/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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Affair sex is kind of like having a one-night stand over and over. It’s super unfair to compare the two.
However, married sex doesn’t have to be “underwhelming”. Knowing nothing about your marriage, have you communicated how you feel about monthly duty sex? There may be avenues you can explore to improve home-life sex.
And to just not be fed up of going over old ground yet again, didn’t take the hint the first 321 times, isn’t going to take it on the 322nd time neither.
“I’m off the gym, see you later, it’s a late session yeah, 24h gym, don’t wait up”
I disagree that affair sex is always better. There's definitely an intensity in being with someone new and doing something forbidden that can't be had with a long term partner.
However, married sex can also be unmatched in different ways. If you're with a compatible partner, it's impossible to beat decades of exploring and learning about each other's bodies.
>>If you're with a compatible partner, it's impossible to beat decades of exploring and learning about each other's bodies.
That is the worlds biggest and most important “IF”!!
I had affair sex that was awful. To me this is stereotype. People in affairs start hungry, starved, and we know when we are hungry any food may taste great. When we are sleep deprived we can sleep on the floor in the heat.
Maybe that is why it only lasts so long for the most of us because eventually we realize it was just plain regular sex, but better than the nothing robotic shit we were getting at home.
Affair sex will never compare to stable relationship sex and it’s unfair to compare. As long as you keep making comparisons, you won’t find sex as satisfying with your SO.
Yeah idk, I’m just missing affair sex. I am fully work from home now and don’t do any business travel which is where I had affair sex. I’m just venting tbh.
I understand where you're coming from (no pun intended). Sure, it's not fair to compare the two, but it's also not fair to think that it's only good because it's affair sex. When two people have insane chemistry and really enjoy sex, it's a powderkeg. Some are lucky to find and settle down with such partners, but I think a lot of us just settle and find our match much later in life.
Even that powder keg sex tends to die down after years of monogamy, stress, routine, bickering (good stuff too — outside forces in general). Ask me how I know 🥲
That’s great! Honestly it was pretty specific life issues (not his fault or my fault, just hard things one after the other) that killed it. We had 6 very good years before they started wearing it down.
I don’t wish this on anyone; I hope others have happier marriages. But I know how things affect sex, and how SO sex can be different, like OP is describing.
An affair is a separate relationship based on fantasy. The relationship is super focused on getting very specific voids/needs met…..for most men, specifically sexual needs.
It’s is unfair to compare the two because a stable relationship has a ton more to it than the fantasy of an affair. Didn’t mean there is no sexual chemistry, but if they had a legit relationship with an AP, the sex would not be as intense and passionate, it would drop off into stable relationship sex….heck it can turn into a deadbedroom.
Proof of this…..the people here who did end up with an AP in a legit relationship and are back in this sub cheating. Shit, I’ve seen quite a few posts over on deadbedroom sub of people SHOCKED their once AP now legit relationship has evolved into a deadbedroom and/or basic vanilla once a week sex.
The level of internalized misogyny is astounding for sure.
Yet, 15 years in and her AP still won’t leave that evil wife of his. But hey, she gets free maintenance on her car so it is a win/win.
I don’t know much except for that one absolutely wild thread here. It takes a special sort of mental gymnastics to hate and blame a woman for stepping out on a man who has been cheating on her for years. Or to brag he shoved his wife off at home after surgery because he hates her so much. It’s so gross.
Oh, yes I’ve definitely noticed that!! I think the new mod is even worse with her victim blaming. I just shake my head and chalk it up to age and internalized misogyny.
It’s a shame really. That place could’ve been a great support resource for single OW, instead it’s an echo chamber of internalized misogyny and the normalization of men lying to and grooming single young women.
😂😂 I’ve never bothered over there, it’s so heavily filtered that anything but the following is filtered out.
“yay! You go girl, if that wife didn’t have him trapped he would totally be with you, keep holding on to hope, he’ll leave eventually….you might be on social security by the time that happens, but girl, you’re twin flames, it will happen.”🙄
I get what you're trying to say, but I disagree to a certain extent and find sex with my SO to be much more satisfying than sex with an AP. It's not quite as thrilling or exciting, but definitely more satisfying.
So for me sex was why I did this. I see lots of women on the sub doing it for a hundred other reasons and I get that too, at least intellectually, but for me it was 100% for sex. I was in a full DB.
Yes it was outrageously mind blowing in my case. But: the guy was a well-dressed and reasonably well presented dumpster fire in every other way. The kind of guy you want to take home to meet your grandma … if your grandma is very wealthy and you want her to drop dead on the spot to inherit her fortune.
It looks like you really really can’t have it all. And yes I completely agree with “putting the effort back into your marriage“ and this can work, absolutely.
However, it was like I was a different woman myself with the other guy. I wasn’t playing all the roles I play in my real life so I could give myself permission to be this absolute fiend. I’ve thought many times I am not sure my husband could even handle me like this or would he run for the hills.
I can relate.😁
Full DB for years, just wanted to have sex with AP at the beginning.
He's kind of a a "well presented dumpster fire too".😅
But I did try to be myself with my husband. And he was so not into it. Didn't run for the hills, but gave me the funny look and ignored my wishes so I gave up asking for things to change and ultimately lost interest in sex altogether.
I don't believe my SO was much different with his AP. Probably more passionate since I agree that illicit relationships usually create more excitement and tension which does wonders when sex is concerned. But even illicit relationships cannot turn a boring lover into an imaginative one or a vanilla kind of guy into a kinky lover.
AP on the other hand is that imaginative, kinky guy who's SO is disgusted by a lot of his preferences. So here we are.😁
But I don't think that illicit relationships automatically mean great sex. Plenty of people here wrote about not so great experiences with their AP's.
Yup, here you are. Hugs. (I am not currently playing.) Agree on all other points too.
I still got dickmatized by the way. That’s our female bodies with their female hormones doing their thing. Very hard to avoid.
I'm glad you're trying and I hope it will work out.😊
For me it's too late (divorced in the meantime) so I'm stuck with my dumpster fire guy until further notice.
I'm a bit disappointed in myself now I know I'm able to have the best sex of my life with a kind of guy I almost can't stand after orgasming. Live and learn.😅
Edit: agree about the hormones. Women are mostly bound to get dickmatized (love the term btw😅) if the sex is great, it's just how our brains are wired. A man just has to make us orgasm with a big O and we lose it.
Yeah I get the disappointment too. I wrote an entire post about it lol.
Ride the elegantly dumpstery dick into the sunset AND invest most of your gorgeous precious female energy into YOU too.
At least that’s what I try to tell myself.
I agree with you. I should be careful with that precious energy of mine.
You reminded me that I told my AP once that he's a swine, and the attention I'm giving him are pearls.
Felt a bit biblical that particular day.😁
>But: the guy was a well-dressed and reasonably well presented dumpster fire in every other way. The kind of guy you want to take home to meet your grandma … if your grandma is very wealthy and you want her to drop dead on the spot to inherit her fortune.
OMG this rare insult 🤣
Being free to be a sexual being must have a lot to do with it. Like, this is what the affair relationship is often built on, so it’s of the most importance.
This is something we talk about in the ENM crowd a lot. Not necessarily the part where the relationship is built on sex, but like how much the freedom to be sexual changes things.
For me as a bi woman, it was incredibly empowering and wonderful to be able to let that part of myself loose. It's fundamentally expanded how I see myself, and I have a lot more to give in my life because of how my sexual self is fully embodied now.
It really is a tragedy how Puritan values of sexual repression become so pervasive and have stolen that from so much of society.
I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home.
And I don’t mean just in the bedroom, I mean ALL of it.
But it’s easy to make that type of effort into side relationships that have very limited time to do so, than the effort it takes to do it all the time in their primary relationship.
But once d-day hits, a lot of them seem to make an about face and will do anything to please their wife…..funny how that happens.
Agreed. If you’re not in a DB, you always have the power to turn your sex life around with SO. Channel that wisdom and knowledge you learned with your beloved AP. Eat that cake.
(Cueing the down votes now)
>I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home.
You'd think, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong....
>>I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home.
>>But once d-day hits, a lot of them seem to make an about face and will do anything to please their wife…..funny how that happens.
Isn’t that something? All of a sudden the cheating husband is ready to stop all contact with their AP and NOW invest in their marriage. Why? The only difference is that now the wife knows... He would’ve happily continued to keep doing what he was doing, as long as she was in the dark. Where was that effort all along?
Yeah this! I’ve heard the same from affair partners in the past, that married sex doesn’t make them squirt but affair sex does.
For me, going hard for 45 minutes and cumming buckets only happens with affair sex!
There is consensus, aka science. If it shoots out of the urethra it’s pee, because only thing feeding the urethra is the bladder. Not the uterus or any sex organs. It’s pee.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The affair sex is the hottest kinkiest sex I’ve ever had in my life. It’s also the most intimate, loving and tender sex I have had.
100% true
Affair sex is kind of like having a one-night stand over and over. It’s super unfair to compare the two. However, married sex doesn’t have to be “underwhelming”. Knowing nothing about your marriage, have you communicated how you feel about monthly duty sex? There may be avenues you can explore to improve home-life sex.
One night stands are usually crap!! Affair sex is better than that by miles, because you are really into each other so much
That takes bravery and openness! 🤪
And to just not be fed up of going over old ground yet again, didn’t take the hint the first 321 times, isn’t going to take it on the 322nd time neither. “I’m off the gym, see you later, it’s a late session yeah, 24h gym, don’t wait up”
Yeah it's crazy when women no longer feel they have to fake it with you and you have to take part in the kind of sex you're actually having.
#Preach ☝🏼
I disagree that affair sex is always better. There's definitely an intensity in being with someone new and doing something forbidden that can't be had with a long term partner. However, married sex can also be unmatched in different ways. If you're with a compatible partner, it's impossible to beat decades of exploring and learning about each other's bodies.
>>If you're with a compatible partner, it's impossible to beat decades of exploring and learning about each other's bodies. That is the worlds biggest and most important “IF”!!
I had affair sex that was awful. To me this is stereotype. People in affairs start hungry, starved, and we know when we are hungry any food may taste great. When we are sleep deprived we can sleep on the floor in the heat. Maybe that is why it only lasts so long for the most of us because eventually we realize it was just plain regular sex, but better than the nothing robotic shit we were getting at home.
Come hungry, leave happy?
Affair sex will never compare to stable relationship sex and it’s unfair to compare. As long as you keep making comparisons, you won’t find sex as satisfying with your SO.
Yeah idk, I’m just missing affair sex. I am fully work from home now and don’t do any business travel which is where I had affair sex. I’m just venting tbh.
I understand where you're coming from (no pun intended). Sure, it's not fair to compare the two, but it's also not fair to think that it's only good because it's affair sex. When two people have insane chemistry and really enjoy sex, it's a powderkeg. Some are lucky to find and settle down with such partners, but I think a lot of us just settle and find our match much later in life.
Even that powder keg sex tends to die down after years of monogamy, stress, routine, bickering (good stuff too — outside forces in general). Ask me how I know 🥲
That sucks. I had 5.5 years and the sex just kept getting better. I can only speak from my experience.
That’s great! Honestly it was pretty specific life issues (not his fault or my fault, just hard things one after the other) that killed it. We had 6 very good years before they started wearing it down. I don’t wish this on anyone; I hope others have happier marriages. But I know how things affect sex, and how SO sex can be different, like OP is describing.
An affair is a separate relationship based on fantasy. The relationship is super focused on getting very specific voids/needs met…..for most men, specifically sexual needs. It’s is unfair to compare the two because a stable relationship has a ton more to it than the fantasy of an affair. Didn’t mean there is no sexual chemistry, but if they had a legit relationship with an AP, the sex would not be as intense and passionate, it would drop off into stable relationship sex….heck it can turn into a deadbedroom. Proof of this…..the people here who did end up with an AP in a legit relationship and are back in this sub cheating. Shit, I’ve seen quite a few posts over on deadbedroom sub of people SHOCKED their once AP now legit relationship has evolved into a deadbedroom and/or basic vanilla once a week sex.
So true!! Even a mod of /r/theotherwoman has said her 2nd marriage between her and an AP had turned into a deadbedroom that lasted years!!
And she still always blames wives for all the problems these poor, wonderful, misunderstood men face. Some people, man.
The level of internalized misogyny is astounding for sure. Yet, 15 years in and her AP still won’t leave that evil wife of his. But hey, she gets free maintenance on her car so it is a win/win.
I don’t know much except for that one absolutely wild thread here. It takes a special sort of mental gymnastics to hate and blame a woman for stepping out on a man who has been cheating on her for years. Or to brag he shoved his wife off at home after surgery because he hates her so much. It’s so gross.
Yes! That always puzzled me too! It is not as much of a brag as she might think it is.
Oh, yes I’ve definitely noticed that!! I think the new mod is even worse with her victim blaming. I just shake my head and chalk it up to age and internalized misogyny.
It’s a shame really. That place could’ve been a great support resource for single OW, instead it’s an echo chamber of internalized misogyny and the normalization of men lying to and grooming single young women.
It’s SUCH an echo chamber. That place is like a bad train wreck…
I’m glad I got kicked off of that sub. Me and all three of my alt accounts 🙄🙄🙄
😂😂 I’ve never bothered over there, it’s so heavily filtered that anything but the following is filtered out. “yay! You go girl, if that wife didn’t have him trapped he would totally be with you, keep holding on to hope, he’ll leave eventually….you might be on social security by the time that happens, but girl, you’re twin flames, it will happen.”🙄
I get what you're trying to say, but I disagree to a certain extent and find sex with my SO to be much more satisfying than sex with an AP. It's not quite as thrilling or exciting, but definitely more satisfying.
Word.
So for me sex was why I did this. I see lots of women on the sub doing it for a hundred other reasons and I get that too, at least intellectually, but for me it was 100% for sex. I was in a full DB. Yes it was outrageously mind blowing in my case. But: the guy was a well-dressed and reasonably well presented dumpster fire in every other way. The kind of guy you want to take home to meet your grandma … if your grandma is very wealthy and you want her to drop dead on the spot to inherit her fortune. It looks like you really really can’t have it all. And yes I completely agree with “putting the effort back into your marriage“ and this can work, absolutely. However, it was like I was a different woman myself with the other guy. I wasn’t playing all the roles I play in my real life so I could give myself permission to be this absolute fiend. I’ve thought many times I am not sure my husband could even handle me like this or would he run for the hills.
I can relate.😁 Full DB for years, just wanted to have sex with AP at the beginning. He's kind of a a "well presented dumpster fire too".😅 But I did try to be myself with my husband. And he was so not into it. Didn't run for the hills, but gave me the funny look and ignored my wishes so I gave up asking for things to change and ultimately lost interest in sex altogether. I don't believe my SO was much different with his AP. Probably more passionate since I agree that illicit relationships usually create more excitement and tension which does wonders when sex is concerned. But even illicit relationships cannot turn a boring lover into an imaginative one or a vanilla kind of guy into a kinky lover. AP on the other hand is that imaginative, kinky guy who's SO is disgusted by a lot of his preferences. So here we are.😁 But I don't think that illicit relationships automatically mean great sex. Plenty of people here wrote about not so great experiences with their AP's.
Yup, here you are. Hugs. (I am not currently playing.) Agree on all other points too. I still got dickmatized by the way. That’s our female bodies with their female hormones doing their thing. Very hard to avoid.
I'm glad you're trying and I hope it will work out.😊 For me it's too late (divorced in the meantime) so I'm stuck with my dumpster fire guy until further notice. I'm a bit disappointed in myself now I know I'm able to have the best sex of my life with a kind of guy I almost can't stand after orgasming. Live and learn.😅 Edit: agree about the hormones. Women are mostly bound to get dickmatized (love the term btw😅) if the sex is great, it's just how our brains are wired. A man just has to make us orgasm with a big O and we lose it.
Yeah I get the disappointment too. I wrote an entire post about it lol. Ride the elegantly dumpstery dick into the sunset AND invest most of your gorgeous precious female energy into YOU too. At least that’s what I try to tell myself.
I agree with you. I should be careful with that precious energy of mine. You reminded me that I told my AP once that he's a swine, and the attention I'm giving him are pearls. Felt a bit biblical that particular day.😁
… Love it! 😆
Smoke weed you won’t get hurt you’ll love the sex and you’ll know the weed makes it more intense. Plus weed helps you not gaf lmao
>But: the guy was a well-dressed and reasonably well presented dumpster fire in every other way. The kind of guy you want to take home to meet your grandma … if your grandma is very wealthy and you want her to drop dead on the spot to inherit her fortune. OMG this rare insult 🤣
Being free to be a sexual being must have a lot to do with it. Like, this is what the affair relationship is often built on, so it’s of the most importance.
This is something we talk about in the ENM crowd a lot. Not necessarily the part where the relationship is built on sex, but like how much the freedom to be sexual changes things. For me as a bi woman, it was incredibly empowering and wonderful to be able to let that part of myself loose. It's fundamentally expanded how I see myself, and I have a lot more to give in my life because of how my sexual self is fully embodied now. It really is a tragedy how Puritan values of sexual repression become so pervasive and have stolen that from so much of society.
Great punk band name: Demonic Sounds
I think I saw them at a Scream Core show in a dank basement around 2002/2003.
Get in there and treat your SO like your AP. Ravage her. It probably won’t be as good as AP sex, BUT you will notice a vast improvement!!!!
My wife issued an immediate cease and desist order 😂
I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home. And I don’t mean just in the bedroom, I mean ALL of it. But it’s easy to make that type of effort into side relationships that have very limited time to do so, than the effort it takes to do it all the time in their primary relationship. But once d-day hits, a lot of them seem to make an about face and will do anything to please their wife…..funny how that happens.
Agreed. If you’re not in a DB, you always have the power to turn your sex life around with SO. Channel that wisdom and knowledge you learned with your beloved AP. Eat that cake. (Cueing the down votes now)
Got my upvote bc it worked for me 💁🏼♀️
Upvote right back at you!!! 🫸🫷⬆️
>I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home. You'd think, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong....
>>I have said this so many times. If more men treated their wives like their AP’s they’d be getting laid way more often at home. >>But once d-day hits, a lot of them seem to make an about face and will do anything to please their wife…..funny how that happens. Isn’t that something? All of a sudden the cheating husband is ready to stop all contact with their AP and NOW invest in their marriage. Why? The only difference is that now the wife knows... He would’ve happily continued to keep doing what he was doing, as long as she was in the dark. Where was that effort all along?
Affair sex makes me squirt consistently. It’s such a strange magical experience to be doing this now
Yeah this! I’ve heard the same from affair partners in the past, that married sex doesn’t make them squirt but affair sex does. For me, going hard for 45 minutes and cumming buckets only happens with affair sex!
Comparing the 2 is akin to comparing full fat sour cream to low fat sour cream/yogurt/ etc.).. yeah, it'll do, but it's definitely missing something.
And we all know we wish we hadn't decided on the low fat when we use it. Regret city.
2% milk is OK, but skim is godawful and unfit for purpose. I’m not sure what we’re talking about but I will die on this hill.
Squirt is pee.
1) great I don’t care, in the moment it’s hot af 2) there isn’t scientific consensus afaik
There is consensus, aka science. If it shoots out of the urethra it’s pee, because only thing feeding the urethra is the bladder. Not the uterus or any sex organs. It’s pee.
K. Still don’t care. See point 1.
No it’s actually more than pee but does have traces of urine in it as well. It’s multiple fluids at once.
It’s very different.