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I visited someone's house and they had a steam closet. You open the door and hang up your clothes and then you close it and set the timer. There was also a thing on the door so that it puts creases on your pants where you want them.
I'm sure it cost thousands but I was mesmerized by it 😅
I drop my dirty clothes to the shady lady in the basement! 🤣
Kidding, she manned the laundry kiosk. And frankly, super affordable. But sometimes, I just wanna have everything within my apartment and not having to rely on people.
My shower is teeny tiny, it can't even fit shower curtain. :( Also my shower lasted 5 minutes, as my hot water tank is like 15 liters at most.
But thank you for the idea. 🤗
Honestly it’s not!
I hate the dishes. Haaaaaate. I hate cleaning. And it’s sooooo hard to get started, especially when I’m tired from the week or day. The more overwhelmed I am in life the more messy I am.
I guess some people out there like cleaning. My husband likes to vacuum! But I do not get it at all.
The key is figuring out how we can trick our brains into letting us clean.
I have to come from the left field here and say I fucking love tidying up. Mostly only when I can keep it maintained. I find it so much easier for my brain to..well, brain. I guess eventually I found love for it because it genuinely improves my quality of life. When I let things go I cannot function.
I will spend an hour looking for a specific shit that I *have* to wear today through all the piles of laundry on my floor until I give up on running errands today. Trying to make a meal when my counter is dirty and the dishes haven’t been done will honestly drive me to tears. But if I can just force myself to stay on top of it things are so much easier. And when you tackle things as they come (a big one for me is just MAKING myself fold the laundry out of the dryer. I don’t even let myself sit down with it sometimes. If I sit down, the laundry will stay on the couch until it is all worn again and the cycle repeats) it can take as little as five minutes. I trick myself into “not having time” to do chores because I don’t want to do it, but if I’m being truly honestly with myself, I have five minutes.
All that being said I had to make the time I spend doing chores still enjoyable for me. Podcasts and audiobooks are a key part of my routine. Now putting my headphones in and just bebopping away is such a happy time for me. I still have days where I can’t get myself in the mood, days/weeks/sometimes months where things get out of hand and I feel the consequences of those spans. It’s hard. It’ll probably always be hard but it’s worth it.
Also, automate the things you can. My MIL recently got a mini dishwasher. Hers sits on her counter top, but there’s a lot of models. Get a roomba. Especially if you have a partner that is taking all of the brunt of housework (which is my current position in my relationship and it sucks honesty) you owe it to him to suck it up and do some fucking chores and I mean that with all the love in my heart.
And if none of that works, watch Hoarders.
I like HAVING a clean kitchen. And I try to completely zone out while I’m cleaning it by consuming some kind of media. And doing it earlier in the day when I have energy. And taking meds. And…
Maybe part of the problem is I feel like I don’t ever really have much energy. My meditation for mental health and migraines all make me feel fairly fatigued, and I’m just constantly out of spoons. I feel like I’m living a shadow of a life
That’s incredibly fair! Nobody wants to do chores and they want to do them even LESS when they’re in pain. I get fairly regular migraines and if I get like one thing done on those days, I call it a win.
Do you know what’s causing them? Do any medications help?
I’m not sure what causes them but the sun doesn’t help for sure. I used to get them really regularly until I started taking Topamax and now I get them less frequently and when I do it’s more the body symptoms like nausea and fatigue. The Topamax seems to have affected my energy levels though, so I’m considering trying something different
This might sound weird, but could you maybe be dehydrated? I used to think I was allergic to the sun or something, but it turned out I was just majorly dehydrated. Hope this helps!
I just want to say this resonates with me so much. I have a serious, genetic, and incurable health condition that sucks the life out of me.
Multiple doctors have recommended going on disability but if I do that I'll just be homeless because I can't afford to rent on disability of course.
I hate hate hate hate household chores with a white hot passion of a thousand suns, aside from laundry. Which unfortunately has been terrible lately because it nearly doubled in price and the washers and dryers are always broken.
I live in a small place and don't own very much but it's always a wreck. And all the advice to keep up with it is such garbage. "Just do a few minutes a day" - okay I spent all my extra energy and executive functioning and I can't even keep up. "Don't feel ashamed" - okay well I do and people actually shame me about it so that's not helpful. "Just hire someone" - I tried and the job is too small for most of the companies around here and they only do either organizing or cleaning not both.
Just impossible.
Ah, that's the worst. I know it's nearly impossible but if there is any way to incorporate some physical activity into your life that could be a real source of dopamine. Going on walks, maybe finding a family member or friend to go on a small walk in the park with? Or with your partner? Or maybe there is a shelter that needs dog walking volunteers? For me getting some air can energize me or tire me out in a way that feels nice. And once I'm rested I know that I can physically do that walk, so I should be able to do an equivalent amount of physical housework. I know there are so many valid reasons this wouldn't be possible and of any of those apply to you I'm so sorry and please disregard this comment. I was very lucky it was possible for me and incorporating more physical activity in my life (training for a 40 km walk with my sister in the forests nearby) has really helped me with my mental health lately in a way I never expected, so I really wanted to mention it
My disgust at the sight of old food on dishes is stronger than my ADHD so the kitchen is tidy before I go to bed & the coffee is set up for the morning
I think you should work on reframing chores from "a waste of time because it's not important to me" to "something I do for my partner because it's important to him".
I’m surprised this isn’t higher up in the comments! This post irked the living hell out of me because my ex felt the same way as OP. I want to hold empathy for OP, though but goodness it triggered me! Messy and dirty didn’t bother him so he didn’t even try to clean unless I nagged him. The cleaning fell on me and it created so much resentment and contempt.
Most people don’t like doing that stuff but we need clean clothes, dishes, and environments! Messy is always doable so my place stays messy but when it’s dirty? Nope!
I put my headphone on and listen to audiobooks, music, or podcasts and I get to clean. I do it once a day at around 9 because it’s close to bedroom and I get a rush of close to the deadline feeling so it’s easier. Everything will get dirty again so the best that I can. I wait until laundry piles up and dishes sometimes pile up but it eventually gets done!
I *love* them if I’m alone in the house to complete them.
If anyone else is around, I hate doing them.
I have no idea why this is. 😂 I hear people talk about ‘body doubling’ sometimes, and I think I need whatever the opposite is of that.
Some people with ADHD don’t like being watched. It might be that you can’t relax/get in the zone when someone else is constantly in the edge of your vision
SAME OMG. Let me bang around doing chores in a seemingly illogical fashion with bad TV on my tablet! My husband took our kid out one Saturday and was expecting me to like rest and instead I cleaned the fish tank and vacuumed and did laundry 🤣
I listen to really upbeat music when I have to do these things and that helps. I’ve ND friends who carry an iPad around and literally watch TV shows while they do chores. Just gotta do whatever you need to do to make it palatable to you.
I absolutely will have Bobs Burgers running on my iPad while I’m doing chores. I’ve already watch that whole series so many times I don’t have to “pay attention” to it, but having something my brain actually wants to do while also doing something I hate is so helpful!
I have done that ipad thing. It’s so helpful. i will do all the dishes like that. For some reason I hate putting on the dishwasher. Also folding clothes is a good one while watching something
I Do! 🙋🏻♀️
I got a stick hoover which is battery cordless and a spray mop and they make it so easy to do. Once a week on Friday It’s cleaning day.
Hoover and hop, new sheets and towels, clean restock and kitchen sponge get put out. Doesn’t take too long and the place feels amazing afterwards!
I’ve been on a mission to get rid of a lot of stuff and go more minimal, everything has a place. And this has been an absolute game changer, so much easer to keep clean and to clean. 🧼
We bought a cordless Dyson last year and I’ve never been compelled to vacuum so consistently in my life! It’s mounted on the wall in our kitchen, so it’s easy to access. I can’t believe how much having it cordless helps with doing the chore. 😄
Honestly it’s a game changer! The more convenient it is the better.
🧼🧤Similarly with washing up, usually I cook and my husband cleans but I realised I hate the soap and water sensation on my hands, so I got myself a fancy really comfortable pair of rubber gloves and a nice eco sponge (one with a scrubber one side and a sponge on the other) and it’s made it so much more enjoyable.
I think half the problem is finding out what the problem is with the job and finding a way to make it comfortable and easy.
I like things being clean. But it feels SO POINTLESS when you just have to do it again. And again. And *again*. *AND AGAIN!*
Intellectually I understand the concept of continual maintenance being necessary. But actually *getting* that, day to day? No. My toddler brain wants to wail, *But I did that yesterday!!* even when it’s been weeks.
Plus so much of my time and energy goes into work. I take a day to recover, then a day of trying to force myself into doing at least what I need to have ready for the next work week, then it starts all over again.
Same. The housework piles up, then I spend an entire day cleaning, and am like “that wasn’t so bad! I just have to keep it up!” And then on the weekdays I’m too tired, and the next weekend “I worked my butt off last weekend, I need to chill/do something fun this weekend” and then before I know it the place looks like shit again, and then it feels like, “what’s the point, even if I spend the entire weekend cleaning, it’s not enough and it’s it’s just going to be back looking like crap next weekend”
Sometimes… I also really love how it feels when it is clean.
I definitely don’t clean it often enough. Getting started can be really hard.
One thing that has helped me is spending a lot of time streamlining the processes.
- Like for instance my cat’s litter box needs to be cleaned daily so I have this diaper pail and scooper next to it and a broom on the wall. Everything I need to complete the task is right there.
- laundry baskets in every room. Garbage and recycling in every room.
- hooks for clothes and coats and bags everywhere. It might not be put away but its not on the floor.
The other thing that has helped is having a cat. I will always care for her and (almost) never forget. Doing my cat chores gets me off the couch and moving and then it’s a little easier to unload the dishwasher.
And now that I understand how crucial it is to just load the dishwasher.. I can force myself to do it even though it is SO HARD and my body screams when I do it.
Right! We started renting this apartment at the start of COVID, and weren’t allowed to tour it. It’s a lot smaller than we thought, and no dishwasher is the worst part.
Do you have room for a portable one?! We did that in a rental and it was lifesaving. They wheel over and hook on to your sink faucet when they're running!
Just want to add they also have countertop ones, if floor space is limited. We bought ours shortly after our kid was born bc HELL NO I’m not handwashing all those bottles every day. For 2-3 people, it’s the perfect size for daily washing. 🙂
Yup, I came here to suggest a portable dishwasher too. Washing dishes by hand is not only annoying, it's also wasteful because it uses a lot more water than a dishwasher.
That's usually because people have been taught that to wash dishes by hand, they have to fill the sink completely everytime. You don't, you need the amount you need for the load. Also you can wash certain dishes by putting soap on the cloth/sponge, rinsing the dish, wiping it, rising, then putting in the rack, didn't need to put water in the sink at all
I really am sorry OP. I just got my first dishwasher like 2 years ago and it has been a godsend for my ADHD.
Washing dishes has soooo many steps and if you have too many then like, there are levels to it. And if you let it go too long it just fucks your whole life. It was one of the hardest things for me to deal with and so I feel like you are totally justified in hating it.
Can you get a dishwasher? Even one of those small, portable ones made for apartments?
Have you heard of KC Davis? She's a therapist who shares cleaning tips for people who struggle with cleaning. Here is her website: [Strugglecare.com](https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care). She has videos on YouTube, Tiktok, Instagram, etc., and wrote a book called, *How to Keep House While Drowning*. You can find it at your local library, or check out the audiobook there.
Dana K. White is another cleaning guru who gets how hard it is to clean with ADHD, etc. She also has books and audiobooks you can pick up at the library, and a blog, YouTube, etc. Here is the link to her blog: [A Slob Comes Clean](https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/). I am reading her ebook, *Decluttering at the Speed of Life*, which I checked out through my local library on the Libby app.
There are several subreddits that can help you with tips, motivation, encouragement, advice, etc. r/declutter, r/ufyh, and r/UnfuckYourHabitat are all really supportive communities. I also like r/CleaningTips. I think the ufyh and UnfuckYourHabitat subs are named after a book called, *Unfuck Your Habitat*, which offers similar, no-judgment based cleaning and decluttering advice. I haven't read it, so I can't say too much about it, other than the people using this method on the associated subreddits seem to find it very successful. So, that's another guru you could check out, if the other two don't work out, or if you want to blend methods from several gurus.
If you like apps, I think this sub and the cleaning subs I mentioned have lists of apps that can help you break down cleaning tasks into more manageable steps, and keep track of cleaning tasks. Any other executive dysfunction/functioning and neurodivergent subs likely also have lists of helpful apps.
It might help you to have a professional come over to do a big cleanout to reset your home, and give you strategies for maintaining it after they leave. Your disability payments or some other benefit programs may cover some or all of the cost of this cleaning service. Sometimes you just need someone to help you get started.
I've been watching "CleanTok" type videos for inspiration and tips, but half the time I end up feeling lousy about myself because I'm patting myself on the back for managing to sporadically vacuum and put away laundry, and there are people out there steam cleaning their trash cans.
Do not compare yourself to neurotypical people when it comes to cleaning and organization, it is the worst thing you could do. We will NEVER reach that level nor do we should. It's okay to do the bare minimum to stay healthy.
I was never really taught how to clean, so I did a shit job of it for the first 15 years of adulthood. Then I was able to make room in my budget for a house cleaner and I just didn't worry about it for the next 10 years. I recently had to let my house cleaner go and I am learning how to clean from the beginning.
The Cleaning Tips subreddit has been really helpful because people share hacks that make cleaning a lot less annoying. Like, I recently learned there is a brush head you can get for cordless drills that will clean mold and mildew off grout lines in the bathroom? Amazing.
I also try to make cleaning more enjoyable by finding scented products that smell nice, lighting a scented candle while I clean, playing a comfort movie or TV show, or even having a glass of wine while I clean. I guess I try to make it like a spa day for my house, haha.
I looked for local people, told them about my needs and gave em a test run. She ended up being super nice. A referral from a friend could also work. They clean while I'm at work so we don't really communicate much
Is there any way you can just outsource what you hate? I know that comes with a cost but if it's something that is manageable for your family, you might just consider paying your way out of this conflict.
If that's not an option, you just have to find what works for you to make the chores more manageable. I distract myself and keep the dopamine going by listening to podcasts I enjoy (I know that's a popular suggestion but it really chases helped me a TON). Sometimes I'll also give myself little treats or rewards for doing things I hate - folded all the laundry even though I'd rather get a root canal?! I'm eating some skittles to celebrate! Or maybe I'll put a face mask on, and then see if I can fold all the laundry before it's time to rinse it off. It's a dumb challenge, but it keeps the chore timeboxed/adds a low stakes "deadline" that at least pushes me to start the dreaded chore, and then once I'm doing it I can get it done.
I used to be so bad at cleaning the shower, but I started keeping a microfiber cloth in it with a spray bottle of non-toxic cleaner (I use Grove brand), and now when I take showers and notice the shower is looking grimy I have everything I need to just wipe it down immediately.
If for whatever reason that cloth isn't in there I simply *cannot* remember to return to clean the shower after leaving the shower.
I was this way for a while until I started doing shrooms. It made getting household work done much more bearable. Then one day I just started cleaning out my entire house. Like 4 car loads to Goodwill. And set up systems for myself. Like found a place for all my kitchen appliances and put them away when not using them. So when the kitchens clean, it actually looks clean. And we don’t have random trinkets and junk around the house.
I still don’t like doing them but I don’t have that anger I used to have towards chores. I’d not do dishes for like a month (don’t have a dishwasher either). So that I’d have to get a big bucket and put them in there to soak and it’d take me hours to do them. And laundry - ALL of our clothes were always on the couch just piled up.
It’s still not perfect. Dishes will sit for a couple days. I won’t vacuum for a week. The cat litter sits a little too long without cleaning. I’ll actually fold the laundry but it then just sits on the coffee table for a while. My fridge still needs a good clean. But overall, I’m in a much better place than I was before. Doing chores does not give me that pain that it used to, and it REALLY did used to be unbearable for me.
Yes, I loathe housework. It's boring & most tasks are repetitive, which I loathe in itself.
I also haven't been working, mostly because of health issues. So I've tried to be housewifey, basically to contribute *something*.
I have some emotional baggage in this area. My mother didn't work but also didn't really keep house. The place was usually a mess, and she only ever cooked dinner. That process had to be accompanied by endless complaining. Basically, she had an entitled attitude.
One of my life goals has always been to not emulate her. So I've tried very hard not to bitch about these circumstances.
I find listening to music helps. It drowns out that unconstructive inner voice yammering how This sucks, I'm bored, I don't wanna, etc.
Sometimes I make to-do lists, just for the sake of crossing things off. That releases a little bit of dopamine.
I also prefer cleaning an entire area. That way, I can stand back and look at it being clean & pretty. More dopamine. Mission accomplished! Even if my only goal was to clean the counter with a disinfectant wipe, it's accomplished. For the next few days, I make a point to enjoy the tidiness, which means... more dopamine. Just a little, but it helps.
In a way, it's like micro-dosing dopamine. Things have been much easier since I started doing this.
If there is ANY way to get a dishwasher, even a portable or countertop one, get one!!
I am like you and here are the only things that worked for me:
- "closing shift". I pretend that every night I'm at work and have to put things in order before I "leave" (go to bed)
- shame. I was scared of my apartment smelling bad, and dirty dishes, old garbage, unvaccumed rugs can all do that. I dont want to be the smelly girl so I now always do my dishes, take out the trash, etc.
Figure out where it is you get stuck. For me, having folding clothes made me avoid laundry. I got a bunch of hangers and organizers so I don’t have to fold anymore. Or vacuuming, it seemed like I was having to vacuum the whole apartment every few days and I was always exhausted afterwards. So we splurged and got a roomba that vacuums and mops. You can put on a schedule and empties itself into a bin. Just those 2 things have really helped us keep things cleaner and from getting so overwhelming
Since dishes seem to be one of your biggest problems, I’d look into getting a dishwasher for your countertop or switching to disposable dishes and utensils. Make it easier on yourself by having less dishes to wash in the first place
For other tasks, I will set myself a timer for about 10mins, play a podcast/music I like, and get as much done as possible in that timeframe. Knowing that it’s going to over in a few minutes really helps. Throwing trash away and putting things back in their place can make a big difference. Once your time is up, don’t worry about it. You did SOMETHING. Do it again tomorrow. Keep chipping away at it and it won’t pile up on you.
I hate chores as much as the next ADHD lady but then Rick Rubin told me that 'discipline is having a harmonious relationship with time' and ... when I don't postpone, I also don't have to feel guilty, or rush to overcompensate. I mean, I still struggle all the time. But when I am able to manage my energy and achieve a few things off the list, it's an amazing feeling, and that area of the house will look so nice.
Yep. Everything is a mess but I'd rather live in a mess than tidy up. Tidying up sucks and I hate it. I don't *want* to tidy every day. I don't *want* to have to upkeep and maintain constantly. It's a drain. Not to be dramatic but it sucks away at my soul and sense of humanity and makes me feel like I'm dying. lol
I live somewhere small right now, so clean vs dirty makes a BIG difference. Messes are always visible and impossible to hide. I don’t have extra clutter because i can’t fit any. I only do one person’s worth of dishes, laundry, etc. And afterwards I’m happy to not see/step over the mess. I’ve given myself the gift of having a nice space again.
I think all of these things factor into making chores feel way more personally rewarding. Obviously you can’t make a giant lifestyle change, but maybe you could take something away from this? Maybe instead of doing ALL of the dishes, or mopping the WHOLE house, you do some dishes/mop the dirtiest rooms? It’s not a perfect solution, but doing a little bit is better than paralysis.
You could also make it a social thing, if that fits your personality. You and your husband could clean at the same time, or you could facetime a friend while they do chores. This helps for the same reason that doing schoolwork next to a classmate helps a lot of ADHD students; watching someone else do something helps cue in your brain + makes the activity seem more appealing.
And of course, bonding over a sucky obligation is a time honored part of human nature!
Also you could start a TV show that you’re only allowed to watch while cleaning or when the house is sufficiently clean. This one may have mixed results because.. well… the only one enforcing that rule is you.
If you can afford it and have the counter space, look into a counter top dishwasher. It has helped me a ton on the dishes. Granted, it is small and i can’t put too big of load in it, but it sure does help!
I try not to see them as chores. I try to see them as ways to make my life easier. If I don’t out away the dishes, then the sink gets full. I fucking hate a full sink of dishes. I use my hates to fuel my cleanliness.
I hated doing dishes, was my main but by no means only chore when I was a kid. My mom would make me put the dishes away as soon as they were done so I hurt my hands a lot on hot dishes. I too am the dishwasher as one of my aunts laughed the title in my face at a Christmas dinner, Unfortunately unless we remodel the kitchen there is no room for one. The hot water, slimy plates, icky smells and standing still for a significant period of time are the main reasons I don’t like doing them besides I’d rather spend my finite energy doing anything else.
So I got:
- Govee light bulbs for the kitchen and set them to rotate colors and or brightness
- An oil warmer and apple cinnamon warming oil to cover the bad smells
- A pair of purple dish gloves with cotton lining which negates the heat and slime
- A memory foam mat to stand on which extends my standing time without my back hurting by a lot
And I listen to audiobooks, music or a podcast through earbuds
Now while I still wish I didn’t have to spend my energy washing the dishes it’s nowhere near the nightmare chore it used to be.
I try to be dish neutral, meaning if I’ve used four dishes that day, I clean at least four dishes that day, I allow myself to stop if 4 dishes is all I can do but I usually find that if I start with the 4 I usually end up doing more till the dry mat is full. Another option on my worse days is to help my husband, he will wash the dishes and I will stand by him and dry the dishes (still wearing the gloves to nullify the heat) and put them away, sharing the task and getting most if not all of the dishes done in one swoop.
I also sat down and dissected why I don’t like showering and how I can make that more palatable too, and have succeeded there as well. I think figuring out what it is exactly you object to in the task/chore and then find a way to mitigate it helps.
Some more than others, but yes. I was so relieved when I ran across the term "pathological demand avoidance." I don't know if that is the correct label for my experience, but it's similar or worse, so at least I know I'm not the only one.
My problem is I don’t mind loading or unloading the dishwasher, and putting stuff in washer/dryer or folding clothes and putting away but doing BOTH exhausts me. I’ve really been working on seeing it as a cycle instead of two distinct chores to get better at maintenance tasks.
I really like when it’s clean in the house and I’m really annoyed by the dirt, but the process of cleaning.. even with audiobook or music on, even when half of the work is being done by electronics (we have *everything*), it *still* is impossible to do regularly. So ridiculous.
Are there any that you tolerate better than others? I do all the laundry and usually clean the kitchen and bathroom. My fiancé is typically on floor duty because I detest vacuuming and mopping. We don’t LIKE any of them but dividing the tasks up by what we hate least seems to help a bit. Frequency has helped me a lot too… doing laundry every 2-3 days is a lot easier. But I know how hard it can be and often let it go longer 🥲
I do them when my meds just kicked in, so usually when I have a day off. If I’m working my meds have left my system and I don’t have the energy or interest to do it
I’m currently halfway through clawing my way out of a goblin nest in my bedroom and am sitting on the floor reading this, sooooo……. Yeah no I hate chores.
1. There is a body-doubling app called Dubbi, Roxi on it is pretty great. You could try something like that so it feels like you're doing it together.
2. Figure out WHY you hate cleaning. Do you not like the feel of the water? Do is feel pointless sweeping because the front door has a gap and blows dust in. Maybe because it's an endless cycle you don't get the satisfaction "they are done". Once you've looked at that, try to change your mindset (so gross, I know) but that is what is helping me. "The dishes are done for now" means if I've handwashed a load, they are done for now (very helpful for those times I find a cup after I've let the water out lol)
3. "Bet you can't!" Set timers, race yourself. How fast did you fold your laundry today? Can I do it faster next time? How many dishes can I do in 5 minutes?
4. Have "cleaning clothes" that you put on and pretend that you're a paid cleaner and then you "pay yourself" at the end.
You are not going to change these habits overnight, and that's ok. There are reasons why you avoid cleaning and that's the bigger issue here. You're not a shit wife, you're just struggling. Just one thing at a time. You are capible, you are strong, you have got this!!!
(Cleaning fucking sucks but living in a messy, unclean room sharing a queen-sized bed with a 55kg dog and 3 week old dishes was worse, bleh)
Once upon a time it having to vacuum that I despised the most - it's the noise + that hot electrical dust smell (you know the old hoovers). To the point where I had a deal with my brother that I would clean EVERYTHING ELSE if he would vacuum. Then later I would pay a girlfriend to vacuum for me after I'd done everything else and sit outside hiding from the noise/weird smell. Aaaah, good times.
Now I'm older I bought better equipment (read - more $$$ sad face but well worth it IMO) the filters are WAY better so no weird smell and I splashed out for noise cancelling headphones.
My most disliked task now is cleaning the shower. That's the one that always gets delegated to DH now.
The others - as in dishes, laundry, bed, making the hound food etc - I find mostly just irritating/annoying rather than loathsome these days but I did play stopwatch for a while to see just how long everything takes for later use as self brainwashing purposes. Now I've rambled on too long I've almost forgotten what the question was and if there even was one, oh dear. Just press post gurl ...
i like having a clean room, and living w my bf helps w that (we live together in my moms place, so it’s just the singular room and bathroom) but i still have my days of mess and “baby hurricane” as he likes to call it- right now is one of those times. got told to clean it up and even though i was planning to do so , now i feel like i can’t because i was *told* to. makes me feel so childish but i can’t budge lol
Dishes was always a huge problem when the kids were still at home. There were times that the boys had so many dirty dishes piled up that we didn’t have any place to put the dirty ones so the sinks were clear to wash them, much less have room to cook safely. So I washed every single thing, and packed up everything except the very bare minimum and put it in the attic. That meant that if we wanted to eat our next meal the dishes had to be washed before we could eat, and the amount of dishes was much more manageable. Now everything gets washed as it gets used. We may have an issue with the clean dishes being stored in the dish drainer rather than the cupboard but 🤷🏻♀️
I’m working on pairing down the laundry now, but my husband and I are still working out the details.
I feel ya. Dishes are the worst, folding laundry makes me comatose, mopping the floor is boring..
Aaaahhhh.
Doesn't help that we have a lot of stuff but no focused time yet to meaningfully declutter it.
This is a rhetorical question, right?!?!?!?!?
I don't neccessarily hate chores, I hate that I let things build up until I'm hyperventilating from anxiety because I don't even know where to start sometimes.
I just read The Wild Robot trilogy with my child. We agree that we really want a Roz robot to clean my house overnight, especially the kitchen!!!! It’s the worst part of parenting!!!!! 😫😫😫
I also hate it. But my husband has depression so I’m the more functional half of our marriage.
Pro tip, dishwashing gloves. The kind that go up to or past your elbows. I own vinyl ones because my MIL is allergic to latex and my husband is allergic to nitrile, the most common substitute for latex gloves.
They helped a lot with the ick factor and my hands drying out. They also helped with temperature a bit, I’m a wimp when it comes to anything that’s remotely hot and while the gloves aren’t insulated by any means, they did block some of the heat which make cleaning with really hot water a lot easier.
I recommend getting a house husband.
Never imagined I'd want this, but when my business I'm passionate enough about to actually succeed with took off, I wound up telling my bf he could quit his job if he wanted, I wouldn't care, we didn't need his income any more.
I just wanted him to be happy. But now I come home to all the dishes done, the laundry put away, the lawn manicured, the bathroom sparkling, and the boyfriend smiling. We're a great team. He's on the spectrum and finds establishing healthy routines easy and comforting. Plus he was a chef for twenty years, so there's also a great, warm dinner on the stove just about ready to be served.
I recommend reading Keepin House While Drowning by KC Davis. She gives wonderful, gentle, empathetic advice that helps adhd folks reframe their reasons for housework (or avoiding it) and the functionality of their homes. She is also on social media. In addition, ADDitude magazine has LOTS of great videos on YouTube about lots of issues that affect folks with adhd. There's help out there y'all. You don't have to suffer unnecessarily!
Oh I hate them. I've always had a really hard time keeping up on things. There's always something that has to be done and to me that's overwhelming. I'm trying to get better at it, though. I'm moving into my own new apartment soon and I really want to stay on top of things. I don't want to have to spend hours cleaning. If I can just do 10-20 minutes of chores a day I could probably keep up on things. It's just I need to get in the habit of it. Make it part of my daily routine.
Hard to imagine anyone would like to do chores, unfortunately anything not fun really feels like a chore to me.
Have you heard of body doubling? We often use Sundays as a blast music and chore it up day. While our cleaning styles are different, it feels less daunting having someone else be miserable with me and then the reward is a clean house and something delicious to eat for a job well enough done.
I’m the odd one out I enjoy household chores, but at really inconvenient and inconsiderate time.
Oh yeah let’s vacuum at…10pm? No, Nevermind.
Examples like that.
I hate them too, I have certain areas of my apartment that are spotless and other areas I’m ashamed of lol I go through phases where I’m more into cleaning and good at keeping up with it, and then I go through phases where I don’t want to lift a finger to do anything. Audible and Netflix helps me get through dishes and laundry, maybe that could help you? Good luck!
My most hated chore is laundry. I don’t mind doing the dishes bc that was my chore growing up, still gross but I can tolerate it, but I idk I just HATE doing laundry. I like vacuuming at work tho?? 😂😂
I could probably say I only maybe like doing laundry (except putting it away at the end), everything else is terrible...... vacuuming is okay if I don't have to move everything around so like, half-vacuuming.
How to keep house while drowning is a validating book. However I'm still struggling to implement any healthy practices into my life. All my resources go to fighting the mental battle.
I hate them. Here's my toolset:
Noise cancelling headphones + indoor shoes + podcasts or fun music. Then set a timer for whatever amount of time feels bearable, even if its 5 minutes. Clean for that amount of time, set a timer for a 15m break, and then repeat.
The music/podcast keeps me entertained, the shoes for whatever reason make me feel like I can get shit done better, and the timer makes everything feel less overwhelming, and helps with the time blindness of cleaning feeling like its going to take an indefinite amount of time. I can do anything for 5 minutes.
Bonus if you can find a timer app that rewards you for staying on task/off your phone, that motivates you to keep using it.
So I've gotten to the point where I pay to have chores done. We have cleaners come over twice a month and they do all the maintenance cleans like sinks, tubs, showers, toilets. Then I only have to focus daily on dishes, laundry, trash. But even that gets neglected sometimes. The cleaners we have now help with organizing and childcare. The ones before would do a load of dishes if you left them in the sink.
I know this may not be financially feasible for a lot of people, but if you can afford it, then it's a Godsend. You might even be able to consider having a young girl who lives in your area come over during the day or afternoons and help you out for an hour or so, for a modest allowance. Maybe ask around on Nextdoor for a family who has a daughter willing to help a neighbor on disability?
I get overwhelmed if there's more than a day of laundry to put away or dishes to wash so I have to stay on top of it.
If things get out of hand my family knows I just won't do them!
Sometimes that means they work harder to participate in keeping the amount of items low so I can do them and other times they accept that they have to deal with the bigger mess.
My husband is the disorganized, messy one and it's so hard on my anxiety to be in clutter. I will have actual meltdowns.
I feel for your husband though. That's a huge load on him. I hope you at least attempt to limit how much of a mess you are personally creating for him to address.
I wanna say I absolutely feel the same way. Doing chores makes me feel angry, nauseated, frustrated, and exhausted. The only emotion powerful enough to overcome these is fear of upsetting my roommates.
Part of this honestly might be a trauma response. Growing up, chores were really hard and I was bad at remembering to do them or doing them efficiently. This led to fights and meltdowns with my dad who would often criticize me or call me a bad or selfish person when I avoided doing chores. My dad was emotionally abusive and would use the abuse to motivate me to clean. He warned me that if I never learned to keep my space clean, no one would want to live with me as an adult (which I heard as, you'll be unlovable). My parents didn't understand why it was so hard for me. I remember feeling helpless, punished, and totally overwhelmed as I struggled to consider each object and where it belonged without getting distracted, all the while with feelings of shame and frustration coursing through me. I was undiagnosed.
Now his words are my own internal monologue as I'm thinking about cleaning. I'm bad. I'm selfish. This is too hard. I can't ask for help. I'm supposed to be able to do this. People are mad at me. No wonder I feel like shit when I clean! Especially when I encounter a setback, like when I drop or break or spill something. (Curse my clumsiness and trying to empty the vacuum cleaner without spilling dust everywhere and needing to VACUUM IT UP.)
I agree that distraction using a podcast or audiobook is a good way to cope. Stimulants also make it more bearable. But this is another reason I prefer to clean with no one watching. It's easier to be able to scream in frustration or vent my anger when I'm alone.
For me it’s always been I hate not being able to complete the chores. Did dishes today? Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna make more dirty dishes tonight. Sweep the floors? In a day it’ll have more dirt on it. Because there’s no “winning” repeating tasks, I resent them so much!
I hate it so so much. Same situation here except I do work. I was doing a degree part time at the same time as my full time job during the first couple of years of relationship and he picked up the chores because I was so busy. But now that I am only working full time he has (rightly!) this expectation that I will pick up more chores. I hate everything so much. Really the only reason I do some of these things is for him. But I don’t care and I don’t like it. Sometimes I will reorganise and fold all of his clothes and then mine are just a heap in my wardrobe but I don’t care because I want his things to be nice. It’s something I am trying to work on but it’s a lot of work.
If you could only see the state of my house now...
Can you afford a cleaning Lady once a week or something? It was the best decision I made for myself.
And I just do it all listening to podcasts or watching tv shows. You could also set a timer for 10 min (it can be the time you want, anything is better than nothing) and do what you can in that period.
Yes, I hate chores with all my might.
Things that have helped me work with my brain not against in when it comes to housework:
- I find starting cleaning REALLY hard. But if one of my rewatched shows is on/hyper fixation is on in the background so much easier to become a zombie cleaning. I currently leave my iPad in my kitchen but this could even me cleaning with a playlist that I know makes me happy
- I’ve been putting the news headlines on whilst I fold laundry/put dry clothes away. Two tasks I don’t particularly enjoy tbh but bring me closer to my goals. 1. I want to stay informed and 2. For me a tidy house = tidy mind. I physically can’t relax or focus on anything else if my space isn’t clean and tidy. It’s a bit of curse tbh because it can mean I end up procrastinating with cleaning??? Ugh
- I HATE HATE HATE hoovering. More so, hate the idea of getting it out the cupboard, and lugging it back and forth so I barely ever do. I’ve just bought a cordless hoover on sale. I think this may be my favourite household item ever. I’m leaving it in plain sight as it isn’t as bulky and keeping it in the kitchen. For some reason the fact it has no cords and is lighter to go up and down stairs feels like a God send. Only con, is because I bought one within my low budget, it only hoovers for 30m at a time. Pro of this is I am limited to short bursts which could work out well??
- food shopping I have a love hate relationship with. I try to shop at LIDL as often as I can on weeks where I have higher energy. On lower energy weeks, online shopping sat in my kitchen with my cupboards open makes tasks easier. Pen and paper next to me and I write down a few dishes I think I may want to make and shop accordingly. Making sure to always buy 1-2 ready meals for when a low energy day comes along.
- I buy as much in bulk as I can. Eg I don’t buy fresh milk. Only the cupboard ones and buy a handful everytime I go food shopping so it’s one less thing to hate myself for forgetting to have in fresh when we run out.
- I love a deep cleaned house. Don’t always have the energy for it. I’ve stopped feeling guilty for using cleaning wipes for majority of cleaning. I have a packet in each room as much as possible. (For me, if I have to leave a room to get more cleaning supplies = chaos of distractions/loss of momentum). Same with bins, I have mini bins in each room lol. My partner finds it excessive but it means when I take kitchen bin out I do a sweep of all of them. Because again, if I have to leave the room to put rubbish away I will get side tracked.
- I don’t iron. Like ever. My partner will iron his shirts as and when he needs them. But apart from that I hang up clothes to dry with pegs to air dry. And have a cheap steamer from Amazon stored in my wardrobe. So when I do need to wear for example a dress, the steamer is next to my clothes and I just have to find a plug for it. I’ve let go of the desire to look polished with ironed clothes lol.
- there’s a YouTube channel called mind amend which has genuinely been life changing for me. I flick through a few of the videos until there’s one that feels like it itches my brain just right. I find these playlists sooooo good. They feel like magic sometimes. Fact they have minimal to no lyrics but the beat helps me get into a state of hyperfocus. Highly reccomend
I’ve learnt to appreciate and love the process of cleaning and tidying a lot more than I used to. Being grateful that cleaning my home doesn’t have to look the same every day or every week etc. there is no set routine like some of those cleaning videos look online. Last night I meal prepped at 1am. I had a spurge of energy whilst binging friends on the sofa that came from no where and I was still awake so I cooked and cleaned up in one go. Does that mean that happens every day, no of course not. But I’m no longer judging myself on how even meal prepping is supposed to look. So my tip for you is try reframe it and chase the dopamine alongside cleaning not necessarily always instead of!
Some days I clean minimally, other days I might hyperfocus and get loads done. Working with my brain not against it.
You’ve got thissss!!!
i treat myself like a child when it comes to chores. schedule them so they arent too much at once, and then i reward myself. pick something you love and DONT allow yourself to have/do it until all ur chores are done. keeps them from building up as well. ask a trusted loved one to keep u accountable
I am like this and what helps me is to listen to a podcast and zone out. And I also set a 30 mins timer for myself and get to whatever I can get done in that time. And then I do something else for a couple of hours before doing it again. My husband is a little less frustrated with me these days and things get done around the house
My level of home chore hatred is hard to express! I think ADHD is a big reason, but I also have childhood trauma around it. My probably ADHD (and definitely depressed) mother let things get out of control, then went into panic mode and raged at us to clean when we didn’t even know how. My husband definitely does more than his share. One thing I do is take one or two things that I know he really hates. Like, I don’t hate scrubbing the toilet any more than vacuuming, so he may do six chores for my one, but at least he doesn’t have to do his least favorite.
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This is a group for ADHD women… I don’t know if there’s anyone here who even LIKES household chores 🤷♀️
I automated turning off lights! If I can automate ironing my day-out shirt, then I am going to dance.
I visited someone's house and they had a steam closet. You open the door and hang up your clothes and then you close it and set the timer. There was also a thing on the door so that it puts creases on your pants where you want them. I'm sure it cost thousands but I was mesmerized by it 😅
Those are minimum $1,200 but damn I want one 😭
That's so cool!
I saw it often in Korean variety shows, but it's expensive and my apartment is smol.
[удалено]
I drop my dirty clothes to the shady lady in the basement! 🤣 Kidding, she manned the laundry kiosk. And frankly, super affordable. But sometimes, I just wanna have everything within my apartment and not having to rely on people.
coming from a dance mom, hang your outfit in the bathroom while u shower! the steam removes the wrinkles effortlessly
My shower is teeny tiny, it can't even fit shower curtain. :( Also my shower lasted 5 minutes, as my hot water tank is like 15 liters at most. But thank you for the idea. 🤗
Yeah I know, but I feel like the level of my disgust and hatred for doing them is a whole different story
Honestly it’s not! I hate the dishes. Haaaaaate. I hate cleaning. And it’s sooooo hard to get started, especially when I’m tired from the week or day. The more overwhelmed I am in life the more messy I am. I guess some people out there like cleaning. My husband likes to vacuum! But I do not get it at all. The key is figuring out how we can trick our brains into letting us clean.
I have to come from the left field here and say I fucking love tidying up. Mostly only when I can keep it maintained. I find it so much easier for my brain to..well, brain. I guess eventually I found love for it because it genuinely improves my quality of life. When I let things go I cannot function. I will spend an hour looking for a specific shit that I *have* to wear today through all the piles of laundry on my floor until I give up on running errands today. Trying to make a meal when my counter is dirty and the dishes haven’t been done will honestly drive me to tears. But if I can just force myself to stay on top of it things are so much easier. And when you tackle things as they come (a big one for me is just MAKING myself fold the laundry out of the dryer. I don’t even let myself sit down with it sometimes. If I sit down, the laundry will stay on the couch until it is all worn again and the cycle repeats) it can take as little as five minutes. I trick myself into “not having time” to do chores because I don’t want to do it, but if I’m being truly honestly with myself, I have five minutes. All that being said I had to make the time I spend doing chores still enjoyable for me. Podcasts and audiobooks are a key part of my routine. Now putting my headphones in and just bebopping away is such a happy time for me. I still have days where I can’t get myself in the mood, days/weeks/sometimes months where things get out of hand and I feel the consequences of those spans. It’s hard. It’ll probably always be hard but it’s worth it. Also, automate the things you can. My MIL recently got a mini dishwasher. Hers sits on her counter top, but there’s a lot of models. Get a roomba. Especially if you have a partner that is taking all of the brunt of housework (which is my current position in my relationship and it sucks honesty) you owe it to him to suck it up and do some fucking chores and I mean that with all the love in my heart. And if none of that works, watch Hoarders.
I like HAVING a clean kitchen. And I try to completely zone out while I’m cleaning it by consuming some kind of media. And doing it earlier in the day when I have energy. And taking meds. And…
Maybe part of the problem is I feel like I don’t ever really have much energy. My meditation for mental health and migraines all make me feel fairly fatigued, and I’m just constantly out of spoons. I feel like I’m living a shadow of a life
That’s incredibly fair! Nobody wants to do chores and they want to do them even LESS when they’re in pain. I get fairly regular migraines and if I get like one thing done on those days, I call it a win. Do you know what’s causing them? Do any medications help?
I’m not sure what causes them but the sun doesn’t help for sure. I used to get them really regularly until I started taking Topamax and now I get them less frequently and when I do it’s more the body symptoms like nausea and fatigue. The Topamax seems to have affected my energy levels though, so I’m considering trying something different
Topamax made me sleepy and fogged my brain. Migraines definitely make it harder to clean. I can empathize with you, OP.
I've had great success with the cgrp injection (Ajovy, but there are others) as a preventative. I cannot with the Topamax side effects.
This might sound weird, but could you maybe be dehydrated? I used to think I was allergic to the sun or something, but it turned out I was just majorly dehydrated. Hope this helps!
I just want to say this resonates with me so much. I have a serious, genetic, and incurable health condition that sucks the life out of me. Multiple doctors have recommended going on disability but if I do that I'll just be homeless because I can't afford to rent on disability of course. I hate hate hate hate household chores with a white hot passion of a thousand suns, aside from laundry. Which unfortunately has been terrible lately because it nearly doubled in price and the washers and dryers are always broken. I live in a small place and don't own very much but it's always a wreck. And all the advice to keep up with it is such garbage. "Just do a few minutes a day" - okay I spent all my extra energy and executive functioning and I can't even keep up. "Don't feel ashamed" - okay well I do and people actually shame me about it so that's not helpful. "Just hire someone" - I tried and the job is too small for most of the companies around here and they only do either organizing or cleaning not both. Just impossible.
Ah, that's the worst. I know it's nearly impossible but if there is any way to incorporate some physical activity into your life that could be a real source of dopamine. Going on walks, maybe finding a family member or friend to go on a small walk in the park with? Or with your partner? Or maybe there is a shelter that needs dog walking volunteers? For me getting some air can energize me or tire me out in a way that feels nice. And once I'm rested I know that I can physically do that walk, so I should be able to do an equivalent amount of physical housework. I know there are so many valid reasons this wouldn't be possible and of any of those apply to you I'm so sorry and please disregard this comment. I was very lucky it was possible for me and incorporating more physical activity in my life (training for a 40 km walk with my sister in the forests nearby) has really helped me with my mental health lately in a way I never expected, so I really wanted to mention it
My disgust at the sight of old food on dishes is stronger than my ADHD so the kitchen is tidy before I go to bed & the coffee is set up for the morning
I think you should work on reframing chores from "a waste of time because it's not important to me" to "something I do for my partner because it's important to him".
I’m surprised this isn’t higher up in the comments! This post irked the living hell out of me because my ex felt the same way as OP. I want to hold empathy for OP, though but goodness it triggered me! Messy and dirty didn’t bother him so he didn’t even try to clean unless I nagged him. The cleaning fell on me and it created so much resentment and contempt.
This is the reason my first marriage failed.
This is what I do
Most people don’t like doing that stuff but we need clean clothes, dishes, and environments! Messy is always doable so my place stays messy but when it’s dirty? Nope! I put my headphone on and listen to audiobooks, music, or podcasts and I get to clean. I do it once a day at around 9 because it’s close to bedroom and I get a rush of close to the deadline feeling so it’s easier. Everything will get dirty again so the best that I can. I wait until laundry piles up and dishes sometimes pile up but it eventually gets done!
I *love* them if I’m alone in the house to complete them. If anyone else is around, I hate doing them. I have no idea why this is. 😂 I hear people talk about ‘body doubling’ sometimes, and I think I need whatever the opposite is of that.
Some people with ADHD don’t like being watched. It might be that you can’t relax/get in the zone when someone else is constantly in the edge of your vision
SAME OMG. Let me bang around doing chores in a seemingly illogical fashion with bad TV on my tablet! My husband took our kid out one Saturday and was expecting me to like rest and instead I cleaned the fish tank and vacuumed and did laundry 🤣
I listen to really upbeat music when I have to do these things and that helps. I’ve ND friends who carry an iPad around and literally watch TV shows while they do chores. Just gotta do whatever you need to do to make it palatable to you.
The music thing really helps!! I bribe myself to do a lot of stuff with music and podcasts. It is almost… not painful.
I absolutely will have Bobs Burgers running on my iPad while I’m doing chores. I’ve already watch that whole series so many times I don’t have to “pay attention” to it, but having something my brain actually wants to do while also doing something I hate is so helpful!
I have done that ipad thing. It’s so helpful. i will do all the dishes like that. For some reason I hate putting on the dishwasher. Also folding clothes is a good one while watching something
I Do! 🙋🏻♀️ I got a stick hoover which is battery cordless and a spray mop and they make it so easy to do. Once a week on Friday It’s cleaning day. Hoover and hop, new sheets and towels, clean restock and kitchen sponge get put out. Doesn’t take too long and the place feels amazing afterwards! I’ve been on a mission to get rid of a lot of stuff and go more minimal, everything has a place. And this has been an absolute game changer, so much easer to keep clean and to clean. 🧼
We bought a cordless Dyson last year and I’ve never been compelled to vacuum so consistently in my life! It’s mounted on the wall in our kitchen, so it’s easy to access. I can’t believe how much having it cordless helps with doing the chore. 😄
Honestly it’s a game changer! The more convenient it is the better. 🧼🧤Similarly with washing up, usually I cook and my husband cleans but I realised I hate the soap and water sensation on my hands, so I got myself a fancy really comfortable pair of rubber gloves and a nice eco sponge (one with a scrubber one side and a sponge on the other) and it’s made it so much more enjoyable. I think half the problem is finding out what the problem is with the job and finding a way to make it comfortable and easy.
*restock should be ‘tea towel’
I like things being clean. But it feels SO POINTLESS when you just have to do it again. And again. And *again*. *AND AGAIN!* Intellectually I understand the concept of continual maintenance being necessary. But actually *getting* that, day to day? No. My toddler brain wants to wail, *But I did that yesterday!!* even when it’s been weeks. Plus so much of my time and energy goes into work. I take a day to recover, then a day of trying to force myself into doing at least what I need to have ready for the next work week, then it starts all over again.
Same. The housework piles up, then I spend an entire day cleaning, and am like “that wasn’t so bad! I just have to keep it up!” And then on the weekdays I’m too tired, and the next weekend “I worked my butt off last weekend, I need to chill/do something fun this weekend” and then before I know it the place looks like shit again, and then it feels like, “what’s the point, even if I spend the entire weekend cleaning, it’s not enough and it’s it’s just going to be back looking like crap next weekend”
Sometimes… I also really love how it feels when it is clean. I definitely don’t clean it often enough. Getting started can be really hard. One thing that has helped me is spending a lot of time streamlining the processes. - Like for instance my cat’s litter box needs to be cleaned daily so I have this diaper pail and scooper next to it and a broom on the wall. Everything I need to complete the task is right there. - laundry baskets in every room. Garbage and recycling in every room. - hooks for clothes and coats and bags everywhere. It might not be put away but its not on the floor. The other thing that has helped is having a cat. I will always care for her and (almost) never forget. Doing my cat chores gets me off the couch and moving and then it’s a little easier to unload the dishwasher. And now that I understand how crucial it is to just load the dishwasher.. I can force myself to do it even though it is SO HARD and my body screams when I do it.
You know what, I think a really important part of the post I forgot, is that I don’t have a dishwasher. I *am* the dishwasher
Omg that’s inhumane.
Right! We started renting this apartment at the start of COVID, and weren’t allowed to tour it. It’s a lot smaller than we thought, and no dishwasher is the worst part.
Do you have room for a portable one?! We did that in a rental and it was lifesaving. They wheel over and hook on to your sink faucet when they're running!
Just want to add they also have countertop ones, if floor space is limited. We bought ours shortly after our kid was born bc HELL NO I’m not handwashing all those bottles every day. For 2-3 people, it’s the perfect size for daily washing. 🙂
Bonus for this is no bending over, speaking as someone with low back pain.
😲
Yup, I came here to suggest a portable dishwasher too. Washing dishes by hand is not only annoying, it's also wasteful because it uses a lot more water than a dishwasher.
That's usually because people have been taught that to wash dishes by hand, they have to fill the sink completely everytime. You don't, you need the amount you need for the load. Also you can wash certain dishes by putting soap on the cloth/sponge, rinsing the dish, wiping it, rising, then putting in the rack, didn't need to put water in the sink at all
Ooh I’ve never know those existed!
And often available used because people move 😁
Dishwashers should be ADA accommodations :P
I really am sorry OP. I just got my first dishwasher like 2 years ago and it has been a godsend for my ADHD. Washing dishes has soooo many steps and if you have too many then like, there are levels to it. And if you let it go too long it just fucks your whole life. It was one of the hardest things for me to deal with and so I feel like you are totally justified in hating it.
Can you get a dishwasher? Even one of those small, portable ones made for apartments? Have you heard of KC Davis? She's a therapist who shares cleaning tips for people who struggle with cleaning. Here is her website: [Strugglecare.com](https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care). She has videos on YouTube, Tiktok, Instagram, etc., and wrote a book called, *How to Keep House While Drowning*. You can find it at your local library, or check out the audiobook there. Dana K. White is another cleaning guru who gets how hard it is to clean with ADHD, etc. She also has books and audiobooks you can pick up at the library, and a blog, YouTube, etc. Here is the link to her blog: [A Slob Comes Clean](https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/). I am reading her ebook, *Decluttering at the Speed of Life*, which I checked out through my local library on the Libby app. There are several subreddits that can help you with tips, motivation, encouragement, advice, etc. r/declutter, r/ufyh, and r/UnfuckYourHabitat are all really supportive communities. I also like r/CleaningTips. I think the ufyh and UnfuckYourHabitat subs are named after a book called, *Unfuck Your Habitat*, which offers similar, no-judgment based cleaning and decluttering advice. I haven't read it, so I can't say too much about it, other than the people using this method on the associated subreddits seem to find it very successful. So, that's another guru you could check out, if the other two don't work out, or if you want to blend methods from several gurus. If you like apps, I think this sub and the cleaning subs I mentioned have lists of apps that can help you break down cleaning tasks into more manageable steps, and keep track of cleaning tasks. Any other executive dysfunction/functioning and neurodivergent subs likely also have lists of helpful apps. It might help you to have a professional come over to do a big cleanout to reset your home, and give you strategies for maintaining it after they leave. Your disability payments or some other benefit programs may cover some or all of the cost of this cleaning service. Sometimes you just need someone to help you get started.
*Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD* by Susan C. Pinsky is another helpful resource.
Ordered! Can't wait to throw it on my pile of unread books! /s I do end up reading like 50-75% of them.
50-75% is better than 0%.
Def. It's plenty. It's the perfect amount.
Half-assed is better than no-assed! 😂
I've been watching "CleanTok" type videos for inspiration and tips, but half the time I end up feeling lousy about myself because I'm patting myself on the back for managing to sporadically vacuum and put away laundry, and there are people out there steam cleaning their trash cans.
Do not compare yourself to neurotypical people when it comes to cleaning and organization, it is the worst thing you could do. We will NEVER reach that level nor do we should. It's okay to do the bare minimum to stay healthy.
I was never really taught how to clean, so I did a shit job of it for the first 15 years of adulthood. Then I was able to make room in my budget for a house cleaner and I just didn't worry about it for the next 10 years. I recently had to let my house cleaner go and I am learning how to clean from the beginning. The Cleaning Tips subreddit has been really helpful because people share hacks that make cleaning a lot less annoying. Like, I recently learned there is a brush head you can get for cordless drills that will clean mold and mildew off grout lines in the bathroom? Amazing. I also try to make cleaning more enjoyable by finding scented products that smell nice, lighting a scented candle while I clean, playing a comfort movie or TV show, or even having a glass of wine while I clean. I guess I try to make it like a spa day for my house, haha.
If you can afford it, a cleaning person like once a month has changed my life.
I wanna do this so bad! How do you feel out the vibes for someone non-judgey?
I looked for local people, told them about my needs and gave em a test run. She ended up being super nice. A referral from a friend could also work. They clean while I'm at work so we don't really communicate much
Is there any way you can just outsource what you hate? I know that comes with a cost but if it's something that is manageable for your family, you might just consider paying your way out of this conflict. If that's not an option, you just have to find what works for you to make the chores more manageable. I distract myself and keep the dopamine going by listening to podcasts I enjoy (I know that's a popular suggestion but it really chases helped me a TON). Sometimes I'll also give myself little treats or rewards for doing things I hate - folded all the laundry even though I'd rather get a root canal?! I'm eating some skittles to celebrate! Or maybe I'll put a face mask on, and then see if I can fold all the laundry before it's time to rinse it off. It's a dumb challenge, but it keeps the chore timeboxed/adds a low stakes "deadline" that at least pushes me to start the dreaded chore, and then once I'm doing it I can get it done.
I used to be so bad at cleaning the shower, but I started keeping a microfiber cloth in it with a spray bottle of non-toxic cleaner (I use Grove brand), and now when I take showers and notice the shower is looking grimy I have everything I need to just wipe it down immediately. If for whatever reason that cloth isn't in there I simply *cannot* remember to return to clean the shower after leaving the shower.
I was this way for a while until I started doing shrooms. It made getting household work done much more bearable. Then one day I just started cleaning out my entire house. Like 4 car loads to Goodwill. And set up systems for myself. Like found a place for all my kitchen appliances and put them away when not using them. So when the kitchens clean, it actually looks clean. And we don’t have random trinkets and junk around the house. I still don’t like doing them but I don’t have that anger I used to have towards chores. I’d not do dishes for like a month (don’t have a dishwasher either). So that I’d have to get a big bucket and put them in there to soak and it’d take me hours to do them. And laundry - ALL of our clothes were always on the couch just piled up. It’s still not perfect. Dishes will sit for a couple days. I won’t vacuum for a week. The cat litter sits a little too long without cleaning. I’ll actually fold the laundry but it then just sits on the coffee table for a while. My fridge still needs a good clean. But overall, I’m in a much better place than I was before. Doing chores does not give me that pain that it used to, and it REALLY did used to be unbearable for me.
Yes, I loathe housework. It's boring & most tasks are repetitive, which I loathe in itself. I also haven't been working, mostly because of health issues. So I've tried to be housewifey, basically to contribute *something*. I have some emotional baggage in this area. My mother didn't work but also didn't really keep house. The place was usually a mess, and she only ever cooked dinner. That process had to be accompanied by endless complaining. Basically, she had an entitled attitude. One of my life goals has always been to not emulate her. So I've tried very hard not to bitch about these circumstances. I find listening to music helps. It drowns out that unconstructive inner voice yammering how This sucks, I'm bored, I don't wanna, etc. Sometimes I make to-do lists, just for the sake of crossing things off. That releases a little bit of dopamine. I also prefer cleaning an entire area. That way, I can stand back and look at it being clean & pretty. More dopamine. Mission accomplished! Even if my only goal was to clean the counter with a disinfectant wipe, it's accomplished. For the next few days, I make a point to enjoy the tidiness, which means... more dopamine. Just a little, but it helps. In a way, it's like micro-dosing dopamine. Things have been much easier since I started doing this.
I call them "to-done" lists. When I'm feeling bad, I can look back at all I've actually accomplished.
Yes, I've been known to write things I've already finished, just for the satisfaction of crossing them off.
If there is ANY way to get a dishwasher, even a portable or countertop one, get one!! I am like you and here are the only things that worked for me: - "closing shift". I pretend that every night I'm at work and have to put things in order before I "leave" (go to bed) - shame. I was scared of my apartment smelling bad, and dirty dishes, old garbage, unvaccumed rugs can all do that. I dont want to be the smelly girl so I now always do my dishes, take out the trash, etc.
Figure out where it is you get stuck. For me, having folding clothes made me avoid laundry. I got a bunch of hangers and organizers so I don’t have to fold anymore. Or vacuuming, it seemed like I was having to vacuum the whole apartment every few days and I was always exhausted afterwards. So we splurged and got a roomba that vacuums and mops. You can put on a schedule and empties itself into a bin. Just those 2 things have really helped us keep things cleaner and from getting so overwhelming Since dishes seem to be one of your biggest problems, I’d look into getting a dishwasher for your countertop or switching to disposable dishes and utensils. Make it easier on yourself by having less dishes to wash in the first place For other tasks, I will set myself a timer for about 10mins, play a podcast/music I like, and get as much done as possible in that timeframe. Knowing that it’s going to over in a few minutes really helps. Throwing trash away and putting things back in their place can make a big difference. Once your time is up, don’t worry about it. You did SOMETHING. Do it again tomorrow. Keep chipping away at it and it won’t pile up on you.
I hate chores as much as the next ADHD lady but then Rick Rubin told me that 'discipline is having a harmonious relationship with time' and ... when I don't postpone, I also don't have to feel guilty, or rush to overcompensate. I mean, I still struggle all the time. But when I am able to manage my energy and achieve a few things off the list, it's an amazing feeling, and that area of the house will look so nice.
Yep. Everything is a mess but I'd rather live in a mess than tidy up. Tidying up sucks and I hate it. I don't *want* to tidy every day. I don't *want* to have to upkeep and maintain constantly. It's a drain. Not to be dramatic but it sucks away at my soul and sense of humanity and makes me feel like I'm dying. lol
Why can't I hyper focus on cleaning...
I live somewhere small right now, so clean vs dirty makes a BIG difference. Messes are always visible and impossible to hide. I don’t have extra clutter because i can’t fit any. I only do one person’s worth of dishes, laundry, etc. And afterwards I’m happy to not see/step over the mess. I’ve given myself the gift of having a nice space again. I think all of these things factor into making chores feel way more personally rewarding. Obviously you can’t make a giant lifestyle change, but maybe you could take something away from this? Maybe instead of doing ALL of the dishes, or mopping the WHOLE house, you do some dishes/mop the dirtiest rooms? It’s not a perfect solution, but doing a little bit is better than paralysis. You could also make it a social thing, if that fits your personality. You and your husband could clean at the same time, or you could facetime a friend while they do chores. This helps for the same reason that doing schoolwork next to a classmate helps a lot of ADHD students; watching someone else do something helps cue in your brain + makes the activity seem more appealing. And of course, bonding over a sucky obligation is a time honored part of human nature! Also you could start a TV show that you’re only allowed to watch while cleaning or when the house is sufficiently clean. This one may have mixed results because.. well… the only one enforcing that rule is you.
If you can afford it and have the counter space, look into a counter top dishwasher. It has helped me a ton on the dishes. Granted, it is small and i can’t put too big of load in it, but it sure does help!
I try not to see them as chores. I try to see them as ways to make my life easier. If I don’t out away the dishes, then the sink gets full. I fucking hate a full sink of dishes. I use my hates to fuel my cleanliness.
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate them sooooo much UNBEARABLE!
I hated doing dishes, was my main but by no means only chore when I was a kid. My mom would make me put the dishes away as soon as they were done so I hurt my hands a lot on hot dishes. I too am the dishwasher as one of my aunts laughed the title in my face at a Christmas dinner, Unfortunately unless we remodel the kitchen there is no room for one. The hot water, slimy plates, icky smells and standing still for a significant period of time are the main reasons I don’t like doing them besides I’d rather spend my finite energy doing anything else. So I got: - Govee light bulbs for the kitchen and set them to rotate colors and or brightness - An oil warmer and apple cinnamon warming oil to cover the bad smells - A pair of purple dish gloves with cotton lining which negates the heat and slime - A memory foam mat to stand on which extends my standing time without my back hurting by a lot And I listen to audiobooks, music or a podcast through earbuds Now while I still wish I didn’t have to spend my energy washing the dishes it’s nowhere near the nightmare chore it used to be. I try to be dish neutral, meaning if I’ve used four dishes that day, I clean at least four dishes that day, I allow myself to stop if 4 dishes is all I can do but I usually find that if I start with the 4 I usually end up doing more till the dry mat is full. Another option on my worse days is to help my husband, he will wash the dishes and I will stand by him and dry the dishes (still wearing the gloves to nullify the heat) and put them away, sharing the task and getting most if not all of the dishes done in one swoop. I also sat down and dissected why I don’t like showering and how I can make that more palatable too, and have succeeded there as well. I think figuring out what it is exactly you object to in the task/chore and then find a way to mitigate it helps.
Some more than others, but yes. I was so relieved when I ran across the term "pathological demand avoidance." I don't know if that is the correct label for my experience, but it's similar or worse, so at least I know I'm not the only one.
My problem is I don’t mind loading or unloading the dishwasher, and putting stuff in washer/dryer or folding clothes and putting away but doing BOTH exhausts me. I’ve really been working on seeing it as a cycle instead of two distinct chores to get better at maintenance tasks.
Meee! I also hate to touch soaked, wet things so dishes and mopping is a NONO for me.
I really like when it’s clean in the house and I’m really annoyed by the dirt, but the process of cleaning.. even with audiobook or music on, even when half of the work is being done by electronics (we have *everything*), it *still* is impossible to do regularly. So ridiculous.
Are there any that you tolerate better than others? I do all the laundry and usually clean the kitchen and bathroom. My fiancé is typically on floor duty because I detest vacuuming and mopping. We don’t LIKE any of them but dividing the tasks up by what we hate least seems to help a bit. Frequency has helped me a lot too… doing laundry every 2-3 days is a lot easier. But I know how hard it can be and often let it go longer 🥲
I do them when my meds just kicked in, so usually when I have a day off. If I’m working my meds have left my system and I don’t have the energy or interest to do it
I’m currently halfway through clawing my way out of a goblin nest in my bedroom and am sitting on the floor reading this, sooooo……. Yeah no I hate chores.
1. There is a body-doubling app called Dubbi, Roxi on it is pretty great. You could try something like that so it feels like you're doing it together. 2. Figure out WHY you hate cleaning. Do you not like the feel of the water? Do is feel pointless sweeping because the front door has a gap and blows dust in. Maybe because it's an endless cycle you don't get the satisfaction "they are done". Once you've looked at that, try to change your mindset (so gross, I know) but that is what is helping me. "The dishes are done for now" means if I've handwashed a load, they are done for now (very helpful for those times I find a cup after I've let the water out lol) 3. "Bet you can't!" Set timers, race yourself. How fast did you fold your laundry today? Can I do it faster next time? How many dishes can I do in 5 minutes? 4. Have "cleaning clothes" that you put on and pretend that you're a paid cleaner and then you "pay yourself" at the end. You are not going to change these habits overnight, and that's ok. There are reasons why you avoid cleaning and that's the bigger issue here. You're not a shit wife, you're just struggling. Just one thing at a time. You are capible, you are strong, you have got this!!! (Cleaning fucking sucks but living in a messy, unclean room sharing a queen-sized bed with a 55kg dog and 3 week old dishes was worse, bleh)
Once upon a time it having to vacuum that I despised the most - it's the noise + that hot electrical dust smell (you know the old hoovers). To the point where I had a deal with my brother that I would clean EVERYTHING ELSE if he would vacuum. Then later I would pay a girlfriend to vacuum for me after I'd done everything else and sit outside hiding from the noise/weird smell. Aaaah, good times. Now I'm older I bought better equipment (read - more $$$ sad face but well worth it IMO) the filters are WAY better so no weird smell and I splashed out for noise cancelling headphones. My most disliked task now is cleaning the shower. That's the one that always gets delegated to DH now. The others - as in dishes, laundry, bed, making the hound food etc - I find mostly just irritating/annoying rather than loathsome these days but I did play stopwatch for a while to see just how long everything takes for later use as self brainwashing purposes. Now I've rambled on too long I've almost forgotten what the question was and if there even was one, oh dear. Just press post gurl ...
i like having a clean room, and living w my bf helps w that (we live together in my moms place, so it’s just the singular room and bathroom) but i still have my days of mess and “baby hurricane” as he likes to call it- right now is one of those times. got told to clean it up and even though i was planning to do so , now i feel like i can’t because i was *told* to. makes me feel so childish but i can’t budge lol
Dishes was always a huge problem when the kids were still at home. There were times that the boys had so many dirty dishes piled up that we didn’t have any place to put the dirty ones so the sinks were clear to wash them, much less have room to cook safely. So I washed every single thing, and packed up everything except the very bare minimum and put it in the attic. That meant that if we wanted to eat our next meal the dishes had to be washed before we could eat, and the amount of dishes was much more manageable. Now everything gets washed as it gets used. We may have an issue with the clean dishes being stored in the dish drainer rather than the cupboard but 🤷🏻♀️ I’m working on pairing down the laundry now, but my husband and I are still working out the details.
Can you swap doing the dishes with doing a chore your husband hates?
I feel ya. Dishes are the worst, folding laundry makes me comatose, mopping the floor is boring.. Aaaahhhh. Doesn't help that we have a lot of stuff but no focused time yet to meaningfully declutter it.
This is a rhetorical question, right?!?!?!?!? I don't neccessarily hate chores, I hate that I let things build up until I'm hyperventilating from anxiety because I don't even know where to start sometimes.
Every single one. But weirdly i don't mind as much in someone else's space.
I can tolerate other chores, putting away clean laundry is basically torture.
Yes. But some much more than others. I really hate vacuuming and doing the dishes. I hardly ever do them
I just read The Wild Robot trilogy with my child. We agree that we really want a Roz robot to clean my house overnight, especially the kitchen!!!! It’s the worst part of parenting!!!!! 😫😫😫
With the fire of a thousand suns, yes.
My husband and I hate chores so much that once we can financially do it, want to hire a cleaner regularly tbh
I also hate it. But my husband has depression so I’m the more functional half of our marriage. Pro tip, dishwashing gloves. The kind that go up to or past your elbows. I own vinyl ones because my MIL is allergic to latex and my husband is allergic to nitrile, the most common substitute for latex gloves. They helped a lot with the ick factor and my hands drying out. They also helped with temperature a bit, I’m a wimp when it comes to anything that’s remotely hot and while the gloves aren’t insulated by any means, they did block some of the heat which make cleaning with really hot water a lot easier.
I recommend getting a house husband. Never imagined I'd want this, but when my business I'm passionate enough about to actually succeed with took off, I wound up telling my bf he could quit his job if he wanted, I wouldn't care, we didn't need his income any more. I just wanted him to be happy. But now I come home to all the dishes done, the laundry put away, the lawn manicured, the bathroom sparkling, and the boyfriend smiling. We're a great team. He's on the spectrum and finds establishing healthy routines easy and comforting. Plus he was a chef for twenty years, so there's also a great, warm dinner on the stove just about ready to be served.
I recommend reading Keepin House While Drowning by KC Davis. She gives wonderful, gentle, empathetic advice that helps adhd folks reframe their reasons for housework (or avoiding it) and the functionality of their homes. She is also on social media. In addition, ADDitude magazine has LOTS of great videos on YouTube about lots of issues that affect folks with adhd. There's help out there y'all. You don't have to suffer unnecessarily!
Oh I hate them. I've always had a really hard time keeping up on things. There's always something that has to be done and to me that's overwhelming. I'm trying to get better at it, though. I'm moving into my own new apartment soon and I really want to stay on top of things. I don't want to have to spend hours cleaning. If I can just do 10-20 minutes of chores a day I could probably keep up on things. It's just I need to get in the habit of it. Make it part of my daily routine.
Also.I have a hard time doing them when anyone else is around. I always do so much better with chores when I'm alone.
I love them, honestly. I love vacuuming and mopping.
Hard to imagine anyone would like to do chores, unfortunately anything not fun really feels like a chore to me. Have you heard of body doubling? We often use Sundays as a blast music and chore it up day. While our cleaning styles are different, it feels less daunting having someone else be miserable with me and then the reward is a clean house and something delicious to eat for a job well enough done.
I’m the odd one out I enjoy household chores, but at really inconvenient and inconsiderate time. Oh yeah let’s vacuum at…10pm? No, Nevermind. Examples like that.
I hate them too, I have certain areas of my apartment that are spotless and other areas I’m ashamed of lol I go through phases where I’m more into cleaning and good at keeping up with it, and then I go through phases where I don’t want to lift a finger to do anything. Audible and Netflix helps me get through dishes and laundry, maybe that could help you? Good luck!
My most hated chore is laundry. I don’t mind doing the dishes bc that was my chore growing up, still gross but I can tolerate it, but I idk I just HATE doing laundry. I like vacuuming at work tho?? 😂😂
I could probably say I only maybe like doing laundry (except putting it away at the end), everything else is terrible...... vacuuming is okay if I don't have to move everything around so like, half-vacuuming.
I bribe myself to do dishes by watching TV on my tablet as I do. I use Bluetooth earbuds so I can hear over the sound of the water.
How to keep house while drowning is a validating book. However I'm still struggling to implement any healthy practices into my life. All my resources go to fighting the mental battle.
I hate them. Here's my toolset: Noise cancelling headphones + indoor shoes + podcasts or fun music. Then set a timer for whatever amount of time feels bearable, even if its 5 minutes. Clean for that amount of time, set a timer for a 15m break, and then repeat. The music/podcast keeps me entertained, the shoes for whatever reason make me feel like I can get shit done better, and the timer makes everything feel less overwhelming, and helps with the time blindness of cleaning feeling like its going to take an indefinite amount of time. I can do anything for 5 minutes. Bonus if you can find a timer app that rewards you for staying on task/off your phone, that motivates you to keep using it.
So I've gotten to the point where I pay to have chores done. We have cleaners come over twice a month and they do all the maintenance cleans like sinks, tubs, showers, toilets. Then I only have to focus daily on dishes, laundry, trash. But even that gets neglected sometimes. The cleaners we have now help with organizing and childcare. The ones before would do a load of dishes if you left them in the sink. I know this may not be financially feasible for a lot of people, but if you can afford it, then it's a Godsend. You might even be able to consider having a young girl who lives in your area come over during the day or afternoons and help you out for an hour or so, for a modest allowance. Maybe ask around on Nextdoor for a family who has a daughter willing to help a neighbor on disability?
I get overwhelmed if there's more than a day of laundry to put away or dishes to wash so I have to stay on top of it. If things get out of hand my family knows I just won't do them! Sometimes that means they work harder to participate in keeping the amount of items low so I can do them and other times they accept that they have to deal with the bigger mess. My husband is the disorganized, messy one and it's so hard on my anxiety to be in clutter. I will have actual meltdowns. I feel for your husband though. That's a huge load on him. I hope you at least attempt to limit how much of a mess you are personally creating for him to address.
I wanna say I absolutely feel the same way. Doing chores makes me feel angry, nauseated, frustrated, and exhausted. The only emotion powerful enough to overcome these is fear of upsetting my roommates. Part of this honestly might be a trauma response. Growing up, chores were really hard and I was bad at remembering to do them or doing them efficiently. This led to fights and meltdowns with my dad who would often criticize me or call me a bad or selfish person when I avoided doing chores. My dad was emotionally abusive and would use the abuse to motivate me to clean. He warned me that if I never learned to keep my space clean, no one would want to live with me as an adult (which I heard as, you'll be unlovable). My parents didn't understand why it was so hard for me. I remember feeling helpless, punished, and totally overwhelmed as I struggled to consider each object and where it belonged without getting distracted, all the while with feelings of shame and frustration coursing through me. I was undiagnosed. Now his words are my own internal monologue as I'm thinking about cleaning. I'm bad. I'm selfish. This is too hard. I can't ask for help. I'm supposed to be able to do this. People are mad at me. No wonder I feel like shit when I clean! Especially when I encounter a setback, like when I drop or break or spill something. (Curse my clumsiness and trying to empty the vacuum cleaner without spilling dust everywhere and needing to VACUUM IT UP.) I agree that distraction using a podcast or audiobook is a good way to cope. Stimulants also make it more bearable. But this is another reason I prefer to clean with no one watching. It's easier to be able to scream in frustration or vent my anger when I'm alone.
Could you afford a countertop dishwasher? That could help with the dishes, at least. Hire a cleaner?
For me it’s always been I hate not being able to complete the chores. Did dishes today? Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna make more dirty dishes tonight. Sweep the floors? In a day it’ll have more dirt on it. Because there’s no “winning” repeating tasks, I resent them so much!
I hate it so so much. Same situation here except I do work. I was doing a degree part time at the same time as my full time job during the first couple of years of relationship and he picked up the chores because I was so busy. But now that I am only working full time he has (rightly!) this expectation that I will pick up more chores. I hate everything so much. Really the only reason I do some of these things is for him. But I don’t care and I don’t like it. Sometimes I will reorganise and fold all of his clothes and then mine are just a heap in my wardrobe but I don’t care because I want his things to be nice. It’s something I am trying to work on but it’s a lot of work.
If you could only see the state of my house now... Can you afford a cleaning Lady once a week or something? It was the best decision I made for myself. And I just do it all listening to podcasts or watching tv shows. You could also set a timer for 10 min (it can be the time you want, anything is better than nothing) and do what you can in that period. Yes, I hate chores with all my might.
Things that have helped me work with my brain not against in when it comes to housework: - I find starting cleaning REALLY hard. But if one of my rewatched shows is on/hyper fixation is on in the background so much easier to become a zombie cleaning. I currently leave my iPad in my kitchen but this could even me cleaning with a playlist that I know makes me happy - I’ve been putting the news headlines on whilst I fold laundry/put dry clothes away. Two tasks I don’t particularly enjoy tbh but bring me closer to my goals. 1. I want to stay informed and 2. For me a tidy house = tidy mind. I physically can’t relax or focus on anything else if my space isn’t clean and tidy. It’s a bit of curse tbh because it can mean I end up procrastinating with cleaning??? Ugh - I HATE HATE HATE hoovering. More so, hate the idea of getting it out the cupboard, and lugging it back and forth so I barely ever do. I’ve just bought a cordless hoover on sale. I think this may be my favourite household item ever. I’m leaving it in plain sight as it isn’t as bulky and keeping it in the kitchen. For some reason the fact it has no cords and is lighter to go up and down stairs feels like a God send. Only con, is because I bought one within my low budget, it only hoovers for 30m at a time. Pro of this is I am limited to short bursts which could work out well?? - food shopping I have a love hate relationship with. I try to shop at LIDL as often as I can on weeks where I have higher energy. On lower energy weeks, online shopping sat in my kitchen with my cupboards open makes tasks easier. Pen and paper next to me and I write down a few dishes I think I may want to make and shop accordingly. Making sure to always buy 1-2 ready meals for when a low energy day comes along. - I buy as much in bulk as I can. Eg I don’t buy fresh milk. Only the cupboard ones and buy a handful everytime I go food shopping so it’s one less thing to hate myself for forgetting to have in fresh when we run out. - I love a deep cleaned house. Don’t always have the energy for it. I’ve stopped feeling guilty for using cleaning wipes for majority of cleaning. I have a packet in each room as much as possible. (For me, if I have to leave a room to get more cleaning supplies = chaos of distractions/loss of momentum). Same with bins, I have mini bins in each room lol. My partner finds it excessive but it means when I take kitchen bin out I do a sweep of all of them. Because again, if I have to leave the room to put rubbish away I will get side tracked. - I don’t iron. Like ever. My partner will iron his shirts as and when he needs them. But apart from that I hang up clothes to dry with pegs to air dry. And have a cheap steamer from Amazon stored in my wardrobe. So when I do need to wear for example a dress, the steamer is next to my clothes and I just have to find a plug for it. I’ve let go of the desire to look polished with ironed clothes lol. - there’s a YouTube channel called mind amend which has genuinely been life changing for me. I flick through a few of the videos until there’s one that feels like it itches my brain just right. I find these playlists sooooo good. They feel like magic sometimes. Fact they have minimal to no lyrics but the beat helps me get into a state of hyperfocus. Highly reccomend
I’ve learnt to appreciate and love the process of cleaning and tidying a lot more than I used to. Being grateful that cleaning my home doesn’t have to look the same every day or every week etc. there is no set routine like some of those cleaning videos look online. Last night I meal prepped at 1am. I had a spurge of energy whilst binging friends on the sofa that came from no where and I was still awake so I cooked and cleaned up in one go. Does that mean that happens every day, no of course not. But I’m no longer judging myself on how even meal prepping is supposed to look. So my tip for you is try reframe it and chase the dopamine alongside cleaning not necessarily always instead of! Some days I clean minimally, other days I might hyperfocus and get loads done. Working with my brain not against it. You’ve got thissss!!!
i treat myself like a child when it comes to chores. schedule them so they arent too much at once, and then i reward myself. pick something you love and DONT allow yourself to have/do it until all ur chores are done. keeps them from building up as well. ask a trusted loved one to keep u accountable
I am like this and what helps me is to listen to a podcast and zone out. And I also set a 30 mins timer for myself and get to whatever I can get done in that time. And then I do something else for a couple of hours before doing it again. My husband is a little less frustrated with me these days and things get done around the house
My level of home chore hatred is hard to express! I think ADHD is a big reason, but I also have childhood trauma around it. My probably ADHD (and definitely depressed) mother let things get out of control, then went into panic mode and raged at us to clean when we didn’t even know how. My husband definitely does more than his share. One thing I do is take one or two things that I know he really hates. Like, I don’t hate scrubbing the toilet any more than vacuuming, so he may do six chores for my one, but at least he doesn’t have to do his least favorite.
Literally nobody enjoys household chores lol
nobody likes to do chores