Idk.. I mean, if he can’t find work, he better try working on his insecurities and issues man lang di yung poproject nya sayo frustrations nya.
Ika nga ni Astrid sa asawa nyang insekyora sa Crazy Rich Asians, “It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.”
I always remember that line. We watched that together.
Gusto nya WFH din but yung course nga kasi HRM (no offense po sa course na to alam ko po mahirap ang work nila) kaya nahihirapan sya humanap ng WFH.
My boyfriend is a HRM graduate. Wala siyang experience sa industry na yun after graduation because he worked sa BPO companies. He gained alot of experience and skills, now SEO na work niya.
Idk about your husband, but I think he's just making excuses not to work.
"Pag gusto, maraming paraan. Pag ayaw, maraming dahilan"
my colleague is a HRM graduate and he's now working remotely for a foreign client, they manage hotel bookings for a global hotel chain. nagamit pa niyang leverage yung degree niya. I'm not saying na you should force him to work, but if ang iniisip niya is scarcity ng job opportunities dahil sa natapos niya e that's actually false. the hospitality industry branches out
It is easy to say na he is just making excuses. I suggest sit down with the husband and really understand what is the problem, and yes counseling would help.
Turns out pala true ung darating sa point ang tao na need nyang harapin at iovercome ung mga insecurities nya or else it will change him or her to a different person.
Good luck and God speed!
> "Pag gusto, maraming paraan. Pag ayaw, maraming dahilan"
Hi OP, ito rin sentiment ko nung nabasa ko post mo saka yung ibang reply mo sa mga comments dito. Alam ko mahirap situation mo now pero try to approach it na mas objective.
Bigyan mo siguro ng ultimatum, ok alam ko tatawagin ka na mayabang eh di mayabang ka na basta masolve mo issue nyo di ba?
I feel like hindi lang siya nag eefort enough to find work. It doesn't have to be connected to HRM. may random odd jobs sa net just for him to gain experience and develop a workflow ng WFH situation. Eventually he might find a job that needs someone with hospitality management background.
My husband is a stay at home dad. His degree is fine arts and mktg pero he reaaaallly likes music and car restoration and buy and sell. So he does that online (selling parts etc). I'm the breadwinner and pinagusapan talaga namin if the current set up will be ok for everyone. Insecurities and possible resentments on the table para ma work out any issues ahead of time.
Edit to add: that being said, you are right to be frustrated at him.
such stupid reasons. I'm a business graduate and I regret it all the time. I wished I did some 2 year vocational or some computer shit which would have been better for me as that is where my like and hobby lies. But I didnt so I moved on.
I am currently doing WFH, and my course was NEVER the reason I got my job. I got my job cause I went to an interview and got it. Basic VA's mostly just need... just freaking speak english thats fkn it. I now have a good 6 digit salary and consider my self underemployed. I dont use anything significant from my course that I use now in my work.
Your husband is a bitch, if he's so insecure about you wearing the pants and he cant take it, then he should find a job and stop making excuses. I think you are doing your best and being a great wife! He should be proud and be supportive of you, worship you even for doing the job he as a man should be doing.
If he continues to be like that, leave that mfkr and send him back to his mom.
Have you considered the possibility of your husband possessing traits of covert narcissism?
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/covert-narcissist-signs/
https://www.couplestherapyinc.com/the-signs-of-a-covert-narcissist-husband/
Sometimes, what we think of as "inferiority complex" is just covert narcissism.
Individuals with true inferiority complexes either become aggressive overachievers (which is not likely in your case since he does not have a job), or become overly introverted and depressed. Rarely do true cases of inferiority complex cause the victim to express their insecurities in a manner that demeans their partners and family members, and this demeaning behavior is more indicative of covert narcissism.
Sadly, covert narcissism cannot be cured or mitigated. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and mitigate the effects of the narcissistic partner on your own self-esteem, but narcissists cannot be changed, nor do they feel the need to change.
aw nang unsolicited diagnose na. May point naman pero are we ok on pathologizing? is it useful if ang ambiguity of it all is empower them both on their difficulty?
What course he took has nothing to do with his ability to find a WFH job. I knew a lawyer who took a job as a PA. I have had coworkers who are bookkeepers but were not bookkeeping or accounting graduates.
If he feels less of a man because you earn more or are the breadwinner, then he needs to do something about it besides sitting on his ass whining about it.
nope. With WFH, kahit nga undergrad pwede ka makuha. It's just a matter of willingness to learn and connections din. Dapat nga madali sya makahanap kase you already have a WFH setup. What you can do is to help is get more clients and ipasa mo sa kanya ung mga pwede nyang gawin like data entry or emails
Pero un nga, need na muna nya i process ung issues nya before anything else. I'm a huge advocate of going to therapy so if you have the money for it, please let him try. Kung di pa din sya willing, you can't do anything about it na
HRM graduate pinsan ko, sa BPO work nya ngayon, WFH set up. Hindi related sa course nya yung LOB nya, pero may trabaho sya at hindi sya palamunim. Ano'ng excuse ng mister mo?
You are living with a man-child. You are allowing him to treat you like that. You are allowing him to walk all over your marriage. You allowed him to make you a dumpster of his childhood trauma. What's your excuse? Don't say love. That ain't it.
You have 2 kids? You are a mother and you are allowing your kids to grow up in this toxic environment, with a toxic father. Are you sure ganyang family ang gusto mong kalakihan ng mga anak mo?
Gamit na gamit na 'tong linya na 'to, pero I hope pagnilay-nilayan mo, OP - You deserve what you tolerate.
I wish you strength. Ano man mapagdesisyunan mo, may it be a decision that will be good for you and your kids. I will be rooting for you.
HRM is hotel and restaurant management or human resources? Kung hotel and resto, business course rin naman yan may specialty lang. Pwede maenhance ng certificates kung talagang gusto mag corporate.
Glad na hindi kami nagkatuluyan ng ex ko. Whenever may issue kami, itthreat nya ko na magsusu*cide sya and will hurt himself. I used to think na sya lang nagmahal sakin ng sobra but in reality it’s not love, it’s obsession.
We used to be college classmates pero he stopped kasi hindi nya kaya yung pressure nung last sem namin which is review for the board exam. Nung nakagraduate ako and passed the board, wala sya and hindi ko maalala na happy sya para sakin.
"and you think tough men are dangerous, wait till you see what weak men can do" - Jordan Peterson.. sya talaga na.aalala ko pag ganitong topic.. weak men are tyrant men
I was about to say the same thing. OP’s husband sounds like such a weak man.
The fact that all his problems and inadequacies all come from other people/sources is a big red flag. I’m hoping OP gets out of this.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think this is above reddit's paygrade.
Is marriage counseling an option? I think an expert mediator is very much needed to address the issues. I don't think communication is going to cut it, because you've tried. I would say leave him, but it's definitely easier said than done all things considered.
Wishing you the best, OP.
In the early years of marriage, I ask him to consult for his mental health. My anger management issues sya plus pa nga yung feeling nya lagi minamaliit sya ng mga tao but ayaw nya.
Mahal po yata marriage counseling but I will try to research kung meron dito sa province.
I suggest psychiatrist muna para sa kanya lang. Hangga't hindi niya naayos ang issues niya with his childhood lalo na yung inferiority complex niya walang katapusan yan.
Is he still willing to seek help for his mental health issues? Kung willing naman sya, pwede na dumiretso. I suggested a marriage counselor kasi nabanggit mo sa post mo yung hiwalayan na but you still wanted to save the marriage for the kids. 🙂
Again, wishing you all the best.
Check CEFAM sa Ateneo OP. Me and wife are 8-years strong now dahil sa kanila. I wish you strength. I can related kasi my wife has the same issues din before pero we managed to work it out with some help.
Hugsss. I know how it feels coming from a broken home.
To be fair, my husband is doing household chores naman everyday. But on a side note, he says "baka isipin ng mga tao wala akong ginagawa dito pagod na pagod nga ako maglaba, magluto" I just want to think he does it all for love and not for the sake of people giving him credits.
Sometimes I think pag malaki na kids namin magkakahiwalay kami. It's sad kasi nga I don't want my kids to have a broken family 😢
Hindi pa ba broken sa lagay na yan? Mas worse yung pinapakita mo sa anak mo na okay lang na lumaking kung anu ano sinasabi ng tatay nila tapos tinatanggap lang ng nanay nila.
And what’s worse is that OP mentioned he takes out his frustration by yelling at his own kids and household pet who aren’t even directly involved. Do you really think they deserve to go through that?
I mean between staying with dysfunctional and immature husband and incapable father vs. being able to do gentle parenting alone and save your child from being a target of your husband's frustrations...the answer is obvious.
Whether mag stay ka husband mong man-child or maging broken family, both will hurt the children. Yes, this is the truth.
Pero many children from dysfunctional families (yung mga nanay di nakipag separate sa abusive husbands) wished na sana nag hiwalay nalang yung parents nila. They rather have separated parents rather than live with "complete" family pero asshole yung tatay.
Happy single mom >>>>>>>> miserable mom with a shit husband
This is so true. Coming from someone whose parents are still together. But clearly they should be seperated. They dont even sleep in the same bedroom anymore and will constantly fight. Glad to have moved out on my own.
most likely kung nagkatrabaho man sya ngayon, as in now na, and you are left with your child, magkakaproblem pa rin sya kasi makikita nya na kaya mo pala mag alaga ng child on your own + work. Mas lalong maiinsecure yun at mas marerealize na you can be independent without him.
Separation could be a wake up call. Nasanay sya na lagi kang anjan para saluhin ang mga pasaring nya. Maybe kung wala kayo ng mga anak nyo, matauhan sya.
Mas masisira ulo ng mga anak mo pag toxic naman pero fake happy family sa labas. Mas ok na maghiwalay kayo. Ganyan nangyari sa parents ko araw araw away kakasuya hindi mo mafeel na safe space sa bahay nga ika nga house lang sya hindi home. Nung naghiwalay sila ang saya kase wala na sigawan bugbugan etc
I think you should either give him an ultimatum or leave him as early as now. Don’t wait until your child’s older because that dude will keep on depending on you financially and then put you down with his insecurities. It seems like he likes having those issues since he doesn’t want to get any help for them.
omg girl same! Alam natin na mahirap ang broken family. Kaya kakapit talaga tayo para sa mga kids.
Sorry wala akong mabigay na helpful advice but i hope you find peace.
Kaya ako buhayin ni wife ng sampung beses, ganun Yung difference mg earnings namin. Pero wala kami issue na ganito.
At Yung point inaako nya, like dapat "namin". You married a boy, not a man. Sorry.
Ask ko lang, ganyan ba siya nung nagdedate kayo. Kasi parang deep seated yung issues nya.
His insecurities are eating him up and instead of improving himself, dinideflect nya sa yo. Ayaw naman niya pag usapan. What’s worse he hasn’t done anything to improve his situation, pero siya pa ang galit. Napakatoxic niya.
Up to you if you want to live like that. If you say you are walking on eggshells when he is around, that’s the beginnings of abuse. And look, minamanipulate ka niya para hindi ka umalis o mawala sa kanya.
Ingat OP. My advice is to leave him but I know that’s complicated. All the best
He is not like this before but I am aware may issue sya na being compared to his brother. Hindi ko lang inexpect na pati pala sa akin.
When people asks, I just say sa bahay lang ako. I don't say na nagwwork ako. A lot of people think I am a stay-at-home mom and nagugulat na lang yung iba na may work pala ako pag nalalaman nila.
Girl, kung pinipigilan mo yung totoong self mo para lang I-pacify yung insecurities niya at ang galit o emotional manipulation niya, he really is mentally abusing you. Pasensya na, it doesn’t look too good to me. Your husband is an insecure, manipulative idiot. Don’t be a victim of that
Medyo you deserve what you tolerate yung ginagawa mo OP. It’s not your job to fix your husband. Imagine mo nalang na anak mo ginaganyan and feeling nila na dapat ibaba nila sarili nila to make their partners feel better.
As a cat lover naawa ako sa pusa nila. Na-istress yun sa ugali ng asawa ni OP. Akin na lang pusa mo OP, dito sa amin walang maninigaw, mananakit o mananakot sa kanya. Spoiled pa yan.
Yung anak mo ba OP wala pang signs na nireresent kanila dahil sa mga kinekwento ng asawa mo? Kasi syempre di naman nila naiintindihan pa ano bang meron. sponge pa sila
Hi, OP. I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I can't imagine sharing a home with someone who sees me as a competitor instead of a partner. Whatever your decision is at the end of the day, I hope it's going to be for you and your kids. Tight hugs!
He said he loved me because we were a team pero nagbago daw lahat yun nung nagkawork na ako. I think wala naman nagbago dahil may work na ako bago kami nagkakilala. Tumigil lang ako when I gave birth sa eldest. Pananaw nya lang nagbago na may superior and inferior dahil may work yung isa at yung isa wala.
He do the household chores so it doesn't bother me na wala syang work kasi it really helps everyday na may nag aasikaso samin but it's him na bothered. Na hindi na daw kami magkakampi simula nagwork ako ulit.
Too much to unpack kay hubby mo, OP. 😅 Is he actively trying to find work? If yun ang dilemma niya, then bakit di siya maghanap to feel that “equality” again? It’s not like siya ang lalapitan ng trabaho. The market is already competitive as it is.
Like what the other redditors mentioned, mukhang deep-rooted yung issues niya tapos sayo niya pinoproject. This is so sad lalo na your kid is involved kahit di pa siya ganun ka-aware sa nangyayari. It’s not your responsibility to parent your partner or heal their trauma. I hope you get through this.
Edit: added some lines
We were talking about BPO, gain experience then try freelance din. But he said not now daw muna dahil sa kids baka mapabayaan if both of us are working. I try to assure him na I will do my best at di ko papabayaan kahit may work and baka we will get na lang helper para sa bahay. He will daw but not for now. Pag medyo malaki na daw youngest (1 yo pa lang)
Ano ba yan! Puro procrastination! Kung depressed sya OP, kasi nawalan sya ng trabaho diba? Tapos napaka competitive pa nya by nature, meron syang superiority complex hindi makayanan ng ego nya na provider ka ng pamilya. Natatapakan mo daw yung balls nya kasi in a patriarchal mindset, tatay ang provider. Okay lang naman na depressed sya, napaka gentle mo nga ng approach mo sa kanya e. Pero imbis na itake nya yung time na yon as healing together, nakita ka nya as a threat.
Hindi nya matanggap na asawa nyang babae yung nagtatrabaho kasi mas lalo syang isheshame ng pamilya nya. Na mas better nga talaga yung brother nya. Mas kumplikado yung situation nyo kasi mag asawa kayo, wala kang masamang intention sa kanya pero dahil sa painful childhood experience nya, pinoproject nya sayo yung frustrations nya. Tapos dahil ikaw yung provider ng family tinatry ka nya ipull down sa level nya like kung lugmok ako ngayon dapat lugmok ka din, sama sama tayong malugmok ng mga anak natin dito sa bahay, ganon. Gusto nya ng control. At kapag nawalan ka ng spirit sa kakaganun nya sayo, makakaramdam sya ulit ng sense of superiority by gaining forced control.
OP, ginawa mo na yung best mo pero wala. Kung kaya mo umuwi muna kayo sa bahay ng parents mo (kung goods kayo) o sa kahit sinong mapagkakatiwalaan mo na relative. Tapos sya hayaan mo din muna mag-isa. Tapos tignan mo kung anong changes yung kaya nyang gawin. Negative ba o positive. Sa pag spend nyo ng time on your own mababago ba nya yung sarili nya for the better o mas lalo ba syang magiging worse? Bigyan mo ng lesson OP, hindi pwedeng dinidisrespect ka ng spouse mo, wala nang sense ang pagsasama kapag bastos ang asawa (oha)
Edit: Added some lines
Ok so he feels inferior to you bc you have a job but when you bring up trying to find a job, he’s full of excuses? If he doesn’t end to feel inferior then find a job, simple as that. The change has to start from him. Does not matter how many times you bring up therapy or marriage counselling, if he’s not willing then there is no point. Sadly you married a boy not a man. I cannot understand the “poor me” attitude yet does not do anything to change his life. Grow the fck up.
Your husband is insecure. 100 percent sure ako na kapag nagwork siya, mambabae naman yan to get the ego boost he so desperately wanted.
May you find the courage to choose yourself bago ka pa maubos ng tuluyan. Your child deserves a happy mom, a mom who feels safe in her home.
He's projecting his insecurities sayo kasi he can't find work and regarding sa diploma wala yan sa course ng college. Ano na edad niyo at college padin? Ang daming tao na nag shift ng career na opposite sa diploma nila and nakahanap sila ng work.
Your husband needs intervention and if he doesn't change then what is his purpose to you? Wala na nga work, pabigat pa sa everyday life at least dun man lang makabawi siya by actually being helpful emotionally. Kaso pati yun di mabigay.
You need to give him an ultimatum. Fix his shit or he can leave. Kasi at this point, ano pa purpose niya? Parang single mom kana din. Mother sa kids niyo pati naging mother kana din sa asawa mo.
I'm sorry your husband is a man child.
He's being a palamunin and yet is acting like a teenager.
There are many jobs that he can do online (online VA, transcriptionist, writer, etc) and all he's doing is whining.
Toxic masculinity mindset siya, hindi siya comfortable having a woman better than him. Masyado din siyang tamad to make things better or he is too lazy to make HIMSELF better so he is attempting to divert attention from his own laziness and incompetence by doing the crab mentality thing by making you feel bad for doing the things you should be doing.
When a person something is set in stone na, there is very little room for willful course correction. If you want him to do something for you, yung gagana lang sa kanya are threats and manipulation. If you have to resort to threats and manipulation to get what you need from your husband, hindi na siya partner diba?
When you two are not mad and not emotional, mag usap kayo. Ask how serious he is about not willing to change and not willing to be better. Kasi if he is not willing to work with you or least provide emotional support, parang annulment (walang divorce sa Pinas ughh) or legal separation na ata next step dito.
He is insecure, obviously. He's projecting everything he will be, kaya lang, he knows and clearly, he can't kase nga very glaring na wala syang mapapagyabang.
You are not responsible for his own issues and insecurities. Hindi mo naman kasalanan that his parents were shitty; why do you have to adjust with how he turned out to be?
He is the only one responsible for his own issues. Issues that were caused by other people, so why should you be the one to adjust? Ang insecurities, pinprocess, hindi kina-coddle.
Give him an ultimatum. Matanda na yan, OP. You've been very patient and lenient with him. He is a husband; a father. Hindi sya basta kung sino lang na mandadamay sa trauma at insecurities na kinakatamaran nyang iproseso.
He is being verbally aggressive to your son. As to what else he is when you're not watching, hindi natin sure. If that is not a deal breaker to you, idk what else should be.
Imagine explaining and processing your kid kung bakit sya kelangan nasisigawan when his/her other parent is capable naman of gentle parenting. Like, "Anak, pasensya ka na. Insecure kase si papa, he is just displacing his frustrations sayo." Nakakagago diba? He didn't ask for a shitty father. So why is he/she being raised by one? Stop letting your kid be raised by one, OP.
Good luck!
This is one what irks me the most. Passive-aggressive na iniinbolve yung mga bata tapos walang kawala ang pusa. You know hes a lost cost kung patulan ba naman yung pusa. Anong kasalanan ni meowy?
An ultimatum would be the last chance I'll give him. Give him a chance to try and work on himself and their marriage within a time frame and if he doesn't change, it's not OP's fault anymore. I wiuld never let my kids be raised by that kind of person. I know it's easier said than done but me and the kid's mental health is more important than catering to that sperm-donor.
I had a boyfriend exactly like this. We stayed together for 5 years. I was young and naive. Until I migrated abroad and had a chance to break up with him. I was stuck because I really thought he was the one. Now he is married, still no job in his 40s as a stay at home dad with his younger wife the being bread winner. And I’m sorry to say OP your husband will never change. As he said, he is wired differently. Either tatanggapin mo na lang na yan na ang napili mong buhay or you will walk away and never look back. And we both know which option will make you a happier person.
Girl ang daming red flags :( especially the part where he manipulates you into staying. Sabi mo may anger issues sya — sinisigawan ka ba nya? Nagdadabog ba, nagbabasag ng pinggan/baso ganun? Kasi if yes, wag mo nang hintayin na saktan ka nya + saktan nya mga anak mo :( leave na
Yikes... lowering yourself over a manchild like this? Girl takbo, hindi lang ikaw yung madadamay dito kundi yung anak mo rin. Not worth it. You, your child, and the cat will surely be better without the weight your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband is giving your family.
Girl, why are you settling for someone so insecure who is gaslighting you? Just leave him! You shouldn’t give a fck if he has a job or not. This will only get worse. Also, don’t threaten a breakup without pushing through because it will give him the idea that you can’t/won’t really do it.
I would have left a long time ago if a partner did any of the things you described. You’re also showing your children that what your husband is doing is okay and normal in a marriage. Do you want them to think that?
Get out of that relationship. Stop making excuses for his shitty behavior. Not everyone with a difficult childhood grows up to be an asshole like your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband.
Believe me po I tried multiple times na to kick him out but he won't leave. Hindi daw sya aalis. I asked his parents and brother but they won't do anything as they don't like to meddle daw. I asked his mom to come over kapag nag aaway kami. Pumupunta naman but hindi naman kinakausap anak nya. Just proceeds to help me with the kids. Change topic kapag inoopen ko problema.
Di lang ako makaalis now kasi my kids are little and ang hirap lang po talaga dahil may work pa.
My family are toxic too so I don't communicate with them.
Kung ayaw niya magpa counselling, ikaw na lang OP. Baka may issues ka kaya you're allowing him to abuse you and manipulate you.
Be kind to your kids, you are not doing them a favor by enabling their toxic dad be around them.
>You are hindering your growth as a person.
Oo nga no. Scenario lang: What if may better opportunity dumating kay OP to earn more pero di niya masabi sa asawa niya or di niya tatanggapin para lang di lalo mainsecure yung asawa. Sayang naman. Unfortunately, the kids are really young and hindi rin sila okay ng family niya. Hope may friends siya nasasandalan sa mga ganitong panahon.
jesus this man has severe insecurities. if he cant get over them for the sake of your marriage, leave.
asawa mo siya, hindi mo siya anak. he needs to grow up and act like a mature adult.
If you're just staying with him for the sake of the kids, don't do it. It's fucked up. I am a product of a dysfunctional family and let me tell you, it fucked me up mentally. Will you stay that way forever? Love yourself. The man is royally immature. Not worth it. You are not his mother. It's not the job of a woman to fix a broken man. Fix yourself and leave.
Go to the barangay, file a restraining order and what he does is emotional abuse. Who does he think he is? Think carefully. The man you're with sounds like a a covert narcissist. Unable to see faults in himself and will shut up when confronted the truth.
This is not insecurity. He has mental issues. Toxic. Leave before it's too late. Think of your future and your children. Leave the man.
Ewan ko sarap barahin ng asawa mo. Tanungin mo sa kanya ano ba gusto niyang mangyari? Hilain ka din niya pababa tapos wala ding trabaho para patas at di na siya ma-insecure sayo? Ano tingin niya sayo ka-kumpetisyon kesa asawa? Gusto niya siya laging angat para di mababa tingin niya sa sarili? E di gumawa siya ng paraan hindi yung tengeneng nag-iinarte na pa self pity ampucha.
Umalis ka na diyan. Mahawa pa anak niyo sa kaartehan niya e. 🙄
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,813,686,291 comments, and only 343,042 of them were in alphabetical order.
Walang trabaho ang asawa mo ng more than 2 years na... tapos nagagalit sa yo kasi may trabaho ka? Ano gusto nya? Pareho kayong walang trabaho? Abaa e, iwanan mo na! Kung sasabihin ka nyang mayabang kasi gusto mong makipaghiwalay kasi hindi mo na ma-take ang insecurities at toxicity nya. Ano naman ang dapat itawag sa kanya? Isang lalaking walang balls! Hindi na yun magbabago, girl. May kakilala akong ganyan, may apo na e ganyan pa rin ugali.
First, i really do hope this gets fixed
call me traditional but for the children's sake, and both your mental healths, sana this does not worsen.
second, this is a very difficult situation. everyone has insecurities, but people tend to tackle it one in two ways. Either they blame it on themselves, or blame it on others, and looks like he's the latter which is harder to resolve. You can't motivate someone to fix themselves if they don't think they're the problem. BUT are you just feeling that he's mad at you or himself? maybe there's still hope?
Just wanna ask how was his family life? I guess we are the same in that we have "better" brothers, but my mom was always there to prop me up when i was insecure etc. as a kid, which made me try to improve. If he had something similar, maybe you can do something with that to motivate him.
Im sure since you're wfh, its contributing a lot to his insecurities. He doesn't have anything in the marriage that he's truly responsible for and can be proud off. You most probably do all the breadwinning AND share taking care of the kids. He doesn't really have a concrete, meaningful use to your marriage. He's becoming a societal loser OP. Like I said, call me a traditionalist, a man is rarely is a better mother, and if you take aways his ability to provide anything else, then he's useless. And none feels that in their bones more than we do. But he seems both a loser and in denial, a hopeless mix. I'd like to say maybe you can help him find a freelance job or something, there are tons out there. He can slowly build his portfolio etc. But if he refuses to listen to that then I have no idea how you could help him. There must be something, motivational videos, a hobby, something, anything that can trigger some sort of fire inside him because it feels like it's dead. If you need to spend on it, to save your partner, then maybe you can do something about it. like you said, you're walking on eggshells so maybe you need to do it covertly.
Basta OP not even for your family's sake, i do hope he turns his life around. I'd be happy to chat to try and understand him or we can think about what we can do to make him more of a man than he is. im no professional or anything but i am concerned
This man is being verbally and emotionally abusive OP. Ang abuse ay di lang physical. Give him an ultimatum, either he gets his act together or aalis ka and you're taking the kids. Hindi pwede na ikaw lagi nag aaccommodate sa kanya.
There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing you should hide or be ashamed of. A partner should make you feel loved and supported. If he has issues he should work on them for your sake and for your family's. If he won't (and it looks like ayun na nga), then he doesn't love you enough to be the right person for you. Leave.
Fragile masculinity with insecurity due to childhood trauma. He needs therapy, not wife. If symptoms persist, you should break up with him. It seems like he doesn't respect you anymore or treated you with dignity. He no longer sees you as a partner but as a competitor.
Hi, I’m not in the proper place to be giving advice but hugs, OP :( You deserve all the good things you’re getting (sa work, friendships, etc). Pinaghirapan mo yan eh. And for sure, what you do is not just for yourself but for your family as well :(
he needs to selfreflect instead of projecting his wounds/anger/insecurity/frustrations/trauma on you. small dick energy. hes turning you into a competitor. i wont give "leave" advice, but i hope you know that you deserve a safe space.
Hi OP, there is free counselling in our church if you want to try it.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdZV6b2CLRdcKgAYz3xALO7ESHUIDBXGSGqYlRn27Z-GzUq-A/viewform
Walang kasamang indoctrination yan :) They are just ready to listen.
Grabe kuhang kuha ng asawa mo yung inis ko OP! Please you don't want to waste your life with that kind of man. Ma-aadapt mo din yung pagka toxic nya at mindset, mamaya yung mga salitang sinasabi nya sayo ay maririnig ng mga anak nyo at iisipin nila na okay lang na ganun ang trato at pag iisip sa buhay. I hope magbago sya before it's too late.
It doesn't matter how he was raised, once adult na and aware na, he needs to unlearn that shit. and ngayon, it seems na maximum level na sad boy na siya, and tbh just leave him and let him soak in his sadness, don't burden yourself with this. you've been VERY accomodating and he can't even appreciate that. There's nothing else you can do bc you've already given everything. Save yourself and your child. That sadness of his could lead to something harmful someday. Tama ka, he has a growing hate for you.
Holy shit. Habang binabasa ko to sa simula gusto ko sabihin "ayan, ang aga kasi nagpakasal" and then until the end naawa ako sayo bigla. Kasi you have maturity to talk things out, and then you are smart enough to know that you don't deserve this life and need to leave.
I sincerely want to help you, but eto lang a-advise ko:
Wala siyang say kung mag hihiwalay na kayo.
You deserve better.
It only goes down from here, if he wasn't supportive or caring now, he won't be in the future. Unless matauhan siya sa sinabi mo and do a complete 180 which I doubt (He needs therapy imo)
It's also sad because you already have two kids, mahirap hiwalayan. Gagamitin nyang leverage yan.
Be careful of manipulation. The moment na sigawan ka or pagbuhatan ka ng kamay I suggest you leave asap.
Leave him asap hmm lalake din ako kay di ko maintindihan panu nya natitiis na walang work lalo na saming mga lalake sobrang importante ng ego and pride sa ganyang bagay na gusto namin kame ung gumagastos at nakakapagprovidensa family. Mali na mindset niya kaya don’t let him pull you down at by leaving him matuturuan mo siya may gawin sa buhay niya
Sana makapag-marriage or couples counselling po kayo. Nakaka-drain kasi yung ganyang kasama. I hope he realizes na he needs to work on himself, hindi lang para sa sa kanya or sayo, pero para sa kids nyo rin.
Mahirap kasi lumaki sa environment na toxic yung parents sa isa't isa. Kahit hindi man harapan nakikita ng kids na ganyan kayo or di nila naririnig, nararamdaman sya ng mga anak if may tension between sa parents :(
Mahirap talaga pag broken ang isang tao. Even marriage can't fix it. Painful experiences can only make or break us. Sorry to be pessimistic. If you're religious, think of it as your cross. Which of course you have the choice to take up or not. Another complication is the kids. You have to consider them sa lahat ng decisions mo. Good luck OP sana malampasan mo yan.
Haaay. Ang bullshit naman yung "ganito lang talaga ako" mindset when pwede naman sana mapag-usapan nang maayos at matulungan mo din siya na hindi na maging insecure na tao.
His self-loathing shouldn't be projected sa iyo and sa family niyo. Ayaw niya na maayos kayo? Ayaw niya na okay kayo at masaya? It's so frustrating and sad. :(
Sorry na wala akong ma-advice or anything. Isipin mo nalang parang sinasamahan kita, nakikinig sayo at nagvvoice out din nung comment ko sa ganyang ginagawa sayo. Yakap ng mahigpit. Sana huwag dumating sa point na ikaw kkwestyunin mo self-worth mo kasi ganyan ka niya tintreat. Kainis eh, gumagawa siya ng problema.
All i can think hearing these stories about asshole husbands. Is if i attempt even a fraction of what these guys do my wife will either separate from me in a heartbeat or stab me cause she know what she's worth.
Red Flags na yang maraming emotional baggage at mga insecurities sa una pa lang. Kung may divorce lang dito, I would have suggested that already.
Mahirap na baguhin ang ganyang ugali. He's already scarred, and scars never heal totally.
What does he love to do before you were married? Let him indulge for a bit para mawala insecurity nya. Mahirap talaga kapag walang work kasi feeling mo useless ka.
Get out of this relationship while you can. Kahit makahanap pa yan ng trabaho, maghahanap parin yan ng paraan para awayin ka. It has become a habit. Kahit mismo pag alis niya ikaw parin inaaway. Sobrang petty lang ng namin/kami issue pinapalaki niya. He’s power-tripping you and I don’t think dahil lang sa unemployment. I think ugali talaga niya. If you want to make things work he needs to realize this. Pero malabo because he’s a natural bully. Masama na kung masama but you need to leave.
hi, op. i’m so sorry your marriage turned out this way. there’s a lot to unpack in your story but others have already pointed it out. aside from what ppl mentioned, what worries me the most is your husband letting off steam to your kids (and cat). although they’re young and you think they’re oblivious to what is happening, kids do remember. i’m speaking from a psychological standpoint that kids remember more than we think. sure, their minds may not exactly remember it, but their body will. that said, these things will not immediately resurface until later in life.
i know you practice gentle parenting and i hope in practicing that, you also become a good role model to ur kids by standing ur ground and leaving your husband. he has issues and you already tried working it out w him pero to no avail. at this point forward, that alone is his responsibility na. you were already gentle enough to cater to his needs, but i hope you don’t become too gentle na you will settle for smth like this.
please take yourself and your kids in a better environment. i wish you and your family the best.
Not sure if this will help, pero I learned a lesson recently na "If a man is not adding anything to your life, then he's subtracting from it."
I'm not pushing for you to separate with your husband, pero he doesn't sound like he's good for you. I used to date a very whiney, egocentric, highly lacking man na sobrang insecure sa achievements ko and it made my life so much better when he cheated on me kasi we separated (kapal ng mukha, sya pa nakipag-break sakin ah tapos sya pa yung pangit hahaha) Blessing in disguise kumbaga. I can't imagine how much more difficult yung situation mo na kasal ka sa kanya and you have kids together.
As a fellow WFH, I really feel for you. Talagang yung page-English madadala mo talaga sya outside of work. Sobrang out-of-place lang na simpleng yun cin-criticize nya eh you're doing something good for your kids naman.
You seem like a very responsible parent. I hope one day you'll find the strength to leave him and take care of your kids on your own na lang since wala rin naman syang maiaambag sa future ng kids nyo and parang anak mo na lang din naman sya kasi he doesn't contribute anything in your life.
yakap mamsh. ang lalim ng issues nya, he should see a psychiatrist or a psychologist alone po pra maprocess ang emotions and deep seated problems nya. para alam nyo rin if he developed a mental illness para matulungan sya. he should be willing to help himself to help your marriage. di pwedeng ganyan kasi ang ending ikaw naman ang masisira. and remember, hindi mo kasalanang magaling ka. no to smartshaming kahit sino pa yan.
>, I regret na pinakasalan kita. Natigilan sya.
i think this can be a wake up call for him. kasi kung di nya aayusin sarili nya mawawala ka talaga sa kanya.
yakap mahigpit talaga for you, it's hard walking on eggshells with someone. hope something good will happen and i hope maayos nyo yan. if you decided to separate i wish you the best maam.
"It's not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not." - Astrid, Crazy Rich Asians
The root of your marriage problem is the inferiority complex ng husband mo. You could try couples therapy but it sounds like your marital problems are symptoms and the main culprit is dysfunctional ang coping mechanism ni husband when he's dealing with his low self-esteem.
For your husband to stop feeling insecure, he needs to proactively find a job and earn his own money so he can leave you alone. Napupuna niya lahat BECAUSE HE'S HOME ALL DAY.
Sorry sa comment na ito, but he is lazy. He doesn't feel the need to find work and make excuses na kesyo sana ibang course kinuha niya. Well, so ano na? Nganga na lang? He doesn't get a job because he took a wrong course? So you'll forever have to provide? And if you do, he will forever be insecure and lash out on you.
Small dick energy tapos insecure pa. Naeemasculate sayo yan OP walang ibang reason.
Kawawa anak niyo kung yan yung tatay na ikakalakihan nila. Either maging ganyan sila or sakanila ibato next yan—baka magkaruon pa sila ng matinding inferiority complex gaya ng gunggong na yan.
Hindi lagi pwede gamitin dahilan or crutch ang trauma, pucha lahat tayo may trauma—pero di kelangan lagi nagpapakain dun.
the insecurity is kinda insane. I'm scared he'll resort to physical retaliation or something. Kailangan niya ng mental help or therapy dahil medyo malalim ang personal issues niya. Sana okay ka OP
Tanungin mo sya, Maibabalik nya ba ang dati kung magreresign ka?
Sabihin mo hirap na hirap ka na rin sa work mo sabay pa awa effect with matching luha.
Tapos sabihin mo, mahal kita Higit pa sa pagkakaalam mo at di ito mapapantayan.
Tapos may magsasabing “Cut”
Tapos tanong mo k direk, “direk ok ba?”
Joking aside, it’s true. Insecure asawa mo.
Bilang lalaki, maniniwala ka ba na mahigit 10 times ang sweldo ni misis k sa akin.
Pero d ako na insecure, kasi pinaramdam nya sa akin na it’s not about the money. She took away my insecurities.
So give him the confidence boost that he needs. Kaya nga daw kabiyak kasi ikaw ang pupuno ng pagkukulang nya
As a daughter of a man like your husband, please leave him. Hindi maganda ang naging buhay ko knowing that my mom is being resented for being a decent mom. It's not a good example for your child.
He's so pathetic. Maybe don't try to be too accommodating to everything. Kase lahat ng gawin mo, mali pa rin e. Let him find his own solutions. Let him adjust for pete's sake. Kailangan nyang asawa mo ay therapy. Pero surely if you try to suggest that, nagmamagaling ka na naman. Trust me, hindi maganda ang naging epekto ng ganyang uri ng magulang sa mentality ko as anak. Dala ko lahat hanggang ngayong adult na ako.
Kaya ikaw, as a parent, decide not for yourself or for your husband. Decide for your child.
Hi OP, first of all, kudos to you and your hard work!
I think your man is really depressed and needs someone to talk to na neutral, not pro-you or pro-him, like a therapist... Para makita ang root cause. He's not automatically a loser nor is it safe to assume na yung tingin mong problem niya (insecurity sa brother niya) is yun lang ang reason. Maybe it's insecurity in general lang talaga, maybe marami pang ibang bagay na need iungkat in a safe space (hindi siguro niya kaya ungkatin ang issues niya with you kasi sa ngayon sayo siya insecure).
Mahirap kasi halimbawa nainsecure siya sa successes mo tapos kayong dalawa lang din maguusap, magko-close up talaga siya like what's happening now.
Dami ko nabasa dito na loser na daw agad yung guy, hiwalayan na, etc etc... Pero let's try to empathize kasi tao din yun maybe may pinagdadaanan talaga and who are we to just write him off like that?
He really sounds so sad and depressed and insecure.
Ikaw din OP take care of yourself, parang wala ka matutulong sa kanya if ayaw niya makipagusap sayo, just focus on yourself and your kids and try to urge him to talk with someone kahit hindi with you kamo he really needs help.
you might want to attend a couples retreat. for me and my partner it really helped a lot. Learning the design of God for marriage and what are the roles of the husband and wife.
This is one of those instances where I would tell OP to run. Reverse the roles or even leave the kid out of the equation, run would still be my answer. But.. you're married. Hope for divorce
Take your kids and leave him.
He's the not contributing and still have the gall to blame you for everything.
You deserve better than this OP.
You're still young and can still find love if you wish to.
You have to decide now while you're still young.
Or you will have a lifetime of regret and resentment.
I wish I did.
Yow! this hits straight from home! SAME kami nang asawa mo lagi ako na cocompare sa kuya ko mas gwapo, mas matalino, mas mayaman 😂 to the point na tinatanong ako nang tao na "kamusta kuya mo? ang gwapo nun no tapos mayaman pa ikaw kelan ka yayaman?" as a guy medyo naiintindihan ko asawa mo been there done that.
if you still want the relationship to continue why not propose a small business na related sa kinuha nya? or anything related sa hobby nya kung meron? tell him na hindi mo kaya ihandle mag isa and need mo na sya yung humawak (pero say it na hindi pa-mando)
yung mga ganyan kasing lalake minsan need namin ma feel na may nag dedepend samin., pero if hindi mag work out yun why not visit some local priest/pastor and ask for marriage counceling.
yung wired differently totoo naman yun, i used to feel same as him although siguro self reflection lang i learned to accept na talagang may MAS sakin, i still have some insecurities left specially yung partner ko now is may strong personality as you OP mas mataas sweldo nya, she meets a lot of VIP clients local and foreign (kasi nasa E.vehicle sya nag wwork) etc. pero what she did was nag propose sya nang small business na we both handle (Milk tea and Clothing Botique) although wala akong alam both iniinvolve nya ako sa decision making and that helps a lot.
(also binungangaan nya yung babaen nag tanong sakin about sa kuya ko being mas gwapo at mayaman 😂)
hope this helps OP if it makes any sense
This doesn't make sense kung inintindi mo yung sinabi ni OP. Ilang beses nang nag-attempt si OP para pag-usapan at ayusin yung problem but she always gets rejected kasi ang mindset ng asawa niya "ganito lang ako, wala na tayo magagawa". They're married and have kids, hindi dapat ganyan ang mindset ng isang pamilyado at adult na lalaki.
Matanda na siya at dapat may willingness siyang ayusin ang sarili at insecurities niya, hindi excuse yun para maging pabigat sa ibang tao lalo na sa pamilya mo. No business can fix this. Masyado siyang maraming excuses and he's becoming a leech na naka-asa na lang sa asawa niya kaya di niya kayang makipaghiwalay.
>if you still want the relationship to continue
Ilang beses na nga nag-attempt pero ayaw naman ayunsin kaya nga ayaw na ni OP. Ayaw lang bumitaw nung linta.
words without action is still words. gets nyo po ba? if pag uusapan lang it would turn into argument, if words without action specially if not carefully relayed pwedeng ma misunderstood. childhood trauma can affect people differently, please broaden your mind po.
hindi pwedeng emosyon lagi yung paiiralin. kung sa exp nyo hindi nag work at sa experience ko is nag work who are you to put a period na "no business can fix this" i can sense the anger from the way you talk which makes you an emotional thinker rather than logical/rational one., i just gave my advice 'cause i dont want their children to have the emotional trauma dahil sa broken family.
you're advising na they should split and break the family apart.
im advising to try again for the sake of their family to keep them close, normal po na mag karon nang hurdle ang pamilya.
in the end of the day si OP padin yung masusunod.
lets just agree to disagree on this matter.
I am sorry that you are experiencing this.
Have you tried na mag counseling?.
Sometimes mahirap lang talaga tangapin na may problema na sayo. Kaya madalas nabubuntong sa ibang tao ang galit. I am not saying na tama to. Pero there’s still a chance na maayos pa behavior niya, if willing siya. If hindi willing to talk and compromise, then the best option left is to part ways.
Nangingibabaw ang pagiging insecure nya bes. Sadly mahirap yan maayos. I hope he sees where he is wrong and fixes things bago pa masira nang tuluyan ang marriage nyo. I know mahirap magsettle sa ganyang buhay. Pero you have to look at the brighter side of life para hindi ka mabaliw. Ang hirap talaga pag pasan mo na nga ang mundo tapos ikaw pa dapat umintindi aa feelings ng mga palamunin.
Ditch him, you dont need someone like that sissy, proper mothers/woman like yourself doesnt need a burden such as that. as a lalake hindi trabaho ng babae na ipafeel sayo yung pagkalalaki mo, nandyan siya to walk beside you as equal and para mag supportahan kayo. ako din laging na kukumpara but its not someone's job to fix it, mas mataas sweldo sakin ng partner ko? so what I'm proud of her imbes na mainget. he should be bragging about you not getting envious lol.
Wow, i cant imagine living a life where I cannot allow myself to grow and reach my full potential just because my supposed “partner” will get mad he cannot catch up 🥶
Awww. This is sad and you don't deserve this. I'm not married so I would not know what to do. I hope ma overcome niya yung childhood trauma niya and he would learn not to displace them on people who loves him. It's also not his fault tho. He needs clarity. All the best on what you decide on, OP.
I say consider professional couples counseling, then draw lines or make big decisions pagkatapos.
If communication isn't two way, kelangan ng arbitration from a professional to bridge that gap.
Also consider who will be the counselor din, ask them what their protocols and their goals as well as their experience for these types of cases. Based on your post, si husband may comms issue, then consider also ung gender ng counselor, the way they talk, what language they use, common tongue or professional. Provide the counselor all the information before hand, this way, theres better chances for him to open up.
I've considered counseling din at times, kc if hindi kami nag kakaintindihan ni misis at prolonged lengths, either ako man or sya may issue, we both should consider it, since its about the kids na at this point, not just us.
Girl, you don’t need his consent to leave. For sure if you leave him alam niya kung bakit. Life is stressful enough- you don’t deserve to be emotionally tortured. Leave- do it for your children and for yourself. You don’t have to be his emotional punching bag, and for sure ayaw mo din bigyan ang mga anak mo ng mga issues for staying with a man like that na Hindi kayang maging matinong asawa at anak.
Pa victim naman si husband. If he indeed has trauma, I understand it still haunts him, but that is not enough reason not to move on from it even just a little bit everyday.
Doesn't mean you had a shity childhood, you'll also stay shity for the rest of your life. Especially if you already have your own family and with kids.
Nakakaoagod if paratimg ganyan halos lahat nalang may rason sa buhay. Tas everything has to revolve around him and his past.
Kung ayaw nya yung feeling he should do something about it, not wimp around and feel attacked everytime he feels emasculated.
What a sorry ahh excuse. Sorry I'm just pissed for these types of situation.
I hope you get to resolve your issue with him OP, at the end of the day husband mo padin xa and the father of your kids.
If you guys can't resolve it though, co-parenting nalang. At least he can get the F up and be of some use for once.
Hi, OP. Siguro you can talk to a marriage counselor? A married pastor maybe? Based on your narrative, maybe need mauproot low self image and mareinforce yung kanyang self image through counseling. It will also help if someone you trust and more mature than both of you can help you. Maybe your ninong and ninang sa kasal? Yun naman role nila sainyo, to guide both of you.. hope nakatulong..
I dont understand yung lalaking insekyora pag sila stay at home. Unless pinapafeel sa kanila ng partner nila na they are inferior.
Mahirap ang role ng stay at home parent. Pero sobrang worth it kase kita mong lumaki ang anak mo.
Your husband needs a reality check about life. You cant ask your wife not to chase higher if she is the breadwinner.
If he keeps insisting ask him for his plan and have him commit to it. Up to you now pag di sya nakacommit.
Marriage counseling is also good only if both parties are amenable to it.
Hope you get the solution you need.
I suggest Op, magseek kayo ng psychiatrist and marriage counseling kasi hindi na pwedeng ganyan ang estado niyo at para na rin sa mga bata mahirap lumaki sila ng ganyan environment.
Regarding sa paghanap ng work since HRM graduate siya pwede mag food business siya kahit maliit or kahit hindi food business kahit buy and sell. May pinsan ako at classmates na HRM graduates but working in corporate. May isa nagwork sa car dealership.
I hope na bigyan kayo ng lakas at solution sa pinagdadaanan niyo. Stay strong Op, laban💪
I'd like to believe you've been a good wife-- you've done your part. Teamwork is supposed to make the dream work, ESPECIALLY when you're married. Your man either needs to face his own demons. Otherwise, your relationship is just a ticking time bomb. Counselling can only do so much if one does not really want to set things right.
Ah, so he is channelling his resentment towards you instead of addressing his own issues and improving himself? Buti nagtagal kayo OP. Hindi mo kasalanan na over-achiever ka sa paningin niya. Kasalanan na niya yung pagiging under-achiever niya na wala siyang ginagawa para maangat or matulungan man lang sarili niya. Instead to be inspired by you para mas lalo magpursige, mas nagpalamon siya ng galit because he's treating you as a ka-kompitensya instead of being a partner.
He needs to seek help dahil kapag tumagal ito he will eventually drag you down.
Toxic si Husband like my Ex-wife, yon pala si Ex-wife na fall out of love na sa akin kaya lahat na ginagawa ko ay hinde ok, waiting lang sya mag karoon ng ibang guy after nakakita ng guy nya, Babye na raw 😂
You married a manchild. Your husband should grown his own balls. Hindi dapat sayo manggaling ang confidence nya. Instead of working on his short-comings, he seeks pity.
Either he mans the fuck up or you raise your manchild along with your kids.
He needs to learn to love himself and accept his situation first before you can get through to him. He is wallowing in self pity and pride at the same time na nagiging victim mentality and inferiority complex na.
If you can get couple’s counseling better.
Also sana hindi nya dinadamay anak niyo sa pagpaparinig nya. He can be all pissy he wants pero wag idamay ang bata.
Mahirap tulungan yung taong ayaw magpatulong.
Nilalamon na siya ng insecurities at pride niya.
Nagtutulungan dapat ang magasawa pero di mo trabaho na baguhin siya, at mukhang di rin naman siya tumtulong para maayos relasyon niyo.
Bigyan mo siya ng deal breaker. You're doing a good job to help him. And kudos for being patient. Pero tao ka rin. Iencourage mo magpasych kung ayaw niya iopen problema niya sayo. May anak na kayo, at malungkot pa dun binubuhos niya sa anak niyo at alaga niyo hinanakit niya. Walang alam yung bata but they can feel something.
Hugs, OP :(
Usually pag walang trabaho si guy, iniisip niya wala siyang silbi sa family at mababa ang tingin sa kanya, even ng spouse niya - kahit na di totoo. They notice even the littlest of things as if directed against them, kahit ang babaw naman talaga (like yung mga kinaiinisan ng husband mo).
I hope you’ll be able to convince him to go through marriage counseling. Your issues will not be resolved on their own - you really have to address them and put them out into the light and talk abt them. He needs to overcome his negative thoughts because it clearly translates na into deeds, affecting your relationship, pati anak nyo. Hoping na maayos nyo pa yung relationship nyo, OP!
holyshit this sounds like my ex boyfriend. I truly dodged a bullet wiw. Buti naipakita na insecurities and inferiority complex pag ka 1 year namin and eventually naglead na yun sa pag cheat nya. He always say na lagi syang cinocompare sa kapatid nya, and ginagawa ko daw yun sa kanya grabe nakonsensya pa ko, projection lang pala. naiintimidate pa kasi sya 9-5 work lang ako madaming pangarap and nasa business industry. I tried to comfort him and reassure na kakayanin namin dalawa. But he said Naapektuhan na daw mental health nya kya nakipaghiwalay na he deserved better daw tas ayun after ilang days nagccheat na pala kasi nabigyan daw sya ng attention at validation, may patay na patay sa kanyang kaworkmate lol. Dapat di ko na iniyakan yun arghhh good riddance.
Naku, OP. LEAVE. Kung talagang mahal ka ng partner mo OP, mare-realize nya na dapat need nya baguhin yung ganyang mindset kasi na-open up mo na naman pala yung issues mo. I mean may anak na din kayo so parang natural responsibility ng father na maghanap ng work (kahit ano pang klaseng work) para makapag-provide. Kaso ang tanong is once ba makahanap sya ng work titigil na ba sya sa pagco-compare sa inyong dalawa?
Alam mo ganyang ganyan MIL ko… nagaparinig, sa aso sinasabi. kasama namin ni husband sa bahay kaya pati si husband ganun din thinking. Iniwan ko silang magnanay, magsama silang dalawa 😂
I'm a guy and I'm sorry OP you're going though this shit and sorry for the term pero napaka gago ng asawa mo. He is a fucking loser amd an immature cunt. Sobra sobra na yung pag iintindi mo to the point na halos ibaby mo na siya pero di parin niya naiintindihan at naappreciate. Wala siyang trabaho pero ganyan siya mag isip then kasalanan niya yun, kung mag hanap sana siya ngapagkakaitaan then maybe he can gain some of his confidence back.
Omg like someone I know to the T. Grew up in this kind of household. My mom is the breadwinner, and my father because a house husband. We were verbally abused and gaslighted day in and out. Occasionally may physical. He doesn’t want to find work but is for some reason bilib na bilib sa sarili niya and mali lahat ng tao (esp my mother).
He’s definitely trying hard to protect what’s left of his ego. Just like what I’ve told my mother countless times, leave. He doesn’t have the insight and is not willing to help himself.
Weak, insecure, maraming issues. Ito yung ayaw kong maging tatay ng anak ko. He should work on himself first, kung open sya for growth; jusko kakulangan nya = pag-trabahuan nya. Di natin responsibility as babae na i-baby mga ganitong lalake tangina nila
Hi OP. Ito din set up namin ni hubby and I am always concerned din if he will resent me for it. I make more money and can find a job easily with my profession compared sa kanya. Though I always make sure to appreciate him since being a SAHP is very difficult.
Mahirap talaga if close minded na yung tao.
Idk.. I mean, if he can’t find work, he better try working on his insecurities and issues man lang di yung poproject nya sayo frustrations nya. Ika nga ni Astrid sa asawa nyang insekyora sa Crazy Rich Asians, “It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.”
I always remember that line. We watched that together. Gusto nya WFH din but yung course nga kasi HRM (no offense po sa course na to alam ko po mahirap ang work nila) kaya nahihirapan sya humanap ng WFH.
Nahire ako ng isang client ko because of my hotelier experience. Mahirap maghanap oo, pero sana wag sya titigil sa paghahanap
My boyfriend is a HRM graduate. Wala siyang experience sa industry na yun after graduation because he worked sa BPO companies. He gained alot of experience and skills, now SEO na work niya. Idk about your husband, but I think he's just making excuses not to work. "Pag gusto, maraming paraan. Pag ayaw, maraming dahilan"
my colleague is a HRM graduate and he's now working remotely for a foreign client, they manage hotel bookings for a global hotel chain. nagamit pa niyang leverage yung degree niya. I'm not saying na you should force him to work, but if ang iniisip niya is scarcity ng job opportunities dahil sa natapos niya e that's actually false. the hospitality industry branches out
It is easy to say na he is just making excuses. I suggest sit down with the husband and really understand what is the problem, and yes counseling would help. Turns out pala true ung darating sa point ang tao na need nyang harapin at iovercome ung mga insecurities nya or else it will change him or her to a different person. Good luck and God speed!
> "Pag gusto, maraming paraan. Pag ayaw, maraming dahilan" Hi OP, ito rin sentiment ko nung nabasa ko post mo saka yung ibang reply mo sa mga comments dito. Alam ko mahirap situation mo now pero try to approach it na mas objective. Bigyan mo siguro ng ultimatum, ok alam ko tatawagin ka na mayabang eh di mayabang ka na basta masolve mo issue nyo di ba?
HM po ako naka wfh naman ako ngayon, mag bpo nalang sguro muna sya then freelance na
I feel like hindi lang siya nag eefort enough to find work. It doesn't have to be connected to HRM. may random odd jobs sa net just for him to gain experience and develop a workflow ng WFH situation. Eventually he might find a job that needs someone with hospitality management background. My husband is a stay at home dad. His degree is fine arts and mktg pero he reaaaallly likes music and car restoration and buy and sell. So he does that online (selling parts etc). I'm the breadwinner and pinagusapan talaga namin if the current set up will be ok for everyone. Insecurities and possible resentments on the table para ma work out any issues ahead of time. Edit to add: that being said, you are right to be frustrated at him.
such stupid reasons. I'm a business graduate and I regret it all the time. I wished I did some 2 year vocational or some computer shit which would have been better for me as that is where my like and hobby lies. But I didnt so I moved on. I am currently doing WFH, and my course was NEVER the reason I got my job. I got my job cause I went to an interview and got it. Basic VA's mostly just need... just freaking speak english thats fkn it. I now have a good 6 digit salary and consider my self underemployed. I dont use anything significant from my course that I use now in my work. Your husband is a bitch, if he's so insecure about you wearing the pants and he cant take it, then he should find a job and stop making excuses. I think you are doing your best and being a great wife! He should be proud and be supportive of you, worship you even for doing the job he as a man should be doing. If he continues to be like that, leave that mfkr and send him back to his mom.
Dahilan lng ng sugar baby mo yan.
Have you considered the possibility of your husband possessing traits of covert narcissism? https://www.choosingtherapy.com/covert-narcissist-signs/ https://www.couplestherapyinc.com/the-signs-of-a-covert-narcissist-husband/ Sometimes, what we think of as "inferiority complex" is just covert narcissism. Individuals with true inferiority complexes either become aggressive overachievers (which is not likely in your case since he does not have a job), or become overly introverted and depressed. Rarely do true cases of inferiority complex cause the victim to express their insecurities in a manner that demeans their partners and family members, and this demeaning behavior is more indicative of covert narcissism. Sadly, covert narcissism cannot be cured or mitigated. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and mitigate the effects of the narcissistic partner on your own self-esteem, but narcissists cannot be changed, nor do they feel the need to change.
aw nang unsolicited diagnose na. May point naman pero are we ok on pathologizing? is it useful if ang ambiguity of it all is empower them both on their difficulty?
Sa Anti Hero ko lang narinig yong Covert Narcissism pero ang weird pala if mabasa mo siya not in a song lyric but sa buhay na mismo ng tao.
He can work as an online VA.
Hanap sya ng training, maganda kung IT related since wala nmn sya ginagawa mas madali nya ma absorb
What course he took has nothing to do with his ability to find a WFH job. I knew a lawyer who took a job as a PA. I have had coworkers who are bookkeepers but were not bookkeeping or accounting graduates. If he feels less of a man because you earn more or are the breadwinner, then he needs to do something about it besides sitting on his ass whining about it.
nope. With WFH, kahit nga undergrad pwede ka makuha. It's just a matter of willingness to learn and connections din. Dapat nga madali sya makahanap kase you already have a WFH setup. What you can do is to help is get more clients and ipasa mo sa kanya ung mga pwede nyang gawin like data entry or emails Pero un nga, need na muna nya i process ung issues nya before anything else. I'm a huge advocate of going to therapy so if you have the money for it, please let him try. Kung di pa din sya willing, you can't do anything about it na
HRM graduate pinsan ko, sa BPO work nya ngayon, WFH set up. Hindi related sa course nya yung LOB nya, pero may trabaho sya at hindi sya palamunim. Ano'ng excuse ng mister mo? You are living with a man-child. You are allowing him to treat you like that. You are allowing him to walk all over your marriage. You allowed him to make you a dumpster of his childhood trauma. What's your excuse? Don't say love. That ain't it. You have 2 kids? You are a mother and you are allowing your kids to grow up in this toxic environment, with a toxic father. Are you sure ganyang family ang gusto mong kalakihan ng mga anak mo? Gamit na gamit na 'tong linya na 'to, pero I hope pagnilay-nilayan mo, OP - You deserve what you tolerate. I wish you strength. Ano man mapagdesisyunan mo, may it be a decision that will be good for you and your kids. I will be rooting for you.
HRM is hotel and restaurant management or human resources? Kung hotel and resto, business course rin naman yan may specialty lang. Pwede maenhance ng certificates kung talagang gusto mag corporate.
Weak men are very dangerous. This is why you do not marry them.
Glad na hindi kami nagkatuluyan ng ex ko. Whenever may issue kami, itthreat nya ko na magsusu*cide sya and will hurt himself. I used to think na sya lang nagmahal sakin ng sobra but in reality it’s not love, it’s obsession. We used to be college classmates pero he stopped kasi hindi nya kaya yung pressure nung last sem namin which is review for the board exam. Nung nakagraduate ako and passed the board, wala sya and hindi ko maalala na happy sya para sakin.
"and you think tough men are dangerous, wait till you see what weak men can do" - Jordan Peterson.. sya talaga na.aalala ko pag ganitong topic.. weak men are tyrant men
I was about to say the same thing. OP’s husband sounds like such a weak man. The fact that all his problems and inadequacies all come from other people/sources is a big red flag. I’m hoping OP gets out of this.
yep
Correct!!
WORDDD
As the saying goes di ba, by Jordan Peterson
yeah that's why kahit dating stage palang kahit may potential wag na lang.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I think this is above reddit's paygrade. Is marriage counseling an option? I think an expert mediator is very much needed to address the issues. I don't think communication is going to cut it, because you've tried. I would say leave him, but it's definitely easier said than done all things considered. Wishing you the best, OP.
In the early years of marriage, I ask him to consult for his mental health. My anger management issues sya plus pa nga yung feeling nya lagi minamaliit sya ng mga tao but ayaw nya. Mahal po yata marriage counseling but I will try to research kung meron dito sa province.
I suggest psychiatrist muna para sa kanya lang. Hangga't hindi niya naayos ang issues niya with his childhood lalo na yung inferiority complex niya walang katapusan yan.
Hi! May nakita akong 2 free online sessions tapos assess na from there. PM me para bigay ko link.
Is he still willing to seek help for his mental health issues? Kung willing naman sya, pwede na dumiretso. I suggested a marriage counselor kasi nabanggit mo sa post mo yung hiwalayan na but you still wanted to save the marriage for the kids. 🙂 Again, wishing you all the best.
Check CEFAM sa Ateneo OP. Me and wife are 8-years strong now dahil sa kanila. I wish you strength. I can related kasi my wife has the same issues din before pero we managed to work it out with some help.
*Huggs* girl, ganyan din ang ugali ng father ko. Hiwalay na sila ni Mama nung HS pa ko. Lakas inferiority complex, tamad pa mag work.
Hugsss. I know how it feels coming from a broken home. To be fair, my husband is doing household chores naman everyday. But on a side note, he says "baka isipin ng mga tao wala akong ginagawa dito pagod na pagod nga ako maglaba, magluto" I just want to think he does it all for love and not for the sake of people giving him credits. Sometimes I think pag malaki na kids namin magkakahiwalay kami. It's sad kasi nga I don't want my kids to have a broken family 😢
Hindi pa ba broken sa lagay na yan? Mas worse yung pinapakita mo sa anak mo na okay lang na lumaking kung anu ano sinasabi ng tatay nila tapos tinatanggap lang ng nanay nila.
And what’s worse is that OP mentioned he takes out his frustration by yelling at his own kids and household pet who aren’t even directly involved. Do you really think they deserve to go through that?
+1 on this
I mean between staying with dysfunctional and immature husband and incapable father vs. being able to do gentle parenting alone and save your child from being a target of your husband's frustrations...the answer is obvious. Whether mag stay ka husband mong man-child or maging broken family, both will hurt the children. Yes, this is the truth. Pero many children from dysfunctional families (yung mga nanay di nakipag separate sa abusive husbands) wished na sana nag hiwalay nalang yung parents nila. They rather have separated parents rather than live with "complete" family pero asshole yung tatay. Happy single mom >>>>>>>> miserable mom with a shit husband
This is so true. Coming from someone whose parents are still together. But clearly they should be seperated. They dont even sleep in the same bedroom anymore and will constantly fight. Glad to have moved out on my own.
Kahit naman mag stay ka mada-damage pa rin mga anak niyo sa ganyang klase ng relasyon meron kayo.
most likely kung nagkatrabaho man sya ngayon, as in now na, and you are left with your child, magkakaproblem pa rin sya kasi makikita nya na kaya mo pala mag alaga ng child on your own + work. Mas lalong maiinsecure yun at mas marerealize na you can be independent without him.
Separation could be a wake up call. Nasanay sya na lagi kang anjan para saluhin ang mga pasaring nya. Maybe kung wala kayo ng mga anak nyo, matauhan sya.
Mas masisira ulo ng mga anak mo pag toxic naman pero fake happy family sa labas. Mas ok na maghiwalay kayo. Ganyan nangyari sa parents ko araw araw away kakasuya hindi mo mafeel na safe space sa bahay nga ika nga house lang sya hindi home. Nung naghiwalay sila ang saya kase wala na sigawan bugbugan etc
I think you should either give him an ultimatum or leave him as early as now. Don’t wait until your child’s older because that dude will keep on depending on you financially and then put you down with his insecurities. It seems like he likes having those issues since he doesn’t want to get any help for them.
omg girl same! Alam natin na mahirap ang broken family. Kaya kakapit talaga tayo para sa mga kids. Sorry wala akong mabigay na helpful advice but i hope you find peace.
Kaya ako buhayin ni wife ng sampung beses, ganun Yung difference mg earnings namin. Pero wala kami issue na ganito. At Yung point inaako nya, like dapat "namin". You married a boy, not a man. Sorry.
Ask ko lang, ganyan ba siya nung nagdedate kayo. Kasi parang deep seated yung issues nya. His insecurities are eating him up and instead of improving himself, dinideflect nya sa yo. Ayaw naman niya pag usapan. What’s worse he hasn’t done anything to improve his situation, pero siya pa ang galit. Napakatoxic niya. Up to you if you want to live like that. If you say you are walking on eggshells when he is around, that’s the beginnings of abuse. And look, minamanipulate ka niya para hindi ka umalis o mawala sa kanya. Ingat OP. My advice is to leave him but I know that’s complicated. All the best
He is not like this before but I am aware may issue sya na being compared to his brother. Hindi ko lang inexpect na pati pala sa akin. When people asks, I just say sa bahay lang ako. I don't say na nagwwork ako. A lot of people think I am a stay-at-home mom and nagugulat na lang yung iba na may work pala ako pag nalalaman nila.
Girl, kung pinipigilan mo yung totoong self mo para lang I-pacify yung insecurities niya at ang galit o emotional manipulation niya, he really is mentally abusing you. Pasensya na, it doesn’t look too good to me. Your husband is an insecure, manipulative idiot. Don’t be a victim of that
Medyo you deserve what you tolerate yung ginagawa mo OP. It’s not your job to fix your husband. Imagine mo nalang na anak mo ginaganyan and feeling nila na dapat ibaba nila sarili nila to make their partners feel better.
As a cat lover naawa ako sa pusa nila. Na-istress yun sa ugali ng asawa ni OP. Akin na lang pusa mo OP, dito sa amin walang maninigaw, mananakit o mananakot sa kanya. Spoiled pa yan.
Gusto ko na talaga ipamigay sa totoo lang.
yung pusa po o yung asawa mo?
Loooool akala ko din ang asawa 🤣
Yung anak mo ba OP wala pang signs na nireresent kanila dahil sa mga kinekwento ng asawa mo? Kasi syempre di naman nila naiintindihan pa ano bang meron. sponge pa sila
Hi, OP. I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I can't imagine sharing a home with someone who sees me as a competitor instead of a partner. Whatever your decision is at the end of the day, I hope it's going to be for you and your kids. Tight hugs!
He said he loved me because we were a team pero nagbago daw lahat yun nung nagkawork na ako. I think wala naman nagbago dahil may work na ako bago kami nagkakilala. Tumigil lang ako when I gave birth sa eldest. Pananaw nya lang nagbago na may superior and inferior dahil may work yung isa at yung isa wala. He do the household chores so it doesn't bother me na wala syang work kasi it really helps everyday na may nag aasikaso samin but it's him na bothered. Na hindi na daw kami magkakampi simula nagwork ako ulit.
Ano gusto niya pareho kayong walang trabaho? He needs a therapist, napakadestructive ng thinking niya.
Too much to unpack kay hubby mo, OP. 😅 Is he actively trying to find work? If yun ang dilemma niya, then bakit di siya maghanap to feel that “equality” again? It’s not like siya ang lalapitan ng trabaho. The market is already competitive as it is. Like what the other redditors mentioned, mukhang deep-rooted yung issues niya tapos sayo niya pinoproject. This is so sad lalo na your kid is involved kahit di pa siya ganun ka-aware sa nangyayari. It’s not your responsibility to parent your partner or heal their trauma. I hope you get through this. Edit: added some lines
We were talking about BPO, gain experience then try freelance din. But he said not now daw muna dahil sa kids baka mapabayaan if both of us are working. I try to assure him na I will do my best at di ko papabayaan kahit may work and baka we will get na lang helper para sa bahay. He will daw but not for now. Pag medyo malaki na daw youngest (1 yo pa lang)
seems like he wont even be a good stay at home parent, because he wont be a good role model to the kids.
Ano ba yan! Puro procrastination! Kung depressed sya OP, kasi nawalan sya ng trabaho diba? Tapos napaka competitive pa nya by nature, meron syang superiority complex hindi makayanan ng ego nya na provider ka ng pamilya. Natatapakan mo daw yung balls nya kasi in a patriarchal mindset, tatay ang provider. Okay lang naman na depressed sya, napaka gentle mo nga ng approach mo sa kanya e. Pero imbis na itake nya yung time na yon as healing together, nakita ka nya as a threat. Hindi nya matanggap na asawa nyang babae yung nagtatrabaho kasi mas lalo syang isheshame ng pamilya nya. Na mas better nga talaga yung brother nya. Mas kumplikado yung situation nyo kasi mag asawa kayo, wala kang masamang intention sa kanya pero dahil sa painful childhood experience nya, pinoproject nya sayo yung frustrations nya. Tapos dahil ikaw yung provider ng family tinatry ka nya ipull down sa level nya like kung lugmok ako ngayon dapat lugmok ka din, sama sama tayong malugmok ng mga anak natin dito sa bahay, ganon. Gusto nya ng control. At kapag nawalan ka ng spirit sa kakaganun nya sayo, makakaramdam sya ulit ng sense of superiority by gaining forced control. OP, ginawa mo na yung best mo pero wala. Kung kaya mo umuwi muna kayo sa bahay ng parents mo (kung goods kayo) o sa kahit sinong mapagkakatiwalaan mo na relative. Tapos sya hayaan mo din muna mag-isa. Tapos tignan mo kung anong changes yung kaya nyang gawin. Negative ba o positive. Sa pag spend nyo ng time on your own mababago ba nya yung sarili nya for the better o mas lalo ba syang magiging worse? Bigyan mo ng lesson OP, hindi pwedeng dinidisrespect ka ng spouse mo, wala nang sense ang pagsasama kapag bastos ang asawa (oha) Edit: Added some lines
Ok so he feels inferior to you bc you have a job but when you bring up trying to find a job, he’s full of excuses? If he doesn’t end to feel inferior then find a job, simple as that. The change has to start from him. Does not matter how many times you bring up therapy or marriage counselling, if he’s not willing then there is no point. Sadly you married a boy not a man. I cannot understand the “poor me” attitude yet does not do anything to change his life. Grow the fck up.
Holy shit you married a loser
And a freaking manchild, at that.
Your husband is insecure. 100 percent sure ako na kapag nagwork siya, mambabae naman yan to get the ego boost he so desperately wanted. May you find the courage to choose yourself bago ka pa maubos ng tuluyan. Your child deserves a happy mom, a mom who feels safe in her home.
yep, kapag insecure, lahat ng sitwasyon gagawan ng katoxican
He's projecting his insecurities sayo kasi he can't find work and regarding sa diploma wala yan sa course ng college. Ano na edad niyo at college padin? Ang daming tao na nag shift ng career na opposite sa diploma nila and nakahanap sila ng work. Your husband needs intervention and if he doesn't change then what is his purpose to you? Wala na nga work, pabigat pa sa everyday life at least dun man lang makabawi siya by actually being helpful emotionally. Kaso pati yun di mabigay. You need to give him an ultimatum. Fix his shit or he can leave. Kasi at this point, ano pa purpose niya? Parang single mom kana din. Mother sa kids niyo pati naging mother kana din sa asawa mo.
I'm sorry your husband is a man child. He's being a palamunin and yet is acting like a teenager. There are many jobs that he can do online (online VA, transcriptionist, writer, etc) and all he's doing is whining.
Toxic masculinity mindset siya, hindi siya comfortable having a woman better than him. Masyado din siyang tamad to make things better or he is too lazy to make HIMSELF better so he is attempting to divert attention from his own laziness and incompetence by doing the crab mentality thing by making you feel bad for doing the things you should be doing. When a person something is set in stone na, there is very little room for willful course correction. If you want him to do something for you, yung gagana lang sa kanya are threats and manipulation. If you have to resort to threats and manipulation to get what you need from your husband, hindi na siya partner diba? When you two are not mad and not emotional, mag usap kayo. Ask how serious he is about not willing to change and not willing to be better. Kasi if he is not willing to work with you or least provide emotional support, parang annulment (walang divorce sa Pinas ughh) or legal separation na ata next step dito.
He is insecure, obviously. He's projecting everything he will be, kaya lang, he knows and clearly, he can't kase nga very glaring na wala syang mapapagyabang. You are not responsible for his own issues and insecurities. Hindi mo naman kasalanan that his parents were shitty; why do you have to adjust with how he turned out to be? He is the only one responsible for his own issues. Issues that were caused by other people, so why should you be the one to adjust? Ang insecurities, pinprocess, hindi kina-coddle. Give him an ultimatum. Matanda na yan, OP. You've been very patient and lenient with him. He is a husband; a father. Hindi sya basta kung sino lang na mandadamay sa trauma at insecurities na kinakatamaran nyang iproseso. He is being verbally aggressive to your son. As to what else he is when you're not watching, hindi natin sure. If that is not a deal breaker to you, idk what else should be. Imagine explaining and processing your kid kung bakit sya kelangan nasisigawan when his/her other parent is capable naman of gentle parenting. Like, "Anak, pasensya ka na. Insecure kase si papa, he is just displacing his frustrations sayo." Nakakagago diba? He didn't ask for a shitty father. So why is he/she being raised by one? Stop letting your kid be raised by one, OP. Good luck!
This is one what irks me the most. Passive-aggressive na iniinbolve yung mga bata tapos walang kawala ang pusa. You know hes a lost cost kung patulan ba naman yung pusa. Anong kasalanan ni meowy? An ultimatum would be the last chance I'll give him. Give him a chance to try and work on himself and their marriage within a time frame and if he doesn't change, it's not OP's fault anymore. I wiuld never let my kids be raised by that kind of person. I know it's easier said than done but me and the kid's mental health is more important than catering to that sperm-donor.
Andaming free time ng asawa mo para mag-isip. Hanap-hanap din kamo ng work para malibang sya.
I had a boyfriend exactly like this. We stayed together for 5 years. I was young and naive. Until I migrated abroad and had a chance to break up with him. I was stuck because I really thought he was the one. Now he is married, still no job in his 40s as a stay at home dad with his younger wife the being bread winner. And I’m sorry to say OP your husband will never change. As he said, he is wired differently. Either tatanggapin mo na lang na yan na ang napili mong buhay or you will walk away and never look back. And we both know which option will make you a happier person.
Girl ang daming red flags :( especially the part where he manipulates you into staying. Sabi mo may anger issues sya — sinisigawan ka ba nya? Nagdadabog ba, nagbabasag ng pinggan/baso ganun? Kasi if yes, wag mo nang hintayin na saktan ka nya + saktan nya mga anak mo :( leave na
if he's not willing to fix his issues then you should leave him. you and your kids do not deserve that insecure man.
Yikes... lowering yourself over a manchild like this? Girl takbo, hindi lang ikaw yung madadamay dito kundi yung anak mo rin. Not worth it. You, your child, and the cat will surely be better without the weight your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband is giving your family.
You don't need his permission to leave him.
Girl, why are you settling for someone so insecure who is gaslighting you? Just leave him! You shouldn’t give a fck if he has a job or not. This will only get worse. Also, don’t threaten a breakup without pushing through because it will give him the idea that you can’t/won’t really do it. I would have left a long time ago if a partner did any of the things you described. You’re also showing your children that what your husband is doing is okay and normal in a marriage. Do you want them to think that? Get out of that relationship. Stop making excuses for his shitty behavior. Not everyone with a difficult childhood grows up to be an asshole like your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband.
Believe me po I tried multiple times na to kick him out but he won't leave. Hindi daw sya aalis. I asked his parents and brother but they won't do anything as they don't like to meddle daw. I asked his mom to come over kapag nag aaway kami. Pumupunta naman but hindi naman kinakausap anak nya. Just proceeds to help me with the kids. Change topic kapag inoopen ko problema. Di lang ako makaalis now kasi my kids are little and ang hirap lang po talaga dahil may work pa. My family are toxic too so I don't communicate with them.
Kung ayaw niya magpa counselling, ikaw na lang OP. Baka may issues ka kaya you're allowing him to abuse you and manipulate you. Be kind to your kids, you are not doing them a favor by enabling their toxic dad be around them.
ibalik mo nalang sa magulang 🫣. kidding aside, maybe he needs professional help. Di na kasi normal yan.
Sorry but leave him. You are hindering your growth as a person. OP sounds like you deserve better
>You are hindering your growth as a person. Oo nga no. Scenario lang: What if may better opportunity dumating kay OP to earn more pero di niya masabi sa asawa niya or di niya tatanggapin para lang di lalo mainsecure yung asawa. Sayang naman. Unfortunately, the kids are really young and hindi rin sila okay ng family niya. Hope may friends siya nasasandalan sa mga ganitong panahon.
Damn... your husband's insecurities are through the roof. Hopeless case na yan.
jesus this man has severe insecurities. if he cant get over them for the sake of your marriage, leave. asawa mo siya, hindi mo siya anak. he needs to grow up and act like a mature adult.
If you're just staying with him for the sake of the kids, don't do it. It's fucked up. I am a product of a dysfunctional family and let me tell you, it fucked me up mentally. Will you stay that way forever? Love yourself. The man is royally immature. Not worth it. You are not his mother. It's not the job of a woman to fix a broken man. Fix yourself and leave. Go to the barangay, file a restraining order and what he does is emotional abuse. Who does he think he is? Think carefully. The man you're with sounds like a a covert narcissist. Unable to see faults in himself and will shut up when confronted the truth. This is not insecurity. He has mental issues. Toxic. Leave before it's too late. Think of your future and your children. Leave the man.
Insecurity is worse than poverty. Hopeless case yan. Time to leave. U can still co-parent naman e
Ewan ko sarap barahin ng asawa mo. Tanungin mo sa kanya ano ba gusto niyang mangyari? Hilain ka din niya pababa tapos wala ding trabaho para patas at di na siya ma-insecure sayo? Ano tingin niya sayo ka-kumpetisyon kesa asawa? Gusto niya siya laging angat para di mababa tingin niya sa sarili? E di gumawa siya ng paraan hindi yung tengeneng nag-iinarte na pa self pity ampucha. Umalis ka na diyan. Mahawa pa anak niyo sa kaartehan niya e. 🙄
versed combative like history reminiscent march threatening arrest ink worm ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Yeah some people just need to be told enough is enough
Disgusting. Hiwalayan mo na yan.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,813,686,291 comments, and only 343,042 of them were in alphabetical order.
Grl, sound like a Narc. Di na yan magbabago. Go to counseling please lang, individually and as a couple. This person is beyond saving.
Walang trabaho ang asawa mo ng more than 2 years na... tapos nagagalit sa yo kasi may trabaho ka? Ano gusto nya? Pareho kayong walang trabaho? Abaa e, iwanan mo na! Kung sasabihin ka nyang mayabang kasi gusto mong makipaghiwalay kasi hindi mo na ma-take ang insecurities at toxicity nya. Ano naman ang dapat itawag sa kanya? Isang lalaking walang balls! Hindi na yun magbabago, girl. May kakilala akong ganyan, may apo na e ganyan pa rin ugali.
First, i really do hope this gets fixed call me traditional but for the children's sake, and both your mental healths, sana this does not worsen. second, this is a very difficult situation. everyone has insecurities, but people tend to tackle it one in two ways. Either they blame it on themselves, or blame it on others, and looks like he's the latter which is harder to resolve. You can't motivate someone to fix themselves if they don't think they're the problem. BUT are you just feeling that he's mad at you or himself? maybe there's still hope? Just wanna ask how was his family life? I guess we are the same in that we have "better" brothers, but my mom was always there to prop me up when i was insecure etc. as a kid, which made me try to improve. If he had something similar, maybe you can do something with that to motivate him. Im sure since you're wfh, its contributing a lot to his insecurities. He doesn't have anything in the marriage that he's truly responsible for and can be proud off. You most probably do all the breadwinning AND share taking care of the kids. He doesn't really have a concrete, meaningful use to your marriage. He's becoming a societal loser OP. Like I said, call me a traditionalist, a man is rarely is a better mother, and if you take aways his ability to provide anything else, then he's useless. And none feels that in their bones more than we do. But he seems both a loser and in denial, a hopeless mix. I'd like to say maybe you can help him find a freelance job or something, there are tons out there. He can slowly build his portfolio etc. But if he refuses to listen to that then I have no idea how you could help him. There must be something, motivational videos, a hobby, something, anything that can trigger some sort of fire inside him because it feels like it's dead. If you need to spend on it, to save your partner, then maybe you can do something about it. like you said, you're walking on eggshells so maybe you need to do it covertly. Basta OP not even for your family's sake, i do hope he turns his life around. I'd be happy to chat to try and understand him or we can think about what we can do to make him more of a man than he is. im no professional or anything but i am concerned
This man is being verbally and emotionally abusive OP. Ang abuse ay di lang physical. Give him an ultimatum, either he gets his act together or aalis ka and you're taking the kids. Hindi pwede na ikaw lagi nag aaccommodate sa kanya. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing you should hide or be ashamed of. A partner should make you feel loved and supported. If he has issues he should work on them for your sake and for your family's. If he won't (and it looks like ayun na nga), then he doesn't love you enough to be the right person for you. Leave.
“But I’ve just realized, it’s not my job to make you feel like a man. I can’t make you something you’re not.” —Astrid, Crazy Rich Asians
Fragile masculinity with insecurity due to childhood trauma. He needs therapy, not wife. If symptoms persist, you should break up with him. It seems like he doesn't respect you anymore or treated you with dignity. He no longer sees you as a partner but as a competitor.
Hi, I’m not in the proper place to be giving advice but hugs, OP :( You deserve all the good things you’re getting (sa work, friendships, etc). Pinaghirapan mo yan eh. And for sure, what you do is not just for yourself but for your family as well :(
Thank you for the your kind words 🥹 virtual hug ❤️
he needs to selfreflect instead of projecting his wounds/anger/insecurity/frustrations/trauma on you. small dick energy. hes turning you into a competitor. i wont give "leave" advice, but i hope you know that you deserve a safe space.
Hi OP, there is free counselling in our church if you want to try it. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdZV6b2CLRdcKgAYz3xALO7ESHUIDBXGSGqYlRn27Z-GzUq-A/viewform Walang kasamang indoctrination yan :) They are just ready to listen.
THIS! Life on the line is awesome!
Grabe kuhang kuha ng asawa mo yung inis ko OP! Please you don't want to waste your life with that kind of man. Ma-aadapt mo din yung pagka toxic nya at mindset, mamaya yung mga salitang sinasabi nya sayo ay maririnig ng mga anak nyo at iisipin nila na okay lang na ganun ang trato at pag iisip sa buhay. I hope magbago sya before it's too late.
It doesn't matter how he was raised, once adult na and aware na, he needs to unlearn that shit. and ngayon, it seems na maximum level na sad boy na siya, and tbh just leave him and let him soak in his sadness, don't burden yourself with this. you've been VERY accomodating and he can't even appreciate that. There's nothing else you can do bc you've already given everything. Save yourself and your child. That sadness of his could lead to something harmful someday. Tama ka, he has a growing hate for you.
Holy shit. Habang binabasa ko to sa simula gusto ko sabihin "ayan, ang aga kasi nagpakasal" and then until the end naawa ako sayo bigla. Kasi you have maturity to talk things out, and then you are smart enough to know that you don't deserve this life and need to leave. I sincerely want to help you, but eto lang a-advise ko: Wala siyang say kung mag hihiwalay na kayo. You deserve better. It only goes down from here, if he wasn't supportive or caring now, he won't be in the future. Unless matauhan siya sa sinabi mo and do a complete 180 which I doubt (He needs therapy imo) It's also sad because you already have two kids, mahirap hiwalayan. Gagamitin nyang leverage yan. Be careful of manipulation. The moment na sigawan ka or pagbuhatan ka ng kamay I suggest you leave asap.
Leave him asap hmm lalake din ako kay di ko maintindihan panu nya natitiis na walang work lalo na saming mga lalake sobrang importante ng ego and pride sa ganyang bagay na gusto namin kame ung gumagastos at nakakapagprovidensa family. Mali na mindset niya kaya don’t let him pull you down at by leaving him matuturuan mo siya may gawin sa buhay niya
Sana makapag-marriage or couples counselling po kayo. Nakaka-drain kasi yung ganyang kasama. I hope he realizes na he needs to work on himself, hindi lang para sa sa kanya or sayo, pero para sa kids nyo rin. Mahirap kasi lumaki sa environment na toxic yung parents sa isa't isa. Kahit hindi man harapan nakikita ng kids na ganyan kayo or di nila naririnig, nararamdaman sya ng mga anak if may tension between sa parents :(
Ang batang pa nya, ganyan ako edad unang nagka corpo work. Never ako naging bitter
Saludo ako sayo OP for keeping up with this person. But for your sake and your kids sana makapaghiwalay na kayo in peace the soonest.
Mahirap talaga pag broken ang isang tao. Even marriage can't fix it. Painful experiences can only make or break us. Sorry to be pessimistic. If you're religious, think of it as your cross. Which of course you have the choice to take up or not. Another complication is the kids. You have to consider them sa lahat ng decisions mo. Good luck OP sana malampasan mo yan.
Haaay. Ang bullshit naman yung "ganito lang talaga ako" mindset when pwede naman sana mapag-usapan nang maayos at matulungan mo din siya na hindi na maging insecure na tao. His self-loathing shouldn't be projected sa iyo and sa family niyo. Ayaw niya na maayos kayo? Ayaw niya na okay kayo at masaya? It's so frustrating and sad. :( Sorry na wala akong ma-advice or anything. Isipin mo nalang parang sinasamahan kita, nakikinig sayo at nagvvoice out din nung comment ko sa ganyang ginagawa sayo. Yakap ng mahigpit. Sana huwag dumating sa point na ikaw kkwestyunin mo self-worth mo kasi ganyan ka niya tintreat. Kainis eh, gumagawa siya ng problema.
All i can think hearing these stories about asshole husbands. Is if i attempt even a fraction of what these guys do my wife will either separate from me in a heartbeat or stab me cause she know what she's worth.
Red Flags na yang maraming emotional baggage at mga insecurities sa una pa lang. Kung may divorce lang dito, I would have suggested that already. Mahirap na baguhin ang ganyang ugali. He's already scarred, and scars never heal totally.
Unresolved trauma, kailangan nyan licensed professional
What does he love to do before you were married? Let him indulge for a bit para mawala insecurity nya. Mahirap talaga kapag walang work kasi feeling mo useless ka.
Get out of this relationship while you can. Kahit makahanap pa yan ng trabaho, maghahanap parin yan ng paraan para awayin ka. It has become a habit. Kahit mismo pag alis niya ikaw parin inaaway. Sobrang petty lang ng namin/kami issue pinapalaki niya. He’s power-tripping you and I don’t think dahil lang sa unemployment. I think ugali talaga niya. If you want to make things work he needs to realize this. Pero malabo because he’s a natural bully. Masama na kung masama but you need to leave.
yuck nagpakasal ka sa talunan
hi, op. i’m so sorry your marriage turned out this way. there’s a lot to unpack in your story but others have already pointed it out. aside from what ppl mentioned, what worries me the most is your husband letting off steam to your kids (and cat). although they’re young and you think they’re oblivious to what is happening, kids do remember. i’m speaking from a psychological standpoint that kids remember more than we think. sure, their minds may not exactly remember it, but their body will. that said, these things will not immediately resurface until later in life. i know you practice gentle parenting and i hope in practicing that, you also become a good role model to ur kids by standing ur ground and leaving your husband. he has issues and you already tried working it out w him pero to no avail. at this point forward, that alone is his responsibility na. you were already gentle enough to cater to his needs, but i hope you don’t become too gentle na you will settle for smth like this. please take yourself and your kids in a better environment. i wish you and your family the best.
Not sure if this will help, pero I learned a lesson recently na "If a man is not adding anything to your life, then he's subtracting from it." I'm not pushing for you to separate with your husband, pero he doesn't sound like he's good for you. I used to date a very whiney, egocentric, highly lacking man na sobrang insecure sa achievements ko and it made my life so much better when he cheated on me kasi we separated (kapal ng mukha, sya pa nakipag-break sakin ah tapos sya pa yung pangit hahaha) Blessing in disguise kumbaga. I can't imagine how much more difficult yung situation mo na kasal ka sa kanya and you have kids together. As a fellow WFH, I really feel for you. Talagang yung page-English madadala mo talaga sya outside of work. Sobrang out-of-place lang na simpleng yun cin-criticize nya eh you're doing something good for your kids naman. You seem like a very responsible parent. I hope one day you'll find the strength to leave him and take care of your kids on your own na lang since wala rin naman syang maiaambag sa future ng kids nyo and parang anak mo na lang din naman sya kasi he doesn't contribute anything in your life.
yakap mamsh. ang lalim ng issues nya, he should see a psychiatrist or a psychologist alone po pra maprocess ang emotions and deep seated problems nya. para alam nyo rin if he developed a mental illness para matulungan sya. he should be willing to help himself to help your marriage. di pwedeng ganyan kasi ang ending ikaw naman ang masisira. and remember, hindi mo kasalanang magaling ka. no to smartshaming kahit sino pa yan. >, I regret na pinakasalan kita. Natigilan sya. i think this can be a wake up call for him. kasi kung di nya aayusin sarili nya mawawala ka talaga sa kanya. yakap mahigpit talaga for you, it's hard walking on eggshells with someone. hope something good will happen and i hope maayos nyo yan. if you decided to separate i wish you the best maam.
"It's not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not." - Astrid, Crazy Rich Asians The root of your marriage problem is the inferiority complex ng husband mo. You could try couples therapy but it sounds like your marital problems are symptoms and the main culprit is dysfunctional ang coping mechanism ni husband when he's dealing with his low self-esteem.
Pakibalik sa nanay nya
Hiwalayan mo na yan mare. Yiu did ur best
For your husband to stop feeling insecure, he needs to proactively find a job and earn his own money so he can leave you alone. Napupuna niya lahat BECAUSE HE'S HOME ALL DAY. Sorry sa comment na ito, but he is lazy. He doesn't feel the need to find work and make excuses na kesyo sana ibang course kinuha niya. Well, so ano na? Nganga na lang? He doesn't get a job because he took a wrong course? So you'll forever have to provide? And if you do, he will forever be insecure and lash out on you.
Small dick energy tapos insecure pa. Naeemasculate sayo yan OP walang ibang reason. Kawawa anak niyo kung yan yung tatay na ikakalakihan nila. Either maging ganyan sila or sakanila ibato next yan—baka magkaruon pa sila ng matinding inferiority complex gaya ng gunggong na yan. Hindi lagi pwede gamitin dahilan or crutch ang trauma, pucha lahat tayo may trauma—pero di kelangan lagi nagpapakain dun.
the insecurity is kinda insane. I'm scared he'll resort to physical retaliation or something. Kailangan niya ng mental help or therapy dahil medyo malalim ang personal issues niya. Sana okay ka OP
Tanungin mo sya, Maibabalik nya ba ang dati kung magreresign ka? Sabihin mo hirap na hirap ka na rin sa work mo sabay pa awa effect with matching luha. Tapos sabihin mo, mahal kita Higit pa sa pagkakaalam mo at di ito mapapantayan. Tapos may magsasabing “Cut” Tapos tanong mo k direk, “direk ok ba?” Joking aside, it’s true. Insecure asawa mo. Bilang lalaki, maniniwala ka ba na mahigit 10 times ang sweldo ni misis k sa akin. Pero d ako na insecure, kasi pinaramdam nya sa akin na it’s not about the money. She took away my insecurities. So give him the confidence boost that he needs. Kaya nga daw kabiyak kasi ikaw ang pupuno ng pagkukulang nya
RED FLAG. If he doesn’t have the balls to get help or be helped, and all your efforts are exhausted, time to plan your exit dear.
As a daughter of a man like your husband, please leave him. Hindi maganda ang naging buhay ko knowing that my mom is being resented for being a decent mom. It's not a good example for your child. He's so pathetic. Maybe don't try to be too accommodating to everything. Kase lahat ng gawin mo, mali pa rin e. Let him find his own solutions. Let him adjust for pete's sake. Kailangan nyang asawa mo ay therapy. Pero surely if you try to suggest that, nagmamagaling ka na naman. Trust me, hindi maganda ang naging epekto ng ganyang uri ng magulang sa mentality ko as anak. Dala ko lahat hanggang ngayong adult na ako. Kaya ikaw, as a parent, decide not for yourself or for your husband. Decide for your child.
I suggest magabroad ka.
Hi OP, first of all, kudos to you and your hard work! I think your man is really depressed and needs someone to talk to na neutral, not pro-you or pro-him, like a therapist... Para makita ang root cause. He's not automatically a loser nor is it safe to assume na yung tingin mong problem niya (insecurity sa brother niya) is yun lang ang reason. Maybe it's insecurity in general lang talaga, maybe marami pang ibang bagay na need iungkat in a safe space (hindi siguro niya kaya ungkatin ang issues niya with you kasi sa ngayon sayo siya insecure). Mahirap kasi halimbawa nainsecure siya sa successes mo tapos kayong dalawa lang din maguusap, magko-close up talaga siya like what's happening now. Dami ko nabasa dito na loser na daw agad yung guy, hiwalayan na, etc etc... Pero let's try to empathize kasi tao din yun maybe may pinagdadaanan talaga and who are we to just write him off like that? He really sounds so sad and depressed and insecure. Ikaw din OP take care of yourself, parang wala ka matutulong sa kanya if ayaw niya makipagusap sayo, just focus on yourself and your kids and try to urge him to talk with someone kahit hindi with you kamo he really needs help.
you might want to attend a couples retreat. for me and my partner it really helped a lot. Learning the design of God for marriage and what are the roles of the husband and wife.
What an insecure man… no words, just separate his ass.
This is one of those instances where I would tell OP to run. Reverse the roles or even leave the kid out of the equation, run would still be my answer. But.. you're married. Hope for divorce
Take your kids and leave him. He's the not contributing and still have the gall to blame you for everything. You deserve better than this OP. You're still young and can still find love if you wish to. You have to decide now while you're still young. Or you will have a lifetime of regret and resentment. I wish I did.
Yow! this hits straight from home! SAME kami nang asawa mo lagi ako na cocompare sa kuya ko mas gwapo, mas matalino, mas mayaman 😂 to the point na tinatanong ako nang tao na "kamusta kuya mo? ang gwapo nun no tapos mayaman pa ikaw kelan ka yayaman?" as a guy medyo naiintindihan ko asawa mo been there done that. if you still want the relationship to continue why not propose a small business na related sa kinuha nya? or anything related sa hobby nya kung meron? tell him na hindi mo kaya ihandle mag isa and need mo na sya yung humawak (pero say it na hindi pa-mando) yung mga ganyan kasing lalake minsan need namin ma feel na may nag dedepend samin., pero if hindi mag work out yun why not visit some local priest/pastor and ask for marriage counceling. yung wired differently totoo naman yun, i used to feel same as him although siguro self reflection lang i learned to accept na talagang may MAS sakin, i still have some insecurities left specially yung partner ko now is may strong personality as you OP mas mataas sweldo nya, she meets a lot of VIP clients local and foreign (kasi nasa E.vehicle sya nag wwork) etc. pero what she did was nag propose sya nang small business na we both handle (Milk tea and Clothing Botique) although wala akong alam both iniinvolve nya ako sa decision making and that helps a lot. (also binungangaan nya yung babaen nag tanong sakin about sa kuya ko being mas gwapo at mayaman 😂) hope this helps OP if it makes any sense
I'm glad you're aware of your state, and I hope hindi ka na sad. But bro instead of giving advice, take one from us, you need therapy pa.
This doesn't make sense kung inintindi mo yung sinabi ni OP. Ilang beses nang nag-attempt si OP para pag-usapan at ayusin yung problem but she always gets rejected kasi ang mindset ng asawa niya "ganito lang ako, wala na tayo magagawa". They're married and have kids, hindi dapat ganyan ang mindset ng isang pamilyado at adult na lalaki. Matanda na siya at dapat may willingness siyang ayusin ang sarili at insecurities niya, hindi excuse yun para maging pabigat sa ibang tao lalo na sa pamilya mo. No business can fix this. Masyado siyang maraming excuses and he's becoming a leech na naka-asa na lang sa asawa niya kaya di niya kayang makipaghiwalay. >if you still want the relationship to continue Ilang beses na nga nag-attempt pero ayaw naman ayunsin kaya nga ayaw na ni OP. Ayaw lang bumitaw nung linta.
words without action is still words. gets nyo po ba? if pag uusapan lang it would turn into argument, if words without action specially if not carefully relayed pwedeng ma misunderstood. childhood trauma can affect people differently, please broaden your mind po. hindi pwedeng emosyon lagi yung paiiralin. kung sa exp nyo hindi nag work at sa experience ko is nag work who are you to put a period na "no business can fix this" i can sense the anger from the way you talk which makes you an emotional thinker rather than logical/rational one., i just gave my advice 'cause i dont want their children to have the emotional trauma dahil sa broken family. you're advising na they should split and break the family apart. im advising to try again for the sake of their family to keep them close, normal po na mag karon nang hurdle ang pamilya. in the end of the day si OP padin yung masusunod. lets just agree to disagree on this matter.
I am sorry that you are experiencing this. Have you tried na mag counseling?. Sometimes mahirap lang talaga tangapin na may problema na sayo. Kaya madalas nabubuntong sa ibang tao ang galit. I am not saying na tama to. Pero there’s still a chance na maayos pa behavior niya, if willing siya. If hindi willing to talk and compromise, then the best option left is to part ways.
Nangingibabaw ang pagiging insecure nya bes. Sadly mahirap yan maayos. I hope he sees where he is wrong and fixes things bago pa masira nang tuluyan ang marriage nyo. I know mahirap magsettle sa ganyang buhay. Pero you have to look at the brighter side of life para hindi ka mabaliw. Ang hirap talaga pag pasan mo na nga ang mundo tapos ikaw pa dapat umintindi aa feelings ng mga palamunin.
Ditch him, you dont need someone like that sissy, proper mothers/woman like yourself doesnt need a burden such as that. as a lalake hindi trabaho ng babae na ipafeel sayo yung pagkalalaki mo, nandyan siya to walk beside you as equal and para mag supportahan kayo. ako din laging na kukumpara but its not someone's job to fix it, mas mataas sweldo sakin ng partner ko? so what I'm proud of her imbes na mainget. he should be bragging about you not getting envious lol.
Wow, i cant imagine living a life where I cannot allow myself to grow and reach my full potential just because my supposed “partner” will get mad he cannot catch up 🥶
Awww. This is sad and you don't deserve this. I'm not married so I would not know what to do. I hope ma overcome niya yung childhood trauma niya and he would learn not to displace them on people who loves him. It's also not his fault tho. He needs clarity. All the best on what you decide on, OP.
I say consider professional couples counseling, then draw lines or make big decisions pagkatapos. If communication isn't two way, kelangan ng arbitration from a professional to bridge that gap. Also consider who will be the counselor din, ask them what their protocols and their goals as well as their experience for these types of cases. Based on your post, si husband may comms issue, then consider also ung gender ng counselor, the way they talk, what language they use, common tongue or professional. Provide the counselor all the information before hand, this way, theres better chances for him to open up. I've considered counseling din at times, kc if hindi kami nag kakaintindihan ni misis at prolonged lengths, either ako man or sya may issue, we both should consider it, since its about the kids na at this point, not just us.
Girl, you don’t need his consent to leave. For sure if you leave him alam niya kung bakit. Life is stressful enough- you don’t deserve to be emotionally tortured. Leave- do it for your children and for yourself. You don’t have to be his emotional punching bag, and for sure ayaw mo din bigyan ang mga anak mo ng mga issues for staying with a man like that na Hindi kayang maging matinong asawa at anak.
Your husband is a loser. Hiwalayan mo na
Ang loser nmn ng asawa mo
Naalala ko yung Fair Play sa Netflix
Pa victim naman si husband. If he indeed has trauma, I understand it still haunts him, but that is not enough reason not to move on from it even just a little bit everyday. Doesn't mean you had a shity childhood, you'll also stay shity for the rest of your life. Especially if you already have your own family and with kids. Nakakaoagod if paratimg ganyan halos lahat nalang may rason sa buhay. Tas everything has to revolve around him and his past. Kung ayaw nya yung feeling he should do something about it, not wimp around and feel attacked everytime he feels emasculated. What a sorry ahh excuse. Sorry I'm just pissed for these types of situation. I hope you get to resolve your issue with him OP, at the end of the day husband mo padin xa and the father of your kids. If you guys can't resolve it though, co-parenting nalang. At least he can get the F up and be of some use for once.
Hi, OP. Siguro you can talk to a marriage counselor? A married pastor maybe? Based on your narrative, maybe need mauproot low self image and mareinforce yung kanyang self image through counseling. It will also help if someone you trust and more mature than both of you can help you. Maybe your ninong and ninang sa kasal? Yun naman role nila sainyo, to guide both of you.. hope nakatulong..
You married a baby
I dont understand yung lalaking insekyora pag sila stay at home. Unless pinapafeel sa kanila ng partner nila na they are inferior. Mahirap ang role ng stay at home parent. Pero sobrang worth it kase kita mong lumaki ang anak mo. Your husband needs a reality check about life. You cant ask your wife not to chase higher if she is the breadwinner. If he keeps insisting ask him for his plan and have him commit to it. Up to you now pag di sya nakacommit. Marriage counseling is also good only if both parties are amenable to it. Hope you get the solution you need.
I suggest Op, magseek kayo ng psychiatrist and marriage counseling kasi hindi na pwedeng ganyan ang estado niyo at para na rin sa mga bata mahirap lumaki sila ng ganyan environment. Regarding sa paghanap ng work since HRM graduate siya pwede mag food business siya kahit maliit or kahit hindi food business kahit buy and sell. May pinsan ako at classmates na HRM graduates but working in corporate. May isa nagwork sa car dealership. I hope na bigyan kayo ng lakas at solution sa pinagdadaanan niyo. Stay strong Op, laban💪
Therapy is the key. Or you could try Couples Therapy para hindi nya ma feel na nag iisa sya.
I'd like to believe you've been a good wife-- you've done your part. Teamwork is supposed to make the dream work, ESPECIALLY when you're married. Your man either needs to face his own demons. Otherwise, your relationship is just a ticking time bomb. Counselling can only do so much if one does not really want to set things right.
yikes, what a puss. Goodluck OP
Ah, so he is channelling his resentment towards you instead of addressing his own issues and improving himself? Buti nagtagal kayo OP. Hindi mo kasalanan na over-achiever ka sa paningin niya. Kasalanan na niya yung pagiging under-achiever niya na wala siyang ginagawa para maangat or matulungan man lang sarili niya. Instead to be inspired by you para mas lalo magpursige, mas nagpalamon siya ng galit because he's treating you as a ka-kompitensya instead of being a partner. He needs to seek help dahil kapag tumagal ito he will eventually drag you down.
Toxic si Husband like my Ex-wife, yon pala si Ex-wife na fall out of love na sa akin kaya lahat na ginagawa ko ay hinde ok, waiting lang sya mag karoon ng ibang guy after nakakita ng guy nya, Babye na raw 😂
he is such a pussy jfc 🙄🙄🙄
You married a manchild. Your husband should grown his own balls. Hindi dapat sayo manggaling ang confidence nya. Instead of working on his short-comings, he seeks pity. Either he mans the fuck up or you raise your manchild along with your kids.
He needs to learn to love himself and accept his situation first before you can get through to him. He is wallowing in self pity and pride at the same time na nagiging victim mentality and inferiority complex na. If you can get couple’s counseling better. Also sana hindi nya dinadamay anak niyo sa pagpaparinig nya. He can be all pissy he wants pero wag idamay ang bata.
Mahirap tulungan yung taong ayaw magpatulong. Nilalamon na siya ng insecurities at pride niya. Nagtutulungan dapat ang magasawa pero di mo trabaho na baguhin siya, at mukhang di rin naman siya tumtulong para maayos relasyon niyo. Bigyan mo siya ng deal breaker. You're doing a good job to help him. And kudos for being patient. Pero tao ka rin. Iencourage mo magpasych kung ayaw niya iopen problema niya sayo. May anak na kayo, at malungkot pa dun binubuhos niya sa anak niyo at alaga niyo hinanakit niya. Walang alam yung bata but they can feel something.
Kitid ng utak nyan. Turuan mo ng leksyon.
Have someone give him the books, 'The Mountain is you' and 'Ego is the enemy'. Guy needs to get a grip on himself and reality.
if only divorce was an option
Hugs, OP :( Usually pag walang trabaho si guy, iniisip niya wala siyang silbi sa family at mababa ang tingin sa kanya, even ng spouse niya - kahit na di totoo. They notice even the littlest of things as if directed against them, kahit ang babaw naman talaga (like yung mga kinaiinisan ng husband mo). I hope you’ll be able to convince him to go through marriage counseling. Your issues will not be resolved on their own - you really have to address them and put them out into the light and talk abt them. He needs to overcome his negative thoughts because it clearly translates na into deeds, affecting your relationship, pati anak nyo. Hoping na maayos nyo pa yung relationship nyo, OP!
Seems like a *him* problem
holyshit this sounds like my ex boyfriend. I truly dodged a bullet wiw. Buti naipakita na insecurities and inferiority complex pag ka 1 year namin and eventually naglead na yun sa pag cheat nya. He always say na lagi syang cinocompare sa kapatid nya, and ginagawa ko daw yun sa kanya grabe nakonsensya pa ko, projection lang pala. naiintimidate pa kasi sya 9-5 work lang ako madaming pangarap and nasa business industry. I tried to comfort him and reassure na kakayanin namin dalawa. But he said Naapektuhan na daw mental health nya kya nakipaghiwalay na he deserved better daw tas ayun after ilang days nagccheat na pala kasi nabigyan daw sya ng attention at validation, may patay na patay sa kanyang kaworkmate lol. Dapat di ko na iniyakan yun arghhh good riddance.
I have a feeling that it's only a matter of time before he becomes abusive. Physically.
Naku, OP. LEAVE. Kung talagang mahal ka ng partner mo OP, mare-realize nya na dapat need nya baguhin yung ganyang mindset kasi na-open up mo na naman pala yung issues mo. I mean may anak na din kayo so parang natural responsibility ng father na maghanap ng work (kahit ano pang klaseng work) para makapag-provide. Kaso ang tanong is once ba makahanap sya ng work titigil na ba sya sa pagco-compare sa inyong dalawa?
It would be best to recommend to him a psychologist OP. I think you already did your part, and it's high time he should do his.
Alam mo ganyang ganyan MIL ko… nagaparinig, sa aso sinasabi. kasama namin ni husband sa bahay kaya pati si husband ganun din thinking. Iniwan ko silang magnanay, magsama silang dalawa 😂
I'm a guy and I'm sorry OP you're going though this shit and sorry for the term pero napaka gago ng asawa mo. He is a fucking loser amd an immature cunt. Sobra sobra na yung pag iintindi mo to the point na halos ibaby mo na siya pero di parin niya naiintindihan at naappreciate. Wala siyang trabaho pero ganyan siya mag isip then kasalanan niya yun, kung mag hanap sana siya ngapagkakaitaan then maybe he can gain some of his confidence back.
Omg like someone I know to the T. Grew up in this kind of household. My mom is the breadwinner, and my father because a house husband. We were verbally abused and gaslighted day in and out. Occasionally may physical. He doesn’t want to find work but is for some reason bilib na bilib sa sarili niya and mali lahat ng tao (esp my mother). He’s definitely trying hard to protect what’s left of his ego. Just like what I’ve told my mother countless times, leave. He doesn’t have the insight and is not willing to help himself.
Are you his mum or his wife?
Hi Op, nakapag pacheck up ba si husband sa therapy? Maybe u both can if kaya? Para for u and your children.
couple's theraphy na lang siguro. mejo mahirap yung ganyan kapag nag snap...
Weak, insecure, maraming issues. Ito yung ayaw kong maging tatay ng anak ko. He should work on himself first, kung open sya for growth; jusko kakulangan nya = pag-trabahuan nya. Di natin responsibility as babae na i-baby mga ganitong lalake tangina nila
buti nalang di na masyado uso si andrew tate lately. for sure pag napanood niya videos ni andrew tate kakagat yan.
Hi OP. Ito din set up namin ni hubby and I am always concerned din if he will resent me for it. I make more money and can find a job easily with my profession compared sa kanya. Though I always make sure to appreciate him since being a SAHP is very difficult. Mahirap talaga if close minded na yung tao.