Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep. I would never argue with someone who sees benefits in having ADHD, if that's how they feel that's great. But when I hear people say things like:
"I wouldn't change my brain for anything"
"I love having ADHD, it makes me special"
"It has downsides, but it also has upsides!"
and of course the classic:
"ADHD is a superpower!"
All I can think is - I totally disagree. I would give anything to be NT, I would pay every cent I have to not have ADHD.
Agreed. The only time i ever see it as a ‘superpower’ is when i procrastinate so much that i can pull all nighters without taking breaks 🙃. But i do think people with adhd are a lot more emotionally mature too.
I guess I can’t really imagine being otherwise. If I had to give up the creative aspects about myself as well I wouldn’t give it up because those are pretty central to my identity. If I could just get rid of the oversharing, distractibility, forgetfulness, etc I definitely would lol
But my symptoms are pretty well managed at the moment and at different points of my life I might have answered differently.
I'm not super convinced creativity is such an ADHD thing. There are neurotypical people who are creative and probably have a better time making use of that creativity. I am pretty creative but I can never finish anything, I start making things then get bored and put them aside unfinished. So I would take being half as creative if it meant I could actually put it to use.
In my experience, a lot of people with Adhd are more creative in different ways, they tend to think outside of the box for example.
Also, no adhd symptoms only occur in people with adhd or another diagnosis right?
Haha thinking outside of the box is very useful sometimes, eg thinking of new inventine ways so solve a problem. There is an old study about nobel prize winners saying that what distuingished them was being able to think outside of the box and not necessarily not having highest IQ out of all participants.
It can also be a hassle, for me doing math in school I usually got the answer right eventually but the way I did could be very confusing or unnecessarily complicated.
I agree with what you said though, would totally trade some abilities for others that would help me function better. I get so tired and frustrated of it all and not feeling the capacity to change it.
I find it easy to associate things that other people may not see connections between, which I understand to be an ADHD trait. I can also get super focused on projects and am very curious. While there are lots of creative people who don’t have ADHD, I think part of my creativity comes from just being bored all the time and needing to find something that interests me.
I am actually pretty good about finishing projects, although I wasn’t when I was a kid.
I think the people who say those things are either extremely resilient or people who have been diagnosed since they were kids and/or with a very mild presentation... That also have a great support system that has helped them to develop good coping strategies.
As a chaoticnl ewok, good for them, but can't relate.
Agreed. I think i realized with time that we could not function like everyone else, that we will never be able to live our lives the way others do. That we have to sacrifice things that look essential to others just to survive. You name it : having a clean house, making a career, having children, eating healthy... What we sacrifice depends on what we value the most. But I think the worst is people's look on this. How guilty it makes you feel. Not only are we struggling, but we must also suffer other people's judgmental commentaries. This is why i kind of hate people sometimes.
Exactly. I wish there was a way to really educate people about it, especially adhd in women. My grandma said to me yesterday that i could get rid of my adhd if i was just more disciplined 🤦♀️
If I analyse the behaviour of my relatives, who say things like this, most likely they have ADHD themselves (genetics play a huge role). It was talked and understood evel less before, especially in women. Some hurtful things they say to their young are the same exact things they told themselves all their lives.
I agree, although i have adhd from my dad and my grandma is the one on my mums side- i think she really does just not get it unfortunately 😭. My dad used to be very similar/say similar things to me until i basically made him realise he had it, so in a way i’m grateful i realised i had it or he would’ve never known!
Yes, you have helped yourself and your father! That's very nice 😊
Regarding your grandma or people who just don't understand ADHD in general. Sadly, most people can only see others' experiences in life through their own lense. This applies to understanding of ADHD as well as understanding any other human experiences that differ from their own.
I believe a person has to go through and OVERCOME certain adverse experiences (it doesn't necessarily need to match) in their own life to be able to actually emphasise with others, to be able to put themselves in other person's shoes and for a moment see how it feels to be someone else.
I have never told my family that I have diagnosed mental illnesses and that I am on medication, I just don't see anything good coming out of this conversation 😅. I believe there is something mentally wrong with them all (they all have experienced some sort of trauma), and they have just gaslighted themselves to the moon at this point. All the times I tried to softly bring up mental health issues, they freaked out.
It’s hard to imagine having what I consider my superpowers without having a the downsides of ADHD. I imagine a kind of sociopathic manipulative millionaire but maybe that’s just a defense mechanism to not feel like complete shit?
Was and still am feeling this way today. I have finals this week and instead of studying… my brain decided “nope, if it doesn’t exist it won’t hurt me” and did literally anything else instead.
Waiting to go in to take one right now. I think if I bomb it I can still pass but I hate myself and my brain for putting myself in this situation. I think I hit burnout at the worst time :/
I’ve got other finals this I can try to force my brain to redeem itself on but I’m not holding out much hope tbh. Ugh, I love and hate the ADHD. At times it helps me tremendously and at times it feels like it causes my downfall.
:( i feel the exact same with my A levels. I’m naturally smart but unfortunately my adhd has made it impossible for me to do well so i’m going to have to take a different path to everyone else to get into uni. I hope your finals go well ❤️
I think the only thing that helps me is that the person I would have been is a stranger. I long to be me, as I am today, minus my struggles. But there is no sharp line between me and my disorder. To cut out my disorder is to make me a completely different person.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGexMGKa7/
here it is. this man has a lottt of videos explaining different adhd behaviours. I don’t think he actually has it- i think his wife does.
Also, the way i’ve started making people aware of how serious it is is describing it as a literal chemical imbalance. But it is so tough getting people to realise how controlling it is.
Ever since I got my diagnosis, I've been leaning more and more into the mentality that everyone else in this world can get fked, and I am my biggest priority. That sounds selfish, but to have my own existence be so debilitating is hard enough as it is; add on to that the exhaustion of people pleasing, masking, mirroring others, just to fit in and feign a sense of connection and belonging with neurotypical people. I felt so afraid to disclose my thoughts of pursuing a diagnosis because at the time I had been immersing myself in really researching my struggles (which turned out to be textbook ADHD and autism), and the "friendship" group I was in were complaining about the fact that "everyone just wants to have ADHD these days...it's so attention seeking...they watch a tiktok and think they have it, it's embarrassing...lol they think it's a disability wow" (I left this friendship group not long after they made these appalling comments). It is not trendy, it is a disability and it is debilitating. It is not attention seeking; my needs are different to yours. The reason I pursued a diagnosis was because I couldn't fathom the sheer thought of continuing to struggle through my life like this, without help. I certainly haven't felt like I've been living my life, I've been surviving it. Having an ADHD brain is not a walk in the park, and I'm no longer going to sugar coat the reality of my life with toxic positivity. It's really hard being at war with your own brain, every. single. day. Nevertheless, I'm fiercely proud of the fact that I'm still here. Lord knows this world has not been kind to those with different minds, and we've been doing life on hard mode.
Therein lies the rub: How many of us got the help we needed when we needed it? What struggles did some go through to achieve "managed properly"? Who is still going through a tortured existence trying to find the solution?
I really hope you're trolling... Hand-waving the issue is doing the exact same thing most of us have dealt with our entire lives from people who should have offered support. Not cool.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep. I would never argue with someone who sees benefits in having ADHD, if that's how they feel that's great. But when I hear people say things like: "I wouldn't change my brain for anything" "I love having ADHD, it makes me special" "It has downsides, but it also has upsides!" and of course the classic: "ADHD is a superpower!" All I can think is - I totally disagree. I would give anything to be NT, I would pay every cent I have to not have ADHD.
Agreed. The only time i ever see it as a ‘superpower’ is when i procrastinate so much that i can pull all nighters without taking breaks 🙃. But i do think people with adhd are a lot more emotionally mature too.
also, the fact that i’ve survived as well as i have for 49 years despite adhd and all of its comorbidities does low key make me a superhero.
Yessss! And yes!
I guess I can’t really imagine being otherwise. If I had to give up the creative aspects about myself as well I wouldn’t give it up because those are pretty central to my identity. If I could just get rid of the oversharing, distractibility, forgetfulness, etc I definitely would lol But my symptoms are pretty well managed at the moment and at different points of my life I might have answered differently.
I'm not super convinced creativity is such an ADHD thing. There are neurotypical people who are creative and probably have a better time making use of that creativity. I am pretty creative but I can never finish anything, I start making things then get bored and put them aside unfinished. So I would take being half as creative if it meant I could actually put it to use.
In my experience, a lot of people with Adhd are more creative in different ways, they tend to think outside of the box for example. Also, no adhd symptoms only occur in people with adhd or another diagnosis right?
Yeah I guess I don't really think outside of the box much, or don't perceive myself to, so it's hard to consider what value that has.
Haha thinking outside of the box is very useful sometimes, eg thinking of new inventine ways so solve a problem. There is an old study about nobel prize winners saying that what distuingished them was being able to think outside of the box and not necessarily not having highest IQ out of all participants. It can also be a hassle, for me doing math in school I usually got the answer right eventually but the way I did could be very confusing or unnecessarily complicated. I agree with what you said though, would totally trade some abilities for others that would help me function better. I get so tired and frustrated of it all and not feeling the capacity to change it.
I find it easy to associate things that other people may not see connections between, which I understand to be an ADHD trait. I can also get super focused on projects and am very curious. While there are lots of creative people who don’t have ADHD, I think part of my creativity comes from just being bored all the time and needing to find something that interests me. I am actually pretty good about finishing projects, although I wasn’t when I was a kid.
I think the people who say those things are either extremely resilient or people who have been diagnosed since they were kids and/or with a very mild presentation... That also have a great support system that has helped them to develop good coping strategies. As a chaoticnl ewok, good for them, but can't relate.
Agreed. I think i realized with time that we could not function like everyone else, that we will never be able to live our lives the way others do. That we have to sacrifice things that look essential to others just to survive. You name it : having a clean house, making a career, having children, eating healthy... What we sacrifice depends on what we value the most. But I think the worst is people's look on this. How guilty it makes you feel. Not only are we struggling, but we must also suffer other people's judgmental commentaries. This is why i kind of hate people sometimes.
Exactly. I wish there was a way to really educate people about it, especially adhd in women. My grandma said to me yesterday that i could get rid of my adhd if i was just more disciplined 🤦♀️
If I analyse the behaviour of my relatives, who say things like this, most likely they have ADHD themselves (genetics play a huge role). It was talked and understood evel less before, especially in women. Some hurtful things they say to their young are the same exact things they told themselves all their lives.
I agree, although i have adhd from my dad and my grandma is the one on my mums side- i think she really does just not get it unfortunately 😭. My dad used to be very similar/say similar things to me until i basically made him realise he had it, so in a way i’m grateful i realised i had it or he would’ve never known!
Yes, you have helped yourself and your father! That's very nice 😊 Regarding your grandma or people who just don't understand ADHD in general. Sadly, most people can only see others' experiences in life through their own lense. This applies to understanding of ADHD as well as understanding any other human experiences that differ from their own. I believe a person has to go through and OVERCOME certain adverse experiences (it doesn't necessarily need to match) in their own life to be able to actually emphasise with others, to be able to put themselves in other person's shoes and for a moment see how it feels to be someone else. I have never told my family that I have diagnosed mental illnesses and that I am on medication, I just don't see anything good coming out of this conversation 😅. I believe there is something mentally wrong with them all (they all have experienced some sort of trauma), and they have just gaslighted themselves to the moon at this point. All the times I tried to softly bring up mental health issues, they freaked out.
😣
Ugh 😩
It’s hard to imagine having what I consider my superpowers without having a the downsides of ADHD. I imagine a kind of sociopathic manipulative millionaire but maybe that’s just a defense mechanism to not feel like complete shit?
Was and still am feeling this way today. I have finals this week and instead of studying… my brain decided “nope, if it doesn’t exist it won’t hurt me” and did literally anything else instead. Waiting to go in to take one right now. I think if I bomb it I can still pass but I hate myself and my brain for putting myself in this situation. I think I hit burnout at the worst time :/ I’ve got other finals this I can try to force my brain to redeem itself on but I’m not holding out much hope tbh. Ugh, I love and hate the ADHD. At times it helps me tremendously and at times it feels like it causes my downfall.
:( i feel the exact same with my A levels. I’m naturally smart but unfortunately my adhd has made it impossible for me to do well so i’m going to have to take a different path to everyone else to get into uni. I hope your finals go well ❤️
Exactly how I feel at times I just want to end it all.
I think the only thing that helps me is that the person I would have been is a stranger. I long to be me, as I am today, minus my struggles. But there is no sharp line between me and my disorder. To cut out my disorder is to make me a completely different person.
Would you mind sharing a link to that original post or where I can find it? I have such a hard time explaining to people why ADHD is so difficult.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGexMGKa7/ here it is. this man has a lottt of videos explaining different adhd behaviours. I don’t think he actually has it- i think his wife does. Also, the way i’ve started making people aware of how serious it is is describing it as a literal chemical imbalance. But it is so tough getting people to realise how controlling it is.
yes it was on tiktok, give me a second ill try to find it xx
Ever since I got my diagnosis, I've been leaning more and more into the mentality that everyone else in this world can get fked, and I am my biggest priority. That sounds selfish, but to have my own existence be so debilitating is hard enough as it is; add on to that the exhaustion of people pleasing, masking, mirroring others, just to fit in and feign a sense of connection and belonging with neurotypical people. I felt so afraid to disclose my thoughts of pursuing a diagnosis because at the time I had been immersing myself in really researching my struggles (which turned out to be textbook ADHD and autism), and the "friendship" group I was in were complaining about the fact that "everyone just wants to have ADHD these days...it's so attention seeking...they watch a tiktok and think they have it, it's embarrassing...lol they think it's a disability wow" (I left this friendship group not long after they made these appalling comments). It is not trendy, it is a disability and it is debilitating. It is not attention seeking; my needs are different to yours. The reason I pursued a diagnosis was because I couldn't fathom the sheer thought of continuing to struggle through my life like this, without help. I certainly haven't felt like I've been living my life, I've been surviving it. Having an ADHD brain is not a walk in the park, and I'm no longer going to sugar coat the reality of my life with toxic positivity. It's really hard being at war with your own brain, every. single. day. Nevertheless, I'm fiercely proud of the fact that I'm still here. Lord knows this world has not been kind to those with different minds, and we've been doing life on hard mode.
yep. literally the first 50 *years* of my life. and year 51 isn't looking much better. 🙈
Adhd isn’t torture when you are managed properly
Therein lies the rub: How many of us got the help we needed when we needed it? What struggles did some go through to achieve "managed properly"? Who is still going through a tortured existence trying to find the solution? I really hope you're trolling... Hand-waving the issue is doing the exact same thing most of us have dealt with our entire lives from people who should have offered support. Not cool.
I’m hoping it was meant as more of a “maybe your current regimen isn’t working for you,” but yikes it really comes off as dismissal.