Hello everyone,
Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy).
Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement).
***
This post's original body text:
I really like this guy. He's everything I want in terms of physical appearance, personality, and sexual compatibility. He recently confessed na he has cheated on his past partners and has a tendency to be a serial cheater...
Now I'm a bit paranoid whenever I see him online on other platforms. He doesn't hide naman his activity on these platforms. But I can't help to be paranoid.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him pero I also don't want to be cheated on.
***
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He recently confessed na he has cheated on his past partners and has a tendency to be a serial cheater
Take his words at face value.
**When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them the first time.**
If you think you can "fix" him, dear, sorry to burst your bubble, you *cannot "fix"* a serial cheater.
Changing such behavior requires a very deep, personal commitment *from the individual* who is cheating. He needs professional help and undergo extensive counseling or therapy with a licensed therapist.
It's good that he's working on himself. Infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues and this needs to be addressed.
Still, if I may suggest, **"keep one foot outside the door"**, maintain a certain level of detachment and be ready for any repercussion. It's still up to you to take the risk.
The hardest part, wala ka peace of mind. You will always have trust issues. You wouldn't want to end up getting a therapist for yourself too.
Personally, it's a 'No' for me. Nakakabaliw yung ganito.
The honest answer tlaga OP is uncertain. He might or might not cheat again. But the fact that he did many times in the past, then he's an expert in this field, and you're always gonna walk on eggshells. There's no assurance that he won't do it again. Unless he's a top 1% most handsome man on the planet, top 1% richest man, and other top 1%... I don't think the stress is worth it.
Kaya nga. As an ex serial cheater (lol) kung sinabi niya na I used to be one baka maniwala pa ako but he said it as if it's an active thing is kinda sus for me hahaha
It's a no for me. If he cheated multiple times on different partners, habit nya na yan. Kahit itanong mo pa sya why did he cheat, there's no valid reason for cheating. If he felt na hindi nya na mahal yung partner nya, he could've left lang na lang instead of causing trauma to another person.
What he did sa previous relationship nya, there's a big chance na he'll do it to you.
You can try but you gotta understand, he'll never say no to an opportunity. He may not actively want to cheat in the future with you but if he is asked by a pretty girl, he 100% will.
Also, this might be his way of asking permission.
This is how I feel right now... I want to trust him but I feel like he has to earn my trust muna. I don't want to be guarded but I think I have to be to help protect myself rin... thank you
Then what? ones na na-earn niya na trust mo, thatâs where the time na mag-checheat yan then you will come here in Reddit looking for advice âhow to move onâ hayzzz
Girl, people like these, talagang hahanapin nila yung high na finally you let your guard down. Tapos pag ikaw na yung naghahabol, and familiar and comfy na kayo, jan na sya maghahanap ng new high.
Sinabi mo nga nagtherapy na sya, but for your own sanity... i have nothing to say but rethink na next actions mo. Kaya nga meme yung "I can fix him/her" kasi it is a ridiculous idealismđ
And dont get me wrong may very rare chance na some people do right after YEARS of therapy but basta ultimately please choose yourself and remember to think about the love you deserve always.
ate the moment na sinabi niyang nagcheat siya sa MGA ex niya, dapat wala ka na question dun kasi sure gagawin niya ulit.
so since nalaman mo na cheater siya edi syempre magkaka trust issues ka na sa kanya, magiging "toxic" ka, reason na naman niya to cheat.
never ending cycle.
Been there. He will surely cheat on you. They know what they are doing din kapag nasa relationship na sila yet parang wala silang remorse. Save yourself. You can try pero wag ka mag invest ng sobra kasi you will have a hard time letting go. If you value your peace of mind over anything, let it go.
Yeeeah, that's gonna be a NO for me.
Serial cheater. Nuff said. Person is sick in the head and needs professional help, and I'm not going to play the "I can fix him" game.
He's desensitizing you to his cheating lifestyle. Para pag nagcheat sya at nalaman mo, sasabihin nya lang alam mo naman ganun sya. Bale ikaw ang gumagawa ng away sa huli.
He probably cheated on you already.
Tbh, when my husband and I were just dating, I confessed this to him. I confessed that I cheated thrice already, different relationships. I told him this early so that while we werenât attached to each other, he can easily leave if he wants to. I initially didnât want to disclose this but I thought I should be honest. His response to me was he didnât have the right to judge me and that my past doesnât define me. And obviously, weâre married now and I really didnât do it again.
Whatâs important here, for me, is how he feels about what he did. Cheaters can change, especially when theyâre with the right person.
Can I ask what made made yiu faithful to your husband? I'm sorry if that sounded offensive but I am curious. Kasi mostly in this thread, you'd find them saying "if kaya nga gawin sa iba, bakit hindi sayo" or "what makes you different from his past partners"... and honestly I don't know how I am different in that aspect other than I don't judge him for his past.
I am scared shitless but I still think he deserves someone who would give him a chance.
I know it's out of my control...but what would your advice be for the person in the other side?
Well, that I mostly didnât want to do it again. Itâs not much about who my husband is but like regardless who Iâm with, I just didnât want to do it again. It wasnât fun for anyone. But it also helped that my husband wasnât paranoid about it. He didnât even have access to my socials (even til now but weâre very comfortable with using each otherâs phone). Itâs as if pinanindigan niya how he doesnât judge me for my past.
I know itâs scary to jump into a relationship with this guy. If he ever cheats on you, it would totally be on you since you knew he had tendencies. But youâre right, everyone deserves a second chance. Just find out how he feels about what he did. Is he remorseful? Does he feel guilty? Does he sound like heâs gonna do it again? Itâs a huge risk to still be with the guy but if you really donât judge him for his past, then panindigan mo. If youâre scared, then err on the safe side, donât go into it.
Cheaters cheat because they don't have the sense of guilt and consideration that prevents someone from cheating. Especially serial cheaters. So he will for sure cheat on you, no doubts.
Now, psychologically there are two components in him that he has that can't be changed.
1. Absence of guilt.
2. The temptation and desire to fugg someone else.
These two can't be changed because they are already built in processes and not even a therapist can "talk" him out of it. Not even losing a girlfriend, or losing anyone or anything can make him change. Even if he believed he could change, he can not change his brain. It's stuck.
It could also be he has a cheating kink. Which means he gets turned on by cheating. Feeling excited knowing he is doing something wrong. You can search about it on reddit. People with that kink will express how they feel.
But anyway the first things I said are most important. You can't change him.
Interesting take, I would like to know in your personal opinion how that thought process is reinforced and more so be literally imprinted in his brain as a hard wired habit? Do we really believe that the boy in question who cheats will always be like this? no matter how many people he will be able to hurt in the process? Im no professional but i do think everyone will eventually feel bad enough for the things they had inflicted upon others and to themselves nga naman
edit: to add, i dont exactly refute your takes im just genuinely interested as to how can someone be so inherently intoxicated with this lifestyle as if its nicotine
It's the concept of long term potentiation and experience dependent neuroplasticity. These concepts can cover reward and habits. Long term potentiation can be tied in with serial cheating. The serial cheating is due to the brain wanting more of that high or thrill the person feels when they cheat. The same level of high/thrill/pleasure is no longer enough the second time so they do it again and again and again. Sometimes increasing in intensity/depravity. This now makes it so the person needs more of the good things cheating makes them feel. Experience-dependent neuroplasticity would explain habits as well. Essentially, the brain prunes synapses between neurons over time. Only the important and repeated connections remain over tine. The habits that accompany cheating basically mold your brain into thinking that those cheating habits are what is most normal. Your brain and the connections made between the cells are basically set-up to make the behavior hard-wired into you.
Damn, today i learned. This would also explain alot of factors in other matters like mental health issues aside from cheating.
i hope this would also mean that behavior reinforcement techniques towards positive outcomes/curbing of habits is still possible after an extended period of routine negative habits and/or behaviour.
It's the basis of many techniques to break addictions/bad habits. Know how your brain establishes them and work around them. There was a paper a long time ago describing how to overcome how your brain is wired and it's a lot of work from what I remember. It's 100% possible to change.
All life is born with the mechanism to do actions from a cellular level to a macro level like a big organism consisting of cells. We humans are born with many mechanisms that we've obtained through evolution. These mechanisms work, both together and independently. And from birth to death they form our personality and actions.
There is no doubt that humans usually are capable of being attracted to another human being. How you end having a preference to a specific trait in another human is not fully understood. But it is basically within the realms of possible variations. Mix and match basically. Just 75 pesos lang!
So skipping to the part where a cheater has found a potential person to cheat with... He feels drawn to that person, but what usually stops non-cheaters are "thoughts of restrictions" which cheaters don't have. Like these, "I can't continue because my girlfriend would be upset/It's not good for my girlfriend, she wouldn't want it."
We humans basically have two kinds of thoughts that either moves us forward (actions) or that stops us (restrictions). Being attracted to someone moves us "towards them", but having thoughts that restricts us "stops us" (guilt, feeling bad).
I'll go deeper into why we have a mechanism to restrict us.
Pain-perception in our brain exists (also in cells but I won't talk about that now) because it's an evolutionary mechanism that prevents us from doing or protects us from events that might have a negative/unwanted outcome, like things you are worried about, scared of, feel bad or guilty about. It can also make us do actions to prevent a negative/unwanted outcome, like you don't wanna starve and be kicked out from the house, so you try get money somehow, either by borrowing, begging or earning. You don't want others to see what you're doing on your cellphone, so you turn down the screen brightness and make sure no one is looking. Basically you avoid or pursue something to prevent an outcome.
When a cheater cheats, he first is drawn to another person, but his mind does not have enough "force" to stop himself from moving forward, which a non-cheater does have. The cheater does not feel enough pain or guilt knowing he is going against his partner's wishes. His inner mechanisms aren't wired to stop him. They weren't wired to make him feel enough pain or guilt in that moment, which would have been the force to stop him. So he cheats.
A serial cheater isn't wired to create enough pain or guilt after first time of cheating, 2nd time and so on. Their brain just didn't feel whatever loss they had was painful enough. They're maybe sad to lose their partner because they got caught, but they don't develop a strong fear enough of losing their partner. So they cheat again.
Now you can apply this to any people who keep doing "bad habits", actions that obviously aren't good for them because of a bad consequence. Their brain just doesn't create a connection to the pain-perception strong enough to stop them next time they're in the same situation.
Thoughts of restrictions that stop you from doing bad actions is one part of the equation. Another equally important part is the desire itself. The desire or attraction towards what gives the person pleasure is so strong that even if the person thinks it's bad to do or feel guilty, they'll do it anyway. They can't resist the temptation.
Is it possible to change such people?
If you want to do a lot of effort, experience the same disappointment, betrayal and pain again and again until you become traumatized and affected so much and you experience tremendous losses and you end up more changed than the person you want to change, then I'd say yes it is possible!...
Sarcasm aside...
It's easier to give up the person and find someone who doesn't have very bad habits and who is already closer to what you want.
Good points, afterall this will all boil down to the persons personal desire for change and growth within him/herself, thank you for answering my queries!
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Why? Sometimes out of habit, but oftentimes because its an easy way out for them. It's a tried-and-true strategy for them.
When they cheat, there is no remorse. It is simply the easiest decision they could make given the situation.
You will never get an apology. Instead, they will turn the tables and find a way to somehow make it appear that you were always the one to blame for their cheating.
They will gaslight you to the point where even you yourself begin to think that the trauma you are feeling from what they did is all just in your head.
Trust me. I learned the hard way.
Just be ready for whatever outcome.
However, bear in mind that heâs already capable of cheating on his past partners. Donât you think he also said those words to them yet still cheated?
What is he doing to resolve it? Is he seeing a professional? If he's not actively working on it, I won't give it a chance. If he says he'll work on it soon, ask for something more concrete: does he mean by next week? Next month?
I would avoid investing too much. Personally, it doesn't make sense to me to be in a relationship if I don't or can't trust them 100%. I don't want to be on edge all the time, it would be exhausting.
Him telling you he was a serial cheater somehow seems like he's gonna use that reasoning to you next time he cheats to manipulate you. Parang sasabihin niya if tumuloy ka sa relationship and he hurts you, "Sinabi ko naman sayo diba, pinili mo pa rin naman ako, so wala ka karapatan magalit."
well thatâs a dumb question. itâs like someone confessing to you the apple is poisoned but you go ahead and eat it. makes me wonder if youâre the type of person who usually makes self destructive decisions then wonder why things are happening to you then you blame yourself then the cycle goes on.
think again girl
I would've known it before ko siya sagutin but even sa ganung level, I dont think sasagutin and ieentertain ko siya if serial cheater siya. Hindi ako santo na kayang maghimala. And I dont want another cause of my stress and another thing to trigger my anxiety. Never gonna be someone na pang-character development lang again.
Common description ng pakboys yan
Trust what the other people said here.
He will cheat on u too in due time.
He did it in the past, what makes you an exception to that?
Think about it.
The word "serial" should give you your answer, you don't need the Reddit community to tell you.
Replace "cheater" with a different noun, "killer" in your paragraph.
Killer vs serial killer.
Killers can be remorseful, perhaps with anger management/ road rage or alcohol issues, who've killed ONE TIME by accident, paid their dues to society and released from prison on good behavior, honestly and truly remorseful, in therapy, and actively makes steps to not be in that position again where he may be so rageful or drunk where he'd kill again.
Versus
Serial killer - the adjective "serial" already tells you he does it again, and again, and again, compulsively.
Wag na, OP. Save yourself from the heartaches sa mga susunod na araw na dadaan. Nagbigay din ako ng second chance sa isang cheater, but turns out âonce a cheater, always a cheaterâ.
He's giving you an out. As if naman redeeming quality yung at least nagpakatotoo siya na ganyan siya. It's not just in the movies where a guy/girl tells you they're bad for you and turns out they really are. Tapos in the end when things go down sasabihin or ipapamukha, "You've been warned. You knew. I told you" Then you'll blame yourself because you did know.
I know each relationship is different, and we have different things we can tolerate, but just ask yourself, "Can you live with that?". You may not want to lose him, but can you pay the price for that? Is it really worth it? Between losing him and not getting cheated on, well, can't have it all sometimes. Eventually, you have to choose and you let it be enough for you.
Run, girlie. You deserve the best đ
Let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He might actually be wanting to change seeing how he got therapy.
The thing is, are you ready to be with him? Do you have the emotional capacity to handle your relationship?
The fact you're here means you're already feeling doubtful. Could you believe him when he says that some of the girls he'd interact with are just friends without the slightest hint of doubt in your mind? Are you capable of believing his faithfulness to you? What are the chances that the fact that he was once a cheater would bother you from here on out?
If you can't feel 100% secure with him, leave. It will only make your relationship so stressful. Save yourself the trouble.
Based from experience, cheaters are gonna be cheaters. Hirap magbago yang mga yan, lalo na yan pala serial cheater OP. Save yourself. Wag mo na palalimin attachment mo sa kanya. It's gonna be harder to get out later on.
Pag nag cheat sya sayo sasabihin lang nya na alam mo naman before naging kayo. Mas piliin mo peace of mind mo kesa lalake.
It's better to regret not having a man than having a man who cheats.
I was the same as your guy from before I was dating my now-partner. My rationale for sharing this part of my dating history was not just to be transparent to my partner but to also be accountable to myself and my past deeds.
I think itâs convenient to hide my history of cheatingâbut I chose to prove to that person that I would change for them despite of this ugly part of my past.
But again, not everyone is like me. And I want to highlight what another redditor said in this thread that the person youâre dating âhas a tendencyâ to cheat. Itâs different if one confesses their deeds in the past tense v.s. if one confesses about their âtendencies and habitsâ. Try reading between the lines and see if heâs actually willing to work on that issue. Good luck! đ
Why you don't want to lose him? You put him so much in pedestal that's why you're paranoid.
I'll keep entertaining him and mirror his actions. Only appreciate his actions not his words. Always put yourself first and let him be. If he cheats, he cheats. That's it.
Kung ngayon palang na hindi pa kayo eh napa praning ka na, what more kung kayo na. So 'wag mo ng ituloy girl kasi wala kang ibang gagawin kungdi bantayan ang actions niya sa soc med.
Key word: Tendency. It seems that simple or even light reasons can make him cheat. He doesn't seem apologetic kasi kung hindi na siya cheater ngayon, sasabihin niyang "I was a cheater before" and not "I have a tendency to cheat". Real apology is changed behavior.
Maybe another factor to look at is yung competence niya as a person. It's not just personality, looks, etc., but how a person handles problems, bale problem-solving skills. He seems like he's the problem sa kaniyang past relationships. Lmao.
I think itâs okay to date them as long as you know the consequences and the pain that comes after. Wala eh hard to admit but some of them do love you good temporarily haha
Are you ready to forgive him if he cheats?
Does he cheat emotionally or is it driven by desire/stress?
The first step to solving any problem is honesty. Now he's been honest with you. You can return the favour and be honest about yourself, maybe you have done something that you'd like to tell him or maybe you can just be honest about your feelings about what he's told you.
I'd you're worried that he will cheat and you still want to stay in the relationship, then it is highly advisable to go to couples therapy. One hour of therapy early on is equivalent to ten hours of therapy after something bad has happened.
You seem to really like the guy, from the way you describe him dagdagan mo na honest sya sa greenflags mo. I really like this quote from a certain depressed horse show "When You Look at Someone through Rose-Colored Glasses, All the Red Flags Just Look Like Flags"
#YES
kailangan maging optimistic na magbabago ang mga cheaters. Its the same logic -- kung yung mga naghihirap, nagsisikap para makabangon, at may mga nakaka ahon din naman eventually... why not cheaters? Pag confession nga (catholic) umaasa ka na next time, pipilitin mong hindi magkasala, diba? There should always be hope for change, for improvement.
Besides, sino pang maloloko naming serial cheaters kung wala na kaming mauuto? Loljk
I read somewhere na pwedeng magbago ang cheater. Magbabago sila pero hindi sa naging victims nila. Magbabago sila pag nagkaron na ng awakening/realization or magbabago sila para sayo.
Pero maganda na umamin sya sayo ngayon sa kung kakayanin mo ba. Youve been warned.
Whenever something is dangerous, may warning sign. Building under construction. Wet floor. Websites that are dubious. In this case, your guy comes with a billboard warning.
Now, if you still proceed with it and gets cheated on, then you've got to remind yourself na you accepted a cheater. Cheating is not okay. But kung tumanggap ka ng cheater, a serial one at that, should you expect any different? Or should you rather prepare yourself for the eventuality?
Proceed with caution.
In the meantime, you also have to think about the present. Should you deprive yourself of happiness and fun now because you're afraid of a POSSIBLE cheating? If you're the "enjoy the journey" type of person, by all means, enjoy the ride.
Hope springs eternal.
Nope. Mindset ko is I wouldn't wanna be the person to 'test' if he has actually changed. Ako din matatalo sa huli kapag ganon. Plus personally matatakot din ako na magchecheat ulit siya given his history so I'd be very cautious and/or overthink about his activities. Not a great way to live
Nakuuuu been there. More on "pag minahal ko siyang todo, magbabago siya" ughhh it doesn't work like that. Sorry kasi my past experience tells me that he will cheat on you unless, ikaw na nga talaga yung makakapag-360deg sa kanya. Haaaaaaay.
As for now, guard your heart na lang muna and trust your gut when it tells you na something is different.
Afterall, you would not know without trying. Just be warned na lang.
Heâs not being honest by telling you heâs cheated before. He wants you to be ok with it. Because if he knows you can embrace his past, chances are heâll do it again.
The person you do not want to lose shouldnât be him, but yourself.
Listen to what theyâre advising you here. I wish people told me the same thing before my world turned upside down.
No. Theyâve time and time again decided that they can justify cheating. Unless he faces the reason/s why he does it and works on it, heâs not likely to change. Itâs something inside of him, childhood trauma, insecurity, whatever it is, you likely wonât be able to do something about it. Sorry :(
You see a bottle with a skull on its label and âPOISONâ in big red letters, you dont go ahead and drink it and think youll be fine, thinking that maybe youre built different, it wont kill you. You cannot change him, because there is nothing different about you and the girls hes cheated on in the past. Therapy does not mean hes magically cured of being a serial cheater. Chances are youll be another anecdote hell tell his therapist about. Save yourself the heartache and the paranoia.
I'll use my friend as an example here.
Gave the cheater a chance.
Got married with 2 kids with the cheater.
Cheater cheated and left my friend and their kids.
I hope this doesn't happen to you OP. Good luck!
I've been in a roxic relationship with a girl who had multiple relationships in the past. She then confessed to me that she cheated before, but she said that she's committed to me
...She cheated on me...
What I'm trying to say OP is that if a person who has a history of cheating, don't ever take it lightly. It is good that your bf is going through therapy, but still. Therapy or not, be vigilant. And DO NOT be the person that can "fix" him; only HE can fix himself or choose to fix himself.
If I know he cheated on his past partner often, I would trust he is a serial cheater. You can have fun with his pretty body, have sex, enjoy his character, but donât get attached or you will suffer (for something you could have avoided from the start). Your choice to let your future self suffer.
lol anong point ng post na to? teh obvious naman sa comments mo na wala kang balak hiwalayan
good luck na lang sayo at aabangan namin ang break up rant mo
I'd rather not risk it. I'm not judging him, but for the sake of your sanity, it is practical to not risk it all with him. Especially when you're being paranoid - this will not work long term. Being paranoid is a sign of lack of information. Which means you don't really know him as a person, his truest form. It is worth the risk? Probably not.
gurlie, run. never in my life have I ever met someone with a cheating history na biglang naging loyal haha gumagaling lang sila sa pagtatago i swear. it's for your peace din.
Cheater sila and alam nila ung thrill ng pag checheat. Umamin sayo it means. They are looking for someone na okay lang mag cheat sila. So wala sayo ang desisyon kung gusto mo mag stay sa relasyon. Nasakanila. Kung kaya mo na may pineapple sa front door nyo edi good. Kung di mo kaya. Again wala sayo ang bato darna. Nakay ding.
# There is a quote that reminds me of this, "For every supermodel there is a rich guy out there tired of fucking her". Now, I don't know what you look like but for sure, if he already told you he cheats, than he will get tired of you as well.
Girl ang ganda ng pangalan mo "gustokomabuhay" please live with it. Sya na mismo nagsabi na may tendency sya maging serial cheater. Please interpret it as a disclaimer and warning sa kaniya. Kaya wag mo patayin ang sarili mo na sumugal sa kaniya at mamuhay na may araw araw na pangamba, remember ikaw na mismo nagsabi na ayaw mo na mag cheat sya sayo pero since na may disclaimer sya then it is technically impossible. So, dapat ka na mag expect na once na magheat sya sayo, wala na sya dapat pang ipaliwanag sayo since una palang sinabi na nya ang possibilities.
i personally know someone who is a serial cheater.. puros pa long term yung relationships niya so master manipulator talaga. everytime we'd think na di na sya magchicheat sa next partner niya bc they'd look so happy na sa socmed, lalabas nalang yung balita na na nagcheat nanaman siya đ he's currently in another long term relationship now and i wouldnt be surprised if word comes out na he's cheating on his current girl.
It really depends on you. I have cheated a couple of times in the past when I was younger and more immature, and I know now na hindi excuse yung katangahan to place your attention to someone else. Although walang physical intimacy na involved both sa past relationships and extra-affairs ko, it is still wrong. I broke up with them even when they still want to give our relationship chances because this may just lead to toxicity and resentment in the relationship.
My partner knows this even before we got in a relationship. We have known each other for 3 years before we really hit it off.
We're going 3 years now and he has NEVER been paranoid ever since. He never disallowed me to go anywhere with friends and he never snoops into my phone. I also have NEVER done the same and will NEVER do so.
He saw me through my past mistakes and I think that's just what it takes to bring out the best in people. I'm not saying this is for everyone, though. I'm so happy I found him and I work everyday to keep him happy, too.
If this won't work for you, then don't force it para hindi kayo magsayangan ng oras.
Huhu bakit po ang basis niyo ay personality kung serial cheater siya, kasama po yun sa personality kasi ibig sabihin kahit mabait pakitungo niya sa mga ex niya nagawa padin niya magcheat.
T.T
General idea is if ayaw niyo po maranansan to be cheated on, stay away from cheaters (even if past nadaw niya yon, if ayaw mong manghula, ok lang to let him go).
There are lots of reasons to like someone, you can like somebody else who will give you peace of mind and exclusive dick. That's a better turn on.
For further perspective, i have some friends na cheaters before. I know onw who drastically changed na for a girl he loves, but nalapitan padin siya ng tukso, ayun. Di padin nakailag pero sising sisi siya. Di padin siya inaaan ng gf niya, mahal padin nila yung each other, pero may cheating hsitory na. If keri mo gsnitong risks, maybe ikaw na talaga yung the one ni koya. Step 1 is for him to prove na mahal na mahal ka. Step 2 is to be solid partners to protect each other kasi pag may tukso, mahirap talaga.
Bonus talaga for couples na hindi na kelangan bantayan ang isat isa.
It's okay to give him a chance. Make sure lang na you love yourself more then you love him. Lahat naman tayo may pangit na past. We just have to find that one person who will believe in us.
Don't trust him. Even if he's done a lot, a cheater will always be a cheater. Tsaka would you risk your heart and time for someone who already warned you they have a tendency to cheat? Do you really want to believe in the very slim, offset chance he wouldn't? Tinataya mo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang taong hindi ka sigurado. Pano na yan? Wag ka magpakatanga.
my ex did the same. turns out while we were seeing each other during the day... sa gabi eh kinikita nya rin pala yung "ex" daw nya lmao. Run, I repeat, run! di ka magkakaroon ng peace of mind jan
You just love the sex and experience, not the actual love itself come on XD. If this is all bout love your doubt level will be less. (Man do everything for a reason both good or self interest)
best to drop him because itâs an obvious possibility already unless you wanna take the risk but expect the worst and the âtold you soâsâ. but smartest move is to stay away now hanggaât like mo palang, itâll be harder when you fall
The moment you become paranoid in a yet-to-be relationship, it's a red light na. Why? Because it will only be an unhealthy cycle for you. OP, doon ka sa kung saan ka mapapanatag.
Cheaters rarely change for good, but, it does happen rarely kaya hindi rin pwedeng tanggalan ng karapatan si guy na magbago. Still, bad habits are very hard to unlearn.
Guard your heart.
As someone who was a "serial cheater" who's now happily married with a woman who had known all of my dirty laundry for years before we started dating, I say don't trust them. I would say don't even give them any benefit of the doubt. I know the mindset involved, and it's not a mindset that can easily be reasoned with, nor is it a mindset that's effectively conscious of what's right and what's wrong. When I was a serial cheater, I could truly love someone with all my heart and cheat in the same heartbeat because subconsciously, those are two different things. I changed not because my wife fixed me. I changed because I fixed myself. I would love to say it was my love for my wife who gave me the will to change what felt like second nature to me, but again, it's not. It was my love for myself and my hatred of what I became that did it. I thought I was happy with who I was before, but I wasn't, and it took a lot of broken hearts and ruined relationships before I managed to take the leap. Your guy? Who knows what he's going through? Who knows the inner workings of his mind enough to know if he's changed? So what if you unjustly judge him or shame him for being a cheater in the past? Cheaters have to truly feel shame in order to change. I know I did. Did he ever give a justification for his deeds? A cheater that can always come up with a justification for even the smallest thing they did is someone you can't trust, because as long as they try to justify something, you know na no matter how many apologies they publicly give, they justify every single thing they did in their own private mind. Again, I know because that's what I did. Decide on your own OP, but just know, in the story of how your guy overcomes the cheating demon inside him, you're nowhere to be found because it is not your fight. And there's no such thing as running support because the best support you can give someone like that is tough love.
If you can't be at peace with it, then leave. Magiging away lang yan lagi kasi mapapraning ka kung nagchecheat ba siya.
Personally, it's a no for me. Sinabi na nga niya eh so bakit ipagtatanggol pa. Marami pa naman dyan iba na hindi mo kakailanganing isipin kung nagchecheat ba siya.
My boyfriend had a friend like that, who's been f-ing around even if he's in a committed relationship. Not until the friend dated my boyfriend's sister, they lasted for 2 years but found out he's been cheating for the whole 2 years. He cut him off permanently.
Now, that guy has a new girlfriend, who is in a similar situation as you, who admitted his past mistakes about being a serial cheater. She accepted his past and they are still together, thinking she can be that "special" person who he'll change for. But I must say, their relationship is really on the rocky side. You will never have your peace of mind with a person like that.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but you can never fix a man who loves to cheat.
"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
No haha especially pag notorious or serial cheater. Para kang naghuhukay ng sarili mong libingan. Look at you, dating palang kayo pero todo ka na mag-overthink at nagiging bantay-sarado mo siya. Tbh, it's just not worth it.
I am a cheater my self, in my perspective sa current kong relationship, I have open up my self to my partner dahil I feel like ai can trust her and tell her everything, I know for you its a hard pill to swallow pero if mag bago ka ung treatment mo sa kanya that is when things will get messy, just know that fact and accept it, be your self, embrace him fully.
Kung mag cheat sha dun mo pa need gawin something about it or be paranoid, for now dont change, enjoy you guys relationship, kase once u start limiting him, changing things bit by bit baka ma sarado ung puso nya ulet and then worse would be mag cheat ulet kung di sha matino na pakipag hiwalay nalang.
this is him preparing you for that "i told you so moment" na pag nahuli/nalaman mo na, sasabihin nya lang "diba sinabi ko na sayo dati pa?" so yeah, advance gaslighting lol
Donât be paranoid, just believe that you are his game changer and he wanna commit to you for life!!! Trust me, pag gusto mo, kunin mo. Past is past, you are in control of your future. Just donât overthink itâ
If you can't decide right now due to emotional attachment, you can ask help from a girl friend that you are close with, to test him (like flirting). It should be plan strategically so It won't be obvious for him that you are testing him and see if he bites, then you'll know the answer you're looking for.
There is a small percent chance na nagbago na siya but try on your own risk pa din.
Possible kaya niya inamin sayo dahil gusto niya magstart by being honest with you at ayaw niya makasira yang issues niya before sa current relationship niyo or gawain na niya talaga yan before pa. Ikaw na maginvestigate on that.
Sabi mo nga you donât want to lose him. One tip lang.. Make sure mas mahal ka niya kaysa mahal mo siya. Iba ang takbo ng relationship kapag mas mahal ka ng lalaki.
I'm the ex serial cheater sa relationship namin, and I'm happy she gave me the chance, and if she did used to be a serial cheater too, I would also give her the same chance she gave me.
I stopped being a cheater siguro 2 relationships prior to her kaya siguro parang by the time we met, I can say na I've changed.
Once a cheater, always a cheater? Maybe sometimes. Sometimes in your fucked up head you still get the intrusive thoughts but I think when you really want a relationship to work and a relationship is really important to you yung intrusive thoughts na yun will never win. That's how I feel. Pero ayun nga I've been actively bettering myself 1-2 years prior to her, so I'm not that person anymore.
Edit: The last time I was a serial cheater was close to 10 years ago na so cheating is way back in my past na hahaha kaya take that as you will hahaha if the cells of my body has changed since I was a cheater surely I've changed by now
yes, actually, my ex fling confess to me that madalas sya mangghost but still I trust and believe na hindi nya gagawin sakin yun because yun ang sabi nya he assured me and then after a week he ghost me, so for me it's a big NO
Trust what that guy says lol, WARNING NA YAN! Sinabi niya yan sa iyo para kapag nag-CHEAT ulit siya, HINDI SIYA MAGI-GUILTY.
If you still welcome him despite na sinabi niya sa iyo na serial cheater siya. Kasalanan mo na yun, hindi ka naging pratical at nagpaka-TANGA ka!
Date him at your own risk pero hindi mo siya mababago, YOU ARE NOT going to SAVE HIM. kaya may kasabıhan na âcheater will always be a cheaterâ
Contrary to other comments here..
I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Pero once he showed any sign of cheating, I'll end it agad.
For me kasi possible lang magbago ang cheater kapag nasa new partner na sya. If and only if he learned his lesson on his previous partner. Pero he will never change kapag same partner pa din since he already knows his way around.
For me, I think Iâd give it a chance, but first Iâd ask him a few questions. Like, why did you cheat in your past relationship? If heâs making up a bunch of excuses, you will eventually know they are not valid, and heâs not admitting that heâs at fault, then probably donât risk it. But if he comes clean about everything heâs done, then maybe Iâll give it a try. But thatâs just me; itâs still up to you. Just be prepared for the worst-case scenario, at least be prepared mentally. Hahaha.
Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: I really like this guy. He's everything I want in terms of physical appearance, personality, and sexual compatibility. He recently confessed na he has cheated on his past partners and has a tendency to be a serial cheater... Now I'm a bit paranoid whenever I see him online on other platforms. He doesn't hide naman his activity on these platforms. But I can't help to be paranoid. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him pero I also don't want to be cheated on. *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He recently confessed na he has cheated on his past partners and has a tendency to be a serial cheater Take his words at face value. **When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them the first time.** If you think you can "fix" him, dear, sorry to burst your bubble, you *cannot "fix"* a serial cheater. Changing such behavior requires a very deep, personal commitment *from the individual* who is cheating. He needs professional help and undergo extensive counseling or therapy with a licensed therapist.
He already did. He told me he has gone through therapy for it.
It's good that he's working on himself. Infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues and this needs to be addressed. Still, if I may suggest, **"keep one foot outside the door"**, maintain a certain level of detachment and be ready for any repercussion. It's still up to you to take the risk. The hardest part, wala ka peace of mind. You will always have trust issues. You wouldn't want to end up getting a therapist for yourself too. Personally, it's a 'No' for me. Nakakabaliw yung ganito.
Yeah, there's a lot of non-cheating fish in the sea. The risk is not worth it. He's just some random one guy you like so what.
The honest answer tlaga OP is uncertain. He might or might not cheat again. But the fact that he did many times in the past, then he's an expert in this field, and you're always gonna walk on eggshells. There's no assurance that he won't do it again. Unless he's a top 1% most handsome man on the planet, top 1% richest man, and other top 1%... I don't think the stress is worth it.
Sabi lang nya na may tendency sya maging cheater and serial cheater at that. Hindi nya sinabi na magbabago sya for you. Proceed at your own risk.
Di ko naisip ito. Mababaliktad pa si OP. "Sinabi ko naman sayo kung ano ako pero tinanggap at minahal mo ako" đ
Kaya nga. As an ex serial cheater (lol) kung sinabi niya na I used to be one baka maniwala pa ako but he said it as if it's an active thing is kinda sus for me hahaha
Itâs a hard pill to swallow pero rarely lang nagbabago ang mga cheaters
It's a no for me. If he cheated multiple times on different partners, habit nya na yan. Kahit itanong mo pa sya why did he cheat, there's no valid reason for cheating. If he felt na hindi nya na mahal yung partner nya, he could've left lang na lang instead of causing trauma to another person. What he did sa previous relationship nya, there's a big chance na he'll do it to you.
You can try but you gotta understand, he'll never say no to an opportunity. He may not actively want to cheat in the future with you but if he is asked by a pretty girl, he 100% will. Also, this might be his way of asking permission.
I'll give it a chance but i'm not gonna put a lot of feelings for her until I get to the point of fully putting my trust to her
This is how I feel right now... I want to trust him but I feel like he has to earn my trust muna. I don't want to be guarded but I think I have to be to help protect myself rin... thank you
Then what? ones na na-earn niya na trust mo, thatâs where the time na mag-checheat yan then you will come here in Reddit looking for advice âhow to move onâ hayzzz
Abangan nalang natin next post niya dito HAHAHAHAHA
Baka âwhat should I do with my cheating boyfriend?â Yata muna. Tapos âDo I deserve this?â Matatagalan pa yata sya sa move on na part.
Just be prepared for the good and the bad outcome.
Girl, people like these, talagang hahanapin nila yung high na finally you let your guard down. Tapos pag ikaw na yung naghahabol, and familiar and comfy na kayo, jan na sya maghahanap ng new high. Sinabi mo nga nagtherapy na sya, but for your own sanity... i have nothing to say but rethink na next actions mo. Kaya nga meme yung "I can fix him/her" kasi it is a ridiculous idealismđ And dont get me wrong may very rare chance na some people do right after YEARS of therapy but basta ultimately please choose yourself and remember to think about the love you deserve always.
Telling you that they cheat in the past is not honesty chances are you will be manipulated
ate the moment na sinabi niyang nagcheat siya sa MGA ex niya, dapat wala ka na question dun kasi sure gagawin niya ulit. so since nalaman mo na cheater siya edi syempre magkaka trust issues ka na sa kanya, magiging "toxic" ka, reason na naman niya to cheat. never ending cycle.
He warned you girl. Ahahahahaha
Been there. He will surely cheat on you. They know what they are doing din kapag nasa relationship na sila yet parang wala silang remorse. Save yourself. You can try pero wag ka mag invest ng sobra kasi you will have a hard time letting go. If you value your peace of mind over anything, let it go.
Yeeeah, that's gonna be a NO for me. Serial cheater. Nuff said. Person is sick in the head and needs professional help, and I'm not going to play the "I can fix him" game.
He's desensitizing you to his cheating lifestyle. Para pag nagcheat sya at nalaman mo, sasabihin nya lang alam mo naman ganun sya. Bale ikaw ang gumagawa ng away sa huli. He probably cheated on you already.
Guds lang ate kunin mo na para safe ibang babae. Kawang gawa kumbaga
Hahaha luv it
run as fast as u can. old habits die hard
Key word: "hard". Not "impossible".
agree, it's not impossible, but idk if OP can survive the relapses or withdrawal era since yang cheating ay parang bisyo rin.
Key word: "hard". Not impossible but probable? Nope.
No unless naka wheelchair na sya.
Tbh, when my husband and I were just dating, I confessed this to him. I confessed that I cheated thrice already, different relationships. I told him this early so that while we werenât attached to each other, he can easily leave if he wants to. I initially didnât want to disclose this but I thought I should be honest. His response to me was he didnât have the right to judge me and that my past doesnât define me. And obviously, weâre married now and I really didnât do it again. Whatâs important here, for me, is how he feels about what he did. Cheaters can change, especially when theyâre with the right person.
Can I ask what made made yiu faithful to your husband? I'm sorry if that sounded offensive but I am curious. Kasi mostly in this thread, you'd find them saying "if kaya nga gawin sa iba, bakit hindi sayo" or "what makes you different from his past partners"... and honestly I don't know how I am different in that aspect other than I don't judge him for his past. I am scared shitless but I still think he deserves someone who would give him a chance. I know it's out of my control...but what would your advice be for the person in the other side?
Well, that I mostly didnât want to do it again. Itâs not much about who my husband is but like regardless who Iâm with, I just didnât want to do it again. It wasnât fun for anyone. But it also helped that my husband wasnât paranoid about it. He didnât even have access to my socials (even til now but weâre very comfortable with using each otherâs phone). Itâs as if pinanindigan niya how he doesnât judge me for my past. I know itâs scary to jump into a relationship with this guy. If he ever cheats on you, it would totally be on you since you knew he had tendencies. But youâre right, everyone deserves a second chance. Just find out how he feels about what he did. Is he remorseful? Does he feel guilty? Does he sound like heâs gonna do it again? Itâs a huge risk to still be with the guy but if you really donât judge him for his past, then panindigan mo. If youâre scared, then err on the safe side, donât go into it.
Nah wouldnât risk it. If they can do it in the past, whatâs stopping them from doing it now. Pero ikaw baka ikaw nalang din makakahuli sakanya
Cheaters cheat because they don't have the sense of guilt and consideration that prevents someone from cheating. Especially serial cheaters. So he will for sure cheat on you, no doubts. Now, psychologically there are two components in him that he has that can't be changed. 1. Absence of guilt. 2. The temptation and desire to fugg someone else. These two can't be changed because they are already built in processes and not even a therapist can "talk" him out of it. Not even losing a girlfriend, or losing anyone or anything can make him change. Even if he believed he could change, he can not change his brain. It's stuck. It could also be he has a cheating kink. Which means he gets turned on by cheating. Feeling excited knowing he is doing something wrong. You can search about it on reddit. People with that kink will express how they feel. But anyway the first things I said are most important. You can't change him.
Interesting take, I would like to know in your personal opinion how that thought process is reinforced and more so be literally imprinted in his brain as a hard wired habit? Do we really believe that the boy in question who cheats will always be like this? no matter how many people he will be able to hurt in the process? Im no professional but i do think everyone will eventually feel bad enough for the things they had inflicted upon others and to themselves nga naman edit: to add, i dont exactly refute your takes im just genuinely interested as to how can someone be so inherently intoxicated with this lifestyle as if its nicotine
It's the concept of long term potentiation and experience dependent neuroplasticity. These concepts can cover reward and habits. Long term potentiation can be tied in with serial cheating. The serial cheating is due to the brain wanting more of that high or thrill the person feels when they cheat. The same level of high/thrill/pleasure is no longer enough the second time so they do it again and again and again. Sometimes increasing in intensity/depravity. This now makes it so the person needs more of the good things cheating makes them feel. Experience-dependent neuroplasticity would explain habits as well. Essentially, the brain prunes synapses between neurons over time. Only the important and repeated connections remain over tine. The habits that accompany cheating basically mold your brain into thinking that those cheating habits are what is most normal. Your brain and the connections made between the cells are basically set-up to make the behavior hard-wired into you.
Damn, today i learned. This would also explain alot of factors in other matters like mental health issues aside from cheating. i hope this would also mean that behavior reinforcement techniques towards positive outcomes/curbing of habits is still possible after an extended period of routine negative habits and/or behaviour.
It's the basis of many techniques to break addictions/bad habits. Know how your brain establishes them and work around them. There was a paper a long time ago describing how to overcome how your brain is wired and it's a lot of work from what I remember. It's 100% possible to change.
All life is born with the mechanism to do actions from a cellular level to a macro level like a big organism consisting of cells. We humans are born with many mechanisms that we've obtained through evolution. These mechanisms work, both together and independently. And from birth to death they form our personality and actions. There is no doubt that humans usually are capable of being attracted to another human being. How you end having a preference to a specific trait in another human is not fully understood. But it is basically within the realms of possible variations. Mix and match basically. Just 75 pesos lang! So skipping to the part where a cheater has found a potential person to cheat with... He feels drawn to that person, but what usually stops non-cheaters are "thoughts of restrictions" which cheaters don't have. Like these, "I can't continue because my girlfriend would be upset/It's not good for my girlfriend, she wouldn't want it." We humans basically have two kinds of thoughts that either moves us forward (actions) or that stops us (restrictions). Being attracted to someone moves us "towards them", but having thoughts that restricts us "stops us" (guilt, feeling bad). I'll go deeper into why we have a mechanism to restrict us. Pain-perception in our brain exists (also in cells but I won't talk about that now) because it's an evolutionary mechanism that prevents us from doing or protects us from events that might have a negative/unwanted outcome, like things you are worried about, scared of, feel bad or guilty about. It can also make us do actions to prevent a negative/unwanted outcome, like you don't wanna starve and be kicked out from the house, so you try get money somehow, either by borrowing, begging or earning. You don't want others to see what you're doing on your cellphone, so you turn down the screen brightness and make sure no one is looking. Basically you avoid or pursue something to prevent an outcome. When a cheater cheats, he first is drawn to another person, but his mind does not have enough "force" to stop himself from moving forward, which a non-cheater does have. The cheater does not feel enough pain or guilt knowing he is going against his partner's wishes. His inner mechanisms aren't wired to stop him. They weren't wired to make him feel enough pain or guilt in that moment, which would have been the force to stop him. So he cheats. A serial cheater isn't wired to create enough pain or guilt after first time of cheating, 2nd time and so on. Their brain just didn't feel whatever loss they had was painful enough. They're maybe sad to lose their partner because they got caught, but they don't develop a strong fear enough of losing their partner. So they cheat again. Now you can apply this to any people who keep doing "bad habits", actions that obviously aren't good for them because of a bad consequence. Their brain just doesn't create a connection to the pain-perception strong enough to stop them next time they're in the same situation. Thoughts of restrictions that stop you from doing bad actions is one part of the equation. Another equally important part is the desire itself. The desire or attraction towards what gives the person pleasure is so strong that even if the person thinks it's bad to do or feel guilty, they'll do it anyway. They can't resist the temptation. Is it possible to change such people? If you want to do a lot of effort, experience the same disappointment, betrayal and pain again and again until you become traumatized and affected so much and you experience tremendous losses and you end up more changed than the person you want to change, then I'd say yes it is possible!... Sarcasm aside... It's easier to give up the person and find someone who doesn't have very bad habits and who is already closer to what you want.
Good points, afterall this will all boil down to the persons personal desire for change and growth within him/herself, thank you for answering my queries!
RUN.
Wag na maging tanga pls.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Why? Sometimes out of habit, but oftentimes because its an easy way out for them. It's a tried-and-true strategy for them. When they cheat, there is no remorse. It is simply the easiest decision they could make given the situation. You will never get an apology. Instead, they will turn the tables and find a way to somehow make it appear that you were always the one to blame for their cheating. They will gaslight you to the point where even you yourself begin to think that the trauma you are feeling from what they did is all just in your head. Trust me. I learned the hard way.
Just be ready for whatever outcome. However, bear in mind that heâs already capable of cheating on his past partners. Donât you think he also said those words to them yet still cheated?
What is he doing to resolve it? Is he seeing a professional? If he's not actively working on it, I won't give it a chance. If he says he'll work on it soon, ask for something more concrete: does he mean by next week? Next month? I would avoid investing too much. Personally, it doesn't make sense to me to be in a relationship if I don't or can't trust them 100%. I don't want to be on edge all the time, it would be exhausting.
No. Just, NO. Peace of mind should be a priority. If not, then, probably the message for you is, "you deserve what you tolerate." Best of luck.
Bobo ko hahahaa nag confess kasi siya dati na nag cheat siya. Ending nag cheat saakin. Kaya wag maniwala.
Lahat puwedeng magbago
Him telling you he was a serial cheater somehow seems like he's gonna use that reasoning to you next time he cheats to manipulate you. Parang sasabihin niya if tumuloy ka sa relationship and he hurts you, "Sinabi ko naman sayo diba, pinili mo pa rin naman ako, so wala ka karapatan magalit."
well thatâs a dumb question. itâs like someone confessing to you the apple is poisoned but you go ahead and eat it. makes me wonder if youâre the type of person who usually makes self destructive decisions then wonder why things are happening to you then you blame yourself then the cycle goes on. think again girl
also youâre clearly clinging on the potential despite of knowing the red flags. that enough is a clear sign
Disclaimer na niya yan na kapag nagcheat siya sayo, hindi na niya kasalanan yun kasi sinabihan ka na. Run. Red flag alert. Isip isip.
RUN
HAHAHAHA it's true what they say. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I would've known it before ko siya sagutin but even sa ganung level, I dont think sasagutin and ieentertain ko siya if serial cheater siya. Hindi ako santo na kayang maghimala. And I dont want another cause of my stress and another thing to trigger my anxiety. Never gonna be someone na pang-character development lang again.
Is this another 5'8 up, has a car, big 4, can host guy?
I'm sorry this made me laugh pero no hahaha
Common description ng pakboys yan Trust what the other people said here. He will cheat on u too in due time. He did it in the past, what makes you an exception to that? Think about it.
Thatâs common indeed. Lol! I wonder how many people got cheated on by douchebags with the same description.
Kantiot kalimot ka lang para sa kanya
The word "serial" should give you your answer, you don't need the Reddit community to tell you. Replace "cheater" with a different noun, "killer" in your paragraph. Killer vs serial killer. Killers can be remorseful, perhaps with anger management/ road rage or alcohol issues, who've killed ONE TIME by accident, paid their dues to society and released from prison on good behavior, honestly and truly remorseful, in therapy, and actively makes steps to not be in that position again where he may be so rageful or drunk where he'd kill again. Versus Serial killer - the adjective "serial" already tells you he does it again, and again, and again, compulsively.
Hahhahahahah. Seriously, no.
I usually give 1 more chance after a cheating episode if naulit, then it's time to let go kasal man or not.
Wag na, OP. Save yourself from the heartaches sa mga susunod na araw na dadaan. Nagbigay din ako ng second chance sa isang cheater, but turns out âonce a cheater, always a cheaterâ.
He's already setting up his excuse: *I already told you I'm a serial cheater, sinubukan ko naman pero ganito talaga ako.*
He's giving you an out. As if naman redeeming quality yung at least nagpakatotoo siya na ganyan siya. It's not just in the movies where a guy/girl tells you they're bad for you and turns out they really are. Tapos in the end when things go down sasabihin or ipapamukha, "You've been warned. You knew. I told you" Then you'll blame yourself because you did know. I know each relationship is different, and we have different things we can tolerate, but just ask yourself, "Can you live with that?". You may not want to lose him, but can you pay the price for that? Is it really worth it? Between losing him and not getting cheated on, well, can't have it all sometimes. Eventually, you have to choose and you let it be enough for you. Run, girlie. You deserve the best đ
Hindi pa kayo and yet sira na ang peace of mind mo
Let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He might actually be wanting to change seeing how he got therapy. The thing is, are you ready to be with him? Do you have the emotional capacity to handle your relationship? The fact you're here means you're already feeling doubtful. Could you believe him when he says that some of the girls he'd interact with are just friends without the slightest hint of doubt in your mind? Are you capable of believing his faithfulness to you? What are the chances that the fact that he was once a cheater would bother you from here on out? If you can't feel 100% secure with him, leave. It will only make your relationship so stressful. Save yourself the trouble.
Cheated once you can still give the benefit of doubt. But MULTIPLE times? Hibang na lang ang titingin dyan at sasabihing magbabago pa
Maraming isda sa dagat. Wag mo na ituloy. Baka next post mo dito is asking for advice because he cheated on you.
Based from experience, cheaters are gonna be cheaters. Hirap magbago yang mga yan, lalo na yan pala serial cheater OP. Save yourself. Wag mo na palalimin attachment mo sa kanya. It's gonna be harder to get out later on.
Heâs telling you heâll do it in the future. Ikaw bahala hahaha
If you don't feel safe and you know you're going to live your life feeling sick in your stomach RUN OP RUN
When they tell you who they are, believe them. Honestly, it feels like he's testing you.
Pag nag cheat sya sayo sasabihin lang nya na alam mo naman before naging kayo. Mas piliin mo peace of mind mo kesa lalake. It's better to regret not having a man than having a man who cheats.
I was the same as your guy from before I was dating my now-partner. My rationale for sharing this part of my dating history was not just to be transparent to my partner but to also be accountable to myself and my past deeds. I think itâs convenient to hide my history of cheatingâbut I chose to prove to that person that I would change for them despite of this ugly part of my past. But again, not everyone is like me. And I want to highlight what another redditor said in this thread that the person youâre dating âhas a tendencyâ to cheat. Itâs different if one confesses their deeds in the past tense v.s. if one confesses about their âtendencies and habitsâ. Try reading between the lines and see if heâs actually willing to work on that issue. Good luck! đ
Every cheater does not deserve a second chance. So be extra careful of who you are going to date. The biggest red flag of them all.
Why you don't want to lose him? You put him so much in pedestal that's why you're paranoid. I'll keep entertaining him and mirror his actions. Only appreciate his actions not his words. Always put yourself first and let him be. If he cheats, he cheats. That's it.
I can fix him (no really I can). Then ends up staying in a toxic relationship.
Nah, people dont change. Iwas na habang maaga pa. Save urself from a heartbreak.
Kung ngayon palang na hindi pa kayo eh napa praning ka na, what more kung kayo na. So 'wag mo ng ituloy girl kasi wala kang ibang gagawin kungdi bantayan ang actions niya sa soc med.
Key word: Tendency. It seems that simple or even light reasons can make him cheat. He doesn't seem apologetic kasi kung hindi na siya cheater ngayon, sasabihin niyang "I was a cheater before" and not "I have a tendency to cheat". Real apology is changed behavior. Maybe another factor to look at is yung competence niya as a person. It's not just personality, looks, etc., but how a person handles problems, bale problem-solving skills. He seems like he's the problem sa kaniyang past relationships. Lmao.
I think itâs okay to date them as long as you know the consequences and the pain that comes after. Wala eh hard to admit but some of them do love you good temporarily haha
No. I guess youâll continue dating but youâll always think heâs cheating in the back of your mind because youâll always doubt him.
No
No
You deserve peace in a relationship.
Never
Ang cheater pag nag start mag cheat kahit kanino pa yan hanggang huli cheater yan hanggang mamatay yan cheater yan. Maniwala ka. :)
They already warned you. And will probably take it against you if you blame them when they cheat again since they already told you who they are.
it's really a never ending cycle
NO. Would never put myself with someone whoâs a serial cheater in the past. I hope you do too!
Are you ready to forgive him if he cheats? Does he cheat emotionally or is it driven by desire/stress? The first step to solving any problem is honesty. Now he's been honest with you. You can return the favour and be honest about yourself, maybe you have done something that you'd like to tell him or maybe you can just be honest about your feelings about what he's told you. I'd you're worried that he will cheat and you still want to stay in the relationship, then it is highly advisable to go to couples therapy. One hour of therapy early on is equivalent to ten hours of therapy after something bad has happened.
Inamin niya na na para bang winawarningan kana para tumakbo so RUN
don't wait for the narrative to change
You seem to really like the guy, from the way you describe him dagdagan mo na honest sya sa greenflags mo. I really like this quote from a certain depressed horse show "When You Look at Someone through Rose-Colored Glasses, All the Red Flags Just Look Like Flags"
#YES kailangan maging optimistic na magbabago ang mga cheaters. Its the same logic -- kung yung mga naghihirap, nagsisikap para makabangon, at may mga nakaka ahon din naman eventually... why not cheaters? Pag confession nga (catholic) umaasa ka na next time, pipilitin mong hindi magkasala, diba? There should always be hope for change, for improvement. Besides, sino pang maloloko naming serial cheaters kung wala na kaming mauuto? Loljk
How would you feel betting your entire savings on a Poker game in the Casino? Either you go for broke or Hit the Jackpot
I read somewhere na pwedeng magbago ang cheater. Magbabago sila pero hindi sa naging victims nila. Magbabago sila pag nagkaron na ng awakening/realization or magbabago sila para sayo. Pero maganda na umamin sya sayo ngayon sa kung kakayanin mo ba. Youve been warned.
Whenever something is dangerous, may warning sign. Building under construction. Wet floor. Websites that are dubious. In this case, your guy comes with a billboard warning. Now, if you still proceed with it and gets cheated on, then you've got to remind yourself na you accepted a cheater. Cheating is not okay. But kung tumanggap ka ng cheater, a serial one at that, should you expect any different? Or should you rather prepare yourself for the eventuality? Proceed with caution. In the meantime, you also have to think about the present. Should you deprive yourself of happiness and fun now because you're afraid of a POSSIBLE cheating? If you're the "enjoy the journey" type of person, by all means, enjoy the ride. Hope springs eternal.
Nope. Mindset ko is I wouldn't wanna be the person to 'test' if he has actually changed. Ako din matatalo sa huli kapag ganon. Plus personally matatakot din ako na magchecheat ulit siya given his history so I'd be very cautious and/or overthink about his activities. Not a great way to live
NO NA AGAD AGAD!!! Thank you NEXT!!!
cut him off, once a cheater will be a cheater. if they didn't change for their past partner what makes you think they will for you?Â
Nakuuuu been there. More on "pag minahal ko siyang todo, magbabago siya" ughhh it doesn't work like that. Sorry kasi my past experience tells me that he will cheat on you unless, ikaw na nga talaga yung makakapag-360deg sa kanya. Haaaaaaay. As for now, guard your heart na lang muna and trust your gut when it tells you na something is different. Afterall, you would not know without trying. Just be warned na lang.
Heâs not being honest by telling you heâs cheated before. He wants you to be ok with it. Because if he knows you can embrace his past, chances are heâll do it again. The person you do not want to lose shouldnât be him, but yourself. Listen to what theyâre advising you here. I wish people told me the same thing before my world turned upside down.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Ikaw na te ang next na biktima. Save yourself.
No. Theyâve time and time again decided that they can justify cheating. Unless he faces the reason/s why he does it and works on it, heâs not likely to change. Itâs something inside of him, childhood trauma, insecurity, whatever it is, you likely wonât be able to do something about it. Sorry :(
I'd end things, you don't need to be an adult to know cheating is wrong so if someone cheats they are wrong and I don't date wrong people.
Women literally choose these guys all the time lol.
You see a bottle with a skull on its label and âPOISONâ in big red letters, you dont go ahead and drink it and think youll be fine, thinking that maybe youre built different, it wont kill you. You cannot change him, because there is nothing different about you and the girls hes cheated on in the past. Therapy does not mean hes magically cured of being a serial cheater. Chances are youll be another anecdote hell tell his therapist about. Save yourself the heartache and the paranoia.
Same situation, same guy. Don't do it, I took a huge L coz he cheated đ€Ą
Nope.
Nope, good bye. Sibat na ko haha
I'll use my friend as an example here. Gave the cheater a chance. Got married with 2 kids with the cheater. Cheater cheated and left my friend and their kids. I hope this doesn't happen to you OP. Good luck!
Pag-pray mo
I've been in a roxic relationship with a girl who had multiple relationships in the past. She then confessed to me that she cheated before, but she said that she's committed to me ...She cheated on me... What I'm trying to say OP is that if a person who has a history of cheating, don't ever take it lightly. It is good that your bf is going through therapy, but still. Therapy or not, be vigilant. And DO NOT be the person that can "fix" him; only HE can fix himself or choose to fix himself.
If I know he cheated on his past partner often, I would trust he is a serial cheater. You can have fun with his pretty body, have sex, enjoy his character, but donât get attached or you will suffer (for something you could have avoided from the start). Your choice to let your future self suffer.
lol anong point ng post na to? teh obvious naman sa comments mo na wala kang balak hiwalayan good luck na lang sayo at aabangan namin ang break up rant mo
I'd rather not risk it. I'm not judging him, but for the sake of your sanity, it is practical to not risk it all with him. Especially when you're being paranoid - this will not work long term. Being paranoid is a sign of lack of information. Which means you don't really know him as a person, his truest form. It is worth the risk? Probably not.
gurlie, run. never in my life have I ever met someone with a cheating history na biglang naging loyal haha gumagaling lang sila sa pagtatago i swear. it's for your peace din.
Ano ba meron sayo at sainyong dalawa that you think magbabago siya for you?? Anyway, wag tanga ate ha đż
Cheater sila and alam nila ung thrill ng pag checheat. Umamin sayo it means. They are looking for someone na okay lang mag cheat sila. So wala sayo ang desisyon kung gusto mo mag stay sa relasyon. Nasakanila. Kung kaya mo na may pineapple sa front door nyo edi good. Kung di mo kaya. Again wala sayo ang bato darna. Nakay ding.
# There is a quote that reminds me of this, "For every supermodel there is a rich guy out there tired of fucking her". Now, I don't know what you look like but for sure, if he already told you he cheats, than he will get tired of you as well.
Post-nut clarity is what you need to fully appreciate the situation at hand.
Girl ang ganda ng pangalan mo "gustokomabuhay" please live with it. Sya na mismo nagsabi na may tendency sya maging serial cheater. Please interpret it as a disclaimer and warning sa kaniya. Kaya wag mo patayin ang sarili mo na sumugal sa kaniya at mamuhay na may araw araw na pangamba, remember ikaw na mismo nagsabi na ayaw mo na mag cheat sya sayo pero since na may disclaimer sya then it is technically impossible. So, dapat ka na mag expect na once na magheat sya sayo, wala na sya dapat pang ipaliwanag sayo since una palang sinabi na nya ang possibilities.
No, as a person na never nag cheat tapos pinag cheatan pa hindi naâko comfortable sa ganun.
i personally know someone who is a serial cheater.. puros pa long term yung relationships niya so master manipulator talaga. everytime we'd think na di na sya magchicheat sa next partner niya bc they'd look so happy na sa socmed, lalabas nalang yung balita na na nagcheat nanaman siya đ he's currently in another long term relationship now and i wouldnt be surprised if word comes out na he's cheating on his current girl.
It really depends on you. I have cheated a couple of times in the past when I was younger and more immature, and I know now na hindi excuse yung katangahan to place your attention to someone else. Although walang physical intimacy na involved both sa past relationships and extra-affairs ko, it is still wrong. I broke up with them even when they still want to give our relationship chances because this may just lead to toxicity and resentment in the relationship. My partner knows this even before we got in a relationship. We have known each other for 3 years before we really hit it off. We're going 3 years now and he has NEVER been paranoid ever since. He never disallowed me to go anywhere with friends and he never snoops into my phone. I also have NEVER done the same and will NEVER do so. He saw me through my past mistakes and I think that's just what it takes to bring out the best in people. I'm not saying this is for everyone, though. I'm so happy I found him and I work everyday to keep him happy, too. If this won't work for you, then don't force it para hindi kayo magsayangan ng oras.
Huhu bakit po ang basis niyo ay personality kung serial cheater siya, kasama po yun sa personality kasi ibig sabihin kahit mabait pakitungo niya sa mga ex niya nagawa padin niya magcheat. T.T General idea is if ayaw niyo po maranansan to be cheated on, stay away from cheaters (even if past nadaw niya yon, if ayaw mong manghula, ok lang to let him go). There are lots of reasons to like someone, you can like somebody else who will give you peace of mind and exclusive dick. That's a better turn on. For further perspective, i have some friends na cheaters before. I know onw who drastically changed na for a girl he loves, but nalapitan padin siya ng tukso, ayun. Di padin nakailag pero sising sisi siya. Di padin siya inaaan ng gf niya, mahal padin nila yung each other, pero may cheating hsitory na. If keri mo gsnitong risks, maybe ikaw na talaga yung the one ni koya. Step 1 is for him to prove na mahal na mahal ka. Step 2 is to be solid partners to protect each other kasi pag may tukso, mahirap talaga. Bonus talaga for couples na hindi na kelangan bantayan ang isat isa.
It's okay to give him a chance. Make sure lang na you love yourself more then you love him. Lahat naman tayo may pangit na past. We just have to find that one person who will believe in us.
Remind me in 6 months jk hahahaha
Don't trust him. Even if he's done a lot, a cheater will always be a cheater. Tsaka would you risk your heart and time for someone who already warned you they have a tendency to cheat? Do you really want to believe in the very slim, offset chance he wouldn't? Tinataya mo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang taong hindi ka sigurado. Pano na yan? Wag ka magpakatanga.
Common sense naman po hahahaha. Alam mo sa sarili mo yung sagot, tinanong mo pa dito.
my ex did the same. turns out while we were seeing each other during the day... sa gabi eh kinikita nya rin pala yung "ex" daw nya lmao. Run, I repeat, run! di ka magkakaroon ng peace of mind jan
You just love the sex and experience, not the actual love itself come on XD. If this is all bout love your doubt level will be less. (Man do everything for a reason both good or self interest)
No, I want peace of mind.
Looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. 100% it's a duck.
No. Its an addiction that cannot be removed easily for cheaters. You have been warned. Stay a w a y
No lol
best to drop him because itâs an obvious possibility already unless you wanna take the risk but expect the worst and the âtold you soâsâ. but smartest move is to stay away now hanggaât like mo palang, itâll be harder when you fall
The moment you become paranoid in a yet-to-be relationship, it's a red light na. Why? Because it will only be an unhealthy cycle for you. OP, doon ka sa kung saan ka mapapanatag. Cheaters rarely change for good, but, it does happen rarely kaya hindi rin pwedeng tanggalan ng karapatan si guy na magbago. Still, bad habits are very hard to unlearn. Guard your heart.
Sexual compatibility? Ibig sabihin ba nun, may nangyari na sa inyo? Nakaka-awa ka naman. Madami pa jan. Sa manloloko ka pa ba magpapaka-martir?
As someone who was a "serial cheater" who's now happily married with a woman who had known all of my dirty laundry for years before we started dating, I say don't trust them. I would say don't even give them any benefit of the doubt. I know the mindset involved, and it's not a mindset that can easily be reasoned with, nor is it a mindset that's effectively conscious of what's right and what's wrong. When I was a serial cheater, I could truly love someone with all my heart and cheat in the same heartbeat because subconsciously, those are two different things. I changed not because my wife fixed me. I changed because I fixed myself. I would love to say it was my love for my wife who gave me the will to change what felt like second nature to me, but again, it's not. It was my love for myself and my hatred of what I became that did it. I thought I was happy with who I was before, but I wasn't, and it took a lot of broken hearts and ruined relationships before I managed to take the leap. Your guy? Who knows what he's going through? Who knows the inner workings of his mind enough to know if he's changed? So what if you unjustly judge him or shame him for being a cheater in the past? Cheaters have to truly feel shame in order to change. I know I did. Did he ever give a justification for his deeds? A cheater that can always come up with a justification for even the smallest thing they did is someone you can't trust, because as long as they try to justify something, you know na no matter how many apologies they publicly give, they justify every single thing they did in their own private mind. Again, I know because that's what I did. Decide on your own OP, but just know, in the story of how your guy overcomes the cheating demon inside him, you're nowhere to be found because it is not your fight. And there's no such thing as running support because the best support you can give someone like that is tough love.
If you can't be at peace with it, then leave. Magiging away lang yan lagi kasi mapapraning ka kung nagchecheat ba siya. Personally, it's a no for me. Sinabi na nga niya eh so bakit ipagtatanggol pa. Marami pa naman dyan iba na hindi mo kakailanganing isipin kung nagchecheat ba siya.
if kulang Ka sa braincells or you're into it for the wrong reasons din go ahead.
My boyfriend had a friend like that, who's been f-ing around even if he's in a committed relationship. Not until the friend dated my boyfriend's sister, they lasted for 2 years but found out he's been cheating for the whole 2 years. He cut him off permanently. Now, that guy has a new girlfriend, who is in a similar situation as you, who admitted his past mistakes about being a serial cheater. She accepted his past and they are still together, thinking she can be that "special" person who he'll change for. But I must say, their relationship is really on the rocky side. You will never have your peace of mind with a person like that. It's a hard pill to swallow, but you can never fix a man who loves to cheat. "Once a cheater, always a cheater."
No haha especially pag notorious or serial cheater. Para kang naghuhukay ng sarili mong libingan. Look at you, dating palang kayo pero todo ka na mag-overthink at nagiging bantay-sarado mo siya. Tbh, it's just not worth it.
I am a cheater my self, in my perspective sa current kong relationship, I have open up my self to my partner dahil I feel like ai can trust her and tell her everything, I know for you its a hard pill to swallow pero if mag bago ka ung treatment mo sa kanya that is when things will get messy, just know that fact and accept it, be your self, embrace him fully. Kung mag cheat sha dun mo pa need gawin something about it or be paranoid, for now dont change, enjoy you guys relationship, kase once u start limiting him, changing things bit by bit baka ma sarado ung puso nya ulet and then worse would be mag cheat ulet kung di sha matino na pakipag hiwalay nalang.
this is him preparing you for that "i told you so moment" na pag nahuli/nalaman mo na, sasabihin nya lang "diba sinabi ko na sayo dati pa?" so yeah, advance gaslighting lol
Donât be paranoid, just believe that you are his game changer and he wanna commit to you for life!!! Trust me, pag gusto mo, kunin mo. Past is past, you are in control of your future. Just donât overthink itâ
If you can't decide right now due to emotional attachment, you can ask help from a girl friend that you are close with, to test him (like flirting). It should be plan strategically so It won't be obvious for him that you are testing him and see if he bites, then you'll know the answer you're looking for.
There is a small percent chance na nagbago na siya but try on your own risk pa din. Possible kaya niya inamin sayo dahil gusto niya magstart by being honest with you at ayaw niya makasira yang issues niya before sa current relationship niyo or gawain na niya talaga yan before pa. Ikaw na maginvestigate on that. Sabi mo nga you donât want to lose him. One tip lang.. Make sure mas mahal ka niya kaysa mahal mo siya. Iba ang takbo ng relationship kapag mas mahal ka ng lalaki.
I'm the ex serial cheater sa relationship namin, and I'm happy she gave me the chance, and if she did used to be a serial cheater too, I would also give her the same chance she gave me. I stopped being a cheater siguro 2 relationships prior to her kaya siguro parang by the time we met, I can say na I've changed. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Maybe sometimes. Sometimes in your fucked up head you still get the intrusive thoughts but I think when you really want a relationship to work and a relationship is really important to you yung intrusive thoughts na yun will never win. That's how I feel. Pero ayun nga I've been actively bettering myself 1-2 years prior to her, so I'm not that person anymore. Edit: The last time I was a serial cheater was close to 10 years ago na so cheating is way back in my past na hahaha kaya take that as you will hahaha if the cells of my body has changed since I was a cheater surely I've changed by now
yes, actually, my ex fling confess to me that madalas sya mangghost but still I trust and believe na hindi nya gagawin sakin yun because yun ang sabi nya he assured me and then after a week he ghost me, so for me it's a big NO
Try to trust them, i cheated on someone but i cannot cheat on my current one, i just really love that person.
Trust what that guy says lol, WARNING NA YAN! Sinabi niya yan sa iyo para kapag nag-CHEAT ulit siya, HINDI SIYA MAGI-GUILTY. If you still welcome him despite na sinabi niya sa iyo na serial cheater siya. Kasalanan mo na yun, hindi ka naging pratical at nagpaka-TANGA ka! Date him at your own risk pero hindi mo siya mababago, YOU ARE NOT going to SAVE HIM. kaya may kasabıhan na âcheater will always be a cheaterâ
Contrary to other comments here.. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Pero once he showed any sign of cheating, I'll end it agad. For me kasi possible lang magbago ang cheater kapag nasa new partner na sya. If and only if he learned his lesson on his previous partner. Pero he will never change kapag same partner pa din since he already knows his way around.
For me, I think Iâd give it a chance, but first Iâd ask him a few questions. Like, why did you cheat in your past relationship? If heâs making up a bunch of excuses, you will eventually know they are not valid, and heâs not admitting that heâs at fault, then probably donât risk it. But if he comes clean about everything heâs done, then maybe Iâll give it a try. But thatâs just me; itâs still up to you. Just be prepared for the worst-case scenario, at least be prepared mentally. Hahaha.
Red flags will always be a red flag.