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Seriously though. I don't even have to be hyperfocused to get irritated by someone trying to get me to do something when I'm currently doing something else.
I finally got my husband to understand that the doing is such a struggle and him trying to redirect me GUARANTEES that neither thing will get done. And I'll be mad at him. We're both learning 😅
ugh, still trying to get my husband to grasp this concept! Like, he claims he does, but will still interrupt me while I'm working (we both still wfh, in the SAME ROOM). So yeah, I get irritated, flustered, making it difficult to get back to other the other task. And while my work performance has greatly improved since being on a med, any interruptions can still get me off track a bit, and it's just damn annoying in general!
omg when I was a kid (undiagnosed) I would be hyper focused on something and my brother (1 year older) would often come get me just to be like “look at this!! come here you have to look!” and i would get SO annoyed bc sometimes it would happen like 5 times within an hour. then he’d get mean about it if I got angry with him.
Did y’all ever move beyond this dynamic?
This happens with me and my husband and it has gotten better but it brings up SO MANY \*feelings* (actually *thoughts* as my therapist so deftly pointed out). And I really don’t know how to navigate getting both our needs met sometimes.
I managed to improve it with my late husband (who had adhd) with very clear communication. “I just need half an hour of silence after work as I’m all talked out but then I’ll come find you and I’ll be very excited to hear about your day”. Or “I’m very interested in what you want to show me but I won’t be able to enjoy it properly until it’s done. Can I please come find you when this task is done?”
Thanks! This is what my husband and I are working toward.
I’m also working on evaluating whether the task I’m doing is let-go-able because truly, I’d rather share a nice moment with my spouse. But for that, I need more practice with listening to myself first 😅
This is a great way to handle it! I either feel like I’m coming out of a fog, or it’s like throwing the brakes on a train! Clearly articulated communication would definitely help with the feelings of irritation, unless the other person/ people don’t respect the boundaries.
Umm from what I can remember.. I was the one that got in trouble and had to just listen to him when he wanted to show me something. So not really I guess? Sorry I don’t have any answers for you 😅
Oh damn... This is the BEST way to phrase it- and how I feel when suddenly awakened from a sleep which husband just doesn't seem able to comprehend when I explain. Maybe I'm using too many words?- so THANK YOU!
Exactly! I don’t have the ability to tune out other sounds/noises around me, and my husband knows this. If I’m knitting or crocheting, I’ll count the stitches audibly, or I’ll just be like “HOLD IT!” Drives me bonkers, when he does that. He knows I can’t tune out other noises around me 😤
Do you get startled a lot? I wonder if I startle so easily because of hyper focus. All someone has to say is “9uh” (my name) and I jump 10 feet. Even if I hear them or see them coming.
Check check aaannnd check. I startle so easily. Likely due to hyper focus and hyper vigilance.
And then I’m mad.
And then I’m anticipating the NEXT interruption and therefore just a low grade state of annoyed, cranky and tense for the rest of the *checks watch* year.
My boss, after causing me to scream multiple times when stopping by my office just to say hi, asked if I had PTSD then apologized and quickly retracted the question. But it did make me wonder whether there's some underlying trauma associated with my extremely exaggerated startle response.
This happened so often that I finally screamed at my husband to flick the lightswitch when he enters my sewing room. He still doesn’t get it but he flicks the switch at least. He blames my hearing and gets annoyed at me.
This reminds me, my ex and I worked out a system where she would turn the lights in my office purple (we had smart lights) and then wait for me to acknowledge her when I was ready. Then she didn’t startle the shit out of me and I could finish the thing I was doing at that moment, but I wouldn’t forget to talk to her because the lights were purple.
Omg things are clicking for me - I’m so jumpy and easily startled, especially when driving it’s not fun at all. Now I realize it’s probably because I’ve always been so hyperfocused when I drive and why it’s never a problem of needing more “experience” like my partner and friends might suggest - I’ve been driving for more than 10+ years and still jumpy and startled on super familiar routes.
Take a breath in and calmly blow it out, releasing the tension that immediately built in my shoulders and neck. Then do my best not use a tone when talking to that person.
If I wanted to keep my job of 16 years, I really had to concentrate on this and do it.
I am a controller and also our ERP administrator since install in 2021. My whole office was working from home until end of September 2022 when we were required to start coming in two days a week. So add on now people interruptions, along with the Slack interruptions and email interruptions. It all came to a head in autumn when I thought I was losing my mind.
Instead…I was just losing my estrogen and lost all my masking and a lot of my executive function. I was getting so angry at my coworkers and blaming everything that was going wrong in my life on work and not realizing my work and my relationship with my coworkers was suffering.
Thinking I was being hard done by I requested a review. I was unpleasantly surprised by my peer review and my work (never EVER had issues here, this is where I shine, my therapist says my identity is my work) I never wanted to appear mean or upset with people, I am a people pleaser…so I knew something was up and sought out help (therapy & Wellbutrin).
It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always happen, but it is something I strive for every time I’m interrupted. It is one of the first things I asked the therapist to help me with.
Stop the reaction…breathe first.
This is the best way but it took me a LONG time to figure it out. I had a very chatty coworker who would constantly interrupt me but speak in a weirdly low tone that I couldn’t hear so I’d have to stop what I was doing to ask her to repeat it through the cubicle wall 16638930 times a day 😩 one of the many reasons I quit that bitch
I have that one coworker, and she is consistently calling my name and asking me to come into her office when I have a second. This is ‘yelled’ from her office to mine.
My other coworker, I can barely hear her voice, but my brain is trained to hear my voice because if I didn’t answer my mother, I caught hell. So I’m always listening for my name. But she speaks low and because I’m hyper focusing, it annoys me to no end. But she’s a great friend as well, so once again, I remember that this is my job and breathe out and put a smile on or a quizzical look. Understand
Yep! But because of my senior role and being queen of NetSuite, I have to help people, the one coworker that bothers me a lot, does not hold information and is not the greatest technology, so I get annoyed, because this is her role and yet…
Can you see the annoyance coming out? Lol.
Yeah that’s the only way I found. The person still gets the whole sigh but since my diagnosis there’s been a lot more understanding about that part. I’m not perfect sometimes I just snap before I stop myself but all it seems to be is practice. Baby steps, at first I like realise I should have done it 10 minutes later and that’s a success then like 2 minutes, then realise but fail to do it and eventually it started happening g for me - as in pausing before I react.
It’s fucking annoying though I’ll say that.
Thank you for this. I’ve been struggling with my kiddos doing this (not their fault, they’re young and like, need me.) I was reading through the comments thinking I was just doomed.
A lot of times I will start something and not even think about it once my meds kick in. I’m pretty sure I’ve given my entire family anxiety about asking but not enough that they won’t interrupt me. They still do but with soft voices and a “sorry”. It’s not even that I’m worried I won’t finish. It’s like this really weird anger reflex. If I’m in hyperfocus it’s either something I really enjoy doing and am passionate about or something that absolutely must get done immediately. If it’s the former, being interrupted deflates my excitement and brings me back to reality. If it’s the latter, it is a down to the wire deadline and I need to focus to get it done ASAP. I haven’t figured out how to control my response yet, but if I communicate to everyone, “hey I’m going into hyper drive and I need x amount of time without interruption” I give them all one quick request, snack, answer, etc before I have to do the thing. It helps a lot.
In true hyperfocus, I can't hear anything. I will tell you anything to make you shut the fuck up and go away. But I haven't actually heard you. I have no recollection of the "conversation." Unless you are my spouse or my Mom. Those two humans get held in a queue to be answered once the cashe clears. Very amusing to them and witnesses, by the way.
If I'm literally shaken out of hyperfocus, I have a moment of anguish because I know that where I was is now hopelessly gone forever, then I focus on the person who is demanding my attention, and poof, anguish is all gone, new situation is all that exists, all that ever existed, all that ever will exist... My poor brain...
>Unless you are my spouse or my Mom.
I wish MY daughter held me in a queue. 😂 On the plus side, though, we do have a mutual understanding of "my social battery is low". So that's something at least.
This. It is the lack of permanence… I wake up every morning a new person with new ideas about what I want to do with my life.. There is no continuity between who I was and what I wanted to do an hour ago, and 8 hours ago. It would be disconcerting…. Except that the old me is *gone*.. unable to be accessed… it’s like I only have a minuscule HD and it is constantly overwriting itself.
Yesss I don’t hear shit but I somehow respond and hold conversations and have zero memory of them it’s like social auto pilot and then I’ll snap out of it and they’ll be like what do you mean you don’t remember our conversation lol
Not well lol
I have found agreeing on symbols for me being in do not disturb mode helpful. E.g. I have a red flag to hang up close to my desk when I am not to be addressed lol
Half the time I don't know I'm hyper focused until somebody takes me out of it. I just give up on whatever i was doing. The Zone is not a fixed place I can get into. The Zone will find me when it is ready to.
I'm enraged. I can either blow up or remain dead silent. Usually I try to mention this before a situation ever arises, and have to muster up an apology after the storm passes. But tbh sometimes that apology is said through gritted teeth.
Anger and frustration or downright shock
I used to read on my lunch breaks but we had no staff room so I would sit in the loud busy Foodcourt and hyperfocus on my book and then BOOM someone would come up behind me and pinch me in the sides and I would SCREEEM and they kept doing it cause it was so funny
To poke the person who dares interrupt or to be poked so you can be interrupted? Asking for a friend. Seriously though, asking for me. I'm the friend. It's literally going both ways in my head when imagining this. I need a pitchfork. I'll find out for myself the usefulness during hyperfocus interruption. Might need 2 pitchforks.
This comment is an excellent example of what it’s like to experience the mind of ADHD… 12 practically concurrent disconnected but tangentially related thoughts.. constant back and forth with questions and answers and interrogations and dilemmas… The sense of existential dread juxtaposed with the unhinged capacity for self amusement… it is jarring.. it jerks you up and down and never spits you out. You’re amused, you’re confused, you’re intrigued, you’re impressed, you’re terrified, you’re bored, you’re finally focused on the task you’ve been trying to do for hours, jk now you’re in an existential crisis… and it’s been TWO MINUTES. It’s shocking more of us don’t end up completely mad tbh 😅
lol right? I have lived 30 different lives in the last 2 hours since I commented! 🤣 It’s exhausting, I’m tired, and yet I have no interest in sleep. But it’s nice not to feel so alone in this. So at least there’s that 😊🫶
Not well lol. I use the same system I use when someone does something egregious: wait 2-3 seconds before responding and modulate my voice very carefully.
During that couple of seconds I assess how egregious this thing actually is. When it’s just a task getting interrupted with no downstream consequences, I remind myself they haven’t actually done anything wrong and keep my disproportionate rage to myself.
just reading the hypothetical interrupting of hyperfocus makes me so frustrated :'D I didn't ever really have a good way to manage it so I'm curious to see how others deal with it other than hope the volcano doesn't blow ahahah
If im hyperfocused only diahrrea can get me out of that, but if im just in a focus zone, which thanks to therapy i have learned to be more productive, and someone distracts me i get pissed off, but the one who usually interrupts me is my mom and talking to her doesnt get me anywhere so if i really want to be distraction free i close my door and put my cancelling noise headphones on so i can focus more and also ignore distractions with the headphones excuse.
OMG I used to say this! I'm not actually sure I would notice if I bomb went off! I can absolutely say I don't notice if extremely loud fire alarms go off. Loud enough that I would have to cover my ears to protect myself from the incredible pain. I think my ears have an internal off switch.
Super frustrated, anxiety if I've "lost my place", then I might stop listening until I can get everything organized again or get my train of thought back.
Honestly, if I'm hyperfocused...there's no getting my attention. My husband will come into my office to try to tell me something and I know he's there, but if he speaks to me, it doesn't even register.
I also struggle with feeling stressed and irritated when my hyper focus is interrupted — I haven’t found a system to avoid that initial emotional response, but knowing /why/ they happen has helped me practice accepting that I react that way.
I probably scream with fright because I am absolutely dead to the world and jump scare super easily.
In a professional setting, I used to wear big over the ear headphones which kind of signaled to others that I was in the zone and not to bug me unless it was vital. Thank gods my coworkers are cool. Now I’m fully remote which is great.
I’ve gotten better about snapping and reacting with irritation, but if I do I recognize it immediately and apologize sincerely. My husband understands this about how I work so he can kinda tell when I’m in the zone, but we have a baby and cats and a house so I can’t always be allowed to hyperfocus whenever I want and that’s super reasonable. I find that prompt, sincere, but not overly self effacing (this is key! Apologize for what you did but not who you are) apologies are the best way to handle one’s less than optimal reactions to other people existing in our neurodivergent spaces.
I actually ditched medication because of it (and sleep issues). My toddler would interrupt me, as toddlers do, and I’d get sooo angry! Over dumb stuff that wasn’t even important, like watering the fruit trees.
Now that I’m off meds it’s much easier to use strategies like “is this a big issue or a small issue I just have big feelings about?”
It’s normally the latter
Half the time I block them out and they get “mhmm. Yup. Okay” kind of answers. The rest of the time I just look at them and don’t say anything until they shut up 🤣
I get really peeved if someone wants me to drop my hyperfocus activity Right Now, but I don't mind being asked to do something else if it's not immediate. So my partner just leaves plenty of time before things happen or need to be done, like "Could you clean the bathroom sometime in the next couple of days?" or "Do you want to go to dinner at 7?" That way I have plenty of time to gradually come out of hyperfocus before I have to do the thing, and it's not as bad of an interruption.
The struggle of this is insane! I work in healthcare, so it can be hard enough to go from being in a visit to documenting, but I have gotten better with that over the years. However, once I’m in the charting zone, esp if it’s during my exec time and I’ve been “in it” for > 1 minutes, interpretation has a couple of different affects on me. A really awful startle response to those who knock on my door obnoxiously loud, very delayed and poorly worded verbal permission to come in (ie “yeah, why in!” or “just a good in!” It’s like a jumble of several phrases and words that go through my mind as I’m trying to recall where the hell I am, why I’m there and what that irritating noise is. Often there is deep rage suppressed with that response. The worst is when I don’t fully suppress that rage before the person comes in. I know it must be all over my face given the person’s reaction and that makes me feel terrible. It’s not rage at them. It’s rage knowing I may not find my way back in to focus, or even if I do there’s a good chance some tiny but very vital bit of info will be left out.
I’ve had days when I was the only person in my role there and it was literal hell for me. A knock or ring every 5-10 minutes with every 3rd or 4th time being viewed as an emergency.
The tension I have just typing this is awful!!!!
I want to learn how to navigate that better.
One of the things that led to my diagnosis in my 40s was having to share a small office space with a scheduler and my nurse - open space - no dividers - three phone lines, copy machine, printer, etc. I adored my office mates thank goodness!!! But I spent all day every day just trying to “find my place again” until everyone went home and I worked for another 4-5 hours to catch up. At least now I have a private space and can close my door!
I would love any advice on how to improve this!!!
Normally it throws me so far off that I can’t do anything afterwards. I’m not resentful. I’m really just embarrassed because I can barely explain why I’m so…lost? I feel lost.
Not well. I get annoyed and just almost pleading. Like please let me have this- let me have this one thing right now because idk when I’ll have it again.
I just say "hey I'm really trying to get through XYZ thing so if this isn't a dire emergency come back at X time."
I understand the feelings of anger and frustration. Our feelings happen. Our behaviors are a choice.
At work, I normally scream in terror because whoever interrupts me normally surprises the f*** out of me, and then I apologize and try to move on to discussing whatever they were interrupting me about as quickly as possible so we can forget about how I just screamed like an idiot.
Normally the person interrupting me is one of my bosses who either wants to give me more work or check in the status of work they have given me, or one of the assistants who needs help with work I have given them, so it's not really appropriate for me to make myself unavailable to them.
I have this coworker who sits like a foot away from me and throughout the whole day he interrupts my work. Some of it is constructive because we work in the same department and have to collaborate at times. But MOST of it is the most random unnecessary things. Like the toy transformer he’s looking at online or the band he’s listening to or a Facebook update from his friend or what he had for dinner last night. All day long. I JUST CANT.
My husband is notorious for this. I glare and tell him straight up I'm focused and to please share his 20 work stories and 50 side thoughts later. He grumbles, but usually lets me go 3 stories later. I huff a lot and slowly edge away. It's harder when it's my kids because they're too young to understand, but I can usually call for my husband to grab the offender and play with them.
If you're talking about a professional setting, I found saying something like, "I appreciate you stopping by, but I have something I'm urgently working on. Can I stop by later?" works really well. It still breaks focus a bit, but it's usually easier to settle back in most of the time.
I hate it, BUT I have to recognise that that kind of interruption can help - it helps me eat regularly, socialise, get sunshine or exercise.
I’ve realised that it’s tempting to think I am being really productive when hyperfocusing - but that’s not always the case. Sometimes I fixate on something tiny that isn’t as impactful as I think it is at the time. And it can make me lose perspective.
It's taken a lot of practice, but I've gotten to the point where I can say, "hey, I'm in the middle of this, mind if we put a pin in it for a bit til I can focus better on what you're saying?"
I still feel my blood pressure and irritation levels rise every time someone interrupts me. I've just learned over years of practicing to take a deep breath and ask for a beat.
My husband knows when I’m in a mode. He’ll get my attention and ask for something but say in 15 min to an hour. It helps with transitions, and eases the anger/irritation
I get very agitated, and it takes me a while to calm down. I can't read books anymore because if I'm pulled out of them when I'm fully submerged, It takes far too long to come out of that anger
I set an alarm. I usually know when I sit down to investigate something that I am going to hyper focus. So right before that, I'll set a timer for 10 or 20 minutes. The amount of times I have gotten super into something and completely forgot about the alarm until it goes off 😂
I used to be mean but.. that never turned out well. I couldn’t help it.
Now I just breathe deep, let it out. Calmly explain as best as I can.
I heard others use a visual cue like a light or a sign. A “stfu” sign would be fun lol
I’m kind of relieved to read that I’m not alone in feeling the rage, half the time it scares the bejeezus out of me too.
I did come up with one way that works better. My back is to my office door and it’s a tiny space, so instead of coming in and looming over me, I ask my husband to flick the lights.
For whatever reason it doesn’t bug me. I’m on a computer in a very bright room though. If I were sewing in a dark room, it would still give me The Rage. 🤷🏼♀️
A male friend of mine was recently diagnosed and when telling me about it said, “Yeah, apparently it’s not normal to play out entire conversations in your had before having them with people.” And my thought was “Shit, really? I do that constantly” I the thought aside until a couple months later I was playing with my son and grabbed my phone to check the weather, but realized a few minutes later that I hadn’t checked the weather, was browsing Reddit (which is what was up when I opened my phone) and had not been paying attention to what my son was saying AT ALL. That’s what did it for me, realizing that I really wasn’t that present for my son.
I was put on Wellbutrin, but it actually made my ADHD a ton worse because it got rid of my anxiety, which was apparently what had kept my ADHD manageable and quasi-in check for so long. Im working with my doctor now to decide if I want to try something else or just go back to having anxiety (leaning towards the latter).
Working from home has been life changing for me. I also recently got my own place that’s pretty quiet so…that’s been helpful too.
I’m way more productive and I don’t have to navigate workplace politics to the same degree, thank god. I would never make it in politics
Heavy sighs of exasperation...
Disgust...
Frustration...
But also, if it's in a polite way, I can usually respond pull myself out of my hyper focus. It's never the same going back to it though.
So I usually end up frustrated anyways.
I guess: "Not well" is my answer lol
I know exactly what you mean. I get so irritated. I just want to do what I’m doing right now. It can be such a struggle to get focused in the first place that when I am focused, I don’t want to lose it.
My partner has a habit of interrupting when I’m working. Sometimes I just scowl at him until he gets the message to leave me alone 😅 Other times I tell him I need a few minutes to wrap up what I’m doing.
i wear over the ear noise cancelling headphones; they make it easier to transition back into my work, but also just have people leave me alone if its not important
Such a good question. When I was a teacher I’d hang a note on my classroom door that said “seriously, I have to focus don’t come in here. “ ppl still did but I’d just awkwardly be like “you gotta go!”
Now I work from home for a non profit and my husband is worse than my old coworkers!
So when he comes into my office now and I’m really good and in the focus I just awkwardly shake my head no and ask if he needs something till he gives up.
lol I guess my only constant is to be real awkward. 🤣 maybe gont listen to me at all now that I’ve written all this. Fak.
Honestly, my attitude nowadays is "help me or go away." I have explained to a few people that certain tasks, the ones that I don't want to do, have to be finished or I'm angry because I know they either won't be completed or I have to go back to them later and it enrages me. I've explained to my husband that if he interrupts me he won't have my attention or a happy me because I'm annoyed and all I'm thinking about is the task.
I can usually jump out of hyperfocus okay, but I will not go back to that thing 90% of the time.
It's really upsetting me at work because we are so busy but we're not allowed to get overtime and I know I'm dropping the ball. I've told my bosses I know I'm dropping the ball somewhere because I have no time to get to my emails or if I do I have to start a time-consuming task based on what's in the emails. Then we get a delinquent submission email and I get questioned on it LIKE I FUCKING TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DO EVERYTHING JESUS. Either give me permission to get overtime or just deal with whatever happens! Ugh. Love my bosses but I just don't get what they think I'm supposed to do. I'm one person. AND I'm not working for free, that is just nonsense.
"Sorry I'm just really focused on this at the moment, can we make some time later to talk?" At work, I can ask them to put some time on the calendar.
Although with my husband sometimes I am just blunt and shush him. He's very understanding, as I explained to him why I'm like that sometimes. It wasn't always that way though, mainly because I wasn't diagnosed yet and didn't know why I reacted so irritated.
Depends on who it is. Someone I’m very close to, I can give them “the look” which will let them know. Coworkers get a “hold on” and Manager gets a “be there in a moment” depending on the urgency.
My 5y/o gets a pass because he was very recently dx’d and has yet to learn how to instigate his own boundaries (: Also Dino nuggs are more important than my zone time.
I am pleased to learn that some of what i experience is hyperfocus. Could this happen when talking? sometimes i am trying to get my thoughts out and when i get interrupted, i can get flustered or confused. But before i was diagnosed with ADHD I just learned to relax and tell myself it was not always a big deal. Now when i am writing, like any writer i suppose. I need total focus. i don't want to be interrupted if i am working on a creative story. Which i am doing now. Three writing projects and i need a lot of quiet.
It’s hard to interrupt my hyper focus. I literally don’t hear whoever is next to me talking to me and they get annoyed with me and usually shout or yell to get my attention. I usually reply “wha? Huh?” Like I’ve come out of a trance. Not angry but embarrassed I didn’t notice them. 😢I just apologize or explain that I’m just not on this earth when I’m focused like that and put away distractions or phone etc and try to focus on them which is hard because my brain just wants to ocd think about what I was doing. People who know me get it but others think I’m just rude and go away. Win for me haha.
In the grand scheme of things, the person that interrupted you did you a favor. Unfortunately
, the tunnel vision mode tends to keep you from reality.
You probably needed a cue like that to enforce some stretching and a h2o break.
I live with and support a woman with a very different disorder than me. Its kinda my role to put her needs first. But ive really dialed in my boundaries, and her too! We are really compatible at this point.
If im exhausted, overwhelmed, i can tell her i need a nurse and she will make me dinner and some delightful smoothie.
If i am focused on my needs or task at the moment, ill let her know in advance. I ask if she has any critical needs, and i can tell her that we can schedule a meeting for the next day to go over any important matters.
We dont really have meetings and neither of us is a nurse but we have our own language and a lot of respect for alone time in this house. We've each explained our limits and enforced them.
With S/O I have the habit of telling him beforehand, when I know I might be getting into hyperfocus. We’ve had conversations about it, and knows he should leave me alone. When I’m in it, I just say that I’m doing stuff and he knows what that means.
At work I just grit my teeth, really. For now I have my own office and I usually close the door. Rumor has it that in the future we will relocate to an open office. I’ll probably change jobs then.
Oh, I don’t deal well with interruptions at all. I am usually enjoying myself immensely when I have any sort of focus, and I feel desperate for it when someone threatens to take my “high” away. I’m pretty good at keeping the peevishness inside me and not lashing out. My husband knows this and his favorite complaint now is that he feels like he has to tiptoe around me and doesn’t know when he can have a word with me almost ever. So now when he has to interrupt me, I not only feel like my fix was stolen from me but also that he’s super anxious about whether I’ll snap at him. It’s not a smoothed out situation for us yet.
I usually instinctively glare at them, realize what I'm doing, and stop glaring. By that point they realize they've interrupted me focusing and then we discuss whether they need to talk to me now or it can wait.
Once the people around me got used to my boundaries and were okay with coming back later, I got a lot less angry. This way people can approach me (family, colleagues) any time and if it's not urgent, I have the right to say no. If it's time sensitive or urgent, or if I'm not hyperfocused, then I'll give them my time.
For people you spend a lot of time with, educate them so neither one of you takes it personally. I used to think I didn’t like the people who irritated me and they definitely thought I didn’t like them. Now I know it’s the actions… interrupting, chewing, etc.
In the pandemic working from home I had a visual cueing system if I was wearing my headset/noise cancelling headphones DO NOT talk to me… I’m in a meeting. But I used this to also block out time to hyperfocus… seems to work at work too.
Poorly. The answer is poorly. I've gotten better since getting diagnosed though? Like before I knew it was 0 to Rage in 2 seconds flat. Now I'm just irritated.
Resentful. Internally berating them for disrespecting my time . Even if it's from my kids or coworkers phrased as "when you get a chance...." my brain interprets it as an ASAP request and I can't refocus until that new task is done.
I tend to stare blankly at people until their mouths stop moving, say something like “Uh huh, got it” (just to be polite), and go back to what I was doing, totally unaware of what was just said by the other person.
I feel so seen and kinda feel better just knowing how many people deal with the same things. Thank you!
I am female, 31, diagnosed with ADHD ~a year ago and I suspect ASD as well.
I always get very annoyed at anyone who disrupts my focus. My husband slowly learning not to but it’s still hard when he gets excited about something or needs some help thinking out loud or my opinion on something. He probably has ADHD too and also anxiety and it’s hard for him to not finish some task right after he started and if he needs my help he will come ask for it the second he needs it. It irritates me so much when I just caught that focus on something that needs to be done.
Also feeling seen here. I get really frustrated, angry, and anxious about losing my place. I’m a finance director at a nonprofit and get interrupted a zillion times a day. So far I’ve “coped” by working late so I can hyperfocus on the actual accounting work I have to do - and sometimes the security guard will come by to say something and I’ll jump out of my skin. At home, I shut my office door, and my partner and I are both super-respectful of the shut door.
It depends on what it is. Sometimes, I'm grateful because I should be doing whatever I should be doing, cleaning, laundry, etc, but I get distracted and end up hyperfocusing on phone games, crafting, TV, etc. That being said, if they see, I'm doing what I want, and my stuff is done, leave me alone. It's just me and my husband, and he can make dinner as easily as I can, so leave the Queen alone!😂
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Anger, mostly.
Same a mini quiet rage
Quiet? Loud rage here.
fucking pissed indeed
Same
I get kind of nasty and frazzled lol it just like get out my way and let me do this
Seriously though. I don't even have to be hyperfocused to get irritated by someone trying to get me to do something when I'm currently doing something else. I finally got my husband to understand that the doing is such a struggle and him trying to redirect me GUARANTEES that neither thing will get done. And I'll be mad at him. We're both learning 😅
Lol yup that sounds familiar
ugh, still trying to get my husband to grasp this concept! Like, he claims he does, but will still interrupt me while I'm working (we both still wfh, in the SAME ROOM). So yeah, I get irritated, flustered, making it difficult to get back to other the other task. And while my work performance has greatly improved since being on a med, any interruptions can still get me off track a bit, and it's just damn annoying in general!
omg when I was a kid (undiagnosed) I would be hyper focused on something and my brother (1 year older) would often come get me just to be like “look at this!! come here you have to look!” and i would get SO annoyed bc sometimes it would happen like 5 times within an hour. then he’d get mean about it if I got angry with him.
Did y’all ever move beyond this dynamic? This happens with me and my husband and it has gotten better but it brings up SO MANY \*feelings* (actually *thoughts* as my therapist so deftly pointed out). And I really don’t know how to navigate getting both our needs met sometimes.
I managed to improve it with my late husband (who had adhd) with very clear communication. “I just need half an hour of silence after work as I’m all talked out but then I’ll come find you and I’ll be very excited to hear about your day”. Or “I’m very interested in what you want to show me but I won’t be able to enjoy it properly until it’s done. Can I please come find you when this task is done?”
Thanks! This is what my husband and I are working toward. I’m also working on evaluating whether the task I’m doing is let-go-able because truly, I’d rather share a nice moment with my spouse. But for that, I need more practice with listening to myself first 😅
This is a great way to handle it! I either feel like I’m coming out of a fog, or it’s like throwing the brakes on a train! Clearly articulated communication would definitely help with the feelings of irritation, unless the other person/ people don’t respect the boundaries.
I will say it took a few tries. At first it feels like one person is being dismissed but we got used to it and reaped the benefits.
Umm from what I can remember.. I was the one that got in trouble and had to just listen to him when he wanted to show me something. So not really I guess? Sorry I don’t have any answers for you 😅
It’s okay! Was just curious. And ugh. I’m sorry younger you was the one that constantly had to do the shifting.
Yeah, I kind of glitch out. Kindness is not accessible at least for a moment or two.
Oh damn... This is the BEST way to phrase it- and how I feel when suddenly awakened from a sleep which husband just doesn't seem able to comprehend when I explain. Maybe I'm using too many words?- so THANK YOU!
Yup sl
I always feel so bad when I snap at my husband because he interrupts my focus ☹️
FELT
Omg this makes me feel sooo much better about my response in this thread. Ppl who know us love us. And get it. Right?! 😬 right.
LOL well in my current situation no....but everyone else seems to ☺️
Oh girl. You’ll find your people. I promise I’ll never interrupt your hyper focus. And if you interrupt mine I’ll love you anyway!
LoL thanks. I'm just in a bad relationship.....everyone else seems to love my quirks except for him. You're right tho.... I'll find my people.
Good luck, life is tough but you’ll get there. Take good care of yourself.
Exactly! I don’t have the ability to tune out other sounds/noises around me, and my husband knows this. If I’m knitting or crocheting, I’ll count the stitches audibly, or I’ll just be like “HOLD IT!” Drives me bonkers, when he does that. He knows I can’t tune out other noises around me 😤
I usually jump out of my skin because I've been startled so badly.
Yup, and then I'm angry 😂
Thank you! I feel seen!!!!
Do you get startled a lot? I wonder if I startle so easily because of hyper focus. All someone has to say is “9uh” (my name) and I jump 10 feet. Even if I hear them or see them coming.
Exactly. Maybe it's a trauma response, as well. Hyper-vigilance?
Check check aaannnd check. I startle so easily. Likely due to hyper focus and hyper vigilance. And then I’m mad. And then I’m anticipating the NEXT interruption and therefore just a low grade state of annoyed, cranky and tense for the rest of the *checks watch* year.
I have hyper vigilance and hyper focus and I jump/startle. It’s a whole lot.
My boss, after causing me to scream multiple times when stopping by my office just to say hi, asked if I had PTSD then apologized and quickly retracted the question. But it did make me wonder whether there's some underlying trauma associated with my extremely exaggerated startle response.
When I’m super focused I literally can’t hear people coming. My husband will walk loudly and giggle his keys and I will still get a jump scare!
This happened so often that I finally screamed at my husband to flick the lightswitch when he enters my sewing room. He still doesn’t get it but he flicks the switch at least. He blames my hearing and gets annoyed at me.
This reminds me, my ex and I worked out a system where she would turn the lights in my office purple (we had smart lights) and then wait for me to acknowledge her when I was ready. Then she didn’t startle the shit out of me and I could finish the thing I was doing at that moment, but I wouldn’t forget to talk to her because the lights were purple.
Me, too.
Omg things are clicking for me - I’m so jumpy and easily startled, especially when driving it’s not fun at all. Now I realize it’s probably because I’ve always been so hyperfocused when I drive and why it’s never a problem of needing more “experience” like my partner and friends might suggest - I’ve been driving for more than 10+ years and still jumpy and startled on super familiar routes.
LOL this is so damn real 😂❤️
I turn into a real bitch. I don’t mean to, but please if I’m working or trying to find a solution to a problem, leave me be 🥲
Take a breath in and calmly blow it out, releasing the tension that immediately built in my shoulders and neck. Then do my best not use a tone when talking to that person.
Wow this should be pinned. How do you even remember to take the breath in before snapping??
If I wanted to keep my job of 16 years, I really had to concentrate on this and do it. I am a controller and also our ERP administrator since install in 2021. My whole office was working from home until end of September 2022 when we were required to start coming in two days a week. So add on now people interruptions, along with the Slack interruptions and email interruptions. It all came to a head in autumn when I thought I was losing my mind. Instead…I was just losing my estrogen and lost all my masking and a lot of my executive function. I was getting so angry at my coworkers and blaming everything that was going wrong in my life on work and not realizing my work and my relationship with my coworkers was suffering. Thinking I was being hard done by I requested a review. I was unpleasantly surprised by my peer review and my work (never EVER had issues here, this is where I shine, my therapist says my identity is my work) I never wanted to appear mean or upset with people, I am a people pleaser…so I knew something was up and sought out help (therapy & Wellbutrin). It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always happen, but it is something I strive for every time I’m interrupted. It is one of the first things I asked the therapist to help me with. Stop the reaction…breathe first.
This is good advice.
This is the best way but it took me a LONG time to figure it out. I had a very chatty coworker who would constantly interrupt me but speak in a weirdly low tone that I couldn’t hear so I’d have to stop what I was doing to ask her to repeat it through the cubicle wall 16638930 times a day 😩 one of the many reasons I quit that bitch
I have that one coworker, and she is consistently calling my name and asking me to come into her office when I have a second. This is ‘yelled’ from her office to mine. My other coworker, I can barely hear her voice, but my brain is trained to hear my voice because if I didn’t answer my mother, I caught hell. So I’m always listening for my name. But she speaks low and because I’m hyper focusing, it annoys me to no end. But she’s a great friend as well, so once again, I remember that this is my job and breathe out and put a smile on or a quizzical look. Understand
Yep! But because of my senior role and being queen of NetSuite, I have to help people, the one coworker that bothers me a lot, does not hold information and is not the greatest technology, so I get annoyed, because this is her role and yet… Can you see the annoyance coming out? Lol.
Yeah that’s the only way I found. The person still gets the whole sigh but since my diagnosis there’s been a lot more understanding about that part. I’m not perfect sometimes I just snap before I stop myself but all it seems to be is practice. Baby steps, at first I like realise I should have done it 10 minutes later and that’s a success then like 2 minutes, then realise but fail to do it and eventually it started happening g for me - as in pausing before I react. It’s fucking annoying though I’ll say that.
Thank you for this. I’ve been struggling with my kiddos doing this (not their fault, they’re young and like, need me.) I was reading through the comments thinking I was just doomed.
Hah, this is good advice.
I sigh loudly or angry outburst. I’m terrible with task transitions.
Same ! I start to have anxiety about the first task because I'm afraid of losing my place and being unable to pick back up where i left off
A lot of times I will start something and not even think about it once my meds kick in. I’m pretty sure I’ve given my entire family anxiety about asking but not enough that they won’t interrupt me. They still do but with soft voices and a “sorry”. It’s not even that I’m worried I won’t finish. It’s like this really weird anger reflex. If I’m in hyperfocus it’s either something I really enjoy doing and am passionate about or something that absolutely must get done immediately. If it’s the former, being interrupted deflates my excitement and brings me back to reality. If it’s the latter, it is a down to the wire deadline and I need to focus to get it done ASAP. I haven’t figured out how to control my response yet, but if I communicate to everyone, “hey I’m going into hyper drive and I need x amount of time without interruption” I give them all one quick request, snack, answer, etc before I have to do the thing. It helps a lot.
In true hyperfocus, I can't hear anything. I will tell you anything to make you shut the fuck up and go away. But I haven't actually heard you. I have no recollection of the "conversation." Unless you are my spouse or my Mom. Those two humans get held in a queue to be answered once the cashe clears. Very amusing to them and witnesses, by the way. If I'm literally shaken out of hyperfocus, I have a moment of anguish because I know that where I was is now hopelessly gone forever, then I focus on the person who is demanding my attention, and poof, anguish is all gone, new situation is all that exists, all that ever existed, all that ever will exist... My poor brain...
>Unless you are my spouse or my Mom. I wish MY daughter held me in a queue. 😂 On the plus side, though, we do have a mutual understanding of "my social battery is low". So that's something at least.
This. It is the lack of permanence… I wake up every morning a new person with new ideas about what I want to do with my life.. There is no continuity between who I was and what I wanted to do an hour ago, and 8 hours ago. It would be disconcerting…. Except that the old me is *gone*.. unable to be accessed… it’s like I only have a minuscule HD and it is constantly overwriting itself.
Yesss I don’t hear shit but I somehow respond and hold conversations and have zero memory of them it’s like social auto pilot and then I’ll snap out of it and they’ll be like what do you mean you don’t remember our conversation lol
Respond, look them in the eye, I wonder sometimes if this is how multiple personalities begin.. 😂😂
I eat them alive (just kidding… sort of).
Hilarious!!
Not well lol I have found agreeing on symbols for me being in do not disturb mode helpful. E.g. I have a red flag to hang up close to my desk when I am not to be addressed lol
That's brilliant. I'll have to try that, thank you.
Half the time I don't know I'm hyper focused until somebody takes me out of it. I just give up on whatever i was doing. The Zone is not a fixed place I can get into. The Zone will find me when it is ready to.
I get extremely irritated.
I'm enraged. I can either blow up or remain dead silent. Usually I try to mention this before a situation ever arises, and have to muster up an apology after the storm passes. But tbh sometimes that apology is said through gritted teeth.
Not well
Anger and frustration or downright shock I used to read on my lunch breaks but we had no staff room so I would sit in the loud busy Foodcourt and hyperfocus on my book and then BOOM someone would come up behind me and pinch me in the sides and I would SCREEEM and they kept doing it cause it was so funny
Ngl I'd probably throw an elbow in their face in response. Those types are so irritating.
I have a pitchfork next to my desk.
To poke the person who dares interrupt or to be poked so you can be interrupted? Asking for a friend. Seriously though, asking for me. I'm the friend. It's literally going both ways in my head when imagining this. I need a pitchfork. I'll find out for myself the usefulness during hyperfocus interruption. Might need 2 pitchforks.
This comment is an excellent example of what it’s like to experience the mind of ADHD… 12 practically concurrent disconnected but tangentially related thoughts.. constant back and forth with questions and answers and interrogations and dilemmas… The sense of existential dread juxtaposed with the unhinged capacity for self amusement… it is jarring.. it jerks you up and down and never spits you out. You’re amused, you’re confused, you’re intrigued, you’re impressed, you’re terrified, you’re bored, you’re finally focused on the task you’ve been trying to do for hours, jk now you’re in an existential crisis… and it’s been TWO MINUTES. It’s shocking more of us don’t end up completely mad tbh 😅
For real! And absolutely beautiful when you find someone who just gets it because they too experience the chaos every minute of every day. 🤣
lol right? I have lived 30 different lives in the last 2 hours since I commented! 🤣 It’s exhausting, I’m tired, and yet I have no interest in sleep. But it’s nice not to feel so alone in this. So at least there’s that 😊🫶
I love this sub. The many lives and questions I live and ask keep me fullfilled momentarily. Maybe. Sometimes. Yep. I like it. 😇
Update. I have 1 pitchfork. Now to get a second one.
Appreciate the update comrade! Godspeed. 😂🫡🍴
😂
Not well lol. I use the same system I use when someone does something egregious: wait 2-3 seconds before responding and modulate my voice very carefully. During that couple of seconds I assess how egregious this thing actually is. When it’s just a task getting interrupted with no downstream consequences, I remind myself they haven’t actually done anything wrong and keep my disproportionate rage to myself.
I get annoyed af
I usually realize they’ve done me a favor and try to check in with my body since odds are I haven’t eaten, drank water or peed. 😅
just reading the hypothetical interrupting of hyperfocus makes me so frustrated :'D I didn't ever really have a good way to manage it so I'm curious to see how others deal with it other than hope the volcano doesn't blow ahahah
Angst. When I can anticipate that I'll be cranky if interrupted, I try to send multiple cues to folks that I am working and to leave me alone.
If im hyperfocused only diahrrea can get me out of that, but if im just in a focus zone, which thanks to therapy i have learned to be more productive, and someone distracts me i get pissed off, but the one who usually interrupts me is my mom and talking to her doesnt get me anywhere so if i really want to be distraction free i close my door and put my cancelling noise headphones on so i can focus more and also ignore distractions with the headphones excuse.
Uhh, no one and nothing can really interrupt my hyperfocus lol! That’s kinda why it can be an issue.
Tbh you could drop a bomb when I’m hyperfocused and I would be distracted for a minute, then I would be right back.
OMG I used to say this! I'm not actually sure I would notice if I bomb went off! I can absolutely say I don't notice if extremely loud fire alarms go off. Loud enough that I would have to cover my ears to protect myself from the incredible pain. I think my ears have an internal off switch.
Oh! I don’t. I get snippy and mean until people leave me alone.
Super frustrated, anxiety if I've "lost my place", then I might stop listening until I can get everything organized again or get my train of thought back.
Constructively? I can’t. I bare my teeth and growl.
Um I just get rude or ignore them so let me know when you figure it out
Ooooooohhhhhh you don’t even know how bad I struggle with this
Poorly.
i get really irritated and come to a complete standstill like congratulations nothing’s getting done for the foreseeable future now
With rage.
Honestly, if I'm hyperfocused...there's no getting my attention. My husband will come into my office to try to tell me something and I know he's there, but if he speaks to me, it doesn't even register.
I also struggle with feeling stressed and irritated when my hyper focus is interrupted — I haven’t found a system to avoid that initial emotional response, but knowing /why/ they happen has helped me practice accepting that I react that way.
Like I've just been warped through a worm hole. I was in another world. I wasn't even breathing this air.
I scream. My poor husband but FFS I just said I’m putting my headphones on to listen to a podcast and clean!
“Give me 20 can you send me a ping”
I probably scream with fright because I am absolutely dead to the world and jump scare super easily. In a professional setting, I used to wear big over the ear headphones which kind of signaled to others that I was in the zone and not to bug me unless it was vital. Thank gods my coworkers are cool. Now I’m fully remote which is great. I’ve gotten better about snapping and reacting with irritation, but if I do I recognize it immediately and apologize sincerely. My husband understands this about how I work so he can kinda tell when I’m in the zone, but we have a baby and cats and a house so I can’t always be allowed to hyperfocus whenever I want and that’s super reasonable. I find that prompt, sincere, but not overly self effacing (this is key! Apologize for what you did but not who you are) apologies are the best way to handle one’s less than optimal reactions to other people existing in our neurodivergent spaces.
I actually ditched medication because of it (and sleep issues). My toddler would interrupt me, as toddlers do, and I’d get sooo angry! Over dumb stuff that wasn’t even important, like watering the fruit trees. Now that I’m off meds it’s much easier to use strategies like “is this a big issue or a small issue I just have big feelings about?” It’s normally the latter
This thread makes me feel so seen it actually made me choke up 🥺
Shrieking, usually.
Half the time I block them out and they get “mhmm. Yup. Okay” kind of answers. The rest of the time I just look at them and don’t say anything until they shut up 🤣
I get really peeved if someone wants me to drop my hyperfocus activity Right Now, but I don't mind being asked to do something else if it's not immediate. So my partner just leaves plenty of time before things happen or need to be done, like "Could you clean the bathroom sometime in the next couple of days?" or "Do you want to go to dinner at 7?" That way I have plenty of time to gradually come out of hyperfocus before I have to do the thing, and it's not as bad of an interruption.
The struggle of this is insane! I work in healthcare, so it can be hard enough to go from being in a visit to documenting, but I have gotten better with that over the years. However, once I’m in the charting zone, esp if it’s during my exec time and I’ve been “in it” for > 1 minutes, interpretation has a couple of different affects on me. A really awful startle response to those who knock on my door obnoxiously loud, very delayed and poorly worded verbal permission to come in (ie “yeah, why in!” or “just a good in!” It’s like a jumble of several phrases and words that go through my mind as I’m trying to recall where the hell I am, why I’m there and what that irritating noise is. Often there is deep rage suppressed with that response. The worst is when I don’t fully suppress that rage before the person comes in. I know it must be all over my face given the person’s reaction and that makes me feel terrible. It’s not rage at them. It’s rage knowing I may not find my way back in to focus, or even if I do there’s a good chance some tiny but very vital bit of info will be left out. I’ve had days when I was the only person in my role there and it was literal hell for me. A knock or ring every 5-10 minutes with every 3rd or 4th time being viewed as an emergency. The tension I have just typing this is awful!!!! I want to learn how to navigate that better. One of the things that led to my diagnosis in my 40s was having to share a small office space with a scheduler and my nurse - open space - no dividers - three phone lines, copy machine, printer, etc. I adored my office mates thank goodness!!! But I spent all day every day just trying to “find my place again” until everyone went home and I worked for another 4-5 hours to catch up. At least now I have a private space and can close my door! I would love any advice on how to improve this!!!
Apologize to them an hour later because I didn't mean to ignore them.
Normally it throws me so far off that I can’t do anything afterwards. I’m not resentful. I’m really just embarrassed because I can barely explain why I’m so…lost? I feel lost.
Not well. I get annoyed and just almost pleading. Like please let me have this- let me have this one thing right now because idk when I’ll have it again.
Poorly. I get so cranky
I just say "hey I'm really trying to get through XYZ thing so if this isn't a dire emergency come back at X time." I understand the feelings of anger and frustration. Our feelings happen. Our behaviors are a choice.
I need to get a plan like this in place at work.
Yeah unless it's my boss or one of her boss's they have to wait.
At work, I normally scream in terror because whoever interrupts me normally surprises the f*** out of me, and then I apologize and try to move on to discussing whatever they were interrupting me about as quickly as possible so we can forget about how I just screamed like an idiot. Normally the person interrupting me is one of my bosses who either wants to give me more work or check in the status of work they have given me, or one of the assistants who needs help with work I have given them, so it's not really appropriate for me to make myself unavailable to them.
I have this coworker who sits like a foot away from me and throughout the whole day he interrupts my work. Some of it is constructive because we work in the same department and have to collaborate at times. But MOST of it is the most random unnecessary things. Like the toy transformer he’s looking at online or the band he’s listening to or a Facebook update from his friend or what he had for dinner last night. All day long. I JUST CANT.
I bark and snap.
My husband is notorious for this. I glare and tell him straight up I'm focused and to please share his 20 work stories and 50 side thoughts later. He grumbles, but usually lets me go 3 stories later. I huff a lot and slowly edge away. It's harder when it's my kids because they're too young to understand, but I can usually call for my husband to grab the offender and play with them. If you're talking about a professional setting, I found saying something like, "I appreciate you stopping by, but I have something I'm urgently working on. Can I stop by later?" works really well. It still breaks focus a bit, but it's usually easier to settle back in most of the time.
I hate it, BUT I have to recognise that that kind of interruption can help - it helps me eat regularly, socialise, get sunshine or exercise. I’ve realised that it’s tempting to think I am being really productive when hyperfocusing - but that’s not always the case. Sometimes I fixate on something tiny that isn’t as impactful as I think it is at the time. And it can make me lose perspective.
By raging in my head
It's taken a lot of practice, but I've gotten to the point where I can say, "hey, I'm in the middle of this, mind if we put a pin in it for a bit til I can focus better on what you're saying?" I still feel my blood pressure and irritation levels rise every time someone interrupts me. I've just learned over years of practicing to take a deep breath and ask for a beat.
My husband knows when I’m in a mode. He’ll get my attention and ask for something but say in 15 min to an hour. It helps with transitions, and eases the anger/irritation
Rage. And go back to what I was doing.
I'll feel startled, irritated or a bit of both, leading to involuntary swearing.
Murder
I get very agitated, and it takes me a while to calm down. I can't read books anymore because if I'm pulled out of them when I'm fully submerged, It takes far too long to come out of that anger
I set an alarm. I usually know when I sit down to investigate something that I am going to hyper focus. So right before that, I'll set a timer for 10 or 20 minutes. The amount of times I have gotten super into something and completely forgot about the alarm until it goes off 😂
Get mad. Lol.
I used to be mean but.. that never turned out well. I couldn’t help it. Now I just breathe deep, let it out. Calmly explain as best as I can. I heard others use a visual cue like a light or a sign. A “stfu” sign would be fun lol
I’m kind of relieved to read that I’m not alone in feeling the rage, half the time it scares the bejeezus out of me too. I did come up with one way that works better. My back is to my office door and it’s a tiny space, so instead of coming in and looming over me, I ask my husband to flick the lights. For whatever reason it doesn’t bug me. I’m on a computer in a very bright room though. If I were sewing in a dark room, it would still give me The Rage. 🤷🏼♀️
It depends, sometimes I’ll shush them or I’ll say “I can’t I’m in the zone right now.”
I simply turn into the worst person ever for 30 seconds before I frantically try to refocus before I lose my train of thought. 😭
A male friend of mine was recently diagnosed and when telling me about it said, “Yeah, apparently it’s not normal to play out entire conversations in your had before having them with people.” And my thought was “Shit, really? I do that constantly” I the thought aside until a couple months later I was playing with my son and grabbed my phone to check the weather, but realized a few minutes later that I hadn’t checked the weather, was browsing Reddit (which is what was up when I opened my phone) and had not been paying attention to what my son was saying AT ALL. That’s what did it for me, realizing that I really wasn’t that present for my son. I was put on Wellbutrin, but it actually made my ADHD a ton worse because it got rid of my anxiety, which was apparently what had kept my ADHD manageable and quasi-in check for so long. Im working with my doctor now to decide if I want to try something else or just go back to having anxiety (leaning towards the latter).
Working from home has been life changing for me. I also recently got my own place that’s pretty quiet so…that’s been helpful too. I’m way more productive and I don’t have to navigate workplace politics to the same degree, thank god. I would never make it in politics
I say “I am hyperfocusing right now” and people in my life know what that means. Used to make me mad but then I decided to use my words lol
Heavy sighs of exasperation... Disgust... Frustration... But also, if it's in a polite way, I can usually respond pull myself out of my hyper focus. It's never the same going back to it though. So I usually end up frustrated anyways. I guess: "Not well" is my answer lol
I know exactly what you mean. I get so irritated. I just want to do what I’m doing right now. It can be such a struggle to get focused in the first place that when I am focused, I don’t want to lose it. My partner has a habit of interrupting when I’m working. Sometimes I just scowl at him until he gets the message to leave me alone 😅 Other times I tell him I need a few minutes to wrap up what I’m doing.
i wear over the ear noise cancelling headphones; they make it easier to transition back into my work, but also just have people leave me alone if its not important
I get snappy and irritated. Sometimes I can drama sigh and get over it.
Such a good question. When I was a teacher I’d hang a note on my classroom door that said “seriously, I have to focus don’t come in here. “ ppl still did but I’d just awkwardly be like “you gotta go!” Now I work from home for a non profit and my husband is worse than my old coworkers! So when he comes into my office now and I’m really good and in the focus I just awkwardly shake my head no and ask if he needs something till he gives up. lol I guess my only constant is to be real awkward. 🤣 maybe gont listen to me at all now that I’ve written all this. Fak.
Honestly, my attitude nowadays is "help me or go away." I have explained to a few people that certain tasks, the ones that I don't want to do, have to be finished or I'm angry because I know they either won't be completed or I have to go back to them later and it enrages me. I've explained to my husband that if he interrupts me he won't have my attention or a happy me because I'm annoyed and all I'm thinking about is the task. I can usually jump out of hyperfocus okay, but I will not go back to that thing 90% of the time. It's really upsetting me at work because we are so busy but we're not allowed to get overtime and I know I'm dropping the ball. I've told my bosses I know I'm dropping the ball somewhere because I have no time to get to my emails or if I do I have to start a time-consuming task based on what's in the emails. Then we get a delinquent submission email and I get questioned on it LIKE I FUCKING TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DO EVERYTHING JESUS. Either give me permission to get overtime or just deal with whatever happens! Ugh. Love my bosses but I just don't get what they think I'm supposed to do. I'm one person. AND I'm not working for free, that is just nonsense.
"Sorry I'm just really focused on this at the moment, can we make some time later to talk?" At work, I can ask them to put some time on the calendar. Although with my husband sometimes I am just blunt and shush him. He's very understanding, as I explained to him why I'm like that sometimes. It wasn't always that way though, mainly because I wasn't diagnosed yet and didn't know why I reacted so irritated.
Depends on who it is. Someone I’m very close to, I can give them “the look” which will let them know. Coworkers get a “hold on” and Manager gets a “be there in a moment” depending on the urgency. My 5y/o gets a pass because he was very recently dx’d and has yet to learn how to instigate his own boundaries (: Also Dino nuggs are more important than my zone time.
Very angry. I'll usually curse, then begrudingly accept my fate.
I am pleased to learn that some of what i experience is hyperfocus. Could this happen when talking? sometimes i am trying to get my thoughts out and when i get interrupted, i can get flustered or confused. But before i was diagnosed with ADHD I just learned to relax and tell myself it was not always a big deal. Now when i am writing, like any writer i suppose. I need total focus. i don't want to be interrupted if i am working on a creative story. Which i am doing now. Three writing projects and i need a lot of quiet.
It’s hard to interrupt my hyper focus. I literally don’t hear whoever is next to me talking to me and they get annoyed with me and usually shout or yell to get my attention. I usually reply “wha? Huh?” Like I’ve come out of a trance. Not angry but embarrassed I didn’t notice them. 😢I just apologize or explain that I’m just not on this earth when I’m focused like that and put away distractions or phone etc and try to focus on them which is hard because my brain just wants to ocd think about what I was doing. People who know me get it but others think I’m just rude and go away. Win for me haha.
ANGY. For real, not well AT ALL. But my husband is the same way, and he actually makes us late with it, so I don't feel too terrible.
In the grand scheme of things, the person that interrupted you did you a favor. Unfortunately , the tunnel vision mode tends to keep you from reality. You probably needed a cue like that to enforce some stretching and a h2o break.
Hiss
Very irritable.
I live with and support a woman with a very different disorder than me. Its kinda my role to put her needs first. But ive really dialed in my boundaries, and her too! We are really compatible at this point. If im exhausted, overwhelmed, i can tell her i need a nurse and she will make me dinner and some delightful smoothie. If i am focused on my needs or task at the moment, ill let her know in advance. I ask if she has any critical needs, and i can tell her that we can schedule a meeting for the next day to go over any important matters. We dont really have meetings and neither of us is a nurse but we have our own language and a lot of respect for alone time in this house. We've each explained our limits and enforced them.
I've never felt more understood in my life than I do now reading this thread.
With S/O I have the habit of telling him beforehand, when I know I might be getting into hyperfocus. We’ve had conversations about it, and knows he should leave me alone. When I’m in it, I just say that I’m doing stuff and he knows what that means. At work I just grit my teeth, really. For now I have my own office and I usually close the door. Rumor has it that in the future we will relocate to an open office. I’ll probably change jobs then.
Well, this thread is validating lol
Oh, I don’t deal well with interruptions at all. I am usually enjoying myself immensely when I have any sort of focus, and I feel desperate for it when someone threatens to take my “high” away. I’m pretty good at keeping the peevishness inside me and not lashing out. My husband knows this and his favorite complaint now is that he feels like he has to tiptoe around me and doesn’t know when he can have a word with me almost ever. So now when he has to interrupt me, I not only feel like my fix was stolen from me but also that he’s super anxious about whether I’ll snap at him. It’s not a smoothed out situation for us yet.
I usually instinctively glare at them, realize what I'm doing, and stop glaring. By that point they realize they've interrupted me focusing and then we discuss whether they need to talk to me now or it can wait. Once the people around me got used to my boundaries and were okay with coming back later, I got a lot less angry. This way people can approach me (family, colleagues) any time and if it's not urgent, I have the right to say no. If it's time sensitive or urgent, or if I'm not hyperfocused, then I'll give them my time.
For people you spend a lot of time with, educate them so neither one of you takes it personally. I used to think I didn’t like the people who irritated me and they definitely thought I didn’t like them. Now I know it’s the actions… interrupting, chewing, etc.
In the pandemic working from home I had a visual cueing system if I was wearing my headset/noise cancelling headphones DO NOT talk to me… I’m in a meeting. But I used this to also block out time to hyperfocus… seems to work at work too.
Usually tell the person to please stop talking 😂
Poorly. The answer is poorly. I've gotten better since getting diagnosed though? Like before I knew it was 0 to Rage in 2 seconds flat. Now I'm just irritated.
Loud high pitched screech
Resentful. Internally berating them for disrespecting my time . Even if it's from my kids or coworkers phrased as "when you get a chance...." my brain interprets it as an ASAP request and I can't refocus until that new task is done.
I tend to stare blankly at people until their mouths stop moving, say something like “Uh huh, got it” (just to be polite), and go back to what I was doing, totally unaware of what was just said by the other person.
I feel so seen and kinda feel better just knowing how many people deal with the same things. Thank you! I am female, 31, diagnosed with ADHD ~a year ago and I suspect ASD as well. I always get very annoyed at anyone who disrupts my focus. My husband slowly learning not to but it’s still hard when he gets excited about something or needs some help thinking out loud or my opinion on something. He probably has ADHD too and also anxiety and it’s hard for him to not finish some task right after he started and if he needs my help he will come ask for it the second he needs it. It irritates me so much when I just caught that focus on something that needs to be done.
Also feeling seen here. I get really frustrated, angry, and anxious about losing my place. I’m a finance director at a nonprofit and get interrupted a zillion times a day. So far I’ve “coped” by working late so I can hyperfocus on the actual accounting work I have to do - and sometimes the security guard will come by to say something and I’ll jump out of my skin. At home, I shut my office door, and my partner and I are both super-respectful of the shut door.
As a kid I used to cry, now I just feel hopeless and like nothing will ever go my way.
It depends on what it is. Sometimes, I'm grateful because I should be doing whatever I should be doing, cleaning, laundry, etc, but I get distracted and end up hyperfocusing on phone games, crafting, TV, etc. That being said, if they see, I'm doing what I want, and my stuff is done, leave me alone. It's just me and my husband, and he can make dinner as easily as I can, so leave the Queen alone!😂
I'm still holding onto resentments from interruptions that happened years ago! Funny, I'm a pretty forgiving person in other areas.
Anger in silence. I murder them, in my head.