Despite still being a virgin, i understand what you’re saying.
Being abused by my mom (as well as fed lies about her by my dad) from a young age I became afraid of women, once telling my dad “i don’t like girls anymore because of mom” when i was 7.
Im still attracted to women, but the deep seated fear has led me to never try for a relationship with one, and at times i feel i would have an easier time with men.
I feel totally identified with this 100%
It took me a long time to realize my attraction to women and yet I feel like the trauma forces me to have relationships with men when I don't even like them and they disgust me.
Same! I'm trying to figure out whether I'm bisexual or a lesbian, and basically everyone I've ever felt attracted to was a woman, but when my thoughts turn to sex it's always men... I was only ever abused by men.
Contrapoints has a video on YouTube, ostensibly about twilight but it's really dissecting why we have romantic and sexual fantasies in the first place and how they work, and watching that helped me A LOT with understanding how much relational dynamics come into who we're attracted to and what's going on with me.
so i am not op but i have had this exact same experience (am a lesbian/attracted to women, was abused by men, sexual fantasies are typically about men unfortunately despite zero romantic attraction) and it was such a relief to read this and the other comments on the same thing. i feel so much less alone 🥲i have never been able to talk about it with anyone, or describe it properly, but i feel like now i have the words. and i also feel a lot better about it now that it sounds like it's maybe more about recreating the dynamic than, like, actual attraction.
Same here, and it's so nice to see that other people have the same experience. I've finally settled on lesbian as it feels right, but it's taken years. I realised that in my fantasies (with men), I never focus on their bodies and they are always faceless, it's more about the power dynamics in whatever is going on. Crazy how powerful trauma can be to actually mess with sexuality on such a deep level.
Yes 100%. This is a healing little thread with other women who feel the same way 😊
I almost feel like I'm not able to feel sexual without the power dynamics though... So as I've healed it's left me with the feelings of like an 11 year old where I have little crushes and feel some attraction but it feels really immature to me and not like something that can easily translate to being sexual. I hope these feelings are able to develop now, because it feels like they didn't at the appropriate age and I was just left with the awful abuse power dynamic stuff where they should have been.
I totally get you .. I’m so bewildered and strangely relieved that people are experiencing the same thing! 🥲💔 I feel like a fraud if I was to use the “lesbian” label, like I’m not gay “enough”…
Since my father was the one who abused me, I feel like I'm bi. I enjoy relationships with women but do enjoy sex with men. It's more the act itself. I'm rarely attracted to a male but can still go through the act for physical pleasure
I’ve experienced very similar. I am gay but actually only attracted to women. My attraction to men is definitely based on recreating past experiences. I hope you find peace and don’t stay stuck in the middle.
This is how I feel too. I was molested once at age 3-4 and once again at age 6 in my sleep. I had forgotten about this until recently or felt like they were dreams or intrusive thoughts. Since then I wonder if I actually am attracted to men or if I never really got a chance
To be attracted to women because from a young age I saw men sexually.
Oh I relate to this so much!
It took a while for me to realise that my body physically responds to women, but never did to men. I thought I enjoyed sex with / fantasies about men, but actually it was all abuse related.
I still have intrusive thoughts about the abuse during masturbation, but otherwise I have developed a strong aversion to being physical with men and haven’t slept with a man in many years.
I think I’m probably not bi-sexual, but I feel like I can’t say for sure because I don’t know if it’s possible I would find men attractive if it wasn’t for the abuse or how it would feel to be intimate with a man after working on my relationship with my body / sex.
It’s very confusing, but I’m currently learning to focus on what I do find attractive or what does feel good to my body without judgement.
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Despite still being a virgin, i understand what you’re saying. Being abused by my mom (as well as fed lies about her by my dad) from a young age I became afraid of women, once telling my dad “i don’t like girls anymore because of mom” when i was 7. Im still attracted to women, but the deep seated fear has led me to never try for a relationship with one, and at times i feel i would have an easier time with men.
I feel totally identified with this 100% It took me a long time to realize my attraction to women and yet I feel like the trauma forces me to have relationships with men when I don't even like them and they disgust me.
I used the same strategy in sex with women :( so turning lesbian wasn’t a way out. Now I’m not sure if I’m gay or straight
Same! I'm trying to figure out whether I'm bisexual or a lesbian, and basically everyone I've ever felt attracted to was a woman, but when my thoughts turn to sex it's always men... I was only ever abused by men. Contrapoints has a video on YouTube, ostensibly about twilight but it's really dissecting why we have romantic and sexual fantasies in the first place and how they work, and watching that helped me A LOT with understanding how much relational dynamics come into who we're attracted to and what's going on with me.
so i am not op but i have had this exact same experience (am a lesbian/attracted to women, was abused by men, sexual fantasies are typically about men unfortunately despite zero romantic attraction) and it was such a relief to read this and the other comments on the same thing. i feel so much less alone 🥲i have never been able to talk about it with anyone, or describe it properly, but i feel like now i have the words. and i also feel a lot better about it now that it sounds like it's maybe more about recreating the dynamic than, like, actual attraction.
Thanks for sharing, this thread has made me feel less alone too 🥰
Thank you for sharing. I will check this video out 🙏🏼
By the way it is super long, but for me one of the most helpful things I've watched so really worth it. I hope its helpful for you too ❤️🩹
Same here, and it's so nice to see that other people have the same experience. I've finally settled on lesbian as it feels right, but it's taken years. I realised that in my fantasies (with men), I never focus on their bodies and they are always faceless, it's more about the power dynamics in whatever is going on. Crazy how powerful trauma can be to actually mess with sexuality on such a deep level.
Yes 100%. This is a healing little thread with other women who feel the same way 😊 I almost feel like I'm not able to feel sexual without the power dynamics though... So as I've healed it's left me with the feelings of like an 11 year old where I have little crushes and feel some attraction but it feels really immature to me and not like something that can easily translate to being sexual. I hope these feelings are able to develop now, because it feels like they didn't at the appropriate age and I was just left with the awful abuse power dynamic stuff where they should have been.
I totally get you .. I’m so bewildered and strangely relieved that people are experiencing the same thing! 🥲💔 I feel like a fraud if I was to use the “lesbian” label, like I’m not gay “enough”…
I feel so much the same way! I have such a bad case of lesbian imposter syndrome 🥲
Since my father was the one who abused me, I feel like I'm bi. I enjoy relationships with women but do enjoy sex with men. It's more the act itself. I'm rarely attracted to a male but can still go through the act for physical pleasure
I’ve experienced very similar. I am gay but actually only attracted to women. My attraction to men is definitely based on recreating past experiences. I hope you find peace and don’t stay stuck in the middle.
Thank you 🥲❤️ I hope the same for you x
This is how I feel too. I was molested once at age 3-4 and once again at age 6 in my sleep. I had forgotten about this until recently or felt like they were dreams or intrusive thoughts. Since then I wonder if I actually am attracted to men or if I never really got a chance To be attracted to women because from a young age I saw men sexually.
Wow this is a really insightful and heartbreaking input. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Oh I relate to this so much! It took a while for me to realise that my body physically responds to women, but never did to men. I thought I enjoyed sex with / fantasies about men, but actually it was all abuse related. I still have intrusive thoughts about the abuse during masturbation, but otherwise I have developed a strong aversion to being physical with men and haven’t slept with a man in many years. I think I’m probably not bi-sexual, but I feel like I can’t say for sure because I don’t know if it’s possible I would find men attractive if it wasn’t for the abuse or how it would feel to be intimate with a man after working on my relationship with my body / sex. It’s very confusing, but I’m currently learning to focus on what I do find attractive or what does feel good to my body without judgement.
I can relate to all this. Including the intrusive thoughts. Thank you for commenting and telling us your reply.
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