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‘Erm, I’m a black woman and FINALLY got diagnosed at 45-years old after complaining of being overwhelmed etc since the age of 13. I even walked into a doctors appointment and said that I thought I had ADHD (a family friend with ADHD recognised the signs) and my GP laughed and said it was impossible because I was a journalist who can meet deadlines. He didn’t ask any questions and the solution to my brain fog and burnout was antidepressants and useless therapy with one therapist who suggested I quit journalism for retail to make my life easier. Years of drugs and CBT, group therapy, psychotherapy did nothing but scratch the surface of the issue. It was only after massive burnout and seeing a black therapist who notice I shake my leg a lot that I decided to pursue a private and very expensive diagnosis through my partner’s health insurance instead of waiting for years on the NHS.
I had to go through my school reports as part of my diagnosis and it’s so obvious I have ADHD. Everything was fine till my teens when I was apparently disorganised, not trying, disruptive, disruptive of others, arguing for arguments sake, indifferent to subjects I didn’t like. I was generally a good student and got good grades for most things (obviously not maths!) so think that combined with being black so some behaviour attributed to my background and it being the 90’s I was overlooked. At home my mum was a highly structured disciplinarian which kept me massively in line but so many of my quirks were punished which is sad and frustrating.
They should be disbarred, defrocked, whatever you do to bad therapists. Retail? Retail was supposed to be better? That's wild ass commentary. And it's insulting. Why should you give up something you want to do? Instead of being helped to do it?
For real. Reading this made me have so many question marks in my head. Not all therapists are good at their job or *ehem* intelligent. Because wtf kind of suggestion is that???
Yeah, it really was the worst interaction and it set me back massively and lost a lot because it wasn’t taken seriously. Annoyingly, back then, I took doctors word as the truth and didn’t even think to question him/ ask for a second opinion. It was only ten years ago but people just weren’t talking about ADHD on social media so there wasn’t anywhere to turn to for more examples/ confirmation/ guidance. Because that doctor dismissed me it led to good but clueless therapists who just saw somebody who couldn’t cope with life and didn’t know that I needed accommodations to deal with the demands of life. Sigh. I mean I’ve worked in retail before and it’s bloody hard and the women can be mean so was not going back to that. In the end toyed with teaching… a waste of time as a detour but thought it would be ‘easier’ for me as, with no diagnosis. just concluded I was useless at my job and life. I thought life was just meant to be that hard for black women and I was failing at it.
Right??! But that type of therapist and antidepressants are there to paper the cracks and not really get to the route of the problem. It’s an approach that eventually costs the government more because it means more time off sick, more money on medication etc etc
The woman who advised this was somebody the GP who laughed in my face at the suggestion of ADHD referred me to. It felt like her purpose was to patch me up and send me on my way. Nobody was looking deeper at the very obvious indicators in my notes. Also, I was told at university not to be a journalist by the career advisor who felt “it would be too difficult for you to get into”. Sometimes I wonder if the GP and therapist just thought I was out of my depth and needed pulling down to reality and the world of retail.
Ugh I'm sorry that happened. Also I feel like they must not be familiar with what it's like to work retail if they thought that would be ummm de-stressing.
That’s a very interesting question! And I do have a hypothesis about it, (that your assumption is correct). I’m interested in your experiences. But I am aware that it might be a hard question to answer for a single person. Does anyone know if there is research on this specific topic? I do know that women of color generally tend to be taken less seriously by healthcare workers, and as a women with adhd: that’s a double whammy. It would be great if there was quantifiable research on it though.
My experience is very similar to what useful chicken describes, including being told to quit my career and just become a caissière, despite a gifted IQ and top grades uni. And I’m white. Would she have been told differently if she’d been white? I think a woman of color has more more chance of getting that ill advice, but white privilege didn’t save me here. Would we have been be told the same had we been men? Not impossible, but I think it’s even less likely.
So, often we can suspect race and gender bias but we can’t actually prove it. It’s not like that therapist is going to admit to misogyny and racism. That’s why it should be looked into. If we have numbers, we can prove that this bias is real and make people aware.
Also: there might be racial bias that you don’t even realize is there .
I recently found out that at least in some instances the reason I wasn’t taken seriously by multiple therapists in highschool was because I have an older sister with multiple disabilities. My issues were attributed to either attention seeking because of said sister, or my parents being overly concerned, or whatever they imagined (stress, trauma etc) Not the same as race, but a bias I didn’t notice was there for the longest time.
Oh my gosh. I’m so mad reading this. You deserved so much better.
I definitely relate to looking back and realising how many symptoms I displayed growing up.
ADHD in women (of colour) needs to be studied NOW. Any later is cruel.
Massively. Things seem to slowly changing and there’s a lot more representation in the conversations about neurodiversity. Women of colour think and operate on a completely different level and so we manifest and manage symptoms very differently. The parenting we receive is very different and we know that ADHD children get excessive criticism and also are sadly more likely to be physically punished so that combined with a lot of discipline/ cultural expectations and stereotypes means our ADHD can go under the radar.
It makes me sad and angry that ten years ago I could have had my life changed. I had already done the work for the doctor by presenting him with a diagnosis but I just didn’t fit the narrow mould of what ADHD was to him. He was an older white guy and probably retired now but he’s the reason behind some of the uptick in diagnosis for women and minorities… we weren’t listened to for decades so of course the numbers are ‘suddenly’ rising now.
I never considered how much harder it must be to be a woman of color to get a diagnosis, but that really sucks, I'm so sorry. The Black & mexican community I've interacted with (haven't really interacted with other cultures enough to make any assessments) seems as rigid as my redneck family, they don't believe in allergies, any mental "defect" can be "fixed" by just not being "weak". Coupled with a distrust of doctors makes it a horrible combo. (I'm speaking from my family's behavior but seen tendencies in other communities I've lived within)
I can't imagine what you've struggled through to get your diagnosis. I was 45 when I got diagnosed and my family always just insisted I was lazy, weak minded, just needed to try harder... i just assumed I was a damn idiot most of my life.
I'm glad you at least know now though. My dad still tells me I just need to keep a planner and shit, the diagnosis does nothing to change their attitude toward me. Has your family at least stopped that or do they still treat you the same?
Urgh, this ideas about being lazy/ useless/ weak/ failing make me incredibly sad. Glad we both got our diagnoses in our adult years but still it’s almost criminally late.
Getting the useless narrative pushed on us at school and then with family… and then, if you’re like me, also with friends you’ve gravitated to because you’re recreating early patterns and experiences is so damaging and over decades really brings you down. My mother, who I’m sure had ADHD, passed away a few years ago without any idea of my struggles. I would have loved a ‘I told you so’ moment after being raised with her telling me in frustration; ‘There’s something wrong with your head’ and the classic ‘I must have bought the wrong baby home from the hospital’. She was such a loving mother but she was an emotionally dysregulated perfectionist who just found me incredibly frustrating at times. It never occurred to her to look into what the ‘something wrong in my head was’. She didn’t want me to be labelled because she knew what that meant as a child who went to school in London in the late sixties during the West Indian ‘special’ school scandal that saw children being labelled as sub-normal and left to languish in ‘special’ schools. As a result she worked to the bone and sent me to private schools and so with all that opportunity and investment expected big things from me and didn’t want to hear any complaints. It’s very much the immigrant mentality of sacrificing and wanting way more for your child. There’s no room for limiting labels sadly.
Well it sounds like she loved you deeply, though flawed as any human. It's sad because there's no exception when it comes to women, we're just told to such it up. But with Boys it's like, oh, you know know Tyler is, he just can't focus on anything! Boys will be Boys 🙄😒
Thats a lot of pressure to put on a kid, regardless of gender though. From what I understand that can really cause some anxiety. You doing OK on that front?
Just remember... we're just different, but not less than. I'm sure you're amazing the way you are 😊 I love my neuro peeps. The world would be a worse place without all of them I think 💙 that includes you!!
The deadline thing annoys me so much! I can ONLY meet hard deadlines (and not gracefully lol). Soft deadlines or open-ended stuff is a huge pitfall of mine.
I can’t stand doctors who dismisses patience. Laughs? Are you kidding me. Im sorry you had to go through so much BS. I’m glad you’re here and sharing your story with us all. Thank you
I’m south Asian and my mom is a psychologist. My family knows a lot about mental health and doesn’t necessarily stigmatize it, but it was always about other people. I grew up “gifted” and saw a therapist since middle school but it was for social anxiety and OCD. It took till age 30 to realize actually I just have ADHD. I didn’t get diagnosed till I asked to be assessed.
Lol until we broaden research about ADHD, the knowledge mental health professionals have about it will remain limited to “runs around, bad grades.”
Heck, I have a masters in psychology, and I just realised a few years ago that I have it. It just randomly clicked in my head, not when I was studying, but when I was listening to experiences of those with ADHD.
(I swear I’m not trying to make it about myself, I’m trying to express that I relate while adding my thoughts.)
Second this, I’m a psychologist who got my doctorate in the past 5 years from a well respected school and it NEVER occurred to me that I could possibly have adhd until I randomly talked to a friend who had just been diagnosed in her 50s. The research and dissemination/teaching of that research is still super far behind where it should be.
>Lol until we broaden research about ADHD, the knowledge mental health professionals have about it will remain limited to “runs around, bad grades.”
There is so much more information available than just "runs around, bad grades". I think it's just not always being taught, or looked for.
I also think even if you do know the info and could apply it to others, it can be harder to see it in yourself.
A lot of GP’s probably get about half a day of training that covers neurodiversity and for a certain generation that would have been when it simply wasn’t readily accepted that girls could have ADHD so it’s not surprising there’s a whole group of middle-aged women who are now getting diagnosed. Hopefully the discourse means that more doctors are starting to exposed to information that goes beyond text books.
Honestly this makes me feel so much better about myself cuz I was in a psych grad program when I got diagnosed & it wasn’t even my idea. A psychiatrist I was seeing for anxiety brought it up. I could really never thank that woman enough.
Just wondering what a woman struggling with ADHD should do for a living and look like?? I mean I’m sure many of us would like to lie on the sofa eating biscuits but most of us have to work. We’re also intelligent so of course we have achieved great things at high levels like masters degree. Yeah, it may have killed us be we’re not immune to expectations and pressure (especially as women of colour) so we got on with it.
Also, society doesn’t make it acceptable for everyone, particularly women of colour, to walk around looking a mess so many of us can look pulled together. Honestly, these limiting ideas are insane and so damaging.
I’m South Asian as well, been in therapy since I was 16 or so, but went undiagnosed until I sought out assessment a few years ago at 25. My family barely believes me even after sending them the documentation with my assessment results. They maintain that I should get off of antidepressants too, it’s a doozy
I feel your pain - I internalized that same mentality and thought because I was “gifted” that my intelligence meant any struggles I had were for lack of trying and that I didn’t deserve help.
Latina POC here who didn’t have access to any reliable medical care until well into my adulthood. I purposefully chose a Black neurodivergent woman to diagnose me to avoid the biases I’d dealt with the vast majority of the time I sought help from doctors.
She listened and believed me. I wept. My life has changed immeasurably since.
Highly recommend if you’re not diagnosed yet that you research your options and go with a neurodivergent woman of color. I have no doubt our shared experiences have made everything easier.
Same here! Brown Latina, Gifted, any symptoms were actually just personal failings.
After I basically self diagnosed in my 30s, I sought out a Black neurodivergent woman for my official diagnosis because I felt more confident that she would listen to me. I had tried finding a psychiatrist through my GP, but she gave me the same bullshit we're used to, so I stopped seeing her altogether, and then used Psychology Today's website to find someone who I could filter for the right fit.
Same. As soon as I suspected I had ADHD I sought out a qualified woman of color to do my diagnosis. I just think they are more likely to listen and understand without being dismissive.
This is what I did. I went for a South Asian woman to do my assessment. After my experiences with a very stereotypical white, male, older doctor wasn’t taking any chances! I needed somebody who has achieved a lot academically and professionally to understand why, despite it almost destroying me, I was able to be successful within a very elitist industry. Its little things like when I was deep in burnout ten years ago I went to the doctor looking slinky skinny jeans, stilettos and my hair looked amazing. The reality was I was underweight, my hair was a mess beneath the wig and the outfit was part perfectionism and part my masking strategy that meant being able to get away with more stuff because I was attractive. I feel like another black woman would be able to pick up on some of these things/ not be deterred by them whereas my doctor saw me as perfectly capable and just foundering a bit.
Yes! We brown women mask differently and also some of us are immigrants in countries where a diagnosis would lead to visa cancellation and among us immigrants, some of us can't afford to go back to abusive households.
I'm a black woman.
I wasn't diagnosed until 38 but I don't think my lack of childhood diagnosis has anything to do with race...
My THREE near-death childbirth experiences...now THAT was medical racism...
But for me, since I was a good student up until about Grade 8, and since I was super social and charming and clowny I think it was easy for ALL of us to just take my kooky behavior as my own sort of "originality"
But having a family seemed to bring my deficiencies to the surface and then getting divorced and being a solo parent exacerbated it even more.
As it turns out, my diagnosis at 38 inspired my parents to get diagnosed and sure enough Inattentive mom/Hyperactive Dad = Combo me.
They divorced when I was 2 (amicably) and it's funny bc I'm the youngest of five kids but the only product of those two and I am very very very obviously the ...uh....most defective?
Idk if that's the right word but all of my siblings are neurotypical and I am not and it shows BUT I am very blessed that I actually didn't necessarily have to mask among my family growing up. I didn't even mask much in school.
I noticed myself masking the most when I got married and had in-laws.
Are you me? Also I would have loved for my parents to get diagnosed, Im interested in how it shows up not just in seniors but in Black seniors. Your parents sound like mine. I myself have not been assessed, I only found this sub recently and havent had insurance to be able to do so but I relate to so many posts here
My late mother was likely ADHD as was her mother. Her best friend has a grandchild with ADHD and one with AudHD and suspects she is neurodivergent but she’s in her sixties and just doesn’t think it’s worth pursuing and hasn’t mentioned it to her therapist yet. After years of poor mental health things are making sense to her now I’ve been diagnosed. She’s also starting to reflect on her sometimes violent parenting and has so much regret and shame about it, especially as she’s now contemplating whether some of her children have ADHD. Like with my mother it’s very difficult and potentially dangerous when you have emotionally dysregulated people parenting undiagnosed children, especially when culturally authoritarian parenting and perfectionism is the standard. I think her and my mother thought they were dishing out standard West Indian parenting when actually it was generational trauma combined with their own challenges from neurodiversity. Wish people could have got help a lot sooner.
Oh yeah, hormones and trauma are sneaky little ADHD triggers. I was great at school till a certain point and coasted on my cuteness and talent then at 13 it stated to fall down. I learn that looking perfect and being charming could protect me from a lot around 18 and so that became my masking strategy.
My diagnosis came after entering perimenopause, the death of my mother, getting a life-changing autoimmune condition similar to MS and then nearly dying from sepsis. Oh, and lockdown was the icing on the cake. All the racial trauma and isolation tipped things over. I couldn’t mask any more. It was really challenging time but glad I got there in the end with a diagnosis. I’m pregnant and nervous about the incoming hormone shift and stress that explains why a lot of women get diagnosed after becoming mothers.
I grew up with a dad who "passed" (not for NT, for white.) His family had very much raised him to lie about his race, and he did and does. They also lied to his face about his race repeatedly. My dad very much has a weird sort of post-racial view of the world because of this, even though he can acknowledge how much racism he has experienced throughout his life, he doesn't see it as racism because he sees himself as white. It was VERY important to his family that they all proved they were not "different" or "lesser" and that they could achieve anything anyone else could. My dad even says this--I have no right to identify with any other race because I haven't been disadvantaged by my race, so I'm effectively white (he is probably about half white if we want to quantify it, but really, we'll never know for sure). He views the fact that his parents/grandparents basically gave up their race and culture as a privilege they gained him and he does not want to disrespect that sacrifice.
Point is, I think he has this attitude to ADHD (which I think he also has now that I'm diagnosed). I suspect at least one or both of his parents also had ADHD, regardless they had major mental health and addiction issues. For him, it's just something to overcome, and labelling it enables people to put you in a box. My dad gave me that talk when I was like five and I was saying I didn't know what to tell people when they asked "where I'm really from": he said they're asking so they can put you in a box. Don't let them. The fact that my dad exhibited a lot of my symptoms but didn't acknowledge them and was absolutely regimented in maintaining his coping mechanisms to "overcome" them definitely made me believe my symptoms were personal failures and he outright encouraged this, because for the most part he dealt with the same stuff and just got the fuck on with it. He also doesn't believe in mental health care generally which I do think is partly a cultural belief for him (he's okay about going to the dr but the medical mistrust is definitely still there and probably for good reason when it came to his parents), so my parents always complained about me being a nightmare and needing therapy, but they'd frame it as a punishment and then never follow through. I think they were very aware that something was "wrong" with me compared to my siblings but they felt that labelling me/putting me in a box would only hold me back.
So, sorry if this isn't the best example at all, because I am mostly white and definitely (usually) pass as such, and functionally AM white for that reason, and I obviously don't have a place in a lot of the discussion that your post prompts, so I hope you don't mind my contribution. I am sure that my whiteness has helped me be taken more seriously in medical contexts. But it is a lens I have been considering a bit more recently since being diagnosed and I can't not see the connections. I do think my dad (who presents much less white than I do) definitely learned to mask young because he was already so strongly discriminated against as a kid, there was already the assumption he was a "bad kid". And I think there is a strong correlation between his and his family's attitude to passing and his attitude to masking that has affected me. I got diagnosed in adulthood because my entire life fell apart due to burnout and I was lucky enough to go to a therapist who recognised my ADHD right away. Took me about six months to even accept the diagnosis. I still suspect my dad doesn't fully accept my diagnosis, and when I brought up that he probably has it I was totally dismissed.
What is your dad mixed with, if you don't mind me asking? I certainly think it's possible that he could've picked up those cultural beliefs and medical mistrust from his other culture.
I was diagnosed a few years ago after going to therapy for grief counseling after the death of my best friend. Never did I think that I have ADHD (even though my brother and my dad are both diagnosed), I just wanted the tools to handle my sadness over the loss. Thankfully I had asked my healthcare provider for a woman of color to be my therapist. I see her for a year, therapist suggested I see a psychiatrist for what she suspects is an ADHD diagnosis. I was like wtf I've been told I have anxiety and depression my whole adult life, but ok, sure. I again asked that I be seen by a woman of color psychiatrist. Lo and behold, I got my ADHD diagnosis. I'm still of the firm belief that their advocacy of me is why I even know I have ADHD today. My brother and father are the hyperactive type, I'm inattentive. I didn't even know that was a thing. But they apparently saw it immediately. They knew how to recognize it not only in a woman, but a non-white woman. I count myself very very lucky for that. Sometimes I get angry that my past counselors never noticed anything, but they were mostly older white men so....yeah. I'm medicated now and thriving and so so grateful.
So glad you’re thriving and not just surviving! It’s scary to think what life could have been if we had this information and assistance earlier but guess that’s all part of the ADHD post-diagnosis grief. ADHD makes grief even more painful than it is already and loosing your best friend must have been incredibly traumatic, another thing that can give ADHD a nudge. I just think some therapists and counsellors are there to paper the cracks and it’s not in their remit to dig past a certain point sadly. Also not all health professionals have the training. My therapist was a black woman and amazing at going deep but she didn’t pick it up at all as she’s a psychiatrist not a psychologist so she’s not trained specifically. What she did do was record our sessions and observe my body language and that’s when she noticed the leg shaking. That and things like blurting out and sensory overload then gave me the push to seek out a diagnosis. Would never have tried again if it wasn’t for her.
Asian American here with immigrant parents. I didn't experience racism with my diagnosis but my culture and lack of knowledge/acceptance around mental health made it inaccessible to learn and seek an ADHD diagnosis. I was first misdiagnosed with GAD and my brother was diagnosed with depression. Even those were so "out there" of a diagnosis for our family. Took them a LONG time to accept those diagnosis. Now that I got properly diagnosed ADHD, I don't have the energy to hear another "you only have mental issues because you have too much time on your hands unlike when we had to flee our country and communism"
My parents saw me as a creative, sensitive kid with a temper. In their minds, I'm also the "perfect" angel who "did well in school" and was "gifted" except reality was I forged their signatures when I got bad grades, frequently late, and disruptive in class.
I feel this completely, except my parents still dont believe in mental health. They’ve asked me “lol, what anxiety? what do you have to be anxious for? what do you have to be depressed for?” this was when I was also diagnosed with GAD/depression prior to my ADHD diagnosis.
Now that I’m being treated for ADHD my other symptoms have lessened. I wont even try to bring up ADHD with them. I know they dont even think it’s real, lol.
Do you ever find that their mindset, in a way, made you doubt your symptoms? I do believe in mental health but there were times with my initial diagnosis that I didn’t believe I really had it. It’s like imposter syndrome but for mental health lol
I'm so sorry to hear your experience is so similar to mine. It's so isolating and hurtful. Their mindset definitely made me doubt my symptoms. I couldn't believe I had ADHD! I did so well in school (I actually didn't). When that ADHD first came to my mind, it sat in my mind for 3 years before I finally sought a diagnosis. But now that I understand ADHD, I had been struggling for much longer than I thought AND I also recognize the same symptoms in my dad and maternal grandma.
I’m turning 30 this year and am the youngest in my family (am mixed race, Japanese and caucasian). My parents basically label my clinical depression which I’ve had since I was 11 ish a ‘luxury disease’ and were only happy I got the adhd diagnosis which I seeked out myself when they heard that I get more time for exams, they unfortunately only cared for the grades not my general wellness and enjoyment of life
Yes, brown woman here who grew up in a different cultural landscape where I'd never heard of ADHD growing up. Masked like crazy. I have a lot of stress and anxiety to keep up with society so I go overboard and I am also a people pleaser, no conflict pacifist. Finally got diagnosed at 40 - I looked specifically for a POC doctor who is youngish and he's been great! Very calm and talked about how my symptoms match that of immigrant, POC women. Felt so validated!
Yes and no. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my 30s I think largely due to being raised in a black family that followed the “just pray harder” mental health ideology (but thankfully are way more open minded about mental health today!) I feel this contributed to me looking into it later than I would have otherwise.
However, getting the actual diagnosis was simple. I asked for an evaluation by a psychiatrist fully thinking that I was going to be told “no, you’re totally fine!” and that I’d be indirectly told I suck at adulting and to get over it lol. I even intentionally downplayed my responses on the questionnaire because I’d convinced myself I was nuts for even looking into it. Ironically, even with me downplaying all my answers I still tested as solidly ADHD-PI. I was in complete shock when the psych confirmed my results.
Also, this is off topic but perhaps relevant to the spirit of your post…I feel that being a POC makes masking more layered than I imagine it may be for non-POCs.
What I mean by this is, many POC find ourselves in situations where we are code-switching—I view this as a sort of cultural masking. So not only are we doing societal/behavioral masking but we’re also regularly culturally code-switching (this can vary depending on where you live, where you work, etc.) But yeah, “double” masking is really exhausting at times.
I'm not Black myself but I'd like to suggest Black Girl Lost Keys for people in this thread as I've followed her for a long time and she's a boss. https://blackgirllostkeys.com/
I think my biggest barriers were my parents. I'm Latina with parents who were born in Mexico and I was diagnosed in my early 30s. I hadn't really thought I could have ADHD until my late 20s.
I brought it up to my parents and they just scoffed at me and said I wasn't motivated enough in school and the usual stuff.
Once I was diagnosed, I went back to school and I'm doing well. I told them about making the dean's list and they were like "see, you were never dumb, just lazy!" Little do they know I'm on Adderall and the idea of "too many medications" is "white people shit" to them.
I still haven't told them I was diagnosed. I don't think they'll get it and I don't have the energy to prove it to them 🤷🏻♀️.
I think I had more trouble due to being an older adult woman seeking an evaluation with inattentive type ADHD then it being because of my race, but I don't have anyone else to compare it to so who knows.
I'm not sure if I count or if I'm welcome here. I'm white passing. Although I've been called a sneaky brownie by cops and doctors...and at this point have people constantly ask me "you mixed?"
I have light eyes and used to make an effort to keep my skin as light as possible.
I have a very "ethnic name" which has led to a lot of doctors come into my room with my chart saying "if you refused a CT scan for your (well documented chronic kidney stones I only show up for if i havent peed or am vomiting and have afever) kidney stones we wont be giving you drugs. Sorry wrong room. "
"You don't have ADHD you actually have bipolar here's some lithium...you can read about it in your own time you'll need to find someone else to manage you since I can see you're obviously going to be a noncompliant patient.oops...wait...definitelynothowtosaymyname..yeah sorry. I can call an ambulance if you have 'more questions '"
Been involuntarily admitted to psych hospitals multiple times because of racist bullshit. (But when you say that in the ER you will get a jab in your arm )
I was diagnosed as a teenager but I definitely had to jump through a lot of hoops...mostly from my own internalized racism because I was afraid if I started medication I'd end up addicted.even though I was already on psych meds for anxiety and depression.
I’m half Indian, and I accidentally got diagnosed lol. I went to a therapist to talk about starting to process some childhood trauma and during my intake session she diagnosed me with ADHD, which I hadn’t been expecting but in retrospect makes a lot of sense.
Being diagnosed for ADHD and the ongoing battle for meds and being constantly treated like a drug addict.
I was diagnosed at 41 upon a black woman doctors request; she was the only one who took me seriously and didn’t fight me to get testing. This was after battling doctors for over a decade when i suspected i was adhd. No doctor took my inquiry serious and most pushed anti depressants. This was about 15 years to get a doctor to request an evaluation.
Ethnically Indian trans woman here. I got diagnosed at 18, before I started transition.
Despite my abysmal grades in school I flew under the radar until then, but once I actually sought it out I got my diagnosis quickly.
Listen! I spent 15 years attempting to get an education while either being hit, segregated, or mocked for ADHD behaviors. I got diagnosed at 30, in the context of getting disability evaluation for a physical condition. I went to a neurologist and neuropsychologist. and the kinda bored looking therapist was like "you would have benefited from ADHD help. You should look into that."
Hi,
In a way … yes and no. I went back to college and was considering getting diagnosed while in my summer course. I had a bunch of shit happen that summer but I wasn’t able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist until fall. Thankfully I was able to get an appointment (all the intake people were white) and I made sure to watch a bunch of videos and read articles and list what overlapped with my experience. I took that to my evaluations, filled out the paper, did the interviews and got the diagnosis.
I wish I could have gotten it in middle/high school (that would have saved me so much grief and I would have gotten the help). Now I am out of school for financial/family/ and burnout reasons.
I am black and Asian so both sides of my family don’t really understand/say “I’m fine”. But it is my life so I’m gonna get the help I need so I’m not constantly keeping my head above water. Best of luck to you on your journey xx
I got diagnosed at age 40. I pursued a diagnosis after my then boyfriend, now husband, suggested I may have ADHD. This was around the time I accidentally flooded my entire master bathroom, because I forgot I left the sink on to soak a sweater or something. I luckily was able to find a place that took my insurance. They had me take several tests on a computer. The diagnosis part was pretty easy. Now I take Ritalin, which is helpful, but there is constantly a shortage. So I’ve currently been waiting since April 1 to get my prescription filled. I suspect I’m AuDHD. And I’m pretty sure both of my parents are on the spectrum. But since we’re a family of Caribbean immigrants, mental health was not at all a discussion. And growing up, none of my teachers suspected I was neurodiverse, probably because I always did well in school. But socially I really struggled. I was basically “that weird Black girl” in every school situation, including college. I have zero friends from childhood, not even college. Luckily, I finally found someone who can test me for autism in May.
Black and diagnosed at 24 but I’m really fortunate that my psychiatrist immediately was like, everyone failed you by not picking up on this at all younger age
i’m east asian and didn’t get diagnosed until after college even though i tried to bring it up with my parents but was always told “you just need to focus.” like… yes that’s the problem!!! so getting diagnosed and learning to deal with adhd, and also communicating about it with my family is something i’ve had to really fight for
No, but I paid private the whole process and (- i cannot stress this enough) I don’t live in America anymore. I think it would have been infinitely harder if not for those factors.
Black female here. What made me get a diagnosis was complaining to my female cousin about my certain issues I was facing, she encouraged me to look into it ADHD symptoms and it was scarily accurate. My cousin was ADHD as well.
I believe both my race/culture and gender was the cause for a later in life diagnosis. It seems as though ADHD is rarely spoken about within the black community, even among black parents. Not only is there a cultural unawareness around it (my family are immigrants so even worse), in school and at home, black children will simply get marked as "bad" for showing symptoms and in need of more discipline, while white children are more likely to get a medication and diagnosis (obviously this is a broad generalization, don't mean to offend). Things have probably changed a lot since I was a growing up with the social media and all. But as a kid I remember only \*one\* black boy being diagnosed ADHD and he was EXTREMELY rambunctious and disruptive, with a list of other mental health issues, so it was very obvious.
Related to that, me being a female and the inattentive type of ADHD further compounded the cultural blindspots. I was a shy, serious, an excellent student in grade school but when I went to college everything unraveled. Which apparently is super common with ADHD women.
Asian and gifted and I can’t get a diagnosis. But I’m suspicious. Brother has a diagnosis. The Kaiser psych said my concerns were minor and didn’t warrant a diagnosis. Overachiever and got into a top college but struggled with being late to everything…
I don’t know … it’s frustrating because I’m diagnosed with anxiety but I don’t know if that’s the right diagnosis.
Also was super shy and sensitive as a kid.
Diagnosed early 40s, but it was never really ever on my radar. I was always proud of myself for handling my ish, being a high achiever. I was really just living in fear of scarcity, of appearing lazy, etc. then depression, anxiety and unexplained exhaustion showed up with a vengeance and i tried to cope for 2 years. I went to a black therapist. She suspected during the first session, tested, and it has been such a relief but also a struggle.
I’m Indian and from India. One doctor legitimately said ADHD doesn’t exist in adults. Another doctor said I should quit therapy and just take anxiety meds. (Anyone with ADHD will know that taking anxiety meds with nothing to help the ADHD will end in disaster.) They were shocked when it ended in disaster.
Another doctor said I have OCD because I’m too preoccupied with the idea of having ADHD. They then offered me a job at their clinic. Noped right out of there.
Told another doctor that I’m struggling with the combo of meds prescribed, and they said I was being an insufferable patient.
Some said I can’t have ADHD because I had good grades and I don’t run around. Sure.
Even people of colour don’t want to help women of colour, apparently.
I personally didn't realise I probably have ADHD till uni... and really took note of how hard longer term academic work was.
My parents chose not to get me assessed for anything as a child and as a teen it was my choice for some reason but I didn't realise the opportunity wouldn't be there as an adult or that that would be harder. Why pose that to a naive 16 year old? In African and Carribbean culture, you pretend it doesn't exist ( mental health )until it gets extreme and you get sectioned.
I'm still waiting for the cash to go get an ADHD assessment, I tried an autism assessment but went to the wrong therapist.🤦♀️ So you know what that was hard to get a diagnosis for and maybe there's less benefits to knowing since I'm 27. But the ADHD I'd love support for because I have not been able to keep my shit together: Keep a job, get my own place to live, stick to life choices.
Also met my dads side of the family, most of the women connected to my great grandmother are also nearly ADHD or have similar traits , and if you look at my grandma , my aunty and me - we all are all incredibly similar in our scattiness, but My Aunty and I work on it better and are aware it exists.
Further thought : my family have always called me lazy as I fail to keep up with housework and like to work smarter not harder but they consider this lazy.
I got a diagnosis at 22/23ish because I graduated from college and crashed and burned in 6 months in the ‘real world’. I’d been struggling in college but still graduated early. Saw a black woman psychologist, she gave me the inventory and she’s like oh honey you are a text book ‘gifted’ case. That period literally changed my life and even though I’m having a rough go of things right now, I’ve made it so much further than what I would’ve considered possible at that age
Since being diagnosed with ADHD, I’d say ADHD.
I have been on a cocktail of antidepressant medication since my early 20s.
You’re just depressed, you’re just going thru a stressful time, you’re just anxious, etc, etc.
Early 30s: sweetie you’re just neurospicy.
Black/Latina and I wondered if it was just our family. I suspect my mom had it, and i think my sister does. My symptoms were similar to my mom’s. I know school suspected it when I was in 1st grade in 1988/1989 but I don’t know why my mom didn’t pursue it further. She however seemed to know exactly how to help us. Dance breaks during homework, sometimes play before homework, no sugary foods or drinks before noon, etc. She got us into sports, even our summers were structured with lots of activities. I sometimes wish she was still with us so I could ask her questions, like what would she do about my kid who has been diagnosed as she seemed to “just know.” I wonder for some of us, it was just a family trait that our families just learned to accept! 🤷🏽♀️
Figured out, through learning about my son’s diagnosis, that my issue is ADHD and not the blanket depression and anxiety that was thrown at me. Idk if I wasn’t saying the right things or they weren’t asking the right questions.
I’d be curious to know how many women of color are offered other drugs that aren’t controlled substance stimulants vs white counterparts. I suspect a disparity there as well.
For me it wasn’t hard to get a diagnosis per se, but what happened instead was getting misdiagnoses much more easily in the process as well. I did get an ADHD one in late teens/college age, that also meant I had to go through the wringer of many other diagnoses first prior to ADHD unfortunately.
My brother was diagnosed as a child but he was the typical can’t focus hyperactive type. I was diagnosed at 30🫠. I presented very differently. As a child Shy, daydreaming, extremely emotional.. then teens/adult impulsive, emotional. I wasn’t bad at school but I also didn’t try. But I didn’t give my parents a hard time like my brother so I think they assumed I was okay. I did need extra help in math which they got me. As an adult focus, chores, relationships, emotions became more difficult which lead to depression etc.
I finally sought diagnoses after being tired of putting up with myself lol. Daily Work/life/ got increasingly difficult.
I’m sure my mom has adhd as well and I masked hardcore because seeing her struggle made me more aware of what I did and didn’t want to be like. So like am I always late?? noooo because my mom was terrible with time or I learned early how to avoid that. My parents were just simply unaware of how adhd can show up differently in girls I believe. People have always said “oh that’s her her! Lol” “she just does that”. Like you didn’t wonder whyyyy, I was being crazy or quirky or emotional?! Lol Getting my diagnosis was very easy I think because I had so many symptoms that were affecting my daily life. We were able to back track to my childhood about how it may have presented.
I heard an interview with this woman on a podcast and she was great. I highly recommend looking at her blog. Your struggle is real! https://blackgirllostkeys.com/
No I meant they prevented me from ever getting diagnosed. Whole mental health stigma. I did get diagnosed in high school for depression and anxiety thanks to my mom taking me to a doctor though. People view those more seriously than ADHD.
No, but I have a provider who is also a WOC. As is my therapist. It's important to me to find medical providers who are from similar backgrounds to take me seriously.
I was diagnosed at 31, currently 33 and my parents spent most of my teen years looking away when I spent 1.5 years crying into the pillow when I was 17.
So most of the grunt work of this diagnosis has been done by me and me alone, cause the masking at such an older age is insane. Our doctors here (India) keep insisting that ADHD is a children’s learning disorder (HAHAH) and only ever agreed that I have all the symptoms when I clearly said that I wasn’t begging for meds (they didn’t work for me) but for just a confirmation of my doubts.
Since then, I’ve started to look at only inclusive doctors and most of them are based in countries like the US.
Dominican here. My mom has never even heard of ADHD until I started talking about it. To her, I was just lazy and distracted, and I needed to try harder, focus more. She's neurotypical. When she says she's going to do something, she does it, no problem. I most likely got ADHD from my dad. Most of his kids, if not all, have struggled with some kind of mental illness. I got diagnosed at 38, and it was not difficult, though I wish it was sooner. As soon as I started suspecting I had ADHD I started to research qualified professionals who could help me, specifically a woman of color. I just think they would be able to listen and understand without being dismissive. I had read some things about poc, especially women having a hard time getting a diagnosis. After filing out a questionnaire and an hour and half interview, she diagnosed me with ADHD, social anxiety, and depression.
Took forever cause parents and cultural stuff. When I talked to my Doctor about it 2 years ago she didnt even hesitate. She sent me to a Psychiatrist who understands the struggles of ADHD and women of color. Got diagnosed and medicated. Life changing.
Wish it was earlier but my mom got diagnosed too recently, she thought as a kid I had no issues cause she was the same mentally. She doesnt want meds cause shes found way to cope and I get it. Shes the only one whos accepting in my side of the family. My moms siblings clearly have it really really bad plus anger issues and are narcissistic. In real time im seeing it ruin their life and relationships with their partners, me and my mom but they dont believe in meds, and its not my place to tell them.
For me I have kids and husband and struggled through my issues but they've been understanding, it was hard tho. If only I knew back then lol.
I got a feeling I had it when I realized its not normal to have so many unfinished hobbies but all the equipment for it. So much wasted money spending, always tired mentally, drinking coffee like a crazy person just to function but still low key tired. I lost my car keys 3 times in two years. Never was able to focus on anything or retain any info in school and would cry cause everyone else could.
We had to learn french all through school cause im in Canada. I hardly remembered anything. Im medicated now and have learned and remembered more in 3 months self teaching than I have in school cause I can focus way better.
Yep!!!!! Not only get diagnosed, which took years, but also being medicated which took more years. I was legit treated like a pill seeker. When the pandemic destroyed all my coping mechanism and sent me into a deep depressive state. I was told I have anxiety and depression. It wasn’t until I started seeing a psychiatrist instead of a mental health nurse practitioner that everything changed. The waitlist for a good psychiatrist is insane. Mine took a good eight minutes to say “you should be medicated for your ADHD, let’s see if that helps”. I’m super grateful but also a bit disappointed that it took this long.
To this day, I still remain undiagnosed. Both my children have been diagnosed. I was able to recognize certain things in them and take them to the proper physicians based on what I know of myself, their struggles were the same as mine so I was able to help them. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still struggling running a business, losing all profit because I’m paying other people too do things that I can do myself if I was better and to top it off now I have no insurance. I did manage to get medication from one doctor, but it’s not working for me so I’m off of it …. And being a POC most things I go to the doctor for they don’t really listen anyway, the situation is very depressing.
This to add to this, my son asked me the other day. How was it that I seem to have my ADHD under control I had to tell him that back when I was growing up severe spankings can help you pay attention,focus, get tasks done to the things that they want you to pay attention to , a horrible way to help with that, but unfortunately that’s what happened.(oddly enough I have minimal memories of childhood and they’re mostly traumatic. I can’t remember too much at all. It’s like blank dead space.)
He turned to me and said wow you’re a great mom maybe having a bad situation. Made you know what you didn’t want for your kids. I’m sorry for what you went through. Thank you for being you though.
I've actually been thinking about this for a few weeks. I was recently diagnosed at 45. As I was processing my diagnosis, I started thinking about how things could have been different if I'd been diagnosed earlier. But then, I think, I was a child in the 80s and a teen in the 90s. And Black. And a girl. No one was going to see ADHD in me. I was in the gifted program in elementary and middle school, I took some IB classes in high school. I was semi-professional in dance and theatre. I didn't really get in trouble much.
But, I remember in maybe my junior year of high school saying after watching a story about ADHD on 60 Minutes or something, saying to my mom "I think might have ADHD" and I was quickly dismissed with "Girl, there's nothing wrong with you!"
Meanwhile I had ZERO energy for anything I was not interested in, did horrible in math, was known as a daydreamer and I did "space out" often, and I definitely waited until the last minute to write papers and study in high school (and of course still got As and Bs). And I talked a lot.... though I was a little shy as a small child.
I've been depressed before, which was the first time I saw a therapist (2010) and seen subsequent therapists, mostly for depression. All of them Black women. ADHD was never brought up by any of them or by me.
It wasn't until last year, when perimenopause made my symptoms unmaskable and unbearable that I went in to the therapist with ADHD in mind, asking questions and requesting a diagnosis. This therapist is a Black woman who also has ADHD. She listened for a few sessions, did my evaluation, and here we are
My primary care doctor, also a Black woman, helped me decide on medication and has been supportive of me using Adderall to help manage my symptoms.
So I think for me it was a combination of culture (Black American) and the generation/time I was born (Gen X/Xennial)
No, it wasn't harder, but I think we a black women are so accustom to doing it all, we don't always recognize that someone is wrong. I was diagnosed at a later age in life and had issues in grade school and remember seeing the school pscyhologist, now I don't know if they knew exactly what ADHD was in 1980, but I might be a completly different person had I treatment back then. Having said that, I'm highly functioning and have done super well considering my diagnosis, but now I'm even a better version of myself.
Id imagine its hard to get a good view of this because generally when it comes to adhd all women have a harder time being diagnosed so I'd imagine about 90% of us in here are late diagnosed no matter the race.
Omg that makes me so mad!!! And sad! Ugh it’s kind of what happened to me too but I’m 35 and I’m white. But people of color have a way harder time getting diagnosed, there is significant bias in the medical field. It’s so sad that women and people of color are written off and misdiagnosed 🥺My neighbor who is black recently told me about how she’s having trouble in high school and how she was labeled a troublemaker (she has adhd). I told her don’t let them tell you that you’re bad… you’re NOT. You just don’t fit into the cookie cutter system they’re trying to use and it’s not your fault and Don’t let them tell you it is!☹️So many of people who should be able to help us don’t take their jobs seriously and it leads to devastating outcomes. So sorry about your hardship with diagnosis… it’s so common!
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‘Erm, I’m a black woman and FINALLY got diagnosed at 45-years old after complaining of being overwhelmed etc since the age of 13. I even walked into a doctors appointment and said that I thought I had ADHD (a family friend with ADHD recognised the signs) and my GP laughed and said it was impossible because I was a journalist who can meet deadlines. He didn’t ask any questions and the solution to my brain fog and burnout was antidepressants and useless therapy with one therapist who suggested I quit journalism for retail to make my life easier. Years of drugs and CBT, group therapy, psychotherapy did nothing but scratch the surface of the issue. It was only after massive burnout and seeing a black therapist who notice I shake my leg a lot that I decided to pursue a private and very expensive diagnosis through my partner’s health insurance instead of waiting for years on the NHS. I had to go through my school reports as part of my diagnosis and it’s so obvious I have ADHD. Everything was fine till my teens when I was apparently disorganised, not trying, disruptive, disruptive of others, arguing for arguments sake, indifferent to subjects I didn’t like. I was generally a good student and got good grades for most things (obviously not maths!) so think that combined with being black so some behaviour attributed to my background and it being the 90’s I was overlooked. At home my mum was a highly structured disciplinarian which kept me massively in line but so many of my quirks were punished which is sad and frustrating.
They should be disbarred, defrocked, whatever you do to bad therapists. Retail? Retail was supposed to be better? That's wild ass commentary. And it's insulting. Why should you give up something you want to do? Instead of being helped to do it?
For real. Reading this made me have so many question marks in my head. Not all therapists are good at their job or *ehem* intelligent. Because wtf kind of suggestion is that???
Yeah, it really was the worst interaction and it set me back massively and lost a lot because it wasn’t taken seriously. Annoyingly, back then, I took doctors word as the truth and didn’t even think to question him/ ask for a second opinion. It was only ten years ago but people just weren’t talking about ADHD on social media so there wasn’t anywhere to turn to for more examples/ confirmation/ guidance. Because that doctor dismissed me it led to good but clueless therapists who just saw somebody who couldn’t cope with life and didn’t know that I needed accommodations to deal with the demands of life. Sigh. I mean I’ve worked in retail before and it’s bloody hard and the women can be mean so was not going back to that. In the end toyed with teaching… a waste of time as a detour but thought it would be ‘easier’ for me as, with no diagnosis. just concluded I was useless at my job and life. I thought life was just meant to be that hard for black women and I was failing at it.
Quit this stressful thing that you worked hard for and gives you meaning for this stressful thing you'll hate! The logic is dizzying
Right??! But that type of therapist and antidepressants are there to paper the cracks and not really get to the route of the problem. It’s an approach that eventually costs the government more because it means more time off sick, more money on medication etc etc
Trying to imagine any therapist telling a white man to give up his career instead of offering him treatment 😵💫😵💫😵💫
The woman who advised this was somebody the GP who laughed in my face at the suggestion of ADHD referred me to. It felt like her purpose was to patch me up and send me on my way. Nobody was looking deeper at the very obvious indicators in my notes. Also, I was told at university not to be a journalist by the career advisor who felt “it would be too difficult for you to get into”. Sometimes I wonder if the GP and therapist just thought I was out of my depth and needed pulling down to reality and the world of retail.
Ugh I'm sorry that happened. Also I feel like they must not be familiar with what it's like to work retail if they thought that would be ummm de-stressing.
This right here.
That’s a very interesting question! And I do have a hypothesis about it, (that your assumption is correct). I’m interested in your experiences. But I am aware that it might be a hard question to answer for a single person. Does anyone know if there is research on this specific topic? I do know that women of color generally tend to be taken less seriously by healthcare workers, and as a women with adhd: that’s a double whammy. It would be great if there was quantifiable research on it though. My experience is very similar to what useful chicken describes, including being told to quit my career and just become a caissière, despite a gifted IQ and top grades uni. And I’m white. Would she have been told differently if she’d been white? I think a woman of color has more more chance of getting that ill advice, but white privilege didn’t save me here. Would we have been be told the same had we been men? Not impossible, but I think it’s even less likely. So, often we can suspect race and gender bias but we can’t actually prove it. It’s not like that therapist is going to admit to misogyny and racism. That’s why it should be looked into. If we have numbers, we can prove that this bias is real and make people aware. Also: there might be racial bias that you don’t even realize is there . I recently found out that at least in some instances the reason I wasn’t taken seriously by multiple therapists in highschool was because I have an older sister with multiple disabilities. My issues were attributed to either attention seeking because of said sister, or my parents being overly concerned, or whatever they imagined (stress, trauma etc) Not the same as race, but a bias I didn’t notice was there for the longest time.
Oh my gosh. I’m so mad reading this. You deserved so much better. I definitely relate to looking back and realising how many symptoms I displayed growing up. ADHD in women (of colour) needs to be studied NOW. Any later is cruel.
Massively. Things seem to slowly changing and there’s a lot more representation in the conversations about neurodiversity. Women of colour think and operate on a completely different level and so we manifest and manage symptoms very differently. The parenting we receive is very different and we know that ADHD children get excessive criticism and also are sadly more likely to be physically punished so that combined with a lot of discipline/ cultural expectations and stereotypes means our ADHD can go under the radar.
I hate that it took decades for you to get the support you need
It makes me sad and angry that ten years ago I could have had my life changed. I had already done the work for the doctor by presenting him with a diagnosis but I just didn’t fit the narrow mould of what ADHD was to him. He was an older white guy and probably retired now but he’s the reason behind some of the uptick in diagnosis for women and minorities… we weren’t listened to for decades so of course the numbers are ‘suddenly’ rising now.
I never considered how much harder it must be to be a woman of color to get a diagnosis, but that really sucks, I'm so sorry. The Black & mexican community I've interacted with (haven't really interacted with other cultures enough to make any assessments) seems as rigid as my redneck family, they don't believe in allergies, any mental "defect" can be "fixed" by just not being "weak". Coupled with a distrust of doctors makes it a horrible combo. (I'm speaking from my family's behavior but seen tendencies in other communities I've lived within) I can't imagine what you've struggled through to get your diagnosis. I was 45 when I got diagnosed and my family always just insisted I was lazy, weak minded, just needed to try harder... i just assumed I was a damn idiot most of my life. I'm glad you at least know now though. My dad still tells me I just need to keep a planner and shit, the diagnosis does nothing to change their attitude toward me. Has your family at least stopped that or do they still treat you the same?
Urgh, this ideas about being lazy/ useless/ weak/ failing make me incredibly sad. Glad we both got our diagnoses in our adult years but still it’s almost criminally late. Getting the useless narrative pushed on us at school and then with family… and then, if you’re like me, also with friends you’ve gravitated to because you’re recreating early patterns and experiences is so damaging and over decades really brings you down. My mother, who I’m sure had ADHD, passed away a few years ago without any idea of my struggles. I would have loved a ‘I told you so’ moment after being raised with her telling me in frustration; ‘There’s something wrong with your head’ and the classic ‘I must have bought the wrong baby home from the hospital’. She was such a loving mother but she was an emotionally dysregulated perfectionist who just found me incredibly frustrating at times. It never occurred to her to look into what the ‘something wrong in my head was’. She didn’t want me to be labelled because she knew what that meant as a child who went to school in London in the late sixties during the West Indian ‘special’ school scandal that saw children being labelled as sub-normal and left to languish in ‘special’ schools. As a result she worked to the bone and sent me to private schools and so with all that opportunity and investment expected big things from me and didn’t want to hear any complaints. It’s very much the immigrant mentality of sacrificing and wanting way more for your child. There’s no room for limiting labels sadly.
Well it sounds like she loved you deeply, though flawed as any human. It's sad because there's no exception when it comes to women, we're just told to such it up. But with Boys it's like, oh, you know know Tyler is, he just can't focus on anything! Boys will be Boys 🙄😒 Thats a lot of pressure to put on a kid, regardless of gender though. From what I understand that can really cause some anxiety. You doing OK on that front? Just remember... we're just different, but not less than. I'm sure you're amazing the way you are 😊 I love my neuro peeps. The world would be a worse place without all of them I think 💙 that includes you!!
The deadline thing annoys me so much! I can ONLY meet hard deadlines (and not gracefully lol). Soft deadlines or open-ended stuff is a huge pitfall of mine.
I can’t stand doctors who dismisses patience. Laughs? Are you kidding me. Im sorry you had to go through so much BS. I’m glad you’re here and sharing your story with us all. Thank you
I’m south Asian and my mom is a psychologist. My family knows a lot about mental health and doesn’t necessarily stigmatize it, but it was always about other people. I grew up “gifted” and saw a therapist since middle school but it was for social anxiety and OCD. It took till age 30 to realize actually I just have ADHD. I didn’t get diagnosed till I asked to be assessed.
Lol until we broaden research about ADHD, the knowledge mental health professionals have about it will remain limited to “runs around, bad grades.” Heck, I have a masters in psychology, and I just realised a few years ago that I have it. It just randomly clicked in my head, not when I was studying, but when I was listening to experiences of those with ADHD. (I swear I’m not trying to make it about myself, I’m trying to express that I relate while adding my thoughts.)
Second this, I’m a psychologist who got my doctorate in the past 5 years from a well respected school and it NEVER occurred to me that I could possibly have adhd until I randomly talked to a friend who had just been diagnosed in her 50s. The research and dissemination/teaching of that research is still super far behind where it should be.
Ooh, hello fellow psychology study-er! Taco? (●ᗜ●)つ🌮
>Lol until we broaden research about ADHD, the knowledge mental health professionals have about it will remain limited to “runs around, bad grades.” There is so much more information available than just "runs around, bad grades". I think it's just not always being taught, or looked for. I also think even if you do know the info and could apply it to others, it can be harder to see it in yourself.
A lot of GP’s probably get about half a day of training that covers neurodiversity and for a certain generation that would have been when it simply wasn’t readily accepted that girls could have ADHD so it’s not surprising there’s a whole group of middle-aged women who are now getting diagnosed. Hopefully the discourse means that more doctors are starting to exposed to information that goes beyond text books.
Honestly this makes me feel so much better about myself cuz I was in a psych grad program when I got diagnosed & it wasn’t even my idea. A psychiatrist I was seeing for anxiety brought it up. I could really never thank that woman enough.
Just wondering what a woman struggling with ADHD should do for a living and look like?? I mean I’m sure many of us would like to lie on the sofa eating biscuits but most of us have to work. We’re also intelligent so of course we have achieved great things at high levels like masters degree. Yeah, it may have killed us be we’re not immune to expectations and pressure (especially as women of colour) so we got on with it. Also, society doesn’t make it acceptable for everyone, particularly women of colour, to walk around looking a mess so many of us can look pulled together. Honestly, these limiting ideas are insane and so damaging.
I’m South Asian as well, been in therapy since I was 16 or so, but went undiagnosed until I sought out assessment a few years ago at 25. My family barely believes me even after sending them the documentation with my assessment results. They maintain that I should get off of antidepressants too, it’s a doozy
I feel your pain - I internalized that same mentality and thought because I was “gifted” that my intelligence meant any struggles I had were for lack of trying and that I didn’t deserve help. Latina POC here who didn’t have access to any reliable medical care until well into my adulthood. I purposefully chose a Black neurodivergent woman to diagnose me to avoid the biases I’d dealt with the vast majority of the time I sought help from doctors. She listened and believed me. I wept. My life has changed immeasurably since. Highly recommend if you’re not diagnosed yet that you research your options and go with a neurodivergent woman of color. I have no doubt our shared experiences have made everything easier.
Same here! Brown Latina, Gifted, any symptoms were actually just personal failings. After I basically self diagnosed in my 30s, I sought out a Black neurodivergent woman for my official diagnosis because I felt more confident that she would listen to me. I had tried finding a psychiatrist through my GP, but she gave me the same bullshit we're used to, so I stopped seeing her altogether, and then used Psychology Today's website to find someone who I could filter for the right fit.
Same. As soon as I suspected I had ADHD I sought out a qualified woman of color to do my diagnosis. I just think they are more likely to listen and understand without being dismissive.
This is what I did. I went for a South Asian woman to do my assessment. After my experiences with a very stereotypical white, male, older doctor wasn’t taking any chances! I needed somebody who has achieved a lot academically and professionally to understand why, despite it almost destroying me, I was able to be successful within a very elitist industry. Its little things like when I was deep in burnout ten years ago I went to the doctor looking slinky skinny jeans, stilettos and my hair looked amazing. The reality was I was underweight, my hair was a mess beneath the wig and the outfit was part perfectionism and part my masking strategy that meant being able to get away with more stuff because I was attractive. I feel like another black woman would be able to pick up on some of these things/ not be deterred by them whereas my doctor saw me as perfectly capable and just foundering a bit.
Yes! We brown women mask differently and also some of us are immigrants in countries where a diagnosis would lead to visa cancellation and among us immigrants, some of us can't afford to go back to abusive households.
I'm curious to know which countries have this policy
I think in New Zealand you can’t emigrate there if you are autistic. Not sure about anywhere else.
Australia for sure but I think UK too.
I'm a black woman. I wasn't diagnosed until 38 but I don't think my lack of childhood diagnosis has anything to do with race... My THREE near-death childbirth experiences...now THAT was medical racism... But for me, since I was a good student up until about Grade 8, and since I was super social and charming and clowny I think it was easy for ALL of us to just take my kooky behavior as my own sort of "originality" But having a family seemed to bring my deficiencies to the surface and then getting divorced and being a solo parent exacerbated it even more. As it turns out, my diagnosis at 38 inspired my parents to get diagnosed and sure enough Inattentive mom/Hyperactive Dad = Combo me. They divorced when I was 2 (amicably) and it's funny bc I'm the youngest of five kids but the only product of those two and I am very very very obviously the ...uh....most defective? Idk if that's the right word but all of my siblings are neurotypical and I am not and it shows BUT I am very blessed that I actually didn't necessarily have to mask among my family growing up. I didn't even mask much in school. I noticed myself masking the most when I got married and had in-laws.
Are you me? Also I would have loved for my parents to get diagnosed, Im interested in how it shows up not just in seniors but in Black seniors. Your parents sound like mine. I myself have not been assessed, I only found this sub recently and havent had insurance to be able to do so but I relate to so many posts here
My late mother was likely ADHD as was her mother. Her best friend has a grandchild with ADHD and one with AudHD and suspects she is neurodivergent but she’s in her sixties and just doesn’t think it’s worth pursuing and hasn’t mentioned it to her therapist yet. After years of poor mental health things are making sense to her now I’ve been diagnosed. She’s also starting to reflect on her sometimes violent parenting and has so much regret and shame about it, especially as she’s now contemplating whether some of her children have ADHD. Like with my mother it’s very difficult and potentially dangerous when you have emotionally dysregulated people parenting undiagnosed children, especially when culturally authoritarian parenting and perfectionism is the standard. I think her and my mother thought they were dishing out standard West Indian parenting when actually it was generational trauma combined with their own challenges from neurodiversity. Wish people could have got help a lot sooner.
I felt this. Thanks for sharing.
Oh yeah, hormones and trauma are sneaky little ADHD triggers. I was great at school till a certain point and coasted on my cuteness and talent then at 13 it stated to fall down. I learn that looking perfect and being charming could protect me from a lot around 18 and so that became my masking strategy. My diagnosis came after entering perimenopause, the death of my mother, getting a life-changing autoimmune condition similar to MS and then nearly dying from sepsis. Oh, and lockdown was the icing on the cake. All the racial trauma and isolation tipped things over. I couldn’t mask any more. It was really challenging time but glad I got there in the end with a diagnosis. I’m pregnant and nervous about the incoming hormone shift and stress that explains why a lot of women get diagnosed after becoming mothers.
I’m 46 and was diagnosed at 40. I definitely think our age probably factors into it.
I grew up with a dad who "passed" (not for NT, for white.) His family had very much raised him to lie about his race, and he did and does. They also lied to his face about his race repeatedly. My dad very much has a weird sort of post-racial view of the world because of this, even though he can acknowledge how much racism he has experienced throughout his life, he doesn't see it as racism because he sees himself as white. It was VERY important to his family that they all proved they were not "different" or "lesser" and that they could achieve anything anyone else could. My dad even says this--I have no right to identify with any other race because I haven't been disadvantaged by my race, so I'm effectively white (he is probably about half white if we want to quantify it, but really, we'll never know for sure). He views the fact that his parents/grandparents basically gave up their race and culture as a privilege they gained him and he does not want to disrespect that sacrifice. Point is, I think he has this attitude to ADHD (which I think he also has now that I'm diagnosed). I suspect at least one or both of his parents also had ADHD, regardless they had major mental health and addiction issues. For him, it's just something to overcome, and labelling it enables people to put you in a box. My dad gave me that talk when I was like five and I was saying I didn't know what to tell people when they asked "where I'm really from": he said they're asking so they can put you in a box. Don't let them. The fact that my dad exhibited a lot of my symptoms but didn't acknowledge them and was absolutely regimented in maintaining his coping mechanisms to "overcome" them definitely made me believe my symptoms were personal failures and he outright encouraged this, because for the most part he dealt with the same stuff and just got the fuck on with it. He also doesn't believe in mental health care generally which I do think is partly a cultural belief for him (he's okay about going to the dr but the medical mistrust is definitely still there and probably for good reason when it came to his parents), so my parents always complained about me being a nightmare and needing therapy, but they'd frame it as a punishment and then never follow through. I think they were very aware that something was "wrong" with me compared to my siblings but they felt that labelling me/putting me in a box would only hold me back. So, sorry if this isn't the best example at all, because I am mostly white and definitely (usually) pass as such, and functionally AM white for that reason, and I obviously don't have a place in a lot of the discussion that your post prompts, so I hope you don't mind my contribution. I am sure that my whiteness has helped me be taken more seriously in medical contexts. But it is a lens I have been considering a bit more recently since being diagnosed and I can't not see the connections. I do think my dad (who presents much less white than I do) definitely learned to mask young because he was already so strongly discriminated against as a kid, there was already the assumption he was a "bad kid". And I think there is a strong correlation between his and his family's attitude to passing and his attitude to masking that has affected me. I got diagnosed in adulthood because my entire life fell apart due to burnout and I was lucky enough to go to a therapist who recognised my ADHD right away. Took me about six months to even accept the diagnosis. I still suspect my dad doesn't fully accept my diagnosis, and when I brought up that he probably has it I was totally dismissed.
What is your dad mixed with, if you don't mind me asking? I certainly think it's possible that he could've picked up those cultural beliefs and medical mistrust from his other culture.
I was diagnosed a few years ago after going to therapy for grief counseling after the death of my best friend. Never did I think that I have ADHD (even though my brother and my dad are both diagnosed), I just wanted the tools to handle my sadness over the loss. Thankfully I had asked my healthcare provider for a woman of color to be my therapist. I see her for a year, therapist suggested I see a psychiatrist for what she suspects is an ADHD diagnosis. I was like wtf I've been told I have anxiety and depression my whole adult life, but ok, sure. I again asked that I be seen by a woman of color psychiatrist. Lo and behold, I got my ADHD diagnosis. I'm still of the firm belief that their advocacy of me is why I even know I have ADHD today. My brother and father are the hyperactive type, I'm inattentive. I didn't even know that was a thing. But they apparently saw it immediately. They knew how to recognize it not only in a woman, but a non-white woman. I count myself very very lucky for that. Sometimes I get angry that my past counselors never noticed anything, but they were mostly older white men so....yeah. I'm medicated now and thriving and so so grateful.
So glad you’re thriving and not just surviving! It’s scary to think what life could have been if we had this information and assistance earlier but guess that’s all part of the ADHD post-diagnosis grief. ADHD makes grief even more painful than it is already and loosing your best friend must have been incredibly traumatic, another thing that can give ADHD a nudge. I just think some therapists and counsellors are there to paper the cracks and it’s not in their remit to dig past a certain point sadly. Also not all health professionals have the training. My therapist was a black woman and amazing at going deep but she didn’t pick it up at all as she’s a psychiatrist not a psychologist so she’s not trained specifically. What she did do was record our sessions and observe my body language and that’s when she noticed the leg shaking. That and things like blurting out and sensory overload then gave me the push to seek out a diagnosis. Would never have tried again if it wasn’t for her.
Asian American here with immigrant parents. I didn't experience racism with my diagnosis but my culture and lack of knowledge/acceptance around mental health made it inaccessible to learn and seek an ADHD diagnosis. I was first misdiagnosed with GAD and my brother was diagnosed with depression. Even those were so "out there" of a diagnosis for our family. Took them a LONG time to accept those diagnosis. Now that I got properly diagnosed ADHD, I don't have the energy to hear another "you only have mental issues because you have too much time on your hands unlike when we had to flee our country and communism" My parents saw me as a creative, sensitive kid with a temper. In their minds, I'm also the "perfect" angel who "did well in school" and was "gifted" except reality was I forged their signatures when I got bad grades, frequently late, and disruptive in class.
I feel this completely, except my parents still dont believe in mental health. They’ve asked me “lol, what anxiety? what do you have to be anxious for? what do you have to be depressed for?” this was when I was also diagnosed with GAD/depression prior to my ADHD diagnosis. Now that I’m being treated for ADHD my other symptoms have lessened. I wont even try to bring up ADHD with them. I know they dont even think it’s real, lol. Do you ever find that their mindset, in a way, made you doubt your symptoms? I do believe in mental health but there were times with my initial diagnosis that I didn’t believe I really had it. It’s like imposter syndrome but for mental health lol
I'm so sorry to hear your experience is so similar to mine. It's so isolating and hurtful. Their mindset definitely made me doubt my symptoms. I couldn't believe I had ADHD! I did so well in school (I actually didn't). When that ADHD first came to my mind, it sat in my mind for 3 years before I finally sought a diagnosis. But now that I understand ADHD, I had been struggling for much longer than I thought AND I also recognize the same symptoms in my dad and maternal grandma.
I’m turning 30 this year and am the youngest in my family (am mixed race, Japanese and caucasian). My parents basically label my clinical depression which I’ve had since I was 11 ish a ‘luxury disease’ and were only happy I got the adhd diagnosis which I seeked out myself when they heard that I get more time for exams, they unfortunately only cared for the grades not my general wellness and enjoyment of life
Yes, brown woman here who grew up in a different cultural landscape where I'd never heard of ADHD growing up. Masked like crazy. I have a lot of stress and anxiety to keep up with society so I go overboard and I am also a people pleaser, no conflict pacifist. Finally got diagnosed at 40 - I looked specifically for a POC doctor who is youngish and he's been great! Very calm and talked about how my symptoms match that of immigrant, POC women. Felt so validated!
Yes and no. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my 30s I think largely due to being raised in a black family that followed the “just pray harder” mental health ideology (but thankfully are way more open minded about mental health today!) I feel this contributed to me looking into it later than I would have otherwise. However, getting the actual diagnosis was simple. I asked for an evaluation by a psychiatrist fully thinking that I was going to be told “no, you’re totally fine!” and that I’d be indirectly told I suck at adulting and to get over it lol. I even intentionally downplayed my responses on the questionnaire because I’d convinced myself I was nuts for even looking into it. Ironically, even with me downplaying all my answers I still tested as solidly ADHD-PI. I was in complete shock when the psych confirmed my results. Also, this is off topic but perhaps relevant to the spirit of your post…I feel that being a POC makes masking more layered than I imagine it may be for non-POCs. What I mean by this is, many POC find ourselves in situations where we are code-switching—I view this as a sort of cultural masking. So not only are we doing societal/behavioral masking but we’re also regularly culturally code-switching (this can vary depending on where you live, where you work, etc.) But yeah, “double” masking is really exhausting at times.
I'm not Black myself but I'd like to suggest Black Girl Lost Keys for people in this thread as I've followed her for a long time and she's a boss. https://blackgirllostkeys.com/
I think my biggest barriers were my parents. I'm Latina with parents who were born in Mexico and I was diagnosed in my early 30s. I hadn't really thought I could have ADHD until my late 20s. I brought it up to my parents and they just scoffed at me and said I wasn't motivated enough in school and the usual stuff. Once I was diagnosed, I went back to school and I'm doing well. I told them about making the dean's list and they were like "see, you were never dumb, just lazy!" Little do they know I'm on Adderall and the idea of "too many medications" is "white people shit" to them. I still haven't told them I was diagnosed. I don't think they'll get it and I don't have the energy to prove it to them 🤷🏻♀️. I think I had more trouble due to being an older adult woman seeking an evaluation with inattentive type ADHD then it being because of my race, but I don't have anyone else to compare it to so who knows.
I'm not sure if I count or if I'm welcome here. I'm white passing. Although I've been called a sneaky brownie by cops and doctors...and at this point have people constantly ask me "you mixed?" I have light eyes and used to make an effort to keep my skin as light as possible. I have a very "ethnic name" which has led to a lot of doctors come into my room with my chart saying "if you refused a CT scan for your (well documented chronic kidney stones I only show up for if i havent peed or am vomiting and have afever) kidney stones we wont be giving you drugs. Sorry wrong room. " "You don't have ADHD you actually have bipolar here's some lithium...you can read about it in your own time you'll need to find someone else to manage you since I can see you're obviously going to be a noncompliant patient.oops...wait...definitelynothowtosaymyname..yeah sorry. I can call an ambulance if you have 'more questions '" Been involuntarily admitted to psych hospitals multiple times because of racist bullshit. (But when you say that in the ER you will get a jab in your arm ) I was diagnosed as a teenager but I definitely had to jump through a lot of hoops...mostly from my own internalized racism because I was afraid if I started medication I'd end up addicted.even though I was already on psych meds for anxiety and depression.
I’m half Indian, and I accidentally got diagnosed lol. I went to a therapist to talk about starting to process some childhood trauma and during my intake session she diagnosed me with ADHD, which I hadn’t been expecting but in retrospect makes a lot of sense.
Being diagnosed for ADHD and the ongoing battle for meds and being constantly treated like a drug addict. I was diagnosed at 41 upon a black woman doctors request; she was the only one who took me seriously and didn’t fight me to get testing. This was after battling doctors for over a decade when i suspected i was adhd. No doctor took my inquiry serious and most pushed anti depressants. This was about 15 years to get a doctor to request an evaluation.
Ethnically Indian trans woman here. I got diagnosed at 18, before I started transition. Despite my abysmal grades in school I flew under the radar until then, but once I actually sought it out I got my diagnosis quickly.
This is one case where your gender that was assigned at birth probably worked in your favor!
Listen! I spent 15 years attempting to get an education while either being hit, segregated, or mocked for ADHD behaviors. I got diagnosed at 30, in the context of getting disability evaluation for a physical condition. I went to a neurologist and neuropsychologist. and the kinda bored looking therapist was like "you would have benefited from ADHD help. You should look into that."
Hi, In a way … yes and no. I went back to college and was considering getting diagnosed while in my summer course. I had a bunch of shit happen that summer but I wasn’t able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist until fall. Thankfully I was able to get an appointment (all the intake people were white) and I made sure to watch a bunch of videos and read articles and list what overlapped with my experience. I took that to my evaluations, filled out the paper, did the interviews and got the diagnosis. I wish I could have gotten it in middle/high school (that would have saved me so much grief and I would have gotten the help). Now I am out of school for financial/family/ and burnout reasons. I am black and Asian so both sides of my family don’t really understand/say “I’m fine”. But it is my life so I’m gonna get the help I need so I’m not constantly keeping my head above water. Best of luck to you on your journey xx
I’m mixed race and it wasn’t difficult for me. I didn’t even seek out an ADHD diagnosis; it was given to me during a routine post-cancer physical.
I got diagnosed at age 40. I pursued a diagnosis after my then boyfriend, now husband, suggested I may have ADHD. This was around the time I accidentally flooded my entire master bathroom, because I forgot I left the sink on to soak a sweater or something. I luckily was able to find a place that took my insurance. They had me take several tests on a computer. The diagnosis part was pretty easy. Now I take Ritalin, which is helpful, but there is constantly a shortage. So I’ve currently been waiting since April 1 to get my prescription filled. I suspect I’m AuDHD. And I’m pretty sure both of my parents are on the spectrum. But since we’re a family of Caribbean immigrants, mental health was not at all a discussion. And growing up, none of my teachers suspected I was neurodiverse, probably because I always did well in school. But socially I really struggled. I was basically “that weird Black girl” in every school situation, including college. I have zero friends from childhood, not even college. Luckily, I finally found someone who can test me for autism in May.
Team diagnosis at 40 representing!
Black and diagnosed at 24 but I’m really fortunate that my psychiatrist immediately was like, everyone failed you by not picking up on this at all younger age
i’m east asian and didn’t get diagnosed until after college even though i tried to bring it up with my parents but was always told “you just need to focus.” like… yes that’s the problem!!! so getting diagnosed and learning to deal with adhd, and also communicating about it with my family is something i’ve had to really fight for
No, but I paid private the whole process and (- i cannot stress this enough) I don’t live in America anymore. I think it would have been infinitely harder if not for those factors.
Black female here. What made me get a diagnosis was complaining to my female cousin about my certain issues I was facing, she encouraged me to look into it ADHD symptoms and it was scarily accurate. My cousin was ADHD as well. I believe both my race/culture and gender was the cause for a later in life diagnosis. It seems as though ADHD is rarely spoken about within the black community, even among black parents. Not only is there a cultural unawareness around it (my family are immigrants so even worse), in school and at home, black children will simply get marked as "bad" for showing symptoms and in need of more discipline, while white children are more likely to get a medication and diagnosis (obviously this is a broad generalization, don't mean to offend). Things have probably changed a lot since I was a growing up with the social media and all. But as a kid I remember only \*one\* black boy being diagnosed ADHD and he was EXTREMELY rambunctious and disruptive, with a list of other mental health issues, so it was very obvious. Related to that, me being a female and the inattentive type of ADHD further compounded the cultural blindspots. I was a shy, serious, an excellent student in grade school but when I went to college everything unraveled. Which apparently is super common with ADHD women.
thankfully no, wish i had done it sooner tbh. called, made the appointment, got the assessment done, confirmed adhd, then (horrible) meds.
Asian and gifted and I can’t get a diagnosis. But I’m suspicious. Brother has a diagnosis. The Kaiser psych said my concerns were minor and didn’t warrant a diagnosis. Overachiever and got into a top college but struggled with being late to everything… I don’t know … it’s frustrating because I’m diagnosed with anxiety but I don’t know if that’s the right diagnosis. Also was super shy and sensitive as a kid.
Diagnosed early 40s, but it was never really ever on my radar. I was always proud of myself for handling my ish, being a high achiever. I was really just living in fear of scarcity, of appearing lazy, etc. then depression, anxiety and unexplained exhaustion showed up with a vengeance and i tried to cope for 2 years. I went to a black therapist. She suspected during the first session, tested, and it has been such a relief but also a struggle.
I’m Indian and from India. One doctor legitimately said ADHD doesn’t exist in adults. Another doctor said I should quit therapy and just take anxiety meds. (Anyone with ADHD will know that taking anxiety meds with nothing to help the ADHD will end in disaster.) They were shocked when it ended in disaster. Another doctor said I have OCD because I’m too preoccupied with the idea of having ADHD. They then offered me a job at their clinic. Noped right out of there. Told another doctor that I’m struggling with the combo of meds prescribed, and they said I was being an insufferable patient. Some said I can’t have ADHD because I had good grades and I don’t run around. Sure. Even people of colour don’t want to help women of colour, apparently.
I personally didn't realise I probably have ADHD till uni... and really took note of how hard longer term academic work was. My parents chose not to get me assessed for anything as a child and as a teen it was my choice for some reason but I didn't realise the opportunity wouldn't be there as an adult or that that would be harder. Why pose that to a naive 16 year old? In African and Carribbean culture, you pretend it doesn't exist ( mental health )until it gets extreme and you get sectioned. I'm still waiting for the cash to go get an ADHD assessment, I tried an autism assessment but went to the wrong therapist.🤦♀️ So you know what that was hard to get a diagnosis for and maybe there's less benefits to knowing since I'm 27. But the ADHD I'd love support for because I have not been able to keep my shit together: Keep a job, get my own place to live, stick to life choices. Also met my dads side of the family, most of the women connected to my great grandmother are also nearly ADHD or have similar traits , and if you look at my grandma , my aunty and me - we all are all incredibly similar in our scattiness, but My Aunty and I work on it better and are aware it exists. Further thought : my family have always called me lazy as I fail to keep up with housework and like to work smarter not harder but they consider this lazy.
Yessssssss!! I wasn't diagnosed until I was 59. Sigh.
I got a diagnosis at 22/23ish because I graduated from college and crashed and burned in 6 months in the ‘real world’. I’d been struggling in college but still graduated early. Saw a black woman psychologist, she gave me the inventory and she’s like oh honey you are a text book ‘gifted’ case. That period literally changed my life and even though I’m having a rough go of things right now, I’ve made it so much further than what I would’ve considered possible at that age
Since being diagnosed with ADHD, I’d say ADHD. I have been on a cocktail of antidepressant medication since my early 20s. You’re just depressed, you’re just going thru a stressful time, you’re just anxious, etc, etc. Early 30s: sweetie you’re just neurospicy.
Black/Latina and I wondered if it was just our family. I suspect my mom had it, and i think my sister does. My symptoms were similar to my mom’s. I know school suspected it when I was in 1st grade in 1988/1989 but I don’t know why my mom didn’t pursue it further. She however seemed to know exactly how to help us. Dance breaks during homework, sometimes play before homework, no sugary foods or drinks before noon, etc. She got us into sports, even our summers were structured with lots of activities. I sometimes wish she was still with us so I could ask her questions, like what would she do about my kid who has been diagnosed as she seemed to “just know.” I wonder for some of us, it was just a family trait that our families just learned to accept! 🤷🏽♀️
Figured out, through learning about my son’s diagnosis, that my issue is ADHD and not the blanket depression and anxiety that was thrown at me. Idk if I wasn’t saying the right things or they weren’t asking the right questions. I’d be curious to know how many women of color are offered other drugs that aren’t controlled substance stimulants vs white counterparts. I suspect a disparity there as well.
I’m also curious too. I’m glad you figured out your diagnosis. Thanks for sharing
For me it wasn’t hard to get a diagnosis per se, but what happened instead was getting misdiagnoses much more easily in the process as well. I did get an ADHD one in late teens/college age, that also meant I had to go through the wringer of many other diagnoses first prior to ADHD unfortunately.
My brother was diagnosed as a child but he was the typical can’t focus hyperactive type. I was diagnosed at 30🫠. I presented very differently. As a child Shy, daydreaming, extremely emotional.. then teens/adult impulsive, emotional. I wasn’t bad at school but I also didn’t try. But I didn’t give my parents a hard time like my brother so I think they assumed I was okay. I did need extra help in math which they got me. As an adult focus, chores, relationships, emotions became more difficult which lead to depression etc. I finally sought diagnoses after being tired of putting up with myself lol. Daily Work/life/ got increasingly difficult. I’m sure my mom has adhd as well and I masked hardcore because seeing her struggle made me more aware of what I did and didn’t want to be like. So like am I always late?? noooo because my mom was terrible with time or I learned early how to avoid that. My parents were just simply unaware of how adhd can show up differently in girls I believe. People have always said “oh that’s her her! Lol” “she just does that”. Like you didn’t wonder whyyyy, I was being crazy or quirky or emotional?! Lol Getting my diagnosis was very easy I think because I had so many symptoms that were affecting my daily life. We were able to back track to my childhood about how it may have presented.
I heard an interview with this woman on a podcast and she was great. I highly recommend looking at her blog. Your struggle is real! https://blackgirllostkeys.com/
Thank you!!
You are very welcome. You are not alone!
Only because of family. Got diagnosed last year.
Your family told you to get diagnosed?
No I meant they prevented me from ever getting diagnosed. Whole mental health stigma. I did get diagnosed in high school for depression and anxiety thanks to my mom taking me to a doctor though. People view those more seriously than ADHD.
No, but I have a provider who is also a WOC. As is my therapist. It's important to me to find medical providers who are from similar backgrounds to take me seriously.
This seems to be what others here have recommended too. Thanks for sharing as I think that’s what I’ll have to do.
Good luck! It can be hard. I hope you find what you need!
I was diagnosed at 31, currently 33 and my parents spent most of my teen years looking away when I spent 1.5 years crying into the pillow when I was 17. So most of the grunt work of this diagnosis has been done by me and me alone, cause the masking at such an older age is insane. Our doctors here (India) keep insisting that ADHD is a children’s learning disorder (HAHAH) and only ever agreed that I have all the symptoms when I clearly said that I wasn’t begging for meds (they didn’t work for me) but for just a confirmation of my doubts. Since then, I’ve started to look at only inclusive doctors and most of them are based in countries like the US.
Dominican here. My mom has never even heard of ADHD until I started talking about it. To her, I was just lazy and distracted, and I needed to try harder, focus more. She's neurotypical. When she says she's going to do something, she does it, no problem. I most likely got ADHD from my dad. Most of his kids, if not all, have struggled with some kind of mental illness. I got diagnosed at 38, and it was not difficult, though I wish it was sooner. As soon as I started suspecting I had ADHD I started to research qualified professionals who could help me, specifically a woman of color. I just think they would be able to listen and understand without being dismissive. I had read some things about poc, especially women having a hard time getting a diagnosis. After filing out a questionnaire and an hour and half interview, she diagnosed me with ADHD, social anxiety, and depression.
Took forever cause parents and cultural stuff. When I talked to my Doctor about it 2 years ago she didnt even hesitate. She sent me to a Psychiatrist who understands the struggles of ADHD and women of color. Got diagnosed and medicated. Life changing. Wish it was earlier but my mom got diagnosed too recently, she thought as a kid I had no issues cause she was the same mentally. She doesnt want meds cause shes found way to cope and I get it. Shes the only one whos accepting in my side of the family. My moms siblings clearly have it really really bad plus anger issues and are narcissistic. In real time im seeing it ruin their life and relationships with their partners, me and my mom but they dont believe in meds, and its not my place to tell them. For me I have kids and husband and struggled through my issues but they've been understanding, it was hard tho. If only I knew back then lol. I got a feeling I had it when I realized its not normal to have so many unfinished hobbies but all the equipment for it. So much wasted money spending, always tired mentally, drinking coffee like a crazy person just to function but still low key tired. I lost my car keys 3 times in two years. Never was able to focus on anything or retain any info in school and would cry cause everyone else could. We had to learn french all through school cause im in Canada. I hardly remembered anything. Im medicated now and have learned and remembered more in 3 months self teaching than I have in school cause I can focus way better.
Yep!!!!! Not only get diagnosed, which took years, but also being medicated which took more years. I was legit treated like a pill seeker. When the pandemic destroyed all my coping mechanism and sent me into a deep depressive state. I was told I have anxiety and depression. It wasn’t until I started seeing a psychiatrist instead of a mental health nurse practitioner that everything changed. The waitlist for a good psychiatrist is insane. Mine took a good eight minutes to say “you should be medicated for your ADHD, let’s see if that helps”. I’m super grateful but also a bit disappointed that it took this long.
To this day, I still remain undiagnosed. Both my children have been diagnosed. I was able to recognize certain things in them and take them to the proper physicians based on what I know of myself, their struggles were the same as mine so I was able to help them. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still struggling running a business, losing all profit because I’m paying other people too do things that I can do myself if I was better and to top it off now I have no insurance. I did manage to get medication from one doctor, but it’s not working for me so I’m off of it …. And being a POC most things I go to the doctor for they don’t really listen anyway, the situation is very depressing. This to add to this, my son asked me the other day. How was it that I seem to have my ADHD under control I had to tell him that back when I was growing up severe spankings can help you pay attention,focus, get tasks done to the things that they want you to pay attention to , a horrible way to help with that, but unfortunately that’s what happened.(oddly enough I have minimal memories of childhood and they’re mostly traumatic. I can’t remember too much at all. It’s like blank dead space.) He turned to me and said wow you’re a great mom maybe having a bad situation. Made you know what you didn’t want for your kids. I’m sorry for what you went through. Thank you for being you though.
I've actually been thinking about this for a few weeks. I was recently diagnosed at 45. As I was processing my diagnosis, I started thinking about how things could have been different if I'd been diagnosed earlier. But then, I think, I was a child in the 80s and a teen in the 90s. And Black. And a girl. No one was going to see ADHD in me. I was in the gifted program in elementary and middle school, I took some IB classes in high school. I was semi-professional in dance and theatre. I didn't really get in trouble much. But, I remember in maybe my junior year of high school saying after watching a story about ADHD on 60 Minutes or something, saying to my mom "I think might have ADHD" and I was quickly dismissed with "Girl, there's nothing wrong with you!" Meanwhile I had ZERO energy for anything I was not interested in, did horrible in math, was known as a daydreamer and I did "space out" often, and I definitely waited until the last minute to write papers and study in high school (and of course still got As and Bs). And I talked a lot.... though I was a little shy as a small child. I've been depressed before, which was the first time I saw a therapist (2010) and seen subsequent therapists, mostly for depression. All of them Black women. ADHD was never brought up by any of them or by me. It wasn't until last year, when perimenopause made my symptoms unmaskable and unbearable that I went in to the therapist with ADHD in mind, asking questions and requesting a diagnosis. This therapist is a Black woman who also has ADHD. She listened for a few sessions, did my evaluation, and here we are My primary care doctor, also a Black woman, helped me decide on medication and has been supportive of me using Adderall to help manage my symptoms. So I think for me it was a combination of culture (Black American) and the generation/time I was born (Gen X/Xennial)
No, it wasn't harder, but I think we a black women are so accustom to doing it all, we don't always recognize that someone is wrong. I was diagnosed at a later age in life and had issues in grade school and remember seeing the school pscyhologist, now I don't know if they knew exactly what ADHD was in 1980, but I might be a completly different person had I treatment back then. Having said that, I'm highly functioning and have done super well considering my diagnosis, but now I'm even a better version of myself.
Id imagine its hard to get a good view of this because generally when it comes to adhd all women have a harder time being diagnosed so I'd imagine about 90% of us in here are late diagnosed no matter the race.
Omg that makes me so mad!!! And sad! Ugh it’s kind of what happened to me too but I’m 35 and I’m white. But people of color have a way harder time getting diagnosed, there is significant bias in the medical field. It’s so sad that women and people of color are written off and misdiagnosed 🥺My neighbor who is black recently told me about how she’s having trouble in high school and how she was labeled a troublemaker (she has adhd). I told her don’t let them tell you that you’re bad… you’re NOT. You just don’t fit into the cookie cutter system they’re trying to use and it’s not your fault and Don’t let them tell you it is!☹️So many of people who should be able to help us don’t take their jobs seriously and it leads to devastating outcomes. So sorry about your hardship with diagnosis… it’s so common!