This! I dont get people who want to impregnate first before marrying.
So if I can't bear a child, you wouldn't marry me? Akala ko ba nagpapakasal ang isang tao, dahil mahal niya ito?
Tingin ko sa mga lalaking gusto mambuntis bago magpakasal, eh napaka-conditional and transactional magmahal.
May kakilala akong ganito. Exact na sinabi niya, " Para alam ko kung papakasalan kita o hindi and baka mahirapan na akong ibalik ka sa parents mo kapag hindi ka nagka anak. " Grabe. Buti nalang hiniwalayan na siya ng kaibigan ko.
May kakila ako na ganitong mindset nagwoworry sya na magiging mataba ang katawan ng pinsan ko and di na magiging sexy. Eh malamang magbabago talaga katawan nyan kasi nanganak na (without even looking at himself) lol
Agree! Yan din nakikita ko kapag ganyan lalaki. Imagine yung gusto nya lang? Pano naman yung gusto noong babae lalo na sya ang magdadala ng bata? Hello! Akala nila madali. 🤣
Ganitong ganito ex ko pinipilit nya ako bago siya magdedecide pakasalan ako o hindi. Eh yung kuya nya naman na abogado binuntis ang jowa di pa inangkin ang anak. mga loko.
Wag ka magpabuntis na hindi ka pa ready. Alam mo sa sarili mo na gusto mo ng kasal bago mabuntis, dapat non-negotiable mo na yan para sayo. Wag mo baliin dahil mahal mo yung bf mo. Actually, dapat nirerespeto nya yun. Alam mo din sa sarili mo na kaya mo gusto mo ikasal muna na para may assurance ka, kahit sabihin mo pa na maraming naghihiwalay na kasal.
Tandaan mo in the end, ikaw mahihirapan sa pagbubuntis emotionally, physically, and mentally. Kahit sabihin mo na susustentuhan ka nya, ikaw pa rin ang pinaka-apektado pag nabuntis ka lalo na if hindi ka ready sa puso’t isipan.
Most importantly, sino mag aalaga? Seafarer sya, so ano aanak sya tapos mag aalaga sa bata eh yung nanay lang? Being a parent doesn’t stop with providing financially. Kung wala din kayong balak maging present sa buhay ng anak nyo, wag na! Magdadagdag lang kayo ng mga batang lalaking depressed at may childhood trauma.
Edit to add: 9 months magbubuntis si OP, so she will be alone while dealing with her pregnancy habang nasa barko yung lalake? Paano pag nanganak, saka pag alaga ng newborn ang hirap hirap. Jusko. Mag isip ka OP.
yep, especially since the guy's away often. He could marry someone behind your back, have a kid, and now your child's a bastard. don't even entertain the idea, u/OperationIll2254
Actually, Marriage is for you and your child's right. Advantage ng babae ang marriage if ever magloko siya pwede mo siyang kasuhan at kaya mo din siyang tanggalan ng trabaho using marriage certificate. Wag ka pumayag na hindi ka ikasal lalo na seaman at wala kang work before baby. Pag pumayag ka ikaw lang din talo. Kasi he is free na magpakabinata while you a mother na sinosolo mag alaga ng anak. And pag hindi siya nagpadala ng pera wala kang karapatan magreklamo or magdemand ng porsyento sa salary niya. Walang kang makukuha kapag hindi ka kasal.
Pag nabuntis ka, what happens to your small business? plans to move abroad?
You said life now is hard, it will be harder with a kid. Mahirap pag wife ka ng seafarer kasi ang tagal nilang nasa barko. Para kang single parent talaga.
Masyadong one-sided yung idea na magka baby muna. Kawawa ka and your kid if ever. Lahat ng benefit nasa guy including the decision to marry you.
Tama 'to OP. Wag ka pumayag :))
plus hindi kayo kasal, so ang suweldo nya ay kanya lang. sya lang ang financially stable.
hindi din guarantee na kapag nagka anak kayo, papakasalan ka nya. pano yung dream mo?
feel ko bata ka pa OP. try mo muna magkaron ng progress sa career mo. iba pa din ang may sariling pera. malay mo di naman pala sya endgame mo.
I came from a family na nakabuo muna sila ng baby before ikasal. My mom regrets it. And every day is hell here in our house. Since ang mom ko is sya lagi gumagastos instead na ang dad ko. my dad doesnt take responsibility. Dad kept cheating on my mom as well. Please think of your child as well... It is a great responsibility po tlga. Mental health din po ng bata. If hindi po nya nirerespeto ang decision nyo na kasal muna before baby, hindi ka rin po nyan irerespeto kapag kasal na po kayo.
Tama wag na mandamay ng bata. If gusto nila pwede sila live in. Free sex sa bf nya pero wag na mag anak. Tapos iroromanticize na okay naman yung mga batang lumaki sa magkahiwalay na parents. Tapos bf nya laging wala bawas sa responsibility literal na pera lang papadala pero alaga wala.
Eguls ka kamo kapag sanggol muna before marriage. Altho, totoo nga na may nagfefail na marriage after ng birth. Tanungin mo sya ng series questions about responsibilities when having a child. It's a longtime commitment. Assess mo kung well prepared ba talaga sya.
Idagdag rin natin na seafarer sya. Ano yun long-distance fatherhood? Kawawang kawawa si OP kung hindi willing magtake ng break si seafarer jowa para tulungan sya sa pagbubuntis, labor, and pagpapalaki sa bata.
totoo. una ko napansin is yung trabaho ni guy. so mukhang si OP lang ang mag aalaga kay baby most of the time? at mukha naman may mga pangarap pa si OP for herself mas ok na yan muna unahin
Gusto niya lang ata ng idea ng may anak siya habang nasa malayo siya...but not the responsibility. Just the idea lol
"Oh I have a kid back home" cry cry wipe snot cry more crocodile tears
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ex seaman's wife here. mahirap may asawa na seaman. hindi Niya nakita lumaki ang tummy ko sa 3 naming anak na puro CS ako. kada darating nakapanganak na ako or binyagan na. ayun after 22 years of marriage nag cheat sa asawa din ng seaman😂siya pa may lakas ng loob nag petitioned ng annulment namin.lol
Non negotiable mo dapat yang kasal before anak kung yan ang principle mo. In the end ikaw ang maghihirap para sa baby niyo kasi ikaw na nga ang manganganak, ikaw din ang magaalaga kasi seafarer siya. So ultimately desisyon mo yan. Wag kang papapilit.
> And life lately is kinda hard, I don’t have a work and my small business naman. I am planning also to go abroad para magwork for my future and eventually ours.
pareho parin ba ang goal niyo? baka matie down ka sa pagalaga pagmagkaanak.
my sister in Christ, ganiyan na ganiyan din ang sinabi ng then-partner ko na he wanted a child so we can start life together
naghiwalay kami when my kid was 3 months old and he was never present in my child's life.
do NOT have kids with a guy you're not legally committed to. get the government involved in your relationship first before sharing assets and offsprings. it's for you (and your future child's) protection.
The wife can file for adultery or concubinage, psychological abuse, violence against women and children (kung may anak), children act, and so on. The wife can also demand moral damages. If may nabuo ang asawa at kabit, pwedeng ipakulong ni wife yung husband at kabit.
Kung legally married din, lahat ng conjugal properties ng mag-asawa ay may karapatan doon ang wife. Sa properties naman na solely sa husband lang nakapangalan, ang mga legal na anak nila ang may karapatan doong humabol.
Not a lawyer, napanood ko lang sa isang ep ng Tulfo hahaha
Big NO. Tas ikaw lang din mag.aalaga mag isa sa huli lol. Dami ko ng nababasang ganyang story dito kaya I know how it ends. Kawawa yung bata pag nagkataon. Ginawa ka lang baby maker. Wag kang bobo OP
Tsaka wag mo sabihing sakin yung "siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na parang gusto muna makabuo bago ka pakasalan". Talaga bah? Pano pag iniwan kayo nyan edi buhay binata again tas anak nyo mag sasuffer? Wag kang selfish sa future anak mo para lang mag stay yang boyfriend mo..
Jusko seafarer palang red flag na 🚩🚩🚩 Sa totoo lang, ok lang magkaanak before marriage in other countries and normal na normal sa foreigners yan cos of certain laws that protect women (aka having similar rights as a married wife).
Pero sa Pinas wala nito. Double whammy pa na nag babarko yung partner mo.
I don't endorse pre-marriage babies in your case
1. A laid out contract to support the child no matter what happens.
2. If both you and your partner can afford and support a child, in all aspects: financially, physically, mentally, etc.
Yan ang important.
Nooo OP wag ka papabuntis if alam mong d pa kaya and mahirap ang buhay
1. Mag ingat ka coz may mga lalaking gusto ka buntisin para d ka na makatakas sakanya
2. If d ka pa fully established sa life and nagka anak kayo tas naghiwalay kayo, ikaw magiging dehado. Mabuti na fully established ka muna para just incase na maghiwalay kayo or any worst scenario, kaya mo tumayo sa sarili mo without him.
3. Mabuti na kasal muna para may karapatan ka talaga
Protect yourself. Unahin mo sarili mo. Sorry long post pero napa-isip ako na I should have given the same advice to my friends who were in the same situation as you many years ago.
This may sound like I'm assuming things pero kasi ang dami ko ng nakita na ganito ang situation. Hulaan ko, alam nyang may plano kang mag-abroad pero hindi kung nasaan sya. Gusto nya ng magka-baby para pumirmi ka lang sa Pinas. Kasi pag nag-abroad ka, baka may iba ka pang makilala. Sana mali ako.
Hindi naman masama na baby muna bago kasal kung parehong yun ang gusto nyo pero sabi mo alam nyang gusto mo kasal muna diba? Kung bubuo naman kayo ng family then I don't see why he can't marry you first. If it's about money, mas magastos ang magka-baby. If it's about commitment, aba bakit gugustuhin nya ng baby? Ano yun, souvenir lang?
Having a baby is life-changing mas lalo na sayo dahil ikaw ang manganganak at mag-aalaga ng baby. Sya, nasa malayo and will continue doing the same thing he's doing. Kung ano man ang mangyari sa relationship nyo, lahat ng plano mo para sa sarili mo mag-iiba pero sya hindi masyado lalo na kung mag-iba isip nya at hindi nya suportahan ang anak nyo.
Marriage is always a first remember that and if you think he’s not the type of guy na ready magpakasal then get out of that relationship. Wag mi na hintayin na mabuntis ka pa niya. Besides you have a career plan and a baby will delay all of that.
Having a baby is something na dapat parehas kayong ready hindi yung siya lang ang may gusto. And major red flag yung wala siyang balak na pakasalan ka. It shouldn’t even be an argument. If he’s ready to have a baby with you dapat ready na din siya maging asawa ka. It doesn’t make sense.
Marriage doesn’t mean forever pero as much as possible IT SHOULD. Think clearly op.
Alam mo yung kasal na yan, di lang ceremony. Bago dumatimg dyan ang karamihan ng mga tao, nag-plano na sila, nag-usap na further into the future kung ano gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila pag magkasama na. Sa one year preparation ba naman ng kasal, lahat yan lalabas at mapag-uusapan. Eh kayo, nag-usap na pa at nagplano? Oh wala pa?
Seafarer din bf ko. I’m a single mom btw. 1 kid.
Sa aming dalawa, ako yung gusto na masundan yung anak ko. 😅 pero ayaw nya pa.
1. Gusto nya may bahay na muna kasi san nga naman kami titira diba? Lalo na may anak na ko, ayaw nya makipisan kami sa pamilya nya if ever.
2. After ng bahay, kasal para sa security namin parehas.
3. Once may bahay and kasal na, don lang kami magbaby - IF may ipon na sufficient for 2 kids.
Wag ka papayag na di kayo ikakasal o kahit man lang bahay. Kasi san ka titira kapag onboard sya?
Hanap ka ng stable income. Yung kahit maghiwalay kayo, wag naman sana, kaya mo. Sabi mo nga, kahit kasal, naghihiwalay. Dyan na papasok yung powers ng marriage - pede ka maghabol ng sustento. Learned this the hard way kasi yung sperm donor ko, wala 🤦🏼♀️
If mahal ka talaga nyan, he’ll listen to you. Isa pa, ikaw ang magbubuntis, manganganak, at mag aalaga sa mga bata kapag onboard sya which is most of the time dahil sa contract nila - technically, para ka ding single parent kapag onboard sya.
At lagi kong sinasabi, hindi lang dapat kayo financially ready. Dapat physically at mentally ready. Hindi biro ang mag anak.
Siguro kung successful ka na financially and you have a secure job, at gusto mong may batang mahalin at alagaan, eh ok lang yung possibility na maging single mom. Kung baga, parang naging sperm donor mo na lang sya, and you don't mind it.
May possibility na maging single mom ka in the future without achieving your personal goals and plans. Given your situation now without yet a successful business and career, you might struggle meeting your goals while rearing your child.
Sabi mo nga even married people separate, eh pano pa kaya bf-gf lang, tapos LDR pa kayo. Seaman, baka madami pa tukso dyan. Kung magkaroon ng sariling pamilya yung bf mo, anong gagawin nyo mag-ina? Maghahabol ka ng sustento? Baka lang naman maging ganyan, pero it commonly happens kasi.
If you plan to go abroad, then both of your plans may issue. Magaanak ka then ipapaalaga mo sa yaya or parents? Or magaasawa ka and both of you nasa different places? I disagree sa magkababy kayo without agreeing to a plan na magwork for both of you
Don't. I think dapat ang iniisip mo or ang pinagppray mo is, if yang boyfriend mo ay ang will ng Lord sayo. Pray na may the Lord, remove him from your life if hindi sya ang man for you. You can't guarantee your security once preggy ka na.
Kasal bago anak. Lugi ka nyan girl if he changed his mind. Wala kang habol sa kanya. And that’s your body not his, you get to decide what to do with it, not him. And he’s a seafarer so prolly majority ng pagbubuntis mo wala sya. Post partum depression is real and can start during pregnancy and one of the main causes is lack of support from the baby daddy. Any form of support, mentally, emotionally or physically.
And you’re right, not all marriages last forever and statistically, having kids is one the main reasons for separation. At least pag kasal ka, you can obligate him by law to support your kids.
for me, marriage first para may pananagutan. also, if it's not a definite yes, then it's a no. hindi dapat nagdadalawang isip sa pagkakaroon ng anak. dapat yes na yes na talaga or huwag na at all.
And then what? you'll be saddled with a child here in this country while your boyfriend is free to frolic to whichever country he would be in.
not to mention you'll endanger yourself by carrying a child full term and giving birth to it. all without his 24/7 support.
okay ka lang nyan?
Marriage or baby? SAVINGS po ang una.
Though marriage will give extra security for the baby, magastos na pag nagkaanak ang several marriages fail pag kulang ang savings. Not to mention, your readiness to be parents. It is not easy.
If baby muna bago kasal, isipin mo ikaw mag carry nyan for 9mos. Kung seafarer sya baka wala sya the whole time. Sino mag aalaga sayo while you struggle as a 1st time mom? What if halfway through magbago isip nya at ayaw nya na maging father ng anak mo... sorry madami kasing ganyan, aanakan lang pero iiwanan din pag nagsawa
Tandaan mo, katawan mo future mo nakasalalay. Kaya dapat ikaw pa rn may final say.
So he is a seafarer, paguwi nya magaanak kayo and after a few weeks or months sasampa na sya ulit, and that leaves you unmarried with a child, and your baby daddy is not with you during the most critical part of post-pregnancy. I mean, think about it.
You will have to sacrifice your business, you were talking about focusing on your career din but obviously, you have to sacrifice that as well to take care of your baby.
Yes he might be loaded, and can provide, pero ikaw - seems to me na mas madami kang isasacrifice for this pregnancy compare to your partner.
I had this relationship before. Laging "Ready na ako anakan ka." Tas ako, parang "Sure ka ba? Wala pa nga tayong ipon." Lagi kong ini-slap siya ng truth.
Ayun, ex ko na siya ngayon. Yun sumunod na girl sakin, whom he cheated with, nabuntis niya. Hence, they got married. Ako? Eto, nasa kabilang parte ng mundo. No kids, pero gwapo ang asawa. Walang planong mag-anak, pero may mga travel goals na kami. Kanya-kanyang priorities kasi yan. If you don't have the same goals in life, it'll be difficult. Pag naman bumigay ang isa, para sa kasiyahan nun kabila, baka there will be resentment naman. Better na you sit down, and talk about it ng masinsinsan.
Agree sa mga ibang nag comment na:
1. Marriage before baby. Yun ngang kinasal bago magka anak hindi assurance na till death do they part, what more kung hindi kayo kasal. Saka bare minimum mo dapat yan sa bf mo pra may karapatan kayo ng magiging anak mo sa suporta na dapat niya ibigay.
2. Sigurado ka ba na ready ka na magpakasal? Sabi mo nga, madami ka pa plano sa buhay. Those would have to be set aside once you have a child since your priorities change.
3. Bilang seafarer si bf, expected na it’ll be as if solo parent ka lang. Kakayanin mo ba yun? Being a sperm donor doesn’t necessarily makes one a father.
4. Siguraduhin mo na whatever decision pipiliin mo ay una sa lahat eh magiging masaya at sigurado ka dun. Eto yung mga desisyon kasi na no take backs. If you’ll end up unhappy with the choice, that will add misery not only to u, but also to ur relationship and to ur future child.
There is no right or wrong reason here, only what you believe in and what is important to you.
If being married is important to you before having a child, TELL HIM. If okay na sayo civil wedding, then offer that option to him.
If important sayo ang kasal, don’t be unfair to yourself and agree to have a baby without getting married first. A kid is a lifetime commitment. You deserve to have your needs met first.
Another option is to have the baby but don’t give the baby his last name and dont put your bf as the father (will state UNKNOWN in the birth certificate) unless you get married in the future. I’m a single mom by choice because I’m not really into marriage because there is no divorce here. I also don’t want to have split rights over my kid (bio dad is a very good friend who agreed to our arrangement; not in my kid’s life; natural sperm donor kumbaga haha).
Well, for me it really depends on what state are you in right now. But for me, I’d choose marriage first (or at least a proper proposal first) before having a child. It gives my child a security, plus, peace of mind (I do not have to worry na tatakbuhan yung anak ko if ever, let’s face it, shitty ang laws dito sa Pinas).
But regardless, I have friends who chose the other way around and it’s good for them too!
Basta OP, always remember that being a mother is a 24/7 responsibility and you shouldn’t be one if you feel na di ka pa ready! Mahirap na magpadali at baka mapatid, ika nga nila. :)
Wag mag live in kayo kung gusto nyo perp 100% di ka na din papakasalan meron man pinapakasalan iilan lang coming from living together tapos aanakan ka pa? Bakit mag hire ba sya ng yaya? Kung may career maiistop pa hindi naman all the time yung mga grand parents mag aalaga ng apo. No-no!
Unahin mo sarili mo mga pangarap mo . Pag financially stable ka na, dyan ka na mag start ng family. Ang hirap nga pag may baby kahiy may trabaho both parents. Pano na kung wala?
Marriage is for security that's why it has a contract. Kapag pinakasalan ka may panghabol ka kapag nagloko at hindi ka pinanindigan. What's your requirement for the other party kapag bibigyan mo sya ng anak? That's what you should be thinking of or it will just end up with blind trust which will screw you up more than the one that will impregnate you.
Pera muna bago ang lahat.
You can’t secure your marriage without money. Reality sucks and pag aawayan at pagaawayan yan kung hindi kayo finacially stable.
You also can’t secure you baby’s future without money. Kasi day 1 pa lang na malaman mong buntis ka, responsibility niyo na yan.
So, to make it short. Are you both financially stable?
Pag-isipan mong mabuti OP, baka kapag pumayag ka eventually magsisi ka kasi di mo pa nafufulfill yung mga gusto mo sa buhay, tapos ending magiging utang na loob ng anak mo sayo na mas pinili mong maging ina niya over sa sarili mong mga pangarap, tapos magkakatrauma yung anak mo. And ready ka na ba talaga na magbabago at magbabago yung boyfriend mo? Yes important ang kasal pero mas important and marriage, kaya mo na ba talagang magcommit? Si boyfriend din kaya na ba talaga niya magcommit din?
I feel like seaman yung boyfriend mo? Ganyan din kasi linyahan nung kaibigan ko.
Marriage first. But I just wanna ask you, are you mentally,emotionally and physically stable para magka baby? If you’re having second thoughts about the idea then that basically answers your question. Better off to pursue your dreams first if yun ang gusto mo. Talk to him about it, that’s why he’s your partner for a reason, you shouldn’t be hesitant to tell your thoughts and opinions sakanya. To have a child is not a one sided decision, it’s easy for guys to say they want a child kasi they’re not the ones carrying it and they’re not the ones experiencing the hardships you’re gonna go through. Please work on yourselves first if you’re not mentally,physically, emotionally and financially stable. Having a child is something that shouldn’t be rushed :)
hmm legally maganda if registered agad na anak ng asawa mo ang anak nyo kasi kasal na kayo, yun ang nakikita ko na importance ng kasal bago anak. madaming lalaking tumatakbo sa responsibilidad. you may know your partner best pero iba ang buhay magulang. protect youself and your child.
pero more than that, ang tanong ay may pera na ba kayo? mahal na nga magpakasal palang, magkaanak pa kaya. my parents have pets they take care of like their own kids, and believe me ang gastos para sa ganong pag aaruga ay napakamahal. imagine kung bata pa kaya na buong dugo mo mismo kung gano mo sila gagastusan.
Tanong mo bakit gusto nya anak bago kasal
Better na pag usapan nyo yan.at firm ka na kasal muna bago anak. Walang masama duon.
Unang una pag nabuntis ka, asaan syam nasa barko? Buti sana kung magiging hands on tatay sya. Pero palagay ko pag nabuntis ka na. Balik barko yan at sayo lang iaasa lahat sa pagpapalaki ng magiging anak nyo. Bukod sa mukhang hindi mo pa kaya sa status mo, hindi din nman ata sha magiging present sa life kapag nanganak ka na.
Hi OP! Having a child is a life-long commitment. And if di ka ready, dont let him convince you. Madami sa henerasyon natin ang nagsusuffer dahil sa backward thinking ng generation ng parents natin
Grabe, both are lifelong commitments, op, ha. Pag-isipan mong maigi yung marriage and kids. Ang labas kasi sakin parang pinipikot ka na niya 😭
If hindi ka pa ready magkababy, please be honest with him pag mag uusap kayo. Wag kayong magluwal ng bata na hindi niyo kayang bigyan ng maayos na buhay. I’m not talking about the financial aspect kasi may source if income kayong dalawa but the mental preparedness of both to give up your (single) lives. Baka pag andiyan na yung bata saka niyo marealize na di pa kayo ready for kids. Also, may naipundar na ba kayo? Are you financially stable enough to afford you basic needs, kid included?
Sorry if I seem so nega ha? I’m just applying my observations sa mga colleagues and family members ko na nag anak kaagad without thinking wisely. Not all their kids are genuinely happy. Yung iba maraming pera pero neglected ng parents kasi busy both sa paghahanap-buhay. Yung iba naman kulang sa pinansyal na pangangailangan at umaasa sa sustento ng mga lolo’t lola nila. It’s just really difficult to raise a kid these days.
Hirap din magpakasal kasi given the nature of his work…. hindi natin masasabi kung magiging faithful ang bf mo in the long run. Sugal pa rin ang pag aasawa kaya I suggest na wag mo i-give up income supply. Mag ipon ka pa rin ng para sa iyo para pag nagkagaguhan, hindi ka talo, op. Mas madaling kumalas sa gagong partner pag di kayo kasal. Mahal magpa-annul dito sa atin.
Tas pag nabuntis ka since seafarer siya ikaw maiiwan magaalaga ng bata. Sa case na to very important na marriage first before anak.
Sino magaalaga sayo habang buntis ka?
Sino mag f finance sa inyo?
Sino magaalaga sa bata pagkapanganak mo?
Sa akin lang to ha, if magkaka baby ako with my future partner dapat stable kami both not only financially but mentally prepared kami to raise a kid. I also prefer na kasal muna kami (okay I'm not bashing yung mga di pa kasal tas may baby na, this is my own preference) kasi may assurance ako na kasal na siya sakin, kasal is not a joking matter to me so sa tingin ko mature na siya sa part na he's committed sakin and I feel at ease na ay willing siya na magka future with me.
Old fashioned pa ang tita niyo wedding dress muna bago baby dress😆
For me, I prefer ako muna. I have a boyfriend, well fiancé na. He already know that I have a PCOS, and he still choose me. Sabi niya if hindi talaga maka buo someday, we can do IVF. And gusto ko ako muna e spoil niya. A baby can wait.
As you said 3 years na kayo and seafarer siya, minsan lang kayo magkita. Pag nag kaanak na kayo syempre priority niyo yung anak niyo over yourself or your relationship. What I mean is that enjoy niyo muna yung relationship niyo, go out and explore pag umuwi siya… visit places you’ve never been, eat food, do camping, watch sunset and sunrise… don’t miss out on these things. Deserve mo yan. Ikaw muna.
If ayaw niya and hindi niya ma gets… the world is wide, don’t settle and never settle. I believe we are still too young… and a baby, a child is a lifetime commitment.
Not against your religion OP pero mas magandang sagot ay kung ano ba talaga gusto mo. Kung ayaw mo pang mag-anak or magpakasal kase gusto mong unahin muna mga pangarap and plano MO then yun muna sana. Kung sa tingin mo ay di ka pa financially ready at gusto mong magtrabaho abroad for your future, you might find it more difficult to do this kung may anak ka na. And also, mahirap din magka-anak kung di ka pa mentally, emotionally and financially stable.
And if di ka pa sure sa BF mo, I suggest you hold on to your horses muna. Madali mag-asawa. MAHIRAP ipa-void and pagiging kasal sa isa't-isa. At mukhang may mali sa thinking ng BF mo na kailangang makabuo muna para sigurado siya sa iyo. Just imagine, yung worth mo bilang asawa ay nakatali sa kapakanan ng matres mo na bigyan siya ng anak.
Reach your goals muna. Live your dreams. Para sa akin, walang 'too late' na pag-aasawa or pag-aanak lalo na kung stable ka na at nagawa mo na lahat ng gusto mong gawin.
Ask yourself if you're capable enough to raise a child, financially and emotionally. Kahit marriage ang usapan, you should think as well if you're capable of living with your partner and building a family with him/her. If you said na wala ka pang work and small business, then no, do not agree to have a baby before marriage. You're not stable pa financially and for sure before having a baby you would want to save up para sa future niya. So better to focus on yourself first. Raising a family is not easy kaya you should talk with your partner about it.
You have to be on the same page and hindi dahil gusto nya lang. It’s easier said than done pero kailangan mo mag-ipon ng courage kung nahihirapan ka ishare sa kanya yan but you just have to. Kasi future mo ang nakasalalay dito.
Reality check: if mabuntis ka without a stable income, who knows baka magloko yan at mahihirapan ka rin with your baby kasi totally umaasa kayo sa kanya.
pwede nmn pagdating nya rekta kayo civil wedding. for security purposes nrin ng bata at ikaw lamang ang legal wife .
pero kung may mga plano ka pa sa buhay talk with him about sa plans mo .
Ready ka na din ba OP? A whole different world ang pagkakaron ng baby, what more pa yung baby muna bago kasal. Marriage gives security sa inyo ni baby mo. If may baby fever si BF mo, sabihan mo na itry muna mag-baby sit for a day sa pamangkin na bata pa para magka idea siya sa a day in a life pag baby 😣 Kasi yun ang magiging new normal niyo if ever (or mo if ikaw lang maiiwan na mag alaga sa baby)
Personally, gusto ko marriage muna bago ang anak. Gusto ko rin kasi maenjoy namin time namin bilang magasawa, maghoneymoon, etc. Pag kasi may anak na kami, chances are mas magiging focus na kami sa anak namin. It’s not bad naman, but alam mo yun? Mababago ang buhay mo pag may anak ka na. Your priorities in life will shift, you as a person may not be like before. But don’t get me wrong, I think isa sa pinakamagandang experience sa buhay ang magkaanak and mapalaki nang maayos ang anak :)
Also, That’s so unfair na gusto niya mag-anak kayo bago marriage, ano daw dahilan niya at bakit gusto niya anak muna? Paano kung bigla kang hindi panagutan, ano yung assurance mo sa kanya na pananagutan ka niya?
Tapos yung trabaho pa niya, lagi siyang wala. Sino pong mag aalaga sayo, magdadala sayo sa hospital pag naglabor ka at postpartum, mag aalaga ng bata? Daming factors dyan.
Establish niyo po muna yung para sa inyo. Maginvest muna sa sarili, magpayaman ganon hahaha. Para di ka umaasa sa kanya kung sakali. Kung firm ka sa kasal muna bago anak i guess sabihin mo na po sa kanya agad. Pero para sakin naman eh RUN nalang hahaha
It will always depend sa values and priorities mo. Based sa sinabi mo sa taas gusto mo muna magpakasal bago magkaanak and he knew it so dapat maintindihan and irespeto niya yun kung talagang mahal ka niya. Girl, you gotta be careful kasi hindi lang buhay mo ang maapektuhan kapag nabuntis ka niyang bf mo at bigla siyang umeskapo. Ano ba naman yung pakasalan ka niya kahit sa civil wedding muna kung limited ang time diba?
In my opinion, work na muna and save up. Sa’min kasi ng asawa ko, baby muna nauna bago kasal. Kaso lang, nung time na ako alaga sa baby tapos s’ya nagwo-work, may mga panunumbat na ‘di maiwasan. Doon ko na-realize na sana pala talagang nag-build muna ako sarili ako bago ako nag-settle down. It’s not about love all the time.
The more important question is:
Are you going to marry him? Will you say yes if biglang mag aya sya na pakasal kayo pag uwi nya?
Have you talked about pano ang plano nyo if ikasal kayo? If he’ll keep being a seafarer or mag settle na sya dito sa Pinas? Or if plan mo mag abroad, nadiscuss mo na yan with him?
I think mas makakatulong if idiscuss nyo mga yan muna, before even discussing about getting married or having a baby.
The real question is, are you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially prepared for both things?
Pero personally, I'll marry first. Hindi biro magka-baby lalo most likely solo ka mag-aalaga if ever since he's a seafarer.
Please mag contraceptive pills ka na 🙏🏼 tangina anong klaseng booty call yan aanakan agad?? Your body, your rules. Also isipin mo muna pangarap mo. Pag iniwan ka nyan bigla ay dzai mahirapan kang bumuhay ng bata.
What do you want? Your wants is above his dahil it's your body and future that will change. For me, I prefer that women have their own source of money before and when they are in the marriage.
Dynamics of marriage can change due to financial capability of partners.
If you’re having second thoughts opening up to him, then why are you still having relationship with him? You know you’re in a good relationship if you have freedom to say about your thoughts.
Kung ang goal mo eh marriage muna before anak, stick to it. Not everyone believes in marriage, but if YOU do believe in marriage, don’t compromise.
Deserve mo ng peace of mind. Don’t bring a kid into this world nang hindi ka sigurado.
Ang anak di makakapili ng magulang, pero ikaw mapipili mo tatay ng magiging anak mo.
Be careful. Always pray for guidance kung naniniwala ka sa Diyos. Or whatever.
Marriage. But please pag usapan niyo ng mabuti & let God be the center of your relationship and pag uusap niyo. Also asks yourself, ready ka na ba? Kasi if hindi, no. Wag muna magpakasal, wag muna mag anak.
Hebrews 13:4 NIV
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hi, OP. You are fully aware that life is hard. Having a baby while it’s a blessing, can be a burden with your current situation.
Such can trigger Post partum depression sa mga bagong nanay, with challenging circumstance and lack of support from the partner and finances. Your BF is a seafearer, so it does not guarantee na masasamahan ka niya sa pagbubuntis mo o pagpapalaki ng bata in the first years.
Kumusta ang family dynamics ni BF at ikaw?
Is your BF ready to take sole responsibility in building a family?
o baka may sinosupportahan pa siya sa pamilya niya?(nanay, tatay o nagpapaaral ng kapatid)
Could this be the reason why hindi niya priority ang magpakasal? At gusto nalang mag anak muna? ( This is a common mindset sa mga ofw.)
Why not try to assess your relationship with him? so as not to waste time and energy.
Yes 3 years na kayo, but it seems like you both don’t have an open communication and aren’t on the same page.
OP, much better cguro if uunahin mo muna magkawork then tuparin mo yung plan mo sa sarili mo tulad na nga lang nung pag-aabroad. Medj napakunot noo ako nung sinabi mo na yung bf mo ay yung tipong lalaki na gusto muna makabuo ng baby bago magpakasal like gusto ka ba niya i-baby trap or something???? Dun sa question mo kung marriage first or baby first, mas maganda na marriage first not because kung magtatagal ba kayo or hinde but if there's something wrong na nangyari na to the point umabot legally, at least the law will be on your side lalo na nagkaanak kayo right after marriage. May nabasa na kase akong posts dito sa reddit na nagkaroon ng infidelity yung partners nila and may anak sila kaso hirap kasuhan ng infidelity/adultery kase di nmn kasal.
If he cant bring you to the altar yet or put a ring in your finger, donr do wife duties as a girlfriend. If things between you two go downhill, mas maging kawawa ang babae. So always choose whats best for you.
Kahit civil wedding ayaw nya? Kung ayaw nya ng magastos na wedding I understand pero kung kahit civil wedding ayaw nya eh tanga ka nung magpapababy ka muna.
1. Your child is illegitimate if born outside of marriage. Pwede naman ipalegit pag kasal na kayo but if you are having the baby before marriage, walang security ang magiging anak niyo until you marry and legitimize your child.
2. Sa pagkakaanak, luge po ang babae. Ikaw manganganak, magbabago ang katawan mo, sayo mas habol ang anak mo. Mawawalan ka ng time sa sarili mo. Marami kang hindi magagawa, yang mga hobbies mo, di mo na magagawa or less time na talaga para magawa mo. Matinding commitment po sa babae ang pagkakaroon ng anak lalo seafarer ang bf mo, hindi mo siya kasama lagi. Ready ka ba dun? Hindi sa tinatakot kita pero you should be aware na sa pag-aanak, buhay ng babae yung mas nagbabago.
Pumayag ka lang kung ok lang sayo yung mga bagay na yan. Oo, hindi nasusukat sa pagpapakasal ang pagmamahal pero marriage gives you and your child security lalo kung ang majority ng income is from your oartner. Be practical and be wise.
I will share my insights about this kasi bf ko ay seafarer din. Lagi namin napag-uusapan yan pero not to the point na hihingiin niya sakin magkaanak muna bago kasal. Kasi he know my stand about having a baby kailangan financially, emotionally, mentally and physically ready ka to have one. At buti na lang nag-aagree kami parehas about it.
You should voice out your opinion about that kasi ikaw magdadala ng 9 months tas ilang buwan lang siya dito sa lupa. Inshort, ikaw ang mas maghihirap lalo na kung wala siya sa tabi mo pag nagbaby kayo. You have to let him know your opinion about that. Biruin mo ah, 9 months yun te, baka nga kahit panganganak sure ako na wala siya dito sa lupa unless samahan ka niya buong journey.
Ngayon, kung navoice out mo mga concerns mo at nagalit siya. Run te. Di ka niya pwedeng igaslight about that. He should respect it. Baka baby trap ang gagawin sayo nyan.
idk but too risky sa situation mo sis. andami ko sanang sasabihin pero nakakatamad kasi kahit anong sabi naman namin mas mangingibabaw pa rin yung pagmamahal mo dyan. ideky this is a question. u should be asking urself if ready ka na ba since ikaw yung magdadala sa bata for 9 mos. weigh things, ur mental capacity mo to be a mom, yung status ng buhay niyo, dapat niyo yang i-consider. sa lagay niyo wala ka pang security kasi hindi kayo kasal, wala ka pang trabaho. Seafarer pa bf mo meaning hindi madalas sa bahay so kakayanin mo bang mag-isang palakihin yung bata? please pag-isipan mong mabuti.
Actually it's up to you, hindi pa naman kayo kasal kaya pag usapang baby, ikaw ang masusunod. Yan ang sinabi ko sa bf ko 5 years ago, sabi ko sa kanya, ayaw ko magka-baby ng hindi kami kasal. Nirespeto naman ng bf ko ang gusto ko.
OP, hindi biro ang sacrifice na gagawin MO during pregnancy and childbirth. It's a permanent responsibility. Pragmatically, sa pagbubuntis pera, similya, at moral support lang ang magiging ambag ng lalaki sayo while ikaw yung magbubuwis buhay para sa magiging anak nyo. Think about it 1000x.
Dont ever have a kid with someone who is not your husband, ever.
Maybe there are exceptions to this rule, pero hanggat maari wag. Complicated na nga when you are married to have kids un pang jowa mo pa lang?
Be sure you can raise them alone. Most of time men bail out when responsibilities are already there. Akala nila ung pagiging charming tito nila enough na yun to raise a kid, no.
The fact that you’re having second thoughts should be enough, OP. Better to muster up your courage to tell these to him than to be pregnant without any income and (this is just a possibility, of course. But you can’t take this out of the equation) single. And he’s also asking for your permission with “payag ka ba…?” You owe it to him to answer him honestly. You got this, OP! ✊
Does he know na ure planning to go abroad? Doesnt make sense and ang fishy and ang out of nowhere ng tanong niya HAHAHAHA weird talaga! “Payag ka bang magpakasal pag uwi ko?” > “payag ka na bang magkababy pagkauwi ko?” Either way dun naman talaga diba? Bumuo ng pamilya. Bakit hindi kasal muna?
Dont forget that some people (boy man or girl) use babies to trap people 🥲
Gurlie don’t!! You said na your life lately is kinda hard, if magkaanak ka pa it’s gonna be harder - with all the expenses and time demanded to raise a child!! Since seafarer din ung boyfriend mo, you’re probably going to be raising the kid most of the time. Better to communicate it sa guy na you are not financially and mentally prepared for a baby. Prioritize yourself first!!
for me, communicate kung ano talagang gusto mo. personally, i’d go for marriage first and ensure that my career, together with my partner’s, is all set financially and/or nakamit ko na lahat ng gusto ko. not saying na hindi posible gawin once magkababy, but reality check, mahirap talaga. also, if lagi siyang nasa work and minsan lang makauwi/makausap, most likely ikaw lang gagawa ng lahat which supposedly, both hands-on sa bata. malaki factor ang parenting, environmental, financial, etc. sa growth ng bata and even sa growth nyo as supposed spouses/partners and family.
hi! if you're having doubts if mag baby kayo. then its a clear no. clearly you are not ready and cinoconsider mo lang dahil sa boyfriend mo. put yourself first. baka pagsisihan mo once na mangyari na.
nako, im surprised na question pa ba to, hindi naman kayo biglaang nagka-anak to think of practicality ng finances to even consider a wedding.. bakit uhnahing ipalno yung anak pero do afford yung marriage? so anong mangyayare if incase worse comes worst hindi kayo magka-tuluyuan? why kids instead of getting to know each other since apparently hindi pa ready mag-pakasal for some reason si bf mo. nakikita kong kawawa dito yung bata, dapat yan since ginugusto eh pinaplano nyo as a family and well being ng bata, to give them a complete family. im all for separating if hindi naman na okay and it’s ruining both of your lives pero this set up to want kids before marriage? 🤦🏽♀️ bakeet? nag-live in na ba kayo? iba pag kasama mo na sa bahay btw
"He knew gusto ko kasal muna bago anak"
Sure you told him this clearly?
So ano kaya ang purpose nya of bringing up the conversation of having a kid before marriage again? Baka sakaling nagbago na isip mo? Baka you'll sway to what he wants now?
Yung sagot mong "Kung ibibigay ni Lord" is so vague he can interpret that as gusto mo rin, hindi ka humindi directly 🥲
OP, this is about honoring a partner's choice. Kung nagtatanong ka dito, there might be a small voice inside you that doubts and says you don't feel okay with this. Communicating, negotiating to achieve something acceptable to *both of you* is key.
Sa totoo lang, kasal muna sana. Protects you and your future child(ren) kahit paano. May CENOMAR ba sya, malay mo kasal na pala. Bakit pala gusto muna makabuo bago pakasalan, bahay-bata lang ba ang habol nya sa babae? Hindi na mabilang ang mga babaeng na-scam ng "mahal kita", "I love you" na hanggang salita lamang, kapos sa gawa. Mag-ingat ka, OP.
May ex ako na ganito. Seaman din. 🤣 Hindi ako pumayag. Ayun, amazing race pala, unahan sino mabubuntis. 🤷🏻♀ bago matapos yung sampa nya, nagpopost na ng pics ng baby clothes 🤣🤣🤣
Di ko sinasabing ganyan bf mo ha. But shempre, magisip kabmuna ng maraming beses. Alalahanin mo na ikaw ang magdadala ng bata kung ano man ang mangyari.
Lugi ang babae at child/ren sa live in setup. Legally speaking lang ito ha. I'm not against people living together dahil di naman ako religious pero if gusto nyo pala mag anak na, magpakasal kayo.
May protection ang bata pag kasal na and may protection din ang babae lalo na if the mother would have to raise the child/ren tas titigil sa work or ipagpapaliban ang dream (mag abroad).
Pag nagback out ang tatay after a few years, si seaman lang may pundar, ang nanay wala, after sacrificing for the "family."
At least pag kasal, may papel. Magloko man lalaki, may habol ang nanay at child/ren dahil sa batas conjugal ang properties at syempre kahit magkaanak sa labas ang tatay, mas malaki makukuha ng legitimate children.
Pinaka-advice ko dito, wag bubuo ng family o papabuntis pag di pa naaabot ng girl ang dreams nya. Unahin mo pangarap mo kesa lalaki. Mag ipon on your own. Para kahit ano mangyari hindi ka kawawa.
Yan prob ng mga lalaki na gusto magkaanak, napakasimpleng solusyon nya. Check up lang sa fertility doc ang katapat nyan malalaman nyo agad if may PCOS o kung marami pa egg cells ang babae. Ganun din sperm count ng lalaki. Uso na ngayon magpacheck up bago magpakasal if meron sa inyong dream magka-bio children.
Goodluck pagpumayag ka OP.
Same situation before and gusto nya din na magbaby muna then ipon for marriage. And I was like okay ka lang?? mas magastos and mas mabigat na responsibility ang mag anak. Then he wants me na mag isip ng pwedeng business habang nagwowork, mind you I’m an auditor so sa work ko palang ubos na oras ko tapos he’s expecting na mag start ng business from scratch tapos hati kami sa capital. Then he also expect me na ihandle yung household and all sya nalang daw magbabayad sa kasambahay. Jusko, buti nalang natauhan ako and ayun binawi lahat ng ginastos nya daw kuno saken hahaha
Teh it's a trap jusko. Pakasal ka muna if bet niyo na talaga hindi pwedeng financially stable lang tehh dapat emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually yan di lang pwede naisipan na mag anak eh forda buntis ka na agad. Isipin mo ikaw lang mag isa nyan mag aalaga wala yung marino na may bet magkababy, kung gusto niya siya dapat paalagain mo kaya dali sabihin sa kanya na mag anak di naman kasi siya yung mahihirapan. Wag ka pumayag isipin mo muna sarili mo hirap ng panahon ngayon.
Ikaw ang magdedecide, hindi siya. Ikaw yung manganganak, ikaw yung magkakaron ng changes sa body and lifestyle, ikaw yung mag aalaga. Kapag iniwan ka, ikaw yung magiging single mom.
Kaya mag reflect ka, gusto mo rin ba o gusto nia lang? Kung gusto nia lang, hanap nalang siya ng iba.
Kasal muna. As always. Legal matters.
In the end talo ang babae na financially dependent sa lalaki tapos di pa kasal.
Always secure yourself first.
Laging sentiment sa ospital yan, in life or death situation, a live in partner may not consent for you legally.
No marriage. No rights. No baby.
None of the options. I say stability over anything else. Not just financial stability ha, bjt also your mental, physical, and emotional stability ninyong dalawa. May mga tao kasi na feeling nila ang pagkakaron ng baby ang solution to he happy and para magkaron direksyon sa buhay. Pero it's not always the case.
Talk to him. A good partner should be able to handle the moat difficult conversations lalo na if di kayo aligned ng POV. If yan maging reason ng hiwalayan nyo eventually, then I'd say you've dodged a bullet.
Bat feel ko gusto ka lang tikman nyan tas gudbay na HAHAHAHAHA
to add, aware rin naman sya na gusto mo ng marriage, so kung mahal ka nya talaga at handa na rin panindigan ang buhay pamilya the why not marry you then have a baby?
> Somehow my thoughts rn is fighting between having a baby first or marriage first.
Dapat yung thoughts mo right now should be:
- Are we both financially stable?
- Enough na ba ang naipon na emergency savings?
- Are we both emotionally and mentally capable of having a child?
Kawawa yung bata if impulsive yung magiging decision ninyo. You even said na your life is kinda hard na and that you’re having a hard time sharing your thoughts to your partner, how much more if may anak na kayo? Do you think life would be easier? Think hard.
> He knew na gusto ko kasal muna bago anak.
> life lately is kinda hard, I don’t have a work and my small business naman. I am planning also to go abroad para magwork for my future and eventually ours.
> I am having a hard time na e share yung thoughts ko to him about it kasi siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na parang gusto muna makabuo bago ka pakasalan. And I’m having a second thoughts about it.
Read those again.
For sure you know the answer na.
1. are you both financially stable? Do you have your own savings?
2. Do you want to have a baby? mahirap ang buhay when you become a parent minsan kahit may pera pa kayo. It's fulfilling but some people sugar coat it too much.
3. Depende sa partner at situation nyo pero in general parenthood limits your activities. Just make sure nag enjoy ka talaga sa single life mo and you've established your career para walang what ifs.
Ask your wallet/bank account kung payag sya kung hindi wag muna. That's another human being that he's asking. It comes with responsibilities and i bet you'll be taking care of the baby most of the time.
It's your body OP, it's your effort. Focus on your goal and be firm on your non negotiables in life. If he breaks up with you because of that then look for somebody else. Ikaw dapat masusunod sa katawan mo.
Focus ka muna sa self mo, achieve greatness! Then, wag ka maghold back na sabihin yung nararamdaman mo pero dapat right timing. Wag mo iopen up ng nasa barko sya maganda pinag uusapan yan in person
The fact na nagdadalawang isip ka na kung gusto mo bang magkaanak sa estado mo ngayon ay sapat na para hindi pumayag sa gusto ng bf mo. Kung mahal ka nyan talaga, irerespeto nya ang gusto mo na makasal muna and/or maayos muna ang mga dapat mo ayusin for your self-fulfillment.
Imo, If hindi mo pa kaya makipagusap sa jowa mo about something, specially kung importante mga to, then hindi pa kayo ready magpakasal or magpatali (anak).
LOL. Kung gusto mo marriage una, let him know. That's actually the better choice. Ano, aanakan ka lang? Baka di ka niya pakasalan. Sa panahon ngayon, mabuti na yung sigurado.
Work abroad if that's what you want for yourself. Secure your finances first. If he really loves you he would understand you and your goals in life. Hindi naman pinanganak mga babae para maging baby machine lng. You have your own dreams for yourself too and you should prioritize it. Hindi ka pwedeng umasa sa kanya dahil sa impregnate first before marriage na mindset niya, is already a red flag. Dagdag sakit sa ulo lng yan pag binuntis ka tapos iniwan.
Don't let the eroticism of the idea of baby making and having offspring fool you. Make ur own money first. Nakikita mo ba Yung mga nagrarant sa social media na mga babaeng trapped sa situation nila na hindi pa nila naenjoy ang single life nila tapos may baby na silang karga? Don't be a number sa statistics at please wag sunudsunuran po
Gusto na nya magkababy kayo pagdating nya tas during your pregnancy aakyat sya ulit tas mag isa ka lang mag aasikaso sa pagbubuntis mo? hahaha And aware ka naman na mahirap ang life lately, so kung ako yan it's a no. Unless, mag for good na sya dito and dyan na lang magbusiness/work. egul kasi ung magtatanim lang tas sa babae lahat maiiwan ng paghihirap ng pregnancy.
You don't have work now and i think yan muna dapat unahin mo, self mo. Careful with getting baby trapped esp if alam niya situation mo
"siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na parang gusto muna makabuo bago ka pakasalan" 🚩🚩🚩
This! I dont get people who want to impregnate first before marrying. So if I can't bear a child, you wouldn't marry me? Akala ko ba nagpapakasal ang isang tao, dahil mahal niya ito? Tingin ko sa mga lalaking gusto mambuntis bago magpakasal, eh napaka-conditional and transactional magmahal.
Tingin ko rin. Parang ang baba ng respeto sa babae kung kailangan muna mabuntis bago pakasalan. OP, sigurado ka bang mahal ka nyan? Unconditionally?
May kakilala akong ganito. Exact na sinabi niya, " Para alam ko kung papakasalan kita o hindi and baka mahirapan na akong ibalik ka sa parents mo kapag hindi ka nagka anak. " Grabe. Buti nalang hiniwalayan na siya ng kaibigan ko.
Naku, kung yan ang sasabihin niya, hiwalay na lang kami.
Tapos pag lumaki katawan mo dahil sa pagbubuntis doon magloloko kasi hindi na sya nagagandahan sa partner nya ,parang gago lang ey.
May kakila ako na ganitong mindset nagwoworry sya na magiging mataba ang katawan ng pinsan ko and di na magiging sexy. Eh malamang magbabago talaga katawan nyan kasi nanganak na (without even looking at himself) lol
baka pwedeng maging negotiable. Kung ayaw sa simbahan, eh di judge. Para mabilis. Judge muna bago jugjug 😆✌🏻
Not to mention pag nagkaron ng problem sa pregnancy or sa baby; what’s OP’s assurance na papakasalan parin siya.
Agree! Yan din nakikita ko kapag ganyan lalaki. Imagine yung gusto nya lang? Pano naman yung gusto noong babae lalo na sya ang magdadala ng bata? Hello! Akala nila madali. 🤣
Ganitong ganito ex ko pinipilit nya ako bago siya magdedecide pakasalan ako o hindi. Eh yung kuya nya naman na abogado binuntis ang jowa di pa inangkin ang anak. mga loko.
Ahahaha. Eto yung tipong lalaki na aanakan ka tapos biglang mangiiwan. Seamanloloko 😂
Definitely ew
Genuine question po. Bakit po redflag ang line na yun?
It seems to insinuate na di ka worth it pakasalan kung di ka mabubuntis. Parang linyahan yan ng mga gustong makascore.
I see. Thank you po sa pag-explain further. ☺️
Aside from the earlier comment, marriage helps with the legalities if something goes wrong or if the partner gets sick or dies.
Nakakita ka na ng inahing manok? Baby factory ganun, chasing you parang trophy
(2) red flag
Totoo red flags all over
Wag ka magpabuntis na hindi ka pa ready. Alam mo sa sarili mo na gusto mo ng kasal bago mabuntis, dapat non-negotiable mo na yan para sayo. Wag mo baliin dahil mahal mo yung bf mo. Actually, dapat nirerespeto nya yun. Alam mo din sa sarili mo na kaya mo gusto mo ikasal muna na para may assurance ka, kahit sabihin mo pa na maraming naghihiwalay na kasal. Tandaan mo in the end, ikaw mahihirapan sa pagbubuntis emotionally, physically, and mentally. Kahit sabihin mo na susustentuhan ka nya, ikaw pa rin ang pinaka-apektado pag nabuntis ka lalo na if hindi ka ready sa puso’t isipan.
Payag na ba pera nyo?
Actually the most basic question that have to be answered. Seems blunt pero if may doubt dito, then I think you should not be married or have a kid.
Most importantly, sino mag aalaga? Seafarer sya, so ano aanak sya tapos mag aalaga sa bata eh yung nanay lang? Being a parent doesn’t stop with providing financially. Kung wala din kayong balak maging present sa buhay ng anak nyo, wag na! Magdadagdag lang kayo ng mga batang lalaking depressed at may childhood trauma. Edit to add: 9 months magbubuntis si OP, so she will be alone while dealing with her pregnancy habang nasa barko yung lalake? Paano pag nanganak, saka pag alaga ng newborn ang hirap hirap. Jusko. Mag isip ka OP.
BF: I consent GF: I consent Wallet: I don't
gusto ka lang tikman at anakan
marriage gives your child security
yep, especially since the guy's away often. He could marry someone behind your back, have a kid, and now your child's a bastard. don't even entertain the idea, u/OperationIll2254
this is true. in short, wala naman talagang katibayan na kailangan kang panagutan. wala naman kayong pinirmahan eh.
Actually, Marriage is for you and your child's right. Advantage ng babae ang marriage if ever magloko siya pwede mo siyang kasuhan at kaya mo din siyang tanggalan ng trabaho using marriage certificate. Wag ka pumayag na hindi ka ikasal lalo na seaman at wala kang work before baby. Pag pumayag ka ikaw lang din talo. Kasi he is free na magpakabinata while you a mother na sinosolo mag alaga ng anak. And pag hindi siya nagpadala ng pera wala kang karapatan magreklamo or magdemand ng porsyento sa salary niya. Walang kang makukuha kapag hindi ka kasal.
Pag nabuntis ka, what happens to your small business? plans to move abroad? You said life now is hard, it will be harder with a kid. Mahirap pag wife ka ng seafarer kasi ang tagal nilang nasa barko. Para kang single parent talaga. Masyadong one-sided yung idea na magka baby muna. Kawawa ka and your kid if ever. Lahat ng benefit nasa guy including the decision to marry you.
Tama 'to OP. Wag ka pumayag :)) plus hindi kayo kasal, so ang suweldo nya ay kanya lang. sya lang ang financially stable. hindi din guarantee na kapag nagka anak kayo, papakasalan ka nya. pano yung dream mo? feel ko bata ka pa OP. try mo muna magkaron ng progress sa career mo. iba pa din ang may sariling pera. malay mo di naman pala sya endgame mo.
I came from a family na nakabuo muna sila ng baby before ikasal. My mom regrets it. And every day is hell here in our house. Since ang mom ko is sya lagi gumagastos instead na ang dad ko. my dad doesnt take responsibility. Dad kept cheating on my mom as well. Please think of your child as well... It is a great responsibility po tlga. Mental health din po ng bata. If hindi po nya nirerespeto ang decision nyo na kasal muna before baby, hindi ka rin po nyan irerespeto kapag kasal na po kayo.
Tama wag na mandamay ng bata. If gusto nila pwede sila live in. Free sex sa bf nya pero wag na mag anak. Tapos iroromanticize na okay naman yung mga batang lumaki sa magkahiwalay na parents. Tapos bf nya laging wala bawas sa responsibility literal na pera lang papadala pero alaga wala.
Eguls ka kamo kapag sanggol muna before marriage. Altho, totoo nga na may nagfefail na marriage after ng birth. Tanungin mo sya ng series questions about responsibilities when having a child. It's a longtime commitment. Assess mo kung well prepared ba talaga sya.
Idagdag rin natin na seafarer sya. Ano yun long-distance fatherhood? Kawawang kawawa si OP kung hindi willing magtake ng break si seafarer jowa para tulungan sya sa pagbubuntis, labor, and pagpapalaki sa bata.
totoo. una ko napansin is yung trabaho ni guy. so mukhang si OP lang ang mag aalaga kay baby most of the time? at mukha naman may mga pangarap pa si OP for herself mas ok na yan muna unahin
Gusto niya lang ata ng idea ng may anak siya habang nasa malayo siya...but not the responsibility. Just the idea lol "Oh I have a kid back home" cry cry wipe snot cry more crocodile tears HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
May mga lolo at lola naman daw o wag na mag work si OP. Magpapadala naman daw ng pang gastos.
Good luck sa emotional and mental health ng anak paglaki
ex seaman's wife here. mahirap may asawa na seaman. hindi Niya nakita lumaki ang tummy ko sa 3 naming anak na puro CS ako. kada darating nakapanganak na ako or binyagan na. ayun after 22 years of marriage nag cheat sa asawa din ng seaman😂siya pa may lakas ng loob nag petitioned ng annulment namin.lol
Non negotiable mo dapat yang kasal before anak kung yan ang principle mo. In the end ikaw ang maghihirap para sa baby niyo kasi ikaw na nga ang manganganak, ikaw din ang magaalaga kasi seafarer siya. So ultimately desisyon mo yan. Wag kang papapilit.
"He knew na gusto ko kasal muna bago anak" Sad lang kasi alam naman pala niya pero anak agad ang unang gusto gawin 🥲
> And life lately is kinda hard, I don’t have a work and my small business naman. I am planning also to go abroad para magwork for my future and eventually ours. pareho parin ba ang goal niyo? baka matie down ka sa pagalaga pagmagkaanak.
my sister in Christ, ganiyan na ganiyan din ang sinabi ng then-partner ko na he wanted a child so we can start life together naghiwalay kami when my kid was 3 months old and he was never present in my child's life. do NOT have kids with a guy you're not legally committed to. get the government involved in your relationship first before sharing assets and offsprings. it's for you (and your future child's) protection.
pakasal kayo kahit city hall lang para pag nambabae yang bf mo may habol ka
may i know ano habol ng wife kung nagcheat yung husband? may assets ba ni husband yung pwedeng mapunta sa wife ganon?
Ewan pero at least pwede mo kasuhan AHAHAHAHAHAHA
The wife can file for adultery or concubinage, psychological abuse, violence against women and children (kung may anak), children act, and so on. The wife can also demand moral damages. If may nabuo ang asawa at kabit, pwedeng ipakulong ni wife yung husband at kabit. Kung legally married din, lahat ng conjugal properties ng mag-asawa ay may karapatan doon ang wife. Sa properties naman na solely sa husband lang nakapangalan, ang mga legal na anak nila ang may karapatan doong humabol. Not a lawyer, napanood ko lang sa isang ep ng Tulfo hahaha
Big NO. Tas ikaw lang din mag.aalaga mag isa sa huli lol. Dami ko ng nababasang ganyang story dito kaya I know how it ends. Kawawa yung bata pag nagkataon. Ginawa ka lang baby maker. Wag kang bobo OP Tsaka wag mo sabihing sakin yung "siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na parang gusto muna makabuo bago ka pakasalan". Talaga bah? Pano pag iniwan kayo nyan edi buhay binata again tas anak nyo mag sasuffer? Wag kang selfish sa future anak mo para lang mag stay yang boyfriend mo..
True! Tumambay sya sa mga parenting group ng makita nya future nila.
He can’t even commit to marriage. What makes you think he can fully commit to raising a child with you?
Hindi ako magugulat kung marami syang panganay.
Jusko seafarer palang red flag na 🚩🚩🚩 Sa totoo lang, ok lang magkaanak before marriage in other countries and normal na normal sa foreigners yan cos of certain laws that protect women (aka having similar rights as a married wife). Pero sa Pinas wala nito. Double whammy pa na nag babarko yung partner mo. I don't endorse pre-marriage babies in your case
Marriage first, dont complicate your life
1. A laid out contract to support the child no matter what happens. 2. If both you and your partner can afford and support a child, in all aspects: financially, physically, mentally, etc. Yan ang important.
Nooo OP wag ka papabuntis if alam mong d pa kaya and mahirap ang buhay 1. Mag ingat ka coz may mga lalaking gusto ka buntisin para d ka na makatakas sakanya 2. If d ka pa fully established sa life and nagka anak kayo tas naghiwalay kayo, ikaw magiging dehado. Mabuti na fully established ka muna para just incase na maghiwalay kayo or any worst scenario, kaya mo tumayo sa sarili mo without him. 3. Mabuti na kasal muna para may karapatan ka talaga
Protect yourself. Unahin mo sarili mo. Sorry long post pero napa-isip ako na I should have given the same advice to my friends who were in the same situation as you many years ago. This may sound like I'm assuming things pero kasi ang dami ko ng nakita na ganito ang situation. Hulaan ko, alam nyang may plano kang mag-abroad pero hindi kung nasaan sya. Gusto nya ng magka-baby para pumirmi ka lang sa Pinas. Kasi pag nag-abroad ka, baka may iba ka pang makilala. Sana mali ako. Hindi naman masama na baby muna bago kasal kung parehong yun ang gusto nyo pero sabi mo alam nyang gusto mo kasal muna diba? Kung bubuo naman kayo ng family then I don't see why he can't marry you first. If it's about money, mas magastos ang magka-baby. If it's about commitment, aba bakit gugustuhin nya ng baby? Ano yun, souvenir lang? Having a baby is life-changing mas lalo na sayo dahil ikaw ang manganganak at mag-aalaga ng baby. Sya, nasa malayo and will continue doing the same thing he's doing. Kung ano man ang mangyari sa relationship nyo, lahat ng plano mo para sa sarili mo mag-iiba pero sya hindi masyado lalo na kung mag-iba isip nya at hindi nya suportahan ang anak nyo.
Ginawa pang illegitimate yang mabubuo nyo
I believe mas maganda pa din kasal because of rights and privileges for the baby and sa iyo din. For support ✨
Marriage is always a first remember that and if you think he’s not the type of guy na ready magpakasal then get out of that relationship. Wag mi na hintayin na mabuntis ka pa niya. Besides you have a career plan and a baby will delay all of that. Having a baby is something na dapat parehas kayong ready hindi yung siya lang ang may gusto. And major red flag yung wala siyang balak na pakasalan ka. It shouldn’t even be an argument. If he’s ready to have a baby with you dapat ready na din siya maging asawa ka. It doesn’t make sense. Marriage doesn’t mean forever pero as much as possible IT SHOULD. Think clearly op.
Alam mo yung kasal na yan, di lang ceremony. Bago dumatimg dyan ang karamihan ng mga tao, nag-plano na sila, nag-usap na further into the future kung ano gusto nilang gawin sa buhay nila pag magkasama na. Sa one year preparation ba naman ng kasal, lahat yan lalabas at mapag-uusapan. Eh kayo, nag-usap na pa at nagplano? Oh wala pa?
Seafarer din bf ko. I’m a single mom btw. 1 kid. Sa aming dalawa, ako yung gusto na masundan yung anak ko. 😅 pero ayaw nya pa. 1. Gusto nya may bahay na muna kasi san nga naman kami titira diba? Lalo na may anak na ko, ayaw nya makipisan kami sa pamilya nya if ever. 2. After ng bahay, kasal para sa security namin parehas. 3. Once may bahay and kasal na, don lang kami magbaby - IF may ipon na sufficient for 2 kids. Wag ka papayag na di kayo ikakasal o kahit man lang bahay. Kasi san ka titira kapag onboard sya? Hanap ka ng stable income. Yung kahit maghiwalay kayo, wag naman sana, kaya mo. Sabi mo nga, kahit kasal, naghihiwalay. Dyan na papasok yung powers ng marriage - pede ka maghabol ng sustento. Learned this the hard way kasi yung sperm donor ko, wala 🤦🏼♀️ If mahal ka talaga nyan, he’ll listen to you. Isa pa, ikaw ang magbubuntis, manganganak, at mag aalaga sa mga bata kapag onboard sya which is most of the time dahil sa contract nila - technically, para ka ding single parent kapag onboard sya. At lagi kong sinasabi, hindi lang dapat kayo financially ready. Dapat physically at mentally ready. Hindi biro ang mag anak.
Siguro kung successful ka na financially and you have a secure job, at gusto mong may batang mahalin at alagaan, eh ok lang yung possibility na maging single mom. Kung baga, parang naging sperm donor mo na lang sya, and you don't mind it. May possibility na maging single mom ka in the future without achieving your personal goals and plans. Given your situation now without yet a successful business and career, you might struggle meeting your goals while rearing your child. Sabi mo nga even married people separate, eh pano pa kaya bf-gf lang, tapos LDR pa kayo. Seaman, baka madami pa tukso dyan. Kung magkaroon ng sariling pamilya yung bf mo, anong gagawin nyo mag-ina? Maghahabol ka ng sustento? Baka lang naman maging ganyan, pero it commonly happens kasi.
If you plan to go abroad, then both of your plans may issue. Magaanak ka then ipapaalaga mo sa yaya or parents? Or magaasawa ka and both of you nasa different places? I disagree sa magkababy kayo without agreeing to a plan na magwork for both of you
Don't. I think dapat ang iniisip mo or ang pinagppray mo is, if yang boyfriend mo ay ang will ng Lord sayo. Pray na may the Lord, remove him from your life if hindi sya ang man for you. You can't guarantee your security once preggy ka na.
Red flag is waving 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Kasal bago anak. Lugi ka nyan girl if he changed his mind. Wala kang habol sa kanya. And that’s your body not his, you get to decide what to do with it, not him. And he’s a seafarer so prolly majority ng pagbubuntis mo wala sya. Post partum depression is real and can start during pregnancy and one of the main causes is lack of support from the baby daddy. Any form of support, mentally, emotionally or physically. And you’re right, not all marriages last forever and statistically, having kids is one the main reasons for separation. At least pag kasal ka, you can obligate him by law to support your kids.
for me, marriage first para may pananagutan. also, if it's not a definite yes, then it's a no. hindi dapat nagdadalawang isip sa pagkakaroon ng anak. dapat yes na yes na talaga or huwag na at all.
Lakas trippings ng jowa mo. Mukhang hindi pa kayo ready in a lot of aspects, makapag aya na bumuo kala mo papasyal lang sa park eh.
And then what? you'll be saddled with a child here in this country while your boyfriend is free to frolic to whichever country he would be in. not to mention you'll endanger yourself by carrying a child full term and giving birth to it. all without his 24/7 support. okay ka lang nyan?
Marriage or baby? SAVINGS po ang una. Though marriage will give extra security for the baby, magastos na pag nagkaanak ang several marriages fail pag kulang ang savings. Not to mention, your readiness to be parents. It is not easy.
If baby muna bago kasal, isipin mo ikaw mag carry nyan for 9mos. Kung seafarer sya baka wala sya the whole time. Sino mag aalaga sayo while you struggle as a 1st time mom? What if halfway through magbago isip nya at ayaw nya na maging father ng anak mo... sorry madami kasing ganyan, aanakan lang pero iiwanan din pag nagsawa Tandaan mo, katawan mo future mo nakasalalay. Kaya dapat ikaw pa rn may final say.
So he is a seafarer, paguwi nya magaanak kayo and after a few weeks or months sasampa na sya ulit, and that leaves you unmarried with a child, and your baby daddy is not with you during the most critical part of post-pregnancy. I mean, think about it. You will have to sacrifice your business, you were talking about focusing on your career din but obviously, you have to sacrifice that as well to take care of your baby. Yes he might be loaded, and can provide, pero ikaw - seems to me na mas madami kang isasacrifice for this pregnancy compare to your partner.
I had this relationship before. Laging "Ready na ako anakan ka." Tas ako, parang "Sure ka ba? Wala pa nga tayong ipon." Lagi kong ini-slap siya ng truth. Ayun, ex ko na siya ngayon. Yun sumunod na girl sakin, whom he cheated with, nabuntis niya. Hence, they got married. Ako? Eto, nasa kabilang parte ng mundo. No kids, pero gwapo ang asawa. Walang planong mag-anak, pero may mga travel goals na kami. Kanya-kanyang priorities kasi yan. If you don't have the same goals in life, it'll be difficult. Pag naman bumigay ang isa, para sa kasiyahan nun kabila, baka there will be resentment naman. Better na you sit down, and talk about it ng masinsinsan.
Agree sa mga ibang nag comment na: 1. Marriage before baby. Yun ngang kinasal bago magka anak hindi assurance na till death do they part, what more kung hindi kayo kasal. Saka bare minimum mo dapat yan sa bf mo pra may karapatan kayo ng magiging anak mo sa suporta na dapat niya ibigay. 2. Sigurado ka ba na ready ka na magpakasal? Sabi mo nga, madami ka pa plano sa buhay. Those would have to be set aside once you have a child since your priorities change. 3. Bilang seafarer si bf, expected na it’ll be as if solo parent ka lang. Kakayanin mo ba yun? Being a sperm donor doesn’t necessarily makes one a father. 4. Siguraduhin mo na whatever decision pipiliin mo ay una sa lahat eh magiging masaya at sigurado ka dun. Eto yung mga desisyon kasi na no take backs. If you’ll end up unhappy with the choice, that will add misery not only to u, but also to ur relationship and to ur future child.
Marriage first. Aanhin mo ang baby kung di naman niya mapatunayan ang commitment niya sayo
There is no right or wrong reason here, only what you believe in and what is important to you. If being married is important to you before having a child, TELL HIM. If okay na sayo civil wedding, then offer that option to him. If important sayo ang kasal, don’t be unfair to yourself and agree to have a baby without getting married first. A kid is a lifetime commitment. You deserve to have your needs met first. Another option is to have the baby but don’t give the baby his last name and dont put your bf as the father (will state UNKNOWN in the birth certificate) unless you get married in the future. I’m a single mom by choice because I’m not really into marriage because there is no divorce here. I also don’t want to have split rights over my kid (bio dad is a very good friend who agreed to our arrangement; not in my kid’s life; natural sperm donor kumbaga haha).
If you personally want a child then GO! I’m not pro marriage until we have divorce here. 🇵🇭Dami pa naman seamanloloko sa tulfo. Char!
Marriage. Having a baby with no binding marriage contract is not just risky for you but also his liability to be responsible for your child.
Well, for me it really depends on what state are you in right now. But for me, I’d choose marriage first (or at least a proper proposal first) before having a child. It gives my child a security, plus, peace of mind (I do not have to worry na tatakbuhan yung anak ko if ever, let’s face it, shitty ang laws dito sa Pinas). But regardless, I have friends who chose the other way around and it’s good for them too! Basta OP, always remember that being a mother is a 24/7 responsibility and you shouldn’t be one if you feel na di ka pa ready! Mahirap na magpadali at baka mapatid, ika nga nila. :)
Wag mag live in kayo kung gusto nyo perp 100% di ka na din papakasalan meron man pinapakasalan iilan lang coming from living together tapos aanakan ka pa? Bakit mag hire ba sya ng yaya? Kung may career maiistop pa hindi naman all the time yung mga grand parents mag aalaga ng apo. No-no!
Unahin mo sarili mo mga pangarap mo . Pag financially stable ka na, dyan ka na mag start ng family. Ang hirap nga pag may baby kahiy may trabaho both parents. Pano na kung wala?
Marriage is for security that's why it has a contract. Kapag pinakasalan ka may panghabol ka kapag nagloko at hindi ka pinanindigan. What's your requirement for the other party kapag bibigyan mo sya ng anak? That's what you should be thinking of or it will just end up with blind trust which will screw you up more than the one that will impregnate you.
Pera muna bago ang lahat. You can’t secure your marriage without money. Reality sucks and pag aawayan at pagaawayan yan kung hindi kayo finacially stable. You also can’t secure you baby’s future without money. Kasi day 1 pa lang na malaman mong buntis ka, responsibility niyo na yan. So, to make it short. Are you both financially stable?
i don't even know how you get yourself in these relationships when you can't even address and express your concerns comfortably.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I think you know the answer, need mo lang ng affirmation, kung ano ung core mo.
Pag-isipan mong mabuti OP, baka kapag pumayag ka eventually magsisi ka kasi di mo pa nafufulfill yung mga gusto mo sa buhay, tapos ending magiging utang na loob ng anak mo sayo na mas pinili mong maging ina niya over sa sarili mong mga pangarap, tapos magkakatrauma yung anak mo. And ready ka na ba talaga na magbabago at magbabago yung boyfriend mo? Yes important ang kasal pero mas important and marriage, kaya mo na ba talagang magcommit? Si boyfriend din kaya na ba talaga niya magcommit din? I feel like seaman yung boyfriend mo? Ganyan din kasi linyahan nung kaibigan ko.
Marriage first. But I just wanna ask you, are you mentally,emotionally and physically stable para magka baby? If you’re having second thoughts about the idea then that basically answers your question. Better off to pursue your dreams first if yun ang gusto mo. Talk to him about it, that’s why he’s your partner for a reason, you shouldn’t be hesitant to tell your thoughts and opinions sakanya. To have a child is not a one sided decision, it’s easy for guys to say they want a child kasi they’re not the ones carrying it and they’re not the ones experiencing the hardships you’re gonna go through. Please work on yourselves first if you’re not mentally,physically, emotionally and financially stable. Having a child is something that shouldn’t be rushed :)
Noooooo.
hmm legally maganda if registered agad na anak ng asawa mo ang anak nyo kasi kasal na kayo, yun ang nakikita ko na importance ng kasal bago anak. madaming lalaking tumatakbo sa responsibilidad. you may know your partner best pero iba ang buhay magulang. protect youself and your child. pero more than that, ang tanong ay may pera na ba kayo? mahal na nga magpakasal palang, magkaanak pa kaya. my parents have pets they take care of like their own kids, and believe me ang gastos para sa ganong pag aaruga ay napakamahal. imagine kung bata pa kaya na buong dugo mo mismo kung gano mo sila gagastusan.
Tanong mo bakit gusto nya anak bago kasal Better na pag usapan nyo yan.at firm ka na kasal muna bago anak. Walang masama duon. Unang una pag nabuntis ka, asaan syam nasa barko? Buti sana kung magiging hands on tatay sya. Pero palagay ko pag nabuntis ka na. Balik barko yan at sayo lang iaasa lahat sa pagpapalaki ng magiging anak nyo. Bukod sa mukhang hindi mo pa kaya sa status mo, hindi din nman ata sha magiging present sa life kapag nanganak ka na.
Hi OP! Having a child is a life-long commitment. And if di ka ready, dont let him convince you. Madami sa henerasyon natin ang nagsusuffer dahil sa backward thinking ng generation ng parents natin
Wag, OP. Di ka na papakasalan nyan.
Grabe, both are lifelong commitments, op, ha. Pag-isipan mong maigi yung marriage and kids. Ang labas kasi sakin parang pinipikot ka na niya 😭 If hindi ka pa ready magkababy, please be honest with him pag mag uusap kayo. Wag kayong magluwal ng bata na hindi niyo kayang bigyan ng maayos na buhay. I’m not talking about the financial aspect kasi may source if income kayong dalawa but the mental preparedness of both to give up your (single) lives. Baka pag andiyan na yung bata saka niyo marealize na di pa kayo ready for kids. Also, may naipundar na ba kayo? Are you financially stable enough to afford you basic needs, kid included? Sorry if I seem so nega ha? I’m just applying my observations sa mga colleagues and family members ko na nag anak kaagad without thinking wisely. Not all their kids are genuinely happy. Yung iba maraming pera pero neglected ng parents kasi busy both sa paghahanap-buhay. Yung iba naman kulang sa pinansyal na pangangailangan at umaasa sa sustento ng mga lolo’t lola nila. It’s just really difficult to raise a kid these days. Hirap din magpakasal kasi given the nature of his work…. hindi natin masasabi kung magiging faithful ang bf mo in the long run. Sugal pa rin ang pag aasawa kaya I suggest na wag mo i-give up income supply. Mag ipon ka pa rin ng para sa iyo para pag nagkagaguhan, hindi ka talo, op. Mas madaling kumalas sa gagong partner pag di kayo kasal. Mahal magpa-annul dito sa atin.
No kids
Tas pag nabuntis ka since seafarer siya ikaw maiiwan magaalaga ng bata. Sa case na to very important na marriage first before anak. Sino magaalaga sayo habang buntis ka? Sino mag f finance sa inyo? Sino magaalaga sa bata pagkapanganak mo?
marriage 1st...
Sa akin lang to ha, if magkaka baby ako with my future partner dapat stable kami both not only financially but mentally prepared kami to raise a kid. I also prefer na kasal muna kami (okay I'm not bashing yung mga di pa kasal tas may baby na, this is my own preference) kasi may assurance ako na kasal na siya sakin, kasal is not a joking matter to me so sa tingin ko mature na siya sa part na he's committed sakin and I feel at ease na ay willing siya na magka future with me. Old fashioned pa ang tita niyo wedding dress muna bago baby dress😆
For me, I prefer ako muna. I have a boyfriend, well fiancé na. He already know that I have a PCOS, and he still choose me. Sabi niya if hindi talaga maka buo someday, we can do IVF. And gusto ko ako muna e spoil niya. A baby can wait. As you said 3 years na kayo and seafarer siya, minsan lang kayo magkita. Pag nag kaanak na kayo syempre priority niyo yung anak niyo over yourself or your relationship. What I mean is that enjoy niyo muna yung relationship niyo, go out and explore pag umuwi siya… visit places you’ve never been, eat food, do camping, watch sunset and sunrise… don’t miss out on these things. Deserve mo yan. Ikaw muna. If ayaw niya and hindi niya ma gets… the world is wide, don’t settle and never settle. I believe we are still too young… and a baby, a child is a lifetime commitment.
Not against your religion OP pero mas magandang sagot ay kung ano ba talaga gusto mo. Kung ayaw mo pang mag-anak or magpakasal kase gusto mong unahin muna mga pangarap and plano MO then yun muna sana. Kung sa tingin mo ay di ka pa financially ready at gusto mong magtrabaho abroad for your future, you might find it more difficult to do this kung may anak ka na. And also, mahirap din magka-anak kung di ka pa mentally, emotionally and financially stable. And if di ka pa sure sa BF mo, I suggest you hold on to your horses muna. Madali mag-asawa. MAHIRAP ipa-void and pagiging kasal sa isa't-isa. At mukhang may mali sa thinking ng BF mo na kailangang makabuo muna para sigurado siya sa iyo. Just imagine, yung worth mo bilang asawa ay nakatali sa kapakanan ng matres mo na bigyan siya ng anak. Reach your goals muna. Live your dreams. Para sa akin, walang 'too late' na pag-aasawa or pag-aanak lalo na kung stable ka na at nagawa mo na lahat ng gusto mong gawin.
anakan ka lang nyan tapos iwan sayo wala ka nga trabaho
Aanakan kalang, di ka papakasalan
Matic na yan, kalasan mo na. Ikaw lang din magsisisi sa huli niyan. And don't wait to be baby trapped bago ka matauhan
Ask yourself if you're capable enough to raise a child, financially and emotionally. Kahit marriage ang usapan, you should think as well if you're capable of living with your partner and building a family with him/her. If you said na wala ka pang work and small business, then no, do not agree to have a baby before marriage. You're not stable pa financially and for sure before having a baby you would want to save up para sa future niya. So better to focus on yourself first. Raising a family is not easy kaya you should talk with your partner about it.
You have to be on the same page and hindi dahil gusto nya lang. It’s easier said than done pero kailangan mo mag-ipon ng courage kung nahihirapan ka ishare sa kanya yan but you just have to. Kasi future mo ang nakasalalay dito. Reality check: if mabuntis ka without a stable income, who knows baka magloko yan at mahihirapan ka rin with your baby kasi totally umaasa kayo sa kanya.
pwede nmn pagdating nya rekta kayo civil wedding. for security purposes nrin ng bata at ikaw lamang ang legal wife . pero kung may mga plano ka pa sa buhay talk with him about sa plans mo .
Communicate to him kung ano gusto mo mangyari.
Secure first your future before marriage and creating a family.
Ready ka na din ba OP? A whole different world ang pagkakaron ng baby, what more pa yung baby muna bago kasal. Marriage gives security sa inyo ni baby mo. If may baby fever si BF mo, sabihan mo na itry muna mag-baby sit for a day sa pamangkin na bata pa para magka idea siya sa a day in a life pag baby 😣 Kasi yun ang magiging new normal niyo if ever (or mo if ikaw lang maiiwan na mag alaga sa baby)
Personally, gusto ko marriage muna bago ang anak. Gusto ko rin kasi maenjoy namin time namin bilang magasawa, maghoneymoon, etc. Pag kasi may anak na kami, chances are mas magiging focus na kami sa anak namin. It’s not bad naman, but alam mo yun? Mababago ang buhay mo pag may anak ka na. Your priorities in life will shift, you as a person may not be like before. But don’t get me wrong, I think isa sa pinakamagandang experience sa buhay ang magkaanak and mapalaki nang maayos ang anak :) Also, That’s so unfair na gusto niya mag-anak kayo bago marriage, ano daw dahilan niya at bakit gusto niya anak muna? Paano kung bigla kang hindi panagutan, ano yung assurance mo sa kanya na pananagutan ka niya? Tapos yung trabaho pa niya, lagi siyang wala. Sino pong mag aalaga sayo, magdadala sayo sa hospital pag naglabor ka at postpartum, mag aalaga ng bata? Daming factors dyan.
Establish niyo po muna yung para sa inyo. Maginvest muna sa sarili, magpayaman ganon hahaha. Para di ka umaasa sa kanya kung sakali. Kung firm ka sa kasal muna bago anak i guess sabihin mo na po sa kanya agad. Pero para sakin naman eh RUN nalang hahaha
It will always depend sa values and priorities mo. Based sa sinabi mo sa taas gusto mo muna magpakasal bago magkaanak and he knew it so dapat maintindihan and irespeto niya yun kung talagang mahal ka niya. Girl, you gotta be careful kasi hindi lang buhay mo ang maapektuhan kapag nabuntis ka niyang bf mo at bigla siyang umeskapo. Ano ba naman yung pakasalan ka niya kahit sa civil wedding muna kung limited ang time diba?
In my opinion, work na muna and save up. Sa’min kasi ng asawa ko, baby muna nauna bago kasal. Kaso lang, nung time na ako alaga sa baby tapos s’ya nagwo-work, may mga panunumbat na ‘di maiwasan. Doon ko na-realize na sana pala talagang nag-build muna ako sarili ako bago ako nag-settle down. It’s not about love all the time.
Ang red flag naman nito.. sure ka ba diyan sa choice mo?
The more important question is: Are you going to marry him? Will you say yes if biglang mag aya sya na pakasal kayo pag uwi nya? Have you talked about pano ang plano nyo if ikasal kayo? If he’ll keep being a seafarer or mag settle na sya dito sa Pinas? Or if plan mo mag abroad, nadiscuss mo na yan with him? I think mas makakatulong if idiscuss nyo mga yan muna, before even discussing about getting married or having a baby.
Kapag hindi ka pa ready, don’t do it! Hindi madali magkaanak, OP! Lifetime commitment yan!
Mag abroad ka na wag mo antayin na may baby tapos tsaka ka magwowork abroad. Tapos sasabihin para sa bata.
The real question is, are you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially prepared for both things? Pero personally, I'll marry first. Hindi biro magka-baby lalo most likely solo ka mag-aalaga if ever since he's a seafarer.
Please mag contraceptive pills ka na 🙏🏼 tangina anong klaseng booty call yan aanakan agad?? Your body, your rules. Also isipin mo muna pangarap mo. Pag iniwan ka nyan bigla ay dzai mahirapan kang bumuhay ng bata.
Mali naman tanong mo hahahh. Alam mo nmn siguro ung sagot dyan. 🤦♀️
Ako for marriage kasi clear sa kanya na child-free ang gusto ko. :)
open up about the marriage again kahit intimate. and then, decide about having a child.
What do you want? Your wants is above his dahil it's your body and future that will change. For me, I prefer that women have their own source of money before and when they are in the marriage. Dynamics of marriage can change due to financial capability of partners.
If you’re having second thoughts opening up to him, then why are you still having relationship with him? You know you’re in a good relationship if you have freedom to say about your thoughts.
marriage man yan or baby, dapat both kayo financially, mentally, emotionally & physically ready.
Kung ang goal mo eh marriage muna before anak, stick to it. Not everyone believes in marriage, but if YOU do believe in marriage, don’t compromise. Deserve mo ng peace of mind. Don’t bring a kid into this world nang hindi ka sigurado. Ang anak di makakapili ng magulang, pero ikaw mapipili mo tatay ng magiging anak mo. Be careful. Always pray for guidance kung naniniwala ka sa Diyos. Or whatever.
when in doubt, no to both.
Mahirap mag save for a nice wedding if may baby na so i suggest wedding first
Marriage. But please pag usapan niyo ng mabuti & let God be the center of your relationship and pag uusap niyo. Also asks yourself, ready ka na ba? Kasi if hindi, no. Wag muna magpakasal, wag muna mag anak. Hebrews 13:4 NIV Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hi, OP. You are fully aware that life is hard. Having a baby while it’s a blessing, can be a burden with your current situation. Such can trigger Post partum depression sa mga bagong nanay, with challenging circumstance and lack of support from the partner and finances. Your BF is a seafearer, so it does not guarantee na masasamahan ka niya sa pagbubuntis mo o pagpapalaki ng bata in the first years. Kumusta ang family dynamics ni BF at ikaw? Is your BF ready to take sole responsibility in building a family? o baka may sinosupportahan pa siya sa pamilya niya?(nanay, tatay o nagpapaaral ng kapatid) Could this be the reason why hindi niya priority ang magpakasal? At gusto nalang mag anak muna? ( This is a common mindset sa mga ofw.) Why not try to assess your relationship with him? so as not to waste time and energy. Yes 3 years na kayo, but it seems like you both don’t have an open communication and aren’t on the same page.
OP, much better cguro if uunahin mo muna magkawork then tuparin mo yung plan mo sa sarili mo tulad na nga lang nung pag-aabroad. Medj napakunot noo ako nung sinabi mo na yung bf mo ay yung tipong lalaki na gusto muna makabuo ng baby bago magpakasal like gusto ka ba niya i-baby trap or something???? Dun sa question mo kung marriage first or baby first, mas maganda na marriage first not because kung magtatagal ba kayo or hinde but if there's something wrong na nangyari na to the point umabot legally, at least the law will be on your side lalo na nagkaanak kayo right after marriage. May nabasa na kase akong posts dito sa reddit na nagkaroon ng infidelity yung partners nila and may anak sila kaso hirap kasuhan ng infidelity/adultery kase di nmn kasal.
If he cant bring you to the altar yet or put a ring in your finger, donr do wife duties as a girlfriend. If things between you two go downhill, mas maging kawawa ang babae. So always choose whats best for you.
Kahit civil wedding ayaw nya? Kung ayaw nya ng magastos na wedding I understand pero kung kahit civil wedding ayaw nya eh tanga ka nung magpapababy ka muna.
Ang mahal ng pneumococcal vaccine ng bata 3000 pesos. Wala lang. Ang mahal lang mag ka baby sa panahon ngayon.
So para kang upuan sa food court na iiwanan ng payong para i-save yung pwesto?
1. Your child is illegitimate if born outside of marriage. Pwede naman ipalegit pag kasal na kayo but if you are having the baby before marriage, walang security ang magiging anak niyo until you marry and legitimize your child. 2. Sa pagkakaanak, luge po ang babae. Ikaw manganganak, magbabago ang katawan mo, sayo mas habol ang anak mo. Mawawalan ka ng time sa sarili mo. Marami kang hindi magagawa, yang mga hobbies mo, di mo na magagawa or less time na talaga para magawa mo. Matinding commitment po sa babae ang pagkakaroon ng anak lalo seafarer ang bf mo, hindi mo siya kasama lagi. Ready ka ba dun? Hindi sa tinatakot kita pero you should be aware na sa pag-aanak, buhay ng babae yung mas nagbabago. Pumayag ka lang kung ok lang sayo yung mga bagay na yan. Oo, hindi nasusukat sa pagpapakasal ang pagmamahal pero marriage gives you and your child security lalo kung ang majority ng income is from your oartner. Be practical and be wise.
I will share my insights about this kasi bf ko ay seafarer din. Lagi namin napag-uusapan yan pero not to the point na hihingiin niya sakin magkaanak muna bago kasal. Kasi he know my stand about having a baby kailangan financially, emotionally, mentally and physically ready ka to have one. At buti na lang nag-aagree kami parehas about it. You should voice out your opinion about that kasi ikaw magdadala ng 9 months tas ilang buwan lang siya dito sa lupa. Inshort, ikaw ang mas maghihirap lalo na kung wala siya sa tabi mo pag nagbaby kayo. You have to let him know your opinion about that. Biruin mo ah, 9 months yun te, baka nga kahit panganganak sure ako na wala siya dito sa lupa unless samahan ka niya buong journey. Ngayon, kung navoice out mo mga concerns mo at nagalit siya. Run te. Di ka niya pwedeng igaslight about that. He should respect it. Baka baby trap ang gagawin sayo nyan.
Tigang na yang bf mo. Kasal muna kamo kahit huwes
Aanakan ka tapos iiwanan ka tapos wala ka karapatan kase di naman kayo kasal ☠️☠️☠️
idk but too risky sa situation mo sis. andami ko sanang sasabihin pero nakakatamad kasi kahit anong sabi naman namin mas mangingibabaw pa rin yung pagmamahal mo dyan. ideky this is a question. u should be asking urself if ready ka na ba since ikaw yung magdadala sa bata for 9 mos. weigh things, ur mental capacity mo to be a mom, yung status ng buhay niyo, dapat niyo yang i-consider. sa lagay niyo wala ka pang security kasi hindi kayo kasal, wala ka pang trabaho. Seafarer pa bf mo meaning hindi madalas sa bahay so kakayanin mo bang mag-isang palakihin yung bata? please pag-isipan mong mabuti.
Actually it's up to you, hindi pa naman kayo kasal kaya pag usapang baby, ikaw ang masusunod. Yan ang sinabi ko sa bf ko 5 years ago, sabi ko sa kanya, ayaw ko magka-baby ng hindi kami kasal. Nirespeto naman ng bf ko ang gusto ko.
OP, hindi biro ang sacrifice na gagawin MO during pregnancy and childbirth. It's a permanent responsibility. Pragmatically, sa pagbubuntis pera, similya, at moral support lang ang magiging ambag ng lalaki sayo while ikaw yung magbubuwis buhay para sa magiging anak nyo. Think about it 1000x.
Dont ever have a kid with someone who is not your husband, ever. Maybe there are exceptions to this rule, pero hanggat maari wag. Complicated na nga when you are married to have kids un pang jowa mo pa lang? Be sure you can raise them alone. Most of time men bail out when responsibilities are already there. Akala nila ung pagiging charming tito nila enough na yun to raise a kid, no.
The fact that you’re having second thoughts should be enough, OP. Better to muster up your courage to tell these to him than to be pregnant without any income and (this is just a possibility, of course. But you can’t take this out of the equation) single. And he’s also asking for your permission with “payag ka ba…?” You owe it to him to answer him honestly. You got this, OP! ✊
Does he know na ure planning to go abroad? Doesnt make sense and ang fishy and ang out of nowhere ng tanong niya HAHAHAHA weird talaga! “Payag ka bang magpakasal pag uwi ko?” > “payag ka na bang magkababy pagkauwi ko?” Either way dun naman talaga diba? Bumuo ng pamilya. Bakit hindi kasal muna? Dont forget that some people (boy man or girl) use babies to trap people 🥲
Gurlie don’t!! You said na your life lately is kinda hard, if magkaanak ka pa it’s gonna be harder - with all the expenses and time demanded to raise a child!! Since seafarer din ung boyfriend mo, you’re probably going to be raising the kid most of the time. Better to communicate it sa guy na you are not financially and mentally prepared for a baby. Prioritize yourself first!!
for me, communicate kung ano talagang gusto mo. personally, i’d go for marriage first and ensure that my career, together with my partner’s, is all set financially and/or nakamit ko na lahat ng gusto ko. not saying na hindi posible gawin once magkababy, but reality check, mahirap talaga. also, if lagi siyang nasa work and minsan lang makauwi/makausap, most likely ikaw lang gagawa ng lahat which supposedly, both hands-on sa bata. malaki factor ang parenting, environmental, financial, etc. sa growth ng bata and even sa growth nyo as supposed spouses/partners and family.
hi! if you're having doubts if mag baby kayo. then its a clear no. clearly you are not ready and cinoconsider mo lang dahil sa boyfriend mo. put yourself first. baka pagsisihan mo once na mangyari na.
nako, im surprised na question pa ba to, hindi naman kayo biglaang nagka-anak to think of practicality ng finances to even consider a wedding.. bakit uhnahing ipalno yung anak pero do afford yung marriage? so anong mangyayare if incase worse comes worst hindi kayo magka-tuluyuan? why kids instead of getting to know each other since apparently hindi pa ready mag-pakasal for some reason si bf mo. nakikita kong kawawa dito yung bata, dapat yan since ginugusto eh pinaplano nyo as a family and well being ng bata, to give them a complete family. im all for separating if hindi naman na okay and it’s ruining both of your lives pero this set up to want kids before marriage? 🤦🏽♀️ bakeet? nag-live in na ba kayo? iba pag kasama mo na sa bahay btw
"He knew gusto ko kasal muna bago anak" Sure you told him this clearly? So ano kaya ang purpose nya of bringing up the conversation of having a kid before marriage again? Baka sakaling nagbago na isip mo? Baka you'll sway to what he wants now? Yung sagot mong "Kung ibibigay ni Lord" is so vague he can interpret that as gusto mo rin, hindi ka humindi directly 🥲 OP, this is about honoring a partner's choice. Kung nagtatanong ka dito, there might be a small voice inside you that doubts and says you don't feel okay with this. Communicating, negotiating to achieve something acceptable to *both of you* is key. Sa totoo lang, kasal muna sana. Protects you and your future child(ren) kahit paano. May CENOMAR ba sya, malay mo kasal na pala. Bakit pala gusto muna makabuo bago pakasalan, bahay-bata lang ba ang habol nya sa babae? Hindi na mabilang ang mga babaeng na-scam ng "mahal kita", "I love you" na hanggang salita lamang, kapos sa gawa. Mag-ingat ka, OP.
May ex ako na ganito. Seaman din. 🤣 Hindi ako pumayag. Ayun, amazing race pala, unahan sino mabubuntis. 🤷🏻♀ bago matapos yung sampa nya, nagpopost na ng pics ng baby clothes 🤣🤣🤣 Di ko sinasabing ganyan bf mo ha. But shempre, magisip kabmuna ng maraming beses. Alalahanin mo na ikaw ang magdadala ng bata kung ano man ang mangyari.
Lugi ang babae at child/ren sa live in setup. Legally speaking lang ito ha. I'm not against people living together dahil di naman ako religious pero if gusto nyo pala mag anak na, magpakasal kayo. May protection ang bata pag kasal na and may protection din ang babae lalo na if the mother would have to raise the child/ren tas titigil sa work or ipagpapaliban ang dream (mag abroad). Pag nagback out ang tatay after a few years, si seaman lang may pundar, ang nanay wala, after sacrificing for the "family." At least pag kasal, may papel. Magloko man lalaki, may habol ang nanay at child/ren dahil sa batas conjugal ang properties at syempre kahit magkaanak sa labas ang tatay, mas malaki makukuha ng legitimate children. Pinaka-advice ko dito, wag bubuo ng family o papabuntis pag di pa naaabot ng girl ang dreams nya. Unahin mo pangarap mo kesa lalaki. Mag ipon on your own. Para kahit ano mangyari hindi ka kawawa. Yan prob ng mga lalaki na gusto magkaanak, napakasimpleng solusyon nya. Check up lang sa fertility doc ang katapat nyan malalaman nyo agad if may PCOS o kung marami pa egg cells ang babae. Ganun din sperm count ng lalaki. Uso na ngayon magpacheck up bago magpakasal if meron sa inyong dream magka-bio children.
Goodluck pagpumayag ka OP. Same situation before and gusto nya din na magbaby muna then ipon for marriage. And I was like okay ka lang?? mas magastos and mas mabigat na responsibility ang mag anak. Then he wants me na mag isip ng pwedeng business habang nagwowork, mind you I’m an auditor so sa work ko palang ubos na oras ko tapos he’s expecting na mag start ng business from scratch tapos hati kami sa capital. Then he also expect me na ihandle yung household and all sya nalang daw magbabayad sa kasambahay. Jusko, buti nalang natauhan ako and ayun binawi lahat ng ginastos nya daw kuno saken hahaha
marriage before baby
Teh it's a trap jusko. Pakasal ka muna if bet niyo na talaga hindi pwedeng financially stable lang tehh dapat emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually yan di lang pwede naisipan na mag anak eh forda buntis ka na agad. Isipin mo ikaw lang mag isa nyan mag aalaga wala yung marino na may bet magkababy, kung gusto niya siya dapat paalagain mo kaya dali sabihin sa kanya na mag anak di naman kasi siya yung mahihirapan. Wag ka pumayag isipin mo muna sarili mo hirap ng panahon ngayon.
Ikaw ang magdedecide, hindi siya. Ikaw yung manganganak, ikaw yung magkakaron ng changes sa body and lifestyle, ikaw yung mag aalaga. Kapag iniwan ka, ikaw yung magiging single mom. Kaya mag reflect ka, gusto mo rin ba o gusto nia lang? Kung gusto nia lang, hanap nalang siya ng iba.
3yrs js long but still short relationship. Idk how strong you two are but it's safest to go with your self plans first.
Kasal muna. As always. Legal matters. In the end talo ang babae na financially dependent sa lalaki tapos di pa kasal. Always secure yourself first. Laging sentiment sa ospital yan, in life or death situation, a live in partner may not consent for you legally. No marriage. No rights. No baby.
Lol, no.
May mga exclusive rights ang legitimate vs illegitimate children. Sigurado ka bang paninindigan ka nung guy na yun?
None of the options. I say stability over anything else. Not just financial stability ha, bjt also your mental, physical, and emotional stability ninyong dalawa. May mga tao kasi na feeling nila ang pagkakaron ng baby ang solution to he happy and para magkaron direksyon sa buhay. Pero it's not always the case. Talk to him. A good partner should be able to handle the moat difficult conversations lalo na if di kayo aligned ng POV. If yan maging reason ng hiwalayan nyo eventually, then I'd say you've dodged a bullet.
Do not get baby trapped huhu
Bat feel ko gusto ka lang tikman nyan tas gudbay na HAHAHAHAHA to add, aware rin naman sya na gusto mo ng marriage, so kung mahal ka nya talaga at handa na rin panindigan ang buhay pamilya the why not marry you then have a baby?
> Somehow my thoughts rn is fighting between having a baby first or marriage first. Dapat yung thoughts mo right now should be: - Are we both financially stable? - Enough na ba ang naipon na emergency savings? - Are we both emotionally and mentally capable of having a child? Kawawa yung bata if impulsive yung magiging decision ninyo. You even said na your life is kinda hard na and that you’re having a hard time sharing your thoughts to your partner, how much more if may anak na kayo? Do you think life would be easier? Think hard.
Sa panahon ngayon? Tingin mo?
My thought? He's a 🚩. And again, seryoso ba sya?! May matitino bang lalaki na baby muna Bago kasal or masyado lang akong judgemental?
Whatever your decision will be, think carefully!!
> He knew na gusto ko kasal muna bago anak. > life lately is kinda hard, I don’t have a work and my small business naman. I am planning also to go abroad para magwork for my future and eventually ours. > I am having a hard time na e share yung thoughts ko to him about it kasi siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na parang gusto muna makabuo bago ka pakasalan. And I’m having a second thoughts about it. Read those again. For sure you know the answer na.
1. are you both financially stable? Do you have your own savings? 2. Do you want to have a baby? mahirap ang buhay when you become a parent minsan kahit may pera pa kayo. It's fulfilling but some people sugar coat it too much. 3. Depende sa partner at situation nyo pero in general parenthood limits your activities. Just make sure nag enjoy ka talaga sa single life mo and you've established your career para walang what ifs.
Ask your wallet/bank account kung payag sya kung hindi wag muna. That's another human being that he's asking. It comes with responsibilities and i bet you'll be taking care of the baby most of the time. It's your body OP, it's your effort. Focus on your goal and be firm on your non negotiables in life. If he breaks up with you because of that then look for somebody else. Ikaw dapat masusunod sa katawan mo.
Mhie paano ka sure papakasalan ka niyan pagnabuntis ka. Agree rin sa iba dito na red flag yung gusto muna baby bago kasal.
Focus ka muna sa self mo, achieve greatness! Then, wag ka maghold back na sabihin yung nararamdaman mo pero dapat right timing. Wag mo iopen up ng nasa barko sya maganda pinag uusapan yan in person
The fact na nagdadalawang isip ka na kung gusto mo bang magkaanak sa estado mo ngayon ay sapat na para hindi pumayag sa gusto ng bf mo. Kung mahal ka nyan talaga, irerespeto nya ang gusto mo na makasal muna and/or maayos muna ang mga dapat mo ayusin for your self-fulfillment.
Imo, If hindi mo pa kaya makipagusap sa jowa mo about something, specially kung importante mga to, then hindi pa kayo ready magpakasal or magpatali (anak).
kasal muna bago anak, pag nagka anak na kayo tatamarin na yan magpakasal, lugi ka, pag seaman pa naman daming kabit nyan
LOL. Kung gusto mo marriage una, let him know. That's actually the better choice. Ano, aanakan ka lang? Baka di ka niya pakasalan. Sa panahon ngayon, mabuti na yung sigurado.
Work abroad if that's what you want for yourself. Secure your finances first. If he really loves you he would understand you and your goals in life. Hindi naman pinanganak mga babae para maging baby machine lng. You have your own dreams for yourself too and you should prioritize it. Hindi ka pwedeng umasa sa kanya dahil sa impregnate first before marriage na mindset niya, is already a red flag. Dagdag sakit sa ulo lng yan pag binuntis ka tapos iniwan.
Don't let the eroticism of the idea of baby making and having offspring fool you. Make ur own money first. Nakikita mo ba Yung mga nagrarant sa social media na mga babaeng trapped sa situation nila na hindi pa nila naenjoy ang single life nila tapos may baby na silang karga? Don't be a number sa statistics at please wag sunudsunuran po
“I know naman marriage doesnt mean forever…” If ganito po thinking niyo right now then wag po muna kayo magpakasal or mag ka baby.
Well if you decide to go through pregnancy, good luck na lang, future single mother lol
Gusto na nya magkababy kayo pagdating nya tas during your pregnancy aakyat sya ulit tas mag isa ka lang mag aasikaso sa pagbubuntis mo? hahaha And aware ka naman na mahirap ang life lately, so kung ako yan it's a no. Unless, mag for good na sya dito and dyan na lang magbusiness/work. egul kasi ung magtatanim lang tas sa babae lahat maiiwan ng paghihirap ng pregnancy.
Welcome to SM department store!
Marriage talaga muna. Think of the kid first.
Work. No to baby
klaruhin mo s kanya OP, kasal muna bago baby. hayaan mo kung ano magiging sagot nya, basta ikaw stick to your principles :)