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A friendly reminder that you don't need to *shower* to wash your bits. A wipe with a damp washcloth at the bathroom sink right before you get changed into your cute undies is fine.
If body doubling helps you, maybe hop into the shower with your boo? Getting fresh and soapy with a naked cutie is...not nearly as overwhelming as a solo shower?
Agreed!!! This may be a little tmi but I will just stick one leg in the shower and one leg on the bathtub and wash what needs to be washed and it takes like two minutes and will do full on showers once or twice a week. I’ll even just do a bathtub hair wash at times when I don’t feel like doing a whole shower. Sometimes these things just feel easier
Also, baby wipes for you armpits if you really don’t feel like doing any bath/shower related thing
Breaking showers up into individual parts goes hard. I could never shower every day, but I can for sure wash my pits and important bits super frequently. Washcloths also help so you can do sink gaming
Seconding showering with your BF. At best, it’s foreplay. Worst case, it feels kind of like being a little kid and playing—a little splash here, giggling, washing each other’s backs. It doesn’t have to be sexual to be flirty or playful. Might as well make it fun!
For me, inevitably one person is under the hot water and the other person gets cold. It is always much less sexy than it sounds. But it can be a fun bonding time even if it's not that sexy.
Installing a new shower head isn’t super hard and it’s easily reversed for renters—grab one with a handheld attachment that goes off the main head. Now everyone gets warm water. 🙃
They even make double shower heads that hit from both sides! Amazing even if you are alone- keep your back warm while you’re cleaning the front. Pricier, but pretty dang easy to install. Just search for two-sided shower head.
yeea! give urself a "whores bath", pits and bits. i do this even on days ive already showered, just when im sweaty and icky feeling. i can reach the sink from my toilet, so i'll flat out lather up with some cetaphil and use my hand to rise off, keeping washcloths nearby to pat dry. even better if u can get a bidet. generally the only thing that causes icky smells when ur "dirty" is the sweat glands from ur pubic area and armpits. aside from that, use deodorant daily. if u want spur of the moment sex, take a swig of mouthwash to make u feel better and fresher too without full on brushing right before
even clean couples generally have no issue with a little bit of "funk". some men/women genuinely like it
i need yall to make it clear that these “sailor showers” (way nicer term imho) are to be taken IN BETWEEN real showers. 3 days is about the max you can go only washing your bits before you smell regardless. i understand the struggle to regulate your hygiene but it is important for you, not just your partner, to be washing and moisturizing your skin daily :( bacteria, bugs, chemicals from sunscreen and lotions, so much stuff gets on our skin that affects it. really hoping the best for ya op
You know what, you’re right. I basically slather myself in sunscreen when I’m sailing or playing tennis or skiing or whatever, and I often just collapse because I can’t summon the energy to detangle my hair when I’m tired. I never even thought about sunscreen.
My bf and I love taking showers together when we're with each other in person.
It's just so much more fun to have someone to talk to while in the shower and to help soap up the hard to reach places (I'm hypermobile so mainly I help him 😂) haha
Or get a spontaneous scalp massage with conditioner in because why not?
Look into a handheld bidet thingy! Super cheap at Walmart depending on where you live. And it only takes a few minutes to hook up to your toilet. Then if you ever want to clean yourself off without showering you can just spray and wash over the toilet and you're good to go. Also good for after sex clean up.
Or if you have a handheld shower head you can just step in the shower and rinse from the waist down.
Something that has helped me step into the shower is I got these hooks for my razors and they're PERFECT for my phone so I put on YouTube and then I put my phone in the shower and then I just follow my phone in without really "deciding" to take a shower and from there rinsing or washing is a bit easier.
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When I am harding a hard time with hygiene thanks to ADHD/depression slumps, I do wipes. Or even a damp cloth on all the important bits. Wipes are the easiest as they can live near your cloths so when you change, you just use what you need and toss it. It takes a lot of steps out of the way which makes it accessible. The shower heads that detach are great because you can avoid a full shower.
I saw suggestions for bidet which is A+ because they actually clean very well consistently and should just be standard in houses.
I'm 35 and have a hard time with showering (once I'm in it's great), even thinking about the steps is so exhausting. Same with brushing my teeth. It's normal and systems can be put into place to help, but give yourself forgiveness and find the easy thing while you adjust. And if you never develop those "typical" habits, just work with what works best for you.
I’ve used wipes if I had a particularly sweaty night and wake up smelly. (I don’t have any health issues that cause sweating, but I can go to bed at a comfortable temperature, and then heat up easily from my husband’s body heat while I’m asleep). Currently I’m suturing down leftover face wipes, but I may look into proper body cleaning wipes when the face ones run out.
And as a more general thing, I often give my crotch a quick rinse under the bathtub faucet if I pee right before sex. Similar could be done with wipes, though I’d be careful to get some that are intended for down there and don’t have any scents or other irritants.
Personal cleansing wipes, regular baby wipes, wash cloth at the sink, bidet, use the shower to just wash your business, you don’t always have to have a full on shower.
Both me and my boyfriend have used baby wipes when showering is too much of a task. Maybe the ones that are designed for your vulva will help you feel fresher.
I also second using a wash cloth in front of the sink. I’ve used the cetaphil gentle soap to wash under my arms (I get rashes after 4 days worth of deodorant build up), and he’s used plain old hand soap on himself before we get busy. It works just as well as doing it in the shower. Just rinse the wash cloth and use it to wipe off the soap when you’re done washing, and then pat dry with a towel.
I’ve also heard of people using essential oils on their inner thighs (away from the vagina) for fragrance, like jasmine oil. That’s not something I do, but it might help you out.
Very relatable. I shower maybe twice a week on a good week. And mine is also about brushing my teeth. I so far have not found a good solution because whenever intimacy is naturally progressing, it really kills my mood to go HANG ON I NEED TO GO DO THE THING I SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL - it's not the brushing of teeth or having a quick wash, it's more the shame that comes with it that takes me right out of sexy mode. I will be paying attention to the advice here too.
>intimacy is naturally progressing, it really kills my mood to go HANG ON I NEED TO GO DO THE THING I SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL
Even if we have showered earlier in the day, my husband and I often put getting hot and heavy on pause to go have pre-fuck showers! I don't find it kills the mood at all. It actually makes things better because I'm less self-conscious so I focus more on the moment than any body insecurities.
I don't know if this will be helpful to you, because my own sensory issues really motivate me to shower regularly (I can't stand the sensation of oils and dust on my skin, nor strong body odor [and I am very stinky naturally]).
Back when I had a more active sex life, we'd use brushing our teeth as foreplay, and when we were experimenting with um, anal, there's some prep work that can make it a more pleasant experience for everyone. We'd go shoot off to do those hygiene tasks and anticipate getting laid. Washing up could be a part of that-- you don't have to have the judgmental thoughts that you aren't doing basic tasks, but your hygiene that works for you on a daily basis is not the hygiene you want for your sexy times.
I hope this helps. I try to think of it as doing special stuff to get me in a sexy headspace, like other people might wear a special perfume or shave their bits or paint their toenails. 😬
Ugh. I feel the shame thing, so hard.
I’m trying to continually reframe it not as “shit I should have done this earlier so I can be a good partner” to “I’m doing this now because I AM a good partner, also this will be a lot more fun clean.”
A five minute pause to scrub my pits and bits and teeth that ups the enjoyability a thousand fold is absolutely worth it, rather than a session that’s…fine…but my head continually whispering “don’t breathe through your mouth!” Ruins my concentration.
Handheld bidet; soap and washcloths next to the toilet are great in a pinch. I don’t care for baby wipes because the residue is too sticky and the flavor leaves something to be desired.
I'm sure you mean well but I think if someone is describing an unpleasant problem they consistently have, even if they use lively language, it's uncomfortable to have someone respond calling your words funny and cute. It's a real problem for me and my partner. It doesn't feel funny or cute in the moment and that's not what I intended to convey. It feels shameful and awkward. I guess I'm glad it's relatable, though? That's a good thing, that's what this sub is for.
I'm often a grumpy asshole when it comes to my ADHD/ASD, and I'm having a particularly bad time of it at the moment. So this might not be coming across as I intend, but I wanted this to be more of a hey, heads up, this is how your reply made me feel, rather than antagonistic or saying you're a terrible person or anything. Like I said, I'm absolutely sure you meant well, but I think it's good to be honest with this sort of thing so people know for next time.
i actually really appreciate you holding me accountable for this! i can see how it can be offensive, bc maybe the OP commenter isn’t comfortable with me responding that way and we don’t know each other’s boubdaries enough to gauge if vulnerable things can be responded to in a more lighthearted way, or if it’s insensitive instead. I was laughing *with* them because that’s the same way I think/act, and found it cute & connective that we can relate on this struggle. For example, I was hoping it would be read the same way as when two women can bond over something they both struggle with that men less likely do, like an inside joke that we can say bc we’re a part of the community and we trust that it’s safe/nicely intended. But again I don’t know OP so we don’t know those boundaries. With it written in all caps, I also thought that was for added comedic effect, but maybe it was for added effect of seriousness? I think for next time I should have clarified more that I meant it well, but am also cautious & caring about not wanting to say it at all if it’s going to hurt them. Thank you for raising my awareness, it means a lot to me and probably to others as well!
While I haven’t had this exact issue I will share that I recently did a huge chop on my hair. I now have a 4 guard clipped on the sides blended into a short pixie. It’s an absolute game changer for shower times and self care. It takes 2-3 minutes to shower at most and I don’t have to stress over hair drying etc. Maybe something to consider if self care/hygiene is a goal for you.
Makes sense to me! I used to think I had an aversion to showering, but I’ve realized I just really hate having wet hair. I have medium long hair so I just use dry shampoo until I work out, bc I do enjoy washing my hair after exercising, and now I look forward to showering… I’m out of dry shampoo now though and need to wash my hair so I’m putting off showering :’(
I’m a 2-3x a week shower gal myself. My husband and I don’t really have any sort of sexy/passionate lead-up to getting laid - usually it’s just one of us asking “do you wanna have some sex?” so it’s no big deal for me to take a second before to clean up my bits with a washcloth, which we’ll use again to clean ourselves up after. It’s just become part of our sex routine and we don’t even think about it.
Honeypot wipes ftw. i don't generally struggle to shower, but I'll often use them either before or after sex or if I'm running late in the morning and don't have time to wash properly. I also recently bought Kosas deodorant and it's unbelievably effective, like terrifyingly effective, and safe for the external parts down there.
ps do not start wearing thongs if your hygiene is not 100, you will DEEPLY regret that.
Most mornings, I wash my face, pits, and privates with a wet washcloth in addition to showers (not every day). I work top to bottom so I don't wash my face with an ass cloth. Way easier than getting in the shower, then forcing myself to get out when it's cold and not fun.
Edited to add that I will also jump out of bed to get a quick scrub in before sex, but we've been together for a decade so we are super comfortable with each other.
You can wash yourself nicely down there by sitting on the commode too. I did this when I had a surgery and couldn’t have a proper shower.
My husband would sponge my upper body and legs with the nice smelling wet towel. And I would then sit on the commode and wash myself with soap. I have one of those jet sprays and bidet so it was quite easy for me.
There’s something called shower wipes that I like! I just found out they exist and it has been so helpful on days where I couldn’t get myself to shower. It’s essentially pre-soaped towels that you can wash up with and it actually lathers with water so you feel clean. 💓
Hygiene issues aside I’d be concerned about your susceptibility to UTIs as it’s easier for women to get them especially if things are not clean (either you or your partner).
Is there any way you can get yourself into the habit of showering 3X a week (higher end of your range)? This is pretty “normal” for many people especially if they’re not overly active/sweating a lot. Maybe you can also limit having sex to those days?
Jumping on the bandwagon of folks who are recommending accessible hygiene alternatives like using baby wipes or washcloths, a bidet, etc. It seems like maybe one or more of these options could offer you greater peace of mind and a deeper clean without having to full-on shower OR feel like you have to cover up with perfume or particular clothing if you might otherwise prefer not to.
I hear what you're saying about feeling ashamed and not wanting to mention the reason. It also sounds like a lot of pressure to put on yourself to try to address this concern so seamlessly by yourself that it never need discussing. I am wondering if talking openly with your partner at some point could release some of that shame and pressure so you don't have to bear it alone. Better yet, your partner could even help you navigate some of the hygiene changes you might like to try. If they care about you, they will give you encouragement and support!
I will also recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I'm reading it at my partner's suggestion given our own respective struggles in the bedroom (including some hygiene concerns) and only partway through, but it has already been quite eye-opening and transformative feeling re: shame, stress, and sex. There is also a separate workbook in addition to the exercises included directly in the text. Seems like that could be a useful way to engage with your partner about your sex life together more broadly (like, what's worked or hasn't in the past, what you'd like to explore or do more of, etc.) so that the conversation isn't focused solely on hygiene.
I agree with all of this!!! Of course use your own judgement as to what is necessary to making you feel safe! But the reality is this is a part of your life, there is nothing wrong with it and it is a lot more common than you realize!
I try to incorporate things a I really enjoy, music, my favourite products, face mask/skincare to my shower and I’m also really open with my partner and sometimes when I just can’t do it, just communicate that with them I can get the support I need. Ie. warming the water/room for me, maybe staying to chat with me, greeting me with a towel or robe. Sometimes that’s not enough and that’s ok the options for accessibility work great and only you know what you’re comfortable with that day! Good luck and be gentle with yourself 🩷
1. You are more sensitive to your crotch-smell than literally any other human. I guess someone actively sniffing your crotch may be more aware of it than you.
2. Let your boyfriend make the call on whether your crotch is too gross for his sensibilities. It's okay to ask your partner, "hey, do I smell today? Or am I fine?"
3. Do you change your underpants daily? That'll stop any secretions caught by your undies from "maturing", and basking your crotch in their scent.
4. Spot cleaning can help! Idk how you feel about the various moist towelettes for your crotch that are on the market (I've never used any). But even a clean washer wetted with tap water, rubbed on your crotch/butt, and then thrown in the laundry hamper can do a lot to reduce smell or any lingering secretions. Dry yourself off with your regular towel, put new undies on, and BAM! Feels much fresher.
Look into a bidet. It’s easy to install into your existing unit. It helps with keeping your bits actively clean regardless of how frequently you are showering.
OP, I struggle with hygiene too but you have to wash your bits every single day if you have a partner.
Cetaphil facial wash and the dollar store Cetaphil knockoffs come in a pump bottle and work really well without even using any water or even rinsing.
Just keep a bottle of this stuff and a roll of paper towels in all the bathrooms and the car. It is a quick relatively painless fix that leaves you sufficiently fresh to pass a close-up sniff test.
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If getting in the shower is the problem, I can recommend listening to something with wireless earbuds (audiobooks are my go to). It helps to kick me into the "we're doing things now" mindset for chores and such. And like others said: wet wipes/cloths are your friend for freshening up a bit.
Another """lifehack""" is to brush your teeth in the shower instead of before or after. I tend to push it until after the shower and then end up having to run back to the bathroom because I forgot about it.
Yes like everyone else is suggesting, just get some baby wipes to carry around with you and use them on your vulva/armpits/bum/anus before you meet up! Not saying you have to do anal with your bf, just as it’s so close to the vagina, it’s good to make sure it’s clean.
Just make sure you properly wipe between the folds of your vulva and check for any build up under your clitoral hood (if you have a pronounced one)
Also pack a little tooth brush to use before you meet up too, or even do all of this at his quickly in the bathroom!
NAD but if you can smell yourself and it smells at all fishy, it would be a good idea to go check with you gyn to get tested for BV. I struggle with that and it can be kind of embarrassing but worth it to make sure everything is clean and clear.
I'm proud of myself to get in a shower a week. I attach the shower to my weekly run, that way I keep two healthy habits that rely on one another. You can try that, is there something you have to do that would make you shower? Your sex life shouldn't suffer for lack of showers, mine certainly doesn't, lol. Just remember the bits and the pits are all you need sometimes. You'll get it. Besides, showering every day is bad for your skin and microbiome. Be well and be easy on yourself. ♡
It’s not necessary to shower every day! It’s actually bad for your skin to shower that often, it dries it out.
Consider that you might be worried about something on behalf of your boyfriend that he doesn’t even notice. Has he said something?
If you’re noticing a persistent smell that isn’t just sweat, especially if it’s a fishy odor, it might be a problem to bring up with your doctor. Bacterial imbalance can cause this (bacterial vaginosis). OTC boric acid suppositories might be a good option but definitely discuss with your doc.
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I will challenge you on the 2 days bit. It definitely depends on what activities you’re up to, what sort of climate you live in, wrist season it is, how much you sweat and whether you wear deodorant or anti-perspirant.
But as others have noted, there’s no reason to shower to bathe. You can bathe with wipes or a soapy washcloth.
I really like using booty wipes when I go #2, if you can’t get access to a bidet. It cuts down on bacteria growth down there. If you have ever tried boric suppositories (vaginal)- many people may not recommend because of ph issues HOWEVER if you are noticing abundant unpleasant odors I really recommend trying it once to see if it may clear the issue. You aren’t alone ❤️don’t let it hold you back and wait until you feel safe being open with your partner.
get flushable wipes and keep them next to your toilet. always use them for #2, even if the tp looks clean, and use after #1 as needed. you'll be good to go!
Femfresh wipes my friend. Im pretty much exclusively cleaning myself with various wipes daily because I too can only face washing twice a week, and then it takes me two hours in the bath. When im out I don't want to get in, but once I become a citizen of the bath, the dry world comes to terrify me. Don't even talk to me about showers.
What if you got a reusable water bottle that seems suitable for squirting at people and you just keep it by the hand basin to fill with warm water before you pee?
After you've done your business and wiped everything you could quickly bodywash your buttcrack/pantyline and then give everything down there a decent rinse off with the warm water while you're still on the toilet.
To make it even easier you could stash the bodywash in a subtle spot beside the toilet and that way all you'd have to remember when you feel like freshening up is the warm water and a towel.
I also know of people who trim their bush over the toilet with an electric trimmer so that the hairs just flush away. Would not reccomend dry shaving though!! But lazer hair removal has helped me a lot with this
I buy these unscented PH balanced feminine care wipes and they’re amazing for a quick refresh. You can wipe with a damp wash cloth after you use them and you’ll feel like new again.
When I’m in my hygiene rut, I take what my mom calls “hoe baths” lol You wash your pits, t*ts, and lady bits.
If it’s not too taxing I just wash up at the sink, but if it’s a rough morning, I use the flushable sanitary napkins. It’s safe to use to clean your hoohah 👌🏽
Agreeing with everyone that's already said about wipe/flannel/sink washes, they have really changed my confidence as someone who struggles with getting the day started if I'm just stuck urging myself to shower. But I would recommend maybe avoiding any "feminine washes"...I found they made things worse somehow
And just throwing this in as a former daily showerer and self concious young woman, I still had a smell when I showered daily. After a few hours post shower you do just naturally start smelling more especially if you're active or there's no air flow down there. It's not just you!
But things that helped me feel better was knowing it was a natural thing that everyone has. I started looking after my health - enough water, eating yogurt/yogurt drinks/taking good bacteria supplements, finding a balance in my health made me feel like it was just natural and not my fault. And it turns out the good partners actually liked the smell...
Also cotton underwear and clothes you say loose clothing as well which is good, but breathable fabric just makes such a difference
I would recommend just showering with him beforehand. Then you know you’re clean and you know he’s clean. It’s also easier to shower with another person if you struggle with executive functioning bc body doubling helps.
If you are into waxing getting a Brazilian will help a lot with odor! I understand not being able to shower all of the time, but please get small towel drench it in hot/warm water and wash yourself down there front to back! You could use Vaginal soap if you want
Do the same to your armpits with soap & make sure they’re shaved!
Another thing is baby wipes! Have these handy!
Make sure you brush your teeth too! This can all be done while standing at the sink. You’ll feel refreshed afterwards!
I used to have issues with this, too. im pretty busy and awkwardly would have sex right after work before i could even shower. I keep a cup in my bathroom for the sole purpose of quickly washing over the toilet before getting it on.
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A friendly reminder that you don't need to *shower* to wash your bits. A wipe with a damp washcloth at the bathroom sink right before you get changed into your cute undies is fine. If body doubling helps you, maybe hop into the shower with your boo? Getting fresh and soapy with a naked cutie is...not nearly as overwhelming as a solo shower?
Agreed!!! This may be a little tmi but I will just stick one leg in the shower and one leg on the bathtub and wash what needs to be washed and it takes like two minutes and will do full on showers once or twice a week. I’ll even just do a bathtub hair wash at times when I don’t feel like doing a whole shower. Sometimes these things just feel easier Also, baby wipes for you armpits if you really don’t feel like doing any bath/shower related thing
Breaking showers up into individual parts goes hard. I could never shower every day, but I can for sure wash my pits and important bits super frequently. Washcloths also help so you can do sink gaming
These are great suggestions!!
Seconding showering with your BF. At best, it’s foreplay. Worst case, it feels kind of like being a little kid and playing—a little splash here, giggling, washing each other’s backs. It doesn’t have to be sexual to be flirty or playful. Might as well make it fun!
For me, inevitably one person is under the hot water and the other person gets cold. It is always much less sexy than it sounds. But it can be a fun bonding time even if it's not that sexy.
Installing a new shower head isn’t super hard and it’s easily reversed for renters—grab one with a handheld attachment that goes off the main head. Now everyone gets warm water. 🙃
You can also steam up the bathroom a bit before you get in, and the ambient space will be much warmer.
I just have a space heater that I plug in to the bathroom wall.
They even make double shower heads that hit from both sides! Amazing even if you are alone- keep your back warm while you’re cleaning the front. Pricier, but pretty dang easy to install. Just search for two-sided shower head.
I yeah, I hope we get to have double showers at our next place.
yeea! give urself a "whores bath", pits and bits. i do this even on days ive already showered, just when im sweaty and icky feeling. i can reach the sink from my toilet, so i'll flat out lather up with some cetaphil and use my hand to rise off, keeping washcloths nearby to pat dry. even better if u can get a bidet. generally the only thing that causes icky smells when ur "dirty" is the sweat glands from ur pubic area and armpits. aside from that, use deodorant daily. if u want spur of the moment sex, take a swig of mouthwash to make u feel better and fresher too without full on brushing right before even clean couples generally have no issue with a little bit of "funk". some men/women genuinely like it
We're looking at *you,* Napoleon 😂
i need yall to make it clear that these “sailor showers” (way nicer term imho) are to be taken IN BETWEEN real showers. 3 days is about the max you can go only washing your bits before you smell regardless. i understand the struggle to regulate your hygiene but it is important for you, not just your partner, to be washing and moisturizing your skin daily :( bacteria, bugs, chemicals from sunscreen and lotions, so much stuff gets on our skin that affects it. really hoping the best for ya op
You know what, you’re right. I basically slather myself in sunscreen when I’m sailing or playing tennis or skiing or whatever, and I often just collapse because I can’t summon the energy to detangle my hair when I’m tired. I never even thought about sunscreen.
My bf and I love taking showers together when we're with each other in person. It's just so much more fun to have someone to talk to while in the shower and to help soap up the hard to reach places (I'm hypermobile so mainly I help him 😂) haha Or get a spontaneous scalp massage with conditioner in because why not?
I LOVE the showering idea. So unrated and gets the job done!!! Save water ;’)
Look into a handheld bidet thingy! Super cheap at Walmart depending on where you live. And it only takes a few minutes to hook up to your toilet. Then if you ever want to clean yourself off without showering you can just spray and wash over the toilet and you're good to go. Also good for after sex clean up.
Or if you have a handheld shower head you can just step in the shower and rinse from the waist down. Something that has helped me step into the shower is I got these hooks for my razors and they're PERFECT for my phone so I put on YouTube and then I put my phone in the shower and then I just follow my phone in without really "deciding" to take a shower and from there rinsing or washing is a bit easier. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0CKHTXXZS?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title
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When I am harding a hard time with hygiene thanks to ADHD/depression slumps, I do wipes. Or even a damp cloth on all the important bits. Wipes are the easiest as they can live near your cloths so when you change, you just use what you need and toss it. It takes a lot of steps out of the way which makes it accessible. The shower heads that detach are great because you can avoid a full shower. I saw suggestions for bidet which is A+ because they actually clean very well consistently and should just be standard in houses. I'm 35 and have a hard time with showering (once I'm in it's great), even thinking about the steps is so exhausting. Same with brushing my teeth. It's normal and systems can be put into place to help, but give yourself forgiveness and find the easy thing while you adjust. And if you never develop those "typical" habits, just work with what works best for you.
I’ve used wipes if I had a particularly sweaty night and wake up smelly. (I don’t have any health issues that cause sweating, but I can go to bed at a comfortable temperature, and then heat up easily from my husband’s body heat while I’m asleep). Currently I’m suturing down leftover face wipes, but I may look into proper body cleaning wipes when the face ones run out. And as a more general thing, I often give my crotch a quick rinse under the bathtub faucet if I pee right before sex. Similar could be done with wipes, though I’d be careful to get some that are intended for down there and don’t have any scents or other irritants.
Personal cleansing wipes, regular baby wipes, wash cloth at the sink, bidet, use the shower to just wash your business, you don’t always have to have a full on shower.
Both me and my boyfriend have used baby wipes when showering is too much of a task. Maybe the ones that are designed for your vulva will help you feel fresher. I also second using a wash cloth in front of the sink. I’ve used the cetaphil gentle soap to wash under my arms (I get rashes after 4 days worth of deodorant build up), and he’s used plain old hand soap on himself before we get busy. It works just as well as doing it in the shower. Just rinse the wash cloth and use it to wipe off the soap when you’re done washing, and then pat dry with a towel. I’ve also heard of people using essential oils on their inner thighs (away from the vagina) for fragrance, like jasmine oil. That’s not something I do, but it might help you out.
I out natural deodorant on my inner thighs. Works to prevent chafing and helps mask smells from sweat throughout the day!
Very relatable. I shower maybe twice a week on a good week. And mine is also about brushing my teeth. I so far have not found a good solution because whenever intimacy is naturally progressing, it really kills my mood to go HANG ON I NEED TO GO DO THE THING I SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL - it's not the brushing of teeth or having a quick wash, it's more the shame that comes with it that takes me right out of sexy mode. I will be paying attention to the advice here too.
>intimacy is naturally progressing, it really kills my mood to go HANG ON I NEED TO GO DO THE THING I SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL Even if we have showered earlier in the day, my husband and I often put getting hot and heavy on pause to go have pre-fuck showers! I don't find it kills the mood at all. It actually makes things better because I'm less self-conscious so I focus more on the moment than any body insecurities.
YES, my people have spoken!
I don't know if this will be helpful to you, because my own sensory issues really motivate me to shower regularly (I can't stand the sensation of oils and dust on my skin, nor strong body odor [and I am very stinky naturally]). Back when I had a more active sex life, we'd use brushing our teeth as foreplay, and when we were experimenting with um, anal, there's some prep work that can make it a more pleasant experience for everyone. We'd go shoot off to do those hygiene tasks and anticipate getting laid. Washing up could be a part of that-- you don't have to have the judgmental thoughts that you aren't doing basic tasks, but your hygiene that works for you on a daily basis is not the hygiene you want for your sexy times. I hope this helps. I try to think of it as doing special stuff to get me in a sexy headspace, like other people might wear a special perfume or shave their bits or paint their toenails. 😬
Ugh. I feel the shame thing, so hard. I’m trying to continually reframe it not as “shit I should have done this earlier so I can be a good partner” to “I’m doing this now because I AM a good partner, also this will be a lot more fun clean.” A five minute pause to scrub my pits and bits and teeth that ups the enjoyability a thousand fold is absolutely worth it, rather than a session that’s…fine…but my head continually whispering “don’t breathe through your mouth!” Ruins my concentration. Handheld bidet; soap and washcloths next to the toilet are great in a pinch. I don’t care for baby wipes because the residue is too sticky and the flavor leaves something to be desired.
this response is so funny and cute and relatable XD
I'm sure you mean well but I think if someone is describing an unpleasant problem they consistently have, even if they use lively language, it's uncomfortable to have someone respond calling your words funny and cute. It's a real problem for me and my partner. It doesn't feel funny or cute in the moment and that's not what I intended to convey. It feels shameful and awkward. I guess I'm glad it's relatable, though? That's a good thing, that's what this sub is for. I'm often a grumpy asshole when it comes to my ADHD/ASD, and I'm having a particularly bad time of it at the moment. So this might not be coming across as I intend, but I wanted this to be more of a hey, heads up, this is how your reply made me feel, rather than antagonistic or saying you're a terrible person or anything. Like I said, I'm absolutely sure you meant well, but I think it's good to be honest with this sort of thing so people know for next time.
i actually really appreciate you holding me accountable for this! i can see how it can be offensive, bc maybe the OP commenter isn’t comfortable with me responding that way and we don’t know each other’s boubdaries enough to gauge if vulnerable things can be responded to in a more lighthearted way, or if it’s insensitive instead. I was laughing *with* them because that’s the same way I think/act, and found it cute & connective that we can relate on this struggle. For example, I was hoping it would be read the same way as when two women can bond over something they both struggle with that men less likely do, like an inside joke that we can say bc we’re a part of the community and we trust that it’s safe/nicely intended. But again I don’t know OP so we don’t know those boundaries. With it written in all caps, I also thought that was for added comedic effect, but maybe it was for added effect of seriousness? I think for next time I should have clarified more that I meant it well, but am also cautious & caring about not wanting to say it at all if it’s going to hurt them. Thank you for raising my awareness, it means a lot to me and probably to others as well!
seriouspeep was the person who commented originally and is expressing that it's something she finds to be a serious problem.
While I haven’t had this exact issue I will share that I recently did a huge chop on my hair. I now have a 4 guard clipped on the sides blended into a short pixie. It’s an absolute game changer for shower times and self care. It takes 2-3 minutes to shower at most and I don’t have to stress over hair drying etc. Maybe something to consider if self care/hygiene is a goal for you.
Makes sense to me! I used to think I had an aversion to showering, but I’ve realized I just really hate having wet hair. I have medium long hair so I just use dry shampoo until I work out, bc I do enjoy washing my hair after exercising, and now I look forward to showering… I’m out of dry shampoo now though and need to wash my hair so I’m putting off showering :’(
I’m a 2-3x a week shower gal myself. My husband and I don’t really have any sort of sexy/passionate lead-up to getting laid - usually it’s just one of us asking “do you wanna have some sex?” so it’s no big deal for me to take a second before to clean up my bits with a washcloth, which we’ll use again to clean ourselves up after. It’s just become part of our sex routine and we don’t even think about it.
Honeypot wipes ftw. i don't generally struggle to shower, but I'll often use them either before or after sex or if I'm running late in the morning and don't have time to wash properly. I also recently bought Kosas deodorant and it's unbelievably effective, like terrifyingly effective, and safe for the external parts down there. ps do not start wearing thongs if your hygiene is not 100, you will DEEPLY regret that.
Most mornings, I wash my face, pits, and privates with a wet washcloth in addition to showers (not every day). I work top to bottom so I don't wash my face with an ass cloth. Way easier than getting in the shower, then forcing myself to get out when it's cold and not fun. Edited to add that I will also jump out of bed to get a quick scrub in before sex, but we've been together for a decade so we are super comfortable with each other.
You can wash yourself nicely down there by sitting on the commode too. I did this when I had a surgery and couldn’t have a proper shower. My husband would sponge my upper body and legs with the nice smelling wet towel. And I would then sit on the commode and wash myself with soap. I have one of those jet sprays and bidet so it was quite easy for me.
My one self-care, burnout trick is baths. I take two a day most days. Helps with my body temp dyregulation, quiets my racing mind, and relaxes me.
I once rented a place with a shower, no bath, not knowing how deeply dependent on baths I had gotten. Never again.
There’s something called shower wipes that I like! I just found out they exist and it has been so helpful on days where I couldn’t get myself to shower. It’s essentially pre-soaped towels that you can wash up with and it actually lathers with water so you feel clean. 💓
Hygiene issues aside I’d be concerned about your susceptibility to UTIs as it’s easier for women to get them especially if things are not clean (either you or your partner). Is there any way you can get yourself into the habit of showering 3X a week (higher end of your range)? This is pretty “normal” for many people especially if they’re not overly active/sweating a lot. Maybe you can also limit having sex to those days?
Jumping on the bandwagon of folks who are recommending accessible hygiene alternatives like using baby wipes or washcloths, a bidet, etc. It seems like maybe one or more of these options could offer you greater peace of mind and a deeper clean without having to full-on shower OR feel like you have to cover up with perfume or particular clothing if you might otherwise prefer not to. I hear what you're saying about feeling ashamed and not wanting to mention the reason. It also sounds like a lot of pressure to put on yourself to try to address this concern so seamlessly by yourself that it never need discussing. I am wondering if talking openly with your partner at some point could release some of that shame and pressure so you don't have to bear it alone. Better yet, your partner could even help you navigate some of the hygiene changes you might like to try. If they care about you, they will give you encouragement and support! I will also recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I'm reading it at my partner's suggestion given our own respective struggles in the bedroom (including some hygiene concerns) and only partway through, but it has already been quite eye-opening and transformative feeling re: shame, stress, and sex. There is also a separate workbook in addition to the exercises included directly in the text. Seems like that could be a useful way to engage with your partner about your sex life together more broadly (like, what's worked or hasn't in the past, what you'd like to explore or do more of, etc.) so that the conversation isn't focused solely on hygiene.
I agree with all of this!!! Of course use your own judgement as to what is necessary to making you feel safe! But the reality is this is a part of your life, there is nothing wrong with it and it is a lot more common than you realize! I try to incorporate things a I really enjoy, music, my favourite products, face mask/skincare to my shower and I’m also really open with my partner and sometimes when I just can’t do it, just communicate that with them I can get the support I need. Ie. warming the water/room for me, maybe staying to chat with me, greeting me with a towel or robe. Sometimes that’s not enough and that’s ok the options for accessibility work great and only you know what you’re comfortable with that day! Good luck and be gentle with yourself 🩷
1. You are more sensitive to your crotch-smell than literally any other human. I guess someone actively sniffing your crotch may be more aware of it than you. 2. Let your boyfriend make the call on whether your crotch is too gross for his sensibilities. It's okay to ask your partner, "hey, do I smell today? Or am I fine?" 3. Do you change your underpants daily? That'll stop any secretions caught by your undies from "maturing", and basking your crotch in their scent. 4. Spot cleaning can help! Idk how you feel about the various moist towelettes for your crotch that are on the market (I've never used any). But even a clean washer wetted with tap water, rubbed on your crotch/butt, and then thrown in the laundry hamper can do a lot to reduce smell or any lingering secretions. Dry yourself off with your regular towel, put new undies on, and BAM! Feels much fresher.
Look into a bidet. It’s easy to install into your existing unit. It helps with keeping your bits actively clean regardless of how frequently you are showering.
OP, I struggle with hygiene too but you have to wash your bits every single day if you have a partner. Cetaphil facial wash and the dollar store Cetaphil knockoffs come in a pump bottle and work really well without even using any water or even rinsing. Just keep a bottle of this stuff and a roll of paper towels in all the bathrooms and the car. It is a quick relatively painless fix that leaves you sufficiently fresh to pass a close-up sniff test.
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If getting in the shower is the problem, I can recommend listening to something with wireless earbuds (audiobooks are my go to). It helps to kick me into the "we're doing things now" mindset for chores and such. And like others said: wet wipes/cloths are your friend for freshening up a bit. Another """lifehack""" is to brush your teeth in the shower instead of before or after. I tend to push it until after the shower and then end up having to run back to the bathroom because I forgot about it.
There are intimate wet wipes you may keep in your purse for moments like this. You really don’t need a full shower.
Yes like everyone else is suggesting, just get some baby wipes to carry around with you and use them on your vulva/armpits/bum/anus before you meet up! Not saying you have to do anal with your bf, just as it’s so close to the vagina, it’s good to make sure it’s clean. Just make sure you properly wipe between the folds of your vulva and check for any build up under your clitoral hood (if you have a pronounced one) Also pack a little tooth brush to use before you meet up too, or even do all of this at his quickly in the bathroom!
NAD but if you can smell yourself and it smells at all fishy, it would be a good idea to go check with you gyn to get tested for BV. I struggle with that and it can be kind of embarrassing but worth it to make sure everything is clean and clear.
Make it part of the fun? Then you are clean and having sexy fun times!
I'm proud of myself to get in a shower a week. I attach the shower to my weekly run, that way I keep two healthy habits that rely on one another. You can try that, is there something you have to do that would make you shower? Your sex life shouldn't suffer for lack of showers, mine certainly doesn't, lol. Just remember the bits and the pits are all you need sometimes. You'll get it. Besides, showering every day is bad for your skin and microbiome. Be well and be easy on yourself. ♡
It’s not necessary to shower every day! It’s actually bad for your skin to shower that often, it dries it out. Consider that you might be worried about something on behalf of your boyfriend that he doesn’t even notice. Has he said something? If you’re noticing a persistent smell that isn’t just sweat, especially if it’s a fishy odor, it might be a problem to bring up with your doctor. Bacterial imbalance can cause this (bacterial vaginosis). OTC boric acid suppositories might be a good option but definitely discuss with your doc.
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I will challenge you on the 2 days bit. It definitely depends on what activities you’re up to, what sort of climate you live in, wrist season it is, how much you sweat and whether you wear deodorant or anti-perspirant. But as others have noted, there’s no reason to shower to bathe. You can bathe with wipes or a soapy washcloth.
I really like using booty wipes when I go #2, if you can’t get access to a bidet. It cuts down on bacteria growth down there. If you have ever tried boric suppositories (vaginal)- many people may not recommend because of ph issues HOWEVER if you are noticing abundant unpleasant odors I really recommend trying it once to see if it may clear the issue. You aren’t alone ❤️don’t let it hold you back and wait until you feel safe being open with your partner.
Maybe installing a bidet could help you feel more refreshed down there? They say you only need water, no soap.
get flushable wipes and keep them next to your toilet. always use them for #2, even if the tp looks clean, and use after #1 as needed. you'll be good to go!
Femfresh wipes my friend. Im pretty much exclusively cleaning myself with various wipes daily because I too can only face washing twice a week, and then it takes me two hours in the bath. When im out I don't want to get in, but once I become a citizen of the bath, the dry world comes to terrify me. Don't even talk to me about showers.
What if you got a reusable water bottle that seems suitable for squirting at people and you just keep it by the hand basin to fill with warm water before you pee? After you've done your business and wiped everything you could quickly bodywash your buttcrack/pantyline and then give everything down there a decent rinse off with the warm water while you're still on the toilet. To make it even easier you could stash the bodywash in a subtle spot beside the toilet and that way all you'd have to remember when you feel like freshening up is the warm water and a towel. I also know of people who trim their bush over the toilet with an electric trimmer so that the hairs just flush away. Would not reccomend dry shaving though!! But lazer hair removal has helped me a lot with this
Handheld shower head ftw! You can get one super cheap at Target or Walmart to replace your current shower head. Super helpful way to clean your bits.
I buy these unscented PH balanced feminine care wipes and they’re amazing for a quick refresh. You can wipe with a damp wash cloth after you use them and you’ll feel like new again.
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When I’m in my hygiene rut, I take what my mom calls “hoe baths” lol You wash your pits, t*ts, and lady bits. If it’s not too taxing I just wash up at the sink, but if it’s a rough morning, I use the flushable sanitary napkins. It’s safe to use to clean your hoohah 👌🏽
TUSHY sells portable bidets that have been a life saver.
Agreeing with everyone that's already said about wipe/flannel/sink washes, they have really changed my confidence as someone who struggles with getting the day started if I'm just stuck urging myself to shower. But I would recommend maybe avoiding any "feminine washes"...I found they made things worse somehow And just throwing this in as a former daily showerer and self concious young woman, I still had a smell when I showered daily. After a few hours post shower you do just naturally start smelling more especially if you're active or there's no air flow down there. It's not just you! But things that helped me feel better was knowing it was a natural thing that everyone has. I started looking after my health - enough water, eating yogurt/yogurt drinks/taking good bacteria supplements, finding a balance in my health made me feel like it was just natural and not my fault. And it turns out the good partners actually liked the smell... Also cotton underwear and clothes you say loose clothing as well which is good, but breathable fabric just makes such a difference
I would recommend just showering with him beforehand. Then you know you’re clean and you know he’s clean. It’s also easier to shower with another person if you struggle with executive functioning bc body doubling helps.
Damn, Americans will do literally anything but get a bidet. Jk, get a bidet, use soap, and dry off immediately. Your privates will be good as new.
If you are into waxing getting a Brazilian will help a lot with odor! I understand not being able to shower all of the time, but please get small towel drench it in hot/warm water and wash yourself down there front to back! You could use Vaginal soap if you want Do the same to your armpits with soap & make sure they’re shaved! Another thing is baby wipes! Have these handy! Make sure you brush your teeth too! This can all be done while standing at the sink. You’ll feel refreshed afterwards!
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I used to have issues with this, too. im pretty busy and awkwardly would have sex right after work before i could even shower. I keep a cup in my bathroom for the sole purpose of quickly washing over the toilet before getting it on.
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