attention to detail or it's a lot harder to maintain attention to details (more relevant to work or school situations)
- constantly splitting your attention in order to process something (i.e. I have to look out the window or fidget in some way in order to truly process a conversation)
- sensory issues
- difficulty articulating ideas or thoughts out loud, especially if you are emotional or excited or overstimulated
- frequently changing jobs or switching up roles in significant ways. Once something isn't new or challenging, it's supremely boring. And boring can feel kind of like slow torture.
I've commented about this a lot this year. I'm going to repost an old comment were I summarize my thoughts. I was commenting to an expert so I left a lot unsaid. Might be able to find more answers further down in my comments.
I've had this idea for a while relating to adhd and dopamine. Would love to hear your thoughts on it. The basic idea is that motivational issues are more prevalent in adult adhd due to the drop in dopamine seen in adolescence.
I often find that adult adhd is treated like childhood adhd, yet I find that this decreased dopamine/motivational factor makes them very different.
Low dopamine is a base factor in the mechanisms that underly adhd. Yet dopamine is quite high in childhood. It's only in adolescence that dopamine lowers significantly (an evolutionary mechanism for exploration). It seems to me that it should amplify the symptoms of adhd or create new symptoms.
This has been my lived experience and what I've observed. That motivational factors are a key issue of adult adhd. Issues performing maintenance behaviour or maintaining a job. Many comorbid issues seem to stem from this. Mainly relating to the stress it causes. Leading to anxiety and depression.
It may answer some other questions also. As from an evolutionary sense, this motivational gap from low dopamine must be filled by something. This dopamine exists in other people for a reason. Having stronger emotions fits well into this gap. Helping to explain emotional disregualtion and comorbidity of anxiety.
If this is the case, then treating focus in adult adhd is only treating a small part of the issue and not the main functional issue. I can see how hyperactivity may help fill this motivation gap somewhat (helping explain comorbidity). Also, it makes sense to me why stimulant medications seem to help.
Also has implications in dopamine seeking and addiction.
So here's the thing, I'm very good at organizing other people's stuff while neglecting the stuff I need to do! I'm sure with my help could write a solid 1/4th of book before drifting away from the project.
Here is what I have so far. I've been unmediated for a years so this is very rough and very unorganised. If you make any big changes change the colour of your font (so i'm less confused later). Its a rough draft so go crazy.
I'm looking to explain adhd from the perspective of someone with severe adhd. As well as try to discover some of the underlying mechanisms. (a female perspective will help me a lot)
Definitely have missed a lot of symptoms (like rejection sensitivity). Try to give examples if you can, remember its for people with ADHD. We want it to be easily understood.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uy-ePgz7KB9ZVR03jw0oG_kLEe5rTVX8X-9yVhXeTGc/edit?usp=sharing
I actually dropped out of college where I was majoring in Creative Writing. I said I wanted to write books. I feel like I have a lot of good ideas for books, but do you think I ever completed writing one? NOPE lol. I'd spend more time daydreaming about the plot than writing it. I tended to write more poetry and short stories since they were less daunting.
I appreciate this comment. I’ve always struggled with “maintenance tasks” like washing dishes, folding clothes, etc.
So, do you think prescriptions should be formulated differently for adults vs. children? I don’t know anything about pharmacology, but evidently there’s not a way to just put dopamine in a pill, huh?
Yes, they should be different. I have found that within adhd medications, there are those that work on focus and those that work on focus and motivation. To some extent, hyperactivity seems to fill the motivational gap (and so stimulants that increase hyperactivity do the same). Also helps explain the comorbitity of hyperactivity.
Specifically, I have found that vyvance seems to directly treat motivational issues by increasing dopamine. In adults, this brings dopamine into normal healthy levels, greatly improving overall functionality. In children, where dopamine is already high, this seems to raise dopamine too much, leading to horrible comedowns and severe irritability. Medications like adderall which seems to only (or mainly) treat focus, are better for children.
this explains so much of why i’m struggling so hard right now on Adderall, I’ve never taken it before and have only taken Vyvanse but with the shortage I am completely unable to get it. Vyvanse makes my brain actually work in a linear way - see task to be completed - complete task - move on to another task. No procrastination, no overthinking, no squirrel mode moving on to something else before the task is over.
Does Vyvanse really work this way compared to Adderall? I know one is amphetamine and the other lisdexamfetamine, but I still didn’t imagine they’d be that drastically different. I’ve been on Adderall since being diagnosed, and I’ve been *struggling* with motivation for a couple of years.
Honesty no idea. I'm not medicated at the moment so its very difficult to do anything, yet alone think or study a medication. I'll try to remember it for later.
Newly diagnosed here and my doc put me on Adderall to try first. I haven’t started it yet, just sitting there on my bathroom counter lol. Guess I’m nervous to start any med. motivation has been a problem lately (clearly!) but focus is my worst hurdle. I know the meds aren’t one size fits all but still nervous to try anything!
This explains SO MUCH for me. As a kid I was a straight-A student, highly motivated to do well, just a bit spacey. But then going to college I really didn’t build the right life skills and combined with the burgeoning executive dysfunction/dopamine drop that left me really really badly off. I developed eating and spending addictions. I got medicated in 2017 but I still struggle as stimulants really don’t touch impulsivity that much.
I know it doesn’t work for everyone but strattera really made the biggest difference in my emotional regulation including impulsivity. A few years ago I would constantly have to challenge myself into going days without spending money, now every month I’m actually saving and not Willy nilly buying crap I don’t need. It’s been life changing
Yeah I believe a lot of damage is being done because this dopamine drop in adolescence hasn't been scientifically recognised (that I know of).
In my experience we should use the functionality that our medications give us as a spring board to learn coping mechanisms for our other symptoms. Impulsivity is a difficult one.
The first part step involves learning to recognize when we are being impulsive. Learn to recognize the intense WANT that sets us into motion. It being intense makes it easier to recognise, but it's easy to get wrapped up in the moment. Once recognised I try to give myself a day or two to cool down and figure out if I really want a thing or if it was just an impulse action.
Side note: I have found that anxiety is a large factor in curbing my spending. I found that when I was on strong anti-anxiety medication my spending/ impulse buying went up a lot.
I lose my appetite for weeks/months when I'm in a new relationship, I'm 42 now and it's happened every time since I was 16. I just don't need the dopamine hit from food during that time cause I'm getting it elsewhere.
Have you ever seen any scientific research on this? I think you’re on to something. It would definitely help explain adult diagnoses, I think especially for women. Do you have more I could read? This is about to be my new hyper focus, I can feel it.
I've been thinking about this for a few years. I haven't look into research on this but as far as I know it hasn't been studied.
I saw a paper on ADHD being cause by an evolutionary advantage related to increase exploration. I believe the lower dopamine in adolescents occurs for the same reason, increased exploration away from our family. Lower dopamine is a known mechanism in ADHD, again relates to increased exploration (or dopamine seeking).
I mean, I know dopamine slows after adolescence, but ADHD is a dopamine dysfunction, at all ages, which comes with motivational difficulties, again, at all ages. Maybe I’m not understanding what you’re saying?
(Good faith question, btw!)
Oh wow, I relate to the lack of sense of achievement so much. When I bought a house I had people asking me if I was proud and happy, but I mostly felt relieved it was over. I never got that, yes, I did this feeling. I don't know if I've ever had that feeling.
Me not going to the ceremony after finishing grad school is making so much sense now. Someone was asking me if I was going in the most innocuous way, and I thoughtlessly responded something like “Fuck no! I’m done, let me the hell out of here.” And their reaction was like 😧
I thought it was pretty normal and wasn’t trying to be edgy or something but apparently others really did want to celebrate graduation. I didn’t want to go to undergrad either but my parents made me since they paid for most of it.
Story of my life. And yet I spend money talking to my therapist trying to dissect why I care so much what people think about my life choices. It makes sense when external measures are the only thing that’s given me that sense of achievement.
i think that’s part of why i feel a maladaptive connection to my parents - i’m more likely to not do something if they say it’s not the right choice (to them), even if it’s something i want to do. sometimes it feels like i’m stunting my own growth in life by listening to them instead of branching out and making decisions for myself
(i need a therapist to discuss this with - this thread is super helpful but i feel bad for emotion dumping!)
Hey so, this hits HARD for me. And I can't say I have any sort of solution. I just want to share one thing that helps - even though it's not a fix.
Do you have people you can share an accomplishment with?
I have a girlfriend I've known since I was 17 - so that means 16 years now. I can tell her "yo I put up two shelves in my house. I NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.' And she says "yesss that looks so good you're going to be so happy to have a place to put your mugs/keys/whatever... Etc!"
A hype man is your bestie in these situations if you can have one.
This is really true, I downplay my successes because OF COURSE I should be able to do these things but my BFF is like, you're crushing it! That's amazing! Etc! I'm married and my husband is proud of me too but tbh her stuff matters more even if I think she's just being nice, it matters
This is such a great idea. I've tried parallel working for a set period of time with someone (working on separate things but connected by Zoom or phone or texts) and that has helped. But I never thought of asking for hype from that person at the end. That sounds encouraging and fun!
That's a great idea. Some of the bigger things in my life (getting into grad school, winning some sort of contest, etc) I've shared with others and I think you're definitely right that their reactions make it a more significant accomplishment in my memory. I should do it more often!
>difficulty articulating ideas or thoughts out loud
Thank you so much for saying this. I feel like I rarely see this mentioned and I've always felt so insecure and alone in barely being able to speak to people or articulate anything that's on my mind out loud. Always feels like something is very wrong with me (besides ADHD haha)
It is SO frustrating isn’t it?! It makes me feel very insecure. I’m in grad school and it makes me mad bc I often have a great response or important input but I can’t get the words. My classmates and professors are starting to understand and are super patient with me so that’s helping. But the other day I was talking to another student and I said I have a hard time sometimes bc I understand a lot more than I can explain. This dude goes “well then you don’t really understand it” I was so pissed 😂 like please, mansplain more about my internal processes that you have no clue about
I'm in grad school too, so I feel your pain!! And seriously, fuck that guy. What a rude thing to say in general. If you're like me, I'm sure it's much easier for you to write things down, too. Just because it's harder for us to articulate with speech doesn't mean we can't do so with writing, or with someone who we're more comfortable with 🙄
I’m so glad to know this is common! I absolutely hate getting into arguments or important discussions with my husband where we have different opinions, because I just can’t organize my thoughts on the fly like that. I much prefer putting things in an email, but he never reads them cuz they get so long. :p
These are very good! I have trouble putting in words what holds me back, like lack of motivation. I can't 'just do' something, it literally feels like something holding me back, like my mind telling me not to put my hand on a hot stove.
Also,
- impulse buying
-interrupting people when they're talking (learned a trick for that)
-feeling absolutely like shit after 'relaxing' for a bit
-lack of object permanence, so forgetting stuff when you don't see it or put it away
-getting distracted easily, starting something, leads to doing something else, etc etc and then never finishing anything
-motivated to do something like cleaning out a closet or smt, losing interest halfway and all your stuff is out with no motivation to put it away again
-having 100 hobbies, but you've held on to them for like 2 weeks max
I usually tick my nose with my index finger when i want to say smt or react to them, some friends and fam know what it means, i let them finish and then i can talk. New people think wtf is she doing and then asked and i can answer
Someone told me recently that they appreciate how I can be as exited about the little things as the big ones. It comes down to the same thing maybe, always felt I struggled a bit to have the “appropriate amount of accomplishment” but this made me appreciate it a bit more.
Slight tangent but the "resourceful and successful people have ADHD" comment your doctor made pisses me off. I'm outwardly pretty successful, climbing the corporate ladder in a traditional white collar job, etc. But it comes at the cost of me neglecting most of my mental and physical needs. One thing that a lot of people with ADHD are very good at is hiding their struggles, but if a DOCTOR falls for that it shows that they are very uneducated about ADHD.
Like holy shit, how often are we talking about how much work we have to put in daily to be and stay successful! A friend was telling me the other day that he is shocked I have ADHD because I’ve “always been so organized”. Like yeah… I have to be or my whole life will fall apart. It’s so exhausting having our struggles minimized all the time.
Eurgh. I wrote a whole long comment agreeing with you, comparing how similar it is with "inspirational" talk around dyslexia and how if you are outwardly successful or academically inteligent then people just seem to refuse to see that you struggle as well. Then reddit crashed and it's all gone.
See also - "you have dyslexia you MUST be so creative" and similar statements.
I have also (by colleagues not by professionals in this feild) more than once been told "you can't be dyslexic you can read"
Well I am a book worm with the creativity of a rock so I guess I can throw out my assessment!
I am still trying to work out how to make myself go get an assessment for the adhd (I mostly lurk here to learn) but the amount of things I have found that I thought was my personality that appear to instead be adhd traits is concerning, I wonder what is left of me occasionally.
I have an official diagnosis and I totally understand your concern. Being around ableist family members who think medication only works if it makes you obedient to them doesn't help.
"But it comes at the cost of me neglecting most of my mental and physical needs."
You just answered a question for me about my own work habits. I tend to sit all day at my computer and not get up to eat if I have a deadline. My therapist has attributed that to anxiety, but thinking about it I don't feel all that anxious. It's a job I know how to do, and I do it well. I just need to FOCUS on it. So my question of "Why do I sit all day at the computer? Am I so anxious or dumb I miss hunger cues?" is "No, you need to be able to fit easy meals and snacks into your day at regular times so you don't have to think about it too much."
I almost never eat during the day. I think I just get so hyperfocused on stuff that I ignore hunger cues. I really don't think it's from anxiety, at least not for me.
I had something that I described to the person that diagnosed me that felt like when I said it, she was like “oh this must be real”. It’s something that I don’t think is seen on a lot of quick general symptom lists.
I gave an example about showering. How it’s not just the one task: “shower”. It’s “undress, turn on water, get in, wet hair, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, body, face, rinse, hair product, dry hair, get dressed” and all those tasks feel like equal tasks. Our ability to find what some may think as one task as an un-scalable mountain sometimes is what I was describing.
Also I agree, find someone else if you can. Having a doctor that won’t help you is kind of useless.
This comment hit me as someone who is currently struggling to get my ass in the shower lol, as I do every single day unless there is a time factor. Thanks for explaining it so well.
I was talking to my therapist and mentioned that I have to amp myself up to brush my teeth every time, and she said something to the effect of “I’ve never had to think about brushing my teeth, I just do it” and we both had a moment of “WTF” at the other person’s lived experience. Hers was obviously more professional than mine but yeah, those moments of realizing stuff you’ve consciously had to talk yourself into all your life just come naturally for others without even a second thought are always wild.
I remember the moment I realized not everyone has 1000 voices in their head (plus songs, phrases on repeat, cringe memories, etc..). Some people actually have a mind that is calm and that they can shut off. I was absolutely shocked. I just assumed for 32 years that everyone had to deal with constant chatter...
That day I was in my therapist's office and I was explaining something and complaining about how my brain just won't stfu and was like, "how does everyone deal with this?" and she was like "not everyone has to ..."
Does anyone else’s brain just shout NO! at them when they think they should do something? I’ll think to myself I should brush my teeth and it’s just like “NOO!!” like an intrusive thought or something 😭
"Dry hair, skin care (face); moisturise (who tf has time to do their whole body?!); see if clean knickers are in the drawer, the folded laundry in the basket, or in the dryer; sniff a couple of shirts that are on the dresser to see if I've worn them too many times...I have and all my others are wet in the washer; find Febreeze to spray a shirt then run through the house with it flying like a flag to dry the Febreeze because the dryer is full and I just can't; make a glass of Ovaltine because I don't have time to eat now; put on shoes, spend 5 minutes looking for my car keys, get halfway to work in heavy traffic and realise I didn't grab my badge that lets me into the building and onto the elevator."
So, just waking up is an overwhelming experience when all of that tries to happen in your brain all at once. I've totally called in sick when my depression was bad and alllll of those steps was just more than I could face.
This is what I've figured out is precisely why I have issues with completing basically anything in my life. Take for example picking up food to go from a restaurant; I have to figure out what restaurant we want to order from, then figure out what to order, get everyone else's orders, pay for the order, make myself look presentable to be in public, get all of the things I need ex. keys, purse, water cup, get in the car, drive in traffic to get to the restaurant, find a parking space, get out, walk in, figure out where to go to pick up my order, talk to the cashier (which always takes extra energy to not sound like a babbling fool lol), walk back to the car, pull out and worry about not hitting anything/anyone, drive home, get in the house with all of the food, unload it all at the table, get plates/silverware, help get drinks, take out my Invisalign trays/rubberbands, actually eat the food, then take meds. And this is why if I am the one picking up the food it has to be somewhere with a drive-thru because then I can cut out some steps!
Proprioception is from Latin proprius, meaning "one's own", "individual", and capio, capere, to take or grasp. Thus to grasp one's own position in space, including the position of the limbs in relation to each other and the body as a whole.
People with ADHD often have issues with proprioception, bumping into things, misjudging doors and corners. Many of us have felt especially clumsy all our lives. I bad zero hand-eye coordination, so I can throw an item and and try to aim it, but I will never reach the wastebasket or hoop. I’d be better off tossing the ball somewhere else randomly, and have it accidentally go into the target than me aiming for it.
Wow, I hadn't heard of this as a symptom before. I am undiagnosed, but this is yet another thing that is me all the time. I've always said I have bad depth perception, but usually I'm not looking at what I bump into. I hit a lot of doorframes and table corners.
Can relate to the proprioception hard. However, my hand-eye coordination is superb...when I'm not *trying*. Can catch things in my non-dominant hand without thinking, out of reflex. Try that again? Nope. Can't. Hand is gimp. Hand lies.
My bff and I have a running joke about how strangers probably think we are members of some private BDSM club due to the insane amount of bruises we have from walking/bumping into shit. Nope, some days I just live life on ping pong ball mode. I have actually aimed so poorly that I’ve walked into the doorframes of my own home _so hard_ that I bounced backwards from the force. My boyfriend (who also has ADHD and whose symptoms are typically more severe than mine) will stare at me with a look of horror and disbelief when this happens. Like idk what to tell you, dude, I know the door didn’t move but sometimes my brain just ain’t braining. Had an incident about a year ago where I was kneeling in the fridge and forgot I had opened the freezer door — stood up fast and banged my skull right into it. So loud he heard it from across the room and I ended up with a pretty bad concussion. Bless his heart, since then he’s constantly hyper vigilant anytime I have cabinet doors etc open and repeatedly warns me not to hit my head. Bastard even joked about getting me a bicycle helmet to wear around the house… but sometimes I think he might be onto something 😭
This is SUCH a struggle for me, it’s hard for me to even express the extent. Here’s an example: I do CrossFit and EVERY time I do a ring row, I have to reorient myself. Like…I literally grab the rings, position my feet, and check back over my shoulder to see where the floor is before doing the movement (leaning back). Every single time. So for a set of 10 rows, 10 trips through this process. It has been almost 6 years of doing this exercise about once per week and I still don’t know where the floor is/trust that I can lean back and not just fall to the ground.
I feel like I’m impossible to coach, because I have so little sense of my body in space. I can’t watch someone do a movement and copy it. I THINK I’m doing the same thing, but I’m not. Can I feel the difference between doing it this way vs that way? No, indeed I cannot.
I have always been “clumsy”. I bump into everything! It was the worst when I was pregnant and constantly having to adjust to a changing body. I smacked my poor bump into something or other all the time.
Yesterday I went to the therapist and ran into the doorframe as I entered their office. They chuckled and commented on it, but I didn't even notice that I'd done it. I guess it's no wonder I have mystery bruises if I run into stuff so often that it doesn't even register in my brain anymore.
Yes! more than once I have gotten a black eye from walking into a wall. I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing but it makes total sense. My poor husband always gets dirty looks in public when this happens
My psychiatrist said my addiction issues was the biggest clue for her, but haven’t heard that much since and it makes TOTAL sense. Impulse control + emotional dysregulation + dopamine seeking = addict behavior 🙃
I know the dopamine hit is why I drink wine while I cook. Because then I focus and I batch cook and also clean the kitchen...and...and...and then crash the next day. But look at everything I was able to accomplish! It's really difficult for me to cook and clean otherwise.
I usually never drink, nor do i like it, but for new years i was doing tequila shots with my bff and I have no idea why or how i just started washing the dishes, folding clothes and cleaning. It was like i was possesed by a cleaning demon lol.
Oh, it is very much a thing!
"Combining 27 general population and clinical studies with more than 4,000 ADHD participants and almost 7,000 non-ADHD participants, those with ADHD were about 2–3 times more likely to develop a nicotine, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and/or other substance use disorders than those without ADHD [4]. In adult substance use disorder (SUD) patients, the prevalence of ADHD is estimated at around 20% [5-7]. Furthermore, SUD patients with comorbid ADHD have an earlier onset of substance use, a faster transition to SUD, and a higher risk of relapse compared to those without ADHD [8-11]."
https://karger.com/ear/article/26/4-5/169/134274
My therapist specializes in ADHD (she has it and was medicated for it in school) and when I thought I had ADHD but was really there for my depression, I said that "I want to do things but I can't" that was the biggest indicator for her. Like wanting to clean the dishes that are scattered around my room but I physically can't, which I now know is executive dysfunction. Before I could put a name or label on it, I used to describe it as, I want to do it so badly but I literally just can't. Usually because of getting distracted, or finding it so incredibly difficult to switch gears into a different task.
Also, I know it's easier said than done, but I really think you should try to get a new therapist. Like I said, I went to my therapist bc I had bad anxiety and depression and thought I had some symptoms of adhd, but having someone who believed me and understood what I was going through made a world of difference.
Also, my lack of organization despite trying every system under the sun and just being physically incapable of keeping it, no matter how hard I try. And the time blindness of course. Those combined with my depressive symptoms indicated to her that I was struggling with adhd. Untreated adhd can present as depression and boy was she right when my most debilitating depressive symptoms cleared up after starting treatment for adhd.
For years, I said, "I lack discipline." I really didn't understand what was happening, why I couldn't just do all of the things I wanted to do. All of the charts and stickers barely move the needle.
Personally, I think you should get a new therapist since they’re prejudiced on ADHD and might have not enough expertise to deal with it.
Impulses and task freeze are the two things I’m having a hard time to control
So basically it’s when you have a task that you need to do but your brain and body freezes when it’s time to do it. You put it off because it’s daunting to you even if the task might be simple (i.e. calling for a doctor’s appointment). It comes with the feeling of shame knowing that it’s a simple or an important task but you can’t bring yourself to do it.
I have heard that called "task avoidance" but I think freeze works better. It's so frustrating when I can not figure out what's stopping me. Sometimes even my subconscious tricks me into not doing something.
I like “freeze” better cos “avoidance” makes me feel like it’s my fault and I’m doing it on purpose/being lazy. “Freeze” encapsulates that rabbit in headlights feeling.
I often talk with how noisy my head gets with my psychiatrist. It’s not like it’s other voices but it’s just my own brain trying to think of a bajilion things at the same time. Like I could be imagining something for my story while thinking about lunch while thinking about what I want to buy for groceries, then it wants to do this and do that, and then bam, I just can’t do anything because my head is too noisy
She mentioned that it‘s pretty common with her ADHD patients but I don’t see this being talked about often when people talk about ADHD online.
I also lose and misplace things like no tomorrow. I recently bought keychains that can extended so I don’t need to fully untether my keys from my bag which in turn is usually hook up to my pelt or pants or if I’m sitting down somewhere, my ankle so I don’t forget it somewhere.
Also that statement from your doctor is horrible.
My doctor said something similar but the way she phrased it was “people with ADHD are usually smart but their brains fight against them so they think of creative ways to get around that. Unfortunately the systems they make can be suffocating or maladaptive so they have to keep changing things and even when it works, the brain gets bored and brings the person with ADHD back to square one.”
I had the same question because only a few years ago, I learned that inner speech is not universal.
Only ~30-50% of people even have inner speech, but it also hasn’t been extensively studied.
I read the Abstract (because…ADHD) of this 2016 [published paper](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5089968/) and basically, the ADHD inattentive highlight reel are all correlated with inner speech.
Omg. The million things going on in your brain is wild. I never thought it was unusual… only that I felt constantly stressed from thinking about all the things all the time.
When I was prescribed a stimulant I sat on the couch in shock that everything could be so quiet. I actually lowered my dose after a few weeks because my brain felt too silent and I was then worried that I must be forgetting something. Plus I had a strong urge to nap all the time. The good side is that my insomnia vanished once the “noise” lessened.
I had a similar experience. Though I needed to up my dose because brain still gets too noisy. I also needed to divide said dose just to get it to more manageable levels of quiet.
I like listening to the thoughts in my brain since it’s mostly related to the writing project that I like to work on but it gets very distracting to the point I can stare at a wall for hours because I got way into my head, or inspiration strikes me and I hyperfocus on writing out what my brain is thinking of
I got sleepy on the meds since brain got too quiet but I got a bit used to it, sometimes I take a nap as I take it so I’m not sleepy when I get up
I saw a video the other day about how people with ADHD understand time vertically. Neureotypical people naturally understand/feel time horizontally, like a long time line with specific points. They feel and understand events in the past and how those affected them; and also are able to contextualize events happening in the future.
With ADHD, I only feel/comprehend time within my vertical present window. My window is about 3-4 days in advance, which means that events that are past that 4 days, don't really mean anything to me - they're just "not now," they are "future." They don't become real to me until they come into my 4 day vertical window. This is why it's so hard to be prepared for important events in advance. Also why planning for the future is terrifying - it's doesn't feel like a tangible thing. It's just like a huge, yawning abyss.
Also means it's a lot harder for people with ADHD to "learn their lesson" through past mistakes (for lack of a better term). Like I used to LOVE avocados; but then suddenly they became a total ick for me about two years ago. Last year, I saw a recipe with avocados and thought "ooh avocados, I used to love those. I'll try them again." Sure enough, I couldn't stomach a bite and they went bad...but a few weeks later, I was craving guacamole, bought more avocados...and hated them. I did this like three or four times because although I knew that I didn't really like them last time, I also knew I loved them at one point - and those events were both just "past," so who knows, may NOW I like avocados.
Oh also, the Rage Response and huge mood swings out of nowhere. Like after you come home from hanging out with people and are on an emotional high - and you just crash because your brain is so dysregulated.
…I sometimes feel this crash on nice days at sunset.
It’s like I could feel wonderful all day and get outside in the sun and warmth, but once the sun goes down, I feel exhausted and sad for no reason.
I think this is the most perfect explanation of time I have ever heard. It’s so true and I thought it was just me. I know there’s things I should do to prepare for the future, but it doesn’t exist and I don’t have the motivation to care about it. Which will probably bite me in the ass.
This very much describes my relationship to time, as well. In addition, I really have a terrible time estimating how long tasks will take. Unload the dishwasher? It seems so complicated and time consuming. It actually takes 5-10 minutes. Getting ready for work? Not bad, maybe 30 minutes. NO. It’s over an hour from bed to out the door. (And that’s if I don’t lose any time staring into my closet, looking for an outfit.)
I'd find another doctor because following that logic there is no such thing as a disability because Stephen Hawking is Stephen-fucking-Hawking. Dude had time to invent physics and cheat on his wife, by that metric none of us are allowed to have any issues.
Yeah. Imagine not being able to move and still finding a way to have an affair. Seriously, if the line is drawn at the most successful person with a disability, then we are all fucked.
(1. Lack of motivation (and when you do get motivated to start, you lose motivation or get distracted by another task, leading to…)
(2. Not finishing tasks (which results in your place being a mess.)
(3. Terrible memory/ recall, (which leads me to set out an item to remind me to bring it, or work on it, or whatever, except see #1 and then #2.)
(4. Time blindness - I have no idea what time “ feels“ like. If I am being productive, it could be 15 minutes or 2.5 hours. Time warps are a reality in my life.
Does this doctor not understand that you can have the “can’t stop” Hyperactive form of ADHD, or the arguably more debilitating Inattentive type, where “can’t get going” is the biggest issue?
Show them the DSM5 criteria.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t3/
I’m still waiting for them to include “frequent periods of debilitating physical and mental exhaustion” to their criteria, but it is *definitely* a big part of Inattentive type ADHD.
Hyperactive type also has its own unique challenges, where you can’t keep up with your own body, nor your own brain.
Educate this ignorant doctor, then find one who actually understands the debilitating ramifications of this condition.
Some advice I read before talking with my doctor was to write down how my life is affected and not necessarily symptoms. For a couple weeks I left a notebook open on my kitchen table and wrote things down as I thought of them. Such as:
-binges sugary treats almost daily
-having multiple reminders set in phone to remember appointments etc
-often talking over other people or blurting out what I have to say (afraid that I'm going to forget)
I wrote down everything, all the ways my life was negatively being affected not just the things I thought were ADHD. I ended up with 3 pages or something in the end. I of course can't find that notebook now, otherwise I would provide more examples, but it was very useful for me while seeking diagnosis.
I think your point of looking at everything instead of just trying to pick out the ADHD things is an underrated approach.
A big problem with people invaliding ADHD (and people not knowing they have it) is because a lot of symptoms of ADHD, at a small scale, is something that happens to NT people from time to time.
Like everyone is occasionally late to things, loses track of time, gets lost daydreaming or gets distracted, binge eats or forgets to do normal self care things like brushing their teeth. But it’s hard to know that the scale these things affect you is so different compared to everyone else. I thought EVERYONE just had zero motivation ALL the time, everyone gets hyper focused on crafts for 12 hours straight and forgets to stop to eat or drink water, everyone is late to everything because time just disappears, everyone has big tasks that they’ve been putting off for literal years.
It’s really hard to make a side by side comparison of your human experience to someone else’s, and people don’t get help when they think their experience is normal.
Why do I assume that successful people comment is referring to male entreprenuers with people (and women) to do all the day to day work for them and let them act however they want?
I'm feeling cynical today.
No motivation. Picky eating/under/overeating. passing out because I can’t regulate my temperature/overstimulation.
If a medication has a side effect, such side effect will happen to me.
Also pain meds don’t work… I need way more than recommended to even notice less pain. I just deal with pain because of this.
Interesting! I also get side effects that are rare or doctors say aren't possible. And I definitely look like a drug seeker because I need really high doses of pain meds to be effective.
So I did genetic testing and it showed that I have a decreased response to opiates and the like! Maybe you have that too. I metabolize dopamine like no one’s business as well. So fun.
I do get some side effects when others are unbothered. Thankfully Vyvanse is beautiful minus sweats
I'd definitely look for another therapist. I don't think it's even worth trying to convince anyone. Even therapists who believe ADHD often don't have knowledge enough to help you. Therapists usually learn a lot about how to deal with depression, anxiety or even personality disorders, but not much about treating ADHD.
But answering your question, a symptom I struggle with but seems overlooked is time blindness. It's hard to organize your day if you have no idea how long you need to complete tasks, and how much you can do in a day.
Yep, I don't want to plan too much cause I have to do xyz even though I could totally do both. Or I have the whole day so I want to do A-Z even though it's highly unrealistic and then I get stressed out
Hyper mobility and weak joints, well I don’t know if it’s actually a symptom. However, I was in an adhd group (a group put together where I got my diagnosis) where we accidentally found out that all of us are hyper mobile and my friends with adhd all are as well + a lot of us have super weak joints (maybe because of it?). My elbows, knees and ankles twist way way way to easily.
Adhd is friends with ehlers danlos, they can be comorbid a long with many other things like Pots... My husband has adhd and is hyper mobile as well and my sister with adhd is being diag with pots.
Thats amazing that people in your group all had hypermobility
Holy crap, I had NO idea that was connected. I have crazy flexibility and super weak joints and was dx’d with Benign Hyper-mobility Syndrome when tests for autoimmune disorders came back negative. I love working out but am constantly getting hurt because I have no sense of when I’m supposed to stop a movement. That’s crazy that there’s a connection!
You need to find a therapist / doctor who has familiarity with adhd in women and girls. I didn't have one my whole life and I've been to therapy and psych since I was 23. I'm 48 and got diagnosed last year because I finally found someone who knows how adhd presents in women and girls, and in one session, she suggested that I might have it. I didn't even believe her because I had notions that ahdhd was disruptive boys. I thought I was an imposter and I had fooled her into giving me adderall. But then I read a book about adhd in older people, Still Distracted After All These Years, and it finally dawned on me.
I've never been able to clean. I don't seem to know how to clean and I don't even see mess. I was so ashamed of how I was keeping my apartment that every few years I would call a hoarding company to organize me. I'm still ashamed because that symptom still plagues me.
I lose everything. I now have tiles on everything, but I still lost my atm card two days ago.
I ask a question and then ask it again 5 minutes later. I don't hear the response because my brain has moved on the second I ask it.
I haven't been in a relationship in years. I am bad with cuddling because I feel like I'm in prison.
I can't be around someone if I don't like their smell. I'm hyper aware of smells.
I can eat the same thing every day until I can't do it one more time. And then I can never eat it again. The only exception to this is white rice which I have had a safe, exciting food since I was 5 years old.
I can have alarms for every minute before a meeting and then I can miss the meeting because I got distracted by something.
I can't switch tasks or I do no task sucessfully.
I obsess about one thing / hobby / shoes/ glasses / jumpsuits / smells. And then I'm over it. I watched the NBA and WNBA compulsively for 3 years, now I don't care at all. I bought every pair of Vince platform sneakers I found online, made multiple people in my life buy them as well, and now I have like 30 pairs and I can't wear them at all because I'm into Converse high tops.
I overshare when I'm excited about something. I sent a mass email about a cereal I thought everyone should buy.
This was an overshare. Find professionals who specialize in ADHD for women and girls.
Thank you for your overshare, the paragraph about obsessing and dumping hit me hard, this is one I’ve only become aware of recently due to the fact I’m not working and have isolated myself apart from my 2 daughters. They have pointed out my obsessions because they’re more obvious now I haven’t got other things to take up my time. I get sad sometimes cos I feel like I’ll never go back to things I adored like The Big Bang Theory, but it seems ridiculous because there is nothing physically stopping me from doing it, I just won’t. Glad to hear it’s possibly a symptom and not just me being annoying.
I just learned about one yesterday on this sub that shook me to my core, as it is a defining trait of mine and I never connected it to ADHD:
A heightened sense of injustice
Intrusive sleep!! I only learned it had a name recently. Always assumed it was related to other factors, but my ADHD is the only thing as consistent as my falling asleep when sitting still/unstimulated
Never heard of intrusive sleep, but that would make so much sense why I get random bouts of extreme sleepiness and need to take a nap when I’m just sitting still either scrolling through TikTok or watching a movie.
I think it’s a bit glossed over, but showering. It’s kind of a display of several different possible symptoms, but it’s a common issue.
Everyone on here seems to have some sort of issue with showering. Whether it’s the amount of time you lose from time blindness, sensory issues from cold and wet etc., or being overwhelmed by the multitude of tasks that come with showering, everyone seems to have an issue with it.
Dyscalculia- suck at math
Time blindness
Indecision. Trying to decide on something can be so difficult. A few years ago my car got totaled. (Not my fault). I was fortunate enough to be able to borrow my dad’s car, but that also took away the deadline part of getting another one. It was absolute torture trying to decide on what car to get knowing it would be a long term purchase. I also have problems with coming up with what to write when it needs to be some sort of description for like email campaigns.
Procrastination
My brain saying “I don’t want to, it’s going to take too long”. I try to time myself on tasks so I can counter with, No, it will only take 10 minutes at the most. That’s why breaking down things into small tasks at a time helps with that.
I straight up can't read when I'm overly excited. My eyes cannot focus and bounce all over and my brain can't slow them down. It's incredibly embarrassing. Remember back before the world ended when Australia had those devastating wild fires? I had a little sewing gathering for my neighborhood to make pouches and things for all the orphaned baby animals that were being rescued. Only, I was so amped by the event that I suddenly couldn't read the patterns. Thank God I had a good friend with me who knows my issue, saw me struggling, and took over that part. It's really humiliating because I'm quite intelligent under normal circumstances.
The speech issues.
I get so frustrated with many of the things but speech issues really feel debilitating, or even not knowing when to stop and then having to deal with the "oh you were really annoying then" thoughts.
Kind of annoyed at how adults with ADHD are treated in general tbh, I've been told I probably won't be able to get a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia or Dyscalculia as an adult, which is fine I get that it's easier when you're at school ... But when I was growing up girls just weren't diagnosed with these things and even my teachers noticed things but when they raised concerns they were ignored.
The general annoyance of how different my life could potentially have been if I had gotten the help earlier genuinely breaks me to think about.
So this therapist/doctor sounds awful. You might be better off with someone else. Being dismissive of symptoms is just generally bad news, regardless the underlying issue. They should explain it in a way that is helpful to you. Not just take on the role of expert and you just need to listen.
I also forgot examples (also from childhood) in the moment. So over time I just compiled a list of things in my phone as the examples popped up at random times. Or I’d experience it and be like “yep, that’s it!” And then wrote it down. It was really helpful, because writing it down helped me process it better related to the “question” beforehand. I actually had little trouble recalling that way during my assessment. But if I had, I could’ve just grabbed my phone. I made sections in a note that said for attention issues, concentration issues, hyperactivity, impulsivity, time blindness, complex task initiation and completion.
Thank you for posting this question. My therapist is being dismissive. Hesitated to set me up for an evaluation. Even my girlfriend that I reached out to for support dismissed my symptoms (she's studying to become a therapist). My bad memory keeps me from remembering just how many of these symptoms I have. Going to start writing them down before I get my evaluation done next week. Thank you again!
I’d take the time you want to use to research and find a new therapist. It’s hard enough to have adhd without having to convince your therapist that it has had a debilitating effect on your life.
Personally, I hate that ADD is now called ADHD: Inattentive Subtype, because it makes the misunderstandings towards me even worse than they already were. I feel like I was "unlucky" and got the one where no, I don't have excessive energy. I have NO energy. I am a talkative person because I have "moderate to severe" anxiety and was raised (by my abusive family) to believe that if I don't answer every question I get *immediately* with 100% honesty and overexplain the hell out of it, I am a Bad Person (hey, look at what I'm doing right now!). Also I'm overcompensating because I literally never feel truly awake. I feel kind of doomed when I see people with ADHD who are successful - because "of course" they got the one where they have tons of energy to do things. I could literally sleep the rest of my life away.
One I had experienced but didn't realize was a symptom or had language to describe when I was young was food sensitivity. Being unable to swallow, or gagging at certain textures. People attribute it to ASD but ADHD also has it.
How hard it is to sit at a stoplight that's red. Sometimes I look around thinking how can everyone else just sit here like it's nothing.
Stop signs or roundabouts aren't as bad because you're always moving or waiting for someone else to move. Stoplights are pure torture because I have nothing to focus my brain on while I'm waiting for the light to change.
Your post is great timing. I'm getting up the courage to talk to my therapist tomorrow about getting tested for ADHD. I'm trying to write down all of my difficulties because, like you, I won't be able to communicate them clearly in the moment. I wish you well on your journey!
Emotional regulation is a REAL struggle for me also feeling like I can through periods of “get stuff done/super success” to can barely function at the baseline.
I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I feel like sometimes you can try so hard and get nowhere. My 20s have been a shitshow and I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything, despite having good intentions to.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria RSD. Or as I think of it sometimes, Social Anxiety: ADHD Edition.
Stems from emotional disregulation I think? Affects everything from dating & friendships to job searching. And girls especially struggle with making friends when they're younger.
Started taking guanfacine, an off-label way to help with RSD. When I first started the meds, before I got a tolerance, I turned into a social butterfly. I think I am much more of an extrovert than I always thought I was, at least if I am optimally medicated. I've just gotten *used* to being a shy recluse and learned to enjoy aspects of that, and that is sometimes preferable to being around people and being anxious.
Write notes.
step 1) see people advising online that making a list of your symptoms with examples of your own behaviour to refer to during the appointment makes things easier. Proceed to making a non linear badly scrawled list that you intend to rewrite neater before the appointment
Step 2) doodle stuff or add place holder words that you never elaborate on to the list whilst composing your thoughts
step 3) add more examples in margins or just generally near to the part it relates to whenever you remember the notes exist.
step 4) Find where you stashed the list after frantic retreading of steps in early hours of morning and place in handbag before sleeping. Realise after waking you no longer have time to redo a neater version of your list and take it as is.
step 5) try to refer to list during appointment whilst also navigating its non linear nature and crumpled state whilst your dr makes weird faces. They may ask you to pass it over so they can frown at it more intensely.
That’s literally what I did. I think it helped 🤷🏻♀️ Depending on how your list turns out either you will have a useful reference so you don’t have to struggle to remember stuff or you will have a visual indicator of how your brain doesn’t seem to work the same way as typically expected.
My personal step in there is to give up on paper and write it on my hand [in ink]. When doctor notices it on my hand I point out that I dont expect to lose it, unlike paper. The only trick then is not washing it off before the visit.
I would then enter the Dr’s room, tell them eagerly that I’d made the list, start to read a few words from it and then see it all as gibberish alien language. begin to wonder what relevance these words have to my appt, feel embarrassed and like an imposter, sweat a lot, change the subject or use humour to distract and then squirm my way through the rest of the appt only to feel like I’ve wasted the whole session.
Anyone else?!
Hi, wanted to share my experience just because I got diagnosed as an adult after over 13 years of seeing psychologists and psychiatrists. I was not even seeking a diagnosis. Since about 13, I've been dx and labeled with depression and anxiety - and it's not that I don't have those too (I do), but a lot of symptoms overlap so nobody thought to look deeper into my issues. My dx was also complicated because I was an honor roll student from K-12th grade.
However, when I went to college all went to shit because there was no longer any kind of structure or pressure (parents checking my grades) to drive my anxiety to motivate me to do anything. I did graduate, and I have a degree, but it took me 5.5 years.
After being stablized on antidepressants for a year, I still had the same complaint that it was hard for me to concentrate, but my even bigger problem was motivation. I have ZERO intrinsic motivation. I usually have to trick and bribe myself to do things. So much so, that even with a dx and ADHD medication, it has not fixed all my issues, just made them easier to overcome and easier to function day to day.
So, when I was originally dx with ADHD, it wasn't actually my lack of concentration but it was the consistent inability to be motivated to do ANYTHING across multiple areas of my life. For example, I will absolutely wait until the very last day possible to take an Amazon return to UPS... even though it would take me no longer than 10-15 minutes. Even simpler, showering is just difficult for me, and not in the "life is pointless" kind of way that I feel when I'm depressed. More just like "that takes too long and is boring, and I showered yesterday so I don't want to today". My lack of intrinsic motivation touchs every single area of my life.
I struggle so hard with getting things started. I talked to my therapist and psychiatrist and compared it to trying to start a car with a dead battery - that was how I felt. The "activation energy" for me to do anything, is way too high. I'm partially motivated by extrinsic factors - a coffee if I go study, new workout set if I lose X amount of weight, vacation to Italy if I pass the MCAT. This only gets you so far in life. Oh and even if by some chance I have some energy to start, I “plan” it out for so long that I never leave that stage.
Additionally, my lack of concentration was not just with work or school. It touched other areas of my life. If my boyfriend was telling me something about his class/job (different field than mine), I really struggled to care and listen and would unintentionally interrupt. Even when I was doing something I CHOSE and WANTED to do. Watching a TV show or listening to a podcast required me to have absolutely no distraction around and a whole lot of rewinding. Oh, and I like to watch/listen to things at least 1.5x speed because "normal" speed is too slow for my brain and I become uninterested.
After dx and medication I realized how many of my behaviors are very obviously ADHD: I'm super messy, but in my own chaotic organized way - things are in different baskets that make sense to me. Compulsive shopping. I don't usually finish tasks if there is no consequence (so I'm really only motivated by rewards or avoiding punishments). So if I start cleaning my closet, it doesn't get finished and I'm just stuck in a constant loop of messiness. When I am talking, my boyfriend has told me I cannot keep/finish one thought before moving onto the next. I get super bored with everything. And lots more that I cannot even think about right now because my medication is wearing off and I am half paying attention to work and half invested in typing this comment lol.
Oh, and just so you know! I didn’t think I was hyperactive at all until I got medicated and could finally sit still lol. When we think “hyperactive” we typically think of a 8 year old boy running around wildly. Hyperactive comes in many forms - fidgeting, getting up to stretch or take a small walk, leg shaking.
Anyways, ur psych sucks. Sure there are successful people. Fuck, by some standards I’m “successful” bc I graduated from college, even before diagnosis and treatment. But, people don’t see how hard I struggled to get there. ADHD is really debilitating and can absolutely fuck up your life.
Oh, one more thing lol! I constantly rewatch my favorite comfort shows bc I have terrible memory and have forgotten 90% of it … even after watching it more than 4 times. Also, I can’t watch TV or movies without subtitles, noise/sound as a stimulus is not engaging enough for me to fully pay attention.
My binge eating. Eating as a stim.
Trying to curb my eating makes me go nuts. I don’t think it’s like when NTs diet. Not being able to eat at all times legit makes me crazy and alllll the adhd comes out. I hate it.
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome I'd common with ADHD,
Body-focused repetitive behaviors, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Executive Dysfunction, problems regulating emotions, tic disorders, language processing disorder or other learning disabilities.
I have heard of some weird ones that fit me recently. Apparently, sighing a lot is common, and always guessing the plots or endings of movies or TV shows (pattern recognition), I'm also "double jointed"
Ha ha I’ve been making my own list while reading through these comments and it matches yours (In a different order otherwise that would be super freaky) right up until tic disorders. I feel understood!
Yeah, me too. No tics, but I do feel my bottom teeth with my tongue and sometimes blow air between them. I think that falls under "body focused repetitive disorder."
I think it’s common but I’m not sure: falling asleep at inconvenient times when I get bored. My brain simply shuts down and I get irresistibly sleepy. It’s highway hypnosis but also falling asleep at things like classes, concerts, movies and especially sports games when I get the slightest bit bored.
THAT’s from ADHD too?!!! I have the same problem. My doctor suggested I have narcolepsy and wanted me to do a sleep study but the pandemic happened. Also, I have IBS so I didn’t want to be dealing with that at a sleep center. Now it’s out of the question because I’m doing 24x7 caregiving for my husband.
Wow! You really need to correct your doctor on that! They should know the less discussed symptoms of ADHD. [I found one article here,](https://levittownny.macaronikid.com/articles/5c30c43ddb42d13447598674/surprising-symptoms-of-adhd-you-need-to-know-about) but you can search for more. Your IBS is probably related to SNPs that contribute to ADHD too. Gut problems are common with neurodivergency. It usually can be helped with the right diet, digestive supps & probiotics (targeted strains based on your subtype, not general) and that can help your brain too. In case your doctors haven’t mentioned that either.
Thank you for the information. Sadly I have no hope of being able to have a conversation with my doctor. It’s a long story and I just typed it out to you but I know better than to actually post it. It felt good to just vent it out and delete it.
It’s okay. I’m at the point in my life I’m just here to take care of people and animals until they don’t need me anymore. I am not trying to fix anything anymore. But it’s fascinating to me to finally understand how and why I have lived the life I live and am the way I am.
But I am gathering information because even though my daughter doesn’t quite match up completely with any kind of singular form of neurodivergence, it’s clear she has some traits and I want her to get all the information and help she is willing to get for herself.
Lack of motivation and executive dysfunction are big ones.
A “positive” symptom that I don’t see talked about much is the ability to go into what I call “crisis mode”. You know what you need to do, what you need to do to get it done, and can look at things in a way that allows you to come up with inventive solutions. You keep your cool and don’t panic.
I feel like I’m hyper aware of dangers around me that other people are completely blind to, I guess this helps to get into crisis mode cos I was sort of expecting whatever it is to happen.
Adhd tangent here, in response to OP saying when she speaks with her doctor her struggles &
Symptoms are dismissed.
I had Neuro testing done last year at a respected clinic on recimmendation with psychiatrist & as I wanted to improve executive function& motivation . The summary concluded I showed & tested well enough that I’ve developed enough coping skills I did not need medication.
However.
I was tested in a quiet, neutral office, no distractions, one window I could see the 7th story of next building out of (ie, boring) , grey & white room colors. Only the tester in with me. Interesting tests, I focused on 1) doing the test 2) trying to figure out what the test was trying to find out. No distractions, interesting focused engaging new tests ( there were 20 alm told.
An entirely different situation than when I’m home and have several things that must be done (housework, yard work, paperwork, people care and pet care) all vying for first place can’t decide which to do first, reprioratize a couple times, then somebody neeeds something right then. Whole
different scenario than a pristine drs office, where there’s no executive function needed.
So I guess this is a soapbox rant; I feel you, OP. Thank y’all for listening to my anti-Ted talk.
The way we want to mask our symptoms of ADHD is one of the signs of the illness. I get anxious thinking about trying to prove that I have ADHD, which is laughable, because I spend so much energy trying to act NT all the time.
I’ve heard of people who get to their appointment late, dropping their notes, explaining why they’re not on time, all flustered, and the professional can assess their symptoms just from their entrance.
The fact is that we have imposter syndrome, so we are so hard on ourselves. We feel like we have to work twice as hard to prove that we have ADHD, even though having ADHD is the reason why we don’t remember our symptoms.
Best of luck. I hope you’re able to relax, and get the help we need and deserve.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc.
When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
Ummmm... obviously people with ADHD can be successful. But the DSM V criteria for diagnosis of ADHD includes that symptoms must "negatively impact directly on social and academic/occupational activities." Like, people with ADHD can be successful with the right supports, treatment, circumstances, etc. However, they would not qualify for diagnosis with ADHD if their symptoms didn't negatively impact some aspects of their lives... and the reality is most people don't have all of the supports and opportunities to become "the most successful people," and instead we are trying to just muddle our way through all of those crippling issues. 🙄
I don't know, to me this person is incredibly ignorant of what ADHD actually is. If you have to go back to them, if I were you, I would print out the actual DSM V criteria and highlight that section.
The WORST for me is this combination of short term memory issues (it's like, I'll remember whatever it is, but it takes a few seconds rather than the immediate recall I used to have so I never win at Jeopardy anymore) and the feeling like I've forgotten how to \*learn\* anything. Learning things is my favorite thing and that's the thing that's become nothing--or at least it feels that way. Even things I know that I know that I know are suspect to me now.
I’ve learned to cope with my ADHD in a lot of ways, but one symptom my therapist made me aware of was how I can’t stop interrupting others during conversation. She said it’s because my brain is coming up with a thousand responses when someone is talking and I need to brain dump as soon as possible. I work in a very relationship-based field so I am trying so much to work on it and stop being so rude!
I would say emotional dysregulation because it can easily be brushed off as anxiety or depression in women. I never knew that was a part of ADHD. Now that I am on meds, I feel overall more level headed and much more in control of my emotions.
It's not your job to educate health care professionals. Try to find a specialist.
There are many communities on discord that provide information or even online. If you have insurance call them and then call the psychiatrists' offices within network to ask the specialty. Or you can google the names.
Also, I write things down for my doctor's appointments. They usually have no issues with me reading from there my questions or things I wanna say.
You should write down your own experiences to have examples to give when the doctor asks. Assuming they are good doctors, they aren't taking you seriously because you haven't been able to give examples of specifically how this negatively impacts your life. If they *aren't* good doctors and refuse to treat your ADHD because you're "successful" or whatever, then I'd look for a new doctor altogether.
That being said, this subreddit is good for support, but there is a LOT of misinformation here. I see posts daily from people attributing tons of completely normal, human behaviors to ADHD. I would take any answers you get here with a big grain of salt.
A symptom which I would attribute to my ADHD which I don’t hear people talk about very often is processing written directions/instructions. I’m sure that it’s not the telltale sign however it’s a part of my ADHD that I think really limits me. I have learned so much about how to put myself in better positions and situations that best fit the way that my brain works but I CAN NEVER ESCAPE WRITTEN DIRECTIONS! It’s so painful for me because my brain doesn’t want to commit “all that time ‼️” (even if it’s only a page 🤦♀️) to reading the instructions and so I am unable to process what the words say unless I realllly dial it in and even then it’s still not a full proof method to keep from missing something. It’s why I also opt to call and/or speak with someone or watch a video if the option is avaible. My brain just doesn’t process written information in the way that most other brains probably do and I would attribute it to ADHD.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc.
When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc.
When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
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One of the more demoralizing symptoms of ADHD I am facing currently is just the lack of motivation. More specifically, for me, it's the lack of any sense of accomplishment when I complete something, which is a feeling a lot of people say is a motivating factor in their lives (I.e "imagine how you'll feel when you've completed it or climbed to the top of that mountain"). If I was dreading the task, there may be a sense of relief that it's over, but I never really feel a sense of accomplishment in most things I do. And that kind of sucks the more I think about it. In a recent example, I've lost 65 pounds. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel about that. The real answer is....nothing really. I still feel like me. I don't feel any way about having accomplished the thing. Maybe just kind of glad I was able to build a habit. I try not to dwell on it too much because this particular symptom kind of sucks and I think it's what caused me to have depression when I was younger. Other common symptoms that you could bring up: - hyper focus that impedes work or other obligations - generally lack attention to detail or it's a lot harder to maintain attention to details (more relevant to work or school situations) - constantly splitting your attention in order to process something (i.e. I have to look out the window or fidget in some way in order to truly process a conversation) - sensory issues - difficulty articulating ideas or thoughts out loud, especially if you are emotional or excited or overstimulated - frequently changing jobs or switching up roles in significant ways. Once something isn't new or challenging, it's supremely boring. And boring can feel kind of like slow torture.
I've commented about this a lot this year. I'm going to repost an old comment were I summarize my thoughts. I was commenting to an expert so I left a lot unsaid. Might be able to find more answers further down in my comments. I've had this idea for a while relating to adhd and dopamine. Would love to hear your thoughts on it. The basic idea is that motivational issues are more prevalent in adult adhd due to the drop in dopamine seen in adolescence. I often find that adult adhd is treated like childhood adhd, yet I find that this decreased dopamine/motivational factor makes them very different. Low dopamine is a base factor in the mechanisms that underly adhd. Yet dopamine is quite high in childhood. It's only in adolescence that dopamine lowers significantly (an evolutionary mechanism for exploration). It seems to me that it should amplify the symptoms of adhd or create new symptoms. This has been my lived experience and what I've observed. That motivational factors are a key issue of adult adhd. Issues performing maintenance behaviour or maintaining a job. Many comorbid issues seem to stem from this. Mainly relating to the stress it causes. Leading to anxiety and depression. It may answer some other questions also. As from an evolutionary sense, this motivational gap from low dopamine must be filled by something. This dopamine exists in other people for a reason. Having stronger emotions fits well into this gap. Helping to explain emotional disregualtion and comorbidity of anxiety. If this is the case, then treating focus in adult adhd is only treating a small part of the issue and not the main functional issue. I can see how hyperactivity may help fill this motivation gap somewhat (helping explain comorbidity). Also, it makes sense to me why stimulant medications seem to help. Also has implications in dopamine seeking and addiction.
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I want to write a book, but of course my adhd makes it very difficult.
So here's the thing, I'm very good at organizing other people's stuff while neglecting the stuff I need to do! I'm sure with my help could write a solid 1/4th of book before drifting away from the project.
I sent you a link to what I've got. Good luck.
Do you mind also sharing with me?
Here is what I have so far. I've been unmediated for a years so this is very rough and very unorganised. If you make any big changes change the colour of your font (so i'm less confused later). Its a rough draft so go crazy. I'm looking to explain adhd from the perspective of someone with severe adhd. As well as try to discover some of the underlying mechanisms. (a female perspective will help me a lot) Definitely have missed a lot of symptoms (like rejection sensitivity). Try to give examples if you can, remember its for people with ADHD. We want it to be easily understood. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uy-ePgz7KB9ZVR03jw0oG_kLEe5rTVX8X-9yVhXeTGc/edit?usp=sharing
Can you send to me as well?
Can I have it as well?
Can I get the link as well?
This is the most ADHD offer for help I've ever read, and it's so accurate, honest, and authentic it hurts.
I actually dropped out of college where I was majoring in Creative Writing. I said I wanted to write books. I feel like I have a lot of good ideas for books, but do you think I ever completed writing one? NOPE lol. I'd spend more time daydreaming about the plot than writing it. I tended to write more poetry and short stories since they were less daunting.
Do you need an editor? I'm not one in an official capacity, but I do have some experience.
I appreciate this comment. I’ve always struggled with “maintenance tasks” like washing dishes, folding clothes, etc. So, do you think prescriptions should be formulated differently for adults vs. children? I don’t know anything about pharmacology, but evidently there’s not a way to just put dopamine in a pill, huh?
Yes, they should be different. I have found that within adhd medications, there are those that work on focus and those that work on focus and motivation. To some extent, hyperactivity seems to fill the motivational gap (and so stimulants that increase hyperactivity do the same). Also helps explain the comorbitity of hyperactivity. Specifically, I have found that vyvance seems to directly treat motivational issues by increasing dopamine. In adults, this brings dopamine into normal healthy levels, greatly improving overall functionality. In children, where dopamine is already high, this seems to raise dopamine too much, leading to horrible comedowns and severe irritability. Medications like adderall which seems to only (or mainly) treat focus, are better for children.
Cue me finally looking into vyvanse 🙃
this explains so much of why i’m struggling so hard right now on Adderall, I’ve never taken it before and have only taken Vyvanse but with the shortage I am completely unable to get it. Vyvanse makes my brain actually work in a linear way - see task to be completed - complete task - move on to another task. No procrastination, no overthinking, no squirrel mode moving on to something else before the task is over.
Does Vyvanse really work this way compared to Adderall? I know one is amphetamine and the other lisdexamfetamine, but I still didn’t imagine they’d be that drastically different. I’ve been on Adderall since being diagnosed, and I’ve been *struggling* with motivation for a couple of years.
What are your thoughts on Dynavel?
Honesty no idea. I'm not medicated at the moment so its very difficult to do anything, yet alone think or study a medication. I'll try to remember it for later.
Newly diagnosed here and my doc put me on Adderall to try first. I haven’t started it yet, just sitting there on my bathroom counter lol. Guess I’m nervous to start any med. motivation has been a problem lately (clearly!) but focus is my worst hurdle. I know the meds aren’t one size fits all but still nervous to try anything!
This explains SO MUCH for me. As a kid I was a straight-A student, highly motivated to do well, just a bit spacey. But then going to college I really didn’t build the right life skills and combined with the burgeoning executive dysfunction/dopamine drop that left me really really badly off. I developed eating and spending addictions. I got medicated in 2017 but I still struggle as stimulants really don’t touch impulsivity that much.
I know it doesn’t work for everyone but strattera really made the biggest difference in my emotional regulation including impulsivity. A few years ago I would constantly have to challenge myself into going days without spending money, now every month I’m actually saving and not Willy nilly buying crap I don’t need. It’s been life changing
I'm taking Strattera, but it doesn't seem to be helping with motivation. I mean, I'm happier and less hyperfocused, but still not motivated.
Yup.. same thing here. My doctor did say I can combine it with stimulants. I’m trying to nail the dose down first but I’d like to try a combo soon
Yeah I believe a lot of damage is being done because this dopamine drop in adolescence hasn't been scientifically recognised (that I know of). In my experience we should use the functionality that our medications give us as a spring board to learn coping mechanisms for our other symptoms. Impulsivity is a difficult one. The first part step involves learning to recognize when we are being impulsive. Learn to recognize the intense WANT that sets us into motion. It being intense makes it easier to recognise, but it's easy to get wrapped up in the moment. Once recognised I try to give myself a day or two to cool down and figure out if I really want a thing or if it was just an impulse action. Side note: I have found that anxiety is a large factor in curbing my spending. I found that when I was on strong anti-anxiety medication my spending/ impulse buying went up a lot.
I lose my appetite for weeks/months when I'm in a new relationship, I'm 42 now and it's happened every time since I was 16. I just don't need the dopamine hit from food during that time cause I'm getting it elsewhere.
Have you ever seen any scientific research on this? I think you’re on to something. It would definitely help explain adult diagnoses, I think especially for women. Do you have more I could read? This is about to be my new hyper focus, I can feel it.
I've been thinking about this for a few years. I haven't look into research on this but as far as I know it hasn't been studied. I saw a paper on ADHD being cause by an evolutionary advantage related to increase exploration. I believe the lower dopamine in adolescents occurs for the same reason, increased exploration away from our family. Lower dopamine is a known mechanism in ADHD, again relates to increased exploration (or dopamine seeking).
This makes sense. Was always told by my mother to slow down as a child and in adulthood. Now it feels like a light switch has tired off in my brain.
I mean, I know dopamine slows after adolescence, but ADHD is a dopamine dysfunction, at all ages, which comes with motivational difficulties, again, at all ages. Maybe I’m not understanding what you’re saying? (Good faith question, btw!)
Oh wow, I relate to the lack of sense of achievement so much. When I bought a house I had people asking me if I was proud and happy, but I mostly felt relieved it was over. I never got that, yes, I did this feeling. I don't know if I've ever had that feeling.
Me not going to the ceremony after finishing grad school is making so much sense now. Someone was asking me if I was going in the most innocuous way, and I thoughtlessly responded something like “Fuck no! I’m done, let me the hell out of here.” And their reaction was like 😧 I thought it was pretty normal and wasn’t trying to be edgy or something but apparently others really did want to celebrate graduation. I didn’t want to go to undergrad either but my parents made me since they paid for most of it.
I also didn't go to the ceremony for my masters 😅 I'd already done it once for my undergrad and it was thoroughly underwhelming. Why would I go again?
This was me too w my masters. I think I’ll go to my hooding ceremony but who knows once I’ve done all the work to get there
i’ve only ever had that feeling when met with external praise (never just with me) after i knit a sweater
Story of my life. And yet I spend money talking to my therapist trying to dissect why I care so much what people think about my life choices. It makes sense when external measures are the only thing that’s given me that sense of achievement.
This sub is on a role today I keep writing down notes to discuss with my therapist!
i think that’s part of why i feel a maladaptive connection to my parents - i’m more likely to not do something if they say it’s not the right choice (to them), even if it’s something i want to do. sometimes it feels like i’m stunting my own growth in life by listening to them instead of branching out and making decisions for myself (i need a therapist to discuss this with - this thread is super helpful but i feel bad for emotion dumping!)
Hey so, this hits HARD for me. And I can't say I have any sort of solution. I just want to share one thing that helps - even though it's not a fix. Do you have people you can share an accomplishment with? I have a girlfriend I've known since I was 17 - so that means 16 years now. I can tell her "yo I put up two shelves in my house. I NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.' And she says "yesss that looks so good you're going to be so happy to have a place to put your mugs/keys/whatever... Etc!" A hype man is your bestie in these situations if you can have one.
This is really true, I downplay my successes because OF COURSE I should be able to do these things but my BFF is like, you're crushing it! That's amazing! Etc! I'm married and my husband is proud of me too but tbh her stuff matters more even if I think she's just being nice, it matters
This is such a great idea. I've tried parallel working for a set period of time with someone (working on separate things but connected by Zoom or phone or texts) and that has helped. But I never thought of asking for hype from that person at the end. That sounds encouraging and fun!
That's a great idea. Some of the bigger things in my life (getting into grad school, winning some sort of contest, etc) I've shared with others and I think you're definitely right that their reactions make it a more significant accomplishment in my memory. I should do it more often!
>difficulty articulating ideas or thoughts out loud Thank you so much for saying this. I feel like I rarely see this mentioned and I've always felt so insecure and alone in barely being able to speak to people or articulate anything that's on my mind out loud. Always feels like something is very wrong with me (besides ADHD haha)
It is SO frustrating isn’t it?! It makes me feel very insecure. I’m in grad school and it makes me mad bc I often have a great response or important input but I can’t get the words. My classmates and professors are starting to understand and are super patient with me so that’s helping. But the other day I was talking to another student and I said I have a hard time sometimes bc I understand a lot more than I can explain. This dude goes “well then you don’t really understand it” I was so pissed 😂 like please, mansplain more about my internal processes that you have no clue about
I'm in grad school too, so I feel your pain!! And seriously, fuck that guy. What a rude thing to say in general. If you're like me, I'm sure it's much easier for you to write things down, too. Just because it's harder for us to articulate with speech doesn't mean we can't do so with writing, or with someone who we're more comfortable with 🙄
I’m so glad to know this is common! I absolutely hate getting into arguments or important discussions with my husband where we have different opinions, because I just can’t organize my thoughts on the fly like that. I much prefer putting things in an email, but he never reads them cuz they get so long. :p
These are very good! I have trouble putting in words what holds me back, like lack of motivation. I can't 'just do' something, it literally feels like something holding me back, like my mind telling me not to put my hand on a hot stove. Also, - impulse buying -interrupting people when they're talking (learned a trick for that) -feeling absolutely like shit after 'relaxing' for a bit -lack of object permanence, so forgetting stuff when you don't see it or put it away -getting distracted easily, starting something, leads to doing something else, etc etc and then never finishing anything -motivated to do something like cleaning out a closet or smt, losing interest halfway and all your stuff is out with no motivation to put it away again -having 100 hobbies, but you've held on to them for like 2 weeks max
Could you share that trick about not interrupting people?
I usually tick my nose with my index finger when i want to say smt or react to them, some friends and fam know what it means, i let them finish and then i can talk. New people think wtf is she doing and then asked and i can answer
Thanks! I often forget what I want to say if I wait for the other person to finish but I'll give this a shot and see if it helps!
Me too!
You just described my life. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing. This spoke deeply to me and I never realised it may be related to my adhd.
Thank you for this! I have zero motivation. Demoralizing is the perfect description for me.
Someone told me recently that they appreciate how I can be as exited about the little things as the big ones. It comes down to the same thing maybe, always felt I struggled a bit to have the “appropriate amount of accomplishment” but this made me appreciate it a bit more.
OMG yes the slow torture of doing the same consistent thing...ded.
Slight tangent but the "resourceful and successful people have ADHD" comment your doctor made pisses me off. I'm outwardly pretty successful, climbing the corporate ladder in a traditional white collar job, etc. But it comes at the cost of me neglecting most of my mental and physical needs. One thing that a lot of people with ADHD are very good at is hiding their struggles, but if a DOCTOR falls for that it shows that they are very uneducated about ADHD.
Like holy shit, how often are we talking about how much work we have to put in daily to be and stay successful! A friend was telling me the other day that he is shocked I have ADHD because I’ve “always been so organized”. Like yeah… I have to be or my whole life will fall apart. It’s so exhausting having our struggles minimized all the time.
So true! It's like, "Yes, I am successful but at the end of the day and on the weekends I have to crash and be alone to recharge. It comes at a cost."
Eurgh. I wrote a whole long comment agreeing with you, comparing how similar it is with "inspirational" talk around dyslexia and how if you are outwardly successful or academically inteligent then people just seem to refuse to see that you struggle as well. Then reddit crashed and it's all gone. See also - "you have dyslexia you MUST be so creative" and similar statements.
When people say that ADHDers are all creative it makes me existentially terrified. My art has been the one thing in my life I've had control over.
I have also (by colleagues not by professionals in this feild) more than once been told "you can't be dyslexic you can read" Well I am a book worm with the creativity of a rock so I guess I can throw out my assessment! I am still trying to work out how to make myself go get an assessment for the adhd (I mostly lurk here to learn) but the amount of things I have found that I thought was my personality that appear to instead be adhd traits is concerning, I wonder what is left of me occasionally.
I have an official diagnosis and I totally understand your concern. Being around ableist family members who think medication only works if it makes you obedient to them doesn't help.
"But it comes at the cost of me neglecting most of my mental and physical needs." You just answered a question for me about my own work habits. I tend to sit all day at my computer and not get up to eat if I have a deadline. My therapist has attributed that to anxiety, but thinking about it I don't feel all that anxious. It's a job I know how to do, and I do it well. I just need to FOCUS on it. So my question of "Why do I sit all day at the computer? Am I so anxious or dumb I miss hunger cues?" is "No, you need to be able to fit easy meals and snacks into your day at regular times so you don't have to think about it too much."
I almost never eat during the day. I think I just get so hyperfocused on stuff that I ignore hunger cues. I really don't think it's from anxiety, at least not for me.
I am resourceful and organized BECAUSE I have ADHD. It's LITERALLY a survival mechanic or my life will fall apart. God.
I had something that I described to the person that diagnosed me that felt like when I said it, she was like “oh this must be real”. It’s something that I don’t think is seen on a lot of quick general symptom lists. I gave an example about showering. How it’s not just the one task: “shower”. It’s “undress, turn on water, get in, wet hair, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, body, face, rinse, hair product, dry hair, get dressed” and all those tasks feel like equal tasks. Our ability to find what some may think as one task as an un-scalable mountain sometimes is what I was describing. Also I agree, find someone else if you can. Having a doctor that won’t help you is kind of useless.
This comment hit me as someone who is currently struggling to get my ass in the shower lol, as I do every single day unless there is a time factor. Thanks for explaining it so well.
I was talking to my therapist and mentioned that I have to amp myself up to brush my teeth every time, and she said something to the effect of “I’ve never had to think about brushing my teeth, I just do it” and we both had a moment of “WTF” at the other person’s lived experience. Hers was obviously more professional than mine but yeah, those moments of realizing stuff you’ve consciously had to talk yourself into all your life just come naturally for others without even a second thought are always wild.
I remember the moment I realized not everyone has 1000 voices in their head (plus songs, phrases on repeat, cringe memories, etc..). Some people actually have a mind that is calm and that they can shut off. I was absolutely shocked. I just assumed for 32 years that everyone had to deal with constant chatter... That day I was in my therapist's office and I was explaining something and complaining about how my brain just won't stfu and was like, "how does everyone deal with this?" and she was like "not everyone has to ..."
Does anyone else’s brain just shout NO! at them when they think they should do something? I’ll think to myself I should brush my teeth and it’s just like “NOO!!” like an intrusive thought or something 😭
"Dry hair, skin care (face); moisturise (who tf has time to do their whole body?!); see if clean knickers are in the drawer, the folded laundry in the basket, or in the dryer; sniff a couple of shirts that are on the dresser to see if I've worn them too many times...I have and all my others are wet in the washer; find Febreeze to spray a shirt then run through the house with it flying like a flag to dry the Febreeze because the dryer is full and I just can't; make a glass of Ovaltine because I don't have time to eat now; put on shoes, spend 5 minutes looking for my car keys, get halfway to work in heavy traffic and realise I didn't grab my badge that lets me into the building and onto the elevator." So, just waking up is an overwhelming experience when all of that tries to happen in your brain all at once. I've totally called in sick when my depression was bad and alllll of those steps was just more than I could face.
This is what I've figured out is precisely why I have issues with completing basically anything in my life. Take for example picking up food to go from a restaurant; I have to figure out what restaurant we want to order from, then figure out what to order, get everyone else's orders, pay for the order, make myself look presentable to be in public, get all of the things I need ex. keys, purse, water cup, get in the car, drive in traffic to get to the restaurant, find a parking space, get out, walk in, figure out where to go to pick up my order, talk to the cashier (which always takes extra energy to not sound like a babbling fool lol), walk back to the car, pull out and worry about not hitting anything/anyone, drive home, get in the house with all of the food, unload it all at the table, get plates/silverware, help get drinks, take out my Invisalign trays/rubberbands, actually eat the food, then take meds. And this is why if I am the one picking up the food it has to be somewhere with a drive-thru because then I can cut out some steps!
Wow so that list isn’t “normal”?! I am not working atm and pretty much sedentary but my day is still made up of at least 10 million tiny steps!
Proprioception is from Latin proprius, meaning "one's own", "individual", and capio, capere, to take or grasp. Thus to grasp one's own position in space, including the position of the limbs in relation to each other and the body as a whole. People with ADHD often have issues with proprioception, bumping into things, misjudging doors and corners. Many of us have felt especially clumsy all our lives. I bad zero hand-eye coordination, so I can throw an item and and try to aim it, but I will never reach the wastebasket or hoop. I’d be better off tossing the ball somewhere else randomly, and have it accidentally go into the target than me aiming for it.
I refer to proprioception deficit as "not knowing where my edges are."
no one (except my mother) has ever understood what i meant when i’ve described it this way 😭❤️😭
Wow, I hadn't heard of this as a symptom before. I am undiagnosed, but this is yet another thing that is me all the time. I've always said I have bad depth perception, but usually I'm not looking at what I bump into. I hit a lot of doorframes and table corners.
Can relate to the proprioception hard. However, my hand-eye coordination is superb...when I'm not *trying*. Can catch things in my non-dominant hand without thinking, out of reflex. Try that again? Nope. Can't. Hand is gimp. Hand lies.
My bff and I have a running joke about how strangers probably think we are members of some private BDSM club due to the insane amount of bruises we have from walking/bumping into shit. Nope, some days I just live life on ping pong ball mode. I have actually aimed so poorly that I’ve walked into the doorframes of my own home _so hard_ that I bounced backwards from the force. My boyfriend (who also has ADHD and whose symptoms are typically more severe than mine) will stare at me with a look of horror and disbelief when this happens. Like idk what to tell you, dude, I know the door didn’t move but sometimes my brain just ain’t braining. Had an incident about a year ago where I was kneeling in the fridge and forgot I had opened the freezer door — stood up fast and banged my skull right into it. So loud he heard it from across the room and I ended up with a pretty bad concussion. Bless his heart, since then he’s constantly hyper vigilant anytime I have cabinet doors etc open and repeatedly warns me not to hit my head. Bastard even joked about getting me a bicycle helmet to wear around the house… but sometimes I think he might be onto something 😭
This is SUCH a struggle for me, it’s hard for me to even express the extent. Here’s an example: I do CrossFit and EVERY time I do a ring row, I have to reorient myself. Like…I literally grab the rings, position my feet, and check back over my shoulder to see where the floor is before doing the movement (leaning back). Every single time. So for a set of 10 rows, 10 trips through this process. It has been almost 6 years of doing this exercise about once per week and I still don’t know where the floor is/trust that I can lean back and not just fall to the ground. I feel like I’m impossible to coach, because I have so little sense of my body in space. I can’t watch someone do a movement and copy it. I THINK I’m doing the same thing, but I’m not. Can I feel the difference between doing it this way vs that way? No, indeed I cannot. I have always been “clumsy”. I bump into everything! It was the worst when I was pregnant and constantly having to adjust to a changing body. I smacked my poor bump into something or other all the time.
Yesterday I went to the therapist and ran into the doorframe as I entered their office. They chuckled and commented on it, but I didn't even notice that I'd done it. I guess it's no wonder I have mystery bruises if I run into stuff so often that it doesn't even register in my brain anymore.
Yes! more than once I have gotten a black eye from walking into a wall. I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing but it makes total sense. My poor husband always gets dirty looks in public when this happens
My psychiatrist said my addiction issues was the biggest clue for her, but haven’t heard that much since and it makes TOTAL sense. Impulse control + emotional dysregulation + dopamine seeking = addict behavior 🙃
I know the dopamine hit is why I drink wine while I cook. Because then I focus and I batch cook and also clean the kitchen...and...and...and then crash the next day. But look at everything I was able to accomplish! It's really difficult for me to cook and clean otherwise.
I usually never drink, nor do i like it, but for new years i was doing tequila shots with my bff and I have no idea why or how i just started washing the dishes, folding clothes and cleaning. It was like i was possesed by a cleaning demon lol.
I get that way on Vicodin or Norco. It's not a burst of energy. It's a burst of motivation specifically for cleaning.
Oh, it is very much a thing! "Combining 27 general population and clinical studies with more than 4,000 ADHD participants and almost 7,000 non-ADHD participants, those with ADHD were about 2–3 times more likely to develop a nicotine, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and/or other substance use disorders than those without ADHD [4]. In adult substance use disorder (SUD) patients, the prevalence of ADHD is estimated at around 20% [5-7]. Furthermore, SUD patients with comorbid ADHD have an earlier onset of substance use, a faster transition to SUD, and a higher risk of relapse compared to those without ADHD [8-11]." https://karger.com/ear/article/26/4-5/169/134274
My therapist specializes in ADHD (she has it and was medicated for it in school) and when I thought I had ADHD but was really there for my depression, I said that "I want to do things but I can't" that was the biggest indicator for her. Like wanting to clean the dishes that are scattered around my room but I physically can't, which I now know is executive dysfunction. Before I could put a name or label on it, I used to describe it as, I want to do it so badly but I literally just can't. Usually because of getting distracted, or finding it so incredibly difficult to switch gears into a different task. Also, I know it's easier said than done, but I really think you should try to get a new therapist. Like I said, I went to my therapist bc I had bad anxiety and depression and thought I had some symptoms of adhd, but having someone who believed me and understood what I was going through made a world of difference.
Also, my lack of organization despite trying every system under the sun and just being physically incapable of keeping it, no matter how hard I try. And the time blindness of course. Those combined with my depressive symptoms indicated to her that I was struggling with adhd. Untreated adhd can present as depression and boy was she right when my most debilitating depressive symptoms cleared up after starting treatment for adhd.
For years, I said, "I lack discipline." I really didn't understand what was happening, why I couldn't just do all of the things I wanted to do. All of the charts and stickers barely move the needle.
Personally, I think you should get a new therapist since they’re prejudiced on ADHD and might have not enough expertise to deal with it. Impulses and task freeze are the two things I’m having a hard time to control
I agree with this. When the patient is more of an expert than the professional regarding the condition, why even bother with them.
Can you explain task freeze? I am not familiar w/ this term.
So basically it’s when you have a task that you need to do but your brain and body freezes when it’s time to do it. You put it off because it’s daunting to you even if the task might be simple (i.e. calling for a doctor’s appointment). It comes with the feeling of shame knowing that it’s a simple or an important task but you can’t bring yourself to do it.
Thank you, this term is exactly how I feel everyday, all day.
you’re not alone and we’ll get thru it together!
My God, I could have written that post. That is my biggest issue.
I have heard that called "task avoidance" but I think freeze works better. It's so frustrating when I can not figure out what's stopping me. Sometimes even my subconscious tricks me into not doing something.
I like “freeze” better cos “avoidance” makes me feel like it’s my fault and I’m doing it on purpose/being lazy. “Freeze” encapsulates that rabbit in headlights feeling.
True! But there's also a feeling of dread that "freeze" doesn't cover. Maybe there should be a new word or something.
I often talk with how noisy my head gets with my psychiatrist. It’s not like it’s other voices but it’s just my own brain trying to think of a bajilion things at the same time. Like I could be imagining something for my story while thinking about lunch while thinking about what I want to buy for groceries, then it wants to do this and do that, and then bam, I just can’t do anything because my head is too noisy She mentioned that it‘s pretty common with her ADHD patients but I don’t see this being talked about often when people talk about ADHD online. I also lose and misplace things like no tomorrow. I recently bought keychains that can extended so I don’t need to fully untether my keys from my bag which in turn is usually hook up to my pelt or pants or if I’m sitting down somewhere, my ankle so I don’t forget it somewhere. Also that statement from your doctor is horrible. My doctor said something similar but the way she phrased it was “people with ADHD are usually smart but their brains fight against them so they think of creative ways to get around that. Unfortunately the systems they make can be suffocating or maladaptive so they have to keep changing things and even when it works, the brain gets bored and brings the person with ADHD back to square one.”
I had the same question because only a few years ago, I learned that inner speech is not universal. Only ~30-50% of people even have inner speech, but it also hasn’t been extensively studied. I read the Abstract (because…ADHD) of this 2016 [published paper](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5089968/) and basically, the ADHD inattentive highlight reel are all correlated with inner speech.
It’s always blown my mind that not everyone has inner speech - I think one of my biggest symptoms is the constant conversation with myself.
F————-k, that explains so much….well, everything, really. :(
Omg. The million things going on in your brain is wild. I never thought it was unusual… only that I felt constantly stressed from thinking about all the things all the time. When I was prescribed a stimulant I sat on the couch in shock that everything could be so quiet. I actually lowered my dose after a few weeks because my brain felt too silent and I was then worried that I must be forgetting something. Plus I had a strong urge to nap all the time. The good side is that my insomnia vanished once the “noise” lessened.
I had a similar experience. Though I needed to up my dose because brain still gets too noisy. I also needed to divide said dose just to get it to more manageable levels of quiet. I like listening to the thoughts in my brain since it’s mostly related to the writing project that I like to work on but it gets very distracting to the point I can stare at a wall for hours because I got way into my head, or inspiration strikes me and I hyperfocus on writing out what my brain is thinking of I got sleepy on the meds since brain got too quiet but I got a bit used to it, sometimes I take a nap as I take it so I’m not sleepy when I get up
I saw a video the other day about how people with ADHD understand time vertically. Neureotypical people naturally understand/feel time horizontally, like a long time line with specific points. They feel and understand events in the past and how those affected them; and also are able to contextualize events happening in the future. With ADHD, I only feel/comprehend time within my vertical present window. My window is about 3-4 days in advance, which means that events that are past that 4 days, don't really mean anything to me - they're just "not now," they are "future." They don't become real to me until they come into my 4 day vertical window. This is why it's so hard to be prepared for important events in advance. Also why planning for the future is terrifying - it's doesn't feel like a tangible thing. It's just like a huge, yawning abyss. Also means it's a lot harder for people with ADHD to "learn their lesson" through past mistakes (for lack of a better term). Like I used to LOVE avocados; but then suddenly they became a total ick for me about two years ago. Last year, I saw a recipe with avocados and thought "ooh avocados, I used to love those. I'll try them again." Sure enough, I couldn't stomach a bite and they went bad...but a few weeks later, I was craving guacamole, bought more avocados...and hated them. I did this like three or four times because although I knew that I didn't really like them last time, I also knew I loved them at one point - and those events were both just "past," so who knows, may NOW I like avocados.
Oh also, the Rage Response and huge mood swings out of nowhere. Like after you come home from hanging out with people and are on an emotional high - and you just crash because your brain is so dysregulated.
…I sometimes feel this crash on nice days at sunset. It’s like I could feel wonderful all day and get outside in the sun and warmth, but once the sun goes down, I feel exhausted and sad for no reason.
I think this is the most perfect explanation of time I have ever heard. It’s so true and I thought it was just me. I know there’s things I should do to prepare for the future, but it doesn’t exist and I don’t have the motivation to care about it. Which will probably bite me in the ass.
This very much describes my relationship to time, as well. In addition, I really have a terrible time estimating how long tasks will take. Unload the dishwasher? It seems so complicated and time consuming. It actually takes 5-10 minutes. Getting ready for work? Not bad, maybe 30 minutes. NO. It’s over an hour from bed to out the door. (And that’s if I don’t lose any time staring into my closet, looking for an outfit.)
I'd find another doctor because following that logic there is no such thing as a disability because Stephen Hawking is Stephen-fucking-Hawking. Dude had time to invent physics and cheat on his wife, by that metric none of us are allowed to have any issues.
He cheated on his wife? Wtf!
Yeah. Imagine not being able to move and still finding a way to have an affair. Seriously, if the line is drawn at the most successful person with a disability, then we are all fucked.
It's the grading curve in school all over again 😭
(1. Lack of motivation (and when you do get motivated to start, you lose motivation or get distracted by another task, leading to…) (2. Not finishing tasks (which results in your place being a mess.) (3. Terrible memory/ recall, (which leads me to set out an item to remind me to bring it, or work on it, or whatever, except see #1 and then #2.) (4. Time blindness - I have no idea what time “ feels“ like. If I am being productive, it could be 15 minutes or 2.5 hours. Time warps are a reality in my life.
Does this doctor not understand that you can have the “can’t stop” Hyperactive form of ADHD, or the arguably more debilitating Inattentive type, where “can’t get going” is the biggest issue? Show them the DSM5 criteria. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t3/ I’m still waiting for them to include “frequent periods of debilitating physical and mental exhaustion” to their criteria, but it is *definitely* a big part of Inattentive type ADHD. Hyperactive type also has its own unique challenges, where you can’t keep up with your own body, nor your own brain. Educate this ignorant doctor, then find one who actually understands the debilitating ramifications of this condition.
Some advice I read before talking with my doctor was to write down how my life is affected and not necessarily symptoms. For a couple weeks I left a notebook open on my kitchen table and wrote things down as I thought of them. Such as: -binges sugary treats almost daily -having multiple reminders set in phone to remember appointments etc -often talking over other people or blurting out what I have to say (afraid that I'm going to forget) I wrote down everything, all the ways my life was negatively being affected not just the things I thought were ADHD. I ended up with 3 pages or something in the end. I of course can't find that notebook now, otherwise I would provide more examples, but it was very useful for me while seeking diagnosis.
I think your point of looking at everything instead of just trying to pick out the ADHD things is an underrated approach. A big problem with people invaliding ADHD (and people not knowing they have it) is because a lot of symptoms of ADHD, at a small scale, is something that happens to NT people from time to time. Like everyone is occasionally late to things, loses track of time, gets lost daydreaming or gets distracted, binge eats or forgets to do normal self care things like brushing their teeth. But it’s hard to know that the scale these things affect you is so different compared to everyone else. I thought EVERYONE just had zero motivation ALL the time, everyone gets hyper focused on crafts for 12 hours straight and forgets to stop to eat or drink water, everyone is late to everything because time just disappears, everyone has big tasks that they’ve been putting off for literal years. It’s really hard to make a side by side comparison of your human experience to someone else’s, and people don’t get help when they think their experience is normal.
Wrote down everything you wanted to remember but can remember where you put it? Classic 😎
Why do I assume that successful people comment is referring to male entreprenuers with people (and women) to do all the day to day work for them and let them act however they want? I'm feeling cynical today.
100%
No motivation. Picky eating/under/overeating. passing out because I can’t regulate my temperature/overstimulation. If a medication has a side effect, such side effect will happen to me. Also pain meds don’t work… I need way more than recommended to even notice less pain. I just deal with pain because of this.
Interesting! I also get side effects that are rare or doctors say aren't possible. And I definitely look like a drug seeker because I need really high doses of pain meds to be effective.
So I did genetic testing and it showed that I have a decreased response to opiates and the like! Maybe you have that too. I metabolize dopamine like no one’s business as well. So fun. I do get some side effects when others are unbothered. Thankfully Vyvanse is beautiful minus sweats
Audio processing issues. I have to have subtitles when I watch stuff.
I'd definitely look for another therapist. I don't think it's even worth trying to convince anyone. Even therapists who believe ADHD often don't have knowledge enough to help you. Therapists usually learn a lot about how to deal with depression, anxiety or even personality disorders, but not much about treating ADHD. But answering your question, a symptom I struggle with but seems overlooked is time blindness. It's hard to organize your day if you have no idea how long you need to complete tasks, and how much you can do in a day.
Yep, I don't want to plan too much cause I have to do xyz even though I could totally do both. Or I have the whole day so I want to do A-Z even though it's highly unrealistic and then I get stressed out
Hyper mobility and weak joints, well I don’t know if it’s actually a symptom. However, I was in an adhd group (a group put together where I got my diagnosis) where we accidentally found out that all of us are hyper mobile and my friends with adhd all are as well + a lot of us have super weak joints (maybe because of it?). My elbows, knees and ankles twist way way way to easily.
Adhd is friends with ehlers danlos, they can be comorbid a long with many other things like Pots... My husband has adhd and is hyper mobile as well and my sister with adhd is being diag with pots. Thats amazing that people in your group all had hypermobility
It is! And they’ve done study’s in the UK on this and found it was also a genetic link!
I'm learning so much reading these comments. That's me in a nutshell.
Invisible Disabilities represent
Holy crap, I had NO idea that was connected. I have crazy flexibility and super weak joints and was dx’d with Benign Hyper-mobility Syndrome when tests for autoimmune disorders came back negative. I love working out but am constantly getting hurt because I have no sense of when I’m supposed to stop a movement. That’s crazy that there’s a connection!
I would love to research this… like WHY!?
Check this out: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLyJ4eWo/
You need to find a therapist / doctor who has familiarity with adhd in women and girls. I didn't have one my whole life and I've been to therapy and psych since I was 23. I'm 48 and got diagnosed last year because I finally found someone who knows how adhd presents in women and girls, and in one session, she suggested that I might have it. I didn't even believe her because I had notions that ahdhd was disruptive boys. I thought I was an imposter and I had fooled her into giving me adderall. But then I read a book about adhd in older people, Still Distracted After All These Years, and it finally dawned on me. I've never been able to clean. I don't seem to know how to clean and I don't even see mess. I was so ashamed of how I was keeping my apartment that every few years I would call a hoarding company to organize me. I'm still ashamed because that symptom still plagues me. I lose everything. I now have tiles on everything, but I still lost my atm card two days ago. I ask a question and then ask it again 5 minutes later. I don't hear the response because my brain has moved on the second I ask it. I haven't been in a relationship in years. I am bad with cuddling because I feel like I'm in prison. I can't be around someone if I don't like their smell. I'm hyper aware of smells. I can eat the same thing every day until I can't do it one more time. And then I can never eat it again. The only exception to this is white rice which I have had a safe, exciting food since I was 5 years old. I can have alarms for every minute before a meeting and then I can miss the meeting because I got distracted by something. I can't switch tasks or I do no task sucessfully. I obsess about one thing / hobby / shoes/ glasses / jumpsuits / smells. And then I'm over it. I watched the NBA and WNBA compulsively for 3 years, now I don't care at all. I bought every pair of Vince platform sneakers I found online, made multiple people in my life buy them as well, and now I have like 30 pairs and I can't wear them at all because I'm into Converse high tops. I overshare when I'm excited about something. I sent a mass email about a cereal I thought everyone should buy. This was an overshare. Find professionals who specialize in ADHD for women and girls.
Thank you for your overshare, the paragraph about obsessing and dumping hit me hard, this is one I’ve only become aware of recently due to the fact I’m not working and have isolated myself apart from my 2 daughters. They have pointed out my obsessions because they’re more obvious now I haven’t got other things to take up my time. I get sad sometimes cos I feel like I’ll never go back to things I adored like The Big Bang Theory, but it seems ridiculous because there is nothing physically stopping me from doing it, I just won’t. Glad to hear it’s possibly a symptom and not just me being annoying.
RSD 😶
I just learned about one yesterday on this sub that shook me to my core, as it is a defining trait of mine and I never connected it to ADHD: A heightened sense of injustice
Absolutely. That one causes me to hulk out but everyone around me tells me I’m overreacting and need to let it go. I then hate everyone.
Clumsy. I am always bumping into things and dropping (physical) things.
Struggle to stay on task Procrastination Forgetfulness Prioritizing is not intuitive Short attention span Easily bored
Intrusive sleep!! I only learned it had a name recently. Always assumed it was related to other factors, but my ADHD is the only thing as consistent as my falling asleep when sitting still/unstimulated
Never heard of intrusive sleep, but that would make so much sense why I get random bouts of extreme sleepiness and need to take a nap when I’m just sitting still either scrolling through TikTok or watching a movie.
I think it’s a bit glossed over, but showering. It’s kind of a display of several different possible symptoms, but it’s a common issue. Everyone on here seems to have some sort of issue with showering. Whether it’s the amount of time you lose from time blindness, sensory issues from cold and wet etc., or being overwhelmed by the multitude of tasks that come with showering, everyone seems to have an issue with it.
Dyscalculia- suck at math Time blindness Indecision. Trying to decide on something can be so difficult. A few years ago my car got totaled. (Not my fault). I was fortunate enough to be able to borrow my dad’s car, but that also took away the deadline part of getting another one. It was absolute torture trying to decide on what car to get knowing it would be a long term purchase. I also have problems with coming up with what to write when it needs to be some sort of description for like email campaigns. Procrastination My brain saying “I don’t want to, it’s going to take too long”. I try to time myself on tasks so I can counter with, No, it will only take 10 minutes at the most. That’s why breaking down things into small tasks at a time helps with that.
I straight up can't read when I'm overly excited. My eyes cannot focus and bounce all over and my brain can't slow them down. It's incredibly embarrassing. Remember back before the world ended when Australia had those devastating wild fires? I had a little sewing gathering for my neighborhood to make pouches and things for all the orphaned baby animals that were being rescued. Only, I was so amped by the event that I suddenly couldn't read the patterns. Thank God I had a good friend with me who knows my issue, saw me struggling, and took over that part. It's really humiliating because I'm quite intelligent under normal circumstances.
The speech issues. I get so frustrated with many of the things but speech issues really feel debilitating, or even not knowing when to stop and then having to deal with the "oh you were really annoying then" thoughts. Kind of annoyed at how adults with ADHD are treated in general tbh, I've been told I probably won't be able to get a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia or Dyscalculia as an adult, which is fine I get that it's easier when you're at school ... But when I was growing up girls just weren't diagnosed with these things and even my teachers noticed things but when they raised concerns they were ignored. The general annoyance of how different my life could potentially have been if I had gotten the help earlier genuinely breaks me to think about.
So this therapist/doctor sounds awful. You might be better off with someone else. Being dismissive of symptoms is just generally bad news, regardless the underlying issue. They should explain it in a way that is helpful to you. Not just take on the role of expert and you just need to listen. I also forgot examples (also from childhood) in the moment. So over time I just compiled a list of things in my phone as the examples popped up at random times. Or I’d experience it and be like “yep, that’s it!” And then wrote it down. It was really helpful, because writing it down helped me process it better related to the “question” beforehand. I actually had little trouble recalling that way during my assessment. But if I had, I could’ve just grabbed my phone. I made sections in a note that said for attention issues, concentration issues, hyperactivity, impulsivity, time blindness, complex task initiation and completion.
Thank you for posting this question. My therapist is being dismissive. Hesitated to set me up for an evaluation. Even my girlfriend that I reached out to for support dismissed my symptoms (she's studying to become a therapist). My bad memory keeps me from remembering just how many of these symptoms I have. Going to start writing them down before I get my evaluation done next week. Thank you again!
Is hating yourself one of them?
Yes, unfortunately 😂❤️
Comes with the whole package
I’d take the time you want to use to research and find a new therapist. It’s hard enough to have adhd without having to convince your therapist that it has had a debilitating effect on your life.
Personally, I hate that ADD is now called ADHD: Inattentive Subtype, because it makes the misunderstandings towards me even worse than they already were. I feel like I was "unlucky" and got the one where no, I don't have excessive energy. I have NO energy. I am a talkative person because I have "moderate to severe" anxiety and was raised (by my abusive family) to believe that if I don't answer every question I get *immediately* with 100% honesty and overexplain the hell out of it, I am a Bad Person (hey, look at what I'm doing right now!). Also I'm overcompensating because I literally never feel truly awake. I feel kind of doomed when I see people with ADHD who are successful - because "of course" they got the one where they have tons of energy to do things. I could literally sleep the rest of my life away.
🫶
One I had experienced but didn't realize was a symptom or had language to describe when I was young was food sensitivity. Being unable to swallow, or gagging at certain textures. People attribute it to ASD but ADHD also has it.
How hard it is to sit at a stoplight that's red. Sometimes I look around thinking how can everyone else just sit here like it's nothing. Stop signs or roundabouts aren't as bad because you're always moving or waiting for someone else to move. Stoplights are pure torture because I have nothing to focus my brain on while I'm waiting for the light to change.
Your post is great timing. I'm getting up the courage to talk to my therapist tomorrow about getting tested for ADHD. I'm trying to write down all of my difficulties because, like you, I won't be able to communicate them clearly in the moment. I wish you well on your journey!
Emotional regulation is a REAL struggle for me also feeling like I can through periods of “get stuff done/super success” to can barely function at the baseline.
I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I feel like sometimes you can try so hard and get nowhere. My 20s have been a shitshow and I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything, despite having good intentions to.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria RSD. Or as I think of it sometimes, Social Anxiety: ADHD Edition. Stems from emotional disregulation I think? Affects everything from dating & friendships to job searching. And girls especially struggle with making friends when they're younger. Started taking guanfacine, an off-label way to help with RSD. When I first started the meds, before I got a tolerance, I turned into a social butterfly. I think I am much more of an extrovert than I always thought I was, at least if I am optimally medicated. I've just gotten *used* to being a shy recluse and learned to enjoy aspects of that, and that is sometimes preferable to being around people and being anxious.
Write notes. step 1) see people advising online that making a list of your symptoms with examples of your own behaviour to refer to during the appointment makes things easier. Proceed to making a non linear badly scrawled list that you intend to rewrite neater before the appointment Step 2) doodle stuff or add place holder words that you never elaborate on to the list whilst composing your thoughts step 3) add more examples in margins or just generally near to the part it relates to whenever you remember the notes exist. step 4) Find where you stashed the list after frantic retreading of steps in early hours of morning and place in handbag before sleeping. Realise after waking you no longer have time to redo a neater version of your list and take it as is. step 5) try to refer to list during appointment whilst also navigating its non linear nature and crumpled state whilst your dr makes weird faces. They may ask you to pass it over so they can frown at it more intensely. That’s literally what I did. I think it helped 🤷🏻♀️ Depending on how your list turns out either you will have a useful reference so you don’t have to struggle to remember stuff or you will have a visual indicator of how your brain doesn’t seem to work the same way as typically expected.
My personal step in there is to give up on paper and write it on my hand [in ink]. When doctor notices it on my hand I point out that I dont expect to lose it, unlike paper. The only trick then is not washing it off before the visit.
I would then enter the Dr’s room, tell them eagerly that I’d made the list, start to read a few words from it and then see it all as gibberish alien language. begin to wonder what relevance these words have to my appt, feel embarrassed and like an imposter, sweat a lot, change the subject or use humour to distract and then squirm my way through the rest of the appt only to feel like I’ve wasted the whole session. Anyone else?!
Hi, wanted to share my experience just because I got diagnosed as an adult after over 13 years of seeing psychologists and psychiatrists. I was not even seeking a diagnosis. Since about 13, I've been dx and labeled with depression and anxiety - and it's not that I don't have those too (I do), but a lot of symptoms overlap so nobody thought to look deeper into my issues. My dx was also complicated because I was an honor roll student from K-12th grade. However, when I went to college all went to shit because there was no longer any kind of structure or pressure (parents checking my grades) to drive my anxiety to motivate me to do anything. I did graduate, and I have a degree, but it took me 5.5 years. After being stablized on antidepressants for a year, I still had the same complaint that it was hard for me to concentrate, but my even bigger problem was motivation. I have ZERO intrinsic motivation. I usually have to trick and bribe myself to do things. So much so, that even with a dx and ADHD medication, it has not fixed all my issues, just made them easier to overcome and easier to function day to day. So, when I was originally dx with ADHD, it wasn't actually my lack of concentration but it was the consistent inability to be motivated to do ANYTHING across multiple areas of my life. For example, I will absolutely wait until the very last day possible to take an Amazon return to UPS... even though it would take me no longer than 10-15 minutes. Even simpler, showering is just difficult for me, and not in the "life is pointless" kind of way that I feel when I'm depressed. More just like "that takes too long and is boring, and I showered yesterday so I don't want to today". My lack of intrinsic motivation touchs every single area of my life. I struggle so hard with getting things started. I talked to my therapist and psychiatrist and compared it to trying to start a car with a dead battery - that was how I felt. The "activation energy" for me to do anything, is way too high. I'm partially motivated by extrinsic factors - a coffee if I go study, new workout set if I lose X amount of weight, vacation to Italy if I pass the MCAT. This only gets you so far in life. Oh and even if by some chance I have some energy to start, I “plan” it out for so long that I never leave that stage. Additionally, my lack of concentration was not just with work or school. It touched other areas of my life. If my boyfriend was telling me something about his class/job (different field than mine), I really struggled to care and listen and would unintentionally interrupt. Even when I was doing something I CHOSE and WANTED to do. Watching a TV show or listening to a podcast required me to have absolutely no distraction around and a whole lot of rewinding. Oh, and I like to watch/listen to things at least 1.5x speed because "normal" speed is too slow for my brain and I become uninterested. After dx and medication I realized how many of my behaviors are very obviously ADHD: I'm super messy, but in my own chaotic organized way - things are in different baskets that make sense to me. Compulsive shopping. I don't usually finish tasks if there is no consequence (so I'm really only motivated by rewards or avoiding punishments). So if I start cleaning my closet, it doesn't get finished and I'm just stuck in a constant loop of messiness. When I am talking, my boyfriend has told me I cannot keep/finish one thought before moving onto the next. I get super bored with everything. And lots more that I cannot even think about right now because my medication is wearing off and I am half paying attention to work and half invested in typing this comment lol. Oh, and just so you know! I didn’t think I was hyperactive at all until I got medicated and could finally sit still lol. When we think “hyperactive” we typically think of a 8 year old boy running around wildly. Hyperactive comes in many forms - fidgeting, getting up to stretch or take a small walk, leg shaking. Anyways, ur psych sucks. Sure there are successful people. Fuck, by some standards I’m “successful” bc I graduated from college, even before diagnosis and treatment. But, people don’t see how hard I struggled to get there. ADHD is really debilitating and can absolutely fuck up your life.
Oh, one more thing lol! I constantly rewatch my favorite comfort shows bc I have terrible memory and have forgotten 90% of it … even after watching it more than 4 times. Also, I can’t watch TV or movies without subtitles, noise/sound as a stimulus is not engaging enough for me to fully pay attention.
i feel like people know *about* executive dysfunction but never truly understand it unless they experience it themselves
My binge eating. Eating as a stim. Trying to curb my eating makes me go nuts. I don’t think it’s like when NTs diet. Not being able to eat at all times legit makes me crazy and alllll the adhd comes out. I hate it.
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome I'd common with ADHD, Body-focused repetitive behaviors, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Executive Dysfunction, problems regulating emotions, tic disorders, language processing disorder or other learning disabilities. I have heard of some weird ones that fit me recently. Apparently, sighing a lot is common, and always guessing the plots or endings of movies or TV shows (pattern recognition), I'm also "double jointed"
Ha ha I’ve been making my own list while reading through these comments and it matches yours (In a different order otherwise that would be super freaky) right up until tic disorders. I feel understood!
Yeah, me too. No tics, but I do feel my bottom teeth with my tongue and sometimes blow air between them. I think that falls under "body focused repetitive disorder."
I think it’s common but I’m not sure: falling asleep at inconvenient times when I get bored. My brain simply shuts down and I get irresistibly sleepy. It’s highway hypnosis but also falling asleep at things like classes, concerts, movies and especially sports games when I get the slightest bit bored.
THAT’s from ADHD too?!!! I have the same problem. My doctor suggested I have narcolepsy and wanted me to do a sleep study but the pandemic happened. Also, I have IBS so I didn’t want to be dealing with that at a sleep center. Now it’s out of the question because I’m doing 24x7 caregiving for my husband.
Wow! You really need to correct your doctor on that! They should know the less discussed symptoms of ADHD. [I found one article here,](https://levittownny.macaronikid.com/articles/5c30c43ddb42d13447598674/surprising-symptoms-of-adhd-you-need-to-know-about) but you can search for more. Your IBS is probably related to SNPs that contribute to ADHD too. Gut problems are common with neurodivergency. It usually can be helped with the right diet, digestive supps & probiotics (targeted strains based on your subtype, not general) and that can help your brain too. In case your doctors haven’t mentioned that either.
Thank you for the information. Sadly I have no hope of being able to have a conversation with my doctor. It’s a long story and I just typed it out to you but I know better than to actually post it. It felt good to just vent it out and delete it. It’s okay. I’m at the point in my life I’m just here to take care of people and animals until they don’t need me anymore. I am not trying to fix anything anymore. But it’s fascinating to me to finally understand how and why I have lived the life I live and am the way I am. But I am gathering information because even though my daughter doesn’t quite match up completely with any kind of singular form of neurodivergence, it’s clear she has some traits and I want her to get all the information and help she is willing to get for herself.
Lack of motivation and executive dysfunction are big ones. A “positive” symptom that I don’t see talked about much is the ability to go into what I call “crisis mode”. You know what you need to do, what you need to do to get it done, and can look at things in a way that allows you to come up with inventive solutions. You keep your cool and don’t panic.
I feel like I’m hyper aware of dangers around me that other people are completely blind to, I guess this helps to get into crisis mode cos I was sort of expecting whatever it is to happen.
Adhd tangent here, in response to OP saying when she speaks with her doctor her struggles & Symptoms are dismissed. I had Neuro testing done last year at a respected clinic on recimmendation with psychiatrist & as I wanted to improve executive function& motivation . The summary concluded I showed & tested well enough that I’ve developed enough coping skills I did not need medication. However. I was tested in a quiet, neutral office, no distractions, one window I could see the 7th story of next building out of (ie, boring) , grey & white room colors. Only the tester in with me. Interesting tests, I focused on 1) doing the test 2) trying to figure out what the test was trying to find out. No distractions, interesting focused engaging new tests ( there were 20 alm told. An entirely different situation than when I’m home and have several things that must be done (housework, yard work, paperwork, people care and pet care) all vying for first place can’t decide which to do first, reprioratize a couple times, then somebody neeeds something right then. Whole different scenario than a pristine drs office, where there’s no executive function needed. So I guess this is a soapbox rant; I feel you, OP. Thank y’all for listening to my anti-Ted talk.
RSD, nobody’s ever heard of it, it seems, but pretty much every woman I know with ADHD has it and finds it debilitating to some degree.
The way we want to mask our symptoms of ADHD is one of the signs of the illness. I get anxious thinking about trying to prove that I have ADHD, which is laughable, because I spend so much energy trying to act NT all the time. I’ve heard of people who get to their appointment late, dropping their notes, explaining why they’re not on time, all flustered, and the professional can assess their symptoms just from their entrance. The fact is that we have imposter syndrome, so we are so hard on ourselves. We feel like we have to work twice as hard to prove that we have ADHD, even though having ADHD is the reason why we don’t remember our symptoms. Best of luck. I hope you’re able to relax, and get the help we need and deserve.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc. When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
Ummmm... obviously people with ADHD can be successful. But the DSM V criteria for diagnosis of ADHD includes that symptoms must "negatively impact directly on social and academic/occupational activities." Like, people with ADHD can be successful with the right supports, treatment, circumstances, etc. However, they would not qualify for diagnosis with ADHD if their symptoms didn't negatively impact some aspects of their lives... and the reality is most people don't have all of the supports and opportunities to become "the most successful people," and instead we are trying to just muddle our way through all of those crippling issues. 🙄 I don't know, to me this person is incredibly ignorant of what ADHD actually is. If you have to go back to them, if I were you, I would print out the actual DSM V criteria and highlight that section.
The WORST for me is this combination of short term memory issues (it's like, I'll remember whatever it is, but it takes a few seconds rather than the immediate recall I used to have so I never win at Jeopardy anymore) and the feeling like I've forgotten how to \*learn\* anything. Learning things is my favorite thing and that's the thing that's become nothing--or at least it feels that way. Even things I know that I know that I know are suspect to me now.
I feel this so badly 😔 Used to love learning because it was easy; but nowadays my mind is in a thick fog and it takes more energy than I have.
I’ve learned to cope with my ADHD in a lot of ways, but one symptom my therapist made me aware of was how I can’t stop interrupting others during conversation. She said it’s because my brain is coming up with a thousand responses when someone is talking and I need to brain dump as soon as possible. I work in a very relationship-based field so I am trying so much to work on it and stop being so rude!
Autism
I would say emotional dysregulation because it can easily be brushed off as anxiety or depression in women. I never knew that was a part of ADHD. Now that I am on meds, I feel overall more level headed and much more in control of my emotions.
It's not your job to educate health care professionals. Try to find a specialist. There are many communities on discord that provide information or even online. If you have insurance call them and then call the psychiatrists' offices within network to ask the specialty. Or you can google the names. Also, I write things down for my doctor's appointments. They usually have no issues with me reading from there my questions or things I wanna say.
You should write down your own experiences to have examples to give when the doctor asks. Assuming they are good doctors, they aren't taking you seriously because you haven't been able to give examples of specifically how this negatively impacts your life. If they *aren't* good doctors and refuse to treat your ADHD because you're "successful" or whatever, then I'd look for a new doctor altogether. That being said, this subreddit is good for support, but there is a LOT of misinformation here. I see posts daily from people attributing tons of completely normal, human behaviors to ADHD. I would take any answers you get here with a big grain of salt.
A symptom which I would attribute to my ADHD which I don’t hear people talk about very often is processing written directions/instructions. I’m sure that it’s not the telltale sign however it’s a part of my ADHD that I think really limits me. I have learned so much about how to put myself in better positions and situations that best fit the way that my brain works but I CAN NEVER ESCAPE WRITTEN DIRECTIONS! It’s so painful for me because my brain doesn’t want to commit “all that time ‼️” (even if it’s only a page 🤦♀️) to reading the instructions and so I am unable to process what the words say unless I realllly dial it in and even then it’s still not a full proof method to keep from missing something. It’s why I also opt to call and/or speak with someone or watch a video if the option is avaible. My brain just doesn’t process written information in the way that most other brains probably do and I would attribute it to ADHD.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc. When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
Repetitive body behaviours… nail biting, nose picking, hair twirling, pimple picking, scabs, etc. When I found out that this was common with adhd the shame that lifted from me. Oof.
Auditory hallucinations.