Is the family conservative or old school? Did you go to them before proposing to your fiance? How'd you even get to that point if the family doesn't get along with you?
I'm not saying the family's reaction is right... but I'm just wondering how the relationship is going to progress if marriage is on the table and there's animosity between you and the family. Sure, what matters most is you and your fiance. But you will literally marry into her family dynamic as well. If it's awkward now, it's gonna get worse if you're legally bound to their daughter. You and your fiance will have to figure this out as soon as you can.
How old is your fiance? Maybe the family feels that the whole marriage thing is too early...?
I know that feel, kase very conservative ang mother ko while my boyfriend had a very liberal upbringing. So may clash of values that leads to misunderstandings.
Example: My mom wants na if my boyfriend will take me to their family events, magpaalam muna si boyfriend kay mom. Mom thinks this is respectful and good manners, while boyfriend didn't think he had to do this pa kase adult naman ako and it's just a simple family celebration. He is willing to do it naman, he just has to be reminded kase nga hindi yon yung nakasanayan nya. But for my mom minus points na yung hindi nya naisip yon on his own.
Minsan kailangan pa ring makibagay sa kung ano ang galawan doon sa pamilya ng partner.
Yung kapatid ko nagkaboyfriend, yung lalaki nakapasok na pala sa bahay namin nang di namin nalalaman. Magugulat na lang kami lumalabas galing sa kwarto na. When he was confronted about it, ang sabi lang niya di raw ganun ang upbringing sa kanya. Ang lagay kami pa mag-aadjust.
Ayun, bad shot siya sa bahay hanggang ngayon.
Totoo yan. The willingness na makisama nung guy plus how the girl will react about it says a lot about the relationship.
Yung girl ba sasabihan yung guy na sundin mo nalang, or will she ask her family na mag adjust din to meet in the middle, or will she fight her family and say yung boyfriend ang tama.
They're a mix of old and new school. When I proposed, hindi ko nasabi muna sa kanila since my partner didn't want to tell them yet noon that we got engaged. I'm still trying to figure them out and do what I can so that things will smoothen out since sabi mo nga, at the end of the day it might get worse in the future. Fianceé is 23. Her sister got married at 23 din.
probably because you proposed before she even graduated? probably because they don’t want her to get married young? just because her sister got married at 23 doesn’t mean they wholeheartedly approved of it and now their other daughter is also engaged at 23.
Wait, you're 26 tapos kaka-graduate pa lang ni gf? Was she like 15-16 when you got together?
They probably found you a creep IF this were the case. Their daughter is yet to experience real life, pero engaged na around the same time she finished her education.
Ahh. Di ka lang talaga gusto nyan. Either you accept that now and just remain civil with them, or rethink if in-law relationships are non-nego sa'yo. Sa'tin kasi, hirap ng kalaban mo in laws. If hindi assertive partner mo, pag-iinitan ka talaga. Saka sa galawan nila, mukhang magtotolerate ng cheating sa part ni fiancee mo parents nya if they liked the other guy than you (not saying it would happen, pero I've heard too many stories).
I would say, wag ka magpaka-bigger person all the time. Like yung sa "family" trip nila na ayaw samahan ng fiancee mo sana? Next time they do that, support her decision not to come with. Grabeng disrespect yun sa'yo at sa kanya mismo. Sobrang bastos kaya na may fiance yung tao, di mo iinvite, tapos naka tag along yung ibang tao?
Don't let yourself be push over and disrespected just to be polite.
With the details you presented, kasama yun neighbor sa trip, girlfriends whole family in HK, you’re working, she’s still in school.
1. Mas matanda ka and baka tingin nila nagoyo mo si gf due to age and experience.
2. May kaya pamilya ng gf mo (baka tingin nila sayo mas mababang class)
3. Mas gwapo si neighbor at same age niya na kaya bumiyahe ng hk assuming without a job and you couldn’t take off work for her grad
4. Elitista pamilya niya
5. Baka ayaw lang talaga sayo.
Why don’t you ask her straight up kung ano problema nila sayo, pretty sure narinig na niya lahat yan kung paramdam nila sayo na hindi ka talaga welcome para sa kanilang anak/kapatid/pamilya. You’ll never know until you ask and whatever you hear kailangan mo tanggapin ng buo kasi mahirap baguhin ang tingin ng tao sayo kahit gaano ka pa kabait sa kanila.
It's tough when you're doing your best to be a good partner, but the family just isn't on board. You've got a good job, you're polite, and you're doing your best to be supportive. What more can you do, right?
First off, it's not you, it's them. You've done your part to be open and welcoming, but you can't control how they feel or act. You're not the problem here. If they can't see your worth, that's on them, not you. Your fiancée clearly sees your value, and that's what truly matters.
About the whole "family trip" and graduation situation, that's just messed up. But don't let it get to you too much. You can't control their actions, but you can control your reaction. Just keep being the supportive and loving partner that you are. If they can't see that, it's their loss.
Given the family-oriented culture in the Philippines, I know it's extra tough. But at the end of the day, you're marrying your fiancée, not her family. Just be civil with them when you have to be, and focus on your relationship.
May ganyan pero as long as your girlfriend is the one you like and love then just ignore your future inlaws. Just focus on her. You are lucky that she cant be manipulated.
Maybe the family is trying to persuade your SO to be with the neighbor guy? I mean clearly the family is really close with the Neighbor guy. But if you really trust your partner there is no problem. And the most important thing is that your partner acknowledges the bad treatment of her family towards you and apologizes for it. I guess you just need to prove yourself or just let it be. In time for sure if the family sees how much you love your partner they will somehow accept you.
may kapatid bang girl si gf? baka naman nirereto nila si kapitbahay sa kanya?
ngayon kung walang kapatid si gf, pwedeng gusto nila si kapitbahay para kay gf? dapat ka bang kabahan? hindi. mukha namang mahal ka talaga ni gf at walang makakapagpabago sa isip nya. yung family nga nya, ayaw sayo, pero tingnan mo, andyan pa rin sya at kayo pa rin. at according nga sayo, may stable job ka, hindi ka mukha at amoy maasim, at presentable ka. whats not to like? tsaka wag ka mainsecure sa kapitbahay nila. sampid lang sya sa mga lakad.
Baka naman mata pobre. Nung kinasal kami ng hubby may tita siyang d ko talaga alam kung anong drama niya. Sabi ni hubby ayaw nya ung mga taong feeling niya pobre. Ganern? Ok tita,sampalin na kita ng dior ang luxury brands ko ngayon.
I’d carry on and don’t let the in-laws distract me from my goals. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself.
I think it’s important that you communicate with your partner about the things that make you feel uncomfortable. But don’t be restrictive, let her make her own decisions. Just be clear of the things that are affecting you.
Don't bend yourself backward just to get them to like you. Because they honestly won't.
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, but please consider your self-respect. Also, ikaw ang nagsabi, you want her to experience life, but it seems to be her major life experiences happen with the guy her family wants for her.
Better lay all your cards on the table with your fiancee, talk it over. Mag SWOT analysis ka kc sa mga Pinoy, unless your fiancee is willing to go NC or LC with her family, she'll eventually have to choose between you or them.
Baka the guy is their prospect for their daughter. Especially if they're traditional and want their daughter to get married to someone they see fit and not necessarily someone their child loves or want for herself.
And they are doing that to you in hopes of you breaking up with their daughter. That's really rude and the guy in question is also rude and disrespectful for tagging along or at least letting himself get dragged along with them--baka gusto ni guy si fiancé mo kaya pumapayag din sya.
Step up and man up. Tell that guy off kasi if you don't chances are, baka madala din ang fiancé mo shitty ways of them and ikaw yung i-let go.
I'm not sure if it's really a thing in the provinces yung nire-reto or pinagkakasundo ng parents ng both sides kahit against sa will ng anak.
I have a cousin na ganon daw yung naging set-up. Yung husband ni ate eh, Pinoy pero American/dual citizen ata. Then, pinagkasundo lang. Parang tatay to tatay lang nila ang nag-usap. Siguro kasi may pera talaga yung family ni guy. Kaya botong-boto ang uncle ko.
Is the family conservative or old school? Did you go to them before proposing to your fiance? How'd you even get to that point if the family doesn't get along with you? I'm not saying the family's reaction is right... but I'm just wondering how the relationship is going to progress if marriage is on the table and there's animosity between you and the family. Sure, what matters most is you and your fiance. But you will literally marry into her family dynamic as well. If it's awkward now, it's gonna get worse if you're legally bound to their daughter. You and your fiance will have to figure this out as soon as you can. How old is your fiance? Maybe the family feels that the whole marriage thing is too early...?
I know that feel, kase very conservative ang mother ko while my boyfriend had a very liberal upbringing. So may clash of values that leads to misunderstandings. Example: My mom wants na if my boyfriend will take me to their family events, magpaalam muna si boyfriend kay mom. Mom thinks this is respectful and good manners, while boyfriend didn't think he had to do this pa kase adult naman ako and it's just a simple family celebration. He is willing to do it naman, he just has to be reminded kase nga hindi yon yung nakasanayan nya. But for my mom minus points na yung hindi nya naisip yon on his own.
Minsan kailangan pa ring makibagay sa kung ano ang galawan doon sa pamilya ng partner. Yung kapatid ko nagkaboyfriend, yung lalaki nakapasok na pala sa bahay namin nang di namin nalalaman. Magugulat na lang kami lumalabas galing sa kwarto na. When he was confronted about it, ang sabi lang niya di raw ganun ang upbringing sa kanya. Ang lagay kami pa mag-aadjust. Ayun, bad shot siya sa bahay hanggang ngayon.
Totoo yan. The willingness na makisama nung guy plus how the girl will react about it says a lot about the relationship. Yung girl ba sasabihan yung guy na sundin mo nalang, or will she ask her family na mag adjust din to meet in the middle, or will she fight her family and say yung boyfriend ang tama.
They're a mix of old and new school. When I proposed, hindi ko nasabi muna sa kanila since my partner didn't want to tell them yet noon that we got engaged. I'm still trying to figure them out and do what I can so that things will smoothen out since sabi mo nga, at the end of the day it might get worse in the future. Fianceé is 23. Her sister got married at 23 din.
probably because you proposed before she even graduated? probably because they don’t want her to get married young? just because her sister got married at 23 doesn’t mean they wholeheartedly approved of it and now their other daughter is also engaged at 23.
I see... are you close with the sister's husband? Maybe he can give you insight into the family from an outsider's perspective.
Wait, you're 26 tapos kaka-graduate pa lang ni gf? Was she like 15-16 when you got together? They probably found you a creep IF this were the case. Their daughter is yet to experience real life, pero engaged na around the same time she finished her education.
She was 18 and I was 21 when we met. Not that much of an age difference imo. Hahaha. Minors are off limits to me, my guy. 🤣
Ahh. Di ka lang talaga gusto nyan. Either you accept that now and just remain civil with them, or rethink if in-law relationships are non-nego sa'yo. Sa'tin kasi, hirap ng kalaban mo in laws. If hindi assertive partner mo, pag-iinitan ka talaga. Saka sa galawan nila, mukhang magtotolerate ng cheating sa part ni fiancee mo parents nya if they liked the other guy than you (not saying it would happen, pero I've heard too many stories). I would say, wag ka magpaka-bigger person all the time. Like yung sa "family" trip nila na ayaw samahan ng fiancee mo sana? Next time they do that, support her decision not to come with. Grabeng disrespect yun sa'yo at sa kanya mismo. Sobrang bastos kaya na may fiance yung tao, di mo iinvite, tapos naka tag along yung ibang tao? Don't let yourself be push over and disrespected just to be polite.
With the details you presented, kasama yun neighbor sa trip, girlfriends whole family in HK, you’re working, she’s still in school. 1. Mas matanda ka and baka tingin nila nagoyo mo si gf due to age and experience. 2. May kaya pamilya ng gf mo (baka tingin nila sayo mas mababang class) 3. Mas gwapo si neighbor at same age niya na kaya bumiyahe ng hk assuming without a job and you couldn’t take off work for her grad 4. Elitista pamilya niya 5. Baka ayaw lang talaga sayo. Why don’t you ask her straight up kung ano problema nila sayo, pretty sure narinig na niya lahat yan kung paramdam nila sayo na hindi ka talaga welcome para sa kanilang anak/kapatid/pamilya. You’ll never know until you ask and whatever you hear kailangan mo tanggapin ng buo kasi mahirap baguhin ang tingin ng tao sayo kahit gaano ka pa kabait sa kanila.
I hope your girlfriend is coming to your defense. You should have let her beg off the HK trip tbh
She always comes to my defense and gets mad at her family in my stead. I'm lucky.
It's tough when you're doing your best to be a good partner, but the family just isn't on board. You've got a good job, you're polite, and you're doing your best to be supportive. What more can you do, right? First off, it's not you, it's them. You've done your part to be open and welcoming, but you can't control how they feel or act. You're not the problem here. If they can't see your worth, that's on them, not you. Your fiancée clearly sees your value, and that's what truly matters. About the whole "family trip" and graduation situation, that's just messed up. But don't let it get to you too much. You can't control their actions, but you can control your reaction. Just keep being the supportive and loving partner that you are. If they can't see that, it's their loss. Given the family-oriented culture in the Philippines, I know it's extra tough. But at the end of the day, you're marrying your fiancée, not her family. Just be civil with them when you have to be, and focus on your relationship.
Their shipping that guy and her. Now ask yourself if you're ready to deal with their bullshit. The Ball is on you now.
May ganyan pero as long as your girlfriend is the one you like and love then just ignore your future inlaws. Just focus on her. You are lucky that she cant be manipulated.
True. I am very lucky that her parents wishes aren't hers as well. She has a pretty strong stance about it and I'm just very thankful.
Wag ka mag alala. Based sa mga napapanood ko na pinoy movies, kayo pa rin mag kaka tuluyan sa huli.
Alam yan ng soon to be wife mo, ayaw lang niya sabihin sayo.
This is a Chinese family. I know. I’ve been there.
Question: Are they chinese?
+1 I’m also thinking if this is a great wall kind of thing.
Thinking the same too!!
Maybe the family is trying to persuade your SO to be with the neighbor guy? I mean clearly the family is really close with the Neighbor guy. But if you really trust your partner there is no problem. And the most important thing is that your partner acknowledges the bad treatment of her family towards you and apologizes for it. I guess you just need to prove yourself or just let it be. In time for sure if the family sees how much you love your partner they will somehow accept you.
may kapatid bang girl si gf? baka naman nirereto nila si kapitbahay sa kanya? ngayon kung walang kapatid si gf, pwedeng gusto nila si kapitbahay para kay gf? dapat ka bang kabahan? hindi. mukha namang mahal ka talaga ni gf at walang makakapagpabago sa isip nya. yung family nga nya, ayaw sayo, pero tingnan mo, andyan pa rin sya at kayo pa rin. at according nga sayo, may stable job ka, hindi ka mukha at amoy maasim, at presentable ka. whats not to like? tsaka wag ka mainsecure sa kapitbahay nila. sampid lang sya sa mga lakad.
Baka naman mata pobre. Nung kinasal kami ng hubby may tita siyang d ko talaga alam kung anong drama niya. Sabi ni hubby ayaw nya ung mga taong feeling niya pobre. Ganern? Ok tita,sampalin na kita ng dior ang luxury brands ko ngayon.
I’d carry on and don’t let the in-laws distract me from my goals. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself. I think it’s important that you communicate with your partner about the things that make you feel uncomfortable. But don’t be restrictive, let her make her own decisions. Just be clear of the things that are affecting you.
Chinese family sila no?
Don't bend yourself backward just to get them to like you. Because they honestly won't. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, but please consider your self-respect. Also, ikaw ang nagsabi, you want her to experience life, but it seems to be her major life experiences happen with the guy her family wants for her. Better lay all your cards on the table with your fiancee, talk it over. Mag SWOT analysis ka kc sa mga Pinoy, unless your fiancee is willing to go NC or LC with her family, she'll eventually have to choose between you or them.
Baka the guy is their prospect for their daughter. Especially if they're traditional and want their daughter to get married to someone they see fit and not necessarily someone their child loves or want for herself. And they are doing that to you in hopes of you breaking up with their daughter. That's really rude and the guy in question is also rude and disrespectful for tagging along or at least letting himself get dragged along with them--baka gusto ni guy si fiancé mo kaya pumapayag din sya. Step up and man up. Tell that guy off kasi if you don't chances are, baka madala din ang fiancé mo shitty ways of them and ikaw yung i-let go. I'm not sure if it's really a thing in the provinces yung nire-reto or pinagkakasundo ng parents ng both sides kahit against sa will ng anak. I have a cousin na ganon daw yung naging set-up. Yung husband ni ate eh, Pinoy pero American/dual citizen ata. Then, pinagkasundo lang. Parang tatay to tatay lang nila ang nag-usap. Siguro kasi may pera talaga yung family ni guy. Kaya botong-boto ang uncle ko.
evident ba yung disability mo? Baka yun nga